Steps 2 and 3 at the Fellowship of the Spirit in Toronto, Ontario, Canada

New Here's olives.

Good morning family. My name is Alice and I'm a grateful member of Alcoholics Anonymous.

My loved one Chris told me don't mess this up. So let's hope for the best right now

during the prayer.

Oh God. OK, So, umm, I have been charged with step two and three. And so I, I mean, they're meaty. They're really, really meaty. And So what I want to do is talk generally about two and three and then I want to put out a series of considerations. And so I've got like 28 considerations on two and 16.

I'm not going to get to all of those,

but I want to put out a series of considerations because it's not what I say it's this is an inside job. This is about unceasing, unspearing self examination. That is how I tap into the power within. And so let me just start with saying that

the talk that Chris did last night and those of you guys that missed it was a really brilliant talk on one. And so I want to just acknowledge some of the things that Chris talked about and won in order to talk about two and three. Why? Because I'm never going to do the real work of two and three unless I have a profound first step experience. What do I mean by that? You know, different people talk about it different ways, right? One of my favorite speakers, Ralph W talks about it as the gorilla, right?

Gorilla gorillas in jungle, right? But once the gorilla gets you, man do you ain't done till the gorilla done right? And have you had that experience? He talks about it as WW, A What's WWE?

A well whooped ass, right? And so different people talk about it different ways. But the way that I want to just enter into two and three is to acknowledge my understanding of one, my understanding of one very much what Chris talked about yesterday. I am bodily different than my fellows. I drink and I get thirsty and once I put one in, I am no longer in control of what happens.

It looks like I'm in control. I even think I'm in control,

but no, I'm not. The second part of my first step problem, while I'm mentally ill, I can't talk about you, but I know that I have a voice on my head and it sounds like me. And she's a liar. And she tells me all these things that are not true. It's not your fault. It's going to be different this time. You got it right, the things that are not true. And I listen because I'm so desperate. Why am I desperate?

I'm desperate because of the third part of my first step problem, you know, and I could just next time someone asked me to speak, I'm going to just talk about this, right? Some people believe that the unmanageability of my life, right? I'm I'm getting DUI, I'm getting arrested, I'm waking up in places. Where's my other shoe? Right. That all of those things, where's my other shoe?

All of those things are the thing that sort of like break me down and leave me to this place.

But I believe that I have a spiritual malady out the gate. And I believe that my spiritual malady, the third part of my first step problem, my disconnection from the source, from the power, from the the creator, from the one that has created the the plants and the planet in the

the one that puts breath in my body, that my disconnection from that power is my spiritual malady.

And that in that separation, I'm seeking desperately something to give me ease and comfort.

And a drink will do, dry goods will do. Sleep in what people will do.

Shopping will do, gambling, man, a bunch of stuff will do, but not really. None of them can fill the hole because the hole that I have is a God sized hole. And until I really get that, I do not believe I'm willing to do 2 and three. I mean, not really. I'm going to come to the meetings and tell you I'm doing two or three, but not really. And I want to remind you of the invitation that is available to us.

There are three doors like Bob Barker. Did y'all watch Bob Barker?

3 Doors door #1 Abstinence? I don't have to drink. Well, that's misery. If you take away drinking and you don't give me a substitute

door #2 sobriety, man, I'm on one or two sides at a triangle and I'm in fellowship. And who? I'm coming to meetings, I'm setting up chairs. Door #3 the winning door recovery, where I'm able to presently live in a new and wonderful world no matter what my present circumstance. And that's the place from which I want to speak today.

So what is Step 2? Step 2 is a simple question. Now there's a whole chapter we agnostic, but is one one question.

It takes pages to get to the question too right Bills like you ain't gonna want to hear it till I get right. He warms us up and what is the question? What is the question? Am I now willing or am I even Do I now believe or am I even willing to believe I love this? Do I now right now believe in a power greater than myself? Do I now right now believe that I'm not God? Do I now right now? Do I believe that or

Right? This reminds me of how the chapter opens right with the test about are you an alcoholic? It gives me a or it says when you honestly want to, do you find that you cannot or

right when drinking, do you find that you can't control? It's a it's a it's not and it's or do I right now believe or am I even the word even? Is there? Am I even willing?

Am I willing to just like maybe that's, that's the bars low, the bar can't get lower than that. That's a low bar. And that's all I have to do. But me as a drunk, as a real alcoholic, I'm unwilling to do that unless I'm whooped. Unless I'm whooped. I'm going to get a new outfit, I'm going to get a new job, I'm going to get into a new relationship. And I got this because of the second part of my first step problem. I can't see the truth

and the truth is I'm already whooped. But when I can see that in one, then I can go to the step two question

right now, do I believe or am I even willing?

And so willingness is the is the primary benchmark for me to consider in Step 2, right? I'm going to put out a series of considerations that come directly out of the book. And I'm not going to be able to talk about all of them, but I'm going to just put them out there. I'm going to rattle off a bunch of them, write them down, think about them, consider them, or just wait for me to finish and then I'll go back. OK,

1

Do I admit the three parts of my first step problem?

Do I admit that? That I'm bodily different than my fellows? That I'm mentally ill? You know, Bill talks about it, in the doctor's opinion, as maladjusted to life, full flight from reality, outright mental defective. I mean, I can't talk about you. I can talk about me and that I'm spiritually sick. I have a soul sickness. Second consideration, do I understand that I'm beyond human aid? See, I couldn't really get that when I first got here at 26. I still had all my teeth. I had a couple,

right? We got a baby with 33 days to 16 years old. Man, I'm gonna say what I said yesterday. If you're an alcoholic, you shouldn't drink. And if you're not an alcoholic, then not drinking should be easy. That's it. And if I can't not drink, if I'm on the struggle bus around not drinking, then really the question is, do I understand that I'm beyond human aid and that I'm suffering from an illness that only

a spiritual experience can conquer? The book uses the word conquer

three. Does a spiritual solution seem as hard as an alcoholic death?

Right. Somebody called it like a Benny Goodman punchline, right? Like it seems ridiculous, but no it not if you're in the throes of your addiction.

Like what is the alcoholic death look like exactly? Well, how much time do I have between now and then?

Well, other people have to know, could I do it? Quite. But the that's the question. The question is, am I willing to die or accept a spiritual solution? Am I willing to die a miserable, humiliating, pitiful, incomprehensible, demoralizing death, or am I willing to accept spiritual help?

Can I face the fact that I must find a spiritual basis of life? It's a different question. You see, I don't believe that I'm here surrendering my drinking. I believe that I'm here surrendering my life.

That's what I'm surrendering. That I have found that when I only give up my drinking, or I only give up food, or I only give up sex, or I only give up cussing you out, that ultimately it just like whack a mole, it pops up somewhere else.

So what am I surrendering? I'm surrendering my life.

Do you now have ample evidence that your of your lack of power when it comes to drinking? Do you have ample evidence? Write yourself a list. Do you have ample evidence?

Do you believe that the realm of the spirit is roomy, inclusive, never excluding or forbidding? Do you believe that? Do you believe that there's a place in whatever you believe the universe is the the creator is right and all of us get to decide what that is. You know, we the book uses the word

conception. And for me, conception is most used in English,

right when we think of the sperm in the egg, right when we think of the conception of a child. And I've come to think of the second step very much that way, that I allow the spiritual principles of Alcoholics Anonymous to enter me. And what does it do? It creates something that grows in me, and it grows ultimately into a separate thing that is outside of me that I get to turn to this inner resource that I tap.

The book calls it sometimes a God consciousness that is neither me but is within me. It's God, but it's my access to God.

Forgive me, whoever's doing the 11th step.

The 11 step doesn't ask me to get contact with God. The 11 step asked me to get consciousness of the contact that I already have. It's simply my consciousness. So when I'm in two, what I'm invited to do is to consider what my beliefs are in one of the considerations is do I believe that it's all inclusive, that no matter what I've done, right? Because all of us think that we're the worst person ever, right? All put your hand up.

God, I love that, right? Start sponsoring people. Go ahead, you'll hear some stuff, right?

Do you believe that the world of the Spirit is all inclusive? If so, is there space for you?

Do you really believe that there's space for you? It's an important question.

Are you willing to earnestly seek? I love that one

are you willing to earnestly seek and seeking looks different for some of us, right? Some of us are like Harry Krishna, you know, Pentecostal church like it doesn't matter it doesn't matter. Are you willing to honestly seek? The thing that I love about Alcoholics Anonymous is that we

don't and are not supposed to have religious dogma. Believe what you want to believe, believe what you want to believe. Just believe. I want to talk a moment about my belief and I'm going to do a few more considerations. And somebody should put up a sign and let me know when I'm halfway so I know when to switch to three.

So when I got to Alcoholics Anonymous, I couldn't accept white Jesus on the cross. I couldn't accept that I grew up in a house that was a racehouse, a race conscious house. Right from a little kid. My mother talked to me about what race meant and what it meant in America and the legacy of white supremacy. Like I from a little kid, I knew that. So then I was like, Oh no, 'cause I know that person's not safe for me. Like it's a little kid. I knew that. And I don't mean to offend anybody. I'm only talking about my experience.

And so I had to find a God that didn't wasn't the God of the majority of the culture. And that that was a little bit tough. I have to figure out like, what was that and what did that look like? And it was a struggle. And over the years, I've developed something that works for me.

I had this job that was really stressful and I was in a board meeting and something happened that I didn't feel good about. And a board member came and she was like, I'm going to do Reiki on you,

OK, right. This non touch body work like okay. And she's standing behind me and she's like, I'm moving your energy. I'm like, okay,

and then this is such a story. A vision appeared in front of me.

Three, all black women. One was sitting on a tree stump

and they said, child,

do you freely believe we would let something happen to you?

And it changed my conception of what God is, that God for me includes my ancestors, that I'm watched, that I'm loved, that I'm protected. That doesn't need to be anybody else's conception because Alcoholics Anonymous invites us into a conception. And more importantly, you know what it tells us. It's beyond our comprehension. So who am I to say that your conception's right or wrong?

This is what works for me. I've come to believe that God is a web.

It's a web that holds the entire universe together, that the sun that we're dependent on is simply a star, that there are billions of stars and there's no doubt life everywhere.

That my notion that I'm the only life form is probably ridiculous, right?

Then how self-centered.

But in this web, I'm connected to everything.

I'm connected to all other life and how I move in the world

matters, how kind I am. You know, Ali in the opening talked about

the Pebble of Bill and Bob and the ripple to a wave, right? The butterfly effect, the the wings of the butterfly in Brazil affect, right? That I believe that we're all connected. I didn't come into Alcoholics Anonymous with that, but here's what you invited me to a spiritual basis of life. And you know what life is, Sometimes it's hard.

And it's in those moments that are difficult,

where I

don't get what I believe I want, what my heart is set on, which usually is not the right thing for me, right? What I think. And I'm forced to accept that the plan that the God that I understand has for me is perfect. It might not be my plan. I might not understand it, but my job isn't to understand it. My job is to accept it

because either God is everything or he isn't. And that's not a question in the book. The question is,

what's my choice to be

God is either everything or he's nothing. What do I choose? And I get to build this conception of a power that I surrender, not my drinking, my life. Page 19. I think it's 19. Somebody can correct me,

says elimination of our drinking is by the beginning. A more important demonstration lies ahead in our respective homes, occupations and affairs. Well, that's everything. My home occupant. What does everything.

And that's where I get to demonstrate

what really has been given to me. An Alcoholics Anonymous,

this spiritual basis of life. And in order to have a basis of life that's spiritual, I've got to have something to lean into. I've got to have something that I rely on when things get rough because guess what? Things will get rough.

In the book Bill talks about it is certain trials and low spots. They're not. Maybe. Oh, they're certain. Because here's the thing about Alcoholics. Well, let me talk about because I'll know you like that.

I would like the gift of sobriety, and then I would like a reward for getting the gift right.

I want the gift of being pulled back from the gates of hell. But then I don't want anything wrong to go. Am I? I don't. I want everything. This woman what?

No. Why has God saved me? God has saved me so that I can be useful.

God has saved me so that I can be useful.

Now, you know, I want to correct myself. Last night I talked about who, right? I have to be willing. I have to be honest and I have to be open minded. And I said that, you know, I don't have to have a desire because I don't want to answer the phone. I want to speak. I won't sponsor nobody. I don't want to be bothered, right? But if that's not true, I want to correct myself.

Desire is required. I have to have a desire to stop drinking. That's why I got to go back to the first step to talk about two and three, because if I don't have that desire, how do I get desire?

WW AWA gives me desire. WWA, the Gorilla gives me desire. Devastation gives me desire. Pitiful, incomprehensible demoralization gives me desire. Waking up with one shoe gives me a desire. I get a desire. I really like those shoes, right?

I have to have a desire to do this thing, but once I do this thing and I get into this deal and I'm not in the again, I do not believe that this is a stop drinking program. I believe this is a live right program. And if I live right, I don't need to drink. If I live right, I don't need to cuss you out. If I live right, I don't need to get if I live right. If I live right, man, living right is hard.

Living right is hard

and, and you know,

no human power.

So I talk intentionally about how I'm nutty as a fruitcake, right? Because I want people to know no human power. Don't think I've got nothing special. I ain't got nothing special. I read the book. You got the same book I got read the book. Listen to some talks, find somebody. And man, we ate breakfast. We were talking to Chris this morning about some incredible exercises that he was able to be taken through

because he got with somebody who was spiritually ahead of him on the journey.

But that doesn't make that person perfect. We're not perfect. We're on the the journey

in the question that I have to ask myself on the journey every day is am I willing? Is God everything and can I do a little bit better today than I did yesterday? I'm going to do a couple more considerations. Who's my timer? Who's my timer?

OK, I didn't time myself. I'm very uncomfortable now. OK,

here we go.

Am I handicapped by obstinacy, sensitiveness, and unreasonable prejudice? Let me tell you. Let me put some skin on that for you. Let me put some skin. Put some skin on that one.

Oh my God, I'm coming home from the club. You know, I'm born and raised in New York. Bars closed at 4. You can get it in and your you go to the after hour spot. You know what I mean? You still are the walk of shame with the Alpha from the night before. And you're in the car and you're looking at the church people and you're like, those are suckers.

They're going to give those preachers their money. It's ridiculous. You know, the way that I talk about it is I'm laying in the gutter, judging your shoes as you walk by.

Yeah, but I don't know, I'm laying in the gutter.

And so it's the obstinacy. Like, I'm so smart. Really.

Why are you unemployed? Boo, Boo. Why are you homeless, sweetie? Why don't you have any friends, honey? Bye. Right? Why doesn't anybody want you around? Right

that I'm I'm obstinate. I can't see the truth because I'm convinced that I'm right. Here's another way to think about that. I'm convinced that I'm God. See, for me, the second step is really this profound, humbling realization that my best thinking got me drunk.

That my best thinking and my best actions burnt my life to the ground. The realization that I'm not God.

Here's the example I use all the time. You ever in the kitchen and you're washing the dishes, you're having an argument, you're going back and forth, back and forth. But did you win in that argument? Right? But the other person is not there, right?

And what do you think? You think I know what they're going to say. I know what they think I know. And then they're going to write or you're talking, Oh, I didn't ask them because I, oh, I didn't apply for that job because I know I'm how do you know? Because without realizing it, I think I'm God.

I think I know. I don't know.

I don't know.

I don't know at 36 years sober. And I promise you, you probably don't know either. I don't know. And it's being open to the wonder of what the universe can deliver to me.

And I can't get that. If I have unreasonable prejudice, OK, I'm going to do this and then I'm going to stop on to I'm going to move to three. I didn't get to all the considerations. I have really good considerations, but I can't get to all of them. OK

Am I living on page 52 for the new people? Am I having problems in my personal relationships?

Check.

How do you feel about your sister? How do you feel about your brother? How do you feel about your mother? Right. Didn't they do you dirty? How about your uncle? How about your stepfather? How about your Oh, your sister? You're right, right? Am I having problems in the personal relationships?

Am I afraid of misery and depression? I would read them but I don't have glasses. Am I afraid of misery and depression? Do you know what a pray is? You ever watched the nature of shows and the little Bunny is just hopping along and that's Hoosh doesn't even see it coming?

Pray, pray,

pray. I don't even see it coming.

I'm jumping ahead a little bit, but you know what?

I've stepped on the toes of my fellows and then retaliate seemingly without provocation. I don't. I don't even see it coming because I can't see myself and I don't see the things that I've done.

So I have a feeling of uselessness,

self pity,

depression all. Let me say something about that. If I think about myself long enough, I am depressed.

There's a great talk. I think one of the Myers there's a great there's a great talk and and in the talk right that this incessant thinking about ourselves is depressing,

which is why the cure for us in part is service to others. I have to get out of me. I have to get out of me or I will live on page 52.

I'm just going to set up camp there because I don't know what else to do but think about me.

So here's the final thing for two and then I'm going to move to three because again, I have no idea where I'm at.

So I love the way that the book leads me to the truth about myself and and we agnostics.

The book leads me to two realizations.

One is that I don't need to understand something to use it, as evidenced by the fact that I swish over to the electrical outlet all the time

and turn it on, and I have no idea how electricity works. But am I dependent on it? Absolutely. So I don't need to understand to have faith.

Here's the other thing the book does. This, I think, is particularly brilliant.

It points out that I've been living on faith all along. I've been praying to the God of reason,

my own mind, the one that in step one I admitted was faulty.

The voice in my head that sounds like me, that's a liar. That's what I've had faith in.

I've had faith in it all along.

So then I come to alcohol. It's anonymous. And I'm like, well, I don't know about this faith thing and I don't know when you want me to believe in this God. And I don't know about all that. And you know, I've been going to church anyhow and I'm still drunk. And man, the stories

and what I'm led to is I don't have to understand it to rely on it. And that's proven in my everyday life. And then it leads me to I have faith in lots of things. I'm going to throw out some things. Feel free to popcorn on this. When I go to the store and I buy cornflakes, what do I have? Faith?

There's conflicts in that box. When I go to that job and I work for the people and they pay me after, Who's ever had a job that got paid in advance? Nope. When I go work for the people and they pay me after, what do I have faith? They go and pay me.

Yeah. When I get in my car and I start it up, what do I have faith in? It's going to start. Come on, What you got faith in

it's. I ran out of gas. Yes, I did. I ran a gas on the New Jersey Turnpike. I did. I'm sorry, I did. I was busy. I wasn't paying attention. And the guy came and bought gas and I had faith that it was gas. Thank you. I had faith that it was gas. But it turns out there was water in it, right? How do I know there's water in it? Because the car starts like,

but I had faith. I paid the man good money for that gas. So we have faith in all kinds of things. Sometimes it works out, sometimes it doesn't.

It mostly doesn't workout when I have faith and reason. My reasoning?

I just want to give you a second

to consider a moment that you were absolutely convinced of something that you now know wasn't true,

right? Convinced

as I've gotten older, my memory is not. Maybe it was never any good, but it's certainly not any good now. And I'll, I'll be convinced of something no you said or no, that is, or no I did or no this date. And I'm completely wrong.

But I'm convinced and I'm reminded of how unreliable the God of reason is. And what is the second step? Invite me into it Invites me to cross the bridge from believing into having faith.

Not a faith in me, but a faith in a power that's greater than me,

a power that can solve what the book says is all of my problems.

I can take all of my problems.

It's the best deal, man. It's the best deal.

I want to move on to three if that's OK with you guys. I mean, not that you could do anything about it, but

I'm going to move on to three.

So if I have a profound first step experience and I really understand that I'm whooped that on my own I'm nothing, then I can come into too and into. I can acknowledge that you know what? I've been dependent on my own thinking. I've had faith in me. There's this God, I, I, this power that's greater than me. I don't need to understand it to be dependent on it. And the truth is that living life my way keeps me on page 52.

And once I can see that, then I'm ready for the beginning of a deal.

That's how I think of three. It's the beginning of a deal. You know, there's no Amen at the end of the third step, prayer. And I believe there's no Amen because I'm opening an agreement that I'm in until seven. And how do I actualize the agreement? I do it with work, right? These are the steps we took, not the steps we read and talked about the steps we took.

And so I get to 3

and in three there are a couple of things that before I go all the way in, I want to just ask.

It says that being convinced, right? That starts being convinced. We're at step three. Well, convinced of what? Well, I think convinced of the three pertinent ideas. Well, what are the three pertinent ideas?

A. I'm an alcoholic

and I can't manage my own life. First step, man, if I don't have that, I'm not. I'm not going to do the soul searching, fearless, gut wrenching inventory. I'm not going to confess it. I'm not going to admit that it's objectionable. I'm not going to turn it over. I'm not going to make a list of people and I'm surely not going to go make amends. I'm not going to do it.

I'm not going to do. I'm not going to do it. Maybe you'll do it. I'm not going to do that. I mean, I got to have no options.

Two, they're probably no human power. Not a new job, not a new relationship, not a new degree, no human power.

When I get this new car, you know what it is? A bill. Yeah,

no human power.

No human power. Not my mother, not not no you, not no human power.

I think it's hilarious that it says probably,

and then I get to three and people have heard me say that. My favorite word in the book of Alcoholics Anonymous

is if

right, what power? There is an if. If I do the work, I can get the right. If I don't, I don't. That's my choice. I mean, you could be here and stay with door number one, with sober, if you'd like. Go to abstinence. You can stay with door #2 it's up to you.

Your sponsor can't make you. No one can make you. You have to do it. And what is pertinent idea #3 that God could and would not just can. There are many things I can do that I will not do right, Can and would if He were sought.

That's on me, the seekings on me,

the seeking is on me.

And so the seeking isn't just I pray for me. The seeking is how I move in the world.

The seeking is how I interact with you. The seeking is a series of things that I do as actions in the world.

Here's the other thing I'm mad about. I'm mad about the three pertinent ideas, say, before and after. Do you know why I'm mad about that? Because at 36 years sober, for real, I still am. Yeah, Boo Boo. You still with the three pertinent ideas? Drunk or sober? Those things are true for me,

Trump or so there's no amount of time that I'm going to get that I don't need to turn to God. I don't need to continue to seek drunk or sober. No human power when I'm restless and irritable and discontent. No human power when my life is unmanageable. No human power that it's only in the seeking.

So the thing I love about the third step and the thing that I love about the first half my my favorite chapter is probably more about alcoholism because I'm for real crazy and I need to be reminded over and over and over again about the four ways that my mind will lie to me, right. I haven't had drink in a long time. I could drink right? Like my boyfriend Fred at the end, like, oh man, like if I don't know what's wrong with you, you can't solve your problems. I could like

the delusion, right? So this is my favorite chapter,

but you know I love the beginning of how it works. This description, when we get to how it works, it lays out the true problem.

It lays out the true problem. You're not the true problem is me. I'm the problem. I'm selfish, I'm self-centered, I'm self seeking, I'm self pitying and all the people that know me know this. I'm self-righteous.

The problem is me. Good news about that. I can do something about me. Me and God could do something about me. When I pray to God to change you, that is a good waste of my prayer.

It's a good waste of my prayer. It's a good waste of my prayer that that that it's the thing that I can do is turn to God. And really, there are three things that I'm turning to God around.

I can't stop drinking on my own, I need God. Do we agree to that? We agree to that, right? I can't stop being fearful on my own. I have a life that is driven by fear, right? I can't get rid of that on my own. I need God,

but here's the other thing I can't do. I can't get out of self on my own.

I need God and sometimes God comes to me in the form of you calling

in the middle of my binge watching.

What God comes to me through you.

And so this third step is really about me coming to terms with the truth about where the problem lies,

how I got to where I am,

who came to Alcoholics Anonymous on a good day,

who got here on you, got here in the wings of victory. Baby. I'm gonna talk to you after. I want to hear. I mean, I tried everything to not get here, right? The book has this whole list of things we try. I'm not one of the people that try to exercise in yoga. I didn't do that. I'm still not trying that. But

there are all these things that, like anything, I'm only going to drink on the weekend. Oh, I'm going to give up Scotch. I'm going to drink red wine. I'm going to write. I'm going to leave one happy hour. I'm not going to have liquor at the house. I'm going to stop hanging out with this one. Like, I try all these things, but I can't, right? I can't because the problem that I'm avoiding is inside of me. The problem is my perspective

that I'm standing in the middle of my life and I'm looking around my life and I'm only seeing things from my point of view.

I don't consider your point of view.

I don't consider. Here's a classic one. I would like to talk about what a terrible parent my mother was,

what This woman is orphaned at 10 and moves from Charleston, SC, to New York and has a really tough life. But I don't consider any of that.

I consider what I wanted and how I should have been treated and right. So what I have to learn to do in the third step, I have to learn how to consider other people's journeys, have to make space spiritually this new spiritual basis of life for the reality that I'm in the world with a lot of other souls and that those souls deserve consideration as much as I do.

I want to go to the,

I want to go to the prayer, I want to go to the third step prayer. But I want to give you a couple of considerations that I pulled out of the book,

right?

Am I convinced that any life run on self will can hardly be a success? That's a big one. As long as I believe that I can keep rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic, right? It's not wet if I turn the cushion over, right? Somebody sent me a meme of a guy on the beach with a mop, right? This is me. This is me. I can mop up this water. I could do what I could as long as I haven't admitted that any life that's run on

will can hardly lead me to joy and freedom. I'm never going to get to door #3 with a life run on self will.

Another consideration,

where am I today in collision with others?

Not last week, not when I was drunk in 1985. Where am I in collision with others? Because you know what? I'm in collision with others when I'm in self will

you know the book puts out that, you know, usually we're a mix, but sometimes we're mean and sometimes we're nice, right, But it's like the the sour patch kids, right, Like sometimes we're means, but we're always trying to get what we want, right. So here's the question. Do you tend towards mean are nice, tell the truth, I tend towards me.

I do right that when you paint me into a corner, man,

it's not, it's not nice. It's not it don't even feel good for me. But I need to know the truth about myself. I need to know the truth about myself so that I can turn to God. Because what am I asking God to take away? How am I? What am I surrendering if I don't know who I am?

Can I accept the truth that my problems are of my own making?

Now there's an adult question.

See This is why victims don't recover because as long as my problems are of someone elses making, I'm not on the journey.

I'm not. I promise you I'm at abstinence. Bob Barker can only show me door number one. I cannot get to recovery if the problems are of your making.

Do I accept the role that God wants to play in my life?

More importantly, do I accept the role that God assigns me? So in in this part of the literature, it talks about

the role that that God should play in our lives, right? And and we could struggle with this, right? Like the patriarchy of it all, Like, you know, come on now, let's just that you got here with missing a shoot. Let's come on now. Let's just come on, right. So the father, what do fathers do? They protect and provide.

The one that I really like is the principle because the principal tells me who to be,

right? Who to be?

The employer tells me what to do.

There are these roles that I'm allowing, the power that I believe in, the Orishas, Odin, Jesus, Allah, whatever power you have accepted,

I have a power that I look at

and I love that. We used the childish faith of the Wright Brothers. I love that

that it's when I set aside what I think I know and I'm just faithful. God, I know that you can make this work of my life. I know that it's all going to be OK. I know it's going to be OK. I don't have anything to worry about. You got me. I'm going to go about helping your children. I know you got this. I don't have problems. I've got,

but that takes a childlike faith and that says that's how the Wright brothers were able to fly.

So here's my example. Right.

Do you know that mathematically it's impossible for the bumblebee to fly? Do you know that we've measured them and they're too fat and their wings are too little and they can't fly? Yeah, they do. They fly just fine. And in fact, now that we've damaged them, we don't have enough of them to pollinate, and we're in trouble. Yeah. That our thinking, our best science, our best knowledge is incorrect. That the universe,

like the power, is beyond our comprehension.

So then I'm asked to let this power play a role in my life and that I surrender. The book doesn't use the word surrender right there. People have different things that they say about why we don't use surrender. If it was in World War One, he didn't like the word surrender. All the people from the Oxford Group surrender. I don't know why, I don't care. I know that what I'm doing is surrendering my life, not my drinking.

And the third step? And I'm going to do the prayer.

The third step. Is this beautiful

invitation into a new life?

The step is the first step. Like in one, I'm looking at me and I'm admitting some things about me, and two, it's me and the power. But in three, I take this step into what I think of as a new life,