The Paramount speakers group in Paramount, CA

Hi everybody, I'm Steve Bordner. I'm an alcoholic. How are you tonight? You look good. Thank you for having me. My sobriety dates May 25th, 1979 and

it certainly shocks me. I had no idea. You know, if you told me May 26th, 1979 that come the year 2001 I'd be in Paramount, CA speaking at an A a meeting, I would have run out of there screaming. I I have no idea what was going to happen. You just come here. You're dying because you got

terminal alcoholism. I'm one of those Alcoholics. I never had one day. I never got one day on my own. And I will tell you that in the 21 years and a couple of months I've been sober, I haven't been close to a drink. That's just my story. I know lots of people get thirsty and, and, and, and they may, you know, I think that's just makes sense to me. An alcoholic sobriety in sobriety. Getting thirsty makes sense to me.

You know, especially when they have those commercials like for Heineken,

which is asexual experience for sober alcoholic,

you know, that bottle goes by and then just that drop of water going down there and he starts in on you. It's beer. It's not real alcohol. It's healthy. It's got hops in it. It's really health food,

you know what I mean?

And I don't, I don't, you know, every once in a while I kind of go, I mean, there's drinks out there that fascinate me. Lots of drinks. I never had a Long Island iced tea. I know see when I say that, people encourage me to relapse. It's really great. People go, oh man, you have a long you really should go out over that man, because come back, get a newcomer chip because that's worth it Long. And that looks like my kind of drink. This much booze, that much mixer. Had a buddy of mine, he had a glass that he could put a fifth in with about this much Coke. His wife would come home and he'd be drunk. She'd go. How much do you have? One

is that, you know, that's just for one. It's whatever a glass is. IS1I,

I think it should be on the 20 questions. See, I got it. I got addicted to antique stores in sobriety. If you get new, you get if you're new, how many people are in their first year? Just I just want to see so I can kind of gauge my welcome to Alcoholics Anonymous. Welcome to I can't even begin to tell you. I mean, the basic thing is I don't have to die with a big fat liver out to here like half of my family. And that's a blessing. And God bless them. They didn't want to either,

but there is so much more here I see. If I could, I would change this name from Alcoholics Anonymous to Does not play well with others Anonymous

because see, besides, I think wait said it. You know, it says that and you know, it's such a the speaker. I just am done if I'm really spontaneous because the San Fernando Valley convention was this week and I've been involved in that and I have just had a a for I am a a doubt.

I have had a lot of toxic alcoholism, you know, around old timers and mostly and you know, I had forgotten this on my schedule and I would have never put it on my schedule because I would never have. And it was there. And sometimes God just says to you, you can do more than you think. I just want to be have my feet up watching The Sopranos tonight. That's it.

That nice group of people,

they all fit right here.

But if you think about our first step, it says admitted we were powerless over alcohol and that our lives were unmanageable. And the speaker last night was talking about, and I thought how peculiar life is unmanageable, life itself, not my life, life we live in California. The earth could start shaking the next minute, you know, I mean, but. But I don't think you have to tell normal people life is unmanageable. They know that already. We're the ones who are confused about it. Yeah. You go out to some normal. You think you can manage life?

No, man. No. It's. Well, yeah, I can get my checkbook and go to job. Do it. But there's a lot of stuff I can't manage. Not us. Not us. See, And I didn't come to Alcoholics Anonymous looking for God. I came thinking I was God,

and on any given day, I'm disappointed that I'm not.

Because, see, I just think that it really is. It's a cliche, but I think it's true that once you take away my drinking, I really only have one problem. It's not places I can move,

it's not things I can trade them or get rid of them. It's people.

You people will not turn your will in your life over to my care as you don't understand me. And if you did, it would be so much better. That's why I say we are. That we are does not play well with anonymous others. Anonymous. We went into kindergarten, grabbed the teacher by the scruff of the neck and went all right, look bitch, I am in charge now.

Give me the blankets and the cookies. Nobody gets hurt

because you're drug addicts. We're in the back crushing the cookies and mixing them with other things.

So let's take a little mini inventory, shall we?

OK, first of all, we got all the blankies, all the toys and are selling the other children bad cookies and we're wondering why doesn't anyone like me?

And I told that story one time and a guy I was at a camp out, if he's not been doing a camp out or an AC, what you need to go. It is

it is hilarious. You know, Alcoholics in the woods,

you didn't think we're bad here. God. But the guy said come back to the campfire. I want to show you something. Had his big book and he had his report card. And if you really want to take an interesting inventory, look at your report cards from when you were in elementary school. That got the room quiet,

but he had his first grade report card and on his first grade report card. Honest to God, this is what it said.

Thomas needs to understand this class only needs one teacher.

This is a first grader. He's 8 years old, walking into class thinking he's going to be in charge. See, and the literature is so true for me. The literature says that I really only understand one way to have a relationship with you, dominate you, or be buried underneath. I don't know how to be a worker among worker. I don't know how to be a friend among friends. I don't know how to let you have a spotlight when it's your turn and take it when it's mine.

I don't know how to walk into a room and try to make it as good a meeting for you as it is for me.

I don't know how to give and take. I know how to demand and sulk say you know too much relating going out of there

because I'll tell you what I got hip to in the fourth step and you were not going to hear much of A drunk log. I have been accused of the alcoholic with not a drunk log. I drank I I I should have been the first one in my family dead. I just don't have a very interesting one. See, because most of the people that speak in a a have one of two kinds of stories. They were tied down in Folsom doing life all tatted out. Now they run Microsoft, that kind of story.

I'm short, I'm white in jail. I'm an hors d'oeuvre. I'm not going, OK?

I ain't going to Vietnam once.

I ain't going. I had a high draft number and I would look into Canada and I'm an Army brat, you know, I wouldn't go to Vietnam. I don't jump out of airplanes. I don't do. I get drunk and look for a hostage. That's about as dangerous as my life got,

and some of them could kick my ass. So it was.

Yeah. So you're either tatted out doing life in Folsom or you woke up in Reno with $100,000 in cash and 12 hookers in the room. That didn't happen either.

Yet. So

you know all I did was sit in my chair day after miserable day, drinking myself to death by seconds and inches tip of the hat to Normay, watching television, crying hysterically because they missed the word bubble gum on the $10,000 pyramid. Remember how I used to cry? I can't cry like one. That's the one thing I miss about being drunk. You can't cry like that,

just animal noise.

Somehow it was a mating call for codependent women, though, You know,

you get the strangest girls show up for that. I know several. You in the audience tonight are, you know, or I would watch Ryan's Hope and laugh hysterically because they were leaving Seneca one more time.

And every once in a while I go to a bar. I mean, I did a few interesting things. I danced with communists in Colombia. I did some. But you know what? Basically, that's all it was. Sitting in the chair, dying by seconds and inches. That's my drunk lock. And I, I will tell you if you're new,

I think for me and probably for you if you're an alcoholic like me. And I, I'm a person who believes there are all kinds of problem drinkers, all kinds. There's some people up here. Maybe they can learn. Maybe they haven't lost their arms. And my book says I'm not supposed to resent them. My book says if you have a problem with alcohol and somehow can learn to drink again, my hat is off to you. I am happy for you. And you want to know why I'm happy for you,

because I don't want you to kind of have the kind of alcoholism I have, if you can help it. I don't want anybody on the face of the planet

to have the kind of alcoholism I have because I have the most virulent, destructive, killing, worst case of alcoholism there is possible to get. If there are people down here, I'm all the way on the other end. I am a man who has got you can't get it worse than me. And the book of Alcoholics Anonymous says this program is a program for people have problem with alcohol who want to stop

and can't. Boom,

that's me. I wanted to stop and I couldn't. And that's the kind of problem drinker. This program works for those without hope. Bill Wilson said that Alcoholics Anonymous is built on failure.

You know, built on failure. There's probably some pretty heavy heat in this room. People with a little money see some bad guys that could kick a lot of ass, see some, probably some very pretty women who tortured a lot of men and enjoyed it,

you know? But you know what? You know what, newcomers? And there's one.

Sounds like he's enjoying the torture. That's okay too. But you know, you know what, guys? I don't care how heavy the heat is in here. I know how tough they are, how much money they got. They're all failures. They can't split a pint or they die.

See. Cause alcohol is a pimp. Alcohol is a pimp. And everybody in this room, if you're an alcoholic like me, has been his boy or his girl,

you know, you just, you're driving over to dad's house for Thanksgiving, just on the way, just going to make a little stop. Alcohol says get in the car

and where's my money?

Yeah, it's Christmas Eve and the kids bike it just they didn't put that one screw in there. You just need one wrench. You just got to go the hardware store for a second and on the way. Alcohol says get in the car, Where's my money? Moms die in a stomach cancer. You're going to be there for mom because mom's always been there for you. You're on the way to the hospital. You're going to be there going to show up. You're going to do your duty. Alcohol says get in the car, where's my money? You know, and then some nice judge or the rapist sends you to A and A

and alcohol becomes very white.

Oh, who loves you, baby?

I'll be good to you, baby. Those people in a A they don't understand you, baby.

Just get back in the car baby.

Alcohol is a pimp.

I mean, the great thing about drinking is there are no rules. There can't be any. I mean, I can pretend I have rules, but the basic rule is, I mean, there's OK. If you're new, I believe you can work one of two things. You can work the program of recovery and Alcoholics Anonymous, the 12 steps, or you can work the program of alcoholism and the 12 steps of alcoholism. But what you can't do is not not work a program.

It's a double bind means you can't win. You got one choice or the other, but what you can't do is not do something. Now as I thought about that, I thought, well, what were the 12 steps I worked when I was out there drinking? This may have not been your drinking program, but this was my 12% program. One, I declared I was in complete control of my drinking and my life was fine and dandy, thank you very much. Two, I always knew there was no power greater than myself, but all of you needed to be restored to sanity.

Three made a decision to turn my will and my life over the care of alcohol because it was the only thing that understood me.

Four made it paranoid and immoral inventory of anybody but me.

Five, admit nothing to nobody ever.

Six became entirely willing to have God punish you for all your defects of character. 7 Humbly ask him to go bug somebody else. Eight made a list of all persons who had harmed me and became willing to take revenge upon them. All.

Nine took direct revenge whatever possible, especially when to do so would injure them and others. 10 Continue to take your inventory and when you were wrong, promptly told you so.

11 Sought through alcohol and medication to improve my unconscious contact with myself,

praying only for what I wanted, when I wanted it in the power to get it.

And 12 having achieved spiritual death as a result of these steps, I tried to carry this message to other Alcoholics and take just as many of them with me as I could. Now, in that program, there's only one tradition. I know Clancy did the traditions today, the program of alcoholism, there's only one very easy workshop. Do whatever I got to do to get through the night. Do whatever I got to do to get the next drink.

212 step program side by side and I the alcoholic will work one or I will work the other, but what I will not do is not not work a program. I know, honey, but I got to talk anyway.

They asked me and you could give a better pitch than me. Really. You have more brain cells than I do. But

really, that's all sobriety is, is hiding your brain damage, folks. That's it. Just so they don't put you in the home, OK?

The number of brain cells that were killed in this room. I mean, it's just

so that that that deals. Yeah, that's that. That and my great blessing, a friend of mine who passed away, Marie Stenner, who I'm sorry you will never get to hear her speak. She was one of the most tremendous speakers AAS ever produced. But one of the things she used to always say is alcoholism. Had drank Maurice dinner up. There was nothing left of her. And her great blessing was that God could completely rebuild with her.

And I think for some of us that, you know, I had as lower bottom as I've ever want to have,

but she took it farther down the road. And I think in a sense, for those of us that maybe didn't go so far down the road when there are still parts of us that are leftover, it's harder for God to rebuild on that than the ground that has been completely obliterated. And so for those of you who've gone very far down the road, you may be an empty vessel that God can use far greater than some of us who didn't. You have to remember one thing about Alcoholics Anonymous. It's the Magic Kingdom one and 1 = 3 here.

There's absolutely no reason why 1 drunk talking to another should do anything but get us drunk. Is it? That's a bar, isn't it? 1 drunk talking to another is a bar.

And yet something happens here

and it's unexplainable and I can't explain it to you. I can't explain why one person gets it and another doesn't. I can't explain why I have 21 years, I've done the work, I have a sponsor, I go to meetings, I love meetings, I love the fellowship, I love service. I love doing the steps. In retrospect, usually

you know, I always enjoy a step after I've done it.

I still can't explain it to you.

Marie had a wonderful line about that. She says yes, well, when people relapse, we go. They weren't willing.

And the book says that people who don't get this could not or would not, could not a Woodman. And for me that says I don't judge. I don't judge why somebody gets this or not.

The book says that if the people that came in 50% get it right away, 25% get it after a time, and the other 25% get better. Of those who really try, and that's the optimal phrase there of those who really try, coming to Alcoholics Anonymous, sitting in a room is not trying any more than going to the gym and watching people exercise is trying. You go to the gym and watch people exercise. You're not going to lose weight. It's not a bad thing to do. It's just not going to help you get better.

I got to get on the equipment. But you know what it says there is of those who really tried, those who really try, they're 25% of them that will never get permanent sobriety. So what the big book says

now my experience of those who really try is like 95% get it. I think that's, but you know what Marie would say about that was people say, well, he wasn't willing, she wasn't willing, she wasn't willing, he wasn't willing. And Marie would say, yes, but where does the willingness come from?

Where does the willing from me? No, no, the willingness is a gift of God too.

And I can't explain why I got it and somebody else doesn't. You know, I always tell people to go, well, I got this for myself. I say, well then make your heartbeat.

Make your heartbeat one more time. Make the sun come up tomorrow. Create a little oxygen.

One of my favorite writers says that when you work with God and like if you're building a wall, it's just human nature to go, well, you know, God and I, we did it. God did that part. But that two rocks there, that's mine.

And it's that human need to say this is what I did.

And it's just so much freeing to say God's done it all. I've got. I've got to cooperate with the process. The book talks about that too. And I can't explain where that happens and where it doesn't. I think I have

to some extent and haven't to some extent. I have character defects that I have not basically changed in 21 years.

I have new character defects,

spiritual pride being one of them. I didn't have the character defective spiritual pride. You would never have heard me saying when I was drinking. Those normies don't have a program.

You know why normal people don't have a program? They don't need one.

They don't need a program. Somebody came to them when they were two years old and said, look, there's a God that loves you more than you love yourself, is obsessed with you, knows every hair on your head. Will you take that deal? And they went right on, Not us. There's a guy, I think I'm going to drink a little bit. I think I'd rather throw up than accept that kind of God darn it.

And so, you know, I just I one of my favorite speakers in a would die 10 years before I ever got sober. Alan McGinnis was an LA speaker, said that if you come and get sober one day you're going to get everything you ever came to get in a A.

Are you going to find out you're never going to get what you came to get in AA and then why are you going to stay sober?

Why are you going to stay sober? And I stay sober, I guess for a number of reasons. I love AAI, love my life, but I, I stay sober because I don't want to go back to that world. And if you're new, I can say for you, I think if you're an alcoholic like like me, what I say for myself, if you drink again, we can predict with almost absolute certainty what will happen to you. I know I can produce with almost absent, predict with absolute certainty what's going to happen to me.

Insanity, death, horrible things, destroying every loving relationship in my life. And I won't mean to. I'm not a bad person.

I think Alcoholics. My mother was an alcoholic. She loved me as much as a mother could love a child. She just couldn't do anything about her alcoholism because she didn't have the facts.

One of the things I've learned from my inventory process is most of the harm I did was unintentional. I mean, I've actually set out to hurt some people, but most of my thought, you know, we don't intend to hurt. We don't intend to kill anybody in a car accident when we're going for another bottle. That's not our intention. We just need another drink. They just happen to be in the crosswalk and that that's what can happen if I drink again, I'll take your grandmother out. I won't mean to, Not my intention.

Not a bad person. I'm just somebody. Well, actually, that is one of the lies

they tell you an AAA, you know. Yeah, if you knew they lied to you here, they tell you they don't lie. That's a lie. They're all liars. Guys, remember, the thing you have to remember about old timers is they're Alcoholics. I forget this about them. In this committee I was on, there was a woman in it. I completely forgot she was an alcoholic. I don't know what the hell she was doing on an AA committee. Just some nice person that dropped in the help. I just went up to her. Finally. I said, you know, I 'cause I just met her. I said I just have a hard time relating to you as an alcoholic. Then she told me your story. So you have to remember that those of us have been around the night. We're not well or we wouldn't be here.

In fact, I've never met an old timer yet that isn't severely hat somewhere inside of them. When I got sober it was wonderful. You'd see one old timer trying to fight another old timer over gratitude

punctuation in the big book, you know? I can get over there. You know

it's true. Now, newcomers, if you really want to mess with old timers, because Alcoholics Anonymous is the most rigid program on the face of the earth, OK, we don't like to think that. We want to think we're Alcoholics. We're Bohemians. It's the Baptists, it's the Republicans, the Democrats, the Kiwans. They are rigid. No, we're more rigid than them. Now, if you don't think this is true, I'm going to give you a couple tests. You'll find out. But this is one of the places they asked me to go speak in lock and yacht on A at a noon meeting one time. And they give chips out there right now. This and what I love about two things I love about this meeting. I drove in the parking lot. There's some guy talking to another guy with the big book open on a truck bed back there.

Wow, this is a good meeting. The other thing I like about this meeting is you have all different kinds of ages in here, right? Because the problem with LA is you can go to a meeting where they're just like you. If you're old, they're all old. If you're young, they're all young, you know, and I love meetings in LA where we have because where I got sober in South Carolina, it was just all kinds of ages, you know, and that's the one great thing about LA. And one of the, the bad things about LA is that there's so many meetings you can go and not have to learn to get along with others. So what I love about conventions, they always remind me my Home group is not just a A, there's a whole lot of else a A going on out there because basically

AAA is our Home group. And I need to know that I'm connected, need to know that. In fact, it was very funny getting sober in South Carolina.

They were all retired Sergeant majors. There's a little place there called Fort Jackson. It's a basic training center, which meant all the old timers were retired Sergeant majors then. These were people who didn't care about your feelings.

They never had a feeling. Why should you? They went through WW2 without a feeling, why should you? And they just love little college, white educated boys like myself, you know, suburban. I was chairing one day and some little guy stuck his little Bony finger in my chest and he went. Steve, if it's your mother's fault you're drinking, why ain't she waking up sick?

I haven't got an answer yet. For 21 years I've tried to come up with an answer, and if I ever do, I'm going to dig that guy up. This is why

Because listen, guys, I blame my mother for mine. It had something. Yeah. I why? Let me just say this. I'm very interested in why I love Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? A is kind of an anti. Why? Don't ask why.

Don't even know why. No, Elsa didn't know why. Doctor Bob didn't know why. Lois knew why.

It's an Al Anon question, you know. And I, you know, great. If you don't need to know why, God bless you. You probably have a more thing like me. I love to know why, why, why, why, why. But you know what? Why I drank does me no good while I'm drinking.

While you're drinking why will do you no good on sobriety. You can explore why all you want and I have lots of reasons. Probably growing up in an alcoholic. I love people and say now I always understand people who say there's no alcohol in my family don't know how I'm an alcoholic.

And people like me that say alcohol them all over the family, I guess that, you know, I got it, you know, But the ones I never understand is, yeah, everybody in my family was an alcoholic. Has nothing to do with my alcoholism. Oh, so apple trees don't make apples?

What the hell is that about? Of course it has something to do with my alcoholism. Not blaming anybody. You know, my mother solved her problems like doing this.

Ah, I'm a little kid. I'm not stupid. I do this

see that's I have an alcoholic guys, I take 412 ounces of ethyl alcoholic goes down my throat, it hits my stomach and the sun rises.

It paralyzes my legs, it comes up my chest, it flushes my face, it goes out my fingers, and every pore in my body goes.

You're jonesing, aren't you?

You sphincter's a little tighter, little sweat on your lip, 'cause you know what I did? I woke him up, didn't I? Yeah, I know. Today. Meaning let's get the hell out and go find.

She talked to you talk to me all the time. He talks to me all. You're very good person. You're very good person. You have just one drink. You're just wondering, wondering. Let's just have one drink. Let's have one drink. Let's. What's a Zima? What is a Zima?

Zima. The only drink I've seen fascinate old timers.

Literally seen the whole time. We're talking to a new Comer. Newcomer. Show me how to do this. Steps. OK, you tell me about Zima. I'll show you the steps. Sorry.

OK, OK, no, Zima, let's let's have a non alcoholic beer now. I don't have any opinion about that. I guess plenty of people drink them. I don't. You're sober if you want to be. I don't drink them. I don't drink them because for me to drink a non alcoholic beers, for me to go to a House of prostitution just to listen to the piano player.

Now I'm going to tell myself I'm just going for the Bach, the Mozart, I'll get a room. OK, so so you know, now if you're new, he talks to you just a little differently than he talks to me. He says things like I really I just think we should listen to her the whole hour. We'd be much better off Cool. She's just cool. And you know what I love about that? And and this is not only being an alcoholic, but coming in an alcoholic home. And my mother was a wonderful woman when she wasn't drinking.

You know she doesn't have to worry about Giants being intoxicated in her world.

You know they say one thing about kids that grow up in Alcoholics homes. They would lie when it's just as easy to tell the truth. You know why we do that? You do not tell a drunk giant anything they don't want to hear. Drunk giant tells you that 2 and 2 = 5. You tell them two and 2 = 5 because you, the only thing you're trying to do is not get hurt,

you know? And I heal. I heal, you know, I have. My mother died of alcoholism and I heal every time I see a child give their mother a cake. You know, my father abandoned the family, my biological father. I heal every time I see a father come back to the family

and I know I've had a spiritual experience because without it, if your mother gave you a cake and my mother didn't give me one,

I'd sit there and go. How come their mother gets to do it? And yet when your mother does it, it is like my mother,

and I can't explain that to you. You got to stay here. One day you're going to get sober and somebody's going to come to the meeting and they're going to get a year and you're going to be in your seat. You're going to be as happy for them as if it was you. It's not your best friend. It's not just somebody that you care about. And all of a sudden going to realize, I never felt that before my whole life. I just never felt something for somebody else that had nothing to do with me.

New freedom and new happiness.

And we could, we could benefit from her coup. And she Coos because she's safe. She's safe in this room. You know, I love kids in a, a meetings. They just run to all of you.

They've never heard your fist step.

God,

So as I tell you this up so Alcoholics not as being the rigid, most rigid organization in the world. I I digress a lot, but I went to slack and enemy. They give out chips, right? They give out a 30 day chip. There's a nice lady down front. She's 4243. She's got 29 days. She raises her hand, says I don't have 30 days because I got 29. Can I take a chip a day early? You'd have thought she farted. Oh my God,

these people went crazy. No, you can't take a chip because we'll have grasshoppers and plagues and boils and we'll all die and it'll be horrible if you take a chip one second early.

This from a group of people who went out for a pack of cigarettes. Halloween

in costume. Didn't show up till January 3rd. Still in costume. You know, snappy little nun on the front and hooker on the back outfit that one.

See, we get very rigid in surprise. I told that story. God told me he was in a clubhouse like this. This only happened and they were trying to run the clubhouse by the traditions and they were trying to figure out whether to put a soda machine in the clubhouse. Now they argued about this for six hours. And any of you have ever been on an AA committee know what I'm talking about. They have a saying in a If you love everybody, you haven't been going to enough meetings.

I've expanded that if you love everybody, you're going to enough meetings and you haven't been on enough committees.

So finally, pro Contra, pro Contra, pro Contra, they'd vote, you know, and they go, OK, we can have a soda machine. And now this guy who's like the kind of alcoholic I love raises his hand and says, Mr. Chairman, there is an issue we have not discussed. The chairman goes what? He says I like Pepsi

and he knew what was going to happen. The chairman was going to come out because now he knew another six hours. Pepsi, Coke, Akron, NY Bill Bob, you know it was just going to go on forever. So if you knew, I suggest next time you with this group, you get on the picnic committee and next time you there and then you get to end up committee meeting goes and then you go, you raise your hand and you go. Mr. Chairman. Mr. Chairman, I'd like to move the picnic tables over there this year.

I'll tell you what's going to happen. It's going to get very quiet

and the oldest of the old timers is going to get up on their four foot two height in their Walker and go. We don't move the picnic tables here at the Paramount Speakers Group.

No, Wilson had potato salad right there.

Doctor Mark broke a little wind right over there. Yeah,

it's good enough for them. It's good enough for you young.

Most rigid organization on the face of the earth. Having 21 years and not an old timer. I'm just in the old timer training program

where they teach you to say things like didn't have 12 steps when I got sober, had 39,

didn't have chairs. We set out rocks

and have coffee. We drank fungus. Very hard program. Let me just tell you something, if you're new, this is the greatest time in the history of a A to be a member of a A OK. I am tired of being places where it was better before I got there. Apparently this country was better before I was born, right? Apparently A as a as golden age has not passed. These are your good old days.

There were benefits then and there are benefits now,

you know, but this is the greatest time in the history of AA to be a member of AA. And the very same program that was in Akron and 35 is in this room tonight. And we use different language. Fake phrases come and go. Issues is a phrase, you know, and but you know, in the 50s, all the people in a a were having identity crisis. You know, we don't have those anymore. And it just comes and goes. But a, A stays,

a, A stays and there's always people that will maintain it. I gotta tell you, this is a great program. They do lie to you. I just want to tell you they do lie. Newcomers. I lie to newcomers all the time. They call me up. Ring, ring, ring. 4:30 in the morning, right, 'cause they, they had the crisis at 9. She broke his heart at 9:00, but he's gonna do it on his own till 4:30.

Then he needs to talk to me

and I sponsor really neat guys. They say, well how could I not fight with her so much? And I say things like, well, I think if you don't say look, bitch, the fight will go better.

And they kind of look at me not really believing I'm telling them the truth. They're kind of

really, if I don't say look, bitch, well really, it'll go better. Really. I said don't talk about her mother either. It's not good

and they go well. If I don't say that, what should I say? I said maybe. Look, honey, how about sweetheart, you're out of your mind.

Stuff won't work.

They call me up at 4:00 in the morning. Me, me, me, me. My, my, my, my, they, They. They, they,

Me, me, me, me, my, my, my, my, my, they, they, they, they, Me, me, me, me, my, my, my, my, they, they, they.

And if you knew, do not feel bad. That's every alcoholic in this room. I would love to videotape everybody when they come into AA. So when they speak in the international, we show on the big, big screen

just being taped.

Then I won't mention that person's name, but you know, but there are

people, people have been here recently. Would you like to see them even maybe this afternoon? Me, me, me, me, my, my, my.

Because it was ever all of us. It was all of us.

So here's what I do Me, me, me. Me. My. My, my, They. They. They

invite me to the party. I don't want to go to me, me, me, me, my, my, my. I go read page 919. Click

I don't know what's on 19.

Have I read 19 in months

10 minutes later ring. Thank you so much. 19 save my life. By God, you're the greatest sponsor of the face of the earth. Click. So then I have to read 19. You know, find out what I said so I can take a little credit for it. So this is how crazy this program is. The thing they don't explain to you here, and I'm going to do this very quickly

for those of you on tape. That pause was because the very tall and good looking speaker walked away from the microphone.

What are you laughing at? They're laughing. They're laughing because it's so true. Anyway,

all right, so they give you this God, right? We have this weird God. My, my grand, my spiritual grandmother. Alabama used to always say that you're not a bad person trying to get good, you're a sick person trying to get well. Why? That's a big lie. Let me explain that to you. If you're not a bad person trying to get good, but just a sick person trying to get well, how come you got to do a moral inventory?

Last time I left, heart patients weren't doing moral inventory.

Last time I left, people with sugar diabetes weren't going. Fred, when you're out of town. I slept with Ethel. I won't do it anymore.

No Alcoholics do moral inventories. Because some of the stuff I did drink and I didn't mean to was pretty crappy. And every once in a while, some of the stuff I do sober is pretty crappy,

you know? And living with it will kill me. The wrong doings of others, fancied or real, have the actual power to kill someone like me. I will destroy my car, proving to you you can't tell me what to do. This is about 9.

You know, they also say there's no chiefs and Alcoholics Anonymous, there's only Indians. That's a lie.

This is what A is A. A is all chiefs pretending to be Indians

so they don't die with a big fat liver out to here because the physics are right now is this room is not big enough for the egos that are presently in this room.

So, so they give you all these four step and you know, and I was going to say earlier, you know, I talked about that I only know how to bury buried underneath or, or or dominate. You see one of the things I learned in the inventory, it says I only have basically 4 character deferred effects, selfish, dishonest, self seeking and frightened. And I love that because it's so simple and I have a very complex world and I like simple. Now I'll tell you what dishonest means. Dishonest means, you know, I lie. I wasn't there. I know you have videotape. Your sister was there too, but I wasn't there.

That's just. But you know where else it's dishonest? You know else how I found out through the inventory process. I'm you hurt my feelings. You say something. Either you mean to hurt my feelings or I think you do. And you know what I do? I just don't talk to you anymore. I mean, I'll say hello and how are you? But you're dead man walking. You're not leading my meeting. You're not coming to my house. If I'm leading the meeting, your hand can freeze off. If it's a participation meeting, you're not getting on the podium. And you know how that's dishonest. I've never gone through, talked to my sponsor, talked about the