The topic of "Home Group" at the Unity and Service conference in Concord, CA

At this time, please help me welcome our main speaker, Harry B from Ben, Oregon on the topic of home groups.

Hi,

I I'm Carrie and I'm an alcoholic. I always have been and I probably always will be.

So I brought my purse up here with me, not because I don't trust Rick or Jerry, but but because I am kind of

a, a literature, a literature packing geek and I

feel more comfortable with my big book and my 12:00 and 12:00 and my pamphlets and my, you know, mini everything. So, so in case I need to reference anything, I have it down there. I'm going to try to keep away from the literature today and step out of my comfort zone and maybe even share a little bit from the heart.

Please, higher power, help me with that. So

I am so excited to be here. I have to tell you though, I am a little bit nervous too. For one, I don't know if any of you guys were here on the 1st conference the first year where the talk of the Home group, which is the one I was given this year. Thank you Kent, wherever you are for interesting me with such an amazing topic.

Was given by Don L from Bellingham, huge hero of mine. And

wow, that talk was amazing. Seriously, I would not be the member that I am today had I not listened to that talk like 10 times. So, so that's kind of big. So I'm trying to stay out of, you know, pride and ego and self around that because Don's Home group talk was probably the one of the best a A talks in general I've ever heard,

not just about the Home group. So if you haven't heard that talk, I, I'm pretty sure

that Kent, I'm pretty sure that the unity and service website has past years speakers on there. And if you have any problem, you know, downloading or whatever, my e-mail address is j&[email protected] and request a copy from me and I will pay for shipping. I will send you a CD.

I will e-mail you an MP3. Last year at this conference, Bob D from Las Vegas gave a traditions talk, which I think was the best Bob detox I've ever heard, which is saying a lot if you've heard Bob detox. And then Billy N talked about myths and misconceptions. And that talk last year was probably the most informative a, a talk that I've ever heard with more good information straight up out of the literature, not

than probably any, you know, 6 to 8 hour workshop that I've ever sat through condensed in 45 minutes. So those three talks, here's my pitch. OK, if you haven't, if you haven't listened to any one of those three talks, please, I, I have my phone number on me e-mail address. I will send those to you because those three talks as a kit is probably single handedly. If every A, a member listened to those 3

talks, I think that a, A would be in good hands for the future and

the future alcoholic not yet born. We wouldn't be able to help but have a whole new respect for Alcoholics Anonymous. With that said, I am humbled to be up here, you know, talking from the same podium that those, those talks were given from. And it's an honor and a privilege. And I, I want to thank, I want to thank my host Kevin

on the way here from the airport. It was a long drive because of the traffic,

but Kevin made it very short. He is a talker and I, I had AI, had a sponsee who flew here with me and she's going man, he, he even talked to you under the table, like he even gave you a run for your money. I've never seen that before. And and so I can't wait to come to this unity and service conference and when he's asked to be up here because you guys will be very entertained. So that'll happen. That'll happen real soon, I'm sure, because it's people like this, like my host Kevin

with under a year who have so much passion for Alcoholics Anonymous. And these are the gifts that I get in this program. These are the gifts that I get from attending these conferences and stuff like this is those needles in the haystack. You know, those needles in the haystack that I get to experience this thing for the first time all over again through the passionate newcomers eyes. And those are the gifts of this program for me.

How many newcomers do we have in the room? Anybody under a year of sobriety? Can I see a show of hands? Oh, awesome. Oh my God.

Oh my God,

let me just say, if you stick around this thing,

you are in for the ride of your life for sure.

I hope that you keep coming back. I hope you hear something this weekend that opens your heart to how beautiful this thing that you belong to really is. I, I didn't realize what an honor it was when I first got here to be a part of AA. At first I was around AA, you know,

then I got a sponsor and I, thanks to tradition 3 and thank you for, for your, your lead. I, I eventually within a A, you know, and then, and then I started learning about the traditions and I got a Home group and I became part of a A and those are distinctions that have been very important to me and I'll tell you why.

So

when I first got to a A,

I didn't want what you had. I'm just going to be honest, I didn't, I didn't want what you had. I didn't want to do what you did to get what you had. And I, I didn't care about any of this like stuff that you would read like the promises and it, well, those ninth step promises, you know, they were, I don't use the word trigger very often because I mean, once we recover, it's like,

you know, it

when I was new Tuesday was a trigger, right? So,

so I don't buy into all that I mean I, I don't, I don't have to stay sober one day at a time anymore. I, I get to live life on lifes terms one day at a time now. But I, you know, ever since I acquired my

permanent sobriety date, which is the word that the big book uses, and I love our literature, I haven't had to deal with, with that type of thing anymore. But I will tell you that if there was such thing as a trigger for me, those ninth step promises being read were a trigger. You know, they, they said you'll know a new happiness and a new freedom. Well, I knew how to get that. It came with about probably 1 1/2 beers is when I would start experiencing that new happiness and new freedom,

you know, and and it said that I will lose the fear of people and in and financial insecurity

that was at about, you know, 2 beers in. And, you know, even if I was broke, it's like I would lose that fear of financial and security drinks on me. You know, I would lose interest in self and gain interest in my fellows. Yeah,

so

I did know how to experience, you know, a new sense of peace and freedom and that those night step promises, if anything, they triggered me, you know, and and and I didn't want that stuff. I didn't care about that stuff. I was so selfish and self-centered that all I cared about was you guys telling me the secret. I just wanted to know the secret. I just wanted to know how not to wake up drunk or hungover the next morning, wondering what I had done last night, who I had done it to, what I had said

and having to retrace my footsteps and find out, you know, the Horror Story that would again land me in that feeling of pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization. And so I, I just was looking for the secret. I just wanted you guys to tell me the secret. And, and once I found out I wasn't going to, I wasn't one of you. I didn't need all the help that you guys had. I didn't have the character defects. I didn't, I mean, it was great for you, just wasn't for me. And and so I just needed the secret. Or you could teach me how to drink like a lady. That

too. I would have been OK with that, but I was going to get sober. Thank you for your time and and be on my way. And that, you know, obviously didn't happen. I didn't realize that I would fall in love with the Fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous. But I was coming in 5 minutes late because I didn't want you to hand me something to read. I didn't want to talk to you. I had friends. Thank you. I don't need to be friends with a bunch of drunks. I would leave 5 minutes early

because I didn't want to pray with you. I didn't want you to hold my hand. I didn't want, you know, again to talk to you.

And for some reason it just wasn't working for me to say a thing. I did get a big book that I didn't read. I got a sponsor that I didn't call. I got, you know, I, I went to meetings that I didn't really attend because all I was thinking about was me, me, me. And once I did start

opening my mouth in meetings, I wasn't listening to your experience, strength and hope. I was sharing with you my problems, feelings and opinions. And and that's about it. So let's see. I didn't want anything to do with God. I didn't want anything to do with that old, outdated book that was written by men.

I didn't want anything to do with you,

but it took me doing this. It this way took me about nine months, actually nine months to the day to acquire my permanent sobriety date. I could put together about two to three days,

sometimes 5 in that nine months. One time I actually put together 23 days. It was the day after Halloween, and I woke up yet again in that state of pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization, swearing it off forever, saying I am never going to, I'm never drinking again. And I meant it. You could hook me up to a lie detector test and I would have passed, you know?

Yet here I was in Mexico waking up,

you know, 23 days later

and I, and that's when I kind of went, you know what, I see a pattern here. They're staying sober and I'm not. So maybe I ought to start going to more than one meeting every two weeks, which was nice, my schedule. So I, I made, I made the decision that,

you know, I was going to start doing this Alcoholic's Anonymous thing.

I was not just going to be around AAI was I was, this is my transition into a A, right? Still wasn't a part of a A, but I'm, I'm getting into a A and, and, and I decided, OK, I'm gonna, I'm gonna make the sacrifice here for all these people.

If I am going to do this a, a thing, if this is gonna be my part of my life, you know, some things are gonna need to change around here. First of all, the big book needs to be updated. The meetings need to be upgraded and

y'all, we're going to need to start acting right. And this was going to take a whole lot of work on my part, but I was willing to make the sacrifice

for you

and for the good of a A as a whole. And that's when I started doing Alcoholics Anonymous alcoholically, threw myself in with both feet.

I don't know how anybody in that town stayed sober. See, this is how big of a ego I have. I was at service of service at probably every meeting I had, service positions I had, I was in attendance. It would have been really difficult for me or for you to find an, A, a business meeting

that I wasn't in attendance at

because you needed a lot of help

And I had no concept of what it meant to be one among many. I had no concept of, of, of what a Home group was, right? I mean, a Home group I, I have every right to be part of every meeting I attend. Thank you very much. They need me. And so I was at what was probably my third or fourth business meeting of the of the month.

And I'm sitting there at the table and my soon to be service sponsor, my first service sponsor came up to me

and he put

now let me just say I was making some, I was making some improvements. OK, I was actually making before this happened, I, I had spread myself all over Central Oregon

and I didn't think that the Lord's Prayer was appropriate in meetings. This is back then, you know, it broke tradition one. It broke tradition 10.

I had this big spiel, you know, I did my research and and I had successfully gotten it removed from most meetings in Central Oregon. And to this day, two groups in that town of Bend are left saying that prayer that is so special to so many of us. And, and, and that's not the only story I could tell you.

So

I think they just didn't want to deal with me, so they went ahead and voted whatever I wanted. You know, I was.

I like to talk.

So I, I got my first service sponsor. Now this isn't that it was a mandated service sponsor. He elected himself for this position. I was sitting at what was probably my third or fourth business meeting of the month. And he comes over and, and this is a gentleman who actually lives around here now. We called him California Sean, because he he came from California. And then now he's back living here again. But

I was sitting at the table and he comes up and he puts

a service manual down in front of me. He dropped a service manual down in front of me on the table. And he said that he had pre taken the liberty of pre highlighting the places in that that I needed to read 1st and introduced me as his as my new service sponsor. And I was

well, I was appalled first of all. But I, I'm not going to lie, I was intrigued because this book that I had not seen before,

you know, it said 12 concepts on it. And I went, well, I, I know it's a 12 step program and the traditions back then were of course just something to get the old time or something to complain about.

But but the 12 concepts, I had not heard of this. How could me

add almost a year sober not have heard about this?

So I took it home and I studied it and it took me a couple of days to get through it. And, and to be honest, I didn't understand a word in there. I didn't understand what they were talking about. I didn't know what a committee was like. I didn't know anything. And I didn't walk away from that experience really learning anything more about the the service structure in Alcoholics Anonymous then I had before I was given the book.

Oh, and do you want to know what part he had taken the liberty of pre highlight? Anybody want to guess?

It was the part about the Home group, and it was the part about being one among many. One member, one Group, One vote.

I, I had not heard of this before. I know nothing about being one among many. I thought every group that I attended needed my help. And so, so I read this thing that I didn't understand, but at the end of that experience, even though I didn't understand anything more about the service structure than I did it, Is there somebody with a time card? Is there like,

are you supposed to be like telling me how much time I have left?

OK,

wait, I have what,

40 minutes left? Well, I thought this talk was only 45 minute talk. OK, all right, so I got 40. I'll try. So

I so I realized that I have to I realized that I I just read this book. It didn't it didn't give me any more enlightenment or information really. I didn't understand the service structure still any more than I did the day before I was given that book. But one thing that that that service manual did for me

was it gave me this amazing deep appreciation for Alcoholics Anonymous. And it it gave me sort of a peek behind the curtains into just how big this thing was and into how people have given their lives

to protect this thing, to protect

and preserve this thing so that I could have got sober. And for the first time in my life, not just in AAI think, I felt a tiny bit of what you guys call humility.

It was an emotional reaction. It was a physical reaction that I had. And I, I knew that that day, the A, A was much, much bigger than me and that it could have possibly be that you guys were actually fine before I got to a A.

And it was humbling.

It was humbling. And that was the first time that I guess I realized that

AA didn't need me. I needed you. I need a A

AI did finally I did get sober once I threw myself in to a a you know, and started doing Alcoholics Anonymous alcoholically. I did that is when I acquired my my sobriety date. Now I just want to say before I talk about more Home group stuff and service stuff, just kind of as a disclaimer,

service only could have not kept me sober because I was freaking crazy that first year. And it's part of my story, part of my recovery story, which I'm not here to share with you today. But that's good for another time that I reached my my bottom in in my second year sober. And I created more wreckage in my first year sober than I did my last year drunk, to be honest, because you take alcohol away from an alcoholic like me. And that was my coping mechanism. Like that's what.

I had to calm this crazy and then that got taken away and I really, quite frankly, I took that out on all you for a year.

So so I I finally did what my best friend calls. I picked a side and I pick a side and ride. She said OK. I dropped all my other groups and I stayed with with with one group. And this group was perfect for me. It was a group that met six days a week

are called New Horizons and and this group, it was amazing because they had six different topics every day of the week that we meet. They meet Monday through Saturday. It's not my Home group any longer, but it was for a long time and and Mondays was a newcomer meeting Tuesdays with Daily reflection. Wednesday was

is big book study today it wasn't back then when I joined it was Grapevine. But today it's big book study. Thursday 11 step study, Friday 12:00 and 12:00 and Saturday is kind of their open participation meeting. And

and it was great because I started learning how to be one among many. I started learning how to start attending other meetings and respecting your group conscience

and not thinking that I knew it was best in your group, which was really

it was new for me, you know, and I had an, an amazing service sponsor a few years back that she gives a lot of talks in a a she explains it like this. And this is what really how it really sunk into me. She says, you know, we have to each group and I don't know if you've ever read the long form of the 7th tradition, but the first line in the 7th tradition long form is each group, not a, A as a whole has to be fully self supporting by the voluntary contributions of their own members.

Now, Suzanne used to say this is monetarily and physically. And I, she used to say that it you can compare it to. So at my house, you know, there's three of us, my husband, my 13 year old daughter and myself. And we have a group conscience, right? That when you come over, you take your shoes off, but you don't have to watch your mouth. Like we have our, our rules, whatever. But when I'm coming to your house, I might be able to leave my shoes on, but you want me to watch my mouth because you might have a 2 year old or a three-year old or, you know, whatever. And I have to

expect that I don't have to say, well, at my house we do this, so I'm going to do this at your house. And, and I got to kind of respect that and started understanding that and I started actually respecting the way that you guys do things in your

groups meetings, even if it was different than what my, you know, I got a vote and I got one vote in one group and that's it. And, and I started appreciating the concept of that. So the other thing I really appreciated was that I didn't have to do service at your guys's group.

So monetarily and physically, right? So when I have somebody over for dinner, right, I have you over for dinner, you're not going to tell me what to serve for dinner. You're going to eat what I serve and you're going to, you might bring a a loaf of bread or a bottle of sparkling cider or whatever, you know,

throw a couple of throw a buck in the basket if for coffee or whatever at a meeting. But on your way out, I'm not going to ask you to help to contribute to my electric bill and to my mortgage. And I'm also not going to say, hey, before you leave, will you do you mind going and making my bed and vacuuming my office? Thank you. You know, you're my guest and and we have chores in our house between the three of us

that you know, my daughter's chore service position is to unload the dishwasher and sweep the kitchen floor. We have those

and, and those are all in place because we are fully self supported through our own voluntary contributions. Later on, I left New Horizons and I'll get to that. The, the group that meets six days a week. There was a fire at Arson and I didn't realize how entangled I was with that facility that the group met in. I mean, by this time my higher power had evolved a little bit higher than what I would have thought was just the group. But it really it, I mean, it could have

taken me out if if I didn't stick close with my sponsor and the women I sponsor. Which by the way, I'm going to qualify even though what was said last night because I think that this is very important. My sobriety date is 3/25/2010 March 25th, 2010. OK. My Home group is 3 legacies. That's important.

And what else is important is I do have a sponsor who has a sponsor

and I sponsor women who sponsor women. And that's what keeps me in the middle of this thing. And there's nowhere else I would rather be. There's nowhere else I'd rather be today than right here in the middle of this thing with you guys. And so I need those things and I need to hold myself accountable to those things. It's very important to me. This group, New Horizons, the church burnt down. It was very, I took it not, I would have never expected me to take it so hard,

but but I did. And there was also some things going on, 13 step issues and safety issues and stuff like that, that I, it was probably time for me to move on anyways at that point. And so I joined this group called WFS. I'm going to get into that too.

WFS met three nights a week and and while I was a member of that group, they needed, I guess, funds we were low on. We weren't going to, we didn't have enough money for

all of the different entities. And so they decided it would be a good idea to start announcing that we needed, you know, people should put in $2.00 instead of $1.00. And the whole, a gallon of milk was this cost back in 1935. And today it's this cost and things have changed. And you got to hear that whole spiel at every meeting. And I started judging. You know, I'd look and I'd be like, oh, they're only putting in a dollar. And you know, and I started judging, right?

And, and again, my beautiful, wonderful service sponsor at the time, she, she reminded me that it's not up to our attendees, our guests at the meeting to support the group. It's up to me. And she says, how much are you contributing? And I told her my lump sum of what I contribute into the 7th tradition baskets. Now, I was going to 10 meetings a week back then. OK. And if I'm contributing $2.00 OK

into the basket

every meeting and I'm going to 10 meetings a week, that's $20 a week. And I don't care how much you contribute, that's not the point. I'm just going to the point is coming. That is $80.00 a month, right? Is my math right? So $80.00 a month I'm contributing to the 7th tradition. And how much of that is am I contributing to my Home group 20? So $60.00 of that is going into baskets around town that I have no idea

if you guys are concerned if those groups are contributing to GSO, if those groups are contributing to the area, to the district, to the whatever, or if you're just buying expensive cookies and coffee Creamer, I don't know. And so that's where the concept of responsibility started coming into me. You know, where where am I responsible with my money, with my AA contributions? And that's when I started actually contributing online. I have a reoccurring contribution, you know, taken out of my account every month that goes to some

entities, but then I also contribute to my Home group and that's where my, and that's where my, my money goes. And I had a, a woman who I sponsored a couple of years back and her, one of my requirements for sponsorship. Thank you. One of my requirements for sponsorship is that

you have a Home group that is connected to a A as a whole. And I realized that that could be controversial, whatever. But if you, if your Home group doesn't have AGSR, if you're not being

in a, a as a whole and the different entities and attending, sending someone to attend the area assemblies and, and getting the information back and forth, then I, I just feel like you're missing out on a, well, one of the three legs of the triangle. And so this woman says, well, I really like this Home group. And this is, you know, this is my Home group. It's been my Home group for a while. And, and I said, well, why don't you just make a motion that you guys get AGSR and she's like, OK. And, and then

they got a GSR and, and they couldn't afford to go to the area assembly. They couldn't afford to send the, the, the GSR to the area assembly. I said, well, what's, let's, let's take a look at that. Let's do some inventory. And she, we did some inventory and it's a once a week meeting, right? It's a meeting that we once a week in that group. So there's not a whole lot coming in, but the ladies there,

they could afford it.

And

so, So what I did was I encouraged, I gave her that same scenario that my service sponsor had given me. And I said, how much are you contributing? She's like, well, $2.00. And I'm like, how many meetings are you going to? And she's like 6. And I said, so six a week and you're only contrib. So that's $12.00 a week that you're contributing to a A and only two to your Home group. And she caught on pretty quickly. She went back to her group next business meeting, she gave that scenario. And now those ladies are all

self supporting through their own contributions and they have been sending a GSR to the area assemblies ever since. They just haven't been giving their money away. And again, the same scenario goes with at home. You know, if I have a mortgage and I'm falling short and I'm getting notices on my door, I'm not going to go to my neighbor and help them pay for their rent. I'm going to take care of my responsibilities first, you know, and, and I didn't understand that

aspect of the Home group for a long time.

So WFS, when I joined my second Home group,

it was very difficult for my pride and ego because this is a group that my first sponsor was a Home group member there. And she did not appreciate the noon meeting that I went to and all of the meetings that I was attending. And she one of her requirements was that I attend a real a, a meeting

with her at her group once a week. She's like, you don't have to come to all three of the meetings, but once a week you have to come and actually hear the message. You can go run around to all the counterfeit alleged a meetings you want to during the for during the day.

But once a week come to my group with me. We meet three nights a week. I hated that group. Oh my goodness, I

let me tell you, they they didn't let me be of service there. And mind you that I'm in my first year again, you know, I'm going back in my story. I'm in my first year and they didn't let me be of service because I had so many home groups and

and I was, you know, and I wasn't just a member there. So I had no loyalty and how dare them. They didn't let all my non alcoholic friends share like I was bringing my non alcoholic friends in with me for a long time because I didn't want you guys as my friends. And I had plenty of friends. So, you know, they were coming with me for support and, and you know, and, and some of them, you know, that I thought, well, drug is a drug. Some of them had problems with other substances, but they weren't Alcoholics. And, and, and, and this group

had a problem with that. They had something called singleness of purpose and I hate it. And, and so they were Nazis, you know, and, and they called on people. They didn't open it up until 55 minutes at the end of the meeting for burning desires. Well, the newcomer is the most important person in the room right now. I I still to an extent, I still believe that today

there were about three years of my sobriety where every single time I shared an A, a meeting, I would start my share by saying

if you're new or nearly new, welcome because you are the most important person in the room today.

I'm not saying that I don't believe that today on some level, but having acquired a working knowledge of these traditions mainly #1 which tells me that the group comes before anyone individual. The group has to be more important than me. The group is more important than you. The group is more important than the long winded old timers who goes past the timer. The group is more important than the newcomer. The group is more important than the newcomer, and for a codependent

look like me, that was a hard pill to swallow. But it's true. The group has to go on functioning in order for the newcomer to recover. And I love this pamphlet. I'm going to start pushing literature. I'm trying not to do this

so tradition One out of the Traditions for Dummies, which I love because it's a cartoon version.

The Noisy Drunk affords the simplest illustration of this tradition.

If he insists on disrupting the meeting, we invite him to leave, and we bring him back when he's in better shape to hear the message. We're putting the common welfare first, but isn't it in his welfare, too? If he's ever going to get sober, the group must go on functioning ready for him. So that wasn't a concept that I always knew either. And this group WFS that I, that was the most terrible group in all of Central Oregon. They, you know, only had five minutes open for the newcomer to share and,

and I just couldn't get, I couldn't understand why they did what they did. Well, by the time my, the church that my Home group met at had burnt down and there were issues going on, you know, outside of that, I, it became very honest. I I had acquired the working knowledge of these 12 traditions by then, and I had acquired quite the respect for that group that I once hated.

I realized that that's probably

all those things that I couldn't stand about. The group is probably one of the reasons why they're the oldest group in Central Oregon. They just celebrated 58 years

and, and they're the strongest group and the biggest group and, you know, and I couldn't understand it. I so

I had already been telling people for my first two years that WFS. Which is because they meet on Wednesday night, Friday night and Sunday night, right? WFS stood for We Effing Suck and.

And so by the time it became apparent that my next phase of my development was to join this group that I had been saying this about, pride and ego was going to be hurt. And I did some inventory work around this. My sponsor had me write a list of all of the reasons I had hated that group and everything that was wrong with it.

Every reason why I couldn't join that group,

leaving New Horizons to go to this group that I had always hated. And by the time I got done writing the list, which was a couple of pages long, we did inventory. And at the end of the inventory, every single one of them, almost pride and ego. Pride and ego. Can't join the group because I threw a fit when they wouldn't let me be of service. Can't join the group because I tore up the singleness of purpose problems other than alcohol pamphlet in front of them when they shut my attic friend down. I couldn't, I,

I couldn't join the group because I've told everyone that WFS stands for something that it doesn't. And

so by the time we did the inventory on that, the only reason that was keeping me from joining the group was Pride and NATO and I, it was a hard pill to swallow, but I wrote my amends. Well, first my sponsor said the last thing on there that I still was kind of stuck on was only 5 minutes for the newcomer.

And so my sponsor said, well, the next time you go in. And it happened to be the the night after this talk that I went in and I was to pray. I was to get to the church and pray find a quiet place. I have some outside issues myself. I got ADHD squirrel cage and,

and I, I was defined a quiet place and pray for either acceptance or understanding of the way they do it, accepting that maybe they do things wrong and that's OK or understanding of why they do what they do. I wasn't even to be selfish and pray for both of those things. And I did, I went, I went and they have this little room in the women's bathroom. Well, they don't anymore because it's remodeled, but they used to have this little room where you could close the curtain and kind of

be by yourself on this little bench. And I went in there and nobody else was in there. And I prayed, and I prayed earnestly that day for acceptance or understanding of why things were done the way they were. And that night, oh, my higher power hit me over the head with a brick. So first of all, that meeting that night was a really good meeting.

The leader, her name is Lauren. She's still a member of that group.

She read something beautiful out of the big book, something out of the 1st 164 pages about acceptance. And it was amazing. And you know, it was pretty much about the topic that night was pretty much about accepting the things we cannot change, right in this serenity prayer. And every single person that she proceeded to call on

said just when I needed to hear and everybody was talking to me. And I hadn't been emotional in an AA meeting for I don't know how long. And I just sawbed through that meeting. It was just the best meeting. And at 10 minutes before the end of the hour, she makes the announcement that she's opening up the meeting for anyone who hasn't yet had an opportunity to share because

there had been a group conscience at their last business meeting that that they were going to start opening up the meeting 10 minutes early instead of 5 minutes early.

And then my higher power who is a sarcastic asshole sometimes just like me. And so that's why, you know we're supposed to try and live in our creators image.

So then my sarcastic higher power proceeded to give me up close and personal loud view of the next 10 minutes

with a nightmare.

It seemed like everyone who had a complaint about their probation officer or drug court came out of the woodwork that night. I got to hear about somebody stepping in dog mess on their way to the Chevron to get their Marlboros.

It was very loud, my higher powers message that night. And so not only did I was, I granted understanding of why,

you know, And so then for me, it's like, Oh my God, the newcomer needs to hear

hope, a message of how we recover, a message that there is life in sobriety, life after drinking, not somebody stepping in. So I finally got it. I finally got it why they did things the way they did it. And of course, now today, they still have 10 minutes. This was years ago. And still today that group has 10 minutes instead of 5 minutes. And that's the most painful 10 minutes.

So my higher power has ways of teaching me. So

I, I finally put my tail between my legs. I went to the business meeting, the first business meeting since they kicked me out, you know, a year prior. And I made an amends, you know, and I stood up there in front of everyone and I admitted, you know, where they got their nickname and I

and I humbly asked for forgiveness and, you know, and, and they showed me grace

and they showed me love and they showed me acceptance and, and they showed me the 12 traditions in action and, and they were a wonderful Home group. And I started from the bottom. I even had though I had time. I wanted to be a coffee maker. They needed a literature person. I said, no, I need to serve this group as a coffee maker 1st. And then I served as the birthday person and I didn't take secretary. I I wanted to

earn their respect, so they were a good group for me. Few years later,

you know, I was AI was a Home group member there for a couple few years and I was in the midst of a divorce and I needed to be at home with my daughter at night. This is a nighttime group. So it was time for me to try to I was going to be a single mom. My husband, my ex-husband had been out was out of the picture. And so I needed to find a group that met in the daytime because night time wasn't going to work for me anymore. So I don't know if I was ready yet to go back to New Horizons

for one of the reasons is

because of who I was in the beginning of my sobriety and because of how involved I was in that group. And it met six days a week and I was a permanent fixture there six days a week. Everybody kind of looked to me as the go to and I had kind of made myself, you know, I don't know the one ultimate authority in that group. And, and it wasn't good for me. It wasn't good for me and it wasn't good for anybody else. So I, I didn't go back to that group because

it hadn't been long enough and people still kind of look to me for the answers and all that. And, and there was another group that had a lot of old timers and a lot of time. And it was, you know, well, no, it was a meeting,

not a group. See, there's a difference. And this is where I learned the difference. So I knew that they didn't have monthly business meetings. They didn't participate in general service. They didn't participate in anything like that. And so I kind of thought that they were not a group that I could be a member of. But I had heard through the Grapevine that they had group conscience. I had a couple of service sponses call me up and say this group just