The New Horizons group in Bend, OR

Please allow me to introduce our guest speaker, Karen See from the In Between group in Oakland, CA Karen, we're glad to have you here.

Hi everybody. My name is Karen and I am an alcoholic. And thank you so much, Carrie, for inviting me. It is always an honor and a privilege to be able to speak for Alcoholics Anonymous. I'm an alcoholic. I'm a lot of other things too. And as I said when I introduced myself a week or so ago, you know, when I first came in, I had what my friend calls a bad case of the ants.

I was an alcoholic and an addict. I did, you know, I drank and did drugs. I was clean and sober. And having come to Alcoholics Anonymous for a while, I do realize that I did that to let you guys know that I was a little cooler than the rest of you. You know, I was not just a garden variety alcoholic. I was wild and crazy,

but as I've been here for a while,

I have learned about our traditions and I do stick to our singleness of purpose

because I help think it helps protect our unity. But anyway, welcome also to you newcomers. Kai, Richard, I am so glad you're here. I also think you know my personal definition of a newcomer is anybody who hasn't done all 12 steps of alcohol. It's anonymous because until you've done that and learned our new way of life,

it's just very confusing. And I remember that first, that first year sobriety, honestly, I felt like I just could not think my way out of the paper bag. And, and so I hope if you've had a rough ride recently, you have at least alcohol has beaten you into that state of reasonableness. We talk about where you're kind of willing to go to any lands to get what we have.

So anyway, let's just get right down to what I was like, which,

you know, I would say what I'm going to describe to you is how I was powerless over alcohol, how my life had become unmanageable. And

you know, while life is inherently and unmanageable, I think for everyone, my life wasn't anymore unmanageable than other people's lives until I started drinking alcohol up with. So that's why you know that that veriform. And that is very important

because the longer I drank, the more powerful alcohol became in my life. The more powerful alcohol became in my life, the less manageable my life became. But today my life is manageable with God's help. So the first time I got drunk, I remember it clearly and I absolutely loved the effect produced by alcohol from the very first time I tried it.

And you know, I was only 10 years old and I had that feeling that I could do anything, be anything, and have anything I wanted. I had that feeling that the world was just full of possibilities. And actually alcohol gave me a feeling of power and that life and of manageability. I thought I can manage anything. I got the solution

everything and that was the feeling that I chased for almost an additional 30 years

because you know what, I just believe that my body responds differently to alcohol than a normal person's. And you know that if if you haven't read for the new people, the doctor's opinion. I am just it explained so much to me when I read that

that I could not otherwise account for, you know, and and Bill refers and a lot of our literature to how Drive Silkworth, who wrote that actually was one of the founders of he refers to him as one of the founders of Alcoholics Anonymous in that if we didn't have that that particular understanding of what,

you know, the disease of alcoholism was, we probably would not have gotten very far. And Doctor Silkworth is actually the person

who, you know, said to Bill before he went to visit Doctor Bob, you know, get off of that religious thing. Just tell him the medical facts and explain he's doomed. And if and if he hadn't done that,

Doctor Bob might not have gotten sober. So, you know, when they talk about,

they explain this phenomenon of craving and I developed that early on when I was drinking. And that's that feeling that, you know, just more, more, more. If one is good, more is better. Just let me keep getting that feeling over and over again.

And you know,

it's that feeling like when you're sitting at the bar and you just can't wait for the bartender to come back and give you another drink. Oh, I forgot to set my timer.

But. And, you know, just that feeling like you can't wait to get out of work until you can go start drinking again and you can't wait for the weekend or whatever you're doing, that phenomenon of craving. And

I learned some good alcoholic tricks. You know, I didn't become an alcoholic at the age of 10,

but as a teenager, I really started developing my alcoholic traits and I learned some good alcoholic tricks. I learned that if I was starting to feel sick, instead of having to call it a night, I would just have my date pull over to the side of the road. I would make myself barf and then I would be good to go for the next few hours. And I thought, Oh my God, this is like

life changing insight, right?

I thought I'd found the key to things. I don't think normal people think that's such a wonderful insight like I did. But you know, to me that was great. I learned about here at the dog. I learned that, you know, in the morning if I had a hangover and I took a shot, it would make it better. I learned those little tricks about, you know, ordering 2 drinks at a time.

I learned how to get people to buy drinks for me. All that kind of stuff that you learned.

And also as a teenager, I did start having blackouts and I would end up in what I like to call morally ambiguous circumstances. Kind of wouldn't know how I got there, but I had that deep down feeling that it probably wasn't all good.

And also as a teenager, I got too smart for God. You know, I thought if you're kind of a soft sister and you need something to depend on,

well, poor you and maybe you needed God in your life. But if you're a smart cookie like I thought I was, you didn't need any of that kind of stuff. So you know that that was me as a teenager. And you know, it's so in how it works.

It says, you know, our personal adventures. I love that phrase. Our personal adventures before and after make their three pertinent ideas. Either we were alcoholic and could not manage their own lives, be there probably no human power could have relieved our alcoholism

and see that God couldn't would if he was so so. A couple of examples of my personal adventures before and after

I had been arrested on, you know, stopped on one of my many DUI. This is back in the 70s back in the day, you know, you could get a bunch of Duis and they wouldn't take away your license. And at one of these times, I had been

sentenced to go to a drunk driving class at the Cow Palace. You guys probably aren't familiar with the Cow Palace, but it's a big arena and

these whole rock shows and all kinds of things there. It was originally built for as an agricultural thing. But anyway, so I drive up to the place on a Saturday morning and I noticed that there are these cones set up in kind of like a course in the parking lot.

So I but I park, I get out of my car, I go into the meeting and into the room and it's this huge room and I walk past the table and it's got all kinds of bottles of liquor on it. And I'm thinking, well, that's kind of funny because I thought the whole point of this was not drinking and driving. So the instructor starts explaining what's going to happen

and he said they are going to take two volunteers, 1 male and one female,

and they are going to

have us have them drive this course that they've set up on the outside. And then every 15 minutes they would give us a shot of alcohol. I'm kind of like telegraphing the end of the story on this one, but but anyway, so that they would give us a couple of shots of alcohol and then the rest of the class would get to watch how we responded

when we drove that class. Now I don't know how they got away with it then they would probably be sued silly if they did something like that now. But back in the day. So anyway, they asked for that woman drunk volunteer. And my my hand goes flying up in the air so fast I practically dislocate my shoulder. And the guy looks at me and he picks me. And I, like, can't believe my luck, right?

I turn around to gloat over all the other people who didn't get picked. And nobody else even had their hands up. So I always say, you know, none of you guys was in that room because I know you would have probably had your hands up, too. To me, this was a great opportunity, right?

Free drunk, drink as much as I can. Plus, I'm very used to driving drunk, so this is something I think I'm pretty good at.

And anyway, the as the thing goes on and at first it's going really well and you know, I'm beating the pants off the guy, which I always prided myself, but I could hold my liquor really well. And then it's like all of a sudden things get very fuzzy

and I kind of remember the car traveling backwards when it was supposed to be going forward and I had this like vision of cones flying up in the air and crowds scattering backwards. I remember that. Long story short, I end up going home and spending the night with the male drunk volunteer

because that's what we do, don't you know?

And then waking up the next morning, guys, and you know, the the four horsemen were there. I was like, I had no idea where I was. I didn't even know what town I was in. I didn't know where you know who I was with. I'm looking around. I'm in this bedroom filled with dirty clothes and

mattress on the floor. And it just, I was like,

how did I end up here? And worst of all, because of course they hadn't let me drive there. I didn't even have the keys. I don't, I didn't know where my car was cause 'cause frankly, that wasn't the first time I ended up in the situation similar to that. But at least I had an escape route 'cause I would just get in my car. But you know, nothing. It was like so unmanageable. And that feeling of despair of like, Oh my God,

how did I get myself into this circumstance again? You know, just like incomprehensible demoralization.

That's the kind of unmanageability that was in my life. Another thing that used to happen to me that was kind of unmanageable. I don't know if you guys have ever been inside a car that didn't have handles on the inside.

There are some cars that they make that you get into and there's no handles on the inside.

Like those cars are usually made in black and white. They come in black and white

and they put you inside the back and you think you're in a car, but when you try to get out of the car, there's no handles on the doors. That's you're pretty powerless under those circumstances. That's pretty unmanageable when you're in a car. If you find yourself in a car with no handles on the inside doors, your life is probably unmanageable and you may be powerless.

So anyway, I realize now that once I develop that phenomenon of craving is a teenager, I was utterly screwed,

even though I didn't know it. It says in the doctor's opinion he uses the word doomed. And I love that 'cause I was really beyond human aid, didn't even know it for many, many years. All I was doing was trying to find that magic formula to drink the way I wanted to drink and not to suffer the consequences. You know, I didn't want to stop drinking for many years. I just wanted to drink the way I like to drink and not have

consequences.

So some of the methods that I tried to manage my drinking, you know, in addition to that wonderful list on page 39, I always would try, I thought that the solution was to change the outside circumstances. So, you know, I would be working and things would start to go downhill at work. So I get fired and I'd look for another job and I think, oh, a new job will solve the problem.

Or I would have a boyfriend

and then things would start to go downhill with a relationship and I would think, oh, a new boyfriend will solve the problem or two boyfriends would solve the problem. But you know, all of that, all of that was doomed. I also tried new substances to, to try to manage my alcohol. And I just want to address that because,

you know, one of our trustees wrote an article a couple of years ago

about the importance of sticking to our singleness of purpose because the denial of alcohol is so much stronger than the denial of drugs. And I'll tell you, in my personal experience, it's kind of hard to deny you're an addict when you standing in line at the methadone clinic

6:30 in the morning, you're leaning up against the wall with a bunch of other runny nose low lives and the situation is pretty clear. Yes, I'm an addict,

but alcohol, cunning, baffling and powerful alcohol always said it was my friend. It always said to me, you can stop those other things, but I'm your friend. You won't get into any trouble with me. And if you go to a party, they're not passing around trays of powders and syringes.

They're passing around these trays of these beautiful long stem glasses and there's bubbles going up the side.

They're not advertising crack cocaine in magazines, but you see all these nice bottles of liquor on the billboards and every place. Alcohol conning, baffling and powerful. That was the one that I always thought was OK. And my history, because I am more of a binge drinker, was just characterized by these endless attempts to clean up my act,

get sober for a while,

things would get better, and then inevitably I would end up worse than I was before.

And it was just lather, rinse, repeat, lather, rinse, repeat. It wasn't hard to get sober. I did that many, many times. I was just never able to stay sober. And I was always trying to get back to that old feeling that alcohol used to give me. And it happened less and less frequently as they continue to drink.

And you know, at the end, my life was nothing but making stupid decisions, constantly disappointing people who are trusted,

who cared about me. I was leaving employee. I thought, you know, if it's in the office and I can carry it and it will fit in my car, then kind of it belongs to me

as a disrespectful daughter. You know, I would depend on my parents to help me out financially. I would ask them for money. And yet I would sort of have the superior attitude of arrogance toward them. Like

you guys are such chumps and I know so much better than you. And I was a selfish sister.

I would call my sister when, you know, I needed to get bailed out of jail or I needed to have her come rescue me from some dangerous situation I'd got into. But I didn't really just call her for anything about her. It was always about me.

I was a real, I was an unfaithful girlfriend, you know, I mean, I thought I loved these guys. I tell myself I loved guys. But, you know, if I needed money and I had to hug my engagement ring to get some,

oh, well, that's how it goes, you know, let go is go. This guy doesn't treat me right. I, I need to find somebody else, right? But the most important thing to me, the most important thing was that in the end I was a bad mother, you know?

I wish I could tell you that the first time I saw that look in my son's eyes, I have a son when I was quite young. And I always said, you know, the one thing I will not let my drinking

interfere with is my ability to be a good mom. And so you know, that first time I saw that look in his eyes, that was like, Oh my God, mom is drunk again. I wish I could tell you that that was my wake up call because I have heard women, people in the fellowship say that was it. That was my wake up call. I want to tell you I saw that look in my son's eyes many, many times.

And every time I saw it, I would say

this will never happen again. You know this will never happen again. And maybe it wouldn't for a couple weeks,

more likely a couple of days, but inevitably I would see that look in his eyes again. And how unmanageable is that, right? The one thing I care about more than anything else in the world and just watching myself over and over again. And it's so important to me to remember that today in in sobriety

because I know without a doubt that, you know, one drink can bring me right back to that place where I'm failing the people who love me and depend on me over and over again.

And our literature talks about being a tornado.

I like to, I think I was like a centrifuge. You know, those spinners they have on the playground where like, if you stand in the middle and then they spin it round and round and gradually, you know, the kids fall off of it. And that's what I was like. I was like the axis of that spinner and it started spinning faster and faster

until everything that I had in my life was gradually pulled away from me

by the forces of alcohol and stupid decisions that I made around alcohol. And, you know, first of the things that flew off or my dignity myself, respect, respect of others. Didn't care about any of that stuff too much. I just thought that was, you know, whatever. It started pulling off jobs and it started pulling off the cars and started pulling off the relationships

and then finally pulled off like that. One thing that I thought was more precious than anything I had, which was my ability to be a good mother to my son. You know, I think one of the most basic instincts that we have as human beings is to nurture our children. And, you know, for so long I just tried to grab on to him and hold him and keep him from getting pulled off. But eventually it pulled off too and he never stopped loving me.

But he just couldn't. He couldn't look me in the eye anymore and he kept making excuses not to be with me.

So. So that's what I was like. And then finally, due to,

you know, a series of events which is basically irrelevant because I think we all come to our own tipping point, that place where we say, I just cannot live one more day like this. I cannot spend one more day of my life like this. And we have that desperation

and they came into Alcoholics Anonymous for real on March 20th of 1987. And I have been sober ever since. So like I said before, I do think I'm off to a good start. Got that first difficult 30 years out of the way. And you know, today, just on a daily basis,

I ask God to help me stay sober today.

And so I think I'll stay sober tonight.

Uh, So what happened? Why am I sober today? You know, the simple, the short answer is I did the steps with the sponsor and I learned a new way of life. That's how it looks, you know, and I got to tell you, I thought the idea of getting a sponsor was just horrible. You know when you guys said get a sponsor,

you just talking crazy talk now you know that's insulting. I know how to read. What do I need to sponsor for? But I had that desperation that's born of,

you know, that was the last gift that alcohol gave me. And so I was willing to do whatever you suggested and

turned out to, I got a sponsor, turned out to be one of the best decisions I've made out of many good decisions that you guys have guided me tonight. So with that sponsor, I did step one and because you guys talked about your own experiences with and your powerlessness over alcohol,

I was able to identify and see mine. And that's why I think it is very important for us when we, when I share to share my experiences. What I was really like my experiences with alcohol because of all you guys were talking about was how you were working on this step or that stuff step and how you were growing spiritually. Idagon, man, I'm in the wrong place, right?

If you talked about your stories with alcohol and I could relate to that

and that's how I learned to access that in her alcoholic because like I said, when I first came in, it was really clear

I was addicted to everything that was available on the streets. You know, in by 1986 alcohol, I still had this little idea that it was my friend. You talked about alcohol, and I realized alcohol was the first thing that ever gave me that feeling that I chased

through

any other substance I could find for the next almost 30 days. So then in Step 2, because I had accepted that my situation was that was hopeless without some spiritual aid, it chose to accept a higher power into my life. And since I was a teenager, I had been a very strident agnostic. I was the kind of person that like, if you mentioned God, I would start arguing with you whether I knew you or not

and tell you how stupid you are.

But that chapter we agnostics again, because I was able to read it with this open and willing mind. There is some amazing stuff in that chapter. And the first thing was, you know, where it says deep down inside every man, woman and child is the fundamental idea of God. And I remembered when I was young, you know, I wasn't brought up with a punishing God. It was a loving God. Jesus loved me. You know, I said my prayers at night,

and that was a really good feeling. And I remembered the kind of feeling of safety that I had from her. And then it says either God is or God is not what is. No, no, no, no. Then it says, who was I to say there was no God? And I thought, yeah, you know what? Here in my arrogance, I've been going, that's just crazy talk. And I thought that throughout, throughout the millennia,

recorded history, there have always been references to powers greater than human powers. And who am I? Who was I to say that that was Bunker. And the final thing was either God is or God is not. What was our choice to be? And the very fact that they use that word choice absolutely just changed everything for me because I realized this doesn't have to be some long logical topology

that I create in my mind. I don't need any bend diagrams for this. Either God is or God isn't and I get to make a choice. So ever since then, I have simply made a choice to believe in God.

Uh, so then in step three, because I admitted I was an alcoholic, now I had a higher power in my life, I agreed to follow the directions that were given to me. So clearly in the rest of the steps, I took inventory for the first time in my life. And for any of those of you who haven't done that yet, this is not just an exercise in self criticism.

The fourth step absolutely, like, changed my whole

perspective online. It was the most enlightening thing. Yeah, I thought it was enlightening to find out I could barf and drink for another three hours. This is true enlightenment. And you know, I share that information with God and another human being. I acknowledge my defects of character to the extent that I was able to time and ask God to remove them.

I may restitution for harms that I had done

and expected to be of service to others, and that's it. That was it. As the result of doing the steps, I had a spiritual awakening which restored me to perfect sanity regarding the first thing. Not in a lot of other ways, but regarding the first drink. And that's what it talks about over and over in the literature, the insanity of the first string, that crazy thought that maybe I can just have

one or two this time and I won't get into so much trouble like I used to before. So I had been restored to perfect sanity regarding that thought.

And also, you know what? I'm not one of those people who says that they are sober today only by the grace of God, because I think that sends a slightly dangerous message to the newcomer. It took all the willingness that I had to follow directions. And, you know, our literature refers to that as the proper use of the will. Now make no mistake,

there is no way in the world that I could have stayed sober without God's help and without your help.

But the loving God of my understanding isn't this puppet master who plucks one alcoholic out of the mire of alcoholic despair and leaves another alcoholic to die in the gutter. I truly believe that a loving God of my understanding wants any alcoholic of my be sober. But that does demand action and lots of effort on my part. And like I said, sometimes it took all the willingness I had

to follow your directions.

So, you know, our adventures then now we'll get to our adventures after because I have there's kind of an analogy if on this, you know, it says God, the last pertinent idea is God could and what if he ever saw? So kind of the analogy that I like to use is I've been sober about 10 years. I don't know. This is so, you know, 2025 years ago, 10 or 15 years, I don't know. Anyway, I had gone with my

family to Hawaii. We were vacationing in Hawaii and we were scuba diving, you know, we were snorkeling and, you know, we were all in the groove. And they said, now stay in the group. Don't wander too far from the groove. And me with my little brain, I'm going, oh, these fish are so beautiful. And, you know, those directions might be for somebody else, but I'm just going to wander off a little bit and I'm following the fish. And all of a sudden I find myself getting like

pushed up into this

coral reef. So I bring my head above the water and I look around and I see that the group I was with is far away from me and the shore is way far away from me. And I realize that I might be in a little bit of trouble. And so I start like flailing my hands and, and, and the current is pushing me into this

coral reef and my legs are starting to bleed and I'm starting to think sharks coming. And,

and my son ended up my son came over and he swam over to me

and he said to me, mom, the current is way too strong. I cannot carry you in. Even though he's a strong swimmer. He said, I cannot carry you in. And, you know, for the first time, I really saw, I think, you know, we all, we all have this knowledge that people die, but also this assumption that it's not going to be me today.

And you know, I really saw the possibility that I was might not make it out alive.

On top of that, my son had come over to help me,

so thankfully I had been sober long enough to know what to do when my life is in danger.

So I close my eyes. I took a deep breath.

I said the third step prayer. And then, guys, I swam my ass off. I swam harder than I have ever swim before I had. I swim harder than I've ever done anything physically before. And we swam in and we swam toward shore. And my son stayed just ahead of me the whole time, right ahead of me, so that he was there.

And then sometimes I would get so exhausted I had to stop for a few times and tread water. But you know, the current was so strong that even when you're trading water, it would it was pulling me back out. And he'd go, Mom, we have to keep going. We have to keep going. He swam with me the whole way in until I finally got my feet on the sand. And that is exactly what you guys have done for me.

You stayed with me the whole time. You told me we can't do it for you, Karen. But you will not ever have to be alone again.

We will be with you every step of the way. And you can't tread water for too long. You have got to keep going. So that's how you know, that's how my life is manageable. Today. I have your help. I have God's help. And today I can do it one day at a time. So what am I like today? I'll tell you my relationship to others into the world around me is radically different because I do try one day

time to practice principles and all my affairs. Today, every single day, I am on steps 1011 and 12. I'm not one of these people who says I do Step 3 every day. I say the third step prayer every day. But I was taught that, you know, once I did step three, that just meant I was going to go on through the rest of the steps. Now, when I'm taking my will back, that's my step 11 practice. And that's not just

distinction guys. I believe that is program is designed steps one through 9 taught me a new way of life. Steps 1011 and 12 are how I stay on the path and I continue to grow in that new life. So I surrender on a daily basis of a kind and loving God that A A gave back to me, that God that I rejected so many years ago

at Son who never stopped loving me,

but he just couldn't look at me or be with me. The day he is an active part of my daily life, the day he is a member of our fellowship. My grandbabies, my grandbabies, they're adults now. They have never seen me drunk. I get to be a sober example to my grandson who is struggling with heart disease.

I was able to make amends to those parents to whom I was so disrespectful. I was able to be useful to them when they were at the end of their lives. I was able to become productive member of society.

And you know, I just became happily and usefully whole. And most of the time I am just grateful for the fact that I'm alive today because an alcoholic of my type doesn't get to live this long usually. And no matter what the circumstances, I believe that we can make choice. To be happy that I can make a choice,

that's not just something that happens to me. I need to make an active choice

based on my level of gratitude.

So, you know, I'll end with service because

I always do. And, you know, liking my drowning analogy, you all taught me that once I got back onto the beach, I needed to go back out there and help others swim in. I need to be actively in service to other Alcoholics. And in the beginning, that meant cleaning ashtrays. Or, you know, today in these digital times, maybe it means helping out on the Zoom rooms or whatever,

talking to newcomers. I was told, you know what, if you've got 30 days of sobriety, maybe you can't transmit what you don't have, but you can't tell them how you somebody only has three days.

And so I learned early on, you know, my sponsor said, we do all the steps. We'll do them like they're written in the literature and we'll do them in order, except you do get to do that part of Step 12

and you can begin being of service to others right away. So there are two things specifically that have been consistent in my life since 1987. The 1st is sponsorship. I got asked

probably shortly after I finished the 12th step just to sponsor somebody else. And I have been blessed to work with many, many women who have invited me to join them in their journey of sobriety.

First of all, we do the steps and I get to transmit the tools that were transmitted for me to me, which is the 12 steps. And that's the bottom of our triangle recovery. And then when we're done with the steps, they go, oh good, we're done. And I go, Oh no, now go to tradition one and we'll retrition one and we'll study that and then I get to transmit tools of the traditions.

Which is the unity arm of our triangle.

And then we get to tradition 12 and they go, how are we done yet? And I go, no, but we're more than halfway there. And then we start reading the concepts and studying them together. And that way I get to transmit the tools of the third arm of the triangle, which is service. So, you know, I, I really feel that it's incumbent on those of us who have been given the honor

of sponsorship

to transmit all 36 principles of Alcoholics, all three legacies that have been given to us, not just the steps. And you know what, I don't have time for the story, but because I do that and my sponsees do that with their sponsees. When our inner group decided that it was perfectly OK to accept $150,000 request,

we were able to say oh hell no,

back that truck up folks. We have a little thing called the traditions and the concepts that says no, no, we don't get to do that. But you know, the trifecta for, I think the trifecta of a well rented service life is sponsorship, working one-on-one with another alcoholic, having a service commitment at meeting level if your group needs you, and doing service at the broader level. Because IOAA debt that I will never

be able to repay.

So the service at the broader level, you know, all of our service entities need this. And I will say, I hear people go, I can't go to those meetings. They're so boring, they're so political. At the same time, benefiting from the services that every one of those entities provides, you know, benefiting from the meaningless, benefiting from our general service structure,

all of these benefits that we get because the service structures of a A are active and have volunteers and they all need us. So, you know, whether it's general service, intergrew or it's H and I find what works for you. I think that there is a surface commitment. You know, none of us is unique in terms of being alcoholic, but I think we are all unique and we have the special combination

of assets and defects. And whatever your assets and defects are, there is a surface commitment that will work for you

and for me it was with H and I, you know, I realized early on that there are plenty of Alcoholics who are confined for decades for doing exactly what I did, but they didn't get caught in it. You know, I was drunk, I was driving, I smashed my car into other cars. Just so happened that those other cars didn't have people in them. Somebody else smashed up into a car that did have people in and they're doing

life sentences for vehicular homicide. So, you know, H and I've always just felt I've been doing H and I since 1987. It just for me feels like where I belong. And I am so grateful to H and I for having given me the opportunity to be a service. And, you know, we've been able to develop this wonderful new service

where we are bringing one-on-one sponsorship to prisoners and state prisons.

And, you know, when you're a member of a service committee, this is the selfish thing that, you know, this is not a selfish program. Anybody says that I, I feel compelled to beat them with my big book because selfishness is the problem, not the solution. But there are so many rewards for doing service and the people that you meet on your journey of service

just blows my mind. Just like the conversation we started having at the beginning of this meeting of like and I get to find out new things about how to do service all the time.

So that's it. I think my time is about up. I want to close to you newcomers, relative newcomers, you know,

just please don't drink today.

Ask God, however you understand God to help you not drink today and come back tomorrow, you know, get a sponsor, start working the steps

and that's it. I want to thank you too, for inviting me to be a service

and for helping me to stay sober today. And I hope, hope, if you've gotten nothing else from my share, that you at least believe it. If it worked for me, it can work for you. Thank you.