Steps 10 and 11 at the Fellowship of the Spirit convention in Queens, NY

Applause. Thank you

to work us through the remaining steps 1011 and 12. Thank you.

Thank you, Sam, and good morning, everybody. My name is Mickey. I'm an alcoholic.

Wake up alcoholic, I go to sleep. Alcoholic. It's an all day sucker, you know what I mean.

And I'd like to offer a little prayer if I may. On our final morning here together, I got this down the road somewhere, somebody handed me in the rooms this little prayer. Good morning God, you're up sharing in another day, untouched and freshly new. So here we come and ask you, God, if you'll renew us too.

Forgive the many errors that we made yesterday and help us once again, dear Lord, to walk closer in your way.

But Father, we are well aware we can't make it on our own, so take our hands and hold them tight, for we can't walk alone.

Isn't that a great prayer?

So

it has been a fantastic weekend

and I have enjoyed being with Peter M and doing this, this the second time we've done something in the steps together and I feel like he's my brother.

We we both believe this, we're invested in it. We mean it and and so do you. And we are the Hale and hearty ones that showed up on Sunday morning, right? That's a good thing.

So we're going to go into Step 10.

Step 10 in many cases, in my experience, and I hate to start off on any less than positive note,

if you want to have one of the shortest discussion meetings in Alcoholics Anonymous,

have a meeting on Step 10

and, and we'll discuss some of the reasons for that.

But the power of it. Here's here's an ironclad guarantee that I will give you

If you begin to practice the 10th step on a daily basis and you continue to do it, it will revolutionize your life. Guaranteed. Guaranteed

or we'll refund your misery.

So let's see.

Umm,

OK, where in the world is it here?

8484?

Thank you.

After the 9th step promises, which

just for our encouragement and if you're listening to these discs, the 9th step promises are if we are painstaking at the bottom of 83, if we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are halfway through. We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace

no matter how far down the scale we have gone. We will see how our experience can benefit others.

Excuse me. That feeling of uselessness and self pity will disappear. We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows. Self seeking will slip away. Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change. Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us. We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us.

We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.

Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are being fulfilled among us, sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize, always materialize if we work for them. So the water heater busted down in our basement and I had finished up my 9th step amends and I'm down there staring at yet another incomprehensible tool in the home.

And I reached over and did something I don't remember. I tightened something or I did something in the water heater worked. And I've thought, man, there it is.

We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us. I count on that. Are you kidding me? I'm useless.

This thought brings us to Step 10,

which suggests we continue to take personal inventory and continue to set right any new mistakes as we go along. Now, the reason the 10 step meeting gets so strange is because when you say we're going to have a meeting on Step 10, people will immediately start talking about the 11th step inventory review at the end of the day, OK, That's not just FYI, what we're going to talk about.

We're going to talk about the 10th step, which occurs during the day.

All right, here's the Tai Chi of the 10th step.

And PS it starts with. It should continue for our lifetime.

How long are we going to do it for our lifetime?

One continue to watch for selfishness, dishonesty, resentment and fear. Watch for is different than I will respond to it when it hits me between the eyes like a 2 by 4, right?

We're watching for it. We're being alert. We're looking for the things that are going to take us down if we're not careful.

We're watching for these things.

Two, when these crop up, Nadia, it doesn't say that, but I'm saying that when these crop up, we ask God at once to remove them. And the reason I said when and not if the book says when, is because we shouldn't get discouraged. If now we're getting resentful, we've worked very hard, or we get fearful, or we tell a lie, you know what I'm saying? Or we find ourselves being selfish. Guess what? It comes with the package. This is a real disease,

and it's made-up of these four things.

When these crop up, we ask God at once to remove them. When do we ask at once?

We have got a formula here for keeping us clean.

We discussed them with someone immediately. What?

That's why the 10th step is not popular,

right? We're ready to pray, we're ready to think, we're ready to do all that stuff. But what are we not ready to do is discuss it with someone else. Now, immediately, if, I mean, if you're working a lather, you're on a production line or whatever, I mean, or you know, you're at your job, of course, immediately is an elastic term. You're going to do it. We're going to do it as soon as we can. However,

we can turn to a coworker and say, you know what? I am so mad at that boss. I resent that guy and blah blah blah. You get it off your chest and you say, but you know what my fault is? I'm not put in charge here. Turns out I'm not the supervisor,

right?

OK,

we discussed them with someone immediately

and make amends quickly if we've harmed anyone. I'm sorry I did this to you. I'm sorry I made a mistake. Or then we and then finally we resolutely turn our thoughts to someone we can help. It doesn't say we go help someone.

They're telling us to stop thinking about ourselves. We resolutely turn our thoughts, you know, to someone I can help think a kindly thought about somebody else.

Love and tolerance of others is our code.

Hokey smokes. That's it. That's the ten step. Major practice in the 10th step. That means because we're coming out of nine, we've gone through 4th. You know, 9 steps

and we've been very busy and now we hit this vacuum and we say, God, what am I going to do? Well, we can take inventory all day long. How about that?

Seriously.

OK, Peter, would you like to comment,

Peter? Recovered. Alcoholic Peter

going through the 1st 9 proposals I get to experience. My experience has been a deflation to some degree of the ego,

the breaking down of the false self, and my ideas and conceptions and perceptions about what my life supposed to look like. I've gotten to see how I've been playing God or trying to play God in every area of my life. I look back at Step 4 inventory, and I saw how my first three columns were basically a lie because they're based on my illusion and delusion about how

I'm supposed to be, how you're supposed to behave. My first truth is really in column four, and I discuss it with someone in five, and I'm starting to touch the lies. My, my, my mind tells me the thought life,

what that looks like in fact, is my, my insides match my outsides. It's my thought life manifested out there. And what's that looking like? And I discuss it with someone in five and I take a look at defects, ready to hopefully to surrender them. And I'm going out making amends. And as I'm making amends, I notice the defects the character start to die as well.

Am I cure to them? No, because they won't manufactured in the mine. And it says we enter the world at a spirit in step ten. Well, what do I do? Enter the world of the spirit. That doesn't mean I have carte blanche and free room and board now. But it's about growing and understanding and effectiveness to get the ego further grinded into dust to kill more self. And there's great words that step 10 isn't about hanging around. This word maintenance has gotten just destroyed as if I just stay in one place. It's about caring for the soul, getting soul food

and writing inventory. I do tense a lot of my inventory. I do a lot of inventory.

If I'm walking around, it's 9:00 in the morning. I have something that's really bothering me after prayer, my books as we go to God and discuss with someone immediately. I have some immediately folks. In fact, Mick was telling me a couple of weeks ago, call me. You don't have to call me just on the days that was scheduled to call, call me. I'm your sponsor and I have a couple of folks at work that have immediately with. So something at 9:00 in the morning is irritating me and I'm in the treatment center business and things are irritating me all the time,

right? What do I do? I turn

after prayer and I'll speak to one of the elders in a a down. There's a gentleman down I speak to regularly and he has more experience in that business. He sobered as long as Mickey is he's he's in the book so I can discuss it and we're at least we're on the same page. And if something's still with me, I'll put pen to paper and write inventory. There's great words in step 10. Commence at once a book. I should say commence at once vigorously. Book users were like next now constantly telling me to move.

So the words I I've been working with forever in step 10 are 4 words Turn, watch, aware and observe. Turn, watch, aware and observe.

Turn in in order to go out. If I don't turn in, I'll go without. Watch away and observer. I'm mindful of my speech. Am I mindful of my action, my mindful of my present and my awake? Am I getting wrapped up in other things and other people's drama? Am I stepping into people's tornadoes? I can't be of service to you once I step into your drama. Now I'm part of your drama. Can I meet resistance with no resistance? Am I taking your inventory during a day, trying to take the spec out of your eye while I got a beam in mind? How am I, that makes

sense, meet resistance with no resistance. One of the, and I'm not always good at this, but one of the phrases that have resonated the lines that have resonated with me. It's not from this book. And it goes like this. Forgive them for they know not what they do. They're going to people who are going to take shots at you, take shots at me just because of where they are. It's not even personal. It's just how they operate. And what I will do is get bent out of shape and then that person owns me for the rest of the day.

The external world owns me because I'm playing God and you ought to behave this way.

I've sat on that side of the room while people were discussing the big book and gotten resentful and fearful and angry and wanted to get up and walk out because they would beat me up with a big book.

Well, what do I do with that? That's their own drama. I don't need to take any of that stuff personally. It's a great book I work with called The Four Agreements. One of the things they talk about is not to take anything personally. How can I take something personally? I'm first, not even that important. I'm a spoken a very big wheel. The world doesn't revolve around Peter Marinelli.

I so agree with Mickey. If you don't want to get called on or you don't want to be invited back to a meeting, or you want to see the meeting clear out, say tonight's topic is step 10. What it's like experientially entering the world of the Spirit,

What it's like being recovered or placed in a position of neutrality, safe from protected.

It says we cease fighting anything or anyone. Then as a dash and almost an afterthought, oh by the way, even alcohol now when I first came in here was get the booze off my back.

Well, the booze has been removed. So it's almost an afterthought. And the big thing is my walking around problem, my interaction with people

mean you could walk into a room like this, scan the room and not like 40 people. You'd even have coffee yet,

right? Because I know what you guys are thinking. So who's judgmental? So I, and if I start to retaliate now, I'm guilty of what I just accused you of in my own head. But when I see you, I'm a fraud because I good morning. How are you? And I really don't like you. And this is how we tend to operate, how we walk around on earth until we walk into an A a meeting and we pretend to be Moses

on the way in here. I cut people off. I cursed people. I flipped in the bird. I'm arguing with my wife. I hate my boss. I hate, I hate my life. And I walk and tell you how you doing? I'm wonderful this morning. How are you? And we have that low, serene voice. I'm wonderful. How are you? And I'm quick to give advice to people because I'm not using. So take mine. I mean,

I do I walk with the spirit of love and tolerance or those just words because they sound good from a podium.

What's my being this like? Have I been transformed? Have I experienced the spiritual revolution? Because this is it. We went to the world as a spirit. We don't wait to step 12 to have a spiritual wakem. If you do, great. But a book tells us we went to the world of the spirit in 10. As I clean up the wreckage of my past, I'm in. What am I doing to feed the soul, to get my soul food?

There's some ten step promises that says we cease fighting anything or anyone, even alcohol. First, first thing I need to take a look at when I'm alone. Who am I wrestling with? How much fear is on me? Am I still on page 52? If I've been thorough in the work, I shouldn't have any of that stuff. I mean, fear is going to show up. Once in a while, I'm going to get angry once in a while I'm going to get sad. I'm going to feel threatened. But can I meet that with God?

Am I clear on whom my Creator is and who I walk with? And

and my clear as sick as you are, you have God too. Can I cut through? Can I can't? Can I transcend all of that, which is when we wear in the world like galuce garment? Because if I can't do that, then I'm shooting the wounded in AA and out out there. And now I'm a hypocrite.

I'm not carrying this message. It's easy to, quite frankly, it's easy to do this. We have people showing up who want to hear about the book. Whether there's five or 500 people are curious. They want to hear about the book. Can I do this to a don't you and go to meetings group? Can I do this to the sick and suffering drunk who's just pissed off at everything and trying to share this message? Welcome to the NFL,

it says, for by this time, sanity will have returned. Back in step two, we were looking to be restored to sanity, wholeness of mind, truth, God.

Step 10, They deliver the goods, they deliver the contract. If I've been thorough, senators return, which means a I'm not. I'm not in a state of obsession. In fact, I'm not even thinking about a drink unless when it's useful to tell someone my story or 12 Step one, I don't walk around with triggers and issues and all this kind of drama. We've been set free. We've gotten our spiritual wings. Go fly. Go bring this into our homes, occupations and affairs. Huh.

A a this is the training ground. We can screw up in here. We got people to rally around us and pick us up. It's when we're out there do I take my spiritual wings and take them into the home, the alcoholic home, the 12 step call to work in all my affairs,

it says I'll be seldom interested in liquor. Well, I've heard so many times in some of our meetings it's normal to think about a drink because you're an alcoholic. My book says in step five we feel like the drink problems disappeared and tells me I'll seldom be interested in liquor. This tremendous amount of growth. So why are we told at so many meetings it's normal to think about a drink if you're an alcoholic, you better believe it. If I'm untreated, that's all I'm thinking about.

Why would God? Why would this loving God give me a loaded gun, blindfold me and say go play.

It's as if tempted. If tempted, I recoil from it as from a hot flame. I react sanely. Anomaly, which is really important because I'm going to be doing 12 step calls and I'm going to be throwing the stuff down the pipe that the waste, the drain pipe. I'm going to be cleaning up the powder, throwing the syringes away. And not for a moment do I can do I sit there and go, oh man, I remember that stuff and diving in head first. Then you got 212 step calls to make.

The liquor is here, I'm here. Let's get on with today.

And because of that, we can go to social events where liquor is served. If I want to. If I don't want to, I don't go. But you're drinking. I'm not. So be it

more tense their promises. It says we find that this has happened automatically. Watch this. We will see how our new attitude toward lick has been given us without any thought or effort on our part. Which means I don't have to think the drink through plated tape to them. Remember I come from keep it green. Any of that stuff which is really, really dangerous because I have a sick mind trying to overcome a sick mind who's remembering the pain of yesterday.

My mind, what does my mind want to do? Want to drink? Who's going to keep agreeing? My mind. Who's going to play the tape through my mind? My tape gets to you know what, Jack Sanders really wasn't that bad. I drank in the wrong bars and then I'm drinking.

It'll cosign my nonsense,

it says, without any thought or effort on our part. It just comes. This is the miracle of it. I'm not fighting it. Neither am I avoiding temptation. I feel as though I've been placed in a position of neutrality, safe and protected. I haven't even swung the stuff off. Instead, the problem has been removed. It does not exist for me. This is the place of getting recovered from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body, which we talked about way back in the first step in the beginning of the book. First promise of the book

recovered

feathers at some contemporary AA meetings. I shared one time that I said innocently I saw Peter and recovered alcoholic and it went around the room and it got to this woman and she went up one side down the other army. I never want to get recovered. That means I can't come back to a a

I didn't say that.

I'm gonna have to go and write inventory on it, but that's a whole nother thing.

It says I'm not cocky or afraid. This is how this is my experience. This is how we react so long as we keep and fit. Spiritual condition. What am I doing to keep fit? I see a lot of newbies down in South Florida. They get 20 minutes over, they run to the gym

and then the gym is not enough. They got to get on steroids and then they have to go to the beach and then they got to get these weird hairdos and then they got to get tattoos and hoops and their ears and their nose and their lips and all. And they're trying to, they're, they're trying to look a certain way. They're taking care of all the exterior and then they pick up again because they keep fit in the gym and they look good, but they're not keeping spiritually fit. What am I doing to get my soul food?

My old sponsor had called me up. He would call me up at like 5:00 or 6:00 in the morning and he was all revved up and he used to call me money. He say money was shaken. I was 5:00 in the morning. I don't know yet,

but I realized he would get up at 4:00 and I I put the piece of the puzzle together. He probably finished meditation, was ready to rock'n'roll so I got used to it. Like when I speak to Mick. You have a no PED and pen

because I want to learn from my teacher. So I start taking notes and I learned that to do that with Mark and he asked me a question. It's early in the morning. What are you doing about the dash?

I don't know what that means,

so I don't know what that means. He says what are you doing about the dash? And he would push you like this. He push and push and push and I don't know what the dash means. He says you go to a cemetery, there's a headstone

and on the headstones a date that God brought you here and there's a date that God takes you home. In the middle is a 2 inch desk. That's your life. What are you doing about the Dash?

We talked about how many hours we spend in resentments and fears and playing old things back in fear of the future and a lot of Oh my gods, throughout the day and never, ever present. And then we're out like a vapor boom in and out,

and we're going to big book meetings and we'll go into meetings that we have sponsors and we're just caught up into all the drama and we never sit still and just watch the ocean. God showing off, watch the ocean come in and out and be present. How's my beingness? How mindful am I if I'm not working with the strict spiritual disciplines of 10 and 11? They all set a spiritual laws in 10 and 11. I can't be present because I'm still being pushed by the past. I don't have any inventories I've written.

What am I doing to know my creator and what has evolved for me? It's about a year now is returning home to my religion

which has blown open a few doors for me. And I sit there and I say, why did I wait so long for?

I was so in the dark. Come out into the light, come into the light, come out. I needed, I pushed. I need to be grabbed by the neck and pulled out. And once I stepped into this I shared the other day, I began weeping week after week after week. And part of me is saying, why did you wait so long for? I guess maybe the ground wasn't fertile. I don't know. But I am there now.

Now I don't know where God is going to take me next, but I have a hunger for this. I've always had a hunger for this and my recovery and I just been given that through desperation. But to open up a new door,

I want to walk that walk.

And so I work with step 10 and people say I'm fanatical about this and I'm, you know, I get a lot of ugly names throughout people with the books. I really don't care. I most nights I sleep at night. I don't hurt anyone doing a day.

My immense list is, is is is really not much to talk about compared to when I first came in. It says it's easy to let up on my spiritual program of action and rest on my laurels, my accomplishments of yesterday while I went through the steps so I can coast. I have a sponsor who's popular so I don't have to do anything. I get, I get affirmation from others because my sponsors Joe Blow, the big speaker and nonsense

and I, I think I shared Friday about going backwards through the steps. This is one of the steps that go by the board.

I'm in collision with people all day long. I'm in collision with me. I'm driving in my car. I'm listening to the voices of 1000 people. How many people drove here this morning alone in the car? How many people are alone in that car this morning? OK, you're all lying to me,

all right? Because I want you to, just for a moment, think about the ride from your house, even if it was around the block to this place while you're in a car alone. How many people were you talking to?

45

Arguing. We argue with people. Then you get the blast from the past. Kid from the 3rd grade. You go into a spiritual workshop and you're arguing with somebody and you get all the stuff and you get out of the car. Hey, Joe, how you doing? I'm tired.

You ever see people,

I guess you could say less fortunate, sick and suffering, who may be walking the streets and talking out loud? They're talking to themselves.

I I got off at the airport and there was this poor woman I thought she was talking to. She was arguing with someone on the phone. She had no phone. She was just arguing.

They're talking to voices, they're talking to people. And we go, Oh my God, look at oh, stay away from these sick and suffering. We do the same thing all day long and we go to a A

on you in your car on your way over here. You're arguing, talking. You had a romance going on in here at some point during the weekend. We know that, right?

Nice touch.

Well, a couple. So this is what we do.

How long am I going to feed those voices? And through that,

when do I listen to God?

I don't have time for God when I'm getting up in the morning. Even if I'm late for work. Do I spend time with my Creator for giving me another breath? In fact, the breath you're taking right now, I'm convinced it's my God breathing through me,

maybe even closer than that breath. But we get caught up in all the other stuff because I got to look good for the world out there, and here I come, look out. Wow,

it's easy to let let up on a spiritual program of action and rest on my accomplishments of yesterday. It warns him I'm headed for trouble if I do, for alcohol is a subtle foe. I didn't go to college. I didn't know what's subtle. Lympho meant I had to look it up. Subtle, a slight, clever, devious and difficult to detect.

And a foe is a personal enemy.

My illness will come in the form of someone who I think is my friend who's not healthy for me. My illness will lay in the bushes like a sniper and just wait and wait and wait. Pete, don't write inventory. You don't have to call your sponsor. You don't need to pray today. You're busy. Don't worry. You don't need Home group. Forget that you're good, your goal. Look at you and then bang. And I didn't see it coming. This is an illness that doesn't say, hey, tomorrow morning coming to the house going to wreck your life. So call your sponsor.

It just doesn't do that. It just shows up suddenly shows up we're in trouble and then with the mind wants to do and you can really detect the illness easy.

What do my actions say? Forget what I feel inside, forget what my intentions are. What are my actions say? I claim to be spiritual, but I have no fidelity in my relationship. I'm a womanizer. I claim to be spiritual, but I'm cheating on my taxes. I claim to be spiritual. I haven't put a good day's work and since I've begun. I claim to be spiritual and I don't help anyone. I claim to be spiritual. I am in the a a mean I go home and I'm a train wreck around my wife and kids. How's that looking?

What do my actions say?

Do I have sympathy and empathy for the sick and suffering? Do I judge them and critique them? Do I shoot the wounded?

Something I read is about being slow to speak

and quick to hear

usually was speaking right. We got a judgment bang. I'm talking. How about listening? Listen to someones heart when it's hurting and the soul when it's broken and they're twisted up. Mary and I were talking about someone we've been trying to help for the longest time. This woman, she's twisted up, she's upside down with some psych problems. It is easy. It is easy to say the hell with her, get her out of here,

don't even talk to her. Now we have to kind of like draw a line. We have to kind of raise the bottom, if you will,

and we both came clear on how sick and how wounded is this woman. Who are we to judge?

Because when I came into Alcoholics Anonymous, the elders were there for me. I didn't smell so good. I didn't look so good. And my thinking was upside down. And you know what they said? Keep coming back. Most people says don't come back here anymore. My dad told me don't come back here anymore. People in a a said keep coming back. Do you have food money? And in a condition I was when I was living in Minnesota, they took me to a diner. I must have been an embarrassment.

They didn't care.

That's walking the walk. I got to be clear so I can hear him

and so experienced so much oneness with this God in a place of humility. I'm OK with shouting his name from the rooftops at any a a meeting and not apologizing for my big book nor apologizing for that power which gave me the book and gave me a breath and gives me sobriety brings us together this morning. Do we lose sight of that because on a Sunday morning, Can we take a little bet away? Most of us are on a Sunday morning

waking up in places and next to people that we don't know how we got there, or in jail, still on a drunk coming out of an after hours. I did it again,

so in a bottle against a brick wall. I did it all the time. I'm done what I do that for. Hustle up money, keep drinking

in the same clothes for a week, two weeks, 3 weeks and hadn't eaten and I don't know how long. And Sunday morning I'm talking about God in this book with my sponsor and a bunch of friends. That's a pretty neat deal.

So what am I doing to grow an understanding and effectiveness? It says I have a daily reprieve based on my what? I read this as Evidel Dupree based on my care of the soul.

I read a book a long time ago titled Care of the Soul.

It is the most important organ of my life.

It's not really in August, the Spirit, this place in here because God is going to determine how long I'm going to be on this earth I got all I want to do is take care of myself. He's going to call me home. What am I doing about the soul? It's my responsibility. Every day is a day must carry the vision of God's willing to all my activities. How can I best serve him? His will, not mine be done. Then it tells me these are thoughts that must go with me constantly throughout my day as I'm navigating through the day. My GPS, God gives me power, gives me sobriety.

It's my GPS for today.

So I write inventory. I shared, I discuss it with someone, and I turn, turn, turn and my flawless. Absolutely not. Do I make mistakes? Absolutely. Do I put erases on pencils? I make mistakes. I clean it up.

There's a difference how I'm approaching life the past couple of years. I know I'll probably make mistakes

and I don't feel like it's the end of the world either.

When the ego's in the way. It's like, Oh my God, I made a mistake. I'm Joe spiritual, how could I clean this up? Because in the step 11 he says don't drift, drift into worry. More so morbid reflection because it's going to diminish my usefulness to others. I need to get back on the horse and keep riding. That's why we have sponsors and support groups and meetings. Hey, made a mistake. I need to clean this up. I need your direction here 'cause God's already forgiven me.

There's something to sit with. Am I clear that God has forgiven me

and one of the best gifts I can give to Him is my my faults and my sins and my sideways and my brokenness so He can fix me.

I was sitting with Mickey this discussing inventory and

you know you hear things like 100 times in a one day you hear it and it was this that God is pursuing you. He said to me, God is pursuing you, begging to have a relationship with you. Don't only pray to God, but pray with him.

And those simple words blew open another door. My prayer life changed that night because it was Wednesday when I went to pray at night, I looked at it completely different. I'm not alone praying. I'm praying to my Creator who's waiting for me, been pursuing me.

So a few times my back is God against the wall. When I was going to Switzerland, my back, I felt it against the wall. I had some skepticism and doubt, and then God sent an Angel at the airport.

There's always a way out with God

and some of those things that I go through that I'm uncomfortable. I've come to a place now and my my intent is pure. I'm trying to be of service to others. There's no ulterior motives because an alcoholic where the motor should be considered armed and dangerous. So there's no motives, right? And it's a little uncomfortable right now. Who's sending me in? Who's pulling me out? Maybe more pruning going on

and that's how I just look at it. So

thanks, Peter.

So I guess I'm a practical person or I try to be or that's the way I respond to things. It's like, what can I do about this? What can I do with this?

Peter read. Every day is a day when we must carry the vision of God's will into all of our activities.

How can I best serve thee? This is in quotes. How can I best serve thee? Thy will not mind be done. End Quote.

These are thoughts which must go with us constantly.

So if we look in Scripture, there is an admonition, pray without ceasing. So in the Jewish faith, you'll see phylacteries

if you've ever seen like it's a leather box on the forehead and there are straps that tie the leather box. That leather box has little pieces of paper with part of the psalms on them or whatever. They can tie them on their wrist. The Catholic Church has the liturgy of the hours. It's there's morning prayer, mid morning prayer, you know, daytime prayer, evening prayer and night prayer. Pray without ceasing. Pray without ceasing.

The way I picture it is the globe

earth and we're sending up a song to God. How global is that song? Or where lighting a light for God? Are we going to light it together? Okay,

how can I best serve thee? Thy will not by and be done. Here's a practical suggestion. If you wear a watch, consider wearing a digital watch.

You know, it may not be the most high fashion watch, but if it'll ring the half hour or the hour, set it to do that. And every time that bell rings, you say, God, how can I best serve thee? Thy will not mine be done. I sponsored a man in a A for 22 years. And right in the middle of the meeting, that watch will go off. He could not care less. He turns it off, but he's trying to observe what he's been given as an instruction. So Ioffer that to you as a thought.

How can I best serve thee? Thy will not mine be done.

We are God's children,

you know, My higher power says unless you become like a little child, you will not enter the Kingdom of heaven. But little child, wait a minute man, I've been spending my whole life trying to be muy macho.

I was really a miserable failure at that. But anyway. But you know what I'm saying? Because when I am mui macho, I'm in muay trouble.

Mucho trouble. Thank you. Let's get our Spanish right around here. Come on.

So what I'm trying to do is I'm trying to cooperate with the fact that humility is the antidote for alcoholism. There's a T-shirt.

Humility is the antidote for alcoholism. So if I can become like a little child when I get in trouble, I run to God like he's wearing robes, and I grab him around the knees or I go and hide behind him. I am not kidding because I found out what happens when I don't run

and I can't take the heat. I cannot carry the load.

And then here's another T-shirt and PSI do think in T-shirts and I also think in T-shirts in the middle of your 5th step. All men must, all women are. And I'm seeing T-shirt after T-shirt,

and pretty soon I'll start to laugh, which is a weird moment in your 5th step. Then I'm working with this guy in LA and he's trying to read his inventory and he can't get past the T-shirts. So now we're keeping writing them down. We're saying we're going to start a company.

If you could wear any of these T-shirts, you would raise eyebrows. It would be great. But anyway,

so I'm trying to be that little child and I'm trying to run to him, which is PS what the 10th step is about. This stuff's now happening in my head. Have you noticed how productive our heads are?

It's always coming up with this stuff.

All right, so they give us something to do all day long.

So how can I best serve thee? Thy will not mine be done. End Quote. Then it says these are thoughts which must go with us constantly. Check this out. We can exercise our willpower along this line all we wish. It is the proper use of the will. What does that mean? Well, I can tell you what I've done with it. I made a prayer out of it. I will your will. I will your will.

I will your will.

So the difficulty with all spirituality, I think, at least in this carbon unit,

is that to my alcoholic ego, God is the enemy,

right? Why? Because he's going to screw this thing up, right? I can't turn my will in my life over to him. He's going to screw it up.

We don't say that out loud, but why would we resist him?

Because inside me is a false self that is fighting for survival. It wants to dominate me. It wants to run Mickey Musset,

so

Dostoyevsky said. There's a war between good and evil, and the battleground is the human heart.

So it's not like, oh, I'm stupid. We'll say I'm stupid. I didn't do that, right? Whatever. We're stupid, we're alcoholic, and we are in the middle of a war zone. We are in the middle of a war zone. And if you doubt it, check out the the transitional nature of the population of your Home group.

In and out, baby, in and out, in and out. What's happening? We're given in, we're given in. We're not invoking the power, power. So as you know, I'm a boot maker. I have machines, I have two sewing machines that are probably about 5 1/2 feet tall. And those machines, so the soles onto the boots, those machines are old. I have one machine that's probably from 1920, and I have another machine that's probably from the 1950s,