Steps 10 and 11 at the first annual Stay Sober for Keeps workshop in Laguna Niguel, CA

All right guys, I know we're back and I know it's a long day and I so appreciate y'all hanging in there. You don't even know I swear.

I think I and I keep saying thank God for these comfy chairs if y'all haven't been in an all day workshop on those hard chairs. I mean, this is like going in and this is Hollywood style right here.

Definitely, definitely. So thanks so much for coming back and hanging in there with us. We'll we'll be wrapping it up here shortly. We're about to get to the good stuff. We we have just gotten to the the logistics. We went through the logistics of what the program is really all about and, and how we get through it and how we get sober and what we do. And now we're about to really

get to the fun stuff and I'm about to start talking about step 10. And this is where you will see me come out of my seat. You already see me just I love step 10. I call it the power step because in step 10,

amazing things start happening and, and we just don't

even know it. If you look and let's go there

and, and we're coming off of those promises and, and The thing is, is they're, they're coming true. And we're not even recognizing it, you know, and we're getting everything that we were searching for in the bottle. We're getting it out of the steps

and I'm looking at those steps on the walls for years and years and years sitting in the meeting and I'm looking at those steps on the wall thinking and and I'm hearing people read those promises and hearing and I'm thinking I don't know how to get. I don't know what y'all are talking about, right? It is foreign language to me. And the next thing I know, I come in here and actually have somebody

work the steps to make with me and go through this with me. And these things start happening. And everything I was searching for in that bottle, I am now getting out of the steps. Yeah, I mean, it's the coolest. And and we just thought we were going to get sober.

So here's the thing. It says we have entered the world of the spirit at step 10. We isn't that our goal to stand in the sunlight of the Spirit, to walk hand in hand with the Spirit of the universe

At this point, that's where we are. We're walking hand in hand with the spirit of the we're standing in the sunlight. We went from this bitter morass of self pity. The the gloom and the darkness and the and lack of power was our dilemma. And guess what? By step 10,

we're in the power,

we've got it. We're in the sunlight. How cool is that? Think about it. It's it's warm,

our next function. Oh, but it doesn't stop there, right? It doesn't say you get to rest, honey.

Our next function is to grow in understanding and effectiveness. Remember when I talked about in step 7 how we we're going to make mistakes and we're going to have successes and and through these successes and failures,

we will grow in understanding why for us no to be more effective for the new woman or man that walks through the door. Because my job is to fit myself. And that's what that night step did is to help me fit myself to be of maximum service to God and the people about.

It's not an overnight matter and it's going to continue for my lifetime. So guess what? You're stuck with me. Whether you like me or not, you're stuck with me.

Here's some directions that we're going to get. See, the directions don't stop because we finished our four step, the four step. There's not just directions in the fourth step. We also have directions in the 10th step. You want to know how to stay in the Semite of the Spirit?

It's gonna tell us. Continue to watch for selfishness, dishonesty, resentment and fear. That's how that four step stuff, right? So we're gonna continue to watch for it. Why, 'cause it's gonna come.

We got sober. We didn't get good.

Maybe you did. I didn't ask my sponsor

when these crop up because they will. When these crop up, we ask God at once to remove them. All right, So what does that say? 6 And what does that sound like? Six and seven, right? So when it crops up, I'm going to say, Hey, God, will you please remove this fear? Direct my attention to what you would have me be. I do not have to say that out loud and look like a crazy woman. I can say it silently into myself. And I'm going to give you a little synopsis of what that will look like.

We discussed them with someone immediately. Step 5 Discussing ourselves

and make amends quickly if we've harmed anyone. Step 9 Then we resolutely turn our thoughts to someone we can help. Step 12 Love and tolerance of others is our code. Isn't that the principle that we've been talking about and discussing through this whole time?

What that looks like is, remember when I was talking about in that third step of sitting in a meeting and Audrey looks at me wrong and the next thing I know, I get all that stuff starts popping in my head. Like I'm replaying everything I've said and I'm thinking, OK, just because I get sober doesn't mean that's going to go away. The book talks about how we can be sensitive and that sensitivity is a handicap. But we're sensitive people, OK? So

just because I get sober doesn't mean I'm gonna get like right with everyone.

I can still have my feelings hurt. It may be self delusion. Remember how it talks about resentment? Fancied or real has the power to kill. That's in sobriety. You don't know what a resentment is until you've had a resentment and sobriety.

When I said, well, I'll show him,

oh, that's a reason, right?

So I'm sitting there. Audrey looks at me. I think she looks at me wrong. Now I have a new set of directions, a new set of directions in a new way of living. So it'll take care of the moment, right? So the urge to drink will not come back. That's insanity will not return and I will not drink again.

And I can sit quietly because now I can recognize that sphere. Now I can say to myself, not everybody else around me in the meeting. God, please remove the fear. Direct my attention to what you would have me be

right sometimes. Like Audrey said, be quiet,

don't say anything. There's no need for me to go to Audrey and say, hey baby, what's wrong with you? Why are you looking at me like that? Don't we always want to do that?

Fix it? We want to be fixers. Never forget

a friend of mine at my group, I was complaining about my husband and I was like, oh, you just I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. And and he looked at me and he's like, Julie, do nothing. You always want to fix it. I'm like, huh, That was like a new thought, right? Go home and do nothing. But that's what I can do. I can absolutely do nothing. Except when I walk out of that meeting, who do I call? My sponsor. I'm not calling Kimberly

right. I'm not going to start any drama. I am not going to be a creator of drama today. I am going to do my best to be a creator of Harmony. How do I do that? Keep my mouth shut,

call my sponsor. Oh my gosh, I have done this. The reason I use this example

because it has happened to me.

I didn't just get it out of my pocket.

I remember calling my sponsor and I'm like, Oh my God, I know this is so stupid, but this guy looked at me wrong in a meeting and I feel judged and I feel this and I feel that

right. Did I have to tell anybody else? Did I have to gossip? Did I have to tell anybody else what I thought of him?

But I told my sponsor and my sponsor said it after he chewed me. It does not matter what they think of you. It is your job to love them.

Who can you help?

Right? I didn't have to make an amends because I didn't harm anyone. And see, we we trivialize the small stuff. It's not we we're real good about 10th stepping on the big stuff, right? I'm real good about that. But it's when I get those small little things that that I think bug me and I just want to set it aside and think not a big deal. They don't even know about that. I don't need to bother

them. Isn't that pride?

All it is is pride. It's pride keeping me from doing that because it's saying that I can handle it. All of a sudden the big S goes on the chest and I think I'm better than that. And I think I can handle this situation and I think I can wish it away. And I'm going to deal with this. And guess what happens that gets attached to this one. And the next thing I know, I I'm too good for all of you. The next thing I know, I'm really judging you.

The next thing I know all of you are wack and the next thing I know I leave

and I'm drunk again

because I am driven by selfishness and self centeredness and I am full of fear down to the core and this stuff will kill me and one resentment will cut me off from the sunlight of the spirit. It will whether you believe it or not.

So when I practice this, because that's what it takes, is practice, practice, practice. And if you get perfect at it, will you please call me and let me know how you do that? I still get yelled at for not being good at it. I mean, I'm just not. I,

I wish I were better, but we can, you know, I still, I'm like, I'll still sometimes I'll still, I'll just be like, you know what? No, I'm mad at my husband and I want to be mad. My husband gets most of it. He gets all the grunt. He gets all of it. And I'm like, I, I want to be mad. I'm not calling Cliff yet.

I'll talk to Audrey. I'm not. I'm not calling. Click yet and my husband will finally say, have you talked to your sponsor?

Fine, and I'll call, but how long do I want to? The thing is that who wants to be free? Me. Because see, it's not bothering my sponsor if I call or not. He could care less. He'd love for me to do it. He loves me, he cares about my sobriety, but it's not hurting him. Who is it hurting

me if I don't call? What is that about pride? It's all about my pride, my ego. Does that make sense? All right, so when we actually work this step as it's laid out, I, I, I think there's a lot of misunderstanding around this because I go to some meetings and I hear 10 step meetings and they're all talking about how they do their 10th step at night.

And I, I don't think that's what they're saying here in the book. I think what they're saying is that I think when they say at once, like when it crops up at once, we need to ask God to remove it and then to discuss it with someone immediately means like then. And it doesn't say, will you please write your 10th step at night? I don't. I don't see that in here.

If you all see it, let me know.

So I think there's a lot of misunderstanding around that. I don't know about y'all, but I really, I joke about not doing a ten step, but but I, I'm, I'm willing to do what it takes to stay sober today and to live in the sunlight of the spirit. And to do that I must do this

when the book suggested. Now, if I want to wait and, and, and get a little ucky, I can

by all means. It's my sobriety. But in all honesty, the more that I have practiced this, the longer I have practices. I have learned that you know what I don't? I don't really Today, I don't care what my sponsor thanks

because it's my sobriety.

And so I'll pick up the phone and I'll tell him anything because it's my sobriety and and in all honesty, that's all he wanted me to do in the 1st place. It just took me a little longer to learn that because I'm stubborn.

Aren't we all when we do this? Here's the coolest thing. Here are the coolest promise we have. Cease fighting anything or anyone, even alcohol, for by this time, sanity will have returned. Oh my gosh. You mean I don't have to just avoid alcohol? I don't have to avoid people. Like I don't have to be afraid of you and I don't have to be afraid of people. Alcohol, you know, I mean, I'm not avoiding anything.

How cool is that? I cease fighting anything. I cease fighting anyone I I love.

My sponsor tells me all the time he's like Julie, I hate to break your bubble. Not everybody likes you

like don't hurt my feelings. I mean, aren't we always trying to set us ourselves up to be liked by everyone? Not today. You know you're going to like me or you're not and and I can't make you feel a certain way and I have learned that you're going to like what I have to say or you're not. It just is what is it is so I don't have to fight that. I don't have to fight what you think about me anymore. That's the coolest. That's freedom. That is true freedom. When we get to

walk that way, Santa is going to return. There's our Step 2 promise. So at this point, this is where that Step 2 promise comes into play. So at Step 2, I don't have to be it's God. It's crazy. These steps are so simple and we want to just complex them because in Step 2, we're always looking for the answer. We're always waiting for the the Santa to be returned there. We're expecting something, but it's, it's, it's

that we take that gets the results, right? So at step 10, this is where sanity's return. Why? This is where I can differentiate the truth from the false. This is where when I get tempted because I will get tempted because I am an alcoholic, right? And that is what I have known for a long time.

And there is a time I'll never forget. Pretty newly sober

and going back to a vacation spot that we went to for years and years and years. And all I did was drink, right? I'd go around the river with my kids in my inner tube and that's all we did. And I remember being there and I remember calling Cliff and my my comment to him was I'm watching others drinking with impunity.

And he said go to a meeting. So I did, I went to a meeting and it happened to be a birthday meeting. There was another new kid, that new young guy that sat next to me and

nobody introduced themselves to us. I've never been to this group. No one came up and said hi to us. So I started talking to him. The next thing I know it's his first meeting and it's some birthday meeting and I can tell there's nothing. No, I said hey, let's go sit in the kitchen. I take him. We go sit in the kitchen. I open my big book with him. I walk away free.

Sanity returns again

and see, we're going to be tempted. It doesn't. But but the cool thing is, is that today I know my truth around alcohol. Today I know when I drink, I will get drunk. There is no other result. There is no great effect that will come from it. I will be drunk,

period.

We will react sanely and normally. I used to. I used to sit in meetings and cut guys. All I wanted to do is be normal. That's all I want. I just wanted to be normal. My whole life I wanted to be normal. I remember saying that, and then I remember hearing in these meetings, well, normal is just a setting on a dishwasher.

How pathetic. How sad. What hope is that?

You're gonna tell me that I just get to be a setting on a dishwasher? Guess what? Open your book, because that's not what the Big book of Alcoholics Anonymous says. It says I will react sanely and normally, and I will find that this will happen automatically. The only thing effort it takes is for me to follow a few simple rules. The steps I do this, I get connected. The power. The power relieves that mental obsession. I walk free.

That's what that looks like. That's what that normalcy looks like. I am not dodging the beer signs, which I used to do, because I'm telling you what I love Coors Light and those hot chicks that used to promote it, they look good. I'd be like, no, don't look, don't look.

I don't have to do that today.

The other thing is I don't have to swear it off. I don't have to wake up and say, you know what? Today we're not drinking. Today we're not drinking today we're not because we got a chip coming up. We're going to get that chip.

I live by chips.

That's not what we do

today. We walk free. We don't even think about it. We wake up and we say, Oh my gosh, good morning, God, what's what's the plan? What you got for me,

we find that this happened automatically. This is our experience. This is our experience, not just theirs. But you look around this room and there are tons of people that have that same experience. We're not fighting it,

avoiding it. That's why we're not cocky either. Because you know what? We fought it and we avoided it for years and years and years, and it didn't work. And we come in here and work some steps. I remember looking at you going. I've I've seen Doctor Phil.

If Doctor Phil can't fix you, nobody can.

I'm not thinking how are those steps going to fix me? How are those steps on hanging on the wall? And that's like, you got to take them off the wall, Julie.

Telling me what to do.

How dare them.

This is how we react.

This is how we react so long as we keep and fit spiritual condition.

It's amazing to me

how long it took me to learn that I didn't have to fight alcohol

and that this wasn't a program of fighting it, that this was a program of working steps and a program of action. I heard this was a program of action. Over and over I heard that, but that's all I heard. A lot of it was around a bunch of fluff like keep coming back. It'll work if you work it.

You know, I can't tell you how many little slogans I heard, but nobody ever said Julie, what the hell are you doing?

Why don't you shut up?

Why don't you sit down?

I didn't have that. I don't know why that wasn't my experience. I talked to another lady here and she came in the the program and she got hooked in a sponsor and got through the steps and actually got and I'm like, Oh my gosh, that is the coolest. And then I was telling her my experience. She's like, Oh my God, that really happens.

I'm like, yes, that happens. I mean, that happens more than than what you got, especially, and I'm going to say especially with women.

And we need women. We need women

that are willing to say, you know what? Shut up. You haven't worked the steps. You don't have anything to say. I don't want what you have,

and if you want what I have, you better be willing to work some steps. If you're not, there's the door. Don't waste our seat. Don't waste your time.

That's what we got to be willing to say.

Otherwise we're going to go about it every other way and try to get the same result that we're getting in this step any other way but this. Because this is just going to lead us into the next step. And then the next step, which is even harder to commit to see each step is following it up with another commitment and another commitment and another commitment. And this is for our lifetime.

What do you get or not get about lifetime?

Not 30 days, not 60 days, not one day, lifetime.

Is it easy to let up on the spiritual program of action?

Says so

says it is why? Because we start what? We start getting stuff back. We start. You know, I see it all the time. I see it all the time. I get to work at a little treatment center and. And I get to be there for the alumni that come home and. And I and I get to do lectures there and stuff and I see these guys come home and they're so. All right. Yeah, I read it right. And they all they're all fired up and they've got a much of knowledge and they understand their problem. They've started working the steps and they're like,

yes, Julie, I'm committed.

And then where are you?

Right? And then all of a sudden, they start dropping like flies. They're gone. Where'd they go? Where's that commitment? Where's that desperation you had when you came in?

Where's that willingness I'll never forget out? Well, I should wait until the next because it's a good example. Never mind.

I'll remind you. OK,

it's easy to do that. Then we're headed for trouble if we do, because alcoholism is cutting baffling in its powerful. Absolutely. And it's waiting. It's lying and waiting.

And the deal is, is that every day's a day when we must carry God's vision into all of our activities. What part of that do we not get? I don't know. There's days when I'm like, I don't want to.

Not today.

Oh shit, I took a third step

and I'll call my sponsor and the first thing he'll say is do you want to take that third step back?

No, I don't. The reason I don't want to take that third step back is because I don't want to drink again. I don't want to drink again because I don't want to run my own life again. I don't want to run my own life again because I don't want to hurt others again.

It's a cycle. And so every day is a day when I must carry the vision of God's will into all my activities. There's a great tense step prayer. There's so many great prayers in this book. It's unbelievable that the man who wrote this book was just had a problem with God. I don't, I'm like, really? You came up with that,

and I thought I was smart.

How cool is this? We can exercise our willpower along this line all we wish. It is the proper use of the will. So at this point, my will is now aligning with God's will. Oh my gosh, never thought that would happen.

Never thought that would happen. And now we're walking truly hand in hand. I always I do this little thing when when I'm at places and and we talk about

when we first come in here and, and the internal condition and and how it's kicking our heinie. And it looks like that black hole, I call it my rat wheel that's going off right. And it's just just just going and going and going and it won't shut up. And my head is just racing and racing. It won't quiet. And so my solution has always been

booze. And it works for a minute and then I'm drunk. And then

I've got this power over here because you told me that lack of power is my dilemma. I'm going to have to get to this power. And I'm like, well, shoot, OK. But I'm, I'm not, I don't have access to that power because it's mucked up. Like if you can think of it as a channel and it's just dirty, right? And corroded. And so which each step I take, this power is starting to connect to me. I'm connecting to this power.

Well at this point it's telling me that my will is now aligned with His will.

I'm standing in the sunlight of the of the Spirit. So I have now tapped into the power. The power has tapped into me and given me the power to recover. So at this point I am recovered. I am sane. How cool is that? Given me the power to recover and to help others. And so then we are going to go on and learn what that looks like because I am going to have to get quiet with God so that my prayers aren't anymore

God. Here's the plan. Bless it. We're going to change that. I love that you freely admit that that's how you prayed.

All right, so let's talk about Step 11. One thing that I hear a question a whole lot looking at amends and Step 10 is do I have to finish all of my amends before I can do Step 10? And that's kind of a common misconception that we hear a lot of times. The answer is absolutely not. Absolutely not.

In that paragraph talking about step 10,

it says that I'm going to continue to take personal inventory and continue to set right any new mistakes. Here's the kicker, as we go along, as I'm going through the process of making amends, I make one amends. I need to be doing step 10 cause in the process of life and living, I'm stepping on toes and I'm making mistakes and I'm messing up because that's living. And so Sept 10 is what keeps me current, right? I'm certainly maintaining my sobriety in step 10:11 and 12:00, but this is the the point in which I'm going to grow spiritually.

That's really kind of the aim of what it is that we're doing. How do I stay free of old ideas? 10:00 and 11:00 Work is a combination to do that. But I can assure you this, you don't do step 10. Step 11 is ineffective. You don't think it does. You doesn't feel like it is, but I can assure you that it is. And here's what I mean by that. Julie alluded to this earlier when she said it takes one resentment to shut me off, one fear, 1 interaction with another human being where I feel weird about it and all of a sudden I'm sorry I'm I'm shut off.

And when I get shut off the only voice I can hear is my own and my voice sounds like y'all are wrong.

Didn't matter what situation is, what I said or thought or did was right and you what you did was wrong. And so it's really important for me to stay on top of what the word promptly means because I can wait till Thursday.

And I've been known to do that from time to time and suffered terribly for it. And Julie say stop waiting, stop waiting. And here's the truth. It's selfish of me to wait. Do you know why? Sorry about the fact that it makes me feel bad because I'm ineffective with other people. My protegees are calling up. They've got stuff going on I can't see straight because I'm still stuck in me.

So how selfish of me not to do a tense step. I didn't know that for a long time. And he got got revealed to me some of the biggest things I've ever learned. I'm telling you, I've had some phenomenal teachers,

great people in my lineage, great friends in recovery. I've learned a lot of lessons. I've heard a lot of lectures, read a lot of books, listen to Joe and Charlie and they are just, you know, the end all be all to me. But I'm telling you, I've never learned so many lessons than to do in prayer, meditation. You want to get taught something, shut your mouth.

Right. Watch your Creator creep up on you, spirit to spirit, and start connecting. I'm telling you, there's nothing like it. Julie is phenomenal. But the lessons I've learned directly from God surpass anything I've ever heard. The gentle urgings that my Creator did. Audrey, stay over here. Audrey, don't say that. Audrey, move over here. Audrey, reach out to that man. He's alone. No person will ever be able to teach me that or to tell me that, you know, so

you, you want to do 11 effectively stay on top of that 10th step. It's it's an easy way to get shut off.

So it says much has already been said about receiving strength, inspiration and direction from him who has all knowledge and power. Underline that right there. We miss it all knowledge and power. You know, sponsors are phenomenal friends in recovery are great. They don't have all knowledge and power and neither does your Mama. Don't try to tense up with your mom. Just FYI. Just a side note, going to feel better about something you want to be right justified in it. Call your mother,

you hear the truth, go to God, right?

So it talks about developing a vital 6th sense, but it says that we have got to go further. And that means more action. Because if I stay, like Julie said, I'm a huge fan of being visual, looking at it as a channel between you and God, kind of like a pipeline. And once in four through 9, the corrosion starts getting cleaned out.

Well, life starts happening and stuff gets stuck back in there. Step 10 continues to clean it out, right? So that the connection is going there and it's coming back. And if you think about it, everybody thinks that step 11 is this really hard thing that you got to really, really work towards. It's really not any relationship. Everybody in this room has been a relationship, even if it's with your family members or with your with your close friends. A relationship takes communication. I've got to talk and I've got to listen. I've got to participate.

It's not about a feeling. I love God,

but am I participating with God today or am I not? And that's what I got to look at it says it suggests prayer and meditation. We are some praying people. How many times you prayed loaded? Oh my God, I can't even tell you. I used to sit on the toilet and pray and sing praise songs and then try to get healed and and it never quite worked. But what I couldn't do was meditate because I couldn't shut my mouth long enough to hear right. I'm I've got rattling off a list of things that I want.

That's not prayer,

that's not communication, that's that's about making us a list and says we shouldn't be shy on this matter of prayer immediately. What comes to mind in prayer, meditation is what does it mean to meditate? What does that look like? Let me assure you, if you can worry, you can meditate. You really can. It's that simple. You get on something and stay on it just like you do when you worry. Oh my God, should I have said that? Should I have not done that? Should I have been over here? And you get obsessive on that. It's the same thing in meditation. I know that's a silly analogy, but it's true. You know, if you don't know how to meditate,

just try it. Start with something simple, right? You don't have to meditate a certain it's 12 minutes every morning. That's not in the big book, right? You must be on your knees in a Lotus position. No, you must have outside spiritual books. No, but if you want to add them, cool, right? There's no stop restricting. It is when you get restrictive that you get frightened and their relationship begins to wither because you think it's got to be just so. It really doesn't. It really doesn't prayer meditation.

So it says they're going to make some definite and valuable suggestions. So when people say they're doing their ten step at night, what they're really doing is a nightly review, which is step 11. But we just get a little confused. So it's talking about retiring at night and constructively reviewing the day. So briefly what we're doing is we're we're making a pass at how well I did step 10 today. Was I on my game

watching for stuff or did I miss it? This stuff slipped through the cracks and guys, it does. There's times I look at my nightly review and think, Oh my God, I totally forgot that happened early this morning. I should have done a ten step. It's time to get on it. This 11 at night. I certainly don't call this woman. I'm going to jot it down or I'm going to remember it and handle it the next day, right? I've been known to leave late night voicemails too. It was a resentful, selfish, dishonest, or afraid. Do I owe an apology? If I kept something to myself? Was I kind and loving toward all? What could I have done better? Where can I grow?

And understanding this is not an opportunity to shame myself. It's an opportunity to say, you know what? I could have been more interested in what she was talking about. But I think I was thinking about what I was going to say in that conversation. Just as simple as that. God for my corrective measures. God, could you, could you help me be more invested in other people, get more present in the conversations I'm having? Stop thinking about me so much. You know, just as simple as that.

Was I packing into the stream of life? What could I do for others? Let me tell you something you're you're packing into the stream of life, whether you know it or not.

And what I mean by that is this your demeanor, your disposition, your attitude, you're touching people whether you want to or not. The question is, was it positive or was it negative? Were you giving back or were you taken from you've been in a car ride with somebody that's pissed or in a bad mood, irritated at their boss and you're like, oh, I wish you weren't here. You know, they're they're sucking the life out of you and they think they were fine because they didn't say anything ugly. No, where are you

right? It's like a ripple effect. It is. So it says. I'm not going to drift into worry, remorse or morbid reflection, which is so hard and early sobriety especially. But I'm still a victim of that today, wanting to beat myself up about the day.

It's not time to do that. It won't help me or anybody else. So I'm going to make my review, ask God's forgiveness and inquire what corrective measures should be taken, you know, and there's times I'm going to jump on the phone and say, you know, I was reviewing this. This is kind of the corrective measure that's coming to me. I feel like this is the right thing to do. What do you think? Sometimes I bounce that kind of stuff off because sometimes self will wants to make decisions based in guilt. I feel bad. Let me fix it, let me get my hands on it, you know, and sometimes I don't need to do that. Sometimes I do. Sometimes it's appropriate, but it's also good to

person didn't have any emotional attachment to it and talks about on awakening. We're going to consider the 24 hours ahead. I love that I double start it consider and I laugh at myself every morning that I think here's here's how it's going to go today. Here's what the plan is going to look like. It's never going to look like that. It never does. And if I can get with it, I can avoid disappointment. I can avoid upsets. Most of the time when I can get with the word consider. I know that I need to be at this workshop today. I know I need to visit with these certain people.

I know that by the time the night's over, there's a couple little tasks I need to get done. But beyond that, this is this is God's time.

This is his day. Do you guys get that right? See, I get sober and all of a sudden it's mine. This is my time. This is my day. No, it's not. You're not even supposed to be here. OK, exactly. This is like our friends call the bonus round. You get to be here. This is going to be about what God has for you in the day.

It's in the beginning. I'm going to ask God to direct my thinking, especially asking it be divorced from self pity, dishonest, or self seeking motives. See, I would like to tell you that I can think my way out of selfishness.

I think my way out of a life driven by fear. That's just not the truth. That's not 4th dimension stuff. It's really not. I'm going to have to ask God to direct that stuff and, and then it talks about being able to employ my mental faculties and use my God-given brain on the plane of

my wheel aligning with God's will. See, God's no dummy. He gave us the sanity back first and then he gave us the proper use of the will, not vice versa. Because we're kind of people that we just plow drive through life trying to make it happen, trying to make it work. Now let's get some sanity and some clarity in our life. First around alcohol, then around people in circumstances. And all of a sudden I'm not fighting everybody and everything because I'm doing 10 step stuff.

Now I can start thinking about how to use my will properly, like how to help you

new concept. There's other people on the planet. Let's interact with them instead of stepping on them, you know, but what I'm going to mess up, That's for sure. But I'm I'm few and far between as comparison to way it was and talks about indecision and what to do with that says here we ask God for inspiration. Bottom 86 and intuitive thought or a decision. I'm not going to struggle. I'm not going to fight this. There are times that I I ask for inspiration, intuitive thoughts. What would you have me do? What, how would you have me be in this?

And when the answers don't come immediately, that's not time to formulate a plan. That's a time to stay in, stay in the pause with that. Are there stuff I'm still pausing about today? Don't touch it. Leave it alone. Like Julie said, you know, we're always wanting to fix it and make it better. I dare you not to touch it. It's about the hardest thing you can do is not having to take actions, having to not take any action. It's it's a kind of a beating sometimes. But once you start getting the results from doing it, you're you know what? Last time I didn't touch

and God worked it out and that was pretty smooth. So I'm going to back up off of it. You know, I sponsored this girl Holly one time. She's the funniest person on the planet. She said I'm not touching stuff. I'm trying to see what else can I back up off of like this. You might be on to something. I mean, she was so funny. She's not touching a whole bunch of stuff today. It's pretty cool.

This is important on 87. What used to be the hunch or the occasional inspiration gradually becomes a working part of the mind.

That sixth sense begins to develop and then I begin to depend upon it. Right when I get the intuition from God, there's very few times that I question that. There's very few times that I go, that's solidified. That's what it was. But early on, I'm fumbling with it. I don't know what I'm doing. I'm asking my sponsor for a lot of direction. Here's what I'm hearing in meditation. What does that sound like to you? And a lot of times it sounds like, hey, that sounds dead on. Sometimes it's like, I'm pretty sure that's you trying to get your way and try to call it God's will.

You know, Cliff always says that, you know, we're doing God's will and he doesn't know about it kind of stuff. It's funny. But I'm telling you, the more you work with it, the more you decide to trust it and to go all in, the, the more it begins to work. You know, and there's a lot of times people don't understand that.

But I'm telling you, if you really want to, you really want to do something cool and sobriety, start trusting your intuition. Start trusting that. Start going out on a limb and taking, taking action around it. And here's what I can promise you. You're going to be misunderstood. People will question what you're doing. They will throw things like logic and reason at you. But when you have been urged by your creator, you won't care. You won't care. You'll go all in. You'll push all the chips and go, I understand this is what God wants me to do and you'll run with it. It's the

I'm this past two years, I've been questioned more by more people. You did what? You moved to where? To work for who? What? I'm telling you, when God shows you a path and you run, you don't care what people think. Anybody interested in that? Right. You left. What? I thought that was a cool. No, it wasn't. I left. Really. Yeah,