Working with others at the Knights of Columbus meeting in Netcong, NJ

Our speaker from the South Sussex young people's meeting, Kathleen.

Wow. Thanks. Hi, I'm Kathleen. I'm an alcoholic. Hey, I am so happy to be here.

My sobriety anniversary is May 14th, 1987. I got the gift of sobriety very early in life and I'm truly grateful for that. Come next Tuesday, I will have 26 years of continuous sobriety and I'm 47 years old

and that is truly a miracle.

I have a Home group, I have a sponsor who has a sponsor and a grand sponsor. I have a support network. I sponsor women. I have commitments within my Home group of, of the Sparta S Sussex. And I see some of the guys that I know from there. And I, I have always found it especially important to have a,

a strong base in a, in Alcoholics Anonymous.

Before I continue with my story, I really need to share something. I I went to awake today,

two friends of mine who have been sober in a a for a long time, They're they're 23 year old son committed suicide and I went to his wake today and it is just absolutely jarring. He had been struggling with drugs and alcohol

and just couldn't quite get the program and took his own life on Saturday morning and it was just absolutely horrific. And I think the reason why it's hitting me so hard is because that could be me. That could have been

GAIL and Rick, could have been my parents from when I was when I was drinking and drugging. Or that could be me if my children had grown up in an alcoholic home or a, you know,

a home where there was active addiction and, and they haven't, um,

I, I don't know, I just, I feel so sad inside for those people. And, but what I can tell you is that the program of Alcoholics Anonymous is just a wonderful program because the amount of people there from a, a, at 2:00 this afternoon was just absolutely phenomenal. The, the show of support,

the, you know, that line that, that gentleman just read that we are folks who normally would not mix is especially true, especially with something like this.

I'll tell you a little bit about myself, what it was like, what happened and what it's like now. And, and you know, I, I really, really believe in the program of Alcoholics Anonymous. I took my first drink when I was eight years old And I, and I really think that that's why I was able to get sober at such a young age. My my dad was an active alcoholic and so he gave me my first drink.

My brother, my youngest brother had his own little wine glass, so drinking was very normal for us. We didn't know any differently.

So when I was looking to quiet that voice inside my head that never shut up and I found alcohol at 8, that did the trick. And that was my solution for many years.

I had always had a very depressive personality. I was never a happy kid. Once I found alcohol, that really didn't change. I was not a happy drunk. I was a miserable drunk. I was either crying on the on the curb or I was fighting

OK. Started getting into fistfights in like second and third grade. Didn't really look like the woman I look like now. I was not an especially calm person. I was always angry and alcohol helped me to calm down. It helped to calm that voice inside my head that was constantly going. It helped later in life for me to fit in with people who were just like me. And that's something that I was always

looking for, you know, I was always looking to fit in and to be with people that were just like me.

When I went to junior high, I had some especially tough times. I really wasn't getting along with people. I wasn't doing well in school. I was drinking a lot. And you know, I did do some non conference approved substances because growing up in Whippany, which is where I grew up, you know what, like ten, 11-12 years old, sometimes it was easier to get those things than it was to get alcohol.

Alcohol was always my first love though, and really my only love.

So when I went to when I went to junior high, I was pretty much a loner, you know? And when I started high school my freshman year, I did not have one single friend, OK? I ate lunch by myself. I didn't talk to a soul. I didn't go out in the evening. I drank by myself and I pretty much let a miserable existence.

I was the oldest child of four and so when I started high school, there wasn't anyone there, even even my siblings for me to hang out with.

So my freshman year was really bad. And at that time I really, I really thought of of ending it all. I really,

my, my mom and dad were especially concerned because I had a suicide plan and that's why I said that Corey could have been me. He definitely could have. I could have been that person

when I, when I entered my fresh, my sophomore year in high school, I started dating and I, I got a boyfriend and that didn't seem to work out. And, and he was especially needy. And you know, I, I just couldn't do anything right and, and yadda, yadda, yadda. And you know what, I just wanted to, I just wanted to drink in peace. I wanted to hang out with people who drank like I did, and I wanted to do what I wanted to do,

OK? And you aren't going to stop me

when I, when I entered my junior year in high school, I got a long term, I got into a long term commitment with the guy that I went to high school with. And that carried me through till I graduated and started college. And by this time my drinking was really, really bad. I was getting drunk all the time and I was

not getting along with people and not getting along with myself.

I started college, I started at County College Amaris after I graduated by the skin of my teeth and pretty much failed out of that. Didn't really apply myself too much. And just whatever I did, if it got in the way of my drinking, that went on the back burner. My drinking was always number one. OK, and

so after so after I found out of college, I, I like to tell this story because it's especially important in how I got sober.

I started working at a bank in Cedar Knolls and I was around 19 years old and this bank was across the street from a church and we're Oats E is Notre Dame church. And

every day this priest would come in and bring the deposit. And it had been a really long time before anyone really looked at me and saw me and saw me for who I really was. And so how unhappy I was and saw the pain that I was going through in my life with my drinking. And

this this priest just looked at me and started talking to me.

And he would come in every day and he would just say, Hey, Kathleen, how you doing today? And I would just say, I'm, I'm doing OK, Father Jude, or, you know, but the fact that he paid me some attention, the fact that he looked me in the looked me in the eye really, really made a difference in my life in the next couple years. After a little while, he started asking me if I wanted to go on this young people's retreat.

OK. And I really had lost my faith and lost my belief in God a long time before because, you know,

if there really was a God, then he wouldn't have given me the life that I had had up until that point, you know, and, and that's really what I thought. He wouldn't have let all these bad things happen to me. You know, I believe now that I had self will and that a lot of the stuff that happened to me in my life was the result of my own will and doing what I wanted to do. But that's not how I thought back then.

So the priest, Father Jude, started asking me if I wanted to go on what's called an Antioch retreat.

And he did that for about two years. He was really, really persistent. OK, He probably knew I needed persistence because I was a very persistent individual. I was a very stubborn and very defiant. I was a very defiant person. And I'm still somewhat defiant. You can just ask my friends and and my family and they'll say, you know, she's, she's definitely defiant. But I'm not as bad

after, after all this time. But back then I was really defiant. Just to give you a little example, I would, you know, my mom would say, oh, we're going shopping at the mall and I'd get into a little bit of an argument with her and she would beg me, Kathleen, please come with me.

Please come with us to the mall. We really want you to come. No, mom, no, I don't want to go. I don't want to go. I don't want to go. And I'd watch my mom roll down the driveway. And in my mind, I would say to myself, if she had only asked me one more time to go to the mall, I would have went. You know, she had only asked me like 50 times. I mean, but it would have taken that 51st time for her to, for, for me to go.

So anyway, Father Jude finally said to me, Kathleen, we're having an Antioch retreat

right across the street, right at the church. Do you want to come? And I said, Jess,

and that wasn't me saying yes. That was God saying yes for me. I said yes. And I said, I'm like, Oh my God, who said that? You know, it certainly wasn't me. But I went on that retreat. And a lot of times what you get on a retreat like that is you get people, young people who are really wanting to grow in their own spirituality. And you get people like me who are looking for something through drugs and alcohol.

And

I'm sure you can guess which people I gravitated towards, OK? I gravitated towards the people that were just like me.

And over the next six months, I hung with those people and I was still continuing to drink. My life was really spinning out of control. I was, you know, starting to lose jobs and starting to have some health effects from alcohol at 20 years of age and just was not a responsible member of society. And

when I finally went to my first a a meeting,

it was because I had been involved in this Bible youth group through the retreat. I met these guys and these guys we met at their house once a week, kind of a youth group, you know, maybe discuss the Bible a little bit. What's troubling you? Maybe we can, you know, seek a solution through through the Bible, stuff like that, Like we almost like we do here.

And those two brothers brought me to my very first a a meeting

I didn't know I was going to a name meaning. So I went to my first meeting drunk.

I had never heard of AI. So, you know, it's when, when I, when I share from the podium, it just amazes me that I had never heard of Alcoholics Anonymous. I had never known one single soul that had that had ever been in Alcoholics Anonymous. So the fact that I'm in Alcoholics Anonymous is an absolute miracle.

My very first meeting was at Saint Pete's in Morristown.

It was the Friday night big huge anniversary meeting. Probably well over 200 people at this meeting. And

at the time when I got sober, I was a vegetarian. I didn't eat much. And when I did eat, there wasn't much that I ate. OK, so this meeting was an eating meeting. And we got to the meeting late and they were, they were setting up all the food. And all I could think about was, Oh my God, I can't wait to eat.

You know, I am psyched. We didn't stay for the food, but we went to that meeting. And I don't know what that's that speakers, you know, shared. But I do remember who he was. His name was Hap. He was a, a pillar of society in Morristown. He has since passed away. And I remember his name and I remember who he was because his name was happened. He was happy

and that's pretty much all I remember.

My second meeting was on the Saturday. I don't remember where it was because I was drunk.

And then the third meeting that I went to, I went to drunk also. But that was in Livingston. OK. I'm pretty sure it was in Livingston. I or you know, West Orange there. It was in, in Saint Barnabas. It was an, a meeting that meets there on Sunday nights. So that was my first introduction to AA.

And then someone said to me, Kathleen, why don't you try and go to a meeting sober?

OK, You know what? When, when I am working with someone who's brand new, I don't take for granted that they know what they're doing. It never even occurred to me to go to a meeting sober. And unless someone you know, thank God someone told me to go to a meeting sober 'cause I because I may not have for a while.

My first or second meeting sober was was right before Saint Patrick's Day. One of my goals in life.

Now, I had just turned 21, one of my goals in life was to go to Molly Malone's in Whippany when I was 21, and I found myself at an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting and I'm like, what the heck am I doing here? Why aren't I at Molly's? OK.

They told me it was a closed meeting so that I was going to have to introduce myself. I said I don't want to introduce myself. They said you have to introduce yourself as an alcoholic

because it's a closed meaning. I said I don't want to because I don't believe that I'm an alcoholic.

They said, well, let's go in. You know, God in his infinite wisdom and sense of humor, put me in that Florham Park. It was the Florham Park 5:30 meeting and it was so crowded that I was standing. I was standing up. I was behind the the row of folding chairs where there were people sitting.

I was to my to my right was a refrigerator to my left was like a cases of Styrofoam cups. So I was like in this little area standing there like this, I was trapped. OK, And this is my first time. Then I have to introduce myself and I was freaking out. OK. And so they're going around the room and

they're everyone's introducing themselves and it's coming up to me and I'm get, you know, I don't, I don't normally get nervous. I don't get sweaty palms. I'm, I'm pretty calm,

you know, I, I don't get nervous in front of large crowds or anything like that, but I was getting nervous and I believe that was God shaking the truth out of me. I really do. So it gets around to me and I say, I'm Kathleen and I'm an alcoholic. And then the next thing that goes through my head is that was the biggest lie I'd ever told. OK, I really believe that I was lying. I really did not believe that I was an alcoholic.

I'm like, I'm 21 years old. How could I be an alcoholic? I've never really had a legal drink. OK? I've never been to happy hour. I you know what?

We can leave happy hour to the other folks.

The other thing that I really like to share is one more story.

One of my first days sober and my brother too. We were like 2 raw nerves. My brother's a big guy. He's 63, he's a cop, and at the time he wasn't a cop, he was a teenager. But we got into this big fist fight and he was hitting me over the head with the big plastic telephone handle. This is 26 years ago.

And instead of picking up a drink, I drive myself to the Florham Park meeting. And I'm only a couple days sober. And I walk in and it's way before the meeting supposed to start. And I walk in and there's this little old lady, her name is Terry. Her name is Terry Diaz, Terry D And she took one look at me and she said are you OK?

And again, like, you know, I, I'm

not always, I was not always an especially truthful person. If someone had ever asked me if I was OK, I would always say yes, OK, I'm great, OK. And Terry asked me, Kathleen, she didn't know my name at the time, are you OK? And I said no. I said I just got into a huge fist fight with my brother. He hit me over the head with the telephone handle. And I'm afraid to go home.

And those were the magic words. From there, my recovery skyrocketed,

Terry said. Well, you know what, Kathleen? You won't have to go home, she said. You're gonna stay here with me at this meeting, then we're gonna go across the street to the Minuteman Diner. We're gonna have dinner, and then I'm gonna bring you to another meeting and I'm gonna introduce you to a lot of women. And you're gonna, you're gonna be my buddy. And this woman saved my life, and she introduced me to women

who called me their pigeon because I was their little girl,

you know, and they just took care of me.

I was, you know, I was 21 years old. I did have one one relapse for one day.

And that one day was hell. That was after being sober for 59 days. The next day I went to rehab and those women supported me. I went up to Sunrise House.

I was the youngest person at Sunrise House. There were all these old men. And unlike I'm surrounded by old men, I don't have anything in common with them.

What am I doing here? You know, I hated rehab. I'm not really one to be locked up or told what to do. Even even now I'm, you know, I just don't really enjoy that. OK, I like to do my own thing. But at that time, you know, there were not a lot of young people. There really weren't. And I was a young person and I really, really needed

to

identify with these people. And slowly but surely at Sunrise House, I stopped saying, what do I have in common with these people,

with these old, old men? And slowly the transformation was I have everything in common with them. And you know, when I realized that that was just an especially insightful time for me.

And, you know, for my whole sobriety,

I've really come to find that we really have nothing that

that says that we're different.

You know, it doesn't matter how old you are or how how young you are. My I have close friends of all ages and I belong to a young people's group. I feel especially close to young people because I know what it's like to try and get sober young. It it was not easy. And back in 87, there were not a lot of young people. If you could come to this young people's meeting and see the young people now,

it's just absolutely amazing. And these people are our future. And we really need to,

you know, I really feel like I, I need to show them the way,

like I was shown the way

started hanging out with a lot of women and they, they introduced me to the steps and they introduced me to the traditions and they introduced me to service work. And for the last 26 years, that's what I've done. Now my, my sobriety has not always been easy. It's not always been happy. I grew up in IA, but I can tell you that

this is the only place that I want to be.

My first year of sobriety was especially difficult. I went to a lot of meetings. I worked with my sponsor, I think. I think the problem was that I had too many commitments. I was so busy making coffee and cleaning up and leading and and secretary and GSR and just everything that I really wasn't focusing on my recovery. I believe that

I can have too many commitments

where I'm not really paying attention to living in the moment. I'm not having that living in the moment recovery that is so important.

And so I had to get rid of some of those to a more manageable level. And now I have a commitment in my Home group. We just got done with our very first

picnic because we celebrated a year of existence. So we had a picnic at mainland Dickerson Park in Jefferson. And then we had a speaker meeting back at the church where we where we have our meeting. And then we had a bonfire and all this was done in, you know, in recovery. And it was, and it was great and there.

And you know, the amazing thing is that I woke up the next morning and I remembered everything because I was present.

My middle years of sobriety were were kind of hard. I met my husband in recovery. He's he's sober too. I have three children who have never seen me drink. My parents haven't seen me drink in a long time. My siblings haven't seen me drink in a long time. And I can't tell you how what a blessing that is. The fact that my kids have grown up

and not been exposed to active addiction is just the best gift

that I I believe that I could ever give them. A sober mother

and when,

when I had about, when I had about 13 years, my 13th year was my most difficult year. I'm not really sure why I was still grounded in a a, but I had some, I had some health issues. I had some stuff happen to me that, you know, maybe I couldn't really see why it was happening. And I, I, I fought it

and I was, I was going through a period where I was fighting recovery. And

yes, I liked being sober, but I didn't always like doing what I had to do to stay sober and happy, joyous and freak. And so I went through a period where I was kind of rebelling against that.

Excuse me.

So when I, so when I had 13 years, my life was, was really going down the tubes. And that's when I got on the recovery path that I'm on now. That's when I got a new sponsor, Sharon. Sharon was sponsoring me at the time. Sharon really got in, got me involved. We I've been associated with a women's retreat group called Keeping the Spirit Alive for the last 12 years

and through that I have met many amazing women.

But also through that I have come to find a new lease on my recovery. When I had about 18 years, I was still living in that silent worry type of recovery that I really like. I wore that like a badge of honor. I am worrying, but I'm not going to let you know that I'm worried about things. I'm not going to give it over to my higher power. I'm going to keep it inside and I'm going to do all my worrying myself

and wear it like a badge of honor. And,

and what happened was I got shingles. And I really believe that my worrying and the way that I was dealing with life emotionally and spiritually and physically was taking a toll on me physically. And I got shingles in my 30s and I was really sick. And I believe that I can only do the wrong thing.

You know what? It wasn't the wrong thing because it's brought me to where I am today,

but it wasn't the healthiest thing that I could have been doing.

And I could only do that for so long before it took an effect on me. And it did. And it almost cost me my marriage, it almost cost me my relationship with my children, and it definitely cost me

my relationship with myself. And

it I paid a big price for it. Physically,

I was really sick for a while. I was also very overweight at that time. And slowly but surely

I've been able to shed that okay. And that's through the, through the work of, of the 12 steps, the 12 traditions, 12 concepts

and just really living the basic principles of this program.

A couple weeks ago,

we have someone in our life, Poly Pistol and Dave Pistol. They are, they're from Florida and they do a workshop working the traditions and all your relationships. And they did it down in, in Bergen County. And I went and I'll tell you it was really instrumental because they work the traditions. I work the traditions with my relationships

and they have to really taught me that the tradition

are are going to keep

me centered in my in my either my family group or my friends group. It's going to help me treat people the way they need to be treated.

Before that, I treated people the way I wanted to treat them, and that wasn't always so great. You know, I was always a big a big person to want what I want. And you know, I paid a pretty heavy price for that.

The way that I conduct my relationships now and my recovery now is to really be present in the moment each and every day. You know, and I and, and that really just pays off so much when it comes to my children. I'm able to be present in their life. If they're talking to me and they're telling me something, I'm able to look them in the eye and listen to them. If I was drunk or I was doing my own thing,

that wouldn't be the case with my with my husband.

The the fact that, you know, we can sit down and we can have an honest conversation about anything and I can look him in the eye and I can let him know that he's important to me. You know that makes all the difference in the world.

Didn't always believe in that

you know what in AAI have really been able to come to grow up and say I am going if if I'm thinking of you or I love you, I'm going to let you know it through my actions. You know, not just my words,

but my actions. You know, I'm gonna, I'm gonna pay you respect. I'm going to listen to you. When you tell me something, I'm going to look you in the eye. I'm going to give you my undivided attention. You know, that's something that I've gotten from the program. When I bring a woman through the steps,

we do it with the big book and we sit down at my kitchen table or a Dunkin' Donuts or something like that.

Right now I'm working with someone who's brand new and

start start working the first step, started reading the first step out of the big Book. And I also use the step book in conjunction with the big Book. And

I started bringing her through the steps. I'm working with a woman who has almost 26 years who hasn't been through the work. And I'll tell you, I think it's harder to work with someone who's been sober for a while, who hasn't been through the work, who thinks they have been through the work, but they haven't.

Like you guys, you guys know what I'm talking about, you know, But you know what, I can really relate to that because that was me. That was me, you know, and I never give up on people, you know, because it doesn't matter why someones at a meeting. The fact that they've been introduced to Alcoholics Anonymous is just an absolute miracle, just like I am.

I'm active in my Home group. Whatever. Whatever the Home group needs, I'm there for.

You know, that's what the Home group is. I'm accountable to my Home group and I'm accountable to my friends and family.

We have,

we have a practice in all the serenities, all the sobriety sisters that if there is an issue we take, we take it through the steps and within 24 to 48 hours we are sharing them with someone. And that's, that's somewhat of an active tense step, but it can also be a little mini 4th step,

but it needs to be current. I need to keep my sobriety current. What am I doing today for my sobriety? While I'm up here speaking to you, I am sponsoring women. I have a Home group. I have a commitment and active in my community. I show up to work. That's also very important. It's that's part of my recovery, is showing up to a place that I'm supposed to show up to Because if I was drinking, I wouldn't be showing up.

I went to my son's lacrosse game. My son said, are you going to be coming to my lacrosse game today, mom? I said, yes, I am. And I showed up. OK. That's really important because my sponsor that I have now, she has taught me that you mean what you say. You say what you mean,

don't say it mean and you do it. If you make a commitment to someone,

unless it's some huge ordeal that you're going through, you show up OK. You couldn't count on me when I was active. You just couldn't count on me for anything.

Let's see what else.

I pray and meditate every morning and every evening. I have an active 10th and 11th step,

and I'll tell you, I also have a tradition of making a gratitude list every morning. Let me list 10 things and I'm grateful for it. Well, I'm I'm grateful for waking up and I'm grateful for my job. Yes, I don't always like going to work. Okay, if I could retire, I probably would.

But you know what? I'm grateful that I have a job. I'm grateful that I'm employable because at one point in my life I wasn't.

At one point in my life, I was so unemployable that I was working for a temporary agency and every few weeks it was perfect because I would get to switch jobs. So no one ever got to know me. No one ever got to know who I was.

I am.

I'm honest in my relationships and that's also very important. My relationship with my higher power has really changed over the years. I went from being a someone who does not believe in God at all.

And for the first couple years I used the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous as my higher power to overtime over the last 26 years to really developing a relationship with a higher power that is loving, caring and greater than me. And I really believe that God has led me on a path to freedom to self, freedom

to freedom with others. And just how free do I want to be?

I am my own worst enemy.

Couple years ago I went through another big change in my sobriety and I came to believe and to realize that it had to do with the second step. And what it had to do with was that second surrender of self OK? And it was especially

upsetting and painful because I had to come to realize again

that God is everything or he's nothing. Is God with me or not? Am I going to believe in God? And is God going to lead me down the right path, or am I going to believe in myself and leave myself down the wrong path? And I really had to take a look at that. And for a little while, I did not believe that God was everything. OK? I believe that there were still things that I could do myself.

Boy, was I wrong.

You know I'm serious because let's, let's face it, left to my own devices,

I end up drunk. I truly believe that

if I could have gotten sober on my own, I would have. Of course I would have. If I could lead a healthy way of life without Alcoholics Anonymous, of course I would,

you know, but I am truly grateful for Alcoholics Anonymous. I didn't say that for a long time. And I actually used to make fun of people who would say I'm a grateful recovering alcoholic, OK? I was not, I was not a grateful recovering alcoholic. I do believe that I have recovered from this insidious disease of men of a mental obsession and a physical allergy of the, of the body, OK. And I believe that I have recovered

from that through the 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous, through the 12 traditions of Alcoholics Anonymous.

My daughter is 19, my oldest daughter, and she just finished her first year of college down at William Patterson and her, and I have a very open, honest relationship. And you know, she she's done a little bit of drinking and I have not been OK with it. And

but you know what? She

tells me she's open and honest with me. And at first I really thought that she was kind of throwing it up in my face because there really is not a lot that I can do

just be a power of example. But then I started talking to my friends about it, my friends who have children that are older than mine. And, you know, they said, they all said to me, Kathleen, you really need to have gratitude and let her know that you appreciate her opening up to you and that you appreciate the fact that she trusts you enough to to tell you what she's doing in college. And she she's a she's a good girl. You know what she is

not like me. Thank God she is not a mini me and if she were that would be bad. OK, because I was a bad kid.

But the fact that she is able to tell me what's going on in her life without fear that, you know, I'm going to, I'm going to ridicule her or, you know, make fun of her or anything like that is really touching. And, and that just says a lot about Alcoholics Anonymous because you guys taught me how to be like that. You really did. You taught me how to

live my life in such a way that

I don't have to have any judgment against any people.

I believe that when I speak, whether it's in a meeting like this or it's at my job, that God is speaking through me. And I always, you know, say a little prayer, You know, please God guide my thoughts, my words and my and my actions. Because left my own devices, I will stick my foot in my mouth.

I don't know. I I'm, I, I really, truly believe that my higher power.

UMM is living inside me and

when I allow my God to guide my life,

I'm great. When I'm living the third step, my life is my my, my day goes off effortlessly. That's how I know I'm living the third step. When I'm not my life is is chaos, you know. So

if you're new or coming back, please just you know what give yourself the best chance of life of a happy life through through Alcoholics Anonymous. I really believe that those who come and and seek will find what what they're looking for.

My my sponsor and my friends have always taught me to seek out the recovery that I crave because this is my recovery. This is my one time,

you know, I don't want to end up like Cory. I don't

some of my friends that helped me get sober. Terry D. She died sober. She was sober for 30 some odd years. I don't really. She just died in November.

One of the people that I actually got that I actually drank with Pierce,

he died sober. And so a lot of my heroes

are, yes, they're, they're passing away, but they're passing away sober. And that's how I want to, that's, that's how I want to die. You know, I don't want to die yet. I still have a lot of living to do. But you know what I, I love sobriety. I really do. And I never really thought that I would feel that way, But I really, really love Alcoholics Anonymous and I really love you all you guys. I really do. Even if I don't know you, I, I love you. I really do. And so if no one has told

today, I love you. I really do. I really believe that you people are my family. You're not my family of origin, but you're my recovery family. And I could not be sober without you. And I truly believe that. And I don't know it's, it's not quite 9:00, but I, I really think that's all I have to share. Thank you.