The Brentwood Beginners Workshop in Los Angeles, CA

And now let's welcome tonight speaker Sharon C.

Hi, I'm Sharon alcoholic.

It's nice to see everybody tonight. I thank you Danny for this privilege. I have a bitter a while and it's great to see people that are still sober active and that I love and it's all about the love all about the love. I I drank in the 60s and it wasn't just say no, just say thanks. So there was a lot of other stuff going on. So we, we had a lot of fun in the 60s and

I got sober August 20th, 1975. And I didn't know that was going to be my sobriety date and I had no idea that I was going to get a brand new

life. And I know there's a lot of hands that went up for under a year and quite a few under 30 days. So I hope you're not feeling very good if you're here under three days, it's a good place to start if you're feeling bad, I don't think you rolled out of bed with everything going your way. And so I think I'll go to 8 a night, takes a little desperation, takes a little bit of,

well, it takes a miracle to get us in the seeds of Alcoholics Anonymous, truly, because many people don't make it here.

They say if you're new, they say that 10 people's lives have changed for the better since you walked in the room. So if you're new, it's not about you. It's about those ten other people. And could be your mother, your sister, could be your dad. Doesn't have to worry about you can go to the movies because the bail bondsman's not going to call. You know, your mother maybe will sleep at night because she knows you're safe with us.

And maybe the children are happier and things have changed because you walked into an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting. So right away,

the power of being an alcoholic synonymous effects a lot of people.

I think the greatest gift that I've been given in my sobriety is a spiritual awakening. I was always the little girl in Iowa looking for the mothership. And I drank a lot of alcohol because it made me feel like I was an alien, proud of it. And someday I would find my people. And when I came to my first meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous, the speaker, I don't remember much about the meeting, but the speaker did say he waited for the spaceship to land.

You can come home now, Bill. So that was my hook, my first meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous. I just thought I found spaceship people

and I think I'm right. But

I, I've had an incredible life in 39 years.

I've made a lot of amends. I found a brand new God here. I've been able to know that my surrender on a daily basis is very important. And another one of the tenants of Alcoholics Anonymous is being humbled. And I am humbled every single day of my life that I have the privilege to be a member of a A and have sobriety.

And I also know that I can't do this alone. So I keep coming back. If I could do this alone, I'd sit in my room and read the big book. Just have a great life. But me and me alone with a big book is good for a little while. And then I need God with skin on. So I come to Alcoholics Anonymous and I can sit with you and see your miracles because I see yours a lot quicker than I see my own, that's for sure.

There's there's words in the book like Transformed by happiness.

You know our real purpose.

It gives us so much tools in the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous, how to live life. And

I always read page 25 because it calms me down that there's a solution because I go out in the world like today was one of those days. I had to call my neighbor because I wasn't very awake to the world. I said, can you please see? I don't think I closed my garage door because I was thinking. So I so I had to call my neighbor and he, he emailed me back. He said

your garage door is closed. So I don't remember doing it

and it was kind of my husband used to have what they called what do you call Dr. Anyway, you went Thursday and today was one of those drive any way you want Thursdays. I just had to let everybody do what they wanted to do when they wanted to do it. And since my real purpose is on page 77, to fit myself to be of maximum service to God and the people about me. That means I have to let you turn left. If you want to turn left. That means if you want to get in, I get to let you in. So it's one of those days where I was trying to be useful,

purposeful and not just give it to the members of Alcoholics Anonymous, my kindness and my smile, but to the world. And I certainly was one of those girls that didn't want to live in the world. I liked, I liked Everclear, I liked white Lightning, I like Canadian Club and VO. And then there was Jack Daniels and Smirnoff and into Tequila, which was my favorite. And I did a lot of Chapter 3 and I'm I arrived in one piece to Alcoholics Anonymous.

My first God in a a was a beacons truck, you know, the big moving bands, beacons, moving bands. And because it made sense, because it was like a beacon of light. You know, I'm new, right? So I'm figuring all this out in my squirrely head. It was like a beacon of light. And God kind of got me to where I I'm supposed to go to an A, a meeting in one of those like little moving quilty blankets, you know, and it kind of brought me here and shoved me off the truck And

and so I I prayed to beacons for a long time. It just seemed to work in

when I son text me a picture this this week he's back east and he saw a Beacon's truck and sent me a picture and he's 30 now and not an alcoholic. But I guess some things did seep in it somewhere along the line. That was kind of funny, but that's how I got her. I was very I had been.

I had disappointed my mom, my dad, I had broken their hearts. I had I basically ran alone. I had a backpack with a book Be Here Now by Baba Ramdas. I didn't anything about it.

I, I went to college. I, I slid my art talent across the bar. Someday when the bartender said, well, if you're going to drink and go down this path, you got to pay with your art talent, fine, take it. Somewhere along the line, you know, I kept playing music. Take it. I want my alcohol because alcohol transformed the alcohol was my spiritual solution. Alcohol allowed me to quit seeking.

I'm a seeker. I was born a seeker looking for my mother's ship or whatever it was. And the alcohol filled that spiritual hole for a while. So I kept going back to it because I needed filling, you know, I needed it. I, I, I'm one of four children and I'm the only alcoholic, the only divorcee. I mean, I've got a little whole big line of how I'm different from everybody in my family, but alcohol gets something different for me than my best friend that drank it with me.

Alcohol allowed me to be create, have that instant courage. And you know, I was thinking the other day when I was I attended bar in New Orleans, it was a great place to live if you're drinking. And I remember the night that I know it was I saw a country in western, somebody country and western had died recently. And there was a song called For the Good Times

by Ray Price. He just died a little while ago. And Oh my God, I, I'm not a country girl, but boy, when they play that song for the good times. I was working at this bar on Bourbon Street.

I was drinking and I was when I listened to that song, I started to drink gin. And when I drink gin, it's kind of scary because I'm, I get sad, I get maudlin. I'm I'm usually one of those people that's up and going and let's move in the middle of the night and that's great. Where we going? What's your name?

So

there I am in this bar, and I locked the door and kicked everybody out because they weren't with me on this, with this song. And I was playing. I was laying on the bar drinking the good stuff. You know, the Tanqueray playing B5 over and over and over again. It's Friday night on Bourbon Street. It's 1011 at night. Of course, the owner gets called.

Your bar's closed. What's going on? You're losing money, you know? And so there's Mike at the door knocking. Please let me in. Please let me know. But I understand

going on and on about this song for the good times and just with it. And it's over. And, you know, I'm like, what, 23 years old and my life is over. And so I opened up and he, you know, rolled me in the back and gave me some more to drink and let me pass out. I didn't lose my job. I mean, it was just like, OK, we'll take care of her and she'll be back tomorrow night in good shape. And I was. And so that I'm not pretending anymore. My address is Bourbon Street. I live on Bourbon Street. I'm not trying to be,

you know, a Magna cum laude. I'm not trying to be,

umm, you know, my dad's favorite. I'm not trying to be anything but what I am, which is I love drinking and I am here and this is and the rest of you people don't get it. You don't get it. I mean, we used to laugh at the Taurus and, and we used to like have to pay our light bill. And it was like, if we have to leave the quarter, you go pay your light bill at the last minute before they close in a taxi and come back and come back to the bar and they go, oh, you made it. And we celebrate. We celebrated, you know, paying your light bill. We celebrated feelings. We celebrated,

you know, people that live, people that died. As I went down the path of alcoholism, though my mother didn't know where I was much of the time, you know, I woke up with things like, you know, blood on me and not being mine. I have a powder burn on my leg I don't remember getting.

My friend was shot and killed him Mardi Gras day in 1975. I landed in Palm Springs General Hospital July 27th, 1975 with a broken jaw, broken nose, thrown out of the car, concussion. You know, they had their way with me and then

left me by the side of the road. And up until that point, I was truly defending my, the way I was going to live. And nobody understands. And who cares? And I can't go home and they don't know how to talk to me. I had been very, very sick physically. And the doctor looked at me and like, what's wrong with you? But at that time, I was organic and living on an organic farm. So I told him I was organic. And he said, you should look like this. Your gallbladder's not working. You have pancreatitis. You're 21 years old.

And I, I didn't even think about alcohol. Alcohol is my solution. In fact, those organic people stayed organic because I drank. They didn't want me in their organic community. And I was also in a commie on Huntington Beach once and they asked me to leave because I was the drinker.

I just smoked this. No guys are not fun at all. Who likes sitting around going let's party and now let's move. And I just couldn't understand it because I marched to my own drummer and had my heart broken by my fiance. And so that was it.

I'm not gonna open that heart up again. So I come to Alcoholics Anonymous, broken, living above the Duck Pond liquor store, which used to be on palms in overland and my jaws wired shut. I'm still bruised. I can't even touch my face. For six months I was, I was a mess. And I'm with a guy who had felt sorry for me that I had met at Barney's Beanery. And he would buy me cheap red wine, go off to work every morning. And I wouldn't screw the top, Stick a straw on it, stick a straw through the wires

face for the tooth had been kicked out and drink my wine. And there was no more fun in it. There was no more let's go to Arizona. The drive through liquor stores, you know, that was like, that was what I was shooting for maybe.

And maybe I would have had a plan on August 21st, but on August 20th, he looked at me and he said you have to leave. You're depressing me.

And I had nowhere to go, nowhere to go. And that was the beauty of my day to get to you. And each one of us have had that day, that day, that special day that we just picked up the next breadcrumb because it was the only thing we could see that led to the next breadcrumb. That led to the next breadcrumb that got me into the doors of Alcoholics Anonymous that night. And my mother, I called my mother and my mother said she couldn't send me any money and I should go to the Salvation Army. And my mother didn't know for two nights if her daughter was going to be OK because she didn't know

I was in. But my mom finally said no, she's never been to Al Anon. And

so I end up in a a meeting where I hear that and I'm so tired and so surrendered. I just do what they do. And we go to two meetings a day and they say don't drink and use in between and we'll pick you up tomorrow. And then they gave me a sleeping bag and I slept on floors. And that was my beginning here. And I was wired up for the first three months I was here. I couldn't talk. I had to learn to listen. People would walk up to me and tell me everything they wanted to tell me. I couldn't say anything back.

They did give me a cup washing commitment. I've always had commitments and Alcoholics Anonymous. I remember they put the ashtrays in the cups, all in the same sink. And I just stood there like, Oh my God, there's ashes with the cuffs. And I mean, I just like, I couldn't, I couldn't move. And somebody walked behind me. I think it was Pat Hodges. And she said, Wash,

you know, I'm. So that's how it was for me in the beginning. And I had no place to stay. I had to go back to court. They had caught this, these two people. I had done this to me. It was just

I was a victim. I was a legitimized victim. It was on paper. It was like, yes, you know, that's what I was shooting for was victim. And about seven years of sobriety, I had an awakening and I didn't want to be that victim anymore. I, I, I wanted to be God's kid and I have grown into being God's kid here with the process of the steps being

sponsored always and sponsoring. I've had Janet. Janet N was my first sponsor. She's not sober today,

five years. That woman took me through my first marriage, my all, my first inventory, my first amends to my family, right up until I went to the International Convention in New Orleans of Alcoholics Anonymous in 1980, where I got to make a lot of amends. And you know what? They didn't hear what I said. It was just how you had cleaned me up because it was out in the quarter there. Oh my God, You should see what the A&A is done with Mama Cher. She looks great

and that's all they saw was how you had cleaned me up and put a light in my eyes.

So I got to make a lot of amends and couple of my comrades are sober today,

30 years each. And we drank together and we, we don't live in the same states, but we stay sober together. We talked and we're, you know, it's amazing that the three of us

were plucked from that insanity of alcoholism and darkness and we get to it's, it's almost like you just get plucked from your life and thrown into a cool pool. You know, here we are. Where am I?

I'm A and AI didn't really understand where I was. I had seen the big book in a bar once somebody had it and she was too drunk to drive to go to A&A. So the bartender called her a taxi and took away her keys so she wouldn't get another DUI. So we cheered her out the door. Go for you go to A&A. And little did I know about it at all. And I'm the blessed I'm so I have so many blessings since I've been here. It's been it's it's work. You know, you have to take the steps and you have to have a lot of come on midnight days sometimes in the beginning

and you have to hang on to your seat. And Janet was really good at spotting things with me because she was crazy. I didn't realize it until later on down the road, but Janet was crazy. So to stay sane and live in the world, she had to do everything in Alcoholics Anonymous right in the middle. And that's what she taught me. She taught me to stay right in the middle. And that's where I've been for 39 years is right in the middle because I'm spoiled now. I like being awake. I like having joy. I like being able to see your life.

I like sitting with you. I like being with you. I like being in the world. I like to meet other God's kids. And that's what it is, is I'll go out in the day and I'll just smile at people, you know, I'll just smile at people just to smile at people at my lunch. I'll just go take a walk and smile at people. And most people smile back. And sometimes they smile at me first now. And that's kind of scary. Like,

you know, it's like the time that Sister Sheila asked me to be her sponsor, a nun. You know, it's like when people are smiling at me and like when she'll ask me to be her sponsor, it was like, all right, she's talking to me.

And I think they're smiling at me. But now I have the days where I'm not going to smile because I'm just mad at the world. And my, you know, my meditation wasn't so great today. And I'm kind of like that, you know, those little monkeys that they trapped down in South America, you know, I'm not going to let go of my rice. You know, they put these little coconuts, they carve out a little place to put their hand in and they put their little hands in all these little trails in between their their visiting, their friends and these little monkeys. Just there's rice

coconut. They put their little hands in and they grab the rice and they won't let go, you know, so the people just come along and pick them up, put them in a cage and you bring them up here so people can have pet monkeys and put diapers on them or something, you know, and you want to scream at them, Let go of the rice. There's more rice somewhere. It run. You know, I'm not letting go. And today was kind of one of those rice days with my emotions. I didn't want to let go and

well, that's OK because I'm on. To me,

I'm on domain, I'm the biggest entertainment I've got. And

if you're not laughing at yourself, you're missing the biggest joke of all, really. Because we are the lucky ones. We go throw a stone. You're going to find an alcoholic that will die a horrible alcoholic death. It's not pretty.

It's not pretty. There's somebody in Las Vegas, I know right now it's an induced coma because of the DTS and I don't know if he's going to make it. Well, I don't know if he's going to make it

because that happens and it's a killer, deadly disease. But how did these two Alcoholics get together, Bob and Bill? And how did this all happen? And if you read the history of Alcoholics numbness, it's pretty darn miraculous that it all came together. The stars had to align and things had to happen way back when, starting with Carl Jung, way back when to this meeting on Mother's Day they had in 1935, Bill and Bob.

It's it's phenomenal. If one little peg would be moved, we wouldn't be here with this most amazing

recovery program of joy.

And that's where my awakening has gotten to me and I and, and my sponsorship was with a woman named Ginny Gates. And many of you knew her. She used to come to this meeting a lot. And Jenny had me pay my dad back the money I owed him. Jenny was smarter than me, quicker than me, more prettier than me. She just commanded it. And she taught me how to be soft and womanly. And she had me make amends to my dad financially.

And it was like, how did she know that was going to change everything because she's been down the road. You're right, there's no opinions. This experience is experience. And she shared her experience with me. And she had the hope that things were going to change for me, so much so that she had me not just send my dad the money on time every month. And by the way, he had come out to my wedding. Read the Big book.

Ran a calculator tape was ready for me with the amount when I called. SO

my dad's a reader and a businessman. So.

So when I called him, he was ready for me and I was resentful. And she said it's his money and let's just do it and send a note about your life. Are you willing to grow through this with your dad? She said, willing to grow through this with my dad. My dad has immense older sister, me nurse Sally in Alaska. He loves Alaska and his son is a doctorate. So there you go.

So she said, send him about your life. So I would tell him about the jail panels. I would tell him about some people are sponsoring, you know, thinking, oh, he's just going to go let Sharon, you know. But the check was on time and the note and the card all went together for almost five years, almost five years on time. Jenny always would check. Did you send it on time with the note? So my dad called me between Christmas and New Year's and he said Merry Christmas, Sharon, what's your money anymore?

And I'm he didn't want my money anymore. I was ready to keep sending it. But he said the words that Jenny knew could happen.

I didn't think what happened, he said. I don't want your money anymore, but don't stop sending me your notes.

And, you know, things have been better with me and dad, I realized. And they continued to be better. And he was killed in 1999 instantly. And we were good. We were very good. So such a smart sponsor. She was so smart, you know, many of you know, she went to Paris and smoked some pot and came back with 21 days instead of 21 years. And I was scared and my marriage was falling apart and my husband was having an affair in the room and

nobody got custody of the meetings. It wasn't much fun.

I had this little baby boy and and, you know, I hated everybody. And I sat with my arms folded in the front of the room with my legs kicked out and thought, walk over me, you know, And my husband had gotten into punk rock. So I had this big. We used to go to Cramps concerts. Yeah, I know sober. And I would stand by the wall going a mosh pit. Then they're done that I don't want to do this anymore. But I would try to go with my husband to what he was enjoying.

I'd wake up to the record fear in the morning,

you know, and he was just, he was getting crazier and crazier. But he moved out. He had the affair moved out. They had a baby. And but I sat in that front row with my legs kicked out, go and walk over me and I'd wear my Midol shirt I had made when we would go to the Cramps concert. And so people were looking at me kind of strange. Sharon's got 10 years. Juan, what she's got. Pat Hodges said that I heard her.

Sharon's got 10 years. Do you want what she's got

so mad. And I did an inventory. I went to Clancy. I read my inventory. I gave up the keys to the car. I was going to drive his car down to Venice Beach at low tide. I mean, I had lots of plans and but I had this little child I was raising. I was sponsoring people. A lot of them jumped shit, but I was sponsoring the really crazy people that would get in the car and go with me 5 hours to a meeting. We're going to a meeting. Where are we going? Sacramento, You know,

I stayed in the middle of Alcoholics Anonymous. You know, can we stop to go to the bathroom? No. No peeing in the car. Hold it. You know, God, we're so mean.

My son looked up at me one day and said you're a mean mom. And I thought, Oh my God, it broke me. I called Clancy.

What does he like to do? What does he play with? Legos. OK, then make Lego time. So I had to have Lego time, you know? And then they got married and had a baby and all that jazz. And, you know, I'd pick him up at her house and he'd tell me everything she did for him. And I had to bite my tongue. And I still have scars on my tongue. I couldn't say anything about them. And I hated her. I hated her.

I didn't wish her drunk, but I hated her.

Last Monday she gave me a cake for 39 years at my women's meeting.

And it's not all that easy. He left her for somebody else. So, you know,

we we bonded over that. And

but

see, Clancy caught me one night on my way with two half cups of coffee. This is sober, trying to see how happy they would be with hot coffee down on them at this meeting. It's a big meeting. And So what he what he did was he took the coffee out of my hands. He put on the table, he squared me off and he looked in my eyes and he said you will walk through this with dignity and grace.

And if he would have stopped there, I would have said I want revenge. I don't care about dignity and grace. But those sponsors always add those words that you hear so you can be an example to others.

The only Bob, Oh my God, they're watching, you know, So I had to leave them alone. And so when he left her a few years later, she said, I knew I could do it because I've been watching you. So guess what? My purpose, Page 77 is to fit myself, which is a lot of work every day to be a maximum service, not minimum. Going to be inconvenient, right? Going to go the extra mile, right?

To God, first of all, and to the people about us. And it doesn't say everybody except Jill,

you know, the ex-wife. No, I have to be an example for everybody. I don't get to judge. Thank God there's no judgment here. Just come in and take a seat and let us help you. If you're hurting and your life is over, great, great.

It's like, you know, but we want to defend everything. I'm so glad I couldn't talk when I first got here. I would have alienated everybody, I'm sure. But, you know, I've been able to make amends to my mom. My son got kicked out of kindergarten, end up a Catholic school with that sister Sheila sponsor,

I guess what they have every year and where I was on my immense list and I couldn't make amends. I was I was a Carney for a while. I know I joined the circus. I I had a shooting gallery. I was meeting people would win little teddy bears. Little boys would knock the three things down they have to knock down. And I would just be in a bad mood drinking my tequila and I'd pop one up and they'd say I want to test. No, he didn't. No, no, he didn't.

So I wasn't very nice drinking tequila and being a

having my joints, I didn't want to get rid of my flash that night. And so there are a few little things that happen with Mace and some other things. And the fathers would always come and it got bad. And

so it was on my list. But you know, these are all like little kids, three shots for 1/4, right? They have a school carnival every year at that school my son went to. And I went, oh, here it is. The universe showed me away. So from kindergarten through 8th grade, there's probably people in this room I had up for, you know, fundraiser money. And I bought ride tickets and I worked, I worked whatever they needed me to work that weekend.

You want I'll do it. And by the time my son graduate from there 8th grade from that Catholic school, I knew it was over. It felt good. I could walk away.

It was done. And there's been so many amends like that if you're just willing. And I've done so many inventories with people I sponsor and I just, it's so beautiful to watch the light go on just as they're sitting in your chair.

It's like a transformative evening. And it's like, I love that. I love watching your light go on because it brightens my light. It shines on me. And am I the luckiest or not? I am. My momma is 94, just turned 94, and

she now lives in Wisconsin, so I'm from the state of cheese. It's a little more dignified than Iowa had pigs and corn,

but I have great upbringing, Great upbringing. And my mom was talking about the

the time and it was sadness. She was being sad about it. She was talking about the time that Frank, her dad, my dad, her husband had said no to her with helping one of her children. And I didn't quite know what she was talking about. And there were a lot of people around. So the next day I sat down with my mom and here's another amends

38 years later. This happened last summer. I said, mom, what were you talking about when dad said you couldn't help one of your children, one of us? What was that about? She said your father never said no to me with helping you guys out ever. Except August 20th, 1975 when I called my mom collect with my broken jaw when she didn't know of her second daughter was going to be OK because she didn't know what hospital they had called from

what had happened to her. So when I called her that day, my mother answered the phone and she I'm sure she put her hand over the receiver and my dad was there not sure she said to him. Frank and Sharon, can we help her?

And my father told her no.

So my mom said to me, we can't help you anymore. Go to the Salvation Army. And it was that day. It was that day. And 38 years later, my mother got to talk about that day. If you don't think we create damage out there, stick around. Stick around. Now I get to be part of the force for good. Now I get to be God's kid. Now I get to be somebody that tries to make the world a more positive,

better place. I don't get it out there. I really don't.

I don't know about you, but my humor is still a little off from the earth. People out there. I don't really tell the jokes in the office because they're always a little bit weird.

Kind of look at me like, oh, that's a little dark, isn't it? You know, don't do that anymore. I've got my head down. I work, I'm friendly. I know what I need to do. I can close my door and talk to you and have a laugh. As soon as I have a laugh, the laughter is so great.

My first sponsor, Janet, the crazy one, laughed like a duck and but I could always hear in the room and when I heard hear, heard her laugh, which was

whack, whack, whack, whack, whack. I would like to go, Oh my gosh, my sponsor, me with a broken jaw and all the crooked face, right, I would think. And she would look at me and go,

but I always felt safe when I heard her in the room. And I didn't realize I had been running around in my life not feeling safe. So I had after my divorce, raising my son, working, I had to get a better job because I I needed more money. And so I got a better job in the legal field. And I had been a convicted felon for sales and possession and Bogalusa, LA. But that guy

because of one of the girls that got sober from New Orleans, one of my cronies ended up selling her bar to the bar. She passed the bar and she got me pardoned. So I work in a big law firm and I had to get a better job and,

and I was going about my life and I met Casey and many of you knew Casey and many of you golf with Casey and many of you came away better golfers probably because you golf with Casey. And

so we were together 24 years. We were really had a love affair with with each other and with God and with Alcoholics Anonymous. And gosh, it was just three years ago he's passed away and he went out with joy and he went out with peace and he went out with so much love. What has been in my house for many, many, many, many years is love.

And I, I can't explain to you

the wonderful

calm feeling I had with helping him transition. I miss him every day. My heart will never be the same. But he left me lots of love. And that's what we do with each other. We love each other, we love each other. We give each other the best. Nobody said I'll do the work for you. They said, here's the tools. Let me show you how I get them now you do them. Build those spiritual muscles, kids, so you can help others. And the biggest gift I've had you've been given to me is a spiritual awakening

in Alcoholics Anonymous so that I can take it out in the world and help other gods kids get things done.

Thanks for having

me just repeat the question. OK, so it's now time for the question answered period. We got a hand back there, gentlemen. Yes, you

okay, one back to your page 77,

Let me tell you what I need.

I can't hear you

all right. I'm missing all. That's what's happening.

Welcome to me. I'll pass judgment upon them then they Lord proof like my whole group actually. What did they say?

Heard the information that happened unto the gods.

I decided on my wrong under the wrong thing because I felt it didn't like black people at times. OK.

So therefore, if you would have been my sponsor for how to came back at me for doing something like that,

OK, you were a meeting and you didn't feel wondered and you felt threatened.

OK,

So right, right. That's just kind of the basic premise of the question is, is you left the meeting, you didn't feel, you felt threatened and not wanted at the meeting, so you left.

And now I've left one meeting in my whole life that I can remember, and it was because of the same reason.

And actually it was a vote. It was four of us there and it was 3 to one stay or go. And I want to stay.

I didn't mind the guns and the knives kind of made me feel at home. But, you know, there's a lot of meetings and Alcoholics Anonymous and there's a lot of places to go be of service. And that's what it about when you work, you know, when you're here and you're working some steps, you've got to pass that along. You can't pass that along where they are. Go where the newcomers are.

Just go somewhere else. Just go. I mean, there's a lot of meetings here. That's I mean, the old time I ever left a meeting was that because everybody else felt threatened. But, you know, and people I sponsor don't have people they sponsor. I said go to the meetings for the newcomers are so many meetings here. We're we're in the, you know, apex of Alcoholics Anonymous in the world.

So I hope that helped. You're welcome.

Are we all that spiritual tonight? Oh my God, I'm not. I might have to ask me a question.

How'd you get along with your family? Oh, OK. Over here, John, we talked about judgment

and I kind of focused on that. I find myself judging a lot of people and I get, I get, I'm more aware of it all the time.

When you stop judging people, if you did ever, And how are you aware of what it happens? More so when did I stop judging people and how am I aware of it when it happens? Well, when I shift into any defect of character, when I'm actually all feeling good and prayed up and I get on the road and somebody cuts me off, you know,

you know, I don't like that I feel the difference today. It's like, you know, turning my face of the sun, turning my face to the dark. I've had an awakening. I've asked the defects of character. I've asked God to remove the ones which are in the way between me and him. And you know what? It's all of them. It's not just all that must be useful. It's still there. That's such a cop out for me. I it's all of them.

So, you know, I just, I work with a lot of people. We talk a lot. There's a lot of

exchange of information and and energy and step work and meetings. So I I hear myself, I'm on to me and I like to stay on to me. And when I am not, when I am judgment, I am not in forgiveness.

And that's been the biggest gift in my life is to forgive absolutely everybody, absolutely everybody.

Thanks, John. Good question,

woman. And then you, how's that? OK.

How I've dealt with fear through the years. My best friend fear

slides right up to me in the middle of the night. I don't even know it's sleeping next to me. It wakes me up and goes. We got to talk about this, you know,

and, and, and I get in the fear when I when I'm sometimes moving too fast through life or there's something, there's a lot I have to do. I have to do. It's like if I dropped over dead, everything would be fine. I have to find a bigger God. I have to find a bigger God if I am thinking

I can handle this little fear over here and you can have the rest. God,

it's not going well. It's not going well for me. It makes me extremely tired. Fear makes me so tired. And the last three years going through grief, it's been very hard to kind of separate fear from grief in a sense because I have smart feet. You guys taught me how to have smart feet and my feet have walked through so much because my head doesn't want to.

I'll cry all the way to work. Sometimes I'll have that panic fight or flight going on. Is that grief? Am I afraid? Whatever, Just shut up and go to work. You know, put a CD in my car so I can listen to somebody else talking about program for a while, play some music.

I've been playing happy New Orleans Dixieland music in my car. And if you see me on the road, I'm smiling. Might even be singing, you know, but

fears exhausting. And I gotta give it all to God. And it takes it takes some skin in my knees. I have to get out the crampons and the ice axe and the oxygen. And we're gonna tackle this, right? And then my sponsor says it's just a bump in the road, Sharon, you can lay down A roll over it, take off all that stuff. You're not climbing Mount Everest, You know, that's me right to the Max.

So, you know, right size me, right size the fear bigger God. But it takes a little skinning of knees sometimes. It takes putting my foot in my mouth. Sometimes it takes feeling so exhausted I can't even go out until the day sometimes and I have to see what's going on. I'm taking this part here, so thank you. Good question.