Step 4 at a sponsorship and 12 Step workshop in Dallas, TX

All right.

I love listening to somebody talk about the third step because I guarantee you it as a sponsor, that's the place that you'll be driving them back to over and over and over. Did you make that commitment or did you not? Because it's real easy to say that. I'm willing to go to any links. I mean, how many times do you hear people say that?

My response is, we'll see. We'll see what you're willing to do. We'll see what actions you're willing to take. Because we're all used to making those promises and making those validations. And what's bad about us is we're going to tell everybody I'm about to do this. I'm about to. I never, ever listen to what comes out of an alcoholic's mouth. I'm only watching their feet because that's what we'll tell you, what they're willing to do and what they're not. And so like Michael talked about, we make this decision. We make this commitment

right, to see what God will do

and then I immediately, if you're wondering when do I do a four step, immediately. What it says is next.

Next we launched out on a course of vigorous action. How did you drink? Did you sit back and think if I make it to the liquor store and make it, if I don't, I don't. It's no biggie. No, as soon as the fat entered my mind, next I'm in the truck next time at the liquor, right, That's what that looks like. Next, I launched out on a course of vigorous action. Not I'll get to it when I get to it. Vigorous means just that, vigorous. And this is how I do this. I do it the same way I drink. It kind of denotes a sense of urgency.

The first step of which is a personal house cleaning, which many of us had never attempted. Why would you attempt that? If I can pin it on Michael, I'm going to pin it on Michael. We're going to be done. Call it a day. But now we're about to look at me a personal house cleaning. It's about to get real interesting because I think I'm taking everybody else's inventory and then we're going to slide down to the 4th column and see something different. It says though our decision, meaning that third step was a vital and crucial step. It could have little permanent effect unless it once followed by a strenuous effort to face

be rid of this things in ourselves which have been blocking us. So while that third step commitment is life giving,

vital and crucial, it says I can't have a permanent effect because earlier on it talked about an effect that that I can get from that third step. But what it's saying is it can't be permanent unless I continue on with the work, right? And this is the point in which people like to talk about a pink cloud and you feel all this good stuff and eventually it goes away. And and you know, gosh, I got an effect from that third step when I took it with sincerity that hasn't left

because I continue the work. And so that is a possibility. It is a possibility. And the book even tells me that if at once followed by

and we're looking for what had been blocking us from what from that power.

Michael, Michael talked about this. How many times have you made a decision like that third step only to drink again?

How many times have you gotten on your knees and begged and meant it only to drink again? What was the problem? Didn't you mean it back then? Absolutely you did. But why weren't you able to pull it off? Because there's something blocking me from the power that makes it. So does that make sense? Right. There's a lot of times I got on my knees and said please, but I couldn't stop drinking because I might have had a belief in God, but what I did not have was connectivity to the power. So the 4th step is going to enable me to see what is it that's been blocking me from that power.

So if you're wondering why you're about to ride inventory, that's why. I've got to see what's been in my path is in that third step. I'm asking him to remove what's in my path. Let's take a look at what it is getting down to causes and conditions. So it talks about in the next paragraph. This was Step 4, taking a commercial inventory as a fact finding and fact facing process. Oh my God, are we about to get down to the facts? Because I've been talking some drama and some nonsense my whole life. I have 0 capability to see what the facts are.

Get connected with a sponsor that will show you how to find the facts. It gets real interesting because I think say things like, well, this is how I feel. This is what I think, this is what I think she thinks that he said. What part of that is the facts? I don't know, I don't know. And so that's where sponsorship gets real key to let's cut out all the fluff and all the nonsense and get down to brass tacks. And I love that on 65. That's how Bill writes inventory. Very concise, very to the point because I can tell a story and I'll

rate it 10 times out of 10 to make it better. I'll add stuff. And I'm so delusional I cannot see the truth. So This is why it's so important. Fact finding, searching, right? Fact finding, fact facing. Excuse me, is the fearless part of this stuff.

And Michael actually was the one that taught me this when it says it's an effort to discover the truth about the stock and trade. So when it talks about a moral inventory, it's not about moral versus immoral. It's not about good and bad. It's about the truth.

I've lived my whole life based on a lot of delusion. Now I'm about to find out what the truth is.

So it says one object is to disclose damaged or unsalable goods to get rid of them promptly and without regret. If the owner of the business is to be successful, he cannot fool himself about values. I don't know what's what. I'm selling myself a lot of ideas. And This is why it's important to see what's on the shelf. What, what am I really working with? Because my thought is I'm a giver and I'm precious and I'm here to serve. Now the truth is

I'm manipulative and deceitful

and I will come in very precious and I'll catch you offsides and mess you up. That's the truth about it. But I couldn't see that because when they when I came in the doors and they said selfishness and self centeredness is the root of your problem and your alcoholic ego will kill you. I thought certainly not me. I'm not loud, I'm not obnoxious, I'm not bossy, I'm not in your face, but I think my ideas are best. That's the ego. It doesn't matter if you come in full force running over people or if you come in quietly off

to catch them. You're still trying to get your way. And that's what inventory is about to show us where that ego is really manifesting. Where is it really showing up?

Because it can. It can show up a lot of different ways. And it even goes on to talk about being convinced. They sure are asking us to be convinced of a lot of things. Dang, that self manifested in various ways is what had defeated us. We've considered its common manifestation. So I'm about to see my life is a life driven by fear,

selfishness, dishonesty, inconsideration of others. And this is what they mean by self manifested. How it shows up on me. Because I'm going to tell you how it shows up on you is maybe not how it shows up on me, but it is all driven at the root of the same thing. And that's why it's easy to see other people's inventory and see where it is that they're coming from and what's driving them. Because there is that fear that at some point, Oh my God, at some point I'm going to sponsor and at some point I'm going to be hearing inventory. And what if I can't see? It gets really easy, I promise you.

Take bills inventory in a minute and you'll see how easy it is to look at this stuff. It says resentment is the number one offender. It destroys more Alcoholics than any anything else. I could have sworn alcohol was the number one offender. I thought it destroyed more Alcoholics than anything else. But they're saying it's resentment. It's resentment. Why? Because that resentment that I harbor and I nurture and I nurse cuts me off from the power that's going to save me.

And I do this to myself

talks about from its stem, all forms of spiritual disease. For we have been not only mentally and physically I'll, we've been spiritually sick

when dealing excuse me with when the spiritual malady is overcome, we straighten out mentally and physically in dealing with resentments. We set them on paper. Now it's going to give us precise directions for what do you do with this stuff? And some of you are going to

right inventory on notebook paper and just take the logistics from the book and write it on notebook paper. Some of you are going to be handed forms from a sponsor that you'll be filling in. Some of you will have checklists. I got to tell you, I'm less concerned with the format as long as it matches up with this book. I'm less concerned with the format than I am with the attitude you bring into inventory. Are you willing to be honest? Are you willing to get it all in? Are you willing to seek spiritual truth?

That's the point. I've seen lots of different formats. I like to just use the book, but that's me.

So it says we set them on paper. We listed people, institutions or principals with whom we were angry. I always find it interesting with people I sponsor say, I don't know that I'm really that upset with a lot of people I don't really know. There's a lot of things going on within me I feel conflicted about. And I'm like, oh honey, what are you sitting on the bar stool yapping about?

The people that have done you wrong in your eyes, the people that make you feel when they you, they walk into a room. The institutions that you're not happy about, the principles that are in play in this world that you disagree with that have caused you conflict. All the sudden it gets real simple. It's all the things that I'm drinking alone thinking about you put pen to paper. I promise you it will pour out. It will pour out. If you're confused about what to do, ask, ask. I made that I made that mistake early on in sobriety being

to ask the question because I was embarrassed and didn't want you to know that I didn't understand. Do yourself a favor and don't do that. Just ask, just ask. So I'm going to list these people, institutions and principles. So then I'm going to ask myself why I'm angry. So I'm going to go column to column first, column all the way down. The people that are grinding me. Start with now, work your way back. If you try to start from the 3rd grade and remember stuff, it just is daunting. Start with the now. You know who those people are. You know who those institutions are?

Church. The Police Department. If you're like me, I'm I'll cover a whole basis. Might have been one person that didn't act right in the group. I'ma put the whole group on there.

Institutions, principles, women should be seen and not heard. What are the principles that bug you that they're We don't have gay marriage rights in Texas. Does that bother you? Is that principle bother you? Put it down. Put it down. Don't be afraid to write. Don't be afraid to write something down based on what somebody else has seen. Think about it. You're sitting down with another what? Alcoholic.

Let's don't be concerned with what they think. Let's be honest. How many times does it use the word honesty

in the first paragraph on page 58 when it talked about rarely seeing a person fail who did the work three times. I've got to get honest. If you cannot be honest with you and a piece of paper, you are in for a world of trouble. You just are. I've got to get this stuff out. OK, so I'm going to ask myself, why am I angry? Column two, the

cause, what is it that you, what part of me did you threaten so that I'm unhappy? I'm going to move straight over to column three because I'm going to get real bulleted just like he did on the cause. And I'm telling you, there's some resentments that some of us could write books on pages on. It's not necessary.

Get to the point. Look at how he did it on 65. Mr. Brown, why is he upset? His attention to my wife. Think he could have gone into detail about that given some for instances. Some details. Yeah, not important. This is why I'm upset. So I'm going to ask myself that. I'm going to slide over to the third column. It affects my what? What part of my instincts did you threaten so that I'm unhappy? Because if you don't threaten one of my God-given instincts, chances are I don't even notice you.

But when you begin to conflict with those, all the sudden I'm resentful at you. See how that works?

So it says my pocketbook, my ambition, personal relationships including sex or hurt or threatened.

Then it's going to go on to talk about

list those. Does that sound complicated? I don't know. Sitting in those meetings when you mentioned that you're doing a four step, people sure do act like it's the end of the world. Oh my God, you're on your four step. Bless your heart, sweetie. I don't know. It's column listing getting that stuff out of here up off of me onto this paper. And why? Because it's the number one offender. Think about that. How many times did you spend hours,

days, months, years

thinking about those instances, those conversations, those situations that happened up? How, how how long did you nurture that stuff? What is a resentment? I mean, what does that really mean? I didn't know what that word meant initially when I got here. I thought it meant just crazy, angry with rage,

resentment. It means at any time I think about that certain situation or conversation, I begin to rethink all of it, refill all of it, and get upset all over again. If you're not sure whether or not you have a resentment against somebody, think about this. If you're having dinner and this person walks into the restaurant and sits down at the table next to you, are you comfortable

or are you not? That's an easy way to think about it. Is there something conflicting there or is it not?

I don't know. I got to get it all on paper, so I'm going to list it in this three column form. Right

in thinking about it, replaying it, refilling it, it talks about fancied or real.

It's kind of like

some of you guys may be sports fans, I don't know. But like when you watch a replay,

right, the first time you see the quarterback gets sacked, you're like, that was kind of a hard hit back there, kind of rough. Then what happens? They're going to stop, They're going to rewind, replay it, slow it down, look at all the intricate details that happen. And now you're thinking that's kind of out of line. That was a bit much. Then what are they going to do? They're going to get some commentary like your mind does, slow it back down, replay it again,

add more. Now, by the time you've watched it the third or fourth time, you're like, that is not OK,

That is wrong. You've got a strong opinion about it. How many times do you do that with your own resentment? I replay a conversation, and the more I replay it, the more I come off looking like a victim and you come off looking like a jerk. And I'm adding she was probably thinking this when she said that I don't know that I don't know that it's fancied. I don't know what you think. I think I do. And I'm sure we'll make some decisions based on it. Anybody else

Life driven by fear,

right? Fancied or real fancied? It? Fancied is like this. I have really bad vision. I can't see. So a lot of times I'm squinting right. So when I look over and I squint at the clock to see how much time Joe's looking at me going, why is she glaring at me? Why is she giving me that look right? And now he's now he's upset. I knew she didn't like me when she came in. She was kind of funny. She acted kind of funny. He's going to lean over to Tom. What's her problem?

All right, now he's got Tom. I don't know. Tom's going to start replaying all the conversations he's had with me in the past three months. I think

something's going on with her. I think she's got. I think she's got something out for you and me. What's up with that? Now, the truth is, I can't see, and I'm squinting to try to see the clock. The delusion is that that has anything to do with Joe or Tom. See how that works? But I've got a lot of resentments in my life based on what I think happened that didn't even happen. OK? But I'm going to put them down anyway because I've got to see the delusion because it drives me just as fast as the facts will. OK.

All right.

So we've got these first three columns. Flip over to 66.

It talks about thoroughness and honesty. Thoroughness not meaning

every detail of everything that happened. Thoroughness meaning the facts, the truth. Did you get it all out or you hanging on to something? And guys, you know, if you're hanging on to something, you do, you'll forget a lot of stuff. But, you know, if you've got something that you're harboring that says, oh, excuse me, The first thing apparent was that this world and its people were often quite wrong. That was always apparent to me right off the bat. To conclude that others were wrong was as far as most of us ever got. Well, yeah,

'cause if I can stop right there and feel confident about it being your fault, I'm good to go.

Then I get to be the what, martyr the victim all over again. And the problem with that is victims don't get sober. Sure, don't stay sober. Just don't. I've got to get free of it. Because what the literature talked about and Michael talked about was my problems are my own making. If that's the truth, I can get free. If my problems are if you're making, I'm in a lot of trouble because you will never change. But if I can see that's why it's important, the attitude you bring into it. If you're willing to see the truth and you're willing to accept responsibility,

you can get free. If you insist on it being their fault and you being right, you're getting loaded, hands down. Or even worse, you don't get loaded and you just stay miserable. Have you seen those people? Oh God, we're not going to get into that anyway. It says the usual outcome is that people continue to wrong us and we stayed sore. Skip down. It's a plane that it is plain that a life which includes deep resentment leads only to futility and unhappiness. Think what's your experience up into

point of doing inventory? Has it not been futile and unhappy? Absolutely. No matter what your circumstance, to the precise extent that we permit these, do we squander the hours that might have been worthwhile? How much time have you spent alone in your thoughts, nurturing all this nonsense and sickness and then behaving accordingly? Am I the only person here who was entitled and felt justified to treat people how they wanted to based on what I thought happened in the past,

which may or may not have happened,

but with the alcoholic whose hope is the maintenance and growth of a spiritual experience, this business of resentment is infinitely grave. Why? Because it shuts me off from the sunlight of the spirit. And then what happens? The only voice I hear is my own, and my own voice and my own head sounds like this. You're right and everybody else is wrong.

Anybody else?

I mean, how many times do you hear that in sobriety? Somebody asked you, do you want to be right or do you want to be free?

Before I live this life, I want to be right all the time and free doesn't work that way. How free do you want to be?

This has been harboring such feelings. We shut ourselves off from the sunlight of the spirit. The insanity of alcohol returns and we drinking with us. To drink is to die. See the importance of right in inventory Now get it done. When you're sponsoring people, give them a date. Here's the here's how you write inventory. At this point, we need to meet do you to do your first step. Give them a time frame.

You give an alcoholic an open-ended time frame, it will not get done. It won't. Here's when we're going to meet, be there, gives them, gives them a period of time in which to get this stuff done. I've got to get it up. Because guys, think about this. When you're sitting in this and you're putting it on paper and you're reliving all this stuff, how long can you stay there? Not long. If you're drunk like me before you, you're getting a drink.

Get it up off of you, get it on paper and move on.

Michael talked about it. We're going through the work quickly. Not I'm going to give you 2 months to write your inventory and I'll say no quickly. All right? We had to live. We had to be free of anger. The grouch and the brainstorm were not for us. That idea that I know what's best and I'm going to sit and plot your demise has got to be done. The grouch and the brainstorm, it's not for us. They may be the dubious luxury of normal men, but for Alcoholics, these things are poison. So what's going to happen? I'm going to do this resentment

Tori. I'm going to look at these first three columns and then I'm going to slide over and start filling some things out in this mysterious 4th column that nobody seems to ever know about.

So since we turn back to the list where it held the key to the future. So I'm about to look at column one, two and three and look at column four. Start writing down what's my mistakes? Where has self manifested in these situations? And don't worry if you can't see it all, your sponsor will help you, I promise. Then they'll rub your little nose in it and it'll get ugly. Just kidding,

but you don't have to see all of it. That's why we have sponsors.

That's what that's about. South. I'm going to look at it from an entirely different angle. We began to see that the world and its people really dominated us in that. The truth. Do those people, those institutions, those principles that you wrote, do they not own you?

Mine did. In that state, the wrongdoings of others, fancied or real, had the power to actually kill. If you're drunk like me and you're sitting in the back of the room like Joe thinking that I'm glaring at you when I'm really not, you'll make every decision from here on out concerning me with that idea in mind that I don't like. You had the power to actually kill me, whether it was real or not. Solve these resentments must be master. But how? We couldn't wish them away any more than alcohol. You ever decided you're not going to be upset about something anymore?

You know what? I'm just over that. I'm going to let that go. I'm going to let that go.

Oh, awesome. If you can do that. I sure can't. I've decided I'm not mad at you so many times. And then when I see you, I'm like, now I remember why I don't like you. I don't have the power to let that go any more than I have the power to choose whether or not I drink. That's just the truth. It's just the truth. So it's going to give us this resentment prayer in dealing with other people the top of age 67. It says we ask God to help us show them the same tolerance, pity and patience we would cheerfully grant a sick friend.

When a person offended, we said to ourselves, ourselves, this is a sick man, how can I be helpful to him? God save me from being angry, Thy will be done. More often than not, you're going to hear people say, well, you should pray for that other person. If you're upset with them, you should pray for them. What this book says is they don't need your prayers, you need to pray for you that God changed you. God saved me from being angry. Thy will be done.

They're not the ones that have to change. I do, I do.

So it says, referring to our list again, Putting out of our minds the wrongs others had done, we resolutely look for our own mistakes. So this is where the 4th column of that inventory comes in. So where have we been? Selfish, dishonest, self seeking and frightened. This is what I'm looking for in these resentments. What's what's my mistake? Though a situation had not been entirely our fault, we tried to disregard the other person involved entirely. Where were we to blame? This is the point which I'm going to accept some responsibility for what's gone on instead of blaming

you and trying to get free.

The inventory was ours, not the other man's. When we saw our faults, we listed them, we placed them before us in black and white. We admitted our wrongs honestly and we were willing to set these matters straight. Flip back to 65 because the the fear is I'm not going to be able to see it in somebody else. Sure, you've been taking everybody's inventory their entire life. You will easily be able to see this. You've ever been in a situation where you're having a conversation with somebody and they're trying to convince you of how somebody's wrong them and you're thinking to yourself,

well, yeah, I can see that. But you totally set that in motion,

right? You see that stuff, you it's easier to see that in in other people than it will ever be able to see it in yourself, right. I can see where she would have said that to you because remember last week you were telling me how you were doing this and this over here it it will become apparent. Look at bills. So he's resentful at Mr. Brown because why he's paying attention to his wife. He told on him because he has a mistress and now he's trying to get his job.

Well I'd be upset too, wouldn't you? For sure. What's it affected his sex relations?

Yeah, she found out that he has a mistress. Do you think that he's having sex relations at home that are positive? No, she's angry. She's upset. Rightfully so. Myself esteem what's happened suddenly my home has been disrupted, my marriage has been disrupted. She's found out and he's told on me,

my security. Now he's trying to get my job, my income, my paycheck, myself esteem that I've attached to who I think I am at work.

See how this guy is disrupted every area of his life. He's got him across the board. All of his instincts pretty much have been affected. And now he's living by fear. Fear the people are going to find out. Fear that he's going to lose his job. Fear that he's not going to be taken care of.

So now let's slide down to the 4th column in this deal and look at where was Bill selfish? Where was he self seeking? Where was he dishonest and where was he frightened? All of a sudden it becomes obvious. Well, let's see, He's paying attention to my wife,

right? Why? Because bills down the street, having an affair. He's left the door wide open for somebody, anybody, to pay attention to his wife. Selfish, dishonest, the delusion that this was done at me. No, you kicked the door wide open for it to happen. See how easy that is to see on somebody else? Told my wife of my mistress. So I'm mad that somebody's paying attention to my wife, but yet I'm having an affair.

Wow. Hmm.

My job at the office. Why wouldn't he be? Why? Because if you slide on down to the rest of his inventory when he's upset with his employer, what's he doing? Why is he mad at the employer? Because he's drinking on the job and patting his expense account. So he shows up loaded to work and he's stealing petty cash. So somebody else is trying to get his job. Well, whose fault is that, Bill? See how easy it is to see this stuff on somebody else? It will make sense. It will make sense sitting and hearing somebody

inventory. You will begin to see patterns. You will begin to see motive. The character defects will come alive. You'll be writing faster than they can talk to show them what their stuff is, right? Security. I love it, who I think I am. So when he sees these faults, we list them. We place them before us in black and white, which means there's a list going. I need to know what I'm working with. God already knows what He's working with, but I need to see who am I really? Because I've sold myself on a delusion that I'm a giver.

All of a sudden I'm seeing something like Bill's inventory come to light and go, Oh my gosh, no, I'm, I'm, I'm not, I'm selfish and dishonest and inconsiderate of others in taking every action based on fear. Oh, Oh no, those are the actual facts. That's the actual truth. And I'm going to need those list of defects. So when I walk into six and seven, I know exactly what I'm working with, exactly what I'm giving to God. He already knows, but I need to see that. And that's how resentment inventory works. I'm not going to go into master detail on that just because I need to flip through the other two

before we break for lunch,

But you'll see if you go back and look at Bills inventory, the way he treats the people he's around, the way he treats his employer, the way he treats his wife in this sort of self-centered entitlement that he can treat anybody the way he wants to, but they better treat him with some respect. Not interesting. I want forgiveness for me, but for you, I want justice. Wow.

But isn't that the way we live? And it becomes very, very obvious. And

the bottom of 67, they're going to go on and talk about fear,

it says. This short word touches, somehow touches about every aspect of our lives. It was an evil and corroding thread in the fabric of our existence was shot through with it.

That sounds like a lot of verbage, but until you see this, you will see fear that is woven through your sex conduct,

all of your resentments, every decision you've ever made. It is evil and corroding. But what's more important is that it's woven throughout everything. So for those of us who walk in the rooms and say I'm not really afraid of anything, let me assure you, you put pen to paper and you will find out differently. You'll find out differently. It set in motion trains of circumstances which brought us misfortune we felt we didn't deserve, but did we did not? We ourselves set the ball rolling. But what happens is I live in this sort of

self-centered mode of operation and I'm always afraid I'm not going to get what I want. And so I make decisions based on that. See, if I'm afraid that you're going to take something from me, I'll take necessary action to make sure that doesn't happen. And that's what this inventory is getting ready to show us.

So sometimes we think fear ought to be classed with stealing. It seems to cause more trouble. That seems like kind of a dramatic statement. Look at your inventory and you will see that it seems to cause more trouble because it drives me to take that action. So we reviewed our fear thoroughly. We put them on paper. So one more time I'm going to be going to be writing this stuff down.

We asked ourselves why we had them. Wasn't it because self-reliance failed us? Michael talked a lot of in step three about this,

the self-reliance that we consistently rely on, even though it never pans out. But I rely on it over and over and over until this idea that I'm going to do something different. And I'm about to see in live and live in color based on my experience, how self-reliance failed me. So it can be as simple as making a list of all the things that I'm afraid of, you know, and a lot of them boil down to, you know,

the ones that we all seem to have fear being alone, fear of being unsuccessful. And then oftentimes, what I'm afraid of, I'm afraid of the opposite,

afraid to be with somebody, afraid to be successful. It gets real interesting. And then it's going to ask me. We asked ourselves why we had them. So, so just take a basic one. I'm afraid of being alone. Why are you afraid of being alone? Column two, if you will. You can write it how you want to. Why would you be afraid to be alone? Because it's uncomfortable, because what people would say about me, because I'm relying on somebody else for an income, whatever the reason may be, then it's going to ask me

what's the biggest self-reliance? Fail me in relation to this fear? Where is my reliance?

There's only two answers to that. It's either on God or it's on me and me meaning various various aspects. Where has self-reliance failed me? Am I relying on me or God? Well, look at it

in relationships and not wanting to be alone. What action have I taken based on this fear I get in relationships with people have no business being in a relationship with. I stay in relationships I have no business staying in. What's your experience with that

fear of being unsuccessful? Why? Because I don't want to be, you know, poverty stricken. Who are you relying on for that income? Who are you relying on to be secure? You are God. Whose hands have you been putting that in? Oh, mine. How? I'm deceitful, I'm manipulative, I'm dishonest. I'm always trying to get mine. Does that make sense? Do you see how every decision has been based on fear? I mean, even looking back at at Bill's inventory on 65,

he's listed fear what, 12345 how many times that 123456 times just in four resentments.

Seems like fear is the driving force of all of it.

Why do you think he was stealing from his employer? Why do you think he's trying to run games on his wife and on Mr. Brown? Why is he upset about this lady, Miss Jones, who's talking about his drinking and why? Afraid that it's not going to go what my way, my plans, my designs. See, in the third step promises, it talks about being less interested in my little plans and designs. It took a long time for that word little to come to my attention because in the scope of I want what I want, it's like a pinpoint, like a laser,

and it only considers that thing. It has nothing to do with what's out here, the possibility of what God could have. For me, it's always about what I want, my little plans and designs, and when I'm in fear that you're going to disrupt that,

you've got to go or I've got to maneuver around me. See how that works? Fears of driving force of all my actions. Isn't that the truth?

All right,

I love this. self-reliance was good as far as it went, but it didn't go far enough. Some of us once had great self-confidence, but it didn't fully solve the fear problem or any other. When it made us cocky, it was worse. When I have that false sense of power that it comes from me and I'm cocky about it, it makes it worse.

See, if I'm not in fear, I don't need to tell you. Have you ever seen that person that walks into the room and they've got to be the center of attention and they've got to be loud and they've got to be running the show and they've got to dot dot dot. Do you think that's about self-confidence or fear?

Think about that. When it made us cocky, it was worse. Something to think about. Perhaps there's a better way. We think so, for we're now on a different basis. So what basis is that? After taking the third step, I'm on the basis of trusting and relying upon God. We trust infinite God rather than our finite selves. We're in the world to play the role He assigns. Which means what?

Means I don't have to hand out parts to the rest of the actors because I've been doing that my whole life, driven by fear and already set myself up for resentment. Because I know you're not going to do it the way I want you to do it. So I need to write the script detail, hand it to you, go over it with you, make sure you understand, and then force you to do it my way. Whether I do it nicely or whether I browbeat you, I've got to have what I want. Now it's saying I'm in the world to play the role he assigns.

It's a different concept, which means I don't need anybody to do it my way.

Just to the extent that we do as we think He would have us and humbly rely on Him, does He enable us to match calamity with serenity? When you talk about living life on God's terms, we all talk about living life on life's terms. But I already knew how to do that. It was me doing what I wanted to do. That's life on life's terms. You're all in it for you.

Now. We're going to live life on God's terms. Very, very different concept. Very, very different. See. Because like Michael said, we're all taught that from a very early age. Have a goal,

have drive, have determination. Make it happen. Don't count on anybody but you. You want something done right, Do it yourself. Now we're going to shift gears and place reliance on something that I have no experience with. It's like free falling. But then you have to ask yourself, well, what was my truth in step 10? OK, I might be willing to do this then. That's why, again, like Michael said, if you don't understand that truth, it won't drive you through the work. It just won't

enable us to match calamity with serenity. And that the truth, so it says. Instead, we let Him demonstrate through us what He can do.

We asked Him to remove our fear and direct our attention to what He would have us be. That's an interesting word to use. What He would have us be, not necessarily what he would have us do. If you're like me, it's not a situation arrives, I take one step back, assess it, come up with a plan, and then take necessary action. What's that about a life driven by fear and selfishness? Now it's saying what He would have us be. And you know what? Sometimes He would have us just be quiet,

just be still, just don't touch it.

See, a life driven by self will demands that I get my hands immediately on it, fix it, manipulate it, construe it to my liking, and then you all better get on board with it. Like yesterday, right? This is asking what would God have me be

at once we commenced to outgrow fear. So I'm going to stop trying to manhandle and be a maximum service to God at this point. Do I know how to do that? No, but this is what we're working with. This is what we're working towards. And later on it's going to talk about how to apply these principles. We're talking about sex conduct, and this is where everybody gets kind of tripped up about, Oh my God, I don't know about having to write sex inventory. I'm not asking you for The Dirty details.

I'm not asking you for all the weird stuff. If you want to tell me, I'm always interested,

but that's not what this is about. This is about how do I operate within the confines of me and another human being. How do I treat these people that I say I care about? How do I treat the people that they care about? It's about to get real clear that I'm in it for me. No matter what the situation, I'm in it for me. I can often delude myself that I'm also in it for you, but more of it. I meant it for me. And we're going to get real clear on this. It's going to go on to talk about human opinion

about, you know, what's right, what's not right, What does Michael think is OK versus what does Lewis think is OK. What doesn't matter? We're not in it to talk about that. This is not about moral versus immoral one more time. It's just about the facts. How are you operating in this stuff? Not going to be the arbiter of anybody sex conduct. OK, I got to understand that as a sponsor. I don't get to tell you. You know what? I don't really think it's OK to be gay. I don't really think that you should be having sex before marriage. I don't really think

that is not what this is.

And how dare me, a drunk going to tell you what's OK? No, no, because your relationships with other people will be about you, them and God. I might be able to show you some facts along the way and certainly show you some defects that are coming up, but I'm not here to instruct you in relationship. Does that make sense? Need to get real clear on that because there's a tendency when you're sponsored a bunch of people and that ego comes into play and you want to start telling people what to do. And women are the worst.