The South Bay mens retreat in Santa Barbara, CA

It's a real struggle for me to think about what I'm going to talk about, what we're going to cover in the short amount of time that we're here. And I got to tell you, it's

getting to the last hour. You know, you look up and you go, holy mackerel, look at everything that has taken place, you know, during the weekend. This has been a really special event for me and

the, the feeling of this place and you people and what we're talking about and the, and the level of acceptance of and enthusiasm about the message is just really, it's been, it's been really refreshing. I want to. I want to thank you guys for having me anyway.

I will. Now I've got to tell you

this list of emails. It'll come, but it may not come this week. The record is 8 months, 111 guy in Canada. He goes, I got that eight months after the conference and I was, like I said, well, I had to wait till a sponsor. He pissed me off bad enough that I could make him do the e-mail list, you know,

or if my daughter comes over, I type terribly so. But you know, we're going to move into 10 and 11 and we're not going to talk. Everything we've been talking about, though, is about sponsorship. It's about having the experience

and then carry on that message. You know, the whole thing, our whole group is about studying the book, looking at what information they're trying to get across, having that experience and then carry on that message to other people. I,

we're going to talk a little bit about 10:00 and 11:00, but, you know, it was interesting. I just want to say when I was talking to Steve about, about the wife and about, you know, realizing how selfish he had been at the house and that sort of thing.

And one of the things that I was talking about is, you know, if you think there's no selfishness or self centeredness in your life, it'd be an interesting exercise to go around to some of the people like your wife and a couple of guys you work with and say, I'm, I'm involved in a spiritual exercise where we're looking for manifestations of selfishness and self centeredness. And I'm really having trouble coming up with anything.

Would you be so kind as to make a couple of examples for me? You know,

and like Bob says, I'm my buddy from Minnesota. He goes, most of us won't call that meeting, you know, because

I don't, I don't want to hear it, but it is, it isn't. But I've seen guys that will call that meeting where they'll go to the wife and go, you know what, there's some separation between this. I don't feel the level of intimacy that I know that we would like to have. And I'm not sure what it is, but would you be, if itself is just a self centeredness, I'm telling you, I'm asleep to it and would you be willing to point someone out to me? Could we have those conversations and that sort of thing? They crave that kind of stuff, you know?

I mean, golly,

you know,

all this dangerous stuff, but

OK,

talking about 10:00 and 11:00,

we just removed all that to the end of the amendments process.

One of the things that one of the most, the biggest myths that's come into a, a, that in the, in the time that I've been around is that the 10th step is an evening review or that the evening review is 10th step. You know, you hear that all the time. If you talk about if you were most meanings, if you said, let's talk about the evening review and people will go, I'm glad we're talking about the 10th step. Has anybody experienced that? Well, I say it myself, you know, sometimes I've got a, I've got a lift over here,

some forms. This is on some of the stuff that will come in the e-mail. This is a little form that we use sometime and even it says 10th and 11th step, you know, evening review and I'm sitting there with my sponsors on time. I said, well, I was doing my 10th step either because you just said 10th step here. I said, did I really? It's like I've been hearing it so long in the meetings that even I'm saying that evening review is 10 step. Evening review is clearly in the 11th step, you know, and after you turn the page in the 11th step, it talks about

the evening review. So what is the 10th step? It says, here's that one. Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They're being fulfilled among us, sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we work for them. This thought brings us to Step 10. I'm not going to have time to get, we got about less than 45 minutes. So I'm not going to get super technical about this. I want to be more experiential with some of this stuff. But the 10th step is one of the most underutilized tools in recovery. 10th and 11th step.

I'll never forget when we went to that, that workshop with Mark and I was just average a, a guy. And he kept talking about living in the spiritual disciplines of steps 10 and 11. And when I'm praying to say stuff like discipline is the horse I ride. And when I'm living in the spiritual distance, the strict spiritual disciplines of step 10 and 11 and the disciplines and the disciplines and the disciplines. And I remember sitting there like wanting to go.

I wish you would shut up because I'm not even in the same area code

as the strict spiritual disciplines of step 10 and 11. You know, I mean, for me,

on a good day, I'd have a daily reflection book on the back of the toilet or something, you know, and read it and then and that was it.

Mark brought a little more depth to this stuff for us, and it shows. That thought that they'll materialize if I work for them brings me to Step 10,

which suggests that I continue to take personal inventory and continue to set write any new mistakes as I go along. We vigorously commenced this way of living as we cleaned up the past two things there. One question is what is this way of living? The other one is there's a timing mention there. You know, I was talking to a guy on that. I said, what? Stephanie goes, I'm on the ninth step. I said well really

a lot of us are on and I said but it ought to be 9/10/11 and 12. It says we've commenced this way of living as we cleaned up the past.

Yeah. So clearly I don't wait till I'm done with all my men's to start doing the 10th step. Or I could be out here 10 years later looking for Timmy from the 2nd grade so I can finally start, you know, make that last amends and start doing a ten step. You know, I mean, it's saying we're doing this as we cleaned up the past. Now remember, first step is the problem. Two and three is the solution. 4 through 9 is about removing what's blocking me from the solution. 10 and 11 is staying in the solution, you know, staying

stand in this consciousness of God. This this I like to win. Christoph was doing the the meditation this morning. He talked about being in communion with God. Well, it's like, let's talk about old ideas. The word communion triggers a reaction in me. The consciousness doesn't, but it's talking about the same thing about it, you know, being aware of this power and this presence to the point of where it's actually part of the way I roll in the world and the way I react to people and, and that sort of thing, you know. And So what do we do in the

IT says we have entered the world of the spirit. How's that for a promise?

You know, we've entered the world of the Spirit now. My it's like I've opened this door and I've entered into the world of the Spirit. My job now is not to back out of that room.

You know, it's actually stay in that world of the spirit and it says our next function may, you know, interesting one. If you look up function in that old dictionary that we got at the meeting, you know what it says under function expected duty.

The function of the toaster is what I would expect it to do. You know, you put bread, it says our next function is to grow in understanding and effectiveness.

I work with that a lot. I work with that in carrying the message. I work with that in sharing and meetings. I work with that and talking to sponsors. Growing and understanding and effectiveness is a big focus phrase for me because I'm always thinking, how could I be more effective? How can I be more understanding? You know, because you know, very few people, if you go into another group that very few people are going to respond real well to saying, here's how you're screwing up.

You know, you know, it just, it doesn't work that way. You got to figure how, what would be more understanding and more effective? How would I want to be approached if the tables were turned? How if I'm the guy that's asleep and blocked, how could you get that message around my ego to where I might hear it? You know, and it's, it's a, it's an interesting piece of the work, but how do we grow an understanding? Effectiveness says this is not an overnight matter.

It should continue for our lifetime.

Very clear cut directions in the 10th step say continue to watch for selfishness, dishonesty, resentment and fear. It's interesting when I'm watching for something I'm a shooter. But if I'm in, but I'm, I was not military.

If you're in the army and you got the enemy out there and you're watching for the enemy, you're on point. You're not sitting in a foxhole playing cards. You're, you're watching for them 'cause you know they're out there and you're seeing them coming. And my job is to watch for them, you know, not wait for them.

Watch for four things. Selfishness. Seems those don't sound a whole lot like the 4th column of that four column inventory. Selfishness, dishonesty, resentment and fear. I'm watching for those four things. And it says and it gives me. So it gives me 4 things to watch for and four things to do about it. When these crop up, what's the first thing I do? I've got these numbered in my book. One,

we ask God, it wants to remove them.

Now we're not telling God to remove them at once. It might be a little presumptive for me to boss around the creator of the universe. You know, we ask him at once. You know, it says we ask God at once to remove them. Two, discuss them with someone immediately. See if there's anything. The thing about I can tell you how 10th step got moved into the 11th

and evening, the 12 and 12 muddy the water on some of this stuff. I'm not against the 12:00 and 12:00. It's a good book. There's some good stuff in there, but sometimes the good

can stand in the way of the great. You know, in our clear cut directions come out of the book and in in in the 10th step, in the 12:00 and 12:00, they talked about inventory and they talked about all the different forms of inventory. They talk about a spot check inventory as we go through the day. They talk about an evening review at the end of the day and they talk about the the annual house cleaning, which would be like going back and doing a four column inventory. But it's easy to get.

If somebody's only reading the 12:00 and 12:00, they they might get confused over over what it's saying.

So what it's saying to do in the 10th step, there's nothing in this that says anything about wait until the end of the day. In fact, it's just the opposite. Says we ask God, and once we ask God to remove them, we discuss them with someone immediately, make amends quickly if I've harmed anyone, and then turn my thoughts to someone I can help.

So I'm pissed off. What do I do? I first I talked to God, then I talked to somebody else, then I clean it up, and then I think about somebody else, in that order. If I'm pissed off, I go, OK, God, please remove me and help me not to believe the delusional lie, whatever it is,

you know, and and show me how to have some compassion. I said something like that and then I'll talk to somebody else and I could call Bill. I could. I got about a dozen guys that are my running buddies in AA that if I can't call my sponsor, I'll call Danny Brown, I'll call Bill, I'll call Mike Lorenz. There's a lot of people that I can call that are not going to go all that bitch should have never treated you like that. You know, You know,

because I got to have somebody that's taking me back to the tools of this, to this program, you know,

but I, but I so, but The funny thing is

one of the things we've talked about one night at the table, I had about 14 guys there that night and I said, you know, I'm pretty proud of myself. I said, I must be one kick ass AA sponsor because by my recollection, not one of you guys has experienced selfishness, dishonesty, resentment or fear in the last two weeks. You know, either that or you're talking to somebody else about it and they go,

I know we're, we're, we're not talking to anybody else about it, you know, so, you know, you know, but I mean, and, and, and one guy that I started, I picked up a guy with 35 years

that was just crazy as a road lizard. And, and,

and when we started talking about this 10th step stuff after we've done the inventory, he's like, well, if I, if I were to call you every time I'm selfish or resentful or dishonest or afraid, I'd be calling you 35 times a day. I said, fine, fine. We'll start with one though, you know, You know, and, and you know, and there were times when you might call me four or five times a day and there's times what we call other guys on the crew.

You know, it doesn't always have to be me, but it says talk to somebody else about it. You know, I talked to God about it. Talk to somebody. But The thing is,

we won't do it. You know the thing, one of the things that hit me like a ton of bricks one day is that I was reading the thing where it said it's not the great revelation. It's great to study spiritual literature and to do exercises and to learn stuff and to listen to stuff. But it said it's not the great revelation that you haven't had yet that's going to kill you, that's going to cause your downfall. It's the stuff you already know that you're not doing.

All right, how come I won't do this stuff? You know, I'm sitting with the boys one night at the table and I said

we like to think of ourselves as a little pocket of enthusiasm, a little group of big book thumpers, if you will.

And look how hard it is to get us to work a basic fundamental AA program.

I'm not talking about any advanced stuff, you know. I'm just talking about a basic what the founders are saying they did. The reason they were getting a 90% success rate is because this is what they were doing, you know. And so, you know, doing inventory. Constant thought of others saying to ourselves many times he stayed trying to say it to yourself one time each day, thy will not mind be done.

And that's one of those lines that goes back in the restate step three, you know, saying to ourselves many times you say thou will not mind be done. There's a lot of stuff in the book that restates the deal we made in Step 3. But I was like, look how hard it is to just just to get us to work at basic fundamental a a program. And you know, and I see it over and over and over again where a guy gets so pissed off that he's going to quit his job. I had AI had a guy get so pissed off that he fired me as a sponsor.

And when we're talking about it the next time I was around him, I said, did you ever run inventory on this? And this is God, that was right in the middle of our crew for long enough to know that he, you know, you don't get to get that pissed off and not write inventory about it. You know, and as I know, no, I think how do you make that okay in your brain? The same way I make it OK in my brain, you know, that I don't need to write inventory on this one or the other death trap as I go. I don't need to call Myers about,

you know, because I know what he'll say, you know, if I call him, even though he never talks about what I thought we were going to talk about. But I'm pretty sure this time I know what he'd say, you know, so I can process this one myself, you know, and, and also this 10th step. I get 10 steps all the time. I get 10 steps on voicemail. You know, one of the things I tell my guys when I'm sponsoring them, I go, let me tell you something. There's three different kinds of messages to leave.

Level 1 is

hey man, it's Billy, Joe, Jim Bob. You know, we are in Texas,

no offense to anybody named Billy Joe, Jim Bob, but you know, hey, you know, hey, it's so and so just calling you to get, you know, everything or something like that. That may not even get a return phone call. That's just, you know, a called and level two. Hey, man, give me a call. I got some kind of I need to talk to you about, you know, whenever it's, you know, convenient for you, give me a call. And then Level 3 is,

hey, man, I am wrapped around the axle. You know, as soon as you can, I'd appreciate a phone call. And just like that, the problem is I'll have a Level 3 problem and make a level one phone call. You know, where it's like I got a, you know, 45 in one hand, a bottle of whisk in the other. And it's like, hey, it's Charlie just checking in,

you know, or they'll go, well, I called you and you're like, I didn't have a message from you anyway. Well, I didn't leave a message, you know, and I, I don't know how to work with that,

you know, But I mean, sometimes the guy can leave a tenth step

on the voicemail, you know, Hey, man, I just want to call him. I call him a little tense step here and I'm, I'm putting in some job applications. I'm a little scared about it. And there's apartment thinks they're going to go back and find my criminal record. And I don't, you know, I don't like him looking that far back and you know, this and that, you know, something like that gives me a chance to think about it before I call him back, you know, and then I can call him back and I can start thinking about the selfishness, the fear that what's driving him, that sort of thing, the different angle. That's what I think. But this 10th step is a

powerful tool in recovery that a whole bunch of us don't really avail ourselves of. I'm guilty of it myself, but I made one yesterday. You know, I, I called, called my sponsor from, from the room yesterday. Yeah, I do a lot of 10 steps with Katie. If it's not about Katie, you know, I mean, there's a part of the immense process where it says we don't get to free ourselves at someone else's expense. I don't get to. I don't get to

it, says these parts of our story. We say for someone who will

understand yet be unaffected, you know, you ever have somebody come up and go? I've had people, I had a guy come up one time he goes, hey, I need to make an amends to you. He says. I just talked a lot of smack about you around town and and and I'm really sorry and I'm like, well, I'm really I'm glad you feel better. I got to go right inventory now, but you know,

but you know, I'm like this. I didn't need to hear that. You know, if you want to make a mess for me, go find the people you were talking smack to.

And

since we're just scatter shooting some of the things that we do at the table, some of the topics we have for meetings, we've had whole meetings on sarcasm,

man. You talk about a topic for men. I mean, and you talk about when you get a crew of guys where you've got a spiritual consent with each other, one of the first thing that's got to come off the table is sarcasm because it is a block to any kind of meaningful conversation. And we don't even know we're doing it. One of my boys walked in the house one day and he walks through the front door and comes back to the table. And I said, brother, you made three sarcastic comments between the front door and the table.

You know, and they're like, damn, you know, and, and, and in sarcasm, there's always a level of truth to it. But

but it's like I kind of, if I want to say something to Bill, it's like I kind of come around the back door with him and then he comes back with a sarcastic response. And neither one of us got to say what we wanted to say. Both of us kind of come away from it

unsatisfied, you know, or unmoved. You know, it's, it's, there's a thing where you know, in that, in that spiritual consent. There's a lot of direct, you know, but it's all done in the, in the, in the, with love and understanding and wanting the best for each other. You know, it's not taking shots at each other and, and that sort of thing. I it's, we do a lot of 10 step work with each other, you know, and you know where we're just, you know, call. That's one of the beauties of having a crew of guys that are all

same path together, you know, as being able to call in a tenth step to so and so, you know, and that sort of thing. Where have I been selfish, dishonest, self seeking, frightening when it when it happens, I go to God with it. I go to somebody else. I make amends quickly if I've harmed anybody and then I turn my thoughts to somebody I can help. I used to think that that meant I got to hop up from my desk and run down the 24 hour club and sponsor a a wet drunk or something. What does it say?

It says we turn our thoughts to somebody we can help. Just Get Me Out of self, right? And I'm not trying. Sometimes I'll meet guys. One of the things is this talk about a burden. Now, you know, if I tell somebody, I'll pray for you or I'll pray for your mother or something like that. I have to do it now. I used to just say it because I thought that was a cool thing to say. You know, I'll pray for your for your son. You know, I wasn't going to go pray for him, you know, but I'd say it, you know, because it sounded like I'm a thoughtful spiritual guy when you,

when you say that, now I do it, you know, but I might pick up somebody this week if they say, you know, my dad's got this or I've got that or I'm worried about this or I got this thing going on with my wife, whatever it is, the next time I'm in a tenth step, when it says turn my thoughts to someone I can help, I'll pray for somebody else. I'll pray, you know, for this person

and whatever it is, is just Get Me Out of myself for a minute, you know, so that I can be free to this whatever this thing is in in the 10th step. Does that make sense? It says, and we hear, listen to these ten step promises and we have ceased fighting anything or anyone, even alcohol, for by this time sanity will have returned. We will seldom be interested in liquor. If tempted, we recall from it is from a hot flame.

We react sanely and normally, and we will find that this has happened automatically.

We will see that our new attitude toward liquor has been given us without any thought or effort on our part. It just comes.

That's the miracle of it.

We are not fighting it, neither are we avoiding temptation. We feel as though we have been placed in a position of neutrality, safe and protected. We have not even sworn off. Instead, the problem has been removed. It does not exist for us. We are neither cocky nor are we afraid. That is our experience and I've written in my book right here. Is it yours? Is that your experience? That's how I react so long as I keep in fit spiritual condition.

That's the greatest gift God can give a drunk like man. You know that when we talk about being recovered from that hopeless state of mind and body, to go from that hopeless state of mind and body without defense against the first drink

to being in a position of neutrality, safe and protected, the problem has been removed. That's big movement. A lot of times if I'm talking at the treatment center, I do a lot of stuff on step one. I'll describe the guy on page 24 that is without defense against the first drink. And I said, now we get over here on page 63

and we do the third step prayer, then we go into a body of work and from the third step prayer to being this guy that's safe and protected is that many pages out of the big book, you know, and that's the stuff we'll run from. That's the stuff we'll avoid. That's the stuff. And a guy will go off and, and leave the treatment center and, and, and the mental obsession returns and they get uncomfortable and they drink again. And do they go, I got to get with one of those big butt guys and go through this work or do they go,

should I go back to trademark?

And now we always go back to the thing that never has worked and we won't try the thing that people are saying works every time. So I was telling me, if you, if, if you've been banging around this deal for a while, get with somebody that's done this work out of the book and say, show me how to do the work out of the book. And if it doesn't work, they're not going to close all the treatment center. I mean, all the crack houses and liquor stores, you know, and we, we'll give it put you right back where you were. If it doesn't work, you know, it's, it's amazing stuff.

And but it goes on to say what we really have is a daily reprieve, contingent or conditional on our on the maintenance of our spiritual condition.

Every day as available. We must carry the vision of God. See if this restates the deal we made in Step 3.

Every day is a day when we must carry the vision of God's will into all of our activities.

What?

Try that one for a day. Carry the vision of God's will into all of my activities. Wow,

how can I best serve thee? Thy will not mine be done. These are thoughts which must go with us constantly. See where they're trying to move me to this God consciousness thing. And it says we can exercise our willpower along this line. All we wish is the proper use of the will. And Mark talked about the line a lot. He talked about watch, he'd talk about turn, he'd talk about the line and he'd talk about, you know, I do my morning meditation and I put my hand on the doorknob and it's game on, you know, and I get out there.

When I get off the line, I turn back to the line and I turn back to the line and I turn back to the line because otherwise, by the end of the day, I'm going 2° off and I don't even know it. And the next day I get up and I start from there and I don't even know I'm off the line. So these spiritual tools will bring me back to the line. My buddy Danny Brown in Houston, he said he, he said one time we were talking. He goes, you know, I think I'm doing pretty good. If I can still see the broad highway.

I'm, I'm, it's kind of rough out here and I'm getting beat up a little bit, but

it's, I can still see where, where it is, you know, and, and it says, listen to this

much has already been said about receiving three things from God, strength, inspiration and direction. Pretty powerful stuff from him who has all knowledge and power. If we have carefully followed directions. I like that a lot better than these steps are suggested. It's saying back here, if we have carefully followed direction,

we have begun to sense the flow of His spirit into us.

Anybody interested in that?

To some extent we have become God conscious. We have begun to develop this vital success. They're saying that God consciousness is like an A sixth sense that's vital that you know, you can't live without your vital organs. You know, it's saying that this vital 6th sense is this God consciousness that we've been talking about throughout the book,

but we must go further and that means more action.

Step 11. So and we're clearly shifting and see it when step 10 was, it was throughout the day. When I get off the band, we do, we look for four things to do 4 things. Step 11. So yes, prayer and meditation. We can make some definite and valuable suggestions. And then it goes into when we retire at night. The interesting thing about the evening review is if you read it, it's very much like the 10th step.

It's basically checking my work of how'd you do in the 10th step throughout the day.

You know, it says when we retire at night, we constructively review our day. Were we resentful, selfish, dishonest or afraid? And did I do the four things about it? Do I owe an apology? Have I kept something to myself which should have been discussed with another person? Was I kind of loving towards all? What could I have done better than that? But the difference is now we're going to bring God into it and says or was I thinking? Was I thinking

of myself most of the time?

I can also tell you

I've never had but one answer to that. You know, when it says were you thinking of yourself? Most of them, yeah. You know, I had a lot of good day. It's 20%, you know, thinking. But I mean, but it says what could I have done better?

Was I thinking of what I could do for others? And then, but then it says what? We're careful not to drift into worry, remorse, or morbid reflection. Why? Because that would diminish my usefulness to others. It's all about helping other people. After making our review, we ask God's forgiveness. There's a prayer and we ask and we inquire, which is the same prayer, what corrective measures should be taken. So throughout the day I'm doing a tenth step

and then at night I do an evening review where I basically just check my work.

How'd you do today out there rolling around in the world? If you showed your ass, did you run it through the process, you know, or am I just

a little juggernaut of self will out rolling around in the world? You know, because I was telling my guys, if I don't do evening review,

if I'm not doing a test step throughout the day, it's like I do my morning exercise and I might as well get up and go, OK, God, see you tonight, you know, and and if I'm not doing an evening review, it's like, see you tomorrow. You know, I, I do my morning exercise and I head out into the world and, and, and then I don't think about God till tomorrow morning. Hey, this is about a way of keeping it in my consciousness, keeping me connected to this power and conscious of this power

on awakening.

Let us think about the 24 hours ahead. OK? When we talk about clear cut directions, we consider our plans for the day. Before we begin, we ask God to direct our thinking. Katie was talking up and Canada one time and I mean it's 2000 people and she had everybody cracking up laughing. And then she gets to this piece and she goes in the 11th step. It says in the morning we ask God to direct our thinking and we ask that it be divorced of three things.

She goes, I'm going to give you a second to ask yourself what those three things are. She goes, if you don't know the answer, you're not working the 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous. And the whole room went flat, you know, and she goes, oh, we're not all laughing now, are we? I mean, but but you know,

we came back from that weekend with Mark and I swear to God, we had two pillows that we would pull out on the floor and sit down on those pillows and open the book to page 86 and we would do exactly what it said. Just like it said it's worth trying. But it says on Awaken him, we think about the 24 hours ahead.

OK, I'm still flat on my back at this point, right? I consider my plans for the day. Anybody do that when you wake up? I love my buddy Chris Schroeder up in New Jersey, he said. He said whenever he would wake up, his first thought was always

those bastards. You know,

they consider our plans for the day before we begin, right? So I'm still, I'm still flat on my back in the bed. Ask God to direct my thinking. OK, so I'm awake and I think about the 24 hours ahead. What do I got going on today? OK, so I got to do that one deal. I need to bid that one job up. I don't know how much to bid that one for.

OK, you know, I got this big beef going on with the sales tax on it. God show me how to handle that. And it says we ask God to direct our thinking, right? And then it says, before we begin, we ask God to especially ask him that it be divorced from self pity. Isn't it interesting the name self pity? First you would think it would say fear or resentment or something like that, but it's a self pity,

dishonest or self seeking motives.

First thing I go to God with in the morning after I've considered my plan is please take my thinking away from self pity, dishonest or self seeking motors. Under these conditions we can employ our mental faculties with assurance for after all, God gave us brains to use. I had the one of my guys one time he goes, it says under these conditions we can put our brains to work. He goes, I said the prayer, you know, the book says I should be able to

use my my brains with assurance. I said,

those aren't the conditions that we're talking about. That's like the, you know, the church I grew up. If you've said the prayer, it should be good. I said the conditions aren't that I've said the prayer. The conditions are that I'm freed from self pity, dishonest or self seeking motives,

you know, does that make? That may be a small point, but I can say the prayer and be untouched by it, you know. But it says if I'm in that place of where I'm not in self pity, dishonest or self seeking motives, then I can use my brain with assurance.

Here's an interesting line. Our thought life will be placed on a much higher plane when our thinking is clear, the right motives. That word hit me one day. Thought life.

Thought life

that interesting

because my whole life, the sum total of reality was what went on in here. You know, my thought life was fact and it was the reality and and it was I made no accounting for delusion or being driven or anything like that. Eckhart Tolle talks about watching the thinker, you know, and being able to step outside myself and watch my thought life is a as a level of consciousness that most people don't ever experience.

And you know, watching Charlie operate, you know, stand up saying watching. Look what happens when Charlie scared about money. Look what happens when you hit Charlie with shame. Look what happens when Charlie feels betrayal is a big one for me. Look what happens, you know, when you know, and I mean right down the line, you know, and sometimes I, I work with a little prayer where I just go, God, please help me to not believe the delusional lie.

I don't even have to know what the delusion is because I don't have the power to know what the delusion is. You know, it's a lie that I'm buying. But I work with that prayer a lot. God help me not to believe the delusional life. It says in thinking about our day, I said we may face a decision. Does that ever happen to anybody?

We may not be able to determine which course to take.

I've got written right here restates Step 3. Here we ask God for inspiration and intuitive thought or a decision.

We relax and take it easy. What this is a serious problem I'm talking about here. You know, this is this is a six figure amount of money I'm talking about here. You know, this buddy a a sponsor, a doctor and he was talking one day he goes, you know, if I have a serious problem and I don't give it to commensurate amount of worry. I'm just being irresponsible, you know,

This is a big problem. I got to worry about it, you know, And it's saying here we establish his conditions. We come to where we can rely on intuitive thought or decision. You know,

there are times when I go, God, please show me how to work this deal out. I'm in the middle of a sales tax audit right now

and

it's a six figure problem. I can't even tell you how little I've been affected by it. It's the weirdest thing. I mean, when the letter came, I thought about Sandy Beach saying God, this let this is not going to affect our relationship.

We are going to get through this sales tax on it and they're going to give me a number to write a check for and I'm going to write a check for that amount. And I'm not going to go to the friggin moon every time I get a letter from them. It, it is so different from any other situation like this I've ever been involved with and it ain't my power of doing it. It says ask God for inspiration, intuitive thought. It says relax and take it easy. We don't struggle. We're often surprised after how the right answers come after we have tried this

practice, practice, practice during this process over and over and over again. What used to be the hunt for the occasional inspiration gradually becomes a working part of the mind, it says. Being still an experience, it's not likely I'm going to be inspired at all times.

We might pray, but nevertheless, here's a promise. We find that our thinking, well, as time passes, be more and more on the plane of inspiration.

We come to rely upon it. It's heavy stuff. And it goes on to say we usually conclude the period of meditation with the prayer. You know, it's interesting, Mark said. Every time he goes, it says we usually conclude this period of meditation, he said, which implies that we've meditated. I said no. What it implies is that what we just did is meditation. If you get that 1936 dictionary out,

that's fine if you want to do alms and and and silent meditation, that sort of thing. But do it along with this exercise because I got out that 1936 dictionary

and I looked up meditation. Meditation is a word that has really changed between the mid 30s and now. In the 60s we had Ram Dass and Ravi Shankar and some of those guys coming in and, and, and meditation came to be, you know, silent and quiet. But if you look up in the old dictionary, it says to think abstractly, deep thought, that sort of thing. And it talks about

in how a general meditates a battle, how a general, if he's getting ready to go into a battle

battlefield, we'll think, OK, all right, we're going to have our forces here and we're going to go in like this and we're going to send one squad out this way so we didn't get flanked. And if they start to go see what you know, and he's considering his plans for the battle, says a general as a general meditates a battle. I'll never forget that one, you know, And that's the same thing I'm doing with my day is upon awake and I'm thinking, what's going to happen today? What do I got going on? What am I going to do if it goes this way?