Workshop about the chapters We Agnostics and How It Works at the Spiritual Awakenings group in Bernardville, NJ

Has come to all who have honestly sought him. That's that's another requirement to honestly seek God. When we drew near to him, he disclosed himself to us. Welcome everybody. There's some new people here tonight. That's great. This is a little bit different than a step meaning if you were expecting a step meaning, we certainly go over the steps here, but it's a lot different than a 12:00 and 12:00 meeting, as you'll probably find out.
The main, the main goal I think with this meeting is to expose some people to
the recovery program as it's laid out in the big book, Alcoholics Anonymous, which which basically is the recovery program of Alcoholics Anonymous. And somewhere along the line, back in the 50s or 60s or whatever, it became OK to not become exposed to that, to not know anything about it and still be an A, a member.
And
I think because of that, we've had a real decrease
in people staying sober and Alcoholics Anonymous today. The statistics are really, really low. One of the things we mentioned earlier in the preamble that we have is the things that we learned here tonight. Sometimes, sometimes the, the hair on the back of your neck is going to go up. You know, I know that when I was first exposed to a lot of this stuff, it annoyed me because I had been doing things differently. I, I had been told different things,
you know, my sponsor said things that were contrary to, to the things that are laid out in the big book.
And this is not meant to be an indictment of anyone's program, anyone's sobriety.
I think that you come to this, this work, you come to this information when it's time for you to come for it. And I think that the more we know about what is a A, the more we'll be able to see what isn't a A. And there's a lot of information going around the rooms. There's a lot of information going on, going through treatment centers. And it's, it's not that there's not some good information in there. It's it's that there's a lot of bad information in there.
And I think that
from my own experience, in my experience working with others, that if you base your methodology of recovery on what is in the big book to the best of your ability, you can't go wrong. You really can't go wrong. And there's a lot of side roads you can go down today, which which I went down practically half of them myself. So I know I got involved in Hazleton literature for A2 year period of time. I was like a tripping like a squirrel and and reading
Hazleton literature every day. I don't know what I said. I wish I had a paper what I sounded like back in those days. But anyway, no, you don't. No, I probably don't. But but one of the things I want to emphasize before we get going is this really isn't meant to be an indictment of anyones recovery or or sobriety. We're not, we're, we're not meaning to point out to anybody,
you know, that they're completely wrong or anything. And I found something here, one of the books,
it says in the big book that
learn to see where religious people are right and make use of what they have to offer. And I do that as part of my 11 step. And I came across a paragraph here in a book that I'm reading. And I'm going to change a few words because I think it, I think it'll, it'll say what what I mean to say here a lot better than I'm saying it says here. What is my ultimate aim and object and occupying my mind
with the information in the big book, Alcoholics Anonymous. What do I intend to do with my knowledge about it once I have it? For the fact that we have to faces this, if we pursue knowledge for its own sake, it is bound to go bad on us. It will make us proud and conceited. The very greatness of the subject matter will intoxicate us. And we shall come to think of ourselves as a cut above other Alcoholics because of our interest in the big book and our grasp of it. And we shall look down on those whose recovery ideas
seem crude to us and inadequate and dismiss them as poor specimens of Alcoholics Anonymous. This is a trap. I don't want to fall in myself. I'm here to be of maximum benefit to people. And when I get there, the hair on the back of their neck sticking up, sometimes I can't get through to them. So I really try my best. If I don't always succeed, I really try my best to, to, to, to be humble about this stuff. You know, it's very easy to
on a tangent.
Anyway, we're going to start tonight. We're coming to the tail end of Step 2 and we're moving into Step 3.
How many people in here have heard how it works 50 billion million times? OK,
we have heard how it works until it's coming out of our ears, until it's become redundant, until it's become that thing that they have to read God damn it, until the meeting starts. You know what I mean? I wish they'd, I wish they wouldn't read that in my meetings. I mean, that's what it's become.
And also there was something called the original manuscript. What it was, was it was compiled by the 1st Alcoholics and it was it was printed up in mimeograph form. And it was distributed not only between the groups, but it was distributed to Friends of Alcoholics Anonymous. It was distributed to some of the clergy. It was distributed to to some of the psychiatric community. It was distributed to some of the medical community for, for their comments and and criticisms.
And through that we have a changed how it works. They didn't change it too much, but they took a little bit of the bite out of it. And what I want to do is I want to read from the original manuscript. I want to read how it works from the original manuscript. Just to show you what the original Alcoholics really had in mind, what Bill Wilson and and the 1st 100 really had in mind when they sat down to basically
explain in a nutshell, our program of recovery in the beginning of Chapter 5.
Now the people with the workbooks, it's on page 26 of the 1st edition section of the workbook. People with regular big books or no big books at all just have to listen.
I'm going to change my voice a little when there's some changes in here that are different from the way we read it today.
How it works. Rarely we have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our directions.
Those who do not recover are people who cannot or will not completely give themselves to this simple program. Usually men and women are who are constitutionally incapable of being honest with themselves. There are such unfortunates. I know I was not able to completely give myself to this program until I became very honest with myself about step one. Step one is a very, very hard thing to completely grasp. And until I I started to grasp it very, very deeply,
I was under a delusion
that I had control over my alcoholism and my recovery and my drinking and everything else.
And it was very hard for me to completely give myself to a program that I didn't think I needed.
Give myself to a program that I didn't think I needed.
They are not at fault. They seem to have been born that way. They are naturally incapable of grasping and developing a way of life which demands rigorous honesty.
Their chances are less than average. There are those two who suffer from grave emotional and mental disorders, but many of them do recover if they have the capacity to be honest.
Our stories disclosed in a general way. Those are the stories at the end of the book, what we used to be like, what happened and what we are like now. If you have decided what we want and are willing to go to any lengths to get it, when you are ready to follow directions, I just want to, I want to call attention to that sentence. That's really a prerequisite for step three. OK, that's a, that's a Step 3 requirement. You must be
at from step one and Step 2. You must be at a point where you're willing to go to any lengths to get what we have,
and you must understand what we have. You know what do we have?
Well, we have a relationship with God sufficient to relieve of our alcoholism on a daily basis. Now, if you're willing to go any lengths to get that, you're ready to move in. That's one of the things that you need to be ready to move into Step 3
at some of these, you may block, you may think that you can find an easier, softer way. We doubt if you can. And there's many easier, softer ways. OK, there's a ton of easier software.
An easier, softer way would be to go to, to two speaker meetings a week and don't drive past the liquor store. You know, I mean, we've another easier, softer way would be to to move to Milwaukee and get a new girlfriend. I mean, there's like 100 million easier software West and we'll try to find them.
No walking. They make all the beer there. Well that's, that's, that'd be a bad place to go then. You know, I lived in a town where they made beer and they have free tours and every day you go on the tour they get sick of seeing you because you get 3 free beers
anyway.
So it says, we doubt if you can find an easier, softer way if you are an alcoholic of the type that they described in the last five weeks or eight weeks that we're here.
If you don't know whether you're an alcoholic or not, back up and go through the work up until this point again, because you need to know. With all the earnestness at our command, we beg of you to be fearless and thorough from the very start. Some of us have tried to hold on to our old ideas and the result was nil until we let go. Absolutely. And I held on to old ideas with claws.
You know what I mean? I had to suffer. I had to suffer like, like you wouldn't even believe. As I slowly let go of these things, I heard somebody, somebody call. I heard a sponsor go up to somebody one time and say, you know, your old ideas are turds. You're hanging on to turds and you don't know it. Let go of it. And
I found through my experience and my experience working with others that when you let go of some of these old ideas,
it's always a good result. You know, we, we think we're going to be in trouble letting go of them, and we find out that we were hanging on to a turd.
Remember that you were dealing with alcohol. Cunning, baffling and powerful without help. It is too much for you. But there is one who has all power. That one is God. You must find Him now. And the rest of these chapters are basically about finding them.
Half measures will avail you nothing. You stand at the turning point, throw yourself under His protection and care with complete abandonment.
Now we think you can take it. Here are the steps we took which are suggested as your program of recovery.
Now so many people use that that word suggestion as like a cop out. You know, well, the steps are just suggested. Well,
we're not going to be here to tell you that there's only one way to find God, and we're not going to be here to we're not here to tell you that if you don't do the steps of Alcoholics Anonymous, you're going to die drinking.
But I'll tell you what the steps of Alcoholics anonyms have been found to be extremely successful in the recovery of alcoholism,
more successful than anything any other methodologies added up and put together. We have a success rate that's higher than anything you could find anywhere else.
So I would pay attention to this program of recovery. Even if you think that it's stupid, it's not going to work for you and and you're too smart to to bother with something this juvenile, you know, which is something I thought.
One, we admitted we were powerless over alcohol, that our lives had become unmanageable too. Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity. 3 Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care and direction of God as we understood him. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves. 5 Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs. Six, were entirely willing to have God remove all these defects of character like this. 17 humbly on our knees, asked him to
shortcomings, holding nothing back. I ask the people that I work with, and I do it this way. I do the step step 7 prayer on my knees.
Eight made a list of all person we we had harmed and became willing to make complete amends to them all. Note the note the word all this is. That's probably the the most passed over word in the whole how it works
made direct amends to such piece people wherever possible except what to do so would injure them or others.
And a lot of people say whenever possible instead of wherever possible, it's wherever possible. It means that even if they're in Albuquerque, if it's possible for you to get on an airplane and fly to Albuquerque, then you get on an airplane and you fly to Albuquerque to make the amends.
You know what I mean?
There are there are times when it's not possible and there are explanations when we get to step nine that will tell you how to deal with that. But this is our program of recovery.
10 continue to take personal inventory and when we were wrong, promptly admitted it. 11 sought through prayer and meditation to improve our contact with God, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out. 12 Having had a spiritual experience as a result of this course of action,
now let's listen to that a little bit. Having had a spiritual experience as a result of this course of action, now do you think you can have a spiritual experience sufficient to recover from alcoholism from a course of action that you haven't taken?
You know what I mean? It's one of the one of the things I used to carry the message into, into the Lions hospital all the time. And I used to always get the guy who raises his hand when we're in the middle of the 12th step. I had my spiritual awakening yesterday talking to Larry, you know, well, you, you might have had some kind of shit, but you didn't have a Alcoholics Anonymous spiritual awakening talking to Larry. I'll tell you, you know, if you, if you haven't gone out and made amends and, and, and all that shit, you haven't had it. OK, You might have had a
or some kind of
piece of satori or what the hell does Rocket Man say? Epiphany, Epiphany. You might have had, you might have had, you might have had some Horry epiphany, but you didn't, you didn't have a spiritual awakening, okay. You do the steps, you get a spiritual awakening. Anybody in here that's completed the steps that's out of spiritual awakening and they're sure of it. If you're sitting in a chair wondering if you've had a spiritual awakening, you have not had it. OK,
I'm sorry to burst your bubble, but we got a little more work to do.
And then not that we judge
as this course of action, we tried to carry this message to others. OK, what is this message? The message of the recovery program that you just goddamn took to have a spiritual awakening. You know what I mean? Not, not like keep coming and go make coffee and shut up. There's a lot of things that you hear when you come into a A which don't have any depth and weight. The message that I try to carry to the new, the, to the new member of Alcoholics Anonymous is
steps
meeting service, OK, meetings first, step second service 3rd. And that's the, that's the way you're going to have a wonderful life. I guarantee you, anybody that does that, that's in this room will tell you from personal experience that their lives are incredibly more wonderful than they could have ever imagined because of that. And you need to how can, how can you carry a message of having a spiritual awakening if you haven't had one? All right,
now how are you going to go up to somebody and say, you know,
my life is absolutely wonderful. I'm a recovered alcoholic. If you're stuck on Step 4 for eight months, you know, you know what I mean. It's you want to be a real powerful 12 step force, go through the steps yourself. And then it's like a natural, it's like the next logical thing for you to do in your spiritual growth,
especially Alcoholics. It's set in here. That meant that you were to carry the message before they changed it. That meant you were to carry the message to the people who would listen. Not necessarily always Alcoholics, sometimes family members. And we have we have Alan on that'll hopefully do that today too, depending on what kind of meetings there. And to practice these principles in all of our affairs, not just
a, a meetings, not just be the guy that sounds great in the a, a meeting and goes home and screams at his wife and kicks the dog and throws the kids out
and, and embezzles money from the company firm. It means practice these principles in all your affairs. That is a tough nut to crack. Believe me. It's not something that you're going to going to do tomorrow. But we strive for progress. We strive for progress in the, in those areas. OK, you may exclaim, what an order. I can't go through with it. Do not be discouraged. No one among us has been able to maintain anything like perfect adherence to these principles. We are not Saints.
The point is that we are. We are willing to grow along spiritual lines. The principles we have set down our guides to progress. We claim spiritual progress rather than spiritual perfection.
Our description of the alcoholic, the chapter to the agnostic, and our personal adventures before and after. Now those are those are the preceding chapters that we talked about
the chapter 3 agnostic the personal adventures before and after are the stories at the back of the book have been designed to sell you 3 pertinent ideas. They've been designed to sell you A that you were alcoholic and cannot manage your own life. B that probably no human power can relieve your alcoholism and see that God can or will. If you're not convinced, the ABS or CS
you need go no further. You need to go back and you need to reread up to this point and see what you missed. Because I'll tell you, when I got to this point, I was convinced on those three issues and it wasn't. It wasn't the greatest feeling in the world to know that I had to trust God, which I didn't really have a great relationship with that I wasn't really in in contact with at that time. But I knew that I had to go on to survive.
If you are not convinced on these vital issues, you ought to reread the book to this point or else throw it away.
I can imagine the books flying out the window back in those days, you know. So they did change it.
I'm going to start back on the the start back to the conference approved so that everybody can follow, at least the ones with the books.
Being convinced we were at Step 3, which is that we decided to turn our will and our life over to God as we understood him. Just what do we mean by that? And just what do we do? And this is page 60.
The first requirement is that we'd be convinced that any life run on self will can hardly be a success. So there's a requirement for step three. We need to become convinced that we cannot run our own lives, that we cannot make all the decisions in our life and have our life be anything but a total fuck up.
OK, so you need to come to that, that realization, or else, you know, maybe you're not an alcoholic, maybe your life isn't unimaginable, maybe you're in the wrong room. Who knows? Anyway,
on that basis, we're almost always in collision with something or somebody, even though our motives are good. Most people try to live by self propulsion. Each person is like an actor who wants to run the whole show. This is a great description because it's going to come in handy down the road.
I tried to personalize these things. I tried to say Chris is like an actor who tries to run the whole show. Chris is forever trying to arrange the lights, the ballet, the scenery and the rest of the players in his own way. That's the way I was. I always thought that I knew better than anybody else.
I always try to control my family's life, the people at work or my friends. I mean, I was, I was always arranging the chess pieces for everything to come out fine. You know what I mean? I was a control freak. You hear that a lot. And yeah, you have control issues. You hear that a lot of the meetings? Well, this is it's true. A lot of us do have control issues.
If his arrangement, if Chris's arrangements would only stay put, if only people would do as Chris which wished, the show would be great. Everybody, including himself, would be pleased. You know, if everybody would do what I tell him to do, even they would be pleased because I'm so smart, you know what I mean? I have such a a keen insight into how everybody should be arranging their lives. Life will be wonderful
and trying to make these arrangements. Chris may sometimes be quite virtuous. I may think that I've got good motives.
I may be kind, considerate, patient, generous, even modest and self sacrificing. On the other hand, I may be mean, egotistical, selfish, and dishonest. I may try to try to move you around with flowers, or I may try to move you around with threats. But I'm going to try to move you around. You know what I mean?
But as with most humans, he's most likely to have varied traits. What usually happens the show doesn't come off very well. Chris begins to think that life does not treat him right. He decides to exert his himself more.
He becomes on the next occasion still more demanding or gracious as the case may be. Still the play does not suit him. Admitting he may be somewhat at fault, he's sure that other people are more to blame. He becomes angry and dignit and self pity. You know, if only they would do what I tell him to do, everything would be fun. You know, a lot of people walk into a A and it's those son of bitches out there. You know what I mean? It's them some bitches. I swear to God, they're, you know, my my parents, my family, my wife,
my kids, my boss, the neighbors, the cops hate me. You know, it's although they're all after me.
What is this basic trouble? Is he not really a self seeker even when trying to be kind? Is Chris not a victim of the delusion that he can rest satisfaction and happiness out of this world if only he manages well? Is it not evident to all the rest of the players that these are the things that I want and do not my actions make each of them wish to retaliate, snatching all they can get out of the show? Am I not even my best moments of producer, of confusion rather than harmony?
That's that. That was me when I came into the program. I'm telling you. And I still have some of this today.
Our actor is self-centered ecocentric, as people like to call it nowadays. I learned
something through inventory. You learn, you really learn some stuff when you start becoming proficient at 4 column inventory. I learned for an absolute fact that I never did anything for anybody without wanting something back. I'll tell you what I thought when I came in here. I thought I was the kind of guy to give you the shirt off off my back. I used to do things like lend people bail money. When they got arrested, you know they'd call me up. They knew. They knew I'd be the guy who would lend them bail money. Sure, I'll lend you bail money, $400.00 coming your way. And then when they wouldn't,
wouldn't pay me back, I'd end up over their house with a gun threatening, you know, and what I found out in inventory was I lent him that money so that they would be my friend and that they would respect me more and that I would be able to count on him more. You know, I was buying a friendship by doing a favor. And practically every single thing that I examined in inventory that I did nice for other people, it was because I was expecting something back. You know, I am based on selfishness. I am based on
bitterness and I am motivated by self-centered fear. That's that's how an alcoholic moves around. You know what I mean?
He's like the retired businessman who lulls in the Florida sunshine in the winter, complaining in the sad state of the nation. The minister who sighs over the sins of the 20th century. The politicians and reformers who are sure, who are sure all would be utopia if the rest of the world would only behave. The outlaw safecracker who thinks society is wronged him in. The alcoholic who's lost. All is locked up,
whatever our protestations. Are Not most of us concerned with ourselves, our resentments and our own self pity? I mean, what are we concerned? We are concerned about us.
The world revolves around us and what's in it for us and what do I want? And that's mainly what our motivations are based on. Selfishness, self-centredness that we think is the root of our troubles. What is the root of something? Think of, think of the root of a plan. That's where it's held up and where it's fed.
So conversely, the root of our problems as human beings are our selfishness, our self centeredness. That's the root of all of our troubles. We may think we're the nicest guys in the world and we're the biggest victims in the world, but once we start moving into inventory, we find that that's that is the biggest bullshit lie we've ever told ourselves.
Driven by 100 forms of fear, self delusion, self seeking and self pity who step on the toes of our fellows and they retaliate. Sometimes they hurt us, seemingly without provocation, but we invariably find that at some time in the past we have made decisions based on self which later placed us in a position to be hurt.
I have never found anything in my inventories where I'm resentful
or afraid of something, where I haven't done something in the past to place myself in that position. Now, I know that some people have. There are, there are unique circumstances like you're walking down the road one day and somebody beats you over the head and steals your wallet. You know, I mean, you were really doing nothing to, to 'cause that event. I mean, there are things like that. But, but I'll tell you, 99% of the troubles that an alcoholic has, if you honestly look at it, you will find it somewhere in the past. You're the one that set the whole thing rolling.
You either did something to that person or you broke the law or, or you, you, you were in a bad position or you made a bad decision. I mean something. You're going to find something like that.
That's why Alcoholics that end up in ACOA meetings and stuff like that usually die because they're not able to really look at that. It's their fault that all their troubles are their own fault. If we can't get with that honesty that all of our troubles are our own fault,
we've got a good chance that we're not going to be able to recover and we're going to die. And there are 12 step fellowships out there that all remain nameless. That they just love to sit in the shed. They just love to wallow around in the pain for year after year after year, and nobody gets better. They're like the people who are in a cesspool and the waters right up to the bottom of their nose and they don't want to get out of the cesspool. They just don't want you to make any waves, you know what I mean?
What this program is about, what this program is about, is about getting out of the God damn cesspool, OK? And that's not easy, and sometimes it's painful.
Sometimes you got to change your old ideas. But if you want to get out of the cesspool, you guys stop thinking it's everybody else's fault.
So our troubles, we think, are basically of our own making. They arise out of ourselves. In the alcoholic is an extreme example of self will run riot, though he usually doesn't think so.
So we, we are examples of self will run riot, but we don't think so, you know?
And that's so true. Above everything, we Alcoholics must be rid of the selfishness. We must or it kills us. God makes that possible. You cannot just decide to not be selfish. You can't go. Well, tomorrow I'm turning over a new leaf. I'm not going to be selfish anymore. It is so ingrained in your character to be selfish that there's a whole huge process of steps
you're going to have to go through to even make a crack in that selfishness. Self cannot annihilate self. Self cannot commit suicide. You yourself cannot get rid of your selfishness. That has to come from a higher power, just like, just like the removal of your obsession to drink does. It's too big for you, you know what I mean? But there's a process, and there often seems to be no way of entirely getting rid of self without God's aid. Many of us had moral and philosophical convictions galore, but we could not live up to them even though
would have liked to. I was the kind of guy who read Zen books. I read every kind of self help book in the world. I read the Bible. I knew morality inside out. I knew when you were being immoral. I could tell you every single immoral thing that you were doing. But you know what? I could, I could not change. I could not change. I knew what was right and I couldn't do right. You know, I I was a person who wanted to do good that was doing bad.
I was a person that was smart, that was doing stupid things.
Neither could we reduce our self-centered must much by wishing or trying on our own power. We had to have God's help.
This is the how and the why of it. First of all, we had to quit playing God. This is so important. This is another requirement. We got to stop playing God.
There's many, many ways we can do that. We can stop controlling every minute detail of our family's life. You know what I mean? Like what everybody's got to do all the time. We can stop playing God. We can begin to stop playing God. It does not work. Next, we decided that hereafter in this drama of life, God was going to be our director. He's the principal, we're his agents, He's the father, and we are his children. This is basically the first step. The third step decision, it says, made a decision to turn our
lives over to the care of God as we understood him. What is that? You hear people in a a mean he's going I turned it over, but I took it back. I turned it over, but I took it back. What what the hell are they talking about? Do you know what I mean? A lot of them don't even understand what the third step decision is. This just told us, let's look at it carefully. OK, We're going to be the actor and God's going to be the director. Now what? What kind of a job does the director have? The director tells you what your part is and, and, and explains what he wants you to do.
And the actor follows directions, follows the will of the director. OK, a principle and an agent. What is a principle and what is an agent? A principle is someone that empowers you and empowers an agent. The principle is, is the guy sitting back in the office who sends out his agent to carry the message and do the deal. But he's got he's got the idea and he's got the control and he's got the the power behind them. You know what I mean? So you're going to go out as God's aging,
you're going to be the child and he's going to be the father. Now, what does a father do with a child? A father nurtures and protects and cares for, and you're just going to try to be a good kid, you know what I mean, and not get in trouble. And these are the ideas that you need to get as far as the decisions that you're going to make, the decision you're going to make in the third step.
And also, I hear a lot of people say I do the third step every morning. And I know from my experience, I don't,
it's an attitude I try to hang on to, but I get quiet after I get quiet just before I'm going to start inventory work. And I make this decision again before I start the process of the step process, I try to follow God's will. Like, what would God have me do? I try to put that into my into my my daily life,
but this is basically a decision that you get to in prayer and meditation
to this decision.
Most good ideas are simple. And this is the concept that was the keystone of the new and triumphant arch through which we passed the freedom. There's another construction reference.
When we sincerely took such a position. What position? The position that we're going to be the the child, we're going to be the agent, or we're going to be the actor. All sorts of remarkable things follow. We had a new employer being all powerful. He provided what we needed. If we kept close to him and performed his work well, that's another instruction. What do we need to do? We need to keep close to God and we need to perform his work well. We need to do as God. We think God would have us do in our daily lives instead of doing what we wanted to. A lot of us
do what we want to do because you know, I want, I want to, I want to do that because it's fun right at this moment, even though it's really not in our best interest or our family's best interest. You know what I mean? We need to start acting like we're going to be following the will that we believe God would have for us. Established on such a footing. We became less and less interested in ourselves, our little plans and designs. More and more, we became interested in seeing what we can contribute to life. What can you bring to life,
you know, think, think about going to an, a, a meeting. I hear a lot of people go come into an A Oh God, I'm so glad I needed a meeting so bad. I just needed a meeting so bad. Here I am. You know, there are people, there are people that are coming to get, they're coming to get what they can get. Like like a, a, a
meetings are filling stations. You know, I'm going to a meeting so I can feel better. Well, it tells us here that we're more and more we're supposed to feel like, what can we bring? You know, and you see, see, you see a lot of other people who've got good recovery and they're seeing what they can bring to a meeting. They're, they're going to a meeting, not because they need to fill up because they've missed two weeks worth of meetings. We're going to a meeting because they know there's people there that they can help there know they know there's there's their friends are there and they can
attribute something and they can be supportive and they can work with newcomers and they can shake the guy's hand. It's just coming off the street.
As we felt new power flow in, as we enjoyed Peace of Mind, as we discovered we could face life successfully, as we became conscious of His presence, we began to lose our fear of today, tomorrow, or the hereafter. We were reborn. Those are some nice promises, and they're nice. They're promises that come true as soon as we honestly make the decision to allow God to run our lives.
We are now at step three. Many of us said to our makers, we understood Him, that if everyone doesn't mind, why don't we just go ahead and say this prayer altogether?
God, Ioffer myself to be, to build with me and to do with me, as Thou will relieve me of the bondage of self, then I may better do. Thy will take away my difficulties. That victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of Thy power, Thy love and Thy way of life. May I do Thy will always. That's an affirmation prayer. That's a surrender prayer and affirmation prayer. You've already made the decision to be the actor, the child and the agent. This is
prayer. This is like saying to God, I've made that deal with you. You know I'm in. You know, this is this is I'm in.
I love this prayer too because it says relieve me of the bondage of self. They talk about self centeredness in here. What is bondage? Bondage is slavery. We're slaves to our own selfishness and self centeredness. And we're going to be relieved of that and we're going to find incredible happiness. The selfish person is never happy.
You know, the person that's, that's filled with service and, and, and wanting to be of help to other people, those are the people that are happy. This is a spiritual concept that's a million years old. You, you want to really find satisfaction in life, find some kind of service work. You know what I mean? This, these are lessons that Mother Teresa and people like that have known for a gazillion years, You know, help others get out of yourself and, and you'll find a happiness that you could have never found
buying more toys.
You know what I mean?
And it also says take away my difficulties, that they may bear witness to those I would help. So, so help me to become a better person so that other people will see the change in me. Ask me what the Hell's going on, and I can show them and I can help them.
We thought well before taking this step, making sure that we were ready, that we could at last abandoned ourselves utterly to Him. We found it very desirable to take this spiritual step with an understanding person, just as our wife, best friend, or spiritual advisor or sponsor. But it's better to meet God alone than to one with with one who might misunderstand. The wording was, of course, quite optional. So long as we express the idea, voicing it without reservation,
there's another requirement. This is only a beginning though, if honestly and humbly made
and effects sometimes a very great one was felt at once. I'm going to stop there for tonight. Next week we're going to go over we're going to go over the 4th step. So I I urge anyone who's never done 4 column inventory to be here next week because you may you may find out some things that you never knew about a four step. I think I'll start tonight with
a power graph out of the forward to the 12 and 12, the 12 steps and 12th Traditions
says here the infant society
determined to set that its experience in a book which finally reached the public in April, April of 1939. That's the book we study here.
At this time, the recovery is numbered about 100. And that's, that's really another lie.
I think there was anywhere between 60 and 80 people. It was about 100 people in the meetings, but you couldn't really call Greystone. Patients recovered.
The book was called Alcoholics Anonymous and from it the fellowship took its name. So before we were even called a A, it was a book called Alcoholics Anonymous. We were just a nameless bunch of drunks going to Oxford Group meetings.
Minute alcoholism was described from the Alcoholics point of view.
You know, it's, it's,
that's really where it's key, I think with AAA is we have the Alcoholics point of view. If you'll remember in, in Bill Wilson's story, Bill Wilson was surrounded with professionals, OK, He was forever going to the nationally prominent hospital on drug and alcoholism recovery. And he was hooked up with some of the best doctors of his time treating drug and alcoholism recovery, and he didn't get anywhere
until an amateur showed up at his door
who had been drinking and didn't drink anymore and knew how to stop. That really got his attention. So we described in this book from the Alcoholics point of view, that's where we differ from therapeutical treatments or treatment, treatment center methodologies. The spiritual ideas of the society were codified for the first time in the 12th steps. So we had all this, all the spiritual principles basically in the Oxford Group.
But what Bill Wilson did was he assembled the architecture of those spiritual principles into the 12 steps and then laid them out in the chapter 5 that we that we read at every meeting.
And the application of these steps to the Alcoholics dilemma was made clear. So how to take the steps of Alcoholics Anonymous is made clear in the book Alcoholics Anonymous.
The remainder of the book was devoted to 30 stories, or case histories, in which Alcoholics describe their drinking experiences in recovery. So those are the stories in the back of the book. This established identification with alcoholic readers and proved to them that the virtually impossible had now become possible. And I found in my own personal experience that I haven't had a need for one of these stories in the back of the book in eight years. I I don't reread them. I don't pull little bits of wonderful spiritual wisdom out of them like a lot of people.
So I found that I just don't need them because I've already identified. I know I know where I belong. I know I'm an alcoholic. I know that Alcoholics Anonymous has my answer. So the reason for the the stories in the back is no longer apparent. For me,
the book Alcoholics Anonymous became the basic text of the fellowship, and it still is. So this is our text and what it what is a textbook? A textbook is something that you study to make clear
the subject matter presented in the book.
You know, so many times
do you find that, especially early on, around 1990 and 91 when I came in, big books really were dust collectors, at least around my area. I didn't know too many people that were really studying the big book. And that's a shame. That would be like auditing a calculus class for 10 years straight without doing any of the exercises in the book or studying any of the examples. You might pick up a lot because I know a lot of people who who intuitively live the steps
without having studied them. You know, you can, you can tell those people are the people that are happy, joyous and free, whether they've studied the big book or not. But then there's also people who can't intuitively grasp a lot of the concepts that are in the big book. And so, so I think it's important to to study it. So it became the basic text to the fellowship and it still is. This present volume, the 12 and 12, proposes to broaden and deepen the understanding of the 12 steps as first written in the
work. So I don't know about anybody else, but you can go around North Jersey today and you can find about 10,012 and 12 meetings and you can find them find about 200 big book meetings.
I have a problem with that because the 12 and 12 basically is, is set out to broaden and deepen concepts that are laid out in the big book. And the really the way I've been working, working it with people that I sponsor lately is I really, I'd really rather they not expose themselves to the first half of the 12:00 and 12:00
until they've shot through the big book and done the steps because they're just not going to completely understand or grasp the concepts in the 12 and 12. The 12 and 12 is basically the first part of the 12:00 and 12:00 on the steps. They're basically essays written like 18 years after Bill Wilson got sober, looking back on some of his perceptions relating to the steps and some additional wisdom that he's come come across. There are no instructions in the 12 steps in 12th traditions. So if you're going to 12
meetings to learn how to do the steps, you're in the wrong meeting. I never learned, I never learned how to take the steps in 12 to 12 meetings. I learned some experience that people had after the fact, but no one ever stops the meeting and goes, this is how you do the four step in a, in a 12:00 and 12:00 meeting. That's just kind of not done. How's it going? So anyway, what I'm going to do tonight is we're going to be moving into the 4th step. I am going to ask my friend Joe here
to pass these around
blank. There's there's a staple sheet here. Grab one of those and there's blank paper on the back for making notes because you don't want to mark these up. You're going to want to make copies of them upon people's unawares at work or wherever you're going to do it.
So grab a a blank sheet of paper if you want to write down any notes.
We're going to move tonight to the bottom of page 63, the bottom paragraph,
Mom says next. We launched out on a course of vigorous action, the first step of which is a personal house cleaning. We launched out. I love Bill's use of terms. He has very colorful adjectives, doesn't say. Next, we waited two or three years to kind of get ready or, or or we waited. We did a step a year, which says right after you make a decision, are you in or are you out? That's the third step decision
as we launched into a course of vigorous action,
which is a personal house cleaning, which many of us had never attempted. I don't know about anybody else, but I never sat on a bar school listing all the things that I have done wrong and all the problems that I have. I was very good at listening to things that you had wrong with you, but I wasn't really inward at that time. I was mostly outward. It was it was the them sons of bitches out there that were creating problems in my life
though. Our decision, which is the third step decision, the decision was
we decided that we would be the child and God would be the father. We would be the agent and God would be the principal and, and we would be the one. That's the third one, actor. We will be the actor and God would be the director. So that's the decision that we're talking about here. Okay.
So though our decision was a vital and crucial step, it's vital and crucial to make that third step decision. It could have little permanent effect unless at once followed by a strenuous effort to face and be rid of the things in ourselves which have been blocking us. So you can make a third step decision. You can say, yeah, I'm going to do a a, I'm going to do everything you tell me to do. I'm in, I'm in. But if you don't take action, it's going to have little permanent effect, little or no permanent effect.
Our liquor was, but we I'm sorry.
Followed by a strain of separate to face and be rid of the things in ourselves which have been blocking us.
So that's telling us that there's things in our nature that are blocking us off from God and our fellow man. There are character defects we have that keep us from being able to enjoy
a successful life. You know what I mean? To be happy Joyce and free when the alcoholic comes into a A. They are riddled with insecurities and depression and self-centered fear and all kinds of things.
That's just normal.
So we had to get down to causes and conditions. The first thing you do when when figuring out how to solve a problem is you have to identify what the problem is. So really what the 4th step is going to be for us, it's going to be it's going to be an exercise to find truth. It's going to be an exercise to find some truth about our character and our nature. We're going to find out what the fuck is wrong with us. We are, we are smart people that do stupid things. We're good people that do bad things.
We're we're usually twice as smart as half the people around us and we do half as well, you know what I mean? It's just amazing. It's amazing how we we shoot ourselves in the foot.
We need to figure out why. So therefore we started upon a personal inventory and this was Step 4. He's going to, he's going to give an example of what an inventory is just in case people don't know. Now, Bill Wilson was like a lot of the great spiritual writers. He figured out who his audience was and he gave examples that his audience could follow. Now, out of let's say 80 Alcoholics, there was
79 of them were failed businessmen. There was one woman at that time,
Florence Rankin, who had to literally punch her way into the first meeting. She really she had to knock down the doormat to get in because women weren't allowed. So anyway,
he's writing for failed businessmen basically here. So he's going to talk about a business inventory. A business which takes no regular inventory usually goes broke. Taking a commercial inventory is a fact finding and fact facing process. And that's going to be the same thing with us. We're going to have to find out the facts about our nature and we're going to have to face them.
It is an effort to discover the truth about the stock and trade, and that's what we write inventory for. We write inventory to seek truth. We write inventory to seek truth about ourselves because God is truth. And if we seek truth, we're seeking God at the same time. Remember it said in the ABC's that God is the one who has all power. You must find him now. So we must seek God. Well, the first part of seeking God is to figure out what the Hell's going on with us.
Our object is, is to disclose damaged or unsalable goods to get rid of them promptly and without regret.
If the owner of the business is to be successful, he cannot fool himself about values. We did exactly the same thing with our lives. We took stock honestly. First. We searched out the flaws in our makeup which caused our failure. You know, why do we fail? Why have we had 13 jobs in 10 years? You know, why do we get thrown out of it? How? Why have we had 14 relationships with different people that work? They, they work until they figure out who we are. I mean, what is going on with us
being convinced itself, manifested in various ways, was what had defeated us. We considered its common manifestation. We became convinced that self was our big problem in step three-step three talked about a little bit about why we need to turn our life over to a manager, why we need to seek power by turning our life over to new manager. Now, if you're convinced that you can run your life, if you can make all your own decisions, you need no guidance. You need follow no principles of living
then fine, you know, do whatever you need to do.
But the alcoholic who has really come to a good grasp of the first three steps understands that they are their own worst enemy. Left on their own devices, they can do nothing but have a worse life than they had last month. And you know, that can really be scary. You know, think about the worst things that have happened in your last year of drinking and understand that if you don't take direction, somehow
that next year it's even going to be worse. You know that that's like, you know, that's hard to even contemplate sometimes for us.
But but that's the way it is.
We took stock, honestly,
being convinced that self manifested in various ways was what had defeated us. We considered its common manifestation. So we're looking at resentment as the number one offender. Resentment is, is something that's so powerful. A lot of things stem from it. A lot of our fears come from our resentments. A lot of the actions we've taken that have harmed others have come from our resentments. So we this is something we really have to look at
resentment. The word resentment comes from one of the places that comes from. Is is Latin derivation
re. Everybody who knows what re means. You put re in some in front of a word, and that means to do it over and over again.
Scent comes from a Latin word meaning to feel. So resentment basically comes from a word that means to refill. So let's say you're angry at somebody. Your boss passed you over for a promotion and you resent them. Like every night you give them about 15 minutes of your time before you go to sleep about that son of a bitch. That's a resentment. You're refilling the pain that that person has caused over and over again.
And the alcoholic is riddled with these things. And once we start to look at them, we'll really see their destructive qualities. We need to master them. We need to master them, and we need to do that with God's help.
Resentment destroys more Alcoholics than anything else, even drinking
from its them all forms of spiritual disease. For we have not only been mentally and physically I'll, we've been spiritually sick.
When the spiritual malady is overcome, we straighten out mentally and physically. That's a nice promise. It does not say
the first thing you need to do is get sober and go get a better job and make all the money S you can, pay all your debts or join every club you can possibly find or go to the gym and get in the best shape and right away you got to do it right away. Right away. It doesn't say that. It says work on your spiritual condition and everything else will fall into place. I wish I had a dollar for everybody that got sober and had to fix their life right away and then didn't have time.
To fix their life right away and then didn't have time to stay sober, You know what I mean? Which is ridiculous.
Or else or else they got real caught up in the spiritual aspects of the program and they and they became so heavenly they were no earthly good and ended up and ended up drinking. I've known a couple of people like that, you know, who started meditating 5 hours a day and, you know, ended up who knows where.
In dealing with resentments, we set them on paper. So here is our first. Here's the first column. I want to explain a minute here.
The first 2 pages, this page and page #1 these are two different ways of doing resentments.
The first one here I ripped off from a step right up group. That's one of those Wally P things where you take the take the entire set of steps in four one hour periods or some something like that.
I would use this if I've never done a resentment inventory before. If you've never done a resentment inventory, just make about 100 copies of this and start on column one. And how you do this is you do everything you can possibly think of in column one. List everything in column one before you move on to column two. You do not go across, you do up and down. OK, so
so you list every person place, an institution.
A place could be the VA, you know, an institution could be the VA, an institution could be fidelity or marriage. A principle could be the same thing, the principle of marriage or the principle of honesty. I mean, there's a million things that we can be upset about.
Listen, it's and it also says here we listen to personal places or institution that we wish with whom we were angry but does not say are angry.
I have met so many Alcoholics who come in at all. I'm sober like a week. I'm not mad at anybody anymore. You know, that's the biggest bunch of crap I've ever heard. But you know what I mean? Oh, so you love all of the clergy, You know, Oh, oh, you're you. You send Christmas cards to the IRS. I mean, you know, you resent no one. You loved all of your teachers and the police in your town. I mean, give me a break.
So whoever, whoever you were angry with, if it's your first inventory, you're going to have a lot of listening. Whoever you were angry with,
you know, that could be, that could be your second grade teacher, for God's sake. If it's something that comes into your consciousness while you're doing this work, it's something you need to write down. OK,
so this first page is got all four columns on one page. The second inventory is something that Dave Frederickson put together for his workshops, which I have personal experience with and I I have found very, very helpful. I would say
do this inventory if it's if it's, if you've already done an inventory or if you feel pretty strong,
this inventory is going to going to call for a lot more writing. I don't want to scare anybody away, but my last inventory was 274 pages long. Using this form. I wouldn't expect somebody coming out of detox to be able to write 274 pages. They'd end up chirping like a squirrel before they were done. You know what I mean? So, but I'll tell you what, if you've been sober a couple years, you know, or you're six months sober and your head's cleared and you really think that you can sit down and go into this,
this is the inventory to do because you're going to find more truth. And the whole thing is, is to discover truth. So you're going to find more truth in this. There's less places to hide.
It's a lot easier to hide when you put a check mark than when you have to write out the real deal.
So anyway, on this one, there's a column over here right down the person, place, or institution with whom you're angry, and you put it in the square block over here. OK, that's instruction 1.
We asked ourselves why we were angry. OK, this is column two.
Column two on the one page just says you know the cause. Why are you angry? Why are you mad at the IRS? Because they're auditing me Thursday. Why are you mad at Joe Blow? Because he had an affair with my girlfriend? No, whatever the whatever the cause is,
same thing on this one, but this one has a little bit of a difference. What this one does is it gives you multiple areas for resentment. Let's say I resent my mother. You know, I've never met a woman that didn't have a mother. Resentment. I've never met a man that didn't have a father. Resentment. OK, let's say let's say I resent my father. Okay, well what do you resent him for? Well, there may be 10 things you resent him for. For dying when I was 12.
For for not being able to buy me good bicycles,
For not spending as much time as I thought he needed to with me. You list those. Each one of those is a separate resentment. OK,
We asked ourselves why we were angry. In most cases we found that it was our self esteem, our pocketbooks, our ambitions, our personal relationships, including sex, were hurt and threatened. So we were sore. We were burned up on our grudge list. We said opposite each name and each resentment, our injuries. Was it our self esteem, our security, our ambitions, our personal or sexual relationships which had been interfered with? You cannot have a resentment against a person, place, or institution unless something is threatened,
unless there's something that you have is threatened to be taken away or something you want is threatened so that you may not be able to get it. You know what I mean? Something is, is going to be threatened. So we need to look, we need to identify what is threatened in each resentment.
Let's look at the the step right up one pager. It has the seven questions in column three, self esteem, pocketbook, ambitions, personal. Let's just take IRS. It's a good example that I use.
Is my, Is myself esteem hurt, threatened or interfered with
because the IRS is going to audit me? Myself Esteem is threatened because I feel like a scumbag
criminal because, you know, I'm being called in and, and they're taking me to task for my, my tax preparation. You know, I, I accidentally forgot to put down all those side jobs, you know, and it was, it was a typo. So my self esteem is threatened. My pocketbook is threatened because they could garnish my salary. My ambitions are are hurt, threatened or my my ambitions are interfered with or threatened because I had plans for the money that the IRS is going to garnish
from me. OK, my personal relationships could be threatened because, you know, neighbors might find out that I'm a tax cheat.
My sex relations, well that you know, that would certainly depend on what type of relationships we have. Usually that wouldn't be affected. Emotional security could be affected absolutely in pride. All those things could be affected in the in the Dave F version here. It gives us ample space to elucidate these things. OK here. Here's how I usually do it.
I usually put an HAT or an I, whether it's hurt, threatened or interfere,
you know, it's sometimes it's all three. Sometimes it's just threatens because it's not really real in my head. You know what I mean? Because a lot of these resentments can be fancy. They don't always have to be real. So, so I would write down something like in my pocketbook. My pocketbook is threatened because my salary may be garnished in the near, near future. OK. And I would write that down in sentence form. And that's how I would fill out column three. Does anyone have any questions on on column three?
Let's say you're you're mad at your best friend because he he's he your best friend slept with your lover. OK, let's what's threatened here Myself esteem is myself esteem is threatened because, you know, I don't feel real good about myself about this situation. You know, two of the two of the closest people in my life have been unfaithful to me. So my self esteem is affected,
my personal relationships are affected because of my relationship with my friend is affected. My sex relationship is affected because because I'm going to have a hard time trusting the person that I'm with. Now
my security, I feel like I need to be in a relationship to be secure and I may not be able to stay in this relationship. So I would write that down.
These are ways that we write this stuff down. You know, what you do is, is you just write what comes, You know, you have to trust a little bit in your intuition about what you need to write in these certain circumstances. You know, I'm, I'm mad at the the VA because they don't seem to be taking care of the needs that I have as a veteran. All right, It affects myself esteem, you know, here, here I am. I fought a war for him and now I'm treated like a second class citizen. I mean, you know, whatever comes, you write this stuff down
and you put it before you in black and white.
So we were usually as definite as this example. I won't get too into Bill's example here because he just shows 3 columns of a four column inventory and it can get confusing when you try to look at this.
So I'm kind of I'm kind of going to skip it except for a couple of things. You see how fear is bracketed in the third column. Fear is bracketed.
What I usually do
is if the resentment has caused any fear, along with writing on the right hand side heart threatened or interfered,
I will put AF. You know it's causing fear. Like my security is threatened. Well that's going to cause me fear. Things that are threatened are going to cause me fear. I need that later for transferring it over to the fearless. So I'll just put a little F so that I'll know to refer back to it when I get to my fears.
I have we haven't gotten to it yet. It's the fearless is, is coming
now this one, this one goes with the other one, right? Yeah, it's part of the inventory. There's, there's resentments, fears and sexual harms or harms to others. Those are the three inventories that we do. We're going to we're going to concentrate for the next few minutes though on on the resentments.
The first 2 pages are are really the same thing only in a different form.
Like like I said, if you
if you've never done an inventory before, just do your resentment inventories on this first page. Yeah, it's going to get too confusing and you'll end up pooping out. We'll end up pooping out. You'll get into it. You'll say fuck this, I can't deal. No, so I don't want anybody to have that happen to him. Much rather you use a simpler form than to to burn out.
But you know, if you have the wherewithal, if you're sober 10 years and your life is still miserable,
your family still hates you, and you still have resentments against the boss, and you still have, it's filled with fear.
Do the long inventory because you know, you just may discover why you're such a basket case. You know what I mean? Not that, Not that we judge in this meeting, OK, We went back through our lives. Nothing counted but thoroughness and honesty. So how do we do this? We do it thoroughly. We put down everything
we don't worry about if we're going to have to make an amends if we put something down that's a long way away, You put it down anyway,
OK. And you'd be honest. It's very easy to be dishonest. It's very easy to be dishonest in column two and column three, trying to be as honest as you can. Here's a good one for being dishonest. I resent my father. He was never there for me. That that's a perfect example of a lie. What you mean your, your father
conceived you and then moved to Ethiopia? Is that what you mean? What do you mean he was never there for you? He, he was, he didn't live in the same house.
You never heard from him. He never talked to you as a child or an adult. You know, that's a lie. He, you can't put something like he was never there for me. You can put something down like I, I don't, I did not spend as much time with me as I wanted. You know you can put something like that down.
Anyway.
Went back to our lives. Nothing counted but thirdness and honesty. When we're finished we considered it carefully. So we consider the 1st 3 columns. The first thing apparent is the world and its people were often quite wrong. To conclude that others were wrong was as far as most of us ever got. The usual outcome was that people continued to wrong us and we stayed sore. Sometimes it was remorse and then we were sore it ourselves. But the more we fought and tried to have our own way, the worst matters got. As in war, the victor only seemed to win. Our moments of triumph were short lived.
This is giving us some examples of how our will or our life run on our own will can can cause an unsatisfactory life. It is plain that a life which includes deep resentment leads only to futility and unhappiness. That resentment machine that I was describing earlier where we turn on our resentment machine 15 minutes before we go to sleep every night to resent everybody real good. I mean, we're wasting time and that that really is going to just lead us into an unhappy life.
I find that
I'm able today with enough inventory work and enough step work to change my perception. I'll catch myself going into a real negative attitude at work
like these son of a bitches. You know, I'm not paid enough and you know, I should be in charge of this. You know, I'll just start getting real negative like that and I can, I can stop myself now and I can bring myself back to a service plane. I work at a school and I can say how best can I make the environment for the people that work here? I can bring my whole attitude back to a service plane and that makes me happy. Maybe I have to work a little harder, but I'd rather work a little harder and be happy
than to have my own way and be miserable. I've just learned that through trial and error over a long period of time. You know what I mean.
To the precise extent that we permit these do, we squander the hours that might have been worthwhile. But with the alcoholic whose hope is the maintenance and growth of a spiritual experience that shows us what our hope is,
this business of resentment is infinitely grave. We found that it is fatal, for when harboring such feelings, we shut ourselves off from the sunlight of the Spirit. You cannot have a God consciousness when you're hating somebody's guts. You can't be in tune with the Spirit
when you're planning revenge. You know, the insanity of alcohol returns. They just, all they share is crap. You know, I'm getting out of here. I'm going to Plainfield or something, you know, see if there's some good meetings down there. I mean, that's just an example, but we resent ourselves out of a, a so quick it's unbelievable. You know, those hypocritical bastards
and and we're drunk.
If we were to live, we had to be free of anger. It does not say that we can't be angry.
It says that we have to be free of it. We can't allow it to control our lives like the resentments have in the past,
you know, those deep burning resentments that you've had for years and years and years and years and years. We have to be free of that. I mean, that does not mean that if somebody comes up and slaps you in the face for taking a parking space, you, you know, you're not supposed to get angry. Of course you're going to get angry with human, you know, and Alcoholics go they, they don't get angry, they go ballistic. You know, we're famous for furniture going through the windows and stuff. That's how we get, but we need to be free of it, controlling our lives. We need to be free of it
making us sick.
We get sick, we're angry for long periods of time. The grouch and the brainstorm were not for us. I looked up grouch and brainstorm just in a period dictionary just to make sure I knew what the hell they were talking about. A grouch is, you know, we kind of know what that is, to be grouchy, you know, be always, always miserable. But a brainstorm, I used to think it was like, wow, I got a good idea with the light bulb going off. But you know, I got a brainstorm. I'm going to make $1,000,000. Let's know what they're talking about. A brainstorm in a period dictionary is losing your shit.
You know what I mean? Going ape shit, throwing everybody out of the house, throwing the furniture around, breaking everything, crowbar in the neighbor's car. You know, that's a brainstorm just going out of your mind.
They may be the dubious luxury of normal men, but for Alcoholics, these things are poison. We turn back to the list for it held the key to the future.
We were prepared to look at it from an entirely different angle. We began to see that the world and its people really dominated us. This is what we're supposed to come to the understanding of after we've done enough inventory. We're supposed to with the whole Megillah is going to be in front of us, every resentment we can possibly think of and every cause of people hurting us, and the the whole thing just spread in front of us like a big pile of crap.
We're supposed to come to the understanding that we're being dominated. We are in bondage to all this stuff.
This is the stuff that's causing us our misery in life. You know what I mean?
In that state, the wrongdoing of others, fancied or real, you will find, if you write inventory honestly, you'll find a lot of fancied resentments. I'd say about a third of my resentments ended up being nothing, Right, John? After I got done with him, it was almost embarrassing to read them because they were lies. You know what I mean? They were fancied,
had the power to actually kill. How could we escape?
We saw that these resentments must be mastered, but how? We could not wish them away any more than alcohol. So you cannot get rid of resentments or where self will has brought you on your own. You can't just wish to be better. Well, well, now I see what I'm doing wrong. I won't do it anymore. Well, well, the day I get rid of my own character defects, that'll be the day. You know what I mean.
I made that mistake or an early sobriety after doing a fist step. I, I sat on step 6 and step 7
working on my character defects. I mean, I used to hear a lot of therapy and stuff in the meetings like I'm working with my therapist on my issues. So I thought, well, maybe that's what the steps six and seven is. I should work on my issues. Well, it's like banging my head against the wall. I won't be selfish. I won't be selfish. I won't be selfish. Give me that. You know, that's, that's no matter how hard I try forget about it.
It was like banging my head against the wall. I won't be judgmental. I won't be judgmental, but only, well, I'm just with those bastards,
you know, I could not work on my own stuff. And I spent like a year and a half working on my own problems, you know, And God bless you if you can go to a therapist and correct all your, your character defects by examining them and talking them over, God bless you. But I'll tell you what,
I sure can't. You know, just knowing what I do wrong is not enough. I need the rest of the steps to even be able to put a dent in my character defects like my character defects are are. They're like a locomotive
and and wishing them away is like trying to stop that locomotive with a cobweb.
This was our course. We realized that the people who wronged us were perhaps spiritually sick. So this is one of the things they're asking us to change our perception with the people who have wronged us. Though we did not like their symptoms and the way that these disturbed us, they, like ourselves, were sick too. We asked God to help us show them the same tolerance, pity and patience that we would cheerfully grant a sick friend. When a person offended, we said to ourselves, this is a sick man, how can I be helpful to him? God save me from being angry. Thy will be done.
That is a tall order. You know, a good thing really if we've seen anybody perfectly follow this program because I can't do this all the time. I can do this sometimes a lot of Times Now, but I can't do it all the time. But I'll give you an example out of my experience. It's 1980 and my first wife is about to have our daughter and she's in the late. She's in the the waiting room to go into labor, the go to go into the
delivery room and she's going to do the Lamaze thing. All natural, you know, no, no chemicals or anything. No, no, no pain killers.
And she goes into one of these contractions and and she starts screaming at me. She's going you son of a bitch. It's your fault for putting me in this division. I'm never going to let you touch me again. You best. And she just start. I, I never heard words like this out of her mouth. She was cussing me upside down, back and forth, sideways. And you know how I reacted. It's OK, honey. It's OK, honey. Breathe,
you know, do a little, do a little abaz breathing. It's all right. Everything will be fine.
I'll tell you what, if she would have said that shit to me two weeks later, I'd have thrown her ass out of the house. You know what I mean? Because two weeks later she wasn't sick and suffering. Well, they're just asking me to change my position to to seeing someone as sick and suffering. When when when my wife yells at me. From now on just pretend that she's in labor or something, you know what I mean? And and pretend that she's sick and try to be helpful.
That's what it's asking us to do. It's a tall order, but I'll tell you what, as we develop the capability of doing that
with a lot of prayer,
you know, we're going to make our life a lot easier.
We avoid retaliation or argument. How I usually explain this is when you're ready to go at somebody, just take 5, just say, well, I'm going to wait 5 minutes before I jump all over this guy. And usually that'll give you enough time to do a little prayer work, you know, whatever.
We wouldn't treat sick people that way. If we do, we destroy our chances of being helpful. You're not going to be able to be helpful to somebody that you've just alienated because you've called them every name in the book. We cannot helpful be helpful to all people. But at least God will show us how to take a kindly, intolerant view of each and everyone. Referring to our list. Again, putting out of our minds the wrongs others had done. We resolutely looked at our own mistakes. So we're supposed to put out of our mind
the the second and third column, you know, what the person did to us, the cause of our resentment,
what was what was threatened. They were just kind of supposed to put that off to the side.
We ask ourselves where had we been selfish, dishonest, self seeking and frame? If you'll look at column four on the one pager, column four is where have I been selfish to silence self seeking and frightened
you write down, but where was I selfish with the IRS? I was selfish cheating on the income tax. You know, I wanted the money. Where was I dishonest? It's illegal to cheat on income tax. I was dishonest with that. There was I self seeking, but I was self seeking. I didn't tell my family I was going to cheat on the income tax. So, so that so that we'd have to eat spam for the next year while they deducted the money out of my my paycheck. And where, where, where was I frightened? Not I'm, you know, I'm frightened that they're that they're going to the IRS is going to have their way with me, you know,
So that's how you do column four.
Well, the fears in column four will be transferred over to the fear list, which I haven't gone over yet, just so everybody knows. Alright, let's look at the Dave Frederickson version of the fourth column. I like this. I like this because it gives you
a ton of room to elucidate, OK, the seven areas itself which were threatened, you know, my self esteem, my pocketbook, my ambition, my personal relationships, my security and my pride are all threatened because the IRS are going to come after me, right? What you do is you lay these two pages next to each other and you'll see that there there is the seven areas itself on the left hand side.
It asks asks you to write out
the answers to the four questions in every sit in the seven areas itself.
So let's go down to security. Where was I selfish with security again, I was selfish because I cheated on the income tax and that's going to put me in a position to maybe be hurt in the near future. Where was I dishonest? I illegally failed to report certain things. Where was I self? Let's say I go up to my personal relationships. Where was I self seeking in my personal relationships? I was self seeking there.