Step 11 at a Big Book Workshop at the Fellowship of the Spirit conference in Queens, NY

Any questions?

All right, sounds great.

All right. I'd like to welcome everybody again.

We have 4 wonderful speakers for the weekend,

but tonight sharing their experience, strength and hope. We have Tom and Juanita from New Mexico.

My name is Tom. I'm an alcoholic.

I'm grateful to be here. I'm sober by the grace of God only, and I'm grateful to be in that shape and be alive. And we were really grateful to have been asked to to come to this deal.

Juanita will introduce herself. We'll start with a prayer and then we'll get rolling.

Hi, everybody. No, that's not on either.

Hi. Hi, everybody. My name is Juanita

and

umm, I have been affected

by someone's drinking. I'm a family member who's been affected by someone's drinking and I'm a member of Al Anon and I really think there's a difference in just being affected by someone's drinking and being a member of Al Anon. So that's a little bit of a difference between 2 fellowships. He can tell you he's an alcoholic and that tells you a lot. But I've heard a lot of people say I'm with someone and they're in Al Anon but they've never darkened the door of an Al Anon meeting ever. So there's a little bit of

there. Anyway, we're glad to be here. And if I started with a prayer, yeah, I'm going to open this with a serenity prayer. And then I'm going to say a little prayer that we were, we were taught, we like to say, for these deals.

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference. And God, I want to ask that you bless this weekend for all of us, and that especially that you allow us to set aside everything that we think we know about ourselves and about you, about the Big Book and about the 12 steps

so that we can have open hearts and open minds and open minds and have a new experience with all of these things.

Thy will be done. Amen.

Yeah, God,

you start.

We thought that we would start by having you guys introduce yourselves and

we came up with a with a rule. Sal didn't have very many, so we thought, oh, let's throw one in there for him. And so we want your name because this is a pretty large group. And if we, we usually ask your name, where you're from, if you're AAR al Anon and what you what you expect to get out of this weekend. But because we have so many people, if we did all that,

we'll be here all weekend. So

how about your name, where you from and what fellowship you're in and we'll start. And if you want to give a sobriety date, or we call it an Al Anon, a serenity date, sometimes you can do that as well.

Chat with Bill.

OK. Thanks, Bill. Let's get that mic.

Bill's got it.

What we're trying to do is form a group here,

and one of the ways we're going to do that is by letting people know who we are.

And you are not Jimi Hendrix,

right? Brian Kate Long Beach, NY Primary Purpose Group Lynbrook, NY Sobriety date July 28th 99

Ed Mutum alcoholic Davenport, IA Friday date January 5th, 1971 I had

my name is Neil and I'm an alcoholic. My sobriety dates January 29th 1989 I'm from Roanoke, VA

Hi I'm Robin, I'm an alcoholic from Roanoke, VA. March 2nd, 94

Hi, my name is Andrea. I'm an alcoholic, sober three years, nine months today. I'm from Brooklyn, NY,

it sounds like it doesn't.

Miriam Alcoholic, Long Beach, NY Sobriety date October 1988.

Excuse me just a second. If you're not in a fellowship and you're just visiting or you're here to support somebody, you can say that too. We're glad you're here,

Derek. Alcoholic. I'm a member of the Baldwin Group. Sobriety dates October 999

Rene T from the Spruce group in Queens, member of Al Anon Naa. Sobriety date is September 15th, 85. Hello family. I'm an alcoholic and my name is Yvonne and my sobriety date is February 18th, 1988 and my Home group is Young People in Recovery in Brooklyn. All are welcome. All right.

Hi. My name is Vicki and I'm an alcoholic.

My sobriety date is January 22nd 2002 and my Home group is Utah Utopia here in Queens.

Hi, I'm Dariel and I'm an alcoholic and my sobriety date is November 12th 1998.

Home group utopia, didn't I?

Hi, I'm Carol. I'm an alcoholic. My clean date is July 16 of 06. I got 20 days today.

My name is Jed. I'm an alcoholic. I'm from Forest Hill.

I, Damon Governor, alcoholic from open to discussion, big book study in Manhattan, sober since 2000.

I'm Clemente, I'm an alcoholic from Brooklyn and I think I'm Jimi Hendrix.

Hi, I'm Michelle from the Whitestone Group and my sobriety date is 8504.

Hi I'm Maria, alcoholic primary purpose is my group in Lynbrook, NY. My sobriety date is July 5th this year.

Hi, my name is Tara, I'm an alcoholic. My Home group is Early Rises, Long Beach, NY and my sober date is August 24th, 1986.

I'm on my

hi. Hi, my name is Joe. I'm from a store, Astoria Alcoholics in Action, September 29th, 1989.

I'm Gene. I'm an alcoholic. My Home group is Jackson Heights,

Jack and I group of Alcoholics Anonymous. My sober date is April 16th, 2000,

My name is Tom Mahon, group is Valley Stream Olivet. Sobriety date is February 05.

Hi, I'm Patty, I'm an alcoholic and my Home group is Olivet and my sobriety date is May 2004.

Hi, my name is Anita, I'm also from Valley Stream. Olivet Sobriety is March 28, 2004.

Hi, I'm Medina. My sobriety date is April Fool's Day 2001

and my Home group is One Day at a Time in Oceanside.

My name is Ken, I'm an alcoholic and my sobriety date is January 26th 1996 and my Home group is Sobriety First.

My name is Irene and I'm from Al Anon.

My name is Al from the story

Starting Over group. My sobriety date is Halloween 1977.

Hi I'm Iris, I'm an alcoholic from the back to basics group in Dublin, Ireland. Sobersons

sober since July 27th 2000.

Hi, my name is Daniel, I'm an alcoholic. My Home group is Back to Basics in Dublin, Ireland.

All right, my home. My sobriety date is February 27th 2001.

I am Brenda, I'm an alcoholic and my Home group is Rule 62 in Sweet Valley and my sobriety date is September 23rd of 1987. Hi I'm Kimberly, I'm an alcoholic, I'm a member of the Back Mountain group in Dallas, PA and my Friday date is December 8th 2003. Hi my name is Gus I'm an alcoholic. I'm from the Utopia group here in Queens and I have four days clean.

Hi my name is Paul and my Home group is the Back to Basic Grip in Dublin, Ireland. My sobriety did is the 13th of September 2003.

Hi, my name is Helen, I'm from Planterstown, that's in Dublin, Ireland and I'm here to support my partner Paul.

Good evening everyone. My name is Adam. I'm from Sobriety First right here in Queens. My sobriety date is

July 11th 88.

Hey what's up? My name is Danny. I'm an alcoholic and an addict of seven, so 17 days sober.

Actually, it's 18. I'm sorry. It's 1818 today. Yeah,

hi, my name is Ray. I'm an alcoholic. I my Home group is remember Wang group here in Queens and my sober dates October 28th 1981.

Hi, my name is Alex, I'm an alcoholic and this is my second lease over.

My name is Dan ER from Serenity by the Sea in Long Beach. Sober date November 27th 1987.

Hi I'm Mary, I'm an alcoholic from Queens, NY. My sober date is March 5th, 2006.

I am Dermot. I'm an alcoholic.

My group is there is a way out. My sober date is July, July January 19th of this year.

Hi, my name is

a microphone.

Hi, my name is Rhonda and I'm an alcoholic addict. Home group is Patchogue Long Island The Big Book. 52 days clean and sober today.

I'm Brian. I'm an alcoholic from sobriety first in Port Jeff. My sobriety date is April 1st 2001.

Hi, I'm Jamie, I'm an alcoholic, sober date April 25th 2005 and I'm from Mount Sinai.

Hi, my name is Mark, I'm an alcoholic.

Hi everyone, my name is Janet. I am from the group in Port Jeff Into Action and my sober date is June 12th 2001.

Hi, I'm an alcoholic and my name is Annette. My sober date is September 26th 2003. I'm from Port Jeff now. I used to be from Astoria, now I'm from Port Jeff into action.

Thanks.

Hi, I'm Steve and I'm an alcoholic. My sobriety data is October 6, 2005 and a member of the Sable W group in Long Island.

Hi, my name is Joanne. I'm from Plainview, NY and I'm visiting today to support my husband John.

Welcome, welcome.

My name is John, I'm from Plainview and my sober date is April 26, 2000.

Hi, my name sorry, my name is Adelaide. I'm an alcoholic. I'm from a little group in the north of France and my sobriety date is May 9th 2005. Welcome.

Hi, my name is Rob.

My Home group is the winner's Circle and Elmont at the racetrack and my clean date is

I cleaned 8 June 9th of this year.

Hi, I'm Christine, I'm an alcoholic. My Home group is also the winner's circle in Alma and my sober date is November 19th of 2005.

SP Utopia. So over date December 5th 1934. Now I'm kidding.

Sal P May 24th, 1998. God bless

everybody. My name is Denise, we're covered alcoholic. My Home group is Utopia and myself. A date is June 17th 1996.

Hi, my name is Rick, I'm an alcoholic. Sober date March 28th, 1996.

Hi everyone, I'm Patty, I'm a recovered alcoholic from Ingram, TX.

Home group is well there is a solution. San Antonio, TX gets confusing and my sober date is February 28th, 1992.

My name is Chris Ramer recovered alcoholic

November 13th, 1987 and home groups Ingram Solution Group

everybody. My name is Barr. Are Recovered alcoholic sober date June 12th 1995. Home group Utopia.

I'm John. I'm an alcoholic. My Home group is Primary Purpose in Lynbrook. I got clean on June 2nd of this year. Thank you.

Hi, everyone. My name is Brandon. I'm an alcoholic. I'm a member of the Right Place Group in Westbury, Nassau County

and my sober date is October 3rd, 1997.

I am Bill and an alcoholic member the Bolden group in Nassau County, Long Island. My sobriety day this August 4th, 1981.

Is today your your anniversary?

All right, congratulations.

I'm Justin. I'm an addict and an alcoholic. I'm from Queens and my sober date is June 1st 1993.

Hi, my name is Tracy, I'm an alcoholic, my sober date is March 12th 2002 and I'm a member of the French Church of Manhattan.

I am Robin alcoholic and sober date is June 10th 2006.

Hi I'm Mark, I'm an alcoholic, I'm a sober date is December 25th 2003 and my Home group is There is a way at Woodshed Queens.

I'm showing I'm an alcoholic and I'm from the primary purpose group of Nassau County. We meet every Tuesday night at 7:00 for a beginners meeting, 8:00 for a big Book study. Shameless plug and my sober date is July 20th, 1993.

My name is Peter, recovered alcoholic. My sober date is 11th of December 1981. My Home group is a canned big Book study meet in the South of France.

My name is Simon, I'm a recovered alcoholic. Sobriety date is June 20, 2003 and my Home group is the Primary purpose Big Book study in Cannes, France.

My name is Frank, I'm from Hamden, CT. My sobriety date is September 19th, 1994. Home group is Dwight Hall, New Haven, CT at Yale University.

Ola Madam Jose an alcoholic from Hampton, CT. My

sober today was April 26, 2006.

Hello, my name is Adrian. I'm a recovered alcoholic. My home groups there is a way out in Queens. My sober data is January 2001.

Hi, my name is Tom Needham. I'm a recovered alcoholic. My Home group is Your Way Out group on Staten Island and God separated me from alcohol on October the 15th 1994.

Hi, my name is Charlie RI, got 24 days today.

Hi, my name is Ardnor. My sobriety date is November 13th, 2000, and my Home group is Men Among Men in Reykjavik, Iceland. All right.

Hi, my name is Axel, I'm an alcoholic. My superior date is 29th of April 1988 and my Home group is Meng Among Men in Reykjavik.

My name My name is Beck. I'm an alcoholic. My Home group is the Primary Purpose in Lynbrook, NY.

My name is Chuck Fleming. I'm an alcoholic, I'm from Long Island. My Home group is Primary Purpose, Lynbrook, NY. My sobriety date is May 15th, 2005.

Hello, my name is Alvin. Home group is Reflections, Plainview, NY sobriety date October 5th, 2005.

Hi friends, I'm an alcoholic member of the 12 Traditions group in Canada. My name is Wally Wynn and my dry date is December 1st 04.

Hi everyone, I'm an alcoholic member of the Liverpool group in Pickering ON. My dry date is April the 22nd 1994 and it's really good to be here. My first visit to New York City. It's wonderful. Thanks.

Hi everyone, I'm a recovered alcoholic from Bowmanville, Ontario, Canada. My sobriety date September 18th, 2000.

My Creek. Sorry.

Hi everyone, my name is Robin, I'm an alcoholic from Bowmanville, Ontario, Canada and I'm a member of the Road to Recovery group. My dry date is September 26th, 2000.

Hi friends, I'm an alcoholic. My name is Maria. I belong to the Road to Recovery group in Booneville, Canada. My sobriety date is April 12th, 2006. Glad to be here in New York.

Hello, I'm also a recovered alcohol as long as I keep

spirit of God in my side and worked in 12 steps from Bolivia, Ontario, Canada. My name is Mark Cole Swift.

Hi everyone. My name is Mike. I'm an alcoholic from that state of Brooklyn.

My sobriety date is New Year's Day 2001.

Hi, my name is Maria sure of I am an alcoholic. My Home group is Common Solution in Staten Island. My sober day is December 1st, 2005. Thank you.

Hi, I'm Greg. I'm an alcoholic. My Home group is Dica Heights in Brooklyn and my sober date is around April 15th, 2006.

Hello family, my name is Eric Conrad. I'm a member of the Unity Group, the best group in New York. My sobriety date is January 2004.

Hi my name is Joey Jets Progress group Flushing, NY 11/27/02

Hi my name is Ben I'm a recovered alcoholic from the Utopia group and my clean date is March 21st 2004.

Hi everybody, my name is Rich and my dank hound is not lucky number 13.

Hello family, my name is Harry C from the Flushing, NY Utopia group and my sober date is December 26th, 2000.

Hi, I'm a big book thumper my name is

My name is Sue Borth. I'm from Weymouth, MA and my Home group is into action. Big book step study

I Weymouth, MA

Hi, my name is Annie, I'm an alcoholic, my Home group is Weymouth into Action, Big Book Step Study and my silver date is June 4th, 2005.

Hi, my name is Megan, I'm an alcoholic, I'm from Weymouth, MA and my Home group is Weymouth Into Action, Big Books Study and Weymouth New Life.

My name is Danny. I am all of the above.

I'm a member. I'm a member of the

Weymouth Into Action Big Book step study.

My name is Roger Taylor. I'm an alcoholic. Sober date June 17th, 1994 from New York City in West Hampton.

Everybody. My name is John Bardo. I'm an alcoholic. I'm a member of the Dykeman Group in scenic Upper Manhattan.

Hi everyone, my name is Arnello. I'm an alcoholic and my Home group is an A A group E up in Ulster County and my last drink by the grace of God was February 17th 2003.

Hi my name is Leslie I'm my Home group is the Gardens group in Castle Street and my sober date is June 7th 1987.

Hi, I'm Kathy. I'm an alcoholic. My silver date is January 26, 2004 and my Home group is Mid Harlem.

Hi, my name is Carl and I'm from the Big Book study in Harlem. My sober date is November 11th, 1991.

Hi my name is Wallace from Forest Hills.

My server date is August 3rd, 4th and 5th

and it's 31 years.

My name is Glenn Sievert. My group is There is a Way Out and Woodside Queens and my soba date is September 8th, 2004.

Hi, I'm Veronica see I'm a recovered alcoholic. My Home group is a vision for you. It's a big book study. Come on down on Thursday nights at 7:00 and my sober date is July 30th, 1999, Nineteen 90.

I'm John. I'm an alcoholic. I got sober in Brooklyn

May 20th, 1980. I'm a snowbird when I'm in Florida. I call the Reflections Big Book study in Fort Myers, FL my Home group when I'm in New York

call Fort Tilden and Breezy Point my Home group.

I get my life saving friends. My name is Jimmy and I am an alcoholic and I'm a member of the Sobriety and Beyond group in Fort Tilden in Rockaway and my sobriety date is October 3rd, 1999.

How you doing everybody? My name is Jeff O'Neill. My Home group is Flushing Unity step sobriety date Pearl Harbor day 2002

Hi everyone, my name is Elaine I'm an alcoholic. My Home group is Sanford and Flushing sobriety data is May 21st of this year.

Hi everybody, my name is John Fodi. I'm from Flushing Unity and my sobriety date is August 16, 2004.

Hi everybody, my name is Nick. My Home group is Flushing Unity Group and my sober date is October 16th 2004.

Hi, my name is Kaya. I'm from the little church in the gardens at. My sobriety date is May 19th 2006.

Hi I'm Amber, I'm an alcoholic. My meeting is Utopia and I have 69 days today.

My name is Bill. I'm an alcoholic American. My sobriety date is June 3rd 1991. I'm from West Milford, NJ,

my name is Dawn, I'm an alcoholic. My Home group is live and let live in Astoria and my sober date is October 15th 1991.

Hi, my name is BM from the Saint Nick's group in Queens and my soba date is August 18, 1987.

Hi, my name is Roy Russo. I'm a real alcoholic. My Home group is Utopian Flushing. I sober date is May 14th 1989.

My name is Dorothy, I'm an alcoholic, my Home group is Keep it Green in Woodside and my sober date is September 17th 1988.

Hello, my name is Jane and I'm an alcoholic and my sober date is April Fools Day 2005 and my Home group is Flushing Unity. Thank you.

Hi, I'm Carmel and I've been a member of Al Anon since May 1991.

My name is Abby, I'm an alcoholic. My Home group is Serenity in Bethlehem. My summer date is October 4th, 2000.

Hi, I'm Rachel, I'm an alcoholic from Allentown, PA. Um,

my Friday day is March 23rd of 06.

Hi, my name is Alexis Peters, I'm a recovered alcoholic from Whitehall, PA and my Home group is Fogelsville Big Book Study Group and my spritey date is March 14th, 2005.

Hi, my name is Siobhan. I'm an alcoholic from Fogleville, Pennsylvania and my sobriety date is April 19th this year.

I'm Elizabeth Batches, recovered alcoholic Fogelsville. Excuse me? Firing line in Allentown, PA

I'm Tim Eagle. I'm recovered alcohol from Bridgeport, CT Home group is Monroe big book study Sunday night

April 2006.

Hi everybody. I'm Lisa. I'm alcoholic and my Home group is the Monroe group and my sobriety date is February 14th of 04.

Very grateful recovered alcoholic and I'm tied for the record.

Hi everybody. I'm Jennifer Nagel, excuse me, recovered alcoholic. My sobriety day is May 26th of 06 and my Home group is the Big Book Study group in Monroe.

Hi, my name is Linda and I'm a grateful recover alcoholic. My sober day is February of this year.

Hi, my name is Stan. I'm a

alcoholic of course.

Sobriety date is September 8th 2002, 2004, 2004 and I belong to Utopia group. Thank you.

Welcome all of you and,

and I'm glad you're all here. It's, it's good to hear where everyone's from. Get some kind of an idea of what, you know, sobriety dates and how much sobriety there is in the room. Was reminded of a couple things. I've been to the last two internationals and they didn't do it, but I understood that the one before that, that when you know, at the international, they have a big flag ceremony and they bring out all the flags of the nations. And he said when Ireland came out, they gave him a standing ovation.

50,000 people you know.

So grateful that the Irish were sober. But anyway,

I don't know if that's true or not, but I heard that

we're, we're going to tell you a little bit about ourselves and then we're going to, I guess, do a little group conscience action and figure out about breaks and things like that. My name is Tom and I am an alcoholic. And by God's grace, I've been continuously sober since June the 15th of 1986.

I hope you're impressed with that. I, I only say it to impress you,

reason being that when I was doing it, when I was working on sobriety, I had eight days and 16 years and that was the best I could put together. When I surrendered my life to a power I didn't understand or couldn't see, everything changed for me. And I hope, I hope that's been your experience too. I have a Home group in Santa Fe, NM. We're simply called NAA group. That comes from the long form of the third tradition. It says in it roughly says any two or more gathered

for the purpose of sobriety may call themselves NAA group. So we do and we, we meet at the Salvation Army on Monday nights at 7:00. We run till 815. All of you are welcome. We'd love to see everyone of you there. What we do is we're a big book step study group. Not, not in the way that they do it in Massachusetts, the way they do it in New Mexico,

or actually I don't even know how they do it in New Mexico, but the way they do it at my Home group. And what we do is we go very, very slowly through the big book

and very kindly, OK, hope you hear that. And we look for the directions that we are sure there for how these 12 steps are supposed to be worked. And we share our experience with working them. Not our opinions about what it might be like if we did work them, but the experiences that we've had working them. Big difference.

One of one of the things that that I keep hearing and I hope that that some of you have gotten is that you can recover from alcoholism.

If you read your big book, it promises you that about 1617 different times that I know of and it's absolutely the case. One, one of the other pieces that a lot of people miss is that relapse is not a necessary part of recovery. You don't have to do it,

OK? A lot of people do. I did, you know, Some other people did. But it's not necessary. Doesn't have to happen. Another important piece, when I first came to Alcoholics noms in 1985, I didn't want to be there. My wife at the time, who is also my wife at this time, sitting next to me. Juanita, that's good information.

She had issued me an ultimatum and it was go to a A or get the hell out. You know,

probably none of you were ever given that choice. But given a cold weather was coming on and given that choice, I went to a A and absolutely hated it. I thought it was the most grim place I had ever been. I thought the people there were pathetic losers

at the time. I was shooting a little heroin to be able to get well enough to go into the meeting, but they were all losers. I didn't drink though. That was very important. And

anyway, I didn't, I didn't like it at all. And one of the things that they said that I heard them say that I really didn't like was you don't ever have to take a drink again of alcohol as long as you live. That didn't sound good to me.

That wasn't good information for me. OK, Because what alcohol was for me was medicine. OK, Wouldn't. I didn't party. I didn't have fun. I was extremely desperate and alcohol was a medicine that worked for me.

And when I found that it did, I kept indulging. I kept taking that medicine. I knew enough to know from the broken bones and the jailings and the times when you're just separated from alcohol, you just can't get a drink, that those times are not good times for a guy like me. OK, being off the off the sauce is not a good place for a guy like me to be. So when they said you don't ever have to drink again for the rest of your life, I thought that sounds like a, a life sentence,

you know, But then later, once I came to this big book and I was about six years sober when I did, when I came to people who had actually done the stuff, you know, we were Ed was talking tonight. A lot of people talk. This talk is the cheapest thing that we've got going for us. But if you watch people and you watch how they behave and you watch the ones that are walking it, their lives are different. They've been changed. And when I saw that, I experienced that people whose lives were completely different and their their words and their actions matched up pretty, pretty darn close.

Then I became interested in this thing and somebody gave me the real magic formula. They said, you never have to feel the way that you used to feel again. And I thought, my God, that's, that's what I want. You know, that's what I'm after. I was six years sober. I was on my way out. I was on my way to drink again. I know full well I was, I was depressed again. You know, you've heard it called untreated alcoholism. That's exactly what it is. I have something my alcoholism does not exist in a bottle.

Jack Daniels for me, alcoholism exists inside of me and Jack Daniels is the treatment for that. OK. And so, but I didn't understand that I, I went through a treatment center and I was led to believe or interpreted it what they told me as as soon as I got the booze out of my life, my life would improve and my attitude would improve and everything else. And it just didn't happen that way. So I'm six years sober, I'm on my way out. And actually, I was thinking, I, I

met a,

a man by the name of Joe H, who some of you know, actually I heard some of his tapes. It was 1992 and I heard some of his tapes. And what he said in there is that you can recover from alcoholism. And if you do exactly what it says to do in the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous, he guaranteed that you would have a result. You'd have a spiritual experience and you'd recover from alcoholism. No one had guaranteed me anything like that before that. When I got sober, it was a lot of therapy, a lot of

stuff. I won't go into all that, but a lot of you know what I'm talking about. It was everything but the 12 steps within the rooms of a A. And so I set out to meet Joe and I and I found in my, I located him. He was speaking in Amarillo, TX. And I found him and I and I got a hold of him and talked to him about this and he did a lot of things with me that weekend. He was a speaker at a conference, but he showed me how to write inventory as it's outlawed in the Big Book on a napkin.

Nobody, you know, I'd done 16 inventories from every kind of treatment center manual you could find, but never done it as it was outlined in the Big Book. And he, it was simple enough. He could fit it on a cocktail napkin in a restaurant, a coffee shop. And anyway, we did a bunch of stuff. And he said to me, and this will be interesting for the people from Cannes who are here. He said, are you coming to Breckenridge this summer? And I said

Kentucky. And he says, no, no, no. He says Colorado.

And I said, well, what it what why? He says, oh, well, man, that's the fellowship, the spirit conference in in this July 93. And I said, well, I've never heard it. What is that? He goes, man, that's the con Film Festival of people who do the work from the big book

said, damn, I got to check that out. So Juanita and I went up there in 93. It was the first fellowship, the spirit conference, I think anywhere that was ever held. We were the only New Mexicans. We came back shouting great tidings in our in our meetings and people would roll their eyes, get up and go to coffee. I mean, we were what is the word of pariah is that? Yeah.

We absolutely were unpopular coming back with that message into the community where we live.

And now it's we. We just last weekend was the 14th. We've been to everyone of them and we had almost 100 people from New Mexico up there. And the entire complexion, the entire fabric of Alcoholics Anonymous in Santa Fe, where we live, has changed in those fourteen years. I was sitting in a meeting

not too long ago and a woman from, I don't know where she was from, you know, some other place, California, PA, something. And she was sharing and she said, you know, I'm so damn sick of these Santa Fe AA meetings where all, all you ever hear about is the steps and the big book and God, that I just don't know what to do. And I thought, Hallelujah,

we've done it. But anyway, point of that is, is that, you know, I was, I was a hopeless drunk. There was no way out for me. I didn't had no idea how sick I really was. It was a last window of opportunity that I, that I had. My life was useless and worthless there. You've heard other people say this, that it's absolute truth that there wasn't a person that cared about me or was even, you know, in in touch with me, my business partners and people like that, who wouldn't have been better off

if I had left the planet on June the 14th of 86. My family would have been much better off if I had. They honestly would have. I had a wasted and worthless life that I burned to the ground. I was 38 years old and my life was over and due to an incredible blessing and a lot of luck and purely by the grace of God, my life was turned into something worthwhile that meant something, you know, and I'll, I'll be forever grateful for that. And So what I wanted to say to you guys is so we

tidings from your western cousins. You know, we were with our Nella was there last weekend. And I think there's a guy, Jim M who was there is going to come down tomorrow. But we were with a lot of people from Colorado and Arizona and California. And, you know, Ed was asking me about this fellowship, the spirit conference and, and I was telling him it's coast to coast. Now I believe there's we've been to all of them now that we're at this one, there's about seven of them. And

they're starting in this coming April, they're going to have fellowship the Spirit South

in Lafayette, LA Yeah. You know, Bubba R and you know Bubba, that's, that's really his name. Yeah. And Bobby B and a bunch of those guys down there have started this thing up. And and so there will be a fellowship the Spirit S So we're, we're really happy to be a part of this. I'm glad to finally make it to this one. I've always wanted to come to this one.

I was raised in this area.

I did my early drinking was out in Nassau County. I was, I went through all the way through school in Port Washington and probably somebody here from Port Washington. And then I was kind of misplaced out to the West. I was, I was on a geographic and in the late 60s, early 70s, I ended up in Santa Fe, which is where I did most of my drinking. But, and I'll tell you more about that, you know,

one, one piece, we've been into Manhattan twice since we've been here. We arrived yesterday

and I was telling one we've gone through the Midtown tunnel four times. And I told her I used to drive that in blackouts all the time. I'd leave Long Island and I'd go to the city and have an adventure, come home and never remember it. And today I can't even, you know, going through their sober is an adventure now, you know. So I'm, I'm really grateful to be alive and grateful to be here. And I'm going to let Juanita tell you about herself.

Hi everybody. I really am glad to be here too. And the mother conference in Colorado sends greetings and it's nice. Tom and I both sit on the board of that conference. And so when we say we bring you greetings, we really do mean it. I,

I walked into my first meeting of any 12 step program while Tom was in the treatment center and I walked into an open meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous. And as I sat down there and I looked around, I wasn't sure what to expect, but this one man came up to me and I watched him. I watched him when I sat down going around the room and he was handing out these little chips to people if that was their first meeting. And he said, he came

me and he asked me my name. And I told him my name is Juanita. And he said, well, welcome, Would you like a chip? It's a welcome chip. And I said, well, I'm not an alcoholic. And he said, that's OK, honey, this is just to welcome you into the halls here. And I said, yeah, sure, I'll take one. And I carried that around with me for a long time. I finally lost it. I don't know where I did, but I it was a nice little reminder of just coming in to some

to some hope as I sat in that meeting that day. It was a Saturday, actually, it was a Sunday morning. And

I listened to people as they shared at that meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous,

and I had some serious, very serious thoughts go through my head. Because you see, I drank an awful lot. I drank an awful lot. And I did an awful lot of drugs. I did just about every kind of drug I think there was at the time, every way there was to do it.

And so as I heard people share, I could relate to the way they felt I could, you know, they talked about the whole that the wind would blow through. They talked about the hopelessness, the loneliness, the sadness, the frustration, the,

the loss that they were feeling

and how they couldn't stand to see themselves, couldn't stand to look at themselves. And I thought, Oh my God, that's how I feel. Am I an alcoholic? And I had that doubt with me for many, many years until I found a sponsor that put me through the pages of the book Alcoholics Anonymous. And I found out for myself into for reasons that I'll go into later on, that I was not an alcoholic, that I was not a drug addict, but that I belonged in the fellowships of Al Anon, the fellowship of Al Anon, that I had been affected by

someone's drinking and had an allergy to alcohol. However, when somebody drank,

not when I put it into my body and we'll go into that a little bit.

So when I finally went into my first al Anon meeting not too long after that,

I did it for all the wrong reasons.

When I took Tom into the treatment center, they said to me,

you know, in order before we let him out of here, you're going to have to go to three Al Anon meetings. And I thought you want him that bad, you can just keep him.

I really did. And so I wasn't too keen on this Al Anon business. Plus, I always thought that it was his problem and I didn't have a problem, it was all his problem.

But they said that'd be a good idea and I wanted to look like the kind, supportive, loving wife that I wasn't. And so I thought about going, and the first time that I went to this

building, it's called the Friendship Club in Santa Fe, and it was, there were some stairs going down and it was lunchtime and I was going to go on my lunch hour. And I went and I was in my car and I was driving around and I saw some of these people walking into this building.

They didn't look too swift, you know, And I thought, I don't know that I want to go in there. And so I drove around the the building and I drove around again. And I thought, you know what? I

don't think I want to go down there. And so I had just ended up going back to work. Well, Tom would call me up and he'd say he'd ask me, have you gone to an Al Anon meeting? And I say, no, not yet. And he goes, whoa, I think you'll really like it. He said, I found this little a, a meeting here at the treatment center, and they're great people. And I think you'd love the people who go to Al Anon. And I thought, yeah, sure, whatever you see, Because if he was telling me to do it, if he was suggesting it, that was the last thing in the face of this planet that I was going to do.

But he kept bugging me and he kept bugging me. And another Family Day was coming up at the treatment center. So I thought, you know what? I just better go. So I went for the wrong reason. And I walked into this meeting on July 2nd, 1986. And I looked around that little meeting and I thought, you know what? I'm coming because I have to come. But there's a bunch of housewives here. I wasn't a housewife. There was a bunch of

aging hippies, and that was kind of like, been there, done that.

And then there were a lot of people who were very nicely dressed, you know, business suits, business clothes. And I thought not, not one person here can help me. Not one person here can help me. You see, I was a professional woman and people where I worked did not talk

about things that were going on in my life.

I remember one day shortly after Tom, and well, it was almost a year that we'd met. We'd taken this little trip to Mexico