The chapter A vision for you at march through the steps in Wilmington, DE

Them when I'm an alcoholic. Yeah. My Home group is a fireman, and we do meet in Baltimore, MD. This is a vision for you. You are going to meet these new friends in your own community near you. Alcoholics are dying helplessly, like people on a sinking ship. If you live in a large place, there are hundreds, high and low, rich in poor. These are future fellows of Alcoholics Anonymous. Among them, you will make lifelong friends.

You will be bound to them with new and wonderful ties,

for you will escape disaster together, and you will commence shoulder to shoulder your commentary. Then you will know what it means to give of yourself that others may survive

life.

You will learn the full meaning of love, thy neighbor as thyself. It may seem incredible that these men are to become happy, respected, and useful once more. How can they rise out of such misery, bad repute, and hopelessness? The practical answer is that since these things have happened among us, they can happen with you. Should you wish them above all else

and be willing to make use of our experience, we are sure they will come. The Age of Miracles is still with us. Our own recovery proves that. Our hope is that when this tip of a book is launched on the world tide of alcoholism, defeated drinkers will seize upon it to follow its suggestions. Many, we are sure, will rise to their feet and March on. They will approach

still other sick ones, and fellowships of Alcoholics Anonymous may spring up

in each city in hamlet havens for those who must find a way out.

So help me welcome from the Daily Reprieve group in Burnsville, New Jersey. Chris,

Hello, everybody. My name is Chris. I'm an alcoholic. It's really, it's really good to be here that this, this specific event, you know, I've got so many friends here and you know, all the, all the speakers are, are, are phenomenal. And, and I'm just really, really glad to be here. You know, my topic tonight is a vision for you,

reading a little bit about the history of the writing of the Big Book. I think it was one of the first chapters that was written.

It was. It was put in the end of the book, but it was one of the first chapters written.

A vision for you. So what I want to do is I want to give you a vision of what it was like for me as an alcoholic. Because the the difference between the vision of me today and the vision of me as an alcoholic is drastic. I'm not even the kind of person I would have liked,

you know, when I was drinking today, you know, and it's, it's like just a quantum shift. But,

but I grew up like a lot of us, I grew up just not really feeling comfortable with this thing called life. I had a lot of internal turbulence about, you know, people and situations and responsibilities and you know, what was going on. I, I never was OK with like, like what was going on? I felt,

I felt off and I would look around at the other kids or the other young adults and they, they just seemed like everything was fine. And so, so I learned to act as if everything was fine, but but it wasn't, you know, I, that's the way for me to describe it as I was uncomfortable with myself and I was uncomfortable with my environment.

And if you, if you, you know this, this is like the the 50s and 60s, right?

So they didn't throw kids in front of the psychologists or the psychiatrists back then. You know, they, they sent you to camp or something. But, but, but if you would have put me in front of a psychologist or a psychiatrist back then, they probably would have diagnosed me with something like childhood and

anxiety disorder or something. You know what I mean? I was a little high strung and

and you know nothing, you know nothing. I I just always wanted to just be by myself. I felt the most comfortable in my room where, you know, nobody could mess with me. I didn't get it. Go for team sports or you know, Boy Scouts, right dancing class, you know, all that stuff. I just couldn't wait to get out of now.

Now you know. I knew that something was different about me. I had no clue what it was,

but I did notice that the first time I drank alcohol, what alcohol did for me was it made me feel OK with all that stuff. Like like I started, I started drinking 4 roses whiskey with a couple of my buddies and, and, and just moving into the second drink.

This is great. This is great. I want my two best new friends, you know, so cold, so cool. We're gonna do this every day, you know, and, and 10 minutes before, you know, I was worried about what I was gonna say. Am I gonna say something stupid? You know, so, So what alcohol did was it broke open the gates of freedom for me. And now I had a connection to you. I could connect

and I the the problem was I was alcoholic, right? So I would become overserved and, you know, but become a violent lunatic or something, you know, and it would ruin the whole thing. But there was a window, you know, without alcohol where, where it did for me what I couldn't do for myself.

And it gave me this artificial sense of connection with you.

And, you know, from the first time I drank it, I became preoccupied with it. The first time I drank it, I went went into a terrible blackout, came to in a field, you know, with lost time, you know, you ever have lost time. You know, it's disconcerting. You know, you'll, you'll come to in the back of a cop car handcuffed and you'll be like what? You know,

Excuse me, officer,

you tell me what's going on.

You know, it's, it's disconcerting.

So that's what happened to me the first time I drank. So, so you know, so from that day forward, I tried to manage my alcohol consumption and it never went well. You know,

I, I was, I was an abject failure at, you know, managing it Now I tried really hard. You know, I went for, I went from 4 Roses whiskey to what the stuff the kids drink, you know, the Boone's Farm and the MD 2020. There was some identification there,

BlackBerry Brandy, Southern Comfort, all the stuff that you would never touch once you become a full blown alcoholic. It's like,

so it's sugar in that stuff, you know, just give me, give me vodka.

So, but so, but, but that's the kids stuff, right? You know, and then I, I went to beer and I started drinking a lot of beer, drank a lot of beer and, and, and I could somewhat manage, you know, you know, my, my blackout experience, you know, when I, when I,

when I drank beer, it didn't always work, but, but for a couple years never went all right. And, and, you know, I'm looking back on it and I am captured by this stuff. Like, like I come from, I come from a smart family. I got a brother and a sister who are both, you know, Phi Beta Kappa, pH DS from like Caltech and Holyoke and all this stuff, you know, so I come from a family. They were all burdened with minds and, and,

you know, my mother and father were, you know, 55 Beta Kappa, whatever's

and, and I come along

and I start drinking, right? And, and so, so I, I didn't, you know, there's so many things that happened, you know, beyond my perception. One of them was is I became so pre alcohol preoccupied with alcohol that really that started to become the most important thing

you know. Stay after class to get some extra help for the quiz tomorrow,

you know, I'm going to smoke a couple of joints with my buddy John, you know, on the way home. I just so like so, so looking back on it, you know, the day I started drinking is the day I, I turned a corner and and you know, I, I was, I was not able to accomplish really anything. I mean, I did go to college. I'll tell I'll tell you this. I went to,

I went to a college town in Florida, the University of South Florida. And I, you know, I'm pretty damn, I went there for 3 1/2 years and I'm pretty damn proud of the six credits I got.

I I still got the paperwork for those.

So, so you know, like,

you know, alcohol and partying. I party, you know, do you party? What are you lame? You know, I party. You know what's wrong with me? I want to have fun. I party. And that's really what I thought it was for, say, the 1st 10 years.

And, you know, look, looking back on it, I mean it, you know, in Alcoholics, in Alcoholics Anonymous, one of the things that is, is absolutely necessary is, is, is for us to do self appraisals. You know, you do, you do it in, in Step 4, you know, you do it in step 10. We're really supposed to, you know,

adequately assess what's really going on with us. And through many decades of doing that,

that's given me such a perception of just how screwed up I was and how much trouble I was in. But if you would have come up to me, you know, in 1978 said, you know, you know, Chris, you're, you're alcohol consumption is, you know, getting a little bit out of control. You know, you know, you're you're not doing well in college and you're probably not going to amount to a whole lot. And, you know, you really should take a look at that. I'd be like, what are you talking about?

Who are you?

Who led you in the party? You know, it just was beyond me. So, so about 10 years into my drinking, I, you know, I became chronic, a chronic alcoholic. And what that looks like is that looks like it. That looks like blackout drinking every night. That is a painful place to be.

So, so this this would be a typical day for me. A tip of the vision for Chris, you know, and, and, and the 80s

I come to wearing the clothes that I passed out in the night before that didn't fit me right, you know, and I'd be stinking of vodka or bourbon and be coming out of my pores because I had drank 1/5 of it the night before, you know, and it's just like I'm poisoned and I, you know, it's just, it's just trying to get out of my body all this ethyl alcohol and I stagger into the bathroom and I throw some water on my face and you do something. I I smoke non filter palm. Also, I do some vomiting, you know, that was

traditional. And

I'd stagger out to my $100 car and go off to my terrible job, you know, just shattered, just shattered, right? Just as ill and as you can be. And you know, the bosses say I want you to do So what you do, So what you do. So I'm like, okay, by the time I get to the truck, but what the hell did you tell me to do? You know,

God damn it, you know, I always have to tell you three times.

So like, you know, my mind isn't even working and, and, and the only reason I had a job was because I was working for an alcoholic.

You know he was he'd yell out the window and tell you what to do from the 2nd floor.

No one is so and so house. And try not to start a fire this time. I was, I was an electrician

so, so, so he was just going on and, and, and, and I would be feeling so awful that I would be, I'd say listen to, you know, God damn it, today is the day. Today's the day, you know, I'm, I'm not going to drink tonight. As a matter of fact,

I'm gonna quit drinking. You know, that's what I'm gonna do because I don't want to feel this bad anymore. You know, it's folks, it's not even a hangover when you're like a chronic alcoholic. It's alcohol poisoning. You know, hangovers are for amateurs. We get poison, you know, so, so I'm poisoned and I'm swearing to God I'm not gonna, I'm not gonna do this anymore. And, and here's a strange thing. If you would, if you take a lie detector and wrap it around my wrist and say,

Chris, are you going to drink tonight? No, are you even going to quit drinking? You know, forever? Yes, that need that needle on that lie detector would go to truth because I meant it with every every fiber of my being. That's a sane and sound decision to not poison yourself and and be and have yellow eyes and projectile vomiting and and and lack of cohesive thought. You know it. That's the same decision not to do that.

And and I would mean it and and you know, I'd be, I'd be doing bad electrical work on somebody'd garage or something and halfway through the day I'd get a half a sandwich down and I'd rehydrate because you, you always got to rehydrate when you drink like that. You got half a gallon old just about do it, you know, and you know they to get rehydrated and I start to feel a little bit human

and I start to think about that decision I made.

You know, I made a decision this morning to to quit drinking. I got a look at that, you know,

wait, wait a minute with that,

that that might be an overreaction,

you know, and and so by the time, by the time I'm leaving to go home from work, I'm on the way to a liquor store. Now that's what I'm up again.

And, and the lie I keep telling myself is I changed my mind. Yeah, I know. I quit drinking this morning, but it was kind of an overreaction. I thought more deeply about it. And I've decided I'm going to go to the liquor store. But knowing what I know about putting alcohol in my body and knowing the consequences of what happens when I put alcohol in my body, it can all that that decision can only come from a place of insanity.

It can only come from a place of insanity. So, so that's why when I come into Alcoholics Anonymous, I must admit to powerlessness because if I think I can still do something about alcohol going in my body,

I'm going to do that and not this, you know what I mean? So, so I've got, I've got to,

I've got to come to that conclusion. And I show up in Alcoholics Anonymous after 10 years. It's just ragged drinking and,

and I show up in the meetings. And it really was a bizarre experience for me.

I got, I got, I got, I started going to meetings in early 1989 in a town called Baskin Ridge in Burleson, New Jersey. And they had what was what was discussion meetings. OK, I didn't know any better. You know, I, I had the meeting book, you know, they gave me that in treatment. So I picked the closest meeting. Figured today a meeting. What's the difference? Right? All, all these meetings are probably pretty much the same. So there's one at the top of my street. I'll go up there. Well, it was packed with the the

craziest lunatics you've ever seen. They would just sit there and talk about themselves, you know? Oh, here's what I did today.

And, you know, I did some gardening and I made great, made some cookies for the grandchildren and it was great. And then somebody said, yeah, you know, I the grass was a little high cut the grass today, you know, and all there was a good game on TV and, you know, it was really good. And I'm sitting there dying of alcoholism, going. What the hell is going on?

First of all, I don't care what you do. I don't care what about your day. I don't care about your kids,

you know. I don't want to hear about any of it. What does this have to do with my alcoholism? You know what I had to do with my alcoholism? Nothing. It was a close minded, wacky discussion meeting.

But here's what happened in that meeting. OK,

you got me. Every once in a while, every blue moon, an alcoholic would share

in this, in this discussion, right?

I wasn't often, but but every once in a while, you know that I was living in a box. You know, it's so blood. And I'd be like, that's my guy.

And, and I, and it's slowly dawned on me that, damn it, I'm in the right place,

you know, you know, yeah, I'm 50 times worse than these high bottom, you know, lawyers and, and hedge fund guys. But I'm still in the right room, you know, I'm still in the right room. And

and and I kept coming. I kept the one thing I didn't do was I did not stop going to meetings. Do you know how many people I watched blow through Alcoholics Anonymous in the last 30 some years, You know, coming in all gangbusters? Oh, yeah, I'm going to get my life together. I'm sure. You know, at six months where you know, where's bummed out Bob, you know where where's

you know, he was, he was going to a meeting every night, you know, three months. You know, the inconsistency is the one thing that I did. I got right. I, I stayed consistent

and what happened was I was exposed to some people who had a real working knowledge of the recovery program that's laid out in this wonderful book alcoholic synonym. And I got inspired. You know Peter, you know Beth Scott, a lot, a lot of us have been inspired by these, these, these amazing.

Communicators who they were able to communicate a spiritual recovery process

with English language. It's, it's not that easy, you know, and, and I, I became really, really,

really, really inspired by these people. I started to, to listen to, to, to workshops and spiritual talks and, and, and the first thing I did is I started to sound good, you know, I started to give really good share and, you know, spiritual share and, and luckily

hung around long enough to be inspired enough to actually actually start doing some of this stuff. You know what I mean? Because I think that's key.

And listen, these, these people like, like, like Joe, Joe Hawk was, was one of the guys that I really got inspired by. And what he was really good at was explaining why you need to take a step, explaining exactly how you take the step, and then explaining what's going to happen after you take this stuff.

Now that's like revolution. I wasn't hearing that in the discussion meetings. You know, that's the last thing somebody would talk about in a discussion meeting. So I was getting all this stuff off off the tapes. I was becoming inspired and, and, and I made a run through the steps. Very imperfect

doing it myself, you know, with the big book and some tapes and, you know, and, and I did a, a, a bad job. But here's the good news. You know, we, we can do a bad job on this stuff. You know what I mean? You can do a crappy job with the steps because it's, it's a way of life. And, and these are principles that we practice and, and you know, we'll get better, you know, we'll get better at this stuff if we if we stay at it.

But what happened, what happened was I started to change, you know, as I went through these steps,

my, I came in to Alcoholics Anonymous with an absolutely crushed spirit. And I think many of us, you know, can claim that that same, that same thing, I had behaved so abysmally that I had lost my family. They they, they, they not only left me, they moved six states away so I couldn't travel in a blackout

and show up.

I lost like 11 jobs in, in like 10 years,

friendships that I had from high school. We had a ton of friends in high school. You know, every one of them is like, you know, you know, do not, do not, do not come over my house. Don't call, you know, if you're, if, if you see me walking down the sidewalk across the street, you know, so I'd blown up all these, all these relationships

and, and the sad thing is, is I believe deep within me. I long for connection. I long for connection to you and I long for connection with the divine. I think it's a it, it's, it's been instinctually implanted in me by God.

You know, we're tribal people listen for, for, for 100,000 years before the modern era, we lived in little tribes, right? We're hunter gatherers and there'd be about 20 adults and about 40 children. And we just try not to get killed and, you know, try to get stuff to eat and move around. We were tribal. So it's instinctual with us.

So when we destroy the fabric of relationships, you know, it, it hurts. It hurts our our spirit and and and and and I'm lonely like you cannot be only the alcoholic can understand this loneliness. You know, it's just just like you're on. You're all by yourself, you know,

and

and you know, no one's ever, you know, gonna, you're never gonna be close. I mean, just that, that toxic loneliness. And how do I treat that toxic loneliness

with isolation?

How else would you treat it, right? I'm drinking, you know, don't call me. You know, I'm starting. Don't call me. Don't come over and ask me to help you move or something, you know, are you kidding me? Drinking. So, so you're doing enough of that stuff and, and you crush your spirit. Your spirit gets crushed and you show up in Alcoholics, you know,

the new and, and, and, and and you're in so much trouble. You don't even know how much you're in 50 times more trouble than you think you are. You know, when you walk into the rooms of Alcoholics and I'm saying, I know that by looking back, you know,

and,

and I start going through these 12 steps and what happens is they, they talk about the spiritual awakening in the 12th step, You know, our spirit will awaken. You know what, what is that? You know, there's many ways that everybody can probably describe their own spiritual awakening experience differently. You know, what's a spiritual awakening? Experiencing all, the, all the promises. You know what, what's the, what's the spiritual awakening, the conscious contact of the presence of God.

You know what's, what's a spiritual awakened? There's many, many ways to look at it and to describe it. But what it was for me was it was a connection, connection back to you. I made my amends, You know what I mean? I started to work with other people and all of a sudden I'm not, I'm now back. I'm now back in the tribe. We're hunting and gathering together. You know, I'm back where I belong. And, and this is very, very healing for me.

And always, always I had this deep desire for connection with the divine, connection with God,

connection with the Spirit, however you wish to, to describe it.

I had experienced bits and pieces of it throughout my life. So probably the first time I could feel connection to the Spirit was when I was a child and Christmas was coming, right? You know, Christmas is coming, you know, it's about two weeks away. You know, Santa Claus, get it under the tree. All these presidents, you know, and I would start to really feel good inside, you know,

instead of cut off, I'd start to feel good inside. And and that was maybe my first experience with connection

to the divine. And then I became a vomiting alcoholic pig. And, you know, it was all over. But but there was always been something in me that that has wanted me to have that connection.

Now the book Alcoholics Anonymous talks about it like this.

Selfishness and self centeredness is the root of my trouble. Selfishness and self sorrow. My problem is being being toxically selfish and self-centered causes so much emotional disturbance with within the continuum of Chris that I have to throw alcohol on it 'cause I got it. I, I, I got to have a vacation from that. You can't be that

selfish and self-centered without some form of

anesthesia. So. So that really is the root of my problem. Now you look at the steps. It's funny. You look at the steps. Step Step 3 is a decision to seek the divine,

to take Take these steps and seek the divine and and and get connection to the divine. And then there's another line in there that says various manifestations of self are what had defeated us.

So there's manifestations of my selfishness and my self centeredness that's defeated me and blocked me off from the sunlight of the spirit, caused my failure at life. And immediately that needs to be looked at. And the, the major manifestations of self are resentment and fear

and, and the emotions that come from poor conduct. I need to look at that. I need to share that with somebody. Then I need to become willing to embrace the divine and ask the divine to give me the power to, to overcome these manifestations of self, because I can't just do it myself. And then I humbly ask God

to remove the manifestations of self that have defeated me. And then I put a list together and step eight of the people in the institutions that have been harmed through the expression of my manifestations itself. And then I go out and I make amends to the people in the institutions that that that my manifestations of self have harm. And step 10, I got to continue to inventory my manifestations itself. And you know when I'm wrong, properly admitted, you know, I have to talk to somebody

into inventory it, right? And it's step 11. I need to seek through prayer, meditation, a deeper connection to the divine because that's the only way out of self.

That's the only way out of self is that deep and abiding connection to the divine. And that takes that takes work, you know? Well, some people have, you know,

spiritual experiences that blow their mind and they're, you know, they're different. I had the educational variety slowly over the course of time because slowly over the course of time I did the steps.

So the only reason slowly over the course of time. So,

so anyway, this, this, this deep and abiding connection with the divine is what's going to solve my problem now. Now the tricky part of of this whole thing is, is when you're a brand new alcoholic that don't look good. You know what? You know what, what, what's the solution? God, you know, are you kidding me?

So we have to kind of approach that slowly

some of the newcomers, but, but, but that's, that's the ultimate solution. The ultimate solution is God. Now my, I got to start doing my job here, which is

to talk a little bit about the vision for you. You know,

Peters here, so he'll fix everything I break tomorrow. We'll be, we'll be alright.

You know what I'm going to do? I'm just going to read some promises out of the vision for you. This book is packed with promises. So, so Bill Wilson used that, you know, as convincers bait, you know, however you want to see it. But he knew we were, we were not going to want to do this stuff, you know, made direct events to the people we've harmed all of them.

No, so, so, so he puts a ton of promises in there

and me and these are all these are all promises that manifest. If we do the step work, we get the promise. I've never had anybody come up to me and say I did this step and I didn't get any of those promises. Well, you know how, how exactly did you do that step? You know, because, because it's my experience and my experience working with others that that it's cause and effect. You know, you, you, you take the step, you, you receive the benefit of that step, which are these promises. So now we're

wandering around out there, we're working with others, you know, we're Home group members, we're Alcoholics Anonymous members in good standing. And, and this is kind of where the vision for For You kind of picks up.

So. So is there a substitute for the camaraderie of the bar?

You know, is there going to be a substitute because there were some good times in the bar, you know, before drink 11 when things kind of got, you know,

so it says yes as a substitute. The vastly more than that, it's a fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous. There you will find release from your care, boredom and worry. Your imagination will be fired. Life will mean something at last. These are significant promises.

The most satisfactory years of your existence lie ahead of you. How about that? How about next year's going to be better than this year and the year after that's going to be better than next year.

I'm, I'm up for that. You know, sign me up. I'm up for that

among among these crazy AA members because we are crazy among these crazy A members. You will make lifelong friends. I've done that. There's some of them in this meeting here right now. I know I'm going to be friends with them for the rest of my life, you know? I know that

you will be bound to them with a new and wonderful ties. For you will you will escape disaster together. You will commence shoulder to shoulder your common journey. Then you will know what it means to give of yourself, that others may survive and rediscover life. You will learn the full meaning of love, thy neighbor as thyself.

The Age of Miracles is still with us. How about that? You know? Listen these early a as they were inspired in many ways. Certainly they were inspired by mainstream Christianity.

They were, they were inspired by the Oxford Group, which was a break off of the Episcopals. But you know, a lot of Bill Wilson and and Doctor Bob spiritual advisors were mainstream religion, right? And there and there's, there's been a lot of study about the early origins of Alcoholics Anonymous and how Christianity kind of helped really play a part in that, right? But there's also another

another influencer that I truly, I truly believe Bill Wilson

was the main architect of all of this. So I like to look at like, what was he influenced by? And Bill Wilson was influenced by the New Thought people who, you know, what was new? Who was New thought? Well, Emmet Fox is a New thought guy, right? So the New Thought movement kind of started with this guy Phineas Parkhurst Quimby. OK,

he, he, he, he looks like a, like a, like a bad Charlie, a bad evil guy in a Charlie Chaplin movie or something, right.

And in the 1850s he was a clockmaker and he made clocks and people would go to him because he became a healer. He became a visionary healer and people from all over the country. He healed like 20,000 people. And he started this thing called the Science of Christ or Christian Science, the Church of the Church of Science or whatever it became new Thought. Well, one of the people he worked with

was a woman named Mary Baker Eddie. You know, you look at you, you look at Mary Baker Eddie and you know, she credits Phineas with everything. Now, one of the people that was influenced by Mary Baker Eddie was Emmett Fox. So in New York, Ruth Hock, the secretary of the Alcohol Alcohol Foundation, when when Bill Wilson was writing the Big Book and stuff, used to go see Emmet Fox in Madison Square

Garden. And guess who she dragged with them?

Bill Wilson, You know, so, so there's all these spiritual influences, all these influences that are impacting Bill Wilson. And he's having a real experience, and he understands at a very deep level that that's the solution to alcoholism, that spiritual experience.

And what he did was he built Alcoholics Anonymous in a way

that really is non religious, that throws the door wide open. It's he takes every spiritual principle from all of these disciplines and all of these religions and he makes them accessible to Alcoholics. And that's, that's ultimately our solution, you know, not making meetings. It's it's, it's a deeper answer

than than that. Let's see if there's any more promises in here.

It says here life among Alcoholics Anonymous is more than attending meetings, gatherings and visiting hospitals,

a cleaning up old scrapes. There's something deeper in Alcoholics Anonymous. And I believe it's the connection. I believe it's the connection we have with each other and for people coming. And no one is too discredited or has sunk too low to be welcomed cordially. If he means business,

I'm personal friends with five bank robbers.

Okay,

now I wouldn't share that at the Rotary Club,

but you get it, right? And some of these bank robbers are the most spiritual people they're working with. They're the coolest dudes, you know what I mean? I'm proud to be a friend of this

is thus thus we grow, so we're going to grow. Remember when this book was written, there was maybe 60-70

sober Alcoholics, some of them only for a couple of days At that time, you know, this is a prophetic book. This is writing about stuff that hadn't happened yet. But he knew it was gonna, you know, Bill Wolfel, Bill Bill Wilson was prophetic. So since unless we grow and so can you, though you be what but one man with this book in your hand, we believe and hope it contains all you will need to begin.

So it it does. If you're a sober alcoholic and you move to

to some place where there's no meetings and no AAA, you have this book

and you look for Alcoholics to help and you can begin that way. You can begin by take taking people through the steps

says your God will constantly disclose to you and to us. Ask him in your morning meditation. That's assuming we have morning meditation. You know a a great thing, a great thing. Doctor Bob Road and Doctor Bob and the good old timers He goes. Attendance in meetings is good, but morning meditation is essential.

You know that's Doctor Bob.

Ask yourself what you can do.

Each day for the man who is still sick, the answers will come if your own house is in order, but obviously you cannot transmit something you haven't got See to it that your relationship with him is right and great events will come to pass. How can you How can you ensure your your your relationship with God is right? The stat that's the steps are about

steps are about clearing away everything that blocks me off from the sunlight of of the Spirit. You know, just to finish up

the, the, the, the change in me that is remarkable to me. You know, I used to be told things like a tiger doesn't change their stripes. You can't, you know, they can't change it can't change an asshole. You know,

I used to just hear all that stuff and, and, and, and kind of even believe it, You know,

people are kind of the same, you know, maybe acting a little different. But well, here's the good news. There is enormous change available in Alcoholics Anonymous. You know, I, I would, I would rank up there with the most selfish and self-centered of, of anybody in this room when I was drinking. I mean, it was all about me. You know, if, if, if a family member died, I'd be like, some bitch died on me,

you know, now I gotta get it

dressed up in a suit. Go away. I don't like wigs. You know, I'd make a funeral about me.

And, and so there's been a shift. There's there's been a shift in my life. And, and if I, if I inventory the hours I spend throughout the day, I see that most of those hours are in are engaged in activities that will be helpful for somebody else,

you know, and, and, and I'm, I'm a million times happier. So when I was just doing what I wanted to do and doing things that were going to be good for me, I was miserable. What now, you know, I'm really trying to figure out ways to be helpful to other people. And I'm really happy the math doesn't work,

you know what I mean? But but listen, God doesn't care about math. And that's that was good news for me because I failed it anyway. But

but really, you know, you got to give it away to keep it. There's, there's all, there's all these, you know, contradictory statements and Alcoholics Anonymous. How do you hang on? You let go. You know, there's all these crazy statements. But, but being of service to others is, is, you know, the most impactful thing in my life. And it's changed me. It's changed me at death.

You know, I got to, I got a phone call about

ten days ago and it was the, the phone call was from Meathead. My, my, my daughter's husband. And,

and he, he goes and he goes, oh, you're, you're, you know, 10, yeah, 10 years in the hospital. She's had a say. She's had a stroke, right. And he's giving me this stuff. You know, Patrick say this is a doctor. I know I'm getting on a plane, you know, so I get on a plane and I go out to, I go out to Colorado. And they were on a they were on a vacation. They were on a trip

and, and she had a stroke and she ends up in Grand Junction, Co. You know, it's on the far side of the Rocky Mountain. So I fly in and I walk, I walk into the, I walk into the emergency room. It, it, it's the intensive care unit. And I walk in and there's more machines than I've ever seen in my life. You know, my, my, my daughters. There's hoses, everything's beeping. There's like nurses and there's, there, you know, there, there's respiratory

techs. It was I'm, I'm like, oh, Oh my God.

And, and I stayed there for, for four days. I stayed there until she was scheduled to, to get off the vent. Now I, I want to share this with you because it's amazing to me.

I was calm. I was not scared and I didn't make this about me. I was focused. I was communicating with all the hospital staff. I was setting up group chats to be able to communicate with the extended family.

You know, we were put it, we were putting together ways for the family to be able to come and visit because none of them have any money, you know, and so, so, so I'm putting all this stuff together and I'm actually useful. I'm actually useful in this situation

and that's amazing to me. And there, there, there was almost no emotional turmoil around this. I saw the I saw the situation for what it was. You know, you know what, what's a spiritual awakening like? You know, what is an awakened spirit? It's it's somebody that sees things as they really are. You know, and I saw the situation as I really as it really wasn't for me to get get whacked out emotionally over this

thing would have taken away from my effectiveness. I was much more effective and focused. And she's, you know, she's doing, she's doing much, much better now for anybody that that's going to ask, but

but being the type of person that can be there in those situations is invaluable. You know, and, and we learn that. We learn that in Alcoholics Anonymous. We learn that from our sponsors. We learn that from saying yes. We learn that from our experience with service commitments, for God's sake. And, and, and I got to tell you, I am unbelievably grateful for Alcoholics Anonymous. You know, the best way to describe me in the 80s was pathetic.

You know what I mean? And and it's just the change has been extraordinary. And, you know, I'm really, really glad to be here in Wilmington. I'm glad they be able to hear some of my friends

do some talks. This is going to be a really good weekend and thank you all for thank you all for coming.