The Brentwood Beginners Workshop in Los Angeles, CA

Now, let's welcome our speaker tonight, Pat.

Hello everyone, my name is Patton. I'm an alcoholic. I need to walk carefully because to be just my love to be just walking and fall in front of a lot of people. If you knew and I did see quite a few people raise their hands as newcomers, I just want to say welcome to Alcoholics Anonymous and let you know that the program works, works real well, works one day at a time. And if you be alcoholic like me, it works real slow. And

before I forget, I want to thank Rose via my friend John for asking me to come out and share my experience, strength and hope. Been here several times and it seems to me that every time I come here to share,

there's always something up in my life. Last time I was here, I had taken my goddaughter, who at the age of 12 to come and live with me because her mother had passed away. My goddaughter special needs. And you know, I've been single all of my life and you know, I felt like it was the right thing to do. And so we began this journey and at that time I was here and I was talking to you about that journey and and you cheered me on and I just want to say thank you.

Fortunately, after about a year, she decided she went to go live with her father

and I cheered her on.

The experience was transformative for both of us.

So this is my sobriety month and I'm really grateful. As I stated before, my sobriety date is December 10th, 1988. I don't know if I said that, but there it is. And I got here on with a big book of Alcoholics Anonymous calls and impending sense of doom. And what that translates to is that somebody was going to kill me. I knew it and I did not have the power to stop it. And I probably would have gotten here the Alcoholics Anonymous

anyway. I mean, I got sober in my early 20s. I'm learning how not to say specifically

in early 20s and, and I'm grateful for getting here that early. You know, I share really transparently and this is as transparent with everything that I'll say tonight. And that is, is that, you know, I, I'm an alcoholic who's driven to the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous under the lash of crack cocaine. Now I'm absolutely certain that I would have got here anyway, but instead I got here on that 747 call crack,

and I'm absolutely grateful.

I want to tell you from the beginning that I do not know what it's like to be hungry, mistreated, or inappropriately touched. That is not my story. I share that with you because when I was visiting you people in February of 1988, I was really listening for the differences because I did not want to be alcoholic. I was bright. I've always been brighter than the average bear. And I knew that an Alcoholic's Anonymous, they were talking about not drinking and I know that they met forever, ever, one day at a time. And so alcohol was an essential

part of my life. It was the navigator, it was the thing that helped me to continue

one day at a time. And I was committed and I did not want to have to stop drinking. I understood clearly that I might want to leave that crock alone, but I did not want to stop drinking. And as a result, being compelled here because of the family intervention. And it looked like they went around the room. Well, the hell the family meeting and then they invited me and then they begin to go around the room talking about why they thought it was a good idea for me to go and get some help. But my truth in February of 1988, not my truth. The thing that I was thinking was that if they

leave me alone, I will be all right. Because you see, there had been times in my drinking career where it seemed as though that I was functioning in my dysfunction and, and I, I was consumed with this one thought that somehow, someway, someday I will be able to control and enjoy my drinking again. And so in February when they were having that conversation, I was like, if they would just leave me alone, I will be alright.

But they, they just, they, they, they would not concede. They had my backup against the wall. And so I consented to go to an outpatient program,

which sent me to Alcoholics Anonymous. And so I met you people in February of 1988. And I was not a believer. When I say that, I didn't mean that I didn't believe that it worked for you. See, when I got here in 1988, I really was impressed with you in February. I mean, it was a lot of people, was a lot of young people getting sober at the time, just like it is now. And I remember you got to the podiums, you shared your stories, you made me laugh, You entertain me. Well, it's just that I wasn't an alcoholic,

you know, But but I heard your story and I was glad that you had found home.

And so in February, I began to listen for the differences and I began to hear people talk about the tragedy of their upbringing. And I sat in my seat and thought to myself, ooh, maybe I'm not an alcoholic because that did not happen to me. And so I share that with you because the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous, while it is dated, I believe that it is true today. And it says it simply finds me bodily and mentally different than my fellows. That includes my siblings. I am the only one of

siblings that suffers from this disease. Now, I'm not saying that they're normal, but they don't suffer from this disease.

And so I was visiting you people in February of 1988, listening for the differences. And if you're new to Alcoholics Anonymous, we encourage you to listen for the similarities. And it's OK if you don't like my pitch because I'm sure the week after next there'll be another great speaker that you might be able to identify with. And so I left the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous, not conceding to my innermost self that I was an alcoholic. But by the time I made it back in December of 1988, it was a Sunday, as a matter of fact.

And they went around the room and they did the reading and they asked that there were any other Alcoholics present. I raised both my hands, one for alcoholic and more for added, just in case. I just did not want to be left out. And my only question was, was what did you say I had to do in order to not drink again? You know, it is my personal belief that my level of desperation parallels my level of willingness. And it is my willingness that determines the actions that I will take. And I'm so grateful that I was desperate enough

to be willing to take your suggestions. I mean, the truth was, is that I had no more tricks up my sleeve or in my back. I was done. You could have stuck a fork in me. It was over. And, and, and what I was clear about is that there was nothing in and of myself that I could do to stop me from taking the next drink because I had tried everything that I could to stay sober. Because who wants to come to Alcoholics Anonymous in their 20s? I mean, surely there's a party or two left,

but it wasn't.

The streetlights had come on and it was time for me to come inside And, and I did. And what happened was, is that I, I was embraced by the people of Alcoholics Anonymous before I got a sponsor, before I worked a step, before I read the big book about Alcoholics Anonymous. It was the fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous that captured me.

I got in the middle of the herd and you people tell me just do what we do. And what we do is we go to meetings. I remember they asked me a very pertinent questions. They said no. Do you have a job?

And it was like, well, no. You can see, by the time I got here, I was unemployable. In fact, I was unemployable, uneasy, uneducated, and did not have a sense of self. I was lost. But you smiled when I told you that I didn't have a job. And you said great, because we have morning meetings, we have noon meetings and we have night meetings, and you can be at all three.

And so that's what I did because I didn't have any place else to go,

not have any place else to go. This was the last house on the block. And you told me to keep coming back. And my life has never been the same. You know, I am not the same person. And what I can tell you, newcomer, it was absolute honesty, is that I am better. I am better. I haven't managed to do anything perfectly, but I am better. I am better than I was when I measure me by me.

I am so much better. And if you knew that Alcoholics Anonymous, that is your only measuring stick, You by you, you by yesterday, you by the day before you got here, that's your measuring stick.

I began to do the deal of Alcoholics Anonymous and began became engaged in the process of recovery, identified as a 12 steps of recovery. I got a sponsor and that sponsor begin to take me through that process and it was transferred transformative for me. See, I don't do the deal of Alcoholics Anonymous because simply you said it and because of your story, I continue to do the work of Alcoholic Anonymous because I know that it works. I'm just not that good of a person that you know, will do things just because you say it's a good thing to do. I'm always, I'm suspicious by nature

to the to, to to the day I'm suspicious. But I

Yeah, OK.

And so I began to do the deal because I received my own confirmation. If you knew, I remember

dealing with the obsession to drink and, and I didn't really know what to do about that, but the people of Alcoholics Anonymous did. And I was telling them, well, you know what? You know, I hear you talking about, you know, this net, but you know, I can't control what thought comes to my mind. And they were like, Pat, you're right, you're right. You cannot control the thought that comes to your mind. But what you can control is what you choose to meditate on. And so here's what we suggest that you do when the thought comes to your mind. Because you sound like you might be a real alcoholic like us.

Do not play the tape all the way through 'cause you might get stuck

on the turn up. So what we want you to do is we want you to pray every time the thought to drink comes to your mind, we want you to pray and see by then my my relationship or my fellowship with God. As I understand God have been broken a long time ago and I was like, but what you know, but what am I gonna say? What should I say? It's gonna say to say God, please don't let me drink and use today no matter what. And please remove the thought and see by now I'm about 90 days sober, but I'm still struggling with the thought. And I'm thinking to myself, because you know, even while I'm struggling, my ego is slowly

rebuilt. And so I'm telling them, you and me said out loud, what if somebody sees me talking to myself? And they said, no worries, your reputation is already shot.

And so I would be walking down the street in public places or wherever. And when the thought came, I would be, God, please don't let me drink you today no matter what. And please remove the thought. God, please don't let me drink and use today no matter what. Please remove the thought. And I just did that because that's what you told me to do. And one day I didn't say the prayer. And the reason I didn't say the prayer is because I hadn't had the thought. I don't know what day that was, but I've been free from the obsession,

the merciless obsession to drink and use since that time. It is not something I've had to really contend with. Now I've had some other thoughts that were dangerous,

but then I've gotten lessons from you people and Alcoholics Anonymous that have helped me to see when I was about eight years sober of doing a deal, you know, having a life and, you know, just living and enjoying being free. I got a call about 2:00 in the morning asking a question. Did you hear what It's 2:00. What did you hear about Curtis and Diane with some friends in my Alcoholics Anonymous community, very close boy had met girl on a a campus and they really, really were doing the thing. You probably know some people like that don't raise your hand. And did you hear? And it was like, what? What, you know, Curtis killed

and then he killed himself and it was all without a drink. And so when I got out of that was like, we get real clearly to not drink a drug no matter what, but we don't necessarily get don't kill anyone and don't kill ourselves. And so, you know, that was so painful. It's such a shockwave in my sober community. And I was asking God, so I, OK, so there's supposed to be a lesson in everything. What am I supposed to be getting out of this?

And So what surface for me was to never become invested in an image in Alcoholics Anonymous.

So it looked, it looks, but how you really living? And so alcohol is anonymous for me from that day. For it has become the safe place. It has become the place where I come and I tell the truth, where I can expose myself. It is out there where I might put my gang face on because, you know, it's about money out there. But in here it's about my life. And I need for you people to be able to be a part of my life. I need to be free here. I need some place, I need some people that I can talk to without editing. And that has been a grace in my life. Newcomer

that I've always had people and Alcoholics Anonymous that I could talk to without editing. Not just about what I'm doing, but about what I'm thinking.

When I was about 15 years sober, I began to manifest a fear of premature death.

And what they look like for me was that somebody was be talking. Did you hear about Susie? You know, she had kidney failure. And I'd be going like, Oh my,

my bag.

Did you hear about John? He had an aneurysm. I'm like

my, my head,

you know, Did you hear about any? She had breast cancer? And I'd be like,

I think I feel something

and it was festering inside. It was a secret. And it was a secret because most people knew by then that I had reestablished my relationship with God as I understand God. And in fact, I had begun to pursue ministry as a vocation. And so people would say little snide things to me. It's very interesting to me that the people of Alcoholics Anonymous is how wonderful you could be, can also be so cutting, how you could be callous with other people's pain when it is not yours.

And they would say stuff like, you know, what's up? What's the problem? Don't in your faith tradition, when you die, you go to be with your God. And I would be like, yeah, I mean, I want to go to heaven. I just don't want to die to get there. You feel me

so far to understand

I wasn't talking about it. And one day what happened to me is what we experienced new people, what only happens in the room of Alcoholics Anonymous, the power of 1 alcoholic talking to another. And what happened was that since I thought I was going to die any minute, a friend called me and said, you don't want to go to New York, watch the ball drop and, you know, go to a play on, you know, Broadway. By the way, The Color Purple was out. And I was like, well, cool, yeah, let's go. You know, the bills weren't going to matter. Nothing was going to matter. It's about the experience.

And so we get to New York and my friend, she had this tradition, my friend Bobby, and she had this tradition where at the change

of a new year, she would make a list of that, what she wanted to leave behind in the old year, and then another list of that, what she wanted to bring forward and to the new year. And she shared that process with me. And as we did a, you know, she did her list as she shared some things that just shook me and resonated with me because of the depth of what she shared, because she shared with me, it freed me to share with her my secret and my secret. I told her, Bobby, I have a fear of premature death, that I'm going to die

any minute.

And she looked me in my eyes. She didn't laugh and she didn't smirk. She said. She said. Pat, you know, that is a fair comment to many human beings. But what I want you to know

is that no matter how many readings I go to,

no matter how many people I sponsor, no matter how good of a program I work in, no matter how profoundly my life effects another human being should look me at my. She says, I'm going to die and there's absolutely nothing I can do about it. So rather than focus on the imminent something of which I can do nothing about, she said, I think my real concern would be not living and then dying. And that that did something to me. And I looked her in the eyes and I said, you're right,

I'm going to die. I just don't know when. And so I think my real concern would be not living

and then dying. And if you knew the Alcoholics Anonymous, essentially that is, I hope for you too, that you come here and take what we have to offer so that one day you two can live before you die. And, and, and, and what that did was that set me on a course that helped me to turn a curve. I told you that I got here and I was uneducated and I was lost. And, and what happened? I began to really notice the people of Alcoholics Anonymous who went back to school in their recovery. I didn't pay too much of A, too much attention to those who had already

because, you know, I was always looking for the differences and I had to always fight and struggle with that to see that, you know, to say that you're different for me. So I was really focusing on those who had messed it all up, you know, before they even had a chance to become, and there were people in Alcoholics Anonymous who were going to school and who were recreating their lives. And so I watched them and, and, and, and I'm still 15. And what happened for me is that I, I, I, I got a scholarship through work to an executive leadership program

in Sausalito. And they were flying in heads from all over the world,

hit the major corporations like Shale and Nassau and other government agencies. And, and I was in the room too. And I remember when they were standing up and they were going around the room and they were identifying themselves and talking about who they were. The thought came to me prior to them getting to me was who is it? I'm going to say that I am.

Am I gonna say that I am. It was, it was, it was it was pressure unlike anything that I had ever felt. And I at that moment, was the only one that looked like me in that room. And I was in the quandary. And so I just simply said my name. You know, my name is Pat Parker. And, you know, I'm glad to be here. And I thought I had gotten away with it. They were curious about me

anyway, So what happened was that they brought us into small groups, and in that small group it was a bit more intimate. People went into detail about who they were and they started having conversations that were just

above my information level at that time. You know, first person will start talking. I mean, I understood Democrat and Republican, and I did go to high school, but he was talking about being a libertarian. And I was trying to figure,

then he went on into some detail about the net income of he and his wife, you know, that year. And he was just, he said it was a bad year and it was like 500,000. I kind of got stuck

right there,

but I held my, you know, and so by the time they got to me, I figured out who I was. And this is when I told myself my, you know, my name is, you know, Pat and I have a pH D in theology. I run a small nonprofit. Our budget is only about $8 million. We've just recently got a donation from Apple to have all of their equipment. I have eight full time employees and I allow them to play Smurf games for stressfully stressfully at work

and they just accepted me in the group.

But the only thing about that

that was true was that my name was Pat Parker.

Yeah. And so I went back to my hotel that night

and I toss in a turn and I couldn't sleep. And the reason why I couldn't sleep because he had been a long time since I had found it necessary to lie about who I was. And So what I did was I called home is about 2:00 in the morning. I called one of my good friends, my good friend Walter, and I was telling him about what I was experiencing. And he was like, you know, he just kind of like walk, walk me through it. And I pops and turn the rest of the night. I couldn't wait to get back to the, you know, the seminar center. When I got back there, I went up to my coach, the coach I was assigned to me. I said, listen, I'm a member of Alcoholics Anonymous and I've done something

and what we do is we make amends. I lied. This is what I did, and I need to go and make it right. And so on my way to go make it right, she grabbed me and pulled me back.

She said that is not necessary here. She said, but I do have one question for you. She said, what is it that you need to do in order to be all right with you? And what she said it. I know I said I need to go back to school and complete my education. And so Bobby had planted seeds and I was clear that it was really about the business of living. And I was also clear that since God had given me freedom that it was in my hand. And the real question was what are you going to do with it? And so I went back to school and as I.

Go back to school. I began to just get turned on to education, and miracles happened for me. Now, as I share with you my story, what I want you to know is that the miracle, if you're sitting in the room of Alcoholics Anonymous and you have not taken a drag, has already happened. There have been great miracles. Probably the most profound one is that not only do I not drink, but I no longer want to.

And if you're new and you have that, oh man,

you've got quite a bit, got quite a bit. And so I went on to complete my education and, you know, as a result, I was able to receive fellowships to Harvard Divinity School and also to Claremont School of Theology. Or I got a chance to really be exposed to things that I would not ordinarily be exposed to. You know, I grew up in Watts in a Jordan Down projects. My mother was a single parent with four children. She was on welfare. She had a job and eventually she worked and saved money after long time. And then she took us out of the projects, not very far from them,

right on the border of Watts,

and we had the essential thing. And the essential thing was love. In fact, I just want to pause here and say this to you in case you're in the room and you're still tripping about your family. You know, if love was enough to not be alcoholic, then I would not be. I've always had people in my life who love me and were committed to making my life work. And yet I find myself in the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous. So today, you know,

I has been a very challenging year for me. It's been, it's been great. It's been bittersweet,

you know, kind of like doing what I want to do, where I want to do it. I'm surrounded by people that are absolutely supportive and I'm having an impact in the area that I want to have an impact in. But then my brother died and, man,

my father died in 2009. He had been sick. And, you know, we kind of expected that. And, you know, you kind of expect your parents to die before you do. It's just, you know, the natural course of things, you know, as we expect them. But then when a sibling dies, it just kind of like I was on like, till, you know what I mean? You expect your siblings to be with you forever. And my brother died of a massive heart attack

a month before his 55th birthday.

Man, it was just very painful. You know, what I'm learning in this season is that I do believe that pain is a loose. No, no, the grief is a loose spirit. It comes and goes whenever it gets ready. I mean, it's not packaged conveniently or prettily. You know, I'm sometimes driving down the street. And it's interesting that I, I'm noticing myself is that I really want to be past it. I want to be OK already.

And then I'll be driving down the street listening to some music and it'll remind me of either my brother or a time when we were all safe and together. And I'll just start crying. You know, the blessing is that I'm no longer pushing grief away. I'm allowing it to come simply so that it can pass. You know what I'm what I'm when, I'm, when I'm when I'm being surrounded by are the people of Alcoholics Anonymous with their stories, You know, that we don't drink and we don't use. And then, you know, I've heard you over the years say that your parents die and you didn't drink. It

died and your mates died and you still didn't drink. So this is the fellowship that I crave. You are my tribe. And what you teach me to do by just continue to come back and not drinking is that we live. We live, you know, the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous gives us an opportunity to get in contact with the power greater than ourselves, that we might be able to live our lives with unresolved issues,

meaning that it ain't all fixed. Sometimes it ain't all right,

but I'm not drinking today,

you know, and I don't know where you are in your sobriety or the struggles that you're dealing with. I mean, you know that you don't need a vision for you when it's smooth. The vision for you is when it's difficult. You have to trudge to walk greatly with purpose,

you know, And I've been able to do that thus far in Alcoholics Anonymous. I think my time

up right, OK.

I apologize. I went into your question and answer period. So we'll begin that right now. Who would like to start? I'll acknowledge hands.

Thank you so so much. You talked about when you went back to school

and how long, how did you balance your a life with school and how long did it take it to activate to feel comfortable back in school?

I

When I went back to school, how long did it take me to acclimate? Acclimate to academia

in that pursuit. Was there more to that? Was that

undergrad was OK, was pretty cool. I started tripping though when I went to name schools because I really still felt like I wasn't enough. And as I begin to dig through inventory, I find that my driving idea is not enoughness. It is what I've always contended with and it's what I contend with now. It is on the inside and I found out that nothing on the outside can touch what's wrong on the inside.

Go wherever you want to go, but if not enoughness is still there, it's just there, it doesn't really fix it. And so my truth is that

it it I struggled being in places where I thought it was odd for me to be. Now the people that I work was around, they did not. They just embraced me. But I walked around with that feeling. And it is only in the past few years at another level with God, as I understand God, that I am quite comfortable in my own skin, you know, that I've reached a level of clarity really about who I am and what I consider purpose to be.

And it began with carrying the message of Alcoholics Anonymous, and it's been able to expand.

So when I get out of myself and understand that where I am and what it is I'm called to do is more than about me, then I seem to be more at ease. Although I can trip now, I won't tell you that if Oprah walked in the room and said hey, Pat, that I wouldn't trip.

But what I can say is that today, it doesn't matter who's in the room. I'm enough.

Yes, ma'am.

Oh, you know what? I really needed a lot of support

the year that I had with my knees. How did I work the program with them? You know what, I was always looking at myself because, you know, she was 12, she turned to 13 and I think something happens with children at around 13, I think some kind of insanity. I'm not, you know, and I was looking at her and I was thinking that I just, you know, I said that seven times and I don't, you know, so I'm always looking at me and the patient's intolerance that I needed to employ towards a newcomer is what I had to employ towards her. And I was not always

successful. I found myself going off several times, you know, but then I've come back and, you know, try to get it right. And we have a relationship today and she

she considers me a safe place.

And I guess that's the most I can ask.

Yes,

yes.

Did my higher power change as I grew in Alcoholics and

then my higher power change as I grow in ministry? No, I went back to the tradition of my childhood because that's what resonated to me. It did not change. However,

my understanding of God has increased. So there's a term in Alcoholics Anonymous a God of your understanding. I do not translate it as such. I translate it as God as I understand God being that I believe that God simply is and that I come into an understanding of God and that is

umm, it's, it evolves based on experiences that I have.

Yes,

I can trace it as far back as where did I get the idea that I'm not enough? Where did it come from as far back as I can trace it. It came back came from my relationship with my father. My grandfather stood in my father's place. My father's father. My grandfather was also a pastor, a Christian missionary

who nurtured my intellect and loved me. He was one of the great loves of my life and I longed for a relationship with my father. My father was pretty young when I was born and he was not capable of having a father daughter relationship with me and he was out doing his own thing. But because I knew he was my father, that's what I wanted. Even though his father stood in his place, I still wanted my father. Eventually my father grew up, he married a woman that he loved and had a child, and since I was in the environment I begin to watch him

parent my sister. Though he never parented me and as a child without filters, I internalized his stuff and I was, I thought to myself, and I can remember the thought, what's wrong with me that my dad doesn't love me like he loves my sister.

And even though I understand it intellectually, there is still a residue. And if you knew the Alcoholics Anonymous, there may be scars, there may be a residue,

and you'll be able to live with that without taking a drink.

Yes.

Umm, to the First Amendment. Can I talk about

the my immense process

going through steps one through 8, getting to nine. I had just become willing to do whatever. There was one amends I was

I have stole somebody's dope.

I was in the house and I stole their guns and I sold it to the enemy around the corner, down the street.

But I always look nice and innocent and no one would have thought that it was me.

And so there was this guy who they thought probably did it, and I heard them talking about what they were going to do to him when they got there.

It would seem like I would say don't, don't, don't. But I couldn't tell the truth. I was incapable of being honest. What happened was the guy was on his way over to that place. He had a warrant. He got stopped driving and went to jail.

I had gotten sober and Alcoholics Anonymous and I had told this, this was on my inventory. And my sponsor said you will have to make an amends regarding that. And I was scared because I didn't know what was going to happen. But I was willing and I was prayerful. And one day I was walking to down the street to the clubhouse, the meeting place that I was going to in the neighborhood that I came from. And as I was walking, this guy was walking towards me. And it was the guy

that they were going to kill. And I looked at him.

I said, hey, you know, listen, I just, you know, I'm so glad to see you. And I just told him. I said, I'm, I just want to tell you that I'm sorry. I'm glad nothing happened to you. I just want you to know it was me. I'm the one that took the dope and the guns. And he told me. He said, I know I said, but I'm in this program. I'm an Alcoholic Anonymous. And they tell us, you know, to, you know, to make things right. And I just want to know what I need to do in order to make it right. This was in my first year. And he looked at me. He said

we could just keep doing what you're doing.

And he walked on down the street and I kept walking towards the meeting.

Just set up to be successful in Alcoholics Anonymous and encouragement to keep going that process. I'm gonna have time for anymore, but

hopefully I'm sorry, I'm just.

I'm sorry,

keep coming back.

Oh, His question was, what's my advice to a person who keeps who wants to be sober but keeps relapsing? And I said keep coming back Because if you've been doing it for a while, there probably a lot of people in your life in the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous who have been telling you about the process. And you probably been to meetings and heard profound speakers. And you've probably been able to identify something even in your spirit has resonated. I don't know what it's going to take

for you, and I don't know if surprise you will ever manifest for you. I can't tell you that

what I did is that I prayed and asked God to help me and I gave you a prayer, gave somebody, somebody who can use it, a prayer that they could use. See, the truth about Alcoholics Anonymous is that it really takes what it takes. It takes a level of surrender. And I don't know what it will take for a person in order to surrender. In fact, I don't even know if they will. There are many people who die and never recovered. There are people who never reach Alcoholics Anonymous. There are people who come to Alcoholics Anonymous, leave Alcoholics Anonymous and never make it back because they suffer from the great delusion. And it is this

that when I get tired, I'll come back,

that when I'm done or when it gets bad, I'll just come back,

not realizing that the umph to even come back, the willingness to even walk into the room comes from God.

So if you hear and you know, I would say suggest that you take a relationship, take a look at your relationship with alcohol and see if you'd be one of us. Because see, if you're not an alcoholic, you're free to leave. You do not have to keep coming back. However, if you are an alcoholic and you leave us, there is no guarantee that you'll make it back. The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous says this prophetically, that for you

there are jails, institutions, and death that we know

if you're lucky, death will come soon, but if you're not, you will lay along. And then. So if you're here, I just want to encourage you to stay. Take what we have to offer so that you can live.

Rarely have we seen a person fail.

Rarely, meaning almost never,

who was thoroughly followed our path. And only you know. Not your sponsor and not your friend and not your mate. Not nobody knows

if you've done it thoroughly. The proof is in the pit

all the time, man, just like I'm talking to you because I believe that God is

God is real, right? And so I'm always talking to God, you know, cuz I need God to stay sane, to stay sober, to stay effective. And so I'm talking to God all the time. I mean really, I was on the way over here, I was in traffic, I was experiencing some anxiety. There were some people that were supposed to ride with me and I was hopeful because then I would be able to get into the diamond lane, right? And say,

but instead, you know, I'm caught in traffic. And as time is passing, I'm feeling myself becoming more anxious because it's like I'm going to be late for the meeting and I'm going to speak.

And so when I started doing this, I started talking God. I said, God, you know, I'm going to be of service. And I said, you know, I'm going with all the white folks and they trip the black people

and then the black people in the room going to be looking at me. How much, you know, you were coming over to the West Side. How you going to be late?

I said, God, please, you know, help me get to the meeting on time. Do whatever you got to do, open up traffic, give me another way to get here. But please, I don't want to be late to the meeting.

I got here

on time.

Last question Sir,

talk a little bit about. You see you have to come gain a lot of personal success in

program when you talk about

connection with on a weekend basis. It was just a little walk through that what is I seem to have been able to stay sober for 27 years because that success and wants to know what my daily life is like in alcohol Islamist. I'll give you a look at a week. First of all, I'm an alcoholic, so I have a sponsor because I need a sponsor. I talked to my sponsor. I'm in a big book workshop with my sponsor currently on Friday night at 7:00 where she has us doing some writing. Sometimes I dread to go because I don't always have my writing assignment done, but I go anyway.

I sponsor people because that's how I've been training Alcoholics Anonymous, That no matter what's going on in my life, no matter how large I'm living, I better be sponsoring some people if they ask me to sponsor them. So I just got a new sponsor and I cringe, you know, when I go speak because I'm like, Oh my God, what? You know? But I work with others.

I'm currently of service to my mother. The goddaughter left me and my mother moved in.

So I'm serving at home. I have a job where I server serve, excuse me, in multiple areas. And so and I go to meetings and I like to go to meetings where I won't be asked to share. I'd like to go to meetings where people, you know, are my friends, my people not getting sit in the meeting and I can hear other people talk because I'm an alcoholic and I need to hear other people share.