GCYPAA in Atlanta, GA

Goodbye. All right.

Where's it going,

Chris? As our speakers,

Chris is from New Orleans,

28 to 3:00.

If you if you know Chris,

he's a huge Atlanta Falcons fan.

Outside I'm introducing my friend

so I'm just going to talk about him like he's my friend. So anyway,

Louisiana for like the last month or two that I lived there, he had gone through some serious personal stuff that he'll talk about later.

He needed a brand, I needed a friend. He told me that God never puts two people together to help, just one, and that I've never heard that before and that has stuck with me. Our friendship has benefited me a ton and According to him, it has consciousness also.

So with that I bring you Chris

's.

We love you.

Many people in this

that I do love

you. My sobriety is January 1st of 2010. My

my Home group is,

we came to believe group of Alcoholics Anonymous.

He's a crier.

What is there for doing it?

I'd like to thank the host committee for asking me to be here. It's been a great conference so far. You know

I

Yeah. So you know what it was like, what happened, what it's like now, right?

Damn it, Charlie.

My mom and dad split when I was 4, almost five, and my mom remarried two weeks after that.

Yeah, and, and, and my stepdad at the time worked retail and he got transferred around a bunch. So we moved from New Orleans to Thibodaux to Ohio to Tennessee to Auburn, AL for a brief period

back to Louisiana all around, right? So every time, like, I moved around, right? Like I'd have to make

friends, right? And then we move and I have to make a new group of friends, and then we move and I have to make a new group of friends. And I kind of got to the point where it's like, you know, we move. And of course, like I never felt like I belonged anywhere, you know? And I never felt like I fit in with anybody. I felt different than everybody else, you know? I never felt like I had a place, right?

And because of that, you know, I manipulated my parents from an early age, even before I started drinking, to try and get my way, you know, get and do things that I thought that I wanted to do.

And then at the age of 1314, we moved back to Louisiana, and we knew that we'd be there for a while. We were living in Lafayette and,

and so like, you know, I, I 8th grade,

we moved there and then by the time I got into high school, you know, like I was on the freshman football team. I was also part of the club. I was in the drama and debate club. You know, I was doing everything that I could because I wanted everybody to like me, right? And I wanted to be a part of something, but I still felt completely different than everybody else. And you know, I, I, my mom told me like I had Sips and Daquis when I was a kid, beers and stuff like that. And

remember, I do remember one time trying to be here and spitting it out because I thought it tasted horrible.

And I got invited, had 14 to a freshman football party. So I conned 20 bucks out of my parents and went to this gas station. And there was a homeless guy outside. So I handed him $20 and he came out with a bottle of Taco vodka. I don't know if you know what Taka vodka is. Yeah, so I thought I paid $20.00 for some really good vodka.

I thought that I paid for this like high class, top of the shelf, you know, great vodka.

I found no difference. So I show up to this party, right? And nobody wanted to drink the alcohol that I brought, right? And I was bringing this because like I wanted to be the cool guy, right? They were doing out of the keg and whatever else they had. So me and my friend who went together, right? We both, you know, fix drinks. You know, I'd seen my parents drink screwdrivers, right? So it was like some orange juice and I put a little bit of vodka in. He did the same thing. The difference between the two of us is right? Like, I took that drink, right?

And immediately this weight that I had on my shoulders was gone. You know, I can remember exactly how it felt going down, this warmth that just came over me. You know, I just felt this

incredible feeling from that first drink.

So what did I do? I fixed another, right? And then I fixed another. And then I felt like I could talk to the pretty girls at the party and I can go talk to the varsity football players. You know, like I finally felt like I fit in. Like I finally felt like, you know, I had arrived. And then I get home and I redecorate my parents bathroom

and you know, my mom like asked me if I was drunk and I'm like, I think somebody

like something or whatever, you know, I don't know what's going on.

And I woke up the next morning and I support that I was never drinking vodka again. Not that I was never drinking again, but that I was never drinking vodka again. Well, my parents happened to be going out of town that next weekend. And this is like at the age of 14, right? So I thought it'd be cool if I threw a party and invited all these people over, you know, and so I threw a party, had a bunch of people over. I again got tequila. This time I got super drunk up with that again, like I like to redecorate things, but I get drunk. If you don't know what that means, I'm throwing up all

place right, So so my my parents bedroom this time, you know, right, this is what happened and you know, they got home and like what happened? I'm like, I think I had some bad tacos.

Trying to think of any excuse to like let them know,

you know, here's another part of my story, right? So at the age of 14, right? Like drugs are a part of my story. It's just how it is. You know, at the age of 14, it was a lot easier for me to get drugs than what we get alcohol, right? Because the guy at the gas station cared about how how old I was with the drug dealer didn't give a damn, you know, But The thing is, every time that I got high, you know, or drunk, I was always searching at first feeling that I got from the very first time that I drank. And and this continued the next couple of years, right? I went for being, you know,

like a really high grade point average student. So we're like, I'm dropping out of high school,

you know,

I, you know, went for being, you know, pretty popular to wear like I'm hanging out with people that, you know, like that 1617. I really shouldn't be, you know, hanging out with

constantly fighting with my parents, constantly

ruining friendships, ending friendships. You know,

it was, it was bad, you know. So when I dropped out of high school,

I started running again with that, with another wrong crowd, things got worse. The girl that I was seeing left me

and this at the time was the love of my life and we only been dating for like a month.

And but here's the thing though, right? Like at that point, like I threatened suicide, you know, and I was serious about it. I called my mom up. She was out of town and I threatened suicide and

and my stepdad at the time, who I hated and despised, could not stand. And we fought constantly, broke the door down to my bedroom and sat with me that night,

you know, and made sure that I was OK.

You know, the next day,

you know, they say my mom of course comes home and I confess to everything that I've been doing, all the drugs, all the drinking, you know, seeing that I was going to this party when I really wasn't, you know, or not party, going to this movie when I was really going to this party or whatever. You know,

and my mom's like, you should call your grandfather. Like why should I call my grandfather?

Well, so me and my grandfather and my mom and him, we all didn't really have a relationship for a while.

And then my grandfather made amends because he's so very Alcoholics Anonymous. It made him into my mom. And so my mom knew that he was a member of Alcoholics Anonymous.

So at 16, I call my grandfather up and he suggested I go to a meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous. And so I go to an A meeting. At this time I had a milk that was about 7 or 8 inches high.

I had a base full of piercings, already, started getting tattoos and

wore a black leather jacket, combat boots, and, you know, black pants. And I was terrified. Also, by the way, this was

also, by the way, this was August in South Louisiana.

So I show up to my first ever meeting of Alcoholics

dressed like this and I'm terrified. I am absolutely terrified. Here I am with this outer exterior being this, you know, hard ass punk rock dude. And I am terrified to walk into this meeting about call Anonymous, you know, and there was a guy doing his job and alcohol is Anonymous as a breeder. And so any of you have ever greeted out of eating Alcoholics Anonymous, thank you. Because this guy sat there and talked to me for about 10 to 15 minutes and helped me walk into my first meeting about college summons.

And then I come in and I see God on the ball and I'm this like atheist punk rock dude. And I'm just like, yeah, this isn't going to happen.

And for some odd reason though, like I got invited after the meeting to go eat and I was like, I don't have money. Somebody bought my meal for me, you know, and I also was able to pump cigarettes off these people 'cause I was 16. So, you know, I really couldn't buy packs of my own. So I was like, OK, cool, this is, this is cool. I can do this. I,

yeah, but here's the thing, right? So, you know, I went to meetings, you know, I, I had a sponsor in name, but I never really worked steps with them. You know, like we, we like do a dirty stuff and I disappear, right? And then I get a new sponsor and we do a third step and I disappear. And that's how it was for four years and Alcoholics Anonymous, right? And on the exterior, things are great, right? Like I got a job, I got promoted. I was a sport manager, you know,

had a fiance

at my own place.

You know, like on the exterior, things are great. On the inside, I wanted to die, right? Like I wanted to die at one point, you know, like my friends like started raising their hands to sponsor people because they had like, you know, over a year sobriety. And back then it was like, hey, anybody with over a year sobriety and you could sponsor people, please raise your hand. So I started raising my hand with these people, right?

And,

you know, I started sponsoring guys, but not really because like they would ask me when are we going to work steps? And I'd be like, oh, we'll work steps when you're ready, right? Like, you know, that's and that's, you know, that's how I did it for

four years, right? Like I stayed dry in a 80 for four years, you know, and never never really worked steps and never, you know, I never truly sponsored somebody and got to experience what that was like. And after four years, I was more suicidal than I had ever been in my life. And the fiance had left me. The apartment was disgusting,

you know, I

So what did I do? I did a geographical right. I took a transfer with work and I went to Lake Charles and

and,

you know, I did this and, you know, at that time I went to one meeting, right? And all I was doing in Lafayette was just going to young people's meetings. I wasn't doing anything else. And so I went to this one meeting because they don't have young people meetings like Charles and everybody was like 3 times my age. And I was like, you know, maybe I don't need this, you know. And so I managed to like, you know, stay a little bit drier for a little bit longer, but not even going to meetings anymore. And

on my 21st birthday,

I was working about 80 hours a week in the mall. I was store manager for a shoe store. And on my 21st birthday, the people at the store next to me found out that which was Buckle. And they were like, hey, we should go shoot some fool for your birthday. I'm like, that sounds cool, right? I'm like, go shoot some pool.

So we we show up to this bar

in Lake Charles. It's coke crystals and

the guy walk in and the guy dressed and dragged. This is my first time ever going to a bar ever, by the way. Like I've never been in a bar before this right? And and I walk in this bar and like the guys dressing like, OK, that's a little weird and different or whatever, you know. And like walking to the bar, I'm like, oh, it's a gay bar. That's cool. You know, I still felt a little out of place, but I started drinking cokes, right while we were shooting pool. Like I ordered a Coke and then I ordered another Coke and then I ordered another Coke and eventually like, you know, just like in the big book where it talks about like whiskey and milk, like,

you know, it was like, hey, you know, like one paps of the ribbon doesn't sound like a bad idea. You know, like, why not? So I drank that 1/2 blue ribbon, and then I drank another Pabst Blue Ribbon, and then I drank another, You know, it's where the next day, like I woke up from a blackout at my apartment, you know, like, how the hell did I get home?

I go downstairs, my car is there. There's no damage to it and I'm just like, OK, not so bad, right?

So I started marketing that bar,

right? And

you know, very drinking pretty regularly again. And here's the thing, right? This is, I know I'm an alcoholic now, right?

Like I told you, like drugs are part of my story because from before I was 21, after I trained 21, I get all the alcohol that I wanted. It's pretty much all I did. You know, I drank like

probably about a year, a day or a bottle of cap in a day. Like, no, no problem whatsoever.

And I did that for a pretty, pretty good period, and things were great. Like, things were fine. I didn't really, like, have any problems. Yeah, I wake up with a hangover, you know, but work was still getting done. My job was getting done

and I was having a good time. And then I woke up one day throwing up blood

and I go to the hospital and I go to the hospital and they're like, oh, you're 21, there's no way you're throwing up blood, right? Doctor told me I'm like, OK, so he gives me a cocktail for a thing called period. So I take that and I go home. Well, then I start throwing up congealed blood eventually and that night. So I go to a different hospital, then go back to the same one and I lost a lot of blood

and they asked me if there's anybody I wanted to call

urban them to call. So they I gave them my mom's number and my dad's number.

My mom had just gotten back from being overseas. I think that day and

and I wake up the next day and I see you with a tube through my nose and then my stomach pumping blood and

my mom's there

and I remember the look on her face and it wasn't, you know, this, it wasn't just like I'm disappointed in you or that like I can't believe you did this or you know, if or anything of hatred or anything like that. She was terrified, you know, like my mom was terrified.

So I took it to motion with work and I went back to New Orleans

and and fear soda be up for a bit,

but I still didn't go Well, I lie, I went to one meeting at that period at that time, just one. It was a midnight meeting and it was a candlelight meeting. So I showed up after the lights went out, right and I left before the lights came back on and,

and I did share in that meeting and I lied and said I had about seven years of sobriety

and then I left and

I was complete tyrant at that month of not.

I treated my mom like crap. I treated my new stepdad like crap. I treated my little sister like crap. I treated my little brother like crap. I was a horrible, horrible person.

And what it was is a head untreated alcoholism,

you know, and I'm not drinking on top of it, right? So like I am, I am a tyrant. I am ripping and boring all kinds of nasty things to these people. I lost my job, you know.

Yeah, it just wasn't good

and after a month like I couldn't take it anymore. So like I couldn't drink in my parents house

because my parents are Muslim and so they're I'm not allowed to have alcohol in that house.

But my aunt, my uncle who live on that, who lives on the North Shore right inside out, drank like a fish. So I knew I could go over there. So I conned my way into their house and started drinking again. And things were OK again for a little while, you know, like things were fine.

I got a new job, I got promoted that job, then got off another job and I wound up going to work for Walmart and came like an assistant manager with them and, you know, had my own place again

and things are doing good.

And then my drinking again got out of control, right. There was times where I'd be able to control how much I drank and then and then eventually though, like it would get out of control and.

So on Black Friday 2009, I showed up to work Trump, the assistant manager at this Walmart and our tire Lumen Express department was super backed up and I was certified and knew how to do that. So I want to go help him out, right? And I want to go lift a car and I didn't put the lifts right and rear end falls down about $6000 of damage to a vehicle. And

you know, they, they pull me into the office. Hey, insurance is going to cover that. You know, everything's fine.

We just need you to take breathalyzer and a drug test.

And I said no thanks.

So they let me go and but The thing is they gave me like all my vacation pay and every like all, all of my sick time and everything. So like I left and had like a

a pretty good like sum of money.

I had a friend who had moved to Nashville at the time. So again, I was trying to do another geographic and me and her used to party together really, really hardcore.

Well, she had kid and I'm out there drinking and she told me I had to go. She's like, she's like, I can't have you like this around my child. What are you talking about? This all the time. And yeah, just she couldn't have me up there. So I come back to New Orleans on Christmas Eve, right. And I meant I'm not somehow again, like I on my way back into my parents house, you know, and

I managed to stay a dry for six days and again,

a complete and utter ask to everybody.

And after that six days or seven days, whatever it was New Year's Eve, right? New Year's Eve 2009

I go to this New Year's Eve party to hang out with some friends and

so interesting. I have a condition called Barrett's Esophagus.

So pretty much what it is like I'll get ulcers in my esophagus. You know, my esophagus will produce stomach acid. It can get pretty, pretty nasty. And so in order for me to drink like I wanted to drink like I was eating like 10 Zantac at a time,

Yeah. And so I go to this party and I forget to take that Zantac

and I start drinking

and I want up in the bathroom grown up. And I'm afraid that I'm going to start throwing up blood because I'm throwing a bunch of stomach acid at this point.

And,

and I say a prayer for the first time in a long time,

a sincere prayer, right? And it was, it wasn't like, God, I'll do this if you can do this or God stop having to having this happen. You know, it was, it was, God help me,

right? A simple, God help me, you know, and I woke up the next morning and I had a moment of clarity for the first time.

See, before this, I thought I, I tried to get sober before this numerous times. I didn't think alcohol is not as worked. You know, I went to a sweat lodge twice to try and get sober both times. Like I was drunk on the airplane ride home.

I got baptized about six or seven times trying to get sober,

you know,

sometimes be a day sometimes to be drunk after church

how it was

and I just didn't think. I just didn't think Alcoholics on his work right, because I sat around for four years right And and I never and I never got it right. Well, the reason I never got it is because I never had a real sponsor and I never worked the steps. And the next morning I had a moment of clarity that I needed to go back to alcohol. It's not us and get a a fair chance. And the reason I had this thought, there was a friend of mine who had moved to New Orleans

who was sober in a A and had been sober this whole time.

He would come and see me at work and he would talk to me about how great his life was. He would never question what I was doing, you know, and never tell me that I needed to get sober again or anything like that. He would always talk about how great his life is going and how awesome things were. And so when I woke up, like the moment of period I house, I need to go back to A and I needed to give Todd a call

and so call Todd. Todd had just moved Alabama, and so he gave me this other guys. Actually, let me rephrase that. I didn't have Todd number. I Myspace to him first because my

and then I

Thailand though. So he gave me this guys number you know, and so I called this guy and 30 minutes later they picking me up and bring me to a meeting about folks nauseous.

I remember everything for that meeting

really for meat inside Been to before all right.

I remember who was moderating, who was chairing, who was sitting where I remember they didn't have a desire chip. They were out of chips, but it was the, IT was the New Orleans jump person speaking and

at simple Sinai New Orleans and,

and these people just, you know, instead of just like me giving me getting their phone numbers, they took my phone number too, you know, and the next day, you know, my phone was still on silent from the meeting, right. And so like the next day, like I had like 12 missed calls and this guy told me he was going to pick me up at 7:00 to bring me to another meeting.

Well, I never answered my phone, but guess what? This guy still showed up at 7:00 to bring me to that meeting

knocking on my door, you know, and, and that meeting was 3 legacies in New Orleans. And this was a, a very big book bumper group, right? And before that, like I never went to meetings that had the big book right or talked about the big book, right. I always thought they talked about like, you know, the leaves in their pool.

These guys talked about a solution, right? And they talked about like,

like how, you know, life is good, you know, even though things still happen that like they have a relationship with, with area higher power and, and have a solution to their problems. It's not alcohol. And somebody shared and they shared off topic and like this guy cut them off. And I was like, OK, this is where I need to be, right? Like, I need to be around these people. So they invited me to go out to eat after, right? And again, like I didn't have money because I was unemployed and they bought that meal for me.

I finally felt like I had a place where I belong,

you know? I finally felt that I was a part of something

afterwards, right? This guy, this guy's like, you're a newcomer. You're not sleeping. I know that,

like, right, Pretty much. And yeah, sounds about right. So this guy is like, let's go get coffee. So we went to this coffee shop on Oak Street in New Orleans called Sox, and

on the way there I was talking about Mike, I guess need to find a sponsor or something like that. You know, like I mentioned, work sponsor. He's like, I'm going to be your sponsor.

Awesome. Cool. That night at Dots Coffeehouse, like we started going through the book and I did a third step with that guy that night. You know, like I got on my knees at that that coffee house with him and I did a third step and he gave me 5 days to finish my course up. Hell yeah.

Seven or eight days.

It's like January 9th or 10th, right? And we had a freeze happened in New Orleans, which is very, very random when it does. So I'm showing up at his house. Zach has no space heater or heater in his apartment, you know? And so I'm huddled like with like 2 sweaters on sharing my fist step with this guy.

And

I wish I could tell you like I felt better right away from sharing that I didn't. I felt horrible, right? My first four step was also super tiny, right? Like it wasn't this huge thing, you know, like it was. But what it was was it was enough for me to let God in, right? It was enough for me to get out of the way and let something happen.

And

so I share my four step with them. Perfect step. You know, I sit in his apartment for an hour being quiet, not really knowing what the hell is going on, you know, and, and I make this eight step list.

I'm about two weeks over and I start making amends and

you know what? I made events to my mom and I made a mess to my stepdad and that's when I began to felt some change happen.

Immense process started,

you know, And then I started doing 10 and 11. He actually made me e-mail him every night, my 11 stuff.

And then this random thing happened, right? So this other newcomer started coming to meetings with us. We started picking him up. He wound up not living far from where I lived. And my sponsor, we went to this meeting on a Friday night in New Orleans and, and this guy got a big book

and my sponsor went to me and told me go tell him you're going to read the book with him.

I'm like 27 days sober, right? And I'm like, what do you mean? Like I thought you had to have a year more to to do that. And

because at the time in New Orleans, people were going around and saying you have to have a year or more sober to sponsor people. Exactly, exactly. You know, But that was that was the going thing, right? Every single meeting, that was the announcement that was being made, you know, And you know, and my sponsor, when I said that, referred me to the Dick book where Abby had two months sober when he carried the message to Beth.

So I went up to this guy, right? And I told this guy, hey, I'm going to

with you because my address shows my house tomorrow at 9:00 AM. Well, he showed up to my house at 8:00 AM, an hour early,

right? And so like I

sponsoring this guy,

my sponsor I have now tells me you don't even get it until you give it away. And that's been my experience. You know, when I sat down with this guy for the first time,

read the book that you know, the kitchen table kneecap, kneecap, right?

That's the first time that I can look back would be like God is right. That's the first moment where I actually felt a power greater than myself.

It didn't have to be, you know, the same, the same higher power that my sponsor had. And it didn't have to be the same higher power that my parents had, you know, or that my sister or my brother or whatever had, right? But I felt something finally. I felt a nearness to something, you know, didn't know exactly what it was yet, right? But I felt something, you know, and I remember after

like I was going to a book study at a treatment center and my sponsor was picking me up at some of his sponsors and we go to this treatment center every Saturday morning to this, you know, do a step study. And, you know, I started talking about it, right? And, and it was like, as I'm talking about it, right, like I get emotional, you know, and, and, and it, and again, like it's like

I finally felt like I belonged even more, right? Like, I finally felt like I had a place even more in Alcoholics, you know? And since then, like Alcoholics, nonsense has become my home,

you know, like

there are so many people, especially this room tonight that mean the world to me, you know, that have been there for me the last 8 1/2 years that I have been sober, you know, through so much stuff.

And about six months over, my mom almost died, right?

I had two sponsors at the time and both of them were on 5th steps, you know, and I got to meet with them and I got to get out, get out of myself for a bit. They also, I also didn't have a car, but both of them had vehicles and they took turns

bringing me to the hospital every day to see my mom.

You know, again, like, you know, like Sidney said when she introduced me, you know,

my sponsor now tells me that God never puts two people together to help, just one.

That's been my experience now was anonymous. You know, when I sponsor guys, I got that, you know, I'm not just helping them, but they're helping me and they're helping me probably even more than I'm helping them, you know?

So at this time, right, like my mom almost dies and

not really Jason, I wasn't really that spiritual yet. And but I go into the Chapel at the hospital and,

and I go to pray and I don't know where these words came from, but I asked God to make me a maximum service.

I go downstairs to go smoke a cigarette and there's a guy from a treatment center that I just spoken at three days before out there smoking a cigarette. And I was able to talk to him about what he was going through and I was able to go back upstairs and be of service to my family. Right. Like, again, if that's not God, then I don't know what is. You know, at the time, the sponsor that I had, you know, I told him, like, if I wouldn't have prayed, that guy would have been there. He's like, no, if he would have prayed, he would have seen what it was,

you know,

and at this time I'd also sworn off wipe off, right? Because the first time I was around a a like, you know, I went to a bunch of white holes and did a bunch of Whitehall stuff, but you know, didn't really

six over right. The Lacy Pawn Shreveport was about to happen

and two people from my Home group

convinced me to go with them.

And that Lacy College report

showed me that I could still have fun sobriety,

especially when going through something.

I dressed in drag, that dance, you know, right

In a dance competition.

And we we should have won. But Arkansas won because they got sympathy vote. Just somebody got hurt on the way,

but yeah,

So, yeah. So and then right after that was the World Conference in San Antonio.

Yeah, it was great

that, but

here's how I got to go to that, right? Like I had no money again, right there. Still wasn't really employed. I wasn't really doing much.

I didn't want to leave my mom because she was. I didn't want to go for that long because she wasn't doing, she wasn't doing well, you know,

Woke up from the hospital

and asked me why I wasn't going.

They told me that I needed to be there.

So this other guy, you know, came and picked me up, no questions asked, actually told me he was coming to get me.

And they just provided for me to be there in that hotel room.

And this other guy, this guy Tom you, from Santa Fe, NM, was there

and I started crying.

That was the first time that I cried not post anonymous nom. I get emotional very easily.

The first time that I cried and Tom came up to me and told me, you know, when we come in now call autonomous, our souls are frozen and as they didn't get any frost, humidity comes in the form of tears.

And so now, anytime that I feel the tears come, I let them happen because I want my soul to be defrosted

at this time too. I was involved in general service, my Home group. I had a month sober and my Home group decided that I was going to be the alternate GSR.

And then the GSR decided he wasn't going anything. So I went to everything.

And

yeah, so like, I'm with area assemblies and I went to, you know, district meetings and, you know, got involved in general service. And again, like, I don't like being involved in your service. Saved my ass at that time. And

and then, you know, so I hit a year sober a little bit more

and I didn't have any sponsors and I had wasn't really doing anything in general service and wasn't really doing much At 18 months sober. I'm on my way to work and all of a sudden, like, this thought popped into my head that like, hey, it might be a good idea to just drive my car into the sidewalk,

you know? And when that thought scared the living hell out of me, this time

did something different than I normally did, right? And I started looking for a new sponsor because I wasn't meeting with my sponsor, you know,

and I couldn't think of anybody to be my sponsor. So I go to the, I go to Area Assembly

and I'm sitting next to my DCM at the time. And

she suggested her boyfriend Greg, you know, and I couldn't think of a reason why not. Everybody else, I had a reason why not, you know, why I wouldn't want them to be my sponsor, you know, and I couldn't think of a reason why not to have Greg. And Greg's been my sponsor since that day. I'm sorry, since a week later, actually, because I went to the district meeting and I told Greg he was actually going to be my sponsor. I didn't ask him

and,

and we met, you know, and this time, you know, we had a fresh, a fresh lap, the steps with them, you know, and this time when I did that very step, I felt something different, you know, like I felt the third step promises happen, you know? And this time when I shared a good step with him, I felt the 5th step promises happen, you know? Like I felt like I could look the world in its eye, you know, I felt amazing

and new events happened and, you know, again, I felt more change after that.

And

and then on December 10th, 2012,

I experienced my first death and alcohol a synonymous from somebody dying that was a member of a a that I was very, very close to one of my close friends. And I got that phone call and the only thing I could think to do was go to meet an alcoholic, Thomas.

Before that meeting, I prayed. I asked God to give me somebody to help

and I met this guy Blake

that meeting

and I started sponsoring that guy that night and at Dots Diner till about 4:00 in the morning,

you know, we went to recycle over the steps and we did a very step at that diner, you know, and again, like I gave him five days to do his course that, you know, we, we met and we went through the steps together and I was able to get through my loss of, of Mike with having Blake in my life.

I continue to sponsor that guy for a while. You know, we became really close friends. He wound up getting a new sponsor at one point. And then he wound up leaving Alcohol Anonymous and got involved in the church. And nothing against getting involved in the church was when he was involved in the church, right? Like he was still doing great, you know, and then he stopped getting involved and, and things happened and.

And then last year, Blake committed suicide

and Alcoholics showed up for me

a show.

I'm going to jump back a little bit.

It's an honor and privilege to be here in Atlanta, and I'm going to tell you guys why.

2015, I was suicidal.

I had not really been meeting with a sponsor again and I wasn't really working steps with anybody. And

there's anybody here that was involved with Circuit Paul in 2015. I want to thank you guys.

What happened was I was looking up ways to kill myself online. That would be painful.

And I got a notification on Facebook

that circuit call was happening two days later.

So I bought a plane ticket and I came to circuit call.

People that know me know that I usually sit in front and talk to everybody. You know, I'm very sociable. I sat in the back at that first night of that speaker meeting all by myself,

and this girl told her story and she talked about how she wanted to die and Alcoholics Anonymous,

here's the reason why I wanted to die. They thought I had esophageal cancer,