The Brentwood Beginners Workshop in Los Angeles, CA

Now, let's welcome our speaker, Lauren.

Hi, I'm Lauren. I'm an alcoholic. I want to thank Matt for asking me to speak

sent me a text. What are you doing Thursday and I'm thinking Dodgers you know that that you know obviously that was a little while ago anyway outside issue and and I was like out I'm in town and and he said don't talk about me. Thank you for agreeing to speak if the Brentwood workshop anyway, not about you. Welcome to the newcomers.

If you identify, and even if you didn't identify, it gets better. I promise none of us would stick around if it didn't get better. This is the bottom

umm, I was told to give it 90 days to try to get to a meeting. A day for 90 days. And if you don't like what we freely have to offer, we'll gladly refund your misery. And

you know, I mean, it is the bottom. I came in here, I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine when people would ask how I was. But I mean, it's Alcoholics Anonymous. This is a bottom. So nobody comes skipping in here because their life's great. And when I, the first time I ever spoke,

somebody needed somebody for a panel. They're going, Hey, I need somebody. I didn't have quite enough time. I guess I was kind of close. I don't really remember how much time I had. And I thought my story was so boring. So I read the stories in the back of the big book looking for a good one. And and so I just took like a little bit of this one, a little bit of that one. And so I went out on a panel and I figured they're all new. They haven't read the big book either. So I told some of so I told some of somebody's story, some of somebody else's. And then I went and did, I thought it was really fun. So I went and did another panel and I

after the third one I told my sponsor I was doing. She said no, we tell her own story here. I was like OK and

I had no idea and I thought my shirt was kind of boring. But then as I did my first step and start working the steps I was like and more will be revealed and boiling the onions. Like all right, my story got a little bit better but plus I'm such a liar. I never knew what the truth was. And then the longer I'm sober and the more removed I get from my story, it doesn't even feel like mine anymore. It just feels like some person from a long time ago and

which which it really is. I mean, anything you hear that's good, kind and decent. For me, it's learned behavior and I learned it here and Alcoholics Anonymous because the person that came in here is not the person that stands before you today. I'm a product of Alcoholics Anonymous. I've been sober more than half my life and you guys turn me into this. So I was taught to look for the similarities and not the differences. And one thing I related to for my very first meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous is I always felt different. I never felt like I fit in anywhere

and that's just something that I related to from from the get go. I'm from the East Coast,

from Maryland, the DC area, and I,

I know people here never care what state I say. I could say Pennsylvania, you guys all lump all the states together. But anyway, and what I always considered a typical middle class Jewish neighborhood, I always thought I had the worst childhood ever. I played the victim. I hated my family. I thought it was probably secretly adopted and I wanted another family to come and take me away from this family I was growing up with. And I really did. I thought I had the worst childhood ever until I heard your stories. I was like, OK, wasn't that bad. And

my parents were really into their social life. They were always going out on weekends. They were, my mom would get all dressed up,

it was cocktail hour at 5:00 every night and she would get all dressed up for my father. And it was just, it all looked glamorous what they did. And they just never paid any attention to the kids at all. We could do whatever we wanted. They didn't pay any attention to it. They never looked at our report cards. They didn't look at anything. My mom went to one PTA meeting once and she took me with her. And at the PTA meeting, they talked about the middle child syndrome, how the oldest gets all the attention the youngest gets. I mean, the oldest gets all the privileges, the youngest gets all the

so don't forget the middle child. And I thought that's what's wrong with me. That's why I feel different. It's because I have a middle child syndrome. And until I came into Alcoholics Anonymous, that's why I thought I felt different because I'm the middle child. And today I know whenever I'm feeling different, not a part of that, I need to take an action. This is an action program. I need to do something, even if it's just reaching out my hand

saying hi, I'm Lauren. I feel weird because half the time I didn't know how I felt when I came in and today it doesn't take me as long, but sometimes it takes me a while to process,

but that then I need to do something, pick up the phone. It's better to talk to someone than text, I find, to actually have human interaction. But anyway, until I came in here, I, I just thought that's why I always felt different. And today I know it's my alcoholism that I need to do something for it. The other thing I heard somebody, I mean, I never heard anybody talking like

like I'm doing now. I mean, I never heard that growing up when everything was fine and what would the neighbors think? We weren't doing anything. We always had to worry about what the neighbors thought. And

but I, I mean, I heard when I came in about, I heard somebody talk about being a liar, cheating, a thief. I was like, yeah, that was me.

My older sister, she was a classic overachiever. She did everything. She was in every club. She was a straight A student. She was all that. That was not me. I was a bad kid acting out all the time. I would lie all the time, and I would hear Chapter 5 read in meetings. I thought, Oh my God, I'm never going to make it because all I heard was honesty, honesty, honesty, honesty. I thought, Oh my God, I'm never going to make it. I heard

how can you tell if an Alcoholics lying is if they're moving their lips? It's like, yeah, that was me. And my father used to say if you can't lie, well, don't lie at all. And I took that as a challenge. And I mean, I lied about everything as a kid. If I was going to 711, I said I was going to my friend Helen's house. I just lied about everything. And I just wanted my parents to pay attention to me. I started cutting school early. I just, I just, I was the bad kid in my family and I used to steal the money

my parents bank on their night stand and blame it on my little brother who would never do that. And they have those senior superlatives in high school. The slickest skipper. I mean, you know, the best couple most likely to succeed and all that stuff. I was voted most fried and slickest skipper in my high school graduating class. And I remember my mother saw that and said, what's most fried, Lauren? I'm like, never mind

and but I was a really social kid. I always had lots of little friends,

but I never had that one best girlfriend, the one person that you can tell everything to because I knew if you knew me, and I mean really knew me, that you locked me up or throw me away, that there was something wrong with me. I felt like everybody else knew how it was given some instruction manual or knew how to do everything and I was just kind of a chameleon. Just I watch and see how you did everything and I'd fit in with this group or that group. I just never felt comfortable in my own skin. I didn't feel comfortable with my own family. We were never allowed

living room. We weren't allowed in the kitchen because it was cocktail hour. We weren't allowed my parents bedroom. We were just not allowed it felt like to do anything. And they took their vacations without us. And I just, I hated my family and I just kind of went with that and I wished I never been born. I remember really strongly feeling like that, that I didn't know why I'd been born. I wish I hadn't. Back east, we went ice skating. That's what we did on the weekends.

We went to the mall sometimes too, but ice skating was a really big thing that we did.

It's where you start smoking cigarettes. It's where, like the slow songs, you hope you go ask your guy to dance, to skate, and you just go around. But there was one really geeky ice skating song by Karen Carpenter said that was I'll Say Goodbye to Love. And I just remember there was a line from that that said no one ever cared if I should live or die. And that was the line that I identified with more than anything else when I was a kid. I just remember wishing I'd never been bored, that I could just go to sleep and never wake up.

And I didn't act like that. Like I was like I said, I had a lot of friends and but I was a liar. When I was in 6th grade, they had these school patrols with a bright orange badges and you just, I don't know, you stood at Major St. Corners and you just kind of put your arms out. And when the younger kids could cross, you went like, you just kind of motioned that it was OK for them to cross. And this flasher, like a raincoat flasher was going around flashing a little girl's

and the police would come and they would interview all the little girls who have been flashed. So I go running to school one day going, I splashed, I was flashed. I was never flashed. Okay, so I just, I just wanted all the attention and everything else. And the police came, they interviewed me and they caught the flasher and and he admitted to flashing everybody but me because I never been flashed out. I don't know where my parents were. I don't really remember my childhood much and I don't have any idea where they were. And being a mom, I can't even fathom. Although I have to say, my daughter forged

in first grade.

I wouldn't get her out of PE. She forged a note to her first grade teacher saying please excuse Molly Abrams from PE and it's phonetic because she's in first grade. The whole thing is phonetic and it's signed Laurent Love Lauren Abrams. I'm like, Oh my God, I'm fucked. Oh sorry,

sorry, I didn't mean to swear. Anyway, it's not Pacific, RIP. What the hell? Anyway,

so I, I was like, ah, but she's so far so good. She's 11th grade now and whatever anyway, But you know, I mean, I'm just that kind of like when I came in and I saw the 9th step on the banners, all I kept saying was, Oh my God, does that mean we have to come clean on all our lives? I was running around. That's all I would say. It's like, just does that mean we have to come clean on all our lives? Does that mean we have to come clean all of us? That's all I kept thinking, I mean, I loved a a A and I didn't understand. I learned my seat. I didn't. There were a lot of things you guys said the white flag at Radford, Surrender.

You have to surrender to win. Like that was just too esoteric. I did not understand a lot of things, but I was running around. Does this nine step mean you have to come clean on all your lies? And then this little old lady named Helen came up to me and she said, oh, honey, the steps are written in order for a reason. She said, Besides, when I came into Alcoholics Anonymous, my whole family, including my husband, thought I only had one lung. And I was like, that's a kind of lying. I did OK. And oh, my God. I mean, I can remember somebody had arthroscopic surgery and,

and everybody went to the hospital. It wasn't, I had knee surgery. And anyway, and they wrapped it up and everybody went and got them loaded and everything. So I went to the medical supply store and bought all the cooter mints and everything and wrapped up my knee.

And

I remember what I made by amends. My mom knew all my lies were lies except my knee. She actually thought I busted my knee playing football at the beach. I lived 3 hours from the beach. I never went to the beach. I never saw the sun until I got sober. And yeah, anyway, that was the only one. She was so disappointed. And in fact, I didn't even want to hear my immense until I kept saying no, no, I have to do it. She's like, no, no, you're sober. Everything's fine. I'm like, no, mom, it was back and forth. No, no, it's OK.

And and I said, mom, if you don't hear this, I could drink again. She said sit down anyway. And so the steps work. But so anyway, I was and I started stealing really young because a little girl showed me how I could take things and leave. And I think most little kids will think this is stealing, this is wrong. And I was like, oh cool. So I'm to get away with. I just,

I mean, that was just me. I think I'm just fundamentally that person from the gate. And I started getting arrested in 4th grade and 6th grade. I've been arrested, you know, from the store, Montgomery Wards. I don't even know if they had it out here, but whatever. And I actually cured me of it in 6th grade. I was never that was it. But

you know, I just when I had my first drink was this is all before I had my first drink and I heard somebody else talking about this and it was a relief to me when I heard somebody talking for the podium about being a liar, cheating thief before they ever had their first drink. If my first drink was a relief, I stole some J&B from my parents.

I filled it up in a flask. I went out in the woods because that's what you do. Becky should go out in the woods. And I took a big old swig and then that. And I hated the taste. Oh, my God. But then that feeling came over me. And I've heard a lot of women talk about how they became tall, blonde and beautiful. That's not what happened for me. Suddenly that feeling came over me. And I didn't care what you thought of me. I didn't. I mean, I just didn't feel. I didn't care what you thought of me. I didn't care about anything. I love the apathy. Just

not feeling and

I blacked out the first time I ever drank. I never heard the term blackout until I came to Alcoholics Anonymous. I thought everybody who drew, I thought everybody who drank didn't remember. I just thought that was part of drinking. And thank God, I mean, I'm very happy with blackouts and, and I got sick as could be and I was just off to the races. When I came into Alcoholics Anonymous, people used to ask me if I'd graduated high school and I was just so I mean, I was so offended by the question. Of course I graduated high school. I was very full of like the don't even know who I am,

that whole alcoholic thinking we're better pride and all that, you know, no matter how low I got, just the whole don't you know who I am? And I love the saying alcohol is the only people that doesn't matter. I forgot it. But anyway, I will come back.

But thank God today I know who I am. I'm just another child of God and I'm no better. I'm no worse than anyone else. And what a relief. But alcohol is the only people who could be lying in the gutter looking down at others. And you know, that was definitely me. It's the, you know, we're better than everyone over the lowest of low. Nobody is worse than me.

And it's just, it's just so much easier being in one, a worker among workers, one among others. But you know, so I was so offended that how could you ask me if I graduated high school? I'm actually the first person in my family to not go to college. And I know we always hear everybody talk around getting sober and being the first one to ever go to college. I'm the first one of my family to not go to college

because I just scammed my way through junior high and high school. I really have no

recollection of being in class and studying and going to school. And I used in my first couple years have nightmares of not completing certain classes and and not graduating and things like that. But I just, I was always out in the woods. I was always with the partiers and I just wrote. I wasn't a slick skipper. I just never went. And I signed my own notes. I don't know. Anyway, my parents weren't going to send me to college and I was pissed and I was going to show them

and because I would go visit my older sister at school and all I saw was a partying, the brain, alcohol

and all the fun and we would pile into my car. Back then I've always worked and we would go visit all the colleges and we would just party every weekend. I couldn't believe my parents weren't going to send me and all my friends went off to school. I got a job in sales right away and Bill's story, which I I just couldn't believe you guys wanted me to read this book. It was written in the 30s by a bunch of old men. What does this have to do with me? But Bill's story, he talks about working and and having reached a certain amount of

accolades and achievement and he felt like he had arrived. Well, I got a job in sales and I set some national sales records and I felt like I had arrived. I started making a lot of money. The drinking age in Maryland at that time was 18 for beer and wine. And you could drive into DC, it was 18 for everything. And I discovered a lot of drugs. But this is Alcoholics Anonymous. I was taught that we keep her storied alcohol. But I was a garbage can. There's a total garbage can. I didn't care what you had. I just need to know that you had enough of it. If I was going to start,

if you only had a little, there was some part of me that knew that, like I couldn't start. Anyway.

By the time I was 19, I was arrested in the town I grew up in and I was allowed to make one phone call and I know when to call. It already used everyone up. My family wanted nothing to do with me. I'd already started having alcoholic seizures, grandma seizures, and I decided when I was in this jail, so like, how dare you arrest me? Don't you know who I am? I was so full of myself and I thought the problem is the kind of people I've been hanging out with. If I quit hanging out with the kind of people I've been hanging out with, a nice girl like me, get out of a situation like this,

these kinds of things won't happen. And never mind I was all alone when I got arrested. I just thought it was the kind of people I've been hanging out with. And I decided the problem was where I lived. And if you're new, it's called a geographic. And I decided to move to Miami. Not a good place to straighten up. That's just my experience. And so I went to Miami and I got a job. I got a checking account because I was raised right and and I'm walking down the street and some guy walking the other way said, hey, you want to party?

I never turned down a party in my life.

I didn't know why I've been born. I wished I hadn't. I just thought I'm going to live hard and die young. My goal is to be dead at 25. And of course, I went off partying with these people, never showed up for the job. And I started writing checks on these, just my starter checks. That was that's a big part of my story. If I checks, I wrote them and

anyway and I end up down in the keys ripping off a few people I shouldn't have been. Basically, I bounced around this country. In some parts of the country I ended up in jail, sometimes in the hospital. Even though my family wasn't speaking to me during this time,

I'd make sure all the bills went to them because I wanted them to be really worried about me. I was the daughter from hell and by the time I got to California, all I had left was one of those little nylon zip up bags and my

one of my little little nylon bags and my dog and I slept in a abandoned house in North Hollywood on a dirt floor. And I still thought

the problem was the kind of people I've been hanging out with a nice girl like me will get out of this. So I had nothing to do with anyone during this time. It was in North Hollywood where all these streets intersect like Camarillo and Lankershim and I don't know, all these streets intersect and by a restaurant called Little Tony's. And

I still, I'm Jewish. I have Jewish hair. So there was electricity. I had to blow dry my hair and it was very important and it's all about the hair. And so, but I only had a piece of a mirror and I can remember I would never look at my actual reflection, just my hair because I couldn't stand who or what I'd become. And it's not my bottom. We're survivors. And but during this time, I remember be I would, I called it my straight period. I only drank beer and I would go to Little Tony's and you could see like

would go in this place and stuff like that. But anyway, I

so anyway, I would dry my hair and I would do that, but I would go to little Tony's and I would write, I will trust no one. I will trust no one. I will trust no one. My whole thing was I don't want you, I don't need you. Leave me alone and I'll be fine. And I end up going on a date with this guy. I was working, selling clothes and he took me out on a date and it's one of those nights. Some people relate to this and some don't. I was, he took me to a bar on Melrose and it's one of the sites where I was drinking drinking, drinking and I drank myself sober and what a waste.

And then he handed me a vial of cocaine and I went in the bathroom, did the vial, gave him back his empty vial and go thanks, It's been a while. And I moved in with him the next day and the next two years I lived in a complete and total hell. It didn't matter how much I drank or used, I didn't get drunk. I just got weird.

I was paranoid, I was hallucinating, I was out of my mind, crazy, and I didn't know about Alcoholics Anonymous and never came up in conversation. Not that I was a social butterfly, but if I thought of a A, which I didn't, I would have thought of a bunch of old men in trench coats with a bottle and a brown bag.

And my bottom is so uneventful. If I had known it was my last trumpet, maybe I would have done it up or something. But he ended up getting busted. And I had broken up with him before that. And I had kind of gotten my life a little bit more together. And I was living in this tiny apartment in the Valley and Encino, which the area is really nice now, but it wasn't so nice back then. If I was living in this tiny apartment where the couch opened up into a bed, you could practically hit the wall. It had the fridge,

the closet, that closet. I spent a lot of time in that closet. I just have to toss everything, call the cops, you know, like, anyway, they were out there and just anyway, it was just nuts. And the bathroom. And anyway, my, I was just sitting there reading a book one night and and I finished the book and I have what we call an Alcoholics Anonymous way moment of clarity. It was like I was outside of myself looking down, and I knew at that moment that I was the worst person on the face.

I knew nobody was as bad as me. Nobody had done the kinds of things I had done. Nobody had hurt people the way I'd hurt people. Nobody had lied the way I had lied. And I wanted to die more than anything. And I couldn't even do that right. I tried to kill myself a few weeks before that and the only thing that happened was I've lost muscle control on my body.

And like I said, I'd never heard of AAI call some 800 number that end up being a hospital referral service. And this one place stayed on the phone with me all night and it was Daniel Freeman Marina Hospital. And this guy I knew he, he was from New York. He hot wired a car. Just figured everybody from New York probably knew how to hot wire a car and and he went and he dropped me off at Daniel Freeman Marina Hospital. He said just be as honest as you could be. And this guy lived on Bradford St. and I was so scared of

at the end of his St. And he told me he was an A A but someone told him he could smoke pot to keep the edge off. And he smoked so much pot. And, and I used to tell him you don't have to tell. I mean, good for you that, you know, you're in this AA. You have to tell people and

anyway, so this is my perception. So I went and checked into this place and I heard all this like religious stuff coming in. It's, I don't think it's a religious affiliate hospital, but this is what I heard.

And then they start doing intake and I start think, Oh my God, what if they're all narcs? So I started cutting down my intake and they said, and we'll need a check as a deposit. I'm like, sure, no problem. How much?

And anyway, like the check was any good? Why places like that take checks from people like us. I'm sure they don't anymore, but they did back then. And and then so we went through all this and they said, would you like a Valium? I was like, yeah, sure. So they gave me one one. And they put me in this in a room, a detoxer. I have no idea what it's called. And then there was nobody around at all. And this guy came in named Leroy. And he said my name is Leroy. What are you here before I go? What do you mean? He goes cocaine, alcohol, heroin,

never seen heroin anyway, umm, and it was my first experience. We ended up talking. It was my first experience of one alcoholic talking to another. Can I tell you, his kid and my kid are in 11th grade together. They were going to school together. We're still friends to this day, and that's a miracle. What happened was it took us to a meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous, and I'm one of those people. From my very first meetings of Alcoholics Anonymous, I felt like I had come home. I found out I wasn't a bad person. I'm a sick person. There's a way for me to get well. I heard somebody talking like I'm doing now, and I

believe it. I never heard anybody talking like this in my whole life. What I heard was,

and I was told that that I never had to drink again one day at a time if I didn't want to, and even if I want to, that I could just hang on and I didn't have to do anything alone. What I heard was the music of Alcoholics Anonymous and I've kept coming back ever since then. That was June 12th, 1986. So I've been sober for over 30 years and just because I felt like I'd come home does not mean that the obsession to drink and use left me. I wanted to get loaded all the time. I would go to meetings and hear somebody sharing about heroin

and I were like, Oh my God, I missed something. And nobody and nobody ever said you are so sick you need to leave. People like just keep coming back. Just keep coming back. And people would love to be talking. Love myself. I was taught that I could do or be anything I want. The Sky's a limit as long as I don't drink or use one day at a time. And I never had any goals, dreams or aspirations at all. Anything other than like, be dead at 25. Like that's not really one anyway.

And I was told that the Sky's the limit, that we could still, and I can still do or be anything I want.

And today I have a life that is absolutely beyond my imagination. I got a sponsor right away because everybody kept saying, do you have a sponsor? So I got a sponsor and she had three years and I just thought she had it. I remember when I turned 3, I was like, do I have it? And all I knew is I felt really entrenched and part of Alcoholics and others because I had been working the program and coming back and sponsoring, doing all the things you people told me. But I went and I asked her to be my sponsor and she went through all these things. She said I had to make my bed every day. I go, why? She says you don't get back in it

and and then she went through all these different things and no more blackout curtains as a May she knew I had blackout curtains. She said I have to open them every day and thank God for the privilege to breathe in and out clean and sober breath. She didn't care if I believed in God or not. She told me to read the chapters the agnostic until I could get a belief and that I would get it through working the 12 steps, which is true. And

and she went through all these different things to call her every day so I could get used to calling her, which is what I do with my Swansea is that they call me every day for 90 days. So they get used to it. And then she went through all this and then she said, now you go find somebody with less time than you and tell her how you're staying sober. I said, but I'm, I'm staying sober 'cause I'm in a rehab. She said you could get loaded there. I said I can and

and then and I went and I found this girl with three days. I had seven days of sobriety and I said hi, I'm Lauren. I have seven days. And she said hi, I'm whatever her name was. And she had three days. And

when she started talking and I started listening, the magic of this program started for me because when she was talking and I was listening, I wasn't thinking about me. And what a relief, what a relief. And I started sponsoring really early on. And I've never stopped sponsoring. I've never stopped coming to meetings. I have always had commitments at meetings.

The Nitty Gritty Women's discussion is my Home group. I've been going there since 1986. I am there every Monday night. And so I was taught I could do or be anything I want, anything at all. The Sky's the limit. At five months of sobriety, my utilities and phone were turned off. There weren't cell phones then, and I was getting dressed to go drink. I didn't know why I was staying sober. I was so miserable. And I walked by a payphone, which really dates me. My kids thought they were really cool when we were traveling and

but anyway, and I called a girl in the program and I told her I was doing. She goes where are you? Where are you? And she came and got me and she took me the last 15 minutes of a meeting that she took me to get something to eat. And then she took me home. And that night I knew that you guys would go to hell with me and back to help me stay sober. And if I want to drink, there's a door. And that night I decided I was staying sober till I had a year of sobriety and then I'm out of here. But I wanted a cake and

and my sponsor lent me money to get my utilities turned back on and she told me that I could pass that on in the future. And then she said self supporting through our own contributions law and includes you quit hanging out with a terminally unemployed at Bradfords Newton meetings and go get a job. And so I went and got a job waiting tables, which I thought was so beneath me. Don't you know who I am? That whole like saying and she said I had to keep that job. So I had a year of sobriety at a year and one day a sobriety. I quit that job because I saved up enough money to get a car and I was able to get back in sales

from one sales job. I got a little bit better sales job and at three years of sobriety, I had started a little company with somebody else in the program and it was going under and I had a thing in my car that said God never gave us a dream without giving us a strength to carry it out.

And I flew back east, just visit my family. And they said because I made amends, I could do things like that. And they said, what are you going to do? And I said, I'm going to go to college. And I always thought I'm the dumb one in my family. I burned out way too many brain cells. I'm I don't know how to do it. I can't ever remember anything and

right, you people have taught me how to do this. So I went to Pierce College in the Valley and there's a big sign there says information. I used to know, have to know everything, but it's way faster just to ask people. And I went to where it says information and I said I want to go to school. What do I do? And they taught me how to do it. And those of you have done school and sobriety, you said you do it like you do meetings. So I was so I went to class. What a concept. And,

and I started with just one class and I, I, I now know it's a, it was a terrible teacher, but it was a sociology class and I thought the subject was really fascinating. And, and I would go and I'd read a paragraph, I'd get to the next paragraph. I already forgot the first paragraph. I'm like, I'm too stupid and I can't do this. And then I was taught that the brain is a muscle and it just needs some exercise. It had an atrophy

and anyway I started going there all the time and I started working for the nicest man in the world doing some sales. And after I was there for a while, I had to look for where I wanted to transfer to. And I decided I want to go to UCLA because we had a good football team at the time. I know, outside issue. And anyway, and I decided I wanted to be a communications major because I liked all the stuff listed under it. And then I found out the communications major at UCLA only takes 100 people a year and 25 from outside of UCLA. When I was looking for another major,

somebody in the program said to me, they take 25 people a year from outside of UCLA. And I said, yeah. And he said, why not you? And I never would have thought of that. 1994, I graduated as a communications major from UCLA and so many of you came to support me and I got to speak at the graduation.

And in 1997 I graduated from USC law school. And in December of 1997, I I got sworn into the bar for the state of California. And then I got married in the program and I have two of the greatest kids of the world

and I'm the luckiest person I know hands down. Because you don't get from where I was this falling down, wanting to die hopeless alcoholic

to a woman who stands before you today with so many friends. This great boyfriend who I've purposely not looking at because it's the first time he's hearing my story and he knew none of this.

None. He only knows the person I am today, which I reminded him of last night when he said good news. My business being canceled. I was like, oh

yay,

but you don't get from where I was to where I am today,

a person of grace, dignity and self respect with a life beyond my wildest dreams. But we do we get this all the time. Like the speaker, I'm sure that Matt had last week and it'll have next week. This is what we get. This is what what and who we are. This is the 12 steps in action. And, and I mean, this is just till till today, till now that

my life, it it keeps getting better and better and better and fuller and fuller and fuller. And my kids know that they have a sober mom to come home to. They don't really know what that is, but I'll come home to me where I hear something go. You're so lucky.

I have no idea, but I'm just so incredibly grateful for my life and I want to thank you for asking me to speak. And so now I will take questions.

I am carrying an alcoholic and I was just wondering we're sort of in an era of AA where sort of all everybody is coming to do has mostly like overall joining us. And you mentioned the idea that sort of we design our shares to talk just about alcohol, which so you shared a little bit about

when you think that idea is strictly adhered to sort of limits our ability to reach the newcomers.

The question is standard old question,

does the ability to limit our shares to alcohol limit our ability to reach newcomers not being able to talk about drugs? Is that OK? And I have to say the meeting that they held at Daniel Freeman Hospital, the a, a meeting there became this is in 1986, got taken out of the directory because too many addicts were sharing. This is certainly not new and

unfortunately they made me secret a treasurer at that time. And the meeting just kept collecting money and like I said, my utilities were turned off. So anyway, I had to make amends to that meeting anyway. Yeah, You know, we get better in increments and

you know, every meeting is its own meeting.

It's so not a new topic. I think every single person who is up here would give you a different answer. As Matt said when he introduced me,

nobody is an authority, which is what's so great about a a nobody's in charge here. If you meet, if you're new, when you meet somebody and they say they're in charge, run.

Nobody is in charge here. It's an incredible thing. It's an inverse triangle because that's the truth. And you know, we share our experience, strength and hope one-on-one. But I was taught from the podium, this is Alcoholics Anonymous. And I said I was a garbage can, which I, I, I, I guess I was, I have no idea. Probably most of the stuff that it, I mean, I never had a wine cooler that's an alcohol drink. So I got sober before those. I mean, we could do that in many forms.

I'm just curious of how was your experience today while you were in college from undergrad, law school and you helped a lot of other undergraduate gets over.

He wants to know how my experience was as an undergrad and in law school and did I help other undergrads get sober? I don't think so. But what I think I am is an example that anybody can go back to school

and that we can do anything and we can achieve anything at anytime. And I am such a cheerleader for anybody getting education at any point. I went to meetings on campus at UCLA and there's people here that I went to meetings with from there and they're small and they're great and,

but I don't know

that I helped any undergrads get sober. I'm a lot quieter than some people. It's something I'm working on about my sobriety. I mean, one time I got somebody out of jury duty when they were in a jury pool, but that was it, you know,

Kathy. Thanks, Lauren. How and when did you did you handle that lying problem? The question is how and when did I handle that lying problem? That is a collective effort. But I have to say, it's

so funny as a mom, we don't lie in our family, but but we don't or we try not to. And today I think I could probably be lied to because I first, you know, it's the cash register, honestly, But I had the perfect sponsor. I really think my higher power puts a perfect person in my life at the right time. My sponsor every single day when I called her said did you lie today Lauren?