The 3rd Anniversary of Primary Purpose Group in Marietta, Ohio

These mics are very tall and I'm very short and there's a lot of them. Hey guys, my name is Julie Harvey and I am a recovered alcoholic. Haven't found it necessary to take a drink since September 16th of 2003. And for that I'm absolutely blessed. And it's only because I followed some directions that was laid out so simply in this big book of Alcoholics Anonymous that I've been able to do that. I have to tell you all, I

am so happy to be here. I am so giddy.

I'm just, is this the coolest thing ever? I, my Home group is a primary purpose group in Dallas, TX. And when I started there, I was like one of eight women. And, and I've watched it grow and there's like 50 women there now. And it's the coolest thing, 'cause they're out carrying the message and they're out doing the deal and, and, and what a difference it makes in our life and what a difference it's made in mind.

I called my sponsor Cliff

Cliffy, Krusty Kliffy, yes and yes. I have an old, old male sponsor and gosh, if you don't like it, talk to your sponsor. Go to a ten step. That's all I can tell you. I caught him up and I'm like, Oh my gosh, Cliff, like I got to spend 2 hours in the car with with Larry and Paula and I want to take him home. I want to wrap them up and take them home. They're so awesome. Thank you so much. Thank you all for having me. Thank you for all the work that it takes to to get these deals together. I understand.

It's such, it's so cool.

I was listening to you talk and, and it's so cool to be such a little part of such a big thing, you know, And I think in the Alcoholics Anonymous, we always come in here, you know, thinking that we're the most important person in the room.

And then we work some stuff and we realize we're so low on that totem pole

and, and, and the longer we work the steps, the more we realize that's the truth.

Cliff said hello to everyone and and he's just so delighted that y'all are here. And I can't tell you how delighted I'm here. I actually have been to meetings in in Beckley, WV

back in

9392919293. I would come up and visit my, all my families from West Virginia,

Kenya. So let me tell you, my great grandfather died from getting drunk and on his little moonshine and late on some tracks and passed out and a train ran over him. That was it, you know, But I think my great grandmother was so tired of, of opening the cellar and throwing him in there and locking it up. So maybe she was all right with that. I don't know. I mean, true story. Like I come from like the drunks, moonshine, West Virginia drunks and I

love it. Like I love being here. I can't even tell you. I just want to go out there and go in some hills and climb trees. I do. That's just me at heart. I'm a, I'm a tree girl.

Let me back up just a little bit. Let me tell you a little bit, just a little bit about myself. And, and The thing is, is that I tried to get sober and Alcoholics Anonymous for 13 years. And most of my story actually is in the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous. I started drinking at the age of 15 and, and not like everybody,

but I drank alcoholically. The first time I drank, First time I drank, we had packed up and my dad moved us to Houston thinking that was a better place to be raised, I guess, or around his family

and and so good life. My dad was awesome. My mom was great as she could be. I grew up with three brothers who I absolutely loved to run around with and life was good. And then at the age of 15, I took my first drink and I ate, I drank 6 tall boys in 45 minutes. It was like I couldn't get enough. Like the first one. I'm like, Oh my God, my cousin's looking at me like going, buddy, you're like 85 lbs,

you know, sizes not going to be good. He was taking me to this, this Def Leopard concert. So

yes, they were in then like brand new, you know, like fun times. And so that's that. I always say alcohol kind of preserve me.

And so

I, I proceed to get sick through the whole entire concert and, and, and I, and I miss everything, but all I know is I woke up and I'm like, Oh my gosh, when do I get to do that again? That was so much fun. Like for the first time in my life, I did not care what I said,

I did not care how I looked. I did not care about anything. All of that was gone. And for the first time in my life, I felt it ease And whether if it was just for that first two and then oblivion came later, right? That's all I needed because because I was like, oh, that's it. Like that's it going back home. And and I'm not a bad kid. So I wasn't one of those kids that snuck out all the time. I wasn't I didn't want to be in trouble. My mother was mean.

You did not cross my mother and so I was pretty. I tried to stay on a straight and narrow. So I learned really quick how to control it because at that at 16 till 17 out I got out of high school 18, I could control it when I want like like control meaning I could say weekends only right now. Once I started, I couldn't stop, so

I got out of high school and the and the drink was on. And from the age of, of 18 to 23, I hadn't gone more than three days without a drink.

And at the age of 23, after having, after getting a divorce and having two children, that didn't keep me sober because I thought if the first one doesn't like, then maybe the second one will. And no, it doesn't. Kids don't keep you sober dangling. I thought it would. So I entered the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous and, and, and, and it was a cool thing at the beginning, right? Like I'm sitting in there and I'm listening to this guy, Cher, and I'm like, oh heck, man, he's got it bad. Like

if he can do this, I can do this, right? I'm third day and I'm like, you know, but I make it through and, and I get in there and I do whatever they tell me to do. And I keep coming back and I'm I don't know what they told me. They told me a lot of stuff

and so I'm working with sponsors and and stuff is not sponsors right, sponsors that's not working. Let's go find another one. That one's. But the problem is, is honestly, these guys weren't even telling me what the was in the book.

There was nothing being said from what was in the book. Nobody ever read to me the doctor's opinion. Nobody ever sat down and said, baby cakes, you have an allergy. So when you start, you won't stop and you have a mental obsession. If this is your truth, welcome. No, they just said keep coming back. Of course you're an alcoholic. You entered the room. Like really,

there was no qualifying, there was no nothing.

It was sit down and share,

Share what? Whatever I wanted to say, shame, shame on them. And I thought it was me. I thought it was me. I thought, OK, 'cause you know, you hear these stupid people tell you, well, they just didn't want it bad enough. She just didn't want it bad enough. Maybe I didn't at the age of 23 when I first came in, maybe I didn't. But let me tell you what happened. Because you take the booze away from me and I get worse.

I don't get better. So what starts happening as I start looking at your man?

I don't care if you're right there,

it's going down like this and I'm going to take you hostage, Get out of my way, right? Because I'm going to need something. I need a solution. If booze is booze has been my solution for a long time. And if you take that solution away, I'm not happy. And until I get something else to fill that solution.

So I got pregnant

and, and, and had had this little beautiful girl, some stuff kind of went down in that a, a group and I thought, you know, this isn't for me. So I'm peace out and I and I happen to meet this wonderful man at this point and, and, and he's just a normal human being normal. And he falls in love with me for some reason and actually does want to marry me. So we whisk off and and we're actually still married today.

But the next seven years of the first seven years of our marriage was hell

because

two years into it, like I'm not one of those people who like to come in here and pick up a chip and go whoo Hoo, and and then relapse and come right back in the next day. I'm like, woo Hoo, this ain't working back out for two years, another two years, another two years. I just didn't like y'all. I find it very interesting in the front of in the Ford's. If you haven't read them, please study them also, but in the forward how how they talk about it on page 20 Roman numeral page,

he says a 50% got sober at once and remained that way. Those who came in and really tried 50%. That's half the room getting sober and staying sober. Is it like that today and 25 subredd up after some relapses, right. And and here's the cool thing. Bill pulled these guys and he's like when they came back in, he said, hey, buddy, why'd you leave? Some of them said because I didn't like you,

been there, peace out, right? Some of them said I couldn't accept that spiritual thing that you were trying to offer.

That sounded a little too extreme for me. And then he said, but why did you return? And they all said the same thing. They all said, because you told me that if I had a mind like yours, the day would come and I would drink again and I would not have a defense against that drink. And that's happened. The clear thing is, is when they walked out that door, they already had an inkling of what the problem was. They already knew what the problem was.

For 13 years, an Alcoholic's Anonymous. I did not know that

because at the end of my drinking I am sitting on the edge of our bed to my wonderful husband

and I said to him, I cannot make you anymore promises. I can't. I'm done with the promises. I'm going to drink and I don't know why.

And he didn't either.

He did not know why either, but he knew he could not help me because he had tried.

I was done with AAI was done with all the stuff they were saying. I was done. It wasn't work. And I'd come in and get eight months and and and not be able to stay sober happy. My husband used to say, Julie, I can always tell when you've been drinking because you're nice.

Things are pleasant, right? Like I come home and you're like talkative. That's just not me. My, that's not my normal nature, right? Like I'm OK sitting in a corner by myself. I'm really OK with that.

Talking to someone before the meeting and they're like, you know what? I'm like, it doesn't ever have to go away. I'm really, you just get OK with that. Like I don't have to be someone I'm not today. And that's the coolest thing. I don't have to make decisions based on what you think I need to do Makes sense. This is the coolest thing on page 25 because I know that we're kind of, I just have to read this.

On the bottom of that page it says if you are a seriously alcoholic as we were. I think that's the question.

I think that's the difference. If someone coming in here and really trying and someone coming in here thinking that it's just going to get hot coffee and a piece of

cake,

I love it. I love it in the doctor's opinion, where he talks about the well known stages of Esprit, meaning we don't just wake up one morning, we go, Oh my gosh, I think I have a problem. No, we wake up with another firm resolution not to drink again, and we drink again and then we can't quit. And another one, and another one, and another one. And it's repeated over and over and over,

all those attempts and all those failures. And we think, you know what? Maybe, maybe I can do it like this, or maybe I can do it like that, or what the heck, Forget it. Peace out. I'm done.

It's kind of like

we always want to look at the alcoholic as this way or this way and they lost everything. And I always hear this, this bottom word. Well, when they reach their bottom, guys, bottom is in the grave. That's where a bottom is. So quit looking for a bottom. You know where a bottom is. Go read page 8. Where Bill talks about that is that loneliness and despair that we find is when alcohol is our master and we can't beat it anymore because there's a lot of times when we wake up and you can go well, when, well, if I ever get like that, well, well, well. And then all of a sudden, OK, yes, I need to,

I can't quit.

And with all the resources that we pull up and all the, all the, everything we have out at our disposal, we can't stop. We're great quitters. We can't stay quit makes sense. And he goes on to say we believe there is no middle road, no middle of the road solution.

No means no.

I mean, it's not a, well, maybe there's a door #3 there's the door #3

out. Go try to beat the game again on your own. Because if you can, why would you be here? I don't know about y'all, but I didn't wake up and say please let me sit in the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous.

No, I tried to wake up and not choose to drink right? I'm like, choose not to drink today. Choose not to drink today.

I'll never it's, it's like standing in front of the refrigerator. This was my daily. This was my day. This is me daily

standing in front of the refrigerator, rocking back and forth, sometimes tears coming down my face, going please don't, don't do it, please not today. Please help me. No, don't. I don't. Not today. Open the refrigerator, hand on the bottle. Can I not just do it today? Can I not just do it? Can I wait till after carpool? Can I wait till after carpool? No.

And I'm drunk again. And that's what's repeated over and over.

We are in a position where life was becoming impossible. And if we had passed into the region from which there is no return through human aid, we had but two alternatives. We're not talking about where where life was impossible with everything else. Like, Oh my gosh, I can still get dinner on the table. Oh my gosh, I can still get this. Like when I was 23 and I first entered Alcoholics Anonymous. I had lost my job. I had been evicted. I, I had a car that I couldn't even pay for. I had lost everything. I had absolute nothing.

Guess what? That's not what kept me sober.

You Fast forward to one on 36 years old and I have everything that anybody could ever want because I have an incredible husband. I have incredible children. I, I volunteer. I, I do this, I do that. I do do do do and I'm drinking and I can't stop. I remember my husband was like, Julie, why don't you just volunteer some more? Find something else to do right? And I'm like, I volunteered out.

He's so funny. Like, he didn't tell me half the stuff he did until I got sober. He's like, yeah, sometimes I would wake up in the morning and just kind of like

pour some. I'm a beer, wine, vodka drinker. That's me. I'm a case a day. And so he was like, I get up in the morning. I just pull, pour a few of your beers out and I'm like, why? Why did you do that? You know,

Well, I'm going to go back and buy more. He's like, it just made me feel good.

I bet there's some people in this room tonight who can understand that.

God bless you. I love. I love my families. If it weren't for the families, some of us wouldn't be here.

Bless each and everyone of you. Thank you for being and supporting. If it weren't for my husband today supporting me in this program, I wouldn't be here.

But there again, you know how you get the support from that Al Anon or that family member? Because they've seen it and they know they have no human power over this, just like we know we have no human power over this. I'm gonna cry,

OK?

Because there is no return. Through human aid. We had but two alternatives. One was to go on to the bitter end, blotting out the consciousness of our intolerable situation as best we could. The sad thing is, is that's what people do. This is absolutely fatal and a devastating disease, and we want to come in here and we want to act like it's just a social event. It is not a social event. If you need a social event, go to the nearest.

I don't know what they have down this street, but I'm sure you can get hooked up with some nice people.

It's the one thing that irritates. I did not come to Alcoholics Anonymous for friends. I didn't. I came here to find a solution for my problem and all I was hearing and all I was being taught back then was to come early and decorate for the party

to come and go play baseball and go let's go bowl and let's go have coffee. I cannot get sober with coffee.

I wish I could, and I'm not saying I don't like my coffee, but it's not keeping me sober.

I I'm gonna say it. I'm gonna say it. Women are the worst.

We like to come in here and we like to fix our people up. Like we have the power to do that. Sorry, so sorry. Sidetrack

It's not our, it's not ours. Quit having coffee. Start working some steps. OK, so and the other. So here's another. Here's another to accept spiritual help. Oh, that seems extreme.

Now, it's kind of like Bill was talking about some of these guys left because of the spiritual program. And I don't care where you are in this. I don't care if you're atheist, agnostic, or, or, or. I'm over here and I'm like, I believe,

right? I so believe. I believe more than you, so you can't help me. There's the problem. I'll never forget standing up in a in a meeting and going well, if this is a spiritual program, I'm so good. I don't need y'all like right? And I walk out the door and I'm drunk again.

Clearly there's something I don't have.

It's all what we think we know. It's all what we think we know. We come in here with what we think we know. And if and and if logic and reasoning were were it

and if just some, some great self help books were it and and and doctors and therapists were it. And I, I tell you, I love the doctors. I love therapy. I love it all I do. But it's not gonna get me sober and keep me sober. There's this I've read this thing the other day and it says what it takes to sustain sobriety is quite different from what it takes to initiate sobriety.

And isn't that the truth? Doctor Silkworth? I got to pull this out too, guys. I'm I'm all in my notes tonight, but

here's here's the thing that Doctor Silkworth was quoted saying. The alcoholic who learned some of the techniques or the mechanics of a A but misses the philosophy or the spirit may get tired of following directions, not because he is an alcoholic, but because he is a human.

And we all come in here smart. We all come in here with brains, right? But we're so darn smart. We're going to figure it out one more time. We're going to go out there and we're going to try to beat this game one more time. One reason is because no one really wants to be an alcoholic. I mean, come on, who? Who said when you were a kid, Please can I join that club when I'm later in life? So I'm like anything but a A do not make me go back there, right? Part of the reason was because I didn't even know what was wrong with me. And if you don't understand

problem, how are you gonna surrender to the solution? If you do not understand what's in this book, how are you going to learn how to live by it? So why is the book getting put on a shelf and all of a sudden we're sitting at a round table singing kumbaya like that's going to keep us sober?

It amazes me where we come up with this. Where did we come from following direction in this book to thinking that we were so darn smart, We're going to keep each other sober. Let me ask you a question. Do you not love your family more than the person sitting next to you? Absolutely. So if you can't stay sober for your family, why are you think you're going to come in here and stay sober for another drunk?

God, I wish you were that easy, but I'm glad it's not,

because I would have missed out on everything else that this program has to offer. And that was my problem for those 13 years. Nobody was telling me what these directions was. Nobody were sorry. Oh, my husband hates it when my English is bad.

Nobody's going to nobody's

never forget going. I was I was eight months sober and and and and we come in here and we get we get smelling better and feeling better and looking better and yes, I start getting a little pokey pokey again and everything is good in the house. I'm sorry. I know that's just me, though. So, so like all of a sudden I'm like going down the street once when I used to like dodge those. OK, I and here's another thing that used to get me those chicks with the Coors Light like big signs and and it's all,

and they're all hot and I'm like, Dang, dodge it, don't look right. And the next thing you know, I'm, I'm grabbing a few hands and singing Kubayan. I'm like, hey, look, I can look at that. You know, I have what it takes. I I, I, I, I. And the next thing I know,

I'm absolutely miserable. I hate everybody around me. I hate my husband, I hate my kids, I hate my life. I hate everything

and I finally go to the liquor store and I finally get a drink and I finally have an ease and comfort

that I needed.

We're all looking for an effect. Why does it? Why was it that I kept going back to that drink? Why was it because my mind tells me it's going to give me an ease and comfort like nobody's business. And that's what it does. I mean, come on, guys, we can, we can be without the booze for we can all detox. We're all great detoxers. We're all great quitters. The problem is we can't stay quit. So we get all detoxed and, and everything is jiving and, and you start wanting that drinking. And I mean,

no minute, in a minute, we're in the car, on the bicycle,

on foot, whatever, right? We're headed to the liquor store. And I mean, as soon as we pull up or open that door, it's like just a little bit better, right? I always say there's, it's like, this is me every single time. I have so many amends to make to these little liquor stores because I would yell at them like I'd have my booze and I'd be like in and there be three people in front of me and they're all buying Lotto tickets and, and they're cashing them in. And I swear I would yell at them. I'm like, can you,

how hard would it be to get a little store next to this that says Lotto only like and then you could put someone there and that could profit, right? Like, how hard would that be?

I get my booze, I get to the car, I sit down. I don't even start the car right. I'm like Pop,

I can go back in that same store, I can stand behind those same people and they are now my best friends and we're swapping numbers.

That's the effect I'm looking for. That's what booze has been given me. The problem is, is once I start, I can't stop and I'm off to the races again.

My husband used to say, Julie, I'd be on my 4th and you're on your 4th and and I'm done. Like I want to go to bed and you're just getting started. And that was so baffling to him. And what was more baffling is that I would make a sincere, honest

oath to him, to me, to whoever that I was done and I meant it and I'm doing the work that the sponsor is asking me to do.

But bless her heart, she doesn't know what the work is.

She doesn't understand these steps. She doesn't have these precise instructions.

She's only doing what she's been taught. I can't blame her, but I want to say get out because if that's what helps you stay sober, why are you here?

If you don't have to come in and do this, why are you here? If I don't come in and do this, I don't get an I don't get that personality change. I will find a personality change or I will kill my husband, period.

I love to to go on. On page 155,

we're talking about Doctor Bob. And he said he had a desperate desire to stop, but he saw but saw no way out, for he had earnestly tried many avenues of escape. Painfully aware of being somehow abnormal, the man did not fully realize what it meant to be an alcoholic. How many of us have come in here and raised our hand, said hey, I'm so and so and I'm an alcoholic, and then walk out that door, drink and have no idea why you drink?

That was me. That was me over and over and over again. I had no idea why I took that first drink.

I used to hear, oh, the 1st St. gets you drunk. That's the only thing I'll say today. Because it does like it is the first drink because it sets off the physical craving. And then we're off to the races again

and I'm drinking till midnight, 2:00 AM. Whenever, whenever it says, whenever it says we've had enough. Let's go to bed. I couldn't pass out anymore. I, I couldn't pass out. I, I, I'm AI. We were talking earlier. Little Larry likes to go down to the, the store or the, the, the bars around here. I go to my backyard. I am a backyard drinker. We don't go anywhere.

I hold it down to the Fort. If I go out,

Oh my gosh, clothes are coming off. Nobody wanted to see it. I mean, it's just not pretty. Keep it at home. And that's what I learned. Keep it at home. So that's what I did. I'm sorry.

Go back on page 20

on on 25

if you have here's the coolest thing. I actually saw a whole bunch of people in here with big books like that is so delightful. I can't tell you I can't. You come to our Home group and, and, and we have this little bucket just in case you forgot your book. And there's like 150 people sitting around tables and maybe three people come in. These new guys come in and they don't have their books, but everybody's carrying a book.

Everybody's carrying a book

and we carry it everywhere we go because we never know when we're going to be called to do a 12 step call. We never know when we're going to need it.

So glad. I'm so glad

that my sponsor has taught me what what he's taught me on page 26 where it says we did this because we honestly wanted to and we're willing to make the effort. So here's the thing, it's a little, it's a effort, it's effort. And he goes on and talks about rolling, hooking up with Doctor Young. And,

and the coolest thing here is like, you know, Doctor Young worked with this guy and, and worked with them and worked with them. And and he said, above all, he believed he acquired such a profound knowledge of the inner workings of his mind and its hidden springs that relapse was unthinkable.

I hear that all the time, Julie. I ain't gonna relapse. I know what's gonna happen. I know it's not good for me. I know I can't drink anymore. OK, honey, Well, let's get together and let's follow this up with some action, OK? Right. And they trickle out of the little detox places and they come home, and all of a sudden, you know, Oh, well, he's. He's got me back.

I got back with him. Oh, oh, my job brought me back. You don't understand. It's OK, right?

There's nothing else to do. So he was drunk in a short time. Oh darn it

baffling. Still, he could not give himself. He could give himself no satisfaction explanation for his fall. Reminds me of not a cloud on the horizon and of a perfect day. Don't wait for to be irritable, discontent and and and and restless, right? Don't wait for a shoe to drop. Because see, when I think about drinking, the sun is shining. It is pretty outside. I just want to get in the pool and get my inner tube full of beer and sit there for the rest of the day.

That's it. No thought, no thought, no thought comes

except drink.

Now, if you take this rolling guy and he's been all fixed by one of the well known psychiatrists out there and he couldn't fix him

and all of a sudden you have a Doctor Young saying, Oh my gosh, don't, I can't help you. I think you have to have a spiritual experience.

Best thing he could have ever told us, best thing he could have ever done for us. Think about this well respected Dr. How many well respected doctors do you know that finally throw their hands up in the air and say, gosh, buddy, I can't help you. And that's the honest truth. And see, that's where we all get nobody. No human power is going to relieve our alcoholism. No human power.

I love my sponsor, he always says. How many meetings does it take to have a spiritual experience?

Zero.

Absolutely none, right?

It takes work in the Staffs. So why are we putting the emphasis on 90 and 90 and keep coming back and just go to a meeting? Oh, you're miserable. Double up.

Oh my God. I was going to three meetings a day in Houston, TX. 3 meetings a day.

Meeting makers don't make it.

They don't. Meaning makers do not make it. Who does make it Are the people in the meetings that's working the steps, that has worked the steps? If you're taking more than three weeks to work some steps, what is wrong?

I mean, I can understand if you've just come out of a treatment center, then you'd better take three days.

I had a girl right now that we've worked the steps in a week.

It's possible. Like Larry said earlier, guys, it's just inventory. It's just sitting down and qualifying. It's just sitting down and saying is this your truth or not and are you committed to this or not? I'm not looking at getting anybody sober for a freaking 30 day. Chip, I want you in here and I want you sober for good and awe. I want you on the firing line with me.

I want you to be a part of if. I understand that as we're working these steps, it's not like we can go out and sponsor, but there's the coffee pot. Get here early, clean the coffee, become a part of your group, but don't take your group hostage.

Do not sit in your group and think that you are the most important person, so you need to share your miserable day.

If you don't start pulling these guys with the vision, then they're all going to go. And the problem is, is guess where we see them? We see them in the treatment centers. And that's why they're getting so darn full because a A quit doing their job of sobering people up and they had to start going to treatment centers because they don't believe a A doesn't work.

Page 18 Sorry,

but the ex problem drinker who has found this solution, who is properly armed with facts about himself, can generally win the entire confidence of another alcoholic in a few hours. Until such an understanding is reached, little or nothing can be accomplished.

Want to highlight? It's in Squigglies. Everybody who has their book should have that highlighted.

If you mark in your book, mine's so marked up,

highlight it. Circle it. This is our job, man. This is the coolest part of this. I came in here to work some steps so that I could be helpful to the next woman who walks in the door. Why do you want to wait on that? Like, how long does it take to have a spiritual experience? How long do you want to take to get through the steps, period? Get through the steps so that you can get connected to that power, so that power can relieve your mental obsession.

But The thing is, is that you've got to be convinced that you can't relieve your mental obsession and nor can your family and nor can your group.

God can, but you're going to have to take some action. All through the book it says seek action, do do. Next we launch what? How much more clearer is that? I know when you've done a third step because your pen is hitting the paper.

You've already said, oh shit, I can't everything's I'm out of options.

Get through the steps.

We don't need people warm in seats in here. We need people saving lives.

I didn't understand that. I didn't understand it until I did it. I understand if you're sitting here and you're going, Julie, you're a stupid

and you really want to leave. I get it. I would too. Because if you haven't done it, it's like, oh, I can't, never mind, there's kids in here. Sorry,

it's like having something spiritual. You don't know that you've had it till you had it, and once you have it, you want more of it.

I

I think I'm funny.

My daughter hates it. She's like, please don't laugh at yourself, Mom,

I

and we come in here and we have a responsibility. And the whole thing is it's like alcoholism hasn't changed. Alcoholism hasn't changed. The labels have changed. Things have gotten a little different, little fancier. How many of y'all have relapsed because you're like, Oh my gosh, I haven't had that before, right? Like that must be not so bad. Me, right? When they came out with that ice, I don't forget what it was. I'm like, what is that?

Alcoholism hasn't changed. We haven't changed. So why has the responsibility of the sponsorship changed? Why has the responsibility of membership changed?

I love our Home group, ma'am. We keep all of our meetings open so that people can come in and study with us and learn and we crack open that book. When I mean I am, I'll tell you we were. I am the sweetest thing. No, I am

very

compassionate when I'm one-on-one with my women.

But I'm also very you're going to do this or there's the door. You will not come in. You will not be disrupted.

This will not be about you. You will not affect this group as a whole. So if you want to start drama, baby, there's the door. You will not gossip. You will not criticize others because resentment is our number one offender.

You don't have to like everybody, but you sure better love them

when you when, when, when I accept the responsibility of taking someone through the work. I better have the time in the next couple weeks to take them through the work. It is not about gathering numbers. It is not about saying, Oh my gosh, I sponsored this many people.

It's about accepting the responsibility of trying to help somebody get connected to a God of their understanding so that they can go out and do the same thing. And I require my girls that I work with to go out and do the same thing. And if they're not willing to do that, and I asked them at step three, 'cause if you're not, there's the door.

I'll never forget. I was two months over. My sponsor looked at me and he said she needs her fist step done to go do it. Like, excuse me, I have two months. You do not understand this. He's like, you go do it.

Yes, Sir. Riley, there's no talking back. OK, OK. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. I'm going to tell you, I couldn't wait to do another. That's where the joy came in. That's where the understanding came in. That's where the relief release, the freedom came. It didn't come at Step 2. It didn't come at step three. It didn't come at five. We get it's in bitsies pieces of it, but the hole gets put together

when I start helping another. Why in heck would I be here if I wasn't going to be helpful to the people about me here?

Listen, I can tell you what I love my husband. I enjoy being around him. I have four children. I enjoy being with them,

so I would be home if this didn't work. I didn't spend 13 years in and out of Alcoholics Anonymous because

I didn't want to do it. I didn't know how to do it because I didn't have somebody teach me. And yes, maybe I'm that stupid that I have to have somebody sit down and say, here's what this means. Here's what this looks like. Is this your truth? Maybe I am. I had this old timer say, well, you didn't read the book,

you know, I'll tell you, I, I don't know how they got it back in the day when this book was mailed to them. I, I thank God that they did. I thank God that they did. But I tell you one thing, I guarantee you they weren't sitting there running everybody's lives.

They weren't sitting there tiring themselves down trying to get someone sober. If you're trying to get your protege sober,

who got you sober? Did your sponsor get you sober or did you come to your sponsor going, Oh my gosh, I'm out of ideas. I don't know what to do help, right? Like sign me up for that

my sponsor and our as I was doing my fist up right after I was done, he said, OK, now I want you to go to the board and I want you to find a place to carry the message Said OK, so I went to the board and and we're we're lucky enough to be in the middle of Dallas, TX. And it's so cool that you get to go out and go out to the places that y'all get to go out to here

because the book talks constantly about approaching them approach, approach, approach. And I'm going to tell you it's still the same today. You may have AAA on every street corner today, but there are a lot of people in jails, hospitals, institutions that have never been approached

or that have been to here and will never want to come back. So that's why we go approach them. Most of our our members of our group are from treatment centers that we've been able to go out and approach. It's the coolest thing.

So I I found this wind up joint and and started going and next thing I know, I picked up another one. And the next thing I know, I picked up another one. And, and, and the next thing I know, I'm off carrying the message to four different places during the week. And I've got Home group three days a week and and my husband is at home

with our babies every night by himself.

That's hard.

That's hard on the families.