The Co-Anon panel at the Cocaine Anonymous area convention in Prescott, AZ

and that they were taking the baby on Monday again. And

there's a good chance that they are going to call me and to take him. And I'm in a lot of fear. And honestly, I was like, I don't want to share. Like I'm, my heart hurts. This disease has really affected my life since, since I was little. And you know, it's just, it's sad. It's heart wrenching. And I, I grew up with alcoholism. My my father

is an alcoholic, was an alcoholic

and growing up he used and drank until my mom and him were divorced when I was 10 years old. And he'd be in and out of my life for the next few years and and then be gone for probably till I was 1920 years old.

And I remember just when I started going to,

when I started my daughter's here, when I started going to

calling on about seven years ago.

I remember coming in and just being really broken. And remember, I remember being so angry with my father and just just angry at alcoholism, addiction and, and I ended up marrying an addict as well. And so we went through quite a few years of

of while playing the game of Chase the Attic, Follow the Addict, put baby monitors everywhere.

I was a little bit crazy. I thought I was pretty brilliant, you know,

because I was going to catch him, you know, And so when I came into Kona on my, I was very, just just very, very broken. Didn't have, didn't think that,

you know, I thought that I would find out how to fix the

in my life, the Alcoholics in my life so that I could have relationships with them. And when I started going, I found out really quick that it was about working on myself. And I'm so grateful that that they didn't tell me how to fix them because I didn't know that the solution would be in fixing myself.

I

I had AI have an amazing sponsor who we have a lot in common and who's who's been through a lot of the same thing things that I've been through. I'm sorry, my head's a little with me not feeling well. I feel like I'm all over the place, but

who who showed me the way? And I remember just working through my steps and thinking,

just thinking that I was going to have to cut off all the relationships with that except my life, which my whole most of my family, they're addicts and Alcoholics and I have a ton of cousins. I have over 76 cousins and more than half are probably addicts and Alcoholics. And,

and it was really neat because I started going through my steps and I was able to work through my resentments with my father and, and there was a lot of abuse with my mom and he physically abused her. And so I had a lot of anger and I never thought I'd forgive him. I just wanted to be able to,

you know, answer the phone when he called, but I didn't think I would ever truly be able to love this man

Just 100% like, love him. Like out of my heart. I just thought I would do it out of pity.

And when I went through my steps with my sponsor, I was able to find my find my part in something that I felt like I had no part of. But I was very selfish and unloving to my dad and I was able to see those things and I was able to see how I just how I was not a,

I really judged him, you know, and I, I treated him very badly and I didn't realize that he was sick. And what the steps did is they gave me a relationship with my father and

I'm I will, I, I will always be. I'm extremely grateful for Cohen on because working through my steps is what gave me a relationship is what helped me to have turned from being resentful at my father to having compassion form which ended up allowing me to to love him and to accept him just the way he was. Because my dad never would end up getting sober. And he ended up

I ended up getting through my steps and making amends to my dad and I would be able to have the next few years with him until I got a call that he was diagnosed with stage 4 pancreatic cancer. 2 weeks later my father would die.

I don't,

my younger brother and sister don't have the piece that I have with my, with my father today that I have I,

there was nothing left unsaid to him. There was no anger when he died. I have, I had nothing but forgiveness. He forgave me for how I treated him. I was able to just find love for this man and truly see that he was sick and that he, he really did the best he could. And that's, that's what I got from coming to these rooms. I, I learned how to focus on myself. I learned how to,

how to work on me and when you work on yourself, everything around you changes.

I, you know, like I said, I ended up fostering my, my cousin's baby and that was really hard because I was really angry with her when I took care of that, when I took care of her son. And today, like I get to, I get to love her and my heart, I, I cried this morning because my heart was broken because I know how much she loves her, her son. She's a really good mom, but she's a really sick, you know, she's very sick. And this disease I have watched to strip this mom away from her, her three children, and they're probably going to sever her rights. And,

and I'm so grateful that I have a place that I can come that I can reach out to women and men. And, and they're going to give me hope and they're going to show me how to walk through this. Because my first reaction was I need to call CPS and let him know, do not put that baby in the state again. And I need to save the day. And I, I was able to take a breath and just step back and, and just let God kind of do what he's going to do. That's interesting. Today I get to what God I get to let God's will

lead my life instead of me trying to run the show and fix everybody in my life and thinking if I just say this right thing to my little brother, he'll stop using. If I, if I just, you know, jab it in here like the right way, he'll, he'll feel like such a piece of crap that maybe he'll stop using. It just doesn't work that way.

I have to show up as a sister and just love him. And I have to show up and just

just be there for him, not enable him, not give him money. But today I can answer the phone when he calls and I can, whether he's high or not. I can just love him where he's at. And the ability to love the people in my life, where they are, where they're at, has given me

just the most amazing relationships with them because they want to be in my life.

They're not afraid to answer the phone that I'm going to attack them. They know that they can call me. And, and I'm, you know, I, I hope one day I get that call from my cousin. You know, I hope she, she's able to call me and reach out for help. And, you know, my life is extremely blessed today. My, my husband's been sober for seven years and

our house went from being a very, very broken home to where there was anger and fighting and yelling and

just sadness.

You know, my kids almost got taken out of my home. And so today, like I, I remember when I got that call, just feeling super grateful. I don't know why, why our home got it, why, why we were able to get this and why my cousin wasn't. But I know that if I, what I get to do is keep showing up. I get to keep going to meetings. I get to keep doing this deal because when I do this, my life just gets better and better. And I have a husband today who is present and who is

with us and

is not running the streets trying to find out which is, which is beautiful. He shows up for my kids today. He will be starting the Academy for Chandler Fire Department on January 2nd. You know, our, our life is beautiful today. And I, I owe it to the women and men in this room that have shared their experience and strength and hope with me. My heart is, is breaking right now. And I know that I have people in this room that I can talk to afterwards that I can lean on for

and, and for love. And,

and I will be extremely grateful to you. And I will keep going to going on the rest of my life because I don't think that my whole family is going to be sober the rest of my life. And with that, I will pass.

We will now hear from our other Kelly on his experience, strength and hope.

Hello, I'm Kelly,

the other killing. As you can tell, I was raised in a time a little bit before the idea that addiction was a disease.

Spent a lot of time watching John Wayne movies. Was raised by some very conservative type folks.

There were no addicts or Alcoholics in our family because we lived in a kinder, gentler America where we didn't discuss such things.

After being now in Conan for about 3 years, I realized that one side of my family was quite well populated with Alcoholics.

When the tragedy of addiction fell to our household, I knew immediately what to do. I shut down emotionally. My wife had this. She was the nurturer, I was not the nurture. My job was to go supply money for the family and so I got to wander off and do my own thing and pretty much ignore what was going on at home. I knew socially the best thing to do was to shut down with my friends so I didn't have to talk about what was happening in my family,

didn't have to tell anybody about anything,

and that didn't work very well. So this all went along and I thought things were going pretty good and suddenly I noticed a really odd thing happening. My daughter was getting better, my wife was getting better and I was getting worse.

Now, people had talked to me about going to Al Anon and Cohen on and these other things and I couldn't figure out in my mind of minds the way that I was raised. Why did I need to do anything when the problem wasn't with me? The problem was with my addict. So why did I need to do step work? Why did I need to stand up in front of people and, you know, admit my shortcomings when fact of the matter was it wasn't my problem. It was her problem,

and it got getting worse and worse and worse, and it became obvious that things weren't going to workout very well. So I got badgered quite forcefully into coming to meetings. And so I was that guy sitting in the back of the room

and started listening to some of this stuff. And it was really funny

how slowly but surely the message started sinking in for me, and I started seeing what

my parts were in it. Not necessarily for how, you know, it's really easy at first. You know, the first thing for me to go is, oh, OK, my daughter's addiction was all my fault, so down I go. Then I had some smart people explain to me that no, this wasn't. So I got kind of filled in on the background information of

addiction as a disease, and slowly but surely I started to climb out of that first hole.

And then I started looking at the steps. Now I've been doing Cohen on for over three years now, I think, and with the help of several people who are here in the room, I've now finally just recently finished my steps. Three years. That's a long time to do steps. That is fairly stubborn,

but it's, I mean, it's, it's been an amazing ride. The things that I've learned about myself, the things I've learned about other people,

the way that it's affected my life.

I've been in aerospace engineering for 32 years, convicted workaholic, and that worked well for me, like I said, for a period of time, and then it stopped working. And so about the same time that I started doing Coenon, I started working

on my master's degree.

A lot of energy in this for counseling.

So you might say this has kind of changed.

Wendy, where are you? This is all your phone.

So I mean, this has had a huge effect on me.

It's changed the way that my relationships are. It changed the way that I relate to pretty much all the other human beings on the planet.

So

gosh, where to take this to finish it off with. So I mean, this has been a great ride for me and I just I cannot thank the system and going on enough and the people that are in Codon and

it's just been amazing. I can't see how you know now, now that I look back on it. I mean, I don't want to wish

a

drug addicted daughter on anyone, but I don't know where I would be today without it.

It's it's funny the way that our higher powers work, but the fact that I've come out of the backside of this so much different than how I went in the front side and definitely for the better is just absolutely beyond me. So

with that, I'll thank you all and I'll close. Thank you very much.

Your fault.

Thank you, Kelly. We'll now hear from Cindy.

Hi, I'm Cindy and I'm Anon. Thanks for sharing, Kelly and Kelly. So this if I stagger and go all over the place, that's kind of how my squirrels run. So I just want warn you guys ahead of time, but I'm a chronic people pleaser and I thought that was a good thing, right, And I'm a culture right coached a success in my other jobs that I had. I helped them see what point out maybe their little errors and how they can correct it to be successful. So I thought that was a really great thing. I did my job well

and met this great guy. He like he liked to go to establishments that I like to go to after work and we party together. It was great. Went to happy hour, had cheap dinner, right?

So I was done like after two or three glasses of wine and it was all good. And

so

I started losing myself because he we started getting, you know, fall in love. You spend time together, that's all you do. Learn about the other person and move on and do that and so

we just what was more important was like to hang out, go party, go home, get up do the next thing the next day. We both did everything just fine and then

we got married. That happened great. And then all of a sudden he started getting sick and I didn't understand why he got so super sick. And anything I could do, you know, let's go to this doctor and go to gastro Dr. You know, he would be getting like really sick, like blackout. I didn't understand that vomiting all the time.

I really headless having some gastro breakdown and he couldn't like remember stuff and I had a bunch of dormies in my life. I didn't know anything and I didn't know anything about addiction because my family didn't have any addiction. My cousins like to party, but then they didn't have that stuff. So once doctor figure out what was going on with my husband and of course then as he's getting sicker, I'm all of a sudden now getting sicker. I didn't realize I was getting sicker. I thought I was trying to be helpful

but no, now I know. Thanks for the steps

and aren't my friends that I was getting sicker as he was getting sicker.

And so I would suggest, well, let's just try to go to this doctor. Or how about if you just don't drink so much, maybe just drink a little bit less. Maybe you'll feel better. OK, maybe not

indulge like after 8:00 at night, you know, and just like, and then, then he got a DY, right? So that's kind of like, Oh well, my head's like, OK, cool, I got a DY. Not cool that he got a DUY. But he won't, he'll be sober for at least a couple of days and he'll maybe see that there's a need to drink anymore because he really doesn't need to. That's what I thought. And

so then after that he had to go to which a couple of different rehabs. We had the family group therapy thing and it was really great. One of the ladies name was Tammy. She like fed into my like my dementia, my detail oriented brain, whereas she said this what your the brain does for an addict, it does this and this and falls apart and things don't connect and as they get sober, then the electrons and everything start reconnecting. I'm like, OK, cool.

And then she says, have you guys gone? If you've gone Sunita al Anon? I'm like, no, I I didn't think I can. I was sick, and I was just there to support him

and help him get better. Didn't realize I Yeah. So. So then finally she convinced me to go at Al Anon. And I go in there and these ladies. OK, that point in time, I'll back up. I was like living a circus. I was trying to keep everything going, you know, go, go. It's like those jugglers throw the plates up in the air and they have to this. And also there's puppies running around the floor. So you have to, like, juggle everything and keep the puppies there and show up for work and coach everybody's success. Make sure your sales team's numbers are really good because you don't want to let anybody out there know the circus that's going on inside your head.

And so they're like, OK, I'll go to Alamine. So I go there and these ladies are so flipping calm, like really calm. I didn't get it. They're like just sitting there talking about their cats and their checkbook and their. I'm like, she's like, well, are you OK? I'm like, well, no, but yeah, I'm fine. Yeah, I'm fine. My, you know, then I go on and telling the story of how I got there. And I really don't really need to be there because I'm not the one that's sick. And sure, They're like, oh, honey. And they give me a little like, what do you mean by that? Oh, honey, me. Don't make me cry.

And then they give me here's our phone numbers. I'm like, I can't even breathe and you're giving your phone numbers. I don't have time for you. And they're like, well, have you done the steps? And so then aha, they said steps. I'm like, oh, just go over there to literature. You know, there's some work your steps and you'll feel better. So like my first time I go to the literature table, I look for a piece of paper that had bullet points, 12 steps because I thought in my head, OK, we'll do one check, two, check, three, check. I'm done with 12.

And he's sober and everything will be all good.

I learned that wasn't true. So. OK, Alan, stuff for me. Those ladies are way too calm. I'm too crazy. I don't have time. I have to hurry and get home because he. I want to be home while they still sober because I think I can maybe control and help him not drink so much. I could help him hold back on it because I still thought at that point in time that I could. Yeah, I could manage it. Yeah. I didn't do that. I could coach him to the success of so Brady

and that didn't work. And so me still being a Norman, we still drank. I didn't really get that he was like an alcoholic alcoholic. I just thought he was a very, very active social drinker.

Boy was he active. And so, you know, then he went through, went to rehab a couple of times. He liked those places. I

we got to be regulars at some of the intake facilities. They'd say, oh, hi, nice to see you Cindy. And I'm like, hi, how's he doing? Well, we're here for him again. And they're like, well, that's good, welcome back. We'll get things back on on track. So again they said this time Diane said, oh, Cindy, have you gone to Al Anonia? And like, well, I went once, but they just gave me word vibes. I didn't like it. They were like all calm and I'm like all crazy and I couldn't even sit still for the meeting. And she goes well, go again. And like,

so I drove there and I did Allen on it, Scottsdale Fellowship and sat in the parking lot.

There's a little store next to there. So went to the store and said they go in the meeting

and I bought some cool stuff and I wandered around there because then my shopping disorder started where I would go and wander around and does I kill hours because nobody could find me there. I would be distracted, not answer my phone right Because I'm like, OK, I'm here. He's not going to come to this store and follow me around. And he would probably couldn't walk to follow me around there. And he's at home and drunk, drunk. And I don't want to be there anyway because I'll probably say something stupid, which is always stupid. My mom told me one time, she said, Cindy, don't. You can't ration with drunks.

You don't even waste your time. Don't even waste your breath. They're going to say what they're going to say. They're going to think what they're going to think.

So I was like, yeah, whatever, mom, I could still be successful. I can, I can help this. So then

the other L one thing didn't work, so ice capably kept on doing the family group therapy and visiting different rehab facilities around the valley, making good friends. And it's true. So so then he got then he discovered 2121 and that was all great. And so I don't think he could drive at that time. So I would go drop him off at 2121 and I'm like, OK, well, as I was like, was I dropping him off really to make sure he went yes, probably now that I

no, but because he could have gotten a ride from somebody else at that time. Prior to that, I would find like, I'm not drinking anymore, but I move something and there's a little miniature there or will be at a restaurant. He'll walk out of the bathroom in a miniature pile of his boot. You know where I go to get something out of the trunk in the car and where the spare tire is, there's a fit. How'd this get there? I didn't put there, but that's all right. You know, I'll just pretend like I didn't see it or whatever. So anyway, so fast forwarding back to 2121, he was getting healthy and doing all the right things,

but I didn't know I was sick.

And so someone near to me said, well, Cindy, you know you're you're sick. I'm like, I don't think so, but I'll go to my doctor and she gave me a physical, give me a KG. It's all okay. Keep taking my blood pressure medicine or eight. So again, there's city you're sick. You need to get some help. I'm like, OK, I'll go see a therapist. So I went S therapist and she's like, well, are you going to self help groups? I'm like, no, I go hike. We need to go to groups. I'm like, whatever Donna and

I did, I stopped seeing her. Imagine that

then here I sit in 2121 parking lot and I just sat on let you guys know that place a little binge outside little Chapel door. I was hanging out there every Thursday was great little place. Sometimes it got a little cold. Then I go sit in the car because I didn't you know, I'm not going to go sit in that colonine meeting. It looks like a little tiny room with a bunch of strangers and I was so like super more fearful than I am now. I was super fearful to go in that room because I didn't realize I well, my story is unique. I didn't realize that there's a lot of people on this planet that are just like me, only with their own little seasoning in it.

So

still I didn't go. I still didn't go. And then we had another

tragedy that happened in our life and my husband sponsored the time. I called him, told him what happened. He said

my girlfriend's getting go to a meeting. Why don't you meet her there? I'm like, well, cuz I look like shit. My hair is, I haven't done my hair. I look horrible clothes on. It starts in just a little bit. He just went to the hospital. I just, I look like crap and he's like, we don't care how you look, just come. My eyes were like swollen out to here 'cause I was crying so much, you know? But I'm like, all right, well, he's in emergency room and then he's going to go somewhere else. And obviously anything I've done for the last 12 years has it made a damn bit of difference. So let's just try this, right?

So I went to that Sunday meeting and and I was just a freaking wreck. I mean, I was bad, bad, but two ladies there let me just cry it out and talk it out what I need you to do that minute and what I didn't need to do. And

I listen to them. And then I started going to the Thursday meeting and then the Tuesday meeting. And by the grace of God, I'm a little less crazy. My squirrels are still really hyper and I can't control them. That's just like nature of my beast, I think. But now I not really like those ladies and all in on because I'm sure as heck not calm. But someday maybe I'll be on that asset.

But I'm really grateful for everybody sharing with me their experience, treat and hope and not judging me

and just let me come time just view my stuff out and cry. And because I really did think I could manage

him to success and sobriety. And the same time my mom was dying of cancer. So then I had to also keep my job, right? So I had to like treat my husband's addiction as a business and my mom's sickness as a business, really, because I need them with both be successful while I still kept my team successful at work because that's how I got paid. That was just shitty and a lot of responsibility. And I wish I knew now what I should do then, what I know now.

And but I can't manage. I certainly couldn't keep my mom alive from time with cancer, right?

And I couldn't keep my husband from drinking. He's got to do that for himself. So I'm finding started getting back and learning things about me and doing things for me and realizing that I'm a human being. What I feel and know in my heart does matter. So if I want to go take a walk, I can go take a walk. If somebody's quirky, they're quirky and I can't do anything to change that. And thank you for listening and have a great day.

Thank you, Cindy. We will now hear from our last speaker, Melissa.

Hi you guys. My name is Melissa.

Hi

so I apologize for being late. Just drove in from Phoenix and traffic was awesome.

Actually. It really wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be. I just didn't get here as quickly as I wanted to. I couldn't do my regular pace on the way up here.

So anyways, a couple people might know what that means.

It's a little frustrating with some of the trucks, but anyway, we're here to talk about

Conan and gratitude

and and you know, I look out into the audience and I see a lot of different people that I know, some other that I may not. And what I see is people that have helped me the last X amount of years, people that I've been able to relate to, people, I mean, whose story may not be exactly like mine, sort of like what you were saying. There's spice in it. Maybe, maybe not,

but areas that

your family and my family have have been very similar and areas that you've helped me to see a different truth.

And when I got here, that wasn't the case. When I got here,

I didn't want to really particularly leave my house because I was in a lot of fear that if I stayed, if I stayed home, then I could control it. If I stayed home, they wouldn't get loaded. If I stayed home, you know, when they walked out the door, I'd be there when they got back, right? So it's really isolated when I started coming here and sharing my, I didn't share it first because I wanted to isolate. But what I did do is I listened and there was some some people, some women and some men that had children and wives,

significant others and friends. And when I heard their stories I was like OK,

I think I can get some of that and I could go to meetings. And when I first got here the first one I really had was my my ex-husband and I thought he was going to be like it right? Then came to kids and I thought OK the first ones down we should be good, not the truth.

I say that because I I drove up here tonight and I was supposed to have a different human with me and she made a decision not to come. And where I once called my sponsor and asked if I was allowed to, I don't know.

I think the term handcuffed to a room was maybe present. And if not the room, how about like the kitchen table?

I would be OK with that. They could get to the remote. That was a big fat negative.

There would be police involvement and it would be me going to jail. So that didn't want to work for me.

And just the other day I was it's been in this deal with my daughter for a little bit a while

and

I was reading in our Cohen on book, the one that I, this is like been a really big life saver for me.

And

sometimes I think that because I've been in Al Anon for a long time, I shouldn't have any more problems. And when difficulties do arise, I feel that something's wrong with me or the program.

And actually, in some ways I have more problems than ever. When I come to al Anon, I had just one problem. I didn't know how to fix them.

My life was a complete shambles, but I swore that I was fine. Couple other people I heard say that today. I know I can't fix anybody but myself and I challenge myself daily. And you know, when I read that, that's kind of where I'm at. You know what I mean? Like I thought I'd get to this point in coming on where I wouldn't have these these things, right? The things being the problems like humans that have addictions. And I thought maybe, you know, it would get better. I thought I would get better and a half, right? Those moments of the isolation are shorter.

The times that I stay home and don't reach out are a lot shorter because I don't want to miss out on my life.

I don't want to miss out on working with other people. I don't want to miss out on all of life's joys. And when I stay in that disease with them, there's no hope for that. I, I, I don't get to do my life. And, you know, as I walked in the door from work, you know, hurry up, we're back. The bags were packed last night. I had everything in order. The house was clean, the laundry was done.

OK, I'm ready to go. And she promptly tells me no, I'm not not going. And like, listen, you're about a buck maybe. And I'm pretty sure I could throw you over my shoulders and we're out like

that's what's happening. And you know, I sat on the couch and I and I talked to my sponsor like 3 hours prior this and I was had my plan and,

and my guidelines by golly, because those are important and they are in my life. Guidelines and boundaries are important in my life. And at that point, this program comes in. How important is it? Like the things I'm grateful for are the tools that I've learned to this program, not how much time I have or don't have, not how good or bad it looks, not how wrong or right it is, not

not how much I'm going to control the situation in or how much I want to anymore. Today it's more about where's the freedom? You know, what's the solution? How important is it and how big of a fit and how much shit am I going to lose because I want my way, which is for her to get in the damn car because I want to get here to be with us.

So I sat and I prayed and I thought I can stay here, I can call out in the meeting, blah, blah, blah, blah. But then I'm still going to be here with with the disease, the dis ease like not her dis ease mine. And that's no longer acceptable for me today. And so although I had a guideline that was like, I'm doing this and this is exactly what's going to happen,

it changed to, OK, if the house gets destroyed, you know, my mind immediately goes, you're throwing a big party. There's gonna be heroin addicts all over my house and it's gonna be in complete shambles. It's gonna be dirty and I'm gonna flip out. Like, I don't know if any of that shit's gonna happen. And does it really matter 'cause like right now, in this moment, I need to get in my car and go, get in the fucking car and go. And that's what I did, right? I prayed, I motivated, and that's what I did. God was like getting a fucking car and go like, maybe your guy doesn't cuss. Mine does. But,

and, and that's what I did, you know, and I drove the speed limit because you know what, I was really quite, quite calm. And I'm able to adjust to that and have a lot of gratitude for this program

and for the people in these rooms because those are the reactions that I have today. They're not reactions, their responses, but my reaction is more response like as opposed to like ripping her out of the seat, getting in. Like, that's not going to like, nobody's going to be happy. She's going to get here and be miserable. And I'm going to be like, I'm going to be trained to the hotel room. That doesn't sound fun. So like for me, practicing these steps

and really having that conscious contact with God in my understanding and, and reaching out and talking to people, right?

I have so much gratitude for that because my life has completely changed.

The dark, dismal abyss of disease in my world with my Abex

can be super dark. And,

and if I choose to stay in that,

I mean, I'm as sick as that and I don't want to be that today. Today

I practice and I pray and I keep coming back because this program has given me more gifts, humans, relationships, relationships that I wouldn't have ever been able to have. I mean, there's a human in here that I'm pretty sure we were twins at some point, and we've lived very close to the same life

and we've had a lot of the same experiences. And I'm so grateful for her, right?

I don't show up if I don't step up, if I don't come and share

the women in my life that I get to sponsor in this program, Similar experiences. I call on the phone and go like, what did you do?

And I'm grateful for that. I get to do that with the women in my life today because I let them in right? And through them, I get to see the sunlight of the Spirit and be closer to God and be closer to other people and the relationships around my life that maybe aren't a part of the disease flourish.

You know, I'm present when I go to work. And I think that's the biggest change for me that Conan has brought is that when I'm in disease, like I'm not present for anything else in my life. I can't be because I'm so obsessed with what they are doing or not doing. And that just like I'll be at work, I'm not present, right? I'm not present at all. And this program has allowed me the opportunity to open the door to be present

in every other area of my life.

And

and the compassion I that one I still struggle with. To be super honest.

I go back to do I want to be right or do I want to be happy? Right? I want to be right sometimes honestly, like let's just be honest, I want to be great.

But more than that, I want, I really want to be happy. I want to be happy and I want to enjoy this life and I want to be present for the people that are in it. So I'm super grateful for this program. Thank you for allowing me the opportunity to share. Thank you for everyone that put this together

and to be asked to share and that's all I have. Thank you.

Could I have another big round of applause for everybody, for all of our secrets?

Before we close the meeting, we're going to pass the basket for the 7th Tradition

and I've asked a friend to read the dos and don'ts. Terry.