Step 11 at the Fellowship of the Spirit in Toronto, Ontario, Canada

Sorry, I've got to bring this down. I'm sure.

OK, Rock'n'roll. I'm like, that's what it feels like a a boot camp.

Some of my sponsors will do. They're like, wait, this is a a boot camp. It's like nonstop,

we're brainwashing all of you, OK?

That's what I was doing to say you brainwashing me. Your brain needs washing.

Sometimes I feel like we're now we're not that we're preaching. When I preaching to the choir you don't really like, we're talking to the people, like pretty much doing it. Those are people who show up to stuff like this, you know who's pretty much living it. And we get to share with you some of our experience. And this particular step, Step 11, is a place where I believe we all get to explore some things.

Those of you who have attended the Tuesday

Zoom meeting that we have 11 step.

Ali is always in meditation and gets inspired

and then he calls me after he talks to the burning Bush

to see if I see the Bush.

Then we come up with a plan. OK, so

but one of the things I knew that

prayer meditation was going to be so important

and that perhaps this isn't something I hear much, but maybe I do.

I'm talking about prayer meditation. Step 11 sought through prayer meditation to improve my conscious contact with God. So there's keywords in there for me. I'm sought, which is seeking and I'm improving. So in order to improve, I probably have to have something in order to prove upon something I haven't not you know, I'm seeking something, I'm improving. And at this point, after I've cleaned house, remember I said God to me shows off and shows out after nine those promises,

Alice did a great job. I'm not watching. I'm paying attention and I want to continue to expand on that.

I want to develop this relationship with this new power that I've come to know who's a director and employer. And what I understood that to mean is if this power,

I don't know for me, OK, my higher power doesn't give me parking spots,

come and talk to me direct. Because I swear if God came and not that it doesn't happen for you, but I've heard people say God told me XYZ. Wow. The next time you talk to him, can you ask him a few things for me? You know what I'm saying? Because I there's some things I want to know,

but when they say that I started asking myself when somebody says God told them how, I started asking how how. And so it taught me how do I begin to understand how God is communicating with me?

It's almost like as I've been talking to you, I have to learn how we communicate with one another

and that's what I see. Step 11. I want to build this relationship so I understand. How am I commuter? How does the higher power communicate with me? Do I get a neon sign? Do I get a memo? I tend to get postage. I don't know. You ate a little post it notes.

Sometimes I have to say I want to see a neon sign so I really know that it's you. This is where I start having this dialogue and this relationship with this power, and I'll get into the technicalities that it's laid on the big book on how I can begin that. That's like meditation 101. But what is my intention here and every other relationship in my life, I begin to cultivate and develop it. So what you're inviting me to do in 11 is to do the same thing with this power.

It's kind of like I get to know you but never talk to you, never call you, don't have nothing to do with you. Nothing

but we BFF's.

I don't even know how you communicate. I don't, you know, I mean, I'm just found this new power, this understanding, and I've now witnessed some things about myself and I begin to understand that there is a power that's doing something. And I saw it in you and I have direct connection. But how do I understand and know the way in which is talking to me or speaking to us then? And one of the things that I found that is that is through intuition,

not a great mystery. Intuition is a big deal and it's mentioned several times and I don't know if we talk about it enough

images, I'm going to have this intuitive thought. What is that?

How do I have this inspiration?

What does that look like?

For me, it's like the radio is staticky and I gotta keep changing it. I didn't press start. Yo, where are we go? OK. Oh, man. OK. I was like, oh, yeah, it's what you said. Look at the clock. OK, so

look at the clock.

I love it. OK, so

so it's like the radio, right, is staticky and I gotta keep doing this to the station, keep doing the station so I can get it coming, the signal coming in. Clearly that's how I see it.

And if I found that this power is really within me, then I'm going to have to learn how to go to the one place I don't venture very much, and that's inside.

It's so much easier from here to go on the outside,

but I have to get very comfortable and familiar with the inside. What does that sound like?

What does that feel like?

So I can get used to that.

And you get used to what? The little birdie or the soft voice, you know, the first thought, that whisper. And

this step, I kind of got to stay. I got to stay grounded because this step, I'd be like, oh, my, whatever. OK. At least looking at me like yo OK, Stay grounded Teresa,

OK.

And some of my

sooner we could do it in the sooner we can describe it. Spiritual, religious practice, we call the spiritual thread

and we say don't cut the threat. And so the threat is like flow. And we I see it in the rooms, people. There's a flow, there's an energy. Don't cut it by cutting it is OK. You must like looked at you ever seen the kaleidoscope? You ever seen that kaleidoscope? You keep going like this and it's doing all kind of things. And so a lot of times you want to see what it is. And a lot of times I've done meditation where you close your eyes and you breathing and all of a sudden, I don't know what happens to you. Start seeing something.

And you know what we usually do. What is that? And then you lose it. Everyone there

sucks. You're like, whoa, you know, you want to go, what is that? I was gone. It's gone. You cut the threat. So part of step 11 for me is I need to see how to stay in the signal and that Channel and just let it flow without judgment, without labels, without questions. Would I have to do an 11? I need this flow. See, God works in a whole other rhythm because it told me I now enter the world of spirit. We on a whole other rhythm now

and I want to talk about the physical realm, right? This other world. I'm now in the world of spirit, and how do I live in the world of spirit when I got to keep cleaning house so I can stay in that space?

And through prayer, meditation. People say prayer is talking to God, meditation is listening. I've eventually learned that they all become one,

but I have to develop a practice to do that. It says it's going to be difficult in the beginning because I'm going to think it's a burning Bush, but really it isn't, right? I'm going to have these obscure ideas and find out all my bad. I wasn't God, but it sounded like it's all good.

That's happened to me many times. I could have swore that was a message straight up. But no, I was completely off.

But what I Start learning is to at least keep following and listening to it. Here's like, OK, I told people, OK, let's say you're walking down the street and you hear something that says pick the flowers

and you go. That's odd. This is what we tend to do. The physical realm, the ego self, whatever you want to call it. Well, why do I need the flowers? What am I going to do with the flowers? Who are the flowers for? I can't go in the neighbor and pick the flowers. Why is who's telling me to get the flowers? You cut this, you cut the thread.

Just pick up the flowers.

Just pick up the flowers

you might get all the way home. Still don't know what to do with the flowers?

The next time you go out, pick up the flowers.

Pick up the flowers in your hip.

Bring it over to the neighbor. I'm telling you, this is how this works. I'm trying not to be woo, but I'm serious,

OK?

I'm cultivating this communication of intuitive thought and idea and listening to this power that comes from within me as eleven Step 11 is a practice. Most people I find want to go into a space of Nirvana and you just start it. I hear that people want to like, why am I hearing nothing? Excuse me,

that takes time

to go into a complete space of nothingness.

Or go to the Himalayas for a while, hang out with the monks. It's going to take a minute.

It's a practice. So step 11 is a practice where I begin to listen to this. I begin to listen. Pick the flowers, talk to them. You don't know that the old timers, I call them like little little Buddhas and Confucius and Yodas. You ever seen them?

You know, old time is not that they've been sober long, but you could see their spiritual practice. You already never taught they're like psychic. They never met you and they be like you need to stop doing so. And so you're like, what? I don't know that you know, I mean, I'm like, whoa, that's deep. That don't happen to y'all here

old timers. We break yourself down. I'm like, how do they know?

And I don't think it's because they see themselves in me is something intuitively that they hear. I swear to you, go to you ask them something into they hear something and they listen and they trust it and they share it. And that's why I respect it. I receive it. I don't feel attacked by it. If you listen to it, they tell me some troops and I don't feel beat up somehow. There's a love and a purity that it comes from. And I believe that's intuitive conversation and spirit,

and they've developed that long enough to share with me.

And I feel safe and protected. And I begin to trust that.

I begin to trust what that is. And then we're Alcoholics. I'm an alcoholic. I want more of things that are good,

but now I'm no longer looking for a fix. I'm looking to cultivate this.

How do I live this thing called life? How do I bring these two worlds together, the physical realm and the spiritual realm,

where most of my upbringing, they were distinctly separate from one another. And I believe Alcoholics Anonymous and and all that it's done has kind of bought them together.

I have so many prayers and forms of meditation. Even with all the horror I talk about or horror or whatever, the story of me growing over a lot of abuse and all that. I also go with a lot of spiritual practices.

I was doing transdental meditation when I was like 7.

I learned prayers that I could say about 100 and something names of God and open up the vortex of heaven.

I can do astral travel. I can pray and focus and meditate, anchor myself, leave my body, go travel, go to you, heal you, help you, pray for you. Come back in my body and I wake up and then I got to go back to sleep so I can get rest.

I've known all kinds of meditations,

breathing, chakras, hearts, healing, there's tons of them. I got all kinds of prayers. Rituals

come from a lot of religious practice. Even I went to Catholic school for 11 years. Neo Stand, Neil Stand, Apostles Creed. Our Father. I got. I could do a lot of that. Go to the priest, Bless me, Father, I have sinned. I can do the Hail Mary 10 times. Our Father, Apostles Creed. I can do a lot of rituals, man. I've been doing them my whole life

and I was still getting loaded.

We got folks in AA that are like nuns,

ask a nun to do a third step prayers. But did you see the ring? I don't know. I'm just saying

they marry God. They made a decision, you know what I mean? When they so I asked them, I'm interested in them. What is this that you've devoted yourself to God as my family has also taught me to devote myself. I'm a devotee and a servant of God.

How do I do that? But yet I turn to the spirit, which is alcohol, to guide me, help me and show me. What is that about

when the 12 steps gives me a perspective that I need to examine? And now I come here full circle on 11

and really see where it all lies. I've been trying to prove to God I love God. I've been having God try to prove that it loves me. I'm trying to get God to do what I think. I didn't even know I was playing God in that

I didn't even know it was God I was praying to of my prayers.

I had to quit playing God. It don't work. And now I begin to experience this power, which is for me a little bit different.

I say that the meditation that they give us in the big book is a meditation 101. I'll tell you, I've done a lot of meditations, a lot of I could do a meditation standing like a tree for hours, hours. I've done so much meditation. I go into what they call spiritual madness. You know what that is? I can go into such deep meditation for long periods of time that when I come back here, I'm depressed and I'm disgusted because the physical world and cute. I want to go back there in a happy place.

I don't need LSD. You follow what I'm saying.

I want to go to the Abby place where everybody loves one another and all is well.

Like not Theresa. Gotta come up off the mountain and go take that and live amongst the land of the living and see how to apply it to me. That step 11

and I say is meditation 101 because it's the introduction it gives me is to start asking some questions

and I start asking questions in the morning and the night I call the staff meeting.

God is my employee, so I call it a staff meeting. Just works for me

and I can go in the office anytime throughout the day. I worked a lot of businesses on my brain works like that. I don't know about you, but in the morning we need or if you know hotels, there's certain businesses where you got to gather together and you kind of go through the day, go watch the say yes to the dress or whatever. You mean they all meet and they tell you what's happening. You know, I mean who's coming, what we doing, assigning the jobs and all that. And then everybody gets dispersed to go do their thing. That's how I see the meditation they give us on Step 11.

And then throughout the day, I can always knock on the door, be like, Yo, can I talk to you for a minute

as well as I see like

you got a minute,

They'll be laughing me, I'm serious. I've been going to God. Yo, you got a minute? I'll talk to you.

I'm gonna kick his ass.

I don't

think I could do the job. Are you sure as me? Stuff like that.

But I get to go into this place where I think these questions that they give us are so profound. We were talking about watching in 10, but now I'm going to go in and I'm going to ask this power to show me. You see, I've been paying attention Why? I'm awake and I'm aware and I'm building a conscious contact with God, which means I have to be awake and aware and present. But I begin to listen. I'm like, show me where I've been selfish.

I used to go and I've done a lot of meditations. I remember my dad taught me a lot. But when I started an AA to sit down, let us not be in the step Daddy, like what are you doing? I'm meditating, daddy. And so I would open up the book and I'd be like, look at the question where you solve it.

I could do that for hours,

be quiet, let me see. Sometimes I'll see faces of people

or situation

and it's showing me where I was selfish. Sometimes I see nothing and I get up from there and then it comes to me, you know what I mean? Or somebody is talking to me. These is how do I develop this communication, this narrative, this dialogue with this newfound power that you introduce me to. And it's in here. But I got to be still long enough to talk to it to, to join in with it, to begin to understand it. That's how I see step 11.

Whom did I hurt?

It tells me don't have morbid reflection either. Don't beat up on myself. I think I had shared earlier where my brother was saying let's talk about what's good about you rather than what's wrong. Sometimes I have to look at what I've done. Well,

I would always share that think I was sure though to say to my nephews, instead of saying you've done something bad and you shouldn't do that, I tend to say to them you are kind, loving, considerate, compassion and mindful. What is it about the situation that is causing you to be out of character?

It's an interesting way to look at. That's what the steps have taught me. What is it that's going that is causing you to be out of character? Because not who you are.

And this 11 helps me to see what's taking me out of my authentic self, out of character. What is blocking me for my usefulness, What is coming up that's keeping me, that God is showing me what is keeping me from it? Him, she, her, whatever

was keeping me from that

and I want to ask what do you want me to do? What am I doing for the day? What are my plans? I always have tons of plans. I got a big To Do List

and then I sit down and fall asleep. That wasn't on the list.

I'd be like, yo, that was not on the list.

I do what's in front of me. I trust what's here.

The meditation has been so important to me. And I'm telling you, I've done all kind of meditations, but that one there keeps me really solid.

And it's interesting how they write it in the book where they say you do the morning, you know, you do the night, you do the morning. And then it says we usually conclude our meditation with a prayer. And I would say, when did they meditate?

Oh, it was in the in the night, in the morning. Now it's semantic. Some people say that's an inventory. They call somebody with it. I don't know. I didn't learn that I didn't. I wasn't taught to call somebody with those questions because I'm having those conversations with my higher power.

I call you with my 10th step

and I got a clean house so I can even go into that space on 11 because if I don't clean house, sometimes I can't even really answer those questions. You know what I do in meditation? I have a trial and a jury. I'm the judge. There's a jury. I mean, I go into like major, a major case. I bring out the file and the prosecute them defense attorney. I do all kind of injustices.

And what I learned, the injustice is not an air proof. And the four agreements was about injustice and our judicial system. You get put on trial, right? And then they decide whether you're guilty or not guilty. And if you guilty, you get us proposed a sentence. You do the time and you come out. They can't do double jeopardy. They can't put you back on trial. And if you pronounce innocent, then you innocent. They can't put you back on trial. When I do as an injustice

and injustice is I put me on trial or you on trial

and then I either convict you, I impose the punishment and then you know what I do? We go back to the child again. Y'all don't do that.

I go right back to the left side all over again

is an injustice.

So now you tell me I don't need to do that anymore.

That's God's business. Now. My business is purple purposefulness and usefulness. And in order to do that needs to be in alignment with this power. I have to understand how to communicate. How do we talk to one another? And my understanding of what that power is has changed through the years. I remember I had a sponsee one. She called me and she said, you know, I believe my higher power is going to strike me down with lightning and I'm a burn in hell.

What do you think?

You're going to be struck with lightning? You're going to burn in hell.

She was like, Oh my God, who am I to tell you not to believe in that power? Do you know that there are people who believe that they're going to be struck by lightning, They're going to burn in hell, and they live their lives accordingly.

Every decision they make is based on that conviction and that belief. Every choice they make in their life is based on I don't want to burn in hell. I don't want to be struck in lightning. So I got the eyes and I cross the TS and I give worship and I give on. I've seen it.

That's the higher power, you understand? Do you? Mine is tender loving. The very first time I begin building my relationship and I bought these questions. He was fat. He told dirty jokes, stuck his finger up his nose and farted.

And I could sit down and kick it with that, you know, I'm saying and have these conversations like because I felt so dirty, you know, I felt so dirty and shamed and this whole oh, I couldn't do. And then after a while, the years it has changed for me

and now it is all things. I remember I got to a place was like, I am who I am. You know, I've been all kinds of stuff,

but I still continue the practicality of these steps because I think they're brilliant.

I don't know if I shared this here before. Again, I, I quote my dad a lot. My dad is really spiritual. He was and I went to him with the big book. I was sharing this with my professor. He wanted me to make sure I put this in my paper. I just did a paper on two realms, living in two realms, the spirit and the physical

is the ethics religious class. And I told him I took the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous to my father and daddy took all day to read it.

And then afterwards he said come with me and he bought me into his room and he has a library, like a library in the seminary.

And he put the book down on the table and he said, you see all these books in here?

Everything that's in here is in this one book.

As we told me with this,

why do you need anything else?

And what's interesting, I'm thinking, why do I need anything else? Do I ever need to turn to any of these books? With the big book, do I need anything else? That's what Daddy said. Ah, no. In the 11th step, it tells me to now go out and ask

Read remain a seeker. That's why those are questions.

They're not comments. They're not statements. I continue to ask the questions,

remain looking, don't stay complacent, don't race on my laurels, don't get comfortable. I tell people, don't hold me to what I'm telling you today. It could change next week, through all the time. Like, you know what I told you last week? That was deep, right? And no longer applies.

I was like, it sounded good though, right? It was deep, I know

I was there at the time, but I found out some new stuff.

I have a new awakening

and it's because of asking the questions

and then when it's all said and done, I have to pray for God's will for me. How can I be useful to you? I have to be mindful not to pray for myself.

I found a loophole in that I don't know if it's good or not, hopefully will change. But my loophole with that one that you can't pray for yourself is I go to your like, OK, this is the things I want you to pray for me. And then you tell me what you want to pray for you.

I'll be doing that hardly. I'm like, here's my list. Give me your list,

okay?

The prey of Saint Francis. I have to talk about the prey of Saint Francis

because it's in the 11th step. Man, there's so much mean potatoes. Every time I have to share steps, I feel like I don't do any justice to them because there's so much experience and there's so much to it. I'd be like, oh, I sit down. I'm like, man, they talk about that jokes. Okay, I forgot that part.

OK Saint Francis, St. Francis did not write that prayer, little FYI. OK,

he certainly tried to live up to that. He was a demonstration of that and spoke of that and taught that that's a tall order, the prey of Saint Francis, of how am I going to be that? Everything about that is giving up of self

is very challenging to become that complete selfless in the world, in the realm of the physical world, because this physical realm requires that we have some sort of ego. You know what I mean? I, I have to pursue, I have to get, but what I want to learn how to do is be in, you know what I mean? It's hard to be in this alignment and this rhythm,

but the Saint Francis prayer says, well, why don't I try to do this,

do the best I can to invite this power in my life to remove everything can possibly remove from me so that I can love rather than to be loved,

so that I can understand and to be understood.

I gotta do a lot of getting rid of self for that.

I've done it and there's times I haven't.

I've done a lot more than I haven't

and then sometimes when I do it I get mad.

I said take it to my pow wows and my staff meeting with my higher power. I'm like, why? I always gotta understand.

I remember one time Mommy came to me and she just told me everything about what was wrong with me

and I was like, have you ever thought about praying for me? Maybe I'm spiritually sick too. What about that one? Does anybody want to pray for me? I do it all the time for all of you. I'm always praying for people,

I'm always doing inventory, I'm praying I'm trying to love you. So I go through that too. I have sometimes I beat up on myself about that, but as my sponsor told me, greater men than me have been in the garden.

Who am I? Jesus himself stood on the cross and was like, Why have you forsaken me?

Mother Teresa is one of my greatest heroes. Mother Teresa died from depression and thought that God abandoned her a long time ago. Something happens when you're dealing with the sick and suffering all the time

in this world. So my spiritual muscles, the 12 steps, give me this weights of spiritual muscles that I can strive towards something, I can work towards something. There's improvement in my life. And I think after a while, in the years of sobriety, I think what I've done is just been less judgmental about it.

I'm not judging myself as much.

That's why I love Sandy Beach. I'm ready to hear Sandy Beach. He had a subtleness about him I like because he wasn't. There was no big deal. You know what I'm saying? He was saying things like he would talk about his flaws. Like it just is. You know what I'm saying? I love that. And the longer I stay sober, I think I'm getting like, yeah, I'll be doing that. And it's not that I can get away with. Is this acceptance of why am I judging it? I am seeking. I am learning, I am growing. As long as I remain willing, I remain teachable

and I get to watch and I get to see how I do that. OK, my bad. Not working. Try again,

reset

and I start being more gentle with myself,

the humaneness in me.

Before I came to you, I was a human doing rather than a human being.

As a direct result of these 12 steps, I've become a human being. And to me, what that means is I'm no longer trying to be like this area of perfection or something. I'm just living one. Thank you. I'm just living one day at a time,

no big deals. Keep it simple,

Live and let live, let go on, let God. Thank God we're not all crazy on the same day.

I love that.

The very thing that somebody calls me about and I'm like, God is everything or he's nothing. And then two days later I call you, We're all going to die. The world is going to end, you know,

and I'm glad that you're like, God is everything. Well, he's nothing.

I did not so long ago, there was a guy, he was so funny. There was this whole thing going on with the rent relief program or whatever. And I was, they were, they were going to pay me. And there was this whole big old fiasco and he kept saying God is everything or he's nothing and just let go and let God. And I was like, whatever. And then something happened to him. They sold his money. Somebody took his money, wasn't getting his money. He called me. I was like God is everything or he's nothing.

Let go and let God.

I'm like, you don't feel the same does it? Anyway

when you eat it man, you know what I'm saying? When you eat it, be like yo.

And

so I think for me, the humor is just the acceptance of man. I'm here where I'm here. Sometimes I want to act like I'm floating, but I think the more meditation, the more prayer, the more down to earth I become.

The greatest spiritual teachers in my life and that I've sat across in the rooms and outside of the rooms are sold down to earth.

I'm thinking that they will be floating, you know, walking on water like this presence. But instead they're like, whatever, you know, I'm serious

again. I'm thinking about daddy father's days tomorrow. Poor Ali. Last time I was here, right? He was excited and he came to pick us up in the morning and and he came out the car and he was like, tell me, happy Father's Day. I'm a father. And I was like, my dad died

and my brother. That's why

I'm sad. Oh my God. And he was like, I'm sorry. I was like, no, I should be sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Happy Father's Day

anyway.

Oh now that's selfish and self-centered. I just totally knocked the whole joy out of him, you know what I mean? Anyway,

but I've been thinking about daddy because that, you know, just the simplicity of what my father used to teach me, what my sponsor teaches me. My sponsor who passed away from brain tumor, my sponsor that I have today, my sponsor today always says we are the no stress express

loving my sponsor before that would always say we're just getting to your authentic self. Or she would say to me, it sounds to me like you're having an experience. You think I

and the more they're so spiritual to me, but yet the more down to earth they are, the more simple their life is. And what I have acquired through prayer, meditation, and watching others in their spiritual journey is that more and more we get closer to this power by allowing ourselves to be exactly who we are.

That's what I have found.

And Daddy for me again, I say I always looked at him like Confucius and people expect when you, if you would have met my father with so many people, but they would expect I speak about him so much. My dad is known all over the place, all over the world in my tradition. And, and I'm like Daddy, you know, and he comes into town and everybody's like, oh, he's like seeing the Pope in my tradition and he's coming into town and I always laugh, 'cause when we going to see him and Daddy comes up and he's like, you know, like the old Confucius wife, you know, white hair and everything.

Hegel's

My Name is Baba.

Are they Ola Henkaa?

But my daughter calls me Daddy

anyway,

and then we have a blast the rest of the day. That's like the only deep spiritual moment you have with my father

and everybody's not expecting that. And that's how I, I give that example because that's how I see my relationship with God. You know, I mean that I don't sit there going, you know, I mean, I can't do that.

And if you could do that, that's great. But I literally see it the way I could just be me

and I can ask these questions and I can listen and I can find out how I listen and how I hear

and then I can speak the way I need to speak.

I have rituals and prayers I have to do and say the words exactly. But man, I love it when I'm like, yo, check this out. Let me talk to you for a second.

Show me me what's happening, What's going on? What's the plan?

I know I can't ask for anything, but let me pray for them. Let me pray for her. And even when I'm praying for people, that will be done, not mine. I don't know what's best for you. If you should live, you should die. You should have your job, you'd be well. I don't know that will be done, but I care about them. Do whatever you can and wrap your arms around them. What are you going to do with me today? I'm always say, OK, God, what's my assignment?

What's my assignment? What we doing

whenever I'm looking for home or going somewhere, I drive around going where we living?

Where were you living at? Where we going? But I need to be able to hear turn right, turn left, go up that block. I have so many stories. I don't have the time. I do not have the time. Go over here, go over there and then I show up and I see this house. There's no for rent sign. Go in there. There. I just go. I don't ask pick up the flower. I go. I walk in. I'm just walking like I don't know why I'm walking, but I'm walking and this man is like, can I help you? I don't know.

I'm on a field trip with God. What are we doing?

I I have so many stories like that.

Is this house for rent? As a matter of fact, it is.

Whoa.

And I end up living there and the people I feel I'm telling we're looking at the time and the people is hysterical because for years I filled out applications for cars and homes. God is really my employer. I fill out my application, says God is my employer and my salary varies.

They'd be like, OK.

They were like,

huh?

And my referral is my brother. I swear they be going it. Where's the candid camera?

And they say you really like the House.

Yeah, I really do. I don't know. It feels good. I ended up here. I don't know. I've been asking God where we living? I don't know,

like, oh, I don't know, I like you. I don't know what it is, but I got to give you the keys.

I don't even know how you gonna pay the rent,

but something tells me I just got to give them to you.

I got so many stories like that.

The guy with the car I got one time, he said you got somebody in heaven because you're not even on the credit score. I don't even know how I'm giving you keys straight up.

Tommy, he's like, I'm watching stuff, don't even know what's happening right now.

And I got on my knees and said thank you, God. And I said it just means that God wants me to pick up some people and help them.

So as I shared with you earlier, everything I've done is by listening, asking God to remove from me anything that blocks me so I can hear. What is my assignment? What will you have me be? What will you have me do? Where are we living? Where are we going? Are they living? Are they dying? Is this my assignment? I need to show up for this and I have to know how to hear.

Just like Ali, I joke, but he does it all the time. He's always listening and he calls me like, I don't know, Teresa, I don't know, but I just hear. I have to put on the conference whatever I don't know. I'm just saying. And that's the other key to this, that even whatever I hear, I assume I kind of running past other people.

And then I pray and I meditate because sometimes I think I'm hearing something and it's just me in my head telling me what it's telling me. And most people always ask this question, what's the difference between self will and God's will? That could be the age all question, like what came first, the chicken or the egg or why does God suffering in life? Because there's God for me. I just try to keep it really simple. And is that whenever I'm thinking about others as God's will, whenever I'm thinking about me is self will, I just try to keep it that simple because we're all God's children and God thinks about all of us, not just me. And what's going to help

Teresa? And when I want to think about me, me, me and I, I, I then itself will. And so the 11th step helps me to be in connection of being clear what is God's will for all of us, not even just me, for all of us. And then I'm willing to show up for it. And so it's helped me time and time again. But we don't end there. I'm excited for Chris to come in because now I take this relationship with this power. I've clean house, right? I've clean house. I'm ready to rock'n'roll. I'm on the broad highway with this power, you know, I don't ever lose

one of us, some of y'all. But this program excites me. So you're taking you get a little bit more excited. Yes I can.

Yes, I can.

God didn't get sober to be miserable, you know what I'm saying? Anyway, I there's a meeting and I went to some meeting to speak. It was called We're not a Grum lot. And I was like, y'all kind of glum.