The 12th Suggestion meeting in Los Angeles CA

Tonight, our speaker is Nick G

and come on.

Until 9:00. Thank you so much. Thanks a lot.

Good evening, everybody. My name is Nick and I am an alcoholic and actually I'm a real alcoholic as described in Alcoholics Anonymous. I didn't know that when I got in here. It is always such a privilege, an honor to to do this and Alcoholics Anonymous. It's a humbling thing to be asked to do this as I want to thank Rocky for asking me to share my experience. I've never been in the meaning of this format in terms of the dedicated sponsorship. I think

you say. I'll share my exactly my experience with you,

how it's been for me in both sides. And they're receiving sponsorship and, and providing sponsorship to men.

I came here totally defeated. I was when I got into Alcoholics Anonymous, I was really ready. I didn't know that, but I've been preparing myself to join you for many, many, many years. And when I finally showed up, amazingly enough, you people were ready for me. And I'll describe to you, you know, you were so tolerant to with me. I just unbelievable. And, and those are some of the lessons that I remember when I get it,

when I came in, you know, I, I call in, I, I saw something on TV. There were interviewing some alcoholic. I was drunk watching this. And, and I, I couldn't have been a meeting of AA because there were cameras in there. So they were, they called hands and all that. And I, I wrote down, you know, drunk, I call AA. And that's what I did the next day. I, I got home. I didn't stop at the 711 that I always stop that and I call Alcoholics Anonymous. I had been desperate for for a long time. The last six months

before I came into our colleagues Anonymous, I had surrendered to alcohol completely total. I had given up any hope or stopping at all. I have been trying to stop for four years and I just couldn't do it. I couldn't do it. I'll get drunk after one day, after two days and my last six months, I gave up. I give up. And if somebody say you're going to die, I would say how soon is this going to happen? I just couldn't stand it anymore.

So that's I call it. Yeah, I didn't call. I asked him for help either. I just want to know what you're done. Meetings where? That's what I told the people, the central office when they answered the phone. So they never wrote me down and said 12 step call at all. They sent me to Torres Lamina Club and that's what I went to my first meeting on the 29th of December on 1988

and my obsession to drink was removed that very first night coffee. No God, no asking for help, nothing, just shut up. Absolutely unbelievable. That's what happened to me now when I once I started, I found which is today still my Home group is the sunrise attitude adjustment meeting on 250 for the Western

in Harbor City. I started going there every day, every morning and

very strange lingo here. All the stuff I love, the people I love, the hugs on all the stuff and people seem to be confused as to why they drank and and I was very clear why I drank. So every time they Sharon came around and he got to me, I told them I drank a big ears at Paulie when I was a kid. I had all these things, all the things that happened all my life that had never told anybody never. I didn't never told my mom, my dad, preachers,

prayer teachers, you name it all, all the people in my life, I've never told them how I felt inside. Never. I never told anybody how I drank either. And I got into Alcoholics Anonymous and I was amazing to me when listening to other people in there. So when they got to me, I told them, I told them everything that hurt me all my life. I used to just pour all this stuff out. I had no problem doing that. And oblivious to everybody else pretty much. And you know that meaning you get 2 minutes to share and I go on. I'll break down and cry. That's what I did for, I don't know, like,

and some of the old timers roll up their eyes like, geez, you know, Gee, but they'll tell me, say that's the first lesson that I got Alcoholics Anonymous. They have their limited 2 minutes. Nobody ever came and said get out of here. You're breaking the rules here. They'll just sit there and listen to me and say, tell me to come back. So I'll come back the next day And I told them some more. I got plenty of stuff, you know, So I told them more and more and they'll just look at me. And after about 30 days of this is some of these people started getting tired of this, you know, just picks. I cry a lot. I just tell them all this

and and they said keep coming back. So all right, not a bad deal. I come back the next day, you know, and after a while they started getting tired of this or they suggested some of those people suggested to me that I get a sponsor. So you know, when you get a sponsor, I have no idea what a sponsor was. I had no idea. And I was once I did to me, you know, so you can talk to somebody that you can talk to somebody about all the stuff, you know, And we have here is a program of recovery and we have a process that we do here to stay sober. And you need somebody that some experience here in the program. We can

you throw them because your friend, that type of thing. And I was petrified. Here's my experience with this. I was absolutely petrified asking anybody, I don't know why had this, but this absolute terror being rejected, unbearable. And it was so painful because I heard by them, I heard that it was important to get somebody, but I couldn't ask anybody. And here's what happened to me. I, I, I, then I was four or five months, I guess I, I was going to, well, maybe it was like 3 months of, of doing this.

I was going to the Lincoln School. They had a speaker meeting on Saturday and I was going there to a speaker meeting and I'll see that front. I sat up front and, and I'll just cry when speaker will speak and will touch me. Anything will touch me. I just had. So this guy who was for my morning meeting, he sat next to me the like almost every time he's got tired of this too, I guess of watching me like this. So he, one day he sat next to me. This is one of my first, my first lesson name not sending to me. He said, would you like to read the book with me? That's what he said,

man,

water relief. Next Monday I go to the morning media and tell everybody I got a sponsor. He never taught me he was going to be sponsor to read the book with me. That's all he said, That's all he said. So I started getting together with him. That's how it happened to me. So I watched for that and I roll up my eyes today to people like me who come like you need destroy like me who can't ask anybody. I watch for people like that because I remember and I roll out my ass too and I get, Oh geez, how long I'm going to have to put with this, But I go and approach them, you see,

because I know how that feels. So I got this sponsor. Now let me show you my first experience as sponsoring somebody. I was probably five months and so on. Now I have a sponsor, right? And, and this guy asked me to sponsor him out of that meeting and I hadn't finished all the steps or anything. Just ask me and, and well, by then I've heard all the stuff he's supposed to be your service and help others and all this. So when he asked me to do that, I, I, I said sure. So

I asked my sponsor, what do I do? He said, well read that Chapter 7. It tells you exactly what you need to do

Thing that I read, I said tell him your story. So I told him to come over to my house. He came over to my house and we sat in the balcony there and I told him my story and told him my story and told him my story and he was and I he couldn't get a word in now just in and I just go in. I had all this my whole life, you know, I keep telling him about all the stuff that happened to me and all my thing and one I stopped to breathe and he told me I think I need somebody with more experience.

God, I couldn't believe it out of my house. Just tell me goodbye and you need somebody more experience. I said, I can't believe this guy walked out of me and I figure I really messed this guy up. I figured this guy is going to get drunk. By the way, I never saw him again in my life never again. I never saw him in a a or anywhere else. I don't know what happened to him, but but he left and I felt really bad because if you go I screwed this up. I'm supposed to be your service here help other alcoholic and this is no good. So I call my sponsor, say you know, you know I

what I taught you. I said, well, you stay sober and who knows what's going to happen to God, but you stay sober.

Another big lesson that I learned right there. What has happened to me since then in the process of doing this? Then I had another sponsor eventually that took me through the steps and laid out in the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous. And one of the things that out of those experience that I had at the in the early days and that I've learned since then is that especially with a guide that I tried to sponsor, the first one is to listen. And one of the stories that I've heard in the really touched me because significant I've heard like speaking

people say it's somebody who falls into a pit and he can't get out. And the priest comes and say you pray and the psychology says do this or that. And the alcoholic comes in and jumps right in the pattern. The other guy said, how the hell are we going to get both of us out? So I know the way out. So I got into the pit and what that comes to this, what I learned from my experiences have been to get meet people where they are at because see, that's what you did for me. You met where I was with my craziness and all this, this stuff that I had in my head and, and

all the stuff that, and the pain that occurred with me. Meet them where they are. Then the second thing that I learned within this, with this new guy that eventually served me well and I learned to do slowly, though slowly but surely, I learned to listen to listen, listen with the heart. You know, we said that this is the language of the heart. And this is truly, truly because I no longer listen to all the words because, you know, we're so crazy when we get here. I was, you know, I say things that I don't mean. I feel things that I that I don't say.

That's how I came in here and working with people. That's how I experienced do they don't really mean say what they do. It just oh really screwed up all day. The whole psychic is all upside down because alcohol destroys our Holy Spirit and our body too. It damages so badly. So I learned to listen with the heart and sometimes the people who seem so rebellious that they don't want to do any of this. They really do it. They just don't know how to say I really want this. I mean, I've had really, really

it kind of a strange experiences. I've had experience with somebody who seems to be so eager and willing and they quote the book the next day and all this stuff and next thing I know they're drunk. But I found people are very rebellious and all that and I listen and all of a sudden they get it and they just kind of change all of a sudden. It's truly, truly amazing. Another big lesson that I learned in this process is that they're really, really I'm just an instrument of this, you know, I don't know how many people have a sponsor. I don't care. I don't count either. I don't know out of the people that

answer I'm here one of the men that I sponsored today. I don't know, you know, I know if I really don't know if I'm a good sponsor and I have no idea. I don't worry about that. I do know this that that I need to put my heart and I spread it into this and bring God into the picture because I I you know, it says where everything fails that you read in the out of the chapter here that that when everything else fails, working with an alcohol, another alcoholic will always save the day. That has been my absolute experience. And when he says with everything else,

if the meetings fail, the column, my sponsor fails. If the prior doesn't seem to do it, meeting with somebody has always done this. And the meaning is of one-on-one. That's another thing that I've learned here to work with people one-on-one. It's not like preaching 2000, but it's really one-on-one because that's that's where it's at for me. And that's what I found out that that those moments, the time that I spent somebody and are they more spiritual time that I can have? I tell you I've I've chosen to meet somebody in my house for an hour and a half rather than go

meaning to me. That's that's a good trade off right there. He has always worked with me. I have never been disappointed. I don't know what's happened to all this man, but but many of them are around. They sponsor somebody else. I, I tell them from the beginning and we hope, I hope we become friends, but we don't have to. We don't have to. That's fine. I'm here to pass on a message to you. The way was passed on to me. And it's basically the message that is in this book of Alcoholics Anonymous. The very first thing that I do when I meet with people

first, I kind of interview them. I, I started to, I've evolved to this. Here's another thing that I want to say about this based on my experiences that that this is a kind of do it. You learn by do it. There's no book that you can buy that thought you had to do this. Even though Chapter 7 says, and there's a powerfully, you know this powerfully. I don't know if some of you have seen about sponsorship has some ideas about that and explain what what the sponsor is and all the stuff

my own experiences learn by doing got to do it to learn and I have evolved. I learned Amanda response. I've taught me a tremendous a lot and I have learned as I go along and I learn a few things. They're very important. Mistakes are going to be made if I ask and I get on my knees every time I get I met with somebody in my house. We even though we're meeting weekly, I get on my knees every time before they show up because I really I'm just a participant. I'm a witness on this really. I don't make things happen here. It's just a participant of this. I'm asking

to guide me as to what to do and, and there are certain things that I picked up through the years.

I have given people money and the book has very clear instructions about that. Say it's not about the money, It's not about helping them out. I probably got to my house one time too. I mean, I've done some of the stuff that that I've heard in a a that suggested too. And it's not about any strict about any other stuff. It's how to do it to make sure that the person doesn't become dependent financially anything on you, that type of thing. So it's, it's just I, I learned to the lesson and pay attention. So based on that, I asked for inspiration and pretty much what seems to be the right thing to do,

I will do. I'm willing to do it. That's the significant thing in my life that I'm willing to do it. And I spend time with them. And what we do, what I do is that I, I give them very clear instructions for each one of the steps and we start on the step one. And before we start on the steps and what I, I read, what it was read to me from the sponsor who took me through all the steps. I've done the steps four times. The last time is what I believe it really took and I really got the transformation that is promised in Alcoholics Anonymous and and what I got out of that time

is the same debt that I read to them. The first thing I read to them is so on Roman numerals 13 to show their Alcoholics precisely how we have recovered the main purpose of this book and also says talks about if you want on page 20. Besides, if you want to get somewhere up, you may already be asking what do I have to do?

It is the purpose of this book to tell you precisely precisely what we have done to recover. On page 29 this I read the matter. That's why I memorized this. I read them out the page 29 it says further on clear cut directions are given on how we have recovered. So I get you get the drift precisely, specifically clear cut directions as opposed to what I suppose, well, kind of kind of take what you like, leave the rest you figure out. If you don't like it, you don't do it. It's kind of a you know,

to interpretation. This is also suggested. I had a new guy who told me that said, but the book is very specific. That's suggestive product cover and then right away he said about some all the time. You tell me that. So yesterday the sheriff says get in the back of the car. You know, I said, yeah, it's kind of like that. We suggest you do that if you want to recover. So I'm very explicit about that. I showed them that what the book says that that is very clear what it says to do. I also emphasize to them I have no wisdom on my own none. And I have to tell you, I'm

sometimes I used to be envious, OK, now with that, But for a long time, I hear people a long time that have this knack to say this one liners that save people's life. I'm always amazed that and I have seen and I have people tell me that and I have experienced that from people that said things that really wake me up really that are I have no ability to do that. Every time I hear that, I swear to God, I every time I hear that I say shit, I wish I wish I had thought of that. You know what I mean? Especially somebody that sponsor goes and gets drunk and, and then I see him in

later, like two months later, oh, I met this guy and he told me this and saved my life. I said, God damn, you know, I, how can I think of that? You know, I mean, so I guess that's how he goes. So I just don't have that much. So, So what he saves me and kind of sells me down with all of that is that I stick with this because I tell people, if you do this, if you do this and it doesn't work for you, please, please, I'll go with you to a meeting. And we both get up and you tell everybody, you know, I

this and he didn't do a squat for me. And here I am desperate. I'm horrible. I'm no better than I was. And either I'm going to blow my brains out today and go get drunk and you know what we're doing?

That's what we do. So I said, but you got to try that. Try that first. I said, if you get nothing, no better idea what to do, do this, do this, do this exactly as it says to do. Because the other thing I point out is that that is true in my life. Says almost every the answer to every problem in my life is right here. And I learned to study this book and read the book, learn memorizing the book. What in the book is not going to save my life?

But knowing what to do is very important to me because I forget. So I look it up here and I point out to people who see, I'm not married, I don't have children. That's another area of my life that there are a lot of life experiences I haven't had. And most of the men you know, and Mary have been divorced 50 times all this. So I, I, I tell them, you know, I, I have no clue about that stuff. I don't know, maybe leave your wife. I have no idea.

Poison hair maybe? I have no idea

wouldn't do that but but but he I can tell you one thing that whatever principle you need to apply to whatever problem is in this book and the and what is what what the richness of my life has been that I know where to hide it and I can point it out to them and I either do it or don't do it. If I have done this stuff that that I tell people to do, I tell them that I've done that. If it's out of my personal experience, I tell them exactly what I have done. And if it is not, I say apply this principle. And if not also, especially with people really is

intense problem, personal problems that I have no idea and experience. I asked, I point them to people who have experience with those issues in Alcoholics Anonymous, which you can get them all here, you know, I mean, with all kinds of things. So, so you can always find somebody who is using this program to trudge to their lives to different problems and challenges and they'll be able to help out. And I have no problem in doing that too. I had a guy also recently who who I've had two, two, I shared this with you. I have two persons that that

one that that asked me to sponsor him and we same routine because I don't change my routine. I tell him I'm not going to customize my routine for you. I'm not going to do that. Yeah, you do exactly what I'll ask you to do in terms of the program. I tell you exactly what you need to do. And they say step study meeting on Thursday night at the building when they're recently in the bulk area. That's my my meeting for a step. I ask people to go there. I don't ask them, I tell them to go there. That's a few things that I do. I tell them to go there and I said, you're going to hate everybody there,

which is expected. If you love them, I'll worry about that If you like these people, but but if you don't like the meaning, you hate these people, you're in the right place. I tell them because that's what happened to me there too. So I said, but that's what we do, the steps and we because we focus on the steps. So I thought that that I tell them, but other than that

from the book, you know, I lost my train of thought. I forgot what my point is I was going to make out of that. It was basically that I guide them through through through the process as the book and and the only few things that I tell them to do is to go to the meeting.

Pretty much. And, and then we, we get to go the two first people that I've had experience that has kind of a different experience from the others that I work with. The one guy, he, he was coming to my house and I was doing the stuff and he'll get drunk like after the second step, third step, he never went through all the way to the end. He'll get drunk and call me. He'll call me like a month late or something really bad shape and I'll go and pick him up. You know, one thing that I learned later, we don't give up on anybody,

earn anybody rebellious whatever that that I don't give up on anybody on anybody can come back a million times here and every time welcome. As long as they come back in my heart, they they have a place in here. So the guy keep coming back and asked me to sponsor again. You know, I'll meet him around. He said, can you sponsor me again? So we go through the routine again, again and again. It's just like like, I don't know, like 15 times. I finally told him, you know, one of the things that we learned is to get practical to, you know, this is

practical, simple thing. Something is not right. I'm not telling you the right thing. So you're not doing the things that I tell you to do. So something is not right. Why are we going to repeat this? So I'm not going to go to the grave with you. You know what I mean? Why don't you get somebody else or something? I encourage him to do that, you know, get somebody else because here's what I think I found out. We, we hear different voices. That's, that's happens to me and I go to a different speaker. I hear all of a sudden I've been somewhere 18 years now and I, I can hear somebody

say something that I never heard of before in all this time. And yet I go home and it's in the blood somewhere that I read in a million times all of a sudden like a new thing. And it's really astounding here from somebody else's perspective of voice. The same thing though. See, that's truly amazing. So I encourage him to do that. This man died that he committed suicide, you know, not so not because of me or any last time, I don't think. I don't take credit and I don't take blame for any of that stuff. None, none. Because this is all God's business.

I'm just it nobody trying to try to say sober myself and try to pass the message, but the miracle is really come from somewhere else. The real transformation. I just hope I pray that I could communicate the message properly to reach people, you know, so that they awaken the way that it happened to me. Anyway, this man committed suicide. There was another guy recently, I worked with him also like 6-7 years and incredible tragedies. Every time he goes and uses and gets drunk, same thing I let him go to I said, you know, I love you a lot

love you really love this one. What happened with you with somebody like that that you get to know intimately and I mean Italy, his family doesn't know him as well as I do. You know, I can see what's happening to him or I can almost read his mind is really a standard. What happens with this process. I tell him, man, I think you're going to get drunk. You know, I can't believe and it's that he won't do this or he do have ass. It's just same old story. And I said, you know, man, I can't, I can't walk down this path with you and watch you die.

You're gonna have to down your own alone or with somebody else. I just can't do it. But but I but I told him this too. Maybe you need to hear the voice from somebody else. You know, somebody else will, will, will get in there. Something with that. I'm not doing it. Maybe it's my accent. Who in the hell knows? I said, well, try some other accent, something, you know, some experience somebody else. You know what I mean? Kitty had children, had a bitter divorce, you know, that's how very emotional. And I don't have experience with that. So I told him I don't have

experience with that. Maybe you need somebody who has that kind of experience that can relate and the intensity on how they grasp they have the inside of your soul, you know, and he got somebody else and I say him around, he's doing well. See, so so you never know. So I'm not attached to people that way. You know, I think that since this is all a fellowship and he said we we do it together. They say enormous amount of resource, a human resources here within Alcoholics Anonymous for everybody,

everybody we're united by the by two main elements that we're powerless or alcohol and that our lives are unmanageable. That's what it is. So we ourselves, I know me and myself and nothing but a drunk. That's a fact of life. That is the most important fact of my life is that me or myself, I'm nothing but a drunk

period, period. So I need to remind myself all the time about that and let God take in charge. That's what I that's what I tried to do. So OK, it's 9:00. So I'll stop here. And now it's the period of questions and answer.