The 12th step at the Fellowship of the Spirit in Queens, NY

Alcoholic

after the meeting. Speak now,

OK?

Grateful. Be alive and sober. And here this morning

God separated me from alcohol. June 23rd, 1988 here this morning recovered from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body. And before we get going, we have an A a birthday here today. My friend Joel M is celebrating 23 years today.

Myers was talking about China, look like a New Yorker. Had some Iceland friends were going to New York and they were trying to fit in and they asked me what do I do? My friends on Iceland. I said you want to fit in and look like a New Yorker, just walk around looking pissed off and

don't fit right in.

I had a a friend of mine was living in Midtown and he went to California for six months on a music project and he called me. So I can't wait to get back home to New York. Just have someone tell me to drop dead to feel at home.

I was in Texas recently. Chris was kind enough to invite me down there. And I actually got to Texas twice. And I got lost driving in, in Dallas. And I, it was pulled into a gas station. And I gave him my best New York spiritual approach. Help me. I'm lost, you know? And the guy was like, whoa, whoa, whoa, slow down. How are you? Good morning. And he's giving me all this.

Buddy, I'm from another country. It's called New York, man. Get get to the point.

I, I was in Dallas and I had the, that really the, the, the pleasure of touching history. I spent some time with CSC and I'm in his archives and I'm sitting there, we're talking to CRC. And every time someone would walk into his office, I mean, the South and the West is as you know, a little different than up here. And he kept saying inviting people in, like, come on in, come on in. And my Home group was like, we got too many chase him, chase him.

Pretty neat deal when you travel a little bit different from New York.

God separated me June 23rd, 1988 and um,

there were people out there

who from I guess a good place in the heart were telling me hang in there,

don't rush it with the steps. Duty A A Walls 123123123 You're not ready for the steps. The 4th step will get you drunk.

Got to be sober a year. Get a sponsor with a year or more sober. A lot of stuff like this and you know, you only know what you know and they didn't know too much.

And what I was doing was hanging off a deal like doing the white knuckles sobriety and Alcoholics Anonymous. I was living in Minnesota in December 22nd, 1988. More than anything else in the world, I wanted to drink.

I was still running around in Alcoholics Anonymous untreated. My behavior was resembling that of an active drunk. There were things I was doing in a a making meetings saying I have so many days of so many months sober that, you know, I really want want a a people to see me doing. And it was a matter of time before I picked up a drink and I was in Minneapolis and I was driving in this car. I forget the avenue, maybe Washington Ave., whatever it was, and I was looking the first bar I come up to or if I

some guys, you know, doing, dealing some things. I was, I had to get out of this. The torment of being separated from alcohol without a solution, running around untreated was just as painful when I was out there. The only difference was there was nothing in me. I was still separated. And then this, this desk, this quiet desperation. I made a just as Hector was talking about sometimes we don't always talk to God so politely. And that's where I was. And I, I screamed him for some help and I got this intuitive thought to go see this

who I met in in Minnesota. And I showed up at his door with my dramas alive, separated 6 months completely out of my mind. And this was December 22nd, 1980, almost six months to the day. And I show up at his dawn. I'm telling you know, Christmas is showing up and this girl who I was sort of dating doesn't want me coming around anymore. And it was all, it was all coming down on me again in here. And it was like a vice grip squeezing with no mercy. And it was just coming down and I was missing my family. I was still unemployed. It was all over me

and he listened. And then he says where you would God in the 12 steps

and I says, well when do you start the steps? And he says when you stop throwing up, you're late.

And he disturbed me, like a lot of people who were awake and gave me truth, disturbed me on this question of alcoholism. I did not want to hear that. What I wanted to hear was come on in, sit down. Let's read page 449 and talk about acceptance, you know, and let's talk about our feelings. And you're really a good guys having a bad time. And that's what my illness would love to hear to endorse exactly what was going on and take me right back to a suddenly I'm drinking

and I was once again say a don't a a don't work for me. But people who are armed with the facts God put in my life,

who had a solution, who suffered from what I suffered from, who were real Alcoholics, and this guy gave me truth. And many, many times, whenever I was given truth, even currently, it isn't always pleasant to hear. He didn't have an attitude of holy and doubt. There were no lectures to endure, no fees to be paid. He was doing this as Myers talked because this is what we moved to do. We lied to a drunk with guilty of taking a hit when they die.

I know some people over in Brooklyn, you know, you got heroin addicts coming to a A1, guy overdosed and died and people went to the meeting, say

cheap poor guy, he died. And I raised my hand and said how many people going to take the hit for that? Who sent them to Narcotics Anonymous?

You know, get crackheads coming to Talcolo, synonymous. And they go in and out, in and out, in and out, and then they die and we say we didn't, they don't want it enough. And my question is, who sent them to Cocaine Anonymous?

See, it's a huge responsibility. We wake up. It comes with a big responsibility. Page 68 says God will demonstrate through me what he can do. That's responsibility. And what I've been finding out recently, it talks about rigorous honesty. It doesn't only mean cash register honest. What am I being honest with a drunk who doesn't know anything else?

He's depending on me or you for an answer. Even if he doesn't want to hear it. Even if he gets pissed off and walks away tough. Gave him truth. A guy came to me a while ago to he asked me to sponsor him and I asked him if you're a real alcoholic and he said yes in getting to know him. He had two beers in his entire life. The guy was strictly a heroin addict.

That's what his deal was. And I says you know something come to our open a a meetings. But have you ever gone to narcotics and arms? It don't work for me. I don't like the people there, but that's where you belong. Did you ever think of that? You drink 2 beers in your entire life and you've been relapsing forever. You never spoke to me again. Left. I was coming out of a cigar shop and this guy in his big truck drives up rolls down and was I want to talk to you. He's Oh, here we go.

He gets out of the car with a bunch of these key chains and gives me a hug and he gets somewhat emotional about it and he says I went to that meeting you told me about on a resentment because I wanted to prove you wrong so I didn't like you.

He says. I walked in, the speaker had started and I caught the tail end. He says of the speaker's talk. And I listened to the comments around the room. I have 18 months separated. He's my life has never been better. I can't thank you enough.

So when we give truth, don't expect it to be embraced with loving arms. Open arms,

but there was another life that I was able to contribute to helping get better and which is what we do here.

The very beginning of this book. You know it's not in the 4th edition and I pray it's true.

I really use my big book man.

It's not in the 4th edition, and I really think we all have to take a hit for that, including the people who put the 4th edition together. And I pray A doesn't stop becoming politically correct because we're doomed. But it's in the 3rd edition. And on the fly page it says. But the basic text pages 1 to 164 have remained unchanged. This is the AA message,

the first portion of this book. So the question to sit with is what message am I passing on? Page 164 says something like ask him each day in your morning meditation what you can do for the man who still suffers. Am I doing any of this stuff? What message am I passing on? If I'm untreated, my message isn't going to be too clear. It's going to be a watered down gobble message or just bad information

the 4th day. I understand. I'm going to take that out of the 4th edition, including something else that was totally off the wall about how the Internet can replace a a a meeting or work with another drunk

you guys know about. They took it out OK. Thank God.

I just show up like Bill and Bob, like screaming at us. What are you doing? You know, how could that replace me sitting down at a table with another drunk? You can't. So I'm grateful that's out. Thanks for that info.

I remember meeting a man

while I was using lots of family members, caring family members would say, hey, you got to stop. Non Alcoholics. Friends on the street were saying you got to get your act together, you're dying, don't you see what's going on? Non Alcoholics. And then I met a man right before I went off to treatment who was a real alcoholic. And it was through a series of circumstances that I met this guy and he sat down across a desk and he told me in about 10 minutes, give me a 10 minute pitch,

what it was like, what happened, what it's like for him now. And he talked about

living in the streets and living in hallways and doing anything for the price of a drink. And he told me how he woke up, how he got better through Alcoholics Anonymous. And that was the first time in my life someone told me that type of story.

Doctor Bob talks about how Bill spoke his language. This guy, Vince Dee from Manhattan spoke my language. And you didn't tell me you have to stop drinking. He didn't tell me you better be doing this. He just shed his story

and that has stood with me over the last 15 years. When I'm working with the drunk, I don't need to preach, I need to give a lecture. Just share my experience, strength and hope.

The very beginning of the book.

I can find it. Pieces of my book.

Ah, forward to the 1st edition. It says we. That's us of Alcoholics Anonymous and more than 100 men and women. And here's our word, recovered from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body. And his sponsorship. Am I doing this to show other Alcoholics precisely how we have recovered as the main purpose of this book? And am I showing other Alcoholics precisely how I have recovered? My book uses words like precise, clear cut, exact and specific.

What kind of information am I giving to the alcoholic? When someone comes to me to sponsor I I don't take them on right away. I'm sorry, I don't do that. I don't say, sure, I'll sponsor you. I agree to sponsor them on certain conditions,

and it was given to me that they have to meet some conditions. And first of all, a book is really clear. Am I convinced that he's an alcoholic? I've worked with guys that they're not Alcoholics. Like the story I showed a moment ago. I've come to guys who belong in other fellowships, can't help, no identification with crack cocaine. I can't. I can't deal. I don't know how to deal with that.

People just need to go to therapy.

I'm not convinced. It was tough for me to admit that to some people, but that's what I do. I asked them to go home and read the first portion of his book and while I sit and talk with them and when they come back and they read, they read this book. On my second visit, I asked them are they ready to go through it to 12 proposals and tell their story. That's what our book talks about. And if they agree, I asked them a couple of questions and one is them are you willing to go to any lengths

to recover? And if they start him and in horn about it and start asking are the conditions about it, I'm out of there

and I'll get to a page in a minute that talks about spending too much time on one may deny someone else. See, I'm so focused on you. You have to get it. You have to get it, You have to get it. And I don't hear the guy banging on my door. Please help me. That was time for me to get to, to say, you know, to move on to another drunk.

My sponsors asked me to meet many conditions through to this work and I'm able to do that with others. One of the things that was done for me and I, I do with drunks now is let them know what they're in for

that there's going to be times they'll be calling me on the phone, times we're going to be meeting together and going through this work. They're going to be writing a fourth step. It's not going to be one of these things you hear about in a, a well, I did my 4th step in my head. They didn't be getting a pen and paper and putting it to paper. They're going to be sharing a fifth step with me and others. I do multiple fifth steps now

that they had a responsibility to go out and repair the damage they've done. And when they get to that place, when they enter the world of the Spirit, they must go back into the fellowship

and look for a new prospect. It's vital to what we do to go pull others out. See, I am I, I tell you, I am just so grateful that people, this deal was so real for them. When I showed up in 1988, like that gentleman who asked me where was I with God in the 12 steps,

their recovery was so important to them that when I walked in a door, they said there's a new drunk, not Pete Marinelli, but there's a new drunk, let's go get him. And they passed this message on. It was that it was that important to them to keep this going.

I'm grateful for that. And that's what I try to do. And I will tell you I've caught some grief at my own Home group for doing that. That was told by, you know, some old timers, leave them alone. They'll find their way. And I think about the days when I walked in here scared to death. I'm grateful that people came over and put their hand hand out for me. You know, you say, well, this guy looks like he's been around a while. How do I know? How do I know how much pain the person next to me is in unless Ioffer my hand? And sometimes we get pushed away.

Sometimes.

Yeah, you hear these words. It's about love and service. And we think of many ways which will encompass love and service. But I I can tell you with my own eyes what I've seen that has made it so real, what love and service means for me.

You watch a meeting break up

and you go take a look in the parking lot. You may be right in the middle of it. Watch a drunk walking with another drunk through another drama of life. Watching a drunk pulling a drunk out of a hole

that he's in that only we know how to go in and walk out. Lots of drunk sitting down and, you know, having his day interrupted. What usual plans that we have for the day when the phone rings or junk rings a doorbell and needs to walk through another drama or life and we're there for them. That's the real deal. That's that's sometimes the firing line. That's where rubber hits the road. I mean, we can talk maybe a great talk about, you know, how we're really going to any lens and then the phone rings and the ball game is on. What are we going to do?

I was sitting in my house with a house full of company watching a ball game

and the phone rings and

we're having a nice time, me and my brothers and my wife and his wife and

friends, says this guy Louise on Bay Ridge. He's in the street. We need to get him to a hospital. He's in really bad shape. And it don't cross my mind of all the people on a A. It's two minutes left and Knicks are losing. You're calling me now

and my spirit says go. And I excused myself from this company and I went down there

and I was an instrument for God that night, the way this other guy was. And we got Louie to a hospital. Sadly, he died, but I was there. That's what we do. In fact, you know something, once you wake up, you can't not do that. You have to you know, is God everything or nothing.

Open up a book to the 12th step here you notice it by the way, step 12 doesn't talk about it. The spiritual awakening in this chapter because you've had it already. It doesn't say in case you had a spiritual awakening. Let us know you know you've had it now going to tell us what to do with it and they get right into working with others and some you know some of the things we take takes their statements and turn them into questions. It's his practical experiences that nothing was so much in true immunity from drinking as intensive work with Alcoholics. That's a promise

and also a condition. Intensive work. Now here's my phone number. Give me a call. Intensive work. Maya's talked about that. I've heard Chris talk about that many times. My sponsor stresses that to me. What am I doing with these guys?

It's his carious message through other Alcoholics with a little exclamation next to it. So it's important. It says you can help when no one else can. You know why? Because we have the same deal. We suffer from the same illness. We speak each others language. It's the language of the heart. There's no lectures to be endured. Sometimes you get them from your sponsor. In order to wake them up, you got to shake them up. And sometimes we got to do that,

but that's what we do. It says you can secure the confidence when others fail. My family begged, pleaded, prayed over me to get sober. And then another drunk. God sends a messenger, another drunk, a real alcoholic, into my life named Vince D in 1988. And I'm here a real drunk doing the deal.

It says, remember they are very ill. And that's for me because over the years I've worked with someone and wanted them to perform like the best AA, 20 minutes separated from alcohol. And they would do certain things that I could just not understand why they were doing it. And it was pointed out to me, remember they were very ill or utilitis. You know the brightest light bulb when you walked in here?

No, and that is a call for me to be a little patient and tolerant and loving like God is with me.

Life will take on new meaning. Does it when I work with a drunk? Or is it another chore, another inconvenience? See, if I'm really awake and I got something to pass on, some experience. And I'm excited about this because I'm excited about the life you've given me. Well, I'm excited about passing it on, whether you want it or not.

And I'll tell you this, over the years I've been guilty of force feeding this message to Alcoholics because I wanted it more for you than you did. And I've been guilty of watering it down for the same reason I wanted it more for you than you did. And through a lot of trial and error and some amends, I've been able to get to a place where I give it away the way God moves me to give it away. The message doesn't change, but sometimes the delivery does. Some guys you got a little, you know, balk a little bit. And some people you can just talk very calmly.

The message doesn't change. My experience does though. You know, going through the work and getting getting a freer, I got some more things to pass on to another drunk.

It's just to watch people recover, to see them help others, to watch loneliness vanish. Do you see a fellowship grow up around around myself and those new people?

To have a host of friends, there's an experience you must not miss. Am I getting any of that stuff? Is any of that stuff happening to me? You know, and my, the prospects, the guys that I'm working with, right? Is that stuff happening to them? I just talked about it, you know, taking a guy, walking him to this work, and then you walk into your Home group and they're sitting on the side with a new drunk with the big book.

Pretty neat

because it talks about in our book how this ever widening circle, that's it, Passed on to me, passed on to another, passed on to another. Hopefully an undiluted, ungobled message. The real deal,

it says a little bit down further. We know you will not want to miss it. Frequent contact with newcomers and with each other is the bright spot of my life, and that has been one of the many bright spots in my life. What message am I passing on? Vision for you says I cannot transmit something I haven't got.

What am I passing on?

Just want to go over to page

92

at the top. By telling him our story. It's just telling how baffled you are, how you finally learned that you were sick. Would just tell him

given the count of your struggles you made to stop identification. I know for me I was just somebody like talk my language. Please don't lecture to me. Don't bark me. I've gotten all don't don't beat me up. I've gotten that man who speaks my language. Can't you just stop after a couple of drinks I was told can't you drink socially? I can't now I get a guy tells him how many times I tried to stop and I couldn't and I lost this and this happened to me and that happened to me and I got my ears are listening.

And then what we do like they did with me, they bait us because we sit back and say what did you do? And that opens up the door to this,

it said. Show them the mental twist that leads to the first drink of a spree.

We suggest you do this, that we have done it on a chapter on alcoholism. So they're giving us instructions on even how to do with this. Page 96

actually, I'm sorry, bottom of page 92 last paragraphs is continue to speak of alcoholism as an illness, a fatal malady. Talk about the conditions of body and mind. Now you have better read and have an experience with doctor's opinion to know what you're talking about here by the time you get to this pod. Talk about the obsession, talk about the compulsion, how the mind is, where the main problem is that my mind is going to convince me to drink again. No one else.

My mind will let me buy the lie once I pick up the drink. The compulsion of phenomena, craving, that's what they suffer from. I need to share that stuff with them so they know what they're up against.

I'm in this class right now

and a lot of professionals in the alcoholism field are in this classroom and it has to do with this. And that is mean another drunk in this room. And these are all professionals in the business who have never even opened up the big book Alcoholics Anonymous.

And I got people showing up a dead door and these detoxes and treatment centers. And I'm wondering what kind of information are they passing on to the guy who or the woman who's dying when they say, listen, I want to stop but I can't. What do I suffer from?

What are they telling him?

We have a huge responsibility to be awakened and formed here. When that drunk says, hey Pete, why can't I stop drinking, I better know about this stuff.

Page 96 this was talking about earlier when, you know, sometimes we spend days and days with one drunk who just don't want to hear it and we missed the one banging on a door. It says, do not be discouraged if your prospect does not respond at once. Search out another alcohol can try again. You're sure to find someone desperate enough to accept with eagerness what you got to offer.

Somebody was there for me. Hey, if you're if you're in here this morning and you don't have a sponsor and you're sponsoring yourself,

I'll be delicate. Your sponsors an idiot.

If you're looking for a sponsor and you don't know who to ask,

OK, I'll tell you from my own experience. Go in prayer and ask God. Why would he deny you to someone to take you to him? He won't. He's too loving for that. Just as godfather. I need a teacher. I need a sponsor. I'm hurting. I don't want to drink anymore. I know what's going to happen to me if I keep doing this. I'm going to drink and die. Please put a teacher in my life. Guess what he or she's already out there. See God's constantly giving. We just have to wake up to it. Your teachers around. If you don't have one, he or she's around. It's

your Home group is another group may be here this morning. They're there. You just have to wake up to it. They're around. There's a whole bunch in this room this morning. Just ask God, show me a teacher. It happened with me twice in my life with two sponsors who completely helped change my life as recent as 18 months ago.

So I'll only share my experience with this stuff because if I don't then I'm lying to you and I won't do that. I won't lie to a drunk

it says we find that a waste of time to keep chasing a man who cannot or will not work with you. If you leave such a person alone he may soon become convinced that he cannot recover by himself. To spend too much time on any ones situation is to deny some other alcoholic and opportunity to live and be happy. You see the responsibility. We got to be awake to do that. Sometimes ego will get in a way and we say, I say to myself, I'm going to get him sober regardless,

and I miss the people who are dying. This ain't about ego. This is God's work.

I've had wonderful experiences working with this 12 step. I've done just so many 12 step calls God's allowed me to do. Some of them were ugly. I've had people leave message on on my machine that weren't very pretty.

I've had people look to fight with me. I've tried to go on 12 step calls with someone else. You don't know what the home is like when you walk in there. I've walked into many homes

do that. Sometimes ego will get in the way and we say, I say to myself, I'm going to get him sober regardless,

and I miss the people who were dying. This ain't about ego. This is God's work.

I've had wonderful experiences working with this 12 step. I've done just so many 12 step calls God's allowed me to do. Some of them were ugly. I've had people leave message on on my machine that weren't very pretty.

I've had people look to fight with me. I've tried to go on 12 step calls with someone else. You don't know what the home is like when you walk in there. I walked into many homes. If it's if you don't know the person, you don't know what they're capable of doing.

Under the influence, anything is possible.

But I shared yesterday, walking into a home where there's an active drunk, what it's like and you go back in there when that person recovers, it's a new home. The family's different. It's great to see and I feel privileged to be a part of that. I had one drunk. I was taking him to Bailey Seat in Staten Island. He was just fired up and I put him in the back seat and he wanted to drive.

He insisted on driving. And I don't like barking, but I was, you know, I started barking at this guy and then he started to cry and get sick in the back seat of my car and,

and my heart was broken because I remember when the guy was sober, you know, seem around the rooms. So we, we, we visit lots of places doing this and, and I'll close with this

two paragraphs on page 164. It says a book is meant to be suggestive. Only we realize we know only a little. God will constantly disclose more to you and to us asking in your morning meditation what you can do each day for the man who's still sick.

The answers will come is a condition. If my house is in order is my house in order. If I'm not clear, I can hear very simple. If I'm loaded with self, I I can't. I can't interpret God's voice through you or through my spirit. I can't. It says the answers will come if your own house is in order, but obviously you cannot transmit something you haven't got see to it these very clear instructions that your your relationship with him is right and great events will come to pass for you and countless others.

And that's one. Watching someone else wake up, seeing people come in here with nothing like I did and wake up and go back into the fellowship and work with others. That's a great event. That's being resurrected in Alcoholics Anonymous the way this weekend has been a great event.

This is the great fact for us abandoning yourself to God as you understand God. Omit your false them into your fellows. Clear away the wreckage of your past, give freely of what you find, and join us.

We shall be with you in the fellowship of the Spirit. You surely meet some of us if you charge the road of happy destiny.

May God bless you and keep you until then. And thank you for this weekend.