The Fellowship of the Spirit convention in Copper Mountain, CO
My
grandmother
always
said
everything
goes
better
with
prayer.
Why
don't
we
do
that?
Dear
God,
use
me
tonight
as
an
instrument
that
I
will
speak
through
me.
So
whatever
results
that
you
desire
here
tonight
will
be
accomplished
in
all
things.
Thy
will
not
mine
be
done.
Amen.
Doctor
Bob
Smith,
co-founder
of
Alcoholics
Anonymous
in
1950,
in
his
last
talk
made
this
statement.
Let's
not
forget
the
simplicity
of
our
program.
Let's
let's
not
louse
it
up
with
Freudian
complexes
and
things
interesting
to
the
scientific
mind
that
little
to
do
with
our
actual
AA
work.
What
I
love
most
about
Alcoholics
Anonymous
is
the
simplicity
of
it.
There's
a
line
in
the
chapter
working
with
others
that
bottom
lines
for
me.
What
this
is
all
about
and
what
that
line
says
is
simply
this.
Remind
the
prospect
that
his
recovery
is
not
dependent
upon
people.
It
is
dependent
upon
his
relationship
with
God.
The
single
most
important
fact
in
my
life
as
I
stand
here
tonight,
and
the
only
reason
I'm
standing
here
or
anywhere
else,
is
I
got
a
power
in
my
life
today
that
I
choose
to
call
God,
who
does
for
me
one
day
at
a
time
what
I
could
never
do
for
myself.
If
I
had
the
power
to
quit
drinking
on
my
own,
I'd
never
come
to
a
A.
Why
should
I?
I
establish
and
grow
in
that
relationship
one
day
at
a
time,
through
living,
not
memorizing,
analyzing,
or
discussing.
Through
living
the
12
steps
of
Alcoholics
Anonymous
as
outlined
by
the
founders
in
the
Big
Book
of
Alcoholics
Anonymous.
And
that's
the
reason
that
I
pray
before
I
introduce
myself
from
behind
the
podium.
Let
me
assure
everybody
in
this
room
tonight,
left
in
my
own
devices,
I
surely
would
have
destroyed
myself
years
ago.
That
prayer
reminds
me
of
two
things
that
I
believe
are
vital
and
crucial
to
me
staying
here.
First
and
foremost,
the
reason
I'm
at
fellowship
of
the
Spirit
tonight
is
to
do
God's
will,
not
mine.
And
it
also
serves
to
remind
me
that
He
is
in
charge
here
tonight.
And
as
always,
thank
God
I
am
not.
Good
evening.
My
name
is
Kent
Coleman.
I'm
alcoholic.
First
off.
My
parents
raised
a
mannerable
young
man.
I
want
to
demonstrate
that.
I
want
to
thank
this
committee
for
all
of
the
phone
calls,
all
of
all
of
the
emails,
for
the
invitation
to
participate
in
this
celebration
of
Alcoholics
Anonymous.
I
want
to
thank
the
people
responsible
for
me
being
here.
I
got
a
lot
of
a
a
family
here.
One
of
the
things,
if
you're
new,
you're
going
to
find
out
here,
the
world
of
A
A
is
very
small.
And
as
I
look
around
this
room,
I
probably
know
about
1/3
of
the
people
in
here
tonight.
I
got
a
a
family
here
of
fellowship
of
the
spirit
is
my
a
family.
I
got
a
sponsee
brother
sitting
on
the
front
row,
a
sponsee
sister-in-law
sitting
next
to
him.
I
love
alcohol.
By
the
time
I'm
done,
you
can
really
know
how
much
I
love
Alcoholics
Anonymous
man.
And
it
is
an
honor
and
a
privilege
to
participate
in
the
life
given
life
changing,
life
saving
fellowship
of
Alcoholics
Anonymous
at
any
level,
whether
it's
setting
up
and
cleaning
up
at
the
Home
group,
going
into
the
detoxes,
the
institutions,
all
of
the
things
that
I've
been
blessed
with
and
Alcoholics
Anonymous.
When
I
was
new
in
a
I
used
to
call
my
sponsor
and
I'd
say,
Bill,
I
want
to
read
you
my
list
of
grievances
for
today,
you
know,
and
I'd
I'd
go
down
this
list
of
all
the
people
who
hadn't
treated
me
properly
and
all
of
the
things
that
I
hadn't
gone
and
he
listened
and
that
get
done.
And
he'd
always
say
this
who
you're
helping?
And
I
said,
Bill,
I
don't
think
you
were
listening.
Now,
I
don't
want
to
run
it
through
this
by
one
more
time,
you
know,
and
I'd
read
through
the
list
again,
right?
And
at
the
end,
he'd
say,
who
are
you
helping?
Click
and
hang
up
the
phone.
OK,
see,
I
learned
something.
Either
I
live
in
the
problem
or
I
live
in
the
solution.
And
anytime
I'm
given
the
opportunity
to
give
back
in
any
way
in
the
fellowship
of
Alcoholics
Anonymous
are
always
say
thank
you.
So
thank
you.
I
want
to,
there's
a
lot
of
new
people
here
tonight.
I
don't
want
to
take
a
minute
to
talk
to
those
of
you.
I
remember
what
it
was
like
to
be
new.
If
you
been
here
for
a
while
and
you
don't
remember
what
it
was
like
to
be
new,
let
me
make
a
suggestion
to
you.
Sponsor
somebody,
sponsor
somebody.
I
believe
the
1st
11
steps
of
this
program
and
give
me
10%
of
what's
offered
here,
the
12
step
and
give
me
the
other
90.
If
selfishness
and
self
centeredness
is
the
root
of
the
problem,
then
obviously
unselfishness
is
the
root
of
the
solution.
My
sponsor
today,
Bob
always
says
just
the
only
place
in
the
world
you
show
up
a
big
shot
and
work
your
way
up
the
servant
you
know,
and
that's
what
this
is
about
in
here
man.
That's
what
this
is
about.
No,
that's
the
fellowship
of
Alcoholics
Anonymous.
And
so
when
I
came
into
Alcoholics
Anonymous,
see,
I
remember
what
it
was
like
to
be
new.
I
didn't
come
here
with
a,
a
etiquette.
I
didn't
know
what
an
open
meeting
was
a
closed
meeting
was.
I
know
what
a
sponsor
was.
I
know
what
a
Home
group
was.
I
had
the
word
mother
wrapped
around
every
other
word
that
I
said.
I
didn't
know
a
big
book
from
a
Rand
McNally
Atlas
when
I
walked
up
in
here
and
I
came
in
here
and
you
know,
I'm
a
guy
that
hears
best
with
my
eyes
because
see,
'cause
I
don't
know
you.
And
so
when
I
came
in
here,
I
started
watching
and
I
saw
very
distinct
groups
of
people.
We'll
call
the
first
one
Group
One,
Group
One,
in
and
out,
in
and
out,
in
and
out.
Every
time
they
came
back
in
from
being
out,
they
look
worse
than
the
last
time
they
came
back
in
from
being
out.
I
didn't
see
nobody
come
back
in
passing
out
$50.00
bills
and
driving
the
BMW
and
talking
how
good
it
was
out
there,
right?
They
came
back
restless,
irritable
and
discontented.
And
they
talked
of
terror,
bewilderment,
frustration
and
despair.
We'll
call
them
Group
One.
And
then
there's
another
group
and
they
was
called
Group
2.
And
if
you've
been
at
this
convention
any
amount
of
time
weekend,
you've
seen
him
in
action,
chairing
meetings,
setting
up
tables
and
chairs,
putting
out
coffee,
greeting
people
at
the
door.
You
see
them
at
your
Home
group
doing
the
same
thing,
don't
you?
You
know,
they
talk
about
God,
big
book
steps,
spirituality,
helping
others,
getting
God
in
your
life
and
enjoying
sobriety.
We'll
call
them
Group
2.
Now,
I'm
no
rocket
scientist,
and
my
story
is
going
to
prove
that
to
you.
But
it
looked
at
me
like
the
people
in
Group
two
had
a
heck
of
a
better
deal
than
the
people
in
Group
1.
So
I
asked
myself,
keeping
this
simple,
what
people
in
Group
2
doing
that,
the
people
in
Group
one
or
not?
The
people
in
Group
two
had
some
things
in
common.
First
off,
they
had
something
called
a
sponsor.
Now,
I
didn't
know
what
a
sponsor
was
when
I
got
here
and
I
wasn't
going
to
tell
you
that
I
didn't
know.
I
used
to
play
softball
for
Cronins
Tavern.
They
was
our
sponsor
and
they
used
to
give
us
free
beer
and
clothes.
I
thought,
well,
maybe
it
ain't
so
bad,
right?
And
you
sat
me
down
and
you
told
me
what
a
sponsor
was.
You
said
to
somebody
who
has
working
knowledge
and
experience
with
the
12
steps
as
outlined
in
the
big
book,
who
is
willing
to
take
the
time
to
share
with
me
the
program
of
recovery
from
the
black
print
on
the
white
pages
in
that
blue
book,
and
who
is
also,
just
as
importantly,
a
living
demonstration
of
those
principles
in
their
life,
right?
I
have
sponsorship
and
Alcoholics
Anonymous
today
sponsored
by
Bob
D
in
Las
Vegas.
I
have
the
continued
spiritual
guidance
of
Bill
F
and
Lorraine,
Ohio
and
can
be
in
Cleveland.
Bill
has
50
years,
Kenny
has
40,
Bob
has
34.
That's
124
years
of
continuous
active
sobriety
that
is
at
my
disposal
on
a
daily
basis.
If
I
choose
to
use
it.
I
want
to
tell
the
new
people
that's
in
here
today
something
that
I
have
learned.
Having
a
sponsor
is
a
great
thing.
Being
sponsor
a
bowl
is
even
better,
OK?
The
only
results
that
I've
ever
gotten
from
anything
that's
been
at
my
disposal
and
Alcoholics
Anonymous
have
come
from
things
that
I've
done,
not
things
that
I've
known.
I
do
this
sometime
because
there's
a
lot
of
new
people
here
tonight.
With
everybody
that's
in
here
tonight,
who
would
be
willing
to
sponsor
a
new
person
in
a,
a
please
raise
your
hand.
Thank
you
very
much.
If
you
knew
and
you
ain't
got
a
sponsor,
I
just
hooked
you
up.
Let's
say.
No
one
ever
need
leaving
a
meeting
without
the
benefit
of
sponsorship.
And
everybody
always
laughs
when
I
do
that.
But
I
do
that
for
a
reason,
because
I
remember
what
it
was
like
to
be
new
when
I
came
here.
I
didn't
know
if
you
had
ten
years
or
10
minutes.
How
could
I
know
you?
I'd
never
been
here
before,
nor
did
I
know
if
you'd
be
willing
to
help
a
guy
like
me
who
didn't
even
feel
that
he
deserved
any
help.
No.
So
if
you
knew
here
tonight,
the
help
that
you
need
just
presented
itself.
What
you
do
with
that
information
is
up
to
you.
Another
thing
that
people
in
Group
two
had
was
something
called
a
Home
group.
And,
and
I
was
laughing
earlier
today
'cause
our
friend
who
did
the
flag
ceremony
told
us
he
didn't
have
a
Home
group,
right?
He
was
a,
a,
a
nomad,
right?
And
I
was
one
of
them
Guys
are
you
hear
it
all
the
time.
All
the
groups
are
my
Home
group.
Yeah,
right,
right.
So
they,
they
told
me
if
you
ain't
got
a
Home
group,
you're
homeless
in
a
A
and
this
is
the
last
place
in
the
world
I
can
afford
to
be
homeless.
And
I
got
a
Home
group.
My
Home
group
today
is
the
Friday
night
Venice
group
of
Alcoholics
Anonymous
Ohio.
It's
a
very
old
group.
Actually,
it
was
an
Oxford
group
meeting
at
one
time.
Because
that's
where
I
come
from.
And
I'm
going
to
tell
you
something
about
my
group.
Ain't
the
best
group
in
the
world.
It
ain't
the
worst
group
in
the
world.
I
want
to
share
something
with
y'all.
This
is
not
a
competition.
Alcoholics
Anonymous
is
a
fellowship
of
men
and
women
who
share
their
experience,
strength
and
hope
with
each
other
that
they
may
solve
their
common
problem
and
help
others
to
recover
from
alcoholism.
Ain't
no
better
than
ain't
no
less
than
in
here.
What
my
sponsor
Bill
taught
me
when
I
came
in
here
Son
is
OK
to
stop
competing
now.
My
entire
life
prior
to
Alcoholics
Anonymous
was
lived
on
a
better
than
or
less
than
basis.
And
a
funny
thing
happens
when
I
live
my
life
better
than
or
less
than
I'm
never
a
part
of.
And
if
I'm
not
a
part
of
this,
I'm
a
dead
man
in
here
tradition
one,
our
common
welfare
should
come
first.
Personal
recovery
depends
upon
a
a
unity.
Anytime
I
consciously
or
unconsciously
separate
myself
from
you
as
better
than
or
less
than
I
am
on
my
own
again.
And
my
experience
proves
abundantly
that
on
my
own,
I
cannot
stay
sober.
I
cannot
stay
sober.
That's
what
I
like
to
call
the
total
package
in
Alcoholics
Anonymous.
Sponsorship,
big
book
and
steps,
Home
group
and
service.
We
have
it.
We
talk
about
it
in
here,
don't
we?
The
three
legacies,
unity,
recovery
and
service.
In
my
experience,
which
is
the
only
thing
I'm
allowed
to
share
from
behind
the
podium,
I
have
yet
to
meet
an
alcoholic
of
our
type.
And
if
you
don't
know
what
an
alcoholic
of
our
type
is,
read
the
book.
I
have
yet
to
meet
an
alcoholic
of
our
type
who
has
come
in
here
taking
that
total
package,
applied
it
to
their
life
one
day
at
a
time
to
the
best
of
their
abilities.
Which
is
all
that's
required.
If
you
new
here
tonight,
I'm
getting
ready
to
take
the
pressure
off
of
you.
God
don't
require
more
of
you
than
you
capable
of
this
day.
God
does
not
require.
You
can
be
happy,
joyous
and
free
this
day
with
what
you
have
right
now
and
that's
going
to
get
better.
OK?
I
have
yet
to
see
one.
Come
in
here
and
do
that
and
pick
up
a
drink.
I
have
not
seen
it
one
single
time.
To
our
new
friends,
the
program
of
recovery
was
designed
for
success,
not
for
failure.
But
I
must
participate
in
my
own
recovery.
On
the
flip
side
of
the
coin,
however,
I
have
yet
to
see
an
alcoholic
of
our
type
come
in
here.
Ignore
those
things
and
stay
sane,
sober
or
happy
for
any
appreciable
length
of
time.
The
simplicity
of
Alcoholics
Anonymous,
Those
who
do
get
and
those
who
don't,
don't,
and
it's
just
that
simple.
I
don't
know
about
you,
but
I
never
sat
in
a
Tavern,
watch
somebody
across
the
room
drink
a
beer
and
thought
I
was
going
to
get
drunk
watching
them
drink.
That's
just
as
ridiculous
as
me
coming
in
here
watching
you
get
a
sponsor,
getting
the
book,
work
the
steps,
get
a
Home
group,
get
active
and
help
others
and
think
that
somehow,
magically
it's
going
to
rub
off
on
me.
Those
who
do
get
those
who
don't.
You
know,
back
where
I
live,
people
are
coming
back
into
the
meetings
after
they
go
out
and
drink
again
and
they're
reintroducing
themselves
and
this
is
what
they
say.
I'm
back.
I've
relapsed,
you
know,
and
I
go
to
nothing.
Can
I
ask
you
a
couple
questions?
Sure
you
can,
Kent.
Did
you
have
a
sponsor?
Well,
no.
Did
you
read
the
big
book
of
Alcoholics
Anonymous
and
apply
to
12
steps
to
your
life
and
have
a
spiritual
awakening?
Well,
no.
Did
you
have
a
Home
group
where
you
are
active
and
and
had
a
service
commitment?
Well,
no.
Then
what
exactly
did
you
relapse
from?
We're
giving
people
the
impression
in
here
that
meeting
attendance
is
Alcoholics
Anonymous
and
it
is
not.
I
want
to
share
if
the
new
people
in
here.
We've
got
a
program
here.
We've
got
a
program
here.
When
I
come
in,
Alcoholics
Anonymous,
OK,
I
need
to
understand
what
does
it.
And
when
I
came
here,
I
didn't
know
that.
I
didn't
know
that.
So
what
I'm
telling
you
is
if
I
come
in
here
and
I
take
those
things
that
are
at
my
disposal
and
I
apply
them
to
my
life
one
day
at
a
time,
I'm
going
to
stay
sober.
The
obsession
of
drinks
going
to
be
removed
and
and
my
life
is
going
to
start
getting
better.
And
so
is
the
are
the
lives
of
the
people
around
me
OK?
And
that's
what's
available
here.
So
we
got,
you
know,
we
live
in
an
age.
This
is
a
great
age.
Look
at
what
Rusty
got
over
there
on
the
table,
man.
We
are
inundated
with
meetings,
literature,
all
of
this
stuff.
This
is
the
greatest
time
to
be
a
member
of
a,
a
ever.
But
I
got
to
know
what
those
things
are,
OK.
Those
are
support
mechanisms
for
my
recovery.
My
recovery
is
the
12
steps
of
Alcoholics
Anonymous
as
outlined
in
the
big
book.
That's
what
recovery
is.
That's
it.
That's
all.
Period.
And
those
things
are
support
mechanisms
for
that,
not
substitutes
for
it.
OK.
And
when
I
understood
that,
this
started
to
make
a
lot
more
sense.
I
identified
myself
as
an
alcoholic.
I
didn't
know
what
that
was
when
I
got
here
either.
Of
course
I
thought
I
did.
Of
course
I
thought
I
knew
everything
when
I
got
here.
Anybody
relate
to
that?
My
definition
of
alcoholic
when
I
got
here.
Y'all
remember
Otis
on
the
Andy
Griffith
show?
Oh
this
clothes
was
always
wrinkly,
always
had
a
pipe
in
his
pocket.
Otis
was
in
and
out
of
jail.
I
watched
every
episode
of
the
Andy
Griffith
show,
even
the
ones
in
color.
I
don't
remember
Otis
working
no
place
right?
So
that's
my
definition
of
alcoholic.
I
was
in
in
England
speaking
at
a
big
convention
and
I
asked
him
that
y'all
remember
oldest
on
Andy
Griffith
show
and
2000
people
went
no.
My
sponsor
told
me
stop
embarrassing
me
and
think
about
where
you
at,
right
thought
the
head
cable.
I
didn't
know,
you
know,
So
what
is
this
thing?
So.
So
I
always
had
a
definition
of
alcoholism
and
it
was
what
I
like
to
call
a
sliding
definition
because
as
my
disease
progressed,
I
kept
fitting
my
definitions.
So
I
would
change
them.
If
you
ask
me
as
a
teenager,
what
is
alcoholic,
I
would
have
said
as
somebody
who
drinks
every
day,
right?
As
a
teenager,
I
became
a
daily
drinker.
That
ain't
it.
All
right,
let's
see.
An
alcoholic
is
somebody
who
misses
work,
school,
or
important
things
in
life
because
of
drinking.
It
interferes
with
one's
priorities
in
life.
As
a
teenager,
I
began
to
miss
work,
school,
important
things
in
life
because
of
drinking.
That
ain't
it.
I
finally
figured
it
out
though.
I
feel
alcoholic
is
somebody
who
goes
to
jail
because
of
they
drinking
a
fairly
figured
that
out
as
you
hear
in
a
few
minutes.
I
really
had
to
change
that
one.
By
the
time
I
stagger
through
the
doors
of
Alcoholics
Anonymous,
my
definition,
you
see
it
all
the
time
underneath
the
bridge
guy
with
a
long
trench
coat
of
stocking
cap
on
his
head
in
July,
drinking
Wild
Irish
Rose
Mad
Dog
Thunderbird
out
of
brown
paper
sack,
sleeping
under
a
cardboard
box.
Yes,
there
he
is.
That
certainly
must
be
an
alcoholic.
Only
reason
that
was
my
definition
when
I
got
here
is
that's
the
only
thing
that
had
not
yet
happened
to
me.
And
if
I
didn't
have
a
family
that
continued
for
many,
many
years
to
break
every
fall
that
I
had,
that's
exactly
where
I
would
have
been.
I
could
stand
here
in
all
honesty
tonight
and
tell
you,
drinking
wine,
those
alley
with
them
old
guys
in
Sandusky,
OH,
the
only
difference
between
me
and
them
guys
is
when
it
got
darker
with
somebody
who
would
open
the
back
door
for
me
and
there
was
nobody
there
to
do
it
for
them.
That's
the
only
difference.
I
had
the
nerve
to
come
into
an
AA
meeting
when
I
was
new,
poke
my
chest
out
and
say,
you
know,
I
ain't
never
been
homeless.
That
was
a
man
at
that
meeting.
His
name
was
Jim
Redmond.
God
rest
his
soul.
He
died
53
years
sober.
He
looked
up
at
me
and
he
said,
really?
He
said,
I
got
some
bad
news
for
you,
son.
He
said.
Have
you
grown
and
you
living
in
your
mom
and
daddy's
house
and
you
ain't
paying
no
rent,
you
homeless?
That
man
hurt
my
feelings.
I
hope
I
didn't
step
in.
No
toes
on
no
toes
in
here
tonight,
but
you
know,
the
truth
has
set
you
free.
So
what
is
this
thing
called
alcoholism,
man?
Alcoholism,
doctor's
opinion,
mental,
physical,
spiritual,
threefold
disease,
mental
park,
mental
obsession
to
drink
that
not
every
day
when
I
came
in
a
a
words
like
mental
obsession,
physical
allergy.
That
ain't
the
kind
of
stuff
I
was
talking
about.
You
know,
I
used
to
work
at
Ford
Motor
Company
and
I
didn't
have
a
car,
and
we'll
get
to
that
later.
And
I
get
in
the
car
with
the
guys
that
work
midnight,
8:00
in
the
morning.
I
get
in
the
back
seat
and
I'd
say,
you
know,
I've
been
thinking
about
her
beer
all
night.
Nobody
in
the
front
seat
turned
around
and
said
that's
the
mental
obsession
that
proceeded.
We
didn't
know,
right?
So
keeping
it
simple,
man,
what
is
an
obsession
of
thoughts
so
powerful
it
will
override
or
overcome
any
thinking
that
I
as
a
human
being
can
raise
as
a
defense
against
it?
What
are
some
of
the
mental
defenses
I
tried
to
raise
against
first?
The
first
drink
I
tried.
Common
sense
did
that,
you
know,
that
was
stupid.
You
know,
you
know,
my
grandmother
told
me
later
that
didn't
work
because
she
said
you
weren't
born
with
any.
But
anyway,
so
common
sense
didn't
work.
I
tried
self
knowledge,
did
this
last
week,
went
here
last
week.
Results
was
disastrous.
Let's
go
here
this
week,
do
this
week,
same
results
didn't
work.
I
tried
fear
of
consequences
I
might
face
if
I
drank
in
my
late
teens.
I'm
waking
up
in
the
morning,
laying
in
the
bed
and
mentally
making
a
list
of
all
the
reasons
why
I
shouldn't
drink
today.
And
that
was
to
continue
through
the
years.
If
I
drink
today,
flunk
out
of
school,
get
kicked
off
the
team,
get
kicked
house
girlfriend
gonna
leave
me
later
on,
lose
my
job,
dirty
urine,
I'm
going
to
the
penitentiary.
All
these
things
true
in
my
life
at
one
time
or
another.
And
if
you
anything
like
me,
three
or
four
of
them
at
a
time
is
the
way
I
roll,
right?
So
I
will
wake
up
in
the
morning,
take
a
look
at
these
things
and
I
would
make
a
decision
based
on
truth.
Easiest
kind
of
decision
I
want
to
make.
I
don't
want
the
consequences
of
any
of
us
of
this.
Therefore
I'm
not
drinking.
And
I
meant
it
as
much
as
I
mean
it
tonight.
And
then
I
get
out
of
the
bed
and
usually
about
10
seconds
later
another
thought
would
come
floating
in
my
head
and
it
usually
went
something
like
this.
Maybe
you
can
identify
with
this.
You
could
have
one
wondering
never
in
bam.
Like
a
radar,
a
lock
on
that
thought.
And
here's
the
killer
thing.
All
of
those
true
things
that
I
thought
5
minutes
ago
never
come
back
to
me.
Why?
Because
I'm
only
going
to
have
one
now.
This
is
an
honest
program.
I'll
be
honest
with
you
tonight.
I
have
never
in
my
entire
life
had
one
of
anything
that
I
enjoy.
My
philosophy
of
life
is
very
simple.
If
one's
good,
too
is
better.
Three's
outstanding.
Fours.
Magnificent.
Let's
pony
up
money
for
five.
I
am
Doctor.
Feel
good.
Right.
So
what
is
the
statement?
I'm
only
gonna
have
one.
It
is
a
lie
if
the
12
steps
is
an
honesty
based
program,
and
it
certainly
is
because
honesty
is
the
principle
of
the
first
step.
And
we
know
that
every
principle
in
the
steps
must
be
applied
to
the
following
steps.
Therefore
the
principle
of
honesty
must
be
applied
in
all
twelve
of
our
steps.
That's
why
first
the
first
step
is
the
one
I
got
to
work
100%
in
order
to
have
a
chance
then
doesn't
naturally
follow
that
alcoholism
is
a
lie
based
disease.
My
sponsor
Bill
told
me
when
I
was
new,
he
said,
I
don't
know
about
you,
son,
he
said.
But
I
never
walked
into
the
bar
room
and
said,
hey,
bartender,
give
me
a
shot
in
the
beer.
I
want
to
be
in
jail
by
9:00.
It
was
always
going
to
be
what
it's
going
to
be
different.
So
I
pick
up
this
drink
that
I'm
only
going
to
have
one
and
I
drink
it
and
the
second
part
of
the
disease
becomes
active.
Doctor
Silkworth
called
it
the
phenomenon
of
craving.
Prior
to
Alcoholics
Anonymous,
alcoholism
was
treated
as
what,
either
a
moral
issue
or
a
mental
illness.
OK
Doctor
Silkworth
introduced
something
to
the
world
that
we
know
today
is
a
disease
concept
of
alcoholism
when
it's
there's
something
physically
different
about
me.
He
calls
the
phenomenon
of
craving.
Little
story
I
like
to
tell
that
illustrates
that.
Simple
for
me
because
I'm
a
simple
guy.
It's
a
90°
day.
I'm
riding
on
my
lawnmower
in
Sandusky.
OH,
cutting
my
grass.
So
is
my
non
alcoholic
next
door
neighbor.
I'm
watching
him
over
there.
He
gets
hot
and
thirsty.
He
shuts
his
mower
off.
He
gets
off
it.
He
walks
across
the
lawn
to
his
deck.
He
flips
open
the
cooler.
It
is
full
of
cold
beer.
He
pulls
out
a
cold
one.
He
pops
a
top
on
her.
He
sucks
her
down.
It
quenches
his
thirst
that
I
know
nobody
in
here
is
going
to
believe
it,
but
I've
seen
this
with
my
own
two
eyes.
With
that
full
cooler
of
beer
still
sitting
there,
that
man
actually
got
back
on
his
lawnmower
and
finished
cutting
his
grass.
The
difference
between
me
and
my
neighbor,
if
I
get
off
of
my
lawnmower
and
I
pop
a
top
on
a
cold
one
and
I
suck
her
down,
it
does
not
quench
my
thirst.
What
it
does
to
me
and
maybe
to
you,
is
it
makes
me
thirstier.
How
simple
is
that?
And
grass
cutting
is
over
at
the
Coleman
house.
My
lawnmower
be
sitting
in
that
same
spot
two
weeks
from
now
when
I
get
out
of
the
county
because
that's
the
way
I
roll
right?
Spiritual
malady
soul
sickness.
I
live
a
self-directed
self
will
life,
and
I
did
that
consciously.
I
made
a
conscious
decision
at
the
age
of
14
that
I
would
direct
my
own
life.
And
as
a
result
of
that,
I
find
it
necessary
to
arrange
the
actions
and
outcomes
of
the
people,
places
and
things
in
my
life
to
suit
my
needs.
And
there's
a
problem
with
that,
isn't
there?
Is
that
the
people,
places
and
things
in
the
world
around
me
refuse
to
cooperate.
And
as
a
result
of
that
I've
become
restless,
irritable
and
discontented.
And
at
the
age
of
14,
I
learned
that
if
I
pour
alcohol
on
restless,
irritable
and
discontented,
I
get
a
sense
of
ease,
comfort,
fearlessness
and
well-being.
A
sense
of
wholeness.
Dr.
Silkworth
called
it
the
effect
produced
by
alcohol.
This
disease
of
mind,
body
and
spirit
is
called
alcoholism.
And
I
got
no
idea
if
you
got
it,
but
I
definitely
got
it.
And
if
I
don't
treat
it,
death,
imprisonment
or
commitment
are
guaranteed
me
whether
I
drink
or
not.
And
some
of
you
know
what
I'm
talking
about.
I'm
53
years
old.
I
was
born
the
city
of
Sandusky.
OH,
the
second
of
three
boards
out
of
right
in
the
Christian
home.
I
ought
to
talk
to
different
between
right
and
wrong
before
my
feet
ever
hit
the
grass
in
the
front
yard.
My
mom
and
dad
were
the
best.
I'm
the
son
of
Pete
and
Evelyn
Coleman,
and
I
was
raised
in
a
home
where
we
were
taught
the
difference
between
right
and
wrong.
My
mom
was
a
president,
Ohio
Baptist
Women's
Convention,
all
the
famous
people
you
see
on
TV
and
religion,
and
people
been
in
my
house
and
was
regular
callers
to
our
home.
We
wasn't
sent
to
church,
we
were
taken
to
church.
My
father
was
the
commissioner
of
the
local
Little
League,
the
youth
Football
League.
Our
grandparents
live
with
us.
My
grandmother
cooked
for
the
whole
town.
I
was
raised
in
a
home
where
people
live
lives
of
service
to
God
and
the
people
around
him.
That
is
the
atmosphere
in
which
I
was
raised.
My
mother
worked
for
Chrysler
Corporation,
my
father
worked
for
General
Motors.
I'm
retired
from
Ford
and
I
tell
people,
you
know,
we
had
a
lot
of
craziness
house.
We
have
really
nice
cars.
But
anyway,
you
know,
growing
up
got
everything
that
we
wanted
within
reason.
And
if
Mom
and
Dad
said
no,
we
went
to
our
grandmother
because
Noah
was
not
in
her
vocabulary.
That
is
the
atmosphere
in
which
I
was
raised.
You
know,
in
the
12
and
12,
Bill
talked
about
the
12
steps
and
he
described
him
as
a
set
of
principal
spiritual
in
nature.
I
was
introduced
to
spiritually
principal
living
before
I
went
off
the
kindergarten
and
our
house.
They
told
us
honesty
is
the
best
policy.
A
real
man,
as
always,
honest
with
himself
and
other
people.
And
our
house,
maybe
in
some
of
your
houses
we
got
automatic
whoopers
when
we
got
caught
lying.
Did
that
happen
in
anybody
else's
house
in
here
at
step
one?
The
principle
of
step
one
is
honesty,
and
I
learned
it
at
the
end
of
a
Hickory
stick
as
a
very
young
boy,
my
mother
told
me
when
I
was
about
seven
or
eight
years
old.
Kenny,
come
here.
I'm
worried
about
you.
Contrary
to
what
you
believe,
the
sun
does
not
rise
when
you
wake
up
and
set.
When
you
go
to
bed,
look
out
the
window
and
tell
me
what
you
see.
Sky
burst,
cars,
grass,
people,
mountains,
she
said.
You
think
this
just
popped
up
out
of
nowhere?
She
said,
Kenny,
there's
the
power
that's
greater
than
you
that
created
all
of
this.
And
all
you
have
to
do
is
be
willing
to
believe
at
that
step,
too.
And
our
house,
they
told
us
if
you
will
make
a
decision
to
put
your
life
in
the
hands
of
the
power
that
created
all
of
this.
In
our
house,
they
call
that
power
God.
She
said
you
will
always
have
what
you
need
no
matter
what
happens
outside
or
around
you.
My
mother
was
telling
me
the
answers
inside,
not
outside.
Step
three.
And
at
home
they
told
us
anytime
you
got
a
problem,
no
matter
how
bad
you
think
it
is,
come
talk
to
us
about
it.
A
problem
shared
is
a
problem
half
solved.
You're
only
as
sick
as
your
secrets.
My
mom
used
to
say
no
man
is
an
island
that
steps
four
and
five
and
our
house.
They
told
us
any
the
biggest
room
in
your
life
is
the
room
for
improvement.
If
you
can
make
seas,
you
can
make
bees.
If
you
can
make
bees,
you
can
make
A's.
And
if
you'll
ask
the
power
that
created
all
of
this
to
help
you
in
any
positive
improvement
you
want
to
make
in
your
life,
the
power
will
always
do
so
because
that's
what
the
power
does.
At
step
six
and
seven
and
our
home,
they
told
us
anytime
you
heard
hammer
wrong,
someone
else
go
make
right
the
wrong,
you're
done.
You
owe
an
apology,
Make
it
your
all
time.
Give
it
your
owe
money,
pay
it,
clean
up
your
mess.
That's
what
responsible
people
do
at
steps
8:00
and
9:00.
My
mother
used
to
say
you
can
never
go
forward
in
his
life
if
you
don't
know
where
you
are
and
what
you
need
to
work
on
to
get
wherever
it
is
you're
trying
to
go.
How
can
you
go
somewhere
if
you
don't
know
where
you
are?
When
I
was
a
junior
in
high
school,
I
took
Greek
and
I
read
a
book
about
Socrates.
And
in
that
book,
Socrates
said
the
uninventoried
life
is
a
waste.
Step
10.
Our
grandmother
said
the
secret
to
having
a
good
day
is
very
simple.
When
you
wake
up
in
the
morning,
slide
out
of
the
bed
onto
your
knees
and
say
one
word
please.
As
you
go
throughout
the
day
and
you
don't
know
what
to
do,
ask
the
power
that
created
all
of
this
to
help
you.
And
at
night
before
you
get
back
into
bed,
hit
your
knees
again
and
say
2
words,
thank
you.
Step
11.
And
in
our
house,
they
told
us
the
greatest
thing
that
a
human
being
could
do
with
their
life
was
not
acquire
money
and
material
things.
It
would
be
of
service
to
others.
How
did
they
teach
us
that?
They
taught
us
the
golden
rule.
They
taught
us
to
talk
to
folk
the
way
wanted
to
be
talked,
to
treat
folk
the
way
we
wanted
to
be
treated.
Respect
your
elders.
Offer
to
share
what
you
have
with
your
brothers,
your
cousins,
and
your
friends
before
you
have
your
own.
Be
of
service
to
your
fellow
man.
Step
12.
When
I
got
on
the
bus
to
go
to
kindergarten,
I
was
already
armed
with
a
set
of
principles,
spiritual
in
nature,
that
I
know.
Today
is
the
12
steps
of
a
A.
To
our
new
friends
here
today,
I
want
to
share
some
with
you.
Spiritually
principled
living
did
not
originate
in
Ohio
in
1935.
Those
principles
are
ancient,
and
there's
a
lot
of
people
who
live
like
that
out
there
every
single
day
and
check
this
out.
They
don't
expect
a
pat
on
the
back
for
it
either,
right?
I'm
amazed
sometimes
that
people
at
a,
A,
you
ever
hear
this
in
an,
a,
A
meeting?
Boy,
those
people
out
there
sure
could
use
what
we
got
in
here.
Where
do
you
think
we
got
it?
Read
the
history
of
Alcoholics
Anonymous
Henrietta
Soberly,
Ann
Smith,
Dr.
Shoemaker,
Dr.
Silkworth.
None
of
these
people
were
alcoholic.
What
do
you
think?
We
got
it.
And
they
don't
expect
the
pat
on
the
back
for
it
either.
Of
course.
I
always
did
I7
months.
So
I
went
to
see
my
grandmother.
I
said
Mama,
guess
what?
She
said
what?
I
said
I
paid
my
bill
seven
months
in
a
row.
She
said
I
paid
mine
72
years
in
a
row.
Get
out
of
here.
The
selfishness
and
self
centeredness
of
the
alcoholic.
Do
you
realize
this
is
the
only
place
in
the
world
that
we
got
to
tell
new
people?
Now
go
do
something
nice
for
somebody
but
you
can't
tell
nobody
or
it
don't
count.
It's
the
only
place
in
the
world.
We
are
so
sad.
It's
unreal
in
it
as
resuscitable
and
discontented
as
a
kid,
I
was
never
comfortable
in
my
own
skin.
I
love
the
the
the
the
writing
and
the
big
word
where
I
love
the
way
Bill
Wilson
writing.
He
talked
about
being
maladjusted
to
life.
I
was
maladjusted
to
life
and
I
couldn't
tell
you
why.
There
was
always
a
nervousness
and
underlying
current
of
something
running
through
me
and
I
didn't
know
what
it
was.
You
know,
our
book
talks
about
being
self-centered.
What
self-centered
means
is
that
I
believe
that
I
am
the
center
of
the
universe,
right?
I
can't
see
any
further
than
me
and
the
only
possible
reason
that
any
of
the
rest
of
you
even
exist
on
this
earth
is
to
be
able
to
make
me
feel
good.
And
that's
the
way
it
was
for
me.
As
a
kid.
I
was
shy
and
insecure
and
afraid,
scared
to
death
of
girls,
very
what
we
like
to
call
it,
self-conscious.
Today
we
know
what
it
is,
is
extremely
self-centered
and
selfish.
I'm
a
guy
who
thinks
I
got
to
say
and
do
the
right
things
at
all
time
because
everybody's
watching
and
hanging
on
every
word
I
say
and
every
action
I
take.
And
you
find
out
later
as
other
I
think
was
Brian
had
talked
about,
nobody
was
even
paying
me
any
attention,
you
know
what
I
mean?
But
I
can't
see
you
see,
I'm
so
full
of
me,
I
can't
even
see
you
right?
And
that's
the
way
I
was
as
a
kid.
So
I
started
looking
for
different
avenues
of
escape.
I
daydreamed
a
lot.
I
was
an
avid
reader.
You
hear
that
a
lot
in
here,
don't
you?
An
Ave.
of
escape.
I
become
a
character
in
the
book.
The
reality
of
my
life
is
becoming
an
untenable
and
an
uncomfortable
place
for
me.
So
I'm
looking
to
go
somewhere
else.
You
know,
my
first
real
choice
was
my
older
brother
and
a
brother
four
years
older
than
me.
I
come
from
a
football
family
and
my
part
of
the
country.
We
play
a
lot
of
football
and
my
father
played
for
West
Virginia
State
University,
my
uncle
Beau
played
for
Penn
State.
I
had
two
cousins
that
played
the
National
Football
League
for
over
10
years.
My
family
do
football
on
Saturdays
and
Sundays
in
front
of
90
and
100,000.
That's
what
we
was
raised
to
do.
Our
baby
pictures
is
not
laying
in
a
crib,
it's
on
the
floor
in
a
three-point
stance
in
a
diaper
with
a
foot.
I
wouldn't
mind
just
with
my
daddy
was,
you
know,
that's
the
way
we
was
raised,
you
know,
and,
uh,
my
brother,
by
the
time
he
was
16
years
old,
was
6
foot
two.
He
weighed
215
lbs.
He
could
run
A4440
on
a
central
track
and
tennis
shoes.
And
he
had
committed
to
go
to
Ohio
State
University
to
play
for
Woody
Hayes
at
that
time.
And
my
brother
was
my
hero
and
my
high
school
produced
seven
NFL
players
out
of
two
classes.
I
mean,
that's
what
we
come
from
and
and
my
brother
was
on
his
way
to
do
that
and
he
took
me
with
him
everywhere
that
he
went
and
I
had
ease
and
comfort
in
his
shadow.
When
I
was
with
him.
Nobody
expected
me
to
be
do
or
saying
anything.
I'm
looking
outside
to
try
to
fix
this
problem
that
I
got
on
the
inside.
And
on
September
the
5th
of
1972,
we
journeyed
to
Massillon,
OH
to
scrimmage
to
Massillon
Tigers.
If
you
watch
ESPN,
they
was
ranked
the
number
one
high
school
football
program
in
the
country
and
they
was
our
big
rival.
And
on
that
day
he
had
four
or
five
runs
over
50
yards
and
late
in
the
scrimmage,
got
to
hit
low,
got
to
hit
high.
Funny,
5
minutes
later,
collapsed,
wasn't
breathing.
9
hours
of
brain
surgery
on
Monday.
And
on
Wednesday,
September
the
5th
of
1972,
he
died
of
that
injury.
Is
that
what
made
me
an
alcoholic?
Absolutely
not.
Stop
any
car
out
on
the
street
today,
you'll
get
similar
stories.
People
live,
people
die,
tragedies
happen.
What
did
it
do
to
me?
I
could
tell
you
very
simply
broke
my
heart,
almost
killed
my
mom
and
daddy,
you
know,
really
almost
killed
my
grandparents,
changed
my
whole
town,
actually.
And
what
it
seemed
to
do
was
intensify
the
feelings
of
difference
that
I
already
had.
You
know,
we
didn't
have
counselors.
And
you
know,
today
if
something
happened,
they
rushed
to
the
school
and,
you
know,
thinking
they
had
that
back
then
you
was
on
your
own.
And
and
I
always,
I
want
to
say
this,
I've
never
doubted
the
existence
or
or
power
of
God
in
my
darkest
days
on
the
street
because
something
happened
when
my
brother
died,
You
know,
Brian
talked
about
how,
you
know,
his
mom
hit
the
bottle
and
you
know,
when
they
had
a
similar
tragedy
in
their
family.
This
is
what
my
mother
did.
We
got
to
that
Funeral
Home
that
next
Friday
and
there
were
thousands
of
people.
Literally
Defiled
House
Museum
in
Sandusky
City
was
the
biggest
funeral
in
the
history
of
Sandusky.
And
my
mother
walked
in
that
Funeral
Home
and
stood
by
my
brother's
casket
and
looked
at
them
people
and
this
is
what
she
said.
I
don't
know
when,
how
or
where,
but
blessings
will
come
from
this.
I
watched
my
mother
take
an
entire
town
and
family
and
put
it
on
her
shoulders
and
walk
us
through
that
when
we
were
on
the
brink
of
collapse.
And
at
the
age
of
13,
I
knew
my
mother
didn't
have
that
kind
of
power.
I
have
never
doubted
the
power
and
existence
of
God.
I
just
made
a
decision
I
didn't
want
it.
After
my
brothers
gone,
I
got
to
hang
around
guys
my
own
age.
I'm
thirteen
years
old.
We
standing
on
the
street
corner.
I've
known
these
guys
since
I'm
two
topics
of
conversation
among
our
crew.
1972
at
the
age
of
13
was
very
simple.
Three
things,
drinking
beer,
smoking
weed
and
climbing
in
and
out
of
girls
bedroom
windows
in
the
middle
of
the
night
and
I
was
batting
000.
I
had
a
mother
that
did
not
play
that.
I
went
to
school,
church
ball
practice
at
home.
But
do
I
let
them
know
that?
Absolutely
not.
You
remember
them
dogs
that
used
to
put
in
the
back
window
of
the
car?
They
had
to
go
like
this.
That's
me.
Oh
yeah,
I
did
that
last
night.
Ain't
that
fun?
I
was
over.
I'm
thirteen
years
old
and
I'm
a
liar
or
faking
a
phony.
I
am
willing
to
compromise
everything
that
I've
been
taught
and
believed
to
be
true
to
gain
your
acceptance.
I'm
looking
outside
to
fill
this
hole
on
the
inside.
I'm
looking
for
your
acceptance.
My
mom
used
to
talk
to
me
a
lot
after
my
brother
died
and
she
would
tell
me
things
like
God's
been
so
good
to
you
and
you're
going
to
have
a
really
good
life,
blah,
blah,
blah,
blah,
blah.
And
I
used
to
look
at
my
mom
and
I
used
to
tell
her,
you
know,
I
don't
know
where
you
get
this
stuff,
but
what
I
can
tell
you
what
I
want
out
of
life
in
30
seconds.
I
want
mine.
I
want
to
my
way
and
I'm
gonna
need
you
to
leave
me
alone
while
I'm
doing
it
cuz
I
ain't
gonna
do
it
the
way
you
do.
And
she'd
get
that
sad
look
on
her
face
that
mothers
get,
oh,
we
didn't
raise
you
that
way.
You
don't
get
it.
And
I
put
my
finger
in
her
face.
I
said
you
the
one
who
don't
get
it,
you
know,
selfish
and
self-centered
and
self
seeking
and
self
absorbed.
One
of
the
big
things
in
my
life
at
that
time
was
church.
And
it
wasn't
an
option
in
my
house.
OK?
Nobody
ever
asked
me,
did
I
want
to
go?
They
told
me,
get
up,
you're
going.
And
this
would
prompt
a
big
fight
in
my
house
every
Sunday
morning.
And
I
was
sitting
in
church
one
Sunday
and
and
a
thought
came
to
me.
And
this
is
what
it
what
it
what
it
was.
You
know
you're
not
going
to
live
with
these
people
forever
and
you're
not
going
to
have
to
do
this
forever.
All
you
got
to
do
is
these
next
couple
years
and
then
you're
done.
And
I
made
a
conscious
decision
at
the
age
of
14
that
once
I
was
old
enough
to
call
my
own
shots,
I
would
never
again
darken
the
doors
of
a
church.
And
I
made
that
happen.
The
next
Sunday
when
she
woke
me
up,
she
said,
you
got
to
go
to
church.
I
said,
no
problem,
let
me
get
ready.
And
she
said,
really?
And
I
said,
yeah,
you
got
two
years,
11
months,
4
weeks
and
three
more
days.
And
I
can
only
imagine
what
she
was
thinking.
You're
looking
at
a
parent
abuser.
We
talk
a
lot
in
society
today
about
child
abuse.
I
want
to
share
something
with
you.
Prior
to
me
picking
up
a
drink
of
alcohol,
there
were
no
sleepless
nights
in
our
home.
There
was
no
hollering
and
screaming
in
our
home.
There
was
no
anxiety
and
fear
and
guilt
and
shame.
There
was
none
of
that
in
our
home.
They
were
happy,
joyous,
and
free.
I
bought
those
things
into
that
home
and
I
infected
the
people
who
gave
me
life
with
them
until
they
were
sicker
than
I
was.
When
I
got
to
Alcoholic
Anonymous
and
I
got
the
nerve
to
come
into
a
A
and
talk
about,
man,
I
had
a
great
time
out
there
drinking.
I'm
gonna
tell
you
what
a
guy
told
me
when
I
was
new.
He
said,
did
you
really,
if
we
brought
your
mother,
your
father,
the
girl
you
live
with,
your
coworkers,
your
neighbors
and
your
creditors
in
here
and
we
step
them
down
and
said,
you
know,
Ken
had
a
heck
of
a
time
out
there
drinking.
What
kind
of
time
did
you
guys
have?
What
do
you
think
they'd
say?
And
I
said
to
him,
you
know,
I
never
thought
of
that,
He
said,
I
know
you
haven't,
because
all
you
think
about
is
you.
I
don't
stand
behind
the
podium
of
a
A
and
glorify
the
disease
that
burned
my
life
to
the
ground,
just
about
killed
my
parents,
huh,
And
took
me
to
a
place
that
I
didn't
think
there
was
a
return
from.
I
don't
glorify
drinking
in
here
from
the
day
I
picked
it
up,
you
know?
You
know
what
my
definition
of
a
good
time
drinking
is?
Any
consequences
that
have
to
be
paid
as
a
result
of
my
drinking
are
paid
by
somebody
else.
That
is
my
definition
of
a
good
time.
I
don't
plant
seeds
in
my
head.
I
got
a
disease
that's
coming
back
and
powerful
that
there's
something
redeeming
about
my
drinking.
From
the
day
I
picked
it
up
to
the
day
I
put
it
down,
my
life
went
right
in
the
toilet.
That
I
have
good
times.
I
fought
absolutely
right.
But
one
of
the
great
things
about
Alcoholics
Anonymous
is
the
ability
to
see
the
truth.
Now,
funny
thing
about
a
A,
if
you
knew
is
you
can't
see
what
it's
doing
to
you
till
you're
free
of
it.
See,
I
can
look
in
the
rearview
mirror
tonight
and
tell
you
all
this
stuff,
but
when
I'm
living
in
it,
I
can't
see
it.
Selfish,
self-centered,
self
seeking,
self
absorbed,
and
according
to
my
mother,
mean
as
a
rattlesnake.
I
have
yet
to
take
a
drink.
I
tell
people
I
was
the
perfectly
tilled
soil
for
the
disease
of
alcoholism.
All
I
got
to
do
now
is
find
out
if
I
got
the
physical
allergy.
Found
out,
got
in
the
car
with
the
guy
I
played
basketball
with
in
high
school
who
lived
the
life
I
lived
in
my
head
right
snazzy
car
Parker
full
of
money,
ran
around
with
the
kind
of
girls
I
ran
away
from
when
I
see
them
coming
down
the
hall
and
I
got
in
the
car
with
Johnny.
He
looked
at
me.
So
they
Coleman,
you
want
to
get
something
to
drink.
Now
I
have
been
warned
about
drinking.
Alcoholism
does
not
run
in
my
family.
It
gallops
and
I
have
been
told
we
do
not
do
alcohol.
Well,
look
at
your
Uncle
Ed
look
at
Junior.
Looking
by
my
whole
both
sides
of
my
family
are
rife
with
alcoholism.
But
if
Johnny
had
said
to
me
that
day,
let's
go
Rob
to
carry
out
a
guarantee,
I
would
have
done
it.
Those
are
the
links
I'm
willing
to
go
to.
To
gain
your
acceptance,
to
fill
this
hole,
I
got
on
the
inside.
We
went
through
the
drive
through.
We
put
our
money
together.
We
bought
10
quarts
of
slit
small
liquor
bowl.
Johnny
dropped
a
convertible
top
on
that
beautiful
Pontiac,
cranked
up
the
music.
Bright
sunshiny
day.
We
rode
through
the
streets
of
Sandusky.
OH,
and
we
drank
that
beer
and
my
life
changed.
I've
heard
a
lot
of
descriptions
of
what
happens
when
that
alcoholic
gets
on
that
first
drunk.
I
heard
a
guy
say
one
time
there
comes
a
moment
when
an
alcoholic
takes
a
drink
and
alcohol
flips
the
switch.
The
lights
come
on.
Everything
I
ever
wanted
to
be,
do
or
say
immediately
became
possible.
Now,
on
that
day,
this
is
the
easy
I
can
put
it
to
you.
I
went
from
shy,
insecure
and
afraid
to
bold,
confident,
suave,
debonair
and
absolutely
fearless
in
about
20
minutes.
We
went
behind
the
Derrick
Apartments
where
all
the
thugs
hung
out.
I
had
not
said
5
words
in
public
in
the
last
three
years.
We
pulled
up.
People
surrounded
the
car.
I
told
Johnny,
turn
that
music
down.
There's
a
few
things
I
want
to
tell
a
few
people
who
are
present
here
this
afternoon
that
I've
been
wanting
to
tell
them
for
quite
some
time.
And
I
went
around
that
circle
of
hoolums
and
not
only
did
I
tell
each
and
everyone
on
what
I
thought
of
them,
also
told
them
what
they
needed
to
do,
in
my
opinion,
to
improve
themselves.
The
reactions
to
the
people
around
that
car.
They
was
leaning
in
the
car
and
hugged
me.
They
say,
see,
I
told
you.
I
told
you
my
boys.
All
right,
He's
loosening
up.
He's
doing
a
little
drinking.
He's
one
of
us,
man.
I
immediately
connected
the
dots
and
I
immediately
attributed
to
drinking.
I
now
have
the
acceptance
of
the
peoples
who
acceptance
I
want
the
most.
That's
not
mom
and
dad,
that's
them
drive
by
shooters
behind
the
Derrick
Apartments.
Alcohol
equals
success
and
you
better
believe
I
got
it.
We
left
from
there.
We
went
over
to
the
home
of
some
of
them
girls
he
run
around
with,
I
run
away
from
and
I've
never
been
over
there
in
my
life.
I
walked
into
that
home
like
I
was
paying
the
mortgage.
I
went
in
the
dining
room.
I
sat
down
to
the
dining
room
table.
I
looked
across
the
room
at
a
girl.
I
still
think
it's
the
prettiest
girl
to
graduate
from
Sandusky
High
School
and
his
162
year
history.
I
had
never
even
breathed
in
her
direction,
much
less
said
hello.
And
I
looked
over
there
at
her
and
she
looked
up
at
me.
And
I
said,
come
here.
And
she
got
up
and
started
walking
toward
me.
Now,
any
sane
human
being
at
this
point
would
probably
think
to
themselves,
if
you
weren't
so
shy
and
scared,
look
what
you
could
have
done
just
by
speaking
up.
Here's
what
I
thought.
If
you
had
been
drinking
before,
now
look
what
you
could
have
done.
Look
what
you've
been
missing.
As
I
stand
here
tonight,
I
can
remember
thinking
that
as
clearly
as
if
it
happened
this
morning.
Now
this
is
an
honest
program
and
I'm
going
to
be
honest
with
you.
When
she
got
over
there
to
me,
I
had
no
idea
what
to
do
with
her.
I
don't
think
that
far
ahead
when
I'm
drinking,
but
guys
like
me
watch
a
lot
of
TV
and
I
fall
on
TV.
They
do
this
and
I,
I
did
that,
and
she
sat
down
in
my
lap
and
my
life
changed
again.
And
the
bottom
line
to
the
whole
story
is
on
that
day,
alcohol
did
for
me
what
I
couldn't
do
for
myself.
What
happened
after
that?
I'll
tell
you
the
rest
of
my
drink.
In
history.
There's
a
lot
of
people
who
come
to
Alcoholics
Anonymous
who
haven't
been
to
jail
or
haven't
been
in
trouble,
and
you
don't
have
to.
You
know
what?
Those
are
social
consequences
for
antisocial
behavior.
And
there's
a
lot
of
people
who
show
up
in
here
who
got
families
and
jobs
and
never
been
in
trouble
and
seen
it.
And
you
don't
have
to.
You
can
get
off
the
elevator
at
any
floor.
The
price
of
admission
is
honesty.
You
can
get
off
the
elevator
at
any
floor.
However
that
is
not
my
experience.
I'm
a
drink
trouble
guy.
If
this
if
this
right
here
was
a
drink
of
alcohol
and
I
stood
here
and
drank
it,
a
cop
would
drop
right
out
of
that
light
and
land
in
the
middle
of
this
floor.
The
old
timers
of
Cleveland
used
to
say
drink.
Trouble
drinking,
dude.
I
said
I
got
that
right.
What
happened
the
rest
of
that
day
is
the
rest
of
my
drink
in
history
winning
a
blackout.
I
have
no
idea
what
went
on
the
next
four
or
five
hours,
according
to
eyewitnesses
at
the
house,
I
came
in
the
front
door
and
threw
up
a
trail
through
the
house,
through
the
living
room,
through
the
kitchen,
through
the
family
room.
My
grandfather
fell
on
the
floor
laughing.
I
went
in
the
bathroom.
I
had
everything
but
the
toilet.
The
next
day
I
remember
is
my
mother
knocking
on
my
bedroom
door
screaming
come
out
here
and
clean
up
this
mess,
you
know
you've
been
drinking,
blah
blah
blah
blah.
I
staggered
into
the
hallway
and
were
later
years
would
be
my
drinking
uniform,
my
underwear.
I'm
bouncing
off
of
them
hallway
walls.
I
gotta
hangover.
That's
alive.
You
can
I
mean,
I'm
dying.
I
go
in
the
bathroom.
I
like
the
bathroom
door,
put
my
hands
on
the
bathroom
sink.
I
look
in
the
mirror
and
this
is
what
I
said.
Man,
oh
man,
I
can't
wait
to
do
that
again.
Grounded
for
life
is
what
was
being
discussed
in
the
living
room
and
how
that
sentence
was
going
to
be.
So
immediately.
I
want
you
to
follow
me.
I'm
facing
negative
consequences
as
a
result
of
my
drinking.
The
big
book
talks
about
a
guy
who
puts
his
hand
on
a
hot
stove,
right?
You
don't
do
it
again.
Here's
my
thinking
in
that
bathroom.
Maybe
you
can
relate
to
this.
I
had
a
meeting
with
myself.
I,
you
know,
I
like
to
have
a
meeting
with
myself
because
I
usually
can
solve
most
everything
that's
going
on
and
at
a
meeting
with
myself,
and
here's
what
I
come
up
with.
I
can't.
Here's
what
happened.
You
got
drunk.
Yep.
You
got
sick.
Yep.
And
as
a
result
of
that,
you
are
grounded
for
life.
Now,
here's
the
deal.
It's
not
because
you
got
drunk
that
you're
in
trouble.
The
reason
that
you're
in
trouble
is
because
you
got
sick
and
you
got
sickness.
Wouldn't
have
happened.
What
you
got
to
do
is
learn
how
to
drink
without
getting
sick.
Is
anybody
with
me
on
this?
OK,
I
I
can't
see
the
forest
for
the
trees,
man.
The
curtain
drops,
right
and
and
I'm
gone
and
I'm
gone
and
I
never
looked
back.
Got
me
a
car
at
the
age
of
16
at
a
1:00
curfew.
Come
on
4:00
in
the
morning.
When
I
used
to
come
home,
my
mother
used
to
be
up.
Her
light
would
be
on
till
I
came
in
the
house.
She
called
me
and
she
said,
Kenny,
come
here,
I
want
to
see
you.
I'd
stick
my
head
around
the
corner
and
look
in
the
bedroom,
you
know,
And
this
is
what
I
used
to
say
to
my
mom.
Why
are
you
up?
Seriously
why
are
you
up?
If
y'all
go
somewhere
I'll
sit
up
here
2:00
or
3:00
in
the
morning
waiting
on
you
and
they
to
get
home.
I
can't.
I
want
you
to
understand
something.
I
am
so
full
of
self
and
so
full
of
me.
I
can't
even
comprehend
the
love
of
a
parent
for
a
child.
That's
just
foreign
to
me.
Though
I
am
self-centered,
I
am
the
centered
universe.
So
I
can't
see
you
and
I'll
come
home
this
night
at
4:30.
And
my
mom
sitting
on
the
car's
living
room,
lamps
on,
tears
running
down
her
face.
And
this
is
my
mother
told
me
when
I
came
in
that
front
door.
She
said,
Buster,
I'm
going
to
tell
you
something.
She
said,
as
your
parents
will
go
your
roof
over
here,
food
to
eat,
clothes
on
your
back
in
an
education.
And
we
have
fulfilled
our
part
of
the
bargain.
She
said,
but
buddy,
I
got
something
you
can't
have.
And
she
said
that's
my
Peace
of
Mind.
She
said
Kenny,
you
going
to
penitentiary
of
the
cemetery
and
I
got
a
message
for
you,
So
I
ain't
going
with
you.
I'm
done.
Go
do
what
you
want.
I'm
giving
you
to
God.
I'm
done
and
this
is
what
I
said
to
my
mom.
A
broke
you,
I
broke
you.
And
I
want
you
to
know
something.
I'm
a
little
bit
disappointed
you
such
a
spiritual
giant
because
it
wasn't
even
that
hard
and
I
walked
away
and
left
my
mother
sitting
there.
That's
Ken.
At
age
16,
I
graduated
from
high
school.
I
went
off
to
college.
I
went
to
Miami
of
Ohio
on
one
of
the
finer
institutions
of
higher
learning
in
this
country.
Lisa
was
till
I
got
there,
I
was
drunk
for
I
was
drunk
for
five
years
down
there.
Like
Brian,
I,
I
went
into
business
for
myself
with
distributing
outside
issues
and
I
tell
you
how
that
went
for
me.
First
week
I
was
my
best
customer,
Second
week
I
was
my
only
customer.
So
that
didn't
work
for
me.
Just
chaos
and
confusion.
My
alcoholism
skyrocketed
with
no
parental
interference.
By
the
time
I'm
19
years
old,
I
got
shakes
in
the
morning.
I
have
set
up
headquarters
down
to
boars
Head
in
Uptown.
I
went
up
and
saw
Tom
the
bartenders
kind
of
like
my
sponsor
and
I
told
Tom,
I
said
I
think
I
got
Parkinson's
and
I'm
looking.
He
says
you're
19
years
old.
I
couldn't
fasten
my
shirt
this
morning.
He
said
listen
son,
he
said
here's
what
I
want
you
to
do.
Go
get
a
5th
100
proof
old
granddad.
Drink
two
shots
tomorrow
morning.
Your
hands
will
stop
shaking.
All
right,
I
got
the
granddad.
Drink
two
shots.
The
next
morning,
my
hand
stopped
shaking.
You
know
what
I
said,
don't
you?
That
man's
a
genius,
all
right?
My
sponsor
pointed
out
to
me
when
I
came
into
a
A.
He
said
you
noticed
you
never
questioned
the
bartender,
but
you're
surrounded
by
people
who
loved
you
and
tried
to
help
you.
And
all
you
did
was
curse
them
out
and
tell
them
you
was
grown
and
you
wouldn't
hurt
nobody
and
live
in
your
own
life.
But
you
never
questioned
the
bar.
To
our
new
friends
here
today,
why
is
it
that
I'm
always
willing
to
listen
to
the
people
who
harm
me?
Why
is
that?
Alcoholism
has
progresses
now
the
center
of
my
life.
I
went
to
college
with
the
with
the
goal
of
being
successful
in
business,
and
I
surrounded
myself
with
activities
to
support
that
goal.
Sometime
in
my
first
or
second
year,
the
worm
turned.
Alcohol
became
the
center
of
my
life,
right?
And
I
surrounded
myself
with
activities
to
support
my
drinking.
The
classes
I
took,
the
people
of
winter
hung
around,
whatever
my
major
was.
Alcohol
is
calling
the
shots
in
my
life.
I
leave
college
and
go
to
work
in
an
auto
factory,
the
kind
of
job
I
could
have
got
with
a
high
school
diploma.
Why?
Because
they
have
something
in
auto
factories
that
a
guy
like
me
needs
desperately.
It's
called
a
union.
OK.
And
if
you
drink
like
I
drink
and
don't
come
to
work
like
I
don't
come
to
work,
you
need
some
help,
right?
And
I
came
home
and
I
went
to
work,
and
my
alcoholism
escalated.
I'll
bring
you
up
to
the
end
of
my
drinking.
I
don't
get
a
lot
into
the
problems
I
had
with
the
law.
I
think
that's
podium
Flash.
What
I
will
tell
you
is
that
I've
been
arrested.
I
had
7
convictions
for
driving
under
the
influence
of
alcohol
in
the
state
of
Ohio.
They
had
the
laws
today
back
then
that
they
got
today.
I'd
still
be
locked
up
and
rightfully
so.
Been
convicted
on
felony
weapons
charges,
other
kinds
of
things.
A
lot
of
problems.
But
I
hurt
nobody.
But
I
hurt
nobody
at
the
end
of
my
drinking.
No
baths,
no
showers.
I
got
delivered.
That's
distended
about
7
inches.
Every
time
I
take
a
drink
of
whiskey,
I
cough
all
this
white
stuff
up.
My
liver
and
pancreas
have
ceased
to
function.
They
will
no
longer
metabolize
alcohol.
I'm
coughing
up
is
pure
alcohol.
My
body
is
now
rejecting
what
my
mind
is
assessed
with.
I'm
32
years
old
and
I'm
dying
of
alcoholism.
The
last
three
years
of
my
drinking
I
spent
desperately
trying
to
quit.
I
tried
everything
I
could
think
of.
I
went
back
to
church.
I
read
the
Bible
and
I
used
to
sit
up
with
a
Bible
in
his
hand
in
the
Miller
High
Life,
his
hand.
I
changed
the
guys,
I
hung
around.
I
got
the
booze
out
of
the
house.
I
changed
shifts
at
work.
I
did
everything
I
could
think
of
humanly
possible
to
stop
drinking.
And
I'd
be
drunk
the
same
day.
I
had
a
heart
attack
at
the
age
of
28
and
dropped
dead
in
my
house.
They
took
me
to
the
cardiac
unit
and
my
mom
stood
in
the
door.
And
I
listened
to
Brian
this
morning.
And
my
mom
said,
I
know
I
already
lost
my
oldest
son.
I
can't
lose
another
one.
Do
what
you
got
to
do.
And
I
laid
there
with
tears
running
down
the
side
of
my
face.
And
I
said,
God,
if
you
let
me
live,
I'll
never
drink
again.
And
I
meant
it
as
much
as
I
mean
it.
Today,
48
hours
later,
my
heartbeat
stabilized.
They
put
me
in
a
regular
hospital
room.
2
hours
in
that
room,
I
was
drunk.
If
I
had
the
power
to
quit
drinking
on
my
own,
I'd
have
never
come
to
a
A.
Why
should
I?
I
had
what
they
call
a
moment
of
clarity,
a
moment
of
sanity.
Come
out
of
a
bar
one
night,
11:30
at
night.
I'm
on
a
period
of
indefinite
probation.
Have
you
ever
heard
of
that?
I
got
since
the
five
years
of
the
state
penitentiary
at
Mansfield.
OH,
and
to
judge
my
uncle,
My
mother's
brother
was
the
mayor
of
Sandusky.
My
mother
was
one
of
his
most
prominent
citizens.
Everybody
knew
my
dad.
And
the
judge
told
me.
That's
what
she
told
me.
She
said,
before
I
throw
you
away,
I'm
going
to
put
you
on
a
period
of
indefinite
probation.
One
dirty
urine,
you
go
for
five
years.
I
ain't
shocking
you
out
in
five
months.
I
had
a
file
this
thick
laying
up
there
on
the
bench
and
I
walked
out
of
that
courtroom.
You
know
what
I
said
didn't
I'll
never
drink
again,
right.
First
day
I
reported
the
adult
probation
was
the
next
Friday.
Maybe
you
can
identify
with
this
kind
of
thinking.
I'm
driving
across
town.
I
got
an
hour
before
I
got
to
be
an
adult
probation
and
here's
the
thought
that
came
to
me.
You
know,
they
say
they
never
test
you
on
your
first
time
reporting.
They
don't
think
anybody's
that
stupid.
Who
is
they?
This
is
the
kind
of
thinking
that
I
got.
I
stopped,
I
got
a
double
header,
granddad.
I
was
knee
walking
drunk
when
I
got
down
there
and
I
didn't
do
that
because
I'd
rather
be
drunk
than
sober.
If
I
had
a
power
to
stay
sober
on
my
own,
I
wouldn't
need
a
A
and
that's
the
head
I
brought
in
here.
And
I
came
in
a
A,
you
know,
the
guy
told
me,
he
said
don't
drink
and
come
to
these
meetings
and
you'll
be
fine.
I
said,
dude,
if
I
could
not
drink,
I
wouldn't
need
these
meetings.
You
better
have
more
than
that.
You
better
have
more
than
that.
And
he
walked
away
from
me
because
he
didn't
have
more
than
that
think
to
drink
through,
another
guy
told
me.
I
said,
OK,
let's
go
get
one.
Are
you
kidding
me?
We
got
a
book.
It's
called
Alcoholics
Anonymous.
I'm
powerless.
And
until
I
get
some
power,
no
matter
where
I
go
or
who
I
know,
what
I
read
or
what
I
memorize,
until
I
have
a
spiritual
awakening
as
a
result
of
these
steps,
I'm
an
alcoholic
of
my
type
is
I'm
either
going
to
drink
or
blow
my
brains
out.
Come
out
of
the
pump
lounge
out
on
Route
4.
My
brother
was
driving
and
I
had
what
they
call
a
moment
of
clarity
or
a
moment
of
sanity.
It's
a
guy
in
Cleveland
6
pack
Charlie
Kitchen.
And
Charlie
said
that's
the
moment
when
God
paralyzes
the
liar
and
you
long
enough
for
you
to
see
the
truth.
And
for
the
first
time
in
almost
20
years,
my
head
cleared.
This
is
what
I
saw.
Ken,
if
you
don't
stop
drinking,
you're
going
to
die.
You
better
get
some
help.
She
can't
do
it
by
yourself.
You
better
do
it
now
because
you're
running
out
of
time
just
like
that.
I'm
a
great
believer
in
the
power
of
prayer.
I
believe
I
was
prayed
in
here.
I
had
given
up.
OK,
we're
alcoholism
took
me
was
a
place
when
you
give
up.
It's
a
place
called
cold
blooded,
cold
hearted
indifference.
I
no
longer
cared.
I
could
look
you
in
the
eye
and
tell
you
quite
frankly,
I
could
care
less
if
you
live
or
die.
Just
stay
out
of
my
way.
Now
I
believe
that's
as
far
away
from
God
as
a
human
being
can
get.
I
didn't
love,
I
didn't
hate,
I
just
didn't
care.
My
nickname
I
ain't
proud
of.
This
was
poison,
my
mother
said.
I
had
the
most
negative
aura
of
any
human
being
she'd
ever
seen,
she
said.
When
you
walk
into
a
room,
the
lights
dim.
And
that's
what
I
bought
to
you.
And
I
have
this
moment
of
clarity.
And
I
went
and
I
picked
up
the
phone
and
I
called
a
guy
that
was
my
best
drinking
buddy
in
college.
He's
a
doctor
today
and
I
owed
him
5
grand,
hadn't
paid
him
a
dime.
His
wife
answered
the
phone
and
this
is
what
she
said
and
how
she
said
it.
Richard
is
Kent
and
he
got
on
the
phone
and
and
he
said
what's
up
man?
And
this
is
what
I
said.
I
said
richest
your
boy,
man,
I
need
some
help.
And
this
is
what
he
said
to
me.
He
said,
man,
I've
been
waiting
for
this
call
for
seven
or
eight
years.
Pack
a
bag,
stay
by
the
phone.
I
got
you.
When
I
get
a
call
from
the
North
Central
Intergroup
office
of
Alcoholics
Anonymous
in
Sandusky,
OH,
at
3:00
in
the
morning,
you
know
what
I
tell
them,
don't
you?
Pack
a
bag,
stay
by
the
phone.
I
got
you.
And
for
that,
I
am
responsible.
Call
me
back
said,
don't
go
to
work,
they're
going
to
fire
you.
He
said,
I
want
you
to
come
down
here.
He
lived
in
Centerville,
outside
of
Dayton,
about
220
miles
from
where
I
live.
He
said
I'm
going
to
put
you
in
treatment
in
a
hospital
treatment
program
called
Green
Hall.
My
brother
and
his
wife
drove
me
down.
The
next
day
as
we
speed
down
I-75,
my
brother
and
his
wife
was
in
the
front
seat.
It
was
25
of
us
in
the
back
seat,
me
and
a
case
of
Genesee
beer.
Now
I
didn't
know
too
much
about
treatment,
but
I
have
figured
out
on
my
own
it
wasn't
serving
no
liquor
in
there
and
I
got
three
or
four
of
them
cold
jennies
in
me
and
y'all
ain't
gonna
believe,
but
I
had
a
visit
from
the
enemy.
My
thinking
on
my
way
to
treatment.
My
sponsor
when
I
was
new
in
AAI
said
to
my
sponsor
Bill,
one
day.
I
said,
Bill,
can
I
ask
you
a
question?
He
said
what?
I
said,
you
know
the
invisible
line
They
talk
about
an
A,
A.
He
said,
yeah.
I
said,
if
it's
invisible,
how
does
anybody
ever
know
they
crossed
it?
He
said.
I
want
you
to
double
your
meetings.
I
said,
Bill,
I'm
already
going
to
three
a
day.
He
said
go
to
six.
He
said,
son,
He
said
anytime
you
in
a
room
alone
or
your
enemies
are
there,
right?
And
he's
talking
about
my
thinking.
So
I
get
these
beers
at
me
on
my
way
to
treatment.
Here's
the
thought
that
occurs
to
me
after
three
or
four
beers
on
my
way
to
treatment.
You
know,
I
just
may
have
overreacted
here.
It
ain't
that
bad.
Come
on,
I'll
start
my
comeback
tomorrow.
Anybody
ever
think
that
right?
What
I
didn't
know
is
my
father
told
my
brother
and
his
wife
I
give
you
$100,
you
don't
bring
that
tramp
back
here.
That's
a
true
story.
That's
a
true
story.
And
we
got
down
to
Centerville
and
we
got
to
Richards
House
and
he
put
me
in
his
car
and
he
drove
me
to
treatment
over
in
Xenia
and
he
bought
me
1/4
Millers
for
the
trip.
He
said
it
was
always
your
favorite.
We
pulled
in
the
parking
lot
at
Green
Memorial
Hospital.
I
had
this
much
left
in
that
court
and
he
put
his
car
in
park
and
he
turned
and
he
looked
at
me
and
he
is
not
a
member
of
this
fellowship.
And
he
said
go
ahead
dog,
finish
that
and
don't
ask
me
how
I
know
it
man.
He
said
at
the
last
drink
you
ever
going
to
take,
17
of
May
19192
and
I
had
another
drop
of
alcohol
and
anything
stronger
than
aspirin
since
that
day.
And
it's
because
Alcoholics
Anonymous,
the
program,
the
fellowship
and
the
service
structure
work.
And
that's
why
got
out
of
detox
after
nine
days.
I
had
a
lot
of
physical
problems
and
they
sent
me
what
they
call
men's
group
where
they
had
men
reading
out
loud
stories
of
their
drink
and
escapades
in
the
streets,
the
counselor
says.
Kent,
what
do
you
think
about
what
you
heard
here
today?
I
said
I'll
tell
you
what
I
think
about
what
I
heard
here
today,
Jim.
When
I'm
down
here
for
a
few
days
to
get
a
help
for
this
small
problem
that
I
might
have,
I
would
like
to
volunteer
my
time,
serves
the
energy
to
help
you
with
these
people
because
he's
the
sickest
people
I've
ever
seen
in
my
life.
That
one
statement
got
me
an
extra
week
of
treatment.
I
spent
35
days
in
the
28
day
program.
They
cut
my
insurance
off
at
28
days.
They
called
the
Ford
plant
and
they
said,
you
know,
we
don't
think
kids
ready
to
leave
the
hospital.
You
know
what
the
Ford
plant
said?
We
don't
either.
The
next
morning
they
took
me
down
to
the
nurses
station
where
my
enemy
married
a
nurse
who
was
28
years
sober.
In
a
a
hung
a
sign
around
my
neck
this
big
it
said
I
am
not
a
counselor.
I
had
a
wear
for
a
whole
week.
Next
day
Jim
had
me
write
read
to
the
group.
I
did.
I
got
done.
He
said
can't
put
your
chair
in
the
middle
of
the
room.
Let's
make
a
circle
around
Kit
and
tell
me
what
we
think
of
him.
He
said
I'm
going
to
start
the
ball
rolling
by
saying
kids
are
full
of
BS.
His
eyes
are
turning
brown.
If
you
threw
him
in
water
he
floated
away.
That
was
the
nicest
thing
that
was
saying
that
room
that
day.
And
what
them
guys,
what
them
guys
told
me
was
if
I
didn't
get
honest
with
myself,
I
was
going
to
leave
that
place
and
I
was
going
to
drink
and
I
was
going
to
die.
Honesty
is
the
principle.
I
left
that
room
and
I
went
back
to
my
room
and
sat
on
my
bed
and
I
made
a
decision
to
be
as
honest
as
I
could
the
rest
of
the
time
I
was
there
in
the
street.
We
used
to
say
game
recognizes
game.
We
we
tell
stories
and
hear
Stephen
King
couldn't
make
up,
you
know,
in
the
truth
of
spoken,
the
truth
is
heard.
You
know,
I
heard
a
man
today.
So
he
took
him
and
he
robbed
the
bank
and
said,
give
me
$50.
You
can't
make
that
kind
of
stuff
up.
You
can't
make
that
up.
And
if
he
go
tell
that
to
some
some
some
sane
people,
they
going
to
let
him
go
home,
right?
But
I'm
sitting
here
going
A50.
You
do
it
baby.
You
know,
I
went
to
my
first
aid
meeting
at
Greenhall.
I
loved
a
a
from
the
first
time
I
saw
discussion
meeting.
A
lady
from
out
of
town
had
a
problem
and
they
went
around
the
room
and
they
shared
what
that
Lady
with
no
judgment
or
condemnation,
similar
problems
that
they
had
had
and
solutions
they
had
found.
I
was
given
a
gift
of
love
in
the
fellowship
of
Alcoholics
Anonymous
the
first
time
I
saw
it.
You
know
what
my
thought
was
my
first
day
meeting,
How
could
something
like
this
exist
and
I
never
heard
of
it?
I
loved
it
the
first
time
I
saw
it,
didn't
understand
it,
But
there
was
the
spirit
of
Alcoholics
Anonymous.
I
loved
it.
I
got
out
of
treatment
and
I
came
home
and
I
played
a
game.
It's
called
don't
drink,
go
to
meetings
and
don't
do
nothing
else.
If
I
put
my
arm
through
a
window
and
I
cut
an
ivory
in
my
arm
and
I
put
a
tile
on
my
arm,
I
run
to
the
car.
I
drive
myself
to
the
hospital.
I
run
an
emergency
room.
I'm
bleeding
all
over
the
floor.
The
doctor
steps
out
and
says,
come
on
back,
Mr.
Coleman,
we'll
treat
you.
Now.
I
sit
there
in
the
emergency
room
bleeding
to
death.
Look
at
the
doctor
and
say
no
thank
you,
I'll
just
sit
here
and
I
bleed
to
death
in
the
emergency
room.
Ladies
and
gentlemen,
welcome
to
the
emergency
room.
See,
I've
been
here
long
enough
now.
I've
watched
people
who
attend
these
meetings
on
a
daily
basis
who
die
of
untreated
alcoholism,
go
to
two
meetings
a
day
and
can't
stay
sober
on
a
bed
to
treatment
for
the
disease
I
suffer
from
is
a
spiritual
awakening
as
a
result
of
these
steps
as
outlined
in
the
book
Period
Period.
I
went
to
250
meetings
in
three
months
and
ended
up
in
the
parking
lot
of
Dailies
Pub
vibrating.
See,
I
thought
my
problem
was
alcohol
and
I'm
not
drinking.
And
by
God,
everybody
in
Sandusky
knew
it.
But
my
problem's
not
alcohol.
Is
it
the
symptom
of
a
much
larger
problem
in
it?
My
problem
is
called
alcoholism.
It
is
a
disease
of
mind,
body
and
spirit.
And
our
book
is
very
clear
that
when
we
get
better
spiritually,
the
mental
and
the
physical
will
follow.
All
right,
And
I
said
my
first
prayer
sitting
in
the
parking
lot
of
a
bar,
three
months
sober
with
250
meetings
under
my
belt.
And
it
was
a
simple
prayer.
God,
what
am
I
doing
wrong?
A
man
like
a
lightning
bolt.
What
are
you
doing
right?
If
you
go
to
that
many
meetings,
you
hear
it
every
day,
don't
you?
Get
a
sponsor
readable,
work
the
steps,
get
a
group,
help
others.
Now
I
do
none
of
that.
I
pulled
out
of
there
and
I
went
to
an
A,
a
meeting
and
I
ran
to
a
man
and
I
said,
would
you
help
me?
And
this
is
what
that
man
told
me.
He
said,
Sonny
said
I'm
going
to
sponsor
you
out
of
the
big
book
of
the
Alcoholics
Anonymous.
The
only
thing
that
I
know
and
I
will
demonstrate
to
you
how
I
live
those
principles
in
my
life
now
they
call
it
12
steps.
A
kid
of
spiritual
tools.
I
love
that
I
got
a
toolbox
in
my
house.
I
never
seen
a
hammer
and
screwdriver
walked
across
the
floor
of
my
living
room
and
fix
a
thing.
The
only
value
of
a
tool
is
if
I
pick
it
up
and
use
it.
The
only
value
of
these
steps
is
if
I
apply
them
to
my
life.
I've
had
the
privilege
to
stand
in
my
podiums
of
Alcoholics
Anonymous
all
over
the
world.
I
have
yet
to
attend
a
meeting
where
somebody
stands
up
and
says
works
if
you
know
it.
And
my
sponsor
took
me
through
the
steps
of
the
programs.
I
try
to
live
them
today.
I
want
to
I'm
going
to
wrap
this
up
and
and
tell
you
that
I
had
an
opportunity
to
make
amends
to
my
mind
when
I
got
out
of
treatment.
My
mom
had
bone
cancer
and
she
was
dying
and
I
was
allowed
to
come
back
into
that
home.
And
my
father
told
me
one
slip
up
and
you're
out
of
here,
but
I
need
you
to
help
me
take
care
of
your
mom.
My
sponsor
told
me
you
will
not
go
in
that
house
with
any
of
that.
I'm
sorry,
Crap.
What
you're
going
to
do
is
you're
going
to
do
something
you
haven't
done
in
the
32
years
you've
been
alive.
And
that's
be
the
kind
of
son
God
put
you
on
this
earth
to
be.
And
I
went
into
that
home
and
I
helped
my
dad
take
care
of
my
mom.
He
worked
afternoons,
I
work
midnights
and
I
took
care
of
my
mom,
gave
her
baths,
moved
her
from
the
her
chair
to
the
bed
and
sat
with
my
mom.
My
mom
saw
me
go
to
all
those
AE
meetings.
My
mom
saw
me
bring
my
first
sponsors
to
the
house
and
sit
down
at
the
kitchen
table
and
open
the
big
book
of
Alcoholics
Anonymous,
seen
me
put
on
a
shirt
and
a
thigh
and
go
speak
at
AA
meetings
when
I
didn't
have
a
suit.
When
she
got
close
to
the
end,
my
sponsor
said,
you
go
make
it
direct
now.
They
got
her
off
the
morphine.
I
had
a
huge
speech
planned
out.
I
went
to
the
hospital.
I
sat
down
and
I
looked
at
my
mom
and
my
mom
looked
at
me.
My
mom
had
the
biggest,
most
beautiful
brown
eyes
I've
ever
seen.
And
tears
ran
down
her
face
and
tears
ran
down
mine.
And
the
only
thing
I
could
get
out
of
my
mouth
was
Mama,
I'm
sorry.
And
I
didn't
have
to
say
no
more
than
that
because
seeing
is
believing.
And
this
is
what
my
mom
told
me.
I
forgive
you.
And
she
said,
listen
to
me,
Kenny.
I
want
you
to
promise
me
something.
Stay
with
those
people
and
Alcoholics
Anonymous
because
they
were
able
to
do
for
you
what
we
could
not.
They
were
to
answer
to
our
prayer.
My
mother
died
holding
my
hands
and
looking
in
my
eyes
in
a
hospital
room.
My
whole
family,
I
got
a
big
family
was
up
there
calling
her
name.
And
my
uncle
stood
in
the
back
of
the
room
and
said,
don't
call
her
no
more
because
she
ain't
going
to
look
away
from
him.
That's
how
she
wants
to
go.
And
that's
left
this
earth.
And
I'm
going
to
tell
you
something
right
now.
I've
been
blessed
a
million
times
since
then.
But
if
I'd
never
got
nothing
else,
that
was
enough.
Thank
God
for
the
fellowship,
the
program
of
Alcoholics
Anonymous.
My
dad
died.
I
was
18
years
sober
and
my
dad
saw
me
get
married.
He
saw
the
birth
of
my
children.
Let
me
tell
you
something
about
my
daddy.
My
daddy
was
a
man's
man
and
he
lived
and
worked
his
whole
life.
He
was
a
war
hero
in
Korea.
He
lived
his
whole
life
so
he
could
hold
his
head
high
up
in
his
community.
40
day
years
of
General
Motors
never
missed
a
day's
work.
My
father
came
to
me
after
I
had
done
something
and
made
the
front
page
of
the
paper
and
my
daddy
told
me
you
made
me
hang
my
head.
I
made
amends
to
my
dad,
you
know,
and
I
paid
him
back
the
money
I
owed
him.
You
know,
my
mom
and
dad,
I
don't
think
they,
I
used
to
go
to
a
A
meetings
and
people
would
say
I
offered
the
money
to
mom
and
dad
and
they
said
no,
just
stay
sober.
My
mom
and
dad
missed
that.
I
went
to
my
mother
and
I
said
I
owe
you
a
lot
of
money.
And
my
mother,
you
know
what
she
told
me?
I
want
my
money
and
I
favor
of
all
the
damn
backing.
You
know
what?
When
my
dad
died,
there
was
nothing
left
on
the
table.
Nothing.
And
my
my
children,
my
2
little
girls,
they
adored
my
daddy
and
he
adored
them.
And
I
was
the
last
person
to
see
my
daddy
alive.
And
and
we
talked
and
and
and
he
said
I'm
tired
and
I'm
done.
And
as
I
got
ready
to
leave
the
hospital,
all
you
said
to
me
was
don't
bring
them
girls
here
today.
And
I
said
OK.
And
I
knew
that
was
going
to
be
the
last
time
I
saw
him.
And
there
was
nothing
left
on
the
table.
He
worked
at
General
Motors
with
a
guy
named
Joe
Joe
sober
over
30
years
now.
And
after
my
dad
died,
Joe
came
to
see
me
and
he
said,
can't
you
need
to
know
something?
He
said,
you
know,
your
daddy
told
me
one
time
that
he
wished
you
would
change
your
name
and
leave
town.
And
after
you
were
sober
a
year,
he
said,
your
dad
came
to
me
and
said,
hey,
Joe,
do
you
know
my
boy?
And
Joe
said,
yeah,
Pete,
I
know
him.
And
he
said,
your
dad
looked
at
me
and
said,
ain't
he
something?
Don't
talk
to
me
about
what
God
can't
do.
Don't
talk
to
me
about
what
God
can't
do.
But
I
must
participate
in
my
own
recovery.
If
you
knew
in
here
tonight.
The
program
of
Alcoholics
Anonymous
is
not
about
the
acquisition
of
knowledge
and
intellect.
It
is
about
the
application
of
principles
that
are
outlined
in
the
big
book
of
Alcoholics
Anonymous.
Got
divorced
last
year.
I
got
a
12
year
old
daughter
and
a
16
year
old
daughter.
I
was
married
to
a
woman
sober
longer
than
me.
Good
woman.
I
ain't
not
you
know
them.
Things
happen
in
life.
Move
to
Las
Vegas.
Spent
a
year
with
my
sponsor
Bob
in
Vegas,
back
in
Sandusky,
now
back
with
my
children.
My
life
is
recovery
is
not
an
absence
of
problems.
What
recovery
is,
is
having
a
power
in
my
life
and
a
relationship
with
a
power
that's
bigger
than
any
problem
that
life
may
present.
That's
what
this
is
about.
That's
what
this
is
about
retire
from
Ford
and
I'm
working
in
automotive
for
a
big
automotive
supplier
now
and
just
and
just
having
a
great
time.
If
you
new
here
tonight
I
want
to
leave
you
with
something
they
gave
me
a
tape
of
a
man
named
Warren
Chisholm
senior
when
I
was
new
12th
man
and
Alcoholics
Anonymous
in
Cleveland
got
sober
1939.
He
was
a
friend
of
my
sponsor
Bill
in
that
tape
Warren
Chisholm
senior
made
this
statement
gave
me
goosebumps.
I
had
my
headphones
all
working
on
the
line
at
4.
Warren
Chisholm,
senior
said
that
anyone
who
comes
who
is
willing
to
follow
the
principles
and
precepts
of
this
program
is
outlined
by
the
founders
in
the
Big
Book
of
Alcoholics
Anonymous,
Need
never
drink
again
one
day
at
a
time.
I
ran
to
my
sponsor,
Bill,
and
I
said
he
can't
say
that
Bill
never
drink
again.
And
this
is
what
Bill
told
me.
He
said,
Oh
yes
he
can.
He
said,
and
I'm
going
to
tell
you
why
I
can't.
He
says
because
this
is
a
spiritual
program
and
God
doesn't
fail,
if
this
don't
work
for
me
is
because
I
have
not
fulfilled
the
conditions
that
have
been
laid
down.
I
must
participate
in
my
own
recovery.
God
will
not
do
for
me
what
I
can
do
for
myself,
but
he
will
do
for
me
what
I
can't
do
for
myself.
Those
who
do
get
and
those
who
don't,
don't
and
it's
just
that
simple.
If
I
said
anything
that
helped
anybody
tonight,
thank
God.
Don't
thank
me
or
myself.
I
am
nothing.
My
strength
coming
from
my
Father
in
heaven.
If
I
didn't
say
nothing
to
help
you
tonight,
guess
what?
It's
more
meetings
tomorrow.
God
does
not
make
too
hard
turns
with
those
who
seek
Him.
God
could
and
would
if
He
were
sought,
abandoned
yourself
to
God.
As
you
understand
God,
admit
your
fault
to
Him
until
your
fellows
clear
a
way
to
wreckage
of
your
past.
Give
freely
of
what
you
find
and
join
us.
We
shall
be
with
you
in
the
fellowship
of
the
Spirit,
and
you
will
surely
meet
some
of
us
as
you
trudge
the
road
of
happy
destiny.
May
God
bless
you
and
keep
you.
Until
then,
goodnight.