The topic of Step 10 at the Fellowship of the Spirit convention in Copper Mountain, CO

My name is Mike and I'm an alcoholic and probably get the qualification on the way before I get rolling. I got sober January 21st, 2001 in San Francisco, CA

and I migrated. I decided not to work anymore after I'd been sober six years and my wife told me that we were, if we I wasn't going to work, we were moving to Colorado because that's where the grandchildren were. And so now I reside in Fort Collins, Co and it's a wonderful place and we're having a great time and good a a there

I was just I was. I'm so honored to be asked to speak at at Fox. This is my second time here. I came

the second year after we moved here from California. And I was so impressed. And then now my friend Jeff said, hey, do you want to talk this morning about Step 10? And I said, oh, there's nothing I like better in life than to talk about 10. But then, you know, you got to realize that you're talking to a lot of people. So it'll take me a minute to get warmed up, I suspect.

What do I like about step 10? I like everything about step 10 and, and the thing that

that's most important to me was that in my, in my early sobriety and when I was taking the steps initially and I came out of a line of book thumpers in California and, and we were going through the book and we're, we're talking about this every day. And I'm trying to reflect ahead and decide what I'm going to go to do. So what I'm going to do is so then when I see, you know, let's continue to take personal inventory and who are wrong properly admitted.

I was so intimidated by earlier steps. I didn't get too excited because I was intimidated by 5 and by 9 and a little bit by three because I didn't understand it. But I was not going to get to 10. And it was pretty simple. Every day you just, you know, you did something bad to somebody. You said, oh, I'm sorry. And then you left to go. And that's what I thought. And it was clear to me that that was the beginning of the end that we were going to take this cavalier attitude about our actions every day. And then we would pray and meditate in the privacy of whatever

to do it. And then if we really wanted to, you know, helping others and live in principle was an optional thing.

And that's how you got through 1011 and 12. And much to my chagrin, when my sponsor finally got me through the 9th step and I'm looking at moving forward into 10, it is that I'm going to have to do these things. And, and the way that the 10th step reads is it starts off with this thought brings us to step 10 and is right after all the nine step promises. And so the thought is that I got to work for it because that's the last line. It says, yeah, we'll these materialize if we work for them,

so there's something else to do. And then I loved it in the first paragraph. It says continue three times,

continue, continue, continue. And I look on that and I go, well, wait a second. I thought we were ending, ending, ending.

I thought this was the wind down, wind down, winding down.

Instead it says we're going to continue to take personal inventory and set right new mistakes as we go along. Wait a second. And in my even in my mind that said, aren't we? Isn't he talking about four through 9 here?

And then right behind that, it says, yeah, that's what I'm going to do.

And then we vigorously commenced this way of living. Oh, so now I've been the loyal living. I didn't dawn on me that I'd just been in training to learn what I had to do all the time in order to have a way of living that was going to change me. And I would go through the personality change sufficient to bring about recovery from alcoholism.

Four through 9. We're going to be a daily practice. This was what I did. We had just taken this nice journey through our book, learning how to do these things so that we were now just well versed enough that we could continue on

because we now had a whole set of new directions, which was not to watch for whatever you're doing and then say you're sorry. Because it said that what I'm going to do is I'm entered the world of the Spirit.

So I've now had the spiritual awakening at step 10. I'm entering that world. And as a result of that, what is it? And then here's my direction. You know, Apple, we hate the directions, don't we? I love promises. I love, I really love promises. And I love the stories because the stories are important, you know? But then you got these directions,

you got these conditions

and you got these warnings.

And step 10 is about the biggest condition warning direction. There is an overall program because it's a, it's a renewal of what we just learned. And I was trying to forget about it already. And so my next direction is that we have entered the world of spirit. So our next function is to grow

in our understanding and effectiveness.

It should continue. This is not an overnight matter. It should continue for our lifetime.

I'm sorry, her book says. I've got to do this forever. This has become my life. This is my new way of life. And what I love so much is this is this is just loops right back around. You know, I'm sitting here thinking, I've gotten past three. I never have to go back that way.

And step 10 just pushes me right back around and it's back to my covenant with God. It's like, Oh well, see, what did I say in that prayer? What was I going to do? Am I going to live in God's will every single day? What's this telling me to do? I got to grow in God's will every single day.

Is that something that I want to do? Well, I hadn't thought of. I wanted to do it,

but I get a clear direction on where I'm supposed to go. My job is to grow. That goes all the way back to the steps

when I wasn't looking for perfection, but I'm looking for progress. I'm looking to grow. I'm grow in my spiritual.

Getting way too excited here.

So, so then in order to reinforce that, the next paragraph for the rest of that paragraph says that, you know, we continue to watch and you know, I read through these things and there's words that I don't read and I said continue to watch. And I thought that what I was supposed to do was to because the, the, the short form of the step in the that's on the wall. You know, you like to read it on the wall because it's simpler then it didn't say about watching anything. It said that I was going to take personal inventory,

so my assumption would be that I would do it some other time. But the word watch implies that I'm going to be doing it all the time,

that I'm going to watch my actions, I'm going to watch my reactions, I'm going to watch what I do, and I'm going to make that part of my life.

And when these occur, not if they occur, when my,

my selfishness, resentment, fear and dishonesty occur, I'm going to do something about it because it's going to happen. And, you know, I thought I got here and I was purer. This was new Mike. There was this stuff was all over with. No, I'm locked in and I've got a new life to lead and I have to be watching for these things.

And it goes all the way back and it was back when, you know what my favorite word in our big book is? Vicissitudes. I'm going to get vicissitudes. The ups and downs of life, Bill said. If I'm not ready to do this, then, then I'm sure that I won't survive the certain trials and low spots ahead.

Our book never says that we're going to be happy, joyous, and free for all eternity

if we don't understand that there are going to be vicissitudes in high and low spots.

And step 10 says this is what you're going to do. And then it goes through a beautiful little summation of steps 4 through 9, in which I've got to do inventory. I discuss them with somewhat immediately. That's fine. I make amends quickly. That's 8-9

and I go to God at once to remove them. That's six and seven. And then my instruction is then after I'm dealing with my anxiety, my problems, my vicissitudes,

what's my direction?

Then we resolutely turn our thoughts to someone we can help.

How? Shucks,

isn't that? Isn't that our solution to everything?

Everywhere you go in the big booking, you say, you know, I send guys back to look. You know my men, I work with them. I go back and they say, what does it say to do so if you got to work with others? No, no, I'm having problems with my wife, work with others. My kids don't love me or anything. Go work with others. That's what we do.

It's not, it's not as there's an assumption that after we get through 10 and Tim's telling us that's what we do, and then when we get to 12 and we think, oh, well, I've had a spiritual awakening as a result of these steps and I made it to the end. So it's optional if I try to help other Alcoholics. It's optional if I live these principles every day. No, this is what I do every day.

And so now, and we've got this beautiful set of promises here, which I'm not going to read because they're just too beautiful. You know, the beauty is, is that all the problem has been removed. And that's where I live. Because the more important thing to me was that I didn't want to read. I loved reading those. I'm a new person. The problems are gone. The obsession's removed.

So now I get to go on

and I have the warnings and I can't let up on the spiritual program of action and I can't

become satisfied. And I guess that's how I want to end. Is it in my years of doing this and in the men that I've worked with over the time that the problem results, that I see, the problems result, and their inability to grasp the program comes when they become satisfied and complacent. And as the years go by, if I've done the steps and I become satisfied and I forget about step 10,

then I'm in big trouble.

So God bless you and thank you very much.

All right. Our next panelist is Juanita you from A New Hope Allen on group in Santa Fe, NM

Excuse me. Good morning, everybody. My name is Juanita. I'm a very grateful member of the Al Anon family groups.

This step tells me I have a daily reprieve contingent upon the maintenance of my spiritual life.

Daily. I don't know about you, but I don't miss my meals,

right? I'm pretty good eater, obviously, you know, and so I've got to do something to maintain my contact with God and daily, daily. And if I don't,

I'm going to run into trouble. And

this step tells me that what I do is I watch

for selfishness, self-centered dishonesty and fear. Now in the past, this is what I've done. I haven't just watched. What I've done is I put on the combat suit,

combat boots, strapped on the AK47, the ammunition, put on the night vision goggles and I was on patrol looking for selfishness, self-centered dishonesty and fear. Hyper vigilant. I know, hyper vigilant. That's what I did in living with active alcoholism. You know,

I'm on patrol. I'm looking, but that's not what the step says.

It says I watch. Well, if I'm watching, I'm just going to like sit. I mean, I could be sitting on top of that mountain and just watching what's going on. And that's all it says. It doesn't say I'm hyper vigilant, doesn't say I'm on patrol. It says I watch. So I had to practice watching,

and in order to do that, I have to be present. And if I'm not present, I can't do it. You see, when I'm hyper vigilant, I'm always thinking about the past and I'm always thinking about what's going to happen

and I'm not just present. So I have to watch and just be present.

Yesterday morning I woke up because. Because what this step says is that I do this as I go through my day.

I don't wait till the end of the day to do it. As I go through my day, I'm watching, I'm present, I'm aware. So I woke up this morning and or I'm sorry. I woke up yesterday morning and

I was thinking,

here's one of my main character defects. I have a tendency to shut my heart down,

and I have a real tendency to do that when I come up here. We were talking about this at a meeting we had last night at our condo up the hill. I have a tendency to shut my heart down because when I come here, there are so many people here that I absolutely love and care deeply about. I've got friends from all over the country. I've got friends from all over the world. And you come here and it's just too much love. Now, I can give you love, that's not a problem. But to receive it,

to receive the love to me is just so overwhelming.

And your love is so great

that sometimes it feels like pain.

So I have a tendency to close my heart down. So I woke up yesterday morning and I said a prayer. And the prayer was, God, give me the attitude you'd have me have.

Open my heart, my mind, and my spirit.

That means I'm going to let you in.

You see, that is me watching for selfishness. I don't want to be hurt. And your love is so great, so powerful, so potent, so big, so overwhelming,

it almost hurts.

And the dishonesty

is that God can't carry me through all that love. Do you know what I'm saying?

No. I always would have said don't give me the pain, but I always knew that if I don't feel the pain, I don't feel the joy. They go hand in hand. I can't shut down one that I don't shut down the other.

So I got to have an open heart

and fear

long run in this program.

The more I know people and the more I love them and more people I know

and I watch him come in and I watch him come out and I watch our old timers pass away. And with everyone, my heart breaks. And so, you know, I don't want to feel that pain, so I shut my heart.

And what I'm saying is that God's not big enough. God can't carry me through this. Well, this step tells me that there is a sixth sense, the God consciousness. If I'm not living today in that God consciousness that I'm not fully embracing

this program and I'm not fully embracing the love and the protection and the safety and the power of God,

it says I'm supposed to grow in effectiveness and understanding.

I thought that was just going to come.

Do you know there are things I have to do to do that? I have to continuously work these steps to find out who I'm not, to find out who I am so that I can help somebody with the truth, with the truth. And then that way I become more effective and I become more understanding because the more I understand me, the more I understand you.

And we're all alike. We're all alike. Not one of us wants to feel the pain. Not one of us wants to be hurt. We want to feel the love,

but if we love, we become vulnerable, don't we?

It says we're to grow. It says our code is love and tolerance of others.

If I don't have that open heart connection, if I don't have that open spirit, if I don't have that connection with the God of my understanding, I'm not going to be loving. I'm not going to be tolerant. I'm going to be the exact opposite and I'm going to hold you at Bay.

So I said the prayer and I come here and my heart is open and my heart is full, and you get to see me

as I am,

warts and all, the good and the bad, you see. Because I think I just have to look

for the bad stuff as I go through my day.

But I also get to watch where I've grown.

There was a time when I would come up to this conference and maybe Saturday night I'd say that prayer, open me up. God, it took that long.

Sometimes that wouldn't happen until Sunday morning.

I think that spiritual growth that I could do it yesterday, on Saturday when I woke up,

progress for me, you know, that's real progress. And you might not think that's a lot, but for somebody like me who is used to building walls to keep you out so that you don't hurt me, it's a big deal.

We get to come here

and share, you see, because all this step work, it's not just an intellectual stuff.

We have to open up our hearts and open up our spirits, and that's how we become truly effective. And there's only one way that I can do that. That's with the power and the grace, the love and the safety of God,

because otherwise it's too much for me to bear. It's more than I can handle, because I can't handle the pain and the bad stuff any more than I can handle the joy and the beauty and the love. It's so overwhelming.

Here's where I learn how to do that. Here's where I learn through these steps that give me an understanding and a conscious contact with a presence of the Power

that allows me to go and walk amongst you, to be in the world with an open heart

so that I can truly be

effective, understanding and practice our code of love and tolerance. And I have to do this every day. Every day. I can't slack off on it. Can't slack off because otherwise I start to think everything's OK and I become complacent. And before I know it, I think I'm managing quite well, thank you. And what I'm doing is I'm building the walls one more time,

brick by brick,

and I don't see you and all I see is me. I'm glad to be here. God bless you. Have fun.

Our next panelist is Jeanette W from the Fellowship of the Spirit Group and Thamor, Australia.

Good day everyone. My name is Jeanette and I'm an alcoholic

and I caught a bit of analogy here yesterday with Cottonwood flowers or something. So my voice is not what it normally is, but I'm really grateful to be here. I'm really grateful to be sober and and in God's grace I

I've got a Home group and it's Fellowship of the Spirit Tamil. It's on the southern Highlands of NSW. It's all little villages down there

and

I've been sober for nearly 23 years and it's really nothing I've done. And so a couple of people have asked me how I got here. I think this is my third conference here and I think the first one I came to was two or three years after this started. And I came here via some Indians up in the Yukon,

my dad's aboriginal and I was, I heard a whole tribe of people who'd got sober up there and their culture's the same as ours. And I wanted to go up there and find out what they were doing. And so I could go back to Australia and get all the Aborigines sober in Australia. And, and I ended up in Denver and,

and it was a long trip

and,

and I met a lot of people that are still here today, you know, Juanita and her husband and other people. And so I guess his program really does work.

When I came here, I was really dying in Australia. We had what a guy in Denver that I met here that I love dearly, Frank Mcgibbon, He told me that we were two steppers and it was step one and step 12. And I never really understood step one neither, but I knew how to go and help others by trying to save them. And, and that really didn't work neither. But, you know, I guess

in a way it was, you know, God helping me to stay sober by being abused somehow.

And anyway, by coming here, you know, I was introduced to a program called Alcoholics Anonymous out of the Big Book. And I mean, I could, I could recite the Big Book. We'd been doing studies back home. But it was all a head job. It was all in the head. And you know,

the experiences I've had with going through the big book and not studying it, but to have experiences,

I never understood that I had a physical craving, which was the most important part for me for step one, I knew I was a drunk, but I never understood why I could never stop from drinking. Even when my kids all left home and my marriage broke down and, and you know, the whole world fell apart. I could never work out why I couldn't stop drinking. I just wanted to be a good person.

And, you know, I was very religious. I'd studied theology for two years

and

but I couldn't stop drinking. I was even born again seven times in seven churches and the Bible I read every day had whiskey stains or berries Mosel and and I just loved it. I loved the effect I got from the alcohol. So, you know, it's really about Step 10 here today and I'm currently in inventory in Step 4 riding again.

And

I go through the steps every year. And what happens with me with step 10, usually it's, it starts to ease off. I stop to watch and

you, you know, I start to get a bit dirty on you and I want to pay you back and all this sort of stuff. But if I continue riding my inventory, I I seem to stay in a better place.

So when I finally, you know, finish my 4th step and I share it with others, we do multi fifth steps over there. I,

I've created a fellowship in Australia that I never dreamt dreamt possible. And you know, it's as a result of just doing this work and, and taking back what you people gave me here and, and working with others. So what happened over there? There weren't many people going through the steps

and so we do workshops, you know, where we can take people through together and, and currently we've got two workshops. I've got one with seven Aborigine guys and they're just starting inventory now, and another workshop with 22 people going through the steps and it's just starting to get little pockets all around the place. So

what I came to see in step 10 was

this growing, you know, this growing in understanding

and what what I experienced with that it was growing within. It's not growing out there. It's it's not doing stuff out there. It's growing within me and to experience God's power and love. And

I've had an amazing experience with with the 10 step promises. I love all the promises, but I particularly love the 10 step promises where we've cease fighting anything or anyone, even alcohol for buying our return to sanity. And I thought once I took Step 2 that I'd be saying, and I thought I was saying. And it wasn't until I got into Step 10 that I could start to see, you know, that things were changing within me.

I wasn't out to get you anymore. I wasn't out to pay you back,

you know, and I could feel the Spirit deep down within me and

I, I, I, you know, I just can't explain

if there's newcomers here, you know, just don't muck around with this program. I tell them back home, if you're not done yet with drinking, get at India, get out, you know, get out there and get it into you and have a real good experience with it. And when you're dying, and hopefully if you do get back here to have an experience with these steps. And

so also what I do when I go through the steps, when I get to step 10, and I was taught to do this in the beginning was to write my step 10 out. And, and that's been my practice for all those years that I've been doing it. And, and it's very similar to the 4th step. And I have a ten step buddy, I've got a few 10th step buddies, I've got a sponsor. I like to be fully accountable to one person that knows absolutely everything about

me, that can challenge me and which my ego doesn't always like.

But I 10th step with different people too, to encourage them as well to open up, you know, to have this beautiful open heart and an open mind. And that's, you know, that's what the steps give me today, not to be fearful. Someone said to me, coming here, you know, are you, are you scared? Are you in fear? And I said no. And

but possibly 10 years ago, I would have been shaking, you know, thinking God, what are they going to think of me? And today, I really don't care. It's like what Juanita said. I am who I am and I feel the spirit within. Today, you know, I haven't got a great deal of money, but I seem to get over here every year. I don't come here very often to Denver and

but I go to Lai, do the Fellowship of the Spirit turnouts they have over there

and also go go down to San Diego and I want to do a trip down to Guatemala this time. And my man at home said, well, when they kidnap you don't get them to ring me up for ransom because there's no money. And I you, you know, he was sort of half joking about it, but I said to him, aren't we safe and protected in God's care? And that's been my experience,

you know, just to be able to go anywhere today

and be free of fear and to have a go at things and meet new people. And, you know, we sort of get people to come out from America once or twice a year now and do workshops over there. We don't have the people you have here. We might have workshops with 60 or 100 people or sometimes a bit more. But when speakers come out, they always leave a message. And, you know, we seem to attract a couple of

more people to go through the steps. So,

you know, it's just the most amazing way of life.

I also said a prayer this morning and

didn't ask God to keep me sober 'cause I wake up sober, but I just thanked Him for the beautiful part of the world I'm in at the moment. It's just so different and you know, it's quiet and is that for me? And I'm raving on, thank you,

all right. And our last panelist is Matt W from the Maximum Service Group in Redmond, WA.

Go there. Good morning. My name is Matt Welly. I'm an alcoholic,

my sober date is 11/23/04. My Home group is maximum service. We meet in Kirkland, WA on 7:30 on Sunday nights. If you are up in our area, we would love to see you.

I have a sponsor. I've always had a sponsor in my recovery. In fact,

I am the product of kind, loving and patient sponsorship and to each of the men that's had the time and the

has taken the time to put up with me or sponsor me at times, I owe debt of gratitude. And so for them I'm grateful.

Jeff, thank you very much for this opportunity. You guys are my family. I'm affiliated or I get the opportunity to go to Northwest Fellowship of the Spirit every August.

That's my first opportunity to come back here and see where it all began.

Many of you are familiar faces and all of you in what you share

resonates in my heart. And for that I'm extremely grateful because it means that what we're doing or what was taught to me is the design for living and the message that you continue to carry each and every day. And it's very comforting for a person like me,

the opportunity to speak on Step 10 is very exciting. I think anytime you give me an opportunity to stand in front of a microphone, there's, there's obviously some ego and some pride involved in that. And I, I dig that.

I do. I was sitting with my housemates this morning. I had my book open a few times and and they they teased me a little and said, are you studying? Yeah, I'm studying. And said, you know, if you don't know it by now, it's, it's really going to be tough to fill 10 minutes. And I said, I'll do my best,

right? And the truth of the matter for me is that the book is comfortable and it doesn't matter which page I turn open to. But when I'm a little nervous, and it's not that I'm nervous of the message, I sure I'd like you all to appreciate me or, or to resonate, but it's just a nervous of I don't commonly speak in front of a hundreds of people. And this is pretty cool. Thank you for the hour, by the way. That's awesome. I'm really excited about that.

When I get a little nervous,

I like the big book. It's a design for living. It says early on that it will be the answer will be the solution will be help me solve all of my problems. And if my problem is for nervousness, then I'm going to find the answer in here.

Back to the part where I had good sponsorship early on. In fact, day one of my sponsorship, the man sat down with me and we talked circle and triangle. We talked principles, we talked some steps, we talked to concept and I said, what do I need to do between now and and then? And he we talked after that meeting and, and he, he outlined for me steps 10 and 11. He gave me an assignment on day one that said pages 84 through 88 every day for the next two years.

I'm a good student and I asked a question and I said, why two years?

He said. You have to. You have to read it until you want to read it. You have to do a lot of stuff here until you get to do everything here

to this day. And it's it's not seven days a week, but it's more. It's usually better than five, but I read this thing every day. I love 84 through 88. It is absolutely the time that I cherish most with my men that I've had the privilege to sponsor. It's hard for me to get pages 84 through 88, which is 10 and 11. I get that. It's hard to get through that in an hour session with them because I want to stop and talk about each word and where they link and what they meant. Not that I've learned it or not that I know it's, but what you taught me.

My experience with step 10 is

is ever changing. Early on it was simply reading it while on step one and Step 2. And step three was just reading it. It was laying out for me. And he told me, I'm just going to give you a target of what we're shooting for, right? And I love that. I love the idea of putting out in front of my men the opportunity to say this is what we're trying to be. I'm OK with who you are today and we're going to get you OK with who you are today. But I want you to know what we're shooting for. And I want you to know what the people that have walked before us do have walked. I want you to see the life that they carry and how they're living it. And this is the stuff that they're doing.

So see if you can't emulate that. See if you can't come along for that. See if you can't be educated with that. Because I'm not a guy that takes this from a scholarly standpoint. I'm not a guy that takes this. Like I took geometry, for instance. It's pretty easy. You sit down with a protractor and a pencil and they tell you this is the size of the angle. And this is what you can deduct from that. And you learn this class. And it's a subject matter.

I don't know what your experience is with Alcoholics Anonymous, but mine is that it's of a learning variety.

Step 10 tells me that I need to go out and play with you. I need to go out and be part of life. Our book is full of some verbiage that talks about packing things into the stream of life, and I love that. That excites me, That lights my fire, that that resonates in my heart. When I'm going to go out and pack something into the stream of life, when I'm going to go out there and try and live amongst you, When I'm going to go out there and try and carry the message or try and carry God's will. There's an assumption in there that I'm going to do my best,

but I need the safety. The other assumption that says I'm a human being

and by my very nature I am flawed and by my very nature, I'm going to run into you at times and it's going to be a great collision and I'm really sorry for that. That wasn't my intention when I woke up this morning. Those of you closest to me get to feel that most often, right?

Those of you that I see once, you may get the kindest man that you've ever met and you may walk away with a really great impression of me. And I appreciate that. I hope that's a man that I can measure up to B&B on a consistent basis because there's often times where I, I don't meet you because you're in the car in front of me and I really didn't say anything nice about you that morning. I just didn't. OK, I've got some tools on how I can do better. I've got some tools or how I can can do different. But what I really have in this book is a permission slip that allows me to go out there and try.

It allows me to go out there and live freely. It says

what I really get is a daily reprieve. Daily reprieve

based on my spiritual condition, right? Based on my maintenance, right? So if I'm maintaining a connection with God, which then it tells me that it's just newly been established. Whoa, don't get crazy. You don't have this thing figured out quite yet. You just got here, right? I get to work steps one through 9.

Paul, you took some of the chinks out of my armor, boy, you took some of the the, the chinks out of my blade right at my my sponsor. That the kind man that first broke this news to me that I could never drink again.

He'd like to talk about a machete and the machetes has been I've been hacking through a jungle of life for a lifetime and I've been cutting rocks with it and I've been cutting vines with it. I've been cutting a lot of stuff and I'm I'm pretty mangled as a tool. And he says, we're going to take one through 9 and we're going to take a pretty course file to that and we're going to make you back into a machete. And at the end of one through 9, as a result of some really good work and some really good effort and some really tough lessons and some really hard truths, he says, Matt, you've got a shape of a machete. Again, he says, but that's not what we got here and that's not what I got from Fellowship the spirit. And

I love what Mickey said in that Fellowship. Disgrace is an extension of Alcoholics Anonymous and everything that I know comes out of this book.

He told me that that Machete could probably stay sober and he will talk to me in terms of freedom, right? Happy, joyous, and free.

I'm not a man that was too impressed with sobriety. I was told that was a really neat byproduct of this way of life. I'm grateful for my sobriety. Lord knows I made a mess of my life when there wasn't, when it was void of sobriety.

But the things you had, the thing that I wanted and the thing that I first touched my soul at Fellowship, the Spirit Northwest,

was freedom. It was talking about freedom. It was talking about the final words when we closed the Happy Rd. the road of happy destiny. You talked about a freedom and that was liberating. It wasn't liberating for my mind because I still felt like a prisoner that couldn't drink ever again. And it wasn't liberating for my actions because you told me I was curbed by these bumper rails where I wasn't allowed to collide into people, that free will and be a tornado running through your life anymore. But it was liberating for my soul and my spirit.

It was liberating to allow me to go out there and just say, you know what? I get to be me for the first time, take it or leave it, love me or hate me on me and I'm OK.

My step 10 has been an evolution and I'm doing something new. I have a new sponsor.

Early on it was to constantly watch and I appreciate everything the panelists have had to say. My experience resonates with with many of what they much of what they said

early on.

Early on I just watched and it was solitude watch and I would be accountable to my sponsor and if I would take stuff to him in step 10 on a consistent basis, he would say, let's write some inventory. And most things that were involved in conversation around 10 went back immediately to four and I was writing a four column inventory a lot. And I filled pages and pages. We called it grid. I filled pages and pages of grid. I filled notebook after notebook. And for the first three years, I wrote a lot of inventory and it dealt with divorce and it dealt with excellent, dealt with money and it dealt with never drinking again.

And it dealt with what you thought him. He had meetings and we're dealt with what I thought at you and meetings. Man, maybe I'm just a slow guy, but after three years of that, I came out of a little bit different.

I've had another sponsor that didn't do much with 10, and there was a years in there where I got to drift a little bit. Now I continue to watch myself, I continue to read my pages and I continue to try and be part of something. But the accountability wasn't there. And what I've got today is a new man in my life that allows me to

to stay very accountable. And I carry a pad in my pocket and I write down stuff on a daily basis. I write down stuff on an hourly basis when I need to and when the time is right. And I take it to him and he says most some of the stuff we just, we just blow over. And he says, yeah, man, that's going to happen. That's going to happen. You're right,

I got you.

I guess my point and conclusion is that step 10 has allowed me to go out there and make new mistakes. I'm not allowed very often to get a free pass and make the same one over to get over again. But I get to make new ones and through those new ones I get to learn. And through those new ones I get to learn who you are and who I am. So God bless all and I love you. Thank you.

All right. The microphone is now open for discussion. We still have 20 minutes or 15 minutes left. So

hi, my name is Jim Mcblatt and I'm an alcoholic from Davenport, IA. Greetings and salutations. My Home group is big Book study

meeting in Bettendorf, IA 630 on Tuesday nights.

It's an open meeting. Come one, come all, come often.

I've been living in a state of exploded grace since October 27th, 1988. For that I'm grateful.