The 9th Fellowship of the Spirit NY in Queens, NY

Mitchell, but oh, there he is. Like to bring up Mitchell K from Middletown, NY.

There's no magic tricks in there, so.

OK, I am Mitchell Klein and I am a recovered alcoholic.

How is everybody doing today and yesterday? And

other than the little area, I see everybody's wearing their, the winter coats and

all right, um,

you know, one of the things, you know, talking about the history of AA for me

really begins with kind of telling part of my story and, and how I got interested in the history and what, what, what, you know, what led me to, to look about the history and read about it and, and try and understand it

to kind of like,

it was funny. Bill just asked me like, you know, how long am I going to be speaking for? And, and there was a line that my sponsor always gave once they said, you know,

you know, like, you know, how long are you going to be speaking? You know, what would know? What are you going to be speaking about and what is it about 2-3 hours

And and I said no, no, I can't do that. He could have, but I definitely can't.

I, I kind of like, you know, I guess I became an alcoholic somewhere between the age of 13 and 14.

I had people over it at my parents apartment and, and we were having a party and, and I kind of broke into their booze supply and, and I took a sip. I didn't like it at all. I couldn't stand it. It burned. It kind of like made my eyes water. It just wanted to throw up. I took another sip and then I took a little larger sip and probably within about half an hour, 45 minutes, it felt good.

No longer burn, no longer made me feel nauseous. I fit in. I was part of the crowd. I told jokes, I did all kinds of other fun stuff and and I was off and running from that point on. And I found, you know, alcohol was this wonderful thing. My parents never believed I was an alcoholic, even though that what they did was they, they took all the alcohol in the house. And, and then and because

they used to have in this, this cabinet. And when, when they had company, what happened was, is that they,

they took the bottles out and they were all empty. And it was kind of embarrassing for their company and them to be served nothing. And they wanted to know where it went to. And I said it evaporated was, you know, it's in a closet, it's hot, you know.

So then they, they bought more and then the other supply evaporated. And then what they did was they took an old toy chest of mine and they, they, my father, you know, took a screwdriver and it's, you know, and a whole thing and put a little padlock on it and a clasp and

stuck it in his, you know, in his closet and, and said, like, you know, we're not going to be embarrassed again. And

being an alcoholic, I took a flashlight in a screwdriver and unscrewed the hinges in the back

and the head company and it evaporated in the toy chest.

And then the next time I filled it up with water mixed with tea

so it didn't evaporate but it tasted real bad.

So there's my my introduction. Alcohol around the same time. Better living through chemistry.

So I again, I was, it was, it was beautiful. I fit in. I was able to dance. I was able to make friends. I was able to make enough money to buy a car.

I, you know, one of the things that I used to work in the treatment industry and we help people put resumes together and, and, and one of the things that I used out of my own bag of tricks was that that I spent many years as an independent pharmaceutical salesperson.

Looks good in a resume, but it's just, you know,

so I just, you know, kept going, kept getting, you know, there was like a couple of years in my life. I still have no recollection of, you know, what they were. I, I would come down and, and, you know, be kind of straight for half a day just to see what that felt like. And that was a high for me because I you know, but there were years I have no, no recollection of.

Then I met the woman who was to be my first wife and we, we

got an apartment and in, you know, Pelham Parkway in the Bronx and I kept drinking and stuff. And we were living there for about a year or so, year and a half. And, and my car kept getting broken into. And we decided to move up to Orange County, New York, where my parents had a summer home. And, and I've been going since I was seven years old. So I was very familiar with the area. And we were renting a house. Now, one of the prerequisites for renting a house I I had my own silent prerequisite.

It was across the street from a bar,

so all I had to do, no DWI,

I just had to walk across the street and stagger across the street back. And that was, you know, it was fine and and it was a beautiful thing and, and she started complaining, you know, that I kept losing jobs.

None of my bosses that I work for understood me. And we kept getting into arguments and,

and I would say like, I only have maybe, I don't know, 234 drinks a day.

And she pointed out they were in 16 oz Burger King glasses. But I only had two 3-4 drinks a day. And they got to a point where was commuting into Manhattan. And at 4:00 in the morning, I was sitting there pulling a bottle out from underneath the seat of my car and drinking. And people didn't want to sit next to me. And I, I couldn't figure that out either. So that, that went on

for, for quite a while and I just not only the alcohol I was eating my face and I weighed close to £300.

I was, it was not a nice person. I remember one time we got into an argument. We had these like French doors in the house and, and I just, rather than go off and whatever it is, I went and wanted to storm out of the house and put on a big show and pushed open the French doors And I didn't hit the wood. I hit the glass. 57 stitches later and the ambulance ride to the hospital, the doctor said I should drink some wine

'cause it was be good for part of the healing process. And I had this big smile on my face, you know, it's. So I did that and I

she said like, what are you doing? I said the doctor told me,

and if I was drinking at the time when they came out with, you know, alcohol is good for your heart, I

would have done that as well. And what happened was, is that she went down to Rockland County to, to another fellowship, Overeaters Anonymous. And I guess that meeting she was going to was being held at a, a place where there was an, a, a meeting. And what she did was she kept bringing home pamphlets

and she would say, read these and I would say, I don't have a problem and I would throw them out. And then she would bring home more next week. And he got to a point where she took all the magazines and stuff out of the bathroom and just left the pamphlet. So at 3:30 in the morning, as I'm sitting there,

nothing to read, so I read these pamphlets and it was wonderful that you people had a program that could help you with your problem.

Yeah, it was. It was a great thing. And I told her thank you. You know, it increases my knowledge and increases my, my able to help, the ability to help somebody. If I ever saw about somebody who was an alcoholic and needed help, I could tell them all about AA.

Sooner or later I kind of, I guess, got the message. And the way I got the message was I was down at my parents apartment in the Bronx. I went for a conference for work down in Manhattan and I was staying in their apartment and because of past experience, I couldn't drink in their apartment. They wouldn't let me,

they just didn't understand.

So I took a walk and, and I passed by a church and, and in front of this church, there was a little silver and blue circle with,

you know, with a triangle in the middle of it. And I somewhere in the fog recognized that sign and, and said, Oh, that's that a, a thing. So I figured, let me go in and check it out. You know, my life was falling apart. I kind of staggered through the doors. I was like I said, close to 300 lbs. I stunk, I was shaking. I, I just, and you know, it was talked about about greeters and, and, and the way they did things back in the old days. It was like I was greeted by

I was the youngest person in the room. I was about 28. And so I was greeted by these these these older guys and they put their arms around me and they sat me down. They held me throughout the meeting. I was shaking. I didn't really remember much about what what the speakers were saying. And I really don't also don't know how I ended up on on Bedford Park Blvd., which is a little bit of a distance my parents house, but I just walked.

And so here I was sitting in the meeting and after the meeting, they all sat around and they talked to me and then they, they said,

you know, you know, they, you know, do you think you have a problem with alcohol? And, and I

kind of thought about it for a second and I said, yes, I do. And they kind of asked me to explain why I thought that is because I can't keep a job. My marriage is falling apart. I can't stop drinking. I drink at 4:00 in the morning. I drink it,

you know, 24/7. I drank only on days ending with Y

it. It was just a constant thing for me because I was drinking all the time.

And so they started explaining to me a little bit about this a, a thing I says, but I live upstate, can I find a upstate? And they laughed.

They said, sure, you know, just call up, look up in the phone book. And, and, and then I said, yeah, but, and then they said the only butt I've got is the one I sit on.

And they gave me this advice that a lot of folks here in AAA today is don't drink and go to meetings.

And when your rear end falls off, pick it up, take it to a meeting. And if that doesn't work, go to meetings and don't drink. And no matter what, don't drink and all the other fun stuff. And I, I really believe that. And so I went home and I, I told my wife this wonderful revelation that that I learned in the Bronx and, and then I was no longer going to drink ever again.

And I started going to meetings.

I started going to meetings constantly

I several years ago. You get these things from Social Security Administration. It tells you like what you earned over the last 600 years. I looked at 1975 and I mean I earned $63 that year.

All I did was go to meetings.

I went to meetings, you know, morning meetings, new meetings, night meetings, midnight meetings, candlelight meetings, meetings in other counties. I heard there was a great step meeting in Long Island. I drove down. I was like, you know, go to meetings. I figure if I go to meetings, this is going to work.

The only problem with that was is that nobody ever told me to read the big book. They just told me don't drink, go to meetings. You're, you know, it's great.

And so I was doing everything that I was doing back when I was drinking, I was lying, cheating, stealing, you know, people were cutting me off. I was cutting them off. I was stealing things from my job. I was,

I still wasn't a nice person and, and my life was totally falling apart. My wife told me, like, you know, you have to get out

and I didn't want to get out.

I was comfortable.

I told her I wasn't drinking and she told me I liked you better when you were drinking. At least I knew where you were.

And So what what happened was, is that

I started on this like spiritual search. And what led to that spiritual search? I think, I think Peter had mentioned something. It's amazing. We all really have the same stories, just some of us use different words. I went to my Home group, which is young people Sunday night meeting in Warwick, NY. And a guy walked in the meeting and he said he came home from work, he had a lousy day, slammed the door, kicked the dog, yelled at the kids, almost hit his wife, but it didn't take a drink and it's OK.

And everybody applauded and I cried.

I sat there and I said there's got to be something more to this recovery. There's got to be something more to I didn't take a drink and it's OK.

So I went into search. I did things like

call people up. I read every, every self help book that's out there, every religious book that's out there.

I got in touch with, you know, old timers as part of the a loners program through through general service office, whereas meetings by mail. People write to each other. And I, I picked people who came in in like the 1940s to write to because I wanted to know what it was all about.

And umm, I got connected with, with Nell Wing over at general service office and we hung out together. And I was going through some of the archives because I wanted to learn what it was. Because I finally picked up a big book and I read it and I said what's on the pages in that book is not in the rooms I was going to.

And I went to thousands of meetings and all up and down the East Coast. Nobody was saying what was in that book.

And so I just wanted to read what they had. I mean, I read the stories. I kind of thought what they had, but I had no idea. So. And you know, a comes of age was about the only history book that was out there. And so I just,

you know, being an alcoholic, I kind of knocked on the door of the archives and said, like, I want to learn. And Nell and I struck up a friendship and she gave me a number of somebody to call because I told her I was on a spiritual search and and it was a priest in in half the Grace Maryland. And probably if anybody's been to treatment, you can lip sync his videos, chalk talk and all the other ones. So I call up Father Martin

and I said I think probably one of the most stupid things I've ever said in my life.

I said, you sound just like you do on the tapes.

There was on the other end of the line and it was, and then I realized what I had said and I said, no, really, you know, So we, he was speaking up in New Jersey right after that. And, and I, I said, I'll, I'll go to hear you speak and, and we'll talk afterwards. And he told me to go read seven story Mountain, Thomas Merton and a couple other books. And I'm sitting there in the audience and there's a seat empty in front of me. And The thing is like, pretty much full.

And the guy who comes out from behind the stage is wearing a Roman collar. He sits down in a seat in front of me, and he's talking to a friend of his who's sitting in the front of the row, right in front of me. And of course,

I didn't say anything to him. I just kind of like cringed and froze and, and he finished his talk and I went, you know, he went backstage and I sat there and I said, oops, I blew that opportunity.

And then so through this loneliness program, what happened was, is that I got introduced to somebody who was one of The Pioneers of a, A. And

this guy, Roger, out in Elyria, OH, had told me if I want to, you know, get it right from the horse's mouth, I should contact this guy named Clarence Snyder, 'cause he was like one of the first, you know, original 100 members. And his sponsor was Doctor Bob. And, and I should you know, and he gave me Clarence's address.

Again, being a typical alcoholic, what I did was

why, right? I called information and I got his phone number and I called up and he wasn't home. His wife answered the phone. And then I was very disappointed that he wasn't home for me. He should have been there. He should not have been out doing what he was supposed to be doing. He should have known that I was going to call and I needed help.

Umm, but luckily 5 minutes into the conversation, she said he's walking in the door and, and we struck up a conversation and right then and there

I heard in his voice the peace, the serenity, I heard the calmness,

I heard all the stuff that I wanted in my life.

And so we were calling and writing and calling and writing. And then the other thing that happened was is that

I wanted him to take me through the steps because we talked about going through the steps and, and I figured being an alcoholic, I figured, you know, that I was going to, you know, go down to Florida and, and, and spend the weekend with him and go through the steps and, and be fixed.

And then I call the airline and found out how much it costs to fly down to Florida. And I said I don't want to spend that kind of money.

And then I have to rent a car, you know? So what I do is I decided to hold a retreat in Middletown, NY

and you guys would pay for him to come up from Florida so I can go through the steps.

I mean, that's,

you know, and, and what happened was I think there was about 30 people who came to this retreat at the Holiday Inn on April 4th in 1981.

It ended up costing me. I don't know, because he came up with his wife. So I had to pay for their airline tickets together. I paid their hotel room, I paid their food. I think that of course the man, I have 1500 bucks or something like that and it would have cost me 300 to fly to Florida.

God has got a very weird sense of humor.

So I finally cornered him and we went through the steps that weekend. And because I told him my life was falling apart, I was dying. I didn't want to die. I wanted to live. I wanted what he had, I wanted what the people in that book had. I was not going to take no for an answer. And if I had to like, follow him home, I would do it.

So that's what we did that weekend. And it was, it was difficult.

We got in and what happened was, is pretty much, I told him the story of my life

and some of the same irrational things that I had done, you know, while drinking, like jumping across rooftops, running away from the police with no thought of falling down or, or getting myself hurt. And all the other stuff about my marriage and about my life and about how I drank and how I put things in my body that didn't really belong there and I didn't really care what it was.

And so I, after about an hour or so, he looked at me and, and he said, well, do you think your life has been unmanageable? And I said, definitely my life, even if I'm not, though I'm not drinking right now, is totally unmanageable. Do you think you were powerless over alcohol? I said definitely said okay, we just did step one

and I looked at and I said that's not what these people have been telling me to list like almost five years, you know, can't do it that way. And then he said, well, this is your way working is no.

You know, is he? So he asked me like, you know, if I believed in God. And I said, well, yeah, of course. And he said, well, explain what your belief is. And I told him, well, it is a little bit of Buddha, and it was a little bit of this and a little bit of that. And whatever God was, I made him up to be. And when I wanted to do bad things, I told God to kind of like look the other way,

and he did.

And that was my understanding of God. And it was exactly, you know, what I wanted him to be. So what happened with that was is that he told me that, you know, that was a God of my making, not a God of my understanding. And

he asked me whether I thought that there was a power greater than myself could restore me to sanity. And I said definitely, because my way doesn't work. And he said, fine, you just did Step 2.

And this went on. I mean, we did step three. And it was, it was interesting, nice Jewish boy from the Bronx getting on his knees and, you know, saying Jesus, please, you know, and all this other good stuff. And it's just because that's what Clarence did. And Clarence said, if you know, you want what I have, you do what I did. And

that's it. And anytime I said, excuse me, can we talk about this? He said, well, you know, if you don't want what I have, then go find somebody else who who has what you want and open the door to the room. And I did not want to walk out that door.

So it was, it was an interesting weekend

and my life totally changed after that.

It, you know, I mean, things got worse at times and things got better and things got worse, but I got better.

And then I started really delving into it and talking with Clarence about, about the history and about what, what it was back in those days, you know, that, that, that really worked. And I got a copy of a first edition and I was reading the stories in there and I, that even really turned me on even more. And I spent more and more time with with Nell down in the archives and, and reading stuff and, and

you know, what I'm going to say is kind of like, it's pretty much my opinion and what I've learned over a whole bunch of years in studying the history. And things change all the time

and new research comes out and new things happen and certain things that were facts 5-10 years ago and not facts today. I can remember several years back, there was this wonderful research done up at, I was up at, at Providence, RI and at Brown University. And we do a symposium on a, A and, and it was like 25 of us there who, who were doing this thing. And, and somebody had gone to the Historical Society of Providence and found out that Roland has, it wasn't treated by Doctor Young

because

the record showed that he was not in Switzerland at that particular time. He was somewhere else.

Except recent information has come out saying, no, he wasn't in Switzerland at the time, but he was a year earlier. So therefore this wonderful revelation that he wasn't treated as totally untrue, but he was treated and therefore at a different time period. So historical revelations change

and I've been studying the history for, I don't know, 27 years, whatever it is, reading everything I could, you know, finding, you know, old timers, traveling all over the country to find old timers and people who came in the early days, people came in the 40s and whatever. And I had the opportunity back in

81 or 82, I forgot my memory is gone to go to Lois's house, Lois and Bill's house, stepping stones in Westchester. And and they had a long term as day anybody who came in before 1950. And since I was driving Clarence, they let they let me stay and I had

it was seven years at the times I was 82. And I'm sitting there like a kid in a candy shop because all these people, you know, who were, you know, talking about

interesting stuff about, you know, identifying themselves as high am recovered alcoholic because we were, they all went around the room. And since there's about 140 of them,

he only had a couple of minutes each to speak. There was the shortest talk Clarence ever gave.

And so they all identified themselves pretty much as recovered Alcoholics. And that was the first time I had heard that. I mean, other than from Clarence, because I thought Clarence was a strange guy. He was very controversial and neither you loved him or hated him. So I loved him. And everybody else I, I talked to at meetings didn't like it. And I got, I don't know, death threats and yelled at and kicked out of meetings

from all these loving AAA people.

So I, you know, I sat there and I was, I was talking to these these folks and justice really gathering up a wealth of information. And, and then and then when Clarence was diagnosed with cancer, he had asked me this. I still have yet to figure out to to write his story in the history of a in Cleveland

out of like the hundreds or thousands of people he had sponsored over since 1938. Here's this character he asks to do this. I don't know what he saw me and whatever because I other than like a college paper, I'd never written anything, you know?

So I said, sure, you know, I'll do it, you know, make my sponsor a promise, make him proud of me. And I started writing this thing and it's like, Oh my God. You know, I mean, I could probably write fiction a lot easier than I can write nonfiction because it's got to be true.

And I couldn't just write everything that he said because I had to back it up because I knew that somebody was going to say, like, that's not true.

So I went around again, interviewing people, reading stuff, going to archives, talking to people. And the stuff that I learned, you know, that that AAI thought was like this,

you know, this program that they sat down, these old guys sat down and they wrote this thing and it was a wonderful book. And it was like these people had like hundreds of years of sobriety behind them. And I realized that

Punch a Day One Dingbats wrote that book.

Bill had, what, just over four years. Bob had about four years. Everybody else had somewhere between. I think the average is about a year and a half. Of all the people who wrote that book, there was like nobody there with more than a little over four years.

And today here at meetings, you know, you don't get your brains out of Hock until after five years.

We wouldn't have had that book if people in AAA today were back then.

I don't think we would have had a A today if people around today were back then.

And so I said like, this is this is, you know, you can recover. I went through the steps in a weekend. Nobody bought that one,

you know, And it was great. It was easy, it was simple. He explained it to me so simply that that an idiot like me can understand it.

And so I was reading books and you know, you know, we were talking about the columns

4th step and, and I came across this book. I've read just about every Oxford Group book that there was out there because most of them are where the the Big Book came from.

And in this book called I Was a Pagan by Victor Kitchen,

it

it has what the Oxford Group called the Game of Truth.

The whole changing direction of my life can best perhaps be illustrated through a version of the Game of Truth taught me by a member of the Oxford Group.

You write down 5 things you honestly like most in life, and you write down 5 things you most hate. Then if any changes come into your life, you write them down again and show the comparison between your old life and the new life.

So when this thing is pretty much two columns, it says in my old life I most like myself, liquor, tobacco, almost any other stimulant, narcotic form of self indulgence. And in my new life, I most like God, Time alone with God, the fellowship of living, the living Jesus Christ, the stimulation of the Holy Spirit.

I hated most poverty for myself, prohibition work. And today I hate most sin myself because I is the middle letter of sin and sins that separate me from God. And I'm saying this is the columns, this is the 4th step. This is, you know,

the original idea where this came from, the game of truth.

And, and then I can't bother reading other books. I was reading the common sense of drinking, Richard Peabody and, and reading a story about a guy who like had problems in business and, and he like said he's going to have to stop drinking. And he didn't drink for 25 years. And, and, and then when he retired, he got drunk and he died. And I'm saying, wait a minute. I've read this story somewhere before

and it's in the book

and then there was something in there about half measures. Or you know, will avail you nothing

and reading Shoemaker and finding more of AA and Shoemaker and and then reading

what is the Oxford group, which which I like totally loved because again, it's just about

a it's you cannot belong to the Oxford group. It has no membership list, subscriptions, badges, rules, definite location. It's a name for a group of people who from every ranked profession and trade in many countries have surrendered their lives to God and who are endeavoring to lead a spiritual quality of life under the guidance of the Holy Spirit.

I mean that, you know, makes sense. The four activities of the Oxford Group is the sharing of our sins and temptations with another Christian life given to God and to you. Sharing as witness to help others still unchanged, to recognize and acknowledge their sins. Surrender our life past, present and future into God's keeping and direction. Restitution to all whom we have wrong, directly or indirectly,

and listening to, accepting, relying on God's guidance, and carrying it out in everything we do or say, great or small.

And this book was written in

1933.

So,

you know, all this stuff that's in that book was really not written by a bunch of day one thing bats. It was written by a whole bunch of folks in spiritual movements that have been around for a long, long time. Reading about the Emmanuel movement, reading about the Washingtonians and how some of the rules of the Washingtonians,

you know, just like screaming out our traditions and what they did. And they got involved in politics and they got involved in money. And they got involved in, in all the stuff about getting celebrities and, and, and all kinds of people to be part of the Washingtonians and how that led to the ruin of the Washingtonians. NAA tried to get all the parts of the manual movement in the Oxford group in the Washingtonians. That didn't work

and put them as as guidelines in in, in the traditions and in the steps and in the way the program is practiced

so that we wouldn't make the same mistakes.

And I find it fascinating that it was just not

something that just came up out of thin air because all these guys read all these books. One of the things that that years ago when I first started collecting a lot of this stuff, it was pretty easy to get the books today because now everybody wants them. Their prices are ridiculously high. And a book I can get for 10 bucks 1520 years ago I would pay 300 for today.

And, and so it's difficult. So it's the history I find is is really important because I think, you know,

I think Frank Mauser, once the one of the archivists at AA once mentioned it was a call Sandberg quote. And I'll paraphrase, it was was that whenever a civilization, a society declines or perishes, there's always one condition present in that condition as they forgot where they came from.

And today I'm finding an AA and I love, you know, weekends like this in Fellowship of the spirit and listening to, you know, the little pockets of enthusiasm and and the little pockets of people saying something got to work better than what we got and something does work better than what we got. It's cold. Alcoholics Anonymous.

And here's where I kind of like go on to my soapbox as far as that goes. It's for me,

what I'm seeing is what is kind of like taking a, A away from its history and away from where we came from and away from who we were,

was a desire to be all things to all people, not offend anybody, not scare anybody away, not make anybody, you know, walk out of the room or cry or you know, or you know, or offend anybody. And it was, it was, you know, it became Burger King, you know, have it your way.

One of the things that Henrietta Cyberling that the woman who introduced Bill and Bob had said, because Bob and Bill both went to her and said, like, you know,

we've been, you know, hearing all this stuff. People, you know, don't like all this talk about God and they don't like all this talk about, you know, higher power. And is it, should we take it out? Should we kind of like slow it down a little bit? And what she said made a whole lot of sense. And they kind of like forgot about that train of thought. And what she said is Alcoholics have been pleasing themselves their whole lives. And we're here to please God.

And that to me makes a lot of sense. And yeah, I get in trouble at meeting sometimes because, you know, especially a lot of the hardcore meetings and and, you know, if it's not in the 1st 164 pages, I don't want to hear about it. And then I bring in a book like what is the Oxford Group? And I start quoting. And they said that sounds like the big book, but it's not. I said that's where the big book came from. And they said, can you please leave?

And I tell him, I said, you know, it's not just the 164 pages, not just not drinking.

And that was another thing I found out was, was it wasn't for me just not drinking

because I didn't drink for five years and almost five years. And I was totally miserable. My life was miserable. Everything about me was miserable. I went to an anniversary meeting one day and the guy was speaking and he said he had 12 years of sobriety in him in the worst 12 years of his life.

And I called. I said, why don't you just go drink?

So I mean, one of the things I recommend to people of these is if you can study the history and read the history and there's, there's tons of great history books out there.

The Oxford group is, is amazing. And depending on on on points of view. I mean, if you want to read a strictly Christian point of view, Dick B has got like 20 some odd books on on on the spiritual roots, the biblical roots of A A Mel B has got several books on on on history of a A Ernie Ernie Kurtz

is, I mean, I love his stuff, Spirituality of imperfection. It was one of my most favorite books, even though it's really not the history of AA, but it's one of the most amazing books I've ever read as far as acceptance and the fact that we make mistakes and we screw up and I make mistakes and screw up all the time.

And there's stuff out there. And again, one of the other things I hear because I know some people are going to go back to the meetings after this weekend and it's like you're all on fire and it's like a wonderful thing. And, and you know what I heard this weekend? And they're going to look at you like you've got 3 heads and you know, and kind of like pretty soon seats next to you at the table are going to like be empty and nobody's going to talk to you and that type of thing.

Because you're only allowed to read conference approved literature

Because I get in trouble bringing anything. It's not conference approved and you know, in A room

and what I also bring when I go,

it's a little article

which Box 459, I think that's

something published by General Services of Alcoholics Anonymous,

which talks about

what any a member reads is no business of GSO or of the conference, naturally. But when you see the emblem shown at the top of the article, you can be sure that the material has been tediously slow and sometimes torturous screenings.

It may be even more important that all conference approved a a materialist exhibit clearly separate from other publications.

It says is that you know, GSO does not oppose any other literature. A8 does not oppose any other literature

and when people tell you that only conference approved literature

you know can tell them that, they says unless they've changed it, which is possible. I've seen them do that,

change things,

You know, it's, it's OK, you know, as long as it's recognized, especially for the newcomer who may get a little confused about certain things. Because I, I've read some really strange things about sitting under a pyramid and an amethyst crystal kind of floating over your head. And if you do that for 18 hours a day, you will never drink again.

I mean, some stuff is a little out there

and that maybe should be at a different table than conference approved literature.

But there's a lot of great stuff out there. And I find in my travels there's a lot of people who really aren't interested in a history and how that

really, because it's like, you know, who cares what they did back then? I get I get yelled at all the time. I do a lot of like online stuff and people say like, I really don't care what the old timers did because as long as I don't pick up a drink, I'm going to, I'm going to be sober.

And I said you're angry, you're this, you're that. It's like that's may not be, you know, officially not sober, but it's definitely not sober like behavior

and people don't, you know, don't want to know about the history. But The thing is, is that unless you know where we came from,

you really don't know where we're going. And one of the great resurgences that I keep seeing is that

little pockets like this, you know, come up and people talk about

you're studying the book, which is something, again, that nobody when I first came around did. Yes, people told me to read the 12:00 and 12:00

until somebody pointed out to me, you know, in, in, in the big book, if you look in the front, which says list all the literature, it tells you what the 12 and 12 is. It is an interpretive commentary written by a cofounder.

Now, anybody in this room can write an interpretive commentary.

As a matter of fact, a whole bunch of folks down in Akron, OH,

including Doctor Bob, wrote an interpretive commentary and Dr. Bob help edit it and add to it and subtract to it and change it. It's called A Little Red Book.

That was an interpretive commentary, and it was very popular,