Mark H. and Dave F. at the Fellowship of the spirit convention at St. John's University, Queens in New York July 27th
Good
evening,
everybody.
I'm
Mark.
I'm
an
alcoholic.
We've
got
about
1/2
hour
to
go
and
I
want
to
move
on
to
the
second
step,
which
is
we're
going
to
get
presented
with
the
idea
of
a
solution
to
what
we
looked
at
in
the
first
step,
our
experience,
if
you
will.
I,
I,
I've
always
found
it
quite
humorous
when
Alcoholics
are
asked
to
talk
about
God,
although
it's
somewhat
appropriate
because
we've
gone
through
life
thinking
regard.
So
I
guess
it's
only
natural
you
talk
about
God.
But
they
asked
Thomas
Merton
one
time
talk
about
God
and
he
said
something
that
I
completely
agree
with.
He
said
that
when
asked
about
God,
silence
makes
more
sense
than
words.
Words
are
all
we
have
to
work
with
here.
Yet
this
this
evening,
in
the
longer
I'm
sober,
we
were
talking,
Bart
and
I
were
talking
last
night
and
see,
I
don't
understand
God.
I
know
God,
but
I
do
not
understand
God.
God
is
so
far
beyond
anything
that
I
could
even
begin
to
to
wrap
my
mind
around
it,
if
you
will.
I
came
to
to
a
a
I've
been
raised
a
Methodist
and
then
I
had
meant
a
lady
who
said,
if
you
want
what
I
have
yet
to
become
a
Roman
Catholic
and,
and
I
said
that's
not
a
problem
when
I
want
something.
And
so
I,
I
spent
a
year
of
instructions
and
became
one.
And
that's
how
that
goes
for
people
like
us,
right?
Of
course,
if
you're
like
me,
you
know,
God
can
take
our
selfie
self-centered
motive
and
use
it
to
his
own
benefit.
But
so
I
had
a
lot
of
belief
systems,
if
you
will,
about
God.
And
then
I
guess
through
life
and
alcoholism
and
time
in
Vietnam
and
whatever,
I
suppose
more
than
anything
else
I
was
ambivalent.
Although
at
various
times,
you
know,
you
you
find
yourself
talking
to
this
God
supposedly
that
you
maybe
don't
even
believe
in.
And
so
I
came
to
a
a
with
a
lot
of
misconceptions
and
in
in
a
wee
agnostic's
it,
it
finally
uses
the
word
prejudice
678
times.
Prejudice
means
preconceived
thought
or
opinion.
So
I
would
ask,
I
would
beg
of
all
you
to,
to
maybe
lay
aside
what
you
think
you
know
of
God
as
you
listen
to
Dave
and
I
talk
a
little
bit
about
the
second
step.
And
that
becomes
difficult
to
do,
which
is
why
we,
we,
we
like
to
use
that
prayer
because,
see,
the
minute
I
put
God
in
a
box,
I
can't
know
anymore,
nor
will
I
experience
anymore
about
that.
And
so
you
come
to
the
second
step
in
which
you
begin
to
understand
is
that
you
need
power.
And
the
book
talks
about,
well,
that's
the
whole
purpose
of
this
book.
The
main
object
of
this
book
is
enable
you
to
find
a
power
which
will
solve
your
problem.
That's
a
real
important
thing
to
remember
here.
See
the
organ
that
brought
you
to
a
A.
Your
mind
is
not
the
organ
you
go
into
for
a
solution.
You
understand
what
I
just
said.
The
mind
that
brought
you
to
a
A
is
not
where
you
go
for
a
solution
to
your
alcoholism
and
drinking
and
life
in
general.
The
main
problem
does
center
in
your
mind
I
when
I
look
back
at
my
first
ten
years
in
a
A
and
some
of
you
might
be
able
to
relate
to
this.
I
had
truly
made
my
mind
God
and
did
not
know
that
I
truly
had
had
did
that
in
hindsight,
but
I
I
was
asleep
to
the
fact
matter
of
fact
I've
been
asleep
dreaming.
I'm
awake
most
of
my
life
going
through
life
driven
by
100
forms
of
fear
of
self
delusion,
self
seeking
and
self
pity
thinking
I'm
making
choices.
You
can
you
don't
you
do
not
go
through
life
making
choices
If
you're
sound
asleep
being
driven
with
a
mind
made
false
sense
of
self.
You
think
you're
God.
And
when
I
look
back
in
my
first
ten
years,
I
see
there's,
I
think
the
Bible
talks
about
there
should
be
no
gods
before
me.
And
I
had
put
one
before
God,
which
was
my
mind,
my
mind's
idea
of
God.
So
you
come
to
the
second
step
in
the
idea
is
do
you
need
power
and
begs
just
begs.
Finally,
please
lay
aside
what
you
think
you
know
now
here's
another
reason
why
you
might
consider
doing
that.
I
think
the
Carpenter
gave
you
and
IA
great
tool
litmus
test.
If
you
to
this
thing
about
God
and
knowing
God
and
what
the
Carpenter
talked
about
was
the
fruit
of
your
life.
And
that
is
always
a
great
barometer
for
me
in
relationship
to
to
this
experience
with
God
and
conscious
contact.
I
look
at
the
fruit
of
my
life
and
if
the
tree
is
somewhat
barren,
that's
a
great
time
to
be
willing
to
lay
aside
what
you
think
you
know,
to
have
an
open
mind,
a
new
experience
with
God,
maybe
as
you
don't
understand
God.
I
tell
you
why
I
quit
saying
that
in
1997
or
98.
I
came
out
of
a
meditation
and
I
do.
I
call
it
free
flow
writing
for
periods
of
time.
I
just
write
whatever
comes
up.
And
what
rolled
off
my
pen
is
why
do
you
keep
telling
people
you
understand
me?
Who
do
you
think
you
are?
And
that
is
not
a?
That
is
not
normally
something
Mark
would
have
written.
And
normally
when
I'm
posed
with
a
question,
I
sit
with
it
for
a
while
because
see,
the
ego
uses
an
answer
to
bypass
truth.
The
bypass
experience.
Well,
I
didn't
have
to
sit
with
that
very
long.
So
I
quit
telling
people
I
understand
God
because
I
don't.
I
have
experienced
God
and
that
experience
is
very
difficult
to
even
put
any
words.
And
I
know
God,
beyond
that
I
cannot
comprehend,
nor
do
I
understand
God.
But
back
to
this,
this
second
step.
And
then
what
do
I
do?
You
know,
what
do
you
do
around
the
issue
of
God
when
you've
gone
for
years
without
a
drink
and
when
you
have
felt
so
loved
by
God
that
you
weep
like
a
baby?
And
when
you
have
experience
God,
what
do
you
do
at
the
second
step?
It's
one
thing
when
you're
brand
new.
And
what
I
like
to
do
with
the
second
step
at
that
time
is,
is
realizing
my
need
for
power.
It
it
poses
me
with
a
question,
you
know,
am
I
willing
to
believe
is
a
power
greater
than
myself?
And
I
like
to
tag
something
on
that.
Who
can
take
me
past
here,
right
past
this
block
of
knowledge
and
experience
in
memories?
See,
just
as
my
body
can't
live
off
the
food
of
a
week
ago,
what
the
experience
I
had
with
God
a
week
ago
is
insufficient
to
keep
me
in
fit
spiritual
condition
today.
So
that's
a
question
I
I
like
to
work
with
as
I
approach
the
second
step
is
am
I
willing
to
believe
is
a
power
greater
than
myself
who
can
take
me
past
here?
See
are
the
dimensions
that
I
know
nothing
about.
I
was
talking
to
a
gentleman
Joe
outside.
We
had
a
similar
experience
to
mine
with
the
exception
of
he
drank.
I
just
almost
went
insane
and
committed
suicide.
And
he
said
something
that
that
was
also
my
experience.
He
said,
you
know,
Mark,
I,
I
really
didn't
know
God
in
those
ten
years.
And
he
said
I
know
that
now
because
today
I
know
God.
But
he
said
because
I'd
been
able
to
accomplish
so
much
and
a
bell
went
off
when
he
said
that.
See,
the
things
that
I
thought
I
could
accomplish
on
my
power
were
the
things
today
that
are
of
no
value
to
me
that
I
used
to
think
were
of
value
to
me.
IE
earning
money,
a
home,
a
car,
whatever.
And
self-reliance
in
those
areas
had
worked
for
me
in
my
first
ten
years
of
sobriety,
if
you
will.
All
the
things
today
that
I
want
to
accomplish,
I
cannot
do
on
my
power.
See,
I
want,
I
want
to
be
able
to
love.
I
want
to
be
free
of
judgment.
I
want
to
serve
my
brother
and
sister.
I
want
to
have
compassion
in
my
heart
for
people
who
are
asleep
dreaming
they're
awake.
I
have
no
power
on
my
own
to
bring
any
of
that
aback.
Everything
today
that
I
value
I
cannot
bring
about
because
my
selfishness
is
the
exact
opposite
of
the
very
things
that
I
value
today.
And
so
I,
I
like
he
had
a
very
similar
experience,
which
is
why
I'm
back
to
like
I
said,
my
first
ten
years
my
mind
was
God.
I
worship
my
mind
and
didn't
even
know
it.
See,
one
of
the
greatest
barriers
I
had
to
God
was
telling
you
that
I
believed
in
God.
Do
you
understand
what
I
just
said?
See,
if
I
tell
you
I
believe
in
God,
I
actually
think
I
do.
If
you
want
to
know
where
you're
at
in
relationship
to
God,
go
back
to
the
question
Dave
posed,
and
that
is
this
how
well
do
you
know
God?
How
much
time
do
you
spend
with
God?
Remember
I
told
you
if
you
want
to
know
what
your
belief
systems
are,
look
at
your
actions.
And
at
10
years,
my
answers
to
those
questions
were
very
little
time
doing
nothing
with
meditation,
weighing
a
few
prayers
in
the
shower
on
the
way
to
work.
And
then
I
go
to
meeting
and
lie
to
you,
and
you'd
ask
me
what's
the
most
important
thing
in
my
life.
The
example
is
let's
say
that
those
of
you
have
children.
If
the
time
that
you
spend
with
God
is
all
the
time
you
spent
with
your
children,
would
they
feel
loved?
I
move
on
to
the
next
question.
And,
and
so
you
know,
that
becomes,
that
becomes
really
the,
the
litmus
test.
Then
where
am
I
at
with
this
God?
And
after
my
experience
at
10
years,
here's
where
I
was
at.
I
had
a
20
year
history
with
alcohol.
God
separated
me
from
alcohol.
I
had
10
years
of
not
taking
a
drink,
doing
some
work,
etc,
then
almost
committing
suicide.
And
what
I
came
to
know
through
that
experience
is
there
were
two
deaths
that
I
had
to
die.
I
had
to
die
an
alcoholic
death,
meaning
there
must
be
no
reservation
or
looking
notion
day
I'll
be
immune.
The
second
death
is
are
you
willing
to
die
the
death
of
self
before
you
and
I
make
our
third
step
decision.
The
book
says
with
God's
help,
I
can
be
entirely
rid
of
self.
Was
I
willing
to
do
that?
And
there's
normally
only
one
thing
that
and
this
is
what
most
of
you
are
in
this
room
because
most
of
you
have
some
time.
This
is
the
death
you've
got
to
be
willing
to
go
through.
Am
I
willing
to
die
the
death
of
self,
of
selfishness?
And
I
only
know
one
way
to
do
that
in
that
steps
four
through
9/4
through
9/4
through
9,
then
work
with
the
disciplines
of
1011
and
12.
I
know
of
no
other
way
to
do
it.
I'm
sure
there
are.
I
just
don't.
I
just
don't
know
of
them.
And
when
I
was
sitting
in
that
nut
house,
that
psychiatric
hospital,
I
drew
a
line
in
the
sand.
And
here's
what
the
line
in
the
sand
was,
is.
I
said
from
this
day
on,
I
am
going
to
do
this
thing.
And
the
reason
is
because
at
that
time,
I
am
44
years
old.
I've
been
on
Mother
Earth
for
44
years.
I
was
as
miserable
as
any
human
being
could
ever
be.
I
had
a
life
of
20
years
drinking
and
10
years
sober
and
I'm
still
so
miserable
I
can't
even
begin
to
describe
it.
And
I
realized
that
the
only
thing
I
had
never
been
willing
to
do
was
draw
a
line
in
the
sand
and
put
God
first
and
foremost
in
my
life
through
a
course
of
action.
And
I
had
been
doing
that
since
then.
And
I
can't
even
begin
to
tell
you
The
changes
that
have
have
taken
place
in
my
life.
I
can't
even
begin
to
tell
you
I
don't
know
what
it
is
about
us.
And
this
may
make
some
of
you
a
little
uncomfortable,
but
by
the
way,
the
big
Book
says
that
if
David
and
I
disturb
you
about
the
question
of
alcoholism,
you're
supposed
to
thank
us
is
for
your
benefit.
So,
but
every
alcoholic
addict
that
I
have
ever
met,
I
believe
has
such
a
deep
spiritual
thirst
to
know
God
at
a
deep,
deep
level
that
a
lot
of
other
people
don't
need.
In
my
experience
is
if
you
don't
answer
that
call,
you
are
never
going
to
be
satisfied
with
whatever
your
external
world
looks
like.
I
don't
care
how
much
money
you
have
and
how
many
cars
you
have
and
whether
he
or
her
or
it
is
in
your
life,
if
you're
like
every
alcoholic
guy,
know
God
must
come
first
and
foremost
in
your
life.
I
guess
the
Carpenter
said
it
another
way.
Seek
ye
first
the
Kingdom.
I
will
add
the
rest
unto
you.
Do
not
get
that
in
any
other
order
but
that.
And
I
guess
I
must
have
realized
that
at
10
years,
which
is
why
I
do
the
lie
in
the
sand.
And
there
were
several
statements
I
made
at
the
same
time
around
the
second
step.
Number
one,
I
said,
God,
my
life
is
no
longer
my
business.
I
have
tried
to
make
them
my
business
drunk
or
sober.
And
here's
where
I
am
in
a
padded
cell
in
a
nut
house.
And
I
said
I
quit,
I'm
done.
I
will
go
anywhere
you
want.
I
will
do
anything
you
want.
I
will
live
the
way
you
want
me
to
live.
It's
I
quit.
I
have
resigned
from
the
human
race.
I
just
am
not
doing
well
here.
And
really
in
hindsight,
at
10
years
sober
is
when
I
made
my
third
step
decision
and
followed
through
with
the
vigorous
course
of
action.
I've
been
doing
that
ever
since
and
I'll
tell
you
why
I
did
it
because
sober
the
way
I
was
living
wasn't
working.
There's
no
other
reason.
There
isn't
anyone
in
this
room
that
ever
came
to
the
came
to
the
work
as
little
sunbeams
for
God
see
you.
You
know,
we
we
we
come
to
this
because
we've
tried
everything
else
sober.
You
know,
we've
tried
just
meetings
and
we've
tried
some
inventory
and
we've
tried
few
of
men's
and
we've
tried
this
and
we've
tried
that
and
and
finally
none
of
it
works.
And
if
there's
enough
grace
in
there,
we
hear
some
guy
talking
about
the
book
over
and
over
again.
He
looks
like
he's
got
power
and
peace
and
we
very
begrudgingly
go
up
and
talk
to
him
for
just
a
little
ever.
We
don't
want
to
ask
him
to,
you
know,
work
with
us
quite
yet.
That
be
radical,
but
you
know
that's
that's
all
men
and
women
in
this
room
come
to
this
thing
right
you
know
it
just
didn't
work
anymore
sober
and
so
you
know
I'm
I'm
back
to
this
God
issue
and
you
know
back
to
the
second
step
because
this
this
is
my
experience
with
God.
You
go
to
the
and
then
this
is
from
him
and
fox.
But
if
you
go
to
the
ocean
with
a
thimble,
you
get
a
thimble
full
of
water,
how
much
a
God
you
want.
You
got
to
understand
how
much
God
loves
you
and
I,
I
based
on
my
experience
with
God.
If,
if,
if
I
don't
want
to
take
any
course
of
action
to
seek
God.
He
does
not
love
me
less.
I
just
will
know
him
less.
He
loves
me
so
much
that
he
will
allow
me
to
do
that.
Yet
at
the
same
time,
when
I
begin
to
seek
a
course
of
action,
the
big
Book
says
there
was
a
time
I
needed
and
wanted
God,
and
God
came.
But
soon
the
sense
of
his
presence
was
blotted
out
by
worldly
clamor,
mostly
within
myself.
And
so
it
has
been
ever
since.
My
experience
with
God
is,
is
that
when
through
a
course
of
action,
my
actions
say
so
clearly,
Father,
I
want
to
know
thee.
You
know,
God,
I
want
to
know
thee,
His
grace,
His
love
will
match
that
intent
in
that
course
of
action.
That
has
been
my
experience
around
this
second
step.
So
laying
aside
prejudice
and
saying
maybe
there's
just
so
much
of
God
that
I
do
not
even
know
because
you
must
understand.
This
book
says
that
if
you
and
I
do
this
work,
God's
going
to
demonstrate
through
us
what
God
can
do.
You
see,
I
didn't
know
this
for
the
longest
time,
but
the
work
of
the
first
nine
steps
is
just
designed
so
that
I
can
be
a
channel
and
agent,
if
you
will,
for
God,
for
God
to
manifest
through
me.
See,
I
have
no
power
to
do
what
I'm
doing
right
this
minute.
Here's
the
good
news
for
me.
I'm
not
doing
it.
It's
being
done
through
me.
There's
a
little
story,
little
boy
sneezing.
Mama
says,
Johnny,
stop
sneezing.
He
says,
Mom,
I
can't.
It
is
sneezing.
Well,
it
is
sneezing
me.
As
I
sit
here
right
now
doing
this,
I
do
nothing.
People
ask
me
all
the
time,
well,
how
did
your
talk
go?
And
I
say,
I
don't
know,
I
wasn't
there.
And
then
that
is
the
truth
of
it.
You
see,
I'm
trying
to
make
you
understand
how
my
experience
with
God
works
of
God
coming,
coming
through.
I
never,
I
never
have
any
fear
when
I'm
asked
to
do
any
of
this
because
I'm
not
going
to
be
the
one
that's
going
to
be
talking
to
you
see,
there's
nothing
but
oneness.
There's
only
the
illusion
of
separation.
So
when
I
come
to
this,
I,
I'm
very
clear
what
God
ultimately
will
use
me
for
is
Mark,
make
your
fellow
brothers
and
sisters
understand
how
much
I
love
them.
Make
them
take
it,
get
them
excited
about
of
action
to
get
rid
of
this
idea
of
anything
that
separates
this
false
sense
of
self.
Talk
to
them
about
me.
Talk
to
them
about
how
you
came
to
know
me.
I
mean,
the
third
step,
what
does
it
say?
Says
Dave
and
I
are
to
bear
witness
to
you
of
God's
power,
God's
love,
God's
way
of
life.
See,
so
the
second
step
then
is
about
opening
up
to
this
idea
of
laying
aside
prejudice.
And
maybe
there's
so
much
more
of
God
that
I
do
not
know
and
I
do
not
understand,
but
I
have
an
intent
and
a
willingness
to
experience
God
in
that
way.
And
then
a
little
further
on
and
we
agnostics,
it
talks
about
faced
with
a
self-imposed
crisis
self.
You
don't
think
they
meant
self-imposed,
right?
You
know,
see
the
big
book
is
kind
of
nasty.
Starting
around
the
second
step,
they
really
start
turning
a
spotlight
on
that
self-imposed
crisis
is
I
need
God,
I
need
to
know
God
and
it
says
I've
got
to
choose.
God
is
either
everything
or
is
nothing.
See,
see,
I
know
exactly
what
it
looks
like
to
choose
for
alcohol
to
be
everything
in
my
life.
And
so
do
you.
If
all
of
us
in
this
room
gave
God
1/2
the
attention,
energy
and
focus,
we
gave
a
bottle
of
whiskey,
we'd
be
Saints,
you
understand?
See
what
I'm
saying?
See
we,
we're
the
smartest,
dumbest
group
of
people
on
the
planet.
See,
we,
we,
it's
like
Dave
is
talking
about
dying
alcoholic
death.
And
we're
the
kind
that
would
say,
well,
can
you
elaborate
a
little
on
that?
You
know,
see,
I
mean,
I've
been
talking
to
several
of
you,
right?
You
know,
it's
well,
like
I,
I,
I've
been
to
the
penitentiary
and
I
eat
and
we
talk
about
all
this.
And
then
we
present
to
you
that
you'll
come
to
know
God
if
you
work
the
first
nine
steps
and
work
with
1011.
You
go,
well,
that
sounds
a
little
bit
radical,
don't
you
think
you
understand
what
I'm
saying?
I
mean,
that's
delusional.
See,
delusional
is
a
it's
a
belief
system
held
in
spite
of
evidence
to
the
contrary.
See,
and
it's
only
through
grace
that
we
begin
to,
I
think,
get
an
idea
of
maybe
there's
a
different
way,
but
I
have
to
choose
that
God's
going
to
be
everything
in
my
life
and,
and
what,
what
is
that?
What
does
that
look
and
feel
like?
It
means
God's
everything
means
every
single
part
of
anything
that
I
think
I
know
and
where
I'm
going
to
live
and
everything
in
my
life,
I'm
going
to
choose
that
God's
going
to
be
at
the
center
of
it.
See.
And
that
becomes
a
choice
that
you
have
to
make
in
the
second
step.
And
you
do
have
to
make
that
choice,
see.
And
then
it
goes
on
in
those
last
two
or
three
sentences
in
in
we
agnostics
are
so,
so
powerful.
It's
funny,
the
longer
you're
sober,
you
read
these
things
that
just
jump
out
at
you,
you
didn't
see
for
so
long.
But
these
are
incredible
promises.
And
I
want
to
read
those.
And
I'll
let
Dave
talk
for
a
little
bit
on
the
second
step.
But
you
talk
about
what
is
this?
But
it's
on
page
57.
What
is
this
but
a
miracle
of
healing?
Yet
this
elements
of
healing
are
simple
circumstances.
Step
one,
drunk
or
sober,
I'm
not
doing
well
here.
Made
me
willing
to
believe.
I
humbly
offer
myself
to
my
Maker
and
then
I
knew
says
Even
so
has
God
restored
us
all
to
our
right
minds
see
to
this
man.
The
revelation
was
sudden.
Some
of
us
grow
into
a
more
slowly
now
look
at
these
next
two
sentences.
What
incredible
promises.
But
he,
God
has
come
to
all
who've
honestly
sought
God.
Think
of
how
much
God
loves
you
if
through
a
course
of
action,
you
let
you.
That
course
of
action
is
such
that
you
are
telling
God
that
you
that
you
don't
need
God.
God
loves
you
so
much
he
will
leave
you
alone.
See.
But
if
you
honestly
seek
God,
then
here's
what
happens.
When
I
draw
near
to
God,
God
will
disclose
himself
to
me.
I
mean,
what
a
role
model
for
love.
See,
we
were,
I
was
talking
with
Bart
earlier
today
and
today,
the
people
in
my
life
that
asked
me
to
work
with
him,
I
only
go
where
I'm
invited.
See,
I
only
go
where
I'm
invited,
just
like
God.
There's
a
little
story
that
that
sums
the
God
up
thing
for
me.
And
it's
funny.
It's
getting
harder
and
harder
for
me
to,
to
talk
about
God
because
I,
I
guess
it's,
it's
much
like
Dave
said,
God
is
love.
God's
power
is
love.
And
I
mean
you,
you
either
have
experienced
or
you
haven't
experienced.
And
it's
so
hard
to
work
with
in
words.
But
there's
a
story
of
imagine
that.
Imagine
that
your
your
goldfish
and
your
new
day
and
your
swimming
in
water
and
imagine
the
water
is
God.
And
so
Dave
and
I
swim
by
and
your
couple
new
guys
and
we
turn
and
we
say
in
the
water,
great,
now
you're
slick
and
cool
and
you
don't
even
know
you're
swimming
in
water.
So
you
say,
yeah,
it's
great.
Dave
and
Mark
swim
by
and
you
turn
your
buddy
and
say,
what
the
Hell's
he
talking
about?
We
gotta
go
find
the
water.
Well,
that's,
that's
where
that's
the
deal
with
God.
God
is
closer
to
you
than
breathing
and
you
don't
have
to
go
anywhere.
I'm
no
closer
to
God
than
the
day
I
came
into
course
of
action.
And
then
I
became
awake,
aware,
mindful
and
conscious
of
that
which
has
always
been
present
within
me
and
without.
And
that
is
the
love
and
the
power
of
God
in
my
life.
That's
what
this
program
is
about
when
I
have
honestly
sought
God,
God
will
disclose
himself
to
me
and
my
experience
is
God
will
determine
how
to
disclose
himself
to
me
or
herself
or
it's
so
hard
for
me
to
use
any
kinds
of
words.
I
was
asked
a
good
question
the
other
day
of
what
is
your
concept
and
I
guess
all
I
can
and,
and
I'll
close
my
mind.
I
am
is
my
concept.
I
that
is
the
summon
in
the
in
the
totality
of
of
I
am
the
when
Dave
read
the
experience
of
the
4th
dimension,
I
want
to
tell
everyone
of
you
in
the
intense
step
when
it
says
you've
entered
the
world
of
the
spirit
that
is
as
real
as
anything
that
there
is.
Do
not
miss
that.
Do
not
miss.
I
drive
down
the
road
sometimes
and
I
have,
I
call
them
God
love
attacks.
And
I'll
be
driving
down
the
road
and
my
heart
starts
to
swell
and
I
start
weeping.
And
that's
not
crying.
There's
a
difference
between
weeping
and
crying.
And
I
start
weeping
so
bad
I
have
to
pull
my
car
off
to
the
side.
And
that's
why
I
think
I'm
sitting
up
here
and
that's
why
Dave's
up
here.
I
see
the
sadness
and
suffering
and
Alcoholics
who
are
sober,
let
alone
drinking,
and
I
so
want
them
to
know
how
much
they're
loved.
See,
God's
grace
falls
equally
in
everyone
in
this
room.
And
God
ain't
got
no
favorites.
And
he's
given
this
incredible,
beautiful
path
to
follow
where
you
can
feel
that
that
hand
of
God
in
that
and,
and
you'll
know
from
now
till
the
day
you
leave
this
body
that
all
is
well,
that
all
is
well,
regardless
of
how
it
looks,
that
all
is
well.
And
you
can
begin
to
love
and
and
and
to
serve
in,
in.
I
was
recently
asked
a
question,
but
you
know
well
how
often
you
go
to
church.
And
I
said,
when
am
I
not
in
church
see
me?
When
am
I
not
experiencing
God?
Do
I
practice?
Yes.
But
when
are
you
not
in
church?
I
wouldn't
want
anyone
in
here
not
to
experience
what
it's
like
to
weep
because
every
cell
of
your
body
is
being
overwhelmed
with
the
love
of
the
Father,
the
love
of
that
which
created
you.
And,
and
to
understand
what
an
incredible
precious
thing
this
thing
called
life
is
and
what
it
gifted
is.
And
then
to
be
able
to
turn
around
and
say
to
someone
else,
hey,
do
you
want
to
wake
up?
Do
you
want
to
wake
up
to
realize
you're
swimming
in
water
that
is
closer
than
breathing,
that
it's
never
not
around
and
it's
in
New
York
and
it's
in
Texas.
And,
you
know,
you
don't
have
to
go
anywhere
and
you
don't
have
to
change
anything.
And
you
don't.
Would
you
like,
you
know,
would
you
like
to
do
that?
See,
but
waking
up
is
uncomfortable,
Right.
See,
waking
up
is
uncomfortable.
Thanks.
That's
all
I
got.
The
God
that
Mark
was
talking
about,
that
little
kid
that
I
was
describing,
you
know,
when
all
little
kid,
I
love
to
watch
nature
and
I
love
particularly
to
watch
children
and
I
love
to
watch
people.
I'm
a
people
watcher.
I'm
watching
people
in
here
tonight.
When
Mark's
talking,
I'm
looking
around
the
room
watching.
And
if
you
watch
people
watch
kids,
it's
almost
a
universal
reaction.
We
smile.
Why
is
that?
If
you
watch
children,
what
do
they
do?
They
love
unconditionally.
That
love
is
still
inside
of
each
and
everyone
of
us.
According
to
this
book.
It
resides
deep
down
within
us
and
only
there
is
that
where
we
can,
it
can
be
found.
They
knew
when
the
Alcoholics
wrote
this
book
with
the
help
of
God,
because
I
don't
think
any
human
being
could
have
written
this
book.
They
knew
that
God
resided
in
us.
So
what
Mark
said
is
true.
When
you're
drinking
alcohol,
you
are
just
as
close
to
God
as
you
are
sitting
in
this
chair.
However
long
you're
sober.
The
only
difference
is
hopefully
sitting
in
this
chair,
you're
awake
to
the
fact
that
the
presence
of
God
is
inside
you.
The
problem
with
us
is
our
ego
is
also
with
us.
And
the
reason
that
geographic
cures
don't
work
is
we
run
off
to
Eastern
Slobodia.
Guess
what?
Our
ego
went
with
us
to
Eastern
Slobodia.
But
if
your
presence
and
you
understand
the
concept
and
you
have
a
conscious
contact
with
that
which
is
inside
of
you,
which
is
truly
your
essence,
what
really
makes
you
up
and,
and,
and
the
real
core
of
what
you
are,
when
you
go
to
Eastern
Slovakia,
guess
what,
God
goes
with
you
too.
That's
the
cool
deal,
right?
I,
I
don't
use
a
A
as
a
filling
station.
I've
gone
from
literally
months,
no
exaggeration,
without
going
to
an,
a,
a
meeting.
Not
because
I
wanted
to,
because
in
the
military
I,
you
know,
I'd
get
sent
off
and
there
wasn't
any
a
meetings,
but
I
wasn't
sitting
around
going,
what
am
I
going
to
do?
I
can't
get
to
my
Home
group.
I
can't
call
my
sponsor.
No,
I
took
a
big
book
with
me.
I
took
a
12
and
12.
You
know,
I'm
embarrassed
to
say
that
I
was
10
years
sober
before
I
realized
that
the
Grapevine
on
the
cover
says
our
meeting
in
print.
It's
a
meeting.
Throw
in
your
bag.
It's
got
everything
you
need.
A
preamble
at
12
steps,
12
traditions,
serenity,
prayer
and
great
speaker
stories
in
there.
It's
a
wonderful
meeting.
But
the
most
important
deal
is
remember
the
we
I
got
God.
If
I
don't
have
this,
we,
I
always
got
this
way
for
the
rest
of
my
life,
for
the
rest
of
eternity
is
my
belief.
That's
the
essence
of
Step
2.
Now
we
don't
have
enough
time
to
go
over
tonight
and
I
know
there's
a
lot
of
people
have
to
drive
home.
So
I'm
going
to
try
to
be
respectful
of
that,
but
we'll
cover
some
more
information
tomorrow.
This
is
a
great
textbook.
The
cover
of
the
big
book
says
that
it's
our
basic
text
and
if
it's
a
good
test
book
textbooks,
it
gives
us
test
questions
kind
like
the
questions,
the
wrap
up
questions
asked
you
from
step
one.
Well,
they're
going
to
tell
you
how
and
where
to
find
God.
They're
going
to
tell
us
4
things
to
commence
spiritual
growth.
It's
the
notes.
All
right,
Then
they're
going
to
give
us
the
three
barriers
that
can
block
us
off
from
spiritual
growth,
prejudice
and
obstinacy.
You
know,
that
mule
headedness,
the
defiance
that
Alcoholics
have.
And
then
it
gives
us
what
I
call
4
things
for
long
term
spiritual
growth.
If
you
go
to
the
guide
on
page
4
says
four
Step
2
requirements
to
get
the
second
step
promises
and
for
long
term
sobriety
and
the
second
step
promises
were
what
Mark
was
reading.
Some
are
some
of
the
second
step
promises.
By
the
way,
this
book
is
full
of
promises
in
being
anal
that
I
am.
One
time
I
sat
down
at
the
computer
and
I
wrote
them
all
out
and
I
stopped
counting
at
2:25
and
I
just
kept
right
on
writing
because
it
was
just
too
much
to
keep
numbering
the
damn
things.
And
this
book
is
just
loaded
with
promises.
And
you
know
what?
I'm
still
seeing
more
and
more
promises
today.
They
keep
changing.
I
don't
know
who
keeps
rewriting
the
book,
but
the
promises
keep
coming.
All
right
Says
leave
aside
the
drink
question.
Tell
why
living
was
so
unsatisfactory.
Show
how
the
change
came
over
you,
and
share
why
the
presence
of
God
is
today
the
most
important
fact
of
your
life.
You
notice
what
I
put
in
parentheses?
That's
me
talking.
We
say
it
before
every
speaker
meeting,
share
what
it
was
like,
share
what
happened,
and
share
what
it's
like
now.
Right?
Let's
all
go
to
the
Big
Book,
Page
2929,
Colin
2.
How
many
of
you
in
this
room
have
been
up
at
a
speaker's
meeting?
And
the
guy
gets
up
there
and
he
does
however
long,
15
minutes,
45
minutes,
an
hour
and
a
half
drunk
a
log.
Drunkalog,
Drunkalog,
Drunkalog.
And
then
I
came
to
a
A
and
he
sits
down
and
everything's
great.
Thanks
for
letting
me
share.
And
all
I
did
was
dump
drunk
a
log
on
you
and
you
kind
of
go,
what's
next?
You
want
something
different?
Look
what
this
says.
This
is
how
we're
supposed
to
be
sharing
our
stories.
Each
individual
in
the
personal
stories
describes
in
his
own
language
and
from
his
own
point
of
view,
the
way
he
established
his
relationship
with
God.
I'm
supposed
to
be
getting
up
there
and
telling
you
enough
of
my
Drunkalog
so
you
know
I'm
a
real
alcoholic
just
to
hook
you.
And
then
I'm
supposed
to
tell
you
how
I
found
my
way
to
God.
When
I
tell
my
story,
you
heard
me.
Basically,
what
I
shared
today
was
about
as
much
as
my
story
as
I
share.
And
then
I
start
talking
about
what
I'm
currently
doing
in
the
12
steps
of
Alcoholics
Anonymous
and
how
I'm
working
with
God
today.
And
when
you
get
done
sharing
like
that
and
you
give
them
half
the
common
peril
and
half
the
common
solution,
people
are
just
like,
whoa,
during
the
break,
people
were
coming
up
to
me
saying,
wow,
you
guys
are
really
good.
And
I
looked
at
him.
I
said
he
ate
me.
If
I
knew
that
I
was
going
to
come
up
here
and
cry
in
front
of
a
couple
100
people,
you
would
have
a
different
speaker
here.
You
know
that
doesn't
Joe
Hollywood
does
not
like
that.
I
don't
like
to.
My
ego,
Julie,
does
not
do
well
with
that.
It's
not
me,
it's
God.
In
the
same
way
that
the
person
who
did
what
you
did
when
you
were
drinking
and
drugging
or
even
in
sobriety
when
you're
spiritually
sick
and
you're
unconscious
to
your
behavior.
We
are
not
bad
people
trying
to
get
good.
We're
sick
people
trying
to
get
well.
The
true
essence
is
still
there.
The
Colonel
in
the
golf
ball
is
still
there.
Whether
you
can
see
it
or
not,
the
love
is
still
inside
your
heart.
Mark
talked
about
giving
God
everything
or
giving
him
nothing.
He
and
he.
I
love
the
the
Emmett
Fox
thing
about
the
thimble.
There's
another
parable
and
it
comes
from
the
Orientals
and
I
heard
it
with
there's
a
book
called
Zen
in
the
Martial
arts.
And
I've
been
studying
the
martial
arts
and
the
student
comes
to
the
master
and
he
wants
to
learn
from
this
new,
new
master.
And
so
he
says,
I,
I'm,
I've
been
studying
for
all
these
years,
but
I
want
to
learn
from
the
best
of
the
best.
And,
and
I
know
about
how
to
do
this
and
I
know
how
to
do
that.
I
know
how
to
do
the
other
thing.
And
the
master
says,
stop,
let's
have
a
cup
of
tea.
And
so
the
master
says,
why
don't
you
pour
the
tea
and
stop
when
I
tell
you
to?
And
the
guy
starts
pouring
the
tea
and
the
cup
gets
full
and
it's
getting
full
and
it's
getting
fuller
and
fuller
and
fuller.
And
then
all
of
a
sudden
the
tea
starts
pouring
out.
The
tea
is
pouring
all
over
the
floor
and
running
down
the
table
and
running
the
floor.
And
finally,
the
guy
goes,
what
are
you
doing?
And
it's
the
exact
opposite
of
the
parable
that
Mark
shared.
If
you're
so
full
of
knowledge
and
information,
where
are
we
going
to
put
anything
new?
Your
vessels
already
full.
When
it's
time
to
rewrite
inventory,
guess
what?
Your
vessel
is
already
full.
Your
ego
has
rebuilt.
Second
step
proposition
is
an
opportunity
to
tear
down
and
build
again
on
the
firm
bedrock
of
step
one,
which
is
the
foundation
of
willingness.
You
have
to
be
willing
to
go
through
this
process,
and
us
talking
until
we're
blue
in
the
face
will
do
you
absolutely
no
good.
I
could
impart
all
my
knowledge
to
you.
Hell,
I
got
it
all
in
compact
disc.
You
want
all
this
stuff?
I'll
cut
you
a
compact
disc
of
it
and
you
know
what
it's
going
to
do?
You
squat.
Not
a
damn
thing
unless
you
take
the
actions
first.
You
have
to
accept,
and
this
works
for
anything.
You
must
accept.
Then
you
must
take
action.
And
then
comes
the
serenity
and
the
Peace
of
Mind.
It
has
to
be
in
that
order.
You
have
to
accept
that
you're
powerless
over
alcohol,
slapped
with
the
hopelessness,
Then
you
have
to
take
action.
Remember
I
told
you
I
was
big
on
homework,
but
I'd
like
each
and
every
person
to
do
tonight
is
take
the
second
step
proposition.
If
God
is
everything
or
he's
nothing,
what
is
your
choice
to
be?
If
God
is
everything,
you
think
they
really
meant
that
everything?
Well,
if
he's
everything,
guess
what
that
means?
You
got
to
give
God
everything.
You
don't
get
to
keep
anything,
nothing,
absolutely
nothing.
So
use
what
I
call
the
tornado
exercise
When
you're
doing
your
meditation,
either
tonight
or
tomorrow
morning,
sit
down
and
start
the
spiral
of
the
tornado.
And
who's
the
tornado
going
to
hit?
The
people
closest
to
you?
Your
husband,
your
wife,
your
kids,
your,
your,
your
roommates,
your
family,
your
mom,
your
dad
and
just
spiral
the
tornado
outlook
at
every
single
relationship
in
your
life.
And
look
at
your
job,
look
at
your
your
physical
health,
your
mental
health,
your
12
steps,
your
conscious
contact
with
God.
And
ask
yourself
two
questions.
What
have
I
not
given
to
God
or
what
have
I
been
unwilling
to
give
to
God
at
this
point?
What
am
I
not
willing
to
give
Him
and
or
what
have
I
not
given
Him?
In
other
words,
what
have
you
taken
and
write
that
stuff
out
and
don't
worry
if
you
don't.
There's
a
whole
bunch
of
pages
from
5
on
is
a
second
step
proposition
exercise.
Write
out
and
look
at
your
agnosticism.
We
all
walked
in
the
doors
of
a
A
and
said,
you
know
what?
I
just
want
God
to
Get
Me
Out
of
the
gutter
and
get
me
sober.
That's
all
I
want.
And
at
the
time
we
meant
it.
That's
all
we
wanted.
Just
give
me
sobriety.
Well,
guess
what?
God's
got
you
good
sobriety
right
now.
Whatever
you
got,
it's
all
you
got,
so
you
better
say
it's
good
sobriety.
But
do
you
believe
that
however
good
your
sobriety
is
now,
you're
not
in
the
gutter
anymore?
Can
he
take
you
even
further?
As
good
as
my
sobriety
is,
I
have
to
believe
that
God
can
take
me
because
he's
God,
He's
everything,
right?
He's
all
powerful.
So
look
at
what
you're
holding
on
to.
That
new
business
that
you
don't
want
to
give
to
God,
that
new
relationship,
your
finances.
You
know,
I'll
give
God
my
sobriety,
I'll
give
him
my
spirituality,
but
I'm
going
to,
this
is
my
job
and
my
career
over
here.
Or
is
it
a
relationship?
What
is
it
that
you're
holding
on
to?
Because
you
don't
get
to
hold
on
anything.
You
have
to
give
God
everything.
And
we'll,
we'll
work
with
that
more
tomorrow
lastly,
and
I'm
going
to
shut
up
and
we
can
go
and
go
home.
We
talked
a
little
bit
in
here
about
making
you
guys
uncomfortable.
I
this
is
not
a
game.
This
is
life
and
death.
And
when
I
work
with
somebody,
I
treat
them
like
I
have
their
life
in
my
hands
because
I
do.
Literally,
I've
gone
in
and
Mark
and
Mark
and
I,
we
have
gone
in
to
the
depths
of
your
soul
and
we've
opened,
started
to
open
the
box.
Be
very
conscious
of
that
when
you
leave
here
tonight.
We've
touched
things
and
as
hard
as
you
didn't
want
us
to
touch
them,
trust
me,
we
touch
things.
So
don't
be
surprised
if
tonight
you
have
drunk
dreams.
Don't
be
surprised
if
you
have
bizarre
dreams,
you
know,
you
know,
murdering
people
and
stuff.
Let
it
be.
All
I'm
serious,
all
it
is,
is
that
I've
gone
in
and
I've
touched
some
of
the
webbing
that's
on
top
of
your
golf
ball.
We've
touched
some
of
that
webbing.
The
kernel
in
there
is
trying
to
get
out,
but
it
has
to
get
out
through
all
that
negative
stuff.
Remember
that
God
is
going
to
keep
us
safe
and
protected.
The
last
thing
I'm
going
to
do
tonight
is
say
a
prayer,
but
keep
conscious
of
that.
Your
reliance
is
not
on
us,
it's
on
God,
and
we
need
to
be
connected
to
God.
God
will
keep
us
safe
and
protected.
All
right,
be
where
your
feet
are.
If
you're
in
the
car,
be
in
the
car.
If
you're
at
home,
be
at
home.
Don't
worry
about
it
when,
whatever
happens
between
now
and
tomorrow,
when
you
guys
come
back
here,
realize
that
God
is
with
you
because
we
talked
about
it
tonight.
No
matter
where
you
go,
God
is
deep
down
in
each
and
every
one
of
us
and
your
reliance
has
to
be
there.
So
let's
start
with
that
as
our
exercise.
Let's
write
out
each
of
us.
I'm
going
to
go
home
and
do
it
tonight
in
the
hotel.
I'm
going
to
go
right
out
the
areas
that
I've
been
unwilling
to
give
to
God
or
I
have
not
given
to
God.
That's
it.
That's
the
end
of
that
exercise
in
the
morning
when
you're
meditating,
your
meditation,
if
you
want
to
have
a
change
and
it's
a
challenge.
I'm
throwing
the
gauntlet
down.
Pray
for
the
stuff
on
page
16.
The
bold
letters
ask
God
to
bring
that
into
your
life,
and
in
three
days
I
guarantee
you
will
be
a
changed
person.
You'll
start
to
feel
that
child
coming
out
inside
of
you.
Since
I
brought
us
in
with
prayer,
why
don't
you
take
us
out
with
prayer?
I
think
I'll
take
us
out.
I've
been
one
of
the
practices
I've
been
working.
How
many
of
you
you've
seen
the
the
little
prayer
book
of
Jabez?
Some
of
you
seen
that,
the
prayer
of
Jabez.
OK,
well,
I'm
going
to
I'll
close
with
this.
I'll
close
with
this
prayer,
but
I'm
going
to
paraphrase
probably
a
little,
but
the
prayer
is
oh,
Heavenly
Father,
we
ask
that
you
bless
us
indeed,
and
that
you
enlarge
our
territory.
And
Heavenly
Father,
we
ask
that
your
hand
always
be
with
us
and
that
you
keep
us
for
me
will
so
that
we
cause
no
pain
as
we
go
out
our
ways
tonight.
Father,
let
us
keep
you
ever
close
to
our
heart,
keep
us
safe
and
protected,
and
then
give
us
the
strength
and
courage
to
come
back
tomorrow
to
experience
more
of
you.
Amen.
What
time
tomorrow
you
want
to
do?
A
couple
announcements
here?
Why
did
you
have
the
dream?
If
you're
having
a
dream
like
you
had
last
night,
if
you
had
an
unusual
restless
sleep
last
night,
there's
a
reason
for
that.
Mark
and
I
have
started
to
touch
you.
We
are
going
down
into
your
soul,
into
that
box
that
you've
hidden
from
everybody
and
we've
started
to
crack
it
open.
We're
shining
a
little
bit
of
the
sunlight
of
the
spirit
into
there
and
that's
what's
it's
a
physical
manifestation
that's
coming
up
into
your
mind
and
that's
what
the
dream
is
about.
Your
soul
is
giving
you
a
message.
Remember
we
started
out
with
yesterday
and
start
to
ask
yourself
series
of
questions
you
know
will
always
question
everything.
Why
am
I
having
this
experience?
There's
a
reason
you're
having
this
experience.
God's
talking
to
you.
There's
something
inside
you
that's
restless,
irritable,
and
discontent.
Let's
shine
the
sunlight
on
it
and
get
rid
of
it
so
we
can
find
our
way
back
to
God.
So
wonderful,
wonderful
deal
yesterday
I
left
off
on
#10I
always
like
to
start
with
a
bit
of
humor
in
case
you
weren't
here.
These
things
are.
You
may
have
a
drinking
problem
if.
#11
The
parking
lot
seems
to
have
moved
since
you
were
in
the
bar
#12
Every
woman
you
see
has
an
exact
twin.
13
You
fall
off
the
floor.
14
Your
twin
sons
are
both
named
Barley
and
Hops.
And
15
Hey,
5
beers
has
just
as
many
calories
as
a
burger.
Screw
dinner.
Anybody
ever
drink
their
dinner?
16
The
glass
keeps
missing
your
mouth.
17
The
president
starts
to
make
sense.
18
Vampires
and
mosquitoes
catch
a
buzz
after
attacking
you.
19
At
8
meetings
you
begin
with
Hi,
my
name
is
20.
Your
idea
of
cutting
back
means
less
salt.
So
life
ought
to
be
fun.
If
we
can't
laugh,
we
can't,
we
can't
truly
express
our
spirit.
Our
spirit,
That
little
child
that
I
was
talking
about
yesterday
is,
is
love.
And
it's,
it's
deep
within
us.
And
that's
the
goal
here
is
to
get
down
to
that
so
that
we
can
radiate
that.
And
what
you
radiate
radiates
right
back
at
you.
It's,
it's
a
neat,
neat
thing
once
you
start
doing
that.
There's
been
a
break
in
our
continuity
since
yet
from
yesterday
to
today.
And
we
are
a
spiritual
body.
So
why
don't
we
start
out
the
way
we
should
and
get
quiet
and
get
rid
of
the
oh,
I
wish
I
had
more
time
for
one
more
bagel
or,
you
know,
I
wish
that
pothole.
What's
that?
What
did
that
do
to
my
friend
in
alignment
on
the
way
over
here
and,
and
that
kind
of
stuff.
Let's
clear
the
clear
our
minds
and
try
to
get
in
touch
and
we'll
just
do
a
real
quick
meditation.
And
then
since
I
started
this
off
yesterday,
we'll
ask
Mark
to
bring
us
in
with
a
prayer
and
then
and
then
I'll
jump
back
into
into
where
we
left
off
with
your
homework
assignment.
Our
Heavenly
Father,
we
thank
you
for
bringing
us
together
and
fellowship
and
love
and
help
us
to
remember
as
we
go
through
the
stay
Father,
that
albeit
we
have
come
to
you
and
seems
to
be
as
individuals
for
these
purposes
today
that
we
are
a
spiritual
body
and
that
we
are
one.
Help
us
to
wake
up
to
the
consciousness
with
which
we
left
here
last
night,
which
is
we
had
an
experience
with
our
first
step
in
our
need
for
power
and
this
idea
of
father
and
the
second
step
that
you're
going
to
be
our
solution
in
leaving
here
sitting
with
the
idea
of
are
you
going
to
be
everything
in
our
life
Having
us
look
at
some
areas,
Father,
in
which
it's
obvious
that
you're
not
everything
in
our
life.
Happiness
to
identify
those
things
to
ultimately
face
and
be
rid
of
that
which
has
this
blunt.
I'd
like
to
say
the
prayer
of
Jabez.
O
Heavenly
Father,
we
pray
that
you
would
bless
us
all
indeed,
and
enlarge
our
territory,
that
your
hand
would
always
be
with
us,
and
that
you
would
keep
us
from
evil
so
that
we
may
not
cause
pain.
Amen.
Thank
you,
Mary.
Remember
the
requirements
for
this
workshop.
By
the
way,
I
have
to
wear
a
hat.
The
sun's
killing
me.
We
need
to
have
an
open
mind
and
an
open
heart
so
that
guy
can
speak
to
us
and
and
and
touch
that
part
of
us
that
our
ego
is
absolutely
desperately
not
wanting
us
to
touch.
And
I'd
like
to
read
something.
This
is
comes
from
Doctor
Bob.
It's
called
cultivating
tolerance.
It
was
from
the
1944
A
Grapevine
since
during
nine
years
in
AAI
have
observed
that
those
who
follow
Alcoholics
Anonymous
program
with
the
greatest
earnestness
in
zeal
not
only
maintain
sobriety
but
often
acquire
finer
characteristics
and
attitudes
as
well.
One
of
these
is
tolerance.
Tolerance
expresses
itself
in
a
variety
of
ways,
in
kindness
and
consideration
towards
the
man
or
woman
who
is
just
beginning
the
March
along
the
spiritual
path,
in
the
understanding
of
those
who
perhaps
have
been
less
fortunate
in
education
advantages,
and
in
sympathy
towards
those
whose
religious
ideas
may
seem
to
be
of
great
variance
with
our
own.
I
am
reminded
in
this
connection
of
the
picture
of
a
hub
with
his
radiant
spokes.
We
all
start
at
the
outer
circumference
and
approach
our
destination
by
one
of
many
routes.
To
say
that
one
spoke
is
much
better
than
all
the
other
spokes
is
true
only
in
the
sense
that
is
being
best
suited
to
you
as
an
individual.
Human
nature
is
such
that
without
some
degree
of
tolerance,
each
one
of
us
might
be
inclined
to
believe
that
we
have
found
the
best
or
perhaps
the
shortest
spoke.
Without
some
tolerance,
we
might
tend
to
become
a
bit
smug
or
superior,
which
of
course
is
not
helpful
to
the
person
you're
trying
to
help
and
may
be
quite
painful
or
obnoxious
to
others.
No
one
of
us
wishes
to
do
anything
that
might
act
as
a
deterrent
to
the
advancement
of
another,
and
a
patronizing
attitude
can
readily
slow
up
this
process.
Tolerance
furnishes
furnishes
as
a
byproduct
a
greater
freedom
from
the
tendency
to
cling
to
preconceived
ideas
and
to
stubbornly
adhere
to
opinions.
In
other
words,
it
often
promotes
an
open
mindedness
with
vast
important
importance.
It
is,
in
fact,
a
prerequisite
to
the
successful
termination
of
any
line
of
search,
whether
it
be
scientific
or
spiritual.
These,
then,
are
a
few
of
the
reasons
why
I
attempt
to
acquire
tolerance,
and
that
it
may
be
made
by
each
one
of
us.
We
need
to
have
an
open
mind
if
we're
going
to
have
a
new
experience.
And
what
did
I
leave
you
with
last
night?
I
left
you
with
two
things.
One,
that
was
a
challenge
to
see
if
you'd
pray
and
meditate
the
some
of
the
principles
from
the
Lost
lost
chapters.
Some
people
having
a
profound
effect
with
that
right
off
the
bat.
Most
everybody,
the
first
time
they
see
that
they
kind
of
go,
this
is
in
the
big
book.
And
then
they
realized
there
is
a
hell
of
a
lot
more
principles
in
this
book
that
we're
supposed
to
be
working
than
just
12
steps.
It's
loaded
with
principles,
none
of
which
we
can
perfectly
attain.
The
neat
thing
is
that
if
we
strive
towards
them,
we
have
these
unbelievable
experiences
and
it
confirms
for
each
one
of
us
that
we're
on
the
right
path.
I
had
a
conversation
this
morning
with
a
woman
and
she
was
talking
to
me
about
sponsorship.
And
she
said,
you
know,
I'm
hearing
so
many
conflicting
messages
in
NA
and
she's
she's,
you
could
just
see
the
confusion
on
her
face.
And
I
asked
her
a
question,
which
I
think
startled
her.
I
said,
well,
does
it
work?
Do
the
messages
you're
hearing
work?
And
she
got
this
look
on
her
face
and
she
said,
well,
well,
no.
And
I
said,
well,
they
know
those
messages.
True.
And
you
could
see
her
ego,
it
grabbed
a
hold
of
it
and
it
didn't
want
to
let
go
of.
Well,
maybe
it's
true,
maybe
it's
not
then
what
I'm
going
to
grab
ahold
of.
And
she
said,
well,
I
guess
it's
not
true.
If
it
doesn't
work,
it
can't
be
true.
And
I
said,
great,
well,
what
about
the
message
you're
hearing
this
weekend?
We're
not
asking
you
to
believe
something.
We're
asking
you
to
do
something.
We're
asking
you
to
take
an
action.
Remember
acceptance
action.
And
then
you
get
the
outcome
that
we
need.
It
has
to
be
in
that
order.
You
have
to
accept
the
fact
that
maybe
there's
a
chance
that
you're
missing
something.
Start
with
that
as
your
premise
because
how
do
you
know
what
you
don't
take
an
action
and
see
what
the
results
are
and
then
look
back
on
it.
And
is
what
Mark
and
Dave
shared
is
that
true?
Are
we
telling
the
truth
up
here?
You
won't
know
unless
you
try
it.
If
you
just
sit
out
there
and
listen
and
go.
That's
an
interesting
theory.
I
wonder
if
I
should
try
that.
Well,
I'll
do
that
next
week,
you
know,
or
when
the
next
time
I
go
through
inventory,
maybe
I'll
try
it
their
way.
You've
missed
the
mark.
We
haven't
touched
you
in
the
way
that
you
need
to
be
touched.
The
only
way
that
I
can
be
of
any
service
to
you,
real
service,
is
if
I
can
then
spur
you
on
to
do
what
we're
talking
about.
All
right.
Second
piece
that
I
left
you
with
was
the
homework
assignment,
and
that
was
the
beginning
of
the
second
step
proposition,
which
the
whole
second
step
proposition
is
in
the
guide.
It
starts
on
page
5
and
I
don't
know
if
you've
had
a
chance
to
read
it.
Like
most
Alcoholics,
we
don't
want
to
read
directions,
we
just
want
to
go
attempt
things.
I
would
highly
encourage
you
to
go
and
read
the
three
pages
sometime
today
so
you
truly
understand
the
foundation
of
where
the
second
step
proposition
exercise
came
from
and
and
the
true
meaning
of
it.
I
started
doing
this
myself
at
about
17
years
sober,
formally
doing
the
second
step
proposition
exercise.
I
started
having
some
very
unusual
experiences
with
it
and
I
was
very
slow
with
this
exercise
to
give
it
to
my
sponsees
and
every
single
one
of
them
that
I've
given
this
exercise
to
has
had
an
absolute
profound
effect
with
this
exercise.
This
has
been
one
of
the
in
the
last
three
years.
I
would
say
this
has
been
one
of
the
most
valuable
tools
for
me
in
my
sobriety
is
this
exercise.
I
can't
emphasize
it
enough.
If
your
long
term
sober
and
you're
having
any
problems
in
any
of
your
area
of
your
life,
I
think
this
will
be
the
deal
for
you.
I'm
going
to
hang
my
hat
on
that
deal.
All
right.
What
you
end
up
with
when
you're
done
with
this
exercise
is
a
three
by
five
card
that
you
can
carry
with
you.
And
we're
going
to
be
talking
on
later
on
about
watching.
And
if
you
can
watch
what's
going
on
and
all
of
a
sudden
you
realize
sometime
during
your
day
that
your
restless,
irritable
discontent,
by
doing
the
second
step
proposition
exercise,
you'll
have
done
the
spiritual
work
at
a
moment
of
serenity.
So
when
you're
feeling
the
angst
and
the
anger
and
the
resentment,
the
agitation,
all
you
have
to
do
is
slam
on
the
brakes
and
do
what
the
book
says,
Turn
to
God,
whip
out
your
card
and
look
at
it
because
you've
already
done
all
the
homework.
It's
all
right
here.
And
there's
a
clear
cut
set
of
directions.
You
don't
need
to
run
to
your
sponsor,
you
know,
call
up,
pick
up
the
telephone.
You
can
go
to
the
bathroom,
whip
out
the
card,
do
what
it
says
on
the
card,
and
get
right
back
into
the
spiritual
groove
in
30
seconds,
a
minute
at
the
most,
and
start
heading
down
the
path
towards
getting
reclaiming
your
connection,
conscious
contact
with
God.
Here's
my
experience
with
it.
I
just
did
this
exercise
formally
after
I
did
the
inventory
with
Mark
like
3
weeks
ago,
four
weeks
ago.
And
actually
whatever,
however
long
it
was
very
recently,
you
know,
so
I
gave
you
guys
that
exercise
last
night
and
I
went
home
back
to
my
hotel
room
and
I
said
I
did
my
meditation.
He
did
a
quiet
hour
afterwards
because
I
always
do
a
quiet
hour
afterwards.
I
do,
I
need
to
do
step
work
of
any
kind,
even
one
of
these
workshops.
And
I'm
weeping
and
I'm
having
this
wonderful
experience
and
I'm
thanking
God
from
the
bottom
of
my
heart
that
I
know
him
better.
And
that
thought
pops
into
my
head.
Second
step
proposition
exercise.
And
my
ego
immediately
runs
out
and
grabs
a
hold
of
that
and
says,
you
just
did
it.
Go
to
bed
and
I
said,
wait
a
minute,
slam
on
the
brakes.
I
recognize
my
character.
There
it
was.
I
saw
the
the
defect.
He
said,
I'll
sit
down.
I
wrote
out
I
meditated
and
nothing
was
coming
to
me
in
meditation.
So
I
wrote
out
four
things,
I
think.
And
I
got
up
this
morning
and
I
went
into
meditation
this
morning
and
I
took
a
look
at
what
I'd
written
last
night
and
I
could
see
that
it
was
completely
a
manifestation
of
my
ego.
I
was
trying
to
force
something
onto
the
piece
of
paper.
And
I
went
into,
in
a
piece
of
period
of
serenity
coming
out
of
meditation
and
wrote
it
down.
I
came
up
with
five
areas.
If
you
had
asked
me
walking
into
this
workshop
yesterday
had
any
areas
that
I
had
not
given
to
God,
I
would
have
said
no
God,
He's
got
my
life.
The
reality
is
I
came
up
with
five
areas.
I
had
a
new
experience
last
night.
All
right,
So
what
do
you
do
with
the
areas
that
you
haven't
given
to
God
or
you're
unwilling
to
give
to
God?
Right.
You
draw
a
line
on
the
piece
of
paper.
And
if
you
look
on
page
seven
of
the
guide,
I
give
you
an
example.
You
ask
yourself
the
question,
why
am
I
afraid
to
give
these
areas
to
God?
And
you're
going
to
come
up
with
a
list
of
fears.
All
right,
you
noticed
I
numbered
them
one
to
15.
This
is
just
a
completely
fabricated
list,
but
there
they
are.
And
I
listed
those
down.
Once
you've
got
a
list
of
fears,
then
you
can
go
to
the
big
book
to
page
68
where
it
gives
us
the
fear
instruction.
At
the
bottom
of
phase
68,
it
says
we
ask
God
to
remove
the
fear.
And
everybody
stops
right
there.
They
say,
OK,
God,
please
remove
these
fears.
That
instruction
on
page
68
in
the
big
book
is
an
and
remember
I
said
you
get
a
language
exercise.
That
means
it's
conditional.
There's
two
pieces
for
that
statement
to
be
to
work.
You
have
to
ask
God
to
remove
the
fear,
but
you
also
have
to
ask
God
what
he
would
have
you
be,
not
what
he
would
have
you
do.
So
what
does
God
want?
Let's
look
at
the
career.
If
I'm
not
getting
what
I
want
in
my
career
and
I'm
not
getting
enough
money,
what
does
God
want
me
to
be
when
I'm
not
getting
what
I
want?
He
wants
me
to
great,
be
grateful
for
what
I
have.
He
wants
me
to
be
patient
and
faithful.
So
in
a
moment
of
serenity,
you
write
these
things
down
and
I
number
for
each
one
of
the
the
fears,
the
one
to
15
fears
I
have
one
to
15
on
the
backside
of
the
car
card
what
God
wants
me
to
be.
So
let's
say
I'm,
I'm
at
work
and
I
just
found
out
I
got
pressed
over
for
promotion.
That's
just
triggered
one
of
my
fears.
And
now
I'm
agitated
and
my
bosses
and
I
am
pissed
because
he
was
telling
me
that
oh,
you
don't
worry,
we'll
take
care
of
you
at
the
end
of
the
year
when
promotion
time
comes
around.
And
they
just
passed
me
over
and
I
got
bug
kiss.
I
didn't
get
a
diddly
squat
from
my
company.
All
right,
I'm
agitated,
I'm
discontented
and
all
of
a
sudden
I
recognize
it
and
say,
wait
a
minute,
you're
out
of
whack.
I
go
to
the
men's
room,
I
whip
out
my
3
by
5
card.
Which
area?
It's
career.
Which
fear
is
it?
It's
#2
I'm
not
getting
enough
money
in
a
So
I
asked
God
to
remove
that
fear.
God,
please
remove
my
fear
of
not
getting
enough
money.
Help
me
to
be
trusting
in
you.
And
then
I
look
over
on
the
backside
of
the
car
and
what
am
I
supposed
to
be?
I'm
supposed
to
be
grateful
for
what
I
have
and
be
patient
and
faithful.
And
I
ask
myself
the
question,
how
can
I
do
that
right
this
minute?
What
can
I
be?
I'm
supposed
to
be
of
service.
I
should
be
grateful
for
this
job.
Thank
God
I'm
not
in
the
gutter
anymore.
How
can
I
go
back?
And
I
walk
up
to
my
boss.
I
say
thank
you
for
being
so
honest.
I
know
that
was
hard
for
you
to
tell
me
I
got
passed
over.
I
really
appreciate
your
candor
and
your
friendship.
Besides
the
fact
that
you're
my
boss.
I
know
it's
really
got
to
suck
that
you
got
to
tell
me
I
didn't
get
a
promotion
this
year.
I
don't
hold
it
against
you.
And
I'm
going
to
make
a
commitment
to
you
that
I'm
going
to
be
the
best
possible
employee
I
can
be
that
I
can.
I'm
not
going
to
affect
my
job
and
I'm
not
going
to
go
get
angry
and
run
off
and
try
to
float
my
resume
because
I
they
weren't
treating
me
the
way
I
deserve
treated
type
deal.
All
right,
can
you
see
how
you've
just
shifted
your
ego
instead
of
the
hamster
getting
on
the
wheel
and
you
start
thinking
about
how
you're
going
to
get
even
with
your
company.
Now
you're
out
being
of
service
to
God
right
on
the
spot.
And
what
did
it
take?
It
took
consciousness
to
realize
that
you
were
off
the
spiritual
beam.
Most
of
us
in
sobriety
have
that,
but
we
recognize
we're
off
the
beam
and
we
think
to
ourselves,
our
ego
runs
in
and
says,
well,
we'll
take
care
of
that
in
a
few
minutes
because
we're
wallowing
in
the
messy
ball,
getting
a
miss
shape
and
pleasure
out
of
it.
We
really
enjoyed
that,
that
angst
and
being
that
agitated
because
justifies
all
those
feelings
and
all
the
inventory
that
we've
never
written
that
we
know
we
should
have
and
all
those
sort
of
things
that
are
bottled
up
inside
of
us.
We
let
it
get
out
a
little
bit
and
we
we
live
in
that.
We
do
a
few
character
defects.
We
hurt
a
few
people
knowing
full
well
that
we
can
go
back
and
clean
it
up
later
on.
That's
not
that
the
steel
is
about.
This
deal
is
trying
to
practice
these
principles.
If
I
can
recognize
them
off
the
base,
how
can
I
get
back
on
the
beam
to
get
back
connected
to
God?
For
me,
this
is
a
powerful,
powerful,
powerful
tool.
I've
been
using
it
on
a
regular
basis.
All
right,
there's
another
tool
that
I
use
that
that
I'll
talk
about
with
inventory.
When
we
start
talking
about
the
actual
fear
inventory.
It's
a
very
similar,
very
similar
tool
and
you'll
notice
my
3
by
5
card,
I
do
the
same
thing.
I
do
what
I
the
suggestions
I,
I
tell
you
guys
to
do.
It's
all
stuff
that
I'm
doing.
I
for
me,
this
works.
Don't
discount
this
unless
you've
tried
it.
If
you
try
it,
it
doesn't
work.
God
bless
you.
Go
with
God.
Sorry
it
didn't
work
for
you.
We'll
try
it
for
somebody
else,
but
the
people
that
I
know
that
do
this,
it
works
fantastically
and
it's
a
wonderful
deal.
So
I
just
wanted
to
kind
of
bring
you
guys
full
read
those
pages.
I
give
a
much
better
description
in
the
pages
and
I
talk
about
Harry
Tebow
in
there
I
think,
and
there's
there's
some
history
a
little
bit
in
there
sometime
before
the
end
of
this
weekend.
Do
yourself
the
favor
of
looking
at
that
and
your
homework
for
tonight
is
to
complete
your
your
second
step
proposition
exercise.
Draw
the
line
on
the
paper
right
at
the
top.
Why
am
I
afraid
to
give
this
to
God?
List
your
years
and
on
the
backside
of
the
paper,
write
out
what
God
wants
you
to
be
and
then
when
you
get
home,
transpose
all
that
under
3
by
5
card
and
carry
it
with
you
and
try
it
for
a
couple
weeks
and
see
if
it
works
for
you.
Now
I'm
going
to
kick
it
back
over
to
Mark
and
he's
going
to
take
you
through
a
guided
meditation
on
this
to
see
how
does
this
apply?
How
does
Step
2
apply
to
10:00
and
11:00?
How
can
you
connect
this
deal
together?
We
were
left
with
the
idea
on
page
53
of
looking
at
her
second
step
about
when
we
become
Alcoholics.
Crushed
by
a
self-imposed
crisis
we
could
not
postpone
or
evade.
We
had
to
fearlessly
face
the
proposition
either
God
is
everything
or
he's
nothing.
God
either
is
or
he
isn't.
What
is
our
choice
to
be
and
we
looked
at
I,
I,
I
ask
each
of
you
to
consider
the
fact
that
you
might
have
some
current
agnosticism
going
on
last
night.
And
so
I
went
back
to
the
room
and
I
sat
down
and
and
got
quiet
and
got
into
some
prayer
and
some
things
rolled
off
my
pin
about
one
areas
of
my
life
have
not
given
obvious.
You
have
seen
me
out
there
in
the
smoke
break.
So,
so
that
one
is
is
a
no
brainer.
So
I
have
not
been
willing
to
give
smoking
to
God.
So
that
shows
up
in
the
list.
Last
night.
I
realized
that
there's
still
areas
in
which
at
times
I
will
experience
financial
fears.
So
financial
fears
went
on
my
list
last
night.
It
appears
to
me
that
there's
going
to
be
some
changes
in
my
lifestyle
and
I
had
to
put
that
on
there.
So
those
were
the,
the
three
major
things
that
I,
that
I
wrote
out
on
that
list
that
I
might
through
a
course
of
action.
It
was
obvious
to
me
that
I
had
either
not
given
to
God
because
I
was
asleep
or
perhaps
was
unwilling
to
because
of
my
selfishness.
And
so
I
put
those
down
and
then
I
went
ahead
and,
and,
and
I
did
the
second
part
of
this
as
well.
Why?
Why
have
you
been
willing
to
give
this
to
God?
And
there's
a
long
list
of
reasons,
of
course,
why
you
know,
they
may
be
a
little
different,
but
it's
everything
from
pain
to
the
unknown
to
more
often
than
not,
for
me,
it's
always
the
unknown.
And
then
more
often
than
not
that
puts
me
back
into
self-reliance.
So
then
I
just
stay
like
the
rat
in
the
maze.
Nothing
happens.
Then
the
third
part
of
that
is,
you
know,
what
would
God
have
me
be?
And
then
I
wrote
that
out.
So
we
talked
earlier
about
when
you
get
to
the
10
step,
it
says
you've
entered
the
world
of
the
Spirit.
And
what
I
want
to
show
you
all
is
everything
we're
doing
here
this
weekend.
And
every
step
really
is
incorporated
in
the
spiritual
dimension
of
the
10th
and
11th
step.
So
I
want
you
to
open
your
big
book
up
to
the
10th
step
on
page
84.
And
I
want
you
to
show,
I
want
to
show
you
what
I
did
this
morning
in
meditation
with
the
things
that
I'd
realized.
And
then
I'm
going
to
do
a
guided
meditation
because
every
one
of
us
in
this
room,
if
we
take
the
areas.
Right
now
of
our
life
in
which
we're
experiencing
fear
or
we're
not
at
peace
or
we're
having
difficulties,
we
everyone
of
us
share
all
these
areas
in
common,
from
our
physical
body
to
our
relationships
with
others,
to
financial
to
you
name
it.
And
I
want
to
do
a
guided
meditation
with
you
this
morning
on,
on
what
how
I
did
that,
but
I
draw
your
attention
to
84.
Basically
what
what
we
did
was
we
went
to
an
exercise
and
we
watched
for
his
selfishness,
dishonesty,
resentment
and
fear,
right?
And
at
the
bottom
of
the
page,
here's
how
I
begin
to
work
with
this.
Here's
how
I
use
the
tools
and
the
power
of
the
10
step
to
identify
what
what
I
just
went
over
with
you
says
I've
ceased
fighting
anything
or
anyone
Dash,
even
alcohol.
By
the
time
you
get
to
this
step.
This
is
about
a
lot
more
than
just
so
I'm
going
to
cease
fighting.
The
fact
that
I'm
still
smoking,
that
I
have
financial
and
that
I'm
going
to
probably
have
a
change
in
my
lifestyle.
I'm
not
going
to
fight
that
anymore
because
there's
a
spiritual
law.
The
spiritual
law
is
what
I
resist
persists
that
which
I
fear
has
come
upon
me,
which
is
why
in
the
10
step
it
says,
Mark,
cease
fighting
because
if
you're
fighting,
you're
unwilling
to
accept
what
is.
It
says
by
this
time
sanity
will
have
returned.
It
is
insane
to
resist
what
is
including
your
fears.
You
understand
what
I
just
said.
Sanity
stands
for
soundness
of
mind.
It
is
insane
to
resist
what
is
including
the
fears
that
you
have
identified
and
then
it
goes
into
liquor
with
us
here,
we'll
seldom
be
interested
in
liquor
If
tempted,
I'm
going
to
recoils
from
a
hot
plain.
I'm
going
to
be
react
seenly
and
normally.
Anything
that
you
wrote
that
you
were
unwilling
to
give
up,
that
you
have
not
given
up
to
God.
You
can
plug
in
where
it
says
liquor.
I
can
begin
to
react
sanely
normally,
and
this
can
happen
to
me
automatically.
I'll
be
given
a
new
attitude
toward
what?
Toward
money,
toward
relationships,
toward
career,
toward
my
body
with
no
thought
or
effort.
It
will
come.
That
is
the
miracle.
I
will
get
placed
into
position,
neutrality
safe
and
protected
because
the
problem
has
been
removed.
The
problem
will
not
exist
for
and
I
am
neither
cocking
nor
am
I
afraid.
That
is
my
experience.
That
is
how
I
react
so
long
as
I
keep
in
fit
spiritual
condition.
Early
on,
our
big
book
said
that
spiritual
principles
would
solve
all
of
our
problems
in
fit
spiritual
condition.
Once
I
identify
what
it
is
that
I
have
not
been
willing
to
give
to
God
and
I
gave
you
some
tools
to
look
at
that
yesterday.
If
you
got
fear
going
on
in
any
year
of
your
life,
that's
an
area
of
your
life
you've
been
unwilling
to
give
to
God.
And
then
the
second
question
we
were
posed
with
is,
OK,
it's
obvious
I
haven't
been
willing
to
give
that
to
God
or,
or
I
maybe
I
was
asleep
to
the
fact
that
it
was
even
going
on.
And
it's
saying
that
we
can
get
restored
to
sanity
around
all
of
these
things,
any
of
these
pieces
that
you
are
either
unwilling
to
give
to
God
or
just
haven't
given
to
God,
albeit
your
career
or
your
finances
or
money
or
your
physical
health
or
relationships
or
anything
else
which
is
not
under
God's
umbrella,
in
which
God
is
not
everything
in
your
life.
Because
here's
what
we're
going
to
do
if
you,
if
you,
if
we
have
not
placed
everything,
and
I
mean
everything
in
the
hands
and,
and
the
direction
and
guidance
of
God,
then
I'm
going
to
turn
and
rely
on
self.
And
then
that
means
in
that
area
of
my
life,
I'm
paralyzed
with
fear
all
day
long
and
I
cannot
be
useful
to
you.
And
it's
about
my
agnosticism.
So
that's
how
you
begin
to
this
10th
and
11th
step
to
get
present,
to
have
conscious
contact,
to
get
back
on
the
beam
or
whatever
you
want
to
do
it
to,
to
realize
that
really
the
first
nine
steps,
ladies
and
gentlemen,
are
simply
designed
to
allow
you
to
experience
the
4th
dimension
of
existence,
to
grow
an
understanding
and
effectiveness
and
use
those
tools
the
rest
of
your
life
on
a
daily
basis,
minute
by
minute
by
minute.
You
know
that
the
deal
in
a
is
not
the
first
nine
steps.
It's
the
steps
1011
and
12
to
live
in
that
dimension,
see,
to
go
through
life
within
a
weakened
spirit.
And
now
I
want
to.
I
want
you
all
to
put
your
feet
on
the
floor
and
I
want
you
to
close
your
eyes
and
I'm
going
to
do
a
guided
meditation
with
you.
All
that
I
did
this
morning
with
with
myself
that
I
felt
led
to
to
do
with
you.
And
as
I
do
this,
let's
all
remember
that
that
we
are
a
spiritual
body
and,
and
that
that
we
are
one.
Heavenly
Father,
I,
we
come
to
you
this
morning
in,
in
fellowship
and
love
and,
and
we
come
to
you,
Father,
knowing
that
there's
nothing
but
oneness
in
this
room.
And
we
come
to
you,
Father,
having
looked
at
things
in
which
we
have
not
made
you
everything
in,
in
our
life
or
things
in
which,
Father,
we
have
been
willing
to
give
up.
And
for
every
one
of
us
in
this
room,
Father,
all
of
these
things
seem
to
be
there.
We
all
have
some
problems
going
on
with
our
physical
health,
Father,
whether
it's
smoking
or
nutrition
or
cholesterol
or
anything
else.
And
for
whatever
reason,
we
ask
that
you
will
forgive
us
for
our
unwillingness
to
either
give
that
to
you
or
to
trust
that
you'll
give
us
a
course
of
action
to
do
something
about
that,
Father,
in
terms
of
our
careers
and
jobs,
Father,
we
seem
to
have
at
times
fears
and
insecurities
about
that
and
whether
it's
our
capacity
to
perform
that
job
or
whether
I
should
be
in
that
job,
Father.
And
again,
I
ask
that
you
forgive
me
for
my
agnosticism
in
this
area
and
knowing
full
well
that
I'm
your
child,
that
you
will
always
provide
and
care
for
me.
Father,
in
all
my
personal
relationships
with
significant
other,
with
everyone
I
come
in
contact
with.
Father,
I
ask
that
you
forgive
me
for
any
of
my
fears
and
selfishness
in
those
dealings
with
those
people.
And
I
asked
Father
that
you
helped
me
be
willing
to
turn
all
of
those
relationships
over
to
your
love
and
to
Your
care
and
into
Your
direction.
We
asked
last
Father
in
the
area
of
our
spiritual
life
that
we
lose
any
fears,
Father,
where
it
is
that
you
might
take
us
and
what
you
might
have
us
be
bothered
to
be
Your
child.
To
understand
that
we're
like
that
2
year
old
child
who
has
complete
faith
and
complete
trust,
never
questions
that
it's
going
to
be
fed
or
clothed
or
provided
for,
loved
or
nurtured,
and
just
enjoys
the
fullness
of
life.
And
we
know
Father,
that
you
can
forgive
us
for
the
times
that
we
have
fallen
asleep
in
this
last
few
months
in
the
areas
in
which
we
have
relied
on
self.
And
we
truly
ask
that
You
open
our
hearts
up
to
Your
love,
for
we
know
that
Your
room
has
many
mansions
which
you
are
always
trying
to
give
us
and
which
we
continually
block
off
Father,
Father,
I
ask
today
as
we
go
through
this
day,
that
everyone's
hearts
in
here
be
touched
by
your
deep,
deep
love
and
that
they
know
that
You
are
there
for
them
in
every
single
area
of
their
life.
That
all
their
fear
can
be
taken
away
and
dissipate.
We
ask
this
in
Jesus
name,
Amen.
Mark
spoke
of
the
two
year
old
child.
You
guys
haven't
figured
it
out.
I'm
real
big
on
that,
that
little
child
that's
within.
And
remember
I
said
yesterday
that
I
love
watching
little
kids
and
they
love
everything
unconditionally.
But
one
of
the
other
things
that
you
see
from
the
little
kids
is
everything
is
exciting.
Everything
is
a
new
experience.
They
are
change.
They
embody
change.
They
embody
love
and
change.
So
what's
the
most
common
topic
in
Alcoholics
Anonymous
meetings?
Except
we
don't
like
change.
You
hear
that
all
the
time.
I
don't
like
change.
I
don't
like
change.
I
don't
like
change.
What
happened
from
the
two
year
old
child
to
the
however
old
you
are
child
that's
sitting
right
here
right
now.
Something
occurred
and
let
me
hopefully
I'll
have
a
little
shift
here.
It's
not
that
we
don't
like
change.
That
is
the
delusion.
Once
again,
Alcoholics
don't
have
denial,
they
have
delusion.
That's
the
delusion
that
our
ego
has
built.
It's
not
change
that
we're
afraid
of.
It's
the
resistance
to
the
change.
Our
problem
is
not
the
fact
that
we,
we,
we
don't
change.
Everything
changes.
Remember,
the
Wii
has
to
change.
Everything's
constantly
changing.
Our
problem
is
our
resistance
to
change,
because
if
we
don't
resist,
what's
going
to
happen?
We
don't
resist
the
change.
That
means
we
can't
be
in
control.
It's
our
attempt
at
control
that
we
don't
want
to
change.
But
if
I've
just
given
God
everything,
guess
what?
I
don't
get
a
vote
anymore.
My
sponsor,
my
first
sponsor,
made
me
right
where
I
would
see
it
every
day,
all
day.
What
I
want
does
not
matter
because
I
don't
have
a
vote.
I'm
done.
If
I've
given
God
everything,
it's
His
vote,
not
mine.
No
matter
what
happens,
whether
it's
my
health,
my
job,
my
career,
doesn't
matter.
You
know,
I'm
almost
20
years
sober.
And
if
you
look
at
the
dashboard
of
my
car,
right
on
the
speedometer,
it
says
what
I
want
does
not
matter.
So
when
little
Gray
hair
pulls
out
in
front
of
Maine
and
she's
doing
25
and
a
55,
and
I'm
getting
really
angry,
you
know,
and
I'm
blocked
in
behind
her
and
there's
a
cop
right
behind
me.
So
I
can't
pass
her
on
the
double
yellow,
can't
go
up
on
the
curb.
I
look
down
at
the
speedometer
at
my
next
glance
is
what
I
want
doesn't
matter.
And
I
go,
thank
you
God,
thank
you
for
giving
me
this
opportunity
to
spend
a
minute
with
you.
And
I
immediately
go
into
prayer
because
what
else
am
I
going
to
do?
I
can
sit
there
and
get
angry
and
frustrated
or
I
can
just
be
in
the
moment.
I
can
be
back
to
that
2
year
old
little
kid
and
saying
what
a
neat
opportunity.
You
know,
how
many
times
have
you
driven,
you
know,
you
drove
here.
Can
you
consciously
think
of
five
important
things
that
occurred
on
your
drive
over
here?
Or
were
you
driving
over
here
thinking
about
what's
going
to
happen
at
this
conference?
You
were
completely
asleep
to
what
was
going
on
in
the
car.
You
weren't
present.
You
weren't
awake.
You
were
just
going
to
the
deal,
you
know,
and
I
do
that.
I'm
guilty
of
it.
It
reminds
me
of
how
asleep
I
go
through
life.
If
I
can
get
back
into
tune
that
the
hamster's
back
on
the
wheel.
My
ego
is
constantly
trying
to
Get
Me
Out
of
the
present
moment.
The
second
step
proposition
is
a
powerful
way.
If
you
can
really
give
everything
to
God,
you
can
be
in
the
moment
'cause
you
have
nothing
else
to
fear.
You
know,
you
have
to
hinge
on
the
fact
that
God
is
everything
to
have
the
trust
and,
and
that
leads
us
down
to
where
we
are.
Yesterday,
we
before,
before
we
left,
the
guy
came
up
to
me
and
he
said,
he
said,
I'm
an
atheist.
He
said,
what
do
I
do
about
this?
And
I
said,
well,
you
having
any
troubles
in
your
life?
Are
you
having
any
areas
of
your
life
that
are
it's
not
working
for
you?
You're,
you're
feeling
a
little
bit
powerless.
And
he
said,
yes.
And
I
said,
well,
write
that
out.
If
he
can't
have
the
concept
of
God,
if
he
believes
that
there's
no
God.
I
remember
I
said
I
can
work
with
an
atheist
or
an
agnostic
if
that's
his
concept.
We'll
go
through
the
exercise.
We're
just
going
to
see
where
he's
powerless
and
do
the
exact
same
exercise.
And
eventually
he's
going
to
come
up
to
the,
to
the
realization
that
if
he's
powerless,
then
then
what?
Where
is
he
going
to
be?
And
in
God's
time,
he'll
figure
out
something.
You
know,
Doctor
Bob's
and
has
what
they
call
the
God
experiment.
Alcoholics
Anonymous
comes
of
age
page
59.
It
says,
I
know
you're
going
to
gag
on
this,
but
they
taught
me
that
I
should
try
to
pray
to
whatever
God
I
thought
there
was
for
the
power
to
carry
out
these
precepts.
And
if
I
did
not
believe
that
there
was
any
God,
then
I
had
better
try
the
experiment
of
praying
to
whatever
God
there
might
be.
If
you're
working
on
saying
this
from
a
12
step
perspective,
if
you
get
somebody
that's
atheist
or
agnostic,
have
them
do
the
exercise
for
the
areas
that
they
know
that
their
life
is
screwed
up
in.
And
then
have
them
just
go
through
and
do
the
God
experiment.
Remember
I
said
you
don't
have
to
believe
this
is
going
to
work.
Try
it
and
look
back
and
tell
me
whether
it
works
or
not.
Try
the
a
prayer,
even
if
it's
the
nothingness
to
a
vacuum.
You
don't
believe
there's
anything
out
there.
Try
it
and
see
what
happens.
God
loves
you
enough
that
something's
going
to
change
if
you
take
the
action.
That's
my
experience.
If
you
go
to
page
4
of
the
guide,
I
list
down
basically
the
pieces
that
you
need
for
Step
2,
the
four
requirements
for
spiritual
growth.
You
got
to
lay
aside
prejudice,
express
even
a
willingness
to
believe
in
a
power
greater
than
yourself,
earnestly
seek
God.
That's
the
third
requirement
to
commence
spiritual
growth.
And
that's
what
Mark
and
I
are
talking
about,
seeking
God,
right?
It's
in
the
process
of
seeking
that
the
change
happens.
The
first
thing
we
have
to
do,
remember
acceptance,
action,
result.
Except
the
fact
that
we're
powerless.
Step
one,
The
foundation
of
step
one
is
complete
willingness.
If
somebody's
not
willing,
then
you
can't
go
any
further
with
them.
You
see
that
all
the
time.
Alcoholics
run
up
to
me
all
the
time.
Dave,
Dave,
I
want
what
you
have.
Take
me
through
the
steps.
And
I
say,
are
you
willing?
And
they
say,
oh,
yeah,
I'm
willing,
Willie,
willing.
Remember
I
said
I'm
a
shoe
man.
I
say,
OK,
we'll
do
this.
If
if
his
actions
don't
dictate,
he
doesn't
do
it,
then
I
know
he's
not
willing.
And
I
say
go
with
God.
I'm
here
if
you
need
me.
When
you
hurt
bad
enough,
come
back
and
see
me.
You
know,
I
always
leave
the
door
open
ever,
ever
fire
response
E
There's
no
such
thing,
All
right?
We
are
here
to
be
of
service
for
God,
and
I
can't
give
him
something
I
don't
have.
If
he's
coming
to
me,
he
must
want
what
I
have.
So
I
have
to
tell
him
what
I
have.
This
is
what
I
got.
Do
you
want
it?
Are
you
completely
willing
to
do
whatever
it
is
that
I
do
to
get
what
I
have?
And
if
the
guy
has
willingness,
then
we
can
move
forward.
And
immediately
we
jump
right
into
Step
2
and
I'm
going
to
have
him
seeking
God.
Whether
he
believes
in
God
or
not,
I'm
going
to
have
him
seeking
it.
And
if
he
finds
a
God,
it
will
be
from
the
process
of
seeking.
So
whether
he
believes
in
God,
atheist,
agnostic
or
other,
get
him
seeking
and
see
what
happens
in
the
proof
of
the
pudding
is
in
the
eating,
as
my
grandmother
used
to
say.
How
well
does
the
recipe
work?
Take
a
bite
and
let's
see,
you
know?
So
then
you
have
the
cornerstone,
cornerstone
question.
Do
I
now
believe,
am
I
even
willing
to
believe
that
there's
a
power
greater
than
myself?
Then
we
talked
about
just
briefly,
the
three
barriers
to
spiritual
growth.
Obstinacy.
That's
the
mule
headedness
sensitive.
Whoever
said
Alcoholics
are
overly
sensitive?
We're
the
most
touchy,
you
know,
sensitive
emotionally.
People,
our
feelings
get
hurt
at
the
drop
of
a
hat.