Fellowship of the spirit conference at St. John's University in New York, NY

OK, he's column one. OK, give me some stuff in column two. What are you angry about?

That he had an affair? That he left the country.

That he's a kid,

he's a child. He's irresponsible.

Let's see, what else? OK, let's, let's let's back up a minute. You said the first one. The first reason was what?

He had an affair. He had an affair. OK, I need someone to play the wife. Come here and play the wife.

Just stand back behind here.

Now, when I when I ask you to play a role, here's what I want you to think about. You're you're in a one act play and you got one role. You're the wife, period. You, you don't know any of the rest of these characters in this play with you. You have one role. It's the wife only. So when I ask you for a response, I want you to give me a response that a wife would give. OK,

well, yes, so any response you give me is going to be the response of a wife. OK, now let's see.

Pick someone to let's see. He had he had an affair.

The wife is different from your sexuality. It's a whole nother deal, right? So pick someone to represent your sexuality.

Yes,

I don't care.

Cheer inventory your life.

Pick. Pick someone. OK, come on up.

We'll, we'll call this the

go. Now she has a resentment, right? So

this is her sexuality. Call it the sex kit and call it whatever her sexual energy. You got to understand what, what the first thing she's writing in column two is the husband had an affair, correct? So when when I ask you for a response, what defined you is your sexual energy, how you perform in bed, blah blah blah blah blah, right

boy, See how she's having a hard time here? You're right, she's having a hard time.

OK, let me think. I Did this impact your children?

OK, So we need. OK, we got. Yeah. Pick the mother. The mother's different than the wife. You get it,

do you? Ladies have had split personalities for a long time, so we need we pick. Pick a Mama.

Cheesy. Oh, she has that look, though, doesn't she? Come on. OK, all right. Pick someone else,

Larry looks like.

OK, you, you just go ahead and stand there. So again,

when all this information comes up,

your response is going to be strictly that of, of the mother, right? You're you're the mother. And and I want the response I'm going to want from you is how this impacts you as the mother. You don't know about the sexual energy and you don't know about the wife. You don't care. You got one role in this one act play, right. OK, now what? What other things did you say in the second column? Well, there's my spiritual, oh, second column we're talking about. Oh well, yeah, let's stick with this.

I want to show you this is good.

This is 1 little piece is one piece of inventory and I want to show you what she has been up against and I I know some of her history. She's been up against this a long time. Now we pick someone to pay. Play the spiritual woman.

Oh, yeah.

It's always interesting who they pick. That's always kind of interesting. Now you've got Xena. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Find a Zena. Find an angry woman.

Ah, she says all. Who me Angry?

Yeah. OK, squeeze in here. Is Zena the equivalent of Rambo but female? Yeah. So your your role within this multiple personality disorder is

your role is to protect and defend, period. Correct. You're that you're that female Xena part. You've got one too. So you know what I'm talking about. So when I translate, when, when you get this information that's going to roll in what I want, what I'm going to want from you is your reaction to that as Xena, Right. OK, what else? So what do we got it? We got Xena. We got the mother. We have that the sexuality, we have the wife

and we have the spiritual woman. Where's Miss A? A? We don't. Well, we we're calling her the spiritual woman. Miss A A

and then, huh.

Oh, yeah. OK, yeah, pick a pick a career woman

never emailing you again.

How? How did you find out about the affair?

My business partner told me,

Oh no, out. Ouch. Oh, no. Let's see

now,

Mark. Mark has a nose for who to pick in the chair. Does. Yeah, Yeah,

and yeah. What did you do?

Retaliation is always a good way for revenge, I guess. Yeah,

OK. I see.

We'll develop that out a little more too. So let's see. Actually, I think we've got a pretty good cast here. So So I want to repeat this is the alcoholic right? To drink is to die, correct? So we got Xena. We know what Xena's all about,

Mama,

right? Know what mom is all about, Sex kitten. We know what she's about

wife. We know what wife's about Miss A A

we can almost hear what she's going to say already. And of course, this is career woman. I am my money. I am my career, Correct. So here's what happens. Are you sure? Did you did you go to anger? Well, you probably did quickly, right? You OK? Who is crushed?

The wife? The mother,

OK, because I I was thinking to myself when I was told this need I've, I've done this. See, it's just I've been her. I was trying to think of who was impacted first, and he's been hurting and him. Yeah, I think the husband took the full brunt first.

So

you're the wife, right? And keep in mind, normally what I would do is I would take the alcoholic also. And I would put the alcoholic back behind each stage character because what's going to happen is who they are, who what defines them, their state of being are. It's completely tied into her being married to a man who's loyal and faithful. Get it? And now we have some new information.

So

imagine that you have just heard that he is having an affair. What is your reaction to that?

How could you do that to me? I gave you the best years of my life, you son of a bitch,

and I imagine there would have been just to even touch more passion to that

now. Now I want I want you to think about this when this happened.

In order for her to be to exist, she needs a husband. His action said pay attention. We get drunk, loaded, wind up in penitentiaries, kill people over this shit. His actions said what to her?

She doesn't exist. You are dead.

She is fighting for her life. Right? OK who? Who was probably the second one that reacted. You had the wife first, Mother.

What's your reaction to this news?

How could you have done this to me and the children? How could you have destroyed our family? How dare you? How dare you? Yes, Good, good, good, good, good,

good. And you'll notice both their positions initially started out as victims, right? And, and in each of these stage characters, with exception as Xena, who has one objective,

which is to relieve him of something a lower part of his anatomy,

they will vacillate between judgment and victimization.

Go into your own experience. How many of you've had this? I've been cheated on. Raise your hands and the rest of your liars

or you didn't know.

OK, so you we saw the reaction from the wife and then we saw the reaction from the mother. What was probably the third, third reaction was, was Xena starting to rear head a little bit here?

Well, what's revenge? Where does you know that kind of.

That is Xena? Yeah. OK, So now that now that those two have shared in their way and you notice theirs was a touchy anger, but some victimization, right? How could you do this to me? I've been married to you all these years. I've done all this stuff for you. And, of course, Mama. Now what do you have to say about this?

Oh God,

don't be. Have you ever been in this position? Yes. Well, you know what to say,

you fuck.

Chop your Dick off.

I'd probably retaliate. I'm going to hurt you just like you hurt me, you bastard.

And then I hope you die.

I want to watch you bleed.

You're gonna fucking die.

You're dead, motherfucker.

Yeah.

Now that's inventory. Yeah, that's that's inventory. Now let's see. So at some point in time, I we're not quite ready for her yet.

This little sexual energy over here. Because see, I'll tell you why something has to happen here. When he had an affair with another woman, what did he say to her?

Bingo. She's fighting for her life now, Xena. Xena is going to give her a little juice. See, Zena. Zena is going to start rapping to her. But you're, you're. What is your initial reaction to all this? To this fact that he had a sexual affair with another woman.

Devastated.

Hurt, feel unattractive, feel ugly. Bingo. Disgusting. Non-existent. Not fast enough, tall enough, buns are tight enough, blah blah blah. Right? I think she's got another belief.

No, no, no, no, no. He just lost the best he ever had. Yeah, but see. But we're not there. I wanna. I wanna show you something.

Your initial reaction to stuff we've all been through, this is going to start out. It's going to act like it's a little bit of anger. It's almost shock. And it normally starts out as victimization, with exception of Xena,

because Xena don't know that. But but think of your initial one, right? The the, the wife, right? You know, how dare you do this all these years. It's a victimization stance, right? You did it to me and then the mother, you did it to me. And now we have miss sexuality. You follow me. I'm not enough. I'm not, I'm not enough.

Now Xena starts to stir that anger retaliation, right, starts to starts to stir the pot here because they'll all wind up having two faces. Now, were you guys in business together? Oh yeah. So

now we got Miss Career Woman. Now, of course, keep in mind the reality of this

when you hear that your your husband and business partner who's also you happens to be your business partners had an affair, that's probably going to have an impact on your pocketbook, correct? So what's your reaction to this?

Oh my God, how are we going to do this? Get things together? He's probably going to take everything.

What am I going to do to live on? Who's going to feed the kids? Who's going to pay the bills

now? I want you to keep something in mind. She's been by herself when she had this experience and all this stuff's going on. Follow me. She's by herself, right? Where were you? Where were you at when you heard this information?

OK, you were in London, but you get it. All this stuff goes on in your head and you keep, you just shift. You're shifting from one, one to one to the other. Right, Kate? Now, of course, now we're we're going to hear from the spiritual woman,

see

who has deep understanding, compassion, and what's that standard lying the spiritual woman throws out? You know, they're all they're just. So what is your reaction to this?

Oh my God, what am I supposed to do here?

No, God,

please guide me, tell me what to do. I got a call, my sponsor, I got a run to a meeting. I gotta read the big book. I got to get on my knees. And all this, all this stuff is going on all at the same time, on top of all of this other stuff. And I don't think I could do this. I don't know if I could handle this. I don't know if I can stay sober through this, but I'll try. And how are you denials show up? How would your denials show up? Being the spiritual woman. You're a spiritual woman, right? So what have you learned

about people who do things?

He's he's spiritually sick. He needs to go to a A he needs a program. He needs to call his sponsor. He needs to stop drinking. He needs to go to Sexaholics Anonymous.

Zeita's real clear what he needs.

So this, this is what happens. And behind all this, because this is painful stuff, you've been through it. This is painful stuff. We're having a lot of fun, but this is painful, painful, gut wrenching stuff. Because my sense of identity, who I am, is coming out here and there. This is an act that has me fighting for my life. And I assure you, if the pain gets bad enough behind every one of these stage characters, or if the fear gets bad enough, is this alcoholic saying, screw it, let's go get drunk,

Let's go get drunk, Let's go get drunk. Right now there's another stage you're going to move to. We heard victimization initially. And I promise you, and Zena is a good she's she's the one who will use her energy and fuel to do this and ego rebuilding quickly, right? So I don't know how long it took her, but very not too far down the road. I want to I want to go back to these same characters, but I'm looking for a whole another response, right?

I'm looking for a response from the sex kitten that goes something like this.

God damn there's 2 1/2 billion men out there. Rock'n'roll.

He wasn't that good anyhow.

Hear that little cutie down the bar? Let's go, baby. God, buy some lingerie. Yeah, Break out the Karma Suture, Rock'n'roll.

Follow me. So that's one piece, right? Mother. Mother's gonna have another response. From an aggressive standpoint, it's got to be me and the kids. See how that looks? I'm going to present to the world. I'm a single mother.

Got my chest stuck out. I'm a single mother. See, Guy cheated me. I have a single mother, right? See, what does Xena do to the next lover that the sex kitten has?

Follow me.

I'm gonna tear that motherfucker up.

There's only so many ways you can say some things right

fucking up and and fairly fairly quickly. Probably an attorney had a little chat with the career woman. So what would you sound like now?

Oh, well, I really need money and I've never done anything like this before and my bank is empty and I need to take care of the kids, so I really need to have the whole business.

See. And I don't know how long. How long, How long did it take for all this just to play out? It's still playing out. OK. When did how long ago did it start?

Six years ago,

you see what she deals with

you see during the course of a day she deals with in that state the wrongdoing of others fancy to real has the power to kill. And if she doesn't see her troubles within that situation were of his own making and she waits around holding her breath for him to make amends or change.

See it'll be a long wait see. And this this is the tragedy of the this is the tragedy of the ego. This is why resemblance is the number one offender. Can you imagine the inventory? Look at what we've seen off off one off a few words.

He had an affair on me. Look at the impact. Look how she experiences this mentally and emotionally, right. Look at the look at the up and downs just of the career woman, the money. Oh my God, what are we going to do? We got we're in business together. Somebody I'll kick you just back and forth and the wife, my God, what she's gone through. I wasted all those years and you know, how could I've been so dumb? And you know, and, and and then the, you know, the sexual energy piece feeling, you know, it's about because everything's about us, right?

You know, so it's about me, it's about me, it's about me. I'm talking the initial reaction, not down the road a little bit when she's out buying lingerie and Karma Sutra. But

you know, and then the spiritual woman, you've got combinations of things. One is, well, he's a sick man and forgive and forget and all that stuff. And Zena's hollering her ears. Screw that, kill him

and she's conflicted. You follow me. And you, you, if you've gone through a divorce, you know what I mean. You'll you'll do your best and you're trying to get along. The next thing you know, you both lose it. Say some of the most horrendous, horrible things to each other over the phone. What do you think that's all about? See so question.

Everyone of those personalities has self esteem, pride, ambition, security, personal relations, sex relations and pocketbook. Yeah,

that were hurt, threatened or interfered with because. See this is such a beautiful one because

these characters define so much of who she is and this act, him having an affair was life threatening to every single one of them. Let me let me tell you the truth in this kind of stuff. About a year ago my pal Floyd from Houston, TX. He sends me an article about 1/2 a page write up and the story is is of a fairly prominent dentist in Houston, TX

who

basically came home and said to his wife, I want a divorce, I'm going to go with another woman. And I was somewhere around three to six months after that. The wife took a gun, killed their two children, killed herself. And I'm reading this article and here's what the article says. She didn't work, so she was a wife.

She was a devoted mother,

a devoted member of the church, and loved her home.

And this man came home and in one sentence, the four things that identified every part of her being, he said, did not exist. And the power of this is three months later, she killed those two children and killed herself. This is real. You experience. You experience the third column as a state of being.

You get it. You experienced it. This. Therein lies the tragedy of the ego.

You see why resentments are the number one offender? You see what's just played out here? You see why the book says we uses the word permit, says we. We can't afford the luxury of this. Can you imagine what this woman's gone through for six years behind this? If you don't know how to write inventory, get you can get free of this. I have my own experience with this.

One of my exes,

one of them

whose name was Carla,

ran off of the man I used to sponsor to Montana.

You want some inventory? I'll give you some inventory. Now I want to tell you how this works.

About 15 months later, they came back.

Two months after that, he came to me and made amends and I wound up taking him through the steps again.

Now, I didn't stay married to her, but we made amends and she still calls me as a spiritual advisor today.

You see, that's get that's that's getting drunk stuff, you know, you know what I'm saying? Because I love that woman. If I didn't have this process, I'd have been crazy, see, But this stuff is very real. You see how real this is? You got you all got your own experience. You start to see what you're up against. You follow me. All these different states of being. In that state, the wrongdoing of others. Fancy, real has the power to kill.

Let's give them all a hand. Let's take a break.

OK, I'm Mark, Alcoholic.

Ah, did you learn anything from that visual exercise with Theater of the Lie?

Good.

It really shows you what you're up against with the resentment, doesn't you?

What I do want to tell you something, you know, there's a line in the fear inventory that we're in the world to play the role of God as a sign.

And there is a state of consciousness that we've talked about in the 10th, 11th step in which you can play the role that God is assigned, but you are not attached to the role.

And what that means is you can drop it in 30 seconds. You're not attached to the roll. The roll does not define you. You'll work with the role for as long as that you're in the role. And when it's over, it's over and you're right on to the next one. You're in a one act play and you know it.

You see the difference, You see the difference in in that whole thing.

See her response could have been God bless you, go in peace,

boom, spun, moved, cease fighting anything or anybody, right? See the difference? But theater of lie opened me up to what I'm up against with my ego and myself will and my selfishness and why I seem to have gone through so much of my life literally fighting for my life at work, in relationships,

unbelievable stuff. And I brought a lot of freedom into my life. It made writing inventory fun. Matter fact one that when we first got introduced to this in in in really begin to have a lot of fun writing inventory and I mean fun. We would ask us, we would ask each other who's mad, you know,

and we started to have a lot of funds with those roles and, and our life got lighter. And

I gave you an example real quick of how this translates. I got, when I got sober, I went to work for this company and worked for them about 8 to 8 1/2 years. And when that job ended, I almost got suicidal. I was so identified with that job and did not even know it

sound asleep to that. I was working 60 to 70 to 80 hour weeks and I thought that job did find who I was. And when I wasn't doing that job, I can't even tell you the depression that's set in. I literally thought I was dying and I didn't have a clue why I still had these quote other components in my life. I thought, but when you're working in something 607080 hours a week and you're sound asleep and you think it defines you and it ends,

you'll experience it as fighting for your life. Lot of people committed suicide behind careers in so they, you know, pay attention to some of what we did. If you'll work with it. I think you'll also find that writing inventory not only would be easier but could be a little bit more fun for you. But I hope most of all you saw you see what you're up against

in a daily basis with a self will intact and what the big book means, what it says when it says in that state the wrongdoing of others. Fancy real has the power to kill.

Thanks, Mark. I'm Joe. I'm an alcoholic.

Let me say one thing about the

guided meditation that we did before we said the third step prayer together.

A lot of people think that the tools of how to work with the doctor's opinion and bill story and there is a solution and more about alcoholism and and the chapter to the agnostic and and everything up to the third step. Because really, it's really just a series of considerations that would help you fully concede to your innermost self,

AB and C. And then are you convinced the first requirement, the decision, the prayer?

And I did that with you because I wanted to say I think the most important work after you've done, let's say for a better lack of a better term, you've done the mechanical work in those chapters. You've marked statements into questions and what you relate to in Bills story and what your resistance was and how that changed when you were done with step one. And you've done what you've done with we agnostic and you've done what you've done with the four parts of the third step.

A lot of people think saying the third step prayer every day is taking the third step.

No, that's like thinking that admitting you're powerless over alcohol, you've taken the first step. But we all know there's a lot more to the first step. We all know there's a lot more to the third step than just the prayer is the affirmation of the end. And isn't it funny, I've always thought it ironic that after the prayer, they say we thought well before taking this step

and that's what we've done up to that. The moment we did that prayer this weekend, we've thought well about everything up to that prayer.

We didn't want that statement after the prayer to be a surprise. We wanted you to think well before we took that. We did that prayer. But the prayer is not the decision. A lot of people think taking the third step is turning their will and their life over the care of God. You hear it all the time. It's just a decision. And we've saw this weekend the decision comes before the prayer. And as a matter of fact, the third step promises

come before the prayer. So where what are the third step promises based on? The third step promises are based on everything up to and including the third step decision,

the prayers and affirmation that those promises have begun.

So I think the mechanical work is important, but I think the most important work, what we call in my Home group, is the prayerful work. When you go back to those questions you marked, when you go back to the truth about what you're related to in Bill's story, when you go back to how and if the resistance has changed in nine to 16, when you go back to does my experience abundantly confirm

slowly, slowly in prayer, in a contemplative way,

Each of those considerations we went through in the guided meditation. A lot of people have trouble finding where are the 1st 2, where are the 1st 2 steps? Well, doesn't it make sense, and I know this is really complicated, that everything up to the third step could be one and two. It's a hard, it's a hard idea to grasp, but because then out from then on, it's pretty simple. Now we got Step 3.

This is step 4-5. On and on. OK, now if I'd like you to imagine this,

let's go to.

I'm really going to try. I'm really going to try and do this now. I'm going to try and do this. Let's go to page 64.

God help me do this. I'm opening this book. I'm opening the book. I'm right here in the book. We're on page 64

last last paragraph

what Mark covered in the theater the Lie is from

1234. We might as well read the paragraph. Resentment is the number one offender. That's what he was showing you. He showed you how it destroys more Alcoholics and their personalities than anything else from resentment. I think it's important in this book to know what it is in any in any sentence. And I would like to pose a question what some of you think it is and how it works. A lot of people will say it's how the program works. I have a different

experience with how it works.

I think it and how it works is how God works through this program

from its STEM, all forms of spiritual disease. For we have not only been mentally and physically I'll, we know what those are now, mental obsession, physical craving. We also know what the spiritual malady is. We're not going to skip over that. It ain't a twofold disease. It's a threefold disease.

We've been spiritually sick. What is it called? The spiritual malady. A lot of people in my group in Santa Monica misinterpreted that for a long time, and they talked about a sick spirit. It is impossible for your spirit to be sick.

What is within you is 100% divine. The spiritual malady is being shut off from that which is 100% spiritually divine. Your spirit can't be sick. Spirit can't be sick.

Spirit is spirit. The malady is. The problem is that I'm shut off from it and I live from my body, my mind and my emotions. I'm dominated by three dimensions.

We've entered 1/4 dimension

of existence.

We've entered the world of the Spirit

in dealing with resentments. We set them on paper. What did Mark cover? We listed people, institutions or principals with whom we were angry. Column one. Stay in the first column till nothing more comes. People are people, I believe. If the name comes, don't question it. Don't ever let any sponsor edit your inventory or your list. If it comes, it comes. It needed to come. You trust your prayer. You've done the work. You've made a decision.

Make the list. Stay in the first column consciousness. That doesn't mean some other first columns might not come for the rest. Even before the 5th step might come during the second column, third column, fourth column. Fear this relationship inventory.

I don't call the sex inventory sex inventory anymore because I haven't had sex for a long time.

By choice,

I have a choice.

The fuckers.

Second column, we asked ourselves why we were angry.

Institutions can be groups of people.

I'm not going to start listing some of those groups of people because the wrong ones came to my mind just then. I'm in inventory. I'm in inventory

principles or values and beliefs and stuff that's been pushed on you even in sobriety that you resent. Sometimes meeting makers make it. There's a great one. People that have to do the work. Don't even question if all you're doing is emptying your consciousness and a really valuable tool for those of you that been around that think it has to be a resentment to be on this list. A lot of you in this room don't live with deep seated resentment anymore because you can't stand it for very long. Use some other words.

Who's let you down? Who you discouraged with?

Who you jealous of? Use other words to generate the first column.

Let down by

jealous of, discouraged with.

Let the list come. Don't question. Is it a major relation? Is it a major resentment? Right. If it comes, it comes. You're just asking. It's the prayers even there. Where's the prayer? The prayer is there.

No, it's a strenuous effort to face and be rid of the things in ourselves which have been blocking us. That's the prayer. Dear God, please help me face and be rid of the things in myself which have been blocking me from you myself and God.

Then he what he laid out there was so that's column one and two. He was laying out where he found that in every case, self esteem, pocketbook ambition, personal relations, including sex were hurt, threatened. Then there's a kind of a confusing paragraph because they repeat themselves a little bit. And he said opposite each name. Self-esteem, which they've already given you security, which is a new one, ambition, which is a new one. Personal relations which is repeated sex relations which had been

with So they've given you 3 words to work with when I resented so and so for such and such.

Did it hurt, threaten or interfere with myself Esteem then you'll find pride. A lot of people don't write pride. It's all the way down at the bottom across from the wife my wife in the example. So you got self esteem, pride, ambition, security, personal relations, sex relations pocketbook. Do you always find all 7?

Not always. Our group started to do a different thing with Pocketbook. We looked at it as price and we started to look at when she did such and such, did it hurt, threaten or interfere with? Was there any price that I didn't want to pay? It's not always money. Emotional price. I wasn't willing to take the emotional responsibility to look at. Why

I think pocketbook, if you look at it as what price did you pay leads right into the 4th column thinking, but we don't want to get complicated with that. And he laid out

the third column. But keep in mind if you go back through your life and your thorough and honest, what he did was, and this is the line that helped the guys that first started writing out the third column, they got to this line, bottom of 65 and they read the line. When we were finished, we considered it carefully and they said to themselves, well the 4th column instructions are two pages away.

What is it they want us to consider carefully now that we've done the 1st 3 columns

well? Should we be more specific with the first column? They talked about that.

Should the second column be specific rather than wordy? They talked about that someone at the time in that kitchen was reading Gurjeev and Gurjeev used to talk about or talks about 1000 eyes and one ego. And somebody said, well, why don't we just answer why after self esteem? And that's how writing out the third column came about. When I resented her for leaving me and it affected myself esteem, they started to ask why

and they found out the big lie. And the big lie is this, when you think it's low self esteem,

it's usually rooted in high self esteem. When you think it's high self esteem, it's usually rooted in low self esteem. Not too complicated. If you can just put the seven words the first time you're doing the work and you got a big first column, great. If you've been around, you want to try something new, you want to try something a little different, something that that's come to me from my own experience.

You know what we forget sometimes

at Chris, at Chris, the guy that's going to speak tonight has a brother in Dallas and they have a group and at the beginning of the group, they read

what we've all heard so many times, which I believe is on page 164. And it says in the second paragraph, our book is meant to be suggestive only. We realize we only know a little. God will constantly disclose more to you and to us. But there's some people that are so locked into the words in the big book rather than the spirit. You mentioned one thing that you've experienced that's not word for word in the book. And they're like,

they go crazy and they forget the statement these people gave us when they ended the 1st 164 pages. Because I'll tell you this, there are people sitting here that have been doing the work 345 times longer than anybody had when the 1st 164 pages were printed. And more has been revealed constantly.

Writing out the third column can only help,

helps you identify those personalities he laid out for you.

Yeah, Keep in mind, keep this in mind. Don't ever forget this. Nobody had more than four years when they claimed to be recovered. Nobody had more than Bill got sober in 35. Am I right? The book was published in 39, right? The 1st 164 pages haven't been changed since 1939, Right. So the writers of this book, nobody had five years.

There are people with 51015202530354045505560 years

doing what's in this book. We know him, we know a lot of them. You know, a lot of them.

More has been revealed.

Don't get locked into the Word. You're looking for the Spirit. Share where it takes you all.

Then they make an interesting statement which I never got past in years and years and years of therapy and becoming a therapist.

The farthest I ever got in therapy was the 1st 3 columns.

What's the problem today, darling? Well, I'm getting in touch with some anger that when my I was 10 years old, my dad was 70 'cause he was 60 when I was born and he wasn't there when I was 10 for the baseball games and he didn't show up for this and he didn't teach me that well. How did it make you feel?

And we would sit there and do column 123, column 123, column one, 2-3. And most therapists, all you've done is buy a good friend

who needs to stay in business. And for them to stay in business, you can't get free. But there are some therapists who will help you get free. Some of us have been to some that say, darling, that's about all I can do. You belong in Alcoholics Anonymous. God bless them. God bless therapists that are still in therapy. God bless teachers that still are students. God bless sponsors that are still sponsees.

You got some sponsors that don't have sponsors anymore. My Home group of Santa Monica's filled with them.

They think their sponsor left for some place. Lady came out recently to do to a retreat for them from Denver. She realized she'd never had a sponsor. She'd been through the work umpteen times. Her husband had been her sponsor and they've recently divorced. She's wondering about sponsorship. She's been through the work with all kinds of people, men and women. Someone in Denver told her that the group in Santa Monica she was going to do a retreat for knew a lot about sponsorship. She gets out there, 30 people from my Home group

sitting in a circle, and she told him that she was interested in finding out about sponsorship for the first time in 30 years. She'd been through the work umpteen times and that she heard this group knew a lot about sponsorship. They went around the room. Nobody in the room had a sponsor anymore.

His Holiness the Dalai Lama. He's still a student

when the student is when the teacher is no longer a student. Gets really scary, right?

But

not very many therapists, unless they're directing you toward God and truth,

will ever go farther than to conclude that others were wrong. Was as far as most of us ever got. And that was true. For me, that's as far as I usually got. What's the outcome of that? People will continue to wrong you, and you'll stay angry. Sometimes it'll even be remorse, and then you'll just turn it inward. Which is

self centeredness.

Then you're mad at yourself.

But the more you fight and try to have your own way, the worse matters get. As in war, the victor only seemed to win. Our moments of triumphs were short lived. Is it clear to me that when my life includes deep resentment, it led only to futility and unhappiness? Then it tells you what happens when you do that, and it's fatal.

Now, before we get into turning back to the first three columns to find the key to the future, that sounds pretty important. Mark always says that the next part of the inventory is a key to the future, key to the Kingdom, one of the keys to the Kingdom. I'd like to describe something. Imagine the scenario that he painted for you right out here. You had the, the, the, the wife that was angry. You had the different personalities.

Now imagine that over here he would have put

the husband or the boyfriend or the boyfriend.

You know the motherfucker that did the cheating, right? Right. If we had him over here, right?

If we had the bastard over here

now, he would have had some kind of resentment.

Maybe she drove me away.

Now, isn't it interesting? This is a new piece I just saw not too long ago at his place. If you have two people in a relationship and a lot of you are, this is tricky and you really got to see it, and having written some inventory to see it. Her second column would be his fourth and his second column would be her 4th. She's writing the lie for her is the truth for him, and he's writing the lie for him as the truth for her

in the second column. When you got two people on the same path,