Step 3 at a sponsorship and 12 Step workshop in Dallas, TX

All right,

well, we laid out step one, we laid out Step 2, and now we're

now we're moving on to step three, you know, and how do we convey this? And step three says we made a decision to turn our willing our lives over to the care of God as we understood him. Probably one of the most confused steps throughout all our fellowships, not only Alcoholics Anonymous, but just about everyone who borrowed this

12 step program.

It seems we get a stray on what this step is really all about

and we think we're actually doing something in step three, you know? But if you flip the page and go to page 60,

you know

right in the middle of the page it says our description of the alcoholic. That chapter of the agnostics, our personal adventures before and after make clear 3 pertinent ideas.

A That we were alcoholic and could not manage our own lives.

Very confusing. Again, for years I thought the unmanageability was all of the stuff that happened to me as a result of my drinking had nothing to do with it. I couldn't manage my own life and the only one aspect I couldn't manage it was

the decision to stay away from the first one. If you could manage the decision to stay away from your first drink,

question you'd have to ask yourself is why are you in the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous? Just don't rank and

move on.

But if you can't manage the decision to stay away from the first one, A applies. B that probably no human power could relieve our alcoholism. Could anyone solve your inability to control your drinking?

Anybody have someone try to control how much you drink while you were drinking? That's always a good time, isn't it?

Is that special? Someone in your life is limiting your drinks and it's why God invented flask,

you know.

But there wasn't any human power. I couldn't come up with the power. No one else could come up with the power and see that God couldn't would if he were sought. Welcome to the hope of Step 2.

And it says being convinced we are at Step 3

and I'm a history guy. Never used to be. Poured me to death. The longer I stay into this 12 step fellowship,

history becomes more important. Has anyone ever read the original manuscript before?

Here's an edit that occurred in the original manuscript that I really wish. And this is just my opinion. Take it or leave it. But

Bill said if we aren't convinced of these three vital issues,

we ought to reread the book up to this point or else throw it away.

Because if I'm not convinced for this, I've got no business even toying with Step 3.

But if I am convinced of this, it says being convinced we are at Step 3, which is that we decided. And if you have a book underlined it, circle it, convey it, that's all we're doing in step three. We decided to turn our will and our life over the care of God as we understood him. If I knew how to turn my will in my life over the care God as I understood Him, I would have been that courtroom as I was about to be

handed down to the judge.

I when I said, God Get Me Out of this, I'll do anything.

If I could have upheld that and pulled that maneuver off,

I wouldn't be here today.

But me left my own devices.

I don't know how to turn my will in my life, my thoughts and my actions over to God. I've tried countless times on my own and failed miserably.

God kept upholding his end of the bargain. I didn't like the way it turned out at sometimes,

but I'm here today. God had no problem upholding His end of the bargain. I failed utterly every time

with my best intentions. I did not know how to turn it over. I knew how to try to turn it over. I was just was never successful at it. Trying to live up to that philosophy or those codes that I always thought that if I just could do this, everything would be OK. But I don't know how to do it. So I'm making a decision to learn how

I'm deciding to turn my life and my my will of my life over the care of God. As we understand, just what do we mean by that? We're going to talk about that. I'm from page 61 to 63. Just what do we do about it is page 63 to page 164.

See, the essence of Step 3 is

I'm making a decision to work steps 4 through 12 like my life depends on it. And as a result of working those eight steps or nine steps 4 through 12,

I am going to be taught how to turn my will in my life, my thoughts and my actions over to the care God, as I understand, not as you understand, not as I was raised, just as the understanding the power that I'm going to get connected to by doing this work.

So often we want to break off into page 6061 and start talking to newcomers and laying this out and all page 61 is presenting an idea. It says the page 60 and 61. It says the first requirement that we convinced that life run on this on self will can hardly be a success.

Unfortunately, this world as we know it, everything is geared towards that statement.

Your life is run on self. Will

we have go to the bookstore? The self help

aisle is amazing, isn't it?

Is anybody dabbled in that? It's it's we've all been raised it. You know what? If something's got you licked, pull yourself up by your bootstraps and come on, get a hold of this thing. Throw more of me at the problem.

Has anyone been successful at that?

That may be for other people, but for Alcoholics, it's

a tragedy in waiting.

You know, it says

on that basis we're almost always in collision with something or somebody, even though our motives are good.

And the question you have to ask yourself is how well is your way worked out so far in your life?

You throwing more of you at the problem. How well has it worked out?

Because it gets right back to what Audrey laid out. Unfortunately, we want to convince these newcomers that you know what their plan is inadequate.

Their ideas aren't going to work.

But you got to remember did that, Did anyone tell you that, and did it hold any depth or way?

You telling me that my idea is wrong means you don't know what you're talking about. In my head,

because of an alcoholic, the easiest way to get them to do something is tell them what not to do it.

We got we have to remember who we're talking about. And so often in these rooms, we forget who we are. The longer we're away from our last drink, we forget who we are. And you're never going to be successful at sponsoring anyone if you forget who you are. Because what words magically came out of someone's mouth that made you decide Oh my God, all my ideas are wrong?

No one was ever successful at that with me. Ever. Period.

So it just presents some ideas. You know, it says most people live by self propulsion. Each person's like the actor who wants to run the whole show. And I remember the first time I read, read page 61, I sat back and I'm listening to it and I'm contemplating it. And it's arranging the lights in the ballet on the actor playing the director. And you know, if as long as everybody is, as long as I am happy, everyone around me is going to be happy. And I'm sitting back on, that isn't me. That's the woman I live with right now.

I can see it in other people

and unfortunately, as we try to convince someone of this, we're wasting valuable time. It's we're just planting the idea. If they get it, they do. Bonus if they don't, arguing with him and trying to convince them that they're they're actor trying to run the whole show, trying to kill him with kindness. And if that doesn't work, well, we're going to shift modes and I'm going to roll over the top of the order. You like it or not?

If I see it, I see it. If I don't, I don't.

But remember what I've got looming over my head, what Audrey just laid out.

I've given them a horrible case of alcoholism.

So I presented out a problem, I presented out a solution and I'm giving them a decision to make

and that's all Page 61 is laying out. And page 62 says selfishness, self centeredness that we think is the root of our troubles. And I'm like, no, it isn't. It's her. It's that boss,

and again we forget who we are and we try to convince people of this. And again it says so our troubles are so our troubles. We think and we forget who that we think is. It's the authors of the book

as they're looking

back.

And did you think your troubles were basically of your own making as you picked up your desire ship?

If my daddy wouldn't have been an alcoholic and just been such a terror to live with, I wouldn't have been the way I was.

If my Mama would have just loved me like she loved my sister, everything would be OK.

I didn't think that troubles were of my own making,

but they thought they were. It says.

So Our troubles, we think, are basically of our own making. Their rise out of ourselves and the alcoholic is an extreme example of self will run riot though. I love this. You can tell an alcoholic wrote this, though he usually doesn't think so. We never think so.

Ever.

But it says

above everything, we must. We Alcoholics must be rid of this selfishness. We must or it kills us.

And unfortunately, in these rooms, you hang around here long enough, and now there's no must in the big book.

Sorry, there are.

I just read two of them.

Above everything, we Alcoholics must be rid of this selfishness. We must, or it kills us. There's two must followed by a really bad promise. This book is littered with promises. Some are good, some are bad, and it's as often there is no way of getting rid of self without His aid. Many of us have moral and philosophical convictions galore, but we couldn't live up to Him even though we would like to. Neither could we have reduced our self-centered as much by wishing or trying on our own power. We had to have God's help. And it gets

right back to that same simple question. How well is your way working out so far?

And if I don't convey that to the newcomer,

I'm missing it,

missing what this whole thing is all about. Because if they think their way is working out OK, do you think you're going to get anywhere?

Did anyone ever get anywhere with you when you thought your way was working out?

Now end a story. This is the how and why the first. First of all, we had to quit playing God. It didn't work. And I would sat back and I'm like, I'm not playing God.

Or was I?

Because I everything was dependent on everyone else

in order to make me OK,

everything was dependent on external things. I was trying to treat an internal condition with external things, whether it be event, situations, people, places, things, whatever it may be,

in hopes that somehow I would somehow be OK not drinking and I wouldn't drink again.

Step 2 is a really or. Step 3 is a really simple idea. It's a simple concept. It's the idea of

we're going to let God call the shots. And the question you have to ask yourself is how worse of a job could God do in running your life than you've done up to this point?

And if you're like me, I drove myself into the ground repeatedly

and was broke, homeless, unemployed, unemployable, living out of a car

and not a darn thing I could do about it.

35 years old, and that was not what I envisioned when I was eight years old. I didn't sit back and go. I just can't wait till I get to that moment where I'm living in Dallas in the middle of the summer out of a car with no air conditioning.

That is not what I aspired to be.

You could have pulled somebody out of Terrell State Hospital and they probably would have done a better job at running my life up to that point,

but that's what it took for me. Other people don't have to go to that extreme because it's all about all of those external events have to create an internal condition called pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization.

And once I got to that point where I had enough of much as I could stand my way wasn't working. And now they presented an idea. Just maybe

we're going to shift gears and we're going to give this God idea a shot even though you don't even know if you believe in it or not.

The simple question is what do you have to lose

if you've tried everything else? So it says when we sincerely took such a position, all sorts of remarkable things followed. We had a new employer

being all powerful. We covered that. Remember it? We're not talking about an inanimate object. We're talking about that conversation that you had with that powerful thing that was everything and not nothing when you were in that desperate, hopeless situation.

We're going to get plugged into that as our new employer being all powerful. He provided what we needed if we kept close to him and performed his work well.

And could you imagine if you got everything you needed from the rest of your life?

Wrap your mind around that

now. It did not say you got everything you wanted.

Wants and needs are two totally separate things. I really didn't think they were,

but I am going to get everything I need if I hang on to this simple concept and I follow the hook if I keep close to him and perform his work well. How do I do that? By working steps 4 through 12 like my life depends on it.

See if I haven't done a fourth step in Alcoholics Anonymous. Let me let you win on a secret. You haven't done anything in Alcoholics Anonymous. Nothing.

You have absorbed air in a room and you filled up a chair.

Why would anyone belong to a 12 step fellowship and not work the 12 steps?

It's kind of a contradiction in terms, isn't it?

Although I did it,

that was my plan,

but guess what the result was

now it just got worse.

So step three is I am going to be taught how to stay close to God and perform His work well by making the decision to do what the 1st 100 did. Thoroughly follow the path in each and every one of you know how to thoroughly follow a path.

If you didn't know where the liquor store was and I gave you directions, specific directions on how to get there, are you going to deviate?

I know I'm not. Why? Because I want to get what I need to get and I'm going to go to any length to get it.

Welcome to what step three is all about

and exactly what Audrey said. If you go at it with half the zeal that you went at, you're going at your last drink. That's what

you're in like Flynn.

But if you think sitting around an hour once a week is going to solve your problem, did you drink an hour once a week?

You're intelligent people,

don't fool yourself.

You had to be to endure what you did,

you know? But that's what we're talking about. And Step 3 is this thing isn't a self help program. It's all based on experience. I did not understand a word in this book until someone walked me through and explained it. I read it and then someone else walked me through it and it was like they picked up a different book. If you want to know what a sponsor is, guess what? Go to page 18 and read it.

Someone properly armed with a fax

can secure the confidence of an individual in a very short period of time.

Sponsor of someone if like it says, if you want what we have and you're willing to go to any like to get it, you're ready to get busy.

Show me how.

And if you think you're going to learn how to fly a 747 by reading the flight manual to a 747, guess what? I'm not flying with you.

If I want to learn how to fly, I'm going to get a pilot to show me how to do it. I'm going to read the flight manual, but I'm going to have someone who knows what they're doing walk me through if I don't kill myself.

That's what a sponsor is all about, and that's what sponsorship is all about.

That's why it is a responsibility we don't take lightly. And if this person is willing to get busy and do it, we can sit down and say this prayer and it says, God, Ioffer myself to you to build with me as you want. Do with me as you want.

Shake the these and dough's out. They confused me and God, here I am, I give up. It says do with me as you want. Relieve me of the bondage yourself, that I may better do thy will. What is the bondage of self? Who? Who is the one that's causing the problem? Whether I realize it or not, I'm saying a prayer. That's saying you know what, it's me. Take away my difficulties. Me. Get Me Out of it.

I've got a mind that's trying to kill me and make it look like an accident. Some of you may be understand that statement

and that's where I was at. I'm like, I will do anything you tell me because whatever's coming out of here right now cannot be trusted.

And I sat down with an individual take away my difficulties. That victory over them married allow me to have a really great day.

No, it's no longer about me. It says take away my difficulties. That victor over them may be witness to those I would help with thy power, thy love and thy way of life. Do this so someone else can see it in me and go Oh my God, this possibly could work because guess what I saw in the individual who was bringing this to me?

My first question was, you've been sober. How long? Consecutively, like in a row?

It was unthinkable to me because he had my story.

That was just something I could not comprehend.

Any bore witness to me.

He showed me what the power of God could do, even though I didn't even know if there was a God. There was something at work in him that I could not explain.

Later on, as I looked back, guess what it was exactly in this prayer

I do that way, you know it says the power. That way of life may I do Thy will always exclamation point and then they trick you.

Sneaky Alcoholics.

He thought well before taking this step. Wait a minute, I just did. No, look what it says. We thought well before taking this step, making sure we're ready, that we could at last abandoned ourselves utterly to Him. Has anyone done a really heartfelt third step prayer before and drank afterwards?

Anybody in this room

other than me? See, there's one thing that God doesn't take lightly

is commitments. And you know what this step will do?

It screws your drinking up

because you're letting them in and there's nothing worse than a head full of knowledge of what the problem is, a head full of a A and then going back out and drinking.

And if you're working with someone like that, that's why that opportunity, when they're coming back,

time is of the essence

because that window is open for just such a short period of time

and they aren't having fun. They aren't just partying too much.

We thought well before we did this because this is a commitment that you know what it is a commitment. It's a commitment up to work the steps like your life depends on it. You're doing it in front of another individual as witness in front of God saying I am going to do this, but what is the decision? How many decisions have you made today that you haven't followed up with yet?

A decision is just the decision, isn't it?

Because if it isn't followed up with action, then what does it mean?

I can decide to do a million things today. Am I going to get a million things done?

So what does all those decisions mean?

Nothing.

Until those words are followed up with actions,

they don't mean a thing. It's all you have fun.