The topic of Step 2 at the Fellowship of the Spirit convention in Copper Mountain, CO

Please do. Hi there, I'm Mary there. I'm an alcoholic.

We'll, we'll see what happens. There's no oxygen up here in the brain.

So

I was asked to speak and I said I gotta go lay down first for a minute

anyway, and we're all out of water. So we'll see what happens. Right.

This is about the second step. I don't know. Can I move this? Thanks. Appreciate it. Yeah. OK

well

the second step in my journey in recovery. I have found a different way of looking and applying this in my life.

I, I wasn't raised with any religion, so I don't have that where I associated a power grid than myself with church. So I think it's some way I was blessed not to have that. But at the same time, I, I didn't feel like

I was worthy

for some kind of God.

And what I knew of it,

my experience was, is that I had a situation occur about three years before I got into recovery with my daughter that

where I brought her over a period of about nine months to

three different specialists and nothing was working. And

I remember I had to stay out of work for about three or four days. And when I went back to work, one of my bosses said to me, how's Candace? And, and I broke down and I started crying and I said, I've done everything. And it just so happened. This is just the way it went.

He had a brother-in-law that ran a ministry and it was called the Invisible Ministry. It was in law,

it was in La Jolla, I believe, and you didn't have to go to church there, but he helped a lot of people and he said maybe you could call him. Well, you know, I thought it was a little odd because I'd had an affair with this guy, you know, but he's telling me to call some minister. But anyway,

but I, you know, when you're, when you run out of everything, you kind of surrender. And and so I called this man and and he told me his name and he said our religion is based on Emmett Fox.

And I didn't know who Emmett Fox was or anything. And make a Long story short,

my daughter after three weeks had nothing the matter with her. So I knew there was a God.

I know it was her God, but I knew there was a God. I was three years in recovery when I went to a long time or meeting in Pasadena and there was one of the original 100 drunks that talked. It said that before the big book was written here, they they used Emmett foxes works. And I went, Oh my gosh, wow, no wonder. So I really feel as though there is a power that deals with drunks and kids and we don't even know what's happening sometimes.

So when I came into the halls, I knew there was a God

and and I came to believe in a God here in and I think that's what this step says and say what do you believe? But what have you come to believe in? What have you come to believe in? And the first thing that happened for me is this, that I knew there was something going on because I could see it with you.

That was what I came to believe in. I saw something in you. And as the years have gone on, I think I was around 20 years in recovery when I realized that I knew there was a God. And I knew it was there. And I knew I had experienced a lot of things, but it wasn't personalized to me. It was almost intellectual

and I tell you that because I have run into a lot of people. It's funny, the 1st 20 years and now almost the 2nd 20 years, I'm doing something different and my God and my understanding, what I've come to believe in, I actually found right off a Bill's story. In Bill's story, he talks about he found a new found friend. And I remember reading that one time and sitting there and saying to myself,

do I think my God is a friend?

And I pondered that and pondered it. And a lot of you people have heard my story, but the truth is, is that I have a best friend. I have a couple of best friends that I've known since I've been six years old and one who happens to have God. I think she's got 34 years this year and I sponsored her the whole time and but she's we, I went to her house whenever my folks were. She was like a sister. She's truly a best friend. So that if she walked into this room

right now, I could take a look at her and she could take a look at me and we go,

we don't have to speak. There's an energy there was and what was the energy? The energy is this, it's safe. Now, I tell you that because I'm a woman and I'm an alcoholic and I'm a mother and I was a wife that was battered and battered pretty severely. A weekend guest with a local police. And So what I want to say is, is that for me to make a decision or, you know, to turn my will in my life, my thoughts

over to some power, I would tell you, I'm going to do that. I'm going to do that one boy, you're not going to hurt me. I was hurt. I was damaged a lot and I didn't really feel safe. I felt safe with my sponsors. My sponsors had an energy about them that I could tell them anything. My best friend I could, but it never considered to have a God, a loving God is he expresses himself, which I was seeing the expression in my life personally

and I remember when I pondered that I was going through one of those trials and tribulations. You know, it says in our book something effective We failed to enlarge on our spiritual life. We will not be able to face the certain trials in most spots ahead. Certain doesn't say maybe you're going to have a bump in the road. It says certainly you are and if you don't have a God that does business with you and you can do business with that God. I'm here to tell you I've experienced watching some people not be able to get through that.

So

I have not arrived anywhere. In fact, I consider myself a seasoned beginner. And through the years and my conception, conception means it continues to grow. Concept, you've already got it and it's not growing anymore. We found that the book study one time it says conception, not concept. We kept saying, oh, what's the difference? And we looked at it, looked it up. So I really believe that a power grid in myself

I come to to believe in

that's a friend. And because of that I've been restored to sanity, which is sound thinking and balance in any area of my life that I have finally admitted that I am powerless over to my innermost self that I have no power in my lifestyle manageable if I just say yeah, I'm powerless over that. And I really don't admit it to my innermost self. I there is no way that power will enter. It's a very strange thing. I found that for myself. That

wasn't until I admitted to my animal self that I was selfish. I heard the words, I read the words. I saw a selfish self. Suddenness was the root of my problem. But if I hadn't admitted to my enema self, there's no way there was a power greater than myself that could come in. And this power for me is a friend

and I don't know how much time do I have anytime. What have I got? 2 minutes. Oh good,

I I hope I've made some sense. One of the best promises here in the book, and I love this promise. It says when I draw closer to my best friend. When I draw closer to my best friend,

he's going to reveal himself to me.

That's on page 57. The Big Book has 58 pages, plus the Doctor's Opinion that deals with steps one and two. If you count in the Big Book, The rest of the pages that deal with step three-step four, step, they don't add up to 59 pages. They really don't. So there's an awful lot in these first two steps. If you do not

have a power that you can do business with, that does business with you, that your best friend and you have the quality of safety with that,

I don't think you're going to do it

now. That's my experience with the people I sponsor. They have to tell me where they feel safe, where they feel safe. What's the energy around it? My power greater than myself grew from the cat that I had ET who was very safe. That was always with me. She was always present, even when I didn't want her. She lived 20 years.

There was an energy that came off of that. I'm here to tell you my power grain of myself is much, much more vast

than that cat. But you start where you are. Humility is accept where you are right now. Thank you and God bless.

Thank you because it's a little warm up here. Could I actually have somebody in the back or bring us the speakers all some water. I really appreciate that. Next we have Donna D Donnas Home group is Thursday. All are welcome from Aurora, Co. She is Alan on family group. Thank you.

Hi, I'm Donna and I'm very nervous.

I am so grateful to be here up at thoughts. I'm actually glad that it came a month early this year. I didn't want to have to wait a whole year to come back. And thank you, Brenda for asking me to speak. I I thought I listened during the second meeting

or the first step panel and I thought about the the whole step in the sanity and the insanity. And I'll start in the beginning.

I came in to Al Anon. It was the end of February, so I missed our second step study and I didn't hear about it for quite a long time. But we always read the steps at the beginning of the meeting. And I never liked the second step. I didn't like the word insanity. I'm like, OK, I, I don't belong here. I am not insane and

like many of shared, it took me a good six months to I finally heard,

as everybody has or most of us have now, the Einstein definition of insanity about doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. The first time I heard that in a meeting, I knew I belonged and I said, OK, yeah, that is me.

And even as as I was driving up the mountain, one of the things that I used to do over and over again, I was

committing to something and getting out of commitments. And I even asked a friend in the car. I said, hey, so are you going to be speaking on any of the panels? And she said no, she was doing some other service work here. And I said, do you want to? And, and she goes, well, I wasn't asked. And I go, well, I could ask you and I would find some way to get out of it. And

sitting through there thinking about this,

I wouldn't be up here right now if it wasn't for a power greater than myself. And it took me a long time. Much like Mary mentioned about feeling worthy. I didn't grow up in any formal religion or anything. And I really, by the time I came into these rooms, thought that I'd done a lot of

not so good things that I had heard that I wasn't where I felt I wasn't worthy. My

parent, my father would tell me and I wasn't worthy. My husband would tell me I wasn't worthy. I but worst of all, I would tell myself I was not worthy of,

of a power greater than myself helping me and taking care of me and loving me. And I heard in the rooms about let it, let the group be your higher power if you have no concept. And I, I didn't really understand that, but I saw these people believe

and a power greater than themselves, and I believe that they believe that. And I saw them going through things I felt were much more difficult than I had ever had to deal with with regards to alcoholism. And they were, they were happy, they were restored. They were human. They would cry, they would laugh. And I learned to do that. I came into these rooms numb. I

was cried out, I was laughed out. I was just numb

and

I heard later the next year around when we talked about the second step where they break down the second step into came, came to and then came to believe and and I believe that I I came to the meetings. It took me a while to come to and wake up and get a sponsor and start working the steps,

and then I came to believe that I was left. I was loved by everyone of you out there that didn't even know me

and I'm so grateful for that.

And I am getting restored to sanity because I will go into those things I used to do over and over again and expecting different results. And people would try, they would offer share their experience about things that they tried differently that I was going through

that might be a better way to react to

the disease of alcoholism.

And I, I would reluctantly try it. And I was amazed at the results. And I didn't expect certain results. I just tried it. And it was, it was powerful. And I knew it wasn't me. I knew it was a higher power helping me.

I am trying to stay focused on the second step, but

I am slowly but surely getting restored.

Coming to this conference is the most powerful spiritual part of my recovery because there's so much shared here that I don't always hear in the meetings about the spiritual recovery, the spiritual side of our our program. And I was grateful a speaker mentioned earlier about this

emotionally sober, that that's powerful For me.

It was when I had probably been in Al Anon. I think

I I'm sure I'll get corrected later. I think it was about a year or so I started doing a big book study with another Al Anon friend of mine and

it amazed me. It opened up so much understanding in my journey as far as I saw no difference. I read those stories. I, I, I thought I was an alcoholic for a little bit. You know, I go, maybe I am an alcoholic because I do this and this and this. I'm self-centered, I obsess, I but my obsession is not over alcohol. And she cleared that up for me. And and that is really the

difference that I have found between

Al Anon and Alcoholics is what our obsession is over and I am no longer obsessed with the Alcoholics in my life and what they're doing. I am I sometimes change my obsession, but is to healthier obsession such as my recovery and and things related to this program. And I get obsessed about coming to this conference every year and, and everything. And

so, you know, it's at least about healthier obsessions. I've been able to have healthier relationships with my husband, my family, my friends that I could never have done without. Everyone in these rooms without the knowledge. In the big book, Bill's story especially, she already quoted what I was thinking about

and as one of the things I do over and over again. But I wasn't expecting different results. I left all my notes

and in my big book and everything over on a chair over there with my purse. And so I I don't have them in front of me, but without a power greater than myself, if I didn't believe it, I couldn't stand up here right now. I have never talked to this many people at one time in my life. And I couldn't have done it without your love, your program, your patience and everything else. So thank you very much.

Next on the second step, we'll have Catherine D from the Sherwood Group in SAN in San Angelo, TX. Welcome.

Thank you. Hello, everyone. I'm Catherine and I am an alcoholic. I'm very grateful to be here. Very excited about this.

So staying on topic of the second step, I was thinking about where I was before I found this beautiful program,

and I was living definitely in alcoholic insanity.

I didn't believe that I had a problem. I was my own power. I had made a decision that there was no God

I I was so alone. I was so desperate and I was in the darkness and I could not see outside of myself.

So for me, if there was a God, he didn't care about me anymore.

What I didn't realize that it was of my own creating.

So when I walked into the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous, I was not doing it for myself. I was doing it for my husband and my children and my family,

thinking I don't have a problem, these people are crazy. Even though I thought maybe, just maybe. And I sat there and I did not realize that I was going to walk into a room full of living, breathing, walking, miracles.

It it was a moment for me that I can't explain. But at that moment I thought, there's got to be something greater in this room. But I still had a difficult time coming to believe that there was a power greater than myself. I grew up in a religion as a child where God had strict boundaries and if I didn't do what God wanted me to do, I was going to burn.

And it was scary. I was scared, very scared of God and scared of what he thought of me. And when I started working with my sponsor that I have now, I learned that this power can be something that I understand and that opened a big door for me to believe in something greater than myself

that loved me

because I didn't love myself.

This

power showed me a way of life through a A, through the people in a A.

I am so blessed to be here talking to you all right now. And I realized that because of this power, I'm standing right here. I'm alive and I'm breathing.

Umm,

I don't really have much more to say than that. I kind of drew a blank. I had all these things I was thinking about, but really that's all I have. And I'm just really blessed to be here and thank you all. And I do love you all very, very much.

Next we have Aaron M from A A the primary purpose group in Cheyenne, WY. Thank you.

My name is Aaron. I'm an alcoholic,

you know, I was,

I was the person that had once had faith and lost it

my first time. And and I grew up. I don't really have a problem with God wasn't really particularly religious. And, you know, I, I hit a A at 20 years old and, you know, because I was unwilling to do some work,

went to a lot of meetings, hung out with a lot of people in a A and that was about the extent of it,

months of that. And that was enough. And I was back out and, you know, I got married and

as my drinking progressed, it really started causing some troubles in my marriage. And I prayed to God a lot, you know,

mostly that he would just make it easy because like I said, I wasn't willing to do a lot of work.

So and I would pray and pray and I went to church and I

grandfather was very spiritual and went to church with him. And

you know, when nothing got better

and my drinking got worse, I said it's about I had about enough of this. This is this is phooey and this is not for me.

So, you know,

it fueled the longer I was out, the worse I got, the more that resentment towards God grew. You know, and much like Catherine, you know, at some point I think I decided that he had, he had pretty much looked into my soul and

and Sam, I wretched soul and the wickedness of the way I was living and wanted nothing to do with me.

So, you know, I, I continued on and I use that to pretty much as an indictment of the whole anybody that was believed in God and that was not living life perfectly was a hypocrite. And so 15 years later, after the first time, when I ended up back in treatment, you know, I called, they said this is a 12 step program and I'd already done a A and I certainly wasn't believing in God. So Yep,

gotcha. Like, I had a plan and, you know, I figured I'd go to a treatment and get some more therapy because the five years of therapy I had had was working so well,

you know, that like, I just need to cram it all into 30 days. That was probably it. And you know what, really where I got that willingness was, you know, once I got straightened out and got everything out of my system.

He knows that that point of decision, you know, that gets talked about it at the bottom of page 25. You know, really, as I saw it, I was down to two options, you know, one to one to keep going

and the other two accept spiritual help.

We were sitting there and

I wasn't in treatment very long and they had a step study meeting there and they were reading out of the 12 and 12. And when they read about the fellow that had lost faith and and then

I had once had faith and lost it, you know, that were pretty well, pretty well described me. And then I went into this internal dialogue,

you know, pretty much, haven't you had enough?

What is it going to hurt? You know, just do whatever these people say. And,

you know, it was it was, it was from there, you know, and it was good that, you know, the only thing that that I needed was a willingness at that point,

you know, I did not have to accept any religious figure as in my personal savior that day. You know, I just had to have, you know, a willingness, you know, and like it talks about and, and, and we agnostics, like I could not comprehend or understand God. You know, I was willing to try. I was willing to, to go back to my cabin that night and,

and pray to God that, you know, I, I was pretty uncertain about,

about that God's existence,

you know, and

you know, the promise of a return to sanity. And like, you know, at that time, I'm not sure that existed either. You know, I just, I didn't want to, I couldn't live the way I was living anymore. I just wanted to know more of that. You know, I knew I just didn't want that anymore. You know,

when I was in there, my counselor said, you know, I want your recovery to be like, I wanted to be like the best drug you ever did. You know, I wanted to blow your hair back. And I was like, this guy is crazy.

Why, you know, hopefully I can stay sober. Hopefully I make it, you know, hopefully I, I, I stopped neglecting my wife, you know, but this, this was this guy is talking about is, you know, not possible, you know, and, and really, you know, it, it was a ways down the road, you know, before I started getting into steps 9 and, and getting those amends done and, and 10:00 and 11:00 and before I really got to

experience God and really got to,

you know, experience that return to sanity, you know, at least as far as alcohol is concerned.

It comes and goes,

you know, usually I get up and I talked and I can't stop talking. And now I'm looking down and there's still some time left and

reaching. Hoping something comes to mind.

You know it.

Nothing's coming to mind.

Yeah, You know, I it just

as I got further, as I progressed, I realized the importance of that, of that second step, you know, all the foundation of what I have reliance upon God, you know, seeking God in every area of my life today,

all came from that willingness to believe, you know, but I, you know, I wish I could just say I had a change of heart and that I decided to try something different, but it wasn't, you know, it really was, man. This is, I don't know what the hell I'm going to do if this doesn't work. I have no idea, you know, So, you know, given that perspective,

you know, that willingness was a little bit easier to come by. And you know, fortunately the guys that I've worked with,

we haven't had a problem with God. I'm pretty new at this, still

only had a couple of guys, but you know, that's something I haven't had to address with them

is going through Step 2 and you know, just are you willing or are you not? I don't know what to say,

so

yeah, if I talk any longer it's just going to be rambling nonsense. So I'll be quiet now. Thanks.

Now I'll open the mic. Please share on your experience on Step 2. Thanks.

Hello everyone. My name is Tony Blankenship. I'm an alcoholic.

It's really nice to be here. Haven't been here. I was here the first year that we have at the Copper Mountain and I haven't been back since because I'm busy and

I couple things I wanted they came to really struck me is that I came in and out of Alcoholics Anonymous as I was first time. I was 15, but I didn't really want to get sober at 19. I wanted to get sober 'cause I had two DUI S and you know, alcohol was a problem and and I came in and out of a A for six years and I looked at the steps and I worked every one of them in my head and

I would not do the God thing. This wouldn't do it.

I'd come here and they'd be like, you got to find a higher power and I'm like, that's good for you. And I just went and do it. I don't know why. I don't know why I was so scared of and and then, you know, the day came where I just

could not drink and I quit stopping. And

when I got separated from alcohol and got brought to Alcoholics Anonymous, this time,

I knew it wasn't going to work. I was like, this isn't going to work. I'm not going to be able to stay sober. I might make it 30 days because I'm locked up, but that's it. And I'm leaving. And. And there were people around me like, I'm done. And I'm like, I'm not because I know I wasn't because I drank again all the time. And. And I got a sponsor. And he suggested this novel concept. He says, why don't you start praying on your knees in the morning and at night? I was like, yeah, but

he said Tony just shut up and do it. I was like, OK. And, And what became real apparent to me is it didn't matter what I believed at that point. It didn't matter what I thought. It didn't matter what any of those things. It just mattered that I did something. And I got on my knee. I had to pray out loud for a long time because my head would scream so loud about how stupid it was and how lame I was and how, you know, you know, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And

is that for me? Am I done? Oh, OK. All right. You're done. OK

was like,

I mean I can take a message

and and it worked man, it really worked It really worked. I'm I'm I got sober 1998 I'm 14 1/2 years sober. I'm almost 15 and. And here's you know like so here's where I'm at today. I think faith is my decision and I,

you know, the deal is for me. I'm just not all in. I've been to restore to sanity with alcohol, but like

I'm just not all in and I'll be like, yeah, I'm sure. I believe. I believe, I believe that I'm like yeah, but it's like not really, you know, not really, because I'm not doing it right. I mean, I'm not really like I don't think I'm crazy is like the deal. I think I'm OK. I think like all these things that are unmanageable at 14 that, you know, Mickey said that in the first step is like, I have all these bedevilments going on and some are bigger and some are smaller and some are, you know, like whatever, but they're going on. They're not. They haven't stopped,

you know, because I'm living a spiritual life and, you know, and once in a while, about every day, I'll try to manage one of those bedevilments. And I'm like, I don't, I don't need God for that. I'm good. And I'll talk to my sponsor. I'm like, yeah, but I'm doing it. He's like, no, you're not. You're not invested. And and it's a reminder to me is that faith is that's up to me. It's my decision. That's not God's job. That's my job. It's my job to have faith and

I'm just grateful to be here. I feel, I feel good. It's nice to be here and and it's nice to see everybody. So thanks.

Couldn't believe Tony beat me over there. My name is Tom. I'm an alcoholic,

sober by the grace of God, been continuously sober since June the 15th of 1986, and my Home group is an A group in Santa Fe, NM. We used to introduce ourselves like that when we got up here. This is my home conference. A lot of extremely good friends in this room, and I owe them the truth. You know,

Brian P spoke at our Home group about six months ago

and he displayed a lot of courage and hope I can be that courageous. You know, I got sober in Albuquerque

in a treatment center where I don't remember anything that happened there other than a a meeting came in and

I glommed onto these two guys. And the one guy told me, he says you need to find a higher power that you can do business with. And up into that point, I didn't believe in anything anymore. I had, but I didn't anymore. And I asked him how he stayed sober. He said, I pray every day. I ask God to keep me sober and I thank God at night. And I started doing that because that was the only flimsy read I had left.

And amazingly, I stayed sober for 33 days in that place. And my personal best was eight days and 16 years. And so I knew there was some difference. And so just I guess out of superstition or whatever, I kept doing that. And I did it for for many, many years. And then I stopped doing that because I understood I was trying to make a deal with God and that you don't need to deal with God. You, I've got nothing to deal with,

you know, I don't, I don't have any, any, any card to offer God.

So I stopped doing that. And that's a whole other story.

So

try to try to quicken this. I years ago I used to participate in Lakota way or the sweat lodge and I was carrying the, the hot rocks. I was the fireman and having a real hard time with it. It was a winter time, it was slippery. And I'm carrying this hot stuff and I've got a bad hip and I'm praying the whole time. God, please give me the power. Please give me the power, Please give me the power. If you drop one of these rocks, you have to go back and pick it up and and put it back in the fire.

And it's just hard and and I'm praying this prayer and a voice said to me, I gave you the power, now use it.

That was it. And so I shut up with the prayers and I just did my job, you know. And so anyway, over the years, this will just amaze you, I'm sure. But I've had a real problem with gambling, casino gambling, specifically slot machines. I've been fighting this probably most of my sobriety. I just this, this is what you can expect at 27 years. By the way, this give you a little hope.

The the spell was broken at one point through prayer and I thought it was over with and I just slid back into it and I tried to play it down and I tried to pretend like it was spiritually OK. And I speak at conferences and I stand at the podium and I go on and on. And I know that I've got this secret that I'm not telling anybody that that

what?

Well, I love you too. That's why I'm telling you this.

And and then I'm lying to my wife. I'm not lying to her, but I'm phrasing things in such a way that I don't tell the truth. That's lying, right?

I'm being dishonest to my wife and and that's not good for relationship guys.

It really isn't. And some people have heard this story, but most of you haven't anyway.

And I'm praying the whole time. God, please give me the power not to go into these casinos. God, please give me the power not to go into these casinos. Please give me the power not to give over and over and over. And I'll be praying it as I walk into the casino, OK.

And my rationale is I'm not bankrupting us. So it's really not that bad. And you know, there's no work right now anyway. And you know, maybe God wants me to hit the big one. You know, I could be possible, right? And I even tell my sponsor and I'm even I'm even fish stepping it with people,

guys that I sponsor about it. And my sponsor says you need to go to Gamblers Anonymous. I don't want to go to Gamblers Anonymous. I don't say that to him. I say, well, I'll look into that, you know, but I don't want to for reasons of pride and and how many more programs can I do? So I'm going on like this. Then I start saying thy will be done as I walk into the casino. And and what happened guys, is if I had the thought of going in, I'm in. I mean, it had me. I mean, absolutely did.

So now, because I'm being dishonest with my wife, I can't do nightly review anymore because who wants to look at being dishonest every night? You check that off. Yeah, I lied. I was dishonest. So I just stopped doing that. OK. And you know, I had the, I vaguely sensed I was not being any too smart. You know what I mean? Remember that.

Anyway, what happened was one day I sat in meditation and I remembered that time when I I was picking up those rocks and I heard the voice say, use the power I've given you.

OK, And So what I did was instead of this, please help me, please help me. I, I made a covenant with God and I said God today I promise I won't go in there. And I didn't. It was like the spell was broken. And every day I said the same prayer. God, today I promise I won't go in there. And I haven't been in since it's been about three or four months now. And, and the idea is that I'd rather beg for power that I already have

than use the power that's been given. How many prayers do I have to say

before the prayer is answered? Probably one, but I'd rather beg for it than use it. You know, I was thinking about Mark Houston and he said this thing that really got me one time. He said I was praying and asking God to show me. I said, God, please show me how to tell people about you. And what I heard was don't tell them about me. Tell them about your experience of me. OK?

Don used to say, you know, the big Book doesn't say belief in in God, It says belief in the power of God.

And that's what we get here. Thanks.

Hi, I'm John, a member of Al Anon.

I had to say about one thing. It took me a long time, like years to figure this out. So in case somebody else is like as thick as I was about this, I will simply say that religion and God are two separate and distinct things.

A religion may say that they are the only one, and that's the only way you can talk to God. But they all say that. And in any denomination you can find someone who is very spiritual and connected and can very help you, and you can find the evilest people on the planet in that same religion. It doesn't matter.

And as far as religious texts go, you can find some wonderful inspirational things in some of those religious texts, and you can find the ugliest, nastiest thing that will drag you down to whatever

pit there is in the same texts. So it took me a long time to figure out in a way that I've been sold a bill of goods when I was growing up because this is the only way to work. Well, I tried them and it didn't work. So God doesn't love me. No, it's they can't help you. It's that religion gives God a bad name.

Religion is an A man made thing.

God didn't make it. I'm sure if we ran across him today. What are you guys doing? What's all this stuff that you say is in my name and it really isn't? I don't know.

So I've had to really work on breaking that away. When somebody says this is what was written and this is from God, it's like, well, no, it's from somebody who was spiritual at the time. Whatever time that was, people found it really valuable. Maybe there's something in there,

but I might read something from God in the big book, or I might read something from God in some of the Al Anon literature I have. I think probably

I have not really been to church. I have been in a building that was built

around a religion

but I really didn't go to church until I actually went to an A a meeting and thought how these people are really in with God.

So that's what I had to figure out. I hope that helps somebody. Thanks.

Hi, my name is Jim. I'm an alcoholic.

Greetings from Iowa.

I've never really considered myself a control freak, more of a control enthusiast.

I One of the things that I fall prey to is

my ego will kind of squirrel up through into my brain to help me forget one of the pertinent ideas that no human power can can

free me from alcoholism. And I had a situation here recently where I had to do business, has been said. I have many experiences.

One thing that Tom said reminded me what I did wrong in this program for a long time was to try and understand

so I could explain God to someone else. And what's happened with me today is that I'm able to

experience and express God and my experience through my experience. And it's it's a wonderful place to be. I have found whenever I surrender another part of my life to God, my world gets a lot bigger. When I'm trying to figure it all out,

it gets smaller.

And excuse me, as people are familiar with the mountains, the view from the valley is significantly different than that, the view from the mountain top.

And so has some medical issues and I have a foot that won't behave itself, so they want to take part of it and I'm coming off a shoulder injury.

And so we're trying to time this thing

and I'm and I'm

not second step stuff is I got to figure this out. OK, I got to know what it's going to look like.