Workshop about the chapters Working with Others, To Wives and The Family Afterwards at the Spiritual Awakenings group in Bernardville, NJ

Fact that the mental obsession is beyond human aid and it's beyond willpower. It is. It is something that's very, very subtle. And that's why we, we almost always die

because it's just something that's beyond our understanding.

Why do we pick up a drink knowing what we know? Being in as many rehabs as we've been in, having as many DWI, losing as many families, it's the most insane thing in the world. So we can't think about it. We it just has to be an action that comes. Now, there are a lot of times where the slip precedes the drink. You know, I believe that also. But I also believe that when you're not in a fit spiritual condition, you're rolling the dice. You know you can get struck drunk because the big book spends chapters telling me that.

Anyway, if you're if you are satisfied he's a real alcoholic,

dwell on the hopeless feature of the malady. Show him from your own experience how the queer mental condition surrounded surrounding that first drink prevents normal functioning of the willpower. Don't at this time, at this stage, refer to the book unless he has seen it and wishes to discuss it. And be careful not to brand him as an alcoholic. Let him draw his own conclusion. If he If he sticks to the idea that he can still control his drinking, tell him that possibly he can. If he's not too alcoholic but insisted, if he is severely afflicted, there may be little chance he can recover himself. If

you have not lost the power to control your drinking, you may be able to use willpower and stay away from alcohol. And you know, that's all well and fine, but I'll tell you, I was way past that point in my own drinking. I was way past the point of whether, where, where I could decide whether or not to drink. Continue to speak of alcoholism as an illness, a fatal malady. Talk about the conditions of body and mind which accompany it. Keep his attention focused mainly on your personal experience.

Explain that many are doomed who never realize their predicament.

Funny people who catch alcoholism. People who come into these rooms and identify with alcoholism and learn about it, survive it. People who who don't know they have alcoholism die from it.

Doctors are rightly loath to tell alcoholic patients the whole story unless it will serve some good purpose.

But you may. You may talk to him about the hopelessness of alcoholism because you offer a solution. You will soon have your friend admitting he has many, if not all of the traits of the alcoholic. If his own doctor is willing to tell him he is an alcoholic, so much the better. Even though your protege may not have entirely admitted his condition, he's become very curious to know how you got well. Let him ask you that question. If he will tell him exactly what happened to you, talk about how you went through the steps.

Stress the spiritual feature freely.

If the man be atheist or agnostic, make it empathetic that he does not have to agree with your conception of God. You know, try to help him get over their prejudice of organized religion and all that stuff. He can choose any conception he likes, provided it makes sense to him. The main thing is that he'd be willing to believe in a power greater than himself, and that he lived by spiritual principles. When dealing with such a person, you better use everyday language to describe spiritual principles. There knows there's no use arousing any prejudice he may have against

theological terms and conceptions about which he may already be confused. Don't raise such issues, no matter what your own convictions are.

Your prospect may belong to a religious dominant denomination. His religious education and training may be far superior to yours. In that case, he's going to wonder how you can add anything to what he already knows. But he would be curious to learn why his own convictions have not worked and why yours seem to work so well.

He may be an example of the truth that faith alone is insufficient. This is a great sentence. To be vital, faith must be accompanied by self sacrifice and unselfish constructive action. So that's an important instruction there.

Let him see that you were not there to instruct him in religion. Admit that he probably knows more about it than you, but call to his attention the fact that however deep his faith and knowledge, he could not have applied it or he would not drink. Perhaps your story will help him see where he has failed to practice the very precepts he knows so well. We represent no particular faith or denomination. We're dealing only with general principles common to most denominations. Outline the program of action, explaining how you made a self appraisal, how you did a four step,

how you strained out your past, how you did a night step, and why you're now endeavoring to be helpful to him and what a 12 step is. It is important for him to realize that your attempt to pass this on to him plays a vital part in your own recovery.

Actually, he may be helping you more than you are helping him, especially if he's in a blackout. He won't remember even being there.

Make it plain he's under no obligation to you that that you hope only that he will try to help other Alcoholics when he escapes his own difficulties.

My first sponsor told me that, you know, there's no way I could ever repay that that, that that I owe fish food. Phil, you know what I mean? There's some people in here that remember Phil.

He, he kept me alive until I could keep myself alive with God's help, you know, and I could never repay him. What could I do for him? He's he's living a great life. He told me you, you pay me back by working with other people.

Suggest how important it is that he placed the welfare of other people ahead of his own. That's a great one. You have to place the welfare of other people ahead of your own, you know, and you still hear things in the rooms like, thank God. It's learning to start loving myself more, you know, I mean, place the welfare of other people before your own. That's what recovery is. Make it clear that he's not under under pressure, that he needn't see you again if he doesn't want to. You should not be offended if he wants to call it off or he's helped you more than you have helped him.

If your talk has been sane, quiet, and full of human understanding, you have perhaps made a friend. Maybe if you have disturbed him about the question of alcoholism, a lot of 12 step calls to God, the the person does not get sober right away. But I'll tell you what, if you've done a good 12 step call you, you're going to you're going to make a haunted person. You know that person is never going to enjoy a double bourbon and Coke again. You know

this is all to the good. The more hopeless he feels, the better he will be more likely to follow your suggestions.

Your candidate may give we reasons why he need not follow all of your program. Pay the money back.

No way. He may rebel at the thought of a drastic house cleaning which requires discussion with other people. Tell all my secrets. Do not contradict such views. Tell him you once felt as he does, but you doubt whether you would have made much progress had you not taken action on your first visit. Tell him about the Fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous. If he shows interest, lend him your copy of this book. So on a 12 step call, what are you supposed to have with you?

She's supposed to have a book with you.

Unless your friend wants to talk further about himself, do not wear out your welcome. Give him a chance to think it over. If you do stay, let him steer the conversation in any direction he likes. Sometimes a new man is anxious to proceed at once. They want to do the the whole 12 steps right that day, and you may be tempted to let him do so. This is sometimes a mistake. If he has trouble later, he is likely to say you rushed him. You will be most successful with Alcoholics if you do not exhibit any passion for crusade or reform. Never talk down to an

from any moral or spiritual hilltop. Simply layout the kid of spiritual tools for his inspection. Show him how they worked with you. Offer him friendship and fellowship. Tell him if he wants to get well, you will do anything to help, and we absolutely will. We'll do anything for the willing person. Watch a willing person come into Alcoholics Anonymous. Will do anything you tell him to do. Wants to recover like crazy? That person, Unbelievable. Good luck will follow that person around. They'll get vehicles and jobs, you know what I mean?

Check out, check out the person who's not willing to do anything. You know, they're like Joe Schlebot Nick, that guy on the old milk carton covers with the cloud over their head.

I swear to God, it's like it's karma or something. If he is not interested in your solution, if he expects you to act only as a banker for his financial difficulties or a nurse for his sprees, you may have to drop him until he changes his mind. This he may do after he gets hurt some more. I had to drop somebody this weekend. I've been working with the Sky for a long, long time. He's not willing to do anything. And

with the help of my sponsor, we had we had the we had to sever our relationship. It was not doing him any good. It was not doing me any good

to have this person

continue to keep crying out for help but have absolutely no willingness to follow suggestion. It was driving me crazy and everybody around me and it was certainly not doing the person any good. So basically we told them the next phone call we we get from you, you better be willing to go into a detox and get detoxed. Otherwise, don't bother calling.

So sometimes you have to drop them and, and it's not something I do lightly. I'll tell you

if he is sincerely interested and wants to see you again, ask him to read the book in the interval. After doing that, he must decide for himself whether he wants to go on. I used the Bill Wilson exercise in this for the the newer people that I sponsor. And what that is, is I asked, I asked him to read Bill's story and the 1st 8 pages of Bill's story underline any drinking, thinking, action or behavior that they identify with. Underline it in the book and the 2nd 8 pages,

16 page story. The 2nd 8 pages. Underline anything that Bill did to recover from alcoholism because all the steps are a lot laid out there. Underline anything that Bill did that they are unwilling to do to recover alcoholism. Anything they feel resistance to it. That gives me a good idea of the level of willingness the person is going to have. And I'll tell you what, if somebody's just trying to jerk me around and involve me in their drama, they won't even bother finishing the Bill Wilson exercise and I will have

myself a lot of phone calls in time. You know what I mean? Anyway.

After doing that, he must decide for himself whether he wants to go on, and he should not be pushed or prodded by you, his wife, or his friends. If he is defined God, the desire must come from within. If he thinks he can do the job in some other way or prefer some other spiritual approach, encourage him to follow his own conscience. They want to try primal screen therapy, you know. Give him your card. Tell him, tell him when your horse give me a call.

We have no monopoly on God. We merely have an approach that worked with us. We'll point out that we Alcoholics have much in common and that you would like in any case to be friendly.

Let it go with that.

The last several weeks we've been talking, we've been talking about the 12th step.

I I like

looking at the 12th step

in three different three different ways. Having had a spiritual

awakening

as a result of the steps, I like to look at that.

One of the things, one of the things that I used to hear a lot

in carrying the message up to the VA was it was invariable when we were on the 12th step, somebody would raise their hand and say something like I had my spiritual awakening Thursday talking to Rodney or something like that. Not, and

I hated to burst anybody's bubble, but

the spiritual awakening that they're talking about in Alcohol, it's anonymous, is a result of a course of action. The type of awakening that we have as a result of the course of action, action, reaction. The reaction is the spiritual awakening. I'm not saying that the only way to get spiritual or God consciousness is to follow the course of the steps, but there are certain things that the steps are going to do, certain promises that are to be expected when you follow the course of action laid out in the book.

So anyone who hasn't done a fourth and a fifth step has not done amends, does not follow the 10th step on a daily basis or pray and meditate is not going to have had the spiritual awakening as a result of the steps because you can't have something as a result of something that you didn't do. So I look at it like, like

the people who have had a spiritual awakening as a result of the steps. I can almost always tell whether they have or not just because of the light on in their eyes. You know what I mean? You'll see them around the room and they're they're usually the type of people who are unflappable. They're always in a good mood,

except under real, real, serious duress. They're very, very consistent with their meetings. They're very, very consistent working with other people

and their lives seem to be going real well, you know what I mean?

The second part of the 12th step I like to look at is we tried to carry this message to other Alcoholics.

Once you've once you've received the spiritual awakening, the next logical step is to try to pass it on to other people,

to try to say, you know, I was just like you and I'm not anymore. Let me tell you what's happened. It's the next logical thing you hear. You have to have to give it away to keep it. You know, I'm not a real big fan of those little slogans like that, but but I know that that's what they're talking about. Once you've once you've you've achieved a certain amount of spirituality through working this, working the program, going to meetings and being of service,

you're going to want to give it away.

It's too big of a gift to keep for yourself.

And then the third part of the 12 step is to practice the principles in all your affairs. And there's a lot of principles in the book, the main ones being the steps. But I think any instruction in how to live or how to take a spiritual exercise or what type of a prayer to use in certain, certain instances, anything like that is a principle.

And as we, as we mature in recovery, we learn to use the tools or the principles

better and better in our lives and we try to practice them.

The chapter working with others is specifically on carrying the message to other Alcoholics. But the following chapters, I believe there's four more chapters. I believe that they're, they're real good in showing us how to practice the principles. Also, I'm going to start reading tonight on the top of page 96

to not be discouraged if your prospect does not respond at once, search out another alcoholic and try again. You are sure to find someone desperate enough to accept with eagerness what you offer.

We find it a waste of time to keep chasing a man who cannot or will not work with you. If you leave such a person alone, he may soon become convinced that he cannot recover by himself.

That's a great line. Instead of chasing somebody around all the time, you'll see that this is more or less a take it or leave it type of approach that working with others lays out for us.

Were to lay the kid as spiritual tools at the person's feet. And it's really up to them to pick it up. You can't shove a spiritual life down somebody's throat. They really have to want it

to spend too much time on anyone situation is to deny another alcoholic an opportunity to live and be happy. And I've seen a lot of people waste a lot of time on on unwilling people. You know what I mean? When when you can, you can find willing people in the rooms of AAI mean you don't have to go running around the detoxes to to try to find people. One of our fellowship failed entirely with his first half dozen prospects. He often says that if he had continued to work on them, he might have deprived many others who have since recovered of their chance.

Suppose now you are making your second visit to a man. He has read this volume and says he's prepared to go through with the 12 steps of the program of recovery. Remember what we talked about last week on the first visit? You bring the big book

and what I like to do is the Bill Wilson exercise again, for anybody that wasn't here,

you asked the prospect to to read the read Bills story. We're supposed to read the whole book. But to read Bills story, underline anything in the 1st 8 pages that they relate to drinking, thinking, any behavior, any feelings that that that you relate to. And in the 2nd 8 pages, underline anything that you, you feel resistance toward in what he did to recover because it's, it's simply laid out in his story what he did to recover.

It's it's kind of out with 12 steps are kind of outlined. So you get the person to underline anything they're not willing to do. They may not be willing to make a mess. They may not be willing to do a fist snap, whatever. That doesn't mean they can't go through the program, but that'll give you a good good idea of of where their willingness lies.

Having had the experience yourself, you can give them much practical advice. This basically said right here. If you haven't gone through the 12th steps, you're going to have a hard time explaining

the spiritual awakening to your alcoholic prospect. Now what are you going to tell them? A lot of times we, we, we do things like just come to meetings, you know, get in the car and we'll drive you to 90 meetings in 90 days. That's not really what the what the big book is telling us to do. The big book is telling us to recover so that we can help other people recover. Let him know you're available if he wishes to make a decision to tell his story, the 5th step, but do not insist upon it if he prefers to consult someone else. If you wants to go to a

something, that's fine.

He may be broken homeless. If he is, you might try to help him about getting a job. I've done that. Or give him a little financial assistance. I shy away from that these days. But you should not deprive your family or creditors of money they should have. Perhaps you will want to take the man into your home for a few days. I've done that too. But be sure you use discretion. Be certain he will be welcomed by your family and that he is not trying to impose upon you for money, connections or shelter. Permit that you only harm him. You will be making it possible for him to be insincere.

You may be aiding his destruction rather than his recovery. We're talking about enabling.

Never avoid these responsibilities, but be sure you're doing the right thing if you assume them. This is an important sentence. Helping others is the foundation stone of your recovery. A kindly act once in a while isn't enough. You have to act the Good Samaritan every day if need be. It may mean the loss of many nights sleep that has happened to me. I'll tell you greater interference with your pleasures. A lot of weekends are taken up doing step work and things like that for me.

Interruptions to your business. At least once or twice a month I have to leave my leave my job to go on a 12 step call.

Luckily I have the type of job where I can do that. I can make up the time later.

It may mean sharing your money in your home, counseling frantic wives and relatives, innumerable trips to police, courts, sanitariums, hospitals, jails, and asylums. I've done all of those. I used to think I didn't take. I didn't visit the Silence, but I visited asylums. Those. Those are some grim places. I'll tell you, too. Your telephone may jangle at any time of the day or night. 2:00 in the morning last week.

Your wife may sometimes say she's neglected.

Quite often, actually. A drunk may smash your furniture in your home, burn a mattress.

You may have to fight with him if he is violent. I love that, you know, so we're going to be seeing a lot more 12 step work with the with the closing down of all the rehabs and everything. So, you know, practice up on your boxing.

Sometimes you will have to call a doctor and administer minister sedatives under his direction. I also shy away from sedatives. Thank you. I'll tell you what though, many, many cases though, many, many times I've had to buy booze to keep somebody from going into DTS

112 step case. Not that long ago we were trying to get this person into Saint Clair's and it was the weekend and nobody showed up there. And there was one guy and he was being a real asshole, OK? He didn't want to help us at all. He said it was like 9:00 in the morning and this person is really starting to go into D TS. We're saying we got to get, we got to get her in. And he's saying you can't, you can't. You got to wait till the next shift. You got to wait till 5:00 tonight,

so we had to buy. We bought a pint of vodka

and and divvied out shots until 5:00 that night when we could get that person into the into the detox.

You know, it's not a bad idea if you do a lot of 12 step work to have booze for this purpose. You know, if you say that in a normal discussion meeting, people jump all over you. I don't keep booze in my house. Well, those are people who don't do a lot of 12 step calls that'll say something like that, because it may mean the difference between life and death

for somebody whether you have it or not. And if you can't have booze in the trunk of your car or in your house, you haven't done enough step work anyway. You know you've got it for shit program.

Not that I judge

anyway. Another time you may have to send for the police or an ambulance. Occasionally you will have to meet such conditions. We seldom allow an alcoholic to live in our homes for long at a time. It is not good for him and it sometimes creates serious complications in a family. The person I had living in my house, I had to kindly shove shove him out after about a month.

He was usually gonna stay for good if I let him.

He's bringing over a dresser the next day or something, I said. Whoa,

so an alcoholic does not respond. There is no reason why you shouldn't neglect his family. You should continue to be friendly to them. The family should be offered your way of life. I believe that this is the Al Anon's job today. But, but sometimes, sometimes we're a channel to the Eleanor's. You know, we may be the only person that they're talking to.

Should they accept and practice spiritual principles, there is a much better chance the head of the family will recover. Back in these days, the the families would do the steps, they'd get together and they do morning meditations together and they actually did the stuff. So I'll tell you what, while your whole family is have undergoing a spiritual awakening, it makes it real uncomfortable for you to like black out drink 24 hours a day.

One of the things you hear is, is once the spouse hits Alan on, the drinking person's days are numbered.

You know what I mean? It's a lot of times it's inevitable. They'll last about a year or two, you know, and then they'll come in. Except the real hardcore case, even though he continues to drink, the family will find life more bearable. So if you practice his steps, this is an amazing thing. If you see people who work in a really good Al Anon program,

they'll vacuum around the drunk. Passed out. Passed out on the floor, you know what I mean? Won't even make a difference tone

for the type for the type of alcoholic who is able and willing to get well. Little charity in the ordinary sense of the word is needed or wanted. The men who cry for money and shelter before conquering alcohol around the wrong track. Yet we do go to great extremes to provide for each other these very things when such action is warranted. This may seem inconsistent, but we think it is not. When you see somebody that's willing. I talked about this last week. When you see somebody that's willing, people in, the people in the rooms reach out and and cars appear

and jobs appear and apartments appear and stuff like that. But the person that's unwilling and it's got a really bad attitude,

you know, the, it's, it's not as easy for them.

It is not them. It is not the matter of giving that is is is in question, but when and how to give. That often makes a difference between failure and success. The minute we put our work on a Service plan, the alcoholic commences to rely upon our assistance rather than upon God. He clamors for this or that, claiming he cannot master alcohol until his material needs are cared for. There are people that are like that. I was working with a guy. All he wanted was rides to work and to borrow money.

And I mean

this, this guy was like a predator in a, a he just, he just wanted things and he was just bullshitting everybody. He didn't want to work a spiritual program of action. All his scorecards read zero. And he wanted, he wanted some assistance in that, in that area. You know what I mean? Whenever you see something like that, you got to cut the person on.

Some of us have taken very Hard Knocks and learned this truth. Job or no job, wife or no wife, we simply do not stop living, stop drinking, so long as we place dependence upon other people ahead of dependence upon God. A very important

sense burn the idea into the consciousness of every man that he can get well regardless of anyone. The only condition is that he trust in God and clean house.

Now the domestic problem. There may be divorce, separation, or just strained relations. When your prospect has made such a reparation as he can to his family and has thoroughly explained to them the new principles by which he's living, he should proceed to put those principles into action at home. So what are you supposed to do very quickly? Very quickly you're supposed to make amends at home and explain the 12 steps and how you're going to live those.

That is, if he is lucky enough to have a home, though his family be at fault in many respects, he should not be concerned about that. He should concentrate on his own spiritual demonstration. Argument and full fighting are to be avoided like the plague. And that is a real high order. That is, you know, try practicing that for 30 days. Don't argue or find fault with anybody in your family for the next 30 days and see see how long you last.

30 minutes. Thirty minutes

and many homes. This is a difficult job to do, but it must be done if any results are to be expected.

There's a must. It must be done if any results are to be expected. That's not good news for some of us.

They've persisted in for a few months. The effect on a man's family is sure to be great. The most incompatible people discover they have a basis upon which they can meet. Little by little, the family may see their own defects and admit them. These can then be discussed in an atmosphere of helpfulness and friendliness. After they have seen tangible results, the family will perhaps want to go along. You know

the way you're acting speaks so loudly I can't even hear what you're saying. You know what I mean? The only true way to be able to do to 12 step of family

or influence of families by changing yourself.

I made big mistakes when I was first sober trying to trying to tell everybody what what they should do to recover. Now, first thing I did is I went to my ex-wife and told her she needed Alanon because she's she's an unrecovered codependent.

I can imagine what you can imagine what she told me. You know, you're the guy that used to used to puke on me and now you're going to tell me how to live. No, thank you

anyway.

Years later, she did start asking questions when she saw that my life was changed so much.

These things will come to pass naturally in a good time, provided, however, the alcoholic continues to demonstrate that he can be sober, considerate, helpful regardless of what anyone says or does. There's another toll order, of course. We all fall much below the standard many times when we try to repair the damage immediately, lest we pay the penalty by a spray and we we can step it. If there be divorce or separation, there'd be should be no undue haste for the couple to get together.

The man should be sure of his recovery. The wife should fully understand his new way of life. If their old relationship is to be resumed, it must be on a better basis since the former did not work. This means a new attitude and spirit all around. Sometimes it is in the best interest of all concerned that the couple remain apart. Obviously, no rule can be laid down. Let the alcoholic continuous program day by day. When the time for living together has come, it will be apparent to both parties.

But no alcoholic say he cannot recover unless he has his family back. That just isn't so.

That was so for me. My family wasn't coming back. My my ex-wife was married with three kids. You know she wasn't going to be coming back.

In some cases, the wife will never come back for one reason or another. Remind the prospect that his recovery is not dependent upon people. It is dependent upon his relationship with God. I like the way they, they, they repeat like three times important concepts, and that's one of them. We have seen men get well whose families have not returned at all. We've seen others slip when the family came back too soon. Both you and the new man must walk day by day in the path of spiritual progress.

If you persist, remarkable things will happen.

When we look back, we realize that the things which came to us when we put ourselves in God's hands were better than anything we could have planned.

That's absolutely true. Think of what you wanted out of a a the day you came in and think today what you've gotten. You know what I mean? You've been overpaid considering what you wanted to get when you when you walk through the doors.

Follow the dictates of a higher power and you will presently live in a new and wonderful world no matter what your present circumstances. When working with a man and his family, you should take care not to participate in their quarrels. You may spoil your chance of being helpful if you do. On 112 step call the woman was telling me all the crazy things this guy was doing and she was afraid that she was going to burn the house down and all this stuff. She said should I divorce him? I said I can't answer that. I'm not touching that one with a 10 foot pole. You know what I mean?

I I can't, you know you, that's you're going to have to answer that one yourself.

But urge upon a man's family that he's been a very sick person and should be treated accordingly. You should warn against arousing resentment or jealousy. You should point out that his defects of character are not going to disappear overnight. Show them that he has entered upon a period of growth. Ask them to remember when they are impatient, the blessed fact of his sobriety. If you have been successful in solving your own domestic problems, tell the newcomers family about what was accomplished.

In this way, you can set them on the right track without becoming critical of them. The story of how you and your wife settled your difficulties is worth any amount of criticism.

And that is that is a good thing to be able to share. You know, another one of the paradoxes in a a has been the things I thought that were the worst things that could happen to me ended up becoming my greatest assets. Like the like divorce or, or I mean things like that. I've been able to identify with a newcomer or another alcoholic

and say, you know, I know how you feel. I've been there. And, and this too shall pass

and give and give some, some experience, you know, share some of my experience and how I got through what worked, what didn't work. You know,

assuming we are spiritually fit, we can do all sorts of things of Alcoholics and not supposed to do. Here's a paragraph that you don't see referred to too much, but I want to qualify it. This book, this book is written in a way where it's really expecting you to take the spiritual exercises as you go along. OK, So this book is assuming at this point that you are on step 12. You have made your amends. You have done your inventories.

The way we read the books today is we read them like, and we read the big book like a novel. It's really a workbook. It's really a textbook where you're supposed you're supposed to do the lessons for the day. You know what I mean? So I mean, don't run it. Run up to a newcomer and say, you know, you can go anywhere where booze is that. That's really not true. I believe until you're on Step 10 where it promises that you'll be safe and protected from alcohol,

you're not safe and protected from alcohol,

especially if you're resting on your laurels. You know what I mean? I was in a vulnerable position for years. I could have drank any time for years and I just didn't buy the grace of God because it took me years really to get up to Step 10

back in the the early 90s of of AA around here where you know, you didn't hear much about the steps anyway,

People have said we must not go where liquor is served. We must not have it in our homes. We must shun friends who drink. We must avoid moving pictures with show drinking scenes. We must not go into bars. Our friends must hide their bottles if we're to go in their houses. We mustn't think or be reminded of alcohol at all. Our experience shows that this is not necessarily so. We need these conditions every day. An alcoholic who cannot meet them still has an alcoholic mind. There's something the matter with his spiritual status. Remember when I I judge the people who felt uncomfortable about booze?

That's what the big book says. If you're uncomfortable with booze, you haven't done enough of the step work.

His only chance for sobriety would be someplace like the Greenland ice cap, and even there in Eskimo might turn up with a bottle of Scotch and ruin everything. Ask any woman who has sent her husband to discipline places on the theory that he would escape the alcohol problem.

In our belief, any scheme of combating alcoholism which proposes to shield the sick man from temptation is doomed to failure.

You know that does not work.

Hiding the bottles on on the person does not work. If the alcoholic tries to shield himself, he may succeed for a time, but he usually winds up with a bigger explosion than ever. We have tried these methods. These attempts to do the impossible have always failed. So our rule is not to avoid a place where where there is drinking if we have legitimate reason for being there. That includes bars, nightclubs, dances, receptions, weddings, even plain, ordinary old drinking parties.

OK, but that's what a whoopee party is

anyway. To a person who has had experience with an alcoholic, this may seem like tempting Providence. But it isn't.

You will note that we made an important qualification. Therefore ask yourself on each occasion, have I any good social, business or personal reason for going into this place? Or am I expecting to steal a little vicarious pleasure from the atmosphere of such places? The person who wants to go back and hang out in the bar for the atmosphere and drink club sodas, he's going to be in trouble. But I mean, if there's a lot of people who do business, you know, business does not stop and a lot of business gets done

in bars and restaurants where they serve liquor and stuff like that. You know, you can't, you just can't expect everybody to start shielding themselves from those environments. That would be ridiculous. If you, but if you can answer these questions satisfactory, you need to have no apprehension. Go or stay away, whichever seems best. Be sure you are on solid spiritual ground before you start and your motive and going is thoroughly good. There's the qualifier again. Solid spiritual ground means,

I believe my definition of solid spiritual ground is consistent meetings,

working the steps to the best of your ability in your life, and being of service when it's available and appropriate. And that'll put you on solid spiritual ground. It's done so with me. Do not think of what you will get out of the occasion. Think of what you can bring to it.

I like to, I like to look at that as an, a, a meaning so many people I hear say like, oh, oh, you know, I didn't get anything out of that meeting or, or, you know, whatever I like to look at it is I'm going to bring something to the meeting. Not like I'm going to go there and fill up like it's a gas stain, a spiritual gas station. I think more or less like who can I go there and talk to? You know who, which one of my sponsors will be there? You know,

how can I be? How can I be of service?

And that's a real good way to look at going to meetings rather than, you know, it's a pain in the ass. And you know, I hope I get something good out of it, you know what I mean? But if you're shaky, you had better work with another alcoholic instead. So if you are shaky and you can't, you don't feel comfortable being around alcohol, go work with another alcoholic. Well, I sit with a long face in places where there is drinking, sighing about the good old days. If it is a happy occasion, try to increase the pleasure of those there.

If a business occupation business occasion going to 10th of your business enthusiastically. If you are with a person who wants to eat in the bar, by all means go along. Let your friends know they are not to change their habits on your account. One of the stupid things I did was I tried to sober up my entire work crew the day I got sober by working with Anthony. But there's going to be no more drinking here, guys.

That made me real popular. You know,

at a proper time and place. Explain to all your friends why alcohol disagrees with you.

If you do this thoroughly, few people will ask you to drink. It does not say tell everybody you're an Alcoholics Anonymous. It says Explain why drinking is disagreeable to you.

So many people say I'm going to A and A and they relapse that that makes us look bad. OK, so, so if you're new or, or just coming back or something, keep your mouth shut that you're in a right. You could you could kill somebody, you know, somebody say, oh, the only guy I ever know that went to A&A drinks like a fish. What good would that do? You know what I mean? So

practice a little restraint with your telling everybody you're going to a a

while you were drinking, you were withdrawing from life little by little. Now you're getting back into the social life of this world. Don't start to withdraw again just because your friends drink liquor. Your job is now to here's your here's what everybody's job is. Your job now is to be at the place where you may be of maximum helpfulness to others. So never hesitate to go anywhere if you can be helpful. You should not hesitate to visit the the most sword spot on earth on such an errand. Keep on the firing line of life with these motives and God will keep you unharmed.