Step 3 at a Men's OA Tool Time Retreat in Oceanside, CA

Step three made a decision to turn our will and our lives over the care of God as we understood him. First of all, I've been taught that the our will there is our thoughts. So we're turning our thoughts and then our our lives is our actions. So we're turning our thoughts and our actions over to God. You know, I'm as powerless over my thoughts as I'm over my compulsive overheating. They just come and I have to turn those over to God and I also have to turn my life over to God.

Then the ABC's are on page 61. This is where step three begins

Step one is that we were alcoholic and could not manage our own lives. Beat 2 is that probably no human power could have relieved our alcoholism that we need to believe in a higher power and that's. Step 3C is the Step 3, which is that God could and what if he were sought. So being convinced we were at step three and

what did I want to read here? That's that's page 6161. Like I said, you'll get these notes and you'll have all the numbers in there but 61.

So the first requirement is that we be convinced that any live run on self will can hardly be a success on this basis. We are almost always in collision with someone, something, somebody, or even our own motives

are. Even though our own motives are good, most people try to live by self propulsion.

Each person is like an actor who wants to run the whole show. We talked about that before. He's forever trying to change arrange the lights, the ballet, the scenery and the rest of the players to get his own way. And it doesn't work. You know, when we're trying to run our own show by our selfish and self centeredness, it doesn't work. We can't get everybody else to do what we want them to do. We can't get the world to be the way we want it to be. And then on page 62 it tells us the problem. 62 selfishness, self-centredness that we think is the root of our troubles. And I, you know, I really

emphasize that over and over again. That is the root of our troubles, selfishness and self centeredness driven by 100 forms of fear, self delusion, self seeking and self pity. We step on the toes of our fellows and they retaliate. So, you know, if I look at all of my character defects, I'm going to get to this in a minute here, but if I look at all my character defects, they're all based on that selfishness and self centeredness. Even hear what they list fear. That's all about what's going to happen to me in the future.

Self seeking itself, self self delusion itself and self pity itself.

So our trouble is we think our basically of our own making. They arise out of ourselves and the alcoholic and the compulsive. Overeater is an extreme example of self willed run riot,

though he usually doesn't think so. Above everything, we Alcoholics must be rid of this selfishness we muster. It kills us. God makes that possible

and there seems, and there often seems no way to of entirely getting rid of self without his aid. And I'll skip down to the bottom that says we had to have God's help. So we're as powerless over our selfishness and self centeredness as we are over our compulsive overeating, our alcoholism. We're powerless over our selfish and self centeredness, and we need God's help to get rid of that. Even so, we need God's help for everything in our life. Basically, selfishness and self centeredness is an addiction to self. I'm addicted to myself

and like all addictions, you need God's help. Now this is not from the big book I but I heard this in one of my OPP meetings and I, I really love this. This is the question is, am I selfish? And here's the ways you can look at how you might be selfish.

If I am resentful, it is because someone did not do what I wanted them to do in the past. They did not do it my way and that is being selfish. If I am angry, it is because someone is not doing what I want them to do right now. They are not doing it my way and that is being selfish. If I am fearful, it is because I know that someone is not going to do what I want them to do in the future. They are not going to do it my way and that is being selfish.

If I feel guilt or remorseful, it is because I got my own way at your expense. And that is being selfish. So if you're experiencing any of those emotions, resentful, angry, fearful, guilt or remorse, it's because of selfishness and self centeredness. Now I'm going to this, this is not from the big book, but in my research there's I've got a list of spiritual vices and the corresponding spiritual virtues, virtues and vices. And I'm going to name the spiritual virtue and then I'll say versus the spiritual vice and listen to the words of the

there and see if you can connection. See the connection that those are related to selfishness and self centeredness. So there's love versus hate or hatred, altruism or selflessness versus selfishness is pretty obvious there. Forgiveness versus resentment or regret or blame. Humility versus arrogance or pride or self centeredness. Compassion or empathy versus indifference.

Fairness or justice versus unfairness or injustice. Acceptance versus rejection

or judging patients or impatient. Oh, wait a second, my formatting screwed up here. Rejection or judging. Accept this versus rejection or judging. And then the final one is patience versus impatience. So, you know, in every case there are, the spiritual vice is some form of selfishness and self-centredness working itself out there in all those different ways.

Now, the third step promises this on page 63. When we sincerely took such a position of Step 3, all sorts of remarkable things followed. We had a new employer. Being all powerful, he provided what we needed if we kept close to him and performed his works well. Established on such a footing, we became less and less interested in ourselves, our little plans and designs. More and more we became interested in seeing what we could contribute to life, as we felt new power flow in, as we enjoy Peace of Mind,

as we discovered how we could face life successfully, as we became conscious of His presence, we began to lose our fear of today. Tomorrow in the hereafter, we are reborn. So those are the third step promises. I can come through true by taking that third step. Then of course, there's the third step prayer that we say at every meeting. A God Ioffer myself to thee.

Note that in that third step prayer, we don't ask God to take away our difficulties so that we can live a happier life. We take away our difficulties so that we can be of service to others.

It's all to help others. And in fact, you know, that's what the whole 12th step is about, is about helping other people. That's how we get rid of our selfishness and self centeredness. Whenever you're working as a sponsor with somebody new, you are not being selfish and self-centered. You're trying to transmit what you've received and, and that that's part of your recovery there. So, so I finally end with how do we know when you completed Step 3? It's when you start Step 4.