Mark H. and Dave F. at the Fellowship of the spirit convention at St. John's University, Queens in New York July 27th
Let's
let's
chat
about
these
war
stories,
huh?
Let's
chat
about
the
reason
that
we
can't
keep
the
young
adults
in
our
fellowship.
Let's
let's
chat
about
why
so
many
women
are
leaving
this
fellowship.
Who
do
you
think
you
are
with
those
war
stories?
I
go
back
to
Bill's
story.
I've
been
thrown
under
the
bus
so
many
times
with
this.
I
people
come
up
after
I
talk
and
it's
just
you,
just,
I
just
see
it
on
their
faces.
They're
coming
up.
I
know,
I
know,
you
don't
have
to
say
it.
Our
stories
are
all
we
have
because
that's
what
we're
taught.
Our
stories
are
all
we
have.
Folks,
let
me
tell
you
something.
I
didn't
fly
all
this
way
up
here
12
hours
in
a
airport
yesterday
so
I
could
come
up
here
and
share
a
stupid
war
story
with
you.
Now
I'm
going
to
tell
you
something
I
ate
out
of
dumpsters
in
Houston,
TX.
And
I've
done
some
stuff
on
the
street
that
I
wouldn't
talk
to
about
in
mixed
company.
I've
done
some
crazy,
stupid,
stupid
things.
You're
with
me,
but
I'm
not
up
here
to
talk
to
you
about
that.
I'm
up
here
to
talk
to
you
about
my
life
today
in
sobriety
and
how
absolutely
as
cool
it
is
to
wake
up
and
have
that
obsession
gone.
And
if
we
have
more
people
pulling
people
with
the
vision
of
that
stuff
instead
of
trying
to
scare
some
moron
into
these
rooms,
we
would
have
success
rates
where
we
had
them
before.
Let
me
tell
you
what
the
difference
is,
where
all
you
want
to
take
this
and
run
with
it,
because
of
course
I
have
some
stories.
Let
me
tell
you
what
Bill
Wilson
did.
Abby
comes
into
his
kitchen
and
they
talk
and
they
visit
a
little
bit
and
they
share
a
few
little
stories
and
gets
it
gets
Bills
confidence
gets
his.
They
identify
a
bit
where
they're
drinking
you
with
me.
And
then
Ebby
does
this.
You
can't
see
this
on
tape,
but
y'all
see
it.
Some
of
y'all
fishermen
will
know
what
I'm
doing
right
right.
And
Ebby,
he
sets
the
hook,
you
know,
and
he
tells
him
about
God
and
what
he's
doing
right.
And
then
Bill
does
the
work.
Bill
Wilson,
he
goes
and
sees
after
a
bunch
of
false
starts,
Bill
gets
sober
and
he
and
he
goes
to
Doctor
Bob's
house
right
And
he
sits
down
with
doctor
Bob
and
they
share
a
few
drinking
stories.
They
sit
down
and
start
talking
a
little
bit
and,
and
Bob
understands
that
Bill
really
understands
what
he's
talking
about.
And
then
he
sets
the
hook.
He
tells
him
about
God
in
the
steps.
You
go
with
us.
And
Doctor
Bob
gets
the
deal
and
they
go
to
alcoholic
#3
it's
the
stories
in
the
back
in
a
vision
for
you.
And
it
talks
about
them
going
to
the
third
alcoholic.
And
they
do
the
same
thing.
They
tell
a
few
stories.
Do
they
tell
all
their
stories?
Do
they
tell
a
big
long
repertoire
of
of
drunkalogs
to
bore
the
poor
son
of
a
bitch
to
death?
They
don't
do
any
of
that.
I,
I'm
going
to
go
into
an
AA
meeting
and
Randy's
going
to
be
in
there
and
she's
not
in
a
good
place
and
she's
irritable,
restless
and
discontent.
She's
suffering
from
depression
that
only
an
alcoholic
truly
understands.
Y'all
understand
that?
And
the
fear
that
we've
talked
about
all
day
long
is
eating
her
ass
and
she's
contemplating
at
the
moment.
If
this
doesn't
work,
you
know,
my
only
solution
is
to
go
off
myself.
You
know,
'cause
this
is
ceased
being
fun,
the
party's
over.
I
want
to
die
now.
Then
I
have
some
nasty
stories.
I
could
tell
her
about
the
dumpster,
but
she
looks
like
a
businesswoman
to
me.
I
can
share
some
of
my
business
stories
with
her
and
how
I
showed
up
at
work
loaded
you
with
me.
She
could
identify
with
that.
I
could
talk
to
some
of
my
you
seek
folks.
I
was
not
always
eating
out
of
dumpsters.
Sometimes
I
was
living
in
a
penthouse
in
Houston,
TX.
You
see
and
I
have
to
look
and
see
where
is
my
story
best
going
to
help
her.
That's
called
12
step.
Speaking
from
the
podium,
telling
your
story
is
called
telling
your
story.
Let's
don't
get
this
shit
confused,
folks,
because
all
of
us
are
doing
it.
We're
walking
into
a
meeting
and
the
first
thing
I'm
doing?
Hell,
honey,
you
don't
want
to
end
up
like
me,
do
you?
And
she
and
she
backs
up
a
little
bit.
Let
me
let
me
tell
you
about
let
me
tell
you
about
eating
out
of
dumpsters.
She
backs
up
a
little
bit
more
and
before
about
too
many
minutes
has
gone
on,
I
have
separated
myself
from
her
completely
because
I
have
a
message
of
hope
for,
but
I
I'm
not
going
to
get
a
chance
to
tell
her
because
we've
already
separated
each
other
with
a
stupid
war
stories.
I
need
to
tell
you
a
little
bit
about
what's
inside,
folks.
I
need
to
talk
about
the
spiritual
malady
that
Mark
and
Dave
been
talking
about
all
weekend.
I
need
to
talk
to
you
about
this
feeling
of
emptiness
and
the
boredom
and
the
depression
and
the
anxiety
and
the
gut
wrenching
fear
that
we
live
with
on
a
daily
basis.
And
I'm
going
to
tell
you
something.
She'll
relate
and
I
don't
have
to
give
her
any
stupid
war
stories.
She'll
relate
to
that
and
then
I
can
set
the
hook
and
tell
her
exactly
what
she
needs
to
do
to
come
out
the
other
side
smelling
like
a
rose.
It's
called
work
the
12
steps.
Not
any
way
you
want
it
exactly
the
way
the
book
outlined.
Is
she
going
to
do
it
exactly
the
way
I
did
it?
No.
She'll
put
her
own
twist
on
it.
Guys,
It's
I'm
down
with
that.
But
she
will
work
the
steps
and
as
a
result
of
working
the
steps,
she
will
get
the
absolute
guaranteed
spiritual
experience.
We
got
too
many
people
standing
around
this
this
fellowship
who
have
never
had
a
spiritual
experience
talking
like
gurus
from
the
podium.
We
got
way
too
many
people
in
meetings
sharing
their
damned
opinions
with
a
newcomer.
We
don't
have
enough
people
standing
for
what
this
needs
to
be
about,
which
is
truth.
We
need
some
people
that
are
going
to
stand
and
listen
to
somebody.
Listen,
folks,
if
you
tell
an
alcoholic,
and
I'm
going
to
this
one
time,
I
mean,
I
realize
this
is
an
A,
a,
but
if
you,
if
I
know
we
got
some
crack
addicts
in
here,
we
got
some
cocaine
addicts
in
here.
I'm
going
to
tell
you
straight,
if
you
ask
a
cocaine
addict
or
somebody
who
is
truly
an
alcoholic
to
wait
a
year
before
they
get
active
in
this
fellowship,
they're
dead.
And
what's
the
truth
with
my
bullshit?
When
I'm
standing
in
front
of
a
newcomer,
telling
them
to
take
their
time
to
work
the
steps?
We'll
get
on
that
next
week.
What
am
I?
What's
the
truth?
The
truth
is,
I
don't
want
them
to
take
their
time
so
they
can
do
it
thoroughly.
The
truth
is
this,
I
don't
have
time
to
mess
with
them
because
I'm
too
busy
with
my
own
stuff.
Isn't
that
the
truth?
I
dust
them
off
in
1987
after
that
suicide
attempt.
Folks,
I'm
going
to
tell
you
something.
I
was
so
done
with
living
it
wasn't
even
funny.
Antidepressants
I'd
taken
all
my
life
had
stopped
working.
And
I
was,
guys,
the
paranoia
was
gut
wrenching
and
I
was
starving
to
death
because
I
was
too
afraid
to
even
go
in
the
store
and
buy
food
and
I
had
no
money.
And
it
was
just,
and
it
was
right
before
Christmas.
And
here
it
was
again.
I
had
no
money
for
gifts.
And
I
had,
I
had
a
plenty
of
love
around
me,
a
lot
of
family
that
loved
me.
But
my
life
was
in
the
toilet.
And
I'd
wake
up
in
the
morning
and
say
I'm
not
going
to
drink
and
I'm
not
going
to
do
any
drugs.
And
by
that
night
I'd
be
doing
it
again.
I
didn't
know
exactly
how
to
get
around
this,
you
know,
but
I've
always
had
somebody
to
blame.
And
at
the
last
resort,
after
that
suicide
attempt,
I
landed
back
in
a
room
full
of
Alcoholics
and
full
of
Alcoholics
who
were
all
carrying
big
books.
Guys,
I
cannot
tell
you
how
many
times
I
travel.
I
travel
hundreds
of
times
a
year,
folks.
I'm
going
to
tell
you
little
groups,
big
groups,
wherever
it
is.
And
you
walk
in
the
room
and
look
around.
Oh,
excuse
me,
you
got
a
big
book
on
you.
A
big
book?
Oh,
no,
they
sell
those
back
up
the
Central
service
office.
It's
like
walking
into
an
emergency
room,
you
know?
It's
like,
anybody
got
any
medicine
in
here,
you
know?
Yeah,
but
it's
all
locked
up
in
the
storeroom
back
over
here.
Shit,
guys,
we
have
one
message.
It's
the
big
book,
it's
the
164
pages,
it's
the
12
steps.
That's
the
message.
And
you
know,
guys,
if
you
haven't
worked
the
steps,
you
know,
I
hear
Mark,
my
sponsor,
he
talks
about
all
that.
How
do
you
know
what
you
don't
know?
You
know,
if
you've
never
worked
the
steps
and
you've
never
had
a
spiritual
experience
and
you've
never
felt
that
that
pain
and
that
weight
that
you've
been
carrying
for
years
miraculously
lifted
off
of
you
because
you
got
off
your
ass
and
finally
made
that
amends.
You
know,
finally
got
connected
in
that
4th
and
5th
step.
And
doing
this.
If
you've
never
sat
in
a
room,
walked
in
unexpectedly
and
caught
one
of
your
response
ease,
one
of
the
guys
that
you've
been
sponsoring
sitting
over
in
the
corner
and
he's
got
a
big
book
open
and
he's
he's
eating
some
guys
ass,
you
know,
telling
him
about
God
in
his
steps
and
he's
he's
up
to
his
butt
in
it.
And
right.
And
then
you
and
it
becomes
so
clear
how
this
all
goes
around
and
how
the
message
was
carried
to
me
and
how
I
carried
it
to
him
and
now
he's
carrying
it
to
somebody.
But
you
see,
if
you've
never
experienced
that,
then
how
would
you
understand
my
passion?
Don't
expect
you
to.
Our
fellowships
in
the
toilet
it
is
and
why
and
why?
Because
we've
walked
on
egg
shells.
We're
so
afraid
of
hurting
somebody.
Sensitive
little
feelings.
I've
said
this
on
every
tape
I've
ever
done,
folks.
A
nice
lady
like
Randy
comes
in
here
and
she
needs
help,
but
oh,
you're
having
a
bad
day,
so
go
ahead
and
share
with
a
group
and
we'll
listen
to
you
for
an
hour,
piss
and
moan
about
your
chicken
shit
day
and
and
then
she'll
sit
right
here
and
quietly
get
up
and
leave.
Pick
her
coffee
cup
up,
go
drop
it
in
the
trash.
Walk
out
the
back
door
and
die.
Who
are
we
here
for?
Are
we
here
for
the
alcoholic
that's
going
to
die?
Or
are
we
here
with
somebody
who
is
too
frigging
cheap
to
go
get
a
good
therapist?
Start
the
car,
Jamie.
You
can
always
tell
when
the
temperature
of
the
room
changes.
I'm
already
in
this
far
and
I
love
everyone
of
you
guys.
I'm
going
to
read
something
here
and
get
out
of
here.
I
just,
I
need
to
tell
you
real
quick
before
I
do,
I
honor
and
respect
every
one
of
you.
I'm,
but
I'm
going
to
say
this
point
blank
to
you
and
anybody
else.
It's
right
straight
to
your
face.
It
is
not
your
fucking
right.
It
is
not
your
right
to
ever
come
into
a
meeting
and
use
it
as
a
therapy
session.
Guys,
we,
we
have
a
world
full
of
great
therapists.
I'm
going
to
tell
you,
most
of
these
cats
work
on
a
sliding
scale
to
think
that
a,
A
is
there
for
every
little
problem
that
you
have.
If
you're
working
through
some
deep
issue
or
a
relationship
problem
or
you
know,
I
mean
I
don't
go
find
the
help
that
you
need,
call
me
and
I
will
help
you
get
that
help.
But
couldn't
we
please
understand
that
the
early
days
of
Alcoholics
Anonymous
were
about
prayer
and
worship
were
about
Somebody
came
up
after
a
meeting,
after
one
of
the
first
talks
I
ever
did,
and
he
said,
priest,
what
do
you
think?
AA
should
be
a
damn
pep
rally.
Yes,
yes,
yes.
We
should
be
a
room
full
of
spiritual
mentors.
Everybody
should
be
in
here
with
one
eye
glued
on
me
and
the
other
on
the
on
the
door
for
the
newcomer
walking
in
the
door.
My
very
life
depends
on
working
with
that
newcomer.
It
is
not
here
so
you
can
work
through
your
chicken
shit
little
problem.
I'm
going
to
tell
you
guys,
if
I,
if
I
knew
the
answer,
we'd
help
you.
But
I'm
going
to
tell
you
I
don't
know
the
answer
what
you
need
to
do
in
your
relationship.
I
don't
even
know
what
to
do
with
mine.
What
am
I
going
to
do
talking
to
you?
But
it's
the
truth.
I
don't
know
what
you
need
to
do
with
your
job.
You
need
to
move
to
Texas.
Perhaps,
perhaps
not.
I
don't
know.
But
I'm
going
to
tell
you
something,
folks.
God
does
know
the
whole
purpose,
working
the
steps
so
that
we
can
get
connected
to
God.
And
that's
what
we
have
to
do
with
a
newcomer.
We
don't
have
a
year
to
wait
for
you
to
get
connected.
We
need
your
help
now.
I
mean
we
we
don't
have
enough
people
carrying
the
message.
We
got
a
lot
of
people
in
the
fellowship
talking
shit
and
spouting
1
liners,
but
we
don't
have
enough
people
to
carry
the
message
of
hope
to
the
newcomer.
What's
what's
happening
in
our
service
structure
today?
You
know,
I
got
to
tell
you
straight
box
459
a
couple
of
years
ago,
last
year
they
did
this
big
deal.
It
was
a
great
article.
I
can't
believe
that
that
they
actually
printed
it.
Intergroup,
Intergroup.
They,
they
did
interviews
with
different
intergroups
around
the
country,
around
the
world,
and
they
did
one
from
Japan
and
they
did
one
from
New
York
and
a
cat
from
New
York
says
he
said,
you
know
the
most
frustrating
thing
about
working
intergroup
is
to
find
somebody
to
go
do
a
12
step
call.
He
said
sometimes
we
got
a
call,
this
is
a
quote.
I
was
going
to
bring
it
to
read
it,
but
I
couldn't
find
it.
He
said,
he
said.
He
said
sometimes
we
have
to
call
as
many
as
20
people
in
a
row
just
to
get
one
person
to
go
do
a
12
step
call.
And
you
wonder
why
the
fellowship's
in
the
toilet.
You
wonder
why
we
give
out
desire
chips
like
it
was
they
were
like
candy
and
why
everybody
wants
to
talk
about
relapse
being
so,
so
acceptable
in
this
fellowship.
Listen
folks,
relapse
is
not
acceptable.
A
lot
of
people
go
die
around
a
relapse.
It's
not
acceptable.
The
book
says
that
if
you
go
work
with
others,
you
won't
relapse
only.
Only
prerequisite
to
go
work
with
others
is
to
have
worked
the
steps
and
have
a
message
to
carry.
We
haven't
got
time
for
you
to
sit
on
your
ass
and
get
comfortable
while
while
while
we
wait
patiently
for
you
to
come
help
us
in
the
trenches.
We
did
a
service
workshop
up
in
Ingram
where
I
go
to
meetings
that
we
have
a
little
clubhouse
called
the
Outpost.
How
country
is
that
crap?
But
it
was
a
BBQ
beer
joint
before
that.
And
so
we
just
left
the
same
name,
but
it
was
a
place
called
the
Outpost,
and
we
had
this
deal.
We
invited
the
31
groups
in
our
district
for
this
service
deal.
You
know
how
many
people
showed
up?
How
many
groups
were
represented?
5
Mark
Houston
and
I2
years
ago
did
a
deal
down
in
Pasadena
and
they
had
120
groups
represented
in
that
district.
You
know
how
many
showed
up?
8
Now
you
know,
listen
guys,
everybody
looks
around,
gets
uncomfortable.
This,
but
whose
responsibility
is
this?
Let
me
tell
you
what
it
is
folks,
and
this
will
be
the
icing
on
the
cake
for
some
of
you.
I'm
off
your
Christmas
card
list
forever
after
this.
Let
me
tell
you
what
it
is.
It's
just
exactly
what
I've
heard
my
sponsor
say
1000
times.
It's
called
piss
poor
sponsorship.
Every
problem
that
we
have
out
there,
I
look
the
other
way.
You,
you
think
it's
OK
for
you
to
come
into
a
meeting
and
not
chair
and
not
not
participate
and
not
do
anything,
but
you're,
but
you're
at
least
I'm
sober
today.
Big
D
big
deal.
That's
not,
that's
come
on,
we
need
your
help.
You
think
it's
OK
for
you
not
to
participate
in
the
group
service
stuff?
It's
not
OK.
We
need
everybody
on
the
firing
line
if
we're
going
to
turn
this
around.
I'm
going
to
tell
you
something,
folks,
Everybody
wants
to
spend,
including
me,
spends
a
lot
of
time
and,
and,
and
a
A
and
NA,
all
the
fellowships,
bad
mouthing
treatment
centers.
You
know,
it's
my
prayer
that
we,
we
put
all
the
treatment
centers
out
of
business
because
I'm
going
to
tell
you
this
right
off
the
bat,
folks,
if
a
a
was
doing
what
they
were
supposed
to
do,
most
of
the
treatment
centers
would
be
out
of
business
anyway.
All
we
would
have
is
a
bunch
of
detox
facilities.
But
you
see,
they
can't
get
it
in
AA
anymore
because
we're
too
busy
talking
about
your
chicken
shit
problems.
We
got
the
message,
but
nobody
wants
to
talk
about
it.
And
if
that
offends
you,
I
don't
know
what
else.
I
don't
know
what
to
say.
Look
at
the
statistics
yourself
and
see
what
it's
about.
I'll
say
this
and
get.
I
know,
I
know.
It's
all
right
guys,
on
a
chapter
called
We
Agnostics.
This
is
a
chapter
I
skipped
for
a
long
time
because
I
wasn't
agnostic.
I
believed
in
God
right
up
at
the
time.
I
got
Mark
as
a
sponsor.
He
he
he
made
it
pretty
clear
that
I
was
the
biggest
agnostic
in
the
group.
I'm
in
there
whining
about
money
and
whining
about
my
relationships,
whining
about
the
car,
whining
about
everything
said
you
he's
got
everything
or
nothing.
Chris
God's
everything.
But
but
Dami
can
throw
a
little
more
money
my
way,
you
know,
And
it's
like,
and
if
the
truth
I'm
I'm
too
busy
looking
over
here.
See
what
you
got
on
your
plate.
You
know
that
when
I
finally
got
that
from
here
to
here,
my
life's
never
been
the
same.
I'm
charmed
folks.
Thank
God.
This
program
is
not
about
justice,
it's
about
mercy.
Thank
God
for
that.
Page
45.
It
says
lack
of
power.
That's
our
dilemma.
We
had
to
find
a
power
greater
than
ourselves,
obviously.
But
where
and
how
are
we
going
to
find
this
power?
This
is
the
crux
of
the
problem
here,
folks.
I
need
some
power.
Well,
that's
exactly
what
this
book's
about.
It's
main
object
is
to
enable
you
to
find
a
power
greater
than
yourself,
that
it's
going
to
solve
your
problems.
You
with
me,
OK?
And
I
go
into
meetings
and
all
I
hear
is
people
talking
about
powerlessness.
If
the
main
purpose
of
this
program
is
to
give
the
newcomer
power,
to
give
the
alcoholic
some
power
to
overcome
alcoholism
and
drug
addiction
in
the
spiritual
malady
and
the
selfish
and
self
centeredness
that's
eateness
alive,
to
get
past
the
depression
and
the
fear
and
to
go
out
there
and
have
a
cool
life,
why
is
it
that
we
just
want
to
continue
to
talk
about
powerlessness?
You
know?
And
I
think
it's
doing
a
lot
of
people
a
great
big
chunk
of
disservice
by
doing
that.
You
know,
I
think
it's
one
thing
for
a
bunch
of
us
smug
sons
of
bitches
who've
got
a
little
money
in
our
pocket
to
sit
in
the
meeting
and
say,
yeah,
we're
powerless,
All
right,
we're
pilot.
And
then
you
get
somebody
that's
coming
off
the
street,
somebody
of
color
who's
been
discriminated
all
their
life,
some
woman
who's
just
been
gang
raped
in
a
goddamn
crack
house,
and
then
we're
going
to
come
in
here
with
this
flippant
bullshit
about
being
powerless.
I'm
just
powerless.
I'm
powerless
over
people,
places
and
things.
That
is
so
much
crap.
That
is
so
much
crap,
guys.
Powerless
is
only
used
once
in
the
big
book.
We
only
talk
about
it
when
we
do
in
the
steps
and
then
it
says
we
were
powerless.
I
am
not
powerless,
folks.
I
am
not
powerless.
I
am
not
powerless.
I
am
not
powerless.
You'll
understand
that.
I'm
with
a
woman
I
want
to
be
with
tonight.
I
got
money
in
my
pocket
tonight.
I'm
surrounded
by
friends
that
I
know
and
love
a
lot
of
you
all.
I've
known
for
years.
I
have
meat
out
of
a
dumpster
in
13
years
I
got
some
great
power
in
my
life.
And
when
we
want
to
stop
watering
this
message
down
and
getting
so
smarmy
with
a
newcomer
in
the
back
of
the
book,
I
usually
try
to
stay
out
of
there.
But
there's
some
great
stuff
back
there,
but
the
basic
text
is
in
the
front.
Well,
one
more
time,
you
know,
I
mean,
you're
going
to
see
it
in
the
4th
edition
coming
out.
You
know,
they've
changed
a
bunch
of
the
stories.
You
should
have
seen
the
first
original
stories
that
they
took
out
of
the
and
when
they
did
the
2nd,
the
2nd
edition,
you
know,
some
of
the
best
stories
about
God
they
took
out,
you
know,
I
mean,
who
arbitrarily
decides
this
crap?
You
know,
I
mean,
again,
back
in
success,
success
rates
of
nearly
100%
sixty
six
years
ago.
And
we
just
keep
jockeying
with
it.
Turn
it
around.
You
know,
somebody
can
identify.
I
mean,
who
has
what
is
this
deal
about
identification?
We
just
got
to
get
somebody
people
off
their
butt
and
do
the
work.
I
mean,
I
don't
understand.
Jesus,
unbelievable.
Here,
here,
let
me
give
you
this.
I
can
get
out
of
here.
Here's
what
it
says.
This
isn't
a
great
story.
It's
called
me
an
alcoholic.
It's
a
great,
it's
this
is
pretty
good.
He
goes,
this
guy
goes
to
this
doctor,
right?
And
the
guy
can't
gets
over
and
finally
he
gets
down
to
the
doctor
a
lot
like
Ebby
did
with
with
Carl
Young.
He
says
he
gets
down
to
brass
tacks
and
the
doctor
finally
says
it
says
then
God.
He
said,
then
why
in
God's
name
haven't
you
told
me
during
all
these
years?
He
just
told
him
he
was
an
alcoholic.
He
said
two
reasons.
He's
talking
to
the
drunk.
He
said,
first,
I
couldn't
be
sure.
The
line
between
a
heavy
drinker
and
an
alcoholic
is
not
always
clear.
Amen.
It
wasn't
until
just
lately
that
your
case
I
could
draw
it
second.
You
wouldn't
have
believed
me
anywhile,
OK?
I
had
to
admit
to
myself
that
he
was
right.
Only
through
being
beaten
down
by
my
own
misery
could
I
have
ever
accepted
the
term
alcoholic
as
applied
to
myself.
Now,
however,
I
fully
accepted
it.
I
knew
from
my
general
reading
that
alcoholism
was
irreversible
and
fatal,
and
also
knew
that
somewhere
along
the
line
I'd
lost
the
power
to
stop.
OK,
he
said.
Well,
Doc,
what
are
we
going
to
do
about
it?
How
many
of
us
have
done
that?
Well,
what
are
we
going
to
do?
Doctor
here?
There's
nothing
I
can
do.
This
is
a
doctor.
This
is
an
honest
doctor
saying
that
he
can't
treat
alcoholism.
Another
pill
ain't
going
to
fix
it,
folks.
I've
heard
of
an
organization
called
Alcoholics
Anonymous
and
some
success
with
people
like
you.
They
make
no
guarantees
and
are
not
always
successful,
but
if
you
want,
you're
free
to
give
them
a
shot.
It
might
work.
Many
times
in
the
intervening
years
I
have
thanked
God
for
that
man.
A
man
who
had
the
courage
to
admit
failure.
A
man
who
had
the
humility
to
confess
that
all
of
his
hard
won
learning
of
his
profession
could
not
turn
up
the
answer.
I
looked
up
an
AA
meeting
and
went
there
alone.
Now
this
is
what
I
did.
Let
me
tell
you
how
this
went.
I
tried
to
commit
suicide
on
November
13th,
87,
aborted
that
attempt.
It
was
out
the
12th.
On
the
13th,
I
went
to
a
doctor
that
morning
and
had
this
same
conversation
with
a
doctor.
I'd
never
read
this,
had
the
same
conversation
with
a
doctor.
Doctor
said,
Chris,
you
need
to
go
to
Alcoholics
Anonymous.
He
gave
me
some
Librium
to
get
me
through
the
detox
to
help
me
with
detox.
I
had
no
money.
I
couldn't
go
to
any
kind
of
inpatient
facility.
And
I
sat
in
my
first
meeting
that
night,
November
13th,
cold
November
night
up
in
North
Texas
and
detoxed
in
that
meeting
with
those
people
around
me
with
paper,
plenty
of
paper
towels
to
clean
up
the
mess
I
was
making,
you
know,
with
me.
And
so
much
love.
You
couldn't
believe
it.
And
we
didn't
talk
about
war
stories
and
we
didn't
piss
and
moan
about
problems.
We
talked
about
God
and
we
talked
about
hope.
Here
I
found
an
ingredient.
It's
just
what
I
found
that
night.
Here
I
found
an
ingredient
that
had
been
lacking
in
all
other
efforts
to
save
myself.
Here
was
power.
Italicized
exclamation
point.
Power.
Folks
in
the
meeting,
in
a
room
full
of
people.
Here
was
power
to
live
at
the
end
of
the
day,
power
to
have
the
courage
to
face
the
next
day,
power
to
have
friends,
power
to
help
people,
power
to
be
sane.
Isn't
that
great?
How
many
you
guys
ever
been
certifiedly
crazy?
Power
to
be
sane.
Yeah.
Power
to
stay
sober.
That
was
seven
years
ago
and
many
a
a
meetings
ago.
And
I
haven't
had
a
drink
during
those
seven
years.
Moreover,
I'm
deeply
convinced
as
long
as
I
continue
to
do
this
in
my
bumbling
way
towards
the
principles
I
first
encountered,
I'm
going
to
stay
sober.
Here's
is
what's
that
power
he
says
with
my
a
a
friends.
All
I
can
say
it's
a
power
greater
than
myself.
Be
still
and
know
that
I'm
God.
You
with
me.
Next
paragraph.
This
is
what
I
want
you
to
see.
Folks.
Please,
in
case
any
of
you
think
that
I
was
making
fun
of
your
issues
earlier,
I
want
you
to
hear
what
I'm
saying.
My
story
has
a
happy
ending,
but
not
of
the
conventional
kind.
I
had
a
lot
more
hell
to
go
through,
but
what
a
difference
there
is
going
through
hell
without
a
power
greater
than
myself.
And
with
it,
as
might
have
been
predicted,
my
teetering
tower
of
worldly
success
collapsed.
My
alcoholic
associates
fired
me,
took
control,
and
ran
the
enterprise
into
bankruptcy.
My
alcoholic
wife
took
up
with
someone
else,
divorced
me,
and
took
our
remaining
property.
The
most
terrible
blow
of
my
life
befell
me
after
I
found
sobriety
through
AA.
Perhaps
a
single
flicker
of
decency
that
had
shown
through
the
fog
of
my
drinking
was
a
clumsy
affection
for
my
two
children,
a
boy
and
a
girl.
One
night
my
son
was
16,
was
suddenly
and
tragically
killed.
The
higher
power
was
on
deck
to
see
me
through.
And
I
think
he's
OK
there
with
my
son
too.
And
that's
what
he's
talking
about.
And
I
haven't
lost
a
son,
but
I
sit
in
these
meetings
and
I
listen
to
what
you
all
have
been
through.
And
I
know
life's
not
perfect
and
everything
just
didn't
come
up
rosy
because
you
got
sober.
Life's
a
bitch.
Life's
tough
on
a
given
day.
It
can
just,
it
can
just
go
to
hell
in
a
handbasket,
folks.
And
that's
why
I'm
so
passionate
and
that's
why
this
thing
is
so
important.
A
message
to
not
dilute.
Anybody
can
stay
sober
when
life
is
good,
but
what
are
you
going
to
do
when
the
ill
winds
turn
towards
you?
What
are
you
going
to
do
when
she
leaves
or
when
the
job
goes
or
the
health
goes?
What
are
you
going
to
do?
And
things
don't
go
exactly
your
way.
Lack
of
powers.
The
dilemma.
I
can't
keep
it
together
myself.
I
need
to
turn
to
all
things,
to
the
Father
of
Light.
Isn't
that
what
the
book
says?
And
you
can't
do
it
alone.
And
the
fellowship
is
not
going
to
do
it
for
you.
You
can
sit
in
these
meetings
until
the
cows
come
home
and
nothing's
going
to
change.
That's
why
we
have
this,
these
rooms.
So.
So,
so
unevenly
divided
with
people
who
have
had
a
spiritual
experience
and
who
people
are
just
staying
sober
one
stupid
day
at
a
time,
that
we've
got
to
get
to
this
place
where
we
understand
that
God's
grace
is
there
for
everybody.
But
it's
but
the
book
says
a
price
has
got
to
be
paid.
We
talked
about
doing
a
four
step
this
afternoon,
a
fifth
step
and
sitting
down
and
making
amends
in
this
prayer
and
meditation
life.
Guys,
all
of
this
takes
effort.
Don't
you
all
understand
that?
And
most
of
the
people
won't
take
that
effort.
But
when
they
don't
and
they
relapse,
just
like
we
see
thousands
of
people
from
my
hospital
do,
let's
don't
look
the
other
way
and
just
pretend
that
nothing
happened.
It's
just,
I
heard
some
son
of
a
bitch
in
a
meeting
in
San
Antonio
last
week
said,
well,
it
just
wasn't
their
time.
Who,
what
arrogance?
Who
are
we
to
say
when
it's
your
time
to
get
sober?
Let
me
tell
you
something,
folks.
In
1980,
I
needed
to
get
sober.
I
wanted
to
get
sober.
I
had
to
get
sober
and
I
didn't
get
sober
for
seven
more
years
because
nobody
ever
slowed
down
and
said
buddy,
buddy,
buddy.
Easy,
easy.
Let's
start
these
work.
Let's
do
this
work.
Let's
work
these
steps
in
a
few
days,
in
a
few
weeks.
Let's
let's,
let's
allow
you
to
have
a
spiritual
experience
so
that
the
obsession
to
use
will
leave
you
and
you
can
get
well,
they,
they,
they
finally
cared
enough
about
me
and
my
relationship
with
God
than
they
did
my
sensitive
little
feelings.
Somebody
finally
stopped
walking
on
egg
shells
around
Chris
Raymer
and
they
said
buddy,
do
you
want
this
or
not?
Wasn't
placed
to
me
as
a
suggestion.
We're
not
a
social
organization
offering
you
membership
in
the
Fellowship
of
Love.
I
got
a
puke.
Folks.
Let
me
paint
a
clearer
picture
for
you.
This
is
what
they
call
the
last
house
on
the
block.
This
is
the
only
solution
for
alcoholism
and
drug
addiction
that
we
know.
And
shame
on
us
if
we
who
have
the
answer
is
not
out
there
kicking
butt
taking
names.
Two
weeks
after
I
walked
into
that
fellowship,
folks,
I
got
out
of
my
truck
after
a
Friday
night
meeting.
Two
weeks
to
the
day,
I
got
out
of
my
truck
after
a
6:00
meeting
just
like
this.
Outside.
It's
just
overcast
just
like
this.
And
I
got
out
of
my
truck
and
I
want
to
tell
you
something,
folks,
everything
had
shifted
in
my
life.
All
the
anger
and
hate
that
I
brought
into
that
meeting
weeks
ago
had
gone
All
the
fear,
the
depression.
You're
with
me,
guys.
I'm
in
my
I'm
in
a
four
step.
I'm
in
the
fourth
column
of
my
4th
step
where
I
get
to
start
seeing
that
I
set
the
ball
motion
that
I
wouldn't
evict
them.
I'd
volunteered
for
every
mission.
Oh,
pick
me.
Pick
me.
I'd
I
volunteered
for
all
of
that
stuff
because
of
my
selfish
and
self
centeredness.
I
had
found
the
sickest
women
in
the
world
to
go
out
with
the
most
dead
end
jobs.
I'd
put
myself
in
all
of
these
situations
to
be
hurt
right
steady
blame
and
everybody
because
I
can't
catch
a
break.
And
I
finally
that
night
sat
on
the
back
of
my
truck
and
cried
real
dog
tears.
I've
been
telling
you
I
was
I
couldn't
believe
what
had
happened.
And
you
know,
as
I'm
sitting
there
trying
to
gain
my
composure,
I
realized
that
the
obsession
to
use
had
been
lifted
from
me
and
I
got
liquor
stores
all
around
me.
I
got
a
drug
dealer
that
lives
apartment
complex.
Folks,
let
me
tell
you
something.
I'm
surrounded
by
quote
UN
quote
triggers.
Jesus,
the
obsession
had
been
removed
from
me.
I
was
not
keeping
myself
away.
Y'all
understand?
I
was
talking
to
guy
the
other
day.
There's
a
capital
of
Texas
is
Austin.
It's
about
120
miles
away.
And
he
says,
he
said,
Chris,
I
can't
go
back
to
Austin.
There's
too
many
triggers
there.
There's
too
much.
I
said
where
are
you
going
to
move?
He
said
Houston
what
what?
It
made
sense
to
him.
I
understand
that,
but
it's
not
right.
I
can't
hide
from
alcohol
and
drugs.
Folks.
The
obsession
has
got
to
be
removed
or
we
don't
get,
well,
you're
with
me.
This
program
is
about
power
and
it's
about
responsibility.
Give
me
one
minute,
one
minute
folks,
the
reason
I'm
so
controversial
and
the
reason
I
I
get
under
some
of
you
will
be
emailing
for
the
rest
of
our
lives
as
close
friends
because
we're
all
on
the
same
page.
I've
talked
to
a
lot
of
y'all
all
day
long
and
bless
everyone
of
you,
every
one
of
you
that
have
a
week's
sobriety
and
that
are
out
there
actively
trying
to
carry
the
message.
Thank
you
for
staying.
I'm
going
to
say
this,
any
old
timers
in
here
that
have
multiple
of
years
that
are
staying
in
this
fellowship?
Because
I'm
telling
you,
the
old
timers
are
leaving
by
the
thousands
because
they're
sick
and
tired
of
listening
to
the
shit
that
has
become
Alcoholics
Anonymous.
And
I
can't
blame
them
for
doing
that.
I
wish
they
wouldn't,
but
it's
their
right.
And
I
understand
why
they
do
it
because
if
they
don't
get
in
a
place
where
they
can
hear
some
solution,
they're
going
to
die
too.
And
they
don't
want
to
drink
either.
You.
It
takes
courage
to
change
the
tide,
folks.
And
that's
one
of
the
things
that
that
comes
with
spirituality.
Dave
talked
about
it
today.
Mark
talked
about
it.
It's
called
discipline.
And
you've
got
to
discipline
yourself
and
stand
for
something.
Why?
Why
is
it
that
we're
so
worried
about
what
that
person's
going
to
say
just
because
that
person
has
10
years
of
sobriety?
I
heard
a
guy
with
30
years
of
sobriety
say
that
alcoholism
wasn't
a
disease
and
you
could
stop
whenever
you
got
ready
to
put
the
plug
in
the
jug.
And
wherever
he
is
today,
I
hope
he's
healthy
and
happy.
But
Jesus,
how
many
newcomers
did
he
kill
with
that
bullshit?
But
he
had
30
years
of
sobriety.
So
who's.
So
who's
going
to
listen?
Everybody
see
if
you
can't
reconcile
it
with
what's
in
the
book,
you
might
want
to
forget
it.
Folks,
for
every
woman
that's
coming
to
this
fellowship
and
stayed,
I'm
going
to
tell
you,
I
I
get
weepy
around
the
women.
We
don't
have
enough
women
in
the
fellowship
to
do
the
work.
OK.
One
of
the
problems
that
Dave
talked
about
today,
you
know,
is
this
deal.
A
lot
of
us
guys
have
ended
up
having
to
sponsor
women,
not
because
we
wanted
to,
but
because
there
was
nobody
left
to
do
it.
You
see,
AA
women
have
a
tendency
to
come
in
and
get
sober.
Then
they
get
married
and
they
get
home
and
little
hubby
decides
he
didn't
want
to
hang
out
and
go
to
those
meetings
anymore.
So
all
of
a
sudden
we've
got
a
new
higher
power
in
our
life.
It's
the
husband.
And
I'm
going
to
tell
you
something,
folks,
I've
said
it
every
time
I've
talked.
Some
of
you
women
need
to
get
some
courage
behind
you
a
little
back
there
and
say
hey
listen
little
buddy,
you
don't
like
me
giving
back
to
this
fellowship?
You
can
get
your
little
happy
horse
ass
out
of
here
because
I
serve
one
God.
I
serve
one
God.
We
all
serve
the
same
God.
And
I'm
going
to
tell
you
something.
We
don't
have
enough
help
in
the
trenches
to
turn
this
tide.
Everybody
thinks
the
treatment
centers
are
going
to
do
it.
Everybody
thinks
medicine
is
going
to
do
it.
We're
going
to
do
it.
We're
the
only
people
that
are
going
to
do
it.
When
your
meeting
goes
down
the
toilet,
stop
it.
Say,
excuse
me
a
minute.
I'm
not
chairing
this
meeting.
But
it
seems
to
me
that
we've
gotten
a
little
off
the
subject.
We
perhaps
go
back
on
the
subject.
You
will
not
be
popular,
but
you
might
save
somebody's
life
if
somebody's
monologuing
in
a
meeting.
And
if
we
have
a
little
bell
at
our
meeting
in
the
Hill
Country
at
the
outpost,
we
have
a
little
bell.
Very
nice
little
bell,
very
nothing
outrageous,
you
know,
but
you've
got
5
minutes
to
share
your
stuff.
And
in
our
preamble
it
says
we're
not
here
as
a
dumping
ground
for
your
problems.
If
you
don't
want
to
talk
about
anything
else
that's
not
in
the
literature
that
we're
covering
tonight,
you
might
want
to
be
quiet
and
you
can
talk
for
5
minutes
and
then
we're
going
to
get
a
little
bell
and
Ding
it
and
everybody
has
a
good
laugh
and
then
we
go
on
to
the
next
person.
But
nobody
has
to
sit
there
and
listen
to
some
some
idiot
in
a
meeting
because
you
see,
I
may
hear
what
I
need
to
hear
tonight
from
you,
but
I
may
not
get
a
chance
if
the
person
over
here
doesn't
shut
up.
See,
I
got
one
hour
a
day.
We
got
two
or
three
meetings
a
week
that
maybe
we
can
go
to.
Folks,
we
can't
live
in
a
a
don't
expect
you
to.
Let's
make
those
meetings
as
powerful
as
possible
If
you're
going
out
of
that
meeting
in
worse
shape
than
you
came
in.
Folks,
I
hear
that
all
the
time.
And
AAI
never
was
in
a
meeting
I
didn't
get
something
out
of.
You're
a
goddamn
liar.
I
know.
I
mean,
I,
I
just,
you
know,
I'm,
I'm,
I
appreciate
your,
your,
your
spiritual
connection,
you
know,
but
I
walked
out
of
meeting
suicidal.
I
mean,
I
just
like,
what
the
shit
did
we
just
listen
to
you?
You're
with
me.
At
some
point
we
got
to
stop
it
and
say
no,
excuse
me
a
minute.
We're
going
to
talk
about
guiding
the
steps.
And
after
the
meeting,
let's
go
talk
about
that
cool
stuff
that
you
need
to
talk
about
because
the
fellowship
can
help
you
with
that
problem
too.
But
in
the
meeting,
we're
going
to
try
to
help
somebody
not
drink
today.
Is
that
cool?
I
love
everyone
of
you.
Thanks
Truthful
1
thing
I
would
like
to
share
and
this
is
my
experience
and
I
know
it's
a
lot
of
other
people's
experience.
When
you
hear
a
message
like
that,
it
touches
something
in
your
soul.
This
man
shared
stuff
that
I'm
sure
we
all
have
felt
for
years
in
AA
and
didn't
have
the
guts
to
stand
up
and
talk
about
it.
All
right,
if
you
were
going
to
speak
at
an
A
A
meeting
in
the
next
week,
let
me
save
you
from
some
inventory.
You're
going
to
end
up
writing.
All
right,
Listen
to
the
message,
not
the
messenger,
all
right?
He's
a
passionate
man.
He's
like
me.
We
get
fired
up
about
this
message.
It's
not
open
season
on
dark
tunnel
A
a
all
right.
What
you
have
to
do
is
stand
up
and
share
your
experience.
What
you
need
to
be
is
a
beacon,
a
shining
beacon.
The
rays
of
the
spirit
of
hope
should
shine
out
of
you
and
they
should
be
attracted
to
you
like
a
moth
to
a
flame.
If
you
see
the
meeting
going
South,
don't
stand
up
and
say
everybody
shared
is
a
bunch
of
idiots.
Stand
up
and
say,
you
know,
my
experience
differs
a
little
bit
from
yours
and
here's
my
experience.
And
share
a
barn
burning
experience
like
you
just
got
here
tonight.
And
they
will
not
be
able
to
deny
the
truth
of
what
you
share.
They
may
not
like
to
hear
it.
They
may
say,
well,
that
guy's
an
idiot.
I
don't
want
what
he
has.
But
you've
planted
the
seed.
And
if
they
really
want
what
you
have,
the
mad
dogs
will
come
running
and
they
won't
do
it.
Probably
in
the
meeting.
They'll
wait
till
you
in
the
park.
They'll
be
lurking
in
the
shadows.
You'll
be
heading
for
your
car
like,
hey
buddy,
come
here
because
we're
not
dumb.
Even
we
know
that
that's
not
middle
of
the
road.
A,
A
today.
Even
in
the
old
days,
it
probably
was
because
that's
who
we
worked
with.
We
sought
out
the
newcomer.
Another
thing
that
I
would
add
to
his
messages,
do
not
walk
up
to
a
guy
and
say,
here's
my
phone
number.
Call
me
what
we
talked
about
when
we
get
to
step
12.
The
guy
took
every
bit
of
energy
and
pain
that
he
had
to
get
his
ass
in
the
meeting.
Don't
hand
him
a
death
sentence
and
say
here,
call
me.
That
telephone
might
as
well
weigh
1200
lbs.
He's
not
going
to
call
you.
Did
Ebby
say
hey,
Bill,
call
me?
No,
Ebby
sought
out
Bill.
Bill
sought
out
Doctor
Bob.
Bill
and
Bob
sought
out
Bill
Dodson.
Alcoholic
#3
This
is
a
program
where
we
carry
the
message
to
the
alcoholic.
All
right.
Do
I
give
a
guy
my
phone
number?
Absolutely.
And
you
know
what?
I
get
his
number.
I
write
it
on
the
inside
cover
of
my
big
book.
That
does
two
things.
It
means
I
carry
in
a
big
book
in
an
A,
a
meeting,
which
makes
me
unique.
And
then
I
make
an
effort
to
call
the
guy
the
next
day
and
I
say,
hey,
man,
Remember
Me?
I
met
you
the
other
night.
How
you
doing?
I
start
the
conversation
now.
If
he
wants
what
I
has
have,
he
will
reciprocate
and
we
can
carry
this
message
together.
All
right,
powerful,
powerful
message
we
got
tonight.
And
I
just
wish
he
didn't
disguise
it
so
well.
You
know,
I
really
wasn't
quite
sure
where
he
stood
on
some
issues,
you
know.
But
I
think
since
I,
you
know,
I
got
his
e-mail,
I'll
e-mail
him
and
ask
him
a
few
questions
and
maybe
you'll
share
me
at
1:01.
I
sure
hope
that
that
becomes
the
tape
of
the
month.
That
would
be
a
wonderful
thing
to
see
that
get
shotgunned
out.
And
if
I
can
convince
Glenn
to
put
his
e-mail
address
on
it,
they
can
send
all
the
complaints
to
him.
So
what's
the
deal?
The
deal
is
questions,
Bart.
Where
is
he?
These
are
these,
are
they
any
particular
order
or
grab
them
at
random?
Is
that
what
the
promise
was?
OK,
we'll
start
off
see
if
these
it
says
please
read
this.
Thank
you
and
God
bless.
Today
my
spirit
woke
up
due
to
the
fact
that
I
had
a
baby
when
I
was
19
and
gave
her
up
for
adoption
15
1/2
years
ago.
I
have
wrote,
talked
and
prayed.
Why
am
I
not
free?
I'm
not
resentful
towards
my
baby,
I
am
resentful
towards
the
guy
who
raped
me.
I
wanted
to
be
free.
How
can
I
mend
the
hole
in
my
heart?
Well,
boys,
who
wants
to
take
this
one,
the
next
one?
We'll
come
back,
come
back
to
it.
OK,
that's
a
great
wait
for
a
second.
Yeah,
we're
not
trying
to
get
out
of
it.
Whoever
wrote
that.
One
of
the
things
you
need
to
do
with
something
that's
that
powerful,
sit
with.
It's
like
a
fine
wine.
You
sit
with
it
for
a
while
and
God
will
motivate
you.
Anybody.
What
do
you
think
of
no
relationships
in
the
first
year?
13
steppers?
How
many
sponsors
is
too
many
and
exactly
what
is
selfishness?
We
have
absolutely
no
idea
about
noizations
in
the
first
year
because
nobody
ever
does
it.
The
Big
Book
is
really
clear
on
this
one,
at
least
from
my
perspective.
We
are
not
the
arbiter
of
anybody's
sex
conduct.
One
way
or
another.
They're
going
to
have
an
experience.
Good
experience,
bad
experience.
They're
going
to
have
an
experience.
The
guys
that
come
to
me
and
they
say,
oh,
I
want
to
do
this.
I
share
my
experience
when
I
was
doing
13
stepping
in
a
A
and
I
let
him
know
that
it's
one
of
the
three
times
The
Big
Book
says
that
you
will
drink
if
you
continue
to
harm
people
in
a
sexual
arena
knowing
full
well
you
shouldn't.
I
got
half
dozen
sponsees
that
say,
but
I
told
her
all
I
wanted
was,
you
know,
sex,
and
she
was
OK
with
that
delusion.
You're
telling
them,
yeah,
you
can
sign
a
contract.
Yeah,
that's
what
you're
telling
them.
But
that's
not
what
she's
hearing.
She's
emotionally
imbalanced.
And
I'm
saying
she
it
works
the
exact
opposite
way,
guys.
For
the
women,
the
receive
E,
let's
call
it
that,
the
receive
isn't
hearing
it
in
their
mind.
They're
thinking,
I
can
change
him,
you
know,
to
use
a
marks
line.
Once
he
tastes
the
water
of
the
Nile,
he
won't
go
anywhere
else
to
drink,
you
know?
And
then
all
of
a
sudden
you
take
a
powder.
And
now
they
got
another
excuse
why
A
doesn't
work.
He
took
advantage
of
me.
Here
comes
the
victim.
You
know,
you
guys
want
to
come
in
on
that?
Yeah,
you
get
yours
is
hot.
My
own
personal
one,
one
of
the
things
that
was
pointed
out
to
me
early
on
to
this
might
this
might
seem
hard
for
some
of
y'all
to
believe,
but
because
everybody,
everybody
talks
about
13
stepping
and
they
look
right
at
the
guys,
you
know,
it's
like
it
can
work
both
ways.
And
there
was
a
time
in
my
earlier
years
when
I
was
quite
cute
and
humbly
speaking,
Jeez,
you
don't
have
to
be
cute
at
all
to
get
13
step,
but
the
bottom
line.
But
somebody,
somebody
pointed
out
to
me
early
on,
and
we
hear
it
often
enough.
This
is
a
real
problem
in
the
fellowships
in
our
sister
fellowships
also,
and
this
is
a
tough
deal.
The
response
if
you're
not
interested
in
getting
a
relationship
is
I
believe
something
goes
along
like
this.
I'm
here
to
get
sober,
not
to
get
laid.
Thank
you.
And
then
word
will
travel
like
wildflow,
you
know,
just
Bruce
all
through
the
group
and
and
then
you
don't
have
to
worry
about
it.
After
a
period
of
time,
everybody
will
understand
what,
what's,
what's
going
on,
the
parameters
that
you,
we,
we
teach
people
how
to
treat
us.
But
it's
the
bottom
line,
you,
you're
going
to
treat
every
guy
that
comes
in
contact
with
you,
how
to
treat
you.
And
then
the
bottom
line
is
they're
treating
you
with
disrespect.
But
I'm
pumped
you've,
you've,
you've
said
it's
OK.
You've
taught
them
what
they
can
get
away
with
and
what
they
can't
get
away
with.
And
so
us
in
the
fellowship,
I
don't
believe
it's
any
of
our
responsibilities.
Walk
around
and
police
this
fellowship.
But
we
certainly
can
help
the
newcomer
understand
that
it's
perfectly
OK
to
say
no.
It's
OK
to
say
no
to
the
Lord's
Prayer
at
the
end
of
a
meeting
if
you
feel
uncomfortable
with
it.
It's
OK
to
somebody
comes
up,
wants
to
give
you
a
hug.
Excuse
me,
I'm
not
OK
with
that.
I'm
back
off.
Just
because
they
want
to
hug
you
didn't
mean
you
want
to
hug
them
back
in
that
right.
Some
boundaries
there,
guys
understand
it
that
everybody's
not
on
the
same
page
as
we
are.
And
you
may
be
perfectly
OK
with
it.
The
the
poor
other
person
may
not
be
OK
with
it.
That's
what
I
got.
My
experience
with
that
is
the
old
timers
when
I
came
got
sober
did
police
say
a,
a
my
my
my
buddy
Joe,
his
dad,
he
died
with,
I
don't
know,
40
some
odd
years
of
sobriety,
Sobriety.
I
think
when
I
showed
up
in
a
meeting,
he
took
one
look
at
me
and
could
see
me
scouting
the
crowd
and
he
came
walking
up
to
me
and
he
says,
excuse
me.
He
said,
I
noticed
that
you're
looking
at
the
women
in
this
meeting.
We
don't
take
kindly
to
that.
And
I
may
look
like
an
old
man
to
you,
but
I
can
get
a
bunch
of
these
young
bucks
and
we'll
kick
the
shit
out
of
you
if
we
catch
you
messing
with
the
women.
I
stopped
going
to
that
meeting.
I
but
you
know
what?
I
didn't
kill
any
of
the
women
that
meeting
either.
And
today
I'm
tremendously
grateful,
you
know,
because
I've
had
the
opportunity
to
12
step
his
son
back
into
the
rooms
of
a
a,
you
know,
So
what
goes
around
comes
around.
That
was
a
message
of
love.
He
didn't
say
it
maliciously.
He
was
calling
me
on
my
bull
crap.
You
know,
Mark,
how
many
sponsors
is
too
many?
I
think
that
has
a
lot
to
do
with
the
roles
that
God
has
assigned.
You
know,
if
you're
sitting
there
and
you
have
a
family
and
you
have
a
job
and
you
have
all
those
other
kind
of
things,
I
think
all
those
factors
play
into
it.
I
have
been
single
for
quite
some
time
and
in
hindsight,
pretty
well.
It
devoted
my
life
to
being
of
service
in
a
right.
Right
now
for
example,
I'm
sponsoring
7
people.
That's
fixing
the
change.
But
so
that's
the
only
way
I
know
how
to
answer
that.
If
I
think
you,
it's
important,
your
goal
is
to
fulfill
each
and
every
role
that
you
have
assigned.
So
you
you
have
to
take
it.
You
have
to
take
a
look
at
that.
There's
only
so
much
energy
in
your
life
and
there's
only
so
much
energy
on
a
weekly
basis.
And
for
example,
if
you
have
a
family,
you
know,
the
book
gets
pretty
clear
what's
going
to
happen
if
you
fail
to
practice
this
thing
at
home.
So
if
you're
sitting
there
and
you
have
a
job
and
in
a
family
and
those
kinds
of
things,
you
know,
possibly
one
or
two
those
of
you
who
are
in
that
situation
have
sponsored
more,
have
have
ultimately
had
a
discussion
probably
with
your
family
about
that.
So
that's
my
experience
with
answering
that
I
have
gone
both
sides
of
not
working
with
enough
more
more
lately
in
the
last
10
years.
At
times
probably
working
with
too
many
because
of
working
with
others
is
work.
It
takes
time.
It
really
takes
time.
So
I
guess
that's
the
easiest
way
for
me
to
to
to
answer
that.
You
know
that
question.
See,
that
can
be
a
trap
too,
continually
adding
to
it.
And
then
what
you
are,
you're
caught
up
in
numbers,
but
you're
not
caught.
See,
I'm
interested
in
the
quality
of
the
work.
I'm
not
interested
in
the
numbers
of
work.
So,
you
know,
I
think
that
gets
down
to
how
how
do
you
sponsor
and
what
are
the
other
roles
that
you
have
in
your
life
that
you
know
are
important
to
you.
It
also
depends
what
your
concept
of
a
sponsor.
What
is
a
sponsor?
Got
to
understand
the
history
of
where
it
came
from.
The
Oxford
Group
days,
it
was
a
closed
society.
You
couldn't
go
to
just
walk
off
the
street
to
an
Oxford
Group
meeting.
They
had
a
basically
a
guard
at
the
door
and
he'd
say,
anybody
know
this
guy?
And
somebody
from
the
group
would
say,
Oh
yeah,
I
know
him,
he's
OK,
let
him
in.
He
sponsored
you
into
the
fellowship,
into
the
prayer
meeting.
All
right,
then
we
wanted
to
do
some
12
step
work.
Bill
Wilson
got
in
here
and
wanted
to
go
out.
So
he
started
going
to
asylums
and
sanitariums.
You
in
order
to
get
somebody
released
from
a
sanitarium,
you
had
to
sign
on
the
dotted
line
that
you
were
going
to
accept
responsibility
for
him.
You're
going
to
make
sure
they
had
a
place
to
stay
if
they
didn't
get
back
that
night,
that
you're
going
to
make
sure
they
got
fed
and
they
didn't
get
in
trouble.
You
sponsored
them
out
of
the
sanitarium
and
then
the
term
became
the
person,
the
first
person
that
took
you
through
the
work,
whether
they
stayed
sober
or
whether
they
drank.
To
the
day
Bill
Wilson
died,
Ebby
Thatcher
was
his
sponsor.
Even
though
Abby
got
drunk
on
a
number
of
occasions,
it
was
still
Bill
Wilson's
sponsor.
We
tend
to
confuse
spiritual
advisor
with
sponsorship.
Bill
Wilson
had
a
number
of
spiritual
advisors.
You
know,
he,
he
picked,
he
worked
with
Tebow,
he
Father
Dowling,
I
mean,
he
worked
with
a
whole
bunch
of
different
people.
But
Ebby
was
always
his
sponsor.
Ebby's
the
one
who
carried
the
original
message
to
him
that
helped
him
have
his
awakened
spirit
and
then
he
added
to
it.
So
you'll
hear
everything
under
the
sun
about
sponsorship.
I
mean,
and,
and
in
a,
a,
the
rumors
are
rampant.
You
know,
just
this
month
somebody
came
up
to
me
and
said,
hey,
Dave,
I
heard
you're
sponsoring
300
guys.
I
went,
oh,
that's
interesting
news
to
me.
I'll
work
with
just
about
anybody
if
I
have
the
time,
but
they
have
to
prove
to
me
what's
the
one
thing
I
have
on
this
physical
journey
that's
left
a
limited
amount
of
time.
Is
my
time
worth
this
person's
effort?
Are
I'm
looking
at
their
shoes.
If
they're
saying,
oh,
I
want
to
do
a
fist
step
with
you
and
they're
not
doing
any
of
the
work,
they
can
call
me
whatever
they
want.
They
can
say
I'm
their
sponsor,
but
it's
a
name
only
if
they're
not
doing
the
work
with
me.
You
know,
I
have
other
people
that
have
another
sponsor
but
who
won't
take
them
through
the
work.
And
so
they'll
call
me
up
when
it's
time
to
hear
a
fist
step
and
I'll
sit
in
and
I'll
hear
the
fist
step.
Does
that
make
me
their
sponsor?
I
don't
think
so.
You
know,
the
guys
that
I
actually
work
with
on
a
regular
basis,
there's
probably
six
or
seven
and
they
kind
of
ebb
and
flow.
Most
of
them
are
double
digit
sobriety.
So
it's
not
like
I'm
getting
called
every
day
or
even
once
a
week
sometimes.
You
know,
I
hear
from
them
periodically,
good
stuff
and
bad.
They'll
just
call
me
when
they
have
a
problem.
So
it
varies
as
to
how
willing
they
are.
If
they're
willing
and
they're
showing
an
effort,
it's
a
spiritual
law.
I
don't
have
any
choice.
I
must
care
for
them
if
they
don't
care
about
their
sobriety.
It's
a
spiritual
law
that
I
can't
A.
A
is
for
people
that
want
it,
not
for
people
that
need
it.
I
cannot
want
their
sobriety
more
than
they
do
because
then
I
get
sucked
in.
And
by
the
way,
if
you're
going
to
be
a
sponsor,
you
damn
well
better
have
Alan
on
this
program.
Originally,
for
the
1st
13
years,
it
was
one
program.
There
was
no
AA
and
Al
Anon.
And
then
the
newcomers
got
upset
because
the
wives
were
telling
them
what
to
do
because
they
didn't
treat
them
like
they
were
equals.
So
they
kicked
the
elements
out.
It
was
a
family
program.
If
you
showed
up
at
Doctor
Bobby
House
without
your
wife
and
kids,
he'd
look
at
you
straight
in
the
eye
and
say
where's
your
family?
And
if
you
said,
well,
they're
at
home,
he'd
say
you
bring
him
next
week
or
I'll
go
get
him
myself.
Family
program,
family
disease
and
we're
all
in
the
same
sync
and
life
raft.
We
need
to
carry
this
deal
with
each
other.
So
as
a
sponsor,
all
get
suckered
into
their
drama.
Unless
I
have
some
al
Anon
tools.
And
what
if
I
go
do
a
12
step
call
and
all
of
a
sudden
in
the
middle
of
12
step
call,
the
guy
says
he
doesn't
want
it
yet
there's
a
crying
wife
in
the
kitchen.
Do
I
walk
out
the
door
and
say,
have
a
nice
life,
call
me
when
he
gets
worse?
No,
I
have
to
have
some
Al
Anon
contact
so
I
can
lead
her
to
al
Anon
because
that's
what
the
book
says.
I
believe
steps
used
to
rewritten
last
our
12th
step
changed.
Well,
wait
a
minute,
there's
no
changes
to
the
Big
Book,
right?
Guess
what?
Three
or
four
of
the
original
12
steps
have
been
rewritten
in
the
big
book.
The
12
step
used
to
say
we
carry
this
message
to
others
comma
especially
Alcoholics.
So
if
you
walk
in
and
the
alcoholic
doesn't
want
it,
you
got
a
responsibility
to
carry
this
message
to
the
al
Anon.
Same
12
steps.
And
the
al
anons,
they're
so
friggin
insane
because
the
big
book
isn't
conference
approved
by
Al
Anon.
They're
saying
you
can't
use
the
big
book
in
an
Al
Anon
meaning.
Yet
if
you
read
the
Al
Anon
traditions,
guess
what
it
says
Al
Anon
practices
12
steps
of
Alcoholics
Anonymous.
Where
are
the
12
steps
of
Alcoholics
Anonymous
located?
The
big
book.
So
the
Al
Anon's
are
out
there
killing
Al
Anons
now.
Half
ass
crap
that
Chris
was
talking
about.
They
picked
it
up
from
us,
you
know,
because
they
got
resentments
against
Alcoholics
because
we
all
say
oh
they're
the
sisters
of
perpetual
vengeance.
Worst
thing
that
ever
happened
to
me
was
my
wife
got
down
on
the
best
thing
that
ever
happened
to
me
personally
was
my
wife
got
into
Al
Anon.
She's
a
black
belt
Al
Anon
and
thank
God
because
she
may
be
the
last
person
that
sees
me
before
I
go
to
liquor
store.
You
heard
me
share
about
it
already.
Nobody
else
may
be
telling
me
I'm
in
deep
shit,
and
she
may
look
at
me
and
say,
honey,
I
think
you
should
call
your
sponsor
and
run.
And
that
may
be
enough
to
say,
whoa,
maybe
I
should
go
around.
All
right,
I'll
call
him
on
the
way
to
the
liquor
store.
You
know,
that
maybe
would
save
my
life.
How
did
I
get
off
on
that
tangent?
It's
Chris's
fault,
that's
it.
Exactly.
What
is
selfishness?
Well,
the
definition.
I
mainly
concerned
my
own
well-being.
Next
question.
Do
you
hold
those
who
go
to
meetings
and
don't
drink
in
contempt?
That's
a
great
question.
No,
no,
no,
not
at
all.
Not
as
long
as
I
keep
their
mouth
shut.
Here's
a
question
after
everything
we've
covered
this
weekend.
Are
they
doing
the
best
they
can
with
what
they
have?
Are
they
spiritually
asleep
to
what
they're
doing?
Yep,
leave
them
alone.
You
have
to
carry
the
message.
We
want
to
point
at
them
and
say
look
what
they're
doing
instead
of
us
standing
up
and
saying
what
the
hell
am
I
doing?
I
am
responsible
when
anyone
anywhere
reaches
out
for
help.
I
want
the
hand
of
a
always
to
be
there
and
for
that
I
am
responsible.
The
group
I
got
sober
in,
we
did
not
close
with
the
Lords
prayer,
we
did
not
hold
hands.
We
opened
the
meeting
with
a
serenity
prayer
and
we
closed
with
I
am
responsible.
And
by
the
time
I
was
a
weak
sober,
I
had
I
am
responsible
memorized
because
I
wanted
to
fit
into
that
group.
And
then
my
sponsor
taught
me
what
that
meant.
What
does
it
mean
to
be
that
you're
responsible?
You
know,
important
stuff.
You
know,
it's
written
on
all
of
our
A
literature,
just
about
all
those
little
pamphlets
we
have.
You'd
be
amazed
how
many
people
have
no
idea
what
I
am
responsible
is.
They've
never
heard
it
read
anywhere.
They
don't
know
the
Declaration
of
Unity.
Be
honest.
How
many
people
in
here
know
the
Declaration
of
Unity
Guaranteed
Those
people
have
been
to
service
commitments.
You
know,
before
this
weekend,
how
many
people
knew
there
were
six
warranties
in
a
A
look
at
the
same
exact
hands
service
people?
You
know
how
many
people
ever
heard
that
there
were
12
concepts
before
here?
Ah,
there
we
go.
Well,
if
you
knew
there
were
12
concepts,
why
didn't
you
know
there
were
six
warranties?
Because
you
never
read
the
concepts.
Yes,
that
was
a
trap.
Enough
said
on
that.
You
know,
actually
I'm
jealous
and
envious
of
those
people.
I
wish
I
could
do
that
and
have
a
happy
life.
But
real
quick
though,
but,
but
I
think
everybody,
everybody
needs
to
understand
this
idea
about
responsibility,
my
responsibility
to
the
newcomer.
There's
as
Bill
sees
it,
there's
a
little
little
book,
little
compilation
of
bills
writings.
And,
and
one
of
those
pages
he
talks
in,
in
a
letter
he
wrote
in
1942,
He
says,
he
says,
my
chief
responsibility
to
the
newcomer
is
an
adequate
presentation
of
the
program.
And
an
adequate
presentation
of
the
program
should
explain
to
the
newcomer
what
what
this
whole
thing
is
about
that
that
you
can't
believe
everything
you
hear
in
a
meeting.
And
just
because
somebody's
sitting
in
a
meeting,
I
mean,
it's
like,
you
know,
you
go
out
and
sit
in
a
chicken
coop,
They
don't
make
you
a
chicken,
you
know.
Well,
but
it
may
end
up
on
your
inventory
if
you're
from
Ingram.
Some
of
you,
some
of
you
guys
that
think
that
a
drug
is
a
drug
is
a
drug
and
it's
all
the
same.
You
need
to
sit
down
and
do
a
do
a
fist
step
with
an
alcoholic
and
then
the
very
next
day
do
a
fist
step
with
a
crack
addict.
Two
different
things,
but
it's
another
world
apart,
you
know,
but
explain
to
the
newcomer
that
you
can't.
You're
welcome.
It's
an
open
meeting.
Anybody's
welcome
in
there.
But
be
careful.
That's
why
we
use
the
big
book.
You
know,
if
you
can't
reconcile
it,
you
might
want
to
be
careful
with
it
because
you
do
you
hear
so
much
stuff
that
sounds
good,
but
but
it
might
kill
you
if
you're
trying
to
stay
sober
doing
it.
And
you
know,
we're
not
just
killing
Alcoholics.
We're
killing
people
from
every
single
fellowship.
There's
over
250
fellowships
to
use
our
12
steps
because
they
were
God-given.
They
change
one
word,
whatever
their
power
was
over.
And
if
you
notice,
there's
a
trend
within
a
A
We're
making
all
of
our
meetings
closed
because
we
want
to
hide
our
warts.
We
don't
want
people
to
see
how
mediocre
this
program's
got.
We're
starting
to
shut
it
down.
A
lot
of
times,
OASNAS,
they're
not
hearing
the
message
there.
They're
saying,
well,
where
did
this
stuff
come
from?
It's
a
it's,
it's
an
ancient
parable.
You
know,
if
you
want
to
go
study,
you
want
to
get
the
information
that
the
master
has,
study
what
the
master
studied.
So
they're
coming
to
the
source,
to
Alcoholics
Anonymous
and
we
say,
sorry,
you
don't
have
a
desire
to
stop
drinking.
Have
a
nice
day.
What
are
we
afraid
of?
Do
we
need
closed
meetings?
By
all
means,
but
not
as
many.
If
you
notice
the
book,
they're
almost
all
they're
changing.
At
least
my
area,
it's
changing
radically.
Almost
every
meeting
used
to
be
opened.
There
was
maybe
one
or
two
closed
meetings
a
week,
and
now
almost
all
of
the
new
meetings
come
in
and
are
all
closed.
Why
is
that?
What
are
the
early
warning
signs
that
an
inventory
is
needed
if
done
periodically?
How
often?
Well,
if
you're
doing,
yeah,
that's
the
best
answer.
Somebody
said
ask
your
wife.
Ask
the
people
closest
to
you.
An
evening
review
ought
to
be
some
indication.
If
you're
working
with
meditation,
a
lot
of
chattering
in
your
mind
could
be
another.
If
you're
awake
at
all,
the
presence
of
fear
in
a
fairly
consistent
basis.
I'd
say
those
would
be
pretty
good.
Pretty
good
indicators
it
might
be
time
to
do
something
again.
Annually
or
semi
annually
is
with
the
12
and
12
says.
And
even
though
I'm
a
big
book
thumper,
let
me
put
a
plug
in
for
the
12
and
12.
It's
a
fantastic
volume,
except
read
page
17
of
the
12
and
12.
It
says
those
essays
are
to
expand
on
what
is
written
in
the
Big
Book.
So
you
can't
use
the
12
and
12
without
the
Big
Book.
They
go
hand
in
hand.
All
right.
And
it
talks
in
there
about
annual
or
semiannual
house
cleaning.
It
talks
about
a
whole
different
kinds
of
house
cleaning.
And
a
lot
of
people
get
it
wrong
and
they
say,
well,
they
got
Bill
Wilson
got
the
steps
backwards.
Not
if
you
look
at
the
whole
deal.
He
knew
what
he
was
talking
about.
Page
52.
Every
once
in
a
while,
look
at
page
52.
If
you're
doing
12
step
work
with
another
guy,
every
time
you
go
over
page
52
with
another
guy,
you're
asking
yourself
those
questions.
I
put
it
in
the
first
person.
Is
Dave
having
trouble
with
personal
relationships?
Can
Dave
make
a
living?
Is
Dave
been
prayed
a
misery
impression
this
week,
this
month?
If
I
answer
some
of
those
questions,
guess
what?
I'm
blind.
I'm
missing
something
on
10
and
11.
My
slate
isn't
clean.
It's
time
to
write.
If
I
get
to
six
months
and
I
haven't
done
it,
it's
time
to
write.
I
always
write
before
I
do
one
of
these
deals
because
if
I
don't,
I'll
be
up
here
at
the
podium
sharing
lies
and
I'll
be
sharing
laurels
and
I'll
be
killing
somebody,
especially
me,
right?
Are
you
using
the
12
traditions
and
12
concepts
in
your
life?
If
so,
would
be
interested
in
hearing
some
examples.
I
feel
like
I
keep
talking
you
guys.
You
guys
want
to
take
a
shot
at
this
one.
It's
an
essay
question
for
guys.
It
is
an
essay
question
if
if
you're
if
you're
if
you're
going
through
life
relatively
happy,
finding
moments
of
contentment,
you
find
some
joy,
your
creative
juices
are
flowing,
you're
excited
about
your
day,
you're
working
this
step,
you're
doing
the
deal
as
an
alcoholic
suffering
from
a
spiritual
malady.
Drunk
or
sober
folks
to
say
we're
sober
or
dry,
not
drinking.
If
you're
not
doing
the
things
you're
you're
you're
heading
for
the
toilet.
Check
inward.
You
know
some
of
you
got
the
little
issue
man
buttons,
you
know
check
inward
because
that's
where
it's
at.
It'll
eventually
affect
everything
on
the
but
inwardly
when
you're
driving
to
work,
listen
to
the
radio,
where's
your
head?
You
know,
we've
been
talked
a
lot
this
weekend
about
being
awake.
Are
you
awake
to
the
moment?
Are
you
enjoying
the
day?
If
you
are
folks,
you're
working
the
stats,
folks,
you're
spiritually
connected.
Otherwise
you're
going
down
the
toilet
and
you
know,
and
you
know
what
that's
like.
Most
of
us
in
this
room
have
had
periods
where
we
weren't
drinking
today,
but
we
weren't
happy
joys
and
free.
Most
of
there's
more
suicides
committed
in
sobriety
folks,
than
than
than
whom
we're
drinking.
You
all
understand
that
little
nasty
piece.
So
examples,
I
work
the
12
traditions
in
my
relation.
I
work
all
36
spiritual
principles
on
the
triangle.
All
right,
my
kids
know
the
12
traditions
and
12
concepts.
They're
six
and
three.
Classic
example.
My
son
says
I
have
a
proposal
I
want
to
put
on
the
floor.
I,
I
propose
after
dinner
that
we
go
to
Dairy
Queen.
All
right,
now
we
have
a
group
discussion.
We
throw
it
out
there
on
the
floor.
We
have
a
little
discussion.
Well,
there's
probably
not
enough
time
to
get
a
bath
and
go
there,
but
we
have
some
ice
cream
in
the
refrigerator,
so
maybe
we
could
do
that.
OK,
I
have
a
motion.
We
have
a
motion
on
the
floor.
What's
your
motion?
I
want
to
have
ice
cream
after
dinner.
Okay,
We
have
a
second.
Second.
All
in
favor,
aye.
Boom.
We
have
a
business
meeting
in
the
house.
It's
a
wonderful
deal.
My
wife
says
there's
not
enough
time.
They're
gonna
get
all
messy.
A
nay.
She
goes
nay.
And
I
say,
OK,
the
nays
have
it.
Let's
go.
You
get
an
opportunity
to
pitch
your
your
idea
a
second
time.
And
then
we
take
a
second
vote,
and
we
use
substantial
unanimity.
And
guess
what?
More
than
likely,
we'll
probably
eat
ice
cream
that
night
after
supper.
You
know,
it
sounds
funny,
but
it
works.
The
traditions
work
in
your
home
life.
All
right
there
is
the
right
of
decision,
the
right
of
participation,
the
right
of
appeal.
Nothing
can
be
personally
punitive
in
my
family,
you
know,
just
because
I'm
pissed
off
at
you
and
I
have
a
resentment
I
can't
make
because
you
did
something
over
here
and
make
it
personally
punitive.
And
that's
why
I'm
going
to
hold
you
to
this.
You
know,
you
did
something
simple
and
also
I
come
along
with
a
hammer
and
I
slam
you
and
that
you're
going
to
be
your
penalty,
your
punishment
for
what
you
this
little
infraction
you
did
that's
personally
punitive.
And
you
can
bring
it
back
to
the
court
system
in
the
family
and
say,
you
know
what,
that
was
personally
punitive.
I
feel
wronged
here.
The
judgment
doesn't
meet
the
crime.
That's
concepts
in
action.
My
wife
is
running
the
Finance
Committee
right
now.
We
have
committees,
all
right,
She's
running
the
Finance
Committee.
She'll
say,
you
know
what,
I'm
thinking
about
moving
the
money
we
got
into
these
funds
over
here.
And
I
go,
OK,
should
go,
don't
you
want
to
have
any
input
in
it?
And
I
said,
wait,
honey,
you
got
the
right
of
decision
and
the
right
of
participation.
It's
your
deal.
You
know,
unless
there's
something
that's
out
of
the
norm,
that's
not
a
standard
thing
within
it.
Unless
you
want,
you
want
to
go
speculate
with
our
funds,
then
we're
going
to
have
a
family
group
conscience
about
it.
Otherwise,
write
a
decision
and
participation.
It's
perfectly
within
your
rights.
That's
12
concepts
and
actions,
12
traditions
in
action
tradition
#1
right?
Great
is
good
for
the
greatest
whole.
To
paraphrase
it
down,
God's
going
to
express
himself
through
the
group
conscience.
That's
what
we
do
when
we
have
that
group
vote
every
once
in
a
while,
my
wife
will,
the
kids
will
say
we
want
to
go
to
the
park
and
we'll
say,
no,
we
don't
really.
And
then
they'll
tell
us
why
they
want
to
go
to
the
park.
It's
been
a
week,
they've
been
at
school.
You
know,
the
God
will
talk
to
our
hearts
and
we'll
say,
you
know,
that's
a
12
step
call.
They're
saying
they
want
quality
time
with
us.
How
cool
is
that?
And
next
thing
you
know,
the
vote
changes
when
we
take
that
second
vote.
It's
in
their
favor.
God
has
spoken
through
the
group
conscience.
All
right,
Tradition
7.
We
should
be
self
supporting
physically,
emotionally,
financially,
spiritually
if
we
can.
Now,
obviously
a
three-year
old
can't
support
himself
financially,
but
you
know
what?
He
understands
money.
You
know,
he
gets
a
dollar
from
the
tooth
fairy
or
something.
He
understands
that
some
of
that's
going
to
go
into
savings
and
some
of
that's
going
to
be
spent
for
whatever,
buying
toys,
whatever
it
is
that
he
wants,
teaching
him
fiscal
responsibility,
You
know,
at
that
level,
he
needs
to
be
self
supporting
emotionally.
He
can't
come
running
to
us
all
the
time
for
everything.
He
understood
the
coolest,
absolute
coolest
the
other
day.
The
closet
door
is
open
just
a
crack.
Skinny
little
closet.
My
wife
goes,
what
the
hell
is
that?
She
looks
over
the
top.
She's
like,
come
here.
So
I
go
walking
over
there
and
there's
my
little
6
year
old
on
his
knees
talking
to
God
in
the
closet.
Six
years
old,
the
cat
dies.
Last
year.
My
wife
and
I
are
sitting
on
the
loveseat
bawling
our
eyes
out
because
this
stupid
cat
died,
right?
He
comes
traipsing
along,
pops
up
in
our
lap
and
says,
let
me
see
if
I
got
this
right.
The
cat
diet.
We
said
yeah.
And
the
cat's
in
heaven
with
God,
right?
We
said,
yeah,
he
said,
well,
so
what's
the
problem?
The
cat's
with
God.
That's
what
a
deal.
And
besides
that,
God
gave
us
another
cat.
We
got,
we
got
Nipper.
We
can
love
Nipper.
And
can
I
have
a
picture
of
Peeper
'cause
I
want
to
remember
that's
the
two
year
old
type
deal,
You
know,
I
mean,
at
the
time
he
was
four
or
five
talking
to
us.
God
was
expressing
himself.
That's
how
cool
this
deal
can
be.
When
I
said
work
in
the
traditions
in
your
relationships,
that's
what
I'm
talking
about.
Well,
I'm
talking
about
working
the
concepts.
I'm
going
to
give
a
diss
to
somebody
mentioned
it,
yes,
and
I'm
going
to
give
her
a
disc.
I
think
I
got
it
here
at
she's
going
to
stop
at
Kinko's
and
I
should
have
those
printed
for
tomorrow.
So
do
I
put
myself
on
the
eight
step
lift
is
so
why
I
think
we
talked
about
that
already
today.
Yeah,
you
put
yourself
on
the
inside
list
because
you
harmed
yourself.
And
how
do
you
create
fix
the
harm?
456789101112
Be
true
to
yourself
to
9
own
self
be
true,
right?
Do
the
best
if
you
can
with
what
you
got.
One
of
the
greatest
gifts
I
gave
myself
was
cleaning
up
the
wreckage
of
my
past.
It
freed
my
conscience
and
it
opened
my
heart
up.
And
then
I
gave
pieces
of
other
people's
hearts
that
I
had
taken
back
to
them.
So
that's
my
experience
with,
you
know,
with
with
that
question.
What
do
I
do
when
you're
a
real
alcoholic
and
not
an
addict
and
an
addict
asks
you
for
help,
but
there
are
no
addicts
around
doing
the
steps
out
of
the
big
book.
We
already
heard
my
take
on
that
original
12th
step.
Carry
the
message
and
lead
him
to
another
addict.
Got
my
experience
as
it
is
the
same
way.
Don't
leave
blowing
in
the
wind,
but
get
to
work
with
him
and
ask
God
to
guide
us
so
you
can
send
him
somewhere
because
it's
identification.
I
and
I
real
quickly,
I'll
tell
you
this,
two
men
who
I
had
taken
through
the
steps
who
were
attic
and
not
alcoholic,
wonderful
men.
One
of
them,
they
both
died
three
years
ago,
drug
overdoses.
And
one
time
one
of
them
had
12
years,
one
had
seven
and
one
died
of
a
drug
overdose
of
heroin
and
their
whole
deal
once
I
once
I
had
taken
them
to
the
steps,
it
was
very
clear
they
were
not,
they
were
not
Alcoholics.
And
they
gave
that
standard
deal
of,
well,
they
don't
have
recovery
in
NA
blah,
blah,
blah,
blah,
blah,
all
the
reasons
why
they're
not
going
to
go
to
the
fellowship
that
they
belong.
So
basically
what
I
said
to
them
and
and
I
said,
well,
so
let
me
make
sure
I
understand
this.
A
manner
of
living
which
demands
rigorous
honesty
in
every
meeting
of
Alcoholics
Anonymous.
The
first
things
out
of
your
word
is
going
to
be
at
mouth
is
going
to
be
a
lie.
And
you
know,
can
you
live
with
that?
And
you
need
to
be
working
with
your
people.
And
because
you
know,
the
big
books
very
clear.
This
thing
starts
with
identification.
One
alcoholic
with
another
alcoholic.
And
those
two,
those
two
men
I
believe
are
dead
today
because
they
wouldn't
go
to
the
fellowship
that
spoke
the
language
that
they
spoke.
Identification.
I,
I
can't
tell
you
how
many
times
I've
seen
this.
So
when
I'm
helping
someone
in
that
area
to
find
their
truth,
if
I
find
out
that
they're
not
in,
we
find
out
experientially
that
they're
not
an
alcoholic,
but
an
attic,
then
my
deal
is
you
go
to
CA
or
NA.
So
that
that's
my
experience
with
that.
Anybody
who
thinks
that
the
alcoholic
addict
is
the
same,
I
invite
you
to
come
to
an,
A,
a
convention
and
then
go
to
ACA
convention.
And
they
are
not
the
same.
It's
not
the
same
animal.
Now,
there
are
some
like
myself,
who
are
both.
But
find
out
your
truth.
You'll
enter
a
living
which
demands
rigorous
honesty,
cannot
be
based
on
a
lie,
a
fundamental
lie.
All
you're
going
to
do
is
get
sicker,
find
out
your
truth,
go
to
the
fellowship
that
speaks
to
what
your
step
one
experience
is,
and
then
watch
what
happens
to
you.
About
six
months
ago,
guys
at
my
kitchen
table,
I'm
going
through
the
step
one
wrap
up
questions
and
he's
getting
them
all
wrong.
He's
been
in
a
A
for
years
and
finally
I
stopped
him
and
I
said,
when
the
hell
do
you
drink?
He
says,
well
to
be
honest
with
you,
I
drink
after
I've
been
out
screwing
around.
He
says
I
can't
stop
having
affairs
in
the
whole
9
yards.
Turns
out
the
guy's
a
sex
addict
hiding
out
in
a
A
because
he
somebody
bought
somebody
told
him
he
was
an
alcoholic.
He
qualified
in
no
way
for
Alcoholics
Anonymous.
I
didn't
drop
him.
I
took
him
to
the
12
steps,
carried
the
message
to
others.
Keep
our
memory
green.
It's
not
by
telling
drunken
logs
at
the
podium.
Hopefully
you've
heard
that
we
keep
our
memory
green
by
looking
into
somebody
elses
eyes
and
you're
smelling
the
puke
on
their
breath
and
there's
puke
on
your
shoes
and
you're
seeing
the
pain
and
the
guys
holding
on
to
the
table
and
he's
shaken
to
death
right
in
front
of
you.
And
you
remember
when
that
was
you?
That's
how
you
keep
your
memory
green.
What
does
it
say
in
the
second
step,
Just
commence
spiritual
growth,
Leave
aside
the
drink
question.
So
once
we
get
past
step
one,
the
very
first
instruction
we
get
in
Step
2
is
put
aside
the
drink
question.
Now
we're
talking
about
God.
I
can
take
that
guy
all
the
way
through
the
12
steps
until
he
gets
to
working
with
others
and
then
I
have
to
send
him
to
his
people.
And
if
you're
a,
a,
an
alcoholic,
the
guys
and
from
my
experience
that
I
see
get
picked
off
the
duly
addicted.
Let's
say
I'm
working
with
Mark.
He's
working
with
lots
of
Alcoholics
and
he's
not
working
with
any
cocaine
addicts,
and
that's
part
of
his
truth.
Guess
which
one
he's
going
to
slip
on?
His
memory
is
going
to
be
real
green
with
the
alcoholic
and
the
cocaine's
going
to
come
up
and
bite
him
in
the
butt.
I've
seen
it
happen
over
and
over
and
over
and
over
and
over
again.
Whatever
your
truth
is,
and
I
don't
care
what
it
is,
gamblers,
al
anons,
I've
taken
the
shooting
soup
to
nuts
through
the
12
steps
and
they've
had
spiritual
awakenings
and
I
send
them
off
to
their
people
because
that's
where
you
need
to
do
your
12
step
work.
It's
whatever
your
truth
is
in
step
one
connects
to
step
12.
The
steps
are
circular,
not
linear.
Real
quick,
this
idea
and
I
think
we've
hit
on
it.
We
won't
belabor
it,
But
if
you
can't
give
away
what
you
don't
have,
if
you've
got
no
experience
in
a
particular
drug
to
stand
up
there,
and
I
mean,
how
arrogant
of
us,
you
know,
I
mean,
we
got
pill
addicts
dying
everywhere
because
nobody
understands
the
pill
addict.
Nobody
understands
a
pill
addict
like
another
pill
addict.
That's
why
we
have
all
these
12
step
groups.
Nobody
understands
another.
That's
why
Cocaine
Anonymous
19
years
ago
came
about.
It
wasn't
that
a,
a
wasn't
doing
the
job.
It's
just
they
couldn't
relate
to
the
cocaine
addict.
It's
different.
We
had
a
question
initially
that
started
earlier
with
this,
this
nice
lady.
I'm
sure
we'll
end
up
going
back
to
it.
They
talked
about
this,
this
tragedy
with
the
rape,
the
the,
the
history.
What's
going
to
take
place
in
this
woman
who
this
happened
to?
I
can
assure
you
the
miracle
will
not
happen
because
she
sat
down
across
the
table
from
some
hairy
leg
man.
It
will
be
that
she
sat
down
across
the
table
from
some
woman
who
had
survived
that
tragedy
and
was
able
to
walk
her
from
point
A
to
point
B
because
she'd
had
that
experience.
There's
a
world
of
difference
between
knowledge
about
something
and
experience
about
something.
And
Mark
talks
a
lot
of
that
to
me.
Don't
It's
like
I
hear
people
trying
to
talk.
Oh,
I
I
sympathize
with
your
you
know,
I
understand
what
it's
like
to
be
a
black
man.
What
are
you
nuts?
What
are
you
new?
I
don't
have
a
clue
what
it's
like.
I
don't
have
a
clue
what
it's
like
to
be
a
woman.
I
don't
like
a
clue
what
it's
like
to
be
molested.
I
can
sit
here
and
and
be
empathetic
and
be
and
try
to
help
you,
but
if
I've
never
had
any
experience,
my
arrogance
better
be
out
of
the
way
and
my
ego
better
be
out
of
the
way
and
I
better
direct
you
to
somebody.
You
know,
when
it
came
time
for
me
to
learn
how
to
work
a
computer,
as
much
as
I
hated
to
do
this,
it
was
my
then
10
year
old
son
that
told
me
how
to
work
a
computer
to
turn
it
on.
Now
listen
guys,
I
didn't
want
to
go
to
that
little
guy.
I
want
to
tell
you
that
for
a
fact.
It
was
torture
to
finally
say,
come
on,
let's
get
this
over
with.
You
know,
be
gentle
with
me.
And
he
led,
he
led
me
through
this.
But
I've
been
reading
the
manuals,
folks,
and
I've
been
talking
a
lot
to
a
lot
of
people.
But
this,
this
little
kid
knew
how
to
turn
it
on
and
he
knew
how
to
make
it
make
it
run,
and
he
showed
me
how
to
do
it.
You're
with
us.
If
you
haven't
got
any
experience,
you
need
to
keep
your
yap
shut.
Truly,
we're
going
to
flip
and
then
we'll
jump
right
back.