The topic of 'The Fruits of our Sponsorship' at a workshop called Kitchen Table AA in New Orleans, LA

We're going to talk about my name is Matthew, an alcoholic. Still, we're going to talk about the fruits of sponsorship.

So we had a kind of good segue in there because I got to talk about Mike, my friend Mike.

So one of the things I talked about yesterday is that I've made reference to the story with Jim. You know, Jim is the guy who has the car dealership and for some reason, and if there is an alcoholic thinking, I think this is it, he goes out of the city to find somebody to buy a car.

Here's to the country where there's fewer people. And remember, it says that line. All went well for a while for Jim,

but he failed to enlarge his spiritual life. Right. And so my experience in Alcoholics Anonymous is that there's great leaps and bounds when you're new, you know, remember, you get your driver's license,

you get insurance. I remember the first time I got pulled over when I was

so happy. I'm like, dude, I got it. I'm not going to jail. And the guy was so like, you're pretty happy about this ticket. I'm like different for me. But but you know, after a while, years and years and years of sobriety,

the it's smaller, it's smaller increments, it's different little awakenings inside. And, and I think that what we're about to talk about is how the 12th step or we're sponsoring other men and Alcoholics Anonymous or women, if,

how that continues to enlarge your spiritual life.

So I had a sponsee who we call liver Mike, right? We call him Liver Mike because when he drank and he repeatedly went out and drank, he would turn bright yellow like a like a yield sign because his liver was so shot.

And I sponsored him for a while and he ended up in the hospital near my house. Now some of you have been here for the Friday and Saturday, know that I had a family member, my wife end up in the hospital for five weeks. And one of the things that really impressed me was that everybody showed up for my wife,

you know, when I wasn't in town. And not only were they put on my Christmas lights and my Christmas tree, they were visiting her and bringing her food from outside the hospital and asking her about what kind of drugs they were giving her and all sorts of interesting a a men questions to women in the hospital.

But so I said to Mike when he was in an alcoholic coma, dying in the Long Beach hospital right near my house, less than a mile from my house. I said to Mike, even though I didn't know if you could hear me, I will come visit you every day. And I can I want to be honest about who I am. I almost immediately regretted saying that. It's like, God, I just said that out loud, you know. So couple or three days later, it's raining in Southern California,

which we always look up in the sky and say, what is that?

And people don't drive well in the rain in Southern California, No. And in our, you know, where you guys get more rain and I live in Seattle, there's oil on the street, right? And when the rain hits at the street gets slippery and people let's get closer to you in their cars. In Southern California, it's a rainy day. I got to go all the way to Pasadena for an appointment I have with some physicians for work and I'm wearing a good suit and nothing's going, right, Right. The guys are being contrary and difficult. They're not listening or responding to the data. I'm talking about

the rains bad. And I don't have a raincoat. I just have this nice suit on. People are driving crazy. I'm having what my wife calls a broken shoelace day where everything is a little bit, you know, everything. So I'm in the car and, and I remember I knew I was not in my right mind because Derek and the Domino's version of Layla came on and I thought, God, this song is so overrated,

so stupid, you know? And it's a it's a masterpiece, right? But that's where my head was. I didn't want to eat. I didn't want to have sex. There was nothing that was going to make me happy. I was in a bad spot. And I'm driving home. Go, why go home? Go in my room,

watch TV and veg out. And then I remembered my promise to Mike,

and I was bummed because I didn't want to go to the hospital on my way home from work. I had not seen him that day. And actually his house, his hospital was between the freeway and my house. He couldn't have been more convenient. But on the way back, I'm like, I got nothing for the guy. And quite frankly, he did this to himself. We did everything we could. You know, I had all this negative stuff in my head. So I pull off the freeway and

I have a really good a a car. I was trying to go to my house

and it drove to the hospital. I gone automatic right, And I parked outside the emergence, the ICU and I'm looking at the back door and it's pouring rain. I'm thinking, man, I don't even want to walk from here to there. I got nothing for this guy and I'm bummed. I don't like my job and I I don't like my life right now. And I walk across into the hospital. I'm soaking wet and you know, and I see you and on a rainy day is pretty grim place

and the nurses are in almost exactly the same mood I'm in

and I come up and now Mikes whole family died of alcoholism, really painful, disgusting death from alcohol and he's got no one I'm it. So every time I go there, I have to convince them that yeah, that is true. I am not a family member, but I'm the only thing he's got and I'm his sponsor and Alcoholics Anonymous. And if I'm not mistaken, he's here because of liver failure. Do you think I could spend a few minutes? I have to do this every time I go. And then I give my business card and they staple it in his chart.

So I go and I do this whole thing with very little enthusiasm to a nurse who has no enthusiasm, and she opens his chart and there's like six of my business cards. Like, that's me, here's my business card. So they let me in. Now, when you're in a coma, they don't leave the lights on the room, right? Why would they? And Mike's a very big guy, and he's strapped in because apparently before he went into the coma, he ran. So he strapped in. He's got no teeth.

His eyes are like slightly parted and they're red, bloodshot cause all the blood vessels are breaking in his eyes.

He's bright yellow and he's in a coma. So I sat at the end of his bed and I looked at my watch and I said I'm going to give you 15 minutes. Mike and I just looked around the room and I remember looking at his open mouth thinking he he didn't. He told me he didn't like Dennis, and I thought, that's a shame.

And I mean, this is the kind of thinking, right? I'm not spiritually awake. I'm not praying for Mike. I'm not meditating. I'm just like, OK, it's been 3 minutes, 12 more minutes. That's what it felt like, right?

And then at about 13 minutes, I decide that's close enough to 15, and I get up to leave. And I went over just out of curiosity. I stood at the edge of his bed and I had my hands dangling over the little railing and I was just looking at him. And he grabbed my hand and sat bolt upright.

And I needed to change my pants

because he frightened the hell out of me. He was in a coma

and he sat up and he looked around the room

and he said, am I crazy? Because who knows what he's seeing? He's toxic, right? He can't. Who knows what he's seeing? And I said, no, man, you're alcoholic.

And he looked around the room again. He looked me right in the eye. And he said, why do you love me so much?

I was embarrassed. I didn't want to go.

And I looked at him and said, Mike, because you're just like me.

And there was just this light. It wasn't a physical. It wasn't a light that you could see. There was a light in the room. The planets aligned. I was in the perfect place.

My shoelaces were miraculously won again,

and he just looked around. He looked at me. He fell back his eyes, rolled back his head. We went back into a coma

and I walked to the door of that hospital. I turned, I looked at him and I thought, thank God for liver. Mike

and I went to the nurse and I said, is he going to get out of here? And she looked at her shoes.

And that's within the HIPAA guidelines, meaning no, he's going to die in here. And that's what they told me every time I asked.

And I left,

and my wife was more beautiful, and my children were more brilliant, and my world was bigger.

I had not failed to enlarge my spiritual life, but I didn't do it with enthusiasm and willingness. And all I really did was bring my body and my distracted brain to a situation where God used me.

You know, my I was the best man at Mike's wedding. He lived,

he said to me. I had a spiritual experience. I opened up my eyes and I was holding your hands in a hospital,

I said. That's so funny because I had a spiritual experience at exactly that same moment,

you know, and all of us have literally dozens of stories like this. That's just one I wanted to tell you because the point is, is you don't have to always want to go do it. You just have to do it. You know, if I waited for the proper motivation every day, I'd play my guitar all day long, right? But I go out and get to do these things now. It's not mechanistic. I did talk to my sponsor and I'm like, I'm just going to go to hospitals every day

and meet dying Alcoholics because you don't know where you're supposed to go.

You know, somebody was asking me in the hallway, you know, I'm self-centered. I'm isolating. What should I do? And, you know, and I talked about Bill Wilson. You know, Bill Wilson didn't call 10 people on a, on a, you know, board for churches and ministers in the Mayflower Hotel because he wanted to find somebody to dump his problems on.

Bill Wilson actually called many, many people who thought it was crazy. He said, I'm an alcoholic. I'm looking for another alcoholic to talk to. There was no a A. He actually didn't even call Henrietta Cyberlink from the lobby of the hotel 'cause her name was like Melinda Gates in his mind. She's this wealthy, wealthy woman. So he got in the elevator and he heard a voice in his head, you need to call her. And he called her from his room

and she was waiting for someone to come help Bob.

And he didn't go say, Bob, sit down, I'm an alcoholic. Let me tell you about my failed business deal and my crappy life. He said I am an alcoholic and I have a way out. And this is what it was like for me. He went to help somebody. So when we talked around here about the £10,000 phone, it's because you're looking at it like, I'm going to call somebody and I'm isolating, I'm telling my problems. Forget all that. You know, I had a friend named Woody and Woody tried to kill himself by walking out on the freeway. And his hospital stay coincided

with my mother dying in our living room at my house I grew up in. My mother was dying slowly of cancer. And I got so tired of talking about myself and my issue and my story, like I was dying. My mother was dying. But I call these people that I I'd heard these guys. I'd heard them. So I called Woody. And you know what? Woody never did. He never asked me how I was doing.

He I go, how you doing? He goes. I'm screwed, man. I can't move my body.

I'm never gonna have sex again. I can't play tennis anymore. A guy who's a champion, he beat Pete Sampras

said. I, I'm, I'm ruined. I'm a broken man. And we, I just listened to him and I fell in love with that guy. I sponsored him for years after that. I was not his sponsor when he's in the hospital. But you know what? It gave me strength to go be present with my mother when she was dying instead of be into the story that I am somehow a victim of an injustice because my old mother who has cancer is dying. And that's the fruits of sponsorship, right?

I give the art of living is these relationships

and my problem is selfishness. You know, I'll just end with these couple of things. You know, I, I joke around about this, but I feel like this would be a good analogy of Alcoholics Anonymous. An alcoholic, he's lost everything. He's dying, he's in the gutter and he gets on his knees and he says, God, I'll do anything, I'll do anything. And God says, OK, very clearly says to him, go help other people. And the alcoholic pauses and said, is there anything else I could do?

Because it seems so like anything but that, right? And I, I heard an analogy a long time ago about and I hope I'm not

to model in with this or you guys have heard it before, but I think it's beautiful and I think it's Alcoholics and others. There was a

there's a phrase. Well, I'll first say this. The first line in a book by Thomas Merton called No Man in His Island and is an Island is Alcoholics Anonymous to me says

a happiness that is sought for oneself alone can never be found because the happiness that is diminished through being shared is not large enough to make a person truly happy.

And I read that and thought that's a, a in one sentence, right? And the the story is that this guy dies, right? And he goes and some Angel meets him and says, you get into heaven, but first we're going to go to hell. And he goes, OK, so he goes down in this elevator of many, many, many, many floors. And he gets out and there's this big banquet and there's all the food you could possibly imagine. It's a lot like being in New Orleans.

There's just lots of food, some you never imagined before, and this drink and beautiful food and well laid out. And all the people at the bank would have a bar between their elbows and have these spoons that are just short enough that they can't reach their mouths.

They're sitting wailing and crying and starving to death at this banquet all around the table. And he goes, this is hell. And he gets in the elevator, goes, let's go to heaven. And he hits the top floor. And they go miles and miles and miles. He gets out. Exactly the same scene. Beautiful banquet, everything you could possibly ever want. Exactly the same scene. Everyone's sitting there and they have bars between their elbows and the spoons won't reach their mouths. And they're laughing and they're smiling and they're feeding each other.

And that's what we have here.

You know, however we carry the message I'm being fed when I reach to you. My happiness that is never diminished by being shared is the only happiness I've ever found that's ever really made me happy. And it all comes in the inconvenient phone call and the the guy who's dying and brought it on himself. And, you know, all the lessons I've learned. All I know for sure is I don't know what's good for me. So I just say yes. And magical things happen. That's all I have to say. Thanks

Bill. Alcoholic

liver Mic is famous in the South Bay.

That guy is one of the worst drunks I've ever seen.

Yeah, and he's amazing. He's married, He's sponsoring guys. He's six or seven years. So I think now it's amazing he lived and.

You know what? What is the mechanism?

How do the steps work? What's the mechanism that's used? We can read them

and look at it and kind of flesh it out. It makes some logical sense. You know, you go from 1:00 to 2:00 to 3:00 to 4:00. I'm powerless. I need some power. I'm going to turn it over to the power. I'm going to list my life,

the residue of my life. I had seeming power and I'm left with resentments, fears, and broken relationships. Share that, you know with someone else. Finally, get on and start taking responsibility for my life. Six and seven are all about the character defects. You can find them in the fourth column of the inventory and the resentment list. What are my faults and mistakes? There they are,

and you make amends. Try to clean up the past and rid yourself of resentment.

And then you live in 1011 and 12 and I spoke earlier, I told said that you know, one through 9 is about 10 or 15% of the program, 1011 and 12 is 8590%. You know, they're not maintenance steps. There's nothing to maintain. You know, there's nothing. We're not going to, we're not now going to coast. We've attained Nirvana and we're going to struggle to keep it just the way it is. You know,

it isn't how life is. Not been my experience. I'm sure it hasn't been years. Stuff happens,

things change, you change. We all change. You know, there's a lot of influences in our life all over the place. Jobs, wives, children, you know, environment, hurricanes, you know, stuff happens. You know, when this last recession, you know, in the South Bay, probably every third guy sitting in an A, a meeting is in the construction industry at some level. Real estate framer, plumber, electrician. There was just tons of people that just lost everything.

You lost their homes. People lost their homes, you know, through no fault of their own. That just stuff happens to us, you know,

But how do we address the character defects? What's the mechanism used? All six and seven says is that we, you know, became willing and humbly asked, doesn't say anymore. Lot of us use the 12 and 12 for six and seven. I personally believe that what the 12 and 12 is, is Bill Wilson listing all of his defects of character, you know, through the traditions and the steps. I mean, he saw a lot more

at 1520 years sober than he did

back in the day when he was three or four years sober writing the Big Book. He saw more. He had more experiences. Things changed. His knowledge deepened

and my belief is my experiences is the mechanism that's used to address those character defects is you.

It's you when I start working with you, when I make an attempt to reach out to you

in all my hesitation and all my concern and fear or ego driven looking for hash mark reasons to trying to make some but something of myself in this anonymous. Whatever the motivation is, when I reach out to you, stuff is going to change. Things are going to come up. You now inserted yourself, or I've inserted you into my life

under the illusion that I'm teaching you something. You know now. That may be true at some level, but you're bringing something to the table. You, the existence of you and my life is a catalyst for change.

You'll hear some people say, you know, well, I sponsor people. You know, I don't do this, I don't do that. I don't do this. You only do this. And this is what, you know, I didn't meet those people. You know, he taught me. He says you do it all.

He used to say to me say love fearlessly. Then he got really weird and changed it to recklessly. You know, I mean, just go out there and do it. See what happens. Nothing bad's gonna happen. I mean, it's things are gonna change. And like Matthew said, we all have these experiences. They're profound, powerful experiences. But there are experiences, they're not yours there ours. And we're trying to verbalize it and put it in perspective, like when he says.

Fill the room. Well, there really wasn't a light, you know, I mean, something filled him up. He had an experience with this guy

recently, my buddy, my oldest sponsee, Al Wooldridge, who for some odd reason called himself Floyd. You know, he's just a very strange man and an old surfer. He's a really a piece of local surfing history. He was

been around South Bay for a long, long time. He was like a year or two older than me.

He recently passed away at a brain tumors. Very sad.

He's been in my life almost the whole time I've been sober, and he fired me a couple of times and rehired me because nobody else would take him on, You know, I mean, it's a difficult case. And

early on, his mother was dying

and they didn't have insurance. They didn't have much of anything. And he was taken care of her. His sister was there too, but she's pretty much useless. And, and so he was taken care of her. He was popping her hip back in the socket and changing her diapers. And, and he's telling me about this, you know, I mean, this was a major topic of discussion because and he he wasn't doing it with a lot of grace,

but he did it

like Matthew walking into the hospital, didn't want to be there, but he's there. I mean, you had this image of these people that are helping other people, like they're this selfless spiritual entity. No, it's usually kind of kicking and screaming, you know, where you're the last one left, you know, turn out the lights when you leave the room. You know, it's like that kind of a thing. And and he's doing all this. Well, she got bad enough where they took her into the hospital

and this is before cellphones and he gave them my phone number

and said if anything happens, this is where I'll be call me at this number. So he comes over to my house and he's really agitated. You know, I mean, she wasn't a very pleasant woman. She wasn't a nice lady, this woman and but it was his mother still. I mean, it was it was an intense experience for him. And I'm just watching this as an observer. I've never had any experience like that. I have no idea what he's really feeling. I've nothing not happened to me yet.

And and so

they called and they said you better get back here. We think she's going to pass.

And so he hangs up the phone. I could tell what it was by listening and he's standing there. He's not leaving.

And I know I knew what he wanted

and I did not want to go.

I didn't want to go there. It's not my mother, you know, I don't have any business being there. I don't have any experience at this. I mean, there's limitations to this sponsorship thing, right? You come up to a certain point and then you stop. You have to set boundaries.

Don't you love that when that started came in man, that just, you know what boundaries are to me.

Somebody here might be into the whole boundary thing, and I'm sorry if I'm insulting you, but what it is to me, there's something I don't like, so I'm going to keep it out there so I don't have to deal with it.

That's us.

Why would I ever consciously put myself in an uncomfortable position? This was way uncomfortable and I did not want to go. And he just stood there.

He didn't leave.

Finally I said to him, do you want me to go with you? And he said, would you please? So I went,

walked in the room. It was awful. She looked awful. It smelled awful. She was hooked up to all the monitors. They were breathing for her. Sounds are going off. I'm kind of freaked out. He's really agitated. He's a big guy like me, big Carpenter, big old hands. And I found a chair over in the corner and I went and I sat down just to almost try to eliminate myself from the situation. And I close my eyes and I probably

mumbled something like help me please.

It's like I'm sure because given motivation, even with my bad attitude, I will ultimately ask for help, you know, because there's nothing left out, nothing left to do. He's told me for years, Bill, you will be reduced to prayer and meditation. You meaning you won't skippingly run into it. You know, you know that there'll be nothing left to do. Nothing will else will work.

And this feeling came over me, and the feeling was

everything's OK, there's nothing wrong here.

This is not a mistake. It's all right

and I relaxed.

He's pacing the floor. There's another chair next to me. I said. Al, come over here and sit down. He comes and he sits down next to me

and I held his hand, big old hand, and I said, let's say a prayer and we said some prayer. I don't remember what I said, I said it, but he I said something. And while we were praying, I could feel his hand relax in my hand.

That's intimacy.

That's what it is. That's intimacy. It's very quiet, very subtle

and we rarely run into it.

If we pick and choose what we will and won't do,

will miss it.

This is what causes change in US. I will never forget that.

He used to go with me all the time when I started speaking, and I would tell that story and he'd be sitting there finally one day and he never commented on it. He never said a word. I said, do you remember that in the hospital? He goes, I remember you were there.

I said, you remember the perennials. No, I don't remember any of that.

It was my experience. It wasn't his experience. It was my experience

when he was dying recently, he looked at me before he stopped talking and he said

you've always been a stand up guy.

And I looked at him and I said, so of you.

He took care of his mother. He was a good man. And, and I saw that in him through all the weirdness, through all of his quirky little things, because he grew up in such a weird family, you know, his was a good man.

This guy came over to my house one time to read the book.

I really like this guy and he came over to read the book and and I have an office downstairs in a room down below at my house

and he's sitting across the table from me on the couch and I'm sitting in my chair and

he had his book open, I think if I remember correctly. And what happened is I'm looking at him and I just went out. I just I close my eyes, my head kind of fell back and I just went out. I just

took a little vacation, you know, like something happened and I remember being in that state. I'm not sure how long it lasted, but I remember being there and it was just comfortable. Nothing. I wasn't seeing anything. I just kind of relaxed into the room and somehow I connected with this guy. I just, there was a connection there

and, and he fortunately just stayed quiet.

He's a pretty spiritual guy, his own little spiritual practice. And and he was just quiet. And he told me later, he says, I just was watching it, man. I wonder what's going to happen next. And and then I kind of came out of it. Neither one of us spoke about it. And we just read the book. Sometime later, I asked him about that. You remember that? He goes, Yeah.

And I said, well, did you get the same thing? He's no man. That was you,

you know That was yours. And he knew what it was. He knew he got it, but it wasn't his. It was mine.

On another occasion I went on this 12 step call. It was Memorial Day weekend

and and I took my friend Derek with me. The central office called and said, you know, there's

a 12 step call in this motel, in this hotel. So we drive there. I'll go get Derek. We drive there. We said something like we have a half a pack of cigarettes and a quarter tank of gas. We're on a mission from God. You know, we were like three years sober, man. I had, I was on fire. I was doing like a lot of 12 step calls

and I really felt that I was bulletproof and that, you know, the Lord had given me this ability to save souls and I'm out there, man. You know, it's like it was embarrassing and but God damn, it was fun. And so we go to this place and it's like a war zone, man. There's barbed wire on top of the fences, not a good part of town. And there's guys out in the street drinking beer. There's a trash can with a fire burning in it out front. It was like out of a Clint Eastwood movie, you know, a dirty

and, and I, we pull up and Derek goes, we ought to just leave. This does not look good, you know, and I go, oh, we can't leave. We got, we got to go do this. You know, I'm scared. You remember, I'm the phony biker. I'm the phony tough guy man, you know. So we get up, we walk into this hotel and it smelled horrible in this place. And, and it's weird, creepy little guy comes to the windows. I swear to God, this is absolute God's truth.

And I looked at the guy and I said, you know, we're from Alcoholics Anonymous. Somebody called, you know, looking for help and we're here to get him,

you know, And the guy goes, I don't know who called. He says you're welcome to go bang on doors down the hallway if you want. So I go walk over to the hallway and I look down and these all these doors have like hasp silver them with a padlock on the outside, you know, I mean, I don't even I don't remember that there were even numbers on the doors, you know, And I'm thinking, and Derek is behind me just shaking like a leaf and he's scared to death. So am I, but I'm trying to be cool

and I'm standing at the head of this thing and I close my eyes

and I said you gotta help me now.

I need help. I'm scared to death and you got to help me and the fear just went away.

It just went away.

Now I have no explanation for that. I don't know what that was about. And I remember I just walked down the hallway and I was just banging on doors, you know, and we didn't find anybody. So we get back and we go in the car and not far from where we were as this place that used to be around there called the way back in. And I figured, you know, if somebody, you know, I went back to the window and I asked the guy said, you know, we can't find. He says, you know, there were two other guys here earlier and they took

guy with him and I go, sons of bitches stole my 12 step ball. You know, it pissed me off, you know, and I went, I jumped in the car and I go to the way back in and I said, did you just guy do an intake on some? Yeah, we've got him. So I called central office and I said, how come you called somebody else? And well, we weren't sure that you would go. And I damn it,

that was my experience. I had that experience. I wouldn't have had that experience if I didn't know, if I didn't put myself in an uncomfortable position, I didn't know what was going to happen. That's why we don't want to do it because we're not in control. We're not in charge. We're somewhere where we don't know how to talk or how to be. We don't know the people around us and we don't like that situation. It's uncomfortable. That's when change happens.

He called me one night and he says

God is drunk in Wilmington and he needs us

now. I've taken a lot of acid. No one has ever

said anything that weird to me.

And he comes over, picks me up, he's giggling like a schoolgirl because this is, I'm scared to death, right? Yeah, I'm the new guy. And we go down there and we picked up Jesus and took him to the alarm.

He was drunk.

My friend Patrick Kealahan died. Jay was with him when he died, sat with him and

my friend had an 8 year old son that died from leukemia.

I walked in that hospital room when he was dying and I it freaked me out. He was the same age as my young kids.

Freaked me out and I called Jay and I said I can't go back in there and Jay didn't even know this guy. He was a friend of mine in a A Jay didn't know him. I said I can't go back in there and Jay said I'll go with you.

So the next night we went down and walked in there together. You know,

I was still freaked out, but I had support, you know, there were and there were a, a people that were in the lobby that could not walk in that room. It was just too awful. And we went there together every other day for six months for a long time so that the dad could yell at us and he wouldn't yell at the doctors, you know. And so when my dad came to me

and said I've got cancer

and I'm not going to do the chemotherapy,

I was ready.

I was ready.

I wasn't freaked out. I wasn't frightened.

I didn't want to lose my father, but I knew what the face of death looked like. I knew what fear felt like. I knew that it wouldn't kill me. Whatever happened wouldn't kill me. I'm not drinking, I'm not medicated, and I don't need medication. You know, I've grown up now. I've grown up. This is my job. I had a guy not long after that, he calls me up and he goes. My father's dying. I don't think I'm going to make it through this.

And I said, wait a minute, Isn't it your dad that's dying?

And I, there was this quiet silence on the phony one. Oh, shit. You know, because we make it about ourselves, don't we? This is hard on me. No, it's not. It's hard on my dad. You know, I was there to comfort and love and care for him, the man that raised me,

and he passed away. My mother came and lived with us and then I nursed my mother when she got cancer at 85 years old. She died in the living room of my house.

Would come walking up the walk and I go oh, mom, here comes Jay and she goes shit, we're gonna have to pray again,

you know,

come in and Jay would pray over. We'd all pray, you know, you know, and she was an Al Anon. The Al Anons are great because they show up, they bring food, you know, and they're willing to clean, do laundry, anything. You can get those women to do anything, you know. And

but I took care of my mom and I changed her diapers, you know, and she thought she'd lost her dignity. And you know what she said to me? She said, I never raised you to do this. And I thought about that. And I said, oh, yes, you did, because I grew up in that a, a house. And I told her, I said, I know what you were doing now. You were saving those people's lives.

Yes, you raised me to do this.

I grew up in AAI. Grew up.

I'm not a wimp anymore. I'm not a frightened little boy. I don't have to cover up my fear with anger anymore. You know? Life is real. I can take responsibility for my life. I've grown up completely. Not entirely, but it's a lot better than it was. You know,

I'll tell you something just in closing here,

I don't know that I'm going to have an experience over here that's going to affect something that happens to me clear over here 10 years later. I can't figure that out.

I don't know which ones I should have and shouldn't have.

I think I want to make decisions about what I will and won't do. This has shown me I don't have a clue. I just need to go with the flow. So I try really diligently to live by two rules. Always answer the phone. Get rid of caller ID. Have faith in whoever's calling you is supposed to be in your life or they wouldn't be calling. That's how people and how God gets a hold of us

#2 whatever they ask you to do,

do it. Don't question it. Sometimes you end up in New Orleans eating gumbo. It's cool, you know? Sometimes you end up in Hawaii leading a retreat, really cool, you know? And then sometimes you end up in Lompoc or something Lloyd Minster in the winter, you know, or some Fargo, ND is a real hot spot, you know,

but you know, people, how do you get to do lead retreats in, in in Hawaii? You got to go to Fargo

10 times. Yeah, 10.

So that's all I have. Thank you.

The holiest place in the world that I've experienced so far

is being in the room when somebody appears to be born.

The second most holy place that I've been is being in a room where someone appears to die,

although I don't believe in that anymore,

when they pass beyond our site and hearing.

But the third holiest place there is is at the kitchen table,

turning pages.

When you sit there and you see someone that was hopeless,

go

I can do this,

or Oh my God, this is me, or

you can't believe what happened.

We have the ability to do something that no one else can do,

which has raised the dead.

And every person in here, there is one life that you are designed to save.

Stole that from his father.

You're designed to save because I'll just piss them off.

And you have a particular experience in this life that is valuable beyond measure.

How do I know that?

Because I've been doing this for 36 years

and there's nothing special about me. The only thing that's special about my recovery,

I said I've never gone on hiatus. I've always had a sponsor and I've always sponsored

and that when I go to the room

I am never. I always tell the people that I sponsor. Don't you ever

think that you're going to talk to me at the meeting?

Because when I go to the meeting, the first thing I do is I scan the room for somebody I don't know,

scan the parking lot for somebody I don't know.

And I walk up to him and I say hi.

And Jay, I haven't had the privilege of meeting you here before.

I come here regularly.

Do you have a seat?

When I got sober in 1979, in the first six months, I heard all the great speakers.

I heard all the classic Rock XA speakers, OK, and and I can't tell you a word they said, maybe a couple words, but I remember everybody that was kind to me the first few weeks.

It's the kindness.

If you want to sponsor people, all you have to do is be kind,

look them in the eye.

So what are the fruits of sponsorship? I've been, I've been literally at it for almost 36 years. I mean, 31 years tomorrow, just with one guy. It's the longest. This is the longest relationship either of us have ever had