The New Horizons group in Bend, OR

Thanks, Kerry, for that wonderful introduction. My name is, I'm an alcoholic and it's really good to be here.

I, I, I, it's a privilege and an honor to be able to, to be asked to talk in a, in a, any kind of a capacity in a, a, It's especially an honor to be able to talk with all the zoo bombers. Sooner or later they realize we don't even give a shit if they zoom on us. Whatever.

So it it, it really doesn't matter. So go ahead, bomb away.

Anyway,

I, I came to Alcoholics Anonymous. I was, you know, as a, as a younger person and I didn't really appreciate what was going on here. I thought it was just some kind of a flimsy read of, of nothingness. I didn't think you guys had anything that I wanted. I thought you guys were all a bunch of lanes. And, you know, for the most part that's kind of true. And for the most part, actually, we are just kind of a bunch of lanes

and, and that's good though today for me, I, I, I, I was, I had a normal kind of a normal upbringing, I guess. Neither one of my parents drank. They both went to work every day and did what you're supposed to do. And you know, they,

you know, you know, it was just, it was OK. It was, it was a, it was a good, good childhood. I don't have any complaints about that or anything like that. I got to fix this because it's driving me crazy. It's going to fall or something. It's going to do something anyway. I but I, you know,

I never felt like I fit in. I was never could be a part of life. I would go and I would,

I, I would go to school and I so first of all, let me just back up and let's start over. So I, I was born into this family

that was sent me to Catholic school, but they weren't religious.

Both my I was the only child and there was no other kids in my neighborhood. So I pretty much, I, I pretty much, you know, just

didn't know how to fit in, didn't know how to interact with other kids, etc, etc. And I, I went to this school and like most people do, you know, and I realized that today that I was not unique at that time, but I really felt like I was unique. And I, I went to the school, I didn't know how to interact with other kids. I didn't know how to, how to do anything at all. And I, I ended up getting bullied. I end up getting being, you know what I mean? Didn't have a lot of friends, kind of stuck to myself, that kind of thing.

And, you know, for the most part,

just just live my life, you know what I mean? But I never fit in with anybody. And you know, when I found a group of kids that I could that I wanted to be like, like these kids were not, nobody was messing with these kids. They weren't really going to class and that kind of thing. They're kind of hanging out in the smoking area. And I wanted to be like those kids. And when I got to, I hung out with them for a minute and

they were passing this bottle around one day and I got that. I got that stuff to stay down and if I wanted to fit in with those kids and my life changed

and I didn't know it at the time that my life had changed, but my life definitely had changed. I love the effects that I got from alcohol. I absolutely love the effects that I got from alcohol And I start, I stopped going to class all the time. We go to class to take a role, then we sneak out or do whatever, manipulate our way into to doing something else and, and I love to party. And the other thing I love is I love music. I even to this day, that's one of the things that gets me out of myself. I love music. I

that, that whole thing. And so those two kind of things kind of went together hand in hand. I started playing in this band and we I played drums and, and now we were the party. We were bringing the party to you. And it was just a lot of, it was a lot of drama and a lot of fun at the same time. And all this time, little by little, you know, my parents are are, you know, just my parents are like, you know, can you just not drink, you know, and, and, or, or slow your drinking down or, or whatever. And there'd be different kinds of

opportunities that would arise.

Sometimes it would be like a funeral or whatever. My mom would say, just don't drink today. Just do not drink today

and don't embarrass us. It's Aunt Ann's funeral and I don't want to get embarrassed today. And so I wouldn't drink. And, and I see I have these intense emotions. I have these, these where I just get, and I so I'm not drinking, you know, and I'm not drinking. When I don't drink, I get really, really tense. And so somebody would just inevitably would walk up to me and just say, Hey, Rick, how's it going? And they just mean, Hey, how you doing? Like I haven't seen you in a long time or whatever,

but I think you can see inside me and I just go off on the person and whatever, right? And I just, I, I, I can't function without drinking, you know, and that happened kind of slowly, you know, at first drinking was just, it was, it wasn't really my thing. It just, it just made me feel better. I I know, I knew that I could articulate that, that I felt better when I was drinking than I when I was not drinking.

Looking back at retrospect, I didn't realize that alcohol was doing something different for me than it was doing for everybody else.

I'd go to these AA meetings at one time at the at the request of a doctor. He said I was drinking too much. So my grandmother found an A meeting and took me to that. And and I'm sitting in this meeting and the people are all old people are released 30 years old and just hideous. And I just couldn't identify with anything that they were saying and and doing. And they would talk about God. And I had since left the Catholic Church and

had failed out of Catholic school and was going into to a regular public school now. And I still again, once again, I'm the new kid. I don't know anybody. And I'm just, I'm feeling different. I'm feeling ill at ease again

one more time, but at least I've gotten away from because the things I heard in the Catholic Church was that I was going to, I was going to go to hell for the things I was thinking. And I stopped thinking about those things and started doing those things. So I knew for sure that I was going to hell. And I know today that's not what the Catholic Church says. And I know that that wasn't what they said, but that's what this kid hurt, right? And so my, my whole world is my reality. My perception is my reality. And that's just the way it is, right? And then so I'm just, I'm just going along through life and I think I'm just hurting myself. I'm not really hurting anybody else.

I'm just just hurting myself. And I go through a series of jobs and girlfriends and, and, and I'm starting to go through family members now my, my last and only enablers are my family. And they're, they're starting to get tired of all the BS. And you know, I'd go to a A and I'd straighten up my life. You know, that's what I thought. That's what I, I heard that name means that you, you don't drink one day at a time and that you start getting your life back together. And so I would try to do that. I would not drink and I would not drink for a long time,

right? Sometimes with a little bit of help, I had a little bit of maybe Vicodin or something like that. But I, I wouldn't be drinking, you know, and I, I just, nothing ever works like a couple of drinks, you know, I would take that Vicodin and it would relax me for a little bit and I'd be OK. But inevitably what happens to me is my emotions are still all balled up inside of me.

My I get depressed. My depression is so great

that I just. I just can't stand the way I'm feeling. And when I can't stand the way I feel, I get irritable and I get restless and I get discontented

and, and saying those words, I'm realizing at the time too, I didn't identify with anything that was said in Alcoholics Anonymous. And that's one of the main things we talk about. And I, I would go to these a, a meetings and I was looking for all the differences and I found them

and, and I would drink again. Inevitably, I would always drink again.

I, I every time. I mean, it got to the end where I was, I was fighting a drink and it was, it got from fighting a drink weekly to daily. I would get up in the morning and this today is the day I'm not going to drink today I'm not going to drink. And by by noon I'd be white knuckling it. And by 1:00, you know, I just got to have one, just one drink just to go,

everything's all right right here. And you know, from, from that, from that, that point, it was just, it was almost like pointless to even try anymore, you know, because my emotions were, that was the thing about, you know, I asked why I never really did a lot of drugs or anything else is because alcohol put me right in the center of life. And that's where I love to be. I love the effects that I got from alcohol because that would and nothing else ever worked. Nothing.

And I tried many other things and just nothing else got me right where I wanted to be. And alcohol worked every time. And so I'm going in and out of Alcoholics Anonymous. I'm going in and out of relationships, I'm going in and out of jobs. I'm, I'm moving to different parts of the city. I never really moved out of my city by moving, you know, I'm just just just, and, and pretty soon now I, I can't hold a job at all. I'm living in my car. And now it's getting to the point now where they're going to tow my car and I just don't even know what else to do anymore.

And I'm, I'm to that point and I'm, I'm, I, I, I, I'm too chicken to kill myself really. But I want this doll to end. I want the madness to go away. I want to stop. I can't live with drinking and I can't live without drinking. I'm in that spot that I just can't spring for myself from. And I, and I, I'm just coming out of my skin. And I now they're going to tow the car. And so I have to get out of the car. And so I get out of the car

and I there's an A8 club park. I was parked like across the street

from this AA club in North Sacramento. And I walked into that meeting and there was an old timer in there that I'd seen around before and he just tried to help me before. And I, you know, I'm the type of guy that, that I'm like the guy who I joined the gym, right? And I go and I joined the gym. When you join the gym, they give you like 10 free passes for personal training, right? But I'm the guy I go to the gym and I bring some Donuts into the gym,

you know, and I'm just kind of hanging out. Maybe I'm passing out towels or maybe I'm just hanging out at the gym. And, you know, pretty soon one of those personal trainers comes and says, Hey, you know, with your membership that you paid for already, you have some personal training. I have some time right now. I mean, I'm happy to help you out or whatever. I'm like, oh, no, no, no, Because see, I can see everything that's going on in the gym and I can I'm pretty smart and I can actually figure things out. Like I see the girl running on the treadmill over there. I see the guy lifting weights over here. And, and I get that. I get how it all

works right? And I understand it really, really well. Like I could probably articulate it to you in a way that you've never heard articulated before. I'm so smart that I can actually do that. And so I could tell you how this gym works and how the muscle systems and, and when you lift the weight this way. And if you hold your have your form right, you could, you know all the stuff I know about all this stuff.

I know way, way more than than you do anyway, so there's no way that you can help me.

And so I just sit in the gym and, and while you guys are coming in and out of the gym and you guys are all getting better, you guys are all getting in shape and I'm just getting worse. I'm my cardio's lagging. I can't even walk. I can't even walk, walk to the kitchen sink and I get I'm out of breath. I don't know what's going on. This gym doesn't work. It's the gym that doesn't work, you know, and one more time, you know, somebody will say, hey, you know, maybe just try doing some of the stuff that you know so much about. Why don't you try to do it? You know,

and that's what this guy kind of said. He said, you know, you say a a doesn't work, but actually you've never tried a a. So why don't you try this smart, smart guy? Why don't you try a a do it and then it won't work like you say. And then you could say I did a A and it doesn't work. But you can't really say that right now because you've never done it, smart guy. And it's first, for some reason, like he just got in my face with that. It just for some reason, something shifted in me and

OK, what do I have to do? I said, well, where are you living right now? And the tow trucks loading my car up. So I'm not living anywhere right now, right? And so I, I stayed in this guy's couch and he he let me live on his, he let me sit on, let me sleep on his couch. And when he went to work in the morning, I had to get up and leave the house and I could come back when he came back from work. And in the meantime, I was looking for a job myself. And, you know, I finally found a job and

a little crappy job making boxes or something

and something that I could do, though, and I started doing that thing. And, but every night we, we do a read all the big book. His wife would cook us dinner and I we'd eat and we'd read out of the big book. And I didn't want anything to do with this God stuff. I didn't want anything to do with anything. And he said, you know, a kid that they, it's, it's really not that, that hard of a thing. The hoop is not that big that you have to jump through,

he said. He started making this, this analogy of power, like a power that's, that's and we, we use the analogy of electricity

and he shut the lights off in the house and he said, now it's dark right now. He said, you know that the power doesn't really care if you get up and turn on the lights or if my wife walks back in the room and turns on the lights or if I turn the lights back on. The power will just work if I turn the light switch back on. And that same power will cook your dinner. The same power powers the electric chair in the San Quentin State Prison,

so the same power just works. It just does what it does.

All you have to do is you have to be able to access that power. You have to have your your machine plugged into the wall to access the power. Right now you have your machine plugged into the electrical to the extension cord. But guess what, kid? Your extension cord ain't plugged into nothing. And for some reason that made sense to me when we went to this meeting and and

it was a big meeting. And he said, I want you to find the drunk people here. And I couldn't find anybody that was drunk. And he said those people all used to be just like you. So you admitted to me that alcohol was a power greater than you in your life. And now I'm going to challenge you that this here in Alcoholics Anonymous is a power greater than alcohol, that there's nobody here drinking and they're not ruining their lives like they used to do. And I would listen to your guys story and I would identify with some things and, and I started to listen. I started to listen for those similarities and how drinking made you feel and how,

how sobriety made you feel. And I could identify with that. And I knew you'd been, I knew he'd been where I'd been because he told me his story and that thing of one alcoholic helping another alcoholic. And so I came to believe in a power that alcohol, that Alcoholics Anonymous was a power greater than alcohol. And then if it was an out power greater than alcohol, it was a power greater than me. And that was good enough. And from that little little tiny bit, I was able to start my journey here and I was able to do

do a semi honest inventory. And then what started to happen is that I ended up getting off his couch. I ended up getting living in it in this trailer that this and this persons property and and got this little job now and things are looking a little better. The families letting me back in and this kind of thing. I still haven't really made amends. Then I told him I was sorry, but I haven't really made amends to them for the damage that I've caused or anything like that. Life isn't perfect, but

I'm probably around 60-70 days sober or something like that.

I had to chair this meeting on the other end of town. I got to go pick up this new guy. And I'm thinking how much longer you got to do this a crap Anyway, you know, this is getting to be a little bit too much. And so I go and I pick this guy up and I got to tell you this guy stunk really bad. He's shaking. He's coming out of his skin. He's he's going through D TS. I'm feeding him Pearl surf and orange juice and a little bit of vodka in this big old glass and and he just so he won't die, so he won't die on me. And he's like, he's,

he's just, he's hideous. He's puking in my car and all this stuff. And I go to this meeting. I'm talking at the meeting I'm sharing. I shared that story with that, that I just told you guys that, you know, every day I'm fighting a drink and got down to the point where it's every hour I'm fighting a drink and the drinks winning. I just can't do this anymore. And, and so I'm get this guy, we're riding back home and I'm really thoroughly disgusted with this guy because I work with him for, I don't know, two weeks now and he still can't stay sober. He can't do anything.

And it's like how much longer you got to do this crap? And he asked me this question. He said, Rick, how long till you didn't want to drink every day?

And I almost crashed the car because I couldn't answer the question. I didn't know how long it had been. And so I, I,

I went home that day. I got him back home. I told his wife, you know, feed him a little bit more of this Carol Serpent orange juice concoction that I made. But if he goes in the D TS,

you better get into a hospital because that's one thing you can die from is DTS and and he was about off and I went home and I I I told my sponsor,

hey, this program works. And he goes, yeah, no shit.

And I, and I told him that story. I said I haven't wanted to drink.

And he said, really, no kidding. And he got the book and he threw the book at me. And all this time he's been reading to me and he's been sharing his experience as we're going through the book. All this time he's been reading this stuff to me. And this time he threw the book at me and he made me read this part on the, the, the promises of Step 10. It says we've ceased by I'm not going to read the whole thing, I promise. But it says we've ceased fighting anything or anyone. You can now call for why this time sanity will have returned. We'll seldom be interested in liquor.

If tempted, we recoil from others from a hot flame. And it says this has happened automatically.

It just it, it, it comes without any thought or effort on our part. It just comes. That's the miracle of it. We're not fighting it, neither are you avoiding temptation. We feel as though we've been placed in a position of neutrality, safe and protected. We've not even sworn off. The problem has been removed. It does not exist for us. And I could honestly say that that was true in my life, that it had, it did not exist for me. And that was the first time that I could remember since I was a kid that I

hadn't wanted or needed a drink, that something was controlling this obsessive emotions, that I wasn't in a depression anymore, which was weird. I wasn't crying myself to sleep anymore. I wasn't, I wasn't feeling so depressed that I that I just, I just wanted it to end anymore. I didn't have these intense anger where I wanted to just choke you out anymore

that those things had dissipated. They were still there. They were still like on this, like underneath the surface.

I could tell that they were there, but they weren't as apparent anymore. They were like arrested

for for that period of time. And and so I knew that a a worked. And every time, every time we went through one of the steps, he read the he would always read the promises, the step. And I just thought, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's, you know, all these self help books have all these wonderful flowery things that happen to you. Whatever, you know, if you do this, you, this will happen to you or whatever. You know, this Tony Robbins type of stuff.

But this really worked. This wasn't, see, I thought this was just like some flimsy read of something that just wasn't. This was tangible. It didn't seem tangible at the time that I was going through it. But I had to look back in retrospect. And at that time, 60 days now, 26 years, I'm looking back in retrospect and I can definitely see that there was something working in my life and it wasn't me. I don't have the the wherewithal

or the knowledge. I'm barely a High School graduate. I barely have any. You know, I have no college, no nothing.

I don't have the wherewithal to pick myself up by my bootstraps and straighten my life up. There is no way. There's no way that I got from living in my car where I am today standing before you, a sober human being for 26 years. There's absolutely no way I did that. There's no possible way. It's it's impossible. And that's what I used to think of a a this is impossible. This is just a bunch of crap

except that it works. But the problem is you got to do it long enough to see it working

and look, then you can look back and see it work. I mean, yeah, the first day in the gym, the first day you go workout in the gym, you're going to be sore, but you're not going to see any results at all. I promise you, you won't. And that's the same with a a your first day, you're just going to meetings. Your first, you're brand new. You're just going to meetings and stuff. You're not going to see any results. No, you're not. You know, it doesn't like to spend a light switch is going to go off and, and and all of a sudden you're sober and happy and you have a job and $1,000,000 in the bank. It just doesn't work like that, right.

And so I started doing the stuff and I ended up going back and, and making amends with my parents. And by this time I got in a different sponsor. This guy had kind of floated out the top of AA, wasn't really doing AA anymore. He later ended up taking his own life because he stopped doing the stuff that was that was in the book. The man that saved my life took his own life because he wasn't he had some other issues obviously too that had happened. He got an accident and so long story, but

the things that happened in his life, he, he was no longer now he's no longer with us.

And I got this different sponsor and he, he made me get, he made me go back and make amends to my parents. And I thought I had done it. But then he made me make an appointment with them and he so I had to pick a time. They let them pick the time. It was like 2 weeks in advance and I had to let them know while I was while I was coming. And what I asked them was how my behavior

had affected them.

See, and they were like, they were like really outgoing people. They had a they were very social, all this stuff. They had this big life. And then all of a sudden they became these old fuddy days. And I just thought they were just old fuddy days. You know, I had no idea that. But what they told me in that interview in that immense was that they stopped going out and doing things because their friends would inevitably the, the conversation would turn to how's Rick doing?

Well, he's Rick's living in his car. I mean, you know, it just wasn't questions that they were prepared to answer anymore. They just got tired of, you know, because I'd be doing good for a while and then it was bad again. And so I, I sat there and I listened to what it was like to have me as a son. What it, what it was like to stay up all night long when your only son is, you know, calling it 2:00 AM when it's, you know what it's like when you, you happen to work for a state law enforcement

and you can see things on the computer about, about stuff your son's doing. And

you know, and it breaks your heart. You know what I mean? I was only hurting myself. Just leave me alone. Let me, let me live my life. Just leave me alone. I'm just hurting myself. But what it's like to to watch your, to watch your wife go through all this anxiety and emotions where she has to be put on medication in order to sleep at night.

And that wasn't because, you know, and that was, that was, that wasn't because of anything they were doing. That's because of me. And when I started to learn is I had a direct impact on a lot of people's lives. And so I started, I went back and I made those in this and that's how I made them. I asked people how my behavior affected them, if they were willing to tell me. And I got to tell you, if you ever want to drink after you do an immense like that, a bunch of amends like that, it's very emotional. There's a lot of crying involved. And I don't want to cry because I'm a tough guy

and you know, but I did it and, and I got to tell you, I never want to live that way again. If you, if you make amends that way and you ever want to live that way again, you're, you're a psychopath. There's no way I ever want to go back to that way of life ever. And I, I mean, I know we don't say around here I'll never drink again. I mean, I know that that's always an option, but I never want to live the way I was living. And I'll do whatever it takes.

I'll pick up. Newcomers all come and talk at this meeting in Bend, OR

all you know, I'll go to Las Vegas, I'll go wherever you want me to go. So I don't have to live that way. I'm willing to do it. I'm willing to say yes to, to every a, a request. And that was one of the spiritual principles. You know, we talk about these spiritual principles that, you know, of prayer and meditation and all this kind of stuff. And I got to tell you that the, the 11th step that I, I practice this today, this morning with a, with a new guy that's, that's going through this stuff with me. And, and, and

you know, for me, I look at this 11 stuff when I retire at night, I constructively review my day. That's what I do. And I, I do exactly what it says on there, 'cause I, I went to a bunch of meditation meetings when I was new because I thought I had to meditate and learn how to meditate, right. And so I got to learn how to do yoga or whatever the kids are doing and all that kind of stuff. And I don't think we had yoga then that came out later, But, but if we would have, I would have tried that too. And, and here's the thing too is there's nothing wrong with all that stuff. If

doing they stuff too, what my sponsor pointed out to me is it says on the top of 86, it says

we we could be vague about this matter, yet we believe we can make some definite and valuable suggestions. And then it goes on to make some definite valuable suggestions. And my problem is, is that I have so much trouble just doing what it suggests every day and just keep connected to this. I mean, it's like in the end of this, this thing is this chapter, it says we are undisciplined. We let God discipline us in this simple way. And that's so true for me.

Like I can't, I don't do this every single day, exactly how it's outlined in the book. And I've been practicing it for 26 years and I still, you know, many people do this stuff one or two times and they just float out the top and they're just wonderful. I, I'm weak and heavy laden most days. I mean, I still have issues. I still have problems and, and all that kind of stuff. I've never gotten to where I don't need to do this stuff in this book and don't. And so like, that's why I was doing this morning with a guy with a brand new guy.

And we're doing this part on awakening. It says we think about the 24 hours ahead. So we looked at our calendars. Both of us did what do we have planned for today? I had to talk with this meeting at noon. I have to do some stuff after this. And what do I have planned for the day? I have my day planned out. I look at my calendar, my task list, What what was on my task list yesterday that didn't get done. This may be more of a priority today. This way I'm not just running around like a chicken with my head cut off like, oh, I have to go here. Oh, I forgot to call Carrie back. That's right. Now I got to stop over here. I mean, I

sometimes there's days that I wouldn't get out of the house, right, because I go in the kitchen to get some coffee. But then I remember I have to go back to the bedroom because I forgot something over there. And then, oh, I have to go to the bathroom to get there. I have to go to the laundry room to get

I'm all over the place and I don't even leave the house. I'm just going around in a circle because I'm crazy, right? Because I need to stop and do this. What it says here. Consider our plans today. What are my plans for what I got to do? I got to go carry back. I got to call Joe back. I got it. I got to call this client. I got to

do this. I got to take care of of these things, right? I have to live my life by my calendar,

so we ask God to direct our thinking. I use the the old Chuck Sieper. I love this just because it it makes it simple for me. It's just a simple prayer. It's guides me. I'm reporting for duty. I'm going to do the best I can today with what I got and all I ask got to use a little guidance direction the power to carry it out and I sure thank you and that that I start my day with that prayer. Is that just that simple. It says God gave us brains to use, right and thinking about our day, we may face indecision made

not be able to which to determine which course to take Here we ask God for inspiration or intuitive thought. I mean, it tells me how to start my day. It tells me how to end my day here. And that's the meditation. You know, there's an old, if you look at an older dictionary, one that was around the dictionary we had, I don't have this dictionary anymore, but the dictionary we had was from like, I think it was like 1916 or 1917, somewhere around the time that Bill would have been forming his language skills.

And in that meant in that dictionary, it described meditation as planning like a, like a general will meditate a war. That was one of the examples that it used.

And that's what it is. It's planning. Meditation took on a new form in the 1960s and means something totally different today. We have to realize that that's not what Bill was talking about. That's the whole 3 decades earlier, right? And there's and there's what you know. The other thing is too is there's nothing wrong with yoga. I've done yoga before. There's nothing wrong with doing all that stuff and all the other meditations and stuff I'm sure are fine. There's nothing. I'm not saying there's anything wrong with it. I'm just saying for me, I have to get this stuff down first. I got to do what a A suggests first

and then I could do any outside stuff. I mean, I go to the gym every day, I work out. I do take care of myself. I take care of my, you know, my livingness and all that kind of stuff too as well. You know, you have to. So anyway, I started doing this stuff and, and, and I was having trouble with, you know, a lot of lot of different things and I was introduced to traditions. I was introduced to how to apply traditions to my life as well

and, and what happened to me from there

is I started to grow up around here. I started to take some responsibilities. I got a better job. I got this job where I started off just as like a part time merchandiser and a training position opened up. It said you're doing a really good job as a merchandiser. I would like to be a trainer. And from there a supervisor position opened up. So I became a supervisor, then I became a district manager, and I became a regional manager.

I started climbing this this corporate ladder.

One day they're going to take on some new business. They looked at my area because industry standard, we were in every city and state in the United States and all the provinces of Canada and three European countries and industries wide standard was 93 to 96%. They like to be on the 96% compliance rate with all of their programs. Like everything is nothing's going to be perfect. They know that. But 93 to 96%

compliance rate and that was kind of the rate was throughout the country was between 93 and 94%.

And my area was Northern California from Reading to Stockton and it was 100% every month.

I'm not blowing my own horn. That's Alcoholics Anonymous. That's the traditions. And that's the thing. They didn't know that they had no idea that that's what we have a group conscience. In the morning, I was not their manager, I was their leader and I would ask them how I could help them. What could, what do we, what's the problems in your area that, that I can help you with today? And that's, that's where we went with and we had a group conscience. We didn't decide anything. I wasn't the I wasn't God. I, I helped them come to some decisions in their own,

their own benefit. Each area is different. I understood that and that kind of thing and they had different unique things in each area. And I don't know how to do any of this stuff. I have no college education. I have nothing. I have Alcoholics Anonymous steps, traditions of Alcoholics Anonymous. That's all I got. I don't, I'm, I barely graduated high school. I graduated high school really because the high school counselor gave me, I, I still needed like 10 credits, I think, or something like that. He just said, here you go. Just just just take it.

See you later kid. Good luck.

Like, you know,

and so anyway, I'm doing this and they so like, I guess some notice of this, right, Obviously. And so they pull me back to Atlanta, GA because they want to talk about this new business and they want my opinion. They want my input because my area is perfect, which is unheard of in the whole industry.

There might have been a couple other areas that were close, but I was number one usually. I mean, we slipped down to 99% sometimes, but it was pretty good.

And so I'm sitting in this boardroom with these executives,

these people are making, I don't even know how much money, stupid amount of money. And I thought, and this is by this time I'm 10 years sober. And I flashback to that kid in the car, the homeless kid that these guys would have, would have like walked around the block to avoid. And now I'm in your corporate boardroom and you're going to be asking me for my opinion. I froze for a minute. I, I was like,

and the other thing is I didn't really know what to tell him

because I can't tell them, Well, you got to 1st screw up your life and start to work steps and traditions in your life and build your life back up. I mean, that doesn't make, you know, nobody wants to hear that, right? Nobody wants to, you know, you're running your area from the steps and traditions of AAI mean, you know, not that just doesn't fly in the corporate world. And, but I, I laid out a plan. I laid out what my opinion was and what, what I thought saw were the foresee where the problems and that kind of thing. And they, they implemented that stuff in my area

because they wanted me to do it.

And a lot of the stuff was successful out of it didn't didn't fly just because they weren't willing to change their corporate culture, which had to be changed, which is a long story. I'm not going to go into all that, but

I ended up getting out of that career and I'm in a different career now. But you know, my, I started to, I started to make friends with women. I, I didn't have women that were friends. I had women that I used.

I had women that were like a drink with legs. It's a bra. It's a brunette. Stopped working. I picked up the blonde type thing

and I my sponsor forbade me to to date. I had to I had to have a friend and we went to the movies, we went to coffee. We didn't kiss. We just like said, I want you to treat like it was a guy and I had a lot. I started making friends with women. I had still today. I have a lot of carriers one of my good friends. I have a lot of friends that are that are female today from that, and it's great. I, I, I'm glad that that I'm glad my sponsor gave me that direction

from that. I didn't meet a girl. We did get married eventually. We had two kids. My son just recently graduated from high school.

He's so he'll be eighteen this year. He just just graduated. My daughter is is 22 and she's she's moved out. She lives down South now, but she's a a manager for a for a company. Both kids are great kids. Neither one of them drink or use as far as I know.

And and they're both good kids. They both stayed good in school and all that stuff. Me and that woman, we grew apart. We're more like brother and sister. And so we split up. But it was an amicable. I mean, I got to tell you, I told this to somebody the other day and if I had to do it all over again and I know what the outcome is, I would choose her to be mother of my children. There's no animosity with us. We're still good friends today. I talked to her the other day. I talked to her at the graduation. You know, the the whole thing. We Co parented all these years and we

right, you know, and and we're good friends today and and that's just the way it goes.