Mark H. and Dave F. at the Fellowship of the spirit convention at St. John's University, Queens in New York July 27th

Evening, everybody. I'm Mark. I'm an alcoholic.
I want to talk a little bit
about
my current experience with the first step
man. I know a long time sober gave me a definition of an old timer, he said it's a someone who's a long time sober. It hasn't any puke on his shoes in a while. And
my experience is if you lose your connection with the first step, the truth and reality of that experience, that's when the way that will begin to manifest in your life is the number of meetings that you're going to will begin to decrease.
Your work with the disciplines of 10/11 will slowly begin to decrease. The number of people that you work with will slowly begin to decrease.
So my connection to my first step,
my first step experience is critical to me, which is probably why I work with a lot of Alcoholics. It's hard to lose a connection to the first step.
I mentioned to you that this year, you know, spiritual living, Alcoholics Anonymous is tough because people you love and people you get close to, they drink and or do drugs and they die. And
if you're, if you're in this room and you have much time sober, you, you know, you have that experience. I did want to do one thing. I want to get a feel for length of sobriety. How many of you give me a show of hands of a year or less?
OK, how about
two to four years?
OK, how about four to seven? OK, how about 7:00 to 10:00? OK, how about 10 to 15? OK, great. How about 15 to 20?
OK, over 20.
So we got 2 / 20. How about over 25?
OK,
what is your ten, 12 million people in this area
and we got 2, two people over 25 years sober. I wonder what that's about.
See, that's I do that everywhere.
I'll tell you why. If you're a victim of the disease of alcoholism and you do not have a revolutionary spiritual experience and you do not continue to grow, you're going to drink and you're going to die.
That is the truth. And if you lose that connection to that first step, you're going to lose that truth. This past year,
well, they're giving it 3-3 weeks ago, a man, he's been around a for about 15 years. I had sponsored him been through the steps
and he
about six months ago quote behind a relationship problem.
He had never he was an alcoholic, he shot a lot of cocaine. He had two death experiences with a combination, but he never tried crack and this relationship wasn't going the way he wanted. So
his sense of self, if you haven't done a lot of work with inventory, by the way, your sense of who you are is always derived externally, which is why everything impacts you. So the thought of her leaving put him in so much pain. He's fighting for his life. And so his head said, well, let's see what's so good about this crack cocaine. And finally, a month ago.
See, I love people enough, even if even if some of them got to die, because my perception of death has changed over the years. But
in particular with that drug, what I've seen is this idea that they're going to wake up one day and I think I'll go leaping back to Alcoholics Anonymous. In my great life, that just doesn't happen with that particular beast. That's my experience anyhow.
So I grabbed a pall of mine and following guidance and we went down to Austin and walked in on on him and and
he was drinking Mad Dog in a 2020 every day and in conjunction with other things. And this was a man who went from being VP of a of a company in six months he went through $100,000. This home, which was probably a $300,000 home, look like a wild caged animal had been turned loose. Anything that had an RCA cable was gone.
It was beyond belief. He had lost 70 lbs.
He unrecognizable as a human being. And so we loaded him up and it was not open to discussion. And I've done that sometimes. I love this guy a lot. And I'm happy to tell you that he is still in treatment right now and he's got about a month and he didn't his psychosis has left him a little bit matter of fact, he's starting to get well on me very quickly. But
another two other men that I've done some work with, one of them had 3 1/2 years when I had 2 1/2. These are men who had done this work, who had made these amends, would work with meditation, back out drinking.
I hadn't thought about that. Both of those behind quote a relationship
and I can show you how to get get free of that stuff. But
again, if you're a victim of the disease of alcoholism and do not do not have that experience and do not continue to grow in that. See this year some other things came to me around this first step. When the book says to drink is to die. Here's my experience with that. The very last thing you die from is physical death for people like us to pick up a drink. The very moment I take the drink, the first death I experience is the fact that I'm a spiritual being because I've lost immediate conscious contact and I back into the sense of separation and isolation.
And then ultimately it is just different lengths of time for every one of us in this room. Ultimately, everything that is of any value to you in your life will die. And the last thing that will die is physical death. See, so when the book says to drink is to die, they mean to drink is to die ultimately. So how is it, you know, you not do that? I recently was working with a woman who's been around a A for 20 years. She had
seven years drank again he almost dead by the time I started working with her.
I I just have to assume in past reincarnations, I must have been an evil person because I get chronic relapsers to work with.
And if, if, if you have worked with them, the reason I say that is, you know, there are four favorite words or I know, and yes, but
they, they know more about the book than you, you know, you, it doesn't work anymore. And, and that, so that's who I get to work with, you know, and, and that's OK. I guess I'm working out my karma in there. But I, I said to this woman, I said at 7 years when you picked up a drink, do you think you were involved in that decision? She said, well, of course I was.
I said, now let me make sure I understand what you're telling me. You think it's seven years you chose to take a drink. And she says, well, yes. I said, tell me again, how many years you been around a A Well, I've been around 20. And I said, where did you get the idea if you're real alcoholic that you're involved in a choice to drink or not? She said, well, what do you mean? Where did I get that idea? And I said, well, I said, a real alcoholic is not involved in the choice to drink again. And she goes. And so anyhow, make a Long story short,
here's a woman who's been around Alcoholics Anonymous for 20 years and does not have a clue what it means to be a real alcoholic, to be a real alcoholic. What does that mean? See, I'm not sitting up here tonight sober because I chose not to take a drink today for the real alcoholic. For a guy like me, I have one option. Do I choose to seek conscious contact with that which prevents me from drinking? That is the only choice I have
and my life springs from that choice. See, there's this subtle trap that that you fall into. People say, well, what's the most important thing in your life? And you say your sobriety. Well, here's the problem. If that's the most important thing in your life,
the most important thing in your life, you don't have any power to bring about.
So the most important thing in my life is conscious contact with God. Everything else then begins to stem from that experience. So let's talk about the first step. Without going into much of my story, I will tell you that I came to you in 1982 with a 20 year history with alcohol and 13 years with drugs. I was a daily drinker. I could not not drink. And this power separated me from alcohol in in hindsight, I was probably three years sober before I could even acknowledge that something outside of myself
did that for me. You see, I've worked with a lot of people and and I had the same experience. I really thought I had something to do with getting to you all.
You see, I, you understand what I just said. I really thought I had something to do with getting to a A So you don't go along and drink whiskey for 20 years and all of a sudden bound into a A1 day because you chose to.
That was about the love of God in my life, which I was, you know, completely asleep to. But when I got sober in 82, I was I had kidney damage and liver damage and some brain damage, which some of my pals contend has never healed.
And I wait about 260 lbs and everything I owned would fit into a duffel bag. And that's how I drank. This idea that I'm going to leave your life if you don't quit drinking,
that was a very easy choice for me, Then you need to leave.
You know, the employer who says you're, you're missing a little bit of work. And I said, yeah, I'm now I'm going to miss a whole bunch more.
See, I could not understand why I worshipped alcohol. See, I, I really understand the, the, the, the word alcohol. Become my master. When I came to you in 1982, I may as well have had an altar in my home. And I may as well. I had a lot of vodka up there
and as well as
cocaine and I may as well have kneeled down in front of it every morning and said, I worship you. You do with me. As you will see, that's that was the God of my life. That was the truth of my life. And if you're a real alcoholic, that you're true too, albeit you may not want to hear that. See, if you want to know who you serve, look at your actions. So for 20 years I served king alcohol. That was my God.
I could have sat and talked to you about God and I might even told you I believed in God, but my actions set a whole nother thing. One of the things I, I would hope you pick up on this weekend. If you really want to know what you believe in, look at your actions. Do not, I repeat, do not pay any attention to what your mind tells you. See, for example, if you're in this room and you've been sober for a while and you're not working with meditation,
I want you to consider, notice how gentle I was.
I want you to consider that just possibly that maybe you don't know God, but that you've made your mind God. Because if you've been sober for a while and you're not sitting in the silence,
then my experience is I can't come to know God because you don't come to know God with your mind. You come to, you have to be out of your mind and know God. You come to know God with a part of you that already knows God. All you do is wake up to that part. So again, as I go, as we go through this weekend, if you want to know what you believe and go into your actions. OK, Now how does that relate back to this this first step
when I go back through the steps, here's how I approach the steps every time
I begin to take a hard look at 01. Last thing I wanted to do
about the wonderful disease of alcoholism that I have, these were chip sales. You guys do chips out here, right? Right. You know, they, they ask who has a desire to quit drinking and you lie and come up and get a chip
or, or they are they, or they say, if you'd like to make this away life come and get a chip. So you go up like, you know, like you know what the way of life looks like, right?
So, but I think this is indicative of, I think this is very indicative of what happens to us if we don't follow the precise, specific, clear cut instructions in the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous about how to recover. But they sold almost, they sold 21,296 desire chips, right? Same year they sold 56101 month chips.
Boy we had a big drop out right? So that's we went from 100% to 26.5.
He's got a little note. These are for people who didn't rush into taking the steps.
Three month chips, they sold 3690 seven 17.3%. So those who went to 90 meetings in 90 days out of 22,000 only 3600 and picked up 90 day chips. One year chips they sold 14106.8% go out to a five year chip. Now Dallas has 2 million people in it. They only sold five, 481 five year chips in a city of 2 million.
Then you go down to a tenure chip. They sold 341, one point 6. Now I have 18 years, they sold 141 chips. You can't even assign a percentage to that.
You see, this is a deadly, deadly thing that we have. It has been since the dawn of man and and they're still dying. They're dying all around us
in the first step. Connection keeps me in touch with that. They keep me in touch with what I need to do till the day that I die. That I must always have God first and foremost in my life. And I do not believe, by the way. By the way, believe in God.
I mean conscious contact with God. See, I sit here right now and I say to you that as I am talking with you, I'm experiencing conscious contact with with God's power, which is love. I feel it in every cell in my body. See, that's the kind of thing that a guy like me has to continually experience because the minute that leaves me, see if you can relate to this, and this is some of my unmanageability. The minute I lose that, I begin to feel separate from you.
And the minute I begin to feel separate from you, I begin to get afraid. I begin to get afraid in the workplace
and in meetings and everywhere I go. And then the more I become afraid, the more I begin to rely on self in the middle of that experience. So when I'm taking a look at my first step, how do I do that? I go back into the Big Book. Excuse me, in the 1st 33 pages of the Big Book are really designed to look into one thing. When you take a drink of alcohol, Mark, do you lose control? See, that's how smart we are. 33 pages to answer that question.
See but but they have to do it that way. You know why?
Because we're so keen, you see, about not wanting to give him alcohol.
Things like, you know, well, I didn't get drunk every time I drunk, you know what I mean? Just every way in the world that we want to go out. The fact that I don't lose control, you see. And those 33 pages are designed to live me, leave me with one truth. And for me, when I have an experience with a phenomenon of craving sober, I always have it in my gut. This idea that when I take a drink, do I lose control?
This idea that if I take a drink, I love these people who think they know what's going to happen if they pick up a drink.
See, I don't have a clue what could happen, right? I don't know how you drank, but I when I drink, I would break out in strange places that are a long ways from where I started out with no recall of how I got there. I for. So for someone like myself, I know that if I take a drink, I don't have a clue where it's going to end. My last drink last a year and a half. I had about a two week period.
This woman said, you're drinking a little too much and if you want to be in my life. And
so I went about two weeks and I was just nuttering a fruitcake and in AI remember driving up to Aspen, Co and there was a six pack of Pat's Blue Ribbon beer. And a year and a half later, I'm in a treatment center. See, so, so this idea that I can pick up a drink and make it back to AAI don't have that experience because when I take a drink, the drink takes me. And if you have the same illness I have from a physical standpoint, as I got older, it required more and more alcohol to
by the craving. There's a statistic which says that people who have 10 years or more who relapse, only 3% make it back. So I really go in and I spend some time in those 33 pages and I take a look at two things. One, when I drank, I go back from the first drink to the last drink and I ask God to show me, do I lose control? Do I experience a phenomenon called craving, which means loss of control based on my experience. See, I'm always trying to look at this from a standpoint of experience.
AA's questions do not beg answers, they beg experience. What's your experience more when you take a drink? Did the drink take you? And I begin to see from the first drink to the last drink the progression of that thing called the phenomenon called of craving.
And I touched that again and I reexperienced that right down in my gut. Most of the time when I go back through the steps and that happened this time, I literally can taste my last three or four years. I mostly drank vodka. I could literally taste vodka when I go back through and have this experience like this. And every time I go back through and have this experience, I begin to see the deeper and deeper truth about me and this incredible relationship with alcohol and how a guy like me has absolutely no business being sober.
When I get done looking at the body, then I go into pages 23 to 43 of the Big Book.
And this is the part that I've yet to go through this in the last few years and not finish this work and break down crying. Because it's in the pages of 23 to 43 that I find out that the most insane thing I will ever do, I do from a state of consciousness called sobriety. And at the time I do it, there's nothing I can do to not do it.
And it wakes me up to the fact that I'm sitting here sober in front of you because of this incredible power. See, cause in those pages 23 to 43, they are talking to me and you about sober. And they're trying to describe different states of mind sober in which I go back and pick up a drink and they're trying to ask me a question. Is this your experience? And they start off by by talking about the idea that, that,
that I reach a place in my drinking where the most powerful desire to stop is of no avail. See, I joked about that earlier, but the only time I have a desire to stop drinking is when I'm drinking. See, I don't fit in a A anymore because I don't have a desire to stop drinking because I'm not drinking.
Isn't that a paradox?
And then there's this idea that I've lost the power of choice. Now, those of you, there may be some of you in this room who believe that you're getting up on a daily basis, choosing to not drink. And if you're one of those people, I beg you to be open to what it is I want to talk to you about. Because the truth is, if you had that power, you have no business being an Alcoholics Anonymous, you know, recently talking and this lady's talking about what wonderful people drunks are. And I said to her, did somebody drop you in your head?
Wonderful people.
I mean, this room alone, there's probably 15,000 of men's wheel, right? And we're wonderful people, right?
I mean, who would want to be a member of this group if you didn't have to be See, but there's this idea I've lost the power of choice and drink and understand that this part of the book is talking to you and I about right now. I'm sober and it goes on and tells me why I've lost the power of choice. See, power of choice comes from will. And the book goes on to say, here's your problem. There are times when your will from which choice springs is completely not. It's non existent.
It is not available to you. And here's your horrible dilemma, Mark. You don't know what the day and the hour and the time looks like when that's going to happen
because at certain times you have no effective mental defense against the first drink. And every time I go back to these pages, my gut begins to turn and turn. And I begin to review the past year, and I look at the number of times I'm in situations or I'm afraid and a guy like me would be drunk. And I'm sitting there that morning looking at those pages, realizing I'm not drunk and realizing that those who are, those are the times in which my will was not available because I have a long history. You put me in certain situations. I only know one thing to do behind that,
to drink. Yet I didn't drink. Did I have anything to do with that? Did I? No, I didn't choose to do that. And those pages talk about other states of mind that you and I drink from. They talk about the idea that I'll have no effective mental defence against the first string. They talk about the idea that I cannot think through the drink. Those of you who may have this idea of thinking through the drink, you can't think through the drink if your will is not available, because that's where the thought. And it's in those pages also that talk to me about consequences
keep me from drinking. And I go back into my experience and I begin to see at 18 plus years the truth of all these things that this book is telling me. The consequences never kept me from drinking. There aren't any kind of consequences that keep a guy like me from drinking. And then they talk about self knowledge. Those of you 10 years on up, boy, do we have self knowledge, right? See and and and and to be able to touch the fact that all that knowledge that at a certain time
none of that's available in Mark. If you're not in fit spiritual condition you're going to drink again. You remember I told you I worked with relapsers all the time
and they always want to give me a lot of reasons why they drink. But the big book says there's only one reason anyone of us will ever drink again and only one, and that is this. I was not in fit spiritual condition. The part I missed my first ten years in AA is this. Ladies and gentlemen, I'm responsible for fit spiritual condition, not God.
See another trap I fell into is God keeps me sober. If that was the truth, the big book would be one page. It would say God keeps you sober, have a great life.
That is not the truth. There's 174 pages, 30 of them have you take a whole bunch of action, write a whole bunch of inventory, make decisions that they tell you don't make any decisions the first year except just turn everything in your life over to God, right? And then go make all these immense pay these money back and then do these disciplines every day, right.
See if I do that, I stay in fit spiritual condition. So any, if any of you in this room, if you've had any relapse history at all, I want to tell you that's why, because you were not in fit spiritual condition. And the book by then is described. What does that look like? You see, and you and you, you keep going through pages 23 to 43. And one of my favorite stories is Fred. And I'll tell you why it's one of my favorite stories.
Because the day he picked up a drink, there wasn't a cloud in the horizon.
Now we we know cloud in the horizon, right? See, my perception at that moment is it is wonderful. Isn't life grand? And Fred picked up a drink at that point in time. And what those pages have always done for me is they describe to me my alcoholic mind and his what sums it up? It says at certain times, and I don't know what the time looks like, I'm going to get taken to a strange mental blank spot and I'm going to drink. And there's only one thing that will ever keep me from picking a drink when I'm in that strange mental blank spot
fit spiritual condition and and I get done to the bottom of 43 and and this is a current experience with this once more Mark at certain times has no effective mental defense against the first drink. It must come from God. And the reason I always start crying is because I remember the number of times in the last year in which I was not at Fitz Ridge condition and I hadn't drank. And I woke again to this incredible love and grace and glory that I had once again fallen asleep to. As I watch these people, I
drink and go off the page and you touch that again and you go, my God,
you know, this ego that takes the best of us at times really likes to think it has something to do with me not drinking whiskey, see? And you touch that again. You touch that that's current. That's not 18 1/2 years ago, see? Make you cry like a baby. When you start to understand that, you know, then every time it does one of the thing for me, everything at that moment I thought was important and was pissing me off
evaporates because I lost sight of what is this. This is Mark, this is about you and God and what God is doing. So you didn't drink in this last year, See?
And you touch that again, and you touch that grace and that power you see in that incredible love in the middle of that experience. And that's what a current first step experience is,
length away from a drink. All that is stripped in the face of that. And you're sitting there having a brand new experience with this first step again. And it'll move you to a place of humility and an annoying of God at a deeper level than you had before. And on an awakening to what that which you we take so for granted,
this incredible love and this power of God in our life. I'll let Dave talk for a while about the first step.
Thanks, Mark. Dave, alcoholic. And before I forget, is Bart in the back someplace? All right. Is somebody at the table back there? Could you find a basket so we can do the 7th tradition? Could you get a basket of some kinds? We can do a 7th tradition thing
when we talk about the first step. At least when I talk about the first step,
God has also shown his pleasure upon me because I call them retreads, which is really. But for the grace of God, there go I, I, I get a lot of guys that are multiple relapsers and
they are a challenge. They work, they, they, they, they make your work that much harder. I much rather get a guy who's his first time off the street. He's really hurting, man. Those guys, they go through and, and the guys that slip and, and keep slipping and keep slipping. They're the tough ones. Gene, how how long ago was it that guy from Morristown off to himself?
Yeah, we just had to get less than a month ago, he 10 years sober, laid down in front of a train. What we're talking about is life and death here, folks, right? That hopelessness that I just touched inside you, the invoked that reaction. I was intending to do that. And that's what I do when I work with first step. That's what I do with myself. That's what I do with you. If I were going to 12 step this group, you people have way, way, way, way too much knowledge about what's in this book.
I got to figure out a way to hit you with the knowledge that's in this book. It's going to hit you from a completely different direction. And I describe it, I imagine slapping a guy upside the head. I try to slap him with his hopelessness. I want to reach it and I do it with love, not to hurt him, but to get his attention, to cut through that alcoholic delusion because that's what's going to motivate him to continue in this process. If I don't slap you with your hopelessness and show you how truly hopeless you are, you're going to Peter out. You're not going to finish
or you're not going to finish your immense, you will run out of steam. It's happened. I'm sure there's people in this room that it's happened to. You get you have 100 of men's and you do 98 of them and then you kind of go, so that's good enough. I'll do it next round. You know, that kind of deal or you, you do, you do your resentment inventory, you do your fear inventory and you start the sex inventory and you kind of Peter out. Next thing you know, you go get in a relationship. You know, it's much easier to go create another one than to write the inventory on the old ones.
You know that kind of deal.
You know, the alcoholic has to be hopeless and the old days Bill Wilson and Bob were were working with these guys. They were hardcore guys. They've been really hurt. We get people walking through the door that are court mandated that aren't aren't hurt. You know, they're really not in that much that pain and a a comes of age 199 says the character of a a was changing. We were beginning to have success with milder Alcoholics and even some potential Alcoholics. Isn't that interesting word potential alcoholic All right. In the first years, those who sobered up in AA
grim and utterly hopeless cases almost without exception. But now younger folks began to appear. Of course it was necessary for these newcomers to hit bottom emotionally, but they found they did not have to hit every possible bottom there was. In order to admit they were licked. We had to begin to develop a conscious technique of raising the bottom and hitting them with it.
So that's what I'm talking about. I'm going to slap the guy with his bottom. I'm going to be the brightest mirror he's ever looked into, and he's going to see exactly what he is, all of his warts, and I'm just going to shine it right at him with the spirit of love, and he's going to look back into that and it's going to scare the hell out of him. I hope he's quaking in his boots and he cries out for mercy because then I know he'll finish his amends and he'll get free. What is the 12th step? Having had a spiritual awakening, that means our spirit has to be asleep if we're going to awaken it
with the 12 steps, right? What do we need? We need a conscious contact with God in order to be conscious. You can't be unconscious, you have to be awake. That's the whole point. We have to use the 12 steps to waken ourselves up so that we can plug into the power. And I tell the guy that when I start out down this path, and how do I do that? If I were going to 12 step, you guys, I would hit you just like we're talking. I would not go into the book because that's what your ego wants. You know, it's in the book. The moment I start going
of the book, it's going to challenge you. You know, you're going to start saying, Oh, I know that. I know which page this is. I know that paragraph and you can probably quote it to me. But when I sit down and I say, what is the first step? Everybody goes, well, we admitted we were palace around calling our lives become unmanageable. And I break it down word by word. Who's the we? And they get this look on their face. You know, I just did this not to well, three days ago with a guy who was, I think he's 14 years sober. And he looked at me like I had a big eyeball right here in my forehead.
He goes, well, what do you mean? Who's the way? And I said, well, do you understand what we're working with? I said, if you're going to work with me, you're going to become a linguistics expert,
you're going to know what it means. You're going to know what if means. You're going to know what the meanings of these words are. Who is the we? And he goes, I never thought about it. And then we talk about when you come into a, a, the we is the first person that sticks their hand out, accepts your hand. That's what you're hanging your hope on. They're the little teeny dot of light in this dark tunnel that your life has become. And you grab a hold of that and you hang on for dear life. And then they bring you into the fellowship, right? You start coming in, you having coffee and you get become a member of a group. Guess what happened?
You're we changed, it got bigger.
We is a changing word. If your we is still me and a a you're missing something. Your we has got to change in a A and then it becomes who you and your sponsor and your Home group. All right, And then it's you and your sponsor and your Home group and your sponses. God willing, you get some because they're going to save your life. If you don't have them, go get some, you know, And then all of a sudden the miracle happens. You and your sponsors, you start working through the steps. You have a spiritual awakening as you start doing an inventory and you go from
two-dimensional on this plane we to a three-dimensional way. It's you and your meaning and your Home group and your sponsor and the A's and your working guys you're working with and God. And over time, the longer you're sober, you have to start weaning yourself off the dependency on the sponsor and the dependency on all the fingers like Mark was talking about that point to the power and your we has to change to me and God and whatever God wants me to do.
And if that's working with newcomers, it's working with newcomers. If that's being in service, it's being in service.
You know, if it's shaving your head and becoming a monk in Dharamsala, then go shave your head and become a monk in Dharamsala. You know the we has to change. All right, Second word admitted. What's the admission? Right. We have to admit that we're powerless over alcohol. It's logical. But where does the admission have to take place? You've all seen it. Guy comes walking into an A meeting. Oh, yeah, I know. I'm alcoholic. Where's his admission?
Where does the problem reside? It's in his head. He knows he's alcoholic. In his head. Where does it have to be
has to be in his heart deep down within him, as the book says. All right, he's got admitted in here, right? He admitted what, that he's powerless. What kind of powerless? We talk about the powerlessness, the the three pieces of disease, the physical powerless of of craving. Well, folks, if you're, if you're longer than 72 hours from a drink, I guarantee you, you can't have craving. And I've been in dozens of meetings where old timers 30 years sober. Anybody have a problem with drinking today? And I go, you know, I had a craving for alcohol today and he's 30 years sober.
Look at him gone. God doesn't even understand step one. You know, you can't have a craving if you don't put alcohol in the body. All right, Mental obsession is what he had. That's the second piece, right? He's thinking about the drink, which means he's got something that he cannot control. The hamsters on the wheel, you know it's running and he can't get it off, right? A lot of people come to a A for that. A A is their filling station. Their hamster gets on the wheel and when they can't take it anymore they run in and they fill up their emotional gas tank in a A.
They dump their problems. They don't pick up any solution, they just dump. It becomes a dumping ground and they run off until tomorrow and then they come running back in and dump this current set of problems and then they go. And often times it's the same thing over and over again. All right, I am a recovered Ed alcoholic. Why? Because of the forward to the 1st edition. I have recovered from a hopeless state of mind,
mental obsession. I don't have it anymore. And body physical craving.
I haven't had a drink in almost 20 years. How can alcohol be my problem if I haven't touched it for all these years? Must mean there's a third piece. And that's the spirit melody. All right, A lot of people have been asking lately. I don't know why they don't know where the expression's spiritual malady comes from. And it comes from the 4th step. When the spiritual malady is overcome, we straighten out mentally and physically. All right, so back to step one. We admitted we were powerless. Well, what's my powerless
business? My powerlessness is before I take the drink, the mental obsession. When I take the drink, the physical craving. And even if it's twenty years later and I'm not mentally obsessing, I've put the drink down. I don't even think about it anymore. There's one piece that, according to this book, gets worse, never better. That means in a a folks, it's getting worse and it will continue to get worse.
All right. And to do this, I have to put the mic down.
All right, So bear with me if you guys can't see I'm holding up my fingers. All right, when you come into a a all right, this is your disease and this is your spirituality. You start at the same starting line, all right, then you start down the path and hopefully you're, if you're, if your spirituality grows an inch, guess what, you're a disease grew an inch and that same time period, but there's the same size. So they offset each other, they cancel each other out. All right, guess what happens if you keep going? Your spirituality grows and your disease continues to grow. And then all of a sudden you get a retread.
What happens to him? Oop, his disease gets worse. There goes his spirituality. But where is his disease? It's the same height he's starting with from dead 0 spirituality, but his disease is still 2 inches tall. And then he starts eating again and the disease continues to grow. If you're going to stay in a A, you got to continue to grow spiritually. What I did when I was a newcomer, you know, don't drink and go to meetings worked. And then it's don't drink and go to meetings and talk to somebody else and don't drink and go to meetings and call your sponsor and and
make coffee. All of those are little baby spiritual experiences and they offset my spiritual growth. Today. I get up and I spend an hour in the morning with God. I read 9 spiritual books every single morning. And then I go on to prayer and meditation and I meditate and then I pick up something else. And it's growing and I'm changing and my experience is growing and changing because you know what? My disease is still growing. It's getting worse, never better. I believe what this book says.
So we admitted we were powerless over alcohol. Dash. What is the dash mean? I went back and looked it up in a dictionary. It means a continuation of thought.
So the peace that comes after the dash applies to the first half. It's a continuation of that same thought. I admit it. I'm powerless over alcohol, that my life is unmanageable. The unmanageability applies to my life. So my powerlessness today has nothing to do with alcohol except that it has to do with alcohol. I haven't had a drink in 20 years. So that's not the application. It's the unmanageability of the application. And we got 3 great examples of spiritual and manageability in the book.
You got page 8 of Bill's story where he talks about the bitter morass of self pity. And he talks about the the quicksand stretched around me in all directions. That's a great description. And you go to page 151. Great number. I love 151, you know,
and on 151 they talk about the hideous 4 horsemen. You know, that describes me at at at 10 years sober. Let's since we got the books, let's all jump to page 151. Let's take a look at it
all right. 151 colon 2 The less people tolerated us and the more we we withdrew from society, from life itself. As we became subjects of king alcohol, shivering denizens of his mad realm, the chilling vapor that his loneliness settle down, it thickened, ever becoming blacker. Some of us sought out soared places, hoping to find understanding and compassion, chip and approval.
Momentarily we did, and then would come oblivion in the awful awakening to the hideous 4 horsemen. Terror, bewilderment, frustration and despair.
Anybody felt that this week
in their lives? Anybody worked for AT&T?
It's time to take a look at it. All right, unhappy drinkers who read this page will understand now and then a serious drinker being dry at the moment. This is me, a 10 year sober. I don't miss it at all. I feel better, I work better, I'm having a better time. As ex problem drinkers, we smile at such a Sally. We know our friend is like a boy whistling in the dark, keeping up his spirits. He fools himself. And here's the catch. Inwardly, he would give anything to take a half dozen drinks and get away with them.
If I could have gotten away with them, if I could have, my ego could have built a picture that I could get away with. Nobody would find out I would have been drinking. The only thing I believe that kept me sober was the fact that my ego was so huge.
I knew I couldn't come back here a second time because I didn't have that much humility. So it was much easier to blow my head off. You know, that was me 10 years sober. He will presently try the old game again, for he isn't happy about his sobriety. He cannot picture life without alcohol. Someday he will be unable to imagine life either with or without alcohol. Then he will know loneliness as as few do. He will be at the jumping off place. He will wish for the end. And then the classic, classic, classic.
Description is on page 52 for Spiritual and manageability. 52 colon 2 Answer these questions everybody to yourself. Are you having trouble with personal relationships?
Has anybody in your life in the last week or two said, you know, you really disagreeable, you're kind of grumpy what's wrong with you today? You know, if you got any arguments with anybody had disagreements, yelled and didn't have to go back with your tail between your legs and say if if you go back and say you're sorry, you know, we can't control our emotional natures. Been driving down the highway and swearing at the little Gray haired lady that pulled out in front of you minding her own business. I mean, yes, she was doing 25 and a 55, but
it's her lane, you know,
That never effects me.
By the way, just so you know, I used to judge my sobriety by how many times in a month I'd have my car literally airborne. I have driven down the sidewalk. I know I used to drive behind the concrete barriers and the workers, you know, bailing out. I'm not proud of that. But that's me at 8 years sobriety. You know, I'll never forget to look at my wife's face riding down Route 80. I the car was airborne. I went behind the concrete barriers. And then the reason there were barriers was there was, there was a like a crevasse. They were working on the bridge and
slammed on the brakes. It was in the middle of a rainstorm. And we came to the screeching halt and I'd gone between two of those plastic barriers and knocked, folded the side mirrors down on both sides of the car. That's how narrow the hole was that I went through. And I was only doing about 80 miles an hour at the time and a driving rainstorm. And she looked over at me and she goes, was that necessary?
Alan? Odds just don't understand. We're having trouble with our emotional natures. All right,
pray to misery and depression. Anybody in here and depressed
anybody on, you know, having problems with their medication, you know, and I'm not making fun of that, but there's some people that have a have a need for that. There's other people that run to their doctor and get put on that stuff without ever even attempting 12 steps to have a spiritual awakening to find out misery and depression is a primary characteristic of an alcoholic and most of us are ADD yes where most of us have that characteristic as well.
Try having a spiritual experience as well as the Zoloft or the Paxil or the whatever else
that's floating around. If that's your problem, you know, it's it's prey to misery and depression. It's one of our characteristics that our ego is rebuilding. And if you're having trouble and they got doctor keeps having to tweak your medicine and shift from one to the next, hmm, maybe he's putting a Band-Aid on something, then the problem lies somewhere else. Maybe it's your spiritual malady growing and you need spiritual work. All right, we're pray to misery and depression. We couldn't make a living. It doesn't mean we can't earn money.
When we got in the doors of a A, we had wanted one thing and one thing only.
God, if you get me sober, I'll do whatever you want. Well, guess what? He got you sober. So how's your life? You got a house, you got a car, you have your health. How you feeling about that? Are you grateful to the tips of your toes or you still wanting the rays and you're bitching because your boss made you work on a weekend and you're upset because she didn't fold your underwear right when she put it in the drawer? Or, or that that, my God, your tax refund from the president hasn't shown up yet and you want to go out and buy whatever it is that you want to buy.
You know all that's gravy. You know
what are you doing with the living that God gave you? He gave you all the tools, 12 spiritual tools and the sobriety. How you doing with that? Are you grateful or are you still bitching and complaining like you never got sobriety?
We were full of fear applies to most of us. We were unhappy. We couldn't seem to be of real help to other people. You know, this is a classic place to check yourself. So the second-half of step one that your lives have become unmanageable. Compare it to these three sections of the book. Honestly, that's what I do with the guys and that's what I do with myself. And I start the entire premise
every single time I go through this work with the hope that maybe I'm wrong, maybe I'm in the wrong place. I start the premise. Maybe I'm not alcoholic and that evidence is overwhelming when I go through and all of a sudden, by the time I get done, I'm like, Mark, you know, don't make the mistake. I worked with a guy about two weeks ago or three weeks ago, I guess, and I said, well, who took it? He's, I don't know, eight years sober, I guess. Maybe he's even longer. Maybe he's 14 years sober. I forget. He's in the room. I'll ask him later. I won't break his anonymity, though.
I said who took you through the first three steps? And he said, oh, I did.
I don't take myself through the first three steps when I go through this work. I sit down and people have a tendency to look at me as the teacher. And no, no, my feet are clay. I screw up. I still lie and cheat and do the things that I do not anywhere near as much, but I still make, I embellish my stories and that kind of kind of deal. I'm not perfect. I'm just another drunk among drunks. And what's my worst character? The same thing. And let me let me clear something else and then I'll shut up because I'm going over
alcoholic
do not have denial.
All right. And if that rocks your boat, let me explain something. The book does not say Alcoholics have denial. Alcoholics have delusion. It's a complete different. Animal
denial is what Al Anons have, you know,
right? They talk about the pink elephant in the living room and they just pretend it's not there and they walk around it and it's no, there's no elephant there. And they just put in their heart of hearts, they know there's a pink elephant in the living room. All right, Alcoholics, we have delusion. Our ego grabs a hold of our mind where the problem resides and builds a picture that says it's OK to take that next drink. That stove is not going to burn you this time.
You could pass a light at the moment the liquor is going down through the lips and across your tongue. If they hooked you up to a lie detector test, you would pass it with flying colors because you believe this time it's not going to hurt me. That is delusion and you have no protection against it. You on your own power cannot save yourself. Sorry. So you better be surrounded by other people. So if you look at me and say you took yourself through the first three steps,
the delusion flag goes up and I go, well, we'll see.
And then he got angry at me because I closed the book. I took him through like we were, I took you through. He had an expectation. He's like, why aren't you going to take me through page by page? And I said, absolutely not because your knowledge is going to kill you. And when we walked out, we had, I don't know about him, but there was times when I was weeping and I had had a spiritual experience. And anytime I do step work after I've done it with somebody, I go home and I do a quiet hour because I knew God better by looking into his mirror and seeing my reflection. I could see where I had been deluded and how I thought I knew what step one was all about.
We need each other up we back to the beginning of step one. We need each other. There's another concept of how we has changed. So that's just a little bit of a take on step one. You know, there's a lot of pages on step one. There's a reason for that. You damn well better understand step one and you better be able to make the connection from step one to each of the other steps. And we're going to continue to bring it back the rest of this weekend. Drag you back kicking and screaming back to step one and then launch you into the 4th dimension. Speaking of the 4th dimension, does anybody know what the 4th dimension of exist?
What are the 1st 3 dimensions? Everybody ever asking that? I usually ask the guys what are the 1st 3 dimensions and they kind of look at me like I'm insane, you know? All right, I had to go look it up. To be honest with you, I didn't know what they were. I'd heard all kinds of things. The physical dimensions are height, length, and width. Dimensions of time are past, present, and future. The mental dimensions are thought, perception, and feeling. But that's not what we're talking about.
We're talking about physical properties of mass,
length, and time. There are physical properties. The 4th dimension by default, when you're talking about physics, is the spiritual dimension. Our goal is to be have a spiritual awakening as what a result? A direct result of the 12 steps so that we can wake up, be conscious when we plug our plug into the power of God and be rocketed into the spiritual dimension. A conscious contact of God
as our own concept. And anytime I talk about God this weekend, I'm talking about whatever your concept is. And if you don't believe in God,
that's your concept. And I can work with that because I will drag you through the delusion and we'll find the answers together. Thanks for letting me share.
Continuing on with this first step experience,
if any of us were to drink tonight or in the next few days,
I hope you all have a sense of awareness that you're going to drink from the current state of consciousness that you're now experiencing. You're not going to drink from something you didn't 15 years ago.
So as as we talk about this thing called the spirituality, I would ask each of you
to get present with what what with where your life is right now in relationship to this. Because see, there there's a line in in in that we've talked about and there's a unity Yang to virtually every promise in the big book or statement. When the spirituality is overcome, I straighten out mentally and physically. So that's a promise. But what's the warning? The warning is the implication is if the spirituality is not overcome,
I will not straighten out mentally, meaning that the thought of a drink will come in. I'll have no mental defense and I have and I'll pick up a drink. So I want you to consider something. The problem is not a physical crave in the body and the problem is not a mental obsession. The problem is a spiritual malady which makes me so dis eased that I my mind says to me,
Mark, I know what will make this go away is a drink. See
another belief system I had to get rid of is that alcohol was my problem because it wasn't, it was my solution. And later on our big book says that alcohol is but a symptom. And I used to put all this focus on alcohol as a problem. And I thought to myself, well Mark, if it was a problem, normally when you have a problem after service is 2/3 times you take a different course of action it goes. But that isn't what I did with alcohol. I kept going back to alcohol time and time again and I begin to realize something.
Alcohol was my solution to what to this thing called the spirituality. Meaning that in some of the words he used, David used to describe this.
This is how it might feel. If you're sitting here tonight, you feel restless. OK, you know what that means, right? Guys popping up and down meetings and you, you're sitting down, you going to listen to someone and you can't, you can't focus and you can't cut. You're restless, right? Irritable. Irritable means you are easily annoyed. We have any people in here who are easily annoyed today, right?
Discontent. See, discontent means I'm never satisfied. See, spiritual living is am I totally at peace with the way it is? You see, Am I totally at peace with the way it is? If you're not totally at peace with the way it is, then you have discontent. IE I need a newer car, a better home, blah blah. I don't care how it plays out.
Those are three words. Look at your life today, this week, in those areas. Then those other areas that David talked about, they call him the Bedevilments.
Where is it today with personal relationships? How about the one with yourself? From whence all the rest Spring? How do you talk to yourself
not to forget others? How do you talk to yourself? How'd you talk to yourself today? How'd you treat yourself today? You still sit in judgment of yourself, you see. How are you taking care of yourself? What's your relationship like with yourself? Do you allow yourself time for God? Do you get adequate rest, blah blah blah. Then look at the relationships around you, right? If you're in a relationship with a significant other, how is that? What is the truth of that? See, can I, can I really be myself with this person? Can, can I,
can I be completely honest with this person? Can I bare my soul with this person? Can I? Where's that at? Where's it at? If you still have in laws and family, brothers and sisters, How it is? How is it in my a a group? How is it with my pals in a A? How is it with my sponsor? How is it in the workplace? How is it with my boss? How is it with you know, how is it when I go to the grocery store? How is it with my paying of bills And you,
you know, and you feel a little tension, see and it goes on. It talks about, you know, a pray to misery and depression. You know, am I having a current experience with that? Are there parts of my life in which I'm experiencing some misery and or some
depression? Where was I just today with this concept of fear? So you sit and review your life a little bit. See, I want to tell you something about
and, and this is the way I find out where my current agnosticism is. Let me explain what I mean by that.
My current agnosticism is areas in which I do not believe that God is everything, and I am not relying in God, so I'm relying on self.
You want to know where your current agnosticism is? Make a list tonight or tomorrow of what you are most afraid of. Make it the top five. Let's say, for example, that you have financial fears. How many of this in the room have some financial fears? OK. What I want you to understand is that has a lot to do with your agnosticism about God because you don't believe that God is everything. You don't believe that God will take care of you in that area.
It's important to look at that because any area in which you have agnosticism, I'm going to tell you what your solution's going to be
self reliant. And we all know where that takes us, right? See, you're going to find out like I did. I came into AA initially and God took care of alcohol and that is about all that I believed He would take care of. And then Mark the great I am decided he would take care of the rest. And then slowly over the years, my experience is anything that is not under the umbrella of God's care, love, and protection.
But that's one way in which you can find out your current agnosticism as you sit here tonight is take a look at what it is that you're afraid of, right? I'm afraid this relationship might end, or I'm afraid I won't get in one, or, or the economy's turning bad, or money or my health, or my parents are ill, or. And it's a way to identify your current agnosticism in which God is not in that part of your life.
It goes on again in in talking about your emotional nature, you know, is it spiking all the time
up and down and there's a definition of ego that it's not original. I got it from Eckhart Tolle book that speaks to me in volumes that has to do with what I'm talking about. So I'm going to give you this. Here's is the definition I like to work with for ego. A mind made false sense of self. Mind means we did it up here.
Made false sense of self.
And when you look at all the stuff on page 52, when you look at all the spirituality, my experience is all that is coming from the idea that my sense of self is derived through you out there, which means on a daily basis from the time you get up till the time I go to bed, I go through life afraid what you think of me. Am I going to have the job? Is she going to stay? I don't care how it how it plays out.
Why am I spending time trying to ask you to look at where you at with all this? Because if any one of us in this room drinks, we're going to drink behind the pain and the fears of any of that stuff. That's why
when the spiritualities overcome, see again, I want, I want to say this, the problem is not an obsession of the mind and the problem is not a craving of the body. The problem is the spirituality that will get me so uncomfortable that my mind will take me back to a drink. So I got to stay focused on. That's why the book says when the spiritualities overcome, I straighten out mentally and physically. Now, I think this is a good question to ask yourself.
If the spirituality is what gets me so uncomfortable
that it's going to take me back to a drink, and that is my experience, then here's a great question. Where does it come from?
Now, first of all, that part of me, my spirit is not, is not sick. Malady means I'm blocked. David's talked about that there. I'm asleep to the fact that I have a spirit here, that I'm a spiritual being. There's a fourth dimension of existence. And the more asleep you are that it is to that extent that you feel separated from everybody and everything.
One of the major reasons I drank was the effect produced. And you know, what the effect was, is I felt a part of, I no longer fell separate and connected. And drinking treated the spirituality, that condition that lies within me, my thoughts, my feelings, my perception of things. But here's a great question. Where does that come from? And a little later on the book, as we approach the third step,
we're told exactly where it comes from. And, and I want to finish up my first step with this. It says
later on the book, it says all my troubles are my own making. And boy, we, we don't like hearing that, do we? You know, you don't think they meant all our troubles, right?
No, they couldn't have meant that, because that means then I'd have to be responsible for any trouble. See, we don't like that part, do we? But and it goes on to say that I'm self will run riot comma they don't think so. And then the book says above everything, I must get rid of the selfishness. I must or it kills me. So guess what? The problem is not a craving of the body and it's not obsession of the mind. It's not a spirituality. Our problem is our selfishness.
What do we have to do? That's what steps 4 through 9
you'd write inventory. You do 5th step 678 and make amends to begin to experience the death of
talk about this enough in Alcoholics Anonymous. Above everything, I must get rid of this selfishness or it kills me. When I sit in these meetings and I listen what I think are sad commentaries on people's lives, all I'm hearing is the end result of still having a life consumed with selfishness and everything is about it's the complete inability to practice what Saint Francis says. See, I have no concern at all whether anybody loves me.
I have one concern. Can I love you exactly as you are? I need nothing to change. If you have a lot of selfishness in place, you cannot go through life living it like I just described. You understand that is the concern, but so how do you get rid of that? It says above everything, I got to get rid of this selfishness. What's the connection?
The connection is when I am self-centered, completely centered on Mark, all this page 52 stuff, restless, irritable, discontent, trouble and personal relationships. It's all coming because once again, I'm at the center of my and you don't treat me right. And that produces emotional feelings which leads to misery and depression. And I'm not satisfied with my life, which means I go through life being incredibly afraid and I feel useless and I can't help anybody.
And I'm not going to stay there very long. And then what I'm going to do is my mind's going to say, I know what will get you out of this mark, is a little drinky poop. And then I'm going to take that little drinky poo and activate a phenomenon called craving. So you understand what the problem is.
I, I share this with you because in my first ten years, really, really only doing 1 inventory, maybe two at the most at 10 years sober, the amount of selfishness in me was, was beyond belief. But because I'd been in 10 years, then I had this double edged sword of spiritual pride, right? So I'm walking around kind of pretending things are OK, but inside I am in a rage.
And that rage turned in on me, inward on me, into a mass depression. I almost committed suicide,
which is the ultimate act of playing God for a guy like me, isn't it? See,
you see, this becomes my first step experience now, doesn't it? Right. I've looked at me and what happens to me when I take a drink. I look at the idea that sober I'll do the most insane thing I've ever done and there's nothing I can do about that. There's nothing worse than sitting in a, a thinking you're keeping yourself sober.
You understand what I'm saying? Because that implies you had power. That's a program for men and women who need power. And then you look at that idea of the, of the spirituality and then tying into what produces that
my selfishness. So once again, at 18 1/2 years, there's a reason Dave and I spent 9 hours in that inventory. And that was an equally shared stuff. I got a, you know, here I am. I love God as much as anyone. I know I and, and he and I get done with that. And I just want a ball like a baby. I mean, I want to go to God with, you know, a Halo and white robes. Instead I got egg all over my face. Right
that. Where is this stuff coming from? You know, just
winging out a left field. And that's back to that statement. My ego has power. See, in the stuff that Dave and I looked at in inventory is the stuff ultimately could have led us back to a drink. And once again, it's selfishness. See, that's what he and I sat and discussed for 9 hours was our selfishness. Now that isn't how you start the discussion.
You start discussing other people
at great length in the second column
and then it fortunately, if you have someone across from you who's done work, ultimately they leave the room and now the light begins to shine on you. But you know, thank God I've been given this process. See, so that one of the things that happened for he and I in the middle of that fifth step, it was it was one of the most powerful experiences for me in a fifth step I've ever had And and I don't know how Dave experienced but I but I have to tell you I experienced it. I literally
felt the selfishness leave my body that night. He asked me, I had to go. I had to go give a talk that night. And in Dallas, they do a neat thing. Groups ask different people to come and do the steps. And this was going to be my last night. So this is a group of about 100 people. They had experienced me for three Tuesdays in a row. And I came that night. And I can't tell you how many people came up to me and said the man they heard tonight is not the man who was here last Tuesday. What happened,
if that's how that's how incredible this process is that we've been given. That's what happened over that those nine hours that he and I spent, we were fighting for our life, the life of what the life and awakened spirit, the death of the selfishness that was going to take me back to a drink. But that's all I got in the first step.
Well, marks sharing that I don't know if I'm I'm an emotional guy today. It's OK to have emotions and and I'm weeping over here because just the recollection of that gift, it was one of the most special events I've had in sobriety. What a what a pleasure there was at one point. And I don't think Mark is going to mind if I share this.
That we were laughing so hard I literally pulled the muscles in my ribs. I still can't put do push-ups right.
I, I started to slide off the couch onto the floor. I mean, and I'm talking the gut level hilarious laugh and tears are running down both of our cheeks and we're talking about what's sick, screwed up individuals. We are. And if anybody in this room could have seen us, they'd have to have new speakers here tonight.
And we are just laughing. And it's getting worse and worse. And after about 10 minutes, I didn't feel. And it was through that laughter that all of a sudden I could see the insanity of my delusion that what my ego had hit me from a blind spot. I thought I was doing OK. And to see the reality that I'm just like, the only thing that separates me from the guy that back there who's got, what, 8 days or whatever. How many days you got?
810 days
is 1 drink. That's me. Now there's another guy I was talking to at the break. He knows who he is. 12 days, 12 days sober. You know, I could be where he is in 12 days, You know? Now Mark talked about how the most important thing in our lives is our conscious contact with God, right? So here's a question for you and if it makes you squirm in your chair and if I get into the pit of your chest
and really irritate you,
I'll be very glad.
If God is the most important thing in your life and your conscious contact, how much of your 24 hours of your day are you spending with God? I don't care what you think. Think back for this last week. I'm real big on exercises and I, I, I call it homework. I give the guys that I work with homework. And I'll sometimes when somebody really comes to me and he's very pious and pompous and he says, you know, he's, he's, he's got religion and he's got a spirituality. And I'll make him go back and write out how many minutes per day from the last
days did he spend with God. And he'll come back to me with new attitudes about how important God it is in life. I want to see your feet. I don't. I'm a shoe man. When Alcoholics lips are moving, I'm not looking there, I'm looking at his feet. Don't tell me what you're going to do. Show me. Prove it to me. I want to see it. And very little comes out of my mouth With the guys I work with where I'm not testing them. Almost everything is a test to bounce off because I'm testing them and they are testing me
because while I'm asking them the question, the questions coming from deep within me and I'm asking myself it, well, how am I doing this week? So then it comes out of my mouth, well, how are you doing this with this, this week over the last two weeks, you know, and he's telling me about some relationship problem and I think to myself, well, how am I doing? Well, I've been doing OK with that. But what got me there? Oh, well, for this past week I've been doing this. So I say, hey, have you ever thought about trying this?
And it's back and forth. And I'm using him as a mirror to see what's going on in my life. And the whole time he's looking at me like I got a crystal ball and he's going, whoa,
oh, and the reality is all I'm doing is looking inside myself and shining what's there. And that means my warts as well as the grace of God that has come into my life. You know, in the guide on page two, correction Page 3.
I always like to take guys through this. These are step one wrap up questions. Well, before I do that, at the top of page three, there's a definition of insanity. And I went back to a 19. I think it's a 1928 dictionary because I wanted to see
the definitions of words that Bill was using when he was going through school to try to jump into Bill's head. What was Bill thinking? For example, you know, words have changed and you'll hear people in a that that say words have not changed. Well, words have changed because what does Bill describe the bar in in at the Mayflower Hotel? He describes it as a gay crowd. Do you think it was a gay bar? I don't
you know. Well, if the meanings of when, and I'm not taking a shot, I'm saying that the meanings of the words have have changed.
Right. Then let's go back and look. And what did he think he meant when he wrote that? All right. And under here, insanity. And it listed insanity like I've never seen before. State of being insane, madness, lunacy. The four principal types are melancholia, depression of spirits, dejection. You notice it's depression of spirits. What do they call alcohol spirits? Coincidence. I don't think so.
Mania, excessive excitement or enthusiasm. A craze, a rage, a fervor. How many of us are adrenaline junkies in this room? Just like our hairs on fire stepping and fetching, You know, look at this next one. Delusional insanity. What do Alcoholics have? It ain't denial, delusion, right? False belief and misconception that will lead us to the grave. All right. And then dementia out of one's mind to deprive of reason or deranged. That's the kind of insanity our ego fixes on when they we
the descriptions in the big book and step one of the insanity of Jim and Fred and the jaywalker, they talk about insanity over and over and over again. Our ego saying dementia, dementia and you aren't demented. You don't have dementia, so they're not talking to you. There must be talking to some other alcoholic.
What I have hopefully is the first three, and I hope I don't have the last one because that kind, the dementia, you don't even, there's no possible way to see that you have dementia. The other people around you see it and they'll lock you up. That's why before the nature of rehabs, there was asylums, they were sanitariums. There was no such thing as a rehab. The only way they knew how to deal with Alcoholics was lock them up because they were insane. It was just different form of insanity. It wasn't dementia, it was delusional. Insanity or
melancholia
changed it for me.
Step one, wrap up questions about halfway down the.
These are ones I go through with the guys I work with. One, can you or could you control the amount you drink once you started to drink? You know, and if a guy says, yeah, I could have control, you know, but then I'd say I ask him a question, say, well, you can control how much you drank. Did you ever tie one on and get in trouble? Well, yeah. And I'd say, OK, can you tell me the difference? When you started to get drunk, did you realize that that drunk was going to end up in a DWI versus this drunk over here where you had two and you went home and had a nice night?
The guy goes, no, I couldn't tell you which night was going to be which.
Now we're on to something.
You don't have to wake up the beast every time you take alcohol. You don't have to have physical craving every time you take alcohol in. For some, Alcoholics do. Every time they take a drink of alcohol, they wake up the physical craving. The beast comes alive and they're off to the races and it's for however they long they're going to drink. The drink tells them how long it's going to drink. They have no control. I was a periodic. Sometimes I could take two drinks. Sometimes if I took two drinks, I'd wake up three weeks later going, whoa, what happened? I have to run around all my friends and say, what did I do? You know, I'm not in jail, so I couldn't have been that bad.
You know? I'm out of money. SI must have had a good time. Anybody relate with that? You know,
two, do you believe that physical craving would occur if you took a drink today? Hmm interesting. Three, could you take 2 drinks a day for 30 days? No more, no less. A lot of people call this the Marty Mann test. If you go into our history, Doctor Bob gave this test before Marty Mann was even in sobriety. He gave it to a young kid, one of the first kids, and he said that he was too young to be an alcoholic. He said you know where he sent him down to the Mayflower Hotel same place where Bill got
and he said go down there with a bottle, take two drinks a day and if you can stay down there and only drink 2 drinks a day
you'll be fine don't worry about it. And the kid came back 30 days later with his tail between his leg and says I didn't even make it. I knew I was dead after the first day but he stayed out for 30 days drinking. Luckily he made it back four. Does your experience the abundantly confirm that once you put alcohol into your system, something happens in the body and mental sense which makes it virtually impossible for you to stop? 5 Did you ever drink when you didn't want to, even after swinging, drinking off forever?
If you're in a history, you look back at Bill's family Bible. He used to write these things to Lois and it started out with Lois. I found Christ and thank God I will never drink. I've been saved, I'm born again, and I will never, ever touch another drop,
you know, And then like two years later is another inscription. And dear Lois, thank you for sticking with me. I will do my best. I swear I'm stunned forever, you know. And then, dear Lois, one more humiliation and I'm going to try it one more time. With God's help, I'll be successful, you know, and just get progressively worse. After swearing off drinking forever, we we pick it up.
Why? We tell ourselves we swear to our wife or our spouse that we're never ever going to touch another drop and then we're drunk 3 hours later. When we swore we meant it, we could pass a lie detector test. How did we get into a bar in three hours? Delusion. Alcoholics do not have denial. We have delusion. Let me paraphrase that. If you grew up in an alcoholic household or you're married to an alcoholic, guess what? You're a double winner. You got both. The Al Anon side of you has denial and a a side of you has
and I'm a double winner.
Six Do you believe that personal knowledge is of no use with respect to your drinking? 7 Do you believe that you'll be unable to stop drinking on the basis of self knowledge? A Do you believe that lost lost of should be loss of power in the choice to drink? I can't even read. Do you believe that you have lost the power of choice and drink? 9 Do you believe that you have only two choices today, to live spiritually or to die in alcoholic death?
Interesting. As my friend Chris says, there ain't no door #3 door #1 door #2 you know, everything in this program is live spiritually or die an alcoholic death. At 10 years sober, and I'll speak for both of us, we were as dead as an alcoholic can be. It's the worst possible alcoholic death in the world. Is being 10 years without the only thing in your life that has ever worked for you, which is alcohol? And you've been 10 years without the love of your life
and your suffering and dying in the rooms of a where the answer is right here and the only thing that blocks you off from it is yourself,
your own ego. And you can't see it. Why? Because Alcoholics don't have denial. We have delusion. The picture in our mind is hopeless. We don't even see that we're off base. Yet every indication in our life is that we're dying an alcoholic death,
you know.
10 Do you believe you have a spiritual malady which creates unmanageability in your life? 11 Do you believe that lack of power is your dilemma? 12 Do you believe that a time may come where you have no effective mental defense against the first drink? You notice it says effective mental defense.
You know 13 do you believe that your defense must come from a higher power? And 14 do you believe that you have to find a power greater than yourself which will solve your problem? You notice who solves the problem. The power solves the problem. You don't work the 12 steps so that you can get yourself better. This is not a self help program.
This is a God help program. And if you haven't found God, you're in deep, deep kimchi. You got to find a power greater than yourself because your power got you to a A Thank goodness it did. And you better get off that donkey and get on another donkey now that you're here or you're not going to make it.
You know, this inventory that market is talking about. I've had some of the most profound spiritual experience that I've ever had in my life. I've had some of the facing of reality. I couldn't imagine that I'd be this sick, this sober. That's my ego talking, you know, That I, it, it, it had this delusion built for me that I couldn't possibly be this sick. This over.
I had a whole series of amends and just the amends that I've done so far. And I have more to go in my own Home group.
I went to each one of those people. And I said, you know, I've been projecting this dishonesty that I was absolutely, 100% asleep to. I didn't see it. But now I see it and I'm here to clean up my side of the street. Without fail, every single one of the members of my Home group looked at me straight in the and said, yeah, I saw it. I saw how far off the beam you were. I'm so glad you're back. And I looked back at him and I couldn't believe it. You saw that I was that far off the beam and you said nothing.
And the reality was it's not their fault
who's responsible for my sobriety and my connection to God? Me. I had projected such an image to everybody around me that virtually everybody that I thought had spiritual license in my life, they were afraid to approach me. I was unapproachable because I'm Dave the speaker. I'm I'm the sponsor. I'm this bull crap. I'm that bull crap. I almost died in one of the biggest big book thumping meetings in North Jersey
and everybody except me knew I had the problem.
So ask yourself the question, if you see people love them enough, if you have spiritual license,
put away your fear. Go to them in the spirit of love, ask God to speak through you and just shine the mirror. You plant the Burr under the saddle and they ride long enough and guess what? The donkey is going to throw them. You know, because it can't take the irritation, that little teeny Pebble,
at my heart, at your heart. We are all the same. We are all love. When you look at a little kid, a brand new little kid, and he starts to toddling, what is their reaction?
The reaction is the same to everybody. They could go up to Jeffrey Dahmer and they're going to go and they're going to smile and they're going to love unconditionally. Every one of us in this room started out that way. So what the hell happened to us?
That little absolute
perfect loving creature is in each one of us.
Find him, they're there. All you have to do is get rid of the crap that's on top. It's there. And what happened on Marks couch was I saw that little kid inside me again.
And now I can look out and I look for the sparkling eyeballs. I look for the eyes and I pick various people through a workshop, you know, that have the sparkling eyeballs because that's the window to the soul. And I see that little kid inside, that little pure loving child. It's there. I don't care what you have done in your sobriety or what you've done in your drinking. God doesn't care.
You're forgiven now. What are you going to do with it? You got 12 steps in your spiritual toolbox,
you got 12 traditions, you got 12 concepts, and you got more raw material than you could ever want in your own Home group.
Let's not be accessories to murder.
The difference is you have to be in touch with that little loving child inside you to be able to save somebody elses life, to be able to throw them the lifeline.
So if you're going to be effective for God, if you're going to be the spearhead, as the book says of his, the intelligent spearhead of his ever advancing creation, remember conscious, awake, we have to be intelligent.
You're going to have to be in touch with that little loving child.