Saturday Speaker Meeting in San Marcos, CA

Yeah, group that I've had the opportunity to visit when I've been in Dallas, TX and, and I tell you, I'm really, really impressed with what they do at that group. And it's it was a great joy to find a member of that group relocated here to California. Now there are three things I've heard people say around the program of recovery that really seemed to apply to what Angie's doing in her life today. One thing we hear is that people go to any legs for their sobriety. And I'm sure you'll hear more about that. And I'll tell you just a few things also heard about

people who are giving it away, giving away their recovery to keep their recovery. And she exemplifies that. And then finally, the last thing I'll tell you is that she has a spirit of of doing the work we do in Alcoholics Anonymous for a fun and for free. I want to make sure that you know that Angie on her own diamond in her own time, made a trip 200 miles to be here today. And, and I personally very much appreciate her dedication to, to her sobriety as well as to our, our meeting here. And I think

would like to ask you to please give a very warm welcome to Angie from Seal Beach.

Thank you very much. That's a very, very nice introduction. My name is Angie and I'm a very grateful recovered alcoholic.

First of all, I want to apologize Bill for walking up after the meeting had already started. My my, I usually leave my phone in my car and I brought it in and it started ringing out there and it malfunctioned. Isn't it just like an alcoholic to say it malfunctioned? It wasn't me, it was the phone's fault.

But yeah, it's off now, hopefully. So I walked up late. I'm. It was very rude of me, but I'm really, really glad to be here.

And I just, when I met Bill's, there was just absolutely no. And he asked me to come speak. There was no hesitation whatsoever. I mean, what an opportunity and what an honor.

Somebody told me the truth about alcoholism and about my disease and I I couldn't stay sober for 7-8 years. I was a chronic relapse and I couldn't understand what was, what the deal was.

And somebody finally told me the truth and, and I, I had the opportunity to get well. So anytime I have an opportunity to, to give a little bit of hope, even even if one person in here, here's just a little bit of something, you know, that gives them hope. And it's just, it's my pleasure. I'm alive today and I'm grateful to be alive. So,

and to run into a big book thumper and like Bill and all the great people that I met that weekend, I just want to be around him. So the more I can be around people like that. And it, it just wasn't a, it wasn't a question.

I am from Dallas, TX. I've been out here in California for about two, almost two years. Gosh, in December it'll be two years. I live in Seal Beach now as of just like 5 weeks ago

and I have a Home group in Laguna Niguel. It is the primary purpose group of Laguna Niguel and it's at the Presbyterian Church there. It is a big book study. It's one hour long every Thursday night. And guess what we do in there?

We study the book, we study the solution to alcoholism and we use it, the textbook Alcoholics Anonymous, because that is where the precise instructions are the only place there are some really, there are some really good a literature and there's some really great AA literature 12 and 12 is one that I don't read too often, but I it's, it's really, really, it's very, very helpful, but it doesn't give the instructions. It it, it does discuss the steps if you want to, you know, go into

them more, but the instructions are only in the book and the big book is really this is my experience. I found all I needed to recover the Big Book and someone to take me through the steps using the Big Book.

My home Home group as Bill said is the primary purpose group in Dallas, TX and I was very fortunate enough to to land there. They

they're in the solution. It's a literature based meeting,

whining and moaning about how bad your day was or what issues you've got going on or what, what problems you have. I mean, we've all got problems and I'm not saying our problems are not important, but it's not supposed to be discussed in a meeting. It's a big waste of time and it really, I mean, I've got my own problems. I don't want to sit around and listen to yours necessarily.

So with that group, I was really fortunate to land there and to get to get the real deal and and find a sponsor that got through this work quickly yourself and got me through quickly so I could recover. I could get it, have a spiritual experience, get connected to God so God could keep me sober

and I could get out there and start helping other people. That's what I'm supposed to be doing. That's what it's about. Not just don't drink one day at a time. I mean,

that doesn't work. You know,

I wanted that obsession to drink gone and it's gone today. And that's why how I can introduce myself as a recovered alcoholic,

all that means is the obsession has been removed. I've had a spiritual experience and

wow, it's an amazing life. It really is. I'm going to share some of not so much of of what it was like, but more of what what I was like, but more of what happened and what I'm like now. If I was to tell you too much about what I mean, you guys know I was because you were the same, probably.

I was a horrible person. I was AI was a mess, I was sick. I was selfish. I was well, still am. I was mean, hateful, miserable,

all of that stuff. That's what I was like. I lied, I cheated, I stole, I did all. I did all of it. It was just nothing to brag about. And also,

you know, war stories. I I just, I just don't see the point.

It's,

I'm not up here to necessarily talk to you about all the crap I've been through. I mean, what you you know how to drink, you know how to use drugs. You've been there. Yeah. But more of what happened and how I got through, how I got well and what life was like today and what I'm like today.

So I will begin by saying that I had an absolutely wonderful family. I grew up in a very good household. It wasn't OK. We fought, you know, like my siblings and I fought and all that like normal siblings do. But it was a very, it was a very, pretty normal household.

Umm, not a lot of hate, not, not any abuse. And my point in, in, in sharing this is that a lot of people think a lot of non Alcoholics think that your child that has to be all screwy and you have to go through this and this and abuse and, and, and that's why we become Alcoholics and drug addicts. And that's just not true. There are a lot of us out there that had it pretty good.

You know, alcoholism is not causal. That stuff that happens to us,

it can absolutely exacerbate our problem, but it doesn't 'cause it. And I had to learn that. I, I thought that the reason I drank is because my dad left when I was sick. I thought the reason I drank was because of this or this or the reason I drink. The reason I drank is because I'm alcoholic. My body is different. I do not break down alcohol, my liver and pancake. It's different than a normal person. That it's as simple as that. It is as simple as that,

but I had to try to confuse it and try to figure out why and what happened in my childhood. And I can't tell you how much therapy I went to talk talking about

my inner child and, and all this other stuff. And it just, it just didn't, it didn't fix alcoholism because that's not what caused it.

I had my first drink when I was 13. Yeah, really late in life. And I shared one beer with about seven other girls. And I, you know, that may average out to be about two sips each. And we just thought we just had a blast. It was a slumber party and we just had a blast. And that was my first experience with alcohol and and didn't have another drink until three years later, four years later. So

you get the picture. I wasn't this real wild and crazy. My first drink was not Oh, I found it. I have found my solution to life. I wouldn't like that. It was just no big deal.

But when I, as I got older, 18/19/20, started drinking a little bit more, but I really, I really thought I just like to party,

you know, I, I thought that I just like to have some people were kind of slowing down at 22, you know, kind of getting their stuff together. And I was kind of just starting

and I just thought maybe I was like a late bloomer or something.

But I,

I just thought I had a hard time saying no when everybody else was like pushing the drinks away and saying no, I've had three, I'm good. And I was saying I'm just getting started, bring them on. I just thought I had a hard time saying no. And I just, I just like to party.

I, you know, like I said, my, I mean, my story really isn't that fascinating. I think. I think what is fascinating is the experience I had in a a

trying to get sober doing mill the road for eight friggin years, being told to keep coming back and meeting makers naked and just don't drink in between meetings and when you want to drink, sit on your hands and all that stuff. And dying, NAA, dying and then getting so sick and finally hearing the truth in life in

solution A a the way it's supposed to the real program.

I I will go back a little bit more in my story and the only reason I'm going to tell you guys this is just to express the hopelessness from age 22 happen real fast. Even says in the book that for women it can happen pretty fast from age 22 to 25 just downhill DWIS all that fun stuff.

Which there are Alcoholics that that that never get any. You know there are non Alcoholics that get 5 has nothing to do with with you know that that doesn't make me an alcoholic because I've had three.

But I did get him. I was unlucky, I got caught,

but I went through that. I went through losing jobs, I went through losing friends. This stuff is going to happen When an alcoholic drinks. This stuff just happens.

I I had a job

as a nanny.

There were three pretty good hello moments that that really told me that I I have a serious issue with alcohol. Don't think I'm an alcoholic quite yet, but I might have some issues with drinking. I was a nanny and I took care of four kids when I was about 24 and couple of more older. But really all I had to do was make sure they got to school on time, make sure they got their homework done.

And I took that job because it was a good way to drink. I could drink. The parents would, they were very wealthy. They'd go out of town for four or five days and I would just drink. I drove these kids everywhere drunk.

Like I said, it happened very, it wasn't real, real slow for me. It happened pretty fast. I started drinking and drinking and drinking because I didn't feel right when I did drink. I felt smarter, I felt funnier. I felt a brilliant, I mean, I could dance at parties, I could carry on a conversation with you. And it worked for me pretty, pretty quickly when I hit my 20s. So it, it happened really fast,

but I got this job and I,

I drove these kids around drunk all the time. Thank God I never hurt them. I drove, I'd like to drink and drive. I hate to admit that it's very embarrassing, but I did. I like to turn the radio up really loud and drink and drive. And I remember coming home one night and passing out on the, the, the parents floor and they were out of town and it was midnight and I woke up on the master bedroom floor. Totally didn't know where I was, didn't hear any kids voices.

I woke up freaking out,

ran, ran around the house trying to find the kids, looking in closets, looking in the pool. I mean, I didn't know what to do

and I freaked out and I called the oldest son and I, I just fessed up and I said I'm drunk. I don't know where your little brothers and sister are. And it's midnight. And he said, Angie, don't remember today at all. And I said no. And he said he went through this list of everything that I did. He said, well, at 10:00 AM you picked up Drew and drove him to DFW airport. And then you went and picked up Ellie's Fern Lisa and took them to a birthday party and blah. And

all day long you. I even went to the airport again and hung out with their parents for an hour when they had a layover and I didn't. I didn't remember

how they didn't know I was loaded. I don't really know. And maybe they did a little bit, I don't know.

But that really freaked me out. I had no, no memory of that day whatsoever. And I did lose that job. And I remember, I remember being very mad that I didn't get my paycheck.

And I say that because that shows the absolute self. It just self-centered, you know, arrogant, arrogantness of me. You know, that was a really big wake up call and

then another DWI after that, of course. And, and you know, when you, when you get a DWI, you usually go to jail And, and after that experience, you're sent to a A and I, I, I went to a A, but I didn't think I belonged there. I just didn't think these people were anything like me. I continued to drink. I continued to get in trouble. I continued to.

I started hiding alcohol. You know the funky things we do. I,

I was lying left and right.

My, my husband at the time would, would come home from, from golf and I'd be drunk or come home from work and I'd be drunk every single time. And he would say, what happened? What happened this time? Why are you drawing this time? And ever single time it was something different.

So and so-called and said something really rude and I got pissed off and I drank

again, coming home. OK, God, you're drunk again. What happened this time? And it was something different. It was something different every, every single time. And I remember this is kind of my second moment. I was really, really drunk. And I can't believe I remember this, but I remember him saying

what happened this time? And I was sprawled out on the staircase and I said

I look straight at him. And I said, I don't know,

nothing, nothing has to happen. I drink because I drink, because I drank yesterday, because I drank the day before is what I do. Nothing has to happen. But what's really amazing and you guys might relate to this is I really, truly believed all that stuff, but I really did drink because my mom called and said something nasty to me. I really did believe that. That's, well, gosh, if she just wouldn't do that, if she would be nice and cool and sweet, she wouldn't hit a nerve with me.

You know, I really believe that stuff.

I remember that I was drunk, but I remember that. I remember saying I have no idea. I have no idea why I drank.

I started going to AA and I just couldn't stay sober. I was going to meetings where a lot of people were talking about their day, a lot of people were talking about their problems and all that good stuff and all that. Really

an important stuff

and I wouldn't hear any solution and I was leaving the meeting and

started, you know, I leaving the meeting, going and drinking, actually leaving the meeting and going and getting some beer and going to the park and having a six pack.

Then I started showing up to meetings late, walking in the back door, having this big excuse like everybody's watching me, you know, had this big excuse of why I was late. If anybody asked me, I'd leave the sneak out early. Couldn't just couldn't stand it. I just couldn't stand it. I got a sponsor and

gosh, after like, I think I stayed sober the first time for, for maybe 25 days and I'm still on step one and I'm just biting. I'm just dying, you know, But I think this is what it's about. You just go to and I still can't even really fully admit that I'm an alcoholic. I don't even, I don't know what it is. Nobody in the meeting is telling me what that means.

All they're saying to me is you'll catch it, just keep coming. Just don't drink in between meetings. And I'm thinking, OK, that's all I got to do, but how do I do that? If I knew how to do that, I wouldn't need to come to meetings. If I knew how to not drink. Just don't drink no matter what. Just don't drink. Put the plug in the jug.

Oh my gosh, how easy is that? Why didn't I think of that? It's, it's a lie. It's a it's, it's not true. And if, but if it works for you, great, then go do that. And you don't have to be here. You don't need, you don't need anything else. If you can put the plug in that jug. But that's the kind of stuff I was hearing and you know,

there's meetings like that all around. Possibly y'all have been to them. I try my best not to bash discussion meetings, but it's really hard because I see people dying left and right in them. I got a phone call two days ago of a girl that has died on step one and she's like 99. She was like 99 days. So or it's just it's it's that is a death sentence for a real alcoholic to take to take. Step one's a question, you know, step one is a question if you understand it,

if you've got a book, if you've read the doctor's opinion, if you have somebody that's been through the steps to talk to you. But I remember with my sponsor, we would, we would talk about step one and she would have me

write paragraphs of what I thought powerlessness was. And then I would go write a letter to somebody. And then I would get and it and we would talk about it and talk about it and dissect it and dissect it. And here days and days and days and days later, I'm like, okay, I think I, I think I got it. I

I wasn't moving along. I wasn't moving along in the work. It was a beating. It was a beating. It wasn't, it wasn't simple. I was not keeping it simple like we were supposed to because I didn't know any better.

Step one and Step 2, like I said, or questions they just don't take. I mean, how long does it doesn't take a month to answer that question? I need to understand the question. But when I when I was told to just keep coming back, that's just what I really thought I needed to do. And then I would see that it wasn't working. I would drink and I would just say, screw this. A a doesn't work. And I would try to manage on my own for, you know, five months, six months, reading self help books, going to more therapy.

Nothing worked can y'all relate to that? Trying everything under the moon, moving, changing friends, changing jobs. I bought so many books. I can't tell you how much money I spent on, on self-confidence books and titled self-confidence and, and just how to love yourself and all this stuff. And, and none of it worked.

I, I didn't understand the problem because nobody was explaining it to me. I don't think anybody was intentionally trying to hurt me. I just don't think that they knew any better either. Or maybe they weren't really alcoholic. I don't know. But I would, I would relapse and then my sponsor would say, well, obviously you don't understand step one enough. So we're going to take longer

to work. Step one.

I didn't even take longer to work it. Y'all get my point? I don't want to beat this into the ground, but you'll get my point. Step one,

we complicate it so much and it's just not powerless over alcohol. Can I admit that I'm powerless over alcohol. I'm power so powerless over alcohol because I have a physical allergy to alcohol. When I put alcohol in my body, when I put one drink in my body, all that does one sip. I set off that phenomenon of craving. And all that does is tell me that that second sip and that second drink is going to be even better. And I've got to have it. I want it and I've got to have it. And that third one's going to be

that is the only that's powerlessness. I

I'm an alcoholic. I've got, I've got a physical allergy. Do I understand that? I absolutely do, yes.

Do I understand the second part of step one, that my life has become unmanageable? It's not about all the stuff I did. It's not about all the all the crap I pull. It's not. It's not about that.

I cannot manage the decision to not pick up that next drink. Therefore, my life is unmanageable.

I cannot manage that decision. Do I understand that? Yes. Let's move on to Step 2. That's it.

I know that now. I didn't know that then. In and out of a A in and out of a A. It got So my drinking got so bad that I really couldn't stay sober for a for a day. In the end,

I would get to step, you know, step 1-2 and three, 1-2 and three and then and then drink.

You know, the new guy coming into a meeting, he wants to know how to, how, how can he leave that meeting and not go drink? He doesn't want to hear about so and so divorce and all that. He, he, he wants to know what can I do? I'm, I'm shaken, I'm scared to death. What, how do I not drink? That's what we need to be telling him. How do you do that? Where do we find that out? Where do we give him that information? It's right here.

It's right in here.

We need more meetings like that. We just do

I am I could not stay sober for in the very, very, very end. I timed it for more than 7 minutes. I I had to have a drink every every 7 minutes and that was trying that was trying to hold off. I am and this is over A7 course period. I'm not going to go through all the whole, but

I, I was hiding alcohol in my dog house and in my attic

and in the garage and in the washer and in the dryer and, and I just tell you all this to, I mean, I hear laughter. So you've done that, maybe hiding at coat pockets, you know, just just absolutely anywhere.

I, when everybody knew I drank, you know that I'm still trying to hide it because I,

I'm crazy. You know, I'm insane when it comes to alcohol.

So

I'm drinking cooking Sherry and red wine vinegar when there's nothing left in the house.

My husband at the at the time totally stood by me and put up with a lot and I put him through hell. And I often say if the tables were turned I probably would have left because it was it was I. I put him through hell. Y'all know what we can put them through and we just don't even realize we're doing it.

I. I.

I'm just totally hopeless. I'm totally hopeless is here to death because I have to drink. I don't know how I'm going to stop. And I really do believe that all these people in the meetings or maybe staying sober, maybe just sitting on their hands and putting the plug in the jug and all that, but that doesn't work for me. So I just really decide that I'm going to die an alcoholic. I'm, you know, 88 lbs and, and

34 years old and I'm just, this is just the way it's going to be.

But

I was offered treatment to go to a treatment center and I really refused because I thought that that meant that I was really sick. And I, I just, I thought that that meant that, I mean, that was for people that really needed, you know, that were really, I just didn't want to admit that I, I needed that. That was the last resort. That was the only thing I hadn't tried. I went to treatment

because I had to get physically separated from the alcohol. I had to get it away from me. I was allowed to drink on the way to treatment because that was the deal. If I can drink on the way, it's like a six hour drive, then I'll go.

And I was allowed to do that treatment. Don't get me wrong, rehab, whatever doesn't get you sober either. That's not the good achievement. Gets sober. Live happily ever after. No, there are people that go over and over and over and over and over. I needed to take what I learned. Thank God I went to the place that I did. That was teaching the 12 steps right out of the big book, the way that Bill and Bob set out.

Thank God that I was blessed to be in a place like that,

but it all depended on what I was going to do when I got out of there. The act of go

going to a treatment center doesn't treat alcoholism, just like the act of going to a therapist. Sitting on the therapist couch does not treat alcoholism.

When I was at treatment,

I met a a man who was not afraid to tell me the truth about alcoholism and I heard some things that I have never heard before. I didn't hear that you got it. When you leave here, you got to go to a bunch of meetings and just make sure you go to 90 and 90,

and if you got to go to more, go to more. I didn't hear any of that. I actually heard the opposite, he said. Nowhere in my VIB book does it say to go into 90 meetings in 90 days.

If meetings treated alcoholism, shoot, we would all be, you know, we would all be good to go.

And and it doesn't. I'm not saying, you know, meetings are good. Good meetings are good, but

they don't fix alcoholism. The meeting is not going to not going to fix it. What are we doing outside of the meetings? What does our book telling us to do? What are these steps tell us to do? But he told me some truths about this disease. And he told me on page 24 of this book, it talks about how I've lost the power of choice.

That made absolute sense to me. I thought in the mornings when I when I would say I'm not drinking, I'm not drinking today, I'm not drinking today, an hour later I'm drinking.

I thought I changed my mind.

I know now I what? I didn't change my mind.

I didn't have a choice. I had crossed that line into alcoholism and that that made perfect sense to me because I knew I drank no matter what. I I drank no matter what. I didn't have a choice anymore.

I it also says on page 24 this in this man just I, he gave me this big book NANAA for 7-8 years I had I had three big books. Never knew there was a doctor's opinion.

We never took our books in the mean we didn't need to. We weren't using them. Why would I need my book in an A, a meeting?

You take a math class, a Spanish class. Don't you take your book? Yeah. So why would it be any different for a day? Meaning. I don't get it. I don't get it.

On page 24 it says the fact is that most Alcoholics reasons he had obscure have lost the power of choice and drink. Our so-called willpower becomes practically non existent.

Not about willpower. Send it right there in black and white. It's not about willpower. If it was, oh, that'd be beautiful. That'd be beautiful. I wouldn't then that would

pretty strong will. You know, I would have used my willpower a long time ago if it was about willpower. It says we're in it unable at certain times to bring into our consciousness with sufficient force the memory of the suffering and humiliation of even a week or a month ago when I woke up in jail. I remember it was a horrible experience. A week later I remembered that it was horrible, but I couldn't bring into my consciousness was sufficient force just how horrible it was

to keep me away from picking up that next drink. And guess what I'm doing? A week and two days later, I'm drinking and driving again. And guess what? Thrown in jail again,

I I don't remember, but probably two to three weeks after that, guess what I'm doing again.

Guess I'm drinking and driving again. So you know, it says we're without defense against the first drink. I don't have any kind of defense. What I got to do is get a defense. How on earth am I going to get a defense? A self help books don't get it keep coming back. 90 and 90 isn't isn't I'm not getting any defense in that. The only defense that I'm going to get is through a power greater than myself. And the only way that I'm going to get connected to that is by following the instructions in this book.

And this is this is what I learned from this man. I really hadn't heard this stuff before.

That was amazing to me. I kind of perked up and I thought, OK, I'll listen a little bit more. So

I listen, I, I, I learn about this book. I read pages 1343. So I can totally understand what's wrong with me. And, and I get out of treatment and I'm scared to death because I've learned all this great stuff, but I haven't put anything into action. I haven't done anything yet. I haven't done anything

this this man pointed me in the direction of primary purpose where his twin brother has a has a big book study that my Home group

and I walk in there and I don't know, I'm 33 days sober and I have never experienced anything in my life like that before. And I walk in and there are people laughing and smiling and, and hugging on each other and, and just, it was incredible. Everybody's got books. There's people sitting over, you know, one-on-one and I can tell it's a sponsor and their protege and they're doing some work and, and

it's a great big book study. And not only I got to see the freedom in these people, you know, that's what I wanted. I wanted freedom, freedom from this obsession to drink, freedom from I, I wanted to live life. I didn't want to just drink, you know, just not drink one day at a time. My book says that I get to live life one day at a time, not just not, not drink one day at a time. I wanted to I wanted to get well and stay well.

And I knew from from what this man said in treatment that the way to do that was get a sponsor and get through this work quick.

It says a week or a month and I'm going to forget how bad it was. That's a pretty small window. So I need to get my butt in gear and get through the these words before that before get through this work before that obsession to drink comes back and kicks my rear. I've been there. It happened. It happens every time. So I got through these steps pretty fast. I found a I found a sponsor who who was a no nonsense. And she said,

if you want what I have, you will do what I what I did. And this book has words in it such as At

Once and Now and

next. We launched and took onto a course of vigorous action. And that does not translate. Take your time, go slow. Make sure you're ready. I was ready. I was ready. I was ready, more ready than ever. And she told me the truth. She said if you don't do this, this is your last resort. If you don't do this, you will die. You will drink again and you will die.

And she was just telling me the truth and I knew it. I knew it and I didn't necessarily want to hear it, but I knew it. So I, I got through this work pretty fast. We did steps 1-2 and three in one day. She gave me my four step stuff. Got it done in about a week actually about

nine days. 10 days.

Got through the 5th step

six and seven. She said, call me in an hour when you've done it. So what it's that, I mean, that's what the that's what the book says. And some of this may be really, really foreign, but read your book. You know, that's what it says in the book. And I, and I forgot to say this the beginning, but pretty much what I'm saying up here, it's not, this is not my opinion

when I'm this is what the book says. So if you have any argument, you can go and argue with the book.

I

I needed to have a spiritual experience. I didn't really know what that was. I didn't really get that didn't matter. I'm dying. My sponsors free and happy and sober and I'm dying.

I don't need to figure out everything right now. Just get on this work and let's just do it. Came to believe Step 2. I will come to believe it doesn't say I have to believe right now. I have to believe everything. Be totally on board with this God thing. No, keep moving with the steps. You will come to believe it absolutely happened.

I know a lot of people. So anyway, I got to the steps and I and I and I recovered. I got to recover and I got to pretty immediately get out there on the firing line and start carrying the message, which I was scared to death to do. Had to get over my little ego a little bit and realize it was this is what we do. And the awesome thing is it's the most fantastic thing in the world to be able to just tell somebody the truth about this disease that's going to, that's going to, that's going to kill. That kills.

I, I hear a lot of people on a daily basis say I suffer every day. I it's a drag. It's hard every day, it's painful every day. I didn't drink again, one day at a time. And I just, we're not, we're not supposed to suffer. We're not supposed to suffer. I feel sorry for those people because this book promised me these steps, promised me

recovery,

which means I'm no longer going to be sick. I'm going to have a psychic change. I'm going to get connected to a power that's going to keep me sober. I couldn't stay sober one day, sober almost four years now. I ain't doing this. This is not on my power. I'm I'm living proof that this program works

and that somebody else is doing it and not me or I would have done it a long time ago. But I,

I hear that people are suffering and that they, you know, every day is a struggle. And I just feel sorry for him because it's not, it's just not supposed to be. And they can't go here and they can't go there and they have to avoid the Super Bowl party and they can't go to the wedding because there's alcohol there and all that stuff. And I admit, I used to, I used to do that too. I would hide out at home before I work these steps, before I knew it was going on. I would hide out at home and, and not go. And I missed out. I missed out on life,

but when we recover and we stay spiritually fit, we can we can come and go as we please.

And I want to share something with you guys. It's on page 98.

I'm sorry, it's on page 100.

It says assuming we are spiritually fit, we can do all sorts of things Alcoholics are not supposed to do. People have said we must not go where liquor is served. We must not have it in our homes. We must shun friends who drink. We must avoid moving pictures which show drinking scenes. We must not go into bars. Our friends must hide their bottles if we go over there to their houses. We mustn't think or be reminded about alcohol at all. Our experience shows that this is not necessarily

so. These their experience.

This is their experience. That's not true. We meet these conditions every day. An alcoholic who cannot meet them still has an alcoholic mind. There is something to matter with his spiritual status,

so our rule is not to avoid a place where there is drinking if we have a legitimate reason for being there. Ask yourself on each occasion, have I got any good social, business or personal reason for going to this place?

I don't even have to really think about that today because

I trust God and I know that God's

got me going where I'm going. And I mean, just common sense tells me I'm not going to go hang out in a bar and play pool all night long, you know, but, but I get to go to that wedding and I, and I do get, and I get to go to the con, the Rick Springfield concert. And I,

I get to do this stuff. And, and, and because of taking these steps in recovering, I don't have that obsession. It's just not an issue,

you know, it's kind of, it's almost like what was the big deal, you know, But that's as long as that's as long as I keep doing what I know to do these living in steps 1011 and 12 and keep helping others. That's that's the main thing. I have to keep helping others. I don't have to. I get to not only do I get to stay sober, it's just getting to watch someone recover right before your eyes and change and get out there and help other people. That's what we're supposed to be doing

if we're going around just going to a bunch of meetings every day, just making sure we're OK and making sure we're getting our meeting fixed for the day.

How selfish is that? My book says it's selfish and self centeredness is, is the root of my troubles. But I'm going to just go to three meetings a day and just I don't, I don't want to live in a meeting. I'm sorry. I want to live life,

so these pages are great in working with others. Page 100 just talking about what we get to do. Well, we're supposed to be doing. My book talks about about being rocketed into the 4th dimension and and

in life getting seemingly better every day. It doesn't talk about suffering. It doesn't talk about pain. And when you feel like drinking, go go to a meeting. When you feel like drinking, sit on your hands. When you feel like drinking, call your sponsor.

You know my book says get off your butt and go help another alcoholic.

So that's what I get to do today,

and it sure is a joy. It sure is a pleasure. I don't have to live by a trigger list.

I used to. I used to carry around a trigger list in my pocket.

I mean, the phone ringing was a trigger, you know? If I had to live by a trigger list, I would just drink. You know,

there's just no, there's just no such thing.

I I have to express

that there is no individual interpretation of these steps, Doctor Bob said. These steps were written a long time ago by two by Bill Wilson

and

these first 100 who helped and they recovered and they have this pretty amazing stuff

that they experiences and I wanted what they have. I don't want what somebody's opinion. I didn't get sober on somebody's opinion. I got sober by following these steps exactly like they did them.