Fellowship of the spirit conference at St. John's University in New York, NY
Now
because
I
was
in
India
and
they
didn't
consult
me
before
they
wrote
the
four,
they
wrote
a
4th
edition
in
2001.
Now
does
anyone
else
ever
do
this?
You
buy
a
book,
you
take
the
paper
cover,
you
crumble
it
up,
you
throw
it
away.
And
I
can't
tell
you
how
many
years
it
was
before
this
guy
pointed
out
to
me
that
on
the
paper
cover
on
the
3rd
edition
from
1976
where
it
says
Alcoholics
Anonymous
3rd
edition,
the
inside
paper
cover
that
I
used
to
throw
away,
not
only
does
it
say
that
up
until
then
there
were
300,000
copies
of
our
book.
Up
until
55,
150,000
recovered.
One
for
every
two
books.
Is
that
anywhere
close
to
the
number
now?
No,
but
there's
a
much
more
important
paragraph.
No
one
ever
showed
me
because
I
would
go
to
these
service
conferences
and
the
big
debate
was
trinkets,
money,
this
controversy,
that
controversy,
and
some
little
person
would
raise
their
hand,
say
what
did
Bill
Wilson
say
service
is?
And
somebody
from
GSO
would
say
service
is
anything
that
makes
carrying
the
message
possible.
Then
somebody
would
have
the
nerve
to
say
what's
the
message?
And
you
would
think
the
whole
room
was
just
going
to
go
into
an
uproar.
That's
what
they
should
have
been
talking
about.
But
on
the
paper
cover
they
used
to
tell
us,
and
here's
what
it
said
in
76.
The
basic
text,
page
one
through
164
remains
unchanged.
This
is
the
A
A
message
just
as
it
was
introduced
in
1939.
Let's
look
at
what
they've
done
in
the
only
time
they've
been
allowed
to
change
it
since
1976.
They
couldn't
change
page
one
through
164.
There's
a
catch
22.
Thank
God,
because
every
one
of
us
in
this
in
this
room
would
have
had
some
major
changes
to
make
in
one
through
160.
There's
a
catch
22.
You
got
to
have
a
vote
from
3/4
of
all
the
groups
to
change
page
164.
But
look
what
they
did
to
the
paper
cover
that
used
to
say
page
one
through
164
is
the
A
A
message
Now
it
says
the
basic
text
page
one
through
164,
which
had
been
the
foundation
of
recovery
for
so
many
Alcoholics,
remains
unchanged.
They
don't
even
say
it's
the
message
anymore.
They
say
it
used
to
be
the
foundation
for
many
Alcoholics.
And
they
might
as
well
said,
as
far
as
the
way
it
feels
to
me,
the
way
it's
written,
they
might
as
well
have
written
this
page
one
through
164,
which
had
been
the
foundation
of
recovery.
So
for
so
many
of
those
poor
Alcoholics
and
a
a
that's
had
to
do,
it
remains
and
still
remains
unchanged.
But
now
they're
saying
it's
something
that
had
been
just
the
foundation
for
so
many
of
us.
It's
not
even
the
message
anymore.
How
about
this
one?
Dear
God,
have
mercy
on
Alcoholics
Anonymous.
They're
going
to
change
this
forward
to
the
4th
edition.
The
difference
between
a
meeting
online
and
the
Home
group
around
the
corner
are
the
same
modem
to
modem,
face
to
face.
A
a
speak
the
language
of
the
heart.
My
God
help
us.
They're
telling
us
that
me
online
on
a
screen
is
the
same
as
my
Home
group
around
the
corner.
Now,
they
could
have
said
that
online
you
might
get
in
touch
with
us.
It
might
be
helpful
if
you're
outside
the
country
or
you're
alone
up
in
Podunk,
Arkansas
or
someplace.
But
to
say
that
modem
to
modem
or
face
to
face
it's
the
same,
and
that
your
Home
group
around
the
corner
where
you
look
another
each
each
other's
eyes
is
the
same
as
a
meeting
online
is
a
sad
reflection
of
what's
going
on
in
Alcoholics
Anonymous,
the
only
time
they've
been
able
to
change
it
since
1976.
We
should
all
be
writing
letters
to
them,
right?
They
don't
even
know
what
they
don't
even
tell
us
on
the
paper
cover.
What's
the
A
message
now?
It's
something
that
had
been
one
through
1
through
164
is
now
a
has
been.
Another
question
to
consider
before
1:00
somewhere
in
step
one,
Do
you
have
more
than
two
alternatives
on
page
than
the
ones
that
are
on
page
25?
Start
to
consider
it,
see
what
alternatives
come
up.
Maybe
there's
some
new
alternatives
after
10
years
that
weren't
alternatives
at
at
six
months.
Maybe
you're
going
to
find
some
new
reservations
after
15
years
that
weren't
even
considerations
for
somebody
that
was
new.
Maybe
lurking
notions.
The
book
refers
to
lurking.
Here's
how
anal
retentive
my
Home
group
is
in
Santa
Monica.
There's
a
line
that
talks
about
lurking
notions.
They
actually
would
have
a
meeting
where
somebody
would
use
as
a
topic
and
people
would
talk
about
what
color
would
a
new
lurking
notion
be?
Where
would
it
be
in
the
room
this
year?
Would
they
change
size?
Would
they
change
shape?
Would
they
look
prettier?
Lurking
notions
after
15
years
that
weren't
there
in
the
corners
at
5.
New
lurking
notions.
Current
agnosticism,
current
unmanageability,
the
current
manifestations
of
page
52.
That's
what
I
get
excited.
That's
where
I
am.
I
just
spent
longer
in
the
in
the
set
aside
prayer
and
the
first
three
steps
than
I
have
in
20
years.
And
you
know
what
I
saw?
I
didn't
have
to
get
fucked
up
in
step
one.
I
didn't
have
to
go
crazy.
10:11
and
12:00
work.
I've
been
in
a
set
aside
prayer
since
November
2001.
I've
been
in
the
first
three
steps
since
January.
All
right,
now
I'm
in
inventory.
I
get
to
be
here
in
inventory
without
saying,
oh,
I'm
all
screwed
up,
I'm
in
inventory.
People
in
my
Home
group
now
say
things
like
this.
Oh,
I
saw
that
I
was
all
screwed
up
and
it
was
time
to
do
the
work
again.
You
know
what
I
say
to
him?
How
could
you
be
screwed
up
if
you
saw
it
was
time
to
do
the
work
again?
People
that
are
all
screwed
up
never
see
that
it's
time
to
do
the
work
again.
You're
awake.
You're
awake
if
you
know
it's
time
to
do
the
work
again.
Not
many
people
get
to
do
it
again.
I
used
to
see
the
steps
as
separate.
You
kind
of
got
one
over
here.
Mark
just
talked
about
it.
Step
one's
over
here.
And
you
know
what
I
used
to
think?
Step
one's
only
true
when
you're
in
it.
When
you're
formerly
in
step
one,
that's
the
only
time
that
truth
is
true.
But
shouldn't
the
experience
go
like
this?
Shouldn't
two
deepen
one?
Shouldn't
3
deepen
one?
I'm
talking
the
first
half
of
1
without
any
dash.
Don't
get
stuck
on
the
dash.
They're
the
same.
The
unmanageability
is
a
drink.
There's
no
separation
between
the
1st.
That's
a
mistake
him
and
I
used
to
make.
The
first
half
of
step
one.
The
second-half
of
Step
1.
The
unmanageability
is
a
drink
with
a
name
and
a
face
to
you
because
you
think
you're
innocent.
There's
no
dash.
I
used
to
see
the
steps
like
circles.
One
over
here,
2
separate.
Now
I'm
in
hope.
Three
is
over
here,
4
is
over
here.
Inventories
in
the
trunk,
locked
in
a
box.
Nobody's
going
to
see
it.
Can't
show
it
to
anybody.
Don't.
Don't
share
it
with
the
closest
person
in
my
life
and
the
person
I
love
more
than
anybody
in
the
world.
We
keep
our
program
separate.
Nuts.
Let
me
get
that
right.
Let
me
see
now,
the
most
important
person
in
the
world
with
the
most
important
relationship
you
both
have,
which
is
with
God,
you're
going
to
keep
it
separate.
We
keep
our
programs
separate.
I
would
like
to
have
a
wife
that
one
day
we
go
through
the
work
together.
Wouldn't
that
be
something?
I
know
couples
that
have
do
the
work
together
go
to
means
you
like,
but
the
program
ain't
just
the
groups
you
like.
Let
her
go
where
she
likes.
Let
her
go
where
she
can
complain
about
you.
You
go
where
you
can
complain
about
her.
Come
together,
do
the
work,
love
God
together.
We
keep
our
program
separate.
It's
nuts.
Then
I
started
to
see
the
steps
as
a
straight
line,
1:00
to
12:00,
back
to
1:00
to
12:00.
Nobody
in
this
room
will
ever
be
able
to
go
back
through
the
steps
ever
again.
You
go
from
where
you
are
forward.
The
first
step
this
time
ain't
going
to
be
the
first
step
from
the
last
time.
We're
going
to
bring
up
considerations
that
are
not
valid
for
somebody
doing
the
work
the
first
time
that
we've
had
to
consider
with
lengths
of
time.
So
how
do
I
see
the
steps
now
if
they're
not
separate
entities,
they're
not
a
straight
line.
The
steps
are
a
circle.
If
anybody
in
this
room,
let
me
ask
you
this,
if
12
doesn't
take
you
to
a
realization
of
one,
I
don't
know
what
does
because
they're
bringing
the
first
step
to
your
house
every
other
day.
Check
this
out.
Oh,
check
this
out.
Those
are
the
people
that
stay
in
one
that
are
involved
in
12.
Why
you
having
trouble
with
12?
He
mentioned
it.
It's
not
just
unfinished
amends
that
go
back
to
step
one.
Ah,
I
don't
need
to
do
10
and
11.
I
get
a
little
flaky.
It
doesn't
matter.
Pray
in
the
car.
You're
having
trouble
with
1011
because
you've
lost
the
consciousness
of
the
first
step,
not
the
knowledge.
You
could
go
to
the
university,
your
Home
group,
down
to
the
detox.
You
give
a
great
lecture
on
step
one.
Physical
craving,
mental
obsession,
spiritual
malady.
Do
it
on
the
board.
Do
it
fancy.
Do
it
jazzy.
Do
it
rap,
do
it
rhyme.
Do
it
however
you
want
to
do
it,
but
you
can't.
But
you're
having
trouble
with
10:11
and
12:00
or
10:00
and
11:00
or
finishing
the
men's.
It's
not
because
you've
lost
the
knowledge
of
step
one.
It's
because
you've
lost
the
consciousness
of
step
one
that
reminds
you.
It
pushes
you
into
1011,
pushes
you
into
working
with
others.
One
more
thing,
another
question.
Is
grace
sufficient?
Do
I
want
a
conscious
contact?
Grace
is
sufficient
only
as
long
as
ignorance
lasts.
Grace
only
lasts
as
long
as
ignorance.
You
see
some
truth,
you
better
have
some
power
to
do
something
with
it.
You
need
a
little
bit
more
than
grace
when
you
start
to
see
some
truth.
Few
comments
on
the
first
step
maybe
some
of
you
can
take
with
this
evening
bringing
your
consciousness.
Maybe
we
come
back
tomorrow.
But
you
know,
a
lot
of
you
raised
your
hands,
you've
got
some
time
away
from
a
drink
and
I,
I
think
a
valid
question.
Well,
how
do
you,
how
do
you
look
at
the
first
step,
having
time
away
from
a
drink?
And
then
Joe's
been
talking
about
the
use
of
10/11
to
do
that
and
the
use
of
meditation
as
a
vehicle.
And
that's
how
you
do
that.
You
you
use
prayer
and
meditation
as
you
begin
to
reflect
on
your
experience
with
alcohol,
terms
of
the
craving
of
the
body.
Have
I
experienced
this?
And
you
begin
to
use
prayer
meditation
in
the
10
step
tools
and
11
step
as
you
begin
to
look
at
pages
23
to
43.
And
it
describes
several
states
of
mind
sober
from
which
you
drink
from
several
states,
mine
including
ultimately
the
strange
mental
blank
spot.
And
it
talks
about
Fred
Frank.
Fred
drank
when
there's
not
a
cloud
in
the
horizon
and
you
go
back
into
your
consciousness.
And
what
starts
to
bubble
up
for
me
in
in
the
middle
of
all
that
is
I
happen
to
get
taken
back
into
because
my
deals
current
see,
how
do
I
have
a
current
experience
with
step
one?
How
do
I
do
that?
And
when
I
get
taken
into
is
I
get
taken
in
looking
at
a
period
of
time
and
the
number
of
situations
I
was
in
that
a
guy
like
me
drinks
in
every
time.
Might
have
some
problems
at
work,
might
be
relationship
problems,
might
be
physical
health
problems,
might
be
financial.
Take
your
pick.
Could
be
health.
And
that
stuff
starts
to
bubble
up
again.
And
I
begin
to
see
the
amount
of
grace
and
the
conscious
contact
that
I
had
in
the
course
of
the
time
prior
to
where
I'm
looking
at
it
now.
And
I
begin
to
see
that
I've
been
taking
the
times
to
that
strange
mental
blank
spot.
Tell
you
I
I
just
had
a
real,
real
profound
experience
with
this
area.
I'm
going
through
a
thing
of
smoking,
not
smoking
and
I'm
not
involved
with
this
other
than
getting
to
go
along
for
the
ride.
But
last
December,
this
is
the
kind
of
guy
I
am
with
anything.
I
I
wouldn't
check
myself
into
a
place
for
a
week
to
get
past
the
initial
DTS
off
that
shit.
And
I
had
about
25
days
and
I
was
doing
everything
they
told
me
in
the
program.
You
know,
I've
given
this
to
God
and
I
had
three
people
in
my
support
system
and
I
left
work
one
day
and
this
thought
came
in
and
I
of
course,
this
is
in
conjunction
with
going
back
through
this
process
and,
and
the
thought
filtered
through
my
mind.
It'd
be
nice
to
have
a
cigarette
and
so
I
made
the
first
call.
I
thought
I'd
try
that.
I've
never
believed
in
that
because
there
wasn't
my
experience
at
work,
but
I
thought
I
would
try
it.
Maybe
I'd
miss
something.
I'm
open
minded.
So
I
call
and
I
indicate
that
I'm
having
this
obsession
with
this
one,
the
cigarette.
And
they
gave
you
all
this
shit,
you
know,
you
know,
and
OK,
yeah,
thank
you
very
much.
Yeah.
Get,
get
that
suck
bitch
off
the
line.
And
I
get
a
little
further
down
the
road
and
it's
just
just
my
it's
just
filling
my
car
up
now.
Part
of
me
just,
you
know,
my
head's,
you
know,
right
down
the
road
there's
you
know,
and
so
I
make
the
second
call,
make
a
Long
story
short,
I
make
all
three
calls
and
I
zoomed
into
a
711.
I
got
me
the
cigarette
and
I
and
I
got
home
that
night
and
I'm
sitting
there
choking
on
that
cigarette
and
reflecting
on
me
and
alcohol
and
that
grace
Joe
talked
about
touched
me
and
I
sat
there
and
I
cried
all
these
years.
Nay,
And
I
think
I'm
doing
something
to
keep
myself
sober.
See
my
God
just
and
you
lose
you
lose
you,
you
lose
that.
See
I'm
the
kind
of
guy
when
I
want
to
drink
and
nothing
getting
between
me
and
a
drink
and
God
removed
that
from
me.
And
I
had
to
have
that
damn
experience
with
nicotine
to
be
shown
to
be
convinced
to
my
innermost
self
once
again
and
surrender
to
this
thing
called
alcoholism.
At
almost
20
years
without
a
drink,
just
sat
and
cried
in
by
God.
You
can
tell
I
still
cry
when
I
when
I
think
about
it,
when
I
think
about
this
grace
and
this
power
and
what
it's
done
for
me
because
when
a
guy
like
me
wants
something
and
I
want
to
drink.
She
had
sponsor
spiritual
retreat
person,
you
know,
get
the
hell
out
of
my
way.
I'm
going
for
it.
See.
Wow,
what
an
incredible
deal.
So
maybe
give
some
thought
to
some
of
those
pages.
And
tomorrow
we're
going
to
talk
some
more
about
unmanageability.
And
I'm
like
Joe,
it's,
it's
about
drinking.
We
are
going
to
talk
about
it
though
some
of
the
stuff
on
page
52
bedevilments
great
word.
I
think
we're
going
to
talk
more
about
that
tomorrow.
So
our
session
tomorrow,
first
one
starts
at
I
believe
9:00
AM.
OK,
I'm
hoping,
I'm
hoping
that
with
each
step
we
can
meet
those
hearts
in
this
room
that
are
doing
the
work
for
the
first
time.
I'm
hoping
we
can
meet
those
who
think
they've
been
through
the
steps
and
they're
stuck
on
9
1/2.
I'm
hoping
we
can
meet
those
very
few
who've
entered
the
world
of
the
Spirit
with
considerations
for
each
step.
So
here's
two,
here's
a
couple
considerations.
You're
looking
at
the
work
for
the
first
time.
2
considerations.
That's
all
there
is.
Do
you
lose
control
when
you
start
and
can
you
keep
yourself
stop
when
you
stop?
Those
that
have
been
around
for
a
while
and
have
done
one
through
9
and
a
half,
one
through
9
3/8,
one
through
9
and
5/8,
here's
a
consideration.
Don't
you
kind
of
feel
like
a
hypocrite
when
you
say
God
is
everything,
but
you
know
He
wouldn't
be
there
for
the
physical
craving
if
you
took
a
drink?
And
for
those
of
you
on
the
other
side
of
a
set
of
amends,
here's
the
consideration.
How
can
you
still
say
you're
powerless
over
alcohol
and
your
life
is
unmanageable
when
you've
been
given
power
and
the
power
to
manage
your
life
for
a
long
period
of
time?
I'm
not
saying
you
got
power
over
alcohol.
I'm
not
saying
you
can
drink.
I'm
saying,
how
long
can
you
go
hiding
behind?
I'm
powerless
over
alcohol
and
my
life
is
unmanageable
and
blame
it
on
being
an
alcoholic.
When
you've
entered
this
world
of
the
Spirit
and
you've
recovered,
you've
been
given
power,
something's
come
between
you
and
alcohol,
and
you're
not
going
to
find
your
first
step
tomorrow
in
trying
to
get
back
to
what
it
was
like.
Those
of
you
that
have
been
around
for
a
while
should
look
at
what
it
was
like.
What
happened?
Something
came
between
you
and
alcohol
many
years
ago,
but
what
is
it
like
now
with
alcohol?
Is
there
any
more
freedom?
Do
I
feel
like
a
hypocrite
when
I
say
God
is
everything,
but
it's
still
my
master
'cause
I'm
afraid
if
I
accidentally
took
a
drink,
the
craving
would
be
there?
Do
I
have
reservations,
new
reservations,
God's
everything,
or
nothing?
What
does
that
really
mean?
I've
ingested
alcohol
in
the
last
20
years.
One
time
I
was
at
a
party.
There's
a
glass
of
water.
I
didn't
take
a
sip.
I
didn't
smell
it.
I
didn't
taste
it.
I
thought
it
was
water.
I
took
a
big
swing.
Half
a
glass
was
vodka.
God
was
there.
I
didn't
turn
into
a
werewolf.
He's
been
there
for
the
mental
obsession.
He's
been
there
for
the
spiritual
malady.
He's
been
there
in
every
area
of
your
life.
But
now
you
got
some
that
we're
going
to
call
the
current
agnosticism
in
your
life
that'll
make
you
feel
like
a
hypocrite
when
you
approach
the
idea
whether
God's
everything
or
nothing.
And
if
you've
been
around
for
a
while
and
you're
looking
at
these
first
three
steps
again,
is
it
possible
that
when
they
say
fearlessly
face
the
proposition
that
God
is
everything
or
nothing,
How
can
you
go
to
the
second
scared
of
drinking
again?
Because
your
fear
of
drinking
again
is
based
in
an
idea
that
you
can
do
something
to
keep
yourself
from
drinking
again.
Because
fear
is
about
self-reliance.
Anybody
that's
been
around
and
done
inventory
knows
that.
And
when
they
say
fearlessly
face
the
proposition,
I
think
they
mean
fearlessly
without
fear.
Friend
of
mine
told
me
the
other
day,
the
book
doesn't
mean
without
fear.
When
they
say
it
fearlessly,
they
mean
with
fear,
but
you
do
it
anyway.
No
it
doesn't
taken
the
second
step
without
fear
because
I
saw
my
fear
of
step
one
was
rooted.
It's
the
hardest
one
to
see
any
fear
you
got's
rooted
in
an
idea
that
you
can
do
something
about
that
fear
without
God
on
your
own
power.
Because
fear
is
about
self-reliance.
Let
me
tell
2
funny
stories
about
people
that
want
to
keep
you
sick,
People
that
want
to
keep
you
in
the
delusion.
You
know
those
kind
of
sponsors,
they
don't
point
you
that
they
don't
point
you
to
God,
they
point
you
to
them.
Call
me,
you
need
me,
I'll
I'll
edit
your
men's
list.
Call
me
every
day,
I'll
run
your
life.
I
know
sponsors
in
Southern
California,
believe
it
or
not,
that
have
told
people
who
they're
going
to
marry.
Can
you
imagine?
Show
up,
suit
up.
Come
here,
go
there.
Do
this.
You
point
him
to
God
because
you
can't
keep
him
sober
anymore.
You
can
keep
yourself
sober.
Sponsors
that
are
like
that
don't
believe
they're
alcoholic.
They
believe
they're
God.
They
got
power
over
alcohol
and
Alcoholics.
So
guy
goes
to
one
of
these
sponsors,
He
said
you've
been
my
advisor
for
many
years.
I
got
2
problems.
He
said
only
two.
What
are
they?
He
said
I'm
in
love
with
two
women.
He
said
tell
me
about
him.
He
said
one's
beautiful.
I
love
her
with
all
my
heart,
but
she's
poor
as
a
church
mouse.
What
about
the
other
one?
Well,
she's
attractive,
kind
of
plain,
got
all
the
money
in
the
world.
He
says,
well,
don't
you
think
you
should
marry
the
woman
that
you
see
is
beautiful
just
the
way
she
is,
regardless
of
what
she
has
or
doesn't
have?
He
says,
I
knew
you
were
gonna
say
that
I'm
gonna
marry
her.
He's
walking
out
the
door.
The
sponsor
goes,
uh,
excuse
me,
could
I
have
the
number
of
that
other
girl
you
were
talking
about?
Here's
another
one
about
those
that
want
to
keep
your
delusions
alive.
They
want
to
keep
your
lies
alive.
Newcomer
to
the
neighborhood
Just
moved
in.
It's
a
newcomer.
It's
a
newcomer.
It's
a
newcomer.
Walks
down
to
the
local
bar.
He's
walking
in
drunks,
walking
out
drunk.
Gets
in
an
imaginary
car,
starts
an
imaginary
engines,
drives
off.
Guy
thinks
it's
a
little
strange.
The
newcomer
goes
in
the
bar,
has
a
few
drinks,
goes
home.
Next
night,
same
thing.
He's
going
in,
the
drunks
coming
out,
imaginary
car,
Imaginary
engine
drives
off
in
the
imaginary
car.
He
says
what
we
should
be
saying.
He
says
to
the
bartender,
you
know
the
bartender
in
your
Home
group.
He
says
to
the
bartender,
the
guy's
serving
up
the
stuff,
right?
He
says
to
the
He
says
to
the
bartender,
why
don't
you
tell
the
guy
the
truth?
He
says,
are
you
kidding
me?
He
pays
me
100
bucks
a
week
to
keep
his
car
clean.
That's
what
they're
doing.
Thanks.
Let's
go.
Let's
go.
Rest.
We'll
see
you
at
9:00
in
the
morning.
My
name's
Mark
Houston.
I'm
an
alcoholic.
How
are
we
all
doing
this
morning?
I
allow
people
say,
well,
you
know
how?
How
was
your
night's
sleep?
And
I
said,
you
mean
all
three
hours?
They
were,
They
were
a
great
three
hours.
And
then
me
and
Mike
and
Ken
met
at
6:00
and
spent
some
time
in
prayer
and
meditation.
Then
we
went
down
and
worked
out
for
1/2
hour.
And
I
tell
you
that
to
brag,
and
here
we
are.
I
want
to
read
a
couple
things.
And
then
Joe
and
I
were
talking
the
this
morning.
I'm
going
to
spend
some
time
going
through
what
I
call
a
methodology
of
the
first
reconsiderations
as
we
have
been
shown
as
outlined
in
our
big
book.
And
then
he's
got
some
things
to
say,
and
we're
going
to
do
some
of
that
stuff
this
morning.
Virtually
all
the
entire
afternoon
is
going
to
be
spent
on
steps
4
through
9.
We're
going
to
do
a
bunch
of
stuff,
have
some
fun
with
a
process
we
call
Theater
of
the
Lie
in
which
you
get
a
chance
to
kind
of
see
inventory
come
alive.
You
get
a
chance
to
see
what
you're
up
against
and
then
tomorrow
the
whole
morning
is
going
to
be
devoted
to
the
strict
spiritual
disciplines
of
steps.
10/11/12
But
I
would
like
to
read
something.
This
is
from
a
book
called
365
Dow
Daily
Meditations
says
practice
says
spiritual
success
is
gained
by
daily
cultivation.
If
you
practice
for
the
day
then
you
have
one.
If
you
are
lazy
for
the
day,
then
you
have
lost
self.
Cultivation
is
the
heart
of
spiritual
attainment.
Gaining
insight
inability
is
not
a
matter
of
grand
dramatic
initiations
or
sporadic
moments
of
enlightenment.
Those
things
are
only
highlights
in
a
life
of
consistent
activity.
Whatever
system
of
spirituality
you
practice,
do
it
every
day.
If
it's
prayer,
then
prayer
every
day.
If
it's
meditation
and
meditate
every
day.
If
it
is
exercised,
then
exercise
every
day.
Only
then
will
you
be
able
to
say
that
you're
truly
practicing
spirituality.
This
methodical
approach
is
reassuring
in
several
ways.
First,
it
provides
you
with
a
process
and
a
means
to
maintain
progress,
even
if
that
particular
day
is
not
inspiring
or
significant.
Just
to
practice
is
already
good.
Secondly,
it
gives
you
a
certain
faith.
If
you
practice
every
day,
it
is
inevitable
you
will
gain
from
it.
Thirdly,
constant
practice
gives
you
a
certain
satisfaction.
How
can
you
say
to
yourself
you
have
truly
entered
a
spiritual
path
unless
you
can
look
back
on
years
of
daily
practice
and
take
comfort
in
the
momentum
that
it
has
given
you?
Unbeknownst
to
me,
every
area
of
my
life,
including
spiritual
practices,
the
effect
produced
by
alcohol,
which
was
instantaneous
and
very
spiritual
in
nature,
I
thought
should
happen
with
everything
I've
ever
done
in
my
life.
You
know,
start
work
on
Monday
and
you
should
be
CEO
by
Friday.
You
want
to
lose
some
weight
on
Monday
and
it's
not
off
by
Friday.
And
just,
you
know,
I
didn't
know
that
I
was
asleep
to
that,
that
that's
how
I
came
out.
Everything.
The
idea
of
years
of
practice
just
did
not
have
a
lot
of
appeal
to
me
because
again,
I'm
I'm
looking
for
effect,
if
you
will.
So
one
other
thing
I
want
to
read,
I
call
it's
called
the
donkey.
I
don't
know
if
you
all
know
this,
but
you
all,
you
all
wrote
a
donkey
here
this
morning.
So
it's
called
donkey.
Dismount
your
donkey
says
Some
places
in
this
world
are
very
hard
to
climb
and
people
use
animals.
Each
person
can
only
ride
one,
and
each
animal
might
have
a
different
name.
The
writers
go
up
the
trail
in
different
orders,
and
they
will
discuss
their
varying
opinions
about
their
experiences.
Consider
like
going
through
the
steps
right,
your
Home
group,
whatever.
They
may
even
have
conflicting
opinions.
Can
you
imagine?
One
traveler
may
think
the
trip
thrilling,
another
may
find
it
terrifying,
and
a
third
may
find
it
boring.
At
the
summit,
though,
all
the
travelers
are
going
to
stand
the
same
place.
Each
of
them
has
the
same
chance
to
view
the
same
Vista.
The
donkeys,
meaning
the
steps
however
you
got
to
the
summon,
are
then
put
to
rest
in
graze.
They're
not
needed
anymore.
We
all
travel
the
path
to
God.
The
donkeys
are
the
various
doctrines
that
each
of
us
embrace.
What
does
it
matter
what
doctrine
we
embrace
as
long
as
it
leads
us
to
the
summit?
Your
donkey
might
be
a
Zen
donkey,
mine
might
be
a
Dow
donkey.
This
Christian,
Islamic,
Jewish,
even
agnostic
donkeys.
Let's
see
in
in
a
there's
12312
donkeys.
There's
a
doing
the
steps
is
outlining
the
big
book
donkeys.
There
is
back
to
the
basic
donkeys.
There's
one
step
a
year
donkeys.
There's
all
kinds
of
donkeys.
There's
meeting
maker,
maker
donkeys.
There's
just
don't
drink
and
go
to
meeting
donkeys,
it
says.
Why
poke
fun
at
others
over
the
name
of
their
donkey?
Aren't
you
writing
one
yourself?
We
need
to
put
aside
both
the
donkeys
and
our
interim
experiences
once
we
arrive
at
the
summit.
Whether
we
climbed
and
suffering
or
joy
is
immaterial.
We
are
there.
All
religions
have
different
names
for
the
ways
of
getting
to
the
Holy
Summit,
but
once
you
reach
the
summit,
you
no
longer
need
names
and
we
can
experience
all
things
directly.
So
let's
all
leave
our
donkeys
aside
this
weekend
and
for
an
open
mind
and
an
open
mind
and
a
new
experience.
I
want
to
talk
about,
for
lack
of
a
better
word,
I'll
call
it
methodology,
a
donkey,
a
discipline
and
practice.
How
do
I
work
with
the
considerations
of
the
first
three-step.
We
talked
last
night
for
those
who
weren't
here,
we
talked
about
the
idea
of
call
it
the
zero
step,
call
it
the
step
before
the
step,
but
to
sit
with
some
questions
before
you
go
through
this
process
of
the
steps.
And
one
of
those
questions
was,
do
I
want
to
do
this?
And
you
get
to
decide
that
nobody
can
decide
that
for
you.
So
do
I
do
I
want
to
do
this?
Why
do
I
want
to
do
this?
That's
always
a
great
question.
Why
do
I
want
to
do
this?
Why
do
I
want
to
do
the
steps?
And
then
we
we
talked
about
willing
to
go
to
any
length
and
we
painted
a
clear
picture
what
that
looks
like
willing
to
go
to
any
length.
If
you
answer
the
first
two
questions
and
you're
satisfied
with
that,
willing
to
go
to
any
link
means
that
that
we're
going
to
look
at
the
first
step.
You
know,
do
I
have
an
illness
of
the
body?
Am
I
physically
powerless
over
alcohol
once
I
take
a
drink?
Do
I
have
an
obsession
of
the
mind
in
my
direct
experience,
if
I
committed
the
most
insane
act
sober
when
I
didn't
want
to,
do
I
suffer
from
what
the
big
book
calls
the
spirituality,
untreated
alcoholism?
Do
I
know
what
that
looks
like?
We're
going
to
look
at
that
step
one,
you
know,
Step
2,
two
parts
of
the
second
step.
Are
you
going
to
be
willing
to
believe
is
a
power
greater
than
yourself?
You're
faced
with
a
self-imposed
crisis.
You're
going
to
be
willing
to
choose
that
powers
everything
in
your
life.
We're
going
to
look
at
the
third
step.
And
are
you
convinced
an
elite
based
on
self
will
cannot
and
will
not
work?
And
we're
going
to
talk
about
that
probably
quite
a
bit
here
this
this
weekend
because
you
really
come
up
against
that
when
you
get
some
time
away
from
alcohol
and
your
life
gets
better.
And
if
you're
convinced
of
that,
then
you're
we're
going
to
finally
look
at
the
idea
of
what's
really
wrong
with
us.
And
I
got
bad
news
for
those
of
you
who
think
alcohol
or
drugs
is
your
problem,
your
problem
is
selfishness
and
self
centeredness.
And
they
go
on
and
and
they
really
start
to
amp
us
up
a
little
and
say
that
as
a
matter
of
fact,
they're
so
audacious
that
they're
going
to
tell
us
that
at
some
point
in
time
we
made
decisions
based
on
self,
which
places
this
position
to
be
hurt
every
time,
not
occasionally
every
time.
And
that
all
of
our
troubles
of
our
own
making.
All,
ALL,
you
know,
boy,
who
wants
to
hear
that?
You
know,
maybe
it
has
something
to
do,
you
know,
with
my
race
or
gender
or
mom
or
dad
or
all,
you
know,
it's
like,
what
does
that
mean?
You
know,
it
says
when
we're
going
to
talk
about
that,
we're
going
to
talk
about
another
sentence,
which
I
find
somewhat
important.
Seldom
talked
about
in
our
halls
is,
is
that
above
everything
you
and
I
have
to
get
rid
of
selfishness
or
it's
going
to
kill
me.
That's
very
seldom
a
topic
in
meetings.
I
think
that's
think
about
it's
going
to
kill
you
and
we
don't
talk
about
it,
right?
You
don't
think
they
meant
above
it
then?
I
had
a
guy
say
to
me
one
time,
well,
what
is
above
everything
mean,
you
know,
or
it
selfishness
is
going
to
kill
us.
And
you
know,
we
got
to
embrace
the
idea
that
only
God
can
make
that
possible.
Seeing
you
got
to
talk
about
this
and
they're
willing
to
go
to
stay
linked
because
if
you
got
some
struggles
with
God,
you
might
not
want
to
go
through
this
process,
you
know,
and
then
we're
going
to
talk
about
a
third
step
decision,
bottom
of
page
62
and
a
four
part
relationship
in
that
decision.
We're
going
to
talk
about
the
third
step
prayer,
which
is
not
the
decision.
That
prayer
is
going
to
be
an
affirmation
of
the
decision.
Do
you
want
to
do
that?
There's
no
Amen
behind
the
prayer
because
you're
going
to
open
up
a
stream
of
action
and
a
stream
of
consciousness,
which
is
why
the
book
is
going
to
warn
you
very
heavily.
You
better
think
very
well
before
taking
this
step,
making
sure
you're
ready.
Ready
for
what?
Ready
to
do
4
through
12.
Better
sit
down.
You
don't
think
about
this.
You're
willing
to
go
to
any
link.
You
know
you're
willing
to
do
this.
You're
willing
to
submit
and
surrender
to
this
ahead
of
everything
else
in
your
life.
And
we're
going
to
we're
going
to
write
3
inventories,
a
resentment
inventory,
4
column
who
were
angry
at
people,
institutions
and
principles,
why
and
how
that
affected
us,
her
threat
and
interfere
what
7
areas
itself.
Then
we're
going
to
disregard
that.
And
we're
going
to
take
a
look
at
what's
called
a
fourth
column.
Where
are
we
at
fault?
Disregard
the
other
person
completely.
It's
our
inventory,
not
theirs.
We're
the
we're
the
ones
going
to
die.
Then
we're
going
to
write
a
fear
inventory.
You
know,
imagine
that
tough
macho
drunks
going
to
write
a
fear
inventory.
You
know,
all
this
won't
take
long
days
and
weeks
later,
you
know,
and
then
we're
going
to
write
a
sex
inventory,
another
area
that
I
seldom
ever
hear
discussed
in
Alcoholics
Anonymous.
I
can't
never
figure
that
one
out
either.
But
we
are
going
to
talk
about
that
this
weekend,
this
sex
inventory
list.
You
know,
you
get
tired
of
making
lists
and
answering
a
whole
bunch
of
questions.
And
then
we're
going
to
talk
about
you
can.
Now
you're
going
to
take
that,
you're
going
to
read
it
to
somebody.
Are
you
willing
to
do
that?
And
Joe
and
I
are
going
to
suggest
an
experience
to
some
of
you
which
is
outlined
in
the
big
book
that
you
read
your
inventory
to
person.
And
then
as
a
result
of
reading
that
inventory,
we
have
come
face
to
face
with
a
lot
of
defects
that
are
ego
uses
to
operate
in
the
world.
And
we
put
a
name
to
them
and
we
see
how
they
drive
and
dominate
our
life
in
the
sixth
step.
And
then
the
7th
step,
we
are
basically
going
to
ask
our
creator
to
remove
that
from
all
of
us.
Good.
And
Ben,
or
am
I
willing
to
do
that?
And
then
the
8th
step,
we're
going
to
spend
some
time,
we're
going
to
make
a
list
of
all
the
people
we've
harmed.
All
a
or
is
that
all
word
again?
All
the
people
owe
money
to,
all
the
people
I've
stole
from,
all
the
people
I
robbed
emotional
security
from,
and
the
list
goes
on
and
on
and
on.
We're
going
to
make
that
list
and
we're
going
to
be
very
thorough
with
that
list.
Mother
Earth,
how
many
of
you
have
ever
littered
raise
your
hands?
Did
you
ever
consider
you?
Oh,
Mother
Earth
and
amends.
Some
of
you
have.
So
we're
going
to
make
a
list
of
all
the
amends,
and
then
we're
going
to
go
make
the
amends.
We're
going
to
pay
all
the
money
back.
We're
going
to
go
find
these
people.
We're
going
to
get
on
the
Internet.
We're
going
to
call
friends.
We're
going
to
get
on
a
mission.
They
kind
of
like
the
Blues
Brothers.
We're
on
a
mission
from
God,
and
you're
going
to
keep
that
in
the
forefront
of
your
consciousness
until
till
it's
done,
the
approaches
are
made.
And
are
you
willing
to
do
that?
You
know,
it's
like,
well,
I
don't
know,
my
life's
pretty
comfortable.
I
owe
a
little
money.
I
don't
know
if
I
want
to
do
that
or
not.
Hey,
it's
your
deal,
not
my
deal.
But
that's
what
we're
going
to
do.
If
you
want,
if
you're
willing
to
go
to
any
links,
right,
then
we're
going
to
talk
about
the
10th
and
11th
step.
And
if
you're
willing
to
go
any
link,
what
that
means
is
you're
only
going
to
get
three
hours
sleep
and
you're
going
to
meet
with
two
other
guys
at
6:00
AM
in
the
morning.
You're
going
to
spend
some
time
in
prayer
and
meditation
whether
you
want
to
or
not.
It's
like
I,
I
still
laugh
about
that.
You
know,
you,
you
know
what
I'd
rather
been
doing
at
6:00
this
morning?
Not
sitting
there
with
Mike
and
Ken.
Now.
Now,
like
everything
else
in
spiritual
living,
when
I
got
to
the
other
side
of
that
meditation,
I
was
so
grateful
that
Mike
asked
me
last
night
and
Ken
asked
me
if
we
could
do
that
together.
I
was
so
grateful.
That
is
not
how
I
was
experiencing
that
at
5:30
this
morning
when
the
alarm
went
off.
Are
you
willing
to
do
that?
You
know,
are
you
willing
to
sit
in
meditation,
willing
to
work
with
the
disciplines
of
10/11
And
you
know,
you
want
to
spend
the
rest
of
your
life
trying
to
be
a
service
to
God
and
your
fellow
human
beings
in
the
12th
step,
being
inconvenienced
and
running
here
and
going
there
and
jeez,
Mark,
I
just
don't
want
to
drink,
you
know,
in
this
a
bit
much
here,
you
know,
getting
a
little
carried
away
on
us.
Are
you
buddy?
You
know,
it's
just,
you
know,
I
just
prefer
not
to
drink
and
go
to
meetings.
And
so,
well,
unfortunately,
that
doesn't
work,
you
know,
and
if
you've
been
sober
for
a
time,
you're
up
against
a
whole
another
set
of
stuff,
right?
So
that's
what
we
looked
at
for
those
of
you
weren't
here
last
night,
I'm
willing
to
go
to
any
length.
And
at
least
at
this
point
in
time,
I
think
you'll
have
a
clear
picture
what
that
looks
like,
right?
See.
And
now
you
get
to
decide
do
you
want
to
do
that?
So,
you
know,
again,
the
first
step
proposition.
Let's
see
Diane
alcoholic
death
or
do
what
Mark
just
talked
about.
I
I
don't
know,
let
me
think
about
that
a
little
bit.
You
know,
and
because
that's
what
we
do,
right.
And
I'll
tell
you
why
it's
a
first
step
reservation
because
we
don't
think
all
the
stuff
that
willing
to
go
to
any
length
as
it's
outlined
in
the
big
book.
We
don't
think
doing
that
or
not
doing
that
is
anything
to
do
with
whether
we
drink
or
not
or
lead
any
kind
of
a
life
with
power
piece
happiness
in
a
sense
of
direction.
If
you'll
hear
one
thing
for
me
this
weekend
to
remember,
here's
what
it
is.
If
you
want
to
know
what
you
believe
in,
look
at
your
actions.
Do
not
pay
any
attention
what
your
mind
tells
you.
Oh,
I'm
spiritual
and
I'm
listening
over
here
screwing
people
over.
It
don't
fit
in
the
same
box.
So
this
weekend
sit
and
look
at
your
actions
to
to
tell
you
where
you're
at
with
the
first
step.
Do
you
need
power
those
kinds
of
things.
Example.
This
may
make
a
little
make
it
a
little
clearer
when
Joe
and
I
talk
about
Steps
1011
on
Sunday
morning.
You'll
see
in
there
that
the
book
says
we
need
to
be
doing
this
every
day.
So
here
would
be
a
question
you
could
ask
yourself.
Just
take
the
last
14
days
and
ask
yourself,
what
have
you
done
with
the
disciplines
of
10/11
in
the
last
14
days?
And
if
you
find
that
you
only
did
something
two
or
three
days
out
of
the
14,
I
submit
to
you
that
you
are
having
some
first
step
reservations.
You
are
resting
on
your
laurels.
See,
my
laurels
are
what
I
did
yesterday.
I
woke
up
today.
It's
all
new.
I've
never
been
in
this
moment
before
in
my
life.
I've
never
experienced
this
breath.
I've
never
experienced
you.
I've
never
experienced
Joe
in
this
moment.
Never.
I
can't
rest
on
the
laurels.
And
I
closed
my
eyes
last
night.
That
was
it.
It
was
done.
My
spiritual
life
was
over.
I
woke
up
today
started
all
over
again
with
Mike
and
Ken.
Thank
God.
See,
thank
God
I
did
fit.
Spiritual
condition.
Great
new
day.
Get
to
start
all
over.
Not
resting
on
the
laurels
of
yesterday.
It
doesn't
matter,
right?
So
that's
all
the
kind
of
stuff
that
we
looked
at.
So
let's
go
back
to
what
I'll
call
a
basic
mechanics
of
the
first
three
steps.
Doctor's
Opinion
to
page
23.
You
take
the
big
book,
you
turn
statements
into
questions,
and
really
what
you're
doing
is
looking
at
one
thing
and
one
thing
only,
and
that
is
that
when
I
take
a
drink,
do
I
lose
power,
choice
and
control
over
how
much
I
drink?
There's
a
total
of
33
pages
there.
You
got
the
Doctor's
Opinion
is
10
pages
long.
Some
of
the
most
important
information
in
the
entire
book
about
your
first
step,
A
man
who
has
tremendous
experience
with
us,
who
told
us
what
was
wrong
through
observation.
As
far
as
I
can
tell,
everything
medical
science
has
come
up
with
as
I
sit
here
this
morning
actually
confirms
the
doctors
observations
about
what's
wrong
with
us.
This
idea
that
we
take
a
drink
and
the
drink
takes
us
because
we
break
out
in
a
phenomenon
called
craving
and
we
don't
know
why.
Well,
they
do
know
why
today
our
DNA
is
a
little
bit
different
than
other
people.
They
have
a
device
in
them
in
which
they'll
have
a
drink
or
two
and
their
physical
body
says
stop,
this
is
not
good
for
you,
no
more
is
needed.
Pass.
We
have
things
to
do
tomorrow
and
they
walk
away.
We
don't
have
that
little
guy,
See,
We
take
a
drink
and
it
just
explodes
into
my
God.
I
wonder
how
many
bottles
of
wine
they
got
back
there?
God,
where
have
you
been?
I've
been
longing
for
you
today.
You
know,
just
20
years
later,
you
know
he's
still
talking
to
you
because
of
a
phenomenon
called
craving.
You
take
the
drink
and
the
drink
takes
you
and
you're
going
to
look
at
that
in
those
pages.
And
you
got,
of
course,
Bill's
story,
1st
8
pages
and
Bill's
story.
Do
you
think,
drink
and
feel
like
Bill
to
identify
am
I
like
Bill
Pages
9
up
through
16
are
our
bills
recovery?
Am
I
willing
to
do
what
Bill
did?
And
then
Bill
also
described
the
promises
that
manifest
as
a
result
of
doing
what
it
was
that
he
did.
So
then
from
there
you're
going
to
go
up
through
page
bottom
of
page
22,
top
of
page
23
and
looking
at
the
physical
body
stops
and
then
ask
yourself
a
question.
Does
your
experience
abundantly
confirm
that
you
are
like
these
people?
Does
this
happen
to
you?
And
if
yes,
then
you
know
you're
physically
powerless.
Pages
23
to
43
is
where
you're
going
to
come
face
to
face
with
this
idea
that
the
main
problem
of
the
alcoholic
centers
in
the
mind
rather
than
in
the
body.
You
begin
to
get
the
feeling
of
pages
23
to
43
that
there
that
there's
there's
an
explanation
as
to
why
the
Big
Book
does
not
spend
much
time
talking
to
you
and
I
about
drinking,
making
alcohol.
It's
because
that's
not
the
problem.
The
problem
is
that
sober,
I
have
a
mind
that
takes
me
back
to
alcohol
based
on
what
I
alcohol
does
to
me.
Once
it's
in
my
body,
which
is
I
lose
control
and
I
begin
to
suffer
these
consequences.
And
there's
20
pages
there.
And
those
20
pages
and,
and
are
designed
to
convince
you
of
something.
And
that
is
that
the
most
insane
thing
you're
ever
going
to
do,
you're
going
to
do
sober.
And
there's
nothing
you
can
do
about
it.
At
certain
times
it's
going
to
go
on
and
tell
you
that
you've
lost
the
power
of
choice
and
drink
sober
20.
Pay
attention.
23
to
43
are
talking
to
you
about
the
state
of
consciousness
you're
in
this
morning.
You
are
sober
and
is
trying
to
impress
upon
you
you've
lost
the
power
of
choice
in
drink
sober
and
it
goes
on
to
tell
you
why.
I'll
elaborate
a
little
on
this.
This
issue
choice
comes
from
Will.
Big
Book
says
at
certain
times
your
will
is
unavailable
to
you.
So
there
were
some
of
you
in
here
said
you're
choosing
not
to
drink
today.
If
choice
comes
from
well,
and
I
strongly
suspect
it
does,
how
how
do
you
have
a
choice
in
drinking
if
your
wills
unavailable
to
you?
That's
why
it
says
that
in
there,
says
at
certain
times
you're
going
to
be
able
to
bring
into
your
consciousness
with
sufficient
force,
which
is
where
choice
comes
from
the
suffering
humiliation
of
a
week
or
a
month
ago.
You
are
without
defense
against
the
first
drink.
You
don't
think
they
meant
without
defense,
do
you?
And
it
goes
on
further.
And
for
those
of
you
have
this
idea
of
thinking
it
through,
it
talks
about
a
state
of
consciousness.
And
I'll
bet
everyone
here
has
experienced
it
where
you
do
not
think
at
all.
You
do
not
think
at
all.
And
then
you're
pounding
on
the
bar
saying,
how
did
I
get
here?
You
do
not
even
think
at
all.
And
you
begin
to
look
at
your
experience
and
say,
my
God,
did
these
things
happen
to
me?
And
they
talk
about
that
crazy
jaywalker,
you
know,
in
and
out
of
a
A
and
in
and
out
of
treatment
centers
and
sanitariums
and,
you
know,
keeps
jumping
out
and
jaywalking,
keeps
getting
hit
by
the
fire
truck
and
saying
this
dog
won
a
Jay
Rock.
It
won't
get
me.
And
I
So
you
start
to
look
at
your
experience
in
another
way
and
say,
my
God,
that's
me.
How
many
times
have
I
done?
Then
they
talk
about
Jim
Steps
123
drink
123,
drink
123
drink
123
drink
decision
followed
by
no
action.
Jim
tells
us
to
carefully
review
what
led
up
to
the
first
drink
and
they
lead
you
into
something
behind
that.
It
says
the
bottom
line
is
we
really
don't
know
why
we
take
the
drink.
We
talked
about
that.
I
drink
when
I'm
on
top
of
the
world
and
I
drink
when
I'm
on
the
bottom.
I
drink
when
I
got
money
and
drink
when
I
don't.
I
drink
with
cheese
my
life
and
I
drink
when
she's
not.
I
drink
when
Dad's
alive,
I
drink.
When
he's
dead,
I
drink.
That's
what
I
do.
I
don't
need
a
reason
to
drink.
And
so
you
begin
to
look
at
that,
that
idea,
and
then
it
goes
a
little
bit
further
and,
you
know,
talks
about
a
guy
named
Fred.
I've
always
liked
Fred.
Now
my
story
is
not
like
Fred's,
but
I
can
relate
to
this.
The
day
that
Fred
picked
up
a
drink,
there
wasn't
a
cloud
on
the
horizon.
Life
is
going
good.
You
know,
he
had
a
woman
in
his
life
he
wanted
and
he
had
the
career
he
wanted
and
he
had
finances
and
all
that
other
kind
of
stuff.
And
you
had
a
great
day.
Crossed
the
threshold
of
a
room,
his
mind
said.
Be
nice
to
have
a
little
cocktail
before
dinner.
And
goes
on
to
say
there
was
nothing
he
could
do
but
act
on
that.
Six
days
later,
he
wound
up
in
a
taxi
cab
in
New
York
City
asking
himself,
how
did
he
get
here?
So
those
of
you
who
are
feeling
great
in
your
life
is
very
manageable
today
and
there's
not
a
cloud
in
the
horizon.
You're
like
him
too.
Then
they
finally
describe
the
alcoholic
mind.
When
they
say
the
main
problem
centers
in
the
mind,
the
alcoholic
mind.
And
then
then
they
describe
it.
It's
called
a
strange
mental
blank
spot.
And
in
a
strange
mental
blank
spot,
all
the
self
knowledge
and
all
the
willpower
and
all
the
reasons
to
not
drink
and
all
your
time
away
from
a
drink
are
going
to
be
completely
unavailable
to
you.
And
from
that
place
you
will
drink.
And
then
they
sum
us
up
in
the
bottom
of
page
43
once
more.
Mark
at
certain
times
has
no
effective
mental
defense
against
the
first
drink.
Is
your
this
your
experience,
Mark?
Mark,
has
it
been
your
experience
in
the
last
year?
See,
I,
I
submit
to
you
that
every
single
one
of
you
in
here
in
the
last
year,
if
you
took
this
into
powerful
consideration
and
said,
God,
show
me
the
number
of
times
last
year
when
I
should
have
been
drinking
that
I
wasn't.
Through
your
grace
and
love,
you'll
be
shown
some
because
I
don't
know
about
you,
but
it
didn't
take
much
to
move
me
toward
to
drink
alcohol.
I've
gone
through
a
few
things
in
the
last
year.
We
all
have,
you
know,
we
go
through
things,
right?
Because
life,
that's
just
what
life
is.
Ups,
downs,
lows,
highs.
See,
and
I
didn't
drink.
My
defense
has
to
come
from
this
power
greater
myself.
And
so,
you
know,
you
sit
with
that
then
you
know,
they
talk
about
the
unmanageability
of
her
life,
the
idea
that
that's
an
internal
condition.
It
can
manifest
externally,
but
it's
an
internal
condition.
Some
of
the
words
that
are
used
to
describe
it
are
restless,
irritable,
discontent.
Some
of
the
stuff
on
page
52,
the
bedevilments
having
trouble
in
personal
relationships.
I've
added
a
new
one
to
that
that
I
like
to
look
at
and
that
is
that.
What's
the
condition
of
your
internal
dialogue
that
you
have
with
yourself?
How
would
you
like
to
have
a
print
out
of
that
to
pass
out
to
friends?
I've
often
thought
about
that.
We're
in
a
meeting
of
AA
and
the
topic
is
God,
right?
And
somehow
we
could
flash
up
on
the
screen
just
15
second
blips
of
what's
going
through
every
member's
mind
in
there.
They
just
go
lock
us
up
somewhere
and
the
topic
is
God,
right?
You
know
what
are
you
having
trouble
in
personal
relationships?
Where
are
you
at
with
this
internal,
internal
dialogue
you're
having
with
yourself?
You
thought
life
trouble
and
personal
relationships.
How
is
that?
Start
with
the
one
with
yourself.
What
kind
of
relationship
are
you
having
with
yourself
in
every
area
of
your
life?
The
mental
relationship,
Your
thought
life,
if
you
will?
The
emotional
relationship
you're
experiencing
with
yourself?
The
physical
relationship
you
have
with
yourself?
Start
with
yourself
first.
How
do
you
do
in
taking
care
of
yourself?
From
there,
begin
to
look
at
other
relationships,
significant
others
begin
to
look
at
your
relationships
at
work.
You
know,
there's
a
great
exercise
if
you're
in
delusion
about
page
52.
Go
up
to
10
people
who
care
about
you.
If
you
have
that
many
left
and
all
right,
terrible
and
say
to
him,
I
have
a
question
for
you
and
you
can,
you
can
tell
him
some
guy
put
you
up
to
this,
say
I'm
real
curious
how
I
show
up
to
you
and
have
a
notebook
and
be
a
little
prayed
up
first
and
do
that
with
about
5
or
10
people
and
you
may
be
real
surprised,
very,
very
surprised.
That's
an
exercise
I
like
to
give
people.
How
am
I
showing
up
to
you?
How
do
I
show
up
to
you
in
this
relationship?
See,
I
did
that
with
my
employees
about
a
year
ago.
Then
I
had
to
write
inventory
when
they
gave
me
the
responses.
Thank
God
that
I'm
open
and
minded
enough
to
do
that
because
there
was
some
stuff
I
need
to
look
at
that
I
was
asleep
to.
Thank
God
I'm
not
open
minded.
Right,
but
how
is
it
with
your
emotional
nature?
How
is
it
with
money
making
a
living,
making
a
life?
How
is
it
with
being
full
of
fear?
You
still
go
through
the
day
packed
full
of
fear.
Little
vulture
starts
talking
to
you
in
the
morning.
About
time
you
got
up.
Got
some
things
I
want
to
say
to
you.
You
know,
we
all
got
that
little
guy,
right?
You
know,
we,
we
do
theater
of
the
light
of
day.
It's
basically
kind
of
like
a
board
meeting.
You've
all
had
several
today.
It
started
first
thing
this
morning,
your
board
meeting
and
you,
most
of
you
have
one
or
two
main
people
that
call
the
meeting
to
order.
It's
not
always
the
spiritual
man
or
woman,
I
can
assure
you,
right?
You
know,
sometimes
the
four
agreements
talks
about,
it's
the
judge.
Get
up,
we've
got
things
to
talk
about.
Joe
Hawk
brought
Apollo's
unfinished
immense.
Sit
down.
I
got
to
talk
to
you.
Must
have
had
nine
here.
Come
up
to
me,
said.
Oh
God,
always
open.
Boy,
you
had
a
fun
meeting
this
morning,
didn't
you?
You
know,
judges
saying,
see,
I
told
you
you
needed
to
made
that
amendment
right.
You
have
those
kind
of
dialogues.
You
know,
how
is
it
with
all
that
stuff?
You
know
you're
going
to
sit
and
take
a
look
at
that.
Call
it
the
unmanageable
of
your
life.
Call
it
the
spiritual
malady.
Can
you
be
at
peace
with
yourself?
Where
are
you
at
with
this
need
for
approval
and
acceptance
that'll
lead
you
to
be
dishonest
with
others?
Not
authentic
and
genuine.
You
know
where
you
at
with
all
that
you
know,
So
you
sit
and
you
look
at
that
experience
and
you
get
done
with
that
and
you're
faced
with
a
question
that
is,
do
you
need
power?
Are
you
interested
in
any
of
this
changing?
Would
you
like
to
get
involved
with
that
process?
Is
like
a
power
of
your
dilemma.
Is
lack
of
power
your
dilemma?
Great
question.
See,
I
don't
my
experience.
Is
this
anything
that
you're
going
to
look
at
in
the
first
step
that
perhaps
you
would
like
to
see
change
in
your
life?
It
is
not
a
question
of
knowledge.
I
don't
care
what
it
is.
For
me
it
has
always
been
lack
of
power.
See,
for
example,
Wait
May
May
11th
came
into
my
conscience.
I
want
to
lose
some
weight.
I
know
more
about
nutrition
than
a
nutritionist.
So
what
my
deal
was
lack
of
power
May
11th
through
some
work,
some
stuff,
I
go
on
a
diet,
lost
21
lbs
power.
It
took
power.
It
didn't
take
knowledge.
I
didn't
need
knowledge,
right?
See
power,
lack
of
power
in
my
dilemma
is
that
my
dilemma?
And
you're
going
to
sit
down,
you're
going
to
look
at
that
thing.
You
look
at
this
idea
and
those
that
you've
been
sober
for
a
while,
you
have,
we
have
moral
and
philosophical
convictions
galore,
right?
All
our
memory
of
all
of
our
past
experiences
and
blah,
blah,
blah.
And
how's
that?
How's
that
working
today?
You
know,
you're
going
to
look
at
the
idea
that
is
there
a
power
greater
myself
that
I'm
willing
to
tap
into,
that'll
take
me
into
areas
of
consciousness
and
that
I
know
nothing
about,
am
willing
to
choose
to
make
that
power
everything.
Then
the
promise
in
there
is
that
if
I'm
willing
to
seek
that
power
through
a
course
of
action,
the
power
will
reveal
itself
to
me,
through
me,
to
me,
and
through
me.
Then
you
look
at
the
third
step.
The
idea
of
it
might
convince
that
any
light
based
on
self
will
cannot
and
will
not
work.
And
a
page
and
a
half
in
there,
what
that
looks
like.
You
know
what,
you
know
what?
You
know
what
I
mean.
My
arrangements
would
only
stay
put
if
these
people
would
only
do
as
I
wish.
The
show
would
be
great.
Everybody,
including
me,
would
be
pleased.
Life
would
be
wonderful.
Goes
on
and
on
and
on.
Then
in
the
third
step
you
finally
look
at
what's
the
road
of
the
problem,
Your
selfishness
self-centered.
Am
I
going
through
life
being
driven
by
100
forms
of
fear,
self
delusion,
self
seeking,
self
pity?
Do
I
believe
that
all
my
troubles
are
my
own
making?
Do
I
believe
that
above
everything
I
need
to
get
rid
of
this
selfishness?
And
if
so,
do
I
believe
that
only
God
makes
that
possible
through
the
process
of
the
rest
of
the
steps
sit
with
that,
You
know,
do
I
have
to
have
God's
help
20
years.
So
do
I
have
to
have
God's
help
again
going
through
this
process
and
then
you
make
your
decision
the
bottom
of
62.
What
is
that
right
that
from
hereafter
in
this
drama
called
Life
New
Life
Reborn,
this
morning
we
got
up
right.
God's
going
to
be
the
director
and
I'm
the
actor.
God's
the
principal,
I'm
the
agent,
God's
the
father,
I'm
the
child,
God's
the
employer.
I'm
the
employee,
and
that's
the
deal.
Am
I
willing
to
do
that?
Am
I
willing
to
stand
on
that
relationship
more
willing
to
assume
my
responsibility
for
my
party
in
that
in
that
deal?
And
if
so,
then
then
we're
going
to
say
that
prayer,
right?
We're
going
to
offer
ourselves
to
God
to
build
with
us
and
do
with
us
as
God
wants,
do
with
us
as
God
wants.
Why
would
people,
why
would
any
person
make
that
kind
of
statement
to
this
power?
Think
about
that
as
God,
Ioffer
myself
to
thee,
you
build
with
me
and
you
do
anything
with
me
you
want.
Why
would
we
do
that?
Because
we
once
again
have
come
up
with
a
life
driven
by
self
will
and
the
consequences
of
it
and
the
suffering
of
that.
That's
why
that's
why
we
become
willing
to
say
that
relieve
me,
the
bondage
itself,
so
I
can
better
do
your
will,
the
bondage
itself
and
everything
that
comes
along
with
that,
that
sense
of
separation.
There's
some
of
you
sitting
in
this
room
today
surrounded
by
people
that
are
feeling
completely
alone
and
separated.
That
illusion
that
there's
anything
but
oneness.
The
pain
of
that,
the
huge
pain
of
that,
of
being
separate
from
bondage
of
self.
So
I
can
better
do
your
well,
take
away
my
difficulties
so
that
victory
over
them
bears
witness
to
those
I
would
help
of
God's
power,
God's
love,
and
God's
way
of
life.
See,
I
mean,
I
do
thy
will
always.
So
that's
kind
of
the
methodology
in
the
first
first
three-step
considerations.
Good
morning.
I'm
Joe.
I'm
an
alcoholic.
Good
to
be
here.
So
where
do
you
go
for
rejuvenation
if
sleep
is
all
you
got?
You
sleep
more
and
more
and
more.
You
get
more
and
more
tired.
Oh,
I
have
a
busy
morning.
My
kids
get
up,
They're
always
up
by
7.
I
have
to
be
at
work
at
8:00.
Get
up
an
hour
before
your
kids
and
do
an
hour
meditation
and
see
if
it
isn't
worth
3
hours
of
sleep.
I
met
people
don't
sleep
anymore.
Swear
to
God,
in
India
I
know
a
man
hasn't
laid
down
or
slept
in
40
years.
He
reaches
a
state
twice
a
day
in
meditation.
Doesn't
need
sleep
any
more.
I've
had
times
where
I
take
2
hours
of
sleep,
18
hours
of
practice,
four
hours
of
study,
running
a
newspaper,
running
a
restaurant,
starting
a
drug
and
alcohol
program,
double
your
meditation.
You
feel
more
space
and
time
in
your
life.
You'd
think
you'd
be
taking
time
away.
You're
adding
time.
I'll
give
you
some
examples.
You
ever
been
watching
a
movie
and
like
20
minutes
go
by
and
you've
missed
it?
But
you
were
right
there.
What
did
I
miss,
darling?
What
did
it?
What
did
I
miss?
You
ever
had
times
where
you
wake
up
in
the
morning,
you're
looking
at
the
clock
and
and
it's
going
like
really
quick
one
minute,
it's
like
one
after,
it's
one
minute
past
seven
and
you
just
take
a
moment
and
it's
like
25
after
and
you
got
to
go.
But
you
ever
had
those
times
where
it's
like
one
minute
past
seven
and
then
it's
still
one
minute
past
7,
like
20
minutes
go
by
and
it's
only
5
after
7?
What
is
that?
Does
time
change?
Mind
changing?
Only
thing
that
can
change.
They're
not
going
to
change.
This
isn't
going
to
change.
Smack
her,
huh?
You
gotta
wake
up.
You
know
what
you
got
to
do
to
wake
him
up?
You
got
to
shake
him
up.
You
got
to
shake
him
up,
to
wake
him
up.
What
shakes
you
up?
Questions,
not
answers.
Answers
are
too
comfortable,
too
easy.
What's
the
problem?
Oh,
I
know
you
just
end
up
with
what
you
already
know,
right?
Where
I
go
for
where
I
go
for
rejuvenation
is
prayer
and
meditation.
I
used
to
watch
many,
many
people
come
to
my
house
in
Santa
Monica.
I'm
not
saying
this
at
all
to
brag.
I
kept
track
of
200
that
made
it
to
the
9th
step.
Now
I
didn't
sponsor
200
people
a
lot.
Most
of
them
I
was
not
their
sponsor.
They
just
wanted
to
go
through
the
work.
I
can't
tell
you
there
was
probably
3
or
400
that
pooped
out
and
somewhere
in
one
through
4200
made
it
to
amends.
This
isn't
a
testament
to
my
great
work.
It's
a
testament
to
all
we
did
was
what
was
in
here.
I
kept
track
of
those
200
until
I
went
to
India
because
I'd
call
them
on
their
birthdays
and,
you
know,
sometimes
they'd
stay
in
touch,
sometimes
they'd
become
their
own
sponsor
and
take
themselves
through
the
work.
Where
is
Larry?
I'm
just
kidding,
but
we
both
know
it's
about
God.
It's
about
God
being
the
director.
That's
how
can
they
make
the
decision
that
God's
going
to
be
the
director
and
then
you're
still
their
director
or
their
principal
or
their
father.
Yeah,
you
got
to
let
that
go
too,
as
the
sponsor
just
as
much
as
the
sponsee.
So
where
do
I
go
for
rejuvenation?
Where?
Where
is
My
refuge,
My
refuges
within
and
without?
Sometimes
somebody
would
come
over
and
they
leave
and
you
feel
drained.
You're
just
like
sucked
by
these
power
suckers
that
just
want
to
suck
power
rather
than
experience
power,
Especially
if
you're
accidentally
working
with
an
Al
Anon.
Now,
Al
Anon's
working
with
Al
Anon's,
Al
Anon's
working
with
Al
Anon's
get
a
tremendous
amount
of
power
from
each
other,
right?
But
an
alcoholic
working
with
an
Al
Anon
'cause
we
forget
sometimes
we're
their
drug,
right?
I
was
engaged
to
one.
I'll
tell
you
how
clear
she
got
in
the
first
step.
She
she
discovered
a
physical
craving
that
would
take
place
in
her
body
for
the
energy
of
an
alcoholic.
That's
what
they
live
on.
That's
their
drug.
That's
why
there's
so
many
Al
anon's
hanging
around
in
AA.
And
my
buddy
asked
her
a
question
once.
Why
do
so
many
of
you
all
anons
end
up
in
a
A
groups?
And
she
got
a
look
on
her
face
like
you
dumb
son
of
a
gun.
And
she
tried
to
put
it
in
words
that
he
would
understand.
She
thought.
And
she
thought
I
could
tell
she
was
thinking.
And
she
said,
well,
what
would
you,
what
would
you
do
to
stay
in
a
bar
with
a
free
tab?
This
is
their
bar.
Were
there
drug?
Then
sometimes
somebody
would
come
over
to
your
house
you're
working
with
and
they
leave
and
you're
just
full.
Now,
why
is
that?
Because
you're
putting
in
the
same
amount
they
are.
You're
not
doing
the
work
for
them.
Follow
one
principle.
When
you're
working
with
others,
never
put
in
more
than
they
are,
but
be
there
for
them
with
all
your
heart.
Be
willing
to
go
to
hell
with
them.
See,
for
me
to
look
at
the
first
step
with
somebody
who's
looking
at
it
for
their
first
time,
I
got
to
go
to
a
place
that
I'm
not
in
anymore
because
I
don't
live
in
what
it
was
like.
But
when
you
knew
that's
all
you
got
is
what
it
was
like.
See,
I
got
what
happened.
You
know,
I
have
experienced
strength
and
hope.
My
hope
is
in
what
it's
like
now.
My
strength
is
in
what
happened,
my
experience
is
in
what
it
was
like.
What
happened
was
something
came
between
me
and
alcohol
and
drugs
20
years
ago.
Tradition
one
talks
about.
Maybe
I
should
read
it
properly.
Our
common,
our
common
welfare
should
come
first.
Personal
recovery.
Your
recovery
depends
upon
a
unity
that
can
be
in
this
room,
in
your
Group
A
as
a
whole.
But
I
believe
that
some
of
the
problems
that
some
of
the
groups
that
are
represented
in
this
room
by
the
five
heads
of
the
five
families,
I
believe
that
some
of
the
problems
because
they
don't
see
that
the
first
tradition
also
works
opposite.
I'll
give
you,
I'll
tell
you
what
I'm
talking
about.
If,
if,
if,
if
my
personal
recovery
depends
upon
the
unity
of
the
group
that
I
belong
to,
then
isn't
doesn't
it
work
the
other
way
around?
Isn't
unity
dependent
on
personal
recovery?
Have
you
ever
seen
many
groups
with
much
unity
when
there
wasn't
personal
recovery
going
on
within
the
group
that
wanted
unity?
So
what's
going
to
solve
these
problems
that
these
conflicts,
these,
this
gossip
and
these
problems
between
these
groups
is
each
individual's
continued
personal
recovery.
Because
Unity
also
depends
on
personal
recovery
as
much
as
personal
recovery
depends
upon.
Unity
works
both
ways.
You
can
locate
yourself
the
first
time
through
the
work
by
going
one
through
9.
Step
one
locates
your
bodily,
mentally,
spiritually
faith.
Where's
your
faith
too?
Where's
your
life?
Run
on
self
will
three.
What's
the
truth
in
your
inventory?
4
But
if
you've
been
around
for
a
while,
you
can
locate
yourself
by
going
backwards
through
the
considerations.
One
thing
I
should
say
about
what
was
talked
about
last
night,
by
finishing
amends,
we
don't
mean
there
won't
be
any
more.
And
by
finishing
amends,
we
don't
mean
that
some
aren't
ongoing
for
the
rest
of
your
life.
I
put
my
mother
through
some
stuff.
I
spoke
to
my
mother
one
time
through
a
plate
glass
window
in
the
Michigan
State
Penitentiary
on
a
telephone
and
saw
in
her
eyes
harm
that
I
never
thought
could
be
healed.
She
passed
away
June
9th.
We
were
free
and
clear.
There
was
valid
pain.
There
was
valid
grief,
but
it
wasn't
grease.
It
wasn't
grief
filled
with
selfishness.
It
wasn't
grief
filled
with
guilt
'cause
she
and
I
were
clear.
Last
time
I
saw
her,
two
years
ago
last
month,
she
was
so
clear.
She
looked
at
me
and
said
this
will
be
the
last
time
we
see
each
other.
No
drama.
Oh,
I'll
never
see.
No,
she
would.
Just
like
when
your
mother's
clear,
she
went
in
an
amazing
way.
I
want
to
talk
about
tomorrow.
So
how
do
you
locate
yourself
going
back
through
the
work?
You
take
yourself
where
you
are.
Let's
say
there's
a
couple
people,
as
we
saw
last
night
by
a
few
hands
that
went
up
that
have
gotten
to
the
other
side
of
one,
one
set
of
amends
or
a
couple
times
and
you're
in
1011
and
12,
but
you're
having
some
struggle.
Or
let's
say
the
majority
of
this
room
are
have
done
one
through
9
1/2.
They
think
they've
had
a
spiritual
awakening
as
a
result
of
the
steps.
They've
had
a
spiritual
awakening,
but
they've
had
a
spiritual
awakening
as
a
result
of
one
through
9
1/2
or
however
far
they
are
and
you're
struggling
with
some
amends
or
let's
say
some
of
you
are
in
the
room,
you're
struggling
with
inventory.
It's
never
the
step
that
you're
on
that
you're
having
struggle
with
unless
you
just
flat
don't
know
the
mechanics.
There's
everyone
in
this
room
knows
the
mechanics.
That's
not
what
we
wanted
to
cover
this
weekend.
If
you
don't
know
the
mechanics,
there's
a
lot
of
people
in
this
room
to
go
to,
right?
Let's
say
you're
stuck
on
some
amends.
Let's
say
you're
stuck
on
inventory.
Go
backwards
through
the
considerations.
For
example,
got
10
amends
left.
It's
not
because
do
you
know
where
they
are?
Yeah,
sometimes
there's
questions
about
I
need
to
find
them.
Book
talks
about
that.
I
got
an
inventory.
I'm
struggling
with
it.
I
can't
finish
it.
Do
you
know
how
to
write
it?
Yeah.
So
I
have
these
amends.
Do
you
know
where
they
are?
Yeah.
You
know
how
to
make
amends?
Yep.
Are
you
willing?
That's
where
you
are.
And
you're
really
probably
not
willing
because
you're
not
sure
what
you
really
asked
in
six
and
seven
because
you're,
it's
not
eight
that
you're
not
clear
on.
Because
if
you're
not
willing,
there's
something
missing
6:00
and
7:00.
And
if
you're
not
really,
if
you're
getting
a
little
flaky
about
6:00
and
7:00,
it's
probably
because
you
you
might
have
withheld
something
from
5:00
that
you're
now
fighting
with
that
you're
not
being
honest
about.
And
that
probably
was
because
maybe
your
writing
wasn't
quite
thorough
and
you're
going
back
on
some
of
that.
The
selfishness,
the
dishonesty,
the
self
seeking
and
the
fear
didn't
really
have
anything
to
do
with
drinking
again.
Now,
it
was
true
when
I
was
in
the
5th
step.
It
was
true
when
I
was
in
the
inventory.
Step
one
was
true
when
I
was
in
step
one.
But
I've
somehow
moved
past
the
truth
in
step
one
rather
than
deeper
into
the
truth.
I've
had
times
where
I'm
in
nine
and
one
is
more.
Not
one
like
when
you're
miserable
because
there's
two
through
8
connected
to
it,
but
one
where
the
consciousness
of
it
is
deeper
in
1011
and
12
than
when
I
was
in
one.
And
maybe
you're
struggling
with
nine
because
you've
gone
back
on
your
decision
in
Step
3.
Maybe
you
didn't
really
decide
what
it
says
to
decide
there.
And
maybe
he
didn't
really
choose
God
as
everything
because
of
these.
Maybe
these
are
men's
that
are
unfinished
or
connected
to.
You've
gone
back
on
your
choice
in
the
second
step.
And
maybe
you've
gone
back
on
your
choice
in
the
second
step
because
your
life,
your
life's
becoming
a
little
more
manageable
and
you're
feeling
a
little
better
emotionally.
And
maybe
you
were
just
an
emotional
drinker,
or
maybe
you
were
just
a
circumstantial
drinker.
And
now
that
the
emotions
have
straightened
out
and
the
circumstances
are
better,
maybe
now
you
could
drink
like
a
normal
person.
Because
you're
not
quite
clear
on
the
first
half
of
step
one
anymore.
It
always
goes
back
to
one.
I
got
3
Texas
jokes.
I've
been
living
there
long
enough
to
tell
jokes
about
Texas.
In
Texas,
Crystal,
correct
me
if
I'm
wrong,
but
in
Texas,
sometimes
people
spend
more
time
introducing
themselves
with
their
introduction
than
they
do
sharing,
right?
Is
that
right?
Go
by
the
grace
of
God
and
the
fellowship
of
this
program
and
people
like
you
and
the
12
steps
and
the
12
traditions.
I
haven't
found
it
necessary
to
take
a
drink
since
August
17th,
1982,
Old
old
boy
in
the
room
says
I
saw
you
in
the
bar
last
week,
you
were
drinking,
he
said.
It
just
wasn't
necessary,
though.
I
wasn't
necessary.
Someone
said
something
to
me
the
other
day
in
Texas.
I
thought
I
was
going
to
go
crazy.
You
know
what
they
said
to
me?
Is
it
hot
enough
for
you?
No,
I
thought
to
myself,
I'd
like
it
to
be
just
a
little
hotter,
right?
I'd
like
to
be
just
like
melting
while
I'm
standing
here
talking
to
you.
Is
it
hot
enough
for
you?
That's
a
crazy
question.
Here's
the
worst
one.
Supreme
Court
recently
banned
executing
retards,
right?
One,
Texas
says
the
other.
Where
are
we
going
to
find
our
fund
now,
right.
They'll
execute
some
retards
and
and
it's
a
wide
expanse
in
that
in
to
fit
into
that
category.
In
Texas,
they'll
execute
some
retards.
If
you're
retarded,
don't
go
to
Texas.
If
you're
retarded
and
you
live
in
Texas,
be
really
careful.
Sorry,
I
some
of
these,
uh,
unsigned
death
packs.
The
lies,
the
lies
that
we
don't
want
to
share
with
each
other.
You
don't
say
anything
to
make
me
uncomfortable.
I
won't
say
anything
to
make
you
uncomfortable.
Here's
how
it
goes.
And
I
was
just
in
the
house
where
this
is
true.
Sponsor
lives
in
one
part
of
the
house,
sponsee
lives
in
the
other
part
of
the
house,
and
the
sponsor
has
an
idea
that
the
sponsee
has
been
stealing
some
of
his
cigars.
He
says,
how
am
I
going
to
handle
this?
He
thinks
he
thinks
he
thinks.
He
screams
out.
My
sponsee
has
been
stealing
my
cigars.
Nothing
happens.
My
sponsee
has
been
stealing
my
cigars.
Nothing
happens.
He
goes
across
the
house
into
the
sponses
room
and
he
says
did
you
hear
anything?
Sponses?
I
didn't
hear
anything.
He's
you
didn't
hear
anything.
Just
then
he
said
I
didn't
hear
anything.
He
said,
okay,
I
want
you
to
go
in
my
room
and
yell
out
something
as
loud
as
you
can
and
I'm
going
to
sit
here
in
your
room.
I'm
going
to
see
if
I
can
hear
you
sponsor.
This
is
too
ironic.
Sponsor
Sponsee
goes
in
the
sponsors
room
and
goes
my
sponsors
messing
with
my
girlfriend,
my
sponsors
messing
with
my
girlfriend
goes
back
where
the
sponsor
is
in
his
room
and
says
the
sponsor.
Did
you
hear
anything
he
said?
I
didn't
hear
nothing.
Would
you
like
to
have
a
cigar?
That's
nasty,
man.
I'm
sick
enough
to
have
made
notes
about
that
shit,
right?
You
thought
I
was
trying
to
figure
out
the
book.
I
don't
need
to
figure
out
this
thing
anymore,
right?
That's
my
problem.
My
problem
is
the
trap
of
knowledge.
How
do
you
get
past
the
trap
of
knowledge
if
you've
done
some
work?
Oh,
I
know
what
to
do
with
the
doctor's
opinion.
I'm
going
to
mark
it
all
up
and
get
all
the
questions
marked,
right?
Right.
Go
through
the
questions.
Pray
for
an
open
mind
and
new
experience.
Some
questions
might
come
out
of
the
doctor's
opinion
you
didn't
see
the
first
time.
There
might
be
some
questions
the
second
time
through
the
work
or
the
third
time
through
the
work
or
the
OR
the
reason
you're
stuck
in
in
amends
because
there's
some
new
reservations.
Maybe
there's
reservations
at
five
years
that
you
wouldn't
even
bring
up
to
somebody
that
was
doing
the
work
the
first
time.
Give
an
example.
I'm
going
through
the
work
one
time
with
a
buddy
of
mine
from
my
Home
group
in
Santa
Monica.
And
he
looked
at
me
and
he
said,
you
know,
you
know
that
place
in
the
book
where
it
says
he
thought
his
long
period
of
sobriety
had
qualified
him
to
drink
like
other
people?
He
said,
you're
not
suffering
from
that
delusion.
You
think
your
long
period
of
sobriety
has
qualified
you
to
not
drink
like
other
people.
And
if
you
do
this,
this,
this
the
right
spiritual
practice
with
the
right
teacher,
you
can
keep
yourself
sober
like
a
normal
person
could.
Wow,
he
had
me.
Maybe
lurking
notions,
maybe
reservations
change
each
time
through
the
work.
Maybe
now,
after
20
years,
I've
learned
enough
to
control
my
drinking
right?
So
we
talked
last
night
about
where
it
starts.
For
me,
it
starts
with
four
considerations.
Five
actually.
He
asked
me
to
make
him
a
couple
months
ago.
Is
this
work
what
I
want
to
do?
Maybe
I
don't.
How
can
I
come
to
the
work
now
after
this
many
times
from
half
to
I
don't
have
to
do
the
work.
So
once
you
see
through
an
illusion,
you
got
to
come
back
to
it
with
a
different
motivation.
My
my
my
mind
goes
like
this.
If
I've
finally
seen
that
meetings
don't
keep
me
sober,
shit,
why
go
to
meetings?
No,
a
healthy
relationship
with
a
a
Bill
Wilson
wrote
about
it.
Our
founder
had
some
real
struggles
getting
free
of
his
dependence
on
the
program
of
Alcoholics
Anonymous
that
he
started.
He
said
a
healthy
relationship
goes
like
this.
Have
to
need
to
want
to
love
to.