Workshop about the chapters We Agnostics and How It Works at the Spiritual Awakenings group in Bernardville, NJ
Has
come
to
all
who
have
honestly
sought
him.
That's
that's
another
requirement
to
honestly
seek
God.
When
we
drew
near
to
him,
he
disclosed
himself
to
us.
Welcome
everybody.
There's
some
new
people
here
tonight.
That's
great.
This
is
a
little
bit
different
than
a
step
meaning
if
you
were
expecting
a
step
meaning,
we
certainly
go
over
the
steps
here,
but
it's
a
lot
different
than
a
12:00
and
12:00
meeting,
as
you'll
probably
find
out.
The
main,
the
main
goal
I
think
with
this
meeting
is
to
expose
some
people
to
the
recovery
program
as
it's
laid
out
in
the
big
book,
Alcoholics
Anonymous,
which
which
basically
is
the
recovery
program
of
Alcoholics
Anonymous.
And
somewhere
along
the
line,
back
in
the
50s
or
60s
or
whatever,
it
became
OK
to
not
become
exposed
to
that,
to
not
know
anything
about
it
and
still
be
an
A,
a
member.
And
I
think
because
of
that,
we've
had
a
real
decrease
in
people
staying
sober
and
Alcoholics
Anonymous
today.
The
statistics
are
really,
really
low.
One
of
the
things
we
mentioned
earlier
in
the
preamble
that
we
have
is
the
things
that
we
learned
here
tonight.
Sometimes,
sometimes
the,
the
hair
on
the
back
of
your
neck
is
going
to
go
up.
You
know,
I
know
that
when
I
was
first
exposed
to
a
lot
of
this
stuff,
it
annoyed
me
because
I
had
been
doing
things
differently.
I,
I
had
been
told
different
things,
you
know,
my
sponsor
said
things
that
were
contrary
to,
to
the
things
that
are
laid
out
in
the
big
book.
And
this
is
not
meant
to
be
an
indictment
of
anyone's
program,
anyone's
sobriety.
I
think
that
you
come
to
this,
this
work,
you
come
to
this
information
when
it's
time
for
you
to
come
for
it.
And
I
think
that
the
more
we
know
about
what
is
a
A,
the
more
we'll
be
able
to
see
what
isn't
a
A.
And
there's
a
lot
of
information
going
around
the
rooms.
There's
a
lot
of
information
going
on,
going
through
treatment
centers.
And
it's,
it's
not
that
there's
not
some
good
information
in
there.
It's
it's
that
there's
a
lot
of
bad
information
in
there.
And
I
think
that
from
my
own
experience,
in
my
experience
working
with
others,
that
if
you
base
your
methodology
of
recovery
on
what
is
in
the
big
book
to
the
best
of
your
ability,
you
can't
go
wrong.
You
really
can't
go
wrong.
And
there's
a
lot
of
side
roads
you
can
go
down
today,
which
which
I
went
down
practically
half
of
them
myself.
So
I
know
I
got
involved
in
Hazleton
literature
for
A2
year
period
of
time.
I
was
like
a
tripping
like
a
squirrel
and
and
reading
Hazleton
literature
every
day.
I
don't
know
what
I
said.
I
wish
I
had
a
paper
what
I
sounded
like
back
in
those
days.
But
anyway,
no,
you
don't.
No,
I
probably
don't.
But
but
one
of
the
things
I
want
to
emphasize
before
we
get
going
is
this
really
isn't
meant
to
be
an
indictment
of
anyones
recovery
or
or
sobriety.
We're
not,
we're,
we're
not
meaning
to
point
out
to
anybody,
you
know,
that
they're
completely
wrong
or
anything.
And
I
found
something
here,
one
of
the
books,
it
says
in
the
big
book
that
learn
to
see
where
religious
people
are
right
and
make
use
of
what
they
have
to
offer.
And
I
do
that
as
part
of
my
11
step.
And
I
came
across
a
paragraph
here
in
a
book
that
I'm
reading.
And
I'm
going
to
change
a
few
words
because
I
think
it,
I
think
it'll,
it'll
say
what
what
I
mean
to
say
here
a
lot
better
than
I'm
saying
it
says
here.
What
is
my
ultimate
aim
and
object
and
occupying
my
mind
with
the
information
in
the
big
book,
Alcoholics
Anonymous.
What
do
I
intend
to
do
with
my
knowledge
about
it
once
I
have
it?
For
the
fact
that
we
have
to
faces
this,
if
we
pursue
knowledge
for
its
own
sake,
it
is
bound
to
go
bad
on
us.
It
will
make
us
proud
and
conceited.
The
very
greatness
of
the
subject
matter
will
intoxicate
us.
And
we
shall
come
to
think
of
ourselves
as
a
cut
above
other
Alcoholics
because
of
our
interest
in
the
big
book
and
our
grasp
of
it.
And
we
shall
look
down
on
those
whose
recovery
ideas
seem
crude
to
us
and
inadequate
and
dismiss
them
as
poor
specimens
of
Alcoholics
Anonymous.
This
is
a
trap.
I
don't
want
to
fall
in
myself.
I'm
here
to
be
of
maximum
benefit
to
people.
And
when
I
get
there,
the
hair
on
the
back
of
their
neck
sticking
up,
sometimes
I
can't
get
through
to
them.
So
I
really
try
my
best.
If
I
don't
always
succeed,
I
really
try
my
best
to,
to,
to,
to
be
humble
about
this
stuff.
You
know,
it's
very
easy
to
on
a
tangent.
Anyway,
we're
going
to
start
tonight.
We're
coming
to
the
tail
end
of
Step
2
and
we're
moving
into
Step
3.
How
many
people
in
here
have
heard
how
it
works
50
billion
million
times?
OK,
we
have
heard
how
it
works
until
it's
coming
out
of
our
ears,
until
it's
become
redundant,
until
it's
become
that
thing
that
they
have
to
read
God
damn
it,
until
the
meeting
starts.
You
know
what
I
mean?
I
wish
they'd,
I
wish
they
wouldn't
read
that
in
my
meetings.
I
mean,
that's
what
it's
become.
And
also
there
was
something
called
the
original
manuscript.
What
it
was,
was
it
was
compiled
by
the
1st
Alcoholics
and
it
was
it
was
printed
up
in
mimeograph
form.
And
it
was
distributed
not
only
between
the
groups,
but
it
was
distributed
to
Friends
of
Alcoholics
Anonymous.
It
was
distributed
to
some
of
the
clergy.
It
was
distributed
to
to
some
of
the
psychiatric
community.
It
was
distributed
to
some
of
the
medical
community
for,
for
their
comments
and
and
criticisms.
And
through
that
we
have
a
changed
how
it
works.
They
didn't
change
it
too
much,
but
they
took
a
little
bit
of
the
bite
out
of
it.
And
what
I
want
to
do
is
I
want
to
read
from
the
original
manuscript.
I
want
to
read
how
it
works
from
the
original
manuscript.
Just
to
show
you
what
the
original
Alcoholics
really
had
in
mind,
what
Bill
Wilson
and
and
the
1st
100
really
had
in
mind
when
they
sat
down
to
basically
explain
in
a
nutshell,
our
program
of
recovery
in
the
beginning
of
Chapter
5.
Now
the
people
with
the
workbooks,
it's
on
page
26
of
the
1st
edition
section
of
the
workbook.
People
with
regular
big
books
or
no
big
books
at
all
just
have
to
listen.
I'm
going
to
change
my
voice
a
little
when
there's
some
changes
in
here
that
are
different
from
the
way
we
read
it
today.
How
it
works.
Rarely
we
have
we
seen
a
person
fail
who
has
thoroughly
followed
our
directions.
Those
who
do
not
recover
are
people
who
cannot
or
will
not
completely
give
themselves
to
this
simple
program.
Usually
men
and
women
are
who
are
constitutionally
incapable
of
being
honest
with
themselves.
There
are
such
unfortunates.
I
know
I
was
not
able
to
completely
give
myself
to
this
program
until
I
became
very
honest
with
myself
about
step
one.
Step
one
is
a
very,
very
hard
thing
to
completely
grasp.
And
until
I
I
started
to
grasp
it
very,
very
deeply,
I
was
under
a
delusion
that
I
had
control
over
my
alcoholism
and
my
recovery
and
my
drinking
and
everything
else.
And
it
was
very
hard
for
me
to
completely
give
myself
to
a
program
that
I
didn't
think
I
needed.
Give
myself
to
a
program
that
I
didn't
think
I
needed.
They
are
not
at
fault.
They
seem
to
have
been
born
that
way.
They
are
naturally
incapable
of
grasping
and
developing
a
way
of
life
which
demands
rigorous
honesty.
Their
chances
are
less
than
average.
There
are
those
two
who
suffer
from
grave
emotional
and
mental
disorders,
but
many
of
them
do
recover
if
they
have
the
capacity
to
be
honest.
Our
stories
disclosed
in
a
general
way.
Those
are
the
stories
at
the
end
of
the
book,
what
we
used
to
be
like,
what
happened
and
what
we
are
like
now.
If
you
have
decided
what
we
want
and
are
willing
to
go
to
any
lengths
to
get
it,
when
you
are
ready
to
follow
directions,
I
just
want
to,
I
want
to
call
attention
to
that
sentence.
That's
really
a
prerequisite
for
step
three.
OK,
that's
a,
that's
a
Step
3
requirement.
You
must
be
at
from
step
one
and
Step
2.
You
must
be
at
a
point
where
you're
willing
to
go
to
any
lengths
to
get
what
we
have,
and
you
must
understand
what
we
have.
You
know
what
do
we
have?
Well,
we
have
a
relationship
with
God
sufficient
to
relieve
of
our
alcoholism
on
a
daily
basis.
Now,
if
you're
willing
to
go
any
lengths
to
get
that,
you're
ready
to
move
in.
That's
one
of
the
things
that
you
need
to
be
ready
to
move
into
Step
3
at
some
of
these,
you
may
block,
you
may
think
that
you
can
find
an
easier,
softer
way.
We
doubt
if
you
can.
And
there's
many
easier,
softer
ways.
OK,
there's
a
ton
of
easier
software.
An
easier,
softer
way
would
be
to
go
to,
to
two
speaker
meetings
a
week
and
don't
drive
past
the
liquor
store.
You
know,
I
mean,
we've
another
easier,
softer
way
would
be
to
to
move
to
Milwaukee
and
get
a
new
girlfriend.
I
mean,
there's
like
100
million
easier
software
West
and
we'll
try
to
find
them.
No
walking.
They
make
all
the
beer
there.
Well
that's,
that's,
that'd
be
a
bad
place
to
go
then.
You
know,
I
lived
in
a
town
where
they
made
beer
and
they
have
free
tours
and
every
day
you
go
on
the
tour
they
get
sick
of
seeing
you
because
you
get
3
free
beers
anyway.
So
it
says,
we
doubt
if
you
can
find
an
easier,
softer
way
if
you
are
an
alcoholic
of
the
type
that
they
described
in
the
last
five
weeks
or
eight
weeks
that
we're
here.
If
you
don't
know
whether
you're
an
alcoholic
or
not,
back
up
and
go
through
the
work
up
until
this
point
again,
because
you
need
to
know.
With
all
the
earnestness
at
our
command,
we
beg
of
you
to
be
fearless
and
thorough
from
the
very
start.
Some
of
us
have
tried
to
hold
on
to
our
old
ideas
and
the
result
was
nil
until
we
let
go.
Absolutely.
And
I
held
on
to
old
ideas
with
claws.
You
know
what
I
mean?
I
had
to
suffer.
I
had
to
suffer
like,
like
you
wouldn't
even
believe.
As
I
slowly
let
go
of
these
things,
I
heard
somebody,
somebody
call.
I
heard
a
sponsor
go
up
to
somebody
one
time
and
say,
you
know,
your
old
ideas
are
turds.
You're
hanging
on
to
turds
and
you
don't
know
it.
Let
go
of
it.
And
I
found
through
my
experience
and
my
experience
working
with
others
that
when
you
let
go
of
some
of
these
old
ideas,
it's
always
a
good
result.
You
know,
we,
we
think
we're
going
to
be
in
trouble
letting
go
of
them,
and
we
find
out
that
we
were
hanging
on
to
a
turd.
Remember
that
you
were
dealing
with
alcohol.
Cunning,
baffling
and
powerful
without
help.
It
is
too
much
for
you.
But
there
is
one
who
has
all
power.
That
one
is
God.
You
must
find
Him
now.
And
the
rest
of
these
chapters
are
basically
about
finding
them.
Half
measures
will
avail
you
nothing.
You
stand
at
the
turning
point,
throw
yourself
under
His
protection
and
care
with
complete
abandonment.
Now
we
think
you
can
take
it.
Here
are
the
steps
we
took
which
are
suggested
as
your
program
of
recovery.
Now
so
many
people
use
that
that
word
suggestion
as
like
a
cop
out.
You
know,
well,
the
steps
are
just
suggested.
Well,
we're
not
going
to
be
here
to
tell
you
that
there's
only
one
way
to
find
God,
and
we're
not
going
to
be
here
to
we're
not
here
to
tell
you
that
if
you
don't
do
the
steps
of
Alcoholics
Anonymous,
you're
going
to
die
drinking.
But
I'll
tell
you
what
the
steps
of
Alcoholics
anonyms
have
been
found
to
be
extremely
successful
in
the
recovery
of
alcoholism,
more
successful
than
anything
any
other
methodologies
added
up
and
put
together.
We
have
a
success
rate
that's
higher
than
anything
you
could
find
anywhere
else.
So
I
would
pay
attention
to
this
program
of
recovery.
Even
if
you
think
that
it's
stupid,
it's
not
going
to
work
for
you
and
and
you're
too
smart
to
to
bother
with
something
this
juvenile,
you
know,
which
is
something
I
thought.
One,
we
admitted
we
were
powerless
over
alcohol,
that
our
lives
had
become
unmanageable
too.
Came
to
believe
that
a
power
greater
than
ourselves
could
restore
us
to
sanity.
3
Made
a
decision
to
turn
our
will
and
our
lives
over
to
the
care
and
direction
of
God
as
we
understood
him.
Made
a
searching
and
fearless
moral
inventory
of
ourselves.
5
Admitted
to
God,
to
ourselves,
and
to
another
human
being
the
exact
nature
of
our
wrongs.
Six,
were
entirely
willing
to
have
God
remove
all
these
defects
of
character
like
this.
17
humbly
on
our
knees,
asked
him
to
shortcomings,
holding
nothing
back.
I
ask
the
people
that
I
work
with,
and
I
do
it
this
way.
I
do
the
step
step
7
prayer
on
my
knees.
Eight
made
a
list
of
all
person
we
we
had
harmed
and
became
willing
to
make
complete
amends
to
them
all.
Note
the
note
the
word
all
this
is.
That's
probably
the
the
most
passed
over
word
in
the
whole
how
it
works
made
direct
amends
to
such
piece
people
wherever
possible
except
what
to
do
so
would
injure
them
or
others.
And
a
lot
of
people
say
whenever
possible
instead
of
wherever
possible,
it's
wherever
possible.
It
means
that
even
if
they're
in
Albuquerque,
if
it's
possible
for
you
to
get
on
an
airplane
and
fly
to
Albuquerque,
then
you
get
on
an
airplane
and
you
fly
to
Albuquerque
to
make
the
amends.
You
know
what
I
mean?
There
are
there
are
times
when
it's
not
possible
and
there
are
explanations
when
we
get
to
step
nine
that
will
tell
you
how
to
deal
with
that.
But
this
is
our
program
of
recovery.
10
continue
to
take
personal
inventory
and
when
we
were
wrong,
promptly
admitted
it.
11
sought
through
prayer
and
meditation
to
improve
our
contact
with
God,
praying
only
for
knowledge
of
His
will
for
us
and
the
power
to
carry
that
out.
12
Having
had
a
spiritual
experience
as
a
result
of
this
course
of
action,
now
let's
listen
to
that
a
little
bit.
Having
had
a
spiritual
experience
as
a
result
of
this
course
of
action,
now
do
you
think
you
can
have
a
spiritual
experience
sufficient
to
recover
from
alcoholism
from
a
course
of
action
that
you
haven't
taken?
You
know
what
I
mean?
It's
one
of
the
one
of
the
things
I
used
to
carry
the
message
into,
into
the
Lions
hospital
all
the
time.
And
I
used
to
always
get
the
guy
who
raises
his
hand
when
we're
in
the
middle
of
the
12th
step.
I
had
my
spiritual
awakening
yesterday
talking
to
Larry,
you
know,
well,
you,
you
might
have
had
some
kind
of
shit,
but
you
didn't
have
a
Alcoholics
Anonymous
spiritual
awakening
talking
to
Larry.
I'll
tell
you,
you
know,
if
you,
if
you
haven't
gone
out
and
made
amends
and,
and,
and
all
that
shit,
you
haven't
had
it.
OK,
You
might
have
had
a
or
some
kind
of
piece
of
satori
or
what
the
hell
does
Rocket
Man
say?
Epiphany,
Epiphany.
You
might
have
had,
you
might
have
had,
you
might
have
had
some
Horry
epiphany,
but
you
didn't,
you
didn't
have
a
spiritual
awakening,
okay.
You
do
the
steps,
you
get
a
spiritual
awakening.
Anybody
in
here
that's
completed
the
steps
that's
out
of
spiritual
awakening
and
they're
sure
of
it.
If
you're
sitting
in
a
chair
wondering
if
you've
had
a
spiritual
awakening,
you
have
not
had
it.
OK,
I'm
sorry
to
burst
your
bubble,
but
we
got
a
little
more
work
to
do.
And
then
not
that
we
judge
as
this
course
of
action,
we
tried
to
carry
this
message
to
others.
OK,
what
is
this
message?
The
message
of
the
recovery
program
that
you
just
goddamn
took
to
have
a
spiritual
awakening.
You
know
what
I
mean?
Not,
not
like
keep
coming
and
go
make
coffee
and
shut
up.
There's
a
lot
of
things
that
you
hear
when
you
come
into
a
A
which
don't
have
any
depth
and
weight.
The
message
that
I
try
to
carry
to
the
new,
the,
to
the
new
member
of
Alcoholics
Anonymous
is
steps
meeting
service,
OK,
meetings
first,
step
second
service
3rd.
And
that's
the,
that's
the
way
you're
going
to
have
a
wonderful
life.
I
guarantee
you,
anybody
that
does
that,
that's
in
this
room
will
tell
you
from
personal
experience
that
their
lives
are
incredibly
more
wonderful
than
they
could
have
ever
imagined
because
of
that.
And
you
need
to
how
can,
how
can
you
carry
a
message
of
having
a
spiritual
awakening
if
you
haven't
had
one?
All
right,
now
how
are
you
going
to
go
up
to
somebody
and
say,
you
know,
my
life
is
absolutely
wonderful.
I'm
a
recovered
alcoholic.
If
you're
stuck
on
Step
4
for
eight
months,
you
know,
you
know
what
I
mean.
It's
you
want
to
be
a
real
powerful
12
step
force,
go
through
the
steps
yourself.
And
then
it's
like
a
natural,
it's
like
the
next
logical
thing
for
you
to
do
in
your
spiritual
growth,
especially
Alcoholics.
It's
set
in
here.
That
meant
that
you
were
to
carry
the
message
before
they
changed
it.
That
meant
you
were
to
carry
the
message
to
the
people
who
would
listen.
Not
necessarily
always
Alcoholics,
sometimes
family
members.
And
we
have
we
have
Alan
on
that'll
hopefully
do
that
today
too,
depending
on
what
kind
of
meetings
there.
And
to
practice
these
principles
in
all
of
our
affairs,
not
just
a,
a
meetings,
not
just
be
the
guy
that
sounds
great
in
the
a,
a
meeting
and
goes
home
and
screams
at
his
wife
and
kicks
the
dog
and
throws
the
kids
out
and,
and
embezzles
money
from
the
company
firm.
It
means
practice
these
principles
in
all
your
affairs.
That
is
a
tough
nut
to
crack.
Believe
me.
It's
not
something
that
you're
going
to
going
to
do
tomorrow.
But
we
strive
for
progress.
We
strive
for
progress
in
the,
in
those
areas.
OK,
you
may
exclaim,
what
an
order.
I
can't
go
through
with
it.
Do
not
be
discouraged.
No
one
among
us
has
been
able
to
maintain
anything
like
perfect
adherence
to
these
principles.
We
are
not
Saints.
The
point
is
that
we
are.
We
are
willing
to
grow
along
spiritual
lines.
The
principles
we
have
set
down
our
guides
to
progress.
We
claim
spiritual
progress
rather
than
spiritual
perfection.
Our
description
of
the
alcoholic,
the
chapter
to
the
agnostic,
and
our
personal
adventures
before
and
after.
Now
those
are
those
are
the
preceding
chapters
that
we
talked
about
the
chapter
3
agnostic
the
personal
adventures
before
and
after
are
the
stories
at
the
back
of
the
book
have
been
designed
to
sell
you
3
pertinent
ideas.
They've
been
designed
to
sell
you
A
that
you
were
alcoholic
and
cannot
manage
your
own
life.
B
that
probably
no
human
power
can
relieve
your
alcoholism
and
see
that
God
can
or
will.
If
you're
not
convinced,
the
ABS
or
CS
you
need
go
no
further.
You
need
to
go
back
and
you
need
to
reread
up
to
this
point
and
see
what
you
missed.
Because
I'll
tell
you,
when
I
got
to
this
point,
I
was
convinced
on
those
three
issues
and
it
wasn't.
It
wasn't
the
greatest
feeling
in
the
world
to
know
that
I
had
to
trust
God,
which
I
didn't
really
have
a
great
relationship
with
that
I
wasn't
really
in
in
contact
with
at
that
time.
But
I
knew
that
I
had
to
go
on
to
survive.
If
you
are
not
convinced
on
these
vital
issues,
you
ought
to
reread
the
book
to
this
point
or
else
throw
it
away.
I
can
imagine
the
books
flying
out
the
window
back
in
those
days,
you
know.
So
they
did
change
it.
I'm
going
to
start
back
on
the
the
start
back
to
the
conference
approved
so
that
everybody
can
follow,
at
least
the
ones
with
the
books.
Being
convinced
we
were
at
Step
3,
which
is
that
we
decided
to
turn
our
will
and
our
life
over
to
God
as
we
understood
him.
Just
what
do
we
mean
by
that?
And
just
what
do
we
do?
And
this
is
page
60.
The
first
requirement
is
that
we'd
be
convinced
that
any
life
run
on
self
will
can
hardly
be
a
success.
So
there's
a
requirement
for
step
three.
We
need
to
become
convinced
that
we
cannot
run
our
own
lives,
that
we
cannot
make
all
the
decisions
in
our
life
and
have
our
life
be
anything
but
a
total
fuck
up.
OK,
so
you
need
to
come
to
that,
that
realization,
or
else,
you
know,
maybe
you're
not
an
alcoholic,
maybe
your
life
isn't
unimaginable,
maybe
you're
in
the
wrong
room.
Who
knows?
Anyway,
on
that
basis,
we're
almost
always
in
collision
with
something
or
somebody,
even
though
our
motives
are
good.
Most
people
try
to
live
by
self
propulsion.
Each
person
is
like
an
actor
who
wants
to
run
the
whole
show.
This
is
a
great
description
because
it's
going
to
come
in
handy
down
the
road.
I
tried
to
personalize
these
things.
I
tried
to
say
Chris
is
like
an
actor
who
tries
to
run
the
whole
show.
Chris
is
forever
trying
to
arrange
the
lights,
the
ballet,
the
scenery
and
the
rest
of
the
players
in
his
own
way.
That's
the
way
I
was.
I
always
thought
that
I
knew
better
than
anybody
else.
I
always
try
to
control
my
family's
life,
the
people
at
work
or
my
friends.
I
mean,
I
was,
I
was
always
arranging
the
chess
pieces
for
everything
to
come
out
fine.
You
know
what
I
mean?
I
was
a
control
freak.
You
hear
that
a
lot.
And
yeah,
you
have
control
issues.
You
hear
that
a
lot
of
the
meetings?
Well,
this
is
it's
true.
A
lot
of
us
do
have
control
issues.
If
his
arrangement,
if
Chris's
arrangements
would
only
stay
put,
if
only
people
would
do
as
Chris
which
wished,
the
show
would
be
great.
Everybody,
including
himself,
would
be
pleased.
You
know,
if
everybody
would
do
what
I
tell
him
to
do,
even
they
would
be
pleased
because
I'm
so
smart,
you
know
what
I
mean?
I
have
such
a
a
keen
insight
into
how
everybody
should
be
arranging
their
lives.
Life
will
be
wonderful
and
trying
to
make
these
arrangements.
Chris
may
sometimes
be
quite
virtuous.
I
may
think
that
I've
got
good
motives.
I
may
be
kind,
considerate,
patient,
generous,
even
modest
and
self
sacrificing.
On
the
other
hand,
I
may
be
mean,
egotistical,
selfish,
and
dishonest.
I
may
try
to
try
to
move
you
around
with
flowers,
or
I
may
try
to
move
you
around
with
threats.
But
I'm
going
to
try
to
move
you
around.
You
know
what
I
mean?
But
as
with
most
humans,
he's
most
likely
to
have
varied
traits.
What
usually
happens
the
show
doesn't
come
off
very
well.
Chris
begins
to
think
that
life
does
not
treat
him
right.
He
decides
to
exert
his
himself
more.
He
becomes
on
the
next
occasion
still
more
demanding
or
gracious
as
the
case
may
be.
Still
the
play
does
not
suit
him.
Admitting
he
may
be
somewhat
at
fault,
he's
sure
that
other
people
are
more
to
blame.
He
becomes
angry
and
dignit
and
self
pity.
You
know,
if
only
they
would
do
what
I
tell
him
to
do,
everything
would
be
fun.
You
know,
a
lot
of
people
walk
into
a
A
and
it's
those
son
of
bitches
out
there.
You
know
what
I
mean?
It's
them
some
bitches.
I
swear
to
God,
they're,
you
know,
my
my
parents,
my
family,
my
wife,
my
kids,
my
boss,
the
neighbors,
the
cops
hate
me.
You
know,
it's
although
they're
all
after
me.
What
is
this
basic
trouble?
Is
he
not
really
a
self
seeker
even
when
trying
to
be
kind?
Is
Chris
not
a
victim
of
the
delusion
that
he
can
rest
satisfaction
and
happiness
out
of
this
world
if
only
he
manages
well?
Is
it
not
evident
to
all
the
rest
of
the
players
that
these
are
the
things
that
I
want
and
do
not
my
actions
make
each
of
them
wish
to
retaliate,
snatching
all
they
can
get
out
of
the
show?
Am
I
not
even
my
best
moments
of
producer,
of
confusion
rather
than
harmony?
That's
that.
That
was
me
when
I
came
into
the
program.
I'm
telling
you.
And
I
still
have
some
of
this
today.
Our
actor
is
self-centered
ecocentric,
as
people
like
to
call
it
nowadays.
I
learned
something
through
inventory.
You
learn,
you
really
learn
some
stuff
when
you
start
becoming
proficient
at
4
column
inventory.
I
learned
for
an
absolute
fact
that
I
never
did
anything
for
anybody
without
wanting
something
back.
I'll
tell
you
what
I
thought
when
I
came
in
here.
I
thought
I
was
the
kind
of
guy
to
give
you
the
shirt
off
off
my
back.
I
used
to
do
things
like
lend
people
bail
money.
When
they
got
arrested,
you
know
they'd
call
me
up.
They
knew.
They
knew
I'd
be
the
guy
who
would
lend
them
bail
money.
Sure,
I'll
lend
you
bail
money,
$400.00
coming
your
way.
And
then
when
they
wouldn't,
wouldn't
pay
me
back,
I'd
end
up
over
their
house
with
a
gun
threatening,
you
know,
and
what
I
found
out
in
inventory
was
I
lent
him
that
money
so
that
they
would
be
my
friend
and
that
they
would
respect
me
more
and
that
I
would
be
able
to
count
on
him
more.
You
know,
I
was
buying
a
friendship
by
doing
a
favor.
And
practically
every
single
thing
that
I
examined
in
inventory
that
I
did
nice
for
other
people,
it
was
because
I
was
expecting
something
back.
You
know,
I
am
based
on
selfishness.
I
am
based
on
bitterness
and
I
am
motivated
by
self-centered
fear.
That's
that's
how
an
alcoholic
moves
around.
You
know
what
I
mean?
He's
like
the
retired
businessman
who
lulls
in
the
Florida
sunshine
in
the
winter,
complaining
in
the
sad
state
of
the
nation.
The
minister
who
sighs
over
the
sins
of
the
20th
century.
The
politicians
and
reformers
who
are
sure,
who
are
sure
all
would
be
utopia
if
the
rest
of
the
world
would
only
behave.
The
outlaw
safecracker
who
thinks
society
is
wronged
him
in.
The
alcoholic
who's
lost.
All
is
locked
up,
whatever
our
protestations.
Are
Not
most
of
us
concerned
with
ourselves,
our
resentments
and
our
own
self
pity?
I
mean,
what
are
we
concerned?
We
are
concerned
about
us.
The
world
revolves
around
us
and
what's
in
it
for
us
and
what
do
I
want?
And
that's
mainly
what
our
motivations
are
based
on.
Selfishness,
self-centredness
that
we
think
is
the
root
of
our
troubles.
What
is
the
root
of
something?
Think
of,
think
of
the
root
of
a
plan.
That's
where
it's
held
up
and
where
it's
fed.
So
conversely,
the
root
of
our
problems
as
human
beings
are
our
selfishness,
our
self
centeredness.
That's
the
root
of
all
of
our
troubles.
We
may
think
we're
the
nicest
guys
in
the
world
and
we're
the
biggest
victims
in
the
world,
but
once
we
start
moving
into
inventory,
we
find
that
that's
that
is
the
biggest
bullshit
lie
we've
ever
told
ourselves.
Driven
by
100
forms
of
fear,
self
delusion,
self
seeking
and
self
pity
who
step
on
the
toes
of
our
fellows
and
they
retaliate.
Sometimes
they
hurt
us,
seemingly
without
provocation,
but
we
invariably
find
that
at
some
time
in
the
past
we
have
made
decisions
based
on
self
which
later
placed
us
in
a
position
to
be
hurt.
I
have
never
found
anything
in
my
inventories
where
I'm
resentful
or
afraid
of
something,
where
I
haven't
done
something
in
the
past
to
place
myself
in
that
position.
Now,
I
know
that
some
people
have.
There
are,
there
are
unique
circumstances
like
you're
walking
down
the
road
one
day
and
somebody
beats
you
over
the
head
and
steals
your
wallet.
You
know,
I
mean,
you
were
really
doing
nothing
to,
to
'cause
that
event.
I
mean,
there
are
things
like
that.
But,
but
I'll
tell
you,
99%
of
the
troubles
that
an
alcoholic
has,
if
you
honestly
look
at
it,
you
will
find
it
somewhere
in
the
past.
You're
the
one
that
set
the
whole
thing
rolling.
You
either
did
something
to
that
person
or
you
broke
the
law
or,
or
you,
you,
you
were
in
a
bad
position
or
you
made
a
bad
decision.
I
mean
something.
You're
going
to
find
something
like
that.
That's
why
Alcoholics
that
end
up
in
ACOA
meetings
and
stuff
like
that
usually
die
because
they're
not
able
to
really
look
at
that.
It's
their
fault
that
all
their
troubles
are
their
own
fault.
If
we
can't
get
with
that
honesty
that
all
of
our
troubles
are
our
own
fault,
we've
got
a
good
chance
that
we're
not
going
to
be
able
to
recover
and
we're
going
to
die.
And
there
are
12
step
fellowships
out
there
that
all
remain
nameless.
That
they
just
love
to
sit
in
the
shed.
They
just
love
to
wallow
around
in
the
pain
for
year
after
year
after
year,
and
nobody
gets
better.
They're
like
the
people
who
are
in
a
cesspool
and
the
waters
right
up
to
the
bottom
of
their
nose
and
they
don't
want
to
get
out
of
the
cesspool.
They
just
don't
want
you
to
make
any
waves,
you
know
what
I
mean?
What
this
program
is
about,
what
this
program
is
about,
is
about
getting
out
of
the
God
damn
cesspool,
OK?
And
that's
not
easy,
and
sometimes
it's
painful.
Sometimes
you
got
to
change
your
old
ideas.
But
if
you
want
to
get
out
of
the
cesspool,
you
guys
stop
thinking
it's
everybody
else's
fault.
So
our
troubles,
we
think,
are
basically
of
our
own
making.
They
arise
out
of
ourselves.
In
the
alcoholic
is
an
extreme
example
of
self
will
run
riot,
though
he
usually
doesn't
think
so.
So
we,
we
are
examples
of
self
will
run
riot,
but
we
don't
think
so,
you
know?
And
that's
so
true.
Above
everything,
we
Alcoholics
must
be
rid
of
the
selfishness.
We
must
or
it
kills
us.
God
makes
that
possible.
You
cannot
just
decide
to
not
be
selfish.
You
can't
go.
Well,
tomorrow
I'm
turning
over
a
new
leaf.
I'm
not
going
to
be
selfish
anymore.
It
is
so
ingrained
in
your
character
to
be
selfish
that
there's
a
whole
huge
process
of
steps
you're
going
to
have
to
go
through
to
even
make
a
crack
in
that
selfishness.
Self
cannot
annihilate
self.
Self
cannot
commit
suicide.
You
yourself
cannot
get
rid
of
your
selfishness.
That
has
to
come
from
a
higher
power,
just
like,
just
like
the
removal
of
your
obsession
to
drink
does.
It's
too
big
for
you,
you
know
what
I
mean?
But
there's
a
process,
and
there
often
seems
to
be
no
way
of
entirely
getting
rid
of
self
without
God's
aid.
Many
of
us
had
moral
and
philosophical
convictions
galore,
but
we
could
not
live
up
to
them
even
though
would
have
liked
to.
I
was
the
kind
of
guy
who
read
Zen
books.
I
read
every
kind
of
self
help
book
in
the
world.
I
read
the
Bible.
I
knew
morality
inside
out.
I
knew
when
you
were
being
immoral.
I
could
tell
you
every
single
immoral
thing
that
you
were
doing.
But
you
know
what?
I
could,
I
could
not
change.
I
could
not
change.
I
knew
what
was
right
and
I
couldn't
do
right.
You
know,
I
I
was
a
person
who
wanted
to
do
good
that
was
doing
bad.
I
was
a
person
that
was
smart,
that
was
doing
stupid
things.
Neither
could
we
reduce
our
self-centered
must
much
by
wishing
or
trying
on
our
own
power.
We
had
to
have
God's
help.
This
is
the
how
and
the
why
of
it.
First
of
all,
we
had
to
quit
playing
God.
This
is
so
important.
This
is
another
requirement.
We
got
to
stop
playing
God.
There's
many,
many
ways
we
can
do
that.
We
can
stop
controlling
every
minute
detail
of
our
family's
life.
You
know
what
I
mean?
Like
what
everybody's
got
to
do
all
the
time.
We
can
stop
playing
God.
We
can
begin
to
stop
playing
God.
It
does
not
work.
Next,
we
decided
that
hereafter
in
this
drama
of
life,
God
was
going
to
be
our
director.
He's
the
principal,
we're
his
agents,
He's
the
father,
and
we
are
his
children.
This
is
basically
the
first
step.
The
third
step
decision,
it
says,
made
a
decision
to
turn
our
lives
over
to
the
care
of
God
as
we
understood
him.
What
is
that?
You
hear
people
in
a
a
mean
he's
going
I
turned
it
over,
but
I
took
it
back.
I
turned
it
over,
but
I
took
it
back.
What
what
the
hell
are
they
talking
about?
Do
you
know
what
I
mean?
A
lot
of
them
don't
even
understand
what
the
third
step
decision
is.
This
just
told
us,
let's
look
at
it
carefully.
OK,
We're
going
to
be
the
actor
and
God's
going
to
be
the
director.
Now
what?
What
kind
of
a
job
does
the
director
have?
The
director
tells
you
what
your
part
is
and,
and,
and
explains
what
he
wants
you
to
do.
And
the
actor
follows
directions,
follows
the
will
of
the
director.
OK,
a
principle
and
an
agent.
What
is
a
principle
and
what
is
an
agent?
A
principle
is
someone
that
empowers
you
and
empowers
an
agent.
The
principle
is,
is
the
guy
sitting
back
in
the
office
who
sends
out
his
agent
to
carry
the
message
and
do
the
deal.
But
he's
got
he's
got
the
idea
and
he's
got
the
control
and
he's
got
the
the
power
behind
them.
You
know
what
I
mean?
So
you're
going
to
go
out
as
God's
aging,
you're
going
to
be
the
child
and
he's
going
to
be
the
father.
Now,
what
does
a
father
do
with
a
child?
A
father
nurtures
and
protects
and
cares
for,
and
you're
just
going
to
try
to
be
a
good
kid,
you
know
what
I
mean,
and
not
get
in
trouble.
And
these
are
the
ideas
that
you
need
to
get
as
far
as
the
decisions
that
you're
going
to
make,
the
decision
you're
going
to
make
in
the
third
step.
And
also,
I
hear
a
lot
of
people
say
I
do
the
third
step
every
morning.
And
I
know
from
my
experience,
I
don't,
it's
an
attitude
I
try
to
hang
on
to,
but
I
get
quiet
after
I
get
quiet
just
before
I'm
going
to
start
inventory
work.
And
I
make
this
decision
again
before
I
start
the
process
of
the
step
process,
I
try
to
follow
God's
will.
Like,
what
would
God
have
me
do?
I
try
to
put
that
into
my
into
my
my
daily
life,
but
this
is
basically
a
decision
that
you
get
to
in
prayer
and
meditation
to
this
decision.
Most
good
ideas
are
simple.
And
this
is
the
concept
that
was
the
keystone
of
the
new
and
triumphant
arch
through
which
we
passed
the
freedom.
There's
another
construction
reference.
When
we
sincerely
took
such
a
position.
What
position?
The
position
that
we're
going
to
be
the
the
child,
we're
going
to
be
the
agent,
or
we're
going
to
be
the
actor.
All
sorts
of
remarkable
things
follow.
We
had
a
new
employer
being
all
powerful.
He
provided
what
we
needed.
If
we
kept
close
to
him
and
performed
his
work
well,
that's
another
instruction.
What
do
we
need
to
do?
We
need
to
keep
close
to
God
and
we
need
to
perform
his
work
well.
We
need
to
do
as
God.
We
think
God
would
have
us
do
in
our
daily
lives
instead
of
doing
what
we
wanted
to.
A
lot
of
us
do
what
we
want
to
do
because
you
know,
I
want,
I
want
to,
I
want
to
do
that
because
it's
fun
right
at
this
moment,
even
though
it's
really
not
in
our
best
interest
or
our
family's
best
interest.
You
know
what
I
mean?
We
need
to
start
acting
like
we're
going
to
be
following
the
will
that
we
believe
God
would
have
for
us.
Established
on
such
a
footing.
We
became
less
and
less
interested
in
ourselves,
our
little
plans
and
designs.
More
and
more,
we
became
interested
in
seeing
what
we
can
contribute
to
life.
What
can
you
bring
to
life,
you
know,
think,
think
about
going
to
an,
a,
a
meeting.
I
hear
a
lot
of
people
go
come
into
an
A
Oh
God,
I'm
so
glad
I
needed
a
meeting
so
bad.
I
just
needed
a
meeting
so
bad.
Here
I
am.
You
know,
there
are
people,
there
are
people
that
are
coming
to
get,
they're
coming
to
get
what
they
can
get.
Like
like
a,
a,
a
meetings
are
filling
stations.
You
know,
I'm
going
to
a
meeting
so
I
can
feel
better.
Well,
it
tells
us
here
that
we're
more
and
more
we're
supposed
to
feel
like,
what
can
we
bring?
You
know,
and
you
see,
see,
you
see
a
lot
of
other
people
who've
got
good
recovery
and
they're
seeing
what
they
can
bring
to
a
meeting.
They're,
they're
going
to
a
meeting,
not
because
they
need
to
fill
up
because
they've
missed
two
weeks
worth
of
meetings.
We're
going
to
a
meeting
because
they
know
there's
people
there
that
they
can
help
there
know
they
know
there's
there's
their
friends
are
there
and
they
can
attribute
something
and
they
can
be
supportive
and
they
can
work
with
newcomers
and
they
can
shake
the
guy's
hand.
It's
just
coming
off
the
street.
As
we
felt
new
power
flow
in,
as
we
enjoyed
Peace
of
Mind,
as
we
discovered
we
could
face
life
successfully,
as
we
became
conscious
of
His
presence,
we
began
to
lose
our
fear
of
today,
tomorrow,
or
the
hereafter.
We
were
reborn.
Those
are
some
nice
promises,
and
they're
nice.
They're
promises
that
come
true
as
soon
as
we
honestly
make
the
decision
to
allow
God
to
run
our
lives.
We
are
now
at
step
three.
Many
of
us
said
to
our
makers,
we
understood
Him,
that
if
everyone
doesn't
mind,
why
don't
we
just
go
ahead
and
say
this
prayer
altogether?
God,
Ioffer
myself
to
be,
to
build
with
me
and
to
do
with
me,
as
Thou
will
relieve
me
of
the
bondage
of
self,
then
I
may
better
do.
Thy
will
take
away
my
difficulties.
That
victory
over
them
may
bear
witness
to
those
I
would
help
of
Thy
power,
Thy
love
and
Thy
way
of
life.
May
I
do
Thy
will
always.
That's
an
affirmation
prayer.
That's
a
surrender
prayer
and
affirmation
prayer.
You've
already
made
the
decision
to
be
the
actor,
the
child
and
the
agent.
This
is
prayer.
This
is
like
saying
to
God,
I've
made
that
deal
with
you.
You
know
I'm
in.
You
know,
this
is
this
is
I'm
in.
I
love
this
prayer
too
because
it
says
relieve
me
of
the
bondage
of
self.
They
talk
about
self
centeredness
in
here.
What
is
bondage?
Bondage
is
slavery.
We're
slaves
to
our
own
selfishness
and
self
centeredness.
And
we're
going
to
be
relieved
of
that
and
we're
going
to
find
incredible
happiness.
The
selfish
person
is
never
happy.
You
know,
the
person
that's,
that's
filled
with
service
and,
and,
and
wanting
to
be
of
help
to
other
people,
those
are
the
people
that
are
happy.
This
is
a
spiritual
concept
that's
a
million
years
old.
You,
you
want
to
really
find
satisfaction
in
life,
find
some
kind
of
service
work.
You
know
what
I
mean?
This,
these
are
lessons
that
Mother
Teresa
and
people
like
that
have
known
for
a
gazillion
years,
You
know,
help
others
get
out
of
yourself
and,
and
you'll
find
a
happiness
that
you
could
have
never
found
buying
more
toys.
You
know
what
I
mean?
And
it
also
says
take
away
my
difficulties,
that
they
may
bear
witness
to
those
I
would
help.
So,
so
help
me
to
become
a
better
person
so
that
other
people
will
see
the
change
in
me.
Ask
me
what
the
Hell's
going
on,
and
I
can
show
them
and
I
can
help
them.
We
thought
well
before
taking
this
step,
making
sure
that
we
were
ready,
that
we
could
at
last
abandoned
ourselves
utterly
to
Him.
We
found
it
very
desirable
to
take
this
spiritual
step
with
an
understanding
person,
just
as
our
wife,
best
friend,
or
spiritual
advisor
or
sponsor.
But
it's
better
to
meet
God
alone
than
to
one
with
with
one
who
might
misunderstand.
The
wording
was,
of
course,
quite
optional.
So
long
as
we
express
the
idea,
voicing
it
without
reservation,
there's
another
requirement.
This
is
only
a
beginning
though,
if
honestly
and
humbly
made
and
effects
sometimes
a
very
great
one
was
felt
at
once.
I'm
going
to
stop
there
for
tonight.
Next
week
we're
going
to
go
over
we're
going
to
go
over
the
4th
step.
So
I
I
urge
anyone
who's
never
done
4
column
inventory
to
be
here
next
week
because
you
may
you
may
find
out
some
things
that
you
never
knew
about
a
four
step.
I
think
I'll
start
tonight
with
a
power
graph
out
of
the
forward
to
the
12
and
12,
the
12
steps
and
12th
Traditions
says
here
the
infant
society
determined
to
set
that
its
experience
in
a
book
which
finally
reached
the
public
in
April,
April
of
1939.
That's
the
book
we
study
here.
At
this
time,
the
recovery
is
numbered
about
100.
And
that's,
that's
really
another
lie.
I
think
there
was
anywhere
between
60
and
80
people.
It
was
about
100
people
in
the
meetings,
but
you
couldn't
really
call
Greystone.
Patients
recovered.
The
book
was
called
Alcoholics
Anonymous
and
from
it
the
fellowship
took
its
name.
So
before
we
were
even
called
a
A,
it
was
a
book
called
Alcoholics
Anonymous.
We
were
just
a
nameless
bunch
of
drunks
going
to
Oxford
Group
meetings.
Minute
alcoholism
was
described
from
the
Alcoholics
point
of
view.
You
know,
it's,
it's,
that's
really
where
it's
key,
I
think
with
AAA
is
we
have
the
Alcoholics
point
of
view.
If
you'll
remember
in,
in
Bill
Wilson's
story,
Bill
Wilson
was
surrounded
with
professionals,
OK,
He
was
forever
going
to
the
nationally
prominent
hospital
on
drug
and
alcoholism
recovery.
And
he
was
hooked
up
with
some
of
the
best
doctors
of
his
time
treating
drug
and
alcoholism
recovery,
and
he
didn't
get
anywhere
until
an
amateur
showed
up
at
his
door
who
had
been
drinking
and
didn't
drink
anymore
and
knew
how
to
stop.
That
really
got
his
attention.
So
we
described
in
this
book
from
the
Alcoholics
point
of
view,
that's
where
we
differ
from
therapeutical
treatments
or
treatment,
treatment
center
methodologies.
The
spiritual
ideas
of
the
society
were
codified
for
the
first
time
in
the
12th
steps.
So
we
had
all
this,
all
the
spiritual
principles
basically
in
the
Oxford
Group.
But
what
Bill
Wilson
did
was
he
assembled
the
architecture
of
those
spiritual
principles
into
the
12
steps
and
then
laid
them
out
in
the
chapter
5
that
we
that
we
read
at
every
meeting.
And
the
application
of
these
steps
to
the
Alcoholics
dilemma
was
made
clear.
So
how
to
take
the
steps
of
Alcoholics
Anonymous
is
made
clear
in
the
book
Alcoholics
Anonymous.
The
remainder
of
the
book
was
devoted
to
30
stories,
or
case
histories,
in
which
Alcoholics
describe
their
drinking
experiences
in
recovery.
So
those
are
the
stories
in
the
back
of
the
book.
This
established
identification
with
alcoholic
readers
and
proved
to
them
that
the
virtually
impossible
had
now
become
possible.
And
I
found
in
my
own
personal
experience
that
I
haven't
had
a
need
for
one
of
these
stories
in
the
back
of
the
book
in
eight
years.
I
I
don't
reread
them.
I
don't
pull
little
bits
of
wonderful
spiritual
wisdom
out
of
them
like
a
lot
of
people.
So
I
found
that
I
just
don't
need
them
because
I've
already
identified.
I
know
I
know
where
I
belong.
I
know
I'm
an
alcoholic.
I
know
that
Alcoholics
Anonymous
has
my
answer.
So
the
reason
for
the
the
stories
in
the
back
is
no
longer
apparent.
For
me,
the
book
Alcoholics
Anonymous
became
the
basic
text
of
the
fellowship,
and
it
still
is.
So
this
is
our
text
and
what
it
what
is
a
textbook?
A
textbook
is
something
that
you
study
to
make
clear
the
subject
matter
presented
in
the
book.
You
know,
so
many
times
do
you
find
that,
especially
early
on,
around
1990
and
91
when
I
came
in,
big
books
really
were
dust
collectors,
at
least
around
my
area.
I
didn't
know
too
many
people
that
were
really
studying
the
big
book.
And
that's
a
shame.
That
would
be
like
auditing
a
calculus
class
for
10
years
straight
without
doing
any
of
the
exercises
in
the
book
or
studying
any
of
the
examples.
You
might
pick
up
a
lot
because
I
know
a
lot
of
people
who
who
intuitively
live
the
steps
without
having
studied
them.
You
know,
you
can,
you
can
tell
those
people
are
the
people
that
are
happy,
joyous
and
free,
whether
they've
studied
the
big
book
or
not.
But
then
there's
also
people
who
can't
intuitively
grasp
a
lot
of
the
concepts
that
are
in
the
big
book.
And
so,
so
I
think
it's
important
to
to
study
it.
So
it
became
the
basic
text
to
the
fellowship
and
it
still
is.
This
present
volume,
the
12
and
12,
proposes
to
broaden
and
deepen
the
understanding
of
the
12
steps
as
first
written
in
the
work.
So
I
don't
know
about
anybody
else,
but
you
can
go
around
North
Jersey
today
and
you
can
find
about
10,012
and
12
meetings
and
you
can
find
them
find
about
200
big
book
meetings.
I
have
a
problem
with
that
because
the
12
and
12
basically
is,
is
set
out
to
broaden
and
deepen
concepts
that
are
laid
out
in
the
big
book.
And
the
really
the
way
I've
been
working,
working
it
with
people
that
I
sponsor
lately
is
I
really,
I'd
really
rather
they
not
expose
themselves
to
the
first
half
of
the
12:00
and
12:00
until
they've
shot
through
the
big
book
and
done
the
steps
because
they're
just
not
going
to
completely
understand
or
grasp
the
concepts
in
the
12
and
12.
The
12
and
12
is
basically
the
first
part
of
the
12:00
and
12:00
on
the
steps.
They're
basically
essays
written
like
18
years
after
Bill
Wilson
got
sober,
looking
back
on
some
of
his
perceptions
relating
to
the
steps
and
some
additional
wisdom
that
he's
come
come
across.
There
are
no
instructions
in
the
12
steps
in
12th
traditions.
So
if
you're
going
to
12
meetings
to
learn
how
to
do
the
steps,
you're
in
the
wrong
meeting.
I
never
learned,
I
never
learned
how
to
take
the
steps
in
12
to
12
meetings.
I
learned
some
experience
that
people
had
after
the
fact,
but
no
one
ever
stops
the
meeting
and
goes,
this
is
how
you
do
the
four
step
in
a,
in
a
12:00
and
12:00
meeting.
That's
just
kind
of
not
done.
How's
it
going?
So
anyway,
what
I'm
going
to
do
tonight
is
we're
going
to
be
moving
into
the
4th
step.
I
am
going
to
ask
my
friend
Joe
here
to
pass
these
around
blank.
There's
there's
a
staple
sheet
here.
Grab
one
of
those
and
there's
blank
paper
on
the
back
for
making
notes
because
you
don't
want
to
mark
these
up.
You're
going
to
want
to
make
copies
of
them
upon
people's
unawares
at
work
or
wherever
you're
going
to
do
it.
So
grab
a
a
blank
sheet
of
paper
if
you
want
to
write
down
any
notes.
We're
going
to
move
tonight
to
the
bottom
of
page
63,
the
bottom
paragraph,
Mom
says
next.
We
launched
out
on
a
course
of
vigorous
action,
the
first
step
of
which
is
a
personal
house
cleaning.
We
launched
out.
I
love
Bill's
use
of
terms.
He
has
very
colorful
adjectives,
doesn't
say.
Next,
we
waited
two
or
three
years
to
kind
of
get
ready
or,
or
or
we
waited.
We
did
a
step
a
year,
which
says
right
after
you
make
a
decision,
are
you
in
or
are
you
out?
That's
the
third
step
decision
as
we
launched
into
a
course
of
vigorous
action,
which
is
a
personal
house
cleaning,
which
many
of
us
had
never
attempted.
I
don't
know
about
anybody
else,
but
I
never
sat
on
a
bar
school
listing
all
the
things
that
I
have
done
wrong
and
all
the
problems
that
I
have.
I
was
very
good
at
listening
to
things
that
you
had
wrong
with
you,
but
I
wasn't
really
inward
at
that
time.
I
was
mostly
outward.
It
was
it
was
the
them
sons
of
bitches
out
there
that
were
creating
problems
in
my
life
though.
Our
decision,
which
is
the
third
step
decision,
the
decision
was
we
decided
that
we
would
be
the
child
and
God
would
be
the
father.
We
would
be
the
agent
and
God
would
be
the
principal
and,
and
we
would
be
the
one.
That's
the
third
one,
actor.
We
will
be
the
actor
and
God
would
be
the
director.
So
that's
the
decision
that
we're
talking
about
here.
Okay.
So
though
our
decision
was
a
vital
and
crucial
step,
it's
vital
and
crucial
to
make
that
third
step
decision.
It
could
have
little
permanent
effect
unless
at
once
followed
by
a
strenuous
effort
to
face
and
be
rid
of
the
things
in
ourselves
which
have
been
blocking
us.
So
you
can
make
a
third
step
decision.
You
can
say,
yeah,
I'm
going
to
do
a
a,
I'm
going
to
do
everything
you
tell
me
to
do.
I'm
in,
I'm
in.
But
if
you
don't
take
action,
it's
going
to
have
little
permanent
effect,
little
or
no
permanent
effect.
Our
liquor
was,
but
we
I'm
sorry.
Followed
by
a
strain
of
separate
to
face
and
be
rid
of
the
things
in
ourselves
which
have
been
blocking
us.
So
that's
telling
us
that
there's
things
in
our
nature
that
are
blocking
us
off
from
God
and
our
fellow
man.
There
are
character
defects
we
have
that
keep
us
from
being
able
to
enjoy
a
successful
life.
You
know
what
I
mean?
To
be
happy
Joyce
and
free
when
the
alcoholic
comes
into
a
A.
They
are
riddled
with
insecurities
and
depression
and
self-centered
fear
and
all
kinds
of
things.
That's
just
normal.
So
we
had
to
get
down
to
causes
and
conditions.
The
first
thing
you
do
when
when
figuring
out
how
to
solve
a
problem
is
you
have
to
identify
what
the
problem
is.
So
really
what
the
4th
step
is
going
to
be
for
us,
it's
going
to
be
it's
going
to
be
an
exercise
to
find
truth.
It's
going
to
be
an
exercise
to
find
some
truth
about
our
character
and
our
nature.
We're
going
to
find
out
what
the
fuck
is
wrong
with
us.
We
are,
we
are
smart
people
that
do
stupid
things.
We're
good
people
that
do
bad
things.
We're
we're
usually
twice
as
smart
as
half
the
people
around
us
and
we
do
half
as
well,
you
know
what
I
mean?
It's
just
amazing.
It's
amazing
how
we
we
shoot
ourselves
in
the
foot.
We
need
to
figure
out
why.
So
therefore
we
started
upon
a
personal
inventory
and
this
was
Step
4.
He's
going
to,
he's
going
to
give
an
example
of
what
an
inventory
is
just
in
case
people
don't
know.
Now,
Bill
Wilson
was
like
a
lot
of
the
great
spiritual
writers.
He
figured
out
who
his
audience
was
and
he
gave
examples
that
his
audience
could
follow.
Now,
out
of
let's
say
80
Alcoholics,
there
was
79
of
them
were
failed
businessmen.
There
was
one
woman
at
that
time,
Florence
Rankin,
who
had
to
literally
punch
her
way
into
the
first
meeting.
She
really
she
had
to
knock
down
the
doormat
to
get
in
because
women
weren't
allowed.
So
anyway,
he's
writing
for
failed
businessmen
basically
here.
So
he's
going
to
talk
about
a
business
inventory.
A
business
which
takes
no
regular
inventory
usually
goes
broke.
Taking
a
commercial
inventory
is
a
fact
finding
and
fact
facing
process.
And
that's
going
to
be
the
same
thing
with
us.
We're
going
to
have
to
find
out
the
facts
about
our
nature
and
we're
going
to
have
to
face
them.
It
is
an
effort
to
discover
the
truth
about
the
stock
and
trade,
and
that's
what
we
write
inventory
for.
We
write
inventory
to
seek
truth.
We
write
inventory
to
seek
truth
about
ourselves
because
God
is
truth.
And
if
we
seek
truth,
we're
seeking
God
at
the
same
time.
Remember
it
said
in
the
ABC's
that
God
is
the
one
who
has
all
power.
You
must
find
him
now.
So
we
must
seek
God.
Well,
the
first
part
of
seeking
God
is
to
figure
out
what
the
Hell's
going
on
with
us.
Our
object
is,
is
to
disclose
damaged
or
unsalable
goods
to
get
rid
of
them
promptly
and
without
regret.
If
the
owner
of
the
business
is
to
be
successful,
he
cannot
fool
himself
about
values.
We
did
exactly
the
same
thing
with
our
lives.
We
took
stock
honestly.
First.
We
searched
out
the
flaws
in
our
makeup
which
caused
our
failure.
You
know,
why
do
we
fail?
Why
have
we
had
13
jobs
in
10
years?
You
know,
why
do
we
get
thrown
out
of
it?
How?
Why
have
we
had
14
relationships
with
different
people
that
work?
They,
they
work
until
they
figure
out
who
we
are.
I
mean,
what
is
going
on
with
us
being
convinced
itself,
manifested
in
various
ways,
was
what
had
defeated
us.
We
considered
its
common
manifestation.
We
became
convinced
that
self
was
our
big
problem
in
step
three-step
three
talked
about
a
little
bit
about
why
we
need
to
turn
our
life
over
to
a
manager,
why
we
need
to
seek
power
by
turning
our
life
over
to
new
manager.
Now,
if
you're
convinced
that
you
can
run
your
life,
if
you
can
make
all
your
own
decisions,
you
need
no
guidance.
You
need
follow
no
principles
of
living
then
fine,
you
know,
do
whatever
you
need
to
do.
But
the
alcoholic
who
has
really
come
to
a
good
grasp
of
the
first
three
steps
understands
that
they
are
their
own
worst
enemy.
Left
on
their
own
devices,
they
can
do
nothing
but
have
a
worse
life
than
they
had
last
month.
And
you
know,
that
can
really
be
scary.
You
know,
think
about
the
worst
things
that
have
happened
in
your
last
year
of
drinking
and
understand
that
if
you
don't
take
direction,
somehow
that
next
year
it's
even
going
to
be
worse.
You
know
that
that's
like,
you
know,
that's
hard
to
even
contemplate
sometimes
for
us.
But
but
that's
the
way
it
is.
We
took
stock,
honestly,
being
convinced
that
self
manifested
in
various
ways
was
what
had
defeated
us.
We
considered
its
common
manifestation.
So
we're
looking
at
resentment
as
the
number
one
offender.
Resentment
is,
is
something
that's
so
powerful.
A
lot
of
things
stem
from
it.
A
lot
of
our
fears
come
from
our
resentments.
A
lot
of
the
actions
we've
taken
that
have
harmed
others
have
come
from
our
resentments.
So
we
this
is
something
we
really
have
to
look
at
resentment.
The
word
resentment
comes
from
one
of
the
places
that
comes
from.
Is
is
Latin
derivation
re.
Everybody
who
knows
what
re
means.
You
put
re
in
some
in
front
of
a
word,
and
that
means
to
do
it
over
and
over
again.
Scent
comes
from
a
Latin
word
meaning
to
feel.
So
resentment
basically
comes
from
a
word
that
means
to
refill.
So
let's
say
you're
angry
at
somebody.
Your
boss
passed
you
over
for
a
promotion
and
you
resent
them.
Like
every
night
you
give
them
about
15
minutes
of
your
time
before
you
go
to
sleep
about
that
son
of
a
bitch.
That's
a
resentment.
You're
refilling
the
pain
that
that
person
has
caused
over
and
over
again.
And
the
alcoholic
is
riddled
with
these
things.
And
once
we
start
to
look
at
them,
we'll
really
see
their
destructive
qualities.
We
need
to
master
them.
We
need
to
master
them,
and
we
need
to
do
that
with
God's
help.
Resentment
destroys
more
Alcoholics
than
anything
else,
even
drinking
from
its
them
all
forms
of
spiritual
disease.
For
we
have
not
only
been
mentally
and
physically
I'll,
we've
been
spiritually
sick.
When
the
spiritual
malady
is
overcome,
we
straighten
out
mentally
and
physically.
That's
a
nice
promise.
It
does
not
say
the
first
thing
you
need
to
do
is
get
sober
and
go
get
a
better
job
and
make
all
the
money
S
you
can,
pay
all
your
debts
or
join
every
club
you
can
possibly
find
or
go
to
the
gym
and
get
in
the
best
shape
and
right
away
you
got
to
do
it
right
away.
Right
away.
It
doesn't
say
that.
It
says
work
on
your
spiritual
condition
and
everything
else
will
fall
into
place.
I
wish
I
had
a
dollar
for
everybody
that
got
sober
and
had
to
fix
their
life
right
away
and
then
didn't
have
time.
To
fix
their
life
right
away
and
then
didn't
have
time
to
stay
sober,
You
know
what
I
mean?
Which
is
ridiculous.
Or
else
or
else
they
got
real
caught
up
in
the
spiritual
aspects
of
the
program
and
they
and
they
became
so
heavenly
they
were
no
earthly
good
and
ended
up
and
ended
up
drinking.
I've
known
a
couple
of
people
like
that,
you
know,
who
started
meditating
5
hours
a
day
and,
you
know,
ended
up
who
knows
where.
In
dealing
with
resentments,
we
set
them
on
paper.
So
here
is
our
first.
Here's
the
first
column.
I
want
to
explain
a
minute
here.
The
first
2
pages,
this
page
and
page
#1
these
are
two
different
ways
of
doing
resentments.
The
first
one
here
I
ripped
off
from
a
step
right
up
group.
That's
one
of
those
Wally
P
things
where
you
take
the
take
the
entire
set
of
steps
in
four
one
hour
periods
or
some
something
like
that.
I
would
use
this
if
I've
never
done
a
resentment
inventory
before.
If
you've
never
done
a
resentment
inventory,
just
make
about
100
copies
of
this
and
start
on
column
one.
And
how
you
do
this
is
you
do
everything
you
can
possibly
think
of
in
column
one.
List
everything
in
column
one
before
you
move
on
to
column
two.
You
do
not
go
across,
you
do
up
and
down.
OK,
so
so
you
list
every
person
place,
an
institution.
A
place
could
be
the
VA,
you
know,
an
institution
could
be
the
VA,
an
institution
could
be
fidelity
or
marriage.
A
principle
could
be
the
same
thing,
the
principle
of
marriage
or
the
principle
of
honesty.
I
mean,
there's
a
million
things
that
we
can
be
upset
about.
Listen,
it's
and
it
also
says
here
we
listen
to
personal
places
or
institution
that
we
wish
with
whom
we
were
angry
but
does
not
say
are
angry.
I
have
met
so
many
Alcoholics
who
come
in
at
all.
I'm
sober
like
a
week.
I'm
not
mad
at
anybody
anymore.
You
know,
that's
the
biggest
bunch
of
crap
I've
ever
heard.
But
you
know
what
I
mean?
Oh,
so
you
love
all
of
the
clergy,
You
know,
Oh,
oh,
you're
you.
You
send
Christmas
cards
to
the
IRS.
I
mean,
you
know,
you
resent
no
one.
You
loved
all
of
your
teachers
and
the
police
in
your
town.
I
mean,
give
me
a
break.
So
whoever,
whoever
you
were
angry
with,
if
it's
your
first
inventory,
you're
going
to
have
a
lot
of
listening.
Whoever
you
were
angry
with,
you
know,
that
could
be,
that
could
be
your
second
grade
teacher,
for
God's
sake.
If
it's
something
that
comes
into
your
consciousness
while
you're
doing
this
work,
it's
something
you
need
to
write
down.
OK,
so
this
first
page
is
got
all
four
columns
on
one
page.
The
second
inventory
is
something
that
Dave
Frederickson
put
together
for
his
workshops,
which
I
have
personal
experience
with
and
I
I
have
found
very,
very
helpful.
I
would
say
do
this
inventory
if
it's
if
it's,
if
you've
already
done
an
inventory
or
if
you
feel
pretty
strong,
this
inventory
is
going
to
going
to
call
for
a
lot
more
writing.
I
don't
want
to
scare
anybody
away,
but
my
last
inventory
was
274
pages
long.
Using
this
form.
I
wouldn't
expect
somebody
coming
out
of
detox
to
be
able
to
write
274
pages.
They'd
end
up
chirping
like
a
squirrel
before
they
were
done.
You
know
what
I
mean?
So,
but
I'll
tell
you
what,
if
you've
been
sober
a
couple
years,
you
know,
or
you're
six
months
sober
and
your
head's
cleared
and
you
really
think
that
you
can
sit
down
and
go
into
this,
this
is
the
inventory
to
do
because
you're
going
to
find
more
truth.
And
the
whole
thing
is,
is
to
discover
truth.
So
you're
going
to
find
more
truth
in
this.
There's
less
places
to
hide.
It's
a
lot
easier
to
hide
when
you
put
a
check
mark
than
when
you
have
to
write
out
the
real
deal.
So
anyway,
on
this
one,
there's
a
column
over
here
right
down
the
person,
place,
or
institution
with
whom
you're
angry,
and
you
put
it
in
the
square
block
over
here.
OK,
that's
instruction
1.
We
asked
ourselves
why
we
were
angry.
OK,
this
is
column
two.
Column
two
on
the
one
page
just
says
you
know
the
cause.
Why
are
you
angry?
Why
are
you
mad
at
the
IRS?
Because
they're
auditing
me
Thursday.
Why
are
you
mad
at
Joe
Blow?
Because
he
had
an
affair
with
my
girlfriend?
No,
whatever
the
whatever
the
cause
is,
same
thing
on
this
one,
but
this
one
has
a
little
bit
of
a
difference.
What
this
one
does
is
it
gives
you
multiple
areas
for
resentment.
Let's
say
I
resent
my
mother.
You
know,
I've
never
met
a
woman
that
didn't
have
a
mother.
Resentment.
I've
never
met
a
man
that
didn't
have
a
father.
Resentment.
OK,
let's
say
let's
say
I
resent
my
father.
Okay,
well
what
do
you
resent
him
for?
Well,
there
may
be
10
things
you
resent
him
for.
For
dying
when
I
was
12.
For
for
not
being
able
to
buy
me
good
bicycles,
For
not
spending
as
much
time
as
I
thought
he
needed
to
with
me.
You
list
those.
Each
one
of
those
is
a
separate
resentment.
OK,
We
asked
ourselves
why
we
were
angry.
In
most
cases
we
found
that
it
was
our
self
esteem,
our
pocketbooks,
our
ambitions,
our
personal
relationships,
including
sex,
were
hurt
and
threatened.
So
we
were
sore.
We
were
burned
up
on
our
grudge
list.
We
said
opposite
each
name
and
each
resentment,
our
injuries.
Was
it
our
self
esteem,
our
security,
our
ambitions,
our
personal
or
sexual
relationships
which
had
been
interfered
with?
You
cannot
have
a
resentment
against
a
person,
place,
or
institution
unless
something
is
threatened,
unless
there's
something
that
you
have
is
threatened
to
be
taken
away
or
something
you
want
is
threatened
so
that
you
may
not
be
able
to
get
it.
You
know
what
I
mean?
Something
is,
is
going
to
be
threatened.
So
we
need
to
look,
we
need
to
identify
what
is
threatened
in
each
resentment.
Let's
look
at
the
the
step
right
up
one
pager.
It
has
the
seven
questions
in
column
three,
self
esteem,
pocketbook,
ambitions,
personal.
Let's
just
take
IRS.
It's
a
good
example
that
I
use.
Is
my,
Is
myself
esteem
hurt,
threatened
or
interfered
with
because
the
IRS
is
going
to
audit
me?
Myself
Esteem
is
threatened
because
I
feel
like
a
scumbag
criminal
because,
you
know,
I'm
being
called
in
and,
and
they're
taking
me
to
task
for
my,
my
tax
preparation.
You
know,
I,
I
accidentally
forgot
to
put
down
all
those
side
jobs,
you
know,
and
it
was,
it
was
a
typo.
So
my
self
esteem
is
threatened.
My
pocketbook
is
threatened
because
they
could
garnish
my
salary.
My
ambitions
are
are
hurt,
threatened
or
my
my
ambitions
are
interfered
with
or
threatened
because
I
had
plans
for
the
money
that
the
IRS
is
going
to
garnish
from
me.
OK,
my
personal
relationships
could
be
threatened
because,
you
know,
neighbors
might
find
out
that
I'm
a
tax
cheat.
My
sex
relations,
well
that
you
know,
that
would
certainly
depend
on
what
type
of
relationships
we
have.
Usually
that
wouldn't
be
affected.
Emotional
security
could
be
affected
absolutely
in
pride.
All
those
things
could
be
affected
in
the
in
the
Dave
F
version
here.
It
gives
us
ample
space
to
elucidate
these
things.
OK
here.
Here's
how
I
usually
do
it.
I
usually
put
an
HAT
or
an
I,
whether
it's
hurt,
threatened
or
interfere,
you
know,
it's
sometimes
it's
all
three.
Sometimes
it's
just
threatens
because
it's
not
really
real
in
my
head.
You
know
what
I
mean?
Because
a
lot
of
these
resentments
can
be
fancy.
They
don't
always
have
to
be
real.
So,
so
I
would
write
down
something
like
in
my
pocketbook.
My
pocketbook
is
threatened
because
my
salary
may
be
garnished
in
the
near,
near
future.
OK.
And
I
would
write
that
down
in
sentence
form.
And
that's
how
I
would
fill
out
column
three.
Does
anyone
have
any
questions
on
on
column
three?
Let's
say
you're
you're
mad
at
your
best
friend
because
he
he's
he
your
best
friend
slept
with
your
lover.
OK,
let's
what's
threatened
here
Myself
esteem
is
myself
esteem
is
threatened
because,
you
know,
I
don't
feel
real
good
about
myself
about
this
situation.
You
know,
two
of
the
two
of
the
closest
people
in
my
life
have
been
unfaithful
to
me.
So
my
self
esteem
is
affected,
my
personal
relationships
are
affected
because
of
my
relationship
with
my
friend
is
affected.
My
sex
relationship
is
affected
because
because
I'm
going
to
have
a
hard
time
trusting
the
person
that
I'm
with.
Now
my
security,
I
feel
like
I
need
to
be
in
a
relationship
to
be
secure
and
I
may
not
be
able
to
stay
in
this
relationship.
So
I
would
write
that
down.
These
are
ways
that
we
write
this
stuff
down.
You
know,
what
you
do
is,
is
you
just
write
what
comes,
You
know,
you
have
to
trust
a
little
bit
in
your
intuition
about
what
you
need
to
write
in
these
certain
circumstances.
You
know,
I'm,
I'm
mad
at
the
the
VA
because
they
don't
seem
to
be
taking
care
of
the
needs
that
I
have
as
a
veteran.
All
right,
It
affects
myself
esteem,
you
know,
here,
here
I
am.
I
fought
a
war
for
him
and
now
I'm
treated
like
a
second
class
citizen.
I
mean,
you
know,
whatever
comes,
you
write
this
stuff
down
and
you
put
it
before
you
in
black
and
white.
So
we
were
usually
as
definite
as
this
example.
I
won't
get
too
into
Bill's
example
here
because
he
just
shows
3
columns
of
a
four
column
inventory
and
it
can
get
confusing
when
you
try
to
look
at
this.
So
I'm
kind
of
I'm
kind
of
going
to
skip
it
except
for
a
couple
of
things.
You
see
how
fear
is
bracketed
in
the
third
column.
Fear
is
bracketed.
What
I
usually
do
is
if
the
resentment
has
caused
any
fear,
along
with
writing
on
the
right
hand
side
heart
threatened
or
interfered,
I
will
put
AF.
You
know
it's
causing
fear.
Like
my
security
is
threatened.
Well
that's
going
to
cause
me
fear.
Things
that
are
threatened
are
going
to
cause
me
fear.
I
need
that
later
for
transferring
it
over
to
the
fearless.
So
I'll
just
put
a
little
F
so
that
I'll
know
to
refer
back
to
it
when
I
get
to
my
fears.
I
have
we
haven't
gotten
to
it
yet.
It's
the
fearless
is,
is
coming
now
this
one,
this
one
goes
with
the
other
one,
right?
Yeah,
it's
part
of
the
inventory.
There's,
there's
resentments,
fears
and
sexual
harms
or
harms
to
others.
Those
are
the
three
inventories
that
we
do.
We're
going
to
we're
going
to
concentrate
for
the
next
few
minutes
though
on
on
the
resentments.
The
first
2
pages
are
are
really
the
same
thing
only
in
a
different
form.
Like
like
I
said,
if
you
if
you've
never
done
an
inventory
before,
just
do
your
resentment
inventories
on
this
first
page.
Yeah,
it's
going
to
get
too
confusing
and
you'll
end
up
pooping
out.
We'll
end
up
pooping
out.
You'll
get
into
it.
You'll
say
fuck
this,
I
can't
deal.
No,
so
I
don't
want
anybody
to
have
that
happen
to
him.
Much
rather
you
use
a
simpler
form
than
to
to
burn
out.
But
you
know,
if
you
have
the
wherewithal,
if
you're
sober
10
years
and
your
life
is
still
miserable,
your
family
still
hates
you,
and
you
still
have
resentments
against
the
boss,
and
you
still
have,
it's
filled
with
fear.
Do
the
long
inventory
because
you
know,
you
just
may
discover
why
you're
such
a
basket
case.
You
know
what
I
mean?
Not
that,
Not
that
we
judge
in
this
meeting,
OK,
We
went
back
through
our
lives.
Nothing
counted
but
thoroughness
and
honesty.
So
how
do
we
do
this?
We
do
it
thoroughly.
We
put
down
everything
we
don't
worry
about
if
we're
going
to
have
to
make
an
amends
if
we
put
something
down
that's
a
long
way
away,
You
put
it
down
anyway,
OK.
And
you'd
be
honest.
It's
very
easy
to
be
dishonest.
It's
very
easy
to
be
dishonest
in
column
two
and
column
three,
trying
to
be
as
honest
as
you
can.
Here's
a
good
one
for
being
dishonest.
I
resent
my
father.
He
was
never
there
for
me.
That
that's
a
perfect
example
of
a
lie.
What
you
mean
your,
your
father
conceived
you
and
then
moved
to
Ethiopia?
Is
that
what
you
mean?
What
do
you
mean
he
was
never
there
for
you?
He,
he
was,
he
didn't
live
in
the
same
house.
You
never
heard
from
him.
He
never
talked
to
you
as
a
child
or
an
adult.
You
know,
that's
a
lie.
He,
you
can't
put
something
like
he
was
never
there
for
me.
You
can
put
something
down
like
I,
I
don't,
I
did
not
spend
as
much
time
with
me
as
I
wanted.
You
know
you
can
put
something
like
that
down.
Anyway.
Went
back
to
our
lives.
Nothing
counted
but
thirdness
and
honesty.
When
we're
finished
we
considered
it
carefully.
So
we
consider
the
1st
3
columns.
The
first
thing
apparent
is
the
world
and
its
people
were
often
quite
wrong.
To
conclude
that
others
were
wrong
was
as
far
as
most
of
us
ever
got.
The
usual
outcome
was
that
people
continued
to
wrong
us
and
we
stayed
sore.
Sometimes
it
was
remorse
and
then
we
were
sore
it
ourselves.
But
the
more
we
fought
and
tried
to
have
our
own
way,
the
worst
matters
got.
As
in
war,
the
victor
only
seemed
to
win.
Our
moments
of
triumph
were
short
lived.
This
is
giving
us
some
examples
of
how
our
will
or
our
life
run
on
our
own
will
can
can
cause
an
unsatisfactory
life.
It
is
plain
that
a
life
which
includes
deep
resentment
leads
only
to
futility
and
unhappiness.
That
resentment
machine
that
I
was
describing
earlier
where
we
turn
on
our
resentment
machine
15
minutes
before
we
go
to
sleep
every
night
to
resent
everybody
real
good.
I
mean,
we're
wasting
time
and
that
that
really
is
going
to
just
lead
us
into
an
unhappy
life.
I
find
that
I'm
able
today
with
enough
inventory
work
and
enough
step
work
to
change
my
perception.
I'll
catch
myself
going
into
a
real
negative
attitude
at
work
like
these
son
of
a
bitches.
You
know,
I'm
not
paid
enough
and
you
know,
I
should
be
in
charge
of
this.
You
know,
I'll
just
start
getting
real
negative
like
that
and
I
can,
I
can
stop
myself
now
and
I
can
bring
myself
back
to
a
service
plane.
I
work
at
a
school
and
I
can
say
how
best
can
I
make
the
environment
for
the
people
that
work
here?
I
can
bring
my
whole
attitude
back
to
a
service
plane
and
that
makes
me
happy.
Maybe
I
have
to
work
a
little
harder,
but
I'd
rather
work
a
little
harder
and
be
happy
than
to
have
my
own
way
and
be
miserable.
I've
just
learned
that
through
trial
and
error
over
a
long
period
of
time.
You
know
what
I
mean.
To
the
precise
extent
that
we
permit
these
do,
we
squander
the
hours
that
might
have
been
worthwhile.
But
with
the
alcoholic
whose
hope
is
the
maintenance
and
growth
of
a
spiritual
experience
that
shows
us
what
our
hope
is,
this
business
of
resentment
is
infinitely
grave.
We
found
that
it
is
fatal,
for
when
harboring
such
feelings,
we
shut
ourselves
off
from
the
sunlight
of
the
Spirit.
You
cannot
have
a
God
consciousness
when
you're
hating
somebody's
guts.
You
can't
be
in
tune
with
the
Spirit
when
you're
planning
revenge.
You
know,
the
insanity
of
alcohol
returns.
They
just,
all
they
share
is
crap.
You
know,
I'm
getting
out
of
here.
I'm
going
to
Plainfield
or
something,
you
know,
see
if
there's
some
good
meetings
down
there.
I
mean,
that's
just
an
example,
but
we
resent
ourselves
out
of
a,
a
so
quick
it's
unbelievable.
You
know,
those
hypocritical
bastards
and
and
we're
drunk.
If
we
were
to
live,
we
had
to
be
free
of
anger.
It
does
not
say
that
we
can't
be
angry.
It
says
that
we
have
to
be
free
of
it.
We
can't
allow
it
to
control
our
lives
like
the
resentments
have
in
the
past,
you
know,
those
deep
burning
resentments
that
you've
had
for
years
and
years
and
years
and
years
and
years.
We
have
to
be
free
of
that.
I
mean,
that
does
not
mean
that
if
somebody
comes
up
and
slaps
you
in
the
face
for
taking
a
parking
space,
you,
you
know,
you're
not
supposed
to
get
angry.
Of
course
you're
going
to
get
angry
with
human,
you
know,
and
Alcoholics
go
they,
they
don't
get
angry,
they
go
ballistic.
You
know,
we're
famous
for
furniture
going
through
the
windows
and
stuff.
That's
how
we
get,
but
we
need
to
be
free
of
it,
controlling
our
lives.
We
need
to
be
free
of
it
making
us
sick.
We
get
sick,
we're
angry
for
long
periods
of
time.
The
grouch
and
the
brainstorm
were
not
for
us.
I
looked
up
grouch
and
brainstorm
just
in
a
period
dictionary
just
to
make
sure
I
knew
what
the
hell
they
were
talking
about.
A
grouch
is,
you
know,
we
kind
of
know
what
that
is,
to
be
grouchy,
you
know,
be
always,
always
miserable.
But
a
brainstorm,
I
used
to
think
it
was
like,
wow,
I
got
a
good
idea
with
the
light
bulb
going
off.
But
you
know,
I
got
a
brainstorm.
I'm
going
to
make
$1,000,000.
Let's
know
what
they're
talking
about.
A
brainstorm
in
a
period
dictionary
is
losing
your
shit.
You
know
what
I
mean?
Going
ape
shit,
throwing
everybody
out
of
the
house,
throwing
the
furniture
around,
breaking
everything,
crowbar
in
the
neighbor's
car.
You
know,
that's
a
brainstorm
just
going
out
of
your
mind.
They
may
be
the
dubious
luxury
of
normal
men,
but
for
Alcoholics,
these
things
are
poison.
We
turn
back
to
the
list
for
it
held
the
key
to
the
future.
We
were
prepared
to
look
at
it
from
an
entirely
different
angle.
We
began
to
see
that
the
world
and
its
people
really
dominated
us.
This
is
what
we're
supposed
to
come
to
the
understanding
of
after
we've
done
enough
inventory.
We're
supposed
to
with
the
whole
Megillah
is
going
to
be
in
front
of
us,
every
resentment
we
can
possibly
think
of
and
every
cause
of
people
hurting
us,
and
the
the
whole
thing
just
spread
in
front
of
us
like
a
big
pile
of
crap.
We're
supposed
to
come
to
the
understanding
that
we're
being
dominated.
We
are
in
bondage
to
all
this
stuff.
This
is
the
stuff
that's
causing
us
our
misery
in
life.
You
know
what
I
mean?
In
that
state,
the
wrongdoing
of
others,
fancied
or
real,
you
will
find,
if
you
write
inventory
honestly,
you'll
find
a
lot
of
fancied
resentments.
I'd
say
about
a
third
of
my
resentments
ended
up
being
nothing,
Right,
John?
After
I
got
done
with
him,
it
was
almost
embarrassing
to
read
them
because
they
were
lies.
You
know
what
I
mean?
They
were
fancied,
had
the
power
to
actually
kill.
How
could
we
escape?
We
saw
that
these
resentments
must
be
mastered,
but
how?
We
could
not
wish
them
away
any
more
than
alcohol.
So
you
cannot
get
rid
of
resentments
or
where
self
will
has
brought
you
on
your
own.
You
can't
just
wish
to
be
better.
Well,
well,
now
I
see
what
I'm
doing
wrong.
I
won't
do
it
anymore.
Well,
well,
the
day
I
get
rid
of
my
own
character
defects,
that'll
be
the
day.
You
know
what
I
mean.
I
made
that
mistake
or
an
early
sobriety
after
doing
a
fist
step.
I,
I
sat
on
step
6
and
step
7
working
on
my
character
defects.
I
mean,
I
used
to
hear
a
lot
of
therapy
and
stuff
in
the
meetings
like
I'm
working
with
my
therapist
on
my
issues.
So
I
thought,
well,
maybe
that's
what
the
steps
six
and
seven
is.
I
should
work
on
my
issues.
Well,
it's
like
banging
my
head
against
the
wall.
I
won't
be
selfish.
I
won't
be
selfish.
I
won't
be
selfish.
Give
me
that.
You
know,
that's,
that's
no
matter
how
hard
I
try
forget
about
it.
It
was
like
banging
my
head
against
the
wall.
I
won't
be
judgmental.
I
won't
be
judgmental,
but
only,
well,
I'm
just
with
those
bastards,
you
know,
I
could
not
work
on
my
own
stuff.
And
I
spent
like
a
year
and
a
half
working
on
my
own
problems,
you
know,
And
God
bless
you
if
you
can
go
to
a
therapist
and
correct
all
your,
your
character
defects
by
examining
them
and
talking
them
over,
God
bless
you.
But
I'll
tell
you
what,
I
sure
can't.
You
know,
just
knowing
what
I
do
wrong
is
not
enough.
I
need
the
rest
of
the
steps
to
even
be
able
to
put
a
dent
in
my
character
defects
like
my
character
defects
are
are.
They're
like
a
locomotive
and
and
wishing
them
away
is
like
trying
to
stop
that
locomotive
with
a
cobweb.
This
was
our
course.
We
realized
that
the
people
who
wronged
us
were
perhaps
spiritually
sick.
So
this
is
one
of
the
things
they're
asking
us
to
change
our
perception
with
the
people
who
have
wronged
us.
Though
we
did
not
like
their
symptoms
and
the
way
that
these
disturbed
us,
they,
like
ourselves,
were
sick
too.
We
asked
God
to
help
us
show
them
the
same
tolerance,
pity
and
patience
that
we
would
cheerfully
grant
a
sick
friend.
When
a
person
offended,
we
said
to
ourselves,
this
is
a
sick
man,
how
can
I
be
helpful
to
him?
God
save
me
from
being
angry.
Thy
will
be
done.
That
is
a
tall
order.
You
know,
a
good
thing
really
if
we've
seen
anybody
perfectly
follow
this
program
because
I
can't
do
this
all
the
time.
I
can
do
this
sometimes
a
lot
of
Times
Now,
but
I
can't
do
it
all
the
time.
But
I'll
give
you
an
example
out
of
my
experience.
It's
1980
and
my
first
wife
is
about
to
have
our
daughter
and
she's
in
the
late.
She's
in
the
the
waiting
room
to
go
into
labor,
the
go
to
go
into
the
delivery
room
and
she's
going
to
do
the
Lamaze
thing.
All
natural,
you
know,
no,
no
chemicals
or
anything.
No,
no,
no
pain
killers.
And
she
goes
into
one
of
these
contractions
and
and
she
starts
screaming
at
me.
She's
going
you
son
of
a
bitch.
It's
your
fault
for
putting
me
in
this
division.
I'm
never
going
to
let
you
touch
me
again.
You
best.
And
she
just
start.
I,
I
never
heard
words
like
this
out
of
her
mouth.
She
was
cussing
me
upside
down,
back
and
forth,
sideways.
And
you
know
how
I
reacted.
It's
OK,
honey.
It's
OK,
honey.
Breathe,
you
know,
do
a
little,
do
a
little
abaz
breathing.
It's
all
right.
Everything
will
be
fine.
I'll
tell
you
what,
if
she
would
have
said
that
shit
to
me
two
weeks
later,
I'd
have
thrown
her
ass
out
of
the
house.
You
know
what
I
mean?
Because
two
weeks
later
she
wasn't
sick
and
suffering.
Well,
they're
just
asking
me
to
change
my
position
to
to
seeing
someone
as
sick
and
suffering.
When
when
when
my
wife
yells
at
me.
From
now
on
just
pretend
that
she's
in
labor
or
something,
you
know
what
I
mean?
And
and
pretend
that
she's
sick
and
try
to
be
helpful.
That's
what
it's
asking
us
to
do.
It's
a
tall
order,
but
I'll
tell
you
what,
as
we
develop
the
capability
of
doing
that
with
a
lot
of
prayer,
you
know,
we're
going
to
make
our
life
a
lot
easier.
We
avoid
retaliation
or
argument.
How
I
usually
explain
this
is
when
you're
ready
to
go
at
somebody,
just
take
5,
just
say,
well,
I'm
going
to
wait
5
minutes
before
I
jump
all
over
this
guy.
And
usually
that'll
give
you
enough
time
to
do
a
little
prayer
work,
you
know,
whatever.
We
wouldn't
treat
sick
people
that
way.
If
we
do,
we
destroy
our
chances
of
being
helpful.
You're
not
going
to
be
able
to
be
helpful
to
somebody
that
you've
just
alienated
because
you've
called
them
every
name
in
the
book.
We
cannot
helpful
be
helpful
to
all
people.
But
at
least
God
will
show
us
how
to
take
a
kindly,
intolerant
view
of
each
and
everyone.
Referring
to
our
list.
Again,
putting
out
of
our
minds
the
wrongs
others
had
done.
We
resolutely
looked
at
our
own
mistakes.
So
we're
supposed
to
put
out
of
our
mind
the
the
second
and
third
column,
you
know,
what
the
person
did
to
us,
the
cause
of
our
resentment,
what
was
what
was
threatened.
They
were
just
kind
of
supposed
to
put
that
off
to
the
side.
We
ask
ourselves
where
had
we
been
selfish,
dishonest,
self
seeking
and
frame?
If
you'll
look
at
column
four
on
the
one
pager,
column
four
is
where
have
I
been
selfish
to
silence
self
seeking
and
frightened
you
write
down,
but
where
was
I
selfish
with
the
IRS?
I
was
selfish
cheating
on
the
income
tax.
You
know,
I
wanted
the
money.
Where
was
I
dishonest?
It's
illegal
to
cheat
on
income
tax.
I
was
dishonest
with
that.
There
was
I
self
seeking,
but
I
was
self
seeking.
I
didn't
tell
my
family
I
was
going
to
cheat
on
the
income
tax.
So,
so
that
so
that
we'd
have
to
eat
spam
for
the
next
year
while
they
deducted
the
money
out
of
my
my
paycheck.
And
where,
where,
where
was
I
frightened?
Not
I'm,
you
know,
I'm
frightened
that
they're
that
they're
going
to
the
IRS
is
going
to
have
their
way
with
me,
you
know,
So
that's
how
you
do
column
four.
Well,
the
fears
in
column
four
will
be
transferred
over
to
the
fear
list,
which
I
haven't
gone
over
yet,
just
so
everybody
knows.
Alright,
let's
look
at
the
Dave
Frederickson
version
of
the
fourth
column.
I
like
this.
I
like
this
because
it
gives
you
a
ton
of
room
to
elucidate,
OK,
the
seven
areas
itself
which
were
threatened,
you
know,
my
self
esteem,
my
pocketbook,
my
ambition,
my
personal
relationships,
my
security
and
my
pride
are
all
threatened
because
the
IRS
are
going
to
come
after
me,
right?
What
you
do
is
you
lay
these
two
pages
next
to
each
other
and
you'll
see
that
there
there
is
the
seven
areas
itself
on
the
left
hand
side.
It
asks
asks
you
to
write
out
the
answers
to
the
four
questions
in
every
sit
in
the
seven
areas
itself.
So
let's
go
down
to
security.
Where
was
I
selfish
with
security
again,
I
was
selfish
because
I
cheated
on
the
income
tax
and
that's
going
to
put
me
in
a
position
to
maybe
be
hurt
in
the
near
future.
Where
was
I
dishonest?
I
illegally
failed
to
report
certain
things.
Where
was
I
self?
Let's
say
I
go
up
to
my
personal
relationships.
Where
was
I
self
seeking
in
my
personal
relationships?
I
was
self
seeking
there.