The Spring Branch Memorial Club Fall Alcothon in Houston, TX

Hey all, Mike S alcoholic.

Yeah, I've known him feel a really, really long time.

And so I'll start with my sobriety date. My sobriety is May 25th, 2015.

I have four years and I'm the young people speaker. So like I tried, I wanted to wear like skinny jeans, but this is like the best, the best I could do.

And I got sober when I was 27 years old. So I don't know if that qualifies as young, but I think like

compared to some of y'all,

but I this is what I know. I know that no matter really when or where or how or what or why I got sober. The feelings that I was feeling that brought me in here and caused me to want to to stick around this program and make this the way of life that I've made it or the exact same feelings that you have or had when you got yourself sober. Whatever got you here.

So

you know, I'm going to talk about what I was like, what it was like, what happened, what it's like now. We'll go through all that and and you'll kind of get to hear a story and you maybe you'll hear some of yourself in it. And you know, my hope is that like wherever you are in your recovery, like whatever you know, whatever, why ever you're sitting here tonight, you'll find something that you can hear and maybe take out of here and that you might leave a little bit changed as a result of being here.

Not like because of what I say, but because of what you hear

and like listening you bring to this. So that's my invitation. And so I grew up in Houston. I'm from Houston originally.

I am a son of two parents, which I guess most people are, but my parents both lived and are still married and my parents didn't really drink, but they both worked a lot. So I remember being in elementary school and you know, having to kind of like fight for my parents attention from like their cell phone, right? It was like they both ran this company and like really all my sort of material needs were nabbed met, but a lot of like

the emotional and attention needs that I needed weren't so much met. And I never really realized that. It took me like some years sober to realize it. Like, oh, maybe like my parents love me absolutely. And they're absolutely doing the best they can. And I wholeheartedly, wholeheartedly believe that and, and know that to be true. But maybe there was some needs that weren't met that would cause me to, you know, by the time I'm in second grade, always be in the principal's office, like every single day.

Not every other kid was in the principal's office. There was only like a couple chairs. The principal's office, there just wasn't enough space and the principal's office to hold all the students. So something was different about me

that I had to be. My jacket's coming off that I had to be in there. So

I didn't, I didn't know what it was, right? I couldn't quite figure it out. But I remember this, I remember in 3rd grade, Miss Miller, she sat me down one day because her class was being reviewed or like audited by the assistant principal. You know, they do that for teachers to make sure they're keeping things, I guess, within the lines and aren't just filling our heads with crazy stuff. So her class is being audited. So she sat me down and said, Michael, you know, I need you to just like, behave

for like today.

I've got like, you know, Doctor Mallow is coming in the AP, the assistant principal, she's coming in like she's coming to review my classic. I have this whole thing planned. Like I need you just to chill today

because I would talk out of turn and I would want to share. And like, you know, I think I don't, you know, there's all the stuff that that is me and that I've learned to love about me and the things that make me me today that can be both like character defects and really be like my instincts gone totally out of whack.

But also the parts of me that make me me and give me really a place in the world and allow me to connect with people and impact people in a way that maybe only I can.

So there's all that stuff about me, but I kind of got the message like men made, you're a little bit too much and you kind of need to like just chill out and sit in the back seat. So so I did, I did. And and the class went great. And Miss Miller was pleased. And Dr. Mallow, who whose office I was always in, she was like, whoa, what happened with this kid?

But I think what Miss Miller did was that she validated that, that, you know, that, yes, I'm not a bad person. Like what I'm doing is not bad. But like, we got to like kind of validate me. But she says, you know, we got to just kind of tamp that down a little bit. So really I think at that moment is when I kind of like learn to kind of play the game. And it really like sets up a course of events in my life that really just starts to take me off like a path of who I am, who God wants me to be like,

you know, really just a separation, kind of a split within, you know, who I am. So I learned that like, you know, I could kind of behave in a different way to either get attention or not get attention and really just kind of get the heat off. So I mean, it was both good because I was no longer in trouble, but there was something missing because there was some stuff that wasn't getting met. And you know, at the end of this whole thing, you'll hear about how getting into a a how working the steps, how restoring my connection with other human beings on this earth allows

needs to be met today in a way that like I get to kind of have all of it. So, you know, third grade, 4th grade and make it to 5th grade. But time in fifth grade, I've like kind of 180. I'm like the schools like computer guy.

So like I remember getting pulled out of class and 4th and 5th grade to kind of like fix computers and like I got a lot of recognition for that. It really kind of like set me up to be different. And this is another area my story will start to hear. Like,

you know, I started to get a lot, derive a lot of my identity by being different, mostly by being better than. So I changed the way I dress, started dressing more kind of like adult. If you were to ask other fifth graders, they would have told you that I wore suits to school, never wore suits to school, but I definitely dressed like pretty preppy, kind of like how I saw my dad dressing and I was the one getting pulled out of class to help fix computers. There is like a lot of stuff that like, you know, my ego was starting to build itself. This identity was start starting to build itself.

Not all bad, but you know, it sort of sets some stuff up. So 5th grade rolls around and something pretty big happens in my life. Maybe like not big. I mean, the really kind of like one of the pivotal moments and, and arguably like one of like the most kind of impactful pieces of my life ever.

So when I was in fifth grade, so I was had a teacher, she was a female teacher. And you know, she would kind of have me after school to kind of help her with her computer.

And over a period of time, remember both my parents worked a lot. I would hang out with her, hang out with her after school. I remember going to movies with her like on Fridays.

I remember, you know, her letting me, she gave me some Zima. If you're old enough to know what Zima is now, but I was in fucking fifth grade. But but Zima, because she kind of like, you know, this is a teacher and you can probably imagine like where the story might might end up. And it, and it certainly does go absolutely where

you might think this winds up where, you know, this she was really just kind of grooming me for, for a relationship with her, a sexual relationship with her. So I'm in the 5th grade, I'm 10 years old. You can imagine a 10 year old in your life or somebody, what you were like when you were 10 and just imagine what that relationship would look like. And I think you would have no problem seeing that that was something that was completely inappropriate.

I didn't know that was inappropriate though, at the time. For me, like I'm a young boy,

this kind of feels good. I don't really know. Like I've kind of seen movies. I'm not really sure, but like, there's a part of this that like, feels good, but I know I gotta keep this thing a secret.

And so I did. I kept it a secret for a really long time. And so I talked about that being a pivotal moment in my life. Now, my whatever happened to me is really no different than whatever happened to you. So that's my kind of impactful moment. And yeah, like, we can pretty much all rally around like, that's wrong. Like that's not cool,

but my kind of the stuff that happened to me is no different than whatever happened or didn't happen to you as a kid. I mean, everybody has, I believe most likely something that happened to them, whatever it was, mom didn't love you, dad didn't love you, divorce, parent dies, major car crash, you know, have a sponsor who was held at gunpoint in middle school. The event changed his life. So I mean, everyone kind of has their trauma and stuff that sets them up for for life. And I think

definitely more so in Alcoholics Anonymous. I think we don't come here like as a result of life being like super, super great. Something happened.

And yeah, I'm absolutely like genetically predisposed alcoholism. I absolutely have the disease and I absolutely have all that stuff. And that stuff was already kind of like working, but you put in some stuff like this and I'm like a ripe field to like let all this stuff start growing. So

that was really the first time that I drank was with her. But like the first time, like if I describe my first time drinking and there's probably this difference because the first, like the time to feel safe to talk about first is not around her 'cause that's the story. That's like kind of gross,

but the first time that I really kind of like

remember kind of like alcohol

doing for me, like what I could not do for myself and like providing me relief from that secret that I had and like this feelings that I might be too much for the world and all that stuff. Was in the 6th grade and Phil was there and,

and we were over at our buddy Doug's house and Doug's parents were divorced. So we can we kind of go over to his mom's house. And I remember we drank Miller Genuine draft, another beer that I don't think exists anymore. It came in a black can, had a gold top on it.

I remember exactly where I was. There was a fridge outside. That's where they kept the beer. I remember opening that beer the first time, taking a drink out of it and just feeling like I'd fuck, I'd made it home. I had made it like home. Like if there was like a home or ever a place that I could feel like was, but I belonged. I felt like I had made it home. So we set up like, you know, this kind of like romance or this like

safety that I felt that alcohol provided

later in life. It was so many more things. It meant, you know, it meant, like the book said conviviality and joy and it meant a lot of connection and coolness and friends and all that stuff. But I think at that moment, like it was just like a release from whatever boredom, from worry, whatever, Like I was good.

So I mean, I feel like at that point I'm pretty much effed, as we would say on the first step. Like at that point, like there's, I think I reached the point of no return at that point, right? So that was 10 years old, maybe 11, I don't know, 6th grade

and I didn't get sober till I was 27. So there's some stuff that happened in those intervening years. Most of it just a lot of pain and a lot of like stuff getting piled on and really more ego building, more achievement, more stuff that can really kind of like keep me out of a A or keep me from getting sober or keep me from finding spiritual help.

And so, you know, what is some of that stuff? So, so I'm, you know, drank for the first time in the in, you know, like that in 6th grade. I mean, so by the time I reached high school,

like drinking was kind of a part of my life. Remember, we held this Poetry Cafe sophomore year. I wasn't going to tell this story, but so like, I've always been kind of just like an artsy, creative, musical kind of guy. And it's always been like, yeah, I was kind of a little bit of a beatnik, I guess. And so we had this, we had this Poetry Cafe for like sophomore year of high school. So I can, I've met sophomores now that I'm, I guess a grown up

and I like, know what they're like. And I just like can't imagine that I had like this, whatever this thoughts that I had. So for Poetry Cafe, which English was first period for us, which is like it's seven in the morning or something like that. We had to present like a poem or a song and we were going to like have this like informal Poetry Cafe. Like the invitation was to like bring like soda or something, you know, kind of like we kind of, I think she, I think we're doing like drinks, you know, like drinks. And so I thought, well, like drinks, you know, or because so like, so I remember I guess

had some way of getting liquor by that point, because I had like a giant bottle of sky vodka. Like this wasn't like stolen like liquor. This was like our own. We had a fake idea. I guess I'm pointing to Phil 'cause he and I really like found ways to work the system and we both had beards a long time. He's always looked a little older. But I mean, we were we were making, we made our first fake. We made our first fake IDs not to buy booze. We made them. We made fake school I DS so that we went on a cruise in the 6th grade. We could be 8th grade,

we could go into the teen club like you were like,

So that time we like knew about booze and it's time to make fake IDs for that. We had that stuff down,

says 7:30 in the morning. Cypress Creek High School, northwest Houston kind of suburbs. I'm rolling in with a backpack with Sky Vodka in it.

And I'm like, I'm not even like being like hiding this, like, I'm just like getting drunk like in first period. So,

you know, that was kind of like what was going on in my life by the time I reached high school. Like there was like, you know, I was. And I don't remember if I ended up blacking out that day. I did black out that day. OK, so that was my first time ever blacking out was at school. I didn't understand what a blackout was, but I just remember that day. I made it home and just like, didn't remember the second-half of the day.

And people like, yeah, I mean, you're like walking around. You're like out of class. Like you were just doing stuff. I was like, I don't remember any of that. Like,

yeah, all this stuff was going on, like, and you were doing it. And I was like, man, like I just thought I, I don't actually know what. I just thought I went to sleep or something and woke up.

That was my first time blacking out. Sophomore in high school

also during that time too, sophomore year, I found a way to change my grades in attendance. And so so I started doing that. There was also that happening. I kind of worked out a way where I could access the grade book. And so really like I,

which was great for me because by this point in my drinking career, school was starting to interfere with my drinking.

And, you know, going back, like if drinking is like my solution and like my like kind of cure to life and like I'm clinging to it like it's the only thing I have, I'm going to really do whatever I can to be able to keep drinking. And really going to any links looked like me, you know, not doing anything fancy or basically just manipulating a teacher and kind of hacking their computer a little bit

to getting some passwords to be able to change my grades.

And I say that to say I kept doing that change a bunch of other people's grades too, for the better. You know, I was like making grades better. But nevertheless, total dishonesty. And I ended up getting caught for that in my junior year. Yeah. I mean, it was going to catch up to me at some point. I was like changing like DS to As and

I can change attendance too. So I just like wouldn't go and then I'd be present.

I'd kind of figured a lot of stuff out as far as that goes, but so I got kicked out of school and you know,

for me who like very much staked my identity and my claim on like my outward appearance and still very much do and still have to do work on it all the time. Like I am

way too concerned with what y'all think about me or what I think y'all think about me. But as a person who really like is really my outward appearance is super, super important. This getting kicked out of school was something that like really was going to be hard to come back from because I'd always, you know, we'd always kind of look down on the kids who got in trouble. You know, even though we were, I was drinking at school, there was, there was people who were worse than I was,

which is something that, you know, the theme that kind of continues even until I got sober that like somehow, like

in my worst, there's always people who are worse and I can always compare somebody to worse. But getting out of kicked out of school was pretty impactful and, and was tough and, and really just kind of set me up to want to be done with high school and kind of get out of there as fast as I could. So I did, I ended up like graduating early and

there's a school you could go to to graduate early and we went to UT in Austin. I actually graduated valedictorian in my school probably because some of the they didn't change all the grades back

but it was a small high school so I like still didn't feel like it was that cool. But anyways when your validator and they'll pay for your first year of college or any state school. So I went to UT and they paid for my college but I never went to class. Filled out of there pretty quickly

and I was drinking and doing drugs the entire time I was there

because those were my like solution to life. And though that was like the thing that gave me kind of entree to the older

kids at school, you know what I mean? Like, I felt a lot of like, pride having, you know, seniors come over to my place and like, I was like showing them like, you know, I had this whole like, bar set up and I had like all these like really cool drugs to do. And,

you know, it, it, it meant connection. And so

UT and so really like at this point now we're kind of in like my early 20s and the UT door kind of gets closed.

I start kind of getting the vibe that I might have a problem.

I remember like I kind of gotten just kind of messed up on various different chemicals and things like that and called my mom in Houston one day. I was like, I told her I wanted to kill myself and she got really worried about that. I think I was really just like crying out for help, like crying really more for kind of like attention and I don't, but I didn't really know what I wanted.

But she came to Austin because I was living in Austin and and took me to, you know, there my first psych ward. I didn't know it was a psych ward until like they talked about like, you know, well, we need to keep you. And that's on my story changes. Like I was just kidding. It's not real. Like, you know what I mean? There's like a police officer there with like a mental health warrant. I'm like negotiating my way out of that,

but I negotiated my way out of that because that's what I did. That's like,

that's what I staked my claim on is that I like had the power to tell you or convince the world that it was OK. And I don't know if I convinced you, but I wore you out.

So

that's what I did. And it's, it's absolutely funny, right? It's laughable when I look back on it. But on the inside, I had so much going on on the inside that I couldn't match the outside. It's like, you know, like I feel all this inner turmoil, you know? And I can't share that with you because I have this secret of what happened when I was a kid that might come out. I don't really know how to talk about my feelings. Don't really have a language for that. And like, don't feel like I should be struggling because like, arguably I have a pretty good life.

Really deserve to struggle.

So I'm just going to like try to convince you that everything's OK so you'll get off my back. Because really my main goal is just to kind of like keep my solution going, which is drugs and alcohol and like, we'll figure the rest out later.

I think figuring a rest out later, like worked for a while until I like became an adult and was driving around in society and like misbehaving as an adult in society and not being a good member of society.

And ultimately that landed me in jail a couple times.

I mean, many times in jail, but like a couple of like charges and things like that. But

it's through. So kind of the circumstances don't matter, but

what if I look back on it, what I would see are that

I was needing more at this point. Stuff had piled on. I've got the shame of like not being a part. I didn't get to finish high school with my friends, right? I love my friends in high school. Like they were like there for me. They didn't know all the stuff that was going on with me, but like at least they were there. Didn't get to finish school with them, didn't get to do school with my friends and went to college, right? Like that was something I'd always wanted to do. My sister, like I watched her like do really well in school and everybody else, cousins, family, like they were all doing good. Like why not? Why can't I get this thing?

So I was needing more of whatever

drugs and alcohol drinking. The change, the way I feel the pain was escalating. And so it's taking more substance to kind of give that relief.

And I have no solution. Like I have no spiritual solution. I remember doing like young life in high school and like was raised kind of in like a kind of Christian tradition and all that. And like, remember hearing those guys tell me like, you know, like, like we can solve your problems. And, and then my problems didn't get solved.

And now that's 'cause I wasn't doing any of the work and like, I didn't have any, like I wasn't participating. But the message I took away was like, none of that stuff works. And so I kind of got let down. And so I was kind of turned my back on God and turned my back on that. But there was still some belief, right? And I like, I believe today, like D done in every man, woman and child is like some conception of God, right? Like talk about knowing the difference between right and wrong. Like, OK, you have some idea of God.

And so I'm, you know,

again, feeling real, like less than real different because not everybody that I grew up with got arrested all the time. Not everybody in the world gets arrested all the time. There's more people not in jail than are in jail. So clearly

something's wrong with me. Something's different.

And and on the last ditch effort to keep me out of like long term time in jail, my dad came up with this idea. Like maybe we present to the judge because, you know, that's my whole angle and everything in life is like, how do I like manipulate and control?

Let's present to the judge that, you know, you'll go to treatment, which I would do. And maybe they'll he'll kind of like give you, he'll send you to jail.

So he sent me to jail

and he's like, when you get out, you can go to treatment.

And so

so I did. And so that was outpatient treatment. And, and that's where I first got to talk about what happened when I was a kid. And I kind of introduced to therapy and I got introduced all that stuff. And, and I think that was kind of the beginning of kind of like that spiritual door kind of opening up for me. It was like

having somebody paid to kind of like just fully focus on me

and

but I wasn't ready to stop, stop drinking. So that's where I learned how to lie about my sobriety day was in outpatient treatment. It's like as long as they're not drug testing me and I can like manipulate everybody really, really well. Like I can just keep a sobriety day and then people will chill out. But I'm staying at my parents' house and coming home on like a Monday night, like wreaking of weed, like sobriety thing might not work out. So

ended up going to inpatient treatment. I'm not knocking inpatient treatment, but

I stayed sober for 42 days and inpatient treatment and got drunk at the airport leaving. SO

I just wasn't ready and

again, came back to Houston, lied about my sobriety day and moved into sober living. Kind of did whatever I could to kind of like get some stuff back for my parents, but wasn't just definitely not ready. And so,

you know, the book talks about cycle of addiction, talks about doctors opinion page 28. You know that like when I'm sober, I'm restless, irritable and discontented. Like that's like my like baseline state. And if, like, you haven't picked that up at this point, like Mike was probably rolling around in the world restless, irritable and discontented, afraid, prayed a misery and depression,

that kind of stuff. I was and absolutely was that.

And though 42 days in treatment, going to meetings every day,

IOP groups, talking about myself,

the kind of seeing other people recover,

starting to kind of open the door for me that there might be a solution. And so there started to be a little bit of a break in that cycle for me where, you know, the cycle of respirable discontent,

first drinker drug, you know, well known stages of Esprit firm resolution to quit. I had lots of firm resolutions to quit, but I would still end up, you know, doing it again the next day.

I wanted to not be able to do drugs for like a period of time or drink and drink for a period of time. Like I really, really wanted to. I wanted to do it for my parents. I wanted to do it for my family members. I really wanted to do it for a lot of other people,

and I think I also wanted to do it for me too. I wanted to like maybe experience life without it, but presented with like no other solution. Like maybe a better solution or a sufficient substitute you could say. Like I was going to keep on drinking no matter what.

So

kind of the intervening years after getting out of treatment and the time I basically until I got sober,

what happened was my life got like, OK, like some of the stuff started working for me, like spirituality and like an idea of God started to come into my mind and kind of things slowed down. I started doing some stuff that I think probably kept me alive for those years. You know, I was like, doing yoga and like eating better and doing all that stuff. It's like doing all these other solutions. Like I'm just going to like, you know,

not drink at home and like I'm only gonna drink on the weekends and like, you know, I'm only gonna like smoke weed after 5. And,

and that kept me alive, you know what I mean? Like, I think, you know, there was the program worked whether I was working it or not, it didn't work completely and it wasn't going to be sustainable and it wasn't going to work forever. And I really, I think learned that out there that like, you know, I look at myself when I was kind of half in and half out and I look at sponsees that I work with her kind of half in and half out. And I think that I was just stuck in that kind of like in between zone

and like I think that that happens in here. I think that's very common to like kind of get a little bit of solution, but it's like not be quite ready to do it yet.

And so ultimately what happened was I was subleasing apartment from an apartment from a friend, had like a month left on the lease when I moved in.

Think about that for a second. So I like moving into a place with one month left. But that's like if you're a drug addict or an alcoholic, like I am like that makes total sense. Like, you know what I mean? Like, yeah, it's a month. That's a whole month. Like who knows what's happening a month from now? Like, I just get a place to sleep tonight.

And in that apt, I was still seeing a therapist who, like, was very much a guy who always pushed me back to the 12 steps. And like, you know, the book talks about seeking outside help. Like I've heard people that I really trust. It's like you're probably messing up in here if you're not talking to somebody outside of the program and getting some of that stuff looked at.

And so, and I think that's the 12 steps or the 12 steps and absolutely are like the solution. And so,

you know, if you go to therapy, find a therapy, a therapist who supports the 12 steps and doesn't like try to like life coach you out of a A and like, no, you can just, you know, all that other stuff. If you stuck around this long, you probably, you know, you may be an alcoholic, I don't know. Anyway, so one month left on apartment lease,

get this idea to like the end of this lease means something. There's something, there's some meaning in this like I might have to be like. And the meaning is like our parents are telling me like, well, you can't move in with us. Like I already tried living with my sister who kicked me out. Like I just tried kind of sleeping on the friend's couch. This isn't really working out.

So I think the meaning that was happening at the end of that month was that like I was going to be homeless at the end of this month,

like I was going to have nowhere to go. And so that's when like this kind of the firm resolutions to quit really kind of like amped up. And it was like, hey, like tomorrow, like not gonna like all day. And then like the next day, not gonna all day

and tomorrow would come and like, and I would wake up sober, like as sober as I was ever going to be.

And I can make it for some time through that day, but I couldn't not put whatever it was in my body. And it was like the time I think I, I finally realized like what everybody had been saying all along, like a couple years in and out of a, a like treatment, therapy, all that stuff. And I heard it so many times and it was just never me. And in that time in that apartment, that little drug cave apartment,

it was me.

And umm, and the crazy part is the beautiful part about being an alcoholic is like, I'll still question that. I feel like I was like, I knew, I knew I had the problem, but I was like, you know what, like we'll see. So the lease runs out. I work my way into a sober living house needs to have, I need to have two weeks sober movement. I really need a month to move in. But like, we negotiate it,

of course. I'm so good. You only knew.

And so

I had like a real reason to stay sober. I was like, I had nowhere else to go. Like I had kind of a goal of like, I need to at least get two weeks so I can move into this place. And parents will kind of like hold me on a contingency for two weeks. And

I went way more on the early part of story, but Oh well.

So I talk about like you think, OK, I wake up every day not wanting to do this, but I do it anyways. Like think that would be enough right now. So like May 24th, it's like, I mean, my first day sober and I'm like at my going to my parents house, like I'm just going to go for a drive.

I go to the grocery store and buy some beer. You know, I, I go by a vape first 'cause I like I'd learned about vaping in the room. So, you know, I picked that up and then I bought some beer and drank one and I was like, what am I doing? Like, I like, I'm doing this thing. Like I have, like we've said, I've set all this stuff up. I'm not doing this. And so I asked myself, what am I doing? And it was the first time in my life that like, I, I guess God intervened. And it's like, dude, like, you know, there's, there's honesty. Like honesty is available

at this moment, like and like you can do honesty, Mike, I can do honesty. And like maybe people won't abandoned you 'cause like at this point, like it doesn't really get much lower than this emotionally, right? Like talking about like an emotional bottom from within. I reach that bottom. We're really the only place was up and honesty suddenly became an option for me. And so I texted my therapist and said, hey, I've got this beer. Like what do I do? He's like, pour it out, send me a picture when you're done. Like alright, pouring out beer, you know what I mean?

That's May 24th. So May 25th, 2015 was my first day sober.

It's funny because a couple days later I like, was up late, you know, like let me set up APO box, you know, so 'cause I like to have drugs mailed to me, like from the Internet used to be the thing you can do. So let me just set up APO box. Like I don't need one now, but I might in the future. And what that was, was that that discomfort that I felt sober. I was three days sober and didn't know how I was probably crawling out of my skin more or less.

And there was some part of my disease in my mind that was saying like, dude, like, you don't need to do this today, but like at least have a plan in case you want to set this thing up in the future. So I did that, set up the PO Box, but honesty was an option at this point because I was at my absolute bottom. And so next day by this point, I had a sponsor. And so I texted my sponsor. You get a text, you know, newly sober text, everything.

I did. This thing calls me right back. Michael, I think that was a phone call. I think you should think that would deserve the phone call.

All right, so I basically told myself, right, honesty was an option.

So I think, you know, like the gateway to this whole thing for me was being willing to start sharing about like those plans and designs that I would have like those ideas that I would have about like whatever. And then it's still 100% applicable today, right? Like when I'm like working up a, you know, some shady deal, like, hey, man, like I think I can consult for people on the side and all this stuff and like,

you know, honesty, honesty is on the table. And so moved into sober living, right? Lived in sober living 2 1/2 years. It's way too long for an adult male to be living in sober living. Like it is and it isn't. So it was a great training ground for me because I came in like an emotional like 8 year old. I needed to learn how to live among people and like, learn how to like let people be people. And like, man, that guy like does his own thing, but like he

gonna do his own thing, Mike, like what are you gonna what am I gonna do is like, well, I'm just gonna like keep doing my thing. So great lesson for me. And like I'm a huge supporter of like that. If it's supportive to you and if it's not, it's not. But I did,

I got three months sober. I remember going to I got really involved in one of the thing kind of the big kind of cruxes of like merrily recovery because I didn't really sponsor people in the beginning. And I like kind of work the steps to sort of transactionally.

But I think the way that I get introduced to the areas of the program and started to kind of like get the steps active in my life and be a participant in the program was through service. So I got involved with an A, a committee, young people's a, a committee, kind of got involved in bid committee life. I think what drew me in was like, I could have like a position and can feel important and I think like my skills as a mediator applied there and I kind of like, just like watching kind of like the bloodbath that would happen at committee meetings. I think more or less

and

remember going to International Convention of young people in a a in Miami in 2015 and walking down like South Beach with my roommate from sober living like being like are we, is this really happening? Like for like 3 months sober and like they like we're like in like we're in Miami, like this is what's happening.

But it was and it was like it was there that I found kids who are younger than me who had more time than I did, but like years and like leaps and bounds and had recovery and had like answers and had things like going on in their life and actually like worked this program. Like it meant something and had really, really good sponsors and traditions and things to follow.

And I think that was something that kind of made the program attractive for me. And I found that like there could be a place for me in this program.

And I think that's what drew me in. Absolutely. I know that's what drew me in. And so it was on a committee. We ended up bringing taxi pot to Houston. We had it here in 2017. And so like really the first few years of my sobriety were organized around going to school, working work full time at a school full time and organizing this conference

like that kind of like kept me going. I sort of stayed sober by staying busy and hanging around sober people. And I don't think there's anything wrong with that. Like I was in connection with my sponsor was seeing that therapist was doing service, living in sober living service. And, and you know, a a was all over my life. I just wasn't really working in kind of like a very deliberate way. I was pretty insulated. Had I been living on my own at home in an apartment with just me and a dog, like I might have needed more stuff. But like, my life was pretty surrounded and pretty inundated.

It was when I moved out of sober living and moved out of my own and that conference wasn't a thing anymore that I had to like learn how to do this thing like on my own and like learn how to walk in this program. Not to like not so much and just not even not drink anymore. But like, that's absolutely why I have to work this program. Like to walk through life in a way that I'm happy, joyous and free. Loving life and have something to offer in this world. Like in love with me and in love with you