Workshop about the chapters More About Alcoholism and We Agnostics at the Spiritual Awakenings group in Bernardville, NJ
There's
not
a
cloud
on
the
horizon.
As
a
matter
of
fact,
he
did
a
great
job
with
his
business
deal
and
everybody
was
going
to
be
real
happy
he
closed
the
account
in
Atlanta,
you
know,
or,
or
Florida
or
whatever.
I
went
to
my
hotel
and
leisurely
dressed
for
dinner.
As
I
crossed
the
threshold
of
the
dining
room,
the
thought
came
to
mind
that
it
would
be
nice
to
have
a
couple
of
cocktails
with
dinner.
That
was
all.
Nothing
more.
He's
somebody
that
ends
up
in
the
asylum
when
he
drinks.
OK,
Asylums.
And
believe
me
that
the
asylums
of
the
30s,
you
don't
want
to
end
up
there
because
they
could
keep
you
indefinitely.
They
they
could
write
down
alcoholic
insanity
and
keep
you
until
doomsday,
you
know?
So
it's
a
place
you
really
don't
want
to
go.
It's
like
Elena
Lodge
or
something.
You
know
what
I
mean?
Please
I
I
ordered
a
cocktail
with
my
meal,
then
I
ordered
another
cocktail
and
after
dinner
I
decided
to
take
a
walk.
I
returned
to
the
hotel
and
it
struck
me
that
a
highball
would
be
fine
before
going
to
bed,
so
I
stepped
into
the
bar
and
had
one.
A
complete
insanity.
I
remember
having
several
more
that
night,
and
plenty
the
next
morning.
I
have
a
shadowy
recollection
of
being
in
an
airplane
bound
for
New
York
and
of
finding
a
friendly
taxicab
driver
at
the
landing
field
instead
of
my
wife.
The
driver
escorted
me
about
for
several
days.
I
know
little
of
where
I
went
or
what
I
said.
Then
came
the
hospital
with
the
unbearable
mental
and
physical
suffering.
You
know
we
do
crazy
things
in
blackouts.
We
travel,
we,
we
meet
interesting
people.
You
know,
have
you
ever
had
somebody
that
you
met
in
a
blackout
call
you
the
next
day
to
get
together?
I
mean,
who
the
hell
are
you?
I,
I,
I
quit
a
job
in
a
blackout
one
time
and
then
went
in
the
next
day.
I
didn't
know
I'd
quit
that.
That
caused
some
consternation.
As
soon
as
I
regained
my
ability
to
think,
I
went
carefully
over
that
evening
in
Washington.
Not
only
had
I
been
off
guard,
I
had
made
no
fight
whatever
against
the
first
string.
So
just
knowing
that
you
can't
drink
doesn't
mean
you're
going
to
make
a
fight
against
the
first
drink.
You
know
what?
That's
what
powerlessness
is.
If
we
could
decide
not
to
drink
on
our
own
willpower,
would
we
be
powerless
over
alcohol?
When
you
admit
powerlessness,
that
means
that
you
are
not
the
one
who's
who's
in
control
of
when
you
drink
or
how
much
you
drink
once
you
pick
up.
This
time
I
had
not
thought
of
the
consequences
at
all.
I
had
commenced
to
drink
as
carelessly
as
though
the
cocktails
were
ginger
ale.
I
now
remember
what
my
alcoholic
friends
told
me,
how
they
prophesized
that
if
I
had
an
alcoholic
mind,
the
time
and
place
would
come.
I
would
drink
again.
I
tell
that
to,
I
usually
give
an
exit
interview
to
to
the
guys
that
I
sponsor
who
are
on
their
way
out.
You
know,
the
people
who've
backed
away
from
meetings,
everything
they
get
like
one
exit
interview
with
me.
I
give
them
a
call
and
I'll
tell
them.
I'll
tell
them
the
time
and
the
place
will
come
and
maybe
next
week,
it
may
be
next
month
10
years
from
now.
But
if
you
back
away
from
a
spiritual
course
of
action,
the
time
and
your
alcoholic,
the
time
and
the
place
will
come
when
you
will
drink
again,
you
will.
And
you
know
it's
your
choice.
You're
making
a
choice
to
drink
by
moving
away
from
a
A,
whether
you
know
it
or
not.
They
had
said
that
though
I
did
raise
a
defense,
it
will
one
day
give
way
before
some
trivial
reason
for
having
a
drink.
Well,
just
that
did
happen
and
more
for
what
I
had
learned
of
alcoholism
did
not
occur
to
me
at
all.
I
knew
from
that
moment
that
I
had
an
alcoholic
mind.
I
saw
that
willpower
and
self
knowledge
would
not
help
in
those
strange
mental
blank
spots.
I
had
never
been
able
to
understand
people
who
said
that
a
problem
had
him
hopelessly
defeated.
I
knew
then
it
was
a
crushing
blow.
And
only
two
times
in
history,
once
during
the
Washingtonians
and
once
during
a
A
and
a
little
bit
before
that
group
in
the
ocean
group,
have
Alcoholics
been
able
to
recover
in
large
groups,
been
able
to
recover
from
alcoholism.
This
this
dooms
us
to
death.
This
obsession
of
the
mind
dooms
us
to
death.
And
all
throughout
history,
Alcoholics
have
drank
themselves
to
death
until
until
they've
gotten
together
in
groups
and
found
spiritual
answers
to
their
problem.
And
every
once
in
a
while,
through
religious
conversion
experiences,
people
have
been
able
to,
to
get
so
and
like
John
Coltrane
earlier,
that
was
a
religious
conversion
experience
and
he
was
able
to,
to
get
sober
and
spaced
clean
and
sober
without
a
a
or
in
it
to
the
members
of
Alcoholics
Anonymous
came
to
see
me
that
grinned,
which
I
didn't
like
so
much.
And
then
they
asked
me
if
I
thought
myself
an
alcoholic
and
if
I
were
really
licked
this
time.
That's
funny.
You
know,
when
you
go
in
a
12
step
call,
we're
full
of
smiles.
You
know,
how
bad
do
you
feel?
You
know,
Oh,
you
got
another
DWI.
That's
great.
Now
we're
we're,
we're
like
that
because
the
lower
down
you've
gone,
the
more
willing
you're
going
to
be
in
the
and
the
easier
we
are
going
to
be
to
work
with,
you
know.
I
had
to
conceive
to
both
propositions.
They
piled
on
me
heaps
of
evidence
of
the
effect
that
an
alcoholic
mentality
such
as
I
had
exhibited
in
Washington
was
a
hopeless
condition.
They
cited
cases
out
of
their
own
experience
by
the
dozen.
This
process
snuffed
out
the
last
flicker
of
conviction
that
I
could
do
the
job
myself.
Then
they
outlined
the
spiritual
answer
and
program
of
action
which
100
of
them
had
followed
successfully.
That's
the
steps.
That's
the
that's
the
rest
of
this
book
that
we're
reading.
No,
I
had
been
only
a
nominal
churchman.
Their
proposals
were
not
intellectually
hard
to
swallow,
but
the
program
of
action,
though
entirely
sensible,
was
pretty
drastic.
Go
back
to
everybody
and
make
amends.
And
then
I
would
have
to
throw
several
lifelong
conceptions
out
of
the
window,
like
running
your
own
life.
That
was
not
easy.
But
the
moment
I
made-up
my
mind
to
go
through
with
the
process,
I
had
the
curious
feeling
that
my
alcoholic
condition
was
relieved,
as
in
fact
it
proved
to
be.
That's
one
of
the
third
step.
Promises
that
you
get
you
get
you
get
promises
all
the
all
the
way
along
the
line
make
when
you
take
action
steps.
Quite
as
important
was
the
discovery
that
spiritual
principles
would
solve
all
my
problems.
Note
the
word
all
that's
an
important
thing
there
spiritual
principles
of
solve
all
my
problems
today
when
I
first
came
into
the
beginners
meeting
in
Basking
Ridge,
you
should
have
heard
my
problems.
I
don't
really
even
remember
where
any
of
whom
really
today
there
were
problems
with
bosses
and
problems
with
ex
wives
and
problems
with
living
situations
and
motor
vehicle
problems
and
you
know
all
kinds
of
all
kinds
of
crap.
And
today
all
those
problems
have
really
been
solved
through
through
spiritual
means,
spiritual
principles.
They
had
said
that,
though
I
did
raise
a
I'm
sorry
murmur.
Oh,
quite
as
important
was
the
discovery
that
spiritual
principles
solve
all
my
problems
have
since
been
brought
to
a
way
of
living
infinitely
more
satisfying
and
I
hope,
more
useful
than
the
life
I
had
before.
Another
promise.
My
own
manner
of
life
was
by
no
means
a
bad
one,
but
I
would
not
exchange
its
best
moments
for
the
worst
I
have
now.
I
would
know
I
would
not
go
back
to
it
even
if
I
could.
I
like
that
I
wouldn't
go
back
to
my
non
spiritual
life
even
if
I
could.
You
know,
you
go
through
a
spiritual
course
of
action
in
this
book.
There
really
isn't
any
turning
back.
You
turn
your
back
on
living
a
spiritual
life.
Once
you've
once
you've
experienced
it,
then
it's
a
very,
very
uncomfortable
place
to
be.
You
you
can't
survive
in.
You
know
what
I
mean?
You
know
what
I
mean?
Story
speaks
for
itself.
We
hope
it
strikes
home
to
thousands
like
him.
He
had
felt
only
the
1st
nip
of
the
ringer.
Can
you
imagine
the
type
of
bottoms
these
guys
must
have
had?
This
guy
goes
to
the
asylum
every
time
he
drinks
and
he's
a
high
bottom
compared
to
these
people.
He's
just
felt
the
nip
of
the
ringer.
Most
Alcoholics
have
had
to
be
pretty
badly
mangled
before
they
really
commenced
to
solve
their
problems.
And
that's
true
today.
You
know,
a
lot
of
times
you
have
to
really
have
a
bottom
to
be
one
of
the
people
that's
willing
to
go
through
the
steps
and
go
make
the
amends
and
do
the
inventories.
I
work
with
a
lot
of
people
and
until
you've
really
experienced
some
pain,
you're
not
going
to
do
it.
You're
going
to
be
one
of
the
people
that
sit
in
the
back
of
the
meeting
and
maintain
whatever
type
of
sobriety
that
you
have,
well,
good,
bad
or
indifferent.
Many
doctors
and
psychiatrists
agree
with
our
conclusions
of
these
men.
Staff
members
of
a
world
renowned
hospital
recently
made
the
statement
to
some
of
us.
What
you
say
about
the
general
hopelessness
of
the
average
alcoholic's
plight
is
in
my
incorrect
As
to
the
two
of
you
men
whose
stories
I
have
heard,
there's
no
doubt
in
my
mind
that
you
are
100%
hopeless.
Apart
from
divine
help,
Had
you
offered
yourselves
as
patients
at
this
hospital,
I
would
not
have
taken
you
if
I
had
been
able
to
avoid
it.
People
like
you
are
too
heartbreaking,
but
not
a
religious
person.
I've
profound
respect
for
the
spiritual
approach
in
such
cases
as
yours.
For
most
cases,
there's
virtually
no
other
solution.
And
this
is
a
staff
position
at
a
hospital.
I'll
tell
you
what,
there's
a
lot
of
people
out
there
that
want
our
money,
OK?
We're
supposed
to
be
friendly
with
our
friends,
and
I'm
all
for
that.
But
there's
a
lot
of
psychiatrists,
There's
a
lot
of
therapists,
There's
a,
there's
a,
there's
a
lot
of
doctors.
There's
a
lot
of
people
out
there
that
want
our
money.
OK.
And
where
do
they
come
when
they
need
to
get
sober?
Where
do
the
doctors
come?
Where
do
the
therapists
come?
Where
do
the
people
come
when
they
need
to
get
soap
to
come
to
a
A?
That's
where
they
come.
You
know
what
I
mean?
So
just
to
just
to,
just
to
make
it
clear
that
there's
so
many,
there's
so
many
new
cures
for
alcoholism
on
the
market
in
the
medical
field.
I
was
reading
a,
a
book
by
George
McGovern
on
his,
on
his
daughters
death.
His
daughter
froze
to
death
in
a
snowbank.
OK,
she
was
a
chronic
relapser
and
he
didn't
have
a
clue
because
at
the
end
of
this
book
he
lists
about
35
new
drugs
they
have
to
combat
alcoholism.
The
poor
fucking
guy
didn't
have
a
clue,
you
know
what
I
mean,
of
what
would
have
really
saved
his
daughter's
life
And
he's
saying
all
this
new
breakthrough
drugs
and
everything.
So
you
got
to
be
careful.
I
think
I
told
everybody
last
week
that
one
of
the
people
that
my
wife
and
I
work
with
was
sent
to
a
doctor.
The
doctor
prescribed
this
new
drug
for
for
obsessive
compulsive
behaviour,
said
that
alcoholic
drinking
is
obsessive
compulsive
behaviors.
Take
these
drugs,
don't
worry,
don't
don't
go
to
a
A
don't
bother
with
a
A
take
these
drugs.
You'll
be
fine.
And
as
we
were
driving
her
to
the
rehab
one
more
time,
we
told
her
that
she
might
have
been
misdiagnosed.
Now,
if
some
of
these
drugs
turn
out
to
work,
believe
me,
we'll
find
out
about
it
in
a
a,
you
know
what
I
mean?
But
but
nobody's
come
flying
at
the
AA
saying
you
guys,
I
stopped
going
to
meetings.
I
started
taking
this
drug.
My
life
is
wonderful.
You
know,
there's
not
been
one
person
that's
come
up
to
me
and
said
that.
So
you
know
when
when
a
doctor
says
that
he
has
profound
respect
for
the
spiritual
approach,
and
for
most
cases,
there's
virtually
no
other
solution?
That
hasn't
changed
since
1938
when
this
book
was
written.
Alcoholism
hasn't
changed,
and
the
solution
hasn't
changed
once
more,
the
alcoholic
At
certain
times,
there's
no
effective
mental
defense
against
the
first
drink
they're
telling
us
for
the
umpteenth
time.
Except
in
a
few
rare
cases,
neither
he
nor
any
other
human
being
can
provide
such
a
defense.
His
defense
must
come
from
a
higher
power.
Got
a
couple
of
things
here.
One
thing
of
interest
I
wish,
I
wish
Pat
C
was
here
is
there's
an
annual
conference
for
for
correctional
facilities
and
he's
been
itching
to
get
back
into
maximum
security.
Why?
I
don't
know,
maybe
because
they'll
let
him
out
after
the
meeting
this
time,
but
anyone
here
who's
interested
in
getting
involved,
any
of
the
correctional
facilities
work,
There's
a
conference
that'll
you
can
go
there
and
they'll,
you
know,
come
up
after
the
meeting
and
get
the
get
the
information.
You
can
go
there
and
they'll
tell
you
what
your
options
are,
what's
available
in
the
area.
And
it's
a
good
thing
to
do
kind
of
bridge
the
gap
between
the
jail
and
the
a,
a
community.
Some
good
news.
We
made
it
through
bookers
again
this
Sunday.
I
have
speaking
commitments.
Anyone,
anyone
can
sign
up
for
these.
One
thing
that
we
do
encourage
is
for
you
to
have
half
a
damn
program.
At
least
if
you're
going
to
go
out
and
speak,
you
know,
at
least
know
a
little
bit
about
what
the
heck's
going
on.
And
but
that's
really
the
only
requirement.
And
that's
not
even
a
requirement
that's
we
just
suggest
that.
But
but
there's
some
good
commitments
here.
Some
of
them
are
local.
One
of
them,
one
of
them
has
already
signed
up
for
that.
I
was
worried
about
I
had
an
Inglewood
noon
meeting
because
that
would
be
a
no
show
for
sure.
But
my
wife
signed
up
for
it,
so
I'll
make
sure
that
she
goes.
But
I'll
pass
this
around
and
you
know,
sign
up.
We
have
been,
we've
been
going
over
for
the
last
many
weeks.
We've
been
going
over
a
lot
of
information
on
step
one.
We've
probably
given
you
too
much
information
on
step
one
in
the
in
the
preceding
weeks,
but
basically
what
we're
hoping
for
is
we're
hoping
that
you're
going
to
have
an
understanding
of
what
step
one
is.
It
truly
is
one
of
the
most
misunderstood
steps
in
a
A
Hopefully
you'll
be
able
to
keep
it
simple
enough
to
understand
the
obsession
in
the
mind
and
the
craving
of
the
body.
Basically,
the
obsession
of
the
mind
is
the
body
before
the
drink.
You
know
what
happens
to
us
before
we
start
drinking?
Why
on
earth,
knowing
how
alcohol
affects
us
and
how
it
screws
up
our
life,
why
on
earth
would
we
pick
up
a
drink?
It
goes
against
all
logic.
And
you
know,
we're
not
stupid
people.
So
that's
that's
basically
the
obsession
of
the
mind.
What
happens
to
us?
Do
we
have
something
that
that
were
powerless
over,
were
powerless
over
whether
we
pick
up
a
drink
again
or
not?
I
mean,
how
many
times
have
we
all
stopped?
It's
not
stopping.
It's
really
the
problem.
It's
starting
again.
And
we,
you
know,
we
always
have
continued
to
start
over
and
over
again.
And
what
is
that?
And
then
there's
the
body
after
the
drink.
And
what
that
is,
is
that's
the
craving
or
the
they
call
it
the
allergy
in
the
book.
And
that
is
the
first
drink
asks
for
the
second
drink.
The
second
drink
wants
a
third
drink,
you
know,
the
5th
drink
wants
the
6th
drink
more
more
than
the
third
drink,
one
of
the
fourth
drink.
You
know
what
I
mean?
And
if
you're
an
alcoholic,
it's
had
to
have
happened
to
you
many
times
that
you've
got
blithering
drum
and
it
wasn't
something
that
you
really
wanted
to
do.
It
was
the
worst.
It
was
a
bad
timing,
you
know,
it
was
the
wrong
place
in
the
wrong
time
and
you
ended
up
getting
smashed
anyway.
So
basically
we
need
to
look
at
that
and
there's
a
couple
of
tests.
One
of
the
things
is
all
the
information
that
they
give
you
in
the
book,
if
you
can
allow
your
experience,
your
personal
drinking
experience
and
and
before
you
picked
up
a
drink,
if
you
can
use
that
experience
to
confirm
to
yourself
your
own
truth
about
the
first
step,
that's
great.
You
know,
that's
that's
one
of
the
things
that
that
we've
been
trying
to
give
you
information
for
here.
If
you're
still
unsure
of
whether
you
have
have
power
over
whether
you
start
drinking
again,
or
if
you
have
power
over
how
much
you
drink
when
you
pick
up
a
drink,
if
you
still
think
you
may
have
some
power
in
that
area,
there's
a
couple
of
tests
that
that
the
big
book
lays
out
for
you.
The
test
for
the
obsession
of
the
mind
would
be
stay
away
from
alcohol
for
a
year
just
on
your
own.
Don't
go
to
AA,
don't
read
the
big
book,
don't
do
any
of
that.
Just
see
if
you
cannot
drink
for
a
year
on
your
own
power.
The
book
says
if
you're
an
alcoholic,
most
likely
you're
going
to
fail.
It's,
it's
very,
it's
a
very,
very
rare
that
an
alcoholic
can
go
a
year
without
drinking,
with
no
spiritual
form
of
recovery.
The
test
for
the
test
for
the
body
is
the
Marty
Mann
test
or
that's,
that's
one
of
the
famous
ones
that's
drink
two
shots
of
vodka
every
day
for
30
days,
no
more,
no
less.
And
you
can't
save
them
up.
And
if
you,
if
you're
an
alcoholic
who
has
the
craving,
who,
who
the,
the
craving
manifests
itself
in
your
body,
you're
not
going
to
be
able
to
do
that.
That'll
drive
you
out
of
your
mind
to
do
that.
You
may
make
it
a
day
or
two,
but
if
you're,
if
you're
a
real
alcoholic,
you're
going
to
be
drunk
as
a
goat
pretty
quick
because
it's
going
to
set
off
the,
the
craving.
So
anyway,
those
are
some
of
the
test.
We're
looking
for
our
own
truth
about
the
first
step.
We
need
to
know
what
it
is.
We
need
to
know
whether
we're
alcoholic
or
not.
We
need
to
know
whether
we
have
sufficient
power
to
decide
how
much
we
drink
once
we're
drinking,
and
we
need
to
know
if
we
have
sufficient
power
on
our
own
to
give
up
alcohol
entirely.
And
if
you
come
to
the
conclusion
like
I
have,
that
you
don't
have
power
over
either
of
those,
you
need
to
search
for
power.
You
need
to
look
for
power.
And
the
first
step
is,
is,
is
the
fuel
that
you're
going
to
need
to
work
through
the
rest
of
the
program
to
find
that
power,
because
the
the
rest
of
the
steps
really
are
a
search
for
power.
They're
they're
a
search
for
God
and
without
a
real
firm
basis
in
the
first
step,
you're
not
going
to
do
it,
you're
going
to
poop
out.
In
the
fourth
or
fifth
step,
you're
going
to
knock,
not
you're
not
going
to
go
make
amends
to
the
people
you've
harmed.
You
know
you're
going
to
poop
out.
So,
so
there's
tons
of
information
in
this
book
about
the
first
step
and
we're
slowly
moving
into
the
second
step
here.
We
tonight
we
were
on
the
chapter
We
Agnostics,
that's
on
page
44
and
we're
going
to
start
the
reading
there.
In
the
preceding
chapters,
you
have
learned
something
of
alcoholism.
We
hope
we
have
made
clear
the
distinction
between
the
alcoholic
and
the
non
alcoholic.
They
went
over
that
many,
many
times.
If
when
you
honestly
want
to
you
find
you
cannot
quit
entirely,
or
if
when
drinking
you
have
little
control
over
the
amount
you
take,
you
are
probably
alcoholic.
So
that
really
is
probably
the
best
single
sentence
describing
our
condition
that
I've
found
in
this
book.
And
we
need
to
know
the
truth
about
that
for
ourselves.
If
that
be
the
case,
you
may
be
suffering
from
an
illness
which
only
a
spiritual
experience
will
conquer.
And
therein
they
lay
out
the
solution.
The
solution
for
our
alcoholism
is
a
spiritual
experience.
The
spiritual
experience
will
bring
us
into
contact
with
the
power
sufficient
enough
to
relieve
us
of
the
obsession
to
drink.
So
we
won't
pick
up
the
first
drink
if
we
have
a
if
we
have
a
a,
a
valid,
consistent
conscious
contact
with
a
power
greater
than
ourselves.
To
one
who
feels
he's
an
atheist
or
an
agnostic,
such
an
experience
seems
impossible.
But
to
continue
as
he
is
means
disaster,
especially
if
he's
an
alcoholic
of
the
hopeless
variety.
To
be
doomed
to
an
alcoholic
death,
or
to
live
on
a
spiritual
basis,
or
not
always
easy
alternatives
to
face.
They
are
definitely
not.
I
can
give
a
an
example
out
of
my
own
experience.
I've
been
drinking
myself
to
death.
It
was
about
1984.
I
got
my
third
DWI.
I'd
had
maybe
10
jobs
in
in
as
many
years.
I'd
lost
all
my
friends
and
I
was
living
in
a
room
in
my
mother's
house.
I
was
about
28
years
old.
You
know,
I'd
lost
my
family
and
with
the
respect
of
anyone
that
knew
me
and
the
booze
was
really,
really
getting
my
attention.
I
mean,
my
life
was
just
just
hell.
And
I
talked
a
friend
of
mine
into
dragging
me
up
to
one
of
these
A
and
A
meetings,
you
know,
to
see
if
I
could
do
something
about
my
drinking.
And
I
went
up
to
this
A
and
a
meeting
and
I'll
never
forget
it
was
about
8/19/84
or
85.
And
it
was
a
Basking
Ridge
Wednesday
night
meeting
back
when
it
was
over
by
the
Big
Oak
Tree
Church.
And
I
walked
in
there
and
I
sat
down
and
I
had
a
good
buzz
on
because
I
didn't
do
well
with
crowds
unless
I
had
a
little
bit
of
ballast
ending,
you
know,
So
I
got,
I
got
half
a
load
on
and
I'm
sitting
in
this
meeting
and
I'm,
and
it
was
one
of
those
touchy
feely
type
meetings.
Everybody
was
talking
about
issues
and,
and
stuff
that
I
just
couldn't
relate
to.
I,
I
didn't
hear
really
anything
about
drinking
or
about
the
type
of
alcoholism
that
I
was,
I
was
involved
with.
I,
I
heard
basically
recovery
stuff,
would
you
know,
like
like
upper
level
recovery
stuff
that,
that
I,
I
just
couldn't
relate
to.
I
didn't
understand
what
they
were
talking
about.
That
would
have
been
all
right.
But
at
the
end
of
the
meeting,
everybody
stood
up.
Well,
one
thing
I
saw
was
they
passed
the
basket
around
and
you
had
to
throw
money
in
the
basket.
So
you
know
that
that
kind
of
got
me
on,
got
my
attention.
But
the
thing
at
the
end
of
the
meeting
was
everybody
stood
up
and
they
held
hands
and
they
said
the
Lords
Prayer.
And
I
said,
Oh,
no,
you
know,
oh,
Oh
my
God,
with
the
rollers
now,
you
know,
bad
enough,
bad
enough,
they're
all
alcoholic.
They've
got
a
basket
that
goes
around
and
they're,
they're
praying
at
me.
So
I
understand
what
it
says
that
it's
not
always,
it's
not
always
an
easy
alternative
to
face.
I
was
really
dying
from
drinking.
But
if
you
were
going
to
make
me
hold
your
hand
and
pray
I'm
out,
I'm
out.
And
I
was.
I
went
back
out
for
about
another
five
years
until
I
had
a
bottom
sufficient
to
to
make
me
think
that
I'll
hold
your
gun
hands
and
I'll
pray
I'll,
I'll
sell
flowers
at
the
airport
if
I
have
to.
You
know
I'm
going
to
die
and
and
I
came
back
in,
but
it
isn't
so
difficult.
About
half
of
our
original
fellowship
was
of
exactly
that
type.
At
first,
some
of
us
tried
to
avoid
the
issue,
hoping
it's
hope
we
were
not
true
Alcoholics.
And
that's
like
everybody.
That's
like
the
people
who
who
come
to
a
A
for
30
days
and
disappear,
you
know,
they're
hoping
against
hope
that
they're
not
really
an
alcoholic.
But
after
a
while
we
had
to
face
the
fact
that
we
must
find
a
spiritual
basis
of
life
or
else,
or
else
we're
going
to
die.
Perhaps
it's
going
to
be
that
way
with
you,
but
cheer
up.
Something
like
half
of
us
thought
we
were
atheists
or
agnostics.
Our
experience
shows
that
you
need
not
be
disconcerted.
I
looked
up
a
atheist
and
agnostic
gnostic
in
in
Oxford
dictionary
it
says
here
the
atheist
rejects
all
religious
belief
and
believes
and
denies
the
existence
of
God.
And
the
agnostic
questions
the
existence
of
God,
heaven,
and
all
the
other
things
in
the
absence
of
material
proof
and
an
unwillingness
to
accept
spiritual
supernatural
revelation.
So
those
are
the
two
definitions
I've
heard.
I've
heard
it
a
little
bit
more
clearly
put
that
the
atheist
denies
God,
denies
the
belief
of
God,
and
the
agnostic
doesn't
believe
that
there
certainly
could
be
a
God,
but
he's
not
actively
participating
in
any
way
in
their
particular
life.
And
that's
really
how
I
came
in
here.
You
know,
this
chapter
says
we
agnostics.
It
doesn't
say
to
the
agnostic
or
for
the
agnostic,
it
says
we
agnostic.
So
that,
that
leads
me
to
believe
that
most,
if
not
all
of
us
coming
in
have
huge
streaks
of
agnosticism.
Like
like,
where
was
God
in
my
life
when
I
was
in
the
gutter?
You
know,
how
did
God
allow
me
to
lose
my
family
and
all
this?
You
know,
if
there,
if
there
was
a
God,
you
know,
what's
going
on
in
Bosnia?
You
know,
I
mean,
I
had,
I
had
like
lots
of
thoughts
like
that.
And,
and
I
was,
I
was
basically
denying
the
fact
that,
that
that
God
could
have
a
positive
influence
on
my
life.
I
kind
of
believed
if
there
was
a
God,
he
probably
was
having
a
negative
influence
on
my
life
in
one
period
of
time.
I
thought
that
God
was
like
a
cosmic
Allen
Fund
who
was,
who
was
putting
me
in
all
these
crazy
situations.
And,
and
up
there
with
Saint
Peter
laughing
his
ass
off,
you
know,
watch
no,
watch
him,
watch
him
in
the
police
station
watching
his
DWI
video,
you
know,
I
mean,
just
getting
a
big
kick
out
of
it
all.
And
meanwhile
my
life
was
like
hell.
Perhaps
it's
going
to
be
that
way
with
you,
but
cheer
up.
Something
like
half
of
us
thought
we
were
atheists
or
agnostics.
If
a
mere
code
of
morals
or
a
better
philosophy
of
life
were
sufficient
to
overcome
alcoholism,
many
of
us
would
have
recovered
long
ago.
But
we
found
that
such
codes
and
philosophies
did
not
save
us,
no
matter
how
much
we
tried.
Like
let's
take
the
the
churchgoer,
the
avid
churchgoer
or
you
know,
that's
that's
a
code
or
a
philosophy
of
life.
Just
that
in
itself
is
not
going
to
be
sufficient
to
put
you
in
contact
with
the
power
that
you
need.
We
could
wish
to
be
moral.
We
could
wish
to
be
philosophically
comforted.
In
fact,
we
could
will
these
things
with
all
our
might.
But
the
needed
power
wasn't
there.
Our
human
resources,
as
marshaled
by
the
will,
were
not
sufficient.
They
failed
utterly.
This
is
about
the
100th
time
it's
told
us
that
willpower
alone
is
not
sufficient
to
keep
you
away
from
the
first
drink.
Yet
you
hear
in
a
lot
of
meetings
I
choose
not
to
use
today.
You
know,
I
woke
up
this
morning
and
I
decided
not
to
drink.
That
puts
that
puts
that
puts
the
power
in
your
court
when
you
think
like
that,
like
it's
your
power
that's
keeping
you
sober.
And
if
I've
learned
anything
from
the
first
bunch
of
chapters
in
this
book,
it's
they're
telling
you
that
it's
not
your
power.
It's
not
your
power
that's
going
to
keep
you
sober.
It
comes
from
a
power
greater
than
yourself.
And
if
you
continue
to
think
that
you're
the
one
keeping
yourself
sober,
you're
the
one
that's
doing
the
things
that
are
going
to
keep
yourself
sober.
If
you
keep
thinking
that
the
power
is
you're
building
the
power
in
yourself,
you're
on
the
wrong
track.
That
is,
that's
not
the
first
step.
Lack
of
power.
That
was
our
dilemma.
We
had
to
find
a
power
by
which
we
could
live,
and
it
had
to
be
a
power
greater
than
ourselves,
obviously.
But
where
and
how
will
we
define
this
power?
Well,
that's
exactly
what
this
book
is
about.
Its
main
object
is
to
enable
you
to
find
a
power
greater
than
yourself
which
will
solve
your
problem.
It
means
that
we've
written
a
book
about
which
we
believe
to
be
spiritual
as
well
as
moral.
And
it
means,
of
course,
that
we're
going
to
talk
about
God.
Their
difficulty
arises
with
agnostics.
Many
times
we
talk
to
a
Newman
and
watch
his
hope
rise
as
we
discuss
his
alcoholic
problems
and
explain
our
fellowship.
But
his
face
falls
when
we
speak
of
spiritual
matters,
especially
when
we
mention
God.
For
we
have
reopened
the
subject
which
our
man
thought
he
had
neatly
evaded
or
entirely
ignored.
I
don't
know
about
anybody
else
in
here,
but
I
think
it's
pretty
common
for
us
to
be
hostile
toward
organized
religion
and,
and,
and
a
lot
of
the
hypocritical
people
that
we,
that
we've
come
across
in
our
past
claiming
to
be
people
of
God
who
have
ripped
you
off
or
something.
You
know
what
I
mean?
So
it's
very
easy
for
us
to
have
a
lot
of
different
prejudices.
We
know
how
he
feels.
We
have
shared
his
honest
doubt
and
prejudice.
Some
of
us
have
been
violently
anti
religious.
To
others,
the
word
God
brought
up
a
particular
idea
of
him
with
which
someone
had
tried
to
impress
them
during
childhood.
Perhaps
we
rejected
this
particular
conception
because
it
seemed
inadequate.
With
that
rejection,
we
imagined
we
had
abandoned
the
God
idea
entirely.
We
were
bothered
with
the
thought
that
faith
and
dependence
upon
a
power
beyond
ourselves
was
somewhat
weak,
even
cowardly.
We
looked
upon
this
world
of
warring
individuals,
warring
theological
systems,
and
inexplicable
calamity
with
deep
skepticism.
We
looked
askance
at
many
individuals
who
claimed
to
be
godly,
you
know,
like
Jimmy
Schwagert
or
or
Jim
and
Tammy
Faye
Baker.
I
looked
askance
at
them.
At
least
I
don't
know
about
anybody
else.
How
could
a
Supreme
Being
have
anything
to
do
with
it
at
all?
And
yet,
And
who
could
comprehend
the
Supreme
Being
anyhow?
Yet
in
other
moments
we
found
ourselves
thinking
when
enchanted
by
a
Starlight
knight.
Who
then
made
all
this.
There
was
a
feeling
of
awe
and
wonder,
but
it
was
fleeting
and
soon
lost.
Yes,
we
have
agnostic
temperament,
have
had
these
thoughts
and
experiences.
Let
us
make
haste
to
reassure
you.
We
found
that
as
soon
as
we
were
able
to
lay
aside
prejudice
and
express
even
a
willingness
to
believe
in
a
power
greater
than
ourselves,
we
commenced
to
get
results,
even
though
it
was
impossible
for
any
of
us
to
fully
define
or
comprehend
that
power
which
is
God.
So
that
gives
you
an
idea
there
how
we
can
begin.
We
need
to
lay
aside
the
prejudice.
We
need
to
put
it
off
to
the
side.
The
prejudice
against
organized
religion,
the
prejudice
against
so-called
godly
people.
Whatever
type
of
prejudices
you
have
toward
God
and
toward
a
spiritual
way
of
life,
just
lay
them
aside.
You
know,
put
them
off
to
the
side
and
then
get
a
willingness.
If
you
don't
have
one,
at
least
become
willing
or
pray
for
the
willingness
to
be
willing
to
believe
in
a
power
greater
than
yourself
and
you
can
move
forward
with
the
step.
Much
to
our
relief,
we
discovered
we
did
not
need
to
consider
another's
conception
of
God.
Our
own
conception,
however
inadequate,
was
sufficient
to
make
the
approach
and
to
affect
the
contact
with
them.
You
know,
other
people's
conceptions
of
God.
I
don't
really,
I
never
really
was
instilled
with
a
terrible
conception
of
God.
I'm
a
Methodist
now.
I
was
just,
I
don't
think
they
gave
me
enough
information
to
have
a
real
conception
of
God
when
I
was
young,
younger,
you
know
what
I
mean?
It
was,
it
was
certainly
not
beaten
into
me,
but
but
I've
heard
the
experience
of
others
who've
been
in,
in
certain
types
of
religions
where
they've
had
brutal
conceptions
of
God
shoved
down
their
throat,
like
the
the
fire
and
brimstone
burning
in
hell,
2000
years
in
purgatory
for
swearing
type
of
conception
of
God.
And
that
does
not
have
to
be
yours.
You
know,
you
can,
you
can
if
you
have
one
of
those
Old
Testament
gods
that
turns
your
wife
to
salt
and,
and
blows
up
your
town
with
volcanoes
and
floods
out
your
lands
and
causes
locusts
to
descend
on
you.
But
don't
forget
the
locusts.
You
can
get
rid
of
that
conception.
You
know
what
I
mean?
There's
there's
better
ones
around.
As
soon
as
we
admitted
the
possible
existence
of
a
creative
intelligence,
a
spirit
of
the
universe
underlying
the
totality
of
things,
we
began
to
be
possessed
of
a
new
sense
of
power
and
direction,
provided
we
took
other
simple
stuff.
So
action
policies
are
starting
to
happen
here,
starting
to
starting
to
be
offered
to
us
here.
We
found
that
God
does
not
make
2
hard
terms
with
those
who
seek
Him.
To
us
the
realm
of
the
spirit
is
broad,
roomy,
all
inclusive,
never
exclusive
or
forbidding
to
those
who
earnestly
seek.
It
is
open,
we
believe,
to
all
men.
Seek
and
ye
shall
find.
Is
is
an
old
spiritual
saying
that
that
is
filled
with
truth.
When
therefore
we
speak
to
you
of
God,
we
mean
your
own
conception
of
God.
This
applies
to
the
other
spiritual
expressions
when
you
which
you
find
in
this
book.
Do
not
let
any
prejudice
you
may
have
against
spiritual
terms
deter
you
from
honestly
asking
yourself
what
they
mean
to
you.
There's
an
instruction
whenever
you
hit
a
spiritual
term
from
this
point
forward,
ask
yourself
what
it
means
to
you
and,
and
if
you
have
any
difficulty
understanding
it
or
if
you
have
any
preconceived
notions
that
are,
that
are
going
to
cause
you
to
reject
it
outright,
talk
to
a
spiritual
advisor
or
a
sponsor
about
it.
You
know,
get
some,
get
some
feedback.
At
the
start.
This
was
all
we
needed
to
commence
spiritual
growth
to
affect
our
first
conscious
relationship
with
God
as
we
understood
him.
That's
a
great
promise
right
there.
You
know,
you
begin
a
relationship
with
dialogue.
You
know
what
I
mean?
You
you
begin
a
relationship
with
dialogue
and
how
I
first
started
my
relationship
was
I
had
a
defective
relationship.
I
had
one
of
those
when
the
cop
car
lights
went
on
behind
me
while
I
was
drunk
kind
of
relationship.
God,
please
Get
Me
Out
of
this.
I'll
go
back
to
church.
And
that
was
that
was
about
the
extent
of
my
my,
but
my
my
renewed
relationship.
They
say
in
here
that
we've
been
reborn.
My
renewed
relationship
with
him
started
when
I
started
praying.
My
sponsor
suggested,
Chris,
why
don't
you
try
praying
in
the
morning
when
you
try
praying
at
night?
And,
and
I
did
that.
And
that's
really
when
it
started
to
happen
for
me
that
that
I
started
to
really
develop
a,
a
contact.
That's
where
we
found
ourselves
accepting
many
things,
which
then
seemed
entirely
out
of
reach.
That
was
growth.
But
if
we
wish
to
grow,
we
had
to
begin
somewhere.
One
of
the
Oxford
Group
sayings
that
I
find
a
lot
of
truth
in
was
was
Frank
Buckman
would
train
his
people
to.
Basically
they
were
on
a
crusade
to
bring
people
to
God.
And
how
they
would
do
that
was
they
would
say
to
the
people,
you
have
to
start
where
you
are.
And
you
start
by
turning
whatever
you
understand
of
your
life
over
to
whatever
you
understand
at
that
moment
of
God.
You
know,
you
don't
have
to
go
to
to
Drew
Theological
Seminary
to,
to
get
to
a
point
where
you
can
turn
where
you
can
begin
to
allow
God
into
your
life.
You
can
start
where
you
are,
wherever
that
is.
That
can
be
at
the
most
simple
or
elementary
level,
but
but
that's
any
starting
point
is
fine.
So
we
used
our
own
conception,
however
limited
it
was.
We
needed
to
ask
ourselves
but
one
short
question.
Do
I
now
believe,
or
am
I
even
willing
to
believe
that
there's
a
power
greater
than
myself?
Is
anybody
in
this
room
have
a
problem
with
that
statement?
Is
there
anybody
in
this
room
that's
not
willing
to
believe
that
there's
a
power
greater
than
yourself?
As
soon
as
a
man
can
say
that
he
does
believe
or
is
willing
to
believe,
we
empathetically
assure
them
that
he
is
on
his
way.
It
has
been
repeatedly
proven
among
us
that
upon
the
simple
cornerstone,
a
wonderfully
and
effective
spiritual
structure
can
be
built.
So
this
is
as
well
as
the
first
step,
as
well
as
understanding
your
powerlessness.
This
is
this
is
very,
very
important
to
understand
as
far
as
where
you're
going
to
find
the
power.
That
was
great
news
for
to
us,
for
we
had
assumed
we
could
not
make
use
of
spiritual
principles
unless
we
accepted
many
things
on
faith
which
seemed
difficult
to
believe,
like
a
lot
of
the
dogma
or
a
lot
of
the
religious
worship
rituals
of
our
past
that
we
rejected.
You
know,
we
don't
need
to
need
to
use
them
as
prerequisites
for
beginning
our
spiritual
growth.
When
people
presented
us
with
spiritual
approaches.
How
frequently
do
we
say,
I
wish
I
had
what
that
man
has,
I'm
sure
it
would
work
if
I
could
only
believe
as
he
believes.
But
I
cannot
accept
that
surely
true
the
many
articles
of
faith
which
are
so
plain
to
him.
So
it
was
comforting
to
learn
that
we
could
commence
at
a
simpler
level.
Besides
the
seeming
inability
to
accept
much
on
faith,
we
often
found
ourselves
handicapped
by
obstinacy,
sensitiveness,
and
unreasoning
prejudice.
Ask
yourself
this,
Chris.
Were
you
handicapped
by
obstinacy,
sensitiveness
and
unreasoning
prejudice
when
it
came
to
living
a
spiritual
life?
You're
damn
right
I
was.
You
know,
in
in
100
million
different
ways.
Many
of
us
have
been
so
touchy
that
even
casual
reference,
the
spiritual
things
made
us
bristle
with
antagonism.
I
rejected
so
much
outright
because
I
knew,
you
know,
I,
I
was
certain
that
I
knew
about
spiritual
things.
I'd
read
books
and
and
I
read
the
Bible
once
and
and
I
knew
it
was
it
was
it
was
wrong
in
about
10
million
places.
And
a
lot
of
spiritual
people
I
had
a
real
problem
with.
I
liked
the
type
of
spiritual
pre
people
I
like
would
like
the
Timothy
Leary
type
spiritual
people.
You
know,
they
found
their
enlightenment
through
LSD
or
something.
You
know,
they
were
my
heroes
sort
of
thinking
had
to
be
abandoned.
Though
some
of
us
resisted,
we
found
no
great
difficulty
in
casting
aside
such
feelings.
Faced
with
alcoholic
destruction,
we
soon
became
as
open
minded
on
spiritual
matters
as
we
had
tried
to
be
on
other
questions.
Another
thing
here
in
a
a
is,
oh,
don't
talk
to
him
about
God.
Oh,
don't
mention
God
to
a
newcomer.
God
will
drive
him
away.
Well,
if
God
drives
him
away,
alcohol
will
drive
him
right
back
in.
You
know,
we're
not,
we're
not
on
a
membership
crusade
here.
You
know,
we
don't
get
a
toaster
for
everybody
who
sign
up.
If
they
go
back
out
because
of
God,
good,
they
didn't.
You
know,
they
haven't
had
their
bottom
yet.
Let
him,
let
him.
Let
him
come
back
in
later.
When
like
me,
you
know,
when
I
was,
I
was
willing.
When
I
came
back
in,
I
was
willing
to
hold
your
hand
and
pray.
I
was.
I
was
willing
to
cast
aside
some
prejudice
because
I
was
dying.
So
in
this
respect,
alcohol
was
a
great
persuader.
It
finally
beat
us
into
a
state
of
reasonableness.
Sometimes
this
was
a
tedious
process.
We
hope
no
one
else
will
be
as
prejudice
for
as
long
as
some
of
us
were.
The
reader
may
still
ask
why
you
should
believe
in
a
power
greater
than
himself.
We
think
there
are
good
reasons.
Let's
have
a
look
at
some
of
them.
The
practical
individual
today
is
a
stickler
for
facts
and
results.
Nevertheless,
the
20th
century
readily
accepts
theories
of
all
kinds,
provided
they
are
firmly
grounded
in
fact.
We
have
numerous
theories,
for
example,
about
electricity.
Everyone
believes
them
without
a
murmur
of
the
doubt.
Why
this
ready
acceptance?
Simply
because
it's
impossible
to
explain
what
we
see,
feel
direct,
and
use
without
a
reasonable
assumption.
As
a
starting
point,
I
can
relate
this
to
Alcoholics
Anonymous.
Walking
into
Alcoholics
Anonymous
and
seeing
literally
hundreds
of
people
who
at
least
claimed
to
have
drank
like
I
did,
who
recovered
and
happy.
How
could
I
explain
that,
you
know
what
I
mean,
without
having
some
kind
of
faith
in
something?
Everybody
nowadays
believes
in
scores
of
assumptions
for
which
there
is
good
evidence
but
no
perfect
visual
proof.
And
does
not
science
demonstrate
that
visual
proof
is
the
weakest
proof?
It
is
being
constantly
revealed
as
mankind
studies
the
material
were
the
outward
appearances
are
not
inward
reality
at
all.
Here's
an
illustration.
Girder
is
a
massive
electrons
whirling
around
each
other
at
incredible
speed.
These
tiny
bodies
are
governed
by
precise
laws,
and
these
laws
hold
true
throughout
the
material
world.
Science
tells
us
so.
We
have
no
reason
to
doubt
it.
When,
however,
the
perfectly
logical
assumption
is
suggested
that
underneath
the
material
world
and
life
as
we
see
it,
there's
an
all
powerful
guiding
creative
intelligence
right
there,
our
perverse
St.
comes
to
the
surface
and
we
laboriously
set
out
to
convince
ourselves
it
isn't
so.
We
read
wordy
books
and
indulge
in
windy
arguments.
Has
anyone
in
here
ever
read
wordy
books
and
had
windy
arguments?
I
certainly
have
Thinking
we
we
believe
this
universe
needs
no
God
to
explain
it.
Where
our
contentions
true,
it
would
follow
that
life
originated
out
of
nothing,
means
nothing
and
proceeds
nowhere.
One
of
the
great
things
I
heard
was
Nietzsche.
Nietzsche
was
the
great,
the
great.
Philosopher
that
coined
the
phrase
God
is
dead
and
someone
vacationing
over
in
Europe
went
to
Nietzsche's
grave
and
they
have
a
little
saying,
you
know,
Nietzsche's
most
famous
saying
was
God
is
dead.
And
so
that's
on
his
gravestone.
One
of
the
great
things
I
heard
was
Nietzsche.
Nietzsche
was
the
great,
the
great
philosopher
that
coined
the
phrase
God
is
dead.
And
someone
vacationing
over
in
Europe
went
to
Nietzsche's
grave
and
and
they
have
a
little
saying,
you
know,
Nietzsche's
most
famous
saying
was
God
is
dead.
And
so
that's
on
his
gravestone,
a
God
is
dead
Nietzsche.
And
underneath
it,
somebody
wrote
Nietzsche
is
dead.
God,
I
love
that
instead
of
regarding
ourselves
as
intelligent
agents,
spearheads
of
God's
ever
advancing
creation,
we
agnostics
and
atheists
choose
to
believe
that
our
human
intelligence
was
the
last
word,
the
Alpha
and
the
Omega
in
the
beginning
and
end
of
it
all.
Rather
vain
of
us,
wasn't
it?
It
is
vain
to
believe
that
there's
no
God
and
that
this
is
all
a
huge
accident
and
that
we're
such
masters
of
our
own
destiny.
And
you
know,
we,
we,
we
designed
this
environment.
We're
living
in
ourselves.
That's
pretty
vague.
We
have
traveled
this
dubious
path,
beg
of
you
to
lay
aside
prejudice.
Here's
they're
again
asking
us
to
do
this
even
against
organized
religion,
even
against
Jim
and
Tammy
Faye
Baker.
Okay,
you
got
to
lay
that
aside.
That
was
not
easy
for
me.
You
know,
me
and
three
other
people
bought
the
same
conduct
anyway.
Anyway,
we
have
learned
that
whatever
the
human
frailties
of
various
face
may
be,
those
face
have
given
purpose
and
direction
to
millions.
People
of
faith
have
a
logical
idea
of
what
life
is
all
about.
Actually,
we
used
to
have
no
reasonable
conception
whatever.
I
used
to
think
I
had
a
conception.
I
used
to
think
I
had
a
really
sharp
idea
of
the
world
and
all
its
its
Mecca
nations,
you
know,
really
thought
I
had
a
unique
perspective
on
everything.
And
I
come
in
here
and
I
learned
after
relearn
area
the
things
I
thought
were
good
ended
up
being
bad
and
the
things
I
thought
were
bad
about
myself
ended
up
being
good.
You
know,
that
was
a
that
was
a
revelation.
I'm
glad
that
happened
slow.
You
know,
we
used
to
amuse
ourselves
by
cynically
dissecting
spiritual
beliefs
and
practices
when
we
might
have
observed
that
many
spiritually
minded
persons
of
all
races,
colors
and
creeds
were
demonstrating
a
degree
of
stability,
happiness
and
usefulness
which
we
should
have
sought
ourselves.
And
I
used
to
see
the
guys
going
to
church,
the
families
going
to
church
on
Sunday
morning,
I'd
be
hungover
or
I'd
be
driving
back
from
a
Coke
party
or
something.
I'd
see
these
people
all
dressed
up
to
say
to
myself,
what
a
bunch
of
losers.
Well,
they
had
homes,
families,
careers,
cars.
You
know,
the
cops
weren't
after
them.
They,
they
were
physically
healthy.
I
mean,
I
should
have
been
pursuing
that
myself,
but
I
had
a
unique
dark
perspective
on
reality.
Instead,
we
looked
at
the
human
defects
of
these
people
and
sometimes
use
their
shortcomings
as
a
basis
of
a
wholesale
condemnation.
We
talked
of
intolerance
while
we
were
intolerant
ourselves.
We
missed
the
reality
and
the
beauty
of
the
forest
because
we
were
diverted
by
the
ugliness
of
some
of
its
trees.
We
never
gave
the
spiritual
side
of
life
a
fair
hearing.
In
our
personal
stories
you
will
find
a
wide
variation
in
the
way
each
teller
approaches
and
conceives
of
the
power
which
is
greater
than
himself.
That's
the
stories
at
the
back
of
the
book.
They
were
all
designed
to
show
you
how
the
people
came
to
find
the
power
greater
than
themselves
that
relieved
them
of
of
their
alcoholic
problem.
Whether
we
agree
with
a
particular
approach
or
conception
seems
to
make
little
difference.
Experiences
taught
us
that
these
are
matters
about
which,
for
our
purpose,
we
need
not
be
worried.
There
are
questions
for
each
to
settle
for
himself
on
one
proposition,
however
these
men
and
women
are
strikingly
agreed.
That
means
everybody
that
that
was
involved
in
the
putting
together
this
book,
all
the
people
who
wrote
the
first
thirty,
I
think
stories
included,
every
one
of
them
has
gained
access
to
and
believes
in
a
power
greater
than
himself.
This
power
has
in
each
case
accomplished
a
miraculous
the
humanly
impossible,
as
a
celebrated
American
statement
statesman
put
it.
Let's
look
at
the
record.
Some
politician
used
to
say
that
that
was
a
big
thing.
Here
are
thousands
of
men
and
women,
worldly
indeed.
They
flatly
declare
that
since
they
have
come
to
believe
in
a
power
greater
than
themselves,
to
take
a
certain
attitude
toward
that
power
and
to
do
certain
simple
things.
What
are
the
simple
things?
They're
probably
the
steps.
There
has
been
a
revolutionary
change
in
their
way
of
living
and
thinking.
So
this
is
one
of
the
descriptions
of
what
a
spiritual
awakening
is
going
to
be,
what
a
spiritual
experience
is
going
to
be.
It's
going
to
be
a
revolutionary
change
in
your
way
of
living
and
thinking.
OK,
if
you've
not
had
a
revolutionary
change
in
your
way
of
living
and
thinking,
you
have
not
had
a
spiritual
awakening
and
that
means
that
you
have
not
taken
the
12
steps
of
AA
to
the
best
of
your
ability.
The
promises
are
also
guides
to
what
you
haven't
done.
When
you
look
at
some
of
the
promises
and
like,
like
the
fear
of
economic
insecurity
has
not
left
you,
that
means
that
means
that
you
probably
have
some
events
that
you
haven't
done
yet.
You
know
what
I
mean?
They're
good
guideposts
to
what's
lacking
in
your
program.
In
the
face
of
collapse
and
despair,
in
the
face
of
total
failure
of
the
human
resources,
they
found
that
a
new
power,
peace
and
happiness
and
sense
of
direction
flowed
into
them.
It's
another
description
of
of
the
spiritual
experience.
This
happened
soon
after
they
wholeheartedly
met
a
few
simple
requirements.
And
what
could
those
requirements
possibly
be?
They're
going
to
tell
you.
They're
going
to
give
you
the
program
of
action
in
the
next
few
chapters.
Once
confused
and
baffled
by
the
seeming
futility
of
existence,
they
show
the
underlying
reasons
why
they
were
making
heavy
going
of
life.
I
like
this
next
sense.
Leaving
aside
the
drink
question,
they
tell
why
living
was
so
unsatisfactory.
They
show
how
the
change
came
over
them.
Leaving
aside
the
drink
question,
let's
not,
let's
think
about
before
we,
even
before,
before
we
drag.
We've
all
had
sober
intervals.
We've
all
had
sober
intervals
for
one
reason
or
another.
Maybe
jail,
you
know,
maybe
we
just
swore
off
and
with
sheer
willpower,
we
stayed
away
from
boost
for
a
month
or
two,
maybe
a
year.
Leaving
aside
the
drink
question,
let's
think
about
our
sober
times.
Was
was
living
unsatisfactory
for
you
during
that
time?
It
was
because
untreated
alcoholism
manifests
itself
probably
more
so
in
the
sober
alcoholic
than
it
does
in
the
drinking
alcohol.
There's
a
lot
of
information
in
this
chapter
that's
going
to
go
over
untreated
alcoholism.
What
the
spirit
malady
is
What
how
emotionally
we
suffer
when
we're
not
drunk.
You
know,
one
of
the
reasons
we
drink
is
it
gets
an
escape
to
get
get
some
peace.
I
was
tortured.
I
was
a
tortured
individual.
I
was
tortured
by
fear,
by
self
pity,
by
depression,
but
you
name
it,
I
could
give
you
a
hundred,
a
hundred
names
of
of
of
things
that
that
I
was
tortured
by.
Well,
it
when
I
was
sober,
you
know
what
I
mean.
So
leaving
aside
the
drink
question,
we
need
to
ask
ourselves
why?
Why
was
living
so
unsatisfactory
for
us?
It's
because
we
didn't
have
a
spiritual
way
of
life.
They
show
how
they
came
over
the
chains
came
over
them.
When
many
hundreds
of
people
are
able
to
say
to
the
consciousness
of
the
presence
of
God
is
today
the
most
important
fact
of
their
lives.
They
present
a
powerful
reason
why
one
should
have
faith,
but
basically
what
this
meaning
is
for
is
it's
for
generally
giving
information
that's
helpful
for
the
actual
taking
of
the
12
steps.
For
some
reason
or
another
in
a
a,
in
the
last
20
years
or
so,
it's
become
OK
to
just
go
to
meetings
and
to
not
take
the
steps,
not
work
on
the
steps.
And
it's,
it's
been,
it's
become
acceptable
for
you
to
just
sit
in
a
chair
in
an,
A,
a
meeting
and,
and
suffer
from
untreated
alcoholism.
And
what
I
found
through
my
own
personal
experience
is
I
was
really
looking
for
an
answer
back
in
the
late
80s
and
early
90s
when
I
came
into
the
program
and
I
was
really
listening
and
I
went
to
about
four
step
meetings
a
week,
412
and
12
meetings
a
week,
trying
to
figure
out
really
what
they
meant
by
the
steps.
I
saw
them
up
on
the
wall,
but
I
knew
that
there
there
had
to
be
something
a
little
bit
more
in
depth
than
that.
I,
I
had
read
the
big
book,
but
for
some
reason
or
another
the
instructions
on
the
steps
kind
of
escaped
me.
And
through,
through
my
own
dealing
with
recovery
problems,
I
came
across
a
set
of,
of
Joe
and
Charlie
tapes.
Somebody
gave
me
a
set
of
Joe
and
Charlie
tapes
and
they
talked
about
a
program
of
action
that
I
did
not
hear
anything
of
in
the
North
Jersey
meetings.
I
just
didn't
hear
it.
People
that
were
actually
writing
down
a
men's
list
and
going
out
and
completing
a
men's
and
and
and
doing
4
column
inventory
and
all
this
stuff
that
you
could
go
to
12:00
and
12:00
meetings
until
the
cows
come
home
and
you're
not
going
to
hear
about
it.
So
I
kind
of
shelved
those
tapes
because
they
pissed
me
off
basically
because
they
put
a
big
mirror
up
in
front
of
my
face.
But
after
a
while,
I
started
to,
I
started
to
listen
to
him
again.
I
started
to
change
the
way
I
was.
I
was
recovering
from
alcoholism,
from
sitting
in
a
chair
to
actually
taking
some,
some
spiritual
actions.
And
then
I
started
working
with
others
that
same
way.
And
I
ended
up,
circumstances
ended
up
placing
people
in
my
house
on
Thursday
nights
for
about
a
four
year
period
of
time.
And
there's
some
people
in
this
room
now
who,
who
actually
went
through
that.
And
what
we
would
do
is
we
would
go
through
the
big
book
and
we
would
explain
how
to
take
the
steps
to
people
and
they
would
actually
take
the
steps,
you
know,
to
the
best
of
their
ability,
whatever
that
would
be.
And
that's
really
what
this
meeting
is
about.
This
is
a
different
kind
of
meeting.
It
we
really
try
to
talk
about
the
solution
here.
This
meeting
isn't
for
everybody.
There
are
actually
people
who
are
not
real
happy
with
the
way
this
meeting
runs,
and
that's
fine.
But
I
think
that
it
can
be
helpful
to
the
people
who
are
willing
to
recover
from
alcoholism.
And
one
of
the
things
I've
asked
Scott
to
read
is
I'm
a
great
fan
of
the
real
early
literature.
I
mean,
the
first
literature,
I
think
anything
after
1945
is,
is
very,
very
fallible.
There's
a
lot
of
conference
approved
literature
that
that,
you
know,
I
don't
see
a
lot
of
merit
in
after
1945.
But
we
came
across
from
a
group
in
Florida,
we
came
across
one
of
the
early
preambles.
This
is
an
early
1940
preamble
of
how
they
started
the
meetings
back
then
of
S
Scott
to
read
that
my
name
is
from
the
archives,
the
original
AA
preamble.
We
are
gathered
here
because
we
are
faced
with
the
fact
that
we
are
powerless
over
alcohol,
unable
to
do
anything
about
it
without
the
help
of
a
power
greater
than
ourselves.
So
in
each
person's
religious
views,
if
any
are
his
own
affairs.
Simple
purpose
of
the
program
of
Alcoholics
Anonymous
to
show
what
may
be
done
to
enlist
the
aid
of
a
power
greater
than
ourselves,
regardless
of
what
our
individual
conception
of
that
power
may
be.
In
order
to
form
a
habit
of
depending
upon
and
referring
all
we
do
to
that
power,
we
must
first
apply
ourselves
with
some
diligence.
By
often
repeating
these
facts,
or
these
acts,
excuse
me,
they
become
habitual,
and
the
help
render
becomes
natural
to
us.
We
have
all
come
to
know
that
as
Alcoholics
we
are
suffering
from
a
serious
illness
for
which
medicine
has
no
cure.
Our
condition
may
be
the
result
of
an
allergy
which
makes
us
different
from
other
people,
has
never
been,
by
any
treatment
with
which
we
are
familiar,
permanently
cured.
The
only
relief
we
have
to
offer
is
absolute
abstinence,
the
second
meaning
of
a
A.
There
are
no
dues
or
fees.
The
only
requirement
for
membership
is
a
desire
to
stop
drinking.
Each
member
squares
his
debt
by
helping
others
to
recover.
An
Alcoholic
An
Alcoholic
Anonymous
is
an
alcoholic
who
threw
application
of
an
adherence
to
the
A.
A
program
as
Force
One.
The
use
of
all
alcoholic
beverage
in
any
form.
The
moment
he
takes
so
much
as
one
drop
of
beer,
wine,
spirits,
or
any
other
alcoholic
beverages,
he
automatically
loses
all
status
as
a
member
of
alcoholic.
Synonymous
Interested
in
sobering
up
drums
who
are
not
sincere
in
their
desire
to
remain
sober
for
all
time.
Not
being
reformers,
we
offer
our
experience
only
to
those
who
want
it.
We
have
a
way
out
on
which
we
can
absolutely
agree
and
on
which
we
can
join
in
harmonious
action.
Rarely
have
we
seen
a
person
fail
who
is
thoroughly
followed
our
program.
Those
who
do
not
recover
are
people
who
will
not
or
simply
cannot
give
themselves
to
the
simple
program.
Now
you
may
like
the
program
or
you
may
not,
but
the
fact
remains
it
works
and
it
is
your
only
chance
to
recover.
There
is
a
vast
amount
of
fun
included
in
the
A
a
fellowship.
Some
people
might
be
shocked
at
our
seeming
worldliness
and
levity,
but
just
underneath
their
lies
of
deadly
earnestness
and
full
relation
that
we
must
put
First
things
first
and
with
each
other
of
us.
The
first
thing
is
our
Alcoholics
problem.
To
drink
is
to
die.
They
must
work
24
hours
a
day
in
and
through
us,
for
we
perish.
In
order
to
set
our
tone
for
this
meeting,
I
ask
that
we
Bower
heads
in
a
few
moments
of
silent
prayer
and
meditation.
I
wished
remind
you
that
whatever
is
said
at
this
meeting
expresses
our
individual
opinions
as
of
today
and
as
of
up
to
this
moment.
We
do
not
speak
for
a
ears
of
all
and
you
are
free
to
agree
or
disagree
to
anything
which
might
be
not
might
not
be
reconciled
with
what
is
in
the
a
a
big
book.
You
don't
have
an
A
a
big
book.
It's
time
you
bought
1.
Read
it,
study
it,
live
with
it,
loan
it,
scatter
it,
then
learn
from
it
what
it
means
to
be
an
A,
a
nice
guy.
One
thing
I'll
pass
around,
we
have
we
have
outgoing
speaking
commitments.
Let's
carry
the
message.
There's
some
groups
on
here
like
Myersville
Boy,
Miles
Myersville's
hurting
for
the
message.
Anybody
want
to
go
there?
That's
my
old
Home
group.
Pardon
me,
I
got
it
right
here.
Oh,
OK,
there
you
go.
We'll
pass
that
one
around,
right?
And
I
will
have
copies
of
this
sign
up.
You
know,
the
only
thing
we
ask
is
have
some
kind
of
program
have
to
have
some
kind
of
recovery,
you
know,
you
know
what
I
mean.
That's
all.
Anyway,
we're
going
to
start
tonight
on
page
51,
first
paragraph
down,
while
we
agnostics.
We
agnostics
basically
is
the
chapter
that
it
was
designed
to
soften
up
the
agnosticism
in
US.
I
don't
think
I'm
unique
in
that.
When
I
came
into
AAI
did
not
want
to
hear
about
God.
I
did
not
want
to
hear
about
spiritual
principles.
That
was
like
the
last
thing
in
the
world
I
wanted
to
hear
about.
And
the
problem
is,
is
the
whole
program
is
based
on
God
and
spiritual
principles.
So
if
if
I
didn't
hear
about
God
in
spiritual
principles,
I
wouldn't
hear
about
the
program.
And
Bill
Wilson
understood
this.
And
I
think
that's
why
the
chapter
We
Agnostics
was
written.
There's
some
there's
some
guiding
points
in
Wiagnostics
that
if
we
follow
some
of
the
suggestions,
it
will
help
us
to
get
rid
of,
set
aside
our
prejudices
and
allow
us
to
have
an
open
mind,
at
least
open
enough
to
accept
the
type
of
spiritual
principles
that
we
need
to
to
recover.
Page
51,
paragraph
one.
This
world
of
ours
has
made
more
of
more
material
progress
in
the
last
century
than
all
the
millenniums
which
went
before.
Almost
everyone
knows
the
reason.
Students
of
ancient
history
tell
us
that
the
intellect
of
men
in
those
days
was
equal
to
the
best
of
today.
In
an
ancient
times,
material
progress
was
painfully
slow.
The
spirit
of
modern
scientific
inquiry,
research
and
invention
was
almost
unknown
in
the
realm
of
the
material.
Men's
minds
were
fettered
by
superstition,
tradition,
and
all
sorts
of
fixed
ideas.
Some
of
the
contemporaries
of
Columbus
thought
that
around
Earth
was
preposterous.
Others
came
near,
death
near
came
near
putting
Galileo
to
death
for
his
astronomical
heresies.
You
know,
back
in
these
times
they
had
religious
dogma
that
would
explain
most
things.
And
if
you
came
up
with
a
brilliant
new
idea,
you
know,
you,
you
were
at
risk
of
getting
burned
at
the
stake.
I
mean,
they
had
real
serious
prejudices
and
and
they
were
afraid
of
anything
new.
And
it
kept
him
in
ignorance.
It
it,
it
kept
us
in
a
lot
of
ignorance.
That's
why
like
in
the
last
100
years
or
so,
we've
progressed
incredibly
compared
to
the
period
of
time
before
that.
We
asked
ourselves
this,
are
not
some
of
us
just
as
biased
and
unreasonable
about
the
realm
of
the
spirit
as
were
the
ancients
about
the
realm
of
the
material?
Even
in
the
present
century,
American
newspapers
were
afraid
to
print
the
account
of
the
Wright
brothers
first
successful
flight
at
Kitty
Hawk.
Had
not
all
efforts
at
flight
before?
Did
not
Professor
Langley's
flying
machine
go
to
the
bottom
of
the
Potomac
River?
This
is
this
is
great.
I
don't
know
if
anybody
remembers
like
on
Saturday
morning
TV,
but
they
would
do
series
of
bloopers.
And
there
was
this
one
plane
that
had
about
13
wings
and
it
would
go
down
this
ramp
and
when
it
went
about
four
feet
out
and
then
straight
down
into
the
river.
That
was
Professor
Langley's
flying
machine.
And
this
is
the
guy
that
Langley
Air
Force
Base
was
named
after
either
him
or
his
son.
I
forgot
which.
But
I
mean,
he
was
he
was
the
guy
having
to
do
with
light.
At
that
time,
there
was
nobody
smarter
and
a
cut
and
a
couple
of
a
couple
of
idiots
running
a
bicycle
shop
on
the
on
the
in
the
shore
in
North
Carolina,
build
a
plane
that
flies
and
they
send
it,
send
out
the
information
to
all
the
newspapers.
They
couldn't
believe
it.
You
know,
Professor
Langley
just
went
in
the
ditch.
How
could
it?
How
could
a
couple
of
idiots
run
in
a
bicycle
shop
do
it?
Was
it
not
true
that
the
best
mathematical
minds
had
proved
that
men
can
never
fly?
Had
not
people
said
that
God
reserved
this
privilege?
To
the
birds
only
30
years
later,
the
conquest
of
the
air
was
almost
an
old
story.
An
airplane
travel
was
in
full
swing,
but
in
most
fields
of
our
our
generation
has
witnessed
complete
liberation
of
our
thinking.
Show
any
longshoreman
a
Sunday
supplement
describing
a
proposal
to
explore
the
moon
by
means
of
Iraq,
and
he
will
say,
I
bet
they
do
it.
Maybe
not
so
long
either.
And
they
did.
Is
not
our
age
characterized
by
the
ease
with
which
we
discard
old
ideas
for
new,
by
the
complete
readiness
with
which
we
throw
away
the
theory
or
gadget
which
does
not
work
for
something
new,
which
does?
First
of
all,
our
lives
did
not
work
the
way
we
were
running.
This
is
kind
of
what
they're
saying
here.
I
Would
you
rather
be
right
or
would
you
rather
be
happy?
You
know
what
I
mean?
Would
you
rather
hang
on
to,
there
is
no
God
and
you
know,
spiritual
people
are
morons
and
weak.
Is
it
worth
hanging
on
to
that
idea
if
you're
going
to
die
because
of
it?
You
know,
they're
trying
to
soften
a
supplement.
We
had
to
ask
ourselves
why
we
shouldn't
apply
to
our
human
problems
the
same
readiness
to
change
our
point
of
view.
This
is
the
greatest.
This
is
the
greatest
paragraph
in
this
chapter.
Think
about
step
one
the
way
it's
written
on
the
wall.
We
were
powerless
over
alcohol,
that
our
lives
have
become
unmanageable.
What
do
they
mean
by
that?
Our
lives
have
become
unmanageable.
I
think
this
paragraph
describes
the
unmanageability
of
the
Alcoholics
life
more
so
than
any
other
any
other
paragraph
in
the
book.
There's
other
areas
that
allude
to
it,
but
basically
untreated
alcoholism
is
is
characterized
by
some
of
the
things
in
this
chapter
and
turn
these
statements
into
questions.
This
is
a
good
this
is
a
good
exercise.
I'll
show
you
how
to
do
it.
T
was
having
trouble
with
his
personal
relationships
and
he
couldn't
control
his
emotional
nature
and
he
was
prey
to
misery
and
depression.
He
couldn't
make
a
living
and
he
had
a
feeling
of
uselessness.
He
was
full
of
fear,
he
was
unhappy,
and
he
couldn't
seem
to
be
of
any
real
help
to
other
people.
So
valid.
Valid
Was
not
a
basic
solution
of
these
bedevilments
more
important
to
tea
than
whether
he
should
see
news
reels
of
lunar
flight?
Of
course
it
was.
In
other
words,
isn't
it
more
important
to
treat
this
untreated
alcoholism
than
to
worry
about
religious
intolerance
or
prejudice?
When
we
saw
others
solve
their
problem
by
a
simple
reliance
upon
the
spirit
of
the
universe,
we
had
to
stop
doubting
the
power
of
God.
Our
ideas
did
not
work,
but
the
God
idea
did.
The
Wright
brothers
almost
childish
faith
that
they
could
build
a
machine
which
would
fly
was
the
mainspring
of
their
accomplishment.
Without
that,
nothing
could
have
happened.
We
agnostics
and
atheists
were
sticking
to
the
idea
that
self-sufficiency
would
solve
our
problems.
This
is
really
one
of
the
reasons
why
so
many
Alcoholics
die.
They're
going
to
handle
the
problem
themselves,
you
know.
Thanks
for
the
information.
You
know,
I'll
talk
to
you
later.
And
and
that
doesn't
work.
A
spiritual
course
of
action.
You
you
can't.
You
can't
get
a
spiritual
course
of
action
with
self
knowledge.
You
have
to
take
action.
When
others
showed
us
that
God's
sufficiency
worked
with
them,
we
began
to
feel
like
those
who
had
insisted
the
rights
would
never
fly.
Happened
to
me
in
early
recovery.
I
started
hearing
people
that
I
really
respected
and
I
wanted
what
they
had.
I
heard
him
start
talking
about
their
relationship
with
God
and
you
know,
I
I
started
to
to
think
that,
you
know,
I
need
that
too.
Logic
is
great
stuff.
We
like
it.
We
still
like
it.
It
is
not
by
chance
that
we
were
given
the
power
to
reason,
to
examine
the
evidence
of
our
senses
in
the
draw
conclusions.
That
is
one
man's
magnificent.
That
is
one
of
man's
magnificent
attributes.
We,
agnostically
inclined,
would
not
feel
satisfied
with
a
proposal
which
does
not
lend
itself
to
reasonable
approach
and
interpretation.
Hence
we
were
at
pains
to
tell
why
we
think
our
present
faith
is
reasonable,
why
we
think
it
more
sane
and
logical
to
believe
than
not
to
believe,
and
why
we
say
our
former
thinking
was
soft
and
mushy
when
we
throw
up
our
hands
and
doubt
and
said
we
don't
know.
When
we
became
Alcoholics
crossed
by
a
self-imposed
crisis
we
could
not
postpone
or
evade.
You
know
that's
that's
the
first
step.
We
had
to
fearlessly
face
the
proposition
that
either
God
is
everything
or
else
he
is
nothing.
God
either
is
or
he
isn't.
What
was
our
choice
to
be?
This
is
a
proposition,
a
second
step
proposition
that
you
have
to
face
to
get
through
the
second
step.
You
have
to
face
this
now.
It
can
be
God
is
nothing
and
you
can
still
move
on.
But
following
the
course
of
action,
hopefully
you're
going
to
change.
Hopefully
you're
going
to
make
the
other
choice.
I've
heard
a
lot
about
agnosticism
in
that,
you
know,
if
you
ask,
if
you
ask
me,
you
know,
do
you
believe
in
God?
Oh,
of
course
I
believe
in
God.
You
know,
he,
he
relieved
me
of
my
alchemist,
my
obsession
to
drink
and
all
this
other
sudden.
But
I'll
tell
you
what,
there's
some
agnosticism
in
my
life
today
and
I'll
give
you
an
example.
I'm
willing
to
turn
a
lot
over
to
how
I
believe
God
would
want
me
to
act,
how
how
God
would
want
me
to,
the
actions
he
would
want
me
to
take.
I'm
willing
to
turn
a
lot
of
those
things
off.
But
am
I
willing
to
turn
my
sex
life
over?
You
know
that
that's
one
that
a
lot
of
us
hang
on
to.
Am
I
willing
to
turn
my
work
life
over?
Am
I
willing
to
do
what
I
think
God
would
want
me
to
do
in
my
day-to-day
business
affairs?
That's
another
thing
that's
hard
to
let
go.
So
there's
agnosticism
in
me
that
I
it's
going
to
take
a
long,
long
time
to
work
through.
And
this
is,
This
is
why
we
look
for
progress
and
not
perfection.
This
is
why
it
says
that
no
one
among
us
has
been
able
to
maintain
anything
like
perfect
adherence
to
these
principles.
It's
because
there's
a
lot
of
work
to
do
and
it
takes
a
long
time
arrived
at
this
point.
Yes.
Did
you
go
into
the
little
creative
detail
with
that?
Just
a
bit
like
as
far
as
I
know,
I
remember
a
couple
couple
months
back
we
talked
about
the
current
agnosticism
and,
and
to,
I
know
to
a
lot
of
people
it
seemed
like
afterwards
it
was
really
unclear
what
you
were
getting
that
is
back
as
far
as
agnosticism
is
concerned
as
its
relative
to
sex
life
or
work
life.
And
to
me
what
I'm
hearing
you
say
is
that
like
just
turning
it
over
to
God
with
work,
like
getting
out
of
your
own
way
when
it
has
to
deal
with
work.
Is
that
what
you're
exactly
what
you're
referring
to
when
you
say
agnosticism?
Playing
God
using
self
will
instead
of
what
you
believe
God's
will
is.
You
know,
there's
reservations.
I
believe
in
people,
there's
reservations
and
how
far
you
want
to
go
with
spiritual
principles
on
a
day-to-day
basis.
The
way
I
heard
it
described
is
you
can
go
to
God
with
a
thimble
or
you
can
go
to
God
with
a
bucket
with
these
steps,
doing
this
step
work
and
what
you
go
there
with,
you're
going
to
you're
going
to
get.
And
a
lot
of
times
it's
the
things,
it's
our
old
ideas
that
we're
holding
on
to
that
we
that
we
don't
let
go
of.
That's
our
current
agnosticism.
Does
that
help
at
all?
I
think
I
think
it
makes
a
lot
clearer.
Thank
you.
I
arrived
at
this
point.
We
were
squarely
confronted
with
the
question
of
faith.
We
couldn't
duck
the
issue.
Some
of
us
had
already
walked
far
over
the
Bridge
of
Reason
toward
the
desired
shore
of
faith.
The
outlines
and
the
promise
of
a
new
land
had
brought
luster
to
tie
our
eyes
and
fresh
courage
to
flagging
spirits.
Friendly
hands
had
stretched
out
and
welcome.
We
were
grateful
that
Reason
had
brought
us
so
far,
but
somehow
we
couldn't
quite
step
ashore.
Perhaps
we
have
been
leaning
too
heavily
on
Reason
that
last
mile,
and
we
did
not
like
to
lose
our
support.
This
is
like
what
we're,
you
know,
it's
very,
very
difficult
to
turn
a
lot
of
this
stuff
over.
I
was
ready
to
turn
my
alcoholism
over
the
day
I
walked
in
here
and
I
did.
I
believe
that
the
same
thing
will
happen
when
it
comes
time
for
me
to
turn
my
sex
life
over.
You
know,
I
make
the
decision
to
turn
my
work
life
over
and
do
what
I
think
God
would
have
me
do.
I
think,
I
think
wonderful
things
will
happen,
but
I'm
still
holding
on
to
old
ideas.
And
you
know,
I,
I
don't
mean
to
speak
for
everybody,
but
I
think
that,
that
everyone
can
relate
to
the
facts
that
there
are
some
things
that
you're
not
doing
the
way
you
think
God
would
have
you
do.
And,
and
it's,
you
know,
it's
progress,
not
perfection.
It
takes
a
while.
That
was
natural.
But
let
us
think
a
little
more
closely.
Without
knowing
it,
we
had
been
brought
to
where
we
hadn't
we
been
brought
to
where
we
stood
by
a
certain
kind
of
faith.
For
did
we
not
believe
in
our
own
reasoning?
Did
we
not
have
confidence
in
our
ability
to
think?
What
was
that
but
a
sort
of
faith?
Yes,
we
have
been
faithful,
abjectly
faithful
to
the
God
of
reason.
So
in
one
way
or
another,
we
discovered
that
faith
had
been
involved
all
the
time.
We
found,
too,
that
we
had
been
worshippers.
What
a
state
of
mental
goose
flesh
that
used
to
bring
on.
Had
we
not
variously
worship
people,
sentiment
things,
money,
ourselves,
and
then
with
a
with
a
better
motive,
have
we
not
worship
worshiply
beheld
the
sunset,
the
sea,
or
a
flower?
Who
of
us
had
had
not
loved
something
or
somebody?
How
much
did
these
feelings,
these
loves,
these
worships,
have
to
do
with
pure
reason,
little
or
nothing?
We
saw
at
last.
We're
not
these
things,
that
tissue
out
of
which
our
lives
were
constructed.
Did
not
these
feelings,
after
all,
determine
the
course
of
our
existence?
It
was
impossible.
We
had
no
capacity
for
faith
or
love
or
worship
in
one
form
or
another.
We
had
been
living
by
faith
and
little
else.
I
heard
one
time,
and
this
was
really
rang
true
for
me,
that
you
can,
you
can
develop
faith
the
same
way
that
you
could.
You
developed
faith
in
alcohol.
I'll
give
you
an
example.
Before
I
before
I
took
that
bottle
of
Four
Roses
whiskey
down
from
my
mother's
liquor
cabinet
when
I
was
13
years
old
and
got
drunk
for
the
first
time.
If
you
would
have
walked
up
to
me
and
you
would
have
said
Chris,
inside
this
bottle
is
the
answer
to
all
your
social
problems.
This
bottle
is
going
to
get
rid
of
all
the
little
fears
and
insecurities
you
have.
It's
going
to
make
you
larger
than
life.
You
are
going
to
be
the
funniest
guy
in
the
world.
There's
dancing
lessons
in
this
bottle
and
it's
going
to,
it's
going
to
give
you
a
whole
new
attitude
and
outlook
on
life.
You
know
you
are
going
to,
you
are
going
to
be
living
large
and
then
in
about
10
years
it's
going
to
strip
away
everything
you
care
about
in
life.
Now,
if
you
would
have
told
me
that
when
you
handed
me
the
bottle,
I
would
have
said
you're
full
of
shit,
you
know,
that's
not
possible.
But
I'll
tell
you
what,
I
came
to
have
faith
in
alcohol.
I
came
to
have
faith
in
that
it
was
going
to
do
for
me
what
I
couldn't
do
for
myself.
And
then
in
the
end,
I
slowly
started
to
have
faith
that
it
was
destroying
my
life
and
I
had
to
get
rid
of
it.
And
that
came
through
personal
experience.
The
same
thing
is
true
with
having
faith
with
God.
If
you
follow
the
spiritual
exercises
of
steps
4
through
9
and
then
the
growth
steps
of
step
of
steps
10
through
12.
If
you
practice
those
on
a
daily
basis
to
the
best
of
your
ability,
you
can't
not
have
have
a
a
strong
growing
faith
in
God
because
that's
what
they're
designed
to
do.
They're
designed
to
take
away
the
things
that
block
you
from
a
good
relationship
with
God.
They're
the
things
that
are
are
meant
and
designed
to
heal
your
spirit
so
that
your
spirit
isn't
so
tarnished
that
you
can't
develop
an
adequate
and
comfortable
relationship
with
a
higher
power.
You
know
what
I
mean?
It's
not
that
God's
going
to
love
you
more
when
you
take
these
actions
because
I,
I
believe
at
least
with
my
higher
power,
he
loves
me
whether
I'm
taking
the
actions
or
not.
It's
to
heal
our
spirit
so
that
we
can
access
the
higher
power.
You
know
what
I
mean?
Anyway,
imagine
life
without
faith,
where
nothing
left
but
pure
reason.
It
wouldn't
be
life,
but
we
believed
in
life.
Of
course
we
did.
We
cannot
prove
life
in
the
sense
that
you
can
prove.
A
straight
line
is
the
shortest
distance
between
two
points.
Yet
there
it
was.
Can
we
still
say
the
whole
thing
was
nothing
but
a
massive
electrons
created
out
of
nothing,
meaning
nothing,
whirling
onto
a
destiny
of
nothingness?
Of
course
we
could.
The
electrons
themselves
seem
more
intelligent
than
that.
At
least
so
the
chemist
said.
Hence
we
saw
that
reason
isn't
everything.
Neither
is
reason,
as
most
of
us
use
it
entirely
dependable,
though
it
may
emanate
from
our
best
minds.
What
about
people
who
prove
that
men
can
never
fly?
Yet
we've
been
seeing
another
kind
of
flight,
a
spiritual
liberation
from
this
world,
people
who
rose
above
their
problems.
You
see
that
the
first
day
you
walk
into
a
A
if
you
believe
what
the
people
are
telling
you.
They
said
God
made
these
things
possible
and
we
only
smile.
We
had
seen
spiritual
release,
but
we
like
to
tell
ourselves
it
wasn't
true.
Actually,
we
were
fooling
ourselves.
For
a
deep
down
and
every
man,
woman
and
child
is
a
fundamental
idea
of
God,
and
may
be
obscured
by
calamity,
by
pomp,
by
worship
of
other
things,
but
in
some
form
or
another
it
is
there.
For
faith
in
a
power
greater
than
ourselves,
in
miraculous
demonstrations
of
that
power
in
human
lives,
are
facts
as
old
as
man
himself.
We
finally
saw
that
faith
in
some
kind
of
a
God
was
a
part
of
our
makeup
just
as
much
as
the
feeling
we
had
for
a
friend.
Anybody
in
here
remember
the
foxhole
prayers
who
may
have
discounted
God
99.9%
of
the
time?
But,
but
let's
say,
let's
say
the
cops
are
pulling
you
over
and,
and,
and
you,
you
just
cut
a
whiskey
bottle
in
half
or
something.
You
know
you're
going
to
be,
you're
going
to
be
a
praying
fool.
And
sometimes
we
had
to
search
fearlessly,
but
he
was
there.
He
was
as
much
a
fact
as
we
were.
We
found
the
great
reality
deep
down
within
us
in
the
last
analysis.
Only
there
where
he
may
be
found
is
so
with
us.
That
just
told
us
where
we're
going
to
find
God.
I
used
to
think
I
would
have
to
go
back
to
church
to
find
God.
You
know,
I
thought
all
kinds
of
things.
I
thought
I'd
have
to
go
to
Yale
Divinity
School
to
be
able
to
understand
all
the
theological
dribble
to
be
able
to
really
get
with
God.
God
is
inside
each
of
us.
We
merely
need
to
look
inside
will
hear
an
AAA
that
spiritual
growth
is
an
inside
job
where
people
who
come
into
a
a
who
are
victims
of
bad
breaks,
misunderstandings
and
unlucky
circumstances.
And
it's
all
those
sumbitches
out
there.
If
they
would
only
change,
I
wouldn't
have
to
drink.
And
we
find
that
our
thinking
needs
to
be
reversed
about
180°
on
that
one.
One
of
the
first
things
you
learn
is
all
of
your
problems
or
of
your
own
making
now.
And,
well,
that's
that's
a.
That's
one
that's
tough
to
take.
I
remember
thinking
that
was
a
typo.
First
time
I
read
that
we
finally
saw
that
faith
in
some
kind
of
a
God
was
a
part
of
our
makeup.
Did
I
read
that?
OK,
We
can
only
clear
the
ground
a
bit
if
our
testimony
helps
sweep
away
prejudice.
These
are
these
are
instructions,
by
the
way.
These
are
things
you
need
to
do
in
the
second
step.
You
need
to
sweep
away
prejudice,
you
need
to
think
honestly,
and
you
need
to
search
diligently
within
yourself.
Those
are
second
step
requirements.
Then
if
you
wish,
you
can
join
us
on
the
Broad
highway.
With
this
attitude,
you
cannot
fail.
The
consciousness
of
your
belief
is
sure
to
come
to
you.
So
don't
forget
those
requirements.
In
this
book
you
will
read
the
experience
of
a
man
who
thought
he
was
an
atheist.
His
story
is
so
interesting,
some
of
it
should
be
told
now.
His
change
of
heart
was
dramatic,
convincing
and
moving.
Our
friend
was
a
minister's
son.
He
attended
church
school
where
he
became
rebellious
at
what
he
thought
was
an
overdose
of
religious
education.
Does
anyone
in
here
relate
to
that?
Usually
the
people
that
were
went
to
Catholic
school
for
12
years
can
relate
to
that
Business
failure,
insanity,
fatal
illness,
suicide.
These
calamities
in
his
immediate
family
embittered
and
depressed
him.
Post
war
disillusionment,
even
more
serious
alcoholism,
impending
mental
and
physical
slap
collapse
brought
him
to
the
point
of
self
destruction.
One
night
when
confined
in
a
hospital,
he
was
approached
by
an
alcoholic
who
had
known
a
spiritual
experience
by
someone
who
had
taken
the
12
steps
and
was
carrying
that
message
to
others.
Our
our
friends,
Gorge
Rose
is
he
bitterly
cried
out.
If
there
is
a
God,
he
certainly
hasn't
done
anything
for
me.
But
later,
alone
in
his
room,
he
asked
himself
this
question.
Is
it
possible
that
all
the
religious
people
I
have
known
are
wrong?
While
pondering
the
answer,
he
felt
as
though
he
lived
in
hell.
Then,
like
a
Thunderbolt,
a
great
thought
came.
It
crowded
out
all
else.
Who
are
you
to
say
there
is
no
God?
This
man
recounts
that
he
tumbled
out
of
bed
to
his
knees
In
a
few
seconds.
He
was
overwhelmed
by
a
conviction
of
the
presence
of
God.
It
poured
over
and
through
him
with
a
certainty
and
majesty
of
a
great
tide
of
flood.
The
barriers
he
had
built
through
the
years
were
swept
away.
He
stood
in
the
presence
of
an
infinite
power
and
love.
He
had
stepped
from
bridge
to
shore.
For
the
first
time.
He
lived
in
conscious
companionship
with
his
Creator.
This
was
a
sudden
and
profound
spiritual
experience.
But
Wilson
also
had
a
sudden
and
profound
spiritual
experience.
But
if
you
go
to
the
spiritual
appendance
in
this
book,
you'll
see
that
most
of
us,
and
I'll
say
99%
of
us
have
what
is
known
as
the
educational
variety
of
spiritual
awakening.
And
what
that
is,
is
that
happens
slowly
over
a
period
of
time,
working
a
course
of
action.
That's
the
way,
That's
the
way
mine
came.
I've
had
little
bits
of
spiritual
revelations.
I
think
anybody
that
gets
to
the
point
where
they
need
to
be
detoxed
from
alcohol
gets
God
shots
every
once
in
a
while.
You
know,
the
clouds
part,
the
clouds
part
and
let
let
in
a
little
truth
every
once
in
a
while.
But
but
mainly
what
we
have
is
is
the
slow
painful
kind,
you
know,
which
takes
takes
quite
a
while.
A
lot
of
step
work,
a
lot
of
work
on
the
spots,
a
lot
of
meetings,
a
lot
of
service.
This
was
our
friends
cornerstone
fixed
in
place
no
later
of
vicissitude
has
shaken
in
his
alcoholic
problem
was
taken
away
that
very
night
years
ago.
It
disappeared,
say
for
a
few
brief
moments
of
temptation.
The
thought
of
drink
has
never
returned.
At
sometimes
a
great
revulsion
has
risen
up
in
him.
Seemingly
he
could
not
drink
if
he
would.
God
had
restored
his
sanity.
What
does
this
but
a
miracle
of
healing
and
its
elements
are
simple
circumstances
made
him
willing
to
believe.
He
humbly
offered
Himself
to
His
Maker
than
He
knew.
Even
so,
has
God
restored
us
all
to
our
right
minds?
That's
a
plus
to
this
man.
The
revelation
was
sudden.
Some
of
us
grow
into
it
more
slowly,
but
He
has
come
to
all
who
have
honestly
sought
Him.
That's
that's
another
requirement
to
honestly
seek
God.
When
we
drew
near
to
Him,
He
disclosed
Himself
to
us.