Olis S. from Brooklyn, NY shearing her story at the Fellowship of the Spirit in Toronto, Ontario, Canada

Moment Olive.

Hi family, My name is Alice and I'm a grateful member of Alcoholics Anonymous.

Hi family, I'm so glad to be here. There are a couple things I want to do and get things some things out of the way. The first thing that I want to do is is thank the committee and thank Ali.

Um, you know, there, there are people who speak to us and different people speak to different people and he speaks to me. There's a way that he vibrates a love, a godliness, a connection to the source that really calls out to me. And so I want to thank you and I want to say how honored and humbled I am to, to be invited to be a part of this. Thank you.

I also want to thank the committee. I mean, honest to God, have no idea why people invite me to speak. I'm always shocked by it. When I'm done. Maybe you'll be asking yourself the same question, but I'm here now, so let's just keep going. I want to start the traditional way, right? My sobriety date is May 21st, 1987 and I came into Alcoholics Anonymous at 26 years old. If you know anything about the demographics of Alcoholics Anonymous in Canada, in the US,

you know that it is a predominantly older, predominantly male, predominantly white organization. And so I come in as a young black woman and I'm like, oh boy.

Like is, you know, like old boy. And I was embraced and I was loved and I was carried. And so my sobriety date is really not due to me as much as it's due to the fellowship of the spirit. It's due to

getting the kind of guidance and support that I needed to make it through the tough times. So the first thing that I want to tell you is that I believe in miracles

because I'm a miracle. I don't look like my story. I think I look really cute tonight, right? I don't look like my story. People that know me know I have like curated outfits, right? I don't, I don't look like my story, right? And and that's what happens when we stick around it. We transcend who we've been. We transcend the mistakes that we've made. And in fact, we learn that we're not the mistakes that we've made. We're not the worst thing that we ever did. We learn who we really are and how God uses whatever God you believe in,

the Orisha like, whatever you believe in that power, that Creator uses those things. And what I've learned in Alcoholics Anonymous is that nothing ever happened to me. Everything has happened for me. And the work that is mine, the work that I have to do, is to figure out how to turn that thing that happened to my benefit, to the benefit of God, to being useful to others, so that I can use it to carry a message to somebody else

that comes to Alcoholics Anonymous. Like I came here with my soul on fire, full of despair and full of hopelessness, you know,

drowning in suicide ideation.

And so I want to just start with that, that each of us is a miracle. I really, really believe that in the universe of Alcoholics, the vast majority of Alcoholics will never figure out that alcohol is their problem. Go to any Skid Row, go to any place where they're really, really down and out low bottom trunks, and you ask them what the problem is and they'll tell you, right? My wife cheated on me. I lost my job, my mother abandoned me. I was molested, right? They got a bunch of problems and they won't ever say

alcohol

in most of us that are Alcoholics that figure out that alcohol is a problem. What a rare group we are.

That's why our job is to carry the message so that people understand at least what the problem is. Those of us that figure out there were Alcoholics never find Alcoholics Anonymous. Some of us find Alcoholics Anonymous and don't find the message. The solution of recovery in the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous. There really is a way up and a way out and and you're going to have a beautiful weekend with incredible speakers. You know, I can't, I don't know how I'm a do, but incredible

speakers that are going to talk to you about the way up and the way out that are going to walk you through the steps as outlined in the book of Alcoholics Anonymous. So that you understand not only that you're here tonight, you are a miracle, but that you can actually be a miracle maker. You can be a joy maker. You can be the person that is the lifeline for someone else.

So here's my goal tonight. My goal is to demonstrate the incredible love

in grace that I have been given

and to help you see

maybe a little bit more than you see now, the incredible love and grace that you are living in.

Nobody gets to Alcoholics Anonymous on the wings of victory, right? Put your hand up. If you got here on a good day, I want to meet you. Put your hand up if things were swinging your way, right? Like, Oh my God, I had lots of money. My career was great. My my relationships were fabulous and people respected and loved me. I was the pillar of my put your hand up. If that was true for you. And then you thought, you know what?

It'd be even better if I stop drinking. Like who? Who? I've never met that person, right?

So if we don't get here on the wings of victory, right, we don't get here on a good day, then we get here broken, you know, and, and, and what I've learned is that, you know, this is going to sound shocking. Drunks drink, drunk drink. And so when I'm in relationship with someone and they're a drunk and they drink, I'm not mad at them. I'm not judging the person in the back of the room who like, you know, maybe a shower would be a good idea, right? I'm not judging that person because what

understand is, but for the loving grace of the God that I understand the creator of the universe that I live in, that that could be me and that because someone reached out to me because somebody gave me, you know, I don't know about in Canada, but in the US we have cheap cookies at the meetings. Cheap cookies and bad coffee, right? Saved my life.

So I hope that I can demonstrate. So the thing I want I want to come back to again and again is how I don't look like this story. So let me start with this. You know, I'm born and raised in New York City. I'm born in 1960, November 30th, 1960 and my mother can't care for me. I used to tell this story about how my mother abandoned me and I stopped telling that story because that's a victim story and victims don't recover.

As long as the problems that you have right now, today, drunk or sober, are somebody else's,

man, you're in trouble. That's been my experience. Until I can see what I did to put myself in a position to be harmed, what I did to contribute to the situation, I'm how do I ever fix it? I can't control other people. Here's the truth. If you're here like I'm here, I couldn't control what I put in my mouth. That's a humbling reality. I couldn't stop bending my own elbow, right? And so how can I possibly control someone else?

I've got to look for me. Where am I? You know, it's, it's so funny because what

I had this traumatic experience happen to me. Teresa and Ali know this. A couple years ago, I went to I went to an event and somebody talked to me in a way that was, you know, justifiable anger could have been in play, right? But I had to ask myself not why am I disturbed, but why am I disturbable? And some of my friends from the fellowship bought me a little bag that says, why am I disturbable, right?

Because the things that happened to me, that hurt me, that bring me pain,

are often the invitations into spiritual growth.

They're often, you know, my friend Brenda J calls them spiritual sandpaper, right? They're often the invitation into growth,

so it doesn't matter what someone does that disturbs me. What matters is why I'm disturbable.

I'm gonna just jump around because that's the talk I got for you tonight. You know, if you come up to me and you tell me that I'm fat, I'm probably gonna feel the way about that. I'm, you know what I mean? I'm gonna, like, eat a little lighter. I might breakdown and take a walk. I mean, I doubt that, but it could happen.

But I'm going to feel away, right? But if you come up to me and you tell me I'm stupid, I'm not going to feel the way about that because I don't have any fear that I'm stupid.

So it's not what someone does, it's how I respond to it. It doesn't matter why I'm disturbed, it matters why I'm disturbable. And that is the basis from which I try to live my life, not looking outside, but looking inside. When we say that this is an inside job,

the connection to God I found inside

the truth about the situation I'm in, I find inside. And so I want to talk about how I don't look like my story and how I believe that I'm a miracle and I believe that you're a miracle. And I believe that my job is to actually do what I promised in the third step, right? What did I promise? I promised if God removed my, my, my difficulties, that I would bear witness to those I could help. That's my responsibility is to bear witness. So I'm going to read off the page 164, right? The very last paragraph on 164

and if you're in a meeting and you're at a Fellowship of the Spirit meeting, you don't have your book. I just don't know to say to you, I'm sorry about that, but I have my book. I always have a book. I really do. I I always have a book. I believe in having a book because they answer to all my problems in the book. And when you get on my nerves, which, you know, happens all the time. I mean, really, I need to go to find the solution. So I'm going to read this last paragraph and you feel free to read it with me. We ready.

Let's try to do it together,

Abandoned yourself to God. As you understand God, admit your faults to Him and your fellows, clear away the wreckage of your past, give freely of what you find, and join us. We shall be with you in the fellowship of the Spirit, and you will surely meet some of us as you trudge the road of happy destiny.

May God bless you and keep you until then. Like, this is what we're invited into, and I believe that we're invited into the fellowship of the Spirit because we're stronger together than we are individually.

You know, on page 13 in the book, Bill talks about how they're going to be certain trials in low spots, not maybe certain trials in low spots. Doctor Bob on 181. At the end of Doctor Bob night, Doctor Bobby Nightmare talks about how he does service of others. Because it's an insurance, right? I need to pay forward 'cause I don't see it coming. I can't see it coming, but always coming. Everybody gets a turn, everybody gets knocked down,

everybody gets heartbroken. There'll be a health diagnosis, a loved one gets sick, you get fired, you lose all your money in the side. I don't know something, but I promise you, stick around, stick around. And how am I prepared to meet that?

I'm prepared to meet it because I actually work a program and I have some spiritual tools that I know how to use,

but also because I'm in the fellowship of the spirit and I can call you and I can talk to you.

Now, here's the thing about calling me. Some of the people here will testify. Put your hand up if you can. Tessa, do not call me now when we're on Zoom. My numbers in the little thing, 510-928-9907. Don't call me if you don't want the truth. Do not call me if you're looking for someone to be like, oh baby, that's so sad. I really feel bad, that's all.

So sad. Not me, don't call me right,

because my experiences, that's not helpful. That's not helpful to me. What I need to understand is what is the solution? And pity isn't a solution. So

the reason that I'm in Alcoholics Anonymous is because I have a first step problem, you know, and I'm not going to step on Chris's toes, right? I have a first step problem. He's going to tell you all about the first step problem. I'm bodily different than my fellows. I'm mentally ill. There's a voice in my head that sounds like me. And she's a liar, right? She's a liar. Oh, it's not your fault, right? She's a liar. I can't listen to her. And then I'm spiritually ill. I'm, I'm just spiritually I'll, I really feel like at night in the dark, there's nobody but me. And God is nothing going nothing wrong in my life. And I think

you're not good enough.

What,

do you see how cute I am? You're not. Nobody's going to ever love you. Right? Because I'm spiritually disconnected from the power. In this path is about reconnection to the power, right? And reconnection to the power is a consciousness of the connection. I don't connect to God. I'm already connected to God. I have breath. Breath is evidence for me. Believe what you want to believe. Breath is evidence that the power is connected to me. I don't put breath in my body. And without a violent act, I can't even take breath away.

Breath is evidence of my connection to the power. I am unconscious of it because what if I had to remember to breathe right? What if I had to be conscious? I'm not conscious of that. But my goal is to develop this consciousness. And in developing this consciousness, I am then not only here. Here's the deal, man. For me, I'm not just conscious of God, I become conscious of you. I become more empathetic and more compassionate, more considerate. That is not who I was when I got here.

You know when you read the spiritual experience in the back right? The 2nd appendices, it says I need a personality change sufficient to bring about recovery,

right? Because there are three opportunities available to me in Alcoholics Anonymous at any moment, no matter how long I'm sober opportunity. One, I can be abstinent. I just not drink. I have those days. Who has that? I'm just not drinking days. I'm crazy as you know what, right, Right. I'm abstinent. The second opportunity available to me. I can be sober. Now, I think that abstinence is, you know, I can see the logo of Alcoholics Anonymous and I see that triangle, but I'm not really bothering with you, right? But I think sober, the second opportunity is

maybe on one side of the Triangle. Maybe I got some service. Ah, maybe I'm coming to some meetings, right? I'm on one or two sides. But really the true opportunity for me and Alcoholics Anonymous, you know, my friend Marty. I see you, Marty. My friend Marty calls it the club inside the club. The club inside what? Yes, there's a club inside the club. And in that club, we're on all three sides of the Triangle.

We're living in recovery. I'm recovered. I'm recovered, you know,

Page 100.

I'm not going to even turn. You can turn. I'm not going to turn

each day. You and the Newman must walk day by day. Day by day. What do you mean day by day? I can't only do it on Tuesdays. How about every leap year? No. Day by day. Every day, Every day. Where am I walking? The path of spiritual progress. If I could just just a little better. Just a little. Here's one of my spiritual practices. When we go places, I try to speak nicely to the people around me.

How beautiful. Hi sweetheart, how are you? How's your day? Because I want to be a joy maker. I want to be a joy bringer,

and I don't know what your day is like. Maybe I'm the only kind person all day, and if everybody was kind to you, then I want to join that ground. Did I want to live in the world in a way that demonstrates the miracle that God has performed in my life? I don't have to drink anymore.

More than that.

Back to page 100. I presently say it with me all live

in a new and wonderful world. No matter what my present circumstance. See, job or no job, relationship, no relationship, health, no health, money, no money, friends and I don't matter. I get to be joyous and happy and free. Why? Because you've taught me how to use some simple spiritual tools. Now you didn't use them for me. You laid them at my feet. I had to bend down and pick them up and then I had to learn how to use them when I got to alcohol. It's anonymous. The only tool I had was a hammer.

Yeah, everything was a nail. And I've learned how to have man bam, bam, bam. That's right.

It's so funny because we all come in in our own way and we all have our own journey and for a lot of people the journey is right. The the book tells me the real problem is me. There's not a stop drinking program for me. I can only talk about me. It's not a stop drinking program for me. And the book says that over and over and over again. What I really love is 275 Keys of the Kingdom, right? Towards the end of Sylvia's story, she says that, you know, Alcoholics Anonymous is not a program of recovery that can be finished and done with, right? It's a way of life, It's

living. And that we can never outgrow the challenges contained in his principles.

There are countless dividends. What limitless expansion if which, by the way, is my favorite word in the book of Alcoholics Anonymous. If I'm willing to do the work now, the thing that oldie was going to tell you in the introduction. Thank you for not embarrassing me, Odie. Is that my favorite number of sponsees? Is

there? It is. Why? Because the illness that I have is that I'm selfish, I'm self-centered, I'm self seeking. And for me, I don't know about you, self-righteous. Oh my God, it's like a opium. Self-righteous

that I could judge you, that I could get up on a high horse. But here's the deal. You ready? The bigger the tree, the deeper the root, the more that I need to be self-righteous. The more that I need to be better than the more I need to, the worse I feel about myself.

It's like when people do things that disturb me, it's an invitation to see why I'm disturbable. When I'm judgmental, it's an opportunity to see like, OK, what's really going on with you, baby girl? What's really going on? That all that God has given me, the incredible life that I've been given,

to stand in judgment of another soul, to be unkind to another soul.

I can't talk about you, but how dare I?

For me, for me, for me.

So I'm born and raised in New York City. I'm the I'm the third of four girls. We're all five years apart. My mother was a sporting woman. She ran a house at ill repute. Talk among yourselves about what that means. And so I grew up in what people call the life, right? I grew up around people who were hustlers. And when you grow up in that lifestyle, you grow up with that culture. You know, it's not a judgement. It's not a bad thing. My job is to get you before you get me, man, get you. That's my job. I'm raised like that.

Then it really, this is a dog eat dog raw. I'm born and raised in New York City, man. Get them, get them. And to move from that person to the person I am today. Is this a it's a miracle. It's a miracle.

You know, the book says when we're reading, working with others, it says, you know, we can go to any sort of place in the world because we're looking for what we can give, not what we can get. And that is the personality change that I think it's talking about in the spiritual experience that I'm no longer on the hustle. I'm no longer in the wasn't it for me. I'm no longer being nice to you because I think I'm going to get something from you. I don't want nothing,

like I live in abundance, but that's a miracle. Why do I? Why? Why can I say that? That's a miracle?

Well, I took my first drink at four years old. It was a can of Schaefer beer. I'm with my mom. My mom has not been taking care of Maine. I've been living with her family and she comes to get me. And at four, I must have been like, and who are these people? You know? And I'm there and, and, and I'm alone with her. It's just me and her. And we're in the kitchen and and I remember this. She's drinking a can of Schaefer beer. I don't know. I'm for that. You don't drink beer in the morning. I don't know that. And here's the other thing. I don't know. I don't know. Schaefer beer is cheap beer.

I don't know, right? And so I say to her because I want to fit in,

spend some real, real, real time in the work and Alcoholics Anonymous and be an unsparing, unceasing self examination and what you'll find is amazing. I look back and I was like, wow, I just wanted her to love me. That's what I want now. I just want to be loved. And if you get honest, that's what you want too. That's what we all want.

And I ask if I can have some and she thinks is cute and she says yes and I take a sip and she leaves me alone with a can of beer

and I finished the can of beer. Put your hand up a few to finish the can of beer. Four years old,

man, towards the end of my drink, and one of my party tricks was that I could take a long neck to the neck and like, empty it. Like who? Who needs air? Like, let's finish this, right? Like the things that I was proud of, right? And so by the time I'm 8, Scotch seems like a good idea. My mother drinks Doers white label and J&B. And so I start drinking Doors white label and J&B. You know, she had so much power.

She was the most powerful person in my world. She met grown men. Cry. A gift I've inherited. Chroman cry.

Probably why I'm single, but OK, that's another topic.

I'm working on it. So should all this power. But she needed what was in this glass. And I was like, well, I, I want some power. I want some power too. And so I start drinking Scotch at 8 years old. I just want to say 8 years old is the third grade. What were the other third graders doing, I wonder? I don't know what they were doing. I was drinking Scotch. And then I, I just this, this progression. By the time I'm 13 I have my first major drunk in a bar called the Tiger Lounge in Harlem on 7th Ave. and 115th St.

I going on a hot August day with some friends. I mean, we were like unsupervised, just,

oh, the child. You do not want your daughter to be, right? Like the nightmare child. What? We would literally wait until the adults went to sleep in like 11 or 12. We'd get up and get dressed and go out because the bars in New York don't close till four. Get it in, right? I mean, I'm in bars at 13 ordering, like getting it in, getting it in. So when I got to Alcoholics Anonymous at 26, I was done. I was done,

you know, but the problem was that I got here and I had an idea about what an alcoholic was. So if you're new and you're here and you're wondering if you belong here, let me tell you the thing that

the speaker said at a conference when I first got here, that helped me decide because I still had my teeth, right? And I was like,

I had two outfits. I mean, I was unemployed. I was unemployable and like, it was all bad. But I was like, hey, because I grew up with seizure Alcoholics. The women that I knew that were Alcoholics, they were having since. So I was like, what are you talking about? Like, I'm going to just get a job and get a hairdo and it's going to be OK. And I went to this conference and a woman said he listened carefully.

If you're an alcoholic, you shouldn't drink, obviously. She had a pause. And then she said, and if you're not an alcoholic, then not drinking should be easy.

Well, that stopped me in my tracks, right, Man, I was struggling. I've been struggling for months to put together 90 days. I went to therapy because, you know, I moved from New York to California. And that's what we do. We go to therapy. And so I got a therapist. And the therapist was smart enough not to tell me I was an alcoholic or think that I was. And she was just like, oh, that's so sad, your little tragic life. Oh, that's so sad. There's a meeting Alcoholics Anonymous down the street, right? So I go to the main. And then she was nice. She was like, oh, yeah. And there's Alan. So I go to both, right? And I think, like, I belong in Al Anon. But the problem is really my drunk mother.

I don't even. I live in California, she's in New York. But right, the problem's still her. Come on now.

But I couldn't see that, right? I couldn't tell what was true from what was false. And so I go to the meeting and I'm like, Oh my God, I feel so at home. Like these people like dumpster dive. And I'm like, Oh yeah, I feel right at home because these are the kind of people I grew up with. No, 'cause you're one of us. So

I'm in the meeting and the guy says he has 10 years, He's picking up a 10 year coin. And I thought, well, you're a liar because when I got here it was Nancy Reagan was in the right house and she had this campaign like just say no. And I was like, I know you got all the good cushions, the White House. I just knew. I knew inconceivable to me that people weren't drinking. So the therapist says just don't drink for 90 days. And if you drink, it's OK. Just start out your account all over again. And then she says the deadly thing.

Pay attention to how long it takes.

So when I got to the conference and the woman said, and if you're not an alcoholic, not drinking should be easy, it answered the question because I didn't want to belong to you. In fact, put your hand up. If this is true, when you got to Alcoholics Anonymous and you found out you were a drunk, that you were an alcoholic of the hopeless variety, did you think it was the worst thing that had ever happened to you? Yeah, right.

It turns out this is the best thing that ever happened to me. It turns out that it has allowed me to become a miracle that I can shine the light for other people.

It's the best thing that ever happened. Why? Because it's a set of spiritual principles that I get to use. It's a fellowship of the spirit that I get to be connected to people that I know love me, that I believe. No, I love them that I can call and tell them anything and not feel judged. That will help me solve any problem. You know, I booked this ticket before I knew I was going to be moving to Durham. I'm a little bit of gypsy and so I wasn't going to like blow off

our 7th tradition money. So I was like, I'll drive from during in New York for this trip. I'm not buying another ticket. And my friend Melissa takes me in, let's me sleep on her couch for a week, right? Like I can go anywhere in the world and find some place to be. People will open their homes, they'll open their hearts. They'll the way that we love each other in a world that is often not full of love. This is a sacred society. This is a special place

and how we treat each other matters now.

It is not Wellness Anonymous.

It's not. It's not Wellness anonymous, but it doesn't have to be because it doesn't matter why I'm disturbed. It matters why I'm disturbable. It doesn't matter what you do. It matters what I do. And I can't let how you act change who I am. I am who I am, and I have to be committed to the spiritual commitments that I've made, to the power that I understand. I want to talk about.

I want to talk about the job that I think each of us have. You know it is absolutely true

that

I don't want to speak, that's the truth. I don't want to sponsor, that's the truth. I don't want to answer when you call, that's the truth. I don't want to text you back when you text me. That's the truth. Because I am as described on page 6162. That's who I am. I'm selfish, I'm self seeking, I'm self-centered and as I've already admitted, self-righteous. I would love to lay on the couch. Netflix,

Hulu,

Apple TV, Amazon Prime, who here knows what I'm talking about, right? I just want to, I want to go to the store and buy cute outfits. I don't have any place to wear them. So thank you guys for this opportunity. I just want to do what I want to do, right? But here's the thing. I have to tell the truth, that doing what I wanted to do burnt my life to the ground.

Doing what I wanted to do burnt my life to the ground. So what I've learned is that there are two ways for me to get to the power. One way for me to get to the power is through other people serving you, answering the phone for you, taking you through the book, showing up and speaking. All right. I I Yeah. Through other people, through service, through kindness, Through

shining the light that I have been given.

It's not my life, the light that I've been given to shine it out in the world. That's one way for me to get a consciousness of my contact to God,

but I'm usually too lazy to do that. Right here's the other way I can get it. You ready, pain?

Yeah. Yeah, right. When I feel like my face has been dragged across gravel. I know how to pray then, don't I? Oh, yeah, right.

Remember when you were drunk and you weren't like at the porcelain God? Who remembers the porcelain God, Right? You press your face up against the porcelain God and you're like, I'm never gonna do this again. God, If you just write that pain or people pain are people, those for me have been the primary portals. And I don't like pain. So I answer. So I say yes when people call me. So I sponsor people.

Man wore fever ran high

where fever ran high, right? Because

that's the option. And here's the thing. When you read the book of Alcoholics Anonymous, it tells me I need three things, which, by the way, spell out who I have to be willing. I have to be honest, not just honest with you. How about the hard part? Honest with me

and I have to be open minded. It does not say that I have to have a desire. There's no desire in the book, so I don't have to want to have to do it,

because a desire is like us, a feeling, like a inside thing. But what do I have to do? I have to be willing, and I have to be willing to take action. And that's what brings me to freedom. The paradox of it, right? Doing the thing I don't want to do gives me the thing I want to have. Doing the thing I don't want to do gives me the thing I want to have. Joy, freedom, peace.

You know why I answer the phone sometime? Because the man with no shoes needs to talk to the man with no feet

Bill talks about in his story. He's like, I go to the old hospital. I feel who amazingly set back up on my feet, right? Because I'm not in the detox. I'm not with a wet brain like I sometimes what God is sending me is perspective.

So I want to I want to spend the rest of my time, but you know, who knows what's going to happen? I want to spend the rest of my my time talking about the ways that I think I have found value in serving you because the fellowship of the Spirit is only possible because we do work,

right? The fellowship of the spirit isn't. I do not personally believe that love is a feeling. I believe that love is a verb. I believe that gratitude is a verb that if I only have a feeling and I don't put any action behind it, like what is this delusional to me? To me, there are people who you know, there are a number of meetings that are struggling for servants. There are number of meetings that are right now today

almost on the verge of folding because people won't show up and read

or chair the meeting or be the the security person or it we will go to Starbucks and spend more money on a cup of coffee than we will put in the 7th tradition basket. Absolutely. We, we when the basket comes by, we look at it like a why are you asking me for money? What right did, did, did this thing that we have, this sacred life saving, life giving thing that we have is because of the effort that we make, the self sacrifice that we make that never ends.

I come to Alcoholics Anonymous, you know, and again, I'm nutty as a fruitcake. That's just the truth. You should know that. It's just what it is.

I don't believe that if I wandered off and left you for a while, I would drink. I don't believe that now. I might be unkind. I might even be a little bit miserable. Well, maybe for you to be around. I probably be OK, but like it might not be fun for you,

but I show up because somebody was here when I got here. Somebody had the light on for me when I got here. And my responsibility is to show up and say it is possible to not only not drink, right? I'm abstinent, but it to be sober and ultimately to be recovered, to be joy and, and, and filled with joy and filled with happiness and filled with a willingness, not a desire, a willingness

to serve. You know, a couple of old timers have told me, right? My, my, my peers that I shouldn't tell the new people that I don't want to like it's going to make them feel uncomfortable. Actually, nobody. I don't think I get any less phone calls because the people know I don't want to. I tell people I don't want to speak. They call me. Hey, will you speak? I don't think you guys are fazed by my desire or not

because I always say yes, right? Because I show up. And so I want to spend some time as a call to action, right? As we, you know, are about to kick off walking you beautifully through the steps that the pathway to joy and freedom.

Freedom isn't free. Freedom isn't free. Freedom isn't free. Freedom is a deal. I mean, it's a bargain, but it ain't free, right? So I want to spend some time talking about the ways that each of us can show up for each other, the ways that we can deepen not only our recovery, but the recovery that is available to other people, people that are here and people that are not.

And the reason I say that is because the sick and suffering alcoholic isn't just the person who's drinking,

the sick and suffering alcoholic isn't just the person that's drinking. I know many, most, I would argue most of the people in Alcoholics Anonymous are not all the way in the club, inside the club. And I don't have any judgement about that. I mean, my seats not warm all the time. Like I come in like, oh, well, I don't feel like it today, right? But at least I know that it's there. And my job is to make sure that other people know that it's there. So I want to talk about some of the things that I do that are part of my practice

because it really is about what are you going to get from this weekend? What are you going to get from tonight and tomorrow

that you're going to be able to take back out? We receive a blessing to be a blessing. That's what our friend Ralph says. We receive a blessing to be a blessing. I don't receive a blessing because I'm so worthy of a blessing like God saw my cute outfit. No, I receive a blessing so that I can go and be a blessing for someone else so that they can be a blessing for someone else.

Like it's the best,

you know, people say it's like a Ponzi scheme, right? It's the best pyramid scheme in the world. Like, I help you and then you go help somebody and they help somebody. And yeah, right. Like that's what we do here. But if you get the blessing and you don't share the blessing, it is in fact living in what I believe is the disease, the selfishness and the self centeredness that brought me to my knees in the first place.

In my experience, I mean, I've done some stuff. My experience is I might not drink,

but I might spend some money I don't have. I might sleep with some people I shouldn't sleep with. I might say some stuff I shouldn't say. I might open my mouth and you wish I had hit you. I might do some things right. Some people gamble, some people, right, that we do all kinds of things when we're seeking ease and comfort outside of ourselves.

In the way that I have found I don't need ease and comfort outside myself is to be connected to the power. And the way that I get connected to the power, I've already told you is either through my suffering takes me or my service of you takes me. And so I want to just spend the last few minutes talking about the way that I serve other people. So I want to start with the thing that is probably least obvious.

You know, we talk along a lot about being a living, breathing example of the big Book, right? Who's heard that? We've all heard that, right?

What does that mean? It doesn't mean like when I'm greeting people at the door. It means when I'm in the line, in the supermarket, when I'm driving along, like how am I with my neighbors? How am I on the holidays? I don't know about you and your family, but my family is a spiritual growth opportunity. Put your hand up. If you have a spiritual, do you have this spiritual growth opportunity? Family, right? How am I treating the people that I disagree with, that maybe I'm even offended by, or the person in my family that's drunk will come to Alcoholics Anonymous

and treat a newcomer with love and compassion and tolerance and kindness, and then go to the Thanksgiving dinner and be like that drunk, right, Right. Nobody wants what I've got. If what I got is miserable and stank, nobody wants that. So how do I go out into the world beyond the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous and shine the light that I've been given? How do I do that? What does that look like? So that's my first consideration. I'm going to have a series of them. What does

look like in your life for you to be a light? What does it look like? Here's the second consideration. Where in your life are you not a light that you could be a light because there's some place you know that person at the cube next to you. If you still got one of those jobs, you know the person. Oh my God, you know them. They make you sick. That person. That is the person that God is directing me to shine my light on to. I don't need a lot of help from God to be nice to the person

already, like I need help being nice to the person that I don't like. That's where my growth is. My growth is there and I'm either on the path of spiritual progress, page 100 or I'm not. There's not a middle of the road for me. I'm either on the path or I'm not. So the first consideration is how does that look? In the second place is Where do I do it?

Second example.

So I think that the most accurate reflection of my current level of spiritual fitness is the business meeting,

right? It's the business meeting.

It's absolutely the business meeting right now. In the business meeting, I have learned to be kind. But like, I'm like,

right? Yeah. But progress is that I don't say it, right? Progress is that I hear everybody out and I listen and I write and I really do feel the way, right? And I'm challenged spiritually because it's supposed to be an informed decision. But people with no information get the same vote. I get you just got here 3 days ago. You don't know the steps that are traditions. You didn't even know we had concepts. But we get the same vote. That's what it is.