The 23rd annual convention in Birmingham, UK

Joe, where's Joe? You've done a fantastic job, Joe. My name's Richard and I'm an addict.

And

yeah, I sat up there with, with my fellows from from Northamptonshire. I'm from the county of Northamptonshire. Love you guys. And because I felt safe with them, This, this is a big deal and it's something I've never done before. And

I feel, how do I feel scared?

It's a responsibility. And speaking to my friends about this responsibility, they said, just get up there and, and share a story. Richard, you know, you've got a story to, to, to tell and we all love and, and I guess tonight, this, this time, this place, it, it's my time to tell my story. And, and I'm going to try and do that in a very general way.

What a wonderful event,

absolutely wonderful occasion. For those that are new, I just want to really welcome you to a wonderful life saving fellowship called Cocaine Anonymous.

My surprise date is the 20th of July 2003. And since that day, I've not found it necessary to put any mind or mood or in substance inside my body. And for that, I'm truly, truly grateful.

What what I was told when I come here. Because when I come here, I didn't feel wanted, I didn't feel needed, and I certainly didn't feel loved. And what I was told is that Cocaine Anonymous wants me here, Cocaine Anonymous needs me here, and Cocaine Anonymous will love me until I can learn to love myself. So for anybody that's new, I'll say the same to you.

Cocaine Anonymous wants you, need you, and will love you until you learn to love yourself.

I, I can't believe how many people are here for this, this Friday. It's incredible to be stood up here. From where I come from is, is an absolute privilege.

I, I'm, I'm going to, I'm going to share it because I feel I just need to get it out and then move on. But I wasn't sure whether I was going to be able to make it. So I've been going through some, some physical

issues and I, I, I was getting night sweats and fevers and I went into hospital admire appendix removed. And on Monday, I hadn't removed the fortnight ago on, on Monday that the consultant called me and asked to see me and I went in to, to see him. And, and the, the results of the test was that I've just been diagnosed with bowel cancer

and

I need to go and have a CT scan and, and surgery and then chemotherapy. So I, I was in two minds whether to get up here and, and share my experience, strength and hope with you guys. But I spoke, I spoke to my mum and my mum, I often go to and, and seek advice and counsel with her. And she said, Richard, she said there might be somebody in that meeting that day that needs to hear what you've got to say. And, and what I've learned about this,

this program and this way of life is to suit up and show up. So I went back and saw the consultant Thursday morning and we we discussed a treatment plan Thursday afternoon. I was sitting down with a newcomer reading the second part of Bills story. And, and I ain't saying that for any affirmation. I really don't need that today. I'm just sharing with, with, with you guys. This is what I've learned that we do here in Cocaine Anonymous. No matter what, we suit up and we show up

and, and I know from experience that no matter what's coming my way, everything's going to be all right. And physically it might not be, but I've got faith that no matter what, what needs to get taken care of will be taken care of. I know that. And, and I've got a wonderful fellowship to lean on in this difficult time of my life. You know, I, I emailed my, my sponsor who lives out in America. I love that man and

shared with him the the the discussion that I had with the consultant and he said to me, Richard, he said men mask their fear with anger.

Don't be a Dick. And

and and I'm I'm trying not to be a Dick.

I've got no denial around it. And, and in prayer this morning,

I had, I had a little moment cause 'cause three, well, in June, three years ago, our son was born. I've got a boy called Henry. And, and today I just like I was in prayer about thinking about my son and, and, and I want to watch the sunrise with him and the sunset and look at the stars and the moon and travel this beautiful earth with him. And

God willing, I'm going to be, I'm going to be experiencing that with, with, with our son.

So there we are

that the big book tells me that we share in a in a general way what, what I used to be like, what happened to me and, and what I am like today. So I'm going to, I'm going to share in a general way. I, I know I've got 45 minutes to try and cram in 46 years, so I'll do my very best. But what I used to be like before I put any drug inside my body was restless, irritable and discontent. And as cliched as that sounds, that's how I,

you know, I heard a, a, a guy called Jack Brennan talk about being a misfit in life. And, and that's how I felt. I just felt that I was a misfit. I felt that there was something missing. I didn't have all the answers and, and something just wasn't right within me. And who wants to feel like that? I felt insecure as a child, very low self esteem, felt that I've been born into the wrong family almost. And I would look at friends and, and look at their

families and think, why don't I, why don't I belong to a family like that? And I, I'll come from relatively like decent family, like 2, two sisters, you know, folks that, that tried their best. I grew up on a, on a council estate in, in West London. And my dad was a hard working man. You know, I tried to provide for his family. Yeah, I just, I just had this underlying feeling of, of restlessness and, and irritability and discontentment

and it stayed with me through throughout adolescence and, and into adulthood.

The only, the only relief that I would get from that was by putting a chemical inside my system. I didn't start drinking till I was 12. I was a bit of a late starter in life. I got that from Earl Eights the other day. I was trying to listen to a few CD shares and pick up a few tips,

but I was I was, I was with Jimmy, Jimmy Kaye earlier on and we was talking about, well, he Jimmy was sharing about actually about the CI UK 12, which was my first convention in Bournemouth. I used to live in Bournemouth and and we were Earl age, but there there's always some form of massive in the room in there. But

Earl H shared at at that convention and wonderful, wonderful story that man's got

and yeah, so restless, irritable discontent from an early age. Didn't start drinking till last 12. It's a bottle of Pernod. Those of you who know me just kind of odd know not off for a bit and someone give them an urge when I've shared this bit of my story because they've heard it hundreds of thousands of times. And it was a bottle of Pern. I I I didn't think that it would be missed because it seemed to kind of gather dust when when the other bottles didn't. So I, I, I took this bottle of Perno

and on the estate I grew up on the primary school was there and, and June nursery and Junior School and I went over the school field and, and I remember taking a mouthful of this Perno and, and the taste of Perno as, as I'm sure most of us in the room know is, is quite sweet anise seed. It's, it's quite a nice taste for alcohol because I was never really a fan of the taste of alcohol, if I'm honest with you. I was more interested in the effect

and can any of you identify with that?

And I remember taking a few swigs at his Perno and, and, and it's starting to kind of tingle him in my mouth and then, and then down my throat and started to kind of warm my throat up and then and then down into into my stomach and, and my stomach started to warm up. And then all of a sudden I got the effect produced by alcohol. And I was probably about 11 or 12 years old.

And from that that moment,

I had found the solution to the problem that I'd experienced from as far back as I could remember. And I'm I'm a kid. I don't know whether all kids feel rest of the series born discontent, but I know I did. And I know that when I put that Alka inside my system, something happened, you know, magical, you know, I, I, I truly believe that if I hadn't found my daughter in chemicals, I would have possibly

seriously considered suicide, most certainly homicide because I was an angry young man

at 12 years old. My dad used to say to me, what's wrong with you? Why he's so angry? But I was just, I was a crazy mixed up kid. And as soon as I got that effect, it just took all of that away. Talks about in the beautiful big book of Alcoholics Anonymous, who was so kind to lend us that book back in 1982.

It produces a feeling of ease and comfort and and that's exactly what it produced in me.

Before I forget, I just want to give a big shout out to the to The Pioneers of CA UK. Really. I'm going to miss some names, but I I just want to thank the likes of Jackie's Philippe L Neils and Carol and Richard Kay, Jeff and some of the Bristol crew. Victor, you know, some of the Brighton crew, Danny G, Lu G, you know, Matthew,

you know some of some of the, some of the members of Cocaine Anonymous in the UK,

the, the, the committed and sacrificed their time to create this wonderful fellowship. Because if it wasn't for them people, I don't know where I'd be. Like, like I said earlier on, drink and drugs with a solution to the problem that I suffered from. And, and I really believe that my, my default setting is depression. I really believe that. But what I have found today is a solution to that which is contained within the 12 steps of Cocaine Anonymous and being of service within this

wonderful life saving fellowship. So from age 12, I I'd found my solution and, and my sponsor said don't stay drunk too long. He said people in the room all now to get drunk and, and, and get wrecked. But I'm just trying to trying to become an addict for, for the newer members in the room. And I just hope you get some identification and come back to another meeting. You know, if you aren't suggested to me to, to, to, to not, not

make a decision based on your first experience of Cocaine Anonymous, and I'll say the same to you, please don't base your, your, your decision

on what you might hear, see or feel this weekend. You know, keep coming back and I guarantee you the miracle will happen. You know, that obsession will be removed and your life will move into to a new experience and you'll start to experience some of the wonderful promises within this big book. You know, it talks about happy, joyous and free. And, and despite what I've got going on, for me, that's how I feel right here, right now. I feel a deep sense of gratitude to be standing up here and to be a member of this, this fellowship.

So I just wanna go through some of my early kind of school life. I was a very bright child. I in, in school, it, it, it come easy to me. I, I was a grade A student. I excelled academically, but I, I was suffering from this condition and that started to, to affect my, my, my school life. And from age 14, I've been expelled from two schools and I I become

a kind of kid living on

is Wicks on on the streets. You know what, my parents were both working and, and I just started to mix with, with some of the older kids and, and like, I think most of our stories are got introduced to, to harder substances.

And I wanna go through the, the, the classes quickly. But

17 years old, I was snorting heroin. I've been introduced to heroin and, and I started snorting it with, with some friends from out of Kilburn. And for me it all seemed very exciting. I didn't understand the severity or, or or the the consequences of what was coming my way. All I knew is I like the effect produced by heroin. That's all I knew

and I was snorting Aaron for about a year and the the acid al scene kind of emerged in the kind of mid to late 80s, maybe 8788. And I got involved in in the acid house movement, which for most people that were involved in that experience was an incredible youth movement. I don't think there's been one like it for for quite a while. I'm hoping that there will be some kind of movement in the youth culture soon, but I've not seen one yet. But it was a very

powerful movement and often if people sharing in in meetings that it was the best time of of their their kind of addictive kind of life. But whilst I understand that for, for me, and this is only my experience,

I was always thinking about the rave ending, the club closing and the drugs running out, you know, and, and there were times in my using when I had, I had, I had quantities of, of drugs regardless of what the drugs was. I had, I had enough drugs around me at times, but I was always worried about the drugs running out because they become my solution to life.

And I, I got caught up in, in some,

some difficulties with, with, with the, the kind of guys that I was running with. And all of a sudden my supply to drugs got cut off. And then aged 19,

I started to experience withdrawal symptoms from, from heroin. I wasn't aware that, that you withdraw from heroin. And I remember going to see my brother-in-law at the time. I mean, he's a, he's a recovered criminal, my brother-in-law. But at the time he, he was involved in, in crime and, and, and drug dealing.

And I went see him and I said, Peter, I said I, I just don't feel right. I said I've just feel ill. And he said, well, he said he's, it's the horse. He said you, you're, you're, you've got cold Turkey, cold Turkey. And I remember Graham Gill and Zamo and just say no campaign. That always gets a laugh, doesn't it? Like just say no campaign. But I remember that. But I didn't, it didn't really register with me. It, it didn't register. So

Peter, my brother-in-law, I love him dearly and he's, he's turned his wife around for 20 plus years now.

He told me what I needed. And I remember driving on to an estate in White City and, and scoring. And I remember getting the bag back and I'd, I'd given the guy £50 and I just thought crikey, is, is, is that what this costs? And I thought, I don't know how I'm going to, going to fund it. My my supply chain has been cut off.

I wasn't earning huge amounts of money. So, so I knew there was going to be difficulties trying to to fund this addiction.

And so I've done what any, any gangster does iPhone, my mum and

just I can't help but share that one

any self respecting gangster phones his mum and said mum, I'm addicted to heroin. She said, crying out loud. I knew something was up. You better come home and and I went to see my mum and they they got me. This is my first introduction to institutions. They got me in a, into a, a detox unit and my parents had moved out of London by this time and was living out in Surrey. And,

and I ended up in a, in a, in a detox unit in, in Surrey.

And it was really the start for me of trying to find a way out of, of the problem that I suffer with. And, and I was in there for about maybe 10 days. A guy come in and he was a little bit warm, a little bit way. I'm attracted to that kind of mentality. I hooked up with him within 10 minutes. We were in a taxi. Take us to West London

and, and we're off to school.

By the time we got back, my, my parents, I'm 19 years old. My parents had come to visit me. The detox unit didn't know where we were and, and I ended up getting asked to leave. And for the next 12 years, my life progressively got worse and worse. And I want to kind of bring my drug use into a bit of a close because I've got coming up 13 years of recovery that I want to share.

And I've had some amazing, incredible experiences in them 13 years. But my drug life took me to a state of mind, body and soul that I am deeply, deeply grateful for because I know that for most drug addicts, we I had to be pretty badly mangled before I started to really seek a higher power

and came across shares about it. I love Ken Cross share. I was hoping to get him

talking at the cocaine anonymous World Service. I wanted him to be the after dinner speaker, but my then sponsor kind of manipulated me out of that and we ended up getting someone else to share as the worst moment of my life. But anyway, I'll, I'll, I'll, I'll put a full stop on that. But came, came across talks about,

came across talks about the end, the end of his use. And he came across was like proper rock'n'roll.

You know, for those that don't know, he was, he was into the kind of music industry, you know, the fast life out in LA. He, he, he was making things happen,

you know, in the music industry and he talks about it at the end of his using, he, he was driving around his stolen Volkswagen Rabbit.

And, and he would go into the, the, the 711 and he'd buy a, a coffee, a newspaper, and he'd park up in the hills in his stolen Volkswagen Rabbit, drink his coffee. And he said he used to buy this really heavy doughnut that used to just sit on his stomach, you know, just to see him through that day. And he said he had nowhere to go,

nobody to see,

and he would read every single piece of text in the LA Times. That's how lonely that man was. And when I heard him share that, I so identified with that feeling of loneliness. You know, I didn't have a stolen Volkswagen Rabbit. What I had was a white pickup truck that had no MOT, no insurance, no tax.

You know, this time in my life, I, I was jobless,

homeless, penniless and hopeless. I was absolutely destitute. You know, I didn't feel wanted, I didn't feel need and I certainly didn't feel loved. I, I was a lonely, lonely man. And I remember I would, I would go and get a bit of gear. I don't get a paper, probably the sun, or go and get something to eat if I had enough money to buy something to eat. And I would sit, park my car in this supermarket

car park right over in the corner for the fear of anybody seeing me. And I would have my gear and I'd read every piece of print in this newspaper because I had nowhere to go and nobody to see. And that was September 2002. And I felt the loneliest man on this earth. And I went to see my sister, my sister Debbie. Thank God for my sisters and my my parents. I mean, my dad's dead now. God rest his soul. But

they, they saved my life. They really did

as as did you guys.

I went to see my sister Debbie. I was, I was kind of residing in the county of Northamptonshire at the time. I had to move from from all, all different boroughs of London 'cause I just cause like we do absolute chaos. And I said to Debbie, I'm going back to London

and I said, can can you give some money? I need some petrol and I and I need some money to, to get me back down. And she said, yeah, I'll give you that. Go. And don't ever come back to see us until you've sorted this shit out, because we don't want you in our life. You're nothing but trouble. You know, your, your, your father's dying from, from cancer. You know, your mum's like a wit's end with, with, with her husband and, and with you. And, and for my sister to say that to me, it really kind of hit home.

So our left and, and I've been doing little deals every now and then, kind of hustling like we do like scoring little Aussies of crack or little Aussies of, of heroin. And like for, for, for small time kind of drug dealers in the county and iPhone, iPhone, this lad up in, in Ealing and said, look, can, can you do us a little sample? I'm coming down, but I need a little sample. He said, yeah, all right. And, and I drove, I drove down to Ealing, met him

in the pickup, got the sample

drive over to Ladbroke Grove, sat outside my friend's house, who coincidentally, I was in in Riyadh with in in 1998, a guy called Tony Sienna, his nickname was Tony Montana and

Italian guy. And, and I sat outside his house, smoked this bit of cocaine and done what I used to do with the, with the heroin. I'm, I'm an intravenous user. And, and he knocked on his door. Well, rung his bell and, and I, I, when, when we had left,

um, rehab, he, he had, he had found somebody to live throughout the association, but in, in, in the early part of 2000, I'd gone back there and just caused a bit of, of chaos and, and, and he, he answered the buzzer. I actually found him on Twitter the other day. I still, I am an amends and I found him on Twitter. I just started to connect with him. He's up in Nottinghamshire now. And, and I said, I said, Tony, it's Dick. And he went, what do you want Dick? I said, I, I, I need a place to stay. He said, well, don't bring your trouble to my doorstep

and are aware that this being recorded. So he told me no uncertain terms to do one and and I pleaded with him. I said, look, Tony, please, I I need I need some help in mate. I'm I'm on I'm I'm beat. And he said alright. He said, I'll tell you what he said you, you, you can come and stay here for a few nights. He said, but on two conditions and I said just just what are they? He said, you, you can, you can put your head down on my set a he said, but you bring any drugs into this outdoor and you're out of it. I'll call the police on you. He said

I'm I'm in early stages of recovery, I'm trying to get over this 'cause it, it seems relapsed. And he said and, and I'm going to these meetings. He said I'm going to these 12 step meetings and he said you got to come with me and

thank God for any conditions. And, and I said, oh, I look, I'll agree to them. I didn't necessarily want to agree to the first condition, but I knew, I knew at some point I'd probably be able to find an angle where I could get him on the crack. And

selfish and self centred to the core. Aren't we something considerate? And I've really looked over that side much. Have I ever and

anyway, yes. So my introduction into into 12 step fellowship was as a result of going to see Tony Sienna, Tony Montana.

And at the time he had a, he had a stolen CBR 900 Fireblade. And

he, he would, he would jam parking meters and, and we would spend all morning blitzing around W London pulling out the coins. How many he was still dishonest. I mean, sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly and

pulling all this change out of his parking meters and, and then we're going to a meeting and,

and, and I, I, I've been introduced to, to to 12 step fellowship. At the time it was our colleagues anonymous

back in, in 1989 when I went into that first detox when I was 19, we went to an, a, a meeting and, and I don't remember anything. I do remember a few things about it. I remember it was, it was really smoky. You could smoke in meetings back then. And, and the secretary was an old boy and he, and he had a, he had a fantastic head of hair. So I can remember he had a he had a real good head of hair, like a silver hair

and and and smoke like a, a a trooper. And where he used to flick his kind of like a wedge, a bit like a wedge, a wedge to flick it back at like a nicotine streak.

And I, I can remember that vividly like it was yesterday. And, and I can also remember the 12 steps and the 12 traditions like a kind of crumply old kind of

pieces of, of paper. And I can remember that,

and I can also vaguely remember something magical. I can also just kind of remember that there was something, I couldn't put my finger on it didn't know what it was. But I had this kind of 6th sense, I suppose even then, that there was something magical in this room.

So I'd experienced 12 step, albeit briefly. And my second introduction to it was, was a number of years later, 1213 years later.

So me and Tony started going around to all different meetings and, and I started to see for for the first time really ever, because all the people that I used to knock about, we've were just a bunch of drug addicts like me,

you know, some of them ain't here anymore. So I started to see people who had managed to stop using and and not only stop using start to get get a quality of life that I felt that I deserved. I feel like we all deserve. So I suppose looking back, I didn't understand at the time, but looking back, I started to understand the principle of hope, you know, the principle of our second step. So I suppose looking back with hindsight, I started to come

believe in the 12 step program and

as a result of of suffering from this condition, I wasn't able to to meet Tony's first condition of not using drugs and, and, and I ended up

took a crack data back to Tony's house. Like I said, I would have got Tony on crack and

that's why I'm in a mint and was asked to leave. I mean, he, he, he nearly got evicted from that, from that property

and, and he asked me to leave. And it was the best thing he ever done.

I'd spent periods on the streets in London. You know, I'm a survivor of the West End. You know, I've got such a colourful story. We all have. You know, I could write a book. You know, I live, I lived in the West End for about 3 years, you know, just just going wherever I could get him wherever I could, just surviving. And so I'd, I'd experience of homelessness. But Tony had told me that he didn't want me at his place anymore.

So I didn't know what to do other than to go to a meeting. And at the time I used to go to a meeting on in Ladbroke Grove in the den. And, and there was there was a Glaswegian that used to be in all the time. His name's Charlie. I've since seen him. I'm forever indebted to that man because one day I, I was in a meeting and in, in, in Narcotics Anonymous. And I'm not endorsing Narcotics Anonymous, you know, I'm just sharing my experience. I'll have anything with an eye after it, but my home

heart and services within Cocaine Anonymous. I don't, I don't do any other 12 step meetings unless I'm out of town. But this particular time I was in a meeting of, of narcotics and honest and, and, and I went into the toilet and I used to have a saying, leave your paraphernalia outside. And I think why they need me, they've asked me to take my paraphernalia and stick it outside. Well, I better do that. So I'll go outside and make sure no one was looking

and and and plot plot me, plot me gear up if I was lucky enough for having me

and prop me a bit of gear up. And then I'll be in the meeting paranoid that someone from the meeting plot me. So if anybody got up to go out a meeting, I'll be up

just

so, so I'll stop doing that. And I used to have it on me in the meeting. And, and if you like me and, and you suffer from this, this craving, this phenomenon of craving, you know, as soon as I have a hit, I want another hit. So I, I'll go in the toilet and like, I, in the end, I was like a coke can crack addict, you know, like punching holes in a coke can and sucking on a coke can in the toilet. And I remember I was in this meeting in the den and I just got carried away and I was smoking cocaine in the toilet and all of a sudden Bang Bang, bang on the door.

He saw Dick get the fuck out of it. I said I wouldn't swear but these guys region so I should be excused. So no, no offence to any glass regions, but CC told me no uncertain terms to get get out of the toilet and basically I'll just I'd smoked out at the meeting and

it's just like the shame. I've since made amends and and he said to me, he said, look, Dick, he said, I need to have a serious word with you. He said,

have you eaten started? No, I haven't. So I'm, I'm talking about acts of love here, you know, he said, welcome and look, I, I need a bit of food, come and come and keep me company. And he, he took me to to a Moroccan gaff. I was there a little while ago, actually on the Goldbourne road and and we sitting down eating and he said, look, Dick, I need to tell you through home truths. He said, you've been coming a while now. He said. But are you aware that that the first thing you need to do is stop taking drugs?

I said you're having laughing. Yeah,

he said no, I'm deadly serious, Rich, he said. Have you thought about stopping taking drugs? I said no, I haven't Charlie,

He said well why not? I said, because I can't live life without drugs mate, I've tried it don't work. He said what are you talking about? I said I can't, I can't seem to cope with with with with our Phil. I said it's intolerable. He said. I know he said, because I've experienced that myself before. At the time he was about 1818 years. He's 30, he's 30 years now, C30 plus. And

he said to me, This is why,

Richard, you need start having a little think about what what it is that you want from from us. He said, because coming to meetings is great. He said, but that's not what this is about. He said, if you think it's just about sitting in a meeting and trying to get a little bit of respite from the chaos that you're causing yourself, he said, you've got a wrong mate. He said I'm going to, I'm going to put something to you right now.

He said I want you to have a think about it. He said I can get you a bed

in a hospital right now. What do you want to do? I said I'll have to get back to you on that, Charlie, He said, yeah, I thought you might. He said I can tell you a busy man, you got a few business deals you need to tie up,

piss taker, he said. He said, So I'll tell you what Dick, he said Here's my number. He said,

when you really are serious about this, he said, give me a call. And two days later I found I phoned him up and said, look Charlie, I'm I'm serious about it. He said, all right. He said, meet me tomorrow morning, 9:00 outside this hospital up on the Houston Rd. And I turned up at 9:00 and, and he turned up like he said he would and

he took me to hospital and, and I went through

the most horrendous detox ever. If there's anybody detoxing in this room tonight, my heart goes out to you. I never, ever want to experience the pain and suffering of my last detox. And, and I know from experience that I never, ever have to go back there. My first sponsor, I'm going to give him a little shout out because I love this man Criss Cross,

he said to me when I met him in Brighton. When he offered to sponsor me, he said Dick. He said, I promise you, mate, he said the feelings you felt have got you in through the doors.

He said you never have to experience him again. He said, I promise you that. And he he kept his words. So like Charlie did and I ended up in this, in this crisis unit. It's called, some of you might be familiar with it. It's it's on the city road up up in I think it's M1. And I walked in there and as soon as I walked in there, I felt this huge weight just lift off of me just as a result of being in this place. You know, how long have I been sharing for

anybody keeping a clock?

35 minutes. I've got 10 minutes. This is going to be tough. I'll do my best and, and, and whilst I was in there,

Cocaine Anonymous come into that meeting place and, and I was reintroduced to to fellowship. Whilst I was there, Charlie suggested to me that maybe a little course of treatment would be a good idea. And he said to me, we we can support you in that. And, and I ended up here comes a big shower for the Bournemouth massive move, moving to Bournemouth in in 2003.

And

whilst in another hospital

there, my then sponsor came in just brimming with confidence. And he sat down and he, he, he was from West London, he was QPR fan, he was Intergraffiti, he was into acid house. And he just, he just had some something going on. And, and I, I knew that this man was there to help me, but I didn't have the ability to say, look, please help, you know, and I'm just going to put this out here.

It tells me in the big book of our colleagues anonymous that I approach to still suffering addict. I don't wait for the still suffering addict to come to me and ask me for help. It's just not out. It's just not our role. I, I approach the newcomer that comes into the meeting place. And, and, and this man did that day. He said look, if you want, I can show you

a new way of life. And he said, why don't you meet me

Wednesday night at my Home group. It was a big book study meeting, the 4th dimension, big book study group, little shout out for 4th dimension in, in Christchurch. I said, why don't you meet me there and we can have a little chat about about the process. And and I met him there and we had a little chat about a process. And then I would meet him every week and we would pick up that big book and we would read it together, sharing our experience, strength and hope.

And I remember leaving him every week feeling a little bit better, a little bit lighter, and a little bit more hopeful. And I'm forever indebted to that man for sacrificing his time. I'm a big believer in working with others. My sponsor says that's all there is, Richard. That's all there is. That's what this is about,

carrying the message to the addict that still suffers, sitting down with another man. Open that big book, sharing your experience, strength and hope with a big believer in that. And that's what that man done for me. And I and I remember

writing out my step four, I've done my step four in two hours and, and going to, to share it with him. And it was quite a lengthy piece of material. And he said, look, I'm sharing in Brighton.

And we got in a car, we drove to Brighton. We went round Danny and Lou's house, met them. You know, he started introducing me to this beautiful fellowship. He started taking me to to prison meetings. He started taking me to hospital and institution committee meetings. He introduced me to the to the heartbeat of Cocaine Anonymous. I said, Richard, this is what I'd do. You know, if you want what I've got, this is what you need to do And I did. I wanted what he had. He had a lot to offer. He was attractive man

in many ways. And so I started to do, do what he'd done and, and I remember at the time

the, the GSRS in, in Bournemouth was having to drive to London to go to area. So we, we spoke to Scouse Paul and we set up a little unity committee in, in Bournemouth. There was only a few of us there. And, and the sad thing is, I don't think many of them are still with us.

That's the reality. Who's that?

Who are you, Aiden? Aidy is still here. Could see ID but our Colin, who's that? Both saying you weren't there, Dave.

I'm saying is a a a bunch of what was a hopeless drug addicts started to think, hold on a minute, we need to do something. We've, we've got something here that we need, we need to carry this message further afield. And, and, and from that,

a fellowship has just continued to mushroom. And since my time around, I've seen this fellowship just continue to grow and grow and grow. I mean, he was out in Ireland last year. Just incredible. There's some Irish in here. Yeah, we, we, we was out in Dublin and, and the fellowship in Dublin. I mean, I remember when it wasn't a meeting in Dublin, I remember when lads come over here around 2000 and six, 2007 there were there abouts

just just absolutely mushrooms across Europe,

Holland, Sweden, Israel, Russia, you know, just incredible growth, you know, just from some people thinking, hold on a minute, we've got something special here. We've got something that saves people's lives.

Sounds very dramatic, but that is the absolute reality. And in in 2008, Oh, my phone's ringing.

It's my brother-in-law Pete the reformed criminal.

Love that man

I proposed to my missus on Valentine's Day. Yeah, right. Just

that, that, that fear of commitment is a big one in it.

But but I, I've got down on one day. I'm just run there. I'm just gonna share. We, we, we, I planned it. I thought, right, we're going to London. We have a nice bit of food. I'll take her to Laddery. I'll get her some little. She likes these cakes that they do in Laddery up near Harrison. And I said, then we'll go in the London Eye and I'll get down on one knee and I'll propose.

It was freezing. It was, it was Chinese New Year. It was absolutely chock a block. We spent about 3 hours trips around trying to find somewhere to eat. We finally found somewhere to eat, which was horrible. We got back to the car sector. Let's go to London Eye. She went to an orange. She said, I, I, I just want to get home, put my dressing gown on. And so I, I, I proposed to the message with us both in her dressing gowns.

Yeah, and

yes, so, so, so when when when we get married next year, all being well, my my brother-in-law is going to going to be my best man. And

yeah, so so 2008 and I'm aware I'm where I'm running out of time. My dad, who, who who passed, God rest his soul, Thomas. His name was Our Sons. Henry Thomas

was dying from cancer and and, and at the time I wasn't really practicing the the principles of the programme. I was suffering from depression,

but I was sober start way raving mad knock and I just got caught up in some stuff that with hindsight, I shouldn't have, but I did and I've cleared up that wreckage. But at the time, like everything to the stars aligned and and and a job offer come up up up in Northamptonshire and part of my men's was was to create a fellowship in the county. So 2008 I I moved everything and and for the first six months I've moved from from a vibrant, thriving fellowship in in Bournemouth.