The topic of the steps to emotional sobriety at the Friendly Berlin Circle group in Berlin, Germany

I'd like to give you Tom and I think you'll really enjoy what he has to say.

Thank you, Susie. I'm Tom. I'm an alcoholic. I want to thank the group for inviting me to come speak and Patrick for making the connection. Thank you to a couple friendly faces. I, I dragged some people along for the ride here for my Home group and my sponses. I'll just tell you right up front, I'm a little nervous. You know, as soon as you gave me a big build up and you know, Patrick made a fire,

I am. I'm an alcoholic though, you know, and I am,

you know, a layperson. I, I'm, I'm not published, you know, I recorded some

speaking engagements I had just to share with some people.

I am not trained professionally. My experience is of an alcoholic and addict in Acoa and Al Anon and all kinds of other things thrown in there. So, so my experience is practical experience. I, I know, I've, I've read quite a bit, I've, you know, tried to learn as much about alcoholism, recovery and spirituality along the way, but it's essential, you know, practical experience. So hopefully that that comes through

that helps you.

I do have what I would consider a decent emotional recovery, working knowledge of how to use these steps to untangle myself from the dependencies and my past and, and the things I used to get hung up on that would cause me trouble and and trouble with, you know, with capital T, as they say, in, in terms of things that would dominate me into the point where if I had not

really through some manner of working steps, I could have gone back out to drinking

because I've been refining myself over the years and continue the work. I don't get it as quote up anymore. And that's that's emotional society. So for me, I know that you've heard some other presenters before and and certainly Alan has done a wonderful job of presenting this over the years and refining it. And for my own purpose,

what I consider emotional spider, emotional recovery for me is that

I'm no longer driven by my past. My past does not dominate either way it used to. The things that happen to me are simply things that happen. They're no longer my current motivators my my current

emotional state.

I've also learned how to respond first rather than react. That's something I didn't know I had an option to do, which used to be something would happen, a thought and emotion would happen and I would just fire right back. And nowadays, I respond a lot more than I've just reacted. And when I do respond,

most times, again, I'll couch this I'm still still work in progress. I have a proportional response

that means I'm not reacting out of context and out of hand to what I'm experiencing in, in, in the moment. If anyone can, you know, relate, you know, the broken shoelace which creates a screaming fit, you know,

a problem that, you know, at work, you know, causing me to, you know, throw my keyboard across the room. Those are emotional out there first, which are not in proportion, not in proportion. And so I've learned how to bring bring myself to a place where I can proportionally respond to life. And as described in in Bills 12:00 and 12:00,

this is actually on page 91. I like this and I picked it out like he talks about sidestepping the traps and I've learned to do that as well.

There's places where I know there are landmines out there in my relationships with, with my loved ones at work and daily living. I know they're there. I've set half of my booby traps, but I know that they're there and I can sidestep them as I get closer. So that that's generally my, my definition of emotional sobriety for myself. I'm going to give you a little bit of back story so you understand where I'm coming from to talk about how the steps have helped in in my process.

No emotional recovery, emotional sobriety. 12 step story would be would be complete without childhood. I'll just tell you I grew up in chaos and violence and abuse. I grew up in unstable home. I had both parents kind of take off

at certain points in my childhood before it was probably about 8 years old. Went to, you know, live with, you know, their

side relationships.

I've also, you know, lots of police, you know, disturbances that require the police to show up. My house thought of just instability, which certainly left an impression on myself.

That's why I say, you know, I'm an alcoholic. Regardless of the substance, regardless of the alcohol that goes into my system, I can get addicted to anything. Before I picked up my first drink, I wanted to escape. And so I used food and I used video games. I used books and fantasy and anything to escape who I was in the moment.

That led me to an early

entry into alcohol and drug use. I have two older brothers. So I had the opportunity and I had motive. And, and certainly with absentee parents, you know, there was plenty of, plenty of freedom there. And so I started drinking when I was 10 years old. One of my older brothers that summer

had some friends over, had some beers out, and he saw me practically staring, you know, staring down the beer. And he said,

you know, are, do you want this? Are you going to be cool about this? And I know what he meant, but I, I just heard cool and I wanted to be cool. So I said yes, I hope. Yep, Yep, whatever it takes to convince you to give me that thing because I wanted to be cool and they all looked cool. I didn't feel cool. I wanted I wanted to be where they are.

So I had my first beer that summer and a couple of beers after that. And then I had

my first joint in in the park that summer, trying to make it fit in and, and, and there was no like aha moment. But over time, I, I, I got to realize that this stuff helped me escape a lot more effectively than the other stuff I was trying previously. And so my response to the anxiousness and, and

depression and fear that was generated by my childhood upbringing was relieved by these substances and especially alcohol. And so I'm like, I need this. This is my medicine. This is going to help me. And it did to help me. It got me through some very dark times in my, my preteen years. And

the problem is I'm an alcoholic, you know, you know, I'm a

nature and nurture, alcohol meaning by nature genetically, alcoholism in my family by nurture or lack of nurture circumstances, environmental stuff also played a part in does it make me an alcoholic other than it said the set the stage for me to become an alcoholic. Once I put the substance into my body, I didn't know where it was. So it's my reaction to alcohol

in a traditional definition of alcoholism applies to me.

So

I spent the next eight years basically mixing and matching substances and circumstances to try to make myself feel better. And eventually that ran out. You know, I wound up doing harder substances. No surprise there. I was. I was like a poster child, you know, for, you know, what happens when good kids, you know, use alcohol as a gateway, you know, a substance. And I could have been in after school specials, what I'm saying for, you know, you know,

public service announcement. And at the end of the line, I was

wanting to to end my life because I thought I was going to be hopelessly addicted for the rest of my life. I was 18 years old. I had flunked out of college. I was back to working for my dad, you know, and doing a lot of lying, cheating, stealing to continue to use and get get what I needed in order to continue to just deaden the feelings and and not feel

the emotions behind, you know what I was doing. Solid guilt and shame and remorse kicked in for because I was doing all this, you know, this stuff that was not contrary to to who I was. You know that that spirit inside me was really suffering as a result of the way I was living. So Long story short, I wind up in a rehab at 18 years old.

I decide that my way doesn't work your way

EA he's way 12 step way seems much better option than I than what I had learned. And I saw an opportunity there. I saw some hope for someone who thought their life was over at 18. The idea of turning it around and getting some hope was really fundamental to my deciding I hit my bottom and that I wanted to continue this journey. So

I started my 12 step, you know, recovery journey at that point. And

for me it was, you know, no one could say typical

recovery story, 90 meetings, 90 days, get a Home group. I moved out of, you know, my parents house, which had all kinds of risks there in terms of, you know, my mom was drinking and my friends and brothers who were drinking. And so I started, started a fresh light and took a risk and wound up, you know, moving to a different part of my, my state and, and meeting some great people who brought me to meetings and, and the diner afterwards. And the fellowship was wonderful and I got a commitment and

home grouping. It was very good for a while.

My problem is that

I'm in, I'm one of those Alcoholics who needs a spiritual experience in order to maintain my recovery, that I need to have that change of attitude, a change of perception, a change of reaction to life in order to stay sober. That, you know, that 12th step needed to occur because otherwise I was going to be miserable. And I, and I was miserable actually because I hadn't worked the steps. And this is my in my first

cautionary scale is

that I waited too long to do the step work that I had done 123 I had a a passing knowledge of the steps. I looked at it and, you know, and got it kind of this look at the steps on the wall. Go, I'll do that one, that one, that one. And they said, you know, take what you need and the rest. And I did. The problem is I left a lot

and I didn't know what I needed. And so I I had approached step work at a very haphazard

and almost deadly light because I got into five years sober and was suicidal all over again. I had no tools for living. My emotions were driving me. They were absolutely controlled, just like

and in late term alcoholism acted alcoholism. The, the alcohol was driving me, my emotions were driving me, my, my circumstances were driving me and I didn't have any tools or, or ability to manage all that.

So I hit, I've hit five years and, and within that kind of state. And what I love about the AA literature is it's just chock full of reference material and stuff that no matter when I look at it and I go back and I'll reread it and, and take a look at other stuff, I go, Oh my God, that applies to me. And so

with five years in the program, you know, going to meetings and commitments, all that stuff, I was suffering from the bedevilments.

Now Bill writes about the bedevilments and we agnostics and on page 52 and they're supposed to be an argument for a higher power. And it's in a way he's talking about the the circumstances before we get into the program. But here I was five years in and subsequently time other times when that happened where

the governments were occurring to be sober. And so things like

I was pray to misery and depression, feeling of uselessness, full of fear, unhappy, anxious, depressive, just like I was early on before even came to the program. And all this stuff was happening today all over again. So

luckily I got some additional help, outside help. And I also did my 4th step and I did my first sports step and it was pretty in depth. I kind of built up this stuff for too long and I wound up

doing a long pit step with my sponsor and getting the relief as promised. And that's another thing which is amazed me about the program is it delivers. You know, you do the work, you get the results and I'm living proof of that. So I got through my fifth step and I and I go through the rest of the work and things are pretty good for a while. I got an over the

kind of the initial hump and gotten some relief from from the

from my isms right and got through 6:00 and 7:00

and done some

8-9 work and made some amends and was trucking along. But I hit another wall at 10 years and I'm sitting there. I'm like, where is this happy Joyce and creator talking about? Where is this, you know these, you know the rest of these promises? Why? Why do I still feel like an incomplete sober person? And

so

I had, I had to take another look at where I was with these these steps and take a look at what I was holding back on. And what I found was that although I had done, you know, 4th and 5th step and and Ethan nine step, there was still things I was holding back on. There was still resentment that I refused to let go of. And I used the excuse that

my problem is

that these people deserve it. Bottom line, you know, I was a kid. I didn't deserve to be abandoned. I didn't deserve to be abused. You know, these people deserve to have my resentments. They can deserve to, you know, to to be never forgiven. And we holding them, you know, in jail in my head

over and over again. The problem is I was the only one suffering from this. I couldn't have a relationship

because I was tied up in the past. I was carrying those ghosts around with me and it wasn't until I had let go absolutely and I had worked on the forgiveness that I needed to do let, let go of those resentments that I had towards those people that I really got the relief that I that the program offers. It's not easy, but I have to, for I had to first look at those relationships and what had happened.

Also had to, I also had to look at what, you know, what was my part in it. And that was my problem. I kept hearing what's your part, what you know, clean up your side of the street. And I went back and I looked and I had no part in it when it started, but I had a part in it. And, and in the actually in the literature, it says what was our mistake? And my mistake was

carrying these these resentments decades later,

not allowing them to be free, not letting forgiveness and grace to enter that relationship and into those people because all I was was hurting myself. You know, I've heard resentments described as setting myself on fire, waiting for the other person to die of smoke inhalation.

That wasn't going to happen as long that that freedom wasn't going to happen until I, you know, put that fire out and, and forgive those people.

And it has nothing to do with right or wrong. It has to do with

me wanting to live, me wanting to be free. And this was my path to freedom. And the one thing which stuck out to me that really made a huge,

huge difference is the Saint Francis prayer. And I use the Saint Francis prayer as a daily meditation on this in order to start to see where being of service and being of love and being of, of peace

was really the what my calling was and what the ability to forgive other people had to do with letting that spirit flow through me. And, and eventually I got that freedom and I got that piece and I was able to, to let all that go. So getting through those those those intractable resentments

really was, was a huge chump for me. And

and that's really, I think we're, I started to look at emotional sobriety and starting to pick up the threads of where it was referred to and where it was coming from outside of my kind of my daily

practice. And so as I

move through my, my, my teenage years of sobriety and got to go through the work a couple more times, I started to see these things keep popping up over and over again. I go, you know, seek out, like it says, 11,

you know, sought through prior meditation, conscious contact with the higher power. So it started reading different spiritual books and spiritual practices and, and listening more and I started to hear some universal truths come out. And so, you know, I saw Bill's letter, Bill Wilson's letter about emotional sobriety. I'm like, oh, this is starting to make sense. He started to apply the steps to gain emotional sobriety. And about 15 years ago I found.

Alan's a recording of Alan's Someone had passed along to me

and I'm and I'm like, this guys got, you know, got something going on here that made a lot of sense. And then it got a few years ago, you know, probably three years ago now, I think Alan's name popped up again and I listened to his, his CD that he had

with Herb Pay. I think about emotional surviving. So all these dots started to line up and I started to go, this is what this means. And

so

I started to take deeper dives into things like selfishness and self centeredness and my resentments and fears. Like it's talked about in in in the big book, in steps three and four and rolling over that, you know, to kind of reading it on a regular basis couple times a year, working with sponsors, but also working with a sponsor myself that that set of pages,

you know, talk about steps three and four in the big book. It is absolutely cold, you know, Bill Wilson talking about

selfishness and self will and how that drives us to

start to cling to things and relationships and try to, and how I try to get what I want and manage the situation.

You know,

me clinging and controlling and managing is probably one of the worst places for me to be emotionally because then I'm I'm highly connected to the outcome. When I'm highly connected to the outcome, that's when I leave myself open to disappointment.

Even if it comes out the way I want, it might not come out of the time I want. And sometimes the minute I want and, or I get it and I'm not interested in it anymore

doesn't satisfy. So, umm, again, going back to, you know, the book and like realizing there's some universal truths here. Probably 10 years ago, I'd done a a workshop with a couple friends at a a workshop. And my portion of the conversation was it was titled Bring a shovel because we're going to dig some stuff up here. I had to realize that

there was stuff that was buried, but it was, you know, you know, sorry for the analogy. It was, it was shallow, shallow, right,

very shallow hole that I dug and just threw some dirt on top and threw some leaves on that and pretended it wasn't there. And, you know, I found out that I when I tried to use an emotional bypass or spiritual bypass and just go, Oh yeah, I turn this over to God or, you know, they did the best they could with what they had. That that wasn't enough. I need to spend the time and actually grieve those moments. There's nothing wrong with

in the process for me to grieve my childhood,

to grieve the loss of a mother, even though I, she was physically there, she, there were lots of moments where there it was not a,

you know, a mothering experience and a protective experience and same thing, same thing. All these experiences I have to go through a grieving process and then I could properly move on from them. The the way I've worked through that. And I'll talk through some, some highlights and some step work here because I found it really important. Again, Bill's talk on steps 3:00 and 4:00

is crucial for me

his his writing here on the bomb of 66. And sorry, I don't have slides. I'm not that not that polished. The bomb is 66. He talks about

the wrongdoings of others. Fancy or real, had power to actually kill. And that phrase jumped out at me because I had to admit that maybe some of the wrongdoings I had attributed to people were fancy.

We're made-up that I had this delusional story about what had happened to me and that I was

applying what I thought your motivation was

and your response to life. So, you know, you know, the analogy of being stuck in traffic is always used. It's like the guy cuts me off because he hates me, right? It's not like he's late for work. You know, those are the types of things. But even a much deeper part, when I the closer those relationships get, the the bigger story I have made-up.

And of course, the next paragraph. This was our course. We realized that the people who had wronged us were perhaps spiritually sick, though we did not like their symptoms in the way they disturbed us. Those disturbance, they, like us, were sick too.

I had to look at the fact that

I'm, I'm a soul in this world

doing the best I can with some tools,

trying to, you know, find, find a path through life. I'm stepping on people's toes. I'm causing discomfort

and I want to be forgiven right when I'll go. I'm sorry I made a mistake. I did. You know, I bought the wrong yogurt last night

and, and it almost escalated because I want to defend the fact that, you know, that I, you know how I bought the wrong yogurt, but you know, I go, you know, I, if I want to be forgiven, that I need to forgive, You know, that if I'm making mistakes

and I do, I make a lot of mistakes. And I have all these tools. I have so much wealth of knowledge of 32 years of sobriety and step work and spiritual, you know, awakening and spiritual readings and I'm messing up on the regular.

How am I expecting other people to behave and perform exactly as I want them to in order to satisfy my demands? That's insanity. And so, you know, a simple line like that, that perhaps they were sick to

is a reminder that, OK, we're all human in this. We're all doing our best, even if we're not doing our best. What am I going to do about it? Am I going to hold the resentment? Am I going to lash out? That's only going to hurt me. So that that writing in there was was huge.

The other thing which I talked about resentments and, and

when I look at

my

my resentment list

and I look at the things that happened

when I get hurt, I've got a, I've got a moment in time to respond to it, right? I talked about responding versus reacting and I can go, oh, that hurt my feelings or

I'm, I'm,

you know, that caused some fear.

I'm upset, angry at somebody. I've had a moment in time, depending on how much you know, how spiritual I am that day is how long that window of time stays open, right?

Sometimes it's short couple minutes, sometimes it's a couple hours. But I get sore and I get hurt and this is all normal, but but when I am out of sorts and not in a spiritual, spiritually connected and not feeling emotionally recovered,

that hurt goes on for much longer.

I want to be in terms of legal analogy, like I'm the prosecutor and judge and jury of, you know, this person did me wrong. I'm going to put him on trial in my head. I've got a whole conversation with them and you know, I'm going to convict them. But then I want to keep convicted, right? It'd be bad enough if I did that once. And who am I to, to, you know, take someone's inventory and, and, you know, make those judgments against them and, and convict them.

But, you know, in the US, we've got a thing called double jeopardy, which means you can't be tried for the same thing twice. I want to keep trying you over and over again. I, you know, I, I want to, you know, relive that thing, especially if I think I'm right. That's even worse. I, you know, sometimes I'd rather be wrong because then I then at least I can, you know, chalk it up to, oh, I was mistaken and move on. But when I'm right, it's even worse because then I feel like I'm justified in my behavior.

Those are all pitfalls and traps for me

and thankfully, you know, I've been using 1011 steps to work through those over the years. So as I move through these steps,

I find out that the six and seven in terms of my character defects,

the one good thing about being sober and being and working this, doing this work over and over again for a long time is I've got a pretty clear picture of my character defects. The bad news is I've got a pretty clear picture of my character defects.

I know it, I know where they are, and I know where the stumbling blocks are. And I know if I don't keep on top of certain, you know, prayer meditation practices, that they'll pop up again stronger than other days. But the other piece of it is, is, you know, I've developed a spiritual tolerance that I, I want to be better, you know, and this is the work. It's like I go from

having to do 6:00 and 7:00 because my character defects are absolutely

eating me up inside. And I get that look again from, you know, from my friends and loved ones when I'm being an ass and being, you know, sarcastic or, or critical, you know, and I don't want that look again. I don't want to get that disapproving look. And you know this, you know, the sigh for my wife. So, so I do the work in six and seven to try and, you know, to reduce my, my harms that I do with these behaviors.

And then over time, it's not because I have to do the work, it's because I like to do the work because I, I'm starting to love the results.

I like a refined tongue. I like an improved Tom. It's easier to live in the skin of, of an improved mate because, you know, I'm more connected with you and I'm causing this farm and I'm doing and I'm being more of service. So when I look at six and seven, it's almost like a mini steps 123 on my character defects. I have to admit what they are. I have to identify that I'm powerless over them, that they're dominating me. I have to believe I can

relieved of my character defects, right? So Step 2 that I could be restored to sanity with these character effects. And then step three is I have to turn them over to my higher power. And I also have to be vigilant when these things come up that I that I have a choice sometimes if I'm going to act out on it or not. And that's, you know, that's a process I work on many 123 in the middle of a counterfeit effect. The other thing that was really big for me and it shows up in the 12:00 and 12:00

is humility.

Again, clear understanding about who I am, right? Clear understanding that that I have this

personality and and that there are certain sore response and that I know where I can get better. I know where I'm going to get stuck. And humility has been a huge part of the last time through the 12 and 12 and, and, and when I read it through again recently,

it kept coming up over and over again. I have potential. My higher power has, you know, my, my spiritual nature is, is inside of me and pretty pure. And I have a lot of junk in front of it. And utility is knowing what that junk is and making an honest effort to kind of clear up as much as possible. So I could be the spiritual man that that's in my higher power intends me to be. So that

humility is important and also

gives me an opportunity to say maybe I'm wrong, you know, letting go of this sense of self and defensiveness because I found out I was wrong about alcohol and drugs and I was also wrong about those resentments, you know, kind of wrong about, you know, needing to be in power and control and manage my life. So if I'm wrong about those stuff, what else am I wrong about? You know, it's a it's a huge amount of freedom to find out that I could possibly be wrong about other things and that I could

that I can give those up to.

And if I'm possibly wrong about things, I'm willing to be humble and listen to other people's

perspective on them, Then I don't have to defend my position anymore. And that's probably one of those character defects which, you know, really kicked my butt is even if I knew I was wrong, I, I defend myself. If I knew I was right, I'd defend myself more. And I found that through this work that I, I don't have to defend myself,

that it's not important for me to be right, to prove I'm right and that I can just let it go because that whole piece is tied up with my ego. And and when I, you know, fall back into, you know, ego and self, there's where the my trouble kids in

so six and seven again has been an iterative process. Wonderful opportunity. I never thought I'd like it. And I think one of my talks is I never intended to be a spiritual guy. It just, you know, first I got my butt kicked enough that I had to do this work and then I like the results and I continued on. So in a way, you know, this program has given me, you know, perspective, which I never thought I'd have.

I, I talked about 8-9 the importance of making amends and the freedom that brings.

I, you know, I made amends to people that I were on my never list, you know, especially my dad, who I, who I had a lot of reservations about making amends to him. And again, getting sober young and being in sobriety a while. All it means is I, my amends about my using days, my drinking days are kind of small, right? I caused some damage. I did some stuff.

It's the amends I make later on what I'm supposed to be sober, you know, and 10 years in, 12 years in, you know, I'm stumbling off the same thing. I've got to do a fourth step again with somebody that that's humbling. But I was able to do both, you know, both in the men's at the beginning of my recovery and midway through. And my, my dad, who I would never have thought I'd forgiven him, you know, the violence I saw from him in our household and

his,

it's not his inventory, it's mine. So I'll just say that I had trouble, and this is where the amends comes in, is I had trouble with relationships with other men because I didn't make amends to my dad. And I couldn't forget my dad.

I couldn't have

clean in the moment relationships with women because I was holding back and not making amends and forgiving my mom. It is hard for me to be in the moment and respect you and be present for you if I'm dragging my ghosts around.

Bottom line,

so I can have relationships today with friends, with loved ones and I'm with you. I'm not with my mom, my dad, that guy that you know, the abuser, that you know, any of that stuff. I'm with you today. And that was probably the biggest freedom that comes from, from my heath and I. And then 10/11/12,

I'll just say that, you know, there's some big pieces there and, and I could talk

forever about the step work and how important it is. And I'll try and just sum it up. You know, 10 gives me the ability to, to do inventories on, you know, spa check inventory. Am I off track on this pause in the in my tracks, given the ability to make direct amends

and that took time as well. Early on, I would go, oh, I did something wrong. I need to make amends. That guy.

I'll wait till I see him again. Oh good, he wasn't that meeting on Friday. I'll see him next Friday. This is at the Home group

and then I'm then carrying that around for a month.

I've learned the value of make amends right away, pause it possible, stop in the middle of the behavior, make an event. It is freeing, and that's what I'm looking for from this recovery stuff is being free.

It also removes the blockers. You know, I've been, you know, I mentioned my problem is that when I have these character defects, these resentments, these harms done

to you in the way of my relationship with you, it blocks me. It blocks me from my higher power, it blocks me from you and it blocks me from from myself because I, I carry around the emotional baggage that's related to that. So 10 gives me that quick, that quick relief that I need in order to get back and get clear.

11 step. I'll just say that St. again, Saint Francis prayer was huge for me and my transformation. Meditation is really important

and I'll talk about that again in a second and 12th step is the payoff, right? I've learned that first of all, in the 12 and 12, it says Thursday, the big book. It says nothing will ensure community for drinking as a as intensive work with other Alcoholics.

That number one is a great promise and something I want. So I do a lot of service work with other Alcoholics. I enjoy it. It's a, it's a huge blessing for me to turn what was a lifetime of what I thought was going to be useless suffering into a channel of God's love and peace.

And then, you know, I also get to get all the benefits. In step 12. It talks about

emotional sobriety. It talks about being of usefulness to others. In the 12:00 and 12:00, it's like one of my favorite sections. It talks about the service gladly rendered, obligations squarely met, troubles well accepted or solved with God's help. The knowledge that at home and in the world outside we are partners in the common effort. The well understood fact that in God's sight all human beings are important, The proof that love freely given surely brings a full return. And it goes on and on. I don't want to take up more of the time but.

That in itself I when I read that like that's it. Like these are the things that

12 step work deep 12 step work getting to a place of emotional sobriety gets me too. And the last thing I'll mention is like if I bring up kind of three things which help me keep anchoring this, it is against humility, the ability to to seek, putting the course before the cart

the way it's supposed to be, being of service and consulting and connecting with others in my higher power and being open to correction and understanding my true nature, that humility hugely important. Second is forgiveness. And that is both for the past and the present. What's happening in the moment I can let go. It's my choice, right? How long I want to hang on to it? It's my choice. How long do I want to suffer? My choice. Forgiveness has been key. And finally, I

kind of step 11 is mindfulness.

I spent most of my life in an emotional blackout, right? Reacting to life, just not being aware. How did those words leave my mouth? I did it again, you know, whatever it might be,

in order to recover from emotional blackouts, I need to be mindful. I need to be present. And the mindfulness practice that that I've incorporated into my life has given me that, that ability, you know, just a little space for me to be present in my daily life before I before I reacted and act out again. So I've been talking for a really long time. I hope this helped frame up a little bit about how

the step work can lead me to some emotional sobriety, to recovery from my past,

the ability to live in the present without getting hung up. And I want to thank everyone for being here tonight. Thanks. Thank you very much, Tom.