The Gopher state roundup in Minneapolis, MN

My name is Jay Senate and I am a very, very grateful member of Alcoholics Anonymous,

and I'm also a joyous member of the Worldwide Fellowship of the Al Anon Family Group. So I want to put a little shout out.

I'm the most fortunate man you ever met and I only have a couple of regrets since I came to you on the second day of May in 1979. And from that day till this,

although I've found it necessary on a lot of occasions, I haven't taken the front drink, sniffed any glue or done any of those other things that I found to be so consoling. So there is no hierarchy in Alcoholics Anonymous and I

this is my story or this is actually the character named Jays description of what's happened in this path through this dimension. And

so let's just let's just put the bar right there

and then we'll see where we go from there. I live in Sedona, AZ where we, we actually live in the 5th dimension

and we refuse to apologize to tourists from Minnesota who come and are stuck in the third.

You know, there are things that happen to you in Alcoholics Anonymous and they're, they're interesting. One is that this is the first conference that I ever had where the chair of the conference came to my home and gave me a breath check.

You know, she heard it was Sedona. It might be a little. So Amy, I want to thank you for for your service and

it was a wonderful time. I got to show my fabulous wife Adele, who sends you her love and appreciates the fact that you were kind enough to invite her to join me and she wasn't able to.

And so I've been and I've been well hosted. John has taken just extraordinary care of me. And so when you think about why is it that we got 7000 people coming to this, it's that you care for each other very, very well, but you also care for your guests. So when you're

paying your registration, know that

you're really allowing us to have an extraordinary experience. And it's it's the reason that we enjoy coming to the Gopher State roundup so much. So thank you for that.

I

so Scott, thank you for the kind words. And

there is no hierarchy in Alcoholics Anonymous.

And you were kind enough to describe me as an eagle. And, and I'm only there because I'm updating on this wonderful, wonderful warm

breeze of the spirit that I got introduced to an Alcoholics Anonymous. And I'm an active member and I have the privilege of sponsoring people. And

if I do my job as a sponsor, they should be just a little bit more honest,

just a little more dedicated, and if I'm your sponsor, really well informed.

But they should be better members of AA than I am

because they benefit from the consciousness that I received when I came into Alcoholics Anonymous in 1979. And the people that they sponsor should be better members of Alcoholics Anonymous. So you know, when you hear Amy or you hear Scott or you hear some of these folks and whoa, whoa, they've only got 8 years, Why are they speaking? Well, there's an aspect of their story that will lift the consciousness

more.

And so this is a really, really exciting time to be a member of Alcoholics Anonymous. And I just want to share with you that we had a, I believe a very, very important event happened at our general service conference this past year. And in it we approved to adopt and adapt a pamphlet. And I know you're all thrilled. Only another pamphlet.

Just what we need now. Alcoholics Anonymous.

But hopefully as we grow ineffectiveness and understanding, we are going to grow in our ability to communicate in clear modern language this great gift that we've been given. And how many of you seen that? I'm just going to ask have seen not read the the pamphlet. A newcomer ass. Yeah, beautiful. Well, some people are looking at the rack. Good.

The

that was developed by our friends in the United Kingdom and then we voted to adopt and adapt it. And it's our third most popular pamphlet. So anyway, this pamphlet just has been proved. It'll be out in a while. I don't know when, but I want to read you a little thing. The name of the pamphlet is The God Word Atheists and Agnostics and Alcoholics Anonymous.

A A is not a religious organization. Alcoholics Anonymous has only one

requirement for membership and that is a desire to stop drinking. There is room in a A for all people of belief and non belief

many members.

Many members believe in some sort of a God, and we have members that come from and practice all sorts of religions, but also many are atheists or agnostic. It's important to remember that a A is not a religious organization. We have a simple idea that there is a power greater than the individual.

I love that

what we all have in common is that the program helps us to find an inner strength that we were previously unaware of. Where we differ is in how we describe it.

Whatever you do, and this is to the people that are here, that are new, whatever you do, please do not let someone else's religious beliefs prevent you from finding the solution that is available to you through Alcoholics Anonymous. Yes,

I am going to be able to make public amends for the next five years at least, because I've been saying for years that the conference is too conservative to take a look at how we're reaching out to people and how we're responding. You know, the fact that we only have 38%

participation by women is absolutely

unacceptable in my life.

And when I joined you it was only 28%.

Now how do I know that? I know that because of the triennial survey that we have and I'll talk about that a bit later,

but this is just a really exciting time. So make sure that your general service representative in your group is the smartest person you've got because no, we need them. We need them. And so do everything that you can to encourage and if you haven't been AGSR yet, get with the program.

How are you going to know where you are if you haven't participated?

It's just an opinion. It's a good one and it should be yours.

Anyway,

a little little ditty on that.

So I was living in my Pinto

for the young people. This was a smart car that was developed by the Ford Motor Company.

4 Alcoholics

because it was highly flammable

just like the contents.

I was born in El Segundo, CA which if you need a reason to drink, is as good as any

on the. On the Northside of El Segundo is the Los Angeles International Airport. To the east, there are the

defense contractors, to the South, the second oil refinery in the state of California once the town got its name, and then on the little patch of beach between El Segundo and the Pacific Ocean is the waste treatment plant for the entire county

of Los Angeles.

So toxicity is just a way of life

you want to get right with your environment.

Now, as has been mentioned before, and I don't know if it's a dual diagnosis or what it is, but I was the short guy. I know if I don't know if you remember the short guy, I can't throw the ball as far, I can't run as fast. But when I'm 12 years old, I find something that I can do better than guys that are bigger, tougher and stronger than me. Metabolize beverage, alcohol,

and when you're gifted,

you just got to go with it.

Now, I didn't realize that, you know, like my family of origin, that I had this thing called alcoholism.

How do you know whether you got it or not? How do you know that you have a physical allergy

and how do you know that you got a mental obsession? How do you know that it ends up being a spiritual malady? How do you know that when you're 12/13/14 and there really is only one thing and that's girls

and then anything else that you can load on the card to go with it in your mental? So anyway. So by the time I'm 16 years old,

I'm able to, you know, my idea of a good time is to take a rack of Reds to three high-powered sedatives. Barbiturates goofballs to you historians out there.

And wash it down with a cord. Espinata wine

now in 90% of the population. If they do that behavior, their brains actually start to shut down.

Many times they forget to breathe and they vomit and they aspirate on the on their vomit with me. I'm looking for car keys and to make short term romantic commitments.

Which brings me to a second point about this, this malady that I

more others suffered more from than me, but but this malady, this alcoholism is that these things called blackouts.

Now, I was a bartender for many years. That's why I'm such an effective sponsor, you know?

Yeah. Eat two of these. Sniff some of that. Drink this. Talk to her. She likes this. Move along. Next,

you know, and the ones that follow directions. They had a happy life for a while.

But anyway, I, I,

I was trying to be cute. Can you imagine

so? If you've woken up

with a life form with which you were unfamiliar when you left the house in the morning, you might want to look at your relationship with alcohol

now. We're very fortunate that our book was written by people that had shell shock.

The modern term is PTSD.

Now, I would submit to you that in 90% of the population,

waking up with somebody that you didn't know would be traumatic.

With me, I just developed coping skills,

you know, and back in the day we had to be warriors. We couldn't like hand them the cell phone and have them take a picture of themselves and put their contact information. You know, you had to give them a piece of paper, find a crayon or something not sharp so they could, they could do it and, and, and and say, could you give me your phone number and pray that they would write their name down

so that you knew what to call them? Right.

So, so I I've got this alcoholism.

So one day

I come out of a blackout and I'm on Castro Street in San Francisco.

Fabulous at the time, an incredibly vibrant gay culture down there. And

I don't know what I was doing there particularly. And I kind of come up and I look and I've got a Rolling Stone magazine in front of me and a pack of Marlboro Hundreds. And I've got a Double Tequila Gold with a

Smirnoff 100 proof screwdriver back

because you don't want to run out even while you're at the bar. So make sure you order 2 survival skills and.

And I looked to my left and there's a man that was about 65 and about 360 in a pink Tutu

and a rainbow wig.

And I look to my right and there is a guy all dressed in lever leather and

but neither of us seem to know each other. So I knew that things were good

and I looked down and there's the random notes, the gossip section of the, the, the, the rag that I was reading. And it said that Warren Z had been hospitalized for alcoholism.

And I thought, Oh my God, they got Warren.

He was one of these people who wrote some of the great hymns of the 70s. I'll sleep when I'm dead.

Send lawyers, guns and money.

Somebody that understands.

So anyway,

I get arrested a couple more times and I'm sitting having a vodka rocks with my father and he says,

he says, do you think you have the disease?

And I said, I, I don't know what you're talking about. And he goes, well, I want you to talk to somebody. You can go stay at my mother's house. And so I went down to my grandmother's and I called this guy up and he said meet me at the Howard Johnsons in Culver City tomorrow morning,

7:30. Don't have anything to drink and don't smoke any of that crap either.

How did he know?

So anyway, I vibrate into this place and I sit down and this guy starts talking about himself and talking about himself and talking about himself. And he had problems in his life and he met Alcoholics Anonymous and he did have any problems anymore. And he's talking about

44 minutes and I'm just about to come on clued. Because, you know, he's not closing me and I haven't had anything to drink yet today.

And finally I realized that, you know, he's not closing me. I could be here for hours.

So I figure I'll prompt him and I say, do I need psychiatric treatment?

Do I need religious help?

Do I need treatment?

And he looks at me and he goes,

he said, listen, Trick.

He said if you or your family can get ahold of the three grand that it's going to take to put you in a 30 day program, go out and drink that money up

and when you're done, call Alcoholics Anonymous. They do it for fun and for free.

And then the guy gets up

and he says if you want it, you're going to have to get it. Like, you got your drugs and alcohol, punk.

It's in the white pages of the phone book. Good luck. And he left.

He didn't even pay for breakfast

and I went home to my grandmother's house, right? We're all good, gangsters end up right?

The new large Harley leather queen comes rolling through the door at the Lolano club. Where are you living, grandmas?

She's a bitch.

She's the problem. Yeah, we're familiar with all kinds. Anyway,

I I judge no person. I just divinely evaluate a

anyway, so I go back to my grandmothers house and I pour myself a water glass full of Davies County Old-fashioned Kentucky bourbon with three ice cubes. And I knocked that puppy down and I called Alcoholics Anonymous. And at 12:30 I vibrated into a noon meeting Manhattan Beach, CA. And when I walked up the I walked in the door, the woman behind the coffee bar said. You upstairs?

Who knew?

So I go toddling up these 12 steps into the clubhouse and or into the meeting room and everybody starts talking at me.

And I don't understand why they're talking at me. But you see, when I've been busy,

you can tell that I got my hair. I spent a lot of money getting my hair styled every six or nine months. And when my hair is long, I look like the Sphinx

and I haven't had enough to drink yet. And so I got this UPS UPS going.

And

when I light a cigarette, it looks like a napalm strike has been called in.

And the third person that talked was a guy by the name of Butcher Joe. Now you can always tell Butcher, Joe,

Joe Hacker,

you can't make this up.

And Joe looked right through me

and he talked about

when the family left,

cried the big crocodile tears, and inside he's going, yes, now we can drink and nobody's going to get in our way. And I understood that.

And he told me that he knew just how deeply to cut himself so that he could get to the emergency room and he could stop and get the drink he needed along the way.

I understood that.

And

because I've been known when I need it to go into a bar and make a bet with the bartender. And then we make a bet with all the I I run a game with the bartender and we run a bet with all the people at the bar. And what I'll do is I'll eat a beer, glass

the third bytes fine.

And I haven't had to mutilate myself since that man looked at me and he said you don't ever have to feel the way you feel about yourself ever again if you're willing to do what I've done.

And that's why I'm here. That's why my wife packed me up and sent me off, is to carry that message that you don't have to feel the way that you feel about yourself anymore. And I'm not just talking to the new person,

I'm talking to folks that are in here that have some time. Because over the time, as was so beautifully said about returning to step six and seven, I have had to go to other anonymous fellowships that had a language that described the problem that I was suffering from. And so if your relationship is kicking your ass, go to the family groups and keep your mouth shut for a year.

See what you learn

because they're not interested in your insights on the 12 steps you came to them.

Um, or if, um,

or if you're in a situation where foods kicking your ass,

maybe it's tobacco, maybe it's porn, maybe it's shopping,

there are anonymous groups. I had to go to a meeting called Men and Money

in Debtors Anonymous. Why? Because I was raised by wolves. I had no guidance, and a lot of the trouble that I've been in in my life was because I didn't have any chops at that except my alcoholic upbringing that I knew to keep my mouth shut and just keep moving forward no matter what.

So anyway, a miraculous thing happened at this first meeting.

Some guys were going down to the Strand in Manhattan Beach to watch girls go by on roller skates and bikinis and play cards.

I was introduced to spirituality and Alcoholics Anonymous very early,

and they brought the Newman along for entertainment

and they explained the program of Alcoholics Anonymous to me.

I'd gotten at that first meeting that those people felt like I felt, and they didn't feel that way anymore.

So I identified that as alcoholism

and I got that. I had to stay away from the front drink. But these clowns, when they explained a A to me was like a scene out of Reservoir of Dogs.

This is a a kid. We don't use no dope here.

I was horrified,

but I'd gotten that. I needed to stay away from the front drink.

So they explained to me that the reason that we didn't use medicinal marijuana

was that sooner or later you were going to need to cut the cotton mouth

and Pepsi's not going to get it.

Now if you're using plant medicine, I'm sorry. You know, that's you know, I know that there is stuff that is not psychoactive. So I'm not shaming anybody who's who's taking care of themselves. But but anyway that for me,

I'm smoking for something

serious. And so, so sooner or later I'm going to need a beer. Now, if I'm doing a little of that Peruvian marching powder,

I'm, I'm going to need a double Bombay on the Rock with A twist

just to take the edge off.

And if you're being spiritual, you know, and you've dropped a little LSD.

Does that look like the mothership to you?

Past the mashed potatoes, Scott, we've got some sculpting to do.

That cultural reference only work for another couple of years.

So anyway,

they said that was drinking.

Who knew

I never would have called that drinking. They told me that if I went to the pharmacy

because I had a cough that if the cough product was sold with a shot glass on it.

I want to maybe check out the contents

because I'm one of those guys. You put me in Idaho under blue laws and it's oh, thank heaven for 7-11. It's Nyquil. It's Oh, come on, honey. We'll just pretend it's cream to mint.

So. So. Yeah. So I'm. I'm,

I've got this idea that, yeah, I got this thing and I have to stay away from the front drink. Now in our literature it says that the only therapy that we have for the alcoholic

is that they cannot use it in any form whatsoever. So these guys also explained to me why is it that they call it non alcoholic beer? Because it's not for Alcoholics.

Such a right on the label.

It's got alcohol in it.

And I don't mean to be this, you know, like spiritually evolved character from, from Sedona, but I would like to share with you that many of the kombuchas that are out there have the same alcohol content as an O'doul's. So when you're sitting around having one to be social, I'd, I'd like you to just take a look at the doctor's opinion and take a look at your behavior. I'm not telling you to change your date over some stupid beverage

like that, but

are you being authentic to yourself?

You know I So anyway, that's just another little opinion. Good one

should be yours.

Last thing I want to say about the problem

now in Sedona we get profound spiritual insights, and I had one about the difference between I don't know what vortex I was on

between the alcoholic and the addict.

And it all is best described in our relationship to carpeting.

Now hear me out.

The alcoholic. We've been out for a couple of days. We get around someplace and it's soft and it's warm. It's carpeting

with the drug addict. Carpeting is a never ending source of hope

and entertainment

for the senior members here. You know, if you're wondering why some of those kids are so jumpy, if you were smoking French fried bits, you might be a little strange. Also.

So I'm

I'm stuck to this naugahyde couch smoking.

I'd almost driven to the Stickenstein the night before and and Larry got me a copy of the big book, but I'd been to

I'd been to busy to pick one up. I didn't want to look this first couple of days like I was going to Bible study. And so I

I went home and I started reading it and sweating and smoking and walking and sweating and smoking and walking. You know, I wasn't interested in that World War, that stock market crash. I blew through the fact that anything you want to know about the program isn't on page 11, and three paragraph blew right through that.

I didn't know what I was reading. I didn't understand it. It was written in a language which I could comprehend but which I could not embody. It was too unfamiliar with me. So anyway, and I keep going and I get to the end of We Agnostics. Now there are people who say that We Agnostics is poorly written. If you're withdrawing,

it's really great. You know, the prosaic steel girder

whirling, you know, I understood that. And but at the end there's a story and it's Fitz Mayo story. Fitz was the third guy that came in in New York. And he's got these resentments. He's got shell shock. His family hates him. He's lost all the money, his his dad and his grandfather with both preachers and you know how religious people are. And, and so he's going along and,

and he gets approached by some guys and they, they lay the good news on him about Alcoholics Anonymous. But there's this God stuff and it just sticks in his throat. And he

he gets down on his knees and he says, the voice says, who are you to say that there is no God?

I understood that. And he gets down on his knees and says a prayer and has this big experience. And and was one of the foundational members in Alcoholics Anonymous.

So I did my thing. I got down on my knees and I said my prayer. And my prayer was I don't know Jesus from Buddha. I don't know the Talmud, the Torah, the Upanishads. Just please get me the top. I will do whatever these dried up old geeks say to do. Just please help me not to drink,

and I would submit to you that at that moment, I'd done the first three steps of the program of Alcoholics Anonymous.

The prayer was perfect. I'm with you this morning.

And so I go down the next morning to the Illinois club. I wasn't sleeping yet. I'm just sweating and smoking. And this woman walks through and she goes, she's got a black dress on and bunting her hair and she's got, you know, correct shoes. And she goes, oh, young man, you're new, aren't you? How can you tell?

She says. I can tell you the secret of Alcoholics Anonymous in four words.

What are they? Find God or die.

Not that.

Not that.

Anything but that

39 years later. That's like, intellectually indefensible, isn't it? No drinking for 39 years. Bizarre. Anyway,

39 years later, I can tell you the secret of alcohol, synonymous in four words.

Find love and live.

And when I say love, please don't hang on me,

what it is that your concept is?

I'm talking about an experience that I found in Alcoholics Anonymous,

Doctor Bob said. We all know what love is. We all know what service is,

let's get with it.

Umm, so I go to these AA meetings, right?

And I'm sitting at my Home group

and this young woman comes in and she's got a tank top on and she's got about 3 lbs of metal in her face and sleeves.

Get 90 days sober again. Oh,

this is going to be wonderful, but I judge no group or no person. I'm just evaluating

and

and she says I was having problems with the third step

and my sponsor suggested to me

that I turn my will and my life over to the care of love. As I understand love

and I want to tell you that I had a profound experience of having all the steps come through my heart

without any male or any adjective

but love.

And if you want to have a little fun,

try that on somebody.

They're new, they don't know. Just try stuff on them

next time they say something like that to you, try try using love in the book when you read with them. See what happens just for fun.

So this woman scared me to death. So I had to get a sponsor at the next meeting, right? I needed protection and there was a guy that there was a guy that was

four years sober. He was taking a cake and I asked him to help me. And I'm an active a a member and I will never ever

be able to repay that man in his Helen on wife.

Never.

And

anyway, I started getting together with Mike and I was reading the big book unsupervised. You could do that in the 70s.

And

I got to this part where it said if I don't do an inventory, I'm going to drink. And I ran to my sponsor's house and I said I'm going to drink. And he said why? And I showed him the thing in the book and he goes, oh that he gave me my

my 4th step guide, two pieces of paper with a line down the middle of it.

He told me some disgusting things about himself.

He told me to go home and get really jacked up on coffee. This was before Starbucks, so it took some time.

Very complex. And,

and he said, take a look at the door and think about every place that you ever lived,

every school you ever went to, every job you ever had. Think of your family members and just think of it as a parade coming through the door. And anybody who's, when they come through the door, if they're, if your stomach tightens, write their name down, then you get 3 sentences kid. Nobody's life's that interesting

and, and you know who you're afraid of and who you hate and, and we'll get together tomorrow.

I think I put him off until the day after tomorrow. But anyway, I went home and I followed. I followed the direction. And so I wrote my first inventory when I was 22 days sober. Was it a fearless and thorough moral inventory using all four columns? No,

no, it was the greatest hits.

Alcoholics Anonymous is for Alcoholics.

It's not for scientists. The instructions are about this deep.

And anyway, so I, I, you know, and, and isn't it odd, you know, somebody comes into, hey, we go. Oh, welcome to the life giving program of Alcoholics Anonymous. We're so glad you're here. Watch out for the inventory.

As if the steps of recovery has ever hurt anyone,

ever.

You know, if you've got some deep dark secret, don't worry, you don't have to dredge it up. It will get in contact with you.

It's like your defects of character. I wonder what they are. Just go to some meetings, you'll find out.

So anyway, I get together with my sponsor, I read him the stuff, you know, and it's the stuff. What is it? It's the stuff that goes around and around and around and around and round and round and round and round and round in your head. That's what needs to go on there.

You know the number of times, if you're interested in that, you can, you can, you know, But I've listened to these inventories where they just listed every single time they did it, you know,

anyway,

so I, I, I, I, I get this done. He we say a stupid prayer, we burn the thing. Where's your right step? Believe me, I know who these people are. And,

and I and I go out starting to make my night step

and I've got 24 days and I am a fully vested member of Alcoholics Anonymous. And don't you ever let anybody tell you that you can get, you have to wait to get well, you can do this thing now.

And another thing, if you're new with us, they told me something that I was just stunned by. They said, kid, this is the last time you ever have to withdraw. And I looked him in the eye and I nodded my head like this. And inside I said, you don't know what you're talking about. And I want to tell you they were right and I was wrong. This is the last time you ever have to withdraw.

Think about that

88 years ago. Impossible.

88 years ago, you couldn't get this many people together in New York out of one of the missions that had been sober. Unbelievable.

So anyway, and I get off. When I had 28 days my the first guy asked me to sponsor him. I called my sponsor. Now, calling on the telephone in those days was interesting because you both had to be standing next to a wall at the same time.

It was amazing

and I called my sponsor up. I said what do I do? He said. You say yes. I said, really,

he said. Jay, if they're sick enough to ask you for help,

you can't hurt them.

Each and every person in this room,

there is a life that you are designed to touch and to save.

And if,

if you've been through this process,

if you've looked at people in the eye who you've harmed and asked them, how do I make this right?

You can save their life

now. We know that. It's the power working through you. It's just the character view that seems to be flitting through the the film. But

you have a purpose that is beyond anything that people in social sciences, religious sciences or Medical Sciences can do. Because here in Alcoholics Anonymous, you know, if you ever get in a conversation with somebody and they tell you a a, A is the lower form of spirituality. Look him dead in the eye and move away.

Agree with them and say, yeah, great, I'll see you later

because they don't know.

But you and I have the opportunity

to go to the hospitals, to clothe the naked,

to feed the poor,

to go to the jails.

We raised the dead.

I don't care what anybody else calls it,

but we restore that Spark

I

cell phone.

I'd like everybody here

after the meeting

sometime today or tomorrow. I want you to take a look in your book selection

and I want you to take a look and see if you've got Alcoholics Anonymous. The 12:00 and 12:00

language from the heart

cost you about $34 and it's a A stuff it's through Alcoholics Anonymous world services. Check the people your sponsors phones, cause a lot of people have these second party apps that

that people pay for and the money doesn't go to a A, it goes to somebody who's making money off of our fellowship.

So I'd like to suggest that you do this because one of the things that we need to be aware of is where we are financially.

Now, Alcoholics Anonymous has never ever been self supporting. We have always relied on our publishing income to cover the shortfall in contribution. And that's been from the gate. That's been from the gate

and just recently, because they've been making all these cuts the past 10 years at in the general service office,

we decided that we were not going to fund the triennial survey, which is the only statistical analysis that we had to share with anybody in the industries

and allegedly it had to do with money.

Now

there are two million members of Alcoholics Anonymous.

If 2% of us

when on our smartphone put in AA org and said $10 a month,

$10 a month

to Alcoholics Anonymous for this life giving program that we've been given,

we could make Alcoholics Anonymous self supporting. For the first time in its history,

this generation of Alcoholics can do something that no other group of Alcoholics has ever done, which is to be responsible for carrying this message.

120 We could do this by Detroit.

We could do this by Detroit,

so just a little activity for you.

It's a good one.

I spoke about that. Every person in this room

has the

has the opportunity to save someone else,

but every person in this room also has a contribution to make

to this planet,

to the consciousness of the people that are walking upon it.

It's an incredibly wonderful gift

and after we get done working through those first steps,

it's the great adventure that we have

now. The great thing for me is that I've always been an, A, A guy.

I was sitting in a meeting the Westwood. I only tell this story on Sunday mornings, but I was sitting at this, this 2 + 2 meeting and a gal was up, Liz Lopresti. And she was, she was talking and she was talking about how alcohol removed everything from her that makes an animal or a person a person. And she was just an animal.

And as I sat there with about six months of sobriety,

the room went out, room went white.

And as I sat there, the first thought I had was, oh, maybe this is an LSD flashback,

but I'd never had an LSD flashback.

And my heart said pay attention.

And as I tried

sit there and pay attention,

all that I felt was love.

All that I felt was omniscience, omnipresence, omnipotence. And I knew that I was known intimately and that everything about me was loved.

And as I sat there, I came up with a question.

Well, what about war?

And I didn't. There weren't words, but there was a feeling. And the feeling was don't worry, I got it.

Don't worry, I got it.

And as I sat there in this incredible piece that passes understanding, there are no words to describe it.

I knew. I knew

she was closing up her talk and suddenly the room started to come back into shape and there were three stained glass windows behind the podium. So God is love. That was the first thing that came into my into my

few.

I looked around and it was obvious that nobody had been on the bus that I was on,

so I helped put away the chairs.

Over the next few days I tried to talk to a few people about it. Nobody could hear what I was trying to say.

And then finally I looked up a man and he was a professional God person and he said, he said I'd give anything for that. He said. But I've had six or seven parishioners over the years that they had a report, and the report was very, very similar.

I know in a room like this, there's probably at least 25 or 50 that have had that kind of experience. So they exist,

but having had that experience,

what do you do with it?

Well, I've stayed in Alcoholics Anonymous. I didn't talk about this for my 1st 20 years because of the violent reaction I had from people in the beginning

and

but I've stayed active and involved in Alcoholics Anonymous and I realized that when I start out my day that my only job is to love. That's the only job that I have.

And when I say love, please

don't limit me to what it is you think I'm talking about.

But I'm talking about smiling at people. I'm talking about living in Arizona and having cold water that you hand to the people that are asking for money.

I'm talking about having some kind of a traveling mitzvah when you leave the house every day.