Step 2 at a sponsorship and 12 Step workshop in Dallas, TX

My name is Michael Kelly and I am an alcoholic.

I can also tell you my other members, I'm actually a member of two different fellowships. Both of them had to do with glass and I couldn't stay away from bottle of urban or glass stem smoke and crack. And I fall into two categories. Some of you may not. And it's kind of neat this experience because I am a member of two different fellowships. But the one thing that both fellowships have in common is they each describe a problem.

And what Audrey just laid out is the problem

has seen an Alcoholics Anonymous.

There's fellowships all around that have borrowed this program and tried to solve their specific problem utilizing these 12 steps

and you will never be

successful sponsor until you understand what your problem is while you're a member of a specific 12 step fellowship.

It's simple. We've got one problem to describe, and if we don't know why we're here,

we're going to hurt some people.

Because so often

I grew up around Alcoholics Anonymous.

I go back 3 generations.

My great grandfather was a member of Alcoholics Anonymous in 1947 in St. Paul, MN.

You know,

I still had no idea what it meant to be an alcoholic. I grew up with an alcoholic, my father,

and it wasn't until someone walked me through what Audrey just walked through, utilizing their own experience. I had no clue what was wrong with me,

and until I understand what's wrong with me, how will I ever convey it? Because I'll convey it through situational

I'm an alcoholic because my father was an alcoholic.

No, it's not true.

I have a sister. Guess what?

She's a hard drinker.

She'll sit and drink with each and everyone he had drank for drink.

Guess what she does masterfully.

Pulls up, chooses not to do it, goes to work,

you know, and I've got to understand what, what the problem is. Otherwise

there's really nowhere to go here,

you know? And it's all about our experience. And if you don't have the experience, by God, don't pretend to,

you know? And this book describes it. She left off on page 44 and I'm going to pick it up right from there.

But step one is separated by a hyphen and they it's an or proposition in the test she just gave you. But to be a real alcoholic,

it's a both situation. It's not an ore. And the reason why they ask if you can quit entirely because remember that going back, there's a story of a man of 30 and they talk in this book about a potential alcoholic, the potential versus the real alcoholic.

If I haven't said I'm never going to do it again.

Know if I can answer that question

that's why the oars there

or if you find you have little control over the amount you take. We all, no matter what fellowship you belong in,

the loss of control is a common thread for each and everyone of us. Because if I can control how much I drink, do I belong in Alcoholics Anonymous?

I will kill an alcoholic if I can pick how much I drink when I drink,

because there's one thing I cannot do. I go in with the best intentions to have one glass of bourbon, and guess what?

I've never in my life had one glass of bourbon.

I've wanted to so bad

just to cut the edge off, just to get away from the restless, irritable and discontent. Just give me one shot of bourbon because I know it will do it

but I'm unable to do that. If

I could control it and have that one, my problem is solved. I go from restless, herbal and discontented to ease and comfort. I stop at the one shot and I'm moving on, but I can't do that.

And then all the bad stuff happens. And that's not the bad part.

The bad part is every time I say I'm never going to do it again, I pull up. I come to, I swear this time it's going to be different. I'm not going to do it. And guess what I do?

I do it.

So if we're sitting in these rooms telling it, it's you're oh, I know you got divorced. That's why you drank again. No

is not why they drank again. Doesn't matter if I got divorced or I got married. An alcoholic drinks no matter what.

In as long as we begin to convey the same message,

you will be a successful sponsor. But if you start getting caught up in why we drink, guess what it said in this book? We have no idea why we do it. We just do it. Our bodies are set up that way. It happens. If you're looking for the answer, there isn't one.

We drink no matter what. That's the only answer that you could ever give a real alcoholic, a real drug addict. You get high no matter what,

whether it be a good, a bad day, it just doesn't matter.

The minute we stop the clocks ticking

in the whole time, we say it's not going to happen. I swear it's not going to happen. And it happens again, over and over again. And it never gets better. It only gets worse. And some of you have been. I'm a knucklehead. Anybody have more than one desire chip in this room?

Anyone been to more than one treatment facility? Anyone move halfway across the country trying to solve your problem? Anyone change their careers as a result of trying to sell through your problem? Anyone swear off relationships as a result of trying to solve your problem? Anyone goes searching for the relationship and trying to solve your problem?

I picked up my first desire chip in 1985.

My sobriety date is June 13th the year 2000.

I came to Dallas, TX trying not to ever do it again. I failed

miserably,

and I just told you I came from a long line of Alcoholics and Alcoholics Anonymous,

not not understanding what the problem is. But now that I understand what the problem is and I know what's wrong with me, I can sit down with you and explain to you out of this book what the problem is. And if I can do that utilizing my own experience and relying on the experience of the 1st 100 because the problem has not changed since 1939, I'll be able to convey the solution. Step 2.

But if I can't convey the problem,

I'm never going to be able to convey the solution

because I'll start buying into yeah, if you just get that woman back in your life, everything's going to be OK. Or if you just sit in enough meetings,

everything is going to be OK.

Has anybody walked out of a meeting got drunk that night

other than me?

So

how do I get a spiritual experience?

I got one through bourbon.

I was restless and discontented.

My life did not get better as a result of not drinking. It did not get better.

And if you start telling people that you know what, just don't drink, Your life's going to get better. You're going to kill them. If they're a real alcoholic, you are going to kill them. As a sponsor, my life doesn't get better. So I am left with only one alternative. What fixes it?

What fixes restless, irritable, discontented? Michael Kelly is

urban

and I go from restless, herbal, discontented. I drink bourbon and I go to ease and comfort

like that. It fixes it. The only problem is my only solution in life that I know is killing me.

But this book is offering a spiritual experience. If you ever wonder why they call alcohol spirits, anybody old enough to remember seeing it on the on the liquor store signs spirits,

well, that's what this book is all about. You know, look over on page 45. This is lack of power. That was our dilemma.

I always thought dilemma was a problem.

Now a dilemma is like caught in the crossroads. I'm going to add a dilemma which way to go. A lack of power. I have no power over how much I drink once I start. I have no power over staying away from it to save my own life.

What do I do? Which way do I go? It says we had to find a power by which we could live. See, we all know what a power greater than us is,

whether you realize it or not.

Power greater than me was bourbon. It got me to do things that I never intended on doing. True

that. I'll get you to do some things that you really didn't plan on doing.

Did it tell you what to do, when to do it, how to do it? It didn't matter who got hurt.

Could you live by that power

now? I could Neither

said we had. It said we had to find a power greater or find a power by which we can live, and it had to be a power greater than ourselves. Could you keep you sober?

Could anyone keep you sober? Could anything keep you sober?

It had to be a power greater than ourselves, obviously. But where and how do we find this power? Well, that's what this book is all about. It's main objects that enable you to find a power greater yourself which will solve your problem.

Now this book is called Alcoholic Anonymous and wouldn't you think that they'd say drinking problem?

This book is very precise,

very exact. There's no shades of Gray.

It just tells you how it is.

And here they're saying

solve your problem.

Is alcohol and Alcoholics a problem?

Unfortunately, we sit in rooms all over the world

and that's all I've heard. Alcohol is my problem.

Well, alcohol was my problem. All I have to do is remove my problem and everything is going to be OK is it not?

See my problem doesn't begin until once I remove alcohol out of my body and I remove it from my life,

my problems begin.

See, I am unable to live sober on my own

and my life doesn't get better. Early on it does. But guess what? Eventually I become the restless, irritable, discontented guy. This doctor's opinion. Guess what? It was based out of experience. It was written by a non alcoholic. History is so key here because it's

if you're going to be a member of the 12 Step Fellowship, get to understand your 12 steps.

It only makes sense

in the medical estimate came from a non alcoholic person. But guess what? He decided he knew nothing about the problem. So he asked and listened and he listened to a bunch of people. His name was William Duncan Silkworth. And he sat at town's hospital because he couldn't find another job after he lost his practice through the stock market crash. And he sat and listened to these people and he was didn't understand. He detox these Alcoholics and sent them on their way and they had every reason never to drink again. And in a short period of time they're back and then they're worse shape.

The first time is like, what the heck is wrong with you people?

And most of the people, they went off in the happily ever after. But there was this little group over here that they just kept coming back.

And instead of being an ego driven, arrogance driven individual who thought he knew everything, he's like, I don't get it, fill me in.

And he listened.

And he found out that alcohol wasn't their problem.

See, their life would go amok once they stopped drinking, and they were left with no other

way but to go back to the only solution they knew. So if you're going to convey to a newcomer that alcohol is bad, if it was so bad, why did you drink so damn much of it?

It's a question you have to ask yourself. Alcohol was the greatest thing that ever happened to me. It was a power by which I could live,

but something changed

and now I've got to find a solution to how am I going to live now that my only solution has been taken away? How do I live now? Well, that's what this book is all about and that's what page 45 is trying to convey to us.

And if I don't understand that, I'm going to be very confused and I'm not going to do this and I'm going to look for every other Ave.

To make Life OK now that I'm not drinking

and it gets so simple, all of your little complicated minds, including my own, are not going to accept it

because I'm going to think it's some quantum physics formula of

how life is going to be OK.

But it's so simple. It's right at the end of our nose and we don't even know it.

Step one, do I have to believe in God? Or Step 2, do I have to believe in God?

Is that a requirement?

It's a great question, isn't it? Especially in sponsorship.

Did anyone come into these rooms not believing in God other than me?

I'm the only one. See, I didn't know if there was a God. I didn't know if there wasn't a God. Actually, I was kind of sitting a torn on the fence because if there was, I was screwed

because of all the things that I had done throughout my life.

I was raised to believe in God,

but I was like, oh,

but look at step two. We came to believe in a power greater ourselves could restore us to sanity. What is the only requirement in Step 2?

The only requirement is that I am convinced I am absolutely insane when it comes to the first drink period

we came to believe.

Does that mean I have to believe in the GET from the get go?

Not a requirement?

The only requirement is that I am completely nuts when it comes to the first drink. What did you give up? Everything worthwhile in life to experience alcohol one more time. Several times throughout your life,

did you question your own sanity in regards to that first drink?

Did you play those mental gymnastics?

I mean, eventually you do this long enough and you actually start questioning your own sanity. And the fact of the matter is, in all other aspects of our life, guess what?

We can be completely functional and normal and not insane when a long. When it comes to that first glass of bourbon,

all bets are off.

My mind will come up with some amazing ideas how everything is going to be OK when my past has shown me

historically nothing is OK with bourbon in my hand.

Period. So what is Step 2 all about?

Well, step one, is it a happy moment in your life?

Step one says I'm condemned to drink no matter what period in Alcoholics Anonymous.

I am screwed.

Who's been in a bunch of meetings in their life?

Me too, all over the United States. I was a mover. When stuff got bad I just moved back up and started over.

What's the first line and how it works?

Y'all know it rare

you can recite it. What's it say?

Rarely have we seen a person fail as thoroughly followed our path.

It's a bold statement, isn't it?

But if I'm screwed and I drink no matter what, guess what? That gives me

hope. If you want to know the essence of Step 2, if

all equates to one simple word, hope. I don't have to believe it works. I came into the rooms and in June of 2000 going a A doesn't work. But I was left with no other option. I went walking back into a place that I actually despised. I didn't want to see a crusty old man. I stayed clear of them. There was a whole bunch of people that I just ducked and dodged, but I went crawling back in there because you know what?

I had nowhere else to go and I was dying and I didn't think it was going to work, but I was completely out of all other options.

I'd ran every plan that I could and I didn't believe it was going to work. I felt I was terminally unique.

Anybody been there?

But I was desperate

and I hoped that just maybe,

I doubt it, but just maybe, this could work.

And that's all Step 2 is.

Let me read you a little story. Anybody You know who Abby Thatcher is?

Thank God for all that being us. Two months.

Next time you look at somebody and say you don't have anything to offer your gut two months over

you wouldn't be here.

Wasn't for every Thatcher at two months over each and everyone in

it would not have happened. You'd be looking at something that did not exist.

But here's Abby Thatcher, two months sober, have been swooped up by the Oxford Group,

which is where AA came from.

If you want to read some history and become a better sponsor, go read the book called Not God and don't let the don't let the titles throw you off

because it kind of gives you a great little history of where Alcoholics Anonymous came from. Very detailed,

yes.

Not God. Not God. Yeah,

yeah, yeah.

But here's Abby. And he drank with Bill and Bill always looked at Abby and went you know what? If I ever get as bad as

Abby, I'd stop drinking because that guy's got a drinking problem.

Kind of like what Audrey touched on, but if you go to page 11

and Bill's drinking himself to death, heavy sitting across the table telling him what happened to him,

Bill's all twisted up about God. You can read from page 10:50 and Ebby mentioned religion and Bill just went left

because he didn't want to hear about God

at all.

But here's what's rolling through Bill's head

while Ebby's sitting across that kitchen table. And he says, But my friend sat before me and made a point blank Decor relation deck declaration that God had done for him what he could not do for himself. His human will had failed.

Abby couldn't keep Abby sober. Anybody been there before? You couldn't keep you sober. Well, here's Bill looking at Abby going. There's no way Ebby can keep Abby sober as human. Will it fail, doctor, to pronounce them in curvil society about to lock them up? Like myself? He admitted complete defeat. Then he had in effect, been raised from the dead, suddenly taken from the scrap heap to a level of life better than the best he had ever known. Exclamation point. Had this power originated him? Obviously it had not. There had been no more power

him, and there was that me in that minute, and there was none at all that for me. It began to look as though religious people right after all, here was something at work in the human heart which had done the impossible. My ideas about miracles were drastically revised right then. Never mind the musty past. Here sat a miracle. Directly across the kitchen table, he shouted great tidings.

Bill is looking at Ebby and going. Abby can't keep Abby silver. I don't know how he's doing it. Bill's drinking himself to death.

He's twisted up about the God idea, but he's looking at Abby going,

Oh my God,

he's sober.

I tried to pass a drink to him and he refused to take it.

Just maybe what worked for Abby

could work for me.

And if we keep Step 2, as simple as that,

you won't run people out of here.

But if you do it like Bill did from that moment on, and he shouted about his spiritual experience and blasted God from the rooftops to every newcomer that he could for the first six months, and he was completely unsuccessful.

And he went back and he's like, I don't know what I'm doing wrong. And they're like, you got the cart before the horse. They don't understand the problem. They're never going to understand the solution. And here's Bill's understanding the problem. And he's like, man, I hope that would work for me.

If you want some more hope to convey, go back to page XX of

people who came to a from 1930.

From 1939 to 1955,

50% of them got sober at once.

Now what do they mean when they came to a A? Those who came to A, A, A A had one thing to offer them.

Work the 12 steps, get a sponsor, get busy, do the work.

If you didn't want to do that, guess what they told you.

Remember the door he came in?

Go try your way somewhere else.

They kept it very specific. Here's what we do. If you don't want to do this, we understand. God bless you. We're moving on to this man.

And of the people, 50% got sober at once and remain that way. 25% sober up after some relapses. In other words, they came, went and tried their way. They came back and guess what? They went back to the 50 percenters and went, what are you guys doing again? And they got on board and they sovered up.

There were groups in Cleveland and Minneapolis that had over a 90% success rate throughout that period doing what we do.

If you want to give a newcomer hope, lay it out to him. That's how they came up with that lovely line and backed it up. Rarely have we seen a person fail as thoroughly followed our path.

Does that mean it's just for the special ones? Let's go back to page 46,

right in the middle of the page. We found as soon as we were able to lay aside prejudice and express even a willingness to believe in a power greater than ourselves, we commenced to get results, even though it was impossible for any of us to fully define or comprehend that power which is God. I don't have to believe in God. I don't have to define it. I don't have to comprehend it. All I have to be is willing to say just maybe there is one.

The whole chapter to four We agnostics is all about laying aside any prejudice. I came in the rooms with a great deal of prejudice.

I had fixed ideas. Do you all understand what prejudice is?

Is there anyone in this room that's a felon other than me?

There's a lot of prejudice when it comes to felons in this world. There's a lot of people who have a lot of fixed ideas about hiring a felon.

As a felon, it sucks when someone prejudges me.

There's prejudice in a lot of different ways, shapes and forms and I just gave you a very obscure 1.

But I'm open minded in a whole lot of areas. And I love how they talk about in this book they we, you know, we speak of intolerance when we're intolerant ourselves.

I have no problem pointing out how you're intolerant when it comes to me. But you know who I was most intolerant about? The idea that there is a God and that he'd be willing to help me. I had fixed ideas about that. And this whole chapter is all about can I lay aside my fixed ideas and pull it just maybe out of my pocket and say just maybe there is a God that I can come to terms with that might be able to save me? Because after what Audrey said, I don't have too many other options, do I?

When she pointed out there's no power in this world that can solve my problem, where else do I have to go? That's why alcohol is a great persuader. They talk about it in this chapter. It beats us into a state of reasonableness,

the old timer said. If God drives them out, it's OK. If they survive Boozle drive them back in.

All I have to do is pull a possible existence. I love how they phrase that adjust maybe that there is a God that I can come to terms with.

47 it says we needed to ask ourselves 1 short question, do I believe and if you don't it's OK. Are you willing to believe

that there is a power greater than myself? As soon as a man can say he does believe, or is even willing to believe a just maybe,

we emphatically assure him is on his way next

moving on.

It's as simple as this

and I don't know how people can talk for hours on Step 2 because once you it's too many words spoils it.

It's all about hope.

In the chapter

four goes in detail of looking at different ways we have willingness to change. Good God, how many cell phones have you all been through in the last three or four years?

I still don't even understand what this thing does. I it's does everything but a phone half the time

but when a new one comes out I must have it and I don't even know what it is.

I'm so open minded on things I know nothing about but yet I'm drinking myself to gas and there is no God.

And I cynically dissect all those who believe,

yet I'm drinking myself to death. And they seem to be living

a life

and they seem to be OK with it. And they're not destroying all in their path, yet all cynically dissect them.

It's very sad, isn't it? She's shaking her head like this, I know,

but that was me.

I love this line and I'll leave it at this. There's one line in this book that it just. I cannot believe someone had the nerve to write it.

It's such a bold line. Page 55

This is actually we're fooling ourselves, for deep down, in every man, woman and child is the fundamental idea of God.

That's a bold statement, isn't it?

Prior to this, they asked us. We had to choose. Either God is or he isn't. Is he everything or is he nothing?

And I'm here to tell you, each and every person that you will come across

has already played those mental gymnastics long before they ever came to Alcoholics Anonymous.

And it's proven by the state.

Has anybody been in trouble in this room before in one way, shape or form? Didn't have to be legal, it didn't it? Whether it be your job, whether it be a relationship, whether it be family member, whether it's just a situation that you got into that was just so hopeless. And you looked around and every plan you came up with sucked and it wasn't going to work.

And you're looking around and no one around you could solve this problem for you.

Did you ever do one of those timeouts

where you just kind of pulled aside and in that brief moment you kind of had a little conversation, like if you Get Me Out of this, I will do anything?

Does anybody have that conversation in their head before?

Is there anyone who hasn't in this room?

I've asked a lot of people this all over the United States and you'd be amazed there. I've met one guy and he's must be the most self-sufficient guy. I don't know if he was telling the truth, but he said he never did it. And I'm like, wow,

it's amazing. You are Mr. Self-sufficient.

Well, the question I have to ask you ask you is who are you talking to?

Was it a power greater than you

did? You have to fully comprehend and define who you were talking to in order to have that conversation.

Did you have to believe it was going to work?

What caused that conversation?

Desperation. It's the only thing that causes it. Hopelessness and desperation

and I reach out like a knee jerk reaction, like a doctor hitting my knee, and my foot goes up.

Each one of us has had that question, was that a powerful entity that you were talking to at the time? Was it everything or was it nothing?

Was it a coke can? A doorknob.

See, we paint these things across this thing. Oh, it's OK. You know, it can be an inanimate object. Well, as I was hitting in that courtroom, it was not an inanimate object I was adding that conversation with.

I didn't believe in a God, but I was talking to one

because I was desperate. I hoped that it just might work,

and as simple as that. A person looked at me and said, there you had a conception of a power greater than you. You had a starting point.

Start from there, and that's the simple essence of what they're talking about, of what you're going to come to believe in.

In that Step 2 in its finest in each and everyone of you has it deep down within you and whoever you work with, if you speak to them in practical terms

and in chapter, in Chapter 7, they're going to walk you through what not to do and what traps not to fall into because someone may have way more religious background

than you.

Don't get yourself in trouble. Simple spiritual terms,

and I always love getting back to the hopeless desperation moments where you've each and everyone of us had a conversation with the power greater than us. Even though we probably didn't even realize what we were doing, we actually were doing it. And it's a starting point to build from. And that's as far as we have to go in Step 2

in from there we move quickly.

But step one and Step 2 are just two conclusions. That's all they are. MRE am I not screwed in step one?

Do I hope that this

possibly could work in Step 2?

That rarely have we seen a person fail

who has thoroughly followed our path.

And that's where we're at. Welcome to the dilemma.

Scrutin step one and I'm hoping in Step 2

and after this break we'll kind of head off and dive into this thing quickly. But until we understand step one, none of this makes sense. We could spend a day on just conveying what Audrey covered

it just re emphasizing it. Because if we don't understand our problem, you're never going to understand the solution period. And you're going to do nothing but confuse.

And there's nothing worse than confusing the already confused.

Nothing good comes out of that, all right.