Clancy I. from Venice, CA, Polly P. from Birch Bay, WA, Carrie B. from Bend, OR & Billy N. From Atlanta, GA answering questions from a ask-it-basket at the Unity and Service conference in Concord, CA

We've asked all our main speakers to participate this morning in the Ask It Basket session. We've given each of them a few of your questions

to answer.

We'll answer as many questions as we have time for this morning.

We'll start on.

We'll start on this end

and each speaker will come up to the mic and answer questions.

So start with, I'll start with the big cheese.

That's you, Clancy.

As you know, my name is Clancy. I'm an alcoholic and

one of my they gave me the questions. I have one that's I have a great answer for,

says Clancy. How many would you estimate you have sponsored?

And the answer is one too few.

Keep doing your questions

the same answers for every question.

How long does one have to be sober to become someone sponsor?

Well,

Bill Wilson became Doctor Bob sponsor when he was what, 6 months over? Five months over? I think he just has to be ahead of in the book

and

I don't think there's any time element. I've seen some new people who become lively sponsors and yet other people who should have become sponsors never did. So I don't think there's any way to do that except

it should. If someone has confidence in you and believes that you tell them, then you're old enough to be his sponsor.

And if not, wait a while. That's all.

And my next question is,

if you are new, how long should it take to go through the steps for the first time?

Hmm. I went through the first three steps and didn't even know I was going through them.

I, I don't think there's any time element except I should should be up to your sponsor. I think I'm a very strong believer in sponsorship. I think sponsorship is the ultimate help in A and I just, I don't, I don't think you can ask me that question and I can give you an answer. I think you have to ask your sponsor how

how long should I take to become

Go through the steps and he will or she will have an answer for you. I'm sure

That's all I have to say. That's all my questions.

I noticed one more question here.

When are you going to get better? I don't know.

Thank you.

Next, we'll have policy.

Thank you. Good morning. My name is Paul and I'm an alcoholic.

Why is rotation of service important?

Well, you know, it's, it's very easy to get ossified

in our A group, in our service structures.

So we always need new blood, new ideas, new energy, new enthusiasm.

It never ceases to bring a tear to my eyes when I think about Bill Wilson stepping down in 1955 in Saint Louis after he had poured 20 years of blood, sweat and tears into our service structure and into this wonderful life saving, life giving fellowship

as he's about to turn

Alcoholics Anonymous over to the groups via its General Service Conference. He didn't say, look at this cool thing I'm giving to you. He didn't say, aren't you glad I'm doing this? What he said was

Alcoholics Anonymous was at last safe even from me.

And if Bill Wilson can say that, I think the rest of us can say. And I think we have to ask ourselves, is the General Service Board safe even for me?

Are the AA, World Service and Grapevine boards safe even for me?

Are the Grapevine office and the General Service Office safe even from me? Is the General Service Conference safe even from me? Are the area assemblies and the inner groups and the central offices in the districts safe even for me?

Is my Home group safe

even from me? Are the people I sponsor safe even for me? If we can say yes, then we have been blessed with being inducted into a A the way it was designed. If we can't say yes, we have more work to do. So that's the first question. Why is rotation of service important? The second one here I can barely read, but

we had a six month member

in our open group who had some outside issues.

In the middle of a meeting she began using a cell phone to record and voice and film. During the meeting she was asked to stop and destroy the recordings. She refused, but finally left and posted all of it on Facebook.

At our next business meeting, it was motioned, discussed and voted to ban her from our Home group for life.

In typical a a overreaction

there. There are other groups and it says I am uncomfortable about this. Please advise.

Well, you know

Leo Tolstoy, who is not somebody I would put right up there with a, A at a wonderful quote, he said everybody wants to change the world. Nobody wants to change himself.

I think we can identify that with that in Alcoholics Anonymous.

You know, this outside issue thing is going to continue.

It's going on for a long time. It will continue to go on in a a, but I mean, what we would have done, our group would have done. They would have taken her outside and broke her legs. No, no, I'm sorry.

I was thinking of another group.

We would have talked to her sponsor. We would have corralled her after the meeting, we would have given her a firm talking to and told her to knock it off. And if it happened again, because the sister is disruptive, they probably would have escorted her out of the a a meeting. And I don't know that we would ban her from for life, but we would have been very clear that that it's not a cool thing to do in an alcoholic Synonymous.

OK. Next,

Paul, what is the responsibility of the individual group and AA as a whole to prevent 13th step and stepping and other predatory, especially sexually predatory behavior?

You know that

I would wish they would have given this to a woman,

but I think we have a responsibility to provide

safe meeting places in a A.

And, you know, for about 40 years, our membership was stuck at between 30 and 35% women. This last survey, there was a slight uptick to about 38%. That means they're outnumbered about 2:00 to 1:00. They have low self esteem. Often they are vulnerable and

like, like I tell my guys, I said, look,

these are our sisters in suffering and they can be our sisters in sobriety. Treat them with respect. You don't have to go hunting for romantic relationships and Alcoholics. And my sponsor told me looking for romance in a A is like looking for a business partner in bankruptcy court.

So,

and he knew whereof he spoke,

but I think,

you know, I mean, I think the office, the office was very reluctant to delve into this particularly thorny issue. But it has made some movements. There are some Grapevine articles about this. There's now a safety card, for what that's worth. There is a discussion about safety in a, a some guidelines, but they buried it on the website. Good luck finding it

and I I think we have a responsibility to call each other on our behaviors. I know,

you know, friends of mine who were young women when they sobered up 50 plus years ago, the women would circle around him after the meeting, the guy would approach and get lost. You got nothing to say to this woman. We got her. We're good. And I don't know that that happens as much anymore. But I do think that the Fellowship has a whole I think responsible men

have a an obligation

to protect all of us and keep all of us safe in Alcoholics Anonymous. I could go on and on, but I already have.

My name is Carrie and I'm an alcoholic. Always have been and probably always will be.

So I don't know how Clancy got away with three questions and I got six, but I'll try to. I'll try to keep these as brief as possible. Some of these are not going to be easy. So

I live in a rural area

net a large a a population.

I am seeing

infrequency and

increasingly disturbing

reluctance. I think it says to be of service by people. Any experience should

should work I think it says or would be welcome. OK this one was my hardest one to read. Billy actually had to help me with the hand to deciphering the handwriting last night. I think I got it.

So I actually, you know, it's a rule of mine that I don't offer my opinion in Alcoholics Anonymous. I also don't try to interpret the literature. It's in black and white. If I have experience on something, I can share my experience. If I know where it is in the literature, I can refer you there. But I don't have experience in a rural area, you know, Well, I do, but we're pretty active in the service structure. So I can tell you right now, actually as we speak this weekend in, I live in area Oregon, Area 50

District 5, there's a place, I don't know, I think it's a couple hours from where I live, called John Day Oregon and there was no, I think there was like 2 meetings. Don't quote me on that whatever. But the, a woman moved in from California and she realized there's no GSRS, there's no like there's no connection to central office, no connection to anything. And she reached out to our DCM and it's,

and it's two hours away from our little community

this weekend is they did an, A, a day of sharing in John Day. And because she reached out to this

gentleman, our DCM, he kind of really band together and we really announced it in meetings and there was Flyers and there was this a day of sharing. They're flying in speakers and they're talking about and CPC and getting involved in general service and all this good stuff for this little town. And a lot of the surrounding areas have been able to participate in this. And I think it's just about pulling together and asking for support sometimes.

I don't personally have experience with that. Another thing that I want to emphasize that I think I heard at my table today the term attraction rather than promotion. And we take that out of context sometimes. And my service structure or my service sponsor has actually helped me to understand that there is no,

nothing against promotion in AAA. That term comes from our public relation policy, which is how we relate to the public. But it's, it only is about my personal anonymity. So we do CPC and we do Pi stuff and we do commercials and, but as long as my face isn't on that as far as the outside goes. Now, as far as the inside goes, my face or my name,

we do want people to know where we are and who we are. As far as the inside of A A goes, we make announcements, we promote the hell out of events like this. I mean, come on, you know, if you need help in your area, reach out to your DCM, reach out to your delegate

and you can promote, you know, and one of the things that have helped me promote within a, a, does anybody have a service manual on them?

Can I please? Thank you.

This might be. Thanks, Laura. This might be frothy emotional appeal, but it really, it really helps. It is probably the most frothy thing in the service manual, but I can't usually get through it without crying. And this usually will pull on the heartstrings of anybody who doesn't know what service is about or why you would want to be involved in it.

General service conference. We may not need a general service conference to ensure our own recovery. Yeah, we're sober, right? We do need it to ensure the recovery of the alcoholic who still stumbles in the darkness. 1 short block from this room.

We needed to ensure the recovery of a child being born tonight destined for alcoholism.

We need it to provide, in keeping with our 12th step, a permanent haven for all Alcoholics who in the ages ahead, that rebirth that brought us all back to life.

We need it because more than all others are conscious of the devastating effects of the human urge for power and prestige, which we must ensure can never evade a A. We must. We need it to ensure a A against government while insulating it against anarchy. I'm going to skip down a little bit. This thing, this is beautiful. It's on page S 20 and the service manual. We need it to ensure that changes within a A come only as a response to the needs and wants of all a A and not any few. We need it to ensure that the doors and the halls

never have locks on them, so that all people for all time who have an alcohol problem may enter these halls unasked and feel welcome. We need it to ensure that Alcoholics Anonymous never asks of anyone who needs us what his or her race is, what his or her creed is, what his or her social position is. And I encourage anybody to print that page out. If you don't have people willing to get involved in

in service and offer them a little bit of frothy emotional appeal, sometimes it suffices.

So that's my answer for that one.

I have

the next question I have. It was actually directed at me. It has my name on it. It says what where in our a a literature can I find the definition of an open meeting? I love that it's asking where an RA literature, not what my definition of an open meeting is. So I'm going to turn to page 13 of the wonderful a a group pamphlet and I'm going to say open meetings are available to anyone interested in Alcoholics program of recovery from alcoholism.

Alcoholics may attend open meetings as observers. I'm also going to refer to our 12:00 and 12:00 where it talks about the 1st open meeting. When they started opening meetings after Allen on family groups was already, you know, in place and and they didn't really have a reason for open meetings anymore because the Al Anon's had their own place to go. But here's another reason. So they found many groups begun to hold. This is on page 186 of the 12 and 12 many groups began to hold

meetings which were open to the interested friends and to the public so that the average citizen could see for himself just what a a was all about. So that the medical, the professionals, people from other 12 step fellowships or who want to start other 12 step fellowships can come and learn what we are and what we are not. And so I take a great responsibility in an open meeting to actually not talk about as many outside issues as I might in a closed meeting, to actually not use the

to actually present Alcoholics Anonymous for what it is and what it is not. Because we're, we're open to the public. And this is where they come to learn.

The next question that I have is what is a service sponsor? OK,

I'm all lost here. So a service sponsor, I'm going to read that directly out of the questions and answers on sponsorship pamphlet. I'm not going to read the whole thing because it's a few pages,

but my favorite part in what is a service sponsor is A service sponsor is usually someone who is knowledgeable in a a history, has a strong background in the service structure. The AA member is introduced to new language, GSR, DCM, area assembly, minority opinion. They will become familiar with the traditions.

Before the concepts

they and warranties as well as the AA service manual, which Laura just let me borrow concepts for world services, Alcoholics Anonymous comes of age and other AA literature. So my personal experience with a service sponsors, I have the best sponsor. I'm sorry in the entire history of the world. OK, she has like 200 years of sobriety and she is the most amazing.

She lives and breathes these steps and she knows me better than anyone else in the world and I would never want another sponsor,

OK? However, in all of her decades of sobriety, she's never even been a GSR, right? So how's she going to show me the stuff that I need to know when I want to go into service? So my service sponsor helps me with the stuff that like she doesn't know about the concept. And actually after years of working with her, it's kind of flipped and I've been able to freely give back to her where I was, what she has so freely given to me because I'm kind of her service sponsor today. And when she has

tradition questions or concepts questions, she knows where to come and that feels really good.

But one of the reasons that I service sponsor so many people is because of this legacy skipping thing that Billy mentioned. People who are on fire for the steps jump into service. They go spread whatever they think a A is. And then it's really difficult for us 3 legacy servants who have actually been through the traditions to go around and clean up after them. So what I do is I take people through the traditions,

you know, I guess you could call me a second legacy sponsor or whatever before we set him loose in service. And I do that with I've taken hundreds of people through the traditions and e-mail me. I can even do it on the e-mail. So, so that's what service sponsorship I think is a different, is different for everyone. I think the main

thing is if you have a service position that you've never held before, the best service sponsor you can get is a committee workbook. We have them, we have them for a reason. They're wonderful. But someone else who's been who has served in that position and that might not be your sponsor. So and then

where? What were the three? I can't find the question now, but there was a question asking me what? Oh, here it is. What are the three pamphlets called again that were recommended and highlighted?

You ran out. Yes, I did and those the three quest, the three pamphlets is number one most important pamphlet in all of a a the a a group. Any question you have about your meeting or your group or whatever can be answered in this it's amazing pamphlet. P-16 problems other than alcohol, which has always looked like this. But then people can planned and they said, well, Bill Wilson wrote that in 1958 and it might not be relevant today. And times are changing

and addicts and and it's some frothy emotional appeal happened and it forced us to reconference approve the pamphlet. And now it looks like this and it has a little bullet point at the bottom. That pretty much is the only thing that is different about the pamphlet is it says that although, you know, some of the language might be outdated, these issues addressed are very relevant today. And then there's a mini one of those, which I think is great for the non readers such as myself. I did I couldn't read when I got into

and I think that oh, and then here's the last one. So this is, I live in a area where there are no a a groups, just meetings or fellowships. I don't know what a fellowship is. We have groups and meetings where I live, but this is the fellowship. So that's going to be a difficult question for me. A few of us got together and started a group, but it fell apart after a year. I claim a meeting as my group

now, but that's not the same. Is there any advice? Well #1

become a GSR. I was taught that this is not a program of acceptance. I love the back of the book, but it's not where I recover. I recover from the program of action like Billy was talking about. And so if I want something to change, I don't just get a sit back and accept it in AA. I get into action, right? So become a GSR #1 suggestion. That's what I did.

Start attending your area assembly. Begin inviting people to your monthly district meetings. Your area assemblies. Start inviting people to a monthly business meeting to hear your report. Even if nobody shows up,

you can sit there in the meeting after the meeting by yourself and give a report.

So action, not acceptance is the answer to that question. Thank you for letting me answer your questions.

Good morning everyone. Again I'm Nancy McCarthy. I'm a Class A trustee. And 1st I would like to thank Laura. Friday night after I showed you how my husband had wanted to fix my brothers big book, Laura came up to me and had offered to do that for me and so she founded it and fixed it. And so I will treasure this and it will remain intact for years to come. So thank you, Laura.

So I have 3 questions.

How did you decide to become a trustee? I did not make the initial decision on whether or not I would be a good trustee or not. What is called upon is for the fellowship to identify who they believe can be a good trustee. And I know whenever there's Class 8 positions that are open, there's announcements that go out and newsletters and magazines and and what have you. But it was within my area and when my brother got active in service work, he introduced me

members of the fellowship within the Saint Louis area with an Area 38. And they were the ones who worked with me, who taught me, who suggested to me that, you know, you may want to look at this, you may want to consider this. And so that's who helped decide that I could become and could interview to be a trustee. So that's how do you decide that it's the fellowship, I believe, that decides that. What is the most valuable lesson you have learned in?

When I served as a regional administrator, before I was selected for the board, I managed a probation and parole area in the Saint Louis metro area

and I had about 525 staff and about 20,000 clients that we were responsible for. And so when you make decisions and when you're in that type of position, you certainly seek input from others. But then the decision is yours and you have to act on it. And sometimes you have to act quickly and you don't always have the ability to solicit opinions. The most valuable lesson I've learned in is what I saw in action, and that was the minority,

and I saw that on the action on the board. And there was times when a question would be asked and in resolution and an answer would be given.

And then the minority voice was heard. And there was a couple times in just that first year that I saw a change in the decision and change in the belief in terms of how we should proceed. But what I really saw it in action was in the conference. And when I saw it in action is the passion and the heartfelt decisions and the heartfelt explanation from the delegates in terms of why they felt the way they felt and why they voted the way they did. And again, to me, that was a way that I thought

if I could go back into my previous career, that would have been a way to run an organization is to make sure that that minority voice is heard. Because when people feel heard, they feel a part of and that was very important.

What caused a non alcoholic to serve as a as a level A trustee

is a Class A trustee. My brother. That was the most perfect example. If it was not for a a Michael would have been dead or he would have been in jail. And that extends beyond family members. It extends to the people that I worked with, extends to the staff that worked for us and more importantly and equally important to the clients that we worked with day in and day out. As you all know, those who worked in the H and I world, probably 90%, ninety 8% of the clients we work with have issues with with drinking with alcohol.

And for some of them to have perhaps heard the message to perhaps have been into the rooms of a A prior to going to prison, maybe they wouldn't have been there. And so that's why we as Class A stepped forth to to work with you and to serve you. And so thank you.

My name is Polly and I'm an alcoholic. Hi everybody,

I'm kind of a this is I'm not sure what to do with this. If you could give one piece of advice to someone going into their 7th year of sobriety, what would it be?

I don't know that my advice to somebody going into their 7th year would be any different than somebody there for their first day.

Ah, go to meetings, get a sponsor, be of service. Doctor Bob said clean house what it stay sober, clean house and help others. I don't know what any different advice. I don't do much different. My my prayer life even is pretty much the same as it was when I first came into Alcoholics Anonymous. I just read some different books,

so I do today pretty much like what I've always done

all the time I've been sober. And how can we encourage more old timers, specifically women,

to get back and to sponsoring? The East Bay is starving for strong women sponsors.

Oh, I don't know. I know I see a lot of women in this room. I'm I think this is the East Bay that I know that are amazing women and Alcoholics Anonymous. I don't know about all of the East Bay, but

if if somebody wasn't attending a lot of meetings and doing this program, I wouldn't want them for a sponsor anyway. I feel like, in fact, at the length of sobriety I have, I've just got this feeling

as

that the longer I'm sober, the more I need to go to meetings, the more I need to be involved because the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous tells me that I have a progressive illness. If I have a progressive illness, I am more alcoholic at 41 years of sobriety than I was when I came here. And my disease is progressing every single day. And I've been sober long enough

to see a lot of people with a lot of sobriety go out. And it's a tragic, tragic thing. So I need meetings. I need to be doing, I need to be doing the deal every single day like I did when I first got here. And I still do a A the same way. I go to a lot of meetings, I sponsor a lot of people and I pray every day, every morning and every night.

So if they're not going to meetings, I wouldn't want them for a sponsor anyway.

How do you balance working a program, both AA and Al Anon? Do you have two sponsors? I'll answer the last question first. Yes, I have two sponsors, have an AL Anon sponsor, and I have an AA sponsor. How do I balance AA and AL Anon?

I have always been. I always know what my primary problem is and what my primary purpose is.

My primary purpose problem is alcoholism. My primary purpose is to stay sober and help another alcoholic. Al Anon has helped me in many areas of my life, especially with my children. When I came into the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous. I'm not sure I'd be sober today if it were not for Al Anon because I was early in sobriety. I was five years and one of my children was killing

with alcohol and drugs and the other and my other son was trying to kill himself by hurting himself and stabbing himself and a lot of different things. And I simply did not have the ability. I was in so much pain because of what was going on with my sons. And what happened for me was that there was a woman in a A1 night when I went to a meeting and I was coming apart. I was absolutely coming apart because both of my sons

killing themselves and I just was in so much pain. I didn't know if I could stay sober. I hurt so bad. And this lady walked up to me and she was a double winner. And she says I need to take you to an Al Anon meeting. And I'm so grateful that she took me to an Al Anon meeting because what happened was is that at that meeting that night when I was sitting there and I know that this is well meaning person, this man said to me, you just need to turn those boys over.

And I looked, I just said, would you kindly tell me how to do that? And he didn't know either. And what happened, what happened was is this lady took me to an Al Anon meeting and these women gathered around me and they said, of course, you feel the way you feel you're a mother. And they said, well, we're going to show you how to do is how to love your kids without it killing you. And that's what was able to be was shown to me.

They helped me love my sons without it killing me. And by God's grace, I believe it saved my sobriety. Thank you,

Billy. Alcoholic. Let's see,

can an A A birthday be taken?

Oh wow, can an A birthday be taken away if you smoke pot or payments? I have never seen an 80 day birthday taken away.

I I hear it. Can you celebrate if you take smoking, Potter

taking pain meds? It doesn't classify the pain meds between prescribed and not prescribed. But it wouldn't matter to me because I would go to Paul's. It's either my business or none of my business and this is clearly none of my business.

Now, someone that

I'm close to would ask me what to do. I would have a conversation for them to tell them to put it, you know, make their own best decision and I would give them some input for sure.

But I've yet to be to an A birthday meeting where they call up Jane or Johnny from the back of the room, the big cake waiting and pull out the checklist up. Hold on,

two speeding tickets

didn't report some income last year behind on child support. I've never seen the checklist.

It's it's simply, you have said that you have another year sober and Alcoholics Anonymous and you celebrate.

Now

have I seen people or know of situations where people celebrate and shouldn't have and that wears on them and hopefully they disclose it to someone before that secret kills them? Yes, I've seen that.

Oh, that's going to last.

As a trusted servant, I've been criticized for how I've done my service and how I interpret some traditions. How have you dealt with criticism from inside his fellowship, especially when accused of not caring about a A and the suffering alcoholic? How can I offer criticism when I feel it is necessary and responsible and be kind and effective?

So a couple of things I would say about that. One

the day, the Monday or Tuesday must have been a Tuesday because when I went from

after that meeting that I was interviewed,

I it was about a month later there was a general service board meeting and at that general service board meeting AWS reported that I was selected as the new non trustee director.

The next day, that Tuesday, when word had gotten out, I received a call from my friend Arnold Ross.

And Arnold is a past general service trustee and past non trustee director and he said welcome to the club. He said you have just been promoted from the critic to the criticized

and that was a well, well intended because I was a critic, no doubt about it. And I just got put into the other camp. Become part of the criticized. You are going to be criticized. It doesn't matter what you do.

It doesn't matter what job you have in AA.

It doesn't matter if you're the new cookie person. It doesn't matter. You might have decided Nutta Butters instead of Oreos, right? You, you just may have. You might have decided to offer tea, God forbid, right

there. You might have decided to be the first person to introduce PowerPoint, do a presentation. There are so many things. And the one thing I think the best advice I have for this,

they used to be a speaker I used to run into a lot

named Reverend Adam and he used to talk about having a bag of ones. So the next time you are at a tapers table, ask them if they have a Reverend Ed tape.

And what I used to like about it is, he said Alcoholics collect ones

that we can be in a room with 400 people

and 399 of them are happy with us, but we don't care about the 399 who are happy with us. We are focused on the one person who is not happy with us and we carry with that with us every day, every minute. And so my advice is if you are first of all,

a A service has given me so much in my non AA life,

learned so many things here, but I would tell you what it is learn, help me learn the most is you will always be criticized. It does not matter what side you're on. It does not matter what position you take. It does not matter whether it's your idea someone else's idea is there is the greatest and the worst thing about Alcoholics Anonymous. The greatest thing about Alcoholics Anonymous is our membership.

And the worst thing about Alcoholics Anonymous is our membership. It's very simple. It's a very easy equation. You will always be criticized. You can't let that. And I would point out in the service manual the other thing. You can't let your ego convince you that your critics are always wrong.

You have to be willing

to be able to say to yourself, wow, I might be wrong. The service manual is very clear that a good idea may come from anywhere, might come from a new GSR, might come from a new alternate GSR. It will come from anywhere, but that's the acid test that the service manual talks about

is can you accept criticism and can you decide which is maybe personality driven or

but if there's something out there that's valid. We want to be the best at what we do

as far as how can I offer criticism when I feel an unnecessary, when I feel it necessary and be responsible and be kind and effective. I would tell you what I said during my last talk.

It is not, you know, listen, because of the corporate world that I work in

learned so much. So AIDS taught me a lot, My work's taught me a lot,

you know. But communication is not only verbal.

In fact, the experts say that 80% of communication is nonverbal or more

so. What I mean by that is you have to act better than you want to.

That means when you're at a business meeting or an assembly or a district, that means there's no rolling of the eyes.

It's hard.

This guy for the 100th time is going to come up with this same ridiculous idea. But guess what? That's his right. I don't get to roll my eyes.

I don't get to text three other people in the meeting. What is this fool talking about? Right? I do not get to do that.

I do not. And when I go to the microphone,

it's how you deliver it,

not what you deliver.

It is not what you deliver. You're entitled to what you deliver,

but how you do it and how often you do it,

well, that's how the audience you're delivering that to will decide if they'll even my experiences, the people at a a that throw a bomb in the middle of the room that come armed with five mile 12 cocktails to every a, a business meeting or assembly or district they come to. And they like when it's perfectly serene to light that baby up and throw it in the middle of the room.

My experiences. That's your right,

but what you are doing

is you are telling the rest of the AA population to never listen to anything you have to say

because they're not going to listen to you.

If that's the only way you operate, then I tune you out. From the minute you go to that microphone, I'm just not going to listen.

So it is the manner and the method and not the message that you are communicating.

I was at an assembly.

Taught me a big lesson. When I lived in New Jersey,

there were two past trustees, John and John Mean. These guys are so best friends it's hard to even describe.

The one John is still alive, owns the burial plot next to the other John who passed away. But the other John who passed away taught me a huge lesson. One day I was, I was, maybe I was an appointed committee member on corrections, but I just moved to Jersey and a woman had been elected to be the DCM

workshop chair,

and she got up to give a report at the Assembly when it was her turn and a past delegate. And I'm a person. I don't like past delegate tables. I don't like past delegate sections. I don't like deices where all officers sit up at the front of the room. I like podiums like this. I like people being equals. And I don't like little like political action committees, tables,

that's it. And and this is like everybody's gonna look to see how they feel about something. I think it's very on a a I don't care what area does it. Lots of areas do. I think it's completely on a a I don't like past delegates who want to walk up and down as people are talking so that the person is focused is, is that person against me? Are they with me? And but anyway,

a past delegate came up to the microphone after this woman's report and basically brought her to tear.

And I have to think, have I ever done something that stupid? Probably, yes.

You know,

have I got to the microphone and been such a sniper

that it became less about the issue and the person felt I was more coming after them? Yes.

And, and I saw this woman. And when you see someone who's super enthusiastic about service and that air is taken out of her balloon,

it hurts. It hurts her. That hurt me.

I'll never forget

this one, John. You would never know he was ever a trustee. I mean on his trusty resume

it said that he was drove a truck for the phone company and owned an Irish bar. I swear to God that's what his resume said.

If you ran into him, you would never know that he was a trustee, even up to before he died. I would go into the clubhouse on the Jersey Shore, right across from the ocean or the beach and he would be there welcome and newcomers. You would never, he would never tell anyone he was a trustee. He would tell you the only thing he knew about a trustee is he was surprised more than anyone else that he ever became a trustee.

That's what he would tell me,

but that any and I never ever saw him go to a microphone and assembly. Ever.

But that day he did. And I remember when he went up to that microphone and I remember when he said, young lady, I want to thank you for all the work you've done.

And I want to really thank you for all these new ideas and suggestions that you have. And I don't know about anyone else, but I can't wait to come back to the next assembly and hear your next report.

The manner in which you deliver

is what it's all about.