The topic of Powerlessness at the 10th Fellowship of the Spirit, NY at the Graymoor Spiritual Retreat Center in Garrison, NY

Good evening. My name is Bob Darrell and I am alcoholic. Hey Bob,

only through the grace of a God that I was afraid to believe in that I found out through a is absolutely crazy about me and has no taste. The 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous as they're outlined in this book. Good sponsorship and a consistent commitment to the primary purpose. I haven't had a drink or any mind or emotion altering substance since Halloween 1978 and for that I owe a my life and my freedom.

I'm delighted to be here.

I'd like to start with a little opening prayer that I it's an extrapolation of something I got from one of my mentors, Don Pritz. Give me a moment of silence,

Lord, help me to set aside everything I think I know about you, everything I think I know about myself, everything I think I know about others, and everything I think I know about my own recovery. All for a new experience and you, Lord, a new experience in myself, a new experience in my fellows, in a much needed new experience in my own recovery. Amen.

I am glad to be here. I'm glad to be doing this with my dear friend Scott.

We do. Seems like every year we do a little more of these. I think it's a progressive illness

and I do quite a bit of these and I enjoy doing stuff with him more than anything else.

A couple of things, I'm just for my own, for our curiosity. How many people are within their first

90 days? Anybody in their first 90 days? Not so embarrassed? I just wanted just one back here. OK, great. I'm glad you guys are. How many people are in their first year?

OK

Umm, anybody in their last 30 days? OK,

every once in a while I get a taker

where I can't speak for Scott, even though I I think we're so much on the same page about everything. But I don't consider myself a an expert on the big book or on any of the three legacies. And we do have three in alcoholic synonymous and they're equally important.

And we're going to be covering a lot of 1 legacy this weekend. And it's it's, it's like a three legged stool. It's an important leg. But if it's all you got, it's a hard juggling act to stand on A1 legged stool. And we're going to be covering the recovery deal. And what I am is I'm a guy who in 1971 as a young kid, came to my first meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous in an institution

and tried to stay sober with the fellowship,

tried to stay sober with the combinations of the fellowship and medications from a psychiatrist, tried to stay sober with combinations of outpatient, AA, church. I mean, I tried about everything there was to try. And in 1978, I

I fell into the hands of some people that entered me into some actions in my life that I wouldn't have taken if I'd have been in my right mind. And they took advantage of my weakness in a moment of desperation and got me to do some things I normally would have never done. And I continued to do this to this day. And eventually they helped me to put this process into my life. And I've never been the same since.

And those of you who have worked this, done this deal, put this into your life,

it's almost like you feel compelled to try to pass it on to anybody who'll take it. You can't help it. It bursts out of you and it has burst out of me for all these years. And I, I love talking about this stuff. I'm I'm not a an I'm not a step technician. Matter of fact, I'm a guy who does exactly what Alcoholics on him is tells me to do. Is that share my actual experience

and what we're going to some of what we're going to talk about this weekend. Don't mistake it for the answer.

The steps and the process is not the power, it's the vehicle to the power.

And sometimes, I think sometimes in AAA, we're in danger of creating a this some sort of new 12 step religion where we worship the process and forget what the point is.

And we're on, we're, we engage in this experientially to describe a path that in our experience, we've taken this that has led us to the power.

Scott. Thanks, Bob. I'm Scott Lee, I'm alcoholic and very grateful to be here and honored to do anything at all that has to do with this fellowship that's touched my life and saved my life and changed my life. I'm deeply grateful and very moved to have the chance to come here and share with you what's been so freely given to me. I, I also am not an expert on this. I'm a student of it and I have been blessed to, to have some pretty fabulous mentors. I I would like to open with a couple of things

for those of you who own cell phones. There must be at least one or two. Everybody here would like to look at your cell phone right now. Why don't you get it out and then open up and show it to them that you've either got it turned off or you have it set on stun. OK, If you could do one of those, I think that would be really nice. And

yes, the because we have some space cadets here, they should know about that. Let's and I'd also, I like to open anything that I do with the quotation from Lois Wilson, cofounder of Al Anon was asked one time what she did in the moment of science. And she said, we have it a lot of I don't know how they do it here. A lot of places around the country, they have a moment of silence and then the serenity prayer. Someone asked her what she did in the moment of silence and she said, I invite God to the meeting.

And it's not that I don't believe God's here. I believe God's here,

but I get a special gift when I stop and honor that presence and that's when I use that moment of silence to do is I literally invite him by Don that he mentioned was also my great teacher. And Don told me a lot of years ago that he had learned to treat God like a gentleman. It was his experience that gentleman didn't go where they weren't invited and they didn't stay where they weren't made welcome.

And so it's my job. I believe each morning, it's one of the first things I do when I wake up is to invite God in to run my life now, give me some help, but run it. And then I try to conduct myself during the day in a manner I think will make him welcome. And that really kind of ties it all together. With this many new people, there's pretty good chance somebody here doesn't have a God. If that's your situation, like to invite you to borrow mine while we're here for this weekend.

You can address him as the God of Scott's limited understanding. Get you off right there on the right foot.

And by the way, if you brought a big book with you, you might want to bring it. We're going to do a lot out of the book. So if if you got one in the car, you might want to bring it. Page 46 about there's a paragraph that begins at the bottom of page 46 with the word much. And and with any luck at all, I will get back to the prayer thing here in a minute, but I think making kind of an important point, it was for me, bottom of 46 paragraph begins with the word much. If you count 3 lines up above that, it says it was impossible for any of us to fully define or comprehend that power, which is God.

So this God as you understand the thing doesn't mean I'm going to understand God. Miss Linda says that if if God were small enough for me to understand, he wouldn't be big enough to handle some of the things I'm going to need for him to handle. So it's not about me understanding God, it's it's about I don't have to believe what anybody else ever told me and they gave me a great freedom. The other thing that I do in the moment of science is ask God to help me not judge any of the speakers. You don't have to do that, but I'm going to tell you right now that meetings got better everywhere for me when I started doing that. So

if you would, let's take a couple of moments of silence. Let me ask you if you would be willing to just invite your God or borrow mine to join us and bless us with open hearts. And we'll follow that with a serenity prayer,

Serenity prayer, God, serenity to accept the things I cannot change. Courage change things I can. And there was another

I can't pray that fast. I'm from the South,

I'm sober since the 28th of June of 1984. And just to kind of qualify a little bit, I'm a member of the backroom group in Nashville, TN. We're having a meetings, we don't do group therapy at all and our chairperson brings us a topic out of our literature and sets a topic in less than 3 minutes and we talk about recovery every time. It's really been fun and I've been to some open, disgusting, open discussion meetings and

it's, it's really been a lot more fun the way we're doing that.

Sorry about that. I'm little spiritual low tide there. I'm being as good as I can.

I like to do. I like to. I think if the big book says anything that's important, I'm a big book guy. If it says it twice, it's really important. If it says it's six or seven times, I think they're really trying to reach me with something that's going to be very important. For those of you who brought your book to class, page 143

and we're, I call this chasing a concept through the book. This is where we're going to find it saying the same thing in different words in the number of places. Page 143, if your man accepts your offer should be pointed out that physical treatment is but a small part of the picture. Though you're providing him with the best possible medical attention. He should understand that he must undergo a change of heart. I'm told there are no must in the program. I'm sure that's right. And this is one of them must undergo a change of heart. So this has got to change. And then it says to get over drinking will require. I wonder if that's important.

Require a transformation. That's a total change of thought and attitude. Same concept on page 58 in the most read, least listened to portion of our literature. Don't get ahead of me.

4 lines from the bottom of page 58 where it says some of us have tried to hold on to our old ideas. The result was nil until we let go. Absolutely. Exact same concept.

Page 51 Yeah, 51. I had to look up the word fetter. I don't know what it meant. And it means to restrict on a trail ride, the Cowboys will fetter the horses. That means they tie short ropes to their legs so they can stand and walk, but they can't run. That's what Federer is middle of the. Page 51 In the realm of the material, men's minds were fettered by superstition, tradition, and all sorts of fixed ideas.

Same concept. Page 42, Eight lines from the bottom.

It meant I would have to throw several. One is one, a couple is 2. Several is more than two.

If men would have to throw several lifelong conceptions out of the window. Page 27.

This is Carl Jung, arguably the greatest psychologist psychiatrist of all time, telling Roland Hazard that he's in real trouble. Dead center of the page.

Ideas, emotions and attitudes, which were once the guiding forces of the lives of these men, are suddenly cast to one side, and a completely new set of conceptions and motives begin to dominate them. Page one.

When you get to Page 1, turn two more pages toward the front of the book. So those who have gone 3rd edition, those who are in the 4th, that works every time for both

Bob and I are both carrying forth additions. Our our newcomers have got 4th editions. Many of us gets over on the 3rd and the Roman numerals don't match. And the last time I checked, the newcomers were confused enough they don't need for the Romano. So that's why we're gearing for it. A paragraph begins at the top of of this page with. On the other hand,

on the right hand page, if you count up three lines above that, it says. This is repeated over and over, and unless this person can experience an entire, an entire, by the way, is more than half

an entire psychic change, there's very little hope of his recovery. I don't know how many that was. I know we're a couple of more places, but that's enough. I think we made the point. And what that says to me in plain old Tennessee English is some what I know for sure ain't so that it isn't what I don't know that's the problem.

When I got here, the problem was what I knew for sure that was actually incorrect. And I was seldom right, but never in doubt. And what I needed to do was to release my grip on what I knew for sure. Some of us have tried to hold on to our old ideas. I think everything I've learned through noon yesterday is now an old idea. So I've got to let go of those things. Here's one of my old ideas. How sober, coming up real close to a year. And I complained of an old timer if if they promised you something and you're new and it didn't happen,

go complain to them. I recommend it very highly. And I complain to this old timer. I said you guys told me that by the time I was sober, you're my sleep patterns level out and they have not. I still don't sleep well. And he said I just watch you drink two big cups of coffee here at an 8:00 at night meeting. And I said caffeine doesn't affect me.

And he said, if you're pounding out a quart of Scotch a day in five or six joints, it won't. And I said, oh, and I've been sleeping really good ever since. So I don't. I wonder today what things I know for sure actually incorrect. And I'm on a constant search for people who disagree with me and not to argue. I don't want to argue with anybody, but if somebody disagrees with me, it's a chance for at least one of us to learn something. So if I say something you disagree with this weekend, please come to me at a break and let's talk about it.

That could be very, very helpful to me. I could learn something. So if you would,

one of the things that I learned and then had to move to the next level on was surrender. I got here. I surrendered. I boy, I surrendered a lot of times. And I think of surrender in the military context of the battle and the noise and the broken glass and the blood and the screaming, and we know who's screaming, whose blood that is, right? And I surrendered a number of times. I haven't surrendered a long time. I woke up this morning. I didn't surrender. I volunteered.

They're different. The result is very similar, but they come from a different place. And if I close my mind on surrender like this, you can't build on that. I got to keep it open so I can go to volunteer, and I've had teachers that were two levels above that and I have time to talk about that. But so I've got my mind open on volunteer. I think it goes beyond that, that there's always another level. One of my spiritual teachers said that your spiritual assignment will change, and when it does, you must release your grip on the old one

and embrace the new, and you'll come to learn to love it as much or more than you did the old one. And I picked this up in another place. It's like I'm wearing a spiritual garment. And and when I awaken spiritually, which is the great promise, I was wearing this garment. It was magnificent. But you know what? Months later, it was soiled and tattered and I had to shed that and put on a new one that was more magnificent than the 1st. And after a few months, and I don't believe that there's an end to that process.

And that's why I'm a student of this thing is because I want the next garment,

I want to go to the next level. And that's why I'm here this because this is a chance for me to do that.

I got here suffering from what I call the John Wayne syndrome.

Yeah, at age 11, roughly, I got a mental image of what a man was right? And I pretended to be that for the next 30 years

and it here's a nutshell on it. Big boys, don't cry. Pull yourself up by your bootstraps. And they're going gets tough, the tough gets going. Never let them see your weakness. Never ask a stupid question. Get what you want, it'll make you happy. Never surrender, never give up, no matter what. Sound familiar, anybody? That's the act approximately 99% of the men at about 96% of the women are doing when they get here,

trying for me, trying to pretend to be something, knowing that I'm not any good. So the only truth I get here with is that I'm not sufficient.

Sometime that predates my memory. I do not have memories earlier than. I'm not good enough. I'm one of the defective models and I'm never going to be good enough and nothing I can ever do will be sufficient. And I became an actor. A chameleon is a very small boy pretending to be the guy that I think you want me to be. And I'm doing it all my life. And when I get to you,

that's the only truth I know is that I'm not good enough. I'm never going to be good enough. And if you can see through this act I'm doing to the real me, you won't want me around because a bunch of together people like you wouldn't have a defective like me in in the room if you could get out of it. See, that's all I know for sure

and see, I was just wrong. All that John Wayne syndrome is all exactly wrong. It's all perfectly exactly wrong. I just how many things I have have just just 180° were just nuts. And

my life has been a series of of laying down old ideas. That's what Carl Jung told Roland that he was going to have to do. And in the summer of 1984, I zipped through a 28 day treatment program in six weeks flat.

And some of her doing the math and I come back to Nashville, TN where the only person I knew in the city that I knew was in recovery was one of my customers that I didn't want him to know. You recognize that that's newcomer thinking terminal case probably going to die from this pretty soon if I don't get some help with it. And

I eventually got to the point where I was. So what I looked for, OK, everybody would less than a year. Don't try to fill in the blanks here,

all right, because you won't get this. The ones under a year may well not get this. Everybody, this is a two word fill in the blank right? I'm an insane newcomer. There's only one characteristic I think I need in a sponsor. I'm looking for a sponsor I can relate to right? Isn't that insane? Isn't that insane? I mean I couldn't fare out your good. I thought if you missed a day in meetings you just missed. I know you could go to two meetings in a day, right? Who can I relate to? I can relate to the squirrel on the next branch that didn't know his Fanny from straight up is who I can relate to. Thank God I couldn't find a sponsored

2:00. We'd both be dead by now.

What I needed was a sponsor. I would obey. New concept. I don't

got 24 year chip in my pocket. I don't need a sponsor I can relate to today. I need a sponsor I will obey. I don't expect him to be perfect. If I thought he was perfect, I would be calling him on the phone, be praying to him. I expected to make mistakes. I expected to make mistakes. But his batting average with my life is so much better than mine was when I got here anyway. So I asked this guy to sponsor me finally because I'm just going nuts. I got I'm I'm four months without a drink.

My heads rattle around him. I might be at my brains rattle around in my head like a baby in a boxcar, right? I'm just

my head's on 9 radio stations at the same time. Yeah.

And I finally said would you sponsor me? And the guy says, well, we'll see. Here's your first assignment. Assignment. I thought a sponsor. I was wrong about that too. I thought a sponsor like a Big Brother, you know, her new best friend, you know, in the new town, introduce you around a little bit, show you where the good stuff is, maybe allowing you some money, fix your wife, that sort of thing. Wrong about that too. Here's your first assignment. Took me a week. I did it. I said sponsor me. I said I'll sponsor you my way.

I'm nervous now, I said. What does that mean?

He said you are too sick to stay sober on the Fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous. You will need the program also

and I didn't have any idea what the man was talking about and

and he outlived the doctors predict predictions by about a decade

and he gave me what he claimed as a single best kept secret in the fellowship. The number 2 best kept secret is that the four steps in the big book,

very cleverly concealed right between the covers of this particular book, very well kept secret. The other best kept secret was the definition of the program that we keep that secret as we read it at almost every meeting. It's on page 59 where it says here are the steps we took, where it's a suggested as a program of recovery. No steps, no program. Forgive me for being so direct. I've been to too many funerals.

Jerry told me that hanging around in a bunch of a meetings wouldn't anymore get me into recovery than moving into the garage, turn me into a 57, Chevy

said. It ain't gonna happen,

not going to happen. And you're going to have to do these 12 steps. And he startled me. And so in an unguarded moment, I was honest,

right? Give me a second. I don't have to do that. And I said I don't want to do the 12 steps. And he said that's OK. I said good. He said long as you do them.

I don't believe we're communicating, Jerry. He said yeah, we are. That's the definition of willingness. Willingness is when you do what your sponsor says, whether you want to or not. Did you ever try to get sober on your own? Yes, I did. How many times? Well, I don't know. Well, give me a guess. Well, I don't know. Come on. An estimate of some kind. Well, Jerry, I'm a puker. About 2000,

right? Any other puke? Anybody puke? Any pukers? Come on. Where are you? Come on. Come on. We didn't come up here. Talk to you, pukers. That's great. How about no speakers ever out your nose even once? Come on,

come on. I know you're here, right? Your nose pukers will quit forever every time they puke out their nose. Is that right? Darn right it is. You bet over 2000, Jerry. He said that was doing what you wanted to do and not doing what you didn't want to do. I said, well, yeah, he said that didn't work, so it must be. To get sober, you're going to have to do some things you'd rather not do and do not do some things you kind of like to do, boy. And every time he took a breath, I said why? That's my Sunday punch. Why?

When I ask you why, I'm not looking for an answer anyway. I'm looking for a fight.

Tell me why. I'll show you where you're confused, Right? You've given me some to argue with, and that's what I want. When I ask you why, Yeah.

And he said I don't answer why questions for the men I sponsor. The reason is why as a management question, excuse me, step one, Section B says you are not in management. Consequently, all of the why questions, questions begin with the word why have the same answer and answer is you don't need to know. And I hated that, hated that. Today. I love it. It's one of my cornerstones because I always thought that it was not knowing that made me crazy. Incorrect. It was needing to know that was making me crazy.

When I lay down the need to know, I became at peace not knowing. That's about about me not being in management on this thing. And

anyway I said why? He says I'm going to give you one free one on why. This is the only why question. You get lifetime. This is the last one. Why do you have to do the 12 steps?

And he said think of yourself as a garbage can. OK, Jerry, I got that one.

He said what we're going to do with his steps is we're going to dump you out, we're going to scrub the can very clean and stand it back upright and we're going to fish through your life. Most of it is trash and we are going to throw it away. But portions are good. We will keep them. For example, do you love your children? Man, I like kids a lot. He's great. We'll keep that. When we get finished with this process, you're going to be a big empty clean can, which is a little good stuff in the bottom.

And the reason is because alcohol is not your problem.

What? Alcohol is not your problem. It's your answer. It's what it I mean. Play with me this time, right? Get ready. When I started drinking, when that second beer hit bottom the first time, I got taller. Who got taller? Come on. Taller. Taller. How about better looking? You want keep him up? Who got better looking? Come on. Did your pimples not fall right off my dad?

Fantastic dancer.

Some double s. I got a bad dancer here. Yeah. Yeah. How about this one? Try this. Expert on many subjects. Oh, yeah.

And it just all made sense now. I got it. Yeah. And I could talk to the girls, still get lubricated lips. You know, all of a sudden I can. OK. But the big one was it. For the first time in my life, something inside me went

and it's just OK to be Scott. See it never had been before, never had been. And he was right and alcohol was never my problem. Not for a second. That's why the non Alcoholics can't understand. They look a guy like me and say alcohol is his problem. They're wrong. It ain't never was I stand by that right now. Alcohol was my answer. And he said that's why you can't put it down on your own. You put it down, but you can't leave it down. And the reason is because it's your answer. So when we ask you to lay down that answer, this is the only thing that ever made your life work. This is the lubricant of life.

Laid that down. That leaves you without an answer. And you're the kind of guy who needs an answer. You've never been an alcoholic. It is that simple. And what you're going to have to have to lay it down and leave it down is a is a new answer. And the new answer is going to have to be at least as good as the old answer.

And he said that's what this step process is about. That's exactly what it's about,

And, and he he said, he said our program is a little bit like going to the dentist. We're going to have to drill before we can fill, he said. But like the dentist, we got novocaine, we called it Home group, we call it sponsorship, we call it fellowship, we call it love. It's not that hard. It's not as hard as the way you've been living. Guys like us have done it. It wasn't that hard. Not as hard as it looks.

And he said he said he'd never seen anybody in out of the program. And I'll be honest with you, I never have either. I've seen a lot of people in and out of this fellowship.

I'm seeing anybody in and out of the program. I have not personally sent anybody do the steps, work the steps, take the steps. I really don't care what the action verb is, is not learn the steps, understand the steps or interpret the steps, save me, but actually do the work in here while being coached by a sponsor who's already done this and stay active in the fellowship and drink again. Has anybody seen that?

I've asked way over 100,000 a members that I speak it kind of at a lot of conferences and I always ask that question. I don't get any hands. Nobody yet has brought me that, that they've seen that it doesn't happen. So this is not some get it, some don't. This is some do it, some don't. It's that simple. I've only seen two men that I'm absolutely certain did these 12 steps drink again. I sponsored them both. I know they did the work. One of them married his new higher power

and she was not fond of the amount of time he spent in AAI. Wonder how she likes him now. And the other one's a hotel manager. He got a job

dude ranch in Arizona 40 miles from the near state meeting was two years without contact with us and he was he was two years before he started drinking again and he's now sober again over 10. Those only two I know that did the work and they they went non current on step 12 that those of us who do this. He said this is about digging the poison out of your soul literally because see I'm stuck in here. See this I used to have all the time. You know what I mean? Go be somebody else,

do it all the time and I'm stuck in here. So the first thing I had to do if I was going to live in here all the time was clean it up. And that's what part of the step works about. And that's what this

that's why I needed the fellowship and the sponsorship to hold my hand while I did this thing.

And he said the reason that you have to do this, he said something heavy one day is just going to slam into your heart. He's give example. He said your father's going to die. And on that day, if you don't have that big empty clean candle, little clean good stuff in the bottom, good stuff in the bottom, but big empty, clean space. If you don't have that to store that paint in while we love you back to spiritual health, you'll escape. And the only escapes you know are killing you and devastating everyone around you.

And I just ran out of wine

and I allowed a man named Jerry Crow to coach me through the 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous.

And I was rendered on thirsty. That was a piece I could. Yeah. I used to quit on my own all the time. You know, I can quit forever, which as you know, is somewhere between 20 minutes and about 8 weeks. Don't talk to the airplanes about forever. You would be frightened about how long they think it is. We know it never, you know, certainly not more than two months. But is one day at a time one of the things I said? You guys say one day at a time will be right. So have they told you the second line on that?

What they actually mean is one day at a time in a row

with like no brakes ever. That's really what they're talking about. I know it is. They didn't fool me

so, so my deal is I can quit, but I can't get on thirsty. So if I'm going to, if I'm going to stay here, they got to get me on thirsty. I got to get that one day at a time in a row. I got to get on Thursday because when I was out there and I'd quit and mean it, sometimes I'd go a couple of weeks, feel better, work better, having a better time, you know, all of that. But something's always coming or I'm going to get thirsty again. I own my own business to close a big deal, make a lot of money, get thirsty, lose a big deal, lose a lot of money, get thirsty, get a new girlfriend, get that. I'm married, by the way.

I'm not proud of that. That's just the way it is. Get thirsty. Get get a new boat, get thirsty. Get a new convertible. Get thirsty or the big one would hit, man.

The Redskins play the Cowboys on Monday night, man. Yeah, and I get thirsty, right. So if I'm going to do this one day at a time in a row, they got to give me this piece I can never find on my own. They got to get me untirsty. Page 60

What for me is the most powerful promise in this book. First line 12 having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, you hear it read a results, not what it says. A is one of several, one of many. V is singular. Promise you one thing, a spiritual awakening. It is my experience that spiritually awaken Alcoholics do not drink beverage alcohol, and they don't ever get thirsty. Ever get thirsty?

That's what happens. I have been continuously UN thirsty since sometime in December of 1984.

I got the sponsor sometime in October or November and was somewhere in the step process when I had my last urge. If if you're new and you and you know what I'm talking about with the double white knuckle grip on the wheel to keep the car from pulling in the liquor store to get you a pint. I'm not living that way. I'm at

cooked turnips make me almost sick of my stomach. I can't eat them. I don't want to be in the house where they're cooking them. I'm having exactly the same amount of trouble staying away from booze. I'm having staying away from cook turnips. It just ain't part of the package for me anymore. It's gone. I have a new answer and it is in fact, better than the old answer. It's the way it had to be. So Jerry explained to me I was going to have to do the steps, and he was very direct. He said you're going to work the steps the way I lay them out at the pace I said, or I'm going to drop you like a bad habit. I do not work with losers.

S what he said, he meant it too,

and I needed something like that. I'm not used to taking orders. I am very used to giving them. Yeah. You hear some more of my story, you'll understand that. And I think the definition of that is, is illuminated on on page Roman numeral 22. I'm sober now. I read the Roman numerals. XXII Forward to this, to the third edition. That's either 3rd or 4th edition. It'll be on 20. If you can find the doctor's opinion, keep turning toward the front. You'll find it. Forward to the third

paragraph begins halfway down the page. The basic principles the a program, it appears, hold good for individuals many different lifestyles, just as the program has brought recovery to those of many different

nationalities. My foreign language skills aren't that good, so I'm going to

kind of ad libbed just a little bit, but stay with me because the concept that is coming so important. So it says the 12 steps that summarize the program.

So that tells me that the steps I see on the wall are a summary of Don, who we talk about a lot, said if you take the steps off the wall, you get off the wall program.

I believe that then that's why we don't have a one page big book is because the rest of that's the directions on how to do those things. That's the Cliff notes. That's for the folks trying to slide with AC minus. Anybody ever tried to ever get an F trying to slide with C -. I did. I can't afford to get an F in this. I must win now. I got to win this time.

I cannot afford the price of not winning this time, and I really don't care what the price is. I will pay it.

There's There's nothing in my life that matters to me that didn't suspend it for my here's my recovery, here's what hangs from it, my sanity. I've been to the insane asylum. I've been in the little rubber room in my underwear with no door knob by my side. About that the only one in here.

Man, I think somebody probably ought to be there now, and I sometimes I think I should. I my my freedom.

I should be serving life in a military prison. I flew for the Air Force for five years. I flew a mission classified top secret handsome stuff. Real drunk. Not this point. One O social drinker DUI drunk drunk. I mean drunk by our standards drunk. Not proud of that should be serving life should have died that night and several others. So my life is suspended from this thing. My relationship with a spectacular woman that you're going to hear tomorrow night. My wife is one of Alan's best speakers. I guarantee

if you listen to her, you'll make notes. You'll go home and start doing some of the things she talks about. She's got a fabulous story and tells it well. My relationship with her and our children and grandchildren, my job, my house, my car, my Peace of Mind. There's nothing in my life that matters to me that doesn't hang from my recovery. Because if I lose that, everything that matters in my life hits the floor and shatters. And I'm not trying to sell that to you. I have no idea what your situation is. That's mine tonight with 24 years. That's where I am right now.

Everything that matters to me hangs from this.

I don't care what the price is, man, I'm paying

and I thought the price was high when I got here.

I price is great fun. Continuing the 12 steps that summarize the program may be called various things, but they trace exactly the same path to recovery that was blazed by the earliest members of Alcoholics Anonymous. Rarely we've seen a person fails thoroughly follow our path. Our path is the 12 steps according to the four to the third edition. One of my teachers told me one time that there were two fellowships, and I think that's a very important point. I think he was right.

The first one, The Fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous is described at the bottom of this page,

says in spite of the great increase in the size and the span of this, fellowship at its court remains simple and personal. Each day, somewhere in the world, recovery begins when one alcoholic shares with another alcoholic, sharing experience, strength and hope. We'll be doing that this weekend. He said. There is another fellowship. It has considerably more stringent entrance requirements. It is described on page 164 in the text

last full paragraph at the bottom. Abandoned yourself to God as you understand God.

Admit your faults to him and to your fellows. Clear away the wreckage of your past. Give freely what you find, and join us. We shall be with you in the fellowship of the Spirit. Fellowship of the Spirit has dramatically more serious entrance requirements than just saying I'm in. You say you're in the fellowship of A A you are

fellowship of the Spirit. That looks to me like the steps in narrative form. So the way I get into the fellowship of the Spirit

as I actually do the steps and I needed, I needed a sponsor.

I've never heard of a great coach in any athletic activity that did not at one time or another play the game.

You can't become a good coach just reading it.

I needed a player coach. I needed someone who had actually done this, who had had his own spiritual awakening

and and would understand me

because I'm a curveball. I've been nowhere near the strike zone for decades. And he would understand that and help me understand how to get from where I was to where he was. I have a single goal for the men that I sponsor. My goal is for them to outgrow me spiritually. I can't think of another worthy goal, and I believe that's the one he had,

but thanks. Good. I'm Bob Durham, an alcoholic.

In

talking about the 12 steps, we're going to cover a lot of stuff out of the book, but probably in my view, more importantly, actual experience. Alcoholics Anonymous is translate transmitted best when you bring personal experience together. What's with with what's in the book? And sometimes in

helping other Alcoholics, I found that my mistakes and my failures are as valuable, if not more valuable than the things I've done right?