Step 4 at the North Scottsdale Fellowship Club in Scottsdale, AZ

All right, my name is more of I'm an alcoholic.

So today we're going to be on Step 4.

And

as I said, there's 8 columns for resentments, 2 columns for fears, and eight columns for sex. But it's not even about sex. Questions about ourselves. How many? Eight. And what we find is, is we find patterns of behavior

that teach us more about ourselves. Because you know, when I, when I got to Alcoholics Anonymous, man, I was, you know, I had a lot of questions on life, you know, and when I got here, you know, I learned so much, you know, I about how to do life. You know, I never had a pause button. So,

you know, this was a, this was a huge help for me. It says. So if you want to know, when we move from step three to Step 4, the first word is next, which is immediately following. We launched on a course of vigorous action, the first step of which is a personal house cleaning, which many of us had never attempted. The word decision was a violent, crucial step. It could have little permanent effect unless at once

followed by a strenuous effort to face

and to be rid of the things in ourselves which had been blocking us. Our liquor was but a symptom

so we had to get down to the causes and conditions. Therefore, we started upon a personal inventory. This was step 4A. Business which takes no regular inventory usually goes broke. Taking a commercial inventory is a fact finding and fact facing process. It is an effort to discover the truth about the stock and trade. One object is to disclose damaged or unsellable goods

to get rid of them promptly

and without regret. If the owner of the business is to be successful, he cannot fool himself about values. We did exactly the same thing with our lives. We took stock honestly. First, we searched out the flaws in our makeup which caused our failure. Being convinced that self manifested in various ways was what had defeated us. We considered its common manifestations.

Resentment, which means to re level feelings

is the number one offender. It destroys more Alcoholics than anything else from its stem all forms of spiritual disease. If we have been not only mentally and physically I'll, we have been spiritually sick, which the spiritual malady is overcome. We straighten out mentally and physically. In dealing with resentments, we set them on paper. We listed people, institutions or principles

with whom we were angry.

We ask ourselves why we were angry. In most cases, it was found that our self esteem, our pocketbooks, our ambitions or personal relationships, including sex, were hurt or threatened. So we were sore. We were burned up

on our grudge list. We set opposite each name, our injuries. Was that our self esteem, our security, our ambitions, our personal or sex relations which had been interfered with?

All right, so in the 12 by 12, you guys don't have to turn to it. You can't you want. But I'm just going to mention a couple things here. In step four, in the last paragraph on page 54, Bill writes. Therefore, thoroughness ought to be the watchword when taking inventory.

In this connection, it is wise to write out our questions and answers.

There will be an aid to clear thinking and honest appraisal. You'll be the first tangible evidence of our complete willingness to move forward. So what does Bill say here? He says we write out our questions and answer. There's a reason for that. I mean, have you ever heard about the little kids in the classroom or the teacher whispers in the first first child's ear and they whisper in each other's ears, going all the way around the room. And by the time they get to the end, it's not even the same.

It's not even the same, right? That's the problem with using like a,

a graph that somebody gives you where you check stuff off. I mean, it's, it's really important to write out the questions and answers and see the questions that it asks us. It's helping us to find out more about ourselves and what it's helping us to do. First of all is when we do Step 4:00 and then we do Step 5 and our sponsor helps us because we see a lot of patterns of behavior because a lot of the same answers with a lot of the people.

So what it's doing is, is it's looking for those patterns of behavior. And then what we're doing is, is we're finding out why we had them. I'm skipping, skipping ahead just so you can kind of know what you're going to get out of those questions. On page 66 in the 12 by 12,

about halfway down,

it says no one wants to be so proud that he is scorned as a bragger, nor so greedy that he's labeled thief. No one wants to be angry enough to murder, lustful enough to rape, gluttonous enough to ruin his health. No one wants to be agonized by the chronic pain of envy or to be paralyzed by sloth. So pride, greed, anger, lust, gluttony, envy and sloth.

And those are thoughts.

Those aren't actions. They're just our thoughts. And my sponsor said that I'm not responsible for my first thought. He said everybody has them. They're normal, you know, And I was wondering about my thoughts, you know, everybody has them, he said. But I was responsible for my second thought in my first action. That was a relief, you know, because I never paused, you know, when, when somebody crossed that line that I felt they crossed, you know, I would just react to it, you know, And I've caused more problems

in my life with those same patterns of behavior. And I don't know about you guys, but I'm sick of learning the same, you know, the same lessons. So if we go to Step 7,

which is going to be on page 70,

7076 about halfway down, those thoughts that we have, This is why we act on them.

The chief actorator, activator of our defects or defects of character are our thoughts. Our shortcomings are our actions. Defects of characters are sick shortcomings is step seven. It says the chief activator of our defects has been self-centered fear, primarily fear that we would lose something we already possessed or would fail to get something we demanded. Living upon a basis of unsatisfied demands. We are in a state of continual disturbance and frustration.

Therefore, no peace was to be had unless we could find a means of reducing these demands. The difference between a demand and a simple request is plain to anyone. So, you know, my sponsor said it's, you know, it's just as simple as not having to be in charge anymore, which is saying, OK. And that's always been hard for me. You know, it's always been hard to, you know, to accept things when I thought I was going to lose something that I have or wasn't going to get something that I thought I should have.

And it caused me a lot of problems. And you know, when I did step four, Step 4 helped me understand

what those defects your characters were that I had problems with.

So at the top of your notebook, what we're going to do is we're going to write down what the answers are going to be for the third column, which is effects my. So we're going to write at the very top of the page. And then you have the blue line right at the top of the lines. Well, at the very top of the page you're going to write want to write this. But then the blue line is right above all the other blue lines. You're going to leave that for three columns,

OK. And at the very top you're going to write just like it is in our book.

It says was it our self esteem?

Our security,

our ambitions,

our personal or sex relations

which had been interfered with.

And if you have one of our books, you can certainly highlight and mark it up. Take it home, you know, and keep it.

You know, this meeting is this meeting is called Doing the work. It's all about helping people to recover through the steps. So we get big books and 12 by 12 away and when they run out, we ask people to help us buy more. So it's really simple. So we write that at the top of our page

and then I can stay after it, help anybody that needs help. And then it says we were usually as definite as this example. So what we're going to do is from the bottom of what we wrote at the top, we're going to write 3 equal lines.

No, it's going to be at the top seat. Look,

you're going to have three columns. Right here

at the very top is where you write that, OK? And this is where we're going to have the three columns. And then we're going to have three columns, and we're going to write from the bottom of what's on top all the way to the bottom of the page. The reason we do the lines is because it helps us separate the questions and the answers.

OK, so

there's three columns at the top of the page.

The first one is I'm resentful at. And then in the middle of the page, you're going to write the second question, which is the

cause, and then the third question, which is effects my now what I'm talking about these different. I'm going to be talking about this. You'll have time to do some of that if you're not done already. It's fine. And then all you do there you go. So, you know, with resentments, you know, we're riding

our 4th step. We're writing the cause of our resentments and we're writing it down not to our sponsors understand it or that so we can explain it. We're writing it down for ourselves only. And all we're doing is we're writing it down. That's it. We're not writing down what happened before, what happened after, why it happened. We're not doing any of that. I heard somebody say they had 100 paid 4th step. They wrote down everything that anybody ever did to him in that length. I would probably want to kill myself after that, right?

That's not what this is for. This exercise is to discover and discard, right, the things that we don't need anymore. It's it's to help us understand more about ourselves so that we can become better people. So Bill does a really good job with this, he writes. I'm resentful at

Mr. Brown And what you can write down is on the page before that it said

it said resentments

say that

people institutions or principals with whom we are angry. So it can be any of those things. So he does a really good job with just listing their resentments. He says Mr. Brown his attention to my wife told my wife of my mistress Brown may get my job at the office. Misses Jones she's a nut. She snubbed me. She committed her husband for drinking. He's my friend she's a gossip. My employer, unreasonable, unjust, overbearing, threatens to fire me for drinking and patting my

account. My wife misunderstands and nags, likes Brown, wants house put in her name. Did he just explain any of those? You know any of those? No, he didn't, right? He just wrote them down. Now he doesn't just write down one. He writes down all of them for each person. OK, but he doesn't need a lot of room to do that. Now the most words that he uses for any one person

is 19. That's all you get. We're not writing a book,

and my sponsor asked me when I first got here if I was going to put one word to my life before AA. It would have been hopeless. If I would have put one word to my life. Today would be freedom. So I just described my whole life in two words. Okay. You get 19 to describe the resentments

now. So he just, he's doing four or five, but you can. No, he's doing. Yeah, he's right there. It says the cause of the resent resentments, you know, So, you know, if there's more, more than one resentment for one person, you write it down. But you're just writing down what it is. You're not going into detail, OK. Because we don't want to start getting in touch with it. And, you know, it just makes it makes it makes a mess, you know, makes it hard to do.

So

I'm resentful at

brown its attention to my wife told my wife of my mistress brown may get my job at the office it affects my And the things at the top are what we answer from sex relations, self esteem, sex relations, self esteem, fear, security, self esteem, fear, personal relationships, self-esteem, fear. So for each cause, for each resentment, he wrote down what it affected.

OK, now when we get out of the bottom of the page, it says we went back through our lives. Nothing counted but thoroughness and honesty. When we were finished, we consider it carefully. The first thing apparent was that the world and its people were often quite wrong. To conclude that others were wrong was as far as most of us ever got. The usual outcome was that people continue to wrong us and we stayed sore.

Yeah,

sure. OK,

didn't quite do 100 pages, but when I got with my sponsor, I kind of went off this template. But this template, Mr. Brown, Missus Jones, my employer, my you know, this is all kind of current and I did not include myself at this point. Yeah, that's I did not include my early life. This is all current, but you know, I had resent

for my parents, my siblings,

you know, growing up, which

is a huge part of my character that I carry around most of my resentments,

my childhood. So anyway, I just thought I'd throw it out. Yeah. So we're going to be going through that. So I'm going to go, I'm going to go over everything. And then we're going to do the questions and answers and input. OK, so it says. We went back through our lives and nothing counted but thrown us. And honesty.

When we were finished, we considered it carefully. The first thing apparent was that the world and its people were often quite wrong. To conclude that others were wrong was as far as most of us ever got. The usual outcome was that people continued to wrong us and we stayed sore. Sometimes it was remorse and then we restored ourselves. But the more we fought and tried to have our own way, the worst matters got. As in war, the victor only seemed to win.

Our moments of triumph were short lived. It is plain that a life which includes deep resentment leads only to futility and unhappiness to the precise extent that we permit these to be squander

the hours that might have been worthwhile. But with the alcoholic whose hope is the maintenance and growth of a spiritual experience, this business of resentment is infinitely grave. We found that it is fatal, for when harboring such feelings we shut ourselves off from the sunlight of the spirit. The insanity of alcohol returns, and we drink again. And with us to drink is to die. If we are to live, we had to be free of anger. The grouch in the brainstorm are not for us. They may be the dubious luxury

normal men, but for Alcoholics, these things are poison. We turn back to the list, for it held the key to our future. We were prepared to look at it from an entirely different angle. We began to see that the world and its people really dominated us. In that state, the wrongdoing of others, fancied or real, had the power to actually kill. How could we escape? We saw that these resentments must be mastered, but how

we could not wish them am away any more than alcohol.

This was our course. We realized that the people who wronged us were perhaps spiritually sick. Though we did not like their symptoms in the way they disturbed us, they, like us, were sick too. We asked God to help us show them the same tolerance, pity, and patience that we would cheerfully grant a sick friend. When a person offended us, we said to ourselves, this is the 4th step prayer. This is a sick man, how can I be helpful to him? God saved me from being angry.

Thy will be done.

We avoid retaliation or argument. We wouldn't treat sick people that way. If we do, we destroy our chances of being helpful. We cannot be helpful to all people, but at least God will show us how to take a kindly and tolerant view of each and everyone. So when I do the force up, I tell the story

about this guy that gets on the bus with his four little boys and he's looking down at the floor and he's not really paying attention. And his little boys are running around being little boys. And the guy across the aisles getting more irritated by the minute because he's not paying attention to his children. And one of the little boys runs by and grabs a guy's paper and this guy's just had it. He goes, excuse me, don't you realize what your children are doing? And he looks up all startled and says,

I'm really sorry. We just left the hospital. Their mother just died.

Now, do you think a little different about that man on the bus? I do. And that's what I have to remember about other people, you know? And, you know, I think that way 100% of the time was somebody that I'm sponsored, no matter how angry they are, no matter what. Because. Yeah, I remember what it was like. I mean, I look out that door right now and I can see my whole life and I know what it's like for the newcomer that comes in here that's

so full of shame and fear and remorse and resentment and is hopeless. You know, he comes here and he's he's looking for a way out.

Takes a lot of courage to walk through these doors. So I don't get mad at newcomers, you know, no matter how they act. But I have out there in the world and I'm learning how not to go out there in the world and act like that because I'm learning how to do life because of these steps. And Step 4 is a big one as far as helping me to change. This is referring to our list again, putting out of our mind the wrong Leathers had done. We resolutely look for our own mistakes.

OK, so the first three questions were on resentful at the cause, and it affects mine. And what we're doing is we're just like Craig said, we're going all the way back to the beginning of the earliest memory that we ever had. A lot of people, I mean, I had a sponsor that had like 5 people on this list. Yeah, I have to give people easy. But you know, that's not that's not the exercise. The exercise is, you know, if these people hurt you and it's just like a piece of garbage and you throw that garbage in the garbage can

still there, you can say that it's bothering him or was still there. So if anybody ever hurts your feelings, hurt you physically, you know, upset you, whatever, write it down. There's a reason for it, OK? And you want to go from the earliest memories that you have. And if you have any problems with that, you can certainly come back and see me and we can talk about it. I hope people get through the steps. Doesn't matter. First, I'm their sponsor or not. I do everything here at the club, right?

And my job is to help people to get rid of the garbage because see,

when I got to a A,

I had this garbage can inside of all the things that I've done and all the things that people have done to me. You know, I was walking around with all that pain and until I did step four and I got it on paper, was able to look at it. And what we do is, is the first three columns and then we turn the page to a brand new page. We leave the back of the page page blank. The reason we do that

is the cause of the resentment. We're going to cut those out.

We're going to go on the back and we're going to fire them. And if you have a higher power grade, if you don't, great. But what we're going to do is, is as it burns and the smoke goes up, all that stuff you've been carrying around your whole life is going to be gone. That doesn't mean sometimes you won't think about it. It won't upset you or it won't, you know, won't hurt you in some way. But you don't have to live there anymore. And we're going to get rid of the past and you get to begin to become a get to become a brand new person, get to become whoever you want to be in your life. You know,

I was pretty excited about that because, you know, I mean, I wanted to be, you know, when I was a kid, I loved everybody, you know, I was just happy. And that's the person that I want to be again, you know, and I'm a lot closer to it now than when I than when I got here, you know, and these, and the reason that I do this work with you is because, see, I did the 1st 11 steps and I, and I got the promises and my life got better. But in order to keep the promises, I have to continually work.

And I do this every day. I do this every day because, see, I have problems too. And when I come here and I work with you, I get to get out of myself. And what I get to do is I get to be happy in my life in spite of my circumstances. And when I leave here today, I get to go out there and I get to have a good day, which is a lot better than if I just stayed in bed this morning, then just got up and started my day. All right. So we had the 1st 3 columns. And then what we do is we turn the page to a brand new, fresh page.

And the first three questions are where had we been selfish,

Where had we been dishonest and where had we been self seeking? You can highlight them in a book that you have in front of you. If you have a big book already, it's OK. This is this is a working big book with your steps. So we have 3 columns, we right at the top of the page above the blue line. And then we have 3 lines all the way down to the bottom of the page where we've been selfish, where had we been dishonest and where have we been self seeking? Please write out the entire question.

It's really important.

The difference between selfish and self seeking. Selfish is if I have a bag of dope and I have friends coming over and I don't want to share it and I have friends coming over and they have a bag of dope and I want them to share theirs with me. That's the difference between those two between selfish and self seeking. Selfish is I want to keep it for myself. Self seeking is is. I want what other people have.

So where we've been selfish, where we've been dishonest, and where have we been self seeking?

And then what we're going to do is we're going to turn the page to a brand new page.

And the first question on the brand new page is going to be, where had we been frightened

and relationship to this resentment? Now, when I was a little kid, I came from a very violent, alcoholic, abusive home. And there were a lot of things that happened when I was a child that weren't my fault. But if I had a resentment toward a person, and this is where I've been frightened, it would have been that I was afraid to tell anyone.

And then it says, though a situation had not been entirely our fault, we tried to disregard the other person involved entirely. And the second column, because there was only two columns on this page, is where were we to blame?

So this page is aligned on the middle. Where had we been frightened, and where were we to blame?

The inventory was ours, not the other man's. When we saw our faults, we listed them. We placed them before us in black and white. We admitted our wrongs honestly and were willing to set these matters straight.

So in English we right across the page, we don't write down.

And what we do is, is I had somebody say that they first wrote a list of all the resentments

and then they started the columns. Some people start, I started with the columns, did my earliest memory. OK. Or you can go from your, your most recent memory and go backwards. But what you're going to do is you're going to write a name, you're going to answer all the questions. And when you write a name, obviously it's one line. You're going to write the cause of the resentment. You have 19 words. So you could be, you know, three or four lines and then you have effects line. So wherever the bottom is from all eight questions, you're going to skip

and they're going to start a brand new fresh line where you're going to put the next name. OK, so you're going to write a name, you're going to answer all the questions, and then you're going to write a name and you're going to answer all the questions. And what we're going to do is we're going to start to see a pattern of behavior within ourselves. And what was what was unbelievable to me is when I was doing step four and I wrote the name and I, I answer all those questions, I started to realize

that a lot of these resentments that I've been hearing around for other people,

the answer where was I to blame? I found out that most of my problems were my fault.

And what was amazing was, is that the resentment was gone. You know, because I mean, how can I have the resentment if I was the reason that that caused it, right? So by doing this, what I got to do is I got to empty a lot of that garbage can just by answering these questions.

Can you say, answer all the questions? That's right. So we're going to write a name. We're going to answer all the questions. Write a name, answer all the questions. Yeah. So if you have names on the first page,

you can rip the first page out to go to the second page and the third page in the fourth page, right? Yeah. So you just, you can take the names out, you know, one page at a time after you answer those questions to go through the rest of them. OK. Does that make sense?

So 123,

so you've got any questions? Right. So I didn't have to tear the page out for the names because I was able to, I mean, I was able to remember what name I was on, so it was pretty easy. But you know, whatever you need to do to be able to answer all the questions, that's the most important thing. OK, so all right, so we got those. So we go next to notice that the word fear is Bracked alongside difficulties with Mr. Brown, Missus Jones, the employer, and his wife,

the short word somehow touches about every aspect of our lives. It was an evil and corroding thread. The fabric of our existence was shot through with it. It set in motions of circumstances which brought us misfortune. We felt we didn't deserve it. But did we not ourselves set the ball rolling? Sometimes we think fear ought to be classified with stealing. It seems to cause more trouble.

So that was about

the fears that we had when it had when in relationship to the resentments. Now the fears that we're going to be dealing with our resentment or fears that don't have any connection to the resentments, OK, they're just going to be fears that we have. So it says we reviewed our fierce early we put them on paper, even though we had no resentment in connection with them. So

first column we list our fears,

second column we asked ourselves why we had them. So just draw 2 lines. First line we listed our fears

and then the second column we asked ourselves why we had them

and I'm going to read a little bit here. Was it because self-reliance fell? This self self-reliance was good and as far as it went, but didn't go far enough. Some of us once had great self-confidence but it didn't fully solve the fear problem or any other. When it made us cocky it was worse. Perhaps there is a better way. We think so. We are now, on a different basis,

the basis of trusting and relying upon God. We trust infant God rather than our finite selves. We are in the world to play the role He assigns, just to the extent that we do as we think we would. He would have us and humbly rely on Him. Does He enable to match calamity with serenity? Craig, would you get me a bottle of water, please? You get a second.

I really appreciate it. My mouth picked away. No, that's OK. All right. So,

you know, the fears that we write down are everything, anything that that we're afraid of. It doesn't matter if it's the dark of strangers come on the sidewalk. You know, we want to write it down. It's really important

now. It says we never apologize to anyone for depending on our Creator. We can lap those who think spirituality is the way of weakness, paradoxically is the way of strength. The verdict of ages is that faith means courage. All men of faith have courage. They trust their God. We never apologize for God. Instead we let Him demonstrate through us what He can do. We ask Him to remove our fear and direct our attention to what He was. Have us be at once. We commence to outgrow fear.

So you know when we're step one, you know when you're powerless over alcohol, your life has become unmanageable. I had no problem with that one when I got here because I was so broken. And then Step 2 says came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity. And you know when I got to my first meeting, December 16th, 1988, that a guy brought me here. He didn't even tell me it was a a. He brought me to the meeting because it was a very strong meeting with a message of hope in there. And that

very first day I found hope. I found hope because I found a way out. And that way out was Alcoholics Anonymous. And that higher power for me was the group when I got here. Because see, my whole life, you know, when I was a little kid and all those bad things happened, you know, I pray that God would save us. And he never did one time ever. So it's not that I didn't believe in God. I just didn't believe that he was there for me. So by the time I got here,

you know, I was really broken. And, you know, they said that I didn't have to worry about that. I just had to worry about something that could help me get sober. That wasn't me. And all I did had to do was just follow instructions. And that's what I did. And I've been sober ever since. And then when we get to step three-step three, you know, it's just being about willing to believe that something that's not me can help me with the rest of my problems. You see, I'm not, I'm not turning anything over. All I'm doing is becoming willing

to, it's just like 3 frogs that are on a log and one decides to jump off. How many are on the log still free? He didn't jump off yet. He just made a decision to, right? It's just like if I make a decision to get a job on Monday. I haven't gotten the job yet, but I've made the decision and that's a huge part. That's that's the part that we need in order to move on to Step 4.

And then when we do Step 4, you know, and we get it farther into the steps, what happens is, is our life gets better and we start to have some peace. And then we start to think that maybe there is something out there that can help me with the rest of my problems. But the nice thing is, is we don't have to do that right away. And a lot of people, they get here have a real problem with that because they're so broken. And that's OK.

So now what we've done is we've talked about our fears, OK? And now we're going to be talking about sex. But it's not even really about sex. It's really about people. And it's about questions that we're going to be answering to see patterns of behavior when a thinner cells, just like we did with the just like with the resentments now about sex, many of us needed an overhauling there. But above all, we tried to be sensible on this question. It's so easy to get way off track

here. We find human emotions, I'm sorry, human options, running to extremes, absurd extremes. Perhaps one set of voices, Christ, that sex is a lust of a lower nature, a base necessity of procreation. Then we have the voices who cry for sex and more sex, who bewail the institution of marriage, who think that most of the troubles of the race are traceable to sex causes. They think we do not have enough of it or that it isn't the right kind.

They see its significance everywhere. One school would allow man no flavor for his fare and the other would have him all on a straight pepper diet. We want to stay out of this controversy. We do will not want to be the arbiter of anyones sex conduct. We all have sex problems. We hardly be human if we didn't.

What can we do about them? We reviewed our conduct over years past. All right, so I'm going to read this before we write anything down, just to go over exactly what the questions are going to be. I'm going to change one of them to the beginning. So it matches resentments to make it easier to answer, because you're going to have a particular person for that. So the questions are, where had we been selfish? Where have we been dishonest

and where have we been inconsiderate?

Whom it we hurt? So the whom had we hurt? We put first just so that we can have a name first to answer the West correct rest of the questions. This next question is pretty long, but the answer is in the question. This is did we unjustifiably arouse jealousy, suspicion, or bitterness? So we can write down one or none or all three

and then where were we at fault?

And then next question, what should we have done instead? We got this all down on paper and looked at it in this way. We tried to shape a sane and sign the sane ideal for our future sex life. We subjected each relationship to this test. 8th and final question. Was it selfish or not? So 3 columns,

brand new page, first column is. Whom had we hurt?

Next question is where had we been selfish?

And then the third question is where had we been dishonest?

And then we're going to turn the page to a brand new page, brand new, fresh page.

And we're going to write Where had we been inconsiderate?

This is 3 columns, yes.

The next question is a little long, so you can start a little higher on the page in between the, you know, column two. Did we unjustifiably arouse jealousy, suspicion, or bitterness?

Please write down the whole question. It's really important for your answers.

So did we unjustifiably arouse jealousy, suspicion or bitterness?

And then the third question, Where were we at fault?

And then we turn to a brand new fresh page when we're done with that,

and that's two columns on the last page,

and the first column is. What should we have done instead?

And then the last question is, was the relationship selfish or not?

And I'm going to read a little bit while here's already was that just a yes or no, right. Yes or no.

In every relationship I've ever had with selfish, by the way,

we ask God to mold our ideals and help us to live up them. We remembered always that our sex powers were God-given and therefore good, neither to be used lightly or selfishly, nor to be despised and loathed. Whatever our deal turns out to be, we must be willing to grow toward it. We must be willing to make amends where we had done harm, provided that we do not bring about still more harm in doing so.

In other words, we treat sex as we would any other problem. In meditation, we ask God what we should do about each specific matter. The right answer will come if we want it. God alone can judge our sex situation. Counsel with persons is often desirable, but we let God be the final judge. We realize that some people are as fanatical about sex.

As others are loose, we avoid hysterical thinking or advice.

Suppose we fall short of the chosen ideal and stumble. Does this mean we're going to get drunk? Some people tell us so, but this is only a half truth. It depends on us and our motives. If we are sorry for what we have done and have the honest desire to let God take us to better things, we believe we will be forgiven and we have learned our lesson. If we are not sorry

and our conduct continues to harm others, we are quite sure to drink.

We are not theorizing these facts. These are facts out of our experience.

The sum of them Have sex. We pray earnestly for the right ideal, for guidance in each questionable situation, for sanity, and for the strength to do the right thing. And then this last part is one of my favorite parts of the book, and you can put any word to it. If sex, or if blank is very troublesome, we throw ourselves the harder into helping others. We think of their needs and work for them.

This takes us out of ourselves. It quiets the imperious urge when to yield would mean heartache.

If we have been thorough about our personal inventory, we have written down a lot. We have listed and analyzed our resentments. We have begun to comprehend their futility and their fatality. We have commenced to see that the terrible destructiveness. We have begun to learn tolerance, patience, and goodwill toward all men, even our enemies, for we look on them as sick people. We have listed the people we have hurt by our conduct

and are willing to set the matter straight if straighten out the past if we can. That's where it

where were we to blame? Right? When we do this list, we start to see a lot of a lot of the resentments we had were our fault to begin with. So we heard other people,

so it helped us with our eight step. In this book. You read again and again that faith did for us what we could not do for ourselves. We hope you are convinced now that God can remove whatever self will has blocked you off from Him. If you have already made a decision at an inventory of your grocer handicaps, you have made a beginning. That being so, you have swallowed and digested some big chunks of truth about yourself.

And that my friends, is Step 4.

And you know the thing that you mentioned earlier about putting ourselves on that list, you know, there's a lot of religions out there. They all use the same Bible. It's all their difference of interpretation. But my sponsor said you don't put your name on that list. He said this program be work. We're selfish and self-centered to begin with. Everything is about us, right? So to put us on this list,

you know, we're better off if we don't put ourselves on this list. So because it doesn't say anywhere that I should be putting myself on this list. But if you're you know, I believe that God

bless his sponsorship. So you're if your God, if your sponsor says to do it, you know my sponsor, you know what he does is he ask my sponses what stepther on. They ask him how long they've been on it. And if he gets the wrong answer, he says run away and get a different sponsor. He said this is life or death because if you die, your sponsor is going to be sad for about two minutes. That's it. And then, you know, you're going to be on forever.

But my sponsor did not have me put myself. But in reflection, I found that I was at fault for a lot of these things as I went through. Yeah, that's where we get. Where were we to blame? That's where we find them. So I was putting my name down.

Shit, I did all this, you know, I was, you know, And so I had resentments toward myself. But I understand how