Steps 8 and 9 at the Fellowship of the Spirit in Conyers, GA

OK, my name is, I think,

Mike Shane. I'm still alcoholic.

OK, now we're coming in to 8:00 and 9:10 and 11:00 and 12:00. These are my favorite steps

and

tell you why it's where I found God in the ninth step.

I think I told you that, that I came in here not believing in God. Looking back on it, God is in the details

and quite honestly, I had so many chances to see God working in my life all the way through my drinking life, all the way up, getting sober all the way through. But I still doubted that there was this God.

And

I remember in eight, my sponsor sent me home to review my inventory to find out

what harm I had caused. All right. And I'm a believer in 6:00 and 7:00 and 8:00 and 9:00 that the work is actually in the it's of six and seven. The real work comes in six

in 8-9. The real work comes in the eighth step

and I got done with this inventory and I take it to my sponsor. I 5th step that I've gone through 6:00 and 7:00.

Now I put the seal on if I'm really and truly want to change. If I'm having a problem making an amend, I have a 7th step problem.

It's because I do not want to change. If I'm holding on to something and I want to keep it up, I don't want to make amends for that, do I?

If I really and truly do not want to be this kind of man that I described earlier on the left side of the page, and I really and truly want to move over here to the right side of the page and be this kind of man over here, I have no problem making an amendment. So

my first time through the work,

Frank had me write out my amends list. Now he also went through with it with me on how to make an amend, which is at that point in time, I would call them. I would tell them that I'm an Alcoholics Anonymous, which I do not do anymore. I'm going to tell you about that later. I do not use that today because alcohol is the harms I caused today. Alcohol plays no part

and and it's a cop out as far as I'm concerned to say I'm an alcoholic's Anonymous and I want to make amends to you

now. OK, so he said. Here's how you make an amendment. You write out the harm after you found it on a three by five card.

And he said the reason he writes him out is because when you make the amend, he says I want you to read off the card.

I said, why do you want me to do that? He said because your ego is going to want to start making excuses for your behavior.

So in the middle of the amend, all of a sudden I'm going, well, I lied to you, but I was really scared and you know that kind of

he said that's no good. So he said what you do is you have a card,

and he said you're going to take this card into the amend with you face to face is the way you make amends unless it's absolutely impossible.

Now I heard the biggest crack of crap I've ever heard, an Alcoholics Anonymous not too long ago.

Now you may have all heard this.

Maybe I'm slow. Somebody said

that they would make amends except when to do so would injure them or others, and they were the others.

Has that been around long time? Long time.

I didn't. Yeah. I I mean, I had never heard that The big book says that we must be hard on ourselves. Yeah,

right, because we need ego deflation at depth to overcome the disease of alcoholism

to a degree that David was reading in the previous steps about deflating the ego at a depth that's unheard of to most of the world in order to overcome this disease. So he had me right out the the harm I found all right. And by the time I got out of my fish step, I knew what the harms were. There was no kidding around about it. We picked all that out in the fifth step,

he said. Then I want you to write a sentence underneath that that says is there anything I have left out?

So he said. You will make an appointment, you will go in and you will tell them why you're there

and then he said. You're going to read to them what you did to them

and then you're going to say is there anything I have left out? And I am going to keep my mouth shut

and they can say whatever they want to say.

And I listen to it

when they're done, he said. What you're going to do is say, is there anything else? And if they say no, you're going to say, what can I do to set this right

now? A lot of people would leave you off the hook. They'd say, oh, I'm just glad you showed up, you know, okay,

He said, no, you're going to know what you're going to do to make it right. And if they don't tell you what to do, you're going to tell them what you're going to do. Now going into amends. I go into amends for two reasons. One, I don't want to be this man anymore.

But the second reason that I didn't even know about until I had completed a mess was that I go into amends with an unprotected heart.

I found out I do not have to protect myself.

I have lived my entire life trying to protect me,

and if I'm in the middle of an amend, God has my back.

Now, either this deal really and truly works or it doesn't.

OK, so I had all these amends in Denver and as you all know, I came from San Francisco to Denver

and we're going through and I had all these warrants up for me. And what the warrants were for was Salto, police officer, pimp and pandering, bootlegging and something else I can't remember.

He said you're gonna have to make amends for that. You're gonna have to turn yourself in. But he said we don't lead with a chin. He says let's get an attorney in in San Francisco to be there to set bail if you can get it. And the whole thing.

And part of my immense story is this. I ran these strip clubs in the Tenderloin district to San Francisco. Well, the and and North Beach and the people that own these was the mob. That's who owned them and I stole from them. I would just take 50, a hundred, 200 bucks a night out of the till, put it in my pocket. I was smart enough to figure it all out

and so I told Frank about all this and he goes. You owe them an amend.

I said no, I don't.

I said these people rip anybody off. He says it has nothing to do with them. He said it has to do with you. I said, Frank, if I go and make amends to these people I am, I'll never come back. He said yes, you will. He said either this deal works or done.

He said you cannot stay sober looking over your shoulder.

You can't do it. You want to get really clean, get clean. This isn't about just getting clean from alcohol and drugs. This is about getting clean in life to where I can look every single human being that I know in the eye that I don't walk across the street to avoid assault. There isn't a town. There isn't any place I can't go today. I'm not afraid to meet anybody,

right? That's what this program will offer me.

So what happens is I made all these amends. One of the amends that I made was for because I've been sober about 11 months and my wife had divorced me and I was paying child support. But I I made amends to her and I part of the amendment for for paying her late.

And when Frank sponsored me, there was a couple of conditions he had for sponsoring me,

not just working the 12 steps and becoming a Home group member. But he said if you have a kid, you're going to pay your child support. And if you have a kid, you are going to see your kid on time every single chance you have and you will get a job. Those were his three other conditions.

And so I made amends to my ex-wife and part of the amendment was to I'm sorry for paying you child support late. I always paid, but you know, I, I was more important than her, obviously. So what I did was I would pay on the 15th instead of the 1st or whatever.

And she looked at me and I'll never forget this. This was this will show you how sick I was because this was eye opening to me.

She looked at me and she said, Mike, I don't like you.

And she said you don't like me, so why don't you just pay your child support on the 1st and we never have to talk to each other again. And all of a sudden it clicked, do what you say you're going to do. Very simple concept. Do what you say you're going to do. Frank's definition of honesty is do what you say you're going to do and say what you do.

That's his definition of honesty. It's also mine. The reason for that is I don't live my life behind no curtains no more, right? I don't have no agendas going on back here. My best friends in the program of Alcoholics Anonymous. You want to know whether my best friends,

they don't have an agenda with me and I have none with them, None whatsoever. I don't want nothing from them. They don't want nothing from me.

So Frank was the kind of guy and Don was saying the same thing and a couple other people were saying the same thing, that if this thing really and truly works, it's going to work in the middle of making amends and it's in the middle of amends. I'm going to test this God thing

and I go into an amend with an unprotected heart. So what I ended up doing was I went into San Francisco and I had a whole bunch of amends to make, and I made the easiest ones first.

And then I was scared to death and I wasn't going to make amends to the people that owned the nightclubs. I figured I'd turn myself into the San Francisco Police Department. They're going to arrest me. So I ain't got to worry about making amends to the to the mob. Does that make sense?

So I contacted this attorney that Frank had gotten me lined up with. I told him that I'm coming in to do it, and I walked into the precinct station down by the Tenderloin District. It was just sort of like what's in TV is a big old desk with desk Sergeant standing there.

I was petrified, folks, I'm not going to sit here and try to tell you that I had got on my shoulder and I'm going to walk in there and just present myself like the man I really am. I was just a total coward. I walked in

and he looked up at me and he said what do you want? And I said my name is Mike Shane. I'm an alcoholic, synonymous and I didn't make amends. I have,

he said what I said. My name is Mike Shane. I'm an alcoholic, synonymous, and I'm here to make amends because I got some warrants out for me,

he goes. Oh, no, not another one of you guys

and I

Yeah. And they took me upstairs and they took me up and the detectives came in and they left for an hour and they came back. How did? What's your social? And this that the other thing. And they came back like 3 1/2 hours later. And I'm prepared to go to jail. I really AM,

because I knew I couldn't live that way. I mean, from the time I left San Francisco, every time I saw a cop, I'm like, yes, right.

And so finally this cop locks in and he goes, yeah, we got that. You're arrested for all this. It was all dropped to disturbing the peace, and you're on a year's probation. What are you doing here?

I had never done anything with those

and I left the Police Department and I was so high and so relieved. I decided that what I was going to do was call

the big boss of the guys that owned the the five clubs and I was going to call him at his office

and he probably wouldn't be there. And I could tell Frank, I tried.

It was like 2:30 in the afternoon. I make. I had the number. I called,

he answers the phone.

Who's this? This is talent. This is Mikey. We haven't seen you in a long time. Come on over. Say hi.

Now, I don't know if you've been up to North Beach in San Francisco. I'm sure he has. But

yes, right, right next to Vanessa's, there's a strip club on the right hand side of the alley and you walk up the big long stairs into this back alley and right up back up there's their office. And so I go over there and I walk up and all I can think about is what Frank kept telling me. I got to make this amendment. I got to make this amend. I got to make this amended. I can't be looking over my shoulder and, and

I was really petrified and I walk in and it was just like out of The Sopranos, there's a guy about this big who they come up to you and they go like this. Hi, it's good to see you. How you doing? You know 'cause they're checking, right? And so finally I get in. This guy's name's Gina and he's everything that you can imagine. Little short guy with a silk suit and a pinky ring

and he tells me what are you doing? And so I'm talking to him.

He said, you look good. You look a lot better than you used to. And I had a short haircut and the whole thing. And he says, what are you doing? And I said, oh, Gino. And I said, Jesus Christ, I didn't want to tell you this, but I'm here to make amends. I stole all this money. He looked at me, says

how much did you steal?

Well, now I knew I had made a mistake because, see, I thought they knew, but they didn't know,

right.

And I said, Gino, I don't know. I mean, it's 50 here, 100 here, 200. You know, I I really don't know. I said, what would you say? 15 grand? 20 grand? Yeah, something like that.

I said, Gino, I promise you I'll pay you back. You know, I'm driving a cab now, but I'll pay you back. We'll set up, we'll set up, we'll set up some payment plans. Actually, Prince helped me a lot with that 'cause he made amends when he was in prison and he had paid back at like $0.50 a month to some of his creditors.

And he looked at me and he said, Mike, people don't do this to us.

And I said, what, steal money? He said no, come back and tell us

and I told him and we sat and talked and I don't want to be flipping about it. We sat and talked for a period of time

and he said, look, he said we're going to call it even. He said. But if I see you drunk back here again, I want every penny.

Here's what I learned in that trip to San Francisco as I face my worst fears to do the right thing. Either God has my back or He doesn't. I don't have to protect myself anymore.

Doesn't mean that I don't try. Of course not. Does it mean that I don't get scared? Of course I do,

but I have to be able to go out in the world knowing that God has my back. You know, the Big Book makes some very serious promises.

These promises are for real. And when we get into 1011, I'm going to tell you some things I've done in the 10 step, in the 11 step that I've seen the real power of this program. And what ends up happening is I change. My heart gets changed. I don't change because I'm so good at this. I change because I'm seeking God. I came back from San Francisco just higher than a kite

because finally I didn't have to hide from nothing anymore. I was such a paranoid drunk. I don't know if you guys have ever gotten really paranoid.

Oh, that's right, a bunch of junkies in here.

I, I'm serious when I call the AI tie my phone call to less than 3 minutes because I was afraid they traced my car, you know, I was so paranoid. But but what the immense process is all about is about not wanting to be that kind of man anymore. And do I really trust this process?

You know? And I came back

and I told Frank what had happened. And he sat in his big desk and, you know, he was grinning from ear to ear, you know, and he said, I told you so, you know, But I learned a valuable lesson. I don't avoid a man's anymore. I don't like to make him. I think it's the most humbling thing we do in Alcoholics Anonymous, but it's also the most it gives you an IA sense of reality of what you do in the world.

I remember going back to somebody making an amend and when I got to the point, this girl I used to date,

and when I got to the point and I said this is what I've seen, is there anything else that I could, you know, is there anything I've left out? She went on for an hour about stuff that I had never even thought of

is how it affected her. And I sat there and listened and I got a life lesson.

We don't really know all the time how we affect other people.

We have no way of knowing that we're sometimes so self-centered. We think we know we've heard them. You know, the big book says that we're sensitive and it takes us a long time to outgrow that serious handicap. I think Elkies are sensitive only when it comes to themselves.

I really don't think alkies are very sensitive when it comes to the people around him

because we can waylay people with a look, right? I remember making amends to my daughter after she got a little bit older and we did what the book said. We sat down and frankly analyzed the past.

And I was able to say, here's what I did wrong here, and here's what I did wrong here, and here's what I should have done here, and here's what I should have done there. And my daughter and I are like, you know, we're like this today, you know, and that's a gift from God, total gift from God. So that's what I have on 8:00 and 9:00.

Who's David? Alcoholic. So pretty much what Mike does is the same thing that I do Amazing. We all hear from the same. I think that

part of the

basic format is going through an amends that I would add

because it says it in the book.

Is it? It does talk about

telling them you're sorry, and I've heard so many times. It means that you're not supposed to tell him sorry because they've heard it a million times when you were drunk.

This sorry here where I'm at at step nine. It's not the same one that I'm at when I'm drunk. It's not the only thing I say,

but I but it needs to be mentioned.

I think it's mentioned in 2-3 or two or three different types of the amends that the book presents that we bring this. I'm sorry, it's completely, we're in a completely different place,

the other one and it comes the other instruction I was given. It's the very last instruction I was told to to follow through with on on every amends. It comes from the instruction that in the letter that the guy wrote to his wife about alimony, and that is asking for forgiveness.

And that's really not about me.

That's really about giving them an opportunity to get free, just as asking them to tell me if there's anything I left out, how that made them feel, what I can do to make that right. Do you forgive me? Because the truth is that

this men's process is moving to me in, in, in my experience, to another,

another part of the cycle of forgiveness, where these people are are forgiving me, whereas I, I forgive them. In my four step, I see that God forgave me. And my fifth step? Now I'm giving these people an opportunity to forgive me

if I'm making the amends. I'm free if I'm sitting in front of you and I'm going through the motions.

Now that the instruction about

and transitioning from 8:00 to 9:00, it talks about cleaning off our side of the street is not an end in itself. If all I'm doing when I'm making amends is worrying about cleaning off my side of the street, I'm coming to you from a selfish position. What it says is that that our real purpose is to be fit ourselves to be a maximum service to God and our fellows. That means when I'm in front of you,

put be put, be willing, be put an opportunity where I can be helpful,

OK? And

where I, where I grew up, I end up my parent. I told you, I I moved up to the mountains out of Fresno, up in the high country

and in that where I live, there's probably

five or 67 Indian reservations that are within a 10 mile radius of where we lived in. I immediately gravitated to the hanging out on the Indian reservations. It's a whole different world down there and I dug it. Nobody's putting on a face down there, you know, and I didn't have to put on a face down there. I came from hanging around different crowd and when I got down there, it was just a different thing.

And it was wild and crazy and, and,

and there's illegal activity going on down there that was a part of and it was much very similar to what Mike was talking about and having to go make an amends. But one of the things about that is that, you know,

there's another part of the book talks about we don't shun our friends is because we don't drink anymore. And if I come back to that community

and shun those guys down the reservation because I was now sober, they literally would have kicked my ass

because they would perceive that as I thought I was better than that.

I'm not drinking anymore

and I didn't shun them right off the bat. We got right in there with them hanging out, just not I wasn't drinking and they respected me not drinking and I respected them still drinking whatever, you know. But there came a time for an immense and my sponsor said you have to go make that amends. And that's a whole different ball game. I mean

it. I mean you fight with each other just for fun. I mean, there's some just Shank gives as as anything else, you know, especially on the wrong side of things. And

so I went down and I just one guy had to make amends to we were selling ragweed and I stole a bunch from and it was bad stuff. Let's just give you a headache and a cough. But we're selling to the yuppies down in Fresno for 40 and eight.

It's all profit.

But I sold much and so and I went back and made amends to him and it was all fine. It was good. Nothing happened.

And then I'm going to

went back to my sponsor. I told him, I said, hey man, I I went down there and I made amends. And he goes, and they didn't kill you.

No, he didn't kill me. Nothing happened, He says. Man, I'm going to go make some of those amends. I got some still hanging out that are just like that.

Wow, I'm the Guinea pig here, you know.

But

I, I plugged, I started to plug into a Native American treatment facility as I had two meetings a week down in Fresno

and I started seeing these guys filter in, in and out of the treatment facility. And if I wasn't at least their first contact in AAI was certainly somebody that in some cases they sponsor some of these guys and and

they're a very tight community. They're not going to ask somebody for help. It's just not even in their culture does it ask somebody for help, you know? And to be a source for that

on a regular basis of getting them plugged into a a a was awesome.

I

you know, buddy took off one time for Santa Rosa. That's 1516, so 16. He's 15 and,

and

he ends up getting arrested because he's driving my car with no license because I'm too drunk and too high to drive it myself. And when he gets arrested, he gets the juvenile hall and he gets sent home, sent home. His dad, Ashley's dad, can pick picking him up four hours away from Fresno.

And

I, I came to the hotel room because the cops didn't take me. They just dropped me off at the hotel room that I was staying in.

My car got impounded

and so so in this drunken stupor I decided that I'm going to take a little jump through memory lane of where some plate what we used to live when I was tend to tend to 1314 years old.

I go back to this old house that

that that my parents built, that we that we lived in. I just wanted to see it

and

and I'm drunk. I'm 16. I can imagine. I look at 16 year olds now I think about

and they just look so innocent. I can't imagine I was doing that. I was doing. Sometimes I look back. But anyway,

this older lady came out. She goes,

What are you doing? I said, just looking at the house my dad built. At least live here. He's. Oh, those are your parents? Yeah. She goes. You want to come in? I'm drunk, stinky and slut.

She I go OK OK you want to see your room OK and she hard me off in my old room. She had a day bed out there and she let me sleep in the bed.

So I thought about that and if obviously came around and amends and how how just invasive

was and how awkward that must have been and that putting that woman in that position. So I come back around. This is this is nine years later, right. So I I go up to Santa Rosa. I have a bunch of Santa Rosa Sebastopol I got to take care of and that's just one of them. And I drive up and I get out

and this lady comes out who's considerably younger, somebody else. And she goes, can I help you? I said

there was, there used to be an older couple that lived here and I was just wondering if they still lived here and around and

because, Oh no, that that was,

that was my husband's mother. We got the house from them. They passed away or something.

And I said, oh, all right, well, I'll just be on my way. And she goes, well, what are you here for?

I I told her the story

and she goes

big breath of air. She takes in. I go. Does that mean something to you?

All right, she goes. My husband's mother was 30 year al Anon

when I came walking in that door at 16. She knew exactly what to do.

That's what she said. My husband right now is in a treat facility in Sonoma and he's going to be out in about 15 days. Would you be willing to at least talk to him and come get plugged into

Are you kidding me?

Are you kidding me?

Another one I just want to share with you and it has to do with AA.

When I went through the first steps the first time

before that, I was sitting in these meetings and these people in the meetings were kept pat me on the oh, Davis going to be OK. You just go through your steps.

And finally I did. And at a spiritual awakening of shot out of a cannon and I was on fire and I came back and shared it and then they were throwing cold water on it. And I quickly realized that they hadn't actually done it themselves.

And I copped an immediate resentment. I mean, huge resentment.

And so I it did two things. One, it drove me further into the literature, Not only this literature, but the history that you guys been raffling off. I wanted to know everything. I wanted to know what else they were lying to me about.

I was getting a general service and I had a service sponsor that was a delegate and he got me into the service manual.

I mean, he, he dialed me in.

I was a walking war machine

about two years. So we're going to Amy's and I was dropping bombs left and right taking it and and I was trying to get rid of that resentment on them take abusing them literally. And that is no way to carry the message of alcohol synonyms. And I will tell you to this day, 18 years later, that reputation still follows me,

even though I haven't done that in, in, in 15 years.

It still follows me. It affects my Home group,

OK,

But I did come around and make amends to those groups for behaving that way.

I mean, I would just single you out and I would just call you out. I just, I mean not, not tactful, not just bear it, bear down on you

condemned the entire group. It's like a chainsaw going through a meeting. OK.

And

I think that most of those groups at some point over the years have come back around and said, will you do our big book study?

And a lot of that ended up getting people coming to our group,

do what we do, and then they go back into that group and to do some missionary work in there, and they leave their own and they're able to lead their own big book studies, right?

My real purpose in making amends is to fit myself in maximum service to God

and my fellows, right?

The high school that I nearly got kicked out of,

I came back around and made am instant

and I made a general letter amends to the school and then I made direct amends to individual teachers I made direct harms to

and one of the teachers I made it, I made had harms to. He was the director of the the junior senior prom.

I was never eligible to go to any of that stuff after my freshman year,

but they were going to, as a girl that I really dug, my senior asked me to go and I told I couldn't go. And she pretty much knew that and she was going to try and pull some strings and see if I could go. And so I thought I was going to be able to go. It came down, I was going to be able to go. So this one teacher decided that at the last second, the director says no, he absolutely cannot come.

Broke my heart right now. They're going to pay.

So I threw A4 kegger, right

that he loses something like $5000 on the on the prompt because nobody goes. Everybody is in their prom dresses and tuxes at my Fort kegger. They show up to get pictures and that's about it, right? And they're often, they go to the kegger.

So I come back around, I got to, you know, make amends for that. And

the first thing that was interesting, he said, is that he says, I didn't even know you guys were doing that or you were doing that. And I had a bunch of there's a core of us that were all like that. And

that was kind of shocking, kind of scary that your teachers don't even recognize that. But the second thing was, is that?

And I said, what can I do to make it right?

And he said, well,

I teach drivers Ed

and also teach health.

He said When I get to drunk driving and drivers Ed, you're going to come over here and tell your story,

and when I get to alcoholism and drug addiction and in health class, you're going to come over here and tell the kids your story,

he said. I said, how long do I got to do that?

Well, how long were you drunk at my school?

Really.

So, so I'm doing this and it's all very

administration's a little uneasy, but they're going to let it happen. And so I start doing it,

and a teacher comes up to me. I didn't know. And he says, hey, I heard you played soccer here. And I said, yeah, I did when I was eligible. And he says, what do you think about coaching? I just laughed at his face. I said, look, it's one thing to come here and do this little public service.

It's a whole nother ball game to entrust kids in my care. I you can run that by the Dean if you want to. We're probably going to laugh in your face. He says, well, I don't know. Why don't we just look? Why don't we? Let me see.

See how about it? And he called me back that night. He says you want to coach? I said, what'd they tell you? He said,

well, it wasn't without a fight,

but do you want to coach? I said sure, I'll coach

now. I got to tell you that as a student,

I was in all the college prep stuff and and I did it all on Jack Daniels, mushrooms and and weed and I came out of the B average OK. They couldn't kick me out for lack of credits or anything like that. That was the only thing. That was my saving grace.

But they just hated us. They had to say I was a bad influence on the other students. I wasn't the peer pressure. I was the peer pressure, right, the ringleader. And so,

so I get about half halfway into the season and

we're having a good season. We're undefeated and we're kind of gathering around trying to plan something for the holidays

and I'm trying to stay out of it. And

one of the

the parents go, what do you think about what we should do for Christmas get together? And whatever I said, oh, I don't know, I don't whatever you guys want to do, it's not really a big thing to me, he says. And she just flat out said, hold on here,

you have no idea.

You are a better influence on our kids than half the teachers in their school.

Right out of her mouth.

I don't. I don't cry it very much, but that almost got me there.

I have a bunch of I can go on all night with men's stories, but that's all I have.

You know, I was I was thinking about, you know, when, when I went and made those immense big book puts it this way. The spiritual life is not a theory. It has to be lived.

And if I won't live my life based on the principles that I've learned in Alcoholics Anonymous, one of the things I've come to find out is I don't have to live my life based on how I feel anymore.

I can live my life based on the principles I've chosen, live my life by, which is a whole different deal. I get the power to do that. But there's two other things in the men's that I really would like to bring up. One of them is financial.

If you have creditors, I'm here to tell you creditors this is a secret.

They just want the money.

They really don't want a pound of flesh. They don't want their cars back. I'm in the real estate business. I do short sales all day long. They don't want your houses back,

you know, They just want your money. The Internal Revenue Service. I owed the Internal Revenue Service a bundle.

OK, because I decided to get honest on my taxes.

They'll work with you and you got to pay them back. Big Book says We got to lose our fear of creditors.

We can't be scared of them. I don't know about you, but back in the day, see, I did all this before the Internet came along, all right? You couldn't find people. You had to go and look them up and you had to go to the phone company and get phone directories and look them up. You didn't just Google their name, Facebook them. And yeah, I'm big on Facebook now, but.

You know, you had to do that kind of stuff and and so I tracked these people down. The other thing I would really like to talk about is the big book does say that we go to people and express our ill feeling

now and then. We'll see.

We had a period of time down at York Street and Monday night and at Happy Way where where people were running around. They call you up and they go, I really want to make an amend to you and you go out of your way to meet them. And then they'd say,

Mike, I, I owe you an amend. Well, what for? Well, I really hated your guts.

You're just a real asshole.

Thank you. I'm so happy you shared that.

Bob came to me one time and two guys that had made amends to me went and called him. He said what are you calling before they said we want to make amends to you, Olson said. I already know I'm an asshole.

I'm going to tell you that I don't. I don't. I don't make those amends if I've caused actual harm. There's a difference between hurt and harm. I can hurt your feelings just by not doing what you want me to do. I don't know you in a mess of that unless I'm intentionally doing it.

But if I've caused you harm, then that's a whole different deal. And I've got to look at that when I'm looking up amends, you know, did I hurt you that I just not do what you wanted? Or did I actually harm you? You know, and I don't make amends for those things. But here's one thing is you really sincerely want to set the record straight with people. Sincerely. The book uses that term.

I have had people in Alcoholics Anonymous come to me and others

and make amends to do the amend so that they can go back to their Home group and say I'm I finished all my immense. They did not want to set it right with me whatsoever. They didn't want to set it right with Bob. I've had normy people. I've got a bunch of realtor friends in Colorado and I don't hide that I'm in this thing. Hell, I tell everybody, they send me their drunk husbands and wives and stuff like that. And I had this. I had this