The topic of sponsorship at the New Horizons group in Bend, OR

OK, the topic today is sponsorship. Life will take on new meeting to watch people recover, to see them help others, to watch loneliness Spanish, to see a fellowship grow up about you, to have a host of friends. This is an experience you must not miss. We know you will not want to miss it. Frequent contact with newcomers and with each other is the bright spot of our lives. That's from page 89, Chapter 7 from working with Others.

So with that, please help me welcome our guest speaker today, Debbie D from the Primary Purpose Group and Concord, CA

Floor is yours. Debbie,

get myself unmuted here. I sound much better unmuted. Hi everybody, my name is Debbie and I'm an alcoholic and so glad to be at the world renowned New Horizons group. I mean everybody knows about that because some of your members are quite worldly known. I wonder who will keep him anonymous, Miss Carrie. So anyway, as we go on about our journey

in sponsorship,

what an important aspect of my life it is, and thank you. I was reading one of the many chat things in the beginning that this sounds like your last Friday. Is that correct? I'm honored to not only be your Swanson, or so to speak, rather than your ugly duckling, but your swan song of your meetings.

And that sponsorship is the topic I get to share on

now. I could take a few hours, but we don't have that. So buckle up, we're going to get going on sponsorship. OK, so we have our three legacies. We have recovery, unity and service, our steps, traditions, concepts, trust God, clean house, help others. And for me it's also sobriety date, Home group and sponsor

my sobriety date. My current one is February 8th, 1976, which means I've been with you for over 45 years.

Hard to believe I'm 45 years sober when I'm only 39 years old. It kind of feels like a lie. I just. But that's the new math these days with with age.

My current Home group, I've had four because I've lived in four different parts of the country, is the primary purpose group it meets in Dublin, CA. We are hybrid now. We've been in person and hybrid for 2 1/2 months. And what a what a joy to be back in the room it is. I've only been doing that for about a month,

but wow, what a spiritual rush it is being back in our rooms. All are welcome and my sponsor and the joy I get to talk about today. My current sponsors, a woman named Marilyn S who lives in Los Angeles. I've known her since I moved to California 35 plus years ago. But we will get more to that.

OK, so sponsorship. Peter WA past Eastern Canada Regional Trustee, made a statement

that I I read in a Box 459 summer of 2019. Sponsorship is the silent legacy of our fellowship.

I I just thought that was such a because really, sponsorship travels and covers so many things for me

get going on given to us by those who went before us. It can spell the difference between survival and stagnation.

So sponsorship is a vital component for me.

When I've been asked to do sponsorship workshops before,

there's kind of a series of questions that seem to be common. And in addition to my experience as a sponsor, I want to share with you first about my sponsor experience.

For those who are new, this is an older PM Flood. I know they've updated that, but there's Q&A questions and answers on sponsorship.

It's a wonderful pamphlet, very nicely guided. I feel also the Grapevine has a booklet called one-on-one that's accessible. These are all previously published stories that were in the Grapevine and have been compiled into a focused topic called sponsorship. So it's a a, a sponsorship and action. So that's another really great

piece,

but sponsorship. So I get sober in 1975,

people had sponsors. But when I lived in Minneapolis and when I lived in Atlanta, it was

like it would be when I moved to Southern California, almost like what's your name, rank and serial number? What's your sobriety date? What's your Home group? And what's your, who's your sponsor? That was just bam. And so I'm not, you know, putting down the prior two areas I lived.

I mean, there's been areas where the big book was kind of a secret, you know, where home groups really were just meetings and you go to lunch. They, they were not involved in the service at all. And so again, that community in the 70s, I got to say that we're talking about it. I just didn't have a lot of connection or the vital importance. Hey, hey, you need to get a sponsor kind of thing. And so I feel I was really blessed with having the

enthusiasm in the willingness. I would follow the long timers around me and a couple of other new people. We jump in the back, see the car and off we'd go to a conference or an assembly or some group anniversary. And I really was in the shadow of the long timers. And I think my active service in there helped me to be introduced to my first official sponsor. I had a couple people, but they didn't know what to do with me. I didn't know what to do with them. We

coffee's you know, and there was just nothing going on, no guidance on how to sponsor. And so I get my first sponsor, Marguerite, a lovely lady who was very entrenched in service work, Pi work, general service committees and she, she helped me have a better reading of the big book. She would give me things to look up, which what for whatever reason,

I mean, I'm not illiterate, but I wasn't grabbing the book. She would give me things to look up and for whatever reason that just made stuff just pop off the page in a three-dimensional way. And so I attribute that to her and her kindness. I moved to Atlanta and I asked a man named Joe P who would at the time he was the GSR 27 year sober.

GSR would go to be the delegate. He would eventually become in the mid 80s, the Southeastern Regional Trustee

and he gave me the gift. Again, these people are not me to me taking me through the steps. None of my sponsors have. Let's just let you know that that isn't something that we've always done. No, this is something I've seen evolve over the past 25 to 30 years where we sit down knee to need meet on a regular basis. Often people say I meet with my sponsor every week.

Super reading the book, all that. That wasn't how we always have done it,

but I love how we've evolved. OK. And so I went to Atlanta. I got Joe as my sponsor. Part of the reason he was my sponsor the whole time is because he was the most active member of Alcoholics I knew an honest, I knew he got sober 1949 OK, and I never ever heard him. Do you know back when I got sober in 49 we did it this way?

As if he never left 1949,

he stayed. He had the most current pulse and heartbeat on Alcoholics Anonymous, living truly he in his core. We do this one day at a time. And his enthusiasm for life never dimmed. And that's why I had me always get a woman, get a woman. And I said, if I find somebody as active as you, I will. But maybe I didn't look hard enough, I'll put it on me. Maybe I didn't go out and venture,

but I

learned from him about being non judgmental. Remember complaining to him about the current GSR?

They're not doing this. They're kind of a dreary they're.

And he said in a such a sweet, beautiful way, He said, you know, I really do feel Ted's doing the best he can. And there was no parentheses caveat in silence. But he's doing a crappy job. You know, a lot of times, well, they're doing the best they can, but there's always a silent, unspoken statement behind that. And that wasn't him. And I began to

learn from that statement. It may not be how I would do it, but it's their best

and so to appreciate their best and not judge it or compare it to what I think is the way I would do it.

So he taught me that. I moved to Southern California. I got Millie G as my sponsor. I admit her a year before that, but due to circumstances, I would go back to Georgia. Then I came back to Southern California.

Millie was one of those people who, again, due to our very first encounter, spoke volumes of who she was. Not with intention or look who I am, kind of suspenders sort of thing. But she spoke maturity.

She spoke of their demonstration was a solid grounding, a non judgmental, a willingness to serve a foundation in Alcoholics Anonymous. Now, she was not somebody who was going to take you through the three legacies as I've chosen to do with Fonsees, but she lived their spirit. She always, you know, would come to things I was doing on the traditions or concepts, but that wasn't her style

guide. And she and I were together over 33 years

now.

Millie was also about 27 years older than me. She was about 6-7 years longer sober than me

and she was someone who knew me beauty Marks and warts. Well because I know she's of an older age.

I always had person B as my backup. OK,

I they didn't know they were my backup and and I knew that one day Millie would be unable to sponsor either maybe illness or dementia or or death. But I always knew I don't want to be like caught off guard. But it wasn't like I was leaning to that person. But I always stayed in touch with them and what not.

So Millie is 97 plus years old

and then December of 2019, she's starting to have some physical breakdowns. The body is just breaking down. She, she's 97

and prior to that, I mean, Millie was the type of person who her Home group was, the Pacific group. She's always been actively sponsored. Since the very beginning. She only had two sponsors, Marian. And then when Marian due to dementia became unenable, she went to Marion's sponsor who was Clancy. So she's only had two sponsors. She's always been a member of the same Home group for over 50 years.

She always had a service commitment. I mean, and every Wednesday should get her hair done, her nails done, and she wore a skirt or a dress and high heels to her commitment.

I'm not talking kitten heels, I'm talking high heels in her 90s. OK, so we got it rocking. She has set the bar beautifully high doesn't expect that of you. She doesn't need to. You just want to rise to it. Okay, All right, so

December she's body's starting to breakdown. Rallies, fails, rallies fails. Now it's the end of January 2020,

thankfully in a way officially pre COVID. So there's still movement and travel, we can see people and so forth.

And on Tuesday of that week, at the end of January, I get a call from her daughter that Hospice has been called in. She's non responsive and this is not going to be a rally and not going to be rally. We know that. And I said, Paula, I cannot get there till Thursday. And I know that's taking a chance,

but I can't. I'm jammed.

Would it be OK for me to come Thursday? She said. Absolutely. Now

I get off the phone and the woman I've had for probably 25 years as Plan B

becomes a big question mark. It doesn't feel like a safe choice anymore. I've recently heard some things that she's kind of a gossipy person

and I abhor gossip.

And all of a sudden, now that the rubber's hitting the road, I've got a decision to make.

Who? What am I supposed to do?

I,

I felt so good having an assured Plan B for this day, and now I don't.

And so for the next couple of days, my prayer is God. I know this is your calendar, your clock, but I'd really, really, really love to be able to see Millie one more time if it's your role. And I really meant that and I knew it was taking a chance. We all know when Hospice comes in. Nobody knows when that time comes.

Thursday morning, I'm still got the angst about the new sponsor. Who was it going to be in that morning,

that Thursday morning? I'm getting ready to go to the airport. And I said, you know, OK, God, again, my prayer is that she'll still be with us so I can spend some time with her if it be your will.

And you know, the dilemma I have right now is I'm not. I don't know who I should turn to sponsorship. I knew I had looked in my community up here. Lots of nice ladies,

but no one I was wanting to move into that relationship with.

I get there about 1:00. She's still with us.

You walk into Paula's house a couple of steps, and to the right is kind of a living room area. You turn left and you hit the hallway. Well, one more step left. You see Millie's room. And I saw Millie in the hospital bed in one of my sobriety sisters with her back to the room. So she's looking at Millie, and I take one more step into that hallway, look further into the room

and profile. I see my current sponsor, Marilyn S, in silence. She's just kind of in the aura of her experience with Millie. And all of a sudden it went whoosh,

That's who my next sponsor is supposed to be now. I've known Maryland for 35 years, since I moved to Southern California.

She wasn't on my list,

but the minute I saw her,

sure. The silence in the noise ended in silence. I was given my answer. Now I look back at that moment. People had been visiting Millie for the last several days.

I can only get here now.

Maryland's retired. She could have driven over anytime already. Been there and left the day I arrived

on another day.

But she wasn't. She was there the same moment I was there

and got my answer.

Spent the afternoon there.

I left at 7:30. The last two people left there were her daughter and the caretaker.

And the next day, January 31st, 2020 at 2:25 AM Millie transition to the big meeting. When I got up that morning I 7:00 I saw a text from Paula. I knew what the text was, I just didn't know the details. I read it had my moment of bitter and sweet.

She was five days shy of turning 98,

such a beloved member of the Pacific group matriarch. If you wanted to say that everybody knew and loved Millie.

That morning at 9:00, I made a call to Marilyn. We connected later that afternoon, scheduled a call for the next day, February 1st, and she and I began our journey together. Now I'm 43, so you're sober at the time, and a few days later, on February 8th, I'm going to turn 44. Maryland also celebrates February 8th, but four years longer than me. We share the same sobriety day of February 8th,

so a year goes by we were originally scheduled to have. Now I'm not looking for a Milli replacement, I'm looking for my next sponsorship experience.

She's not like Millie. She doesn't need to be and be unfair to anybody, everybody to make that expectation.

And so I have a new experience in sponsorship with with Maryland.

The memorial had been scheduled for late March, but we all know what happened.

Everything starts. I kept thinking more and more that we would, yeah, this will be done soon. We'll have the memorial later, later, later,

later. Now, Pacific groups had a couple of virtual memorials of people who did pass during that time, and I kept getting some calls. Hey, when are we going to have something for Millie?

OK, well apparently it's time for me to get get that going because everybody kind of looked to me as the person to do this for milling.

And all of a sudden it dawned on me, why don't we do it? The anniversary of her passing, which was a Sunday afternoon for 20/21. I won't go into the details, but it became this perfect day to do it. It was loads of fun. I went to Southern California to host it. It was virtual

with a few people at the Ohio St. meeting.

Now we go over to Paula's the day before. Paula has her daughter has some things for me and one of them was this quote, Oscar

and I, It's all in bubble wrap. We take it home. It's a couple days now. This is probably about February

second or third again. My birthday's February 8th. I unwrapped

the bubble wrap and I begin to laugh and cry.

There was a photo of Millie and Clancy

and I, when I looked, it was one of my favorite photos because she was laughing, not smiling, but laughing. One of those right, you caught just perfect capture. What I saw when I look back at that photo was she was holding this Oscar and laughing

and all of a sudden all of the dots start coming together and making sense because what it has on here, and I won't use Millie's last name, but it's listed on here so

Carrie won't delete this.

Millie G 1969 to 2014 Lifetime Achievement Award. 45 years of acting better and in parentheses. Mostly

acting better, mostly.

My guess is when she read that mostly as I did, I started laughing and I think that's when they snapped the photo.

Well,

the thing that was so

gave me spiritual shivers

was I'm unwrapping this. Millie was given this for her 45th A, a birthday by her sponsor.

And I felt like I was getting this from Millie for my 45th A, a birthday which was going to be 6 days later.

And so that's why this little prop,

this especially her 45th given to me for my 45th. And I asked Paula, did you know that my 45th birthday was coming up? She said no. I just knew that you love movies and you love Hollywood, and this was the perfect person to give Mom's Oscar to.

So that's why, because we're talking on sponsorship today, why I've chosen to have Millie's

Oscar with me.

That was given to me. OK, now that's my sponsorship story. I actively and call Marilyn on a committed time every week. While she's very flexible. I we have a committed time because I want, I like the accountability and not that I'll give her a call. Oh Gee, it's been 3 weeks. Oh my goodness,

sponsorship. The thing I love about sponsorship is that what's going to work for one person is not going to work as effective for another. I get people who like structure. I tend to find people that want structure, want to keep moving up, moving on, staying enthused, stay involved, willing to pass it on.

Those who don't want to do anything, absolutely. They sure don't need me as a sponsor. I can tell you that

because we're just going to be on two different roads and you're going to feel guilty being around me because you're a deadbeat. So, you know, let's just, you know, be be kind and friendly to each other. So just that's fine. Just step aside and you'll find someone or sponsor yourself that's probably who is most agreeable person with you and that's fine too.

So I'm I again looked at a lot of some fun history and Clarence S in 1944 actually wrote like our first sponsorship pamphlet here was just a little thing on it.

It was called AE sponsorship. It's obligations in its responsibilities. And then they changed it to a, a sponsorship, it's opportunities and its responsibilities. So they changed obligations to opportunities.

He's real clear. If you're going to be a sponsor, be a good one. Be responsible

and I take that very seriously that when people ask me to sponsor them,

I mean, and I'll go on to this a little bit, they're they're looking for someone to be a guide. I'm not here to micromanage, nor do I want to micromanage anybody's life. I know better. I've just been on the path longer, that's all. I just have a little bit more experience than you probably do. But to also remember where they are at their level of able is going to be different from mine. Let's, let's, but we can build it up. We're not going to leave you there

at first grade. We are going to build in one grade at a time, one service at a time, 1 development of your spiritual development at a time. So it's the word sponsor we don't have in pages 1 to 164, but we all know and look in our history that Bill used Ebby as a sponsor. Even though Abby didn't stay sober, he always called him his sponsor.

The only time I've ever heard people say

I don't need a sponsor, I need somebody telling me what to do because I had that thinking in the beginning too, is is typically they've never had a sponsor. This is the assumption that that's what a sponsor does. All four of mine have shared their experience. No one has done any finger wagging. You ought to do. You got to do. You have to do

No, none of them have ever done that. They've all come from their experience,

as do I. I only stay in our literature, whether we're going through the steps, traditions, or concepts. We only stay in our literature that we produce by AWS or Grapevine.

There are many people who introduce other stuff if they if they the member finds it on their own, hey, go for it. The reason I don't introduce it is because I don't want to give the impression. Well, this is how we do a four step now in the big book. But this new guide by John Doe person,

this is kind of got the new and the fandangled. But see, five years from now, that's going to be so passe.

Doe has come up with a version of the first step.

I just have really found our literature quite complete. I like the fact that it's been collaborated, that it's had group conscience's design experiences, not Debbie DS opinion on how you do X or Y or Z.

So some of the common questions is

So what is sponsorship?

And in the pamphlet, I think it has a very nice statement in on page 7. So, So what does AA mean by sponsorship? To join some organizations, you must have a sponsor, a person who vouches for you, presents you as suitable for membership. Boy, aren't we glad we don't have that requirement, right?

Essentially, the process of sponsorship is this. An alcoholic who's made some progress in the recovery program shares that experience on the continuous individual basis

with another alcoholic who is attempting to attain or maintain sobriety through a A. And another thing I think is really interesting. So,

OK,

some people want to know how do you be a sponsor? How do you get sponsees? Good question.

OK, couple of things is

do you look like you're enjoying your sobriety? I mean, who wants to walk across the room to someone who's all deadpan? Hey, will you be my sponsor? I wouldn't look just like you. I want to be just like you. I want to be selling. And only you know, I don't think so.

Who should be? How do you choose a sponsor? There's no specific rules, but a good sponsor probably should be a year or more away from the last drink and should seem to be an in italics enjoying sobriety.

Do you look like you enjoy sobriety?

Well, OK, if if you don't have some people working with you, take a look. Another way to get sponses is a lot of times in open meetings, in the in meetings will say anybody willing to be a sponsor, please raise your hand. Let me explain something. This is not raising your hand.

This is bending your elbow. This full extension above the heads of people. This is raising your hand. OK,

don't even bother with this anonymous gesture and think you're doing a favor by letting your. Yeah, no way. OK, so you want you want full, full extension. OK,

how do you know if you're ready to sponsor? Check with your sponsor. I've seen people who are 6 months and on fire. They got a gaggle of girls hanging out with them. They're in a positive enthusiast.

I've seen 10 people who are moping around, got nobody behind them, nobody with them. There's a reason. Are you enjoying your what are you passing on enthusiasm or the grade dull dreary Rd. of not drinking?

Check it out

when you get a sponsor. Can I recommend know your sponsor's last name? This is good. We are not anonymous in a private way.

OK, it says public

you're you should know your sponsors first and last name their phone number and where do you go to meetings. I know my I years ago made the commitment. I still to this day to dial my husband and my sponsor longhand. My husband even I don't ever want to forget their number. If I'm in a coma I should be able to say their phone number.

OK, I don't want to say the dog ate it, lost my phone battery, died. This is too important a person in my world not to know these things. So that's my recommendation. Know their last name, phone number and where do they go to meetings. Hopefully you go there too.

Another way of getting a sponsee is work the room. If you're just ganged up with your gal pals or guy pals, it's pretty rare that some scared new person is going to. I think I'll go infiltrate that group of closed people and walk the long mile and say, hey, will someone here be my sponsor?

They're drunk. If they're willing to do that, you know, OK 'cause that's why they got the courage is they had a couple of drinks on the way in.

So make yourself available.

Watch that door. Watch for the unfamiliar face. It could be someone new, someone still drinking, someone on vacation, checking out your meeting from the local community you don't know. Find out now. Let's say they are new.

Do you introduce them to our literature? Do you invite them to meet some of the other people? Maybe explain the format of your meeting? I know my home groups a little different than most formats. I want them to feel as comfortable as they can,

introduce them around. And if it's a man I, I mean, I take them over to one of the guys and let them take over. So work the room kindness

is cannot be underscored enough, can't be given enough kindness just to welcome not a hi, how are you? That's useless. When you go

stop, put them in the eye, a warm handshake, a connection. Let's not lose the connection that people really, whether they admitted or not.

I have walked into many a room where nobody has said anything to me. I've had to go work the room and say hello to people.

If you come to my group, that will not be the case. You will be well beyond greeted and I hope you do that in your group too. And this is where we get people coming back.

So another question oftentimes is they're afraid to be a sponsor. OK, Tell me why you're afraid. Well, I might say something wrong. I might do something wrong. Understood. First of all, we don't require nor need to be

professionals. Psychiatrists, psychologists, life coaches, trained personnel. No. And even if you are,

if you're not sharing your experience, strength and hope and you're giving textbook talk, you're not going to connect with that person. That could be your profession, but do not let that be your Alcoholics Anonymous recovery experience and sponsorship.

Sharing my own experience strengthen. I can't go wrong.

My opinions are debatable, my experience is not. This is why we stick to our experience and why there's many things I have no experience on. This is why I listen to your stories. You got that. I've never had that experience, but so and so has. Well, why don't you give them a call?

There isn't anything that's happened here that we don't have someone who's had that same experience

and sticking to our literature. I find I just haven't needed to go to outside sources for the than our own literature, which no matter what's going on, seems to provide an answer for me. And most of the time the answer isn't do this, do that. It's a spiritual reconnection.

It comes through in that way.

Can you? Can a sponsee have more than one sponsor?

So well, many times we talk about we have a recovery sponsor and we have a service sponsor. Many times we might get kind of evolved past our recovery sponsor. If they are not familiar with the other two legacies and you've decided to get involved in general service, let's say, a service sponsor will prove very, very helpful.

Now, even though I am very familiar with all three legacies, have served in a lot of capacities. We'll take them through the steps, traditions and concepts, but I only do it once. We don't wash and repeat, which it's time for you to pass it on, to keep learning. OK, Because I want to be giving it to someone fresh. And maybe if I'm giving it to someone fresh and you want to join in, that's fine. But I got to be doing it with somebody for the first time,

OK? So many will find the advantage in of a service sponsor to walk them through those things.

How many sponsees can a sponsor have

that is again an individual design.

I could not sponsor the amount of people I currently do because there is that old kind of a he, he

about. Well, so how many people you sponsor? About half of them. No, no, that's not my answer. I know exactly how many people I sponsor because on a weekly basis we are in communication.

That is for me, I have a very structured, not militant, but structured way. We have committed call time so that I'm there, you're there. We connect because if I'm call me when you need me, well, that could be two years from now.

Call me now and then, and then we're playing phone tag. Oh my God, there isn't a greater abuse of my time than phone tag. OK. There are those emergency cases, yes, But in the 95 percentage, we're connecting on a weekly basis somehow that we've prearranged.

I could not sponsor the number of people I actively sponsor if I was still working full time. I just couldn't. It'd be unfair to them and I would be run ragged. And I'm very structured with my time and organized with it, so I do have a good handle with time management. But the arrangement of my life today makes it possible for me to do what I do.

Now does everything get done? Oh no

huh. But service and my sponsorship commitment is a priority that gets done household stuff. Back burner ish when I two years before I met Kent. We've been married for over 20 years now. Hard to believe. It's just amazing,

I said to God, you know, I didn't mean to be making a deal with him, but apparently I did.

If you make it possible for me not to have to work

and be self supporting that way you know I could be of a lot more service to you. He said well OK, I can make that happen. And two years later when I met Kent, he was able to provide self support for both of us and I could retire and therefore

shoot, shoot, shoot, shoot. Sponsorship started growing, service started growing

and I have kept up quote UN quote my end of the deal for these 20 plus years and what a joy it has been for me.

So I don't know how many for you. Sometimes I have sponsee say my God, I'm on the phone all the time with my sponses and the only sponsor three people I'm like, well, let's let's take a look at what are you doing in sponsorship? Are you going on and on and letting them talk for hour, hour and a half? That moved from sponsorship after the first half hour, if that. That went into gaggly girly Chitty chat.

Ascent was sponsorship is about

we don't talk nails and hair.

We focus on what's going on for you right now. How can I be of help to you? Let's look at the literature. Let's review what you are or are not doing. Let's review your role in all this. Let's come up with a solution, a plan. And again, this is some just general stuff,

but if you've found that you are moving too close into galpal ship friendship,

it's going to be very hard to then have to put on your sponsorship hat one day

because there's no discernment.

Not that I'm an authority on a pedestal, but I find it important to keep emotionally distantly compassionate, if that makes any sense.

It doesn't mean I don't feel the sad things happening in your life. And it doesn't hurt me too that this difficulty of this pain or this breakup or this illness diagnosis you've got.

But I don't emotionally take it on. And now try to research all the doctors for you and get this fixed up and call No

this is your journey. I will walk with you on this.

When sometimes, how close do you get? How enmeshed? Just be careful

because I know years ago when I, I really find it's imperative I have singleness of purpose with a sponsor. When we've been here, I've been here about 2-3 years, Kent and I thought, well, let's look at maybe a different house.

And so I sponsored 2 Realtors, he sponsored 2 Realtors. And I said we should not use any of them, despite how good they are, because

it will be a natural tendency to yikety, yakety, yikety, yakety A, A. And then hey, how's those listings coming? Have you got any buyers? Have you got any sellers? I mean, so we told them both are all forward, that each were not going to use you and it's not personal,

but we can always get another realtor and you can always get another client, but you can't always get another sponsor.

This relationship is far too valuable and important to mesh it and blur it to where it will be ineffective.

I've got about 5 minutes left and so part of it is.

So what do you do when somebody asks you to sponsor them?

That's evolved over the years. For me, for example, I would say, sure, let's, let's do it. Although I didn't know what I was doing

then it was, well, here's what I do. You want to do it? Yep. And well, maybe they did and maybe they didn't. It was just again, we're just kind of then it became, well, let's have coffee. Let's review it. So I never say no, but I don't always say yes, OK, let's have coffee. I sponsor women right now that I never ever thought it would get past the first couple of days.

It has been super joyful. Other people,

like a good promising thing wasn't for them. So what we do is we have a coffee, an hour and a half I set aside and I just kind of tell them a little bit. My sponsor experience. Tell me about yours. You know, why did you ask the people you've asked? Why did you move on? Because we don't hire, we don't fire, OK? We just move on to another sponsor.

There's no judgement you. I want you to go where you want to be.

You don't want to be with me anymore. That's fine. We will always be, you know, publicly polite. Absolutely. I don't own you or you have no obligation or loyalty to me whatsoever if I can be of help, whether I sponsor you or you've moved on. My pleasure. Happy to. OK. I we established a baseline of at least three meetings a week. I would love to see you in mind,

but that isn't a requirement

that you participate in service, willing to sponsor that. You also, can you bump up your 7th tradition contribution and double it at your Home group? Because I find that so many people have fallen into the buck in the basket attitude. It's time to wake up. It's time to wake up. That hasn't been sufficient for 40 years. It's definitely not sufficient now that's wake up. Can you bump that up a little bit

and double that bump up for your Home group

to have a Home group, not just kind of bounce here and there. Got five Home group? No, you can go to 500 meetings a week, get a Home group that is non negotiable, non changeable, committed. OK.

We arranged a call for 30 days in a row because this will give us an and for 15 minutes we're not assured. We're not going to be on the phone an hour, 15 minutes. Let's get to the point. You don't need to do. Hi, How are you? How's Kent? How's your mom? How's it can't. How's the dogs? How's your vacation

Squatch it? Let's get to what's going on in your life.

What's keeping you up at night?

What's bothering you? Doesn't have to be drama and trauma all the time. No, no, no, that's fine. But

what's disturbing you? What's going on? Tell me about your SO, maybe I'll ask questions. If there really is no lead in after 30 days, it sounds like, is this a commitment you'd like to make? And that's when they go on my active sponsee list so that the girls know who all I am working with because we got people all over. So when you're traveling, you can call somebody there or call somebody there. You have different lengths of sobriety. If I'm not available, you got a list of people to call

and if, should the time come, when it's time to move on, please

through me the courtesy to say that to me so I can wish you well. They'll never be a questioning of why you're doing it. I don't. I'm not a yeller or a screamer or a a badger or nothing whatsoever. So I think it's a respectful voluntary commitment that we do. I'm all about in sponsorship, stepping up our respect for Alcoholics Anonymous,

stepping our respect for each other.

And sponsorship to me

is one of these great gifts to watch the dead come alive and they might be 20 years without a drink and dead and to watch them come alive. Now, in closing, I'm at my end of my time

in the ninth concept. Who would have thunk it? A beautiful paragraph on sponsorship.

It says every sponsor is necessarily a leader because this whole concept is about leadership.

The stakes are big as they could be. A human life and the happiness of a whole family hang in the balance. So there's five points they give here, and I'm going to put this in. I'm going to number them, even though there's no numbers in the book. And I'm going to personalize this because this is a guide for me. OK, Number one, what I as a sponsor do and say, 'cause they're watching

#2 how well I estimate the reaction, my prospects

#3 how will I time and make my presentation? Am I going to be whomping on him? No, that's not my style anyway. But there comes a moment where there's an open door and I walk through it #4 here we go, step up. How will I handle criticism

they're watching and #5 how will I lead my prospect on? By personal spiritual example. Not my yakety yak,

not might. You ought to do, and then I do something else.

These qualities of leadership can make all the difference,

often the difference between life and death. So may you treat sponsorship with the respect,