Steps 10, 11 and 12 at the All Our Affairs group in Toronto, Canada

So once again, I'd like you to please help me. Welcome to share his experience on Steps 1011 and 12. Peter M.

I.

How many of us are uncomfortable with the silence?

How many people thought I forgot what to say?

I want my money back. I came here for this.

Other than the sound of our mother's heart beating, we come from silence. When we come into this planet,

everything sound we hear and we return to silence

and we walk a journey as long as we're here on this earth

with nothing but noise.

And we come into Alcoholics Anonymous or whatever 12 step fellowship and have this eleven step that talks about prayer meditation. Part of the meditation is not only the studying of the work, but we've, we've, we've grown to a point where we go into a meditation and, and give attention to God and practice the sacred silence and none of us do it because it's too quiet.

There's nothing to do. I just, I can't deal with the, the voices and they had the noise. I need to do something. And so we do we I'm asked to talk about 10:11 and 12:00.

12 should be a reflection of all my journey to give to someone else and take this into my home's occupations and affairs. But there's a huge piece of 10/11 that is the science we come from silence and we enhance that experience. We enhance and grow and grow in in 11 with that, this strict spiritual disciplines of that step. And we get about two minutes here.

I saw a few folks got it.

We just closed their eyes and got still. Few folks were just like, what is he doing?

We don't do that in Canada, you know, I mean,

you know what, what's this guy doing? So how am I, how am I doing with, with the sacred silence? Do I have a life of silence? And when I see silence, I don't mean when mom, when we, we go to retreat and we, we observe signs of literally not speaking other than when it's really maybe necessary,

but even when we're really busy multitasking. I work in a treatment center industry. Mike knows exactly what I'm talking about. You just you're always busy. I mean, you can't even have lunch with entertaining 55 problems at once, right? It's constantly moving. But how do I come out? What do I come out of with that?

How am I operating? Well, I can't really experience that if I'm not getting my soul food. If not, I'm not enriching what's been given to me by sitting still.

Am I experiencing the great fact on page 25?

Well, pretty much have the shift of perceptions and conceptions about everything God's created each other, God's universe, everything.

Or am I just giving lip service to one? One of the things you'll you won't hear a lot of dialogue with is when we talk about step 11 and it's specifically about let's do a topic tonight is meditation.

Well, God's talking meditations, listening and pass the basket. Let's go home.

But how many of us experientially can talk about a life of stillness and silence Experientially can talk about step 11 and often took each other what this looks like in very tangible terms. Although what we experience is not very tangible.

It's hard to express what God has done for us adequately other than watch me look how my life looks. But to express how that happened adequately to express what God has done for me. My God experiences. We're going to full show we have to it's God. No words can express that adequately at that point is so step 10 and 11. You know, for me, they've always run into each other

and one is what I'm doing during a day and one is about how I wrap up my day and how I start off my day

with prayer meditation going today, I'll have my step 10 moving the spot check inventory making immense promptly when I fall short, promptly discussing with things with someone immediately, not six months later, you know,

my sponsor taught me words to work with throughout my day. Return watch aware, observe, turn, watch aware, observe, turn back to the power in order to go, turn in in order to go out, turn in in order to go out, watch you and observe interchangeable words. How am I doing? How's my speech? Am I silent when I should be offering you something?

Am I talking when I should be quiet? Which is what most of us do, Talk instead of being quiet. Because my point is so important.

Yeah. Aware and observe. How am I doing? Where am I going? What do my actions show you? Right. Well, if I'm operating at a place of God consciousness and very still, things look different. Things sound different, right? Everything we work out of this divine order, if you will,

divine order, everything is as it should be. And we're OK with the is this of right now. And I need to change. I want to change things. I want to change everything. I want to fit. You should be there and you should be sitting there. And this, that's how we operate. And if I have this, I'd be okay. And if I didn't have that, I'd even be better. And we want to restructure God's divine order. And that's just the ego screaming, hey, I'm out of work, let me do something.

And the mind gets signed and says, hey, what about me? I was showing this Jones. Sometimes the the deeper we get with God, the the mind may even scream louder to pull us away.

Throw up something. You can't do this. I can't be out of work. This really doesn't work. God doesn't work,

but can I recognize that divine order? Can we recognize that

that even in the chaos or appears to be chaos. It's God even creating what appears to be chaos to drive us back to him or her or it

because it looks like this. We go to someone say hey, listen, I'm struggling. It looks like this in my life and things have kind of spinning out of control. Can you take me to the steps again? Is it possible God allowed that to bring you back to him? Because if you continue this way with God into out interrupting and getting our attention

and he will get our attention. It doesn't always feel good, but in getting our attention, I come to you, sponsored me, and I'm back with God again. In a sense,

when I say back with God, it doesn't mean we're separated, literally separated from God, because we're physical extensions of that power, which is not physical. We can't be separated, can't be separated from my arm, but it feels like we're separated. It feels like God is distant. And when I feel distant from God, my behavior will show that

my words will reflect that.

But even with all the chaos or what appears to be chaos, and when we wake up, we send, we tend to recognize some chaos too. But even with all of that,

underneath everything, there's a stillness.

This is very real.

I'm OK I walk with God

now to a new comet up might sound like very pretentious. I walk with God. We walk with God. The man or woman drinking under a bridge somewhere right now is just as much God in them as I do standing here speaking with you.

The difference between me and that person, us and that person, or maybe some of us in this room, is the reintegration, if you will, with this power. Waking up to this power experience, coming to the realization of the oneness with God, I was brought up in my religious background. God's out in the heavens somewhere

and you're down here and if you're really lucky, I mean really lucky, you don't even think about sinning 'cause if you think about sending, you're in trouble. I was in trouble all the time. Maybe you'll get to the pearly gates. They'll give you a once over and say I will give you a chance. That's an ugly way to live.

There's no love in that. Now there may be some pearly gates up there and there may be something in up there. I'll find out when he calls me home. But right now my big, big book says the great reality is deep down within an every spiritual teacher I've studied talks about the same thing that we got God in a sense DNA in us. We walk with God even in our worst moments and what appears to be our best moments that God is God. It's about getting integrated with it and with the work does is remove all the blocks

of me getting integrated and experienced oneness with God. No more separateness, no more duality, but oneness with God and some of us will spin out of control once well some of us will entertain the voices from time to time. Some of us will get resentful and I got a little fear going on. They put erases on pencils because we make mistakes. 10 step says OK, what are we going to do about it? Get back up on a horse and keep riding. Father, show me what to do, make amends, keep moving.

It's about growing and understanding and effect and not staying pat, saying I got mine now you get yours because I'm in. Father, we're going to make mistakes along the way,

but we're no longer living on page 52. It bedevilments, huh? I'm no longer living grip by fear. I'm no longer living with nursing my resentments and grudges. I know they're fatal. Hey, talk to me for 5 minutes. I have a resentment I need to discuss with you. As ten step 10 says immediately. Do you have time for me right now?

Because I need a way out of this. Here's what how this materializes.

I was in a company of a couple of gentlemen not too long ago, and

out of the three of them, one in particular has said assassinated my character, if you will, has thrown me under the bus, spread rumors,

thought about me drinking, God forbid, but just me and my big guy in his big book. And it was just that kind of stuff.

Just said ugly things and they all came back to me

and it was just ugly. Got really, really ugly.

And so I'm I'm in a room and there he is.

And my first mind reaction was, well, I'm going to leave. I'm taking my big book and I'm going home because he doesn't play fair.

And then that thing in the gut

pause when agitated or doubtful. I knew I couldn't leave that room, so I went away. I left. I left the room to come back.

God, what do I do here?

Quick phone call,

went back into the room. God allows me to be a builder of bridges, allows us to be builders of bridges. Because when I saw that gentleman, I went up to him and we'll call him Joe. I says, hi, Joe, how are you? How's everything going? Thank you for your service and God bless you. I wish you well. And at that moment, I truly meant that.

And I built a bridge. Don't have to build a bridge, but God allowed me to build a bridge. Now it's up to him to walk over. He doesn't have to walk over either. But I built a bridge. The next time he's in a room, I've done my part.

I can say hi, how are you, how's everything? I've done my part. Now, if he wants a nurse, his stuff, that's his deal, his grudge, his resentment. The night before, I was sitting in a diner with some very, very close friends. And I says, can you tell me what I've done to harm him? Because when I've asked him, he says nothing. But for some reason he sees me and see Satan. I don't I don't know my way around us.

OK, can't figure it out. So what I do is just build a bridge.

So how often do we build a bridge and how often do we knock down the bridge that may exist

or don't even get appliers in a in a screwdriver route to start one? Because he has to come to me. I'm an A A and I'm a spiritual guru.

Peacemakers will sometimes go where there's trouble, not only where there's peace. That's easy

to be around people walking this path. That's why we love it. It's for fun. It's we're around each other with kicking God around, talking my new ideas. We're out with a little spiritual warriors going out there and getting the sick and so that's fun. How am I doing? People say you and your big book are fraud. I don't like the steps. Your God's full of baloney ever around. How do I behave? How do I practice these principles when others around me are not?

Oh,

there's work.

Let's see where we are now. There's the gut check. Give a talk from a podium. But people don't even want to hear about the big book, don't even want to hear about the steps,

don't hear about God. I did a talk in Europe. I never forget it and I close the session. It was a workshop. close the session with the Lord's Prayer and the speaker things Peter, do me a favour. Please don't use the Lord's Prayer here. I said get somebody else to finish the weekend. I apologize for God. How do how do we deal with that when they don't want to hear about God or the Lord's Prayer in an, A, a meeting or whatever fellowship you belong to?

Can we take a look at the serenity prayer? God grant me, I'm God you give me.

It's a politically correct prayer in our fellowships now

because we have bad information that it's a Christian prayer to Lord's Prayer and it isn't Christian just adopted it.

If anyone studies are Grapevine, a Jewish fellow went to his rabbi and said I can't go to that fellowship because they say the Lords prayer and his rabbi examined the prayer knew about a since you go back there and you say that prayer.

But we got politically correct in our 12 step fellowship. We cannot,

can't annoy anyone. They got pamphlets for atheists. Now they're coming out.

You know what? We roll over and allow it.

OK, get off my soapbox.

So

so read a couple of things here.

What does it mean when you have glasses and you still can't see? I mean, this is not good.

It's called 53. That's what this is, OK, my big book tells me. This thought brings us to Step 10,

which suggests we continue to take personal inventory and continue to sit right any new mistakes as we go along. It's too pasta that continue to take inventory like an extension of four. What am I doing through my day now? I was brought up with this deal where I write, I put pencil paper, enough time and I'll put down some things on where I was selfish, dishonest, self seeking, frightened. Who la Hama? I'll just put those things on paper

make amends quickly. Some of us just use it as a aware and observe how am I doing make amends quickly discussed it with someone quickly and I'm not here to split the room down the middle. But what the way I was brought up is as I'm going through my day. Inventories are written list.

So on my lunch I'll review what went on saying everything. OK, maybe a little resentment happened at 9:00. It's now noon and I'm having lunch and I'm still replaying that and I'm making prep, but sometimes I need to put that on paper That doesn't work for anyone. If you're OK without doing that, that's fine, but inventory is a written less like Step 4.

It says I vigorously commenced this way of living as I cleaned up the past in a book, especially in 10-11 to use words like vigorously commenced at once next. Now these words imply do something

not not. I got to 1011 and I can coast. The word maintenance in this step has taken a really bad rap. Just maintain. Stay as it is means don't grow. And if we don't grow, it means I'm going. So how can I just keep it as it is? By the way, if I'm just keeping it as it is, who's in charge of my sobriety? Me. God's offer me the universe and I said no, I'm good right here.

Here's the thing about this, before I read on,

when we were out there and we're drinking or drugging, we all wanted more, am I right? We all agree with that more right? This is CA, so don't bring me an 8 ball, bring me a 40 foot trailer worth of the stuff because it's going to be a long night. I made a little lecture, right? Bring me as much as you can, bring me as much liquor as you can. More is the drink, right? More just IV me, Jack Daniels and I'm just keep it coming and then we come into recovery

and we say too much. God, tonight I got to drive. So kill it, right?

That's too much God's too much recovery. There's always too much of something having to do with enriching ourselves or getting well, we put a lid on stuff, which is completely the opposite of way we live. Since when has more been not a bad word for us

all this were not done

because if I had another terminal in which I always looked at addiction as terminal because we're going to die from it, sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly, we're going to die from this and there is no way out. Step one says we use until we die. But if I had to know the terminal illness, God forbid. And they told me that down the block there was this remedy that you can eat, drink, inject and you will be good. In fact, the more you take, the healthier you would be. I would be taking as much as I can.

I would have a daily regimen of this life giving substance, right? We come into Alcoholics Anonymous or Cocaine Anonymous and narcotics or whatever A8 is which is centered around God. And they say, listen, we have a life giving thing here. It's called God. And we have a sure way for you to get to experience God. No matter what the head is telling, if you follow direction, you will come into the presence of God and you will live a full and abundant and clean and sober life. In fact,

thinking about using will be removed too. You won't have those days where you twist it up. You got euphoria, recall, you'll just chop wood and carry water. Do you want some? And we go.

I'll work on my 90 and 91st and let you know I'll get back to you,

right? Right,

this Cocaine Anonymous. If the drug dealer was down the block, we'd be the first one online at 4:00 in the morning. We'd beg borrowing steel to get the money to get our stuff to get out of there.

We have big book meetings. I'm sure we got them up here. Big book meetings and we go to other places. Remember when you were using? When you hear guys with overdose and die, where'd you go, cop your drugs? Were they overdosed and died? Because that's where the real good stuff is, right? Right. It's a song. You guys are cocaine addicts. I hope Jesus OK, right. He knows.

I mean, that's what we did if you when I was in my heroin days. Oh, they overdosed up in Harlem. Let's go.

That's where the stuff is. You didn't go to where you were using because it was kind of building a road stuff. So now we have meetings at on with the Fox Big book workshops and where do we go? We don't go there trying to avoid God. It makes no sense.

It says my next function is to grow an understanding effect, and it's probably to that. It says I've entered the world at a spirit. I don't get free room and board there experientially. Can we talk about living in a world of the spirit? What's that look like? What's that feel like? But doesn't mean I hang out there and do nothing because it tells me I'm headed for trouble when I rest on my laurels, my accomplishments, getting my soul food. My sponsor call me up one day and he would call me up really early in the morning

and I realized he must have just come out of a meditation because he was still and excited at the same time. He would call me money is ain't money. What's going on? And one day I said to him, I hanging in there and he read me to Riot act for like the next hour, you know about saying hanging in there. I never said I'm hanging in there anymore, but he said to me, yes, question,

Did you eat today? It was one of these questions, one of Mark H's question. I said, well, yeah, yeah. Today he says, why did you eat today? You ate yesterday,

I says. It's 6:00 in the morning and what, are we going to get a soterik now? I mean, where are we going with this, right? He says. What happened if you don't eat today? I says. I get hungry and then what? Get hungry and then what? I'd probably get sick and then what? You die. Bingo.

What are you doing about the Spirit?

Did you feed the spirit today? Are you getting your soul food? We're about the shirt and tie I'm gonna wear. We're about the hairs. Right where? If I worked out,

I counted money in my pocket, make sure I got enough of that, put on a good pair of shoes before I get out the door, and I leave without God. Oh, I'll pray on the way to work. I'll pray on my call while I'm driving through traffic cursing people for cutting me off. What kind of attention am I giving to this God who's giving me another day?

Am I getting my soul food? And that requires me setting time aside. We can pray in a car, can pray in a shot. I can play without playing ball. We can do pray to God all the time. It's a dialogue with God. It's a conversation with God,

but what kind of sacred sounds and attention am I given to this God all alone, meeting God alone.

Oh, we'll say the Lord's proudest serenity prayer. Whatever prayer the group we hold hands. The end of the mean. We let everyone here so we can show our brothers and sisters, look at me, I'm a prior. What about when we're alone and we first wake up?

2 packs of cigarettes, 4 cups of coffee, quick check in with God and go out the door. Here I come world.

What? They got up 1520 minutes earlier. If my drug dealer was going to be out 15 or 20 minutes earlier, there'd be no debate. I'd go out without bathing. Now we're sober and the sponsor says get up about 1/2 hour earlier or half hour earlier. What, are you crazy? I got to sleep. I you know, see it makes the IT makes no sense and we do stuff like this.

It says we cease fighting anything or anyone, even alcohol for by this time sanity will have returned back in Step 2. We're looking for sanity. He's delivered Senator contracts been delivered wholeness of mine truth. God, we got it. No longer running from booze, no or drugs. No longer running away from it. When a position of neutrality safe and protected,

my book tells me I react sanely and normally. I find that this has happened automatically. I don't have to think about it. This includes other areas of my life. Because we know the addiction will go underground and resurface and other addictive behaviors that call sprees sex breeze and food sprees and money sprees. The thing we all have is the thinking sprees.

I'll be brought to position of neutrality, safe and protected from myself in all areas.

All those things are just manifestations itself, and is not God greater than that, including fear?

I see how this will happen. My new attitude toward lick has been given to me without any thought. Effort on my part just comes. I'm not fighting nor am I avoiding temptation. It says that this problem does not exist.

What happened to It's normal to think about a dream because you're an alcoholic. You're always going to be thinking about a drink because you're an alcohol. My book says it doesn't exist anymore. If something doesn't exist, it doesn't exist. It's been removed. If the thoughts come, they occur. I don't walk into them

now. Eric Holmes, thanks for sharing. Have a nice day. Chop wood, carry water.

Or do I get the euphoric recall and I'm playing with it? Oh, I remember those days. Oh boy. Just wanted I got to run to a meeting to share about how I'm thinking about using when I'm sober 15 or 20 years. Well, why am I thirsty? Why am I thirsty?

Is it possible I'm lacking a current experience with God?

So my, my, my step 10 has obviously evolved since I got him. When we get here, we start getting this work and we start to wake up spiritually. It may be the beginning stages of it. I mean, someone who's doing this work for 10 or 15 years, has been through the steps multiple times, will perhaps be at a deeper level spiritually evolved than someone who's going through the work for the first time, perhaps because we can't really put that on a spreadsheet.

In general, the person coming to AAOC for the first time, goes through the big book, has the spiritual transformation and sounds different, looks different. Their life is different may still be at maybe first grade or second grade or third grade level perhaps compared to someone who's sober a long time been at this and work work with other inspirational books, But it has happened nonetheless. God is God

and So what we need to do is continue on that path to grow an understanding effectiveness. So when I first come in right being an AA for a little while, I'm running to meetings, I'm missing something.

I'm looking for that spirit connecting the same way I look for a connection. I found it in the drink. All young talks about this, we finally drinking. Oh, I feel connect. I can feel part of everything's right. That doesn't work anymore. I'm sober, I'm raw. I need something to lock into. Where do I lie? I don't know where I lock into coming. That's okay. I got a band that on open wound. You guys are like me, but I'm still missing something and I don't know what that is. It's the God piece.

There's a yearning deep down within to get connected spiritually. Thank the good Lord. People said it's in here, I'll show you how to do this. And after a few months of being in, AAI was bottoming out trying to reach, and the ropes were losing nuts. What do I do now? They presented this information to me and I stopped. And then I come back from Minnesota to Brooklyn. My sponsor starts taking me along this path and something happens in there.

Now. I was nowhere near on a spiritual journey where my sponsor was at the time.

In fact, even after had been living this way of life when I met Mark, my greatest teacher ever, when I started out with about 12 years when I met him thirteen years or so sober and had been in the book for a while and sponsoring a bunch of men, I still was not where he was spiritually. That's why I like being a student anyway.

But I began another journey and I began the journey of reworking one through 9. We reworking 1 to 9, dismantling more self, grinding the ego into dust,

getting more power to move greater that greater places in 10 and 11. And that power moves me back through one through 9.

Because the same way we go through the steps we can forwards, we can go through the steps backwards.

One of the first disciplines that fall off in this I've witnessed with my own eyes and have heard with my own ears is the nightly review in step 11.

You. How many folks I know who do these talks on 1011 have not picked up a pen and paper in years and have given a 11 step to not 11 step talks about writing inventory. We constructively reviewed our day. Here's the thing. Some folks will challenge me and say, well, I laid in bed and thought about my day. If your joy is happy and free, I'm not going to hear to change you.

But if you're not, how long are you going to lay in bed and review your day in the same mind, with the same mind that has one mission to get you drunk? Why would I want to rely on this mind day in and day out? That becomes painful where I could just put a couple of things on paper, answer the questions that they talk about. I like to do column inventory, even with that

has my inventory responses. What I came up with, going to prayer, meditation, close the book, things done when I retire at night. It's the first practice that has gone by the wayside with so many folks. And when I speak to folks who've been in this deal a while and they're experiencing untreated alcoholism, by the way, when I do this, please, no right and wrong.

If you don't write inventory, you don't pray and meditate, OK,

maybe you'll start. I don't want to set up one side of room against the other. I don't care. I care more about you than you know. I have a big book, and I do invite her. I don't care. This is about raising the level of awareness. It's the first practice that goes by the wayside. And when I speak to folks, that's what they tell me. What's your inventory look like? That means you don't do it,

right? What's prayer meditation look like? Well, you know, I, I pray every day. They all give me that. They all pray every day. How about meditation? Why meditate once in a while? Not good enough. Did you get high once in a while? I didn't drink once in a while. And so, OK, so it's one of the things that go off to the wayside and then there's no ten step and they haven't completed amends and six and seven are rear in the regular heads again and they're not being confessing anything. Would anyone else have a lot of sins of omission

sense they've taken their will back there running the show? Insane thoughts are returning and they're headed back to a drink.

So what do I do with this on awakening? Literally on awaken. This was given to me when I was brand new. I woke up one day my eyes open and I said thank you God for this day.

How did that happen? I remember laying in bed saying, God, please keep me clean and sober for the day

unawakened. I still do it on my eyes open, just different sound. I wake up everything hurts, you know, 53 your back hurts, your neck hurts is like, you know, muscles you never knew existed. And after I oh, went off for a little while, it's you know, thank you golf for this day. And I have a little meditation place. Small little thing that I have

and I honor that place. It's a little spot in my house, in my little, my bedroom. It's a sacred little place. I have pictures of my higher power and a couple of things that are important to me and my little incense in my candles. Sometimes I use them, sometimes I don't. Been working basically for the longest time with just silence and breath and obviously posture. But on awakening I work with the third step prayer to seven step prayer,

Lord's Prayer. Couple other prayers I work with have a religious practice I work with during a day.

These little beans I work with and I go into meditation during the day. I take disappear from where I close the door, whatever it is, 10 minutes it takes me

and then a 10 minute little meditation going a day to get going for the rest of the day because I'm moving all day long. But on awakeness is what I do now. I got into for the longest time doing lots of reading, you know,

24 hours daily reflections, meditation for men, meditation if you're from Brooklyn, meditation from Staten Island. I mean, just all, you know, meditation if you're over 5 foot 11, I mean, it's just there's a million of these books out there. The upper word, the daily room, you know, this goes on and on and on. And so now I have

books 10 and 11 out of the big book, and I have to do all this reading before I stop praying. Or you would leave the house and go, oh God, I forgot a page out of 24. I'm making you return my home because I got to be complete for you. And I became attached to methodology rather than worshipping the power.

So I stopped all of that.

I don't read in the morning. I just don't once in a while I'll pick up something just because I'm inspired to. I honor that can be moved to read something. But my practice is I don't read in the morning, but I sit, I kneel and I I work with some press, not petitioning God. In fact, it's about surrendering the Father. I surrender to your will.

Your will not mind be done

because there's lots of times we want to change God's will for us and we want to manipulate God operating on a level of the mind and when when things click for us, we say God loves me when things don't we think God doesn't even exist God or God hates us and we want to manipulate God, God to do certain things for us. You ever see these baseball players or these athletes they scored a goal or they hit a home run and they go like this like God says OK home run because I put $300.00 on your team today. Go,

I mean, since when God's involved in that, right? OK, but

we Sir, I surrender to God's will and not try to manipulate God. And it's it's, it's really, I surrender to you. Will your will not mind be done?

And then I go into meditation.

I got attached to the amount of time in meditation as well. I remember a bunch of years ago, 20 minutes was the buzzword around AI. If you did 20 minutes, they're gonna erect a monument for you outside your Home group. That was a big hot number. I'm 20 minutes, and we told everybody 20 minutes, right? Then it became a minute representing each hour in a day. That's another practice, 24 minutes.

And then I was sitting in there for a while, and it came to me one day in meditation through a story I heard,

whether it's 10 minutes, which I should make a practice of at least, or 45 minutes, it's as long as my Heavenly Father needs me sitting in silence. Perhaps on one particular day, he needs me to move quick. There's some choice to be done. Maybe your spouse needs this, whatever it might be. But it's there not for my ego, because then who's meditating? Look at me, how spiritual I am. I'm just a guru. I did 20 minutes. I'll do another 10 so I can tell everyone. Or is there no thought

my meditation consciousness without thought I not no time. Our time is not a factor here. I'm just giving attention is power and I wait for the information and it's go 10 minutes, 15 minutes, 20 minutes, 35 minutes, whatever it might be,

but at least 10 minutes. And this is how I work. I do like the one minute per each hour in a day. So and what if I go now because I pray and meditate, It doesn't mean the day's going to snap, that everyone outside of my life is going to adhere to everything I want done. I may walk out the door after a 45 minute meditation and someone's blocking me in or I got a ticket or it's pouring rain out, whatever it might be. And I'm saying it's going to be one of those days. Things happen out there, but how I operate and

through it is completely different, no longer even attached to the thinking mind. Very often we think I have a thought, I have thoughts. The thoughts really have us.

How many times am I attached to my anger and justify the anger? Because God is an extension of me. And if I'm angry with you, God is really angry with you because God sides with me, right? The way your God sides with you, right? That's why we drop bombs on each other. Watch CNN. We all drop bombs on each other 'cause they're God's telling drop a bomb and also my God selling drop a bomb. You know what I mean? This is how we operate.

The thoughts have us. Anger has us

go back to breath when doubtful or agitated, back to breath, Pause, pause. My pause can be as long as it has to take an hour, 10 minutes, 2 hours a day, whatever is pause. And sometimes I have to move and sometimes I have to be still. One of the most difficult things for any of us to do is just to be still and wait because the mind wants an answer now Got a problem, give me an answer, give me a problem, give me an answer and use the answers coming from an ego which is self suffering anyway. The most difficult thing for some of us to do is when a problem shows up, we have to wait.

Joe, don't do anything. Sponsors don't do anything. Just be still. Don't call them, don't write them a letter. Just let this play out.

You want it making the call or call up someone to make the call for you, right? It's like the old days when we're out there to find out what we did the night before.

So on awakening, think about the 24 hours that they consider my plans for that.

What's this going to look like? I surrender to God's will and off I go, always carrying a vision of God's willing to home activities. Let me be mindful of that.

How can I serve you, God? I'm like an aqueduct. God gives me the power and I put it out there. God gives me vision. I put it out there. God gives me inspiration. I give it to you

with the life of invitation. It's a pretty great way to live. And when I make mistakes,

ego gets in a way so tell anyone, but we sit. I have a sponsor and I sit and I give him my inventory. Here's what the week looked like. Here was a little resentful. He was a little fearful,

always confessing to someone how we're doing, how am I doing, how am I doing?

close up my dates as we retire at night.

Well, what do I do? I used to wait for like 11th hour to do this nightly reviewing private meditation. You get real tired, especially as those who work in a lot of hours have kids and tending to kids. So if I'm in, then it's seven, 8:00. I'll go hide out. I'll go to wherever I can. I'll go to my my little altar in in my bedroom. I'll do some quick inventory. Marrying sees me right in inventory all the time,

and I share this with my sponsor and I take direction

we require. What corrective measures should be taken? I do some pro go into sacred soccer. Let's move,

it says. Be quick to see where religious people are, right? Make use of what they offer, and they talk about inspirational books. I've studied. I've worked with many books along with the Big Book. Not instead of right.

And I've been able to experience abundance. Abundance is a good word. It's a great word. Bliss is a good word,

Guru is a good word, Enlightened is a good word. All those things fit our fellowships be because people walking around like that who experience that and experientially can talk to us about that.

A life of abundance, a life of enlightenment, a life of God, a life of bliss

and the mindset. Oh no, you're a dolphin and a drunk. You can't. Well, God don't care about that. He's given us this and we keep pushing it away.

Well, my job after awakening is to give this to someone who cares to have it. And we get to working with others and in our, in our chapter, working with others, it's part of our 12 step. But they don't talk about the spiritual awakening there because somewhere between 4:00 to 9:00, certainly by time we hit 10, we've had a spiritual transformation. Here's what we do with it. Back to the home's occupations and affairs. We can be an A, a Angel and a house devil. How's this look when I'm home?

Do my insides match my outsides, whether I'm working a plane? You shouldn't be able to tell the difference.

It should all look the same to you. Because I get to, I get to work with others, I get to go home, I get to have relationships. I get to go to work, I get to write it into. I get to go to doctor, I get to