The topic of "How the Steps Work in Rough Going" at the DAA 10th anniversary convention in Oxford, UK

Thanks Sophie, my name is Mark, I'm a drug addict. My home groups in Bournemouth on a Tuesday. We meet on a Tuesday and a Friday night for an early to study. It wasn't my original Home group in DA.

I was involved in DAA when it started back in 2009 when my sponsors Home group started, I believe it was March of that year, give or take a month. And shortly after, myself, Dan, Ben, Tommy and a few others that may be in this room decided, you know, to change, you know, to courage, to change the things we can. And

we jumped into something that we didn't have any experience of. And here we are today on a rainy Saturday afternoon in Oxford,

you know, gather together 10 years later, you know, carrying the same old message, you know, that you know, we were carrying back then. I'm a bog standard drug addict. Anything special and different about me does not have a place in this room. You know, I'll try to leave my ego in the boot of my car kicking and screaming.

I don't like it. So you definitely aren't. You wouldn't like it. I just try to keep things as simple as possible. 12 minutes, that's going to be the tool order to talk about 10 steps 1012 that's 10:11 and 12:00,

which I believe from experience and application are the growing steps, the improving steps of developing steps. You know, people call them the main maintenance steps. And I want to maintain wired last year or last week, you know, I want it to be better than it was last year and last week, you know. And I have a very clear understanding and an awareness of this illness and how it's affected my life, you know,

in those negative way possible.

For the first 35 years of my life when I didn't even know I had an illness,

I learned about the twists of character. I learned how I tick, you know, what makes me conduct myself and behave in certain situations in in relationships the way I do. I learn all that in steps forward. And it got, you know, a light was shone upon it in Step 5. And it wasn't a done deal. Yes, there was some release, there was some growth, but there wasn't a full stop at the end of that. And there's more.

This is a program of action, you know, There's no cutting off point. Not for a drug addict of my type.

And, and step six and seven are very often, you know, you hear that people talk about the forgotten steps.

I can't afford to forget about them. You know, they're in my daily life. I practice these things every day, you know, instead, you know, for metropolitan speaking, it's like me saying to my two little daughters, you know, there's a, you know, there's a black bin line of girls

now take it up to your bedroom, fill it with all the broken toys and all the toys that you don't play with anymore, you know, and then we're going to take it up the dump, you know, and a 13 year old girl and 11 year old girl ain't going to be too happy with that. They're going to, you know, they want to carry on paying on their phones and tablets and all that. But if I say to the two same girls is a black bad girls, take it up to your room, fill it with all the broken toys and all the toys you don't play with anymore. Bring it down here. We'll Chuck it in the car, we'll take out the dump and we'll fill that empty bag with brand new toys.

They'll be at the top up there in their bedroom, filling that bag like grease lighting.

Yeah, I'll enter that. My bag. Yeah. All the rubbish, all the brokenness, all the things that didn't work, all the things that weren't doing me or anybody else in this world any favors. You know, the things that were separating me from others, the things that disconnected me from the human race. The things that were

annoying people beyond extreme, you know, And I learnt about those things and

after getting experienced and released from those, you know,

the overwhelming release, having shared that with my sponsor,

it wasn't really a surprise in hindsight that they soon started to resurface, hence having to continue, you know, and I rework the steps every between a year and 18 months, the whole lot, you know, where am I with step one today? What does that mean to me today? I know what it meant to me 22 years ago, but what does it actually mean to me today?

What does Step 2 mean to me to today? And revisit these things? You know, they've done that.

I'm just so grateful that that I've, that I, I take guidance from a man that has experienced that, that's willing to share that process with me.

Um, so it's 10:11 and 12:00. We'll continue to take personal in between when we're on property. Admitted it. I do that in real time right now, in real time. You know, people say to me on a Monday morning, what did you do on the weekend, Mark? And I have to pause and I can't remember. I haven't got a clue what I did on the Sunday or the Saturday because I'm living in the moment. Yeah, this is where I'm alive. I wasn't, you know, that's gone.

Yes, we can learn from those things, you know, And you know, at the end of the day when we make a review, if we, you know, where we've been selfish, dishonest, resentful and fearful, you know, have we injured others? You know, I become aware of that becomes apparent to me, you know, either in real time at the end of the day when I saw a pause, you know, and reflect on the day

and if there's any corrective measures to be made, you know, they soon come to mind. And sometimes a sorry isn't good enough, just a mere apology. You know, it's like water off a ducks back to some people. And it doesn't actually. Well, if I do that, sometimes I think to myself, I didn't quite cut it with that,

you know, I need to go a bit further. You know, this is where I want to be because I want to improve and develop my Peace of Mind. I want to improve and develop my emotional stability, my spiritual well-being, the conscious contact that I had with God. Yeah. Because I'm not perfect and I'm going to make mistakes and I'm going to tread on the toes of my fellows, you know, and I'm even going to make foolish decisions that I'm not really too proud of myself. And there doesn't need to be anybody else in the room when

doing that. I've got to live with me at the end of the day. In rough times over 22 years, people talk about life and life's terms. What is that? Life doesn't have terms. I'm the one that's got terms.

If this goes my way, if she says yes, and if he puts my money up at work and I get everything I want in this world, everything's going to be great. But life ain't like that. Yeah,

I'm not gonna get my own way in every situation that I would like to. That's very childish. Hence the growing up part of this deal. You know, by nature I'm very childlike. I need to grow up. I need to take responsibility for my life, for my thinking, my decisions, my conduct, my behaviour and my actions. Because it's me that I've got to sleep with at the end of the day. And if I want a good night's sleep, you know, and think I've had a good day. Yeah, that happened. And this happened. And she frowned.

You know? He moaned. But it's still been a good day, you know, at the end of the day, and not just because I haven't used drugs. God took care of that 22 years ago. If I could have done it myself, would have done it when I was 25, not 35. I needed God, I needed his power. I needed his intervention and his defense. But I needed to be willing to put in action.

I need to meet him halfway. That makes me emotional. Just will I ever talk about that? Because what you're witnessing before you, as you have all day long, is lives that are being saved.

I come from a large, very affectionate family. My mum and dad are still alive and they love me with all their heart. They always have. But all the tears, the frustration, the despair couldn't separate me from the fucking phone box or the drug dealers house. God has done for me what I couldn't do for myself.

I tried to practice these principles in all my affairs.

What are the principles? They're in the 1st 164 pages of this book.

The summary of the principles of the 12 steps on that banner over there. But there's a lot more to it than that. To name but a few of the principles in the book. Love thy neighbor as ourselves. Be that help stretched hand of friendship to another drug addict that's suffering that needs help. Letting go of my little plans and designs it looking at the big picture,

you know, opening my mind to possibilities that are beyond my my thinking and imagination.

Seeking God's will,

handing things over to God that are just too overwhelming and too vast. My little brain to comprehend, never mind deal with, you know, and to keep my feet firmly on the ground. You have it because I can't deal with it.

Some obstacles, challenges, difficulties in my relationships, in my working life,

in society, on the High Street, in McDonald's, it doesn't matter, in all of my affairs.

And I've experienced rough times amongst many, many joyful, happy times. Overwhelming, you know, high fiving hands in the air, dancing on the beach in my Bailio Disney World this year. And my 2 little kids, you know, joyful, wonderful experiences. The birth of my two children, my ex-wife saying to me, I do when we was, you know, getting married. Then 15 years later to say to me, I don't want to be married to you anymore. And it absolutely broke my heart. It was so shocking. There was no leader up to it

and we're still best friends today.

And she's got a front door key to my house because she's runs a cleaning business and I've got my business and I

haven't got time to clean my own house. So

I'll pay something else to do it so she can go into my house and have, you know, the full run of the place, which is my best friend.

In April this year, I found my brother dead in the bath. It was a Friday night. I'd left my Home group at 9:00, half an hour. And I'm buzzing, as I always am when I come out of my Home group meeting, because I'm going there with a mindset to be at maximum use and service to other drug addicts.

And my press get answered every time, whether they're there or not. It's the attitude of being of service and of use to others. At 9:30 that night, half an hour later, I've found my beautiful baby brother in the bath. He'd been there five days. It was not a pretty sight and it was shocking

and not once then or on any other day in the past 22 years. It ends to my mind that to get out of my nut and chemicals would be a good idea.

My first thought the following day

was to go back to his flat and clean the bath where I found him and

be a views and service in whatever way I could so that my mother and father didn't have to go and experience that.

That was April. This is now October.

He's been annoying me from the other side, whatever that is, because he comes into my head when I don't want him to. So I tell him to go away. Yeah. Nothing. I won't allow principles for personalities. I won't allow anything to deprive me of Peace of Mind because that depletes my effectiveness and usefulness. The other, he can live in my heart and he will forever, but he ain't going to live in my head

because it, it paralyzes me to a point where I cannot be of use to others.

If you're new to this, if you're wherever you are, you know, abstract, what have you done for the man that's still sick? It doesn't always have to be the bloodless a day or a woman that's a week. It could be someone that's 11:15. It could be more. You know what I mean? I'll leave it there.